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Larry will be joining me for two weeks and we will visit his sons who also live on the east coast. I am looking forward to my children meeting him and he meeting my children. After all, for the last 2 years when I talked about my friendship with Larry to Mary, she would always say, "Mom, what is up with you and Larry, you are always together?" I would simply say, "Mary, we are just friends and we are happy with that," end of story!!! Well, it wasn't the end of the story, but just the beginning because Spirit had other plans and I had to be hit over the head to see that my soul mate was right in front of me all of the time. I now know that the TIMING wasn't right and we both had to do some "inner work" to be ready to receive the glorious gift of spiritual love that we are now experiencing.
I am so grateful that I didn't give up or get discouraged. I kept believing and trusting that I followed my heart when I moved to Maui to meet my soul mate. I trusted that God had placed the desire of my heart in my heart and it would be fulfilled in God's perfect timing. Of course, there were times when I felt down and even angry that we hadn't met yet, especially when I saw friends getting into relationships.
I allowed myself to feel my feelings and then moved through them and practiced being grateful for exactly where I was. I have a card that my friend, Mary, sent me that I just love to read. It says: "Good things happen to those who wait." I am very happy that I waited because I have never experienced this kind of love before.
Many of you who have been reading my blogs for the last few years know my journey and how I manifested living in Maui. For those of you who are new to my blog, I would like to share some of the path that I took to be living my dream.
It started in August 2010, when a woman by the name of Ruth called and asked me if I would be interested in speaking at the Westminster Unitarian Church in Rhode Island. Ruth said, "I saw your name on a flier for another event that you were speaking at." I said, "Yes, I would be happy to do that and I will send you a copy of my book, Simply a Woman of Faith."
A few days before I was scheduled to speak at the church, Ruth and I met to discuss the songs and format of the service. When we were done, Ruth said, "Pat, being a woman of faith, what do you want to do next in your life?" I said, "I want to MOVE to Hawaii." Ruth then said, "Well, I will introduce you to Ellen after the service because she lives in Hawaii." I smiled and said. "Thank you, I would appreciate that."
And the rest is history and little did I know that my life was about to change dramatically. When Ruth introduced me to Ellen after the service, Ellen said, "I am stepping out in faith and moving back to Maui." I said, "It has always been my dream to VISIT Maui." Ellen looked me in the eyes and said, "You can stay with me for as long as you want and you can use my car while you are there." She then pulled out a post card from her pocketbook with her condo overlooking the ocean on it.
Of course, I was shocked but my spirit soared because I sensed this was a gift from God. I asked myself, "Would I be able to RECEIVE this gift graciously and say yes?" After all, I didn't even know this woman and she didn't know me. After I went home and prayed about it, I called Ellen and asked if I could visit her for Thanksgiving for two weeks. She was thrilled and said "YES."
This was a big step for me as I had never been away from my children for Thanksgiving and I had never traveled 5,000 miles for a vacation. And on of top of that, I didn't even know Ellen and I was going to be living with her in her home. I guess you could call that "stepping out in faith" or just a "gutsy lady." I kind of like "gutsy lady." What do you think?
"Mother Maui" was magical, mystical and beautiful. Not only was she beautiful with her flowers, mountains and oceans, but there was a presence of Spirit that pulsates your very being. I find it hard to put into words the feelings it evokes in me, other than love, peace and joy. People smile and say hello and there is a feeling of oneness with all.
Needless to say, I fell in love with "Mother Maui" and I think "Mother Maui" fell in love with me. I knew in my Spirit that something very deep inside of me had shifted, but at the time, I didn't know what it was. When I left to go home, Ellen said to me, "Keep the vision of coming back." I did keep the vision and returned for 1 month the next year. It was then that I heard Spirit inviting me back to live for 6 months.
Again, I stepped out in faith, bought my plane ticket back to Maui and rented my condo in RI. I learned many valuable lessons the 6 months I lived there. But most of all, I learned how TO BE in the mystery of not knowing and to live in the moment.
In September 2012, I moved back to Maui to live permanently and I have never been happier. The legend is that "Mother Maui" will spit you out if you are not meant to be there. Thank you "Mother Maui" for embracing me to be your vessel of love.
I was delighted when Ruth called me a few months ago and told me she was coming to Maui for a month. She invited me to speak at her church again when I return next week. I will be speaking at the Westminster Unitarian Church in East Greenwich, Rhode Island on August 17 . The service starts at 9:30 a.m. and you are all invited. I am thrilled to be sharing my faith and all that has manifested in my life – all because I said YES to the invitation from God and YES to Ellen's generosity. The title of my talk is "Living in the Mystery of Faith and Trusting in the Divine Plan."
While Ruth was visiting here, we talked about our first meeting together before I spoke at the service. What is interesting is that Ruth reminded of me of what I said about wanting to LIVE in Hawaii. I don't remember saying that I wanted to LIVE in Hawaii. I thought I just said, I wanted to VISIT Hawaii. Be careful what you say because you just might get it! I love how the Universe works and what you think about you bring about.
Do you believe that when this happens, it as an opportunity and invitation to heal and allow the light of God to transform you? I do believe this. Rather than feel shame (I am bad, I am not enough, sinful or wrong) which is not of God, can you choose to love yourself? I truly believe that self-love is the key to our spiritual growth and enlightenment because as we love ourselves as a magnificent child of God, we will know how to love others (warts and all).
Thank you God for yet another opportunity this week to help me grow and love myself. As a "recovering codependent" (among other things), I am aware today that I had it backwards for many years. I looked outside for love and validation. If you liked me, I felt good about myself and if you didn't like me, I didn't feel good about myself. I didn't know that the love I was craving and seeking was my own love and it was inside of me all of this time.
Spirit showed me that for many years I gave my power away by thinking others knew what was best for me and that they had the answers for me. I allowed what others thought about me to be the truth and more important than the truth that was inside of me. What I have come to understand is that my truth is what is important and the truth will set me free.
During my daily morning prayer God brought to the light an immature behavior that I was not proud of and I felt deep shame within me. But, it didn't last for very long because I chose to be honest and vulnerable and shared it with my WOW group (Women of Wisdom) that afternoon. I had the courage to share with them what I had done that I wasn't proud of. I chose to step out in faith and not worry about what they would think of me or that I would be judged.
I know you are probably curious about what my "immature behavior" was. Well, remember when you were a little girl or little boy and you wanted to get back at someone for hurting you. You may have put your hands on your hips and did a "na, na, na, na" to them. Now, that is fine when you were a child, but not quite adult behavior. I didn't put my hands on my hips and do it out loud, but I did it in my mind.
When I shared with my group what happened, of course, they were loving and compassionate and didn't judge me, like I had judged myself at first. They understood because of their own experiences of shame regarding the human condition. Intimacy is as simple as in-to-me-see. When we let people see into us, it shatters the ego's survival strategy, which is to keep us safe by hiding parts of ourselves, pretending, protecting and defending.
I am not exactly sure how and what happened, but after I left my women s' group, I felt free and like something had shifted inside of me. I felt more open to give and receive love, especially toward my significant other, Larry.
First, I gave myself love, forgiveness and acceptance rather than to continue to judge and shame myself. I then chose to be open and vulnerable and share my real and authentic self with my sisters. It felt like a wall came tumbling down. When you bring Higher Love to your human condition, it radiates, gushes and effortlessly overflows. You are a love-beam.
When I prayed that morning, I opened up to this in one of my spiritual books (paraphrased):
It is through accepting and even delighting in your humanness that you come to see yourself as Divine Beings having a human experience. When you reject yourself, you cannot know God. Love yourself, warts and all, and you will become the juicy embodiment of God's love, joy, wholeness and peace. Connection with a lover cannot fulfill you, or cause you to love yourself. It can distract you for a while, but if you do not come to a lover hooked up to Self-Love and Higher Love, you will unconsciously siphon energy from another person's tank. They will eventually feel drained and they will also be draining you.
You can learn to love and fulfill yourself and you can turn yourself on. I am practicing hitting the Source daily, drinking in the Divine and awakening to Higher Love. You can get so connected to the Divine that when you have intimacy with another, it will seem like a three-way street."
Do you know how you give your power away? Here are a few common ways we give our power away.
When I am afraid to stand up for myself, set a boundary and say no
When I want to please others at the expense of myself
When I compare myself to others
When I focus on others and don't know what I want or feel
When I stay stuck in fear and cannot move forward
When I don't take care of myself and see myself as a victim
Thank you God for bringing to the light what needs to be healed and transformed in me I want to go higher and higher with you and be the vessel of Love that you have created me to be in this world. And so it is!]]>
My girlfriend, Barbara, from Maui is moving back to the mainland next week. When I moved a few months ago, Barbara was kind enough to let me store my belongings in her second bedroom until my new home was ready. I so appreciated her kindness.
So when Barbara emailed me a few weeks ago and told me that she was moving, I called her and said, "I would be happy to help you do whatever you need me to do." I called her a couple of days ago and invited her to lunch. Again, I said, "How can I help you, what do you need me to do"? She told me she could use some help cleaning her house.
I went to her house yesterday to help her clean and then we went to lunch. At one point, while I was washing the blinds, she peeked her head into the room and said, "I have had a hard time asking for help and I usually push through things and do it all myself. This feels really good to have your support and love today." I asked myself, "Why do we think we have to do it all ourselves and that asking for help is weak, bad and wrong?"
I thought about her comment and the people I have counseled over the years and the problems they have had asking for help. I decided to talk to her about it while we were having lunch. I sensed that God wanted me to write about it in my blog this week (especially since I prayed that morning for an inspirational blog.)
Barbara was open to talk about it when I asked her, "Why has it been so hard for you to ask for help?" She immediately said, "It's a pattern. I learned it from my mother. She never asked for help. It's also because I don't feel worthy to ask because people probably won't want to help me and I don't want to bother them. Another big part for me is that I know I'm capable to do it myself. And when push comes to shove, I have always gotten it done, no matter what."
I asked her, "What did you do to move through this?" She was quiet as the tears started to roll down her cheeks and then she said, "Something has shifted inside of me and I was able to say YES to being loved and supported. I felt worthy of having the help." More tears as she looked into my eyes and said, "I didn't know how much that people loved and cared about me. I sense my life is going to be different in the future because I don't have to push and be in control. I like this flow of energy and it can be easy now that I am awake and aware that I am loved and supported."
Wow, what a blessed and precious moment for me to witness and be in the presence of Barbara's breakthrough. Haven't we all been there at one time or another when we didn't know how much we were loved and supported? Is it that simple that all we have to do is say YES to being loved and supported and ask for what we need? I believe it is simple, but we must do the inner work first and identify beliefs that no longer serve us. We often don't ask for what we need and want because we don't know what we want. Once we know what we want, we need to know how to communicate that to another in a way that we will be heard.
I had the experience of asking for what I wanted in my relationship with Larry this week. We both read the bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. If we don't know what our love language is and what is important to us, we will not feel loved and our partner will not feel loved, no matter what we do.
In his book, Dr. Chapman describes the 5 love languages as being: 1. Words of affirmation 2. Acts of service 3. Receiving gifts 4. Quality time 5. Physical touch
Thankfully, Larry and I have the same #1 love language and that is physical touch. We can't keep our hands off of each other and we look like teenagers because we are always holding hands. Strangers comment to us that they want to be like us when they get to our age. And we say, "SENIORS ROCK." Now, I have to admit that is not a bad thing! What is interesting is that I didn't know that physical touch was so important to me to feel loved.
Pretty close to the top of my list and perhaps equal to physical touch is #3 Receiving gifts. I was clear and communicated to Larry about what would make me feel loved. I told him that sending me a card or buying me flowers or small gifts of love would really light me up and I would know how much he loved me. This is not his love language and what he needs from me.
A few days later, when I went to the mailbox and saw a card addressed to me from Larry, my heart skilled a beat and I said to myself, "He heard me as the tears flowed down my cheeks." What a gift it is to me to be truly heard by Larry.
I understand why this is so important to me now because my ex-husband wasn't able to love me in the way I needed to be loved and I wasn't able to love him in the way he needed to be loved. Perhaps if we had known each other's love language, we would still be together.
I thank God for blessing me with love and for the grace to give and receive and ask for what I need in my life. Are you able to ask for what you need? Are you open to receiving the many blessings that have your name on it? Like Barbara did, say YES and know that you are worthy of love from others.
I read something that same day that said, "You will get there when you are meant to get there and not a moment sooner. So relax, breathe and be patient."
It occurred to me that we are always "waiting" for something to happen in our lives: waiting to graduate, waiting to get married, waiting for a house to sell, waiting to meet your soul mate, waiting for a new job, waiting for money, waiting in line at the supermarket or your food to be served in a restaurant, waiting for a baby to be born, waiting to leave a marriage that is dead, waiting for your adult children to leave the nest, waiting for chemo to end or start, waiting to lose weight, waiting to go on vacation, waiting to start a new job and the list goes on and on. Are you waiting for something?
When we are waiting for something to happen, I like to think of it as "being in the hallway of our lives." It is in this place that we learn to trust. One door may be closed and the other hasn't opened yet. It can be scary because we don't know when or what the new door will be when it is opened (or if it will be opened.) We may want to control the outcome and try to make things happen. We may complain, get angry, bang on the door to open or try to make things go our way. This can drive us crazy. I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like to wait. I want what I want when I want it and I can be impatient and ask why it's taking so long for something to manifest. After all, I think I'm doing everything I know how to do to manifest what I want.
The good news for me is that I am learning the art of waiting, being patient, grateful and trusting God's divine plan to unfold. It feels so good and it truly is living heaven on earth.
I have been in the hallway many times in my life and have learned many things while waiting in the hallway.
I learned to trust God's timing
I learned to surrender
I learned to trust my intuition
I learned to let go
I learned to be patient
I learned that I'm not in control
I learned to rely on God's grace in all things
I learned how to BE and relax
I learned that God's plan is so much better than my plan
I learned to be peaceful and watch things unfold in God's perfect timing
I learned to love myself
My personal experience has been that it is only when I am ready body, mind and spirit that I change and consequently things change in my life. I need to learn my lessons and they will take as long as I need them to take. I don't need to rush the process or judge myself that I am doing something wrong. I need to trust that all is in God's perfect divine timing.
I stayed in a marriage until I was strong enough and confident enough that I could take care of myself and ready to leave. I couldn't have left one minute earlier than I did. When a flower is ready to bloom, it will bloom. We cannot make it bloom until it is ready. A baby will not be born until it is ready to be born.
So, wherever you are in your life, whatever transition you are in, rejoice, relax and be grateful for God is doing a mighty work in you and transforming you on the inside. You are being prepared for something new.
I was in the "hallway of my life" as I waited for my soul mate to arrive. Was I always patient and trusting? Absolutely not. As I reflect on the last 12 years, I recognize my personal growth and how I had to prepare myself for the love that God had promised me and for the depth of love I would receive and give to my soul mate.
I would like to share a few things that I did to prepare myself for the love of my life: I put God first in my life, I became my own best friend and loved myself to the best of my ability. I spent time alone playing and having fun. I didn't depend on someone else to make me happy. I made myself happy because I knew happiness was an inside job. I knew what I wanted and didn't settle for less. I asked for what I wanted and said no when I wanted to. I blessed others when they had what I wanted.
I am in such gratitude that I didn't give up and continued to BELIEVE in God's promise. Because I learned to love myself and follow my heart, I'm able to love in a way that I've never loved before and be loved like I've never been loved before. Now that is good news!
My prayer for you, wherever you are in your life is that you will continue to trust God's perfect timing and plan for your life. I would love to hear from you how God has or is working in your life.]]>
I love how the Universe works and provides me with everything that I need and in the perfect and right timing. Of course, I love when God provides the big things (like a home on the ocean and my soul mate), but sometimes it's the small things that get my attention. For example, my workshop, "Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness" was yesterday.
Whenever I led a workshop in the past, I always used a chalk board or erasable board to write on as the participants shared. I thought about buying one, but then forgot about it. My friend, Ellen, arrived first and handed me a gift and a card. She said, "Pat, here is your house warming gift that I forgot to bring with me on the day of your house blessing." I smiled when I opened it and knew why she gave it to me 5 minutes before the workshop started.
It was an address book with an erasable board and pen in the front of the book. I was able to use it during the workshop to write on as the women shared. It was small but perfect and did the job. Talk about delivering what I need when I need it. Thank you God.
It was an amazing and powerful day of sharing, introspection and healing for the women. The oldest woman who attended was 87 and the youngest woman was only 29 years old. What was incredible was that the age differences didn't matter because they shared openly from their hearts and related to each others struggles regarding loving themselves.
They were each given a handout and asked to identify behaviors that were self-loving and behaviors that weren't loving to themselves. Some of the common threads were:
*Not knowing what they wanted and being able to ask for it
*Not loving their bodies and accepting all parts of it
*Not being in touch with their feelings and able to express them
What a glorious day as we danced together in the closing circle to "God meant that I should dance."
Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness
Connect with Yourself
Slow down and get quiet enough to listen to your Spirit, God, inner guide, intuition and spend less time listening to other people's opinions or the loud, critical voice inside your own mind. One of the best practices for cultivating the ability to hear your inner guiding system is meditation. If finding the time to sit quietly is not realistic at the moment, an even simpler life-changing practice is to make daily mundane activities—such as brushing our teeth or standing in line at the grocery store—a time for quiet reflection. In these moments, ask for guidance and listen for some clear answers. When we connect with ourselves, it gives us access to an inner abundance of wisdom and knowledge. This inner source of wisdom will always guide us to our best right actions.
Set an Intention to Be Happy
Despite what we may have been taught, happiness is as simple as just choosing to be happy. When we truly believe that happiness is a choice we will instantly empower ourselves in any situation, whether it's a relationship, job, or pattern of thinking that's been creating judgments, worry, doubt, fear, or confusion. The moment we choose to perceive things differently by choosing a loving perception of ourselves, others, and our circumstances, we not only strengthen our capacity to feel happy, we also open ourselves up to limitless possibilities where there once was seemingly no solution. T
This is a lifelong practice, because when we're not monitoring our thoughts, they have a tendency of veering back into fear and worry. One of the simplest and most profound ways we can align with loving perceptions each day is to practice setting an intention every morning when we wake up. This intention can be very simple: Just say to yourself, I choose happiness—and feel it.
Most of us don't know what "surrender" means. It's the opposite of the way many of us operate, which is by attempting to control outcomes and situations and to make things happen. In contrast, surrender occurs when we release our need to control things, and instead choose to place a higher level of trust and faith in a power greater than ourselves and in the process of life.
When we tap into this relaxed energy, we allow that which we desire to flow to us in a miraculous way. The job, relationship, or whatever we are envisioning and desiring for our lives is all on its way—and when we surrender our plans for the time line and the form in which we think it should arrive, we allow an even bigger and better outcome to take place. When we are not fearfully boxing ourselves in, we are able to fearlessly say YES to limitless opportunities for joy to enter our lives.
I pray about everything and ask for guidance from God. I then go within and listen for the answer and what feels right and peaceful to do next in my life. I may ask experts opinion when necessary but, ultimately, the decision is mine to make and I trust God for the answers.
I recently made the decision to sell my house in Rhode Island that I have been renting since I moved to Maui two and a half years ago. I didn't have to sell it now, but it just felt like the next right thing to do. My tenants will be moving out at the end of July. Although I have help from my son, selling my house from Maui isn't the easiest thing to do.
I was going along just fine with my decision when all of a sudden it was like a switch went off in my head and the fear and worry turned on. Of course all the "what ifs" popped into my head and you know how the mind can drive you crazy IF YOU LET IT. My fears are almost always about what may happen in the future or not having enough. As I believe, I gratefully receive. Worry is a form of unbelief. When I am in the present moment, I am at peace because I have everything I need and that is where God is.
My house didn't sell when I tried to sell it two years ago and I asked myself, "What if that happened again and where would I get the money to pay the mortgage when I was already putting out so much money to pay the rent in my new home?" YIKES
I was sharing with my womens' group that I felt some anxiety about putting my house up for sale. One of the women said, "Pat, you need to read your book again and REMEMBER all your stories about how your house sold in the past." I knew she was right and decided to spend the next day with myself REMEMBERING all the miracles and what God had done in the past.
I knew I also had a CHOICE to escalate and entertain the fear or to choose love and trust God. It was that simple. I decided to choose love and practice what I knew worked to deepen my faith and to trust more deeply.
I used these tools as many times as I needed to until the fear was gone. I am so grateful how I recognize the fear and can move through it so quickly. As quickly as the switch was turned on, I have the POWER to shut it off immediately and bring myself back into God's presence and peace.
To strengthen my faith, I took the advice of my friend and read my book again. There were many stories related to buying and selling houses and how God came through miraculously at the last minute. I will REMEMBER all that God has done in the past for me because God is the same yesterday as He is today and will be tomorrow.
I WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT. I trust in the Lord with all my heart and rely not on my own understanding. I know God is leading me and has me covered. All is well and so it is.
Have you ever noticed that when you are learning a new behaviorlike speaking up, saying no, learning a new skill, or learning how to dance, you can't get enough of it and you want to do it all the time? What often happens is that the pendulum swings to one side and it goes out of balance. It takes time to come back into balance, to live in the present moment where there is peace and joy.
Not only does the pendulum swing out of balance, but old behaviors may rear their ugly head. No worries, this is normal. When you have a daily spiritual practice and are connected to Spirit and your higher self, you notice this doesn't feel good and you need to change. Too much of a good thing is not healthy and it could drive you and your friends and family crazy.
Being in love and in a new relationship is wonderful and life-changing, but it doesn't exempt me from going out of balance and losing my peace. And it doesn't take long! Have you ever prayed for something and then when you get it, you feel afraid? God must laugh at us human beings. I am grateful that I can laugh at myself and am learning to take myself lightly. I have learned to feel my feelings and instead of denying or pushing them down, I share them so I can work through them. I am also willing and open to look at my "stinking thinking" and change my thinking when necessary. It is so easy to take things personally, future trip, or jump to conclusions and be negative.
Although I don't like it, being in a new relationship brings up my STUFF; like fear, insecurity and control. How silly of me to think I was done with my STUFF because I don't think we are ever done with our STUFF. I may say I don't like it when my STUFF comes up, but I really do because it is a gift and opportunity to allow God's grace and healing to occur. It is also an opportunity to focus on loving myself.
For much of my life I focused on others and put myself last. I thought I knew what was best for others and what they should do, but I didn't have a clue or know what I wanted. Wasn't that what we were taught to do? I thought if I loved you enough, you would love me back. I realize now that this is backwards because I need to love myself first before I can truly love another. I thought focusing on myself and my needs were selfish and felt guilty if I did put my needs first. I know today that it is self-caring and what God wants me to do. If I'm not loving myself, I cannot truly love others. What a gift to know this and teach others how to do it.
"I am totally and completely supported by the Universe." I love how the Universe speaks to me and gets my attention. I knew "something" didn't feel right inside of me, but I wasn't clear what it was and what I needed to change until I had the dream.
God always speaks to me through my dreams. I know I dream every night, but I don't always remember them unless God wants to get my attention and guide me through the dream. I have had a recurring dream for many years and hadn't had the dream in a long time. When you have a recurring dream, it is almost always a lesson that needs to be learned or re-learned again.
In my dream, I was "rushing" to catch a plane because I thought I was going to be late. When I work with my dreams, I ask a lot of questions to help me get what the message is. The message was clear: I needed to RELAX, trust the process and know that all was well.
There is a chapter in my book called, "Slowliness is Godliness" and it is about rushing. Here is what I wrote:
"I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. Rushing was my addiction and I never took my time with anything. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn't have time to feel my feelings and go within. It gave me energy when I rushed. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. Just like the alcoholic who uses alcohol to medicate painful feelings, I used rushing to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. I never felt good enough and didn't know how to relax. A friend told me that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It's a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I'm not respecting myself or the God within.
Rushing became a way of life for me. Although on the outside, I may have looked peaceful, there was an "inner rushing" that was pervasive and intense. If I wanted peace in my life, I had to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. I had to slow down, be conscious and learn to live in the moment. I asked God for the grace to slow down and relax."
Thank you God for showing me the truth in what I need to change. I am back in balance, still in love, trusting God, loving myself, feeling my feelings and surrendering to "what is" showing up in my life, knowing it is all good and for my highest good.
As I sat down to the blank piece of paper in front of me, I didn't know what I was going to write about. I prayed and asked God, "Please guide me and help me share what I need to share."
Last night while sitting on the lanai, with Larry, I turned to him and said, "You are amazing." He is the most loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate man I know. It is clear to me how much he cares and goes out of his way to love and help others. I think this is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
He turned to me, looked deeply into my eyes and said, "It takes one to know one." Of course, I've heard this before many times, but for some reason, it went straight to my heart and kind of shook me up. Could I really accept that the qualities I see so clearly in him were also in me? Was that why he fell in love with me?
Could I be that loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate? It is one thing to think maybe I had these qualities in my head, but to accept them with my heart and embrace and CLAIM them as my own was something very different. I felt excited because I was allowing this truth to penetrate my being and soul. I asked myself, "If I continue to love Larry and see his good qualities, would I continue to love myself and see my good qualities?" That felt really good and I knew that I had received a gift that I wanted to cherish and deepen. If I believed this about myself, my actions and reactions would naturally demonstrate that.
I have heard that what I see in others is also in me, both the light and dark side of ourselves. We truly are mirrors for one another. For most of us, it is easier to see the dark side and the things we don't like about ourselves than it is to see the light and our magnificence.
I had just finished writing this part of the blog when God didn't waste any time and gave me the opportunity to see and embrace the dark side of me. This is the human or unhealed part of me that wants to judge, be right, gossip and defend myself.
This didn't feel quite as good as seeing me as loving, kind and compassionate. But I knew it was a gift and invitation to love all parts of me and ask God to heal me.
The details of what happened don't matter, what matters is how I moved through it and the tools I used to free myself. First of all, I needed to allow myself to feel my anger at what I "perceived" as wrong doing to me. For much of my life, being a people pleaser, I was out of touch with my anger and just pushed it down, ate over it, or stayed busy over it.
I allowed myself to feel my anger and write about everything I was angry about. I didn't hold back because I knew it was necessary for my process and transformation. When it felt complete that I had released all of the anger inside of me, I then gave it to God and used a powerful forgiveness tool that I've used for years.
I prayed and affirmed, "I have attracted this into my life for my highest good. She is not wrong and I am not right." There is always some resistance at first when I say this because I want to make someone else wrong that I believe has hurt, disrespected or wronged me. I may have to do it several times until it becomes a part of me and I believe it. I know that whenever I make someone else wrong, (and me right,) I am a victim. I don't want to live my life as a victim with unforgiveness and resentment in my heart. So it is a choice that I make to free myself and it has never failed me.
I then prayed, "I release judgment and send light and love whenever the thought came up about what was said or done to me." This is a powerful affirmation and works instantly. I cannot give myself the luxury of ruminating or obsessing about this because it hurts me and keeps me in bondage. It says in scripture. "Be transformed by the renewal of your mind."
It is amazing how "free" I felt after I did this spiritual work and cleansing. The truth is that, "What other people think about me is none of my business." My business is to love; to love God first, and myself and others to the best of my ability.
I want my light to shine and to live my life being a loving, kind and compassionate person. I want to accept, love and embrace the light and dark parts of me because if I love myself this way, I am able to love others in the same way.
"Every positive change, every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness invites a rite of passage. Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception." Dan Millman
What a week of ups and downs, letting go and trusting God for my highest good and that of my loved ones. I wrote last week that my soul mate had arrived and how wonderful it was to have this man in my life. I was flying high and didn't expect to plunge into the depth of fear that I did because the honeymoon appeared to be over.
Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation.
Larry has had a medical problem for the last 2 years that the doctors have been unable to diagnose. It comes and goes and has responded some to different treatments. This past week, all hell broke loose and his symptoms were severe and worse than ever before. It was very scary watching him suffer and not knowing what to do or what it was from.
I was desperate and called my friend, Carole, in RI and asked her to put Larry on the prayer line. When she called the next person on the prayer line and described Larry's symptoms, the person was familiar with the symptoms and told Carole what she thought it might be. Carole gave me the information and we googled it. Sure enough, it was almost exactly Larry's symptoms that the doctors hadn't been able to diagnose for 2 years. Talk about a prayer being answered immediately. Thank you God.
Larry is now in the process of many positive changes and we are trusting God for healing. People have "showed up" in his life to help him with his diet, essential oils and herbs. Another friend, Mary, who is a healer, did a long distance energy healing with him on the phone. It has been just one week since his symptoms were so severe. I am happy to report that he is 75% better.
We each have our journey of faith to walk, hand- picked by God to help us grow stronger and more dependent on God. I am not exempt from this, for sure. I asked myself, "How does my faith grow and deepen?" I suspect for many of us, it is the trials, challenges that we face each day that deepens our faith.
It is my belief that I attract EVERYTHING into my life for my highest good and that even before I came into this world, God and I made an agreement what I would experience for my soul to grow. This gives me comfort and a willingness to trust God that all is well.
Not only has Larry experienced healing and transformation, but I have too. I have always been strong and been the one that others come to for help. I didn't feel strong and asked for help. I allowed my friends to be there for me while I was in the depth of my fear. This is not an easy thing to do, allowing myself to be so vulnerable and real. I called my friend, Joseph, in tears because I was so scared. He listened and loved me just as I was. My friend, Sandy, came over my house and when I opened the door, I almost fell into her arms with tears. She hugged me and then sat and held my hand as I allowed myself to feel my feelings. I wanted to be STRONG for Larry and didn't want to share my fears with him, but I couldn't help myself when I saw him and fell into his arms and cried.
I knew my fear was coming from a very deep place as I couldn't stop crying. I had a flashback of my mother dying in front of me when I was 20 years old. I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless as I was unable to save her. I then realized that the fear I was feeling about Larry was fear that I was going to lose him when I just found him.
Now that this is behind me, I feel so blessed and grateful for this experience. I allowed myself to be loved in a very deep, sacred way and I allowed others to love me and SEE the real me. This is a gift to all of us.
On Sunday, I had a celebration and invited my friends to a house blessing at my new home. It was a glorious night and I felt like a "Sparkling Queen" as each person shared their wishes and love for me and my new home. Larry bought me a beautiful lei to celebrate and my friends, Myia and Garrett, made me a lei from their Plumeria tree. I felt so loved and cherished and I thank all my friends for making it so special.
I look forward to a peaceful, exciting, and adventurous week with God. I am grateful this "RIGHT OF PASSAGE" is over.]]>
"For I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29-11. For years, this has been my favorite scripture and I have trusted and believed it would come true.
Have you ever waited and prayed for something that seemed like it took years for it to happen? You may even still be waiting. You watched your friend's prayers being answered while you waited patiently (and sometimes impatiently) for yours to come true. You prayed and prayed, surrendered it to God, did a vision board and still nothing happened? But you didn't GIVE UP on God's promise and your dream because in your heart of hearts, you KNEW that someday it would happen. It is my belief that God puts the desires of our heart in our hearts to be fulfilled in God's perfect timing. What is the desire of your heart?
Many of you already know my story because I have shared in past blogs the desires of my heart. The desire of my heart was to meet my soul mate. I knew deep within that was the reason I followed my heart to Maui. I thought it would happen quickly since I had already been waiting for over a decade.
Maui is an island that couples in love come to so it wasn't easy watching couples walk hand in hand on the beach every day. I learned to bless them and send them love, trusting my day would come in the perfect and right time.
My day has come and I would like to shout it from the mountain tops. I am so grateful that I waited and trusted in God's perfect plan and timing. Here is my story:
I met Larry 2 ½ years ago at a dance when I first moved to Maui. It was the first dance that I attended and didn't know a soul. I liked how Larry looked and danced so I asked him to dance. Being a gal from the east coast, I knew I had to ask the guys to dance if I wanted to dance. I found out that he was from Connecticut so there was some connection, but that was it. When I moved here permanently in Sept. 2012, we started to take walks together and share spiritual truths. Over the 2 years, we became best friends, talked on the phone daily and said, "I love you" to one another. We learned to trust and depend on one another's love.
All of my friends and children kept asking me, "What is it with Larry?" because all I talked about was spending time with Larry. His friends asked him the same question. We would both just say, "We are just friends." I didn't feel any romantic feelings for him and that was fine for both of us because we didn't want to risk losing the relationship we had.
When I moved a few months ago, Larry was there for me every step of the way supporting and loving me. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me. I truly don't know how it happened, other than the anointing of the Holy Spirit, but I noticed some "stirrings" for Larry deep within my soul and I suspected something had shifted in regards to my relationship with Larry.
I was shocked and beside myself, for sure. I didn't want to tell him because I had made it very clear to him that I wasn't interested in a romantic relationship and I was scared how this would affect our current friendship.
As I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth one morning, I heard God say, "You need to tell him your feelings." I argued, "I don't want to tell him my feelings" God said, "You need to tell him your feelings." I said, "Ok, I will tell him." I knew God would win out eventually so I gave in and agreed to tell him. We went out to dinner that night and I just couldn't get it out of my mouth so I didn't tell him. As I walked to the bathroom, I looked up and noticed a BIG sign on the wall that said, "TRUTH." I thought, "Yikes, my God is everywhere and I better pay attention."
The next day, I called Larry and asked him to come over because I was feeling overwhelmed. Of course, he said, "Yes, I will come over." As he sat across from me on the chair, he said, "So, what you are overwhelmed about?" Here was the moment of truth and I didn't want to blow it. I took a big gulp and said, "I have a bomb to drop." He looked at me and said, "Ok, what is it?" I blurted out, "I'm having feelings for you."
The rest is history. My soul mate has been here for 2 ½ years RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME but neither one of us recognized it. The Holy Spirit opened my mind and heart at the perfect and right timing. Did we both need to do more "inner work" and let go of old beliefs in order for this to happen and for us to be READY for this sacred relationship? I don't know. All I know is that we are a perfect match and he is all that I prayed for and more. He loves me like I've never been loved before and I love him like I've never loved before. It truly feels like a match made in heaven.
We love to play, talk, pray, laugh, dance and enjoy the present moment. We bring God into everything and want to be "vessels of love" in this world for the rest of our lives together. We believe God has a plan for us as a couple, but we don't know what that is yet and that is ok with me. Larry is joining me in RI when I come back in August. I am excited for him to meet my children and for them to meet the man God has brought into my life to love me.
My heart intention for writing this is to inspire YOU to know that God has a plan for your life and that God answers prayers and can be trusted to grant YOU the desires of your heart. Don't ever give up because Love is waiting for you.
MY LIFE UNFOLDS IN DIVINE ORDER – Daily Word
"In an effort to achieve my goals quickly, I may push and hurry. Perhaps I'm trying to harvest my crop of dreams and intentions before they've had the chance to mature. Just as seeds need nourishment and time, divine ideas yield positive results when they unfold in their natural time and order. I align with divine order by putting God first in my thoughts and actions. I affirm: I am immersed in the natural flow of life. Attuned to Spirit, I am open to guidance. I listen, observe, and receive nuances, nudges and intuition. I wait or act as guided, trusting that divine order is unfolding. I reap the awards when I align myself with God and have faith in divine timing. "]]>


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Another game, another time for marks in our continued winless streak. This season is looking a lot like last season with a better start. Personally, I welcome our soon to be incoming new soccer overlords, and want them to remember that a few comped tickets can do a lot to influence your standing. Yes, kids, I'm completely open to bribery. But for now, I'm going to keep it consistent with my rating system.
If you couldn't figure it out last week, my system is a 1-10 scoring system. I watch each game with specific highlights focused on more (Goals, cards, etc). I generally knock everybody down a full point in losses, and bump them up a point in wins. So this week, you'll see a lot of below 5s. Just the nature of the beast.
Starting from the back, moving to the front.
Raul Fernandez- 5, despite being let down by his D twice on the two goals, it was clear who the better goalie on the field was. Side note, did you know Rickets is the highest paid goalie in MLS? While big, he was nothing on Raul. Fernandez made some amazing saves, and his service was accurate and playable. He was one of the better players on the field.
George John- 3.5, John was victimized for the first 30 letting hard pressure up the middle. And he's one of the best athletes on the field, and should never be out jumped as he was on the first goal. He, Hedges, and Erick tightened up after awhile, but there was some damage done. His free kicks in the back half were acceptable.
Matt Hedges- 3.5, Also victimized up the field in the first 30, but had some key clearances to keep the game close in the 2nd half. Just seems that the transition to him, Erick and John as the 3 back players is taking some time to gel.
Michel- 2.5, All the pressure came down his side. And he was caught watching AGAIN on a goal. Go ahead and re-watch the Nagbe goal. While tracking back, Michel has no idea where Darlington is. That is not what you want in a defender. The worst part is that there is no one that can come close to his quality on free kicks or even crosses. It's become where he's a necessary evil. Downgraded an additional half point for frustration with the same mistakes again.
Kellyn Acosta- 5.5, Hello Real Deal. It's going to be tough to say goodbye to him in 3 years when Europe comes calling. He's creative on the offensive end, accurate, and has shown that he's the 2nd best defensive wing we've got in just 2 games. As he gets stronger, he'll only get more and more dangerous. Ideally, when Zach comes back next weekend, he'll be paired with Erick as a D-mid and be the one that goes forward more. This guy is a weapon.
Erick- 4, Not as influential as he was in the first 30 of last week, but he's gaining fitness, and going the full 90 shows that. Though that'll hurt him for Wednesday, but we'll see. After the first 30 onslaught discussed in John and Hedges comments, the 3 shut down the middle of the field and made all attacks come from the wing (which Michel was obliged to let come). He's definitely the D-mid asnwer, whether it be the 4-4-2 or the 4-5-1, or whatever the hell SH had us running out there, a 4-1-4-1 perhaps?
Mauro Diaz- 6, Man of the match. The goal showed amazing creativity that we've missed with the fall off of DF10 (who we'll get to). His fitness is the only thing holding him back from being the key to the next iteration of the FC Dallas attack. He'll be fun to watch. Only knock on his game was him going ghost before being subbed out in the 2nd half.
David Ferreira- 2, Now, I will seriously ask why he's still on the field? The captain blew two golden opportunities to get on the scoreboard, and he turned over the ball a ton (13 was my count, though I claim 0 accuracy on this number). He's not even taking corners anymore, but none of these are his worst sin. His worst sin was WALKING AROUND DURING THE RUN OF PLAY. This is unacceptable, and if he's going to demonstrate leadership by example as a policy for his captainhood, then he needs to not laze about. Castillo, Diaz, Acosta, and the entire team keys off of him. We. Need. Better.
Another quick point about DF10. Early in the year, he was up there as one of the most fouled players in the league. Teams have discovered that they no longer need to foul him. His passing accuracy going forward is not what it used to be when he was an All-Star level player, and not even what it needs to be for him to be above average. He's on the field to distribute, and he hasn't.
Jackson- 3, Didn't have the same offensive effort as last week, and had a number of turnovers. He did show up on D a lot more this week, but that's not why I've dropped him down so far. After getting his card, he completely lost his composure, and decided to try to draw the foul that wasn't coming whenever he got the ball. This, again, is unacceptable, and I'm glad he was subbed off, even if it was for a turnover machine. Add in the 4 fouls given, and he was the 3rd worst player on the field for FCD.
Fabian Castillo- 5, This is the Fabi Castillo that gets fans excited. He was creative, exciting, and keyed the offense for the entire first half. His assist to Mauro was his best touch I've seen him take in months. And he even contributed on the defensive end!!! This is progress. If we only counted the first half, he'd be a 7. But then there's the 2nd half, and he was there, but the team had so little offense that it dragged him down, and I saw him walking around a ton as well, which is a huge sin.
Blas Perez- 3, Worst game I've seen him play. Did just fine as a target, but completely lost his composure like Jackson after his card, and tried to play draw the foul as opposed to keeping the attack going. You aren't Greg Paulus. You are Blas F*cking Perez. Get your head together and be the offensive force this team needs.
Ramon Nunez- 3.5, had a good shot or two, but consistently turned over the ball whenever it came to him in the final 15 minutes of the game. That's not what we need from a sub. This team in general needs to learn that possession is key to, you know, putting the ball in the back of the net. And making silly turnovers isn't how to score when you're down 1.
Je-Vaughn Watson- 2.5, He did have a decent shot, so that's something. Here's watson in a nutshell. He had 7 passes attempted in the run of play. 5 were turnovers. At least his subbing made positional sense, I guess. He just doesn't belong in this league.
Kenny Cooper- Inc., Came on for the final 12 minutes, and had 2 touches.
Schellas Hyndman- 2, this is a grade cumulative of our frustration, so a bit unfair, but we've now suffered the second longest winless streak in club history, and the second double digit winless streak in 2 years. But I'm only scoring on Game Grades for this one game. So let's check out what he did.
He put out a lineup that essentially was a 4-1-4-1. Erick was the only guy playing D-mid, and it took awhile for the 3 to gel, which led to early pressure as well as a portion of the blame in the 2nd goal. Taking DF10 off set pieces was curious. He's struggling and it seems the way he could rebuild confidence would be through good set pieces. Taking that away just leaves us with his limited play, and thus a horrible game. By the time everything started working as it should, the team was down 2-1.
The biggest knock I've had on Hyndman is his lack of 2nd half adjustments, and subs that make no sense. However, his subs did make sense today, even if the players he put in didn't work out. Pulling Mauro when he was clearly gassed made sense and this made Castillo move from the wing to the middle. It was more of a 4-4-2 at that point. But it didn't get enough time to go forward. Jackson frustrated himself off the field, and Watson was brought in. This moved everything back to the 4-5-1, with Erick and Watson as the d-mids. Then, with the final push needed, He brought in cooper for Acosta, which weakened the back portion, with something like a 3-2-3-2.
The issue with these formations is that the subs aren't good enough to make these changes successful. However, it is all he had. That sounds like an excuse, and it kind of is. But let's bring it back to reality and face facts. He started a formation that needed time to gel, during which time the opponents took a 2-1 lead. His changes led to nothing positive, and they've now put up a total of 6 points in the standings in two and a half months.
How does he have his job again?
Feel free to comment on this and rip me to shreds. You can see my background on last week's post and enjoy it as well. See you in the comment sections!

subset: commoncrawl


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An officer from East Hartford has faced a judge after being accused of using online records to spy on his ex-girlfriend.
Investigators are accusing Juma Jones of using the system to access information about the woman.
They said they discovered that after Jones was arrested for a domestic incident in January. He was charged with first-degree criminal trespass and disorderly conduct.
Jones, who is currently on administrative leave and being investigated by internal affairs, appeared in Hartford Superior Court on Tuesday morning and his case was continued until April 14.
Copyright 2013 WFSB (Meredith Corporation). All rights reserved.
Texas woman is suing Facebook over a fake profile.


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Sixteen months for that? Apple could have released the 4S without Siri or iOS5 back in June and people would have loved it. I've been eligible for an upgrade since the end of June and I was ready to buy. Instead, I will limp along and wait for something actually worth buying. Dear Apple, I ain't your bitch, bitch.
10/5/11 at 6:52am


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> View this now
Published on: September 30, 2011
Type of content: WHITE PAPER
Length: 16 pages
Price: FREE
Quest Software, now a part of Dell
To run secure, compressed, blazing-fast backups, you need the right tool – and that's LiteSpeed for SQL Server. In this new technical brief, discover six LiteSpeed features every DBA should know, and how LiteSpeed for SQL Server can make every DBA's job easier. Read it today.


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Join with others in the fight against cancer int he first Commack Relay for Life at 6 p.m. Friday at . Celebrations start with a survivor meet up at 6 p.m. followed by the ceremonial first lap at 7 p.m. Show your support by walking or being there to cheer on those who are participating.
Grab your family and head out to watch a local theatre production as the Smithtown Center for the Performing Arts performs Avenue Q, a comedy about a recent college graduate trying to find his way after moving into a shabby New York City apartment. Tickets are $45.
Upper Nissequogue Walk
Take the Long Island Trail from Smithtown through a red maple swamp, along McKinley Marsh and into Hidden Pond Park, tracing the Nissequogue watershed to its source; muddy footing possible; rain cancels; meet at Hidden Pond Park parking lot near The Rinx. Saturday 9:30 a.m.
Join the for a unique game of bingo with Storybook Bingo for children in grades kindergarten through second grade at 3 p.m. Saturday. No registration is required, its first-come, first-served basis.
Head over to the Smithtown Township Arts Council on Friday, Saturday or Sunday for the 32nd Annual Juried Photography Showcase. The gallery opens Friday at 10 a.m., and Saturday and Sunday at noon.


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A scary situation occurred at the Utah State practice Tuesday. Forward Danny Berger collapsed and needed to be revived after his heart stopped. He is in critical condition.
The Salukis are down yet another body now that sophomore guard Antonio Bryer has chosen to leave the team after only five games this season.
The Shockers have been shocking through the first month of the season, going 8-0 and making it look easy. The voters have rewarded Wichita State with a No. 24 ranking in this week's AP poll.
Shaquille Stokes, Jimmy Hall, Kentrell Washington and Dallas Anglin have all been suspended from Hofstra indefinitely after their arrests on burglary charges. The four are accused of taking...
Conference USA confirmed Thursday what was rumored to be its reaction to Tulane's departure. The conference added Middle Tennessee State and Florida Atlantic, both from the Sun Belt, starting no...
After his part in a scuffle during the Salukis' game against Southern Illinois-Edwardsville, Antonio Bryer will not play Saturday against Saint Louis.
The usual names are on the Naismith Award watch list, and then there is Kevin Pangos. We don't disagree with his inclusion; we are just shocked that he got the nod as one of the 50 names.
The Missouri Valley announced Monday that Arch Madness will continue to stand by its name for two more years. The conference tournament for the top mid-major league will stay in St. Louis until at...
Creighton, Gonzaga and Memphis all held onto spots in the AP Top 25, with the Bluejays and the Bulldogs both gaining spots in the latest ranking. And the only team to lose its spot came as the...
The NCAA has announced the Men's Basketball tournament sites through 2015. While individual sites are excited, there was no more important decision than keeping the First Four located in Dayton, Ohio.
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Dear Couture Beauty,
I had the opportunity to get my hair and makeup done with your team this past Saturday for Mona and Aunish's wedding. I just wanted to say thank you for doing such a wonderful job! My makeup and hair looked amazing throughout the day (and night).
Its not very common to find people who truly care!
Thanks a bunch!
I'll definitely be seeing you soon!
-Sonal Patel


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via e0.365dm.com
Amendola, Gibson, and Smith are likely not coming back. Realistically, we only want 2 of those 3 anyways. Sorry, Steve Smith, you really weren't worth our time. This news leaves us with the options of
- Chris Givens, our little speedster 4th rounder from last year,
- Brian Quick, our developmental future gem of the second round
- Austin Pettis, the giant who just started catching touchdowns last year
- 2 practice squad members, Nick Johnson and Raymond Radway
Not only are we missing playmakers on offense... we are missing players! And I will give you three reasons why the panic button should be hit:
1. Fisher's WR Draft History:
We have talked about his draft history in terms of "will he" and "won't he" for offensive linemen. Rightly so, considering the incredible need we have there, as well. But let's take a look at the names he brought to the Titans and Rams in 16 years of draft experience at the wide receiver position:
Chris Sanders, Derrick Mason, Joey Kent, Kevin Dyson, Darran Hall, Eddie Berlin, Justin McCariens, Darrell Hill, Jake Schifino, Tyrone Calico, Roydell Williams, Brandon Jones, Courtney Roby, Jonathan Orr, Joel Filani, Chris Davis, Lavelle Hawkins, Domonique Edison, Kenny Britt, Brian Quick, Chris Givens
Pick Breakdown: Two 1st rounders, Three 2nds, Four 3rds, Six 4ths, Two 5ths, Four 6ths, One 7th
I bolded one name of this list, because Derrick Mason is the only one that was selected as an All-Pro (2000). The 4 italicized names are the receivers with him at Superbowl XXXIV (Kevin Dyson went on to additionally play at Superbowl XXXVII as a member of the Carolina Panthers, but was hurt most of that year). We also remember Dyson as the one who nearly landed in the endzone, which would have rewrote history for the Rams entirely.
But the bigger picture is the breakdown of these picks. You can see that most of these names are just that: names that are or will be forgotten in pro football. The jury is still out on Kenny Britt of the Titans, as well as our own two youngsters, but we should be worried.
Our team is in obvious need of playmaker ability as well as depth at the WR position. However, if you look at who has been interviewed at the WR positon so far, via Walter Football, its an immediate pattern of lesser know players: Aaron Dobson and Conner Vernon. While I personally love both players, that's not good enough.
2. Fisher's Free Agency History
If you can't get them in the draft, you still have free agency, right?
Those names do not get much better:
Derek Russell, Ronnie Harmon, Willie Davis, Yancey Thigpen, Carl Pickens, Bobby Wade, David Givens, Justin Gage, Eric Moulds, Nate Washington, Steve Smith
Yikes. All of us waiting for Fisher to make a splash in Free Agency might be left feeling washed out.
The pattern typically seen here is that he picks players that either went unnoticed (Thigpen, Washington) on their previous teams or make one good year/play when it mattered (Russell, Wade, Smith). Another startling connection to be made is that most only stayed for 2-3 years.
It's good news if you like a player in this years free agency that are a lot like Julian Edelman, Jermone Simpson, or Braylon Edwards. It's a bad thing if you're looking for Wallace or Cruz to wear the blue and gold.
3. This Year's Crop of Wideouts
Per NFL.com and PFF, the rankings for the wide receivers in this free agency isn't looking too pretty. I never believe that some of the non-producers couldn't produce, so these rankings are to be taken with a grain of salt.
However, the entire idea for this year is to either have the developmental players of old step up, or for them to continue developing as a backup. Nobody wants Brian Quick to be stuck on the bench, but what if the few flashes we saw are the same as the few flashes we'll see? We need someone to take the reins as a number one, and not many number ones are going to head to Saint Louis anyways.
Another problem is what you and I hear every day about the best receivers in the draft: they are raw. Players like Cordarelle Patterson and Tavon Austin are amazing athletes, but they may not be ready to lead a core of men with 1000 yards as a rookie.
Is there hope?
Yes, there is. There are veterans with tons of experience that may help bring expertise to the core. Greg Jennings and Brandon Stockley come to mind, with 7 and 13 years respectively. Greg Jennings is a favorite among bandwagoners, posting up great numbers from great QB and OL play. While I don't expect him to ever have the same numbers without Rodgers, he is still productive and should be welcomed. Stockley will be a much smaller free agent signing, but if his old bones don't give out, we may have a valuable catcher as our men continue to develop.
Some people may not like the decrease in athleticism, but there are players in this draft that are not classified as "raw" who could contribute very easily in our system. One name that comes to mind is Keenen Allen, who seems to be the cursed of the draft-receiver litter that nobody really enjoys talking about. Like I said, he's not as athletic, but behind faulty QB play at Cal, this guy posted 737 yards in 9 games, with 5 touchdowns in his last 5 games as a Golden Bear.
Another name that has been whispered during this offseason is Texas A&M's Ryan Swope. With an overwhelming beard and a less-than-perfect trick shot video (see below, you can see the mess of eggs from the ground below him), he shows great awareness in zone coverage and the ability to pull the ball down on the sideline. He's not going to burn you with blazing speed, but neither was Amendola. Either of these would make a great compliment to our young group.
A last option would be the t-word that no one wants to talk about. Not torture, trade. We know of many unhappy receivers, and we have the draft picks and defensive depth available to send for one such crybaby, Percy Harvin. Vikings seem persistent in not trading him, but how much whining can one take?
The most important thing in this period is not to expect too much. The Rams have not had a receiver catch 1000 yards since Holt in '07. Likely that doesn't change immediately, and there are now more holes to be filled with releases and free agents named Jackson leaving to chase the ring. Let's focus on just making a better team, with less focus on who is sporting those horns.
Let's hope for the best, Rams fans


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Common misconceptions of x86 vs ARM
I see a LOT of misconceptions of the x86 vs ARM debate, and I would like to debunk a few of them today.
1. x86 is inherently more power hungry than ARM
False. This is a common belief, but it is not true at all. Yes, commonly x86 chips consume more power than ARM chips. However, the issue is, even the lowest end Celeron chip outperforms all the Snapdragons, Tegras, and OMAPs. Sure, Intel's chips consumes more power in most cases. However, truth is, it is simply because even the lowest end x86 chips are more powerful than ARM chips.
When the performance is comparable, there is little difference in power consumption between x86 and ARM. Take the Motorola Razr I and the Motorola Razr M. These two devices are practically the same phone. The only difference is that the Razr I uses an x86 chip, whereas the Razr M uses an ARM chip. Performance between the two is comparable. And battery life is comparable.
ARM chips use more power when their performance goes up. I would not be surprised if ARM no longer has a power consumption advantage when ARM chips go up in performance.
DL;DR version: ARM uses less power simply because it has lower performance.
2. ARM gets more performance per watt. This is a point that is commonly raised, but to be honest, there is little actual factual backing behind it. Sure, ARM chips usually do consume less power, however, that does not mean that ARM chips perform better per watt. remember, performance per watt = performance / wattage.
As we have already established earlier, x86 chips have comparable performance at the same power consumption levels. This means that performance per watt between x86 and arm is so small that it is generally ignorable.
I would actually argue, that x86 has better performance per watt. A Xeon E3V2 chips draws around 69w of power. yet it can easily outperform any combination of ARM CPUs whose combined power consumption is 69w.
TL;DR: x86's performance per watt is at least as good, if not better, than ARM.
3. ARM is taking the server world by storm
Ok, this is the most ridiculous one, by far. If we look at the compositions of the server market, on the super high end, you get the IBM's running PowerPC and the HPs running Itanium. Than, a bit lower than that, you get the multi Xeon configurations of E7s and E5s. A bit lower than that you get the single Xeon, single Opteron configurations. Even lower than that, many datacenters would rent you consumer grade Core I powered Servers, and on the bottom you would get the Atom servers.
Realistically, ARM chips only stand a chance competing against the bottom rung Atom servers. However, even then ARM has a lot of trouble competing. Current ARM chips can support no more than 4gb of ram. Popular ARM chips like the NVidia Tegra 3 can only support 2 gb.
Other than that, there are still many hurdles to cross. The world's most popular server operating systems Windows Servers and Red Hat enterprise Linux/Cent OS do not work on ARM. ARM is much worse in virtualization and encryption. ARM chipsets do not have the IO support of comparable x86 chipsets.
Most importantly, the category that ARM is going to go into is a dying category. the "bottom end" small, lower powered servers are disappearing, getting replaced by virtual machines. Also, are there eve any ARM servers on the market right now?
TL;DR: ARM is not taking the server market by storm.
Edit: Regarding points 1 and 2: First of all, lets assume that the Razr I and Razr M have similar performance and battery life. As we know, both devices share the same screen, speakers, etc. Thus any difference in performance must come from the difference in the SOC. One is Atom based, the other is snapdragon based.
via st.gsmarena.com
via st.gsmarena.com
Since we are working with the assumption that they are roughly equal in performance and battery life, my point actually can be reinforced. Current generation Atoms are 32nm, whereas current generation Snapdragons s4s are 28nm. Thus if the Atom manages to deliver the same performance at the same battery life on an older process, it means that x86 actually manages better performance per watt.
PS: anyone know of any other devices like the Motorola Razr I and Razr M? Devices that are the same just with a different CPU/Chipset combo?


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This is a special member's only class that will cover everything from "What you wanted to know about Shambhala but were afraid to ask" to "Basic Goodness" to "What is an Enlightened Society and How Do I Find One?".
The Rousing Enlightened Society class will occur over four Thursday, Nov. 29, Wednesday, Dec. 5, Thursdays, Dec. 13th and 20th. Each class will have a talk, discussion and exercises. The classes will begin at 7pm with 30 minutes of Shamatha practice as part of the regular sitting period on Thursday evenings.
The class topics are:Week One: Welcoming & Listening - Creating welcoming environment, confident communication, Shambhala forms and practices, Week Two: Curiosity & Confidence - The View, Practice and Study for Open HouseWeek Three: The World We Share - Discussion of the Enlightened Society Treatise by Sakyong Mipham RinpocheWeek Four: Creating Enlightened Society - Enlightened Society and Mindful Speech
Classes will be recorded if you are not able to attend in person. Please send questions to firstname.lastname@example.com
This class series if offered to all members with a suggested donation of $40.
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