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heartless heartbreaker
January 23, 2011
Why do I keep stringing people along/breaking their hearts? Or...why do I not seem to be able to love deeply?
This question is about more than why I'm so flaky when it comes to breaking up with people. I'm also confused about why I keep dating people I'm unsure about in the first place, why I never seem to be sure about anyone, why I feel like I never care about anyone as much as they care about me, why I stay with people so long when I know I don't really want to be with them anymore, and why letting go of them is so hard even when I'm sure it's the right thing to do.
I'll try to unpack all of that the best I can, but truthfully I'm confused about it all, am just starting to realize that the problem most likely lies with me and not the people I'm dating, and I'm worried that I'm actually a narcissistic, selfish, person, with expectations that are too high, and some kind of attachment issues.
If you want the childhood stuff: raised by a single mom (smart, independent, self-conscious woman), with some contact with my dad (alcoholic, empty promises, poor communicator, moody). Neither of them modeled good relationships to me (mom always seemed antagonistic towards her partners, never stayed with anyone very long, found fault in everyone, dad had explosive fights and multiple divorces).
Then came me. I've never had my heart broken (except maybe once...the girl who unknowingly turned me gay made my heart ache and ache, but she was never aware of this, and we never had any kind of relationship. That unrequited love was the closest I've ever come to feeling heartbroken though, and I hardly knew the girl), but I've broken many a heart. I always feel bad about it, and string people along for extended periods of time, not wanting to hurt them (even though I'm aware a clean break would hurt less in the long run). I think the other problem is that I end up staying with people for a while even though I know they're not quite right for me, and then feel attached to them even if I don't want to be with them anymore. I watch people I date sacrifice for me, and be really good to me and really in love with me and imagining our futures together, and I see how hurt they are when I don't reciprocate, and I don't know why I never feel that strongly about anyone. I'm starting to feel like maybe I lie on an autistic spectrum or something.
That said I'm very loving and caring in certain ways...I love animals deeply. I've always been very sensitive to the plights of underdogs or oppressed groups. I've volunteered with terminally ill people and felt a lot of compassion. But somehow, when it comes to my personal relationships, I encounter a block where I just can't quite care about people the way they want me to.
THis happens to a certain extent in my friendships as well. I don't make concerted efforts to maintain friendships, and friends have expressed to me that they would like me to be more present and less flaky. I often cancel plans because I just don't feel like socializing. I have two best friends who live in different cities, and we're very close and can tell each other everything, but they both also feel comfortable going for a month or so without talking and still feeling like we're right where we left off....our friendship survives long periods of not talking.
However a lot of friends don't function well like this, and I'm terrible at keeping in touch with friends both near and far. It always seems to be my friends who initiate plans, and often I find myself dreading the hang out as the time for the plans draws near, and often canceling. I do have some depression and social anxiety, I'm on an SSRI....I also do really love being around friends who I feel really comfortable with.
Sorry this is so all over the place....I've tried to write a structured question a couple of times and couldn't seem to figure out what I was trying to ask/describe....and this seems to be the only way that this stuff will get out of my muddled head and onto the green.
So basically I feel like I love my friends but don't put much effort into showing that/hanging out with them, which makes me kind of a crappy friend.
Relationship wise the same kind of thing happens, but a little differently. I like to spend a lot of time with the person I'm dating, but feel uncomfortable committing to anything with them, and it seems that they are always way more into me than I am into them. When I realized I was a lesbian I thought that maybe that had been the problem, but now I've had a few relationships with women and the same pattern keeps emerging. There was one guy I dated who I felt like I could marry/have kids with someday, but he wasn't interested in sex and I ended up breaking up with him after a long time. It destroyed my self esteem for a little while, as he couldn't explain to me why he didn't want to have sex, and didn't want to go to therapy or anything about it, but I knew that he truly loved me, and he was devastated when I broke up with him.
I don't even quite know what I'm asking anymore. I guess I wonder why I don't ever feel as deeply as most people seem to. Why I'm always the one breaking hearts. Maybe it's because I only date people who feel safe...who I know won't break up with me, and maybe that's why I always end up breaking up with them. But I never really encounter anyone who doesn't feel 'safe' who I really like (besides that one girl, who I was too terrified to even talk to)...but I don't want to go through my life never loving really deeply, and I don't know why I don't find more people to love deeply. I guess I did feel really in love with this one boyfriend who didn't want to have sex, and still miss him and mourn our relationship, but I know that I don't want to be with him because of the physical problems (I'm gay but still am attracted to a small percentage of guys...).
I don't even know if this question will make it up because it's so rambly and incoherent and almost seems redundant...I don't know. I'm in therapy....we've established that I do have a fear of rejection...but I feel like the people I date are scared of rejection too but are willing to risk it and be with me.
It sucks to keep hurting people. I'm really bad at breaking up, and I go back and forth a lot. And don't get me wrong, I have felt in love with the people I date, it just always seems to fade, or like....I feel like eventually I always end up breaking their hearts for some reason.
Not that I want to have my heart broken, but I'm beginning to feel like an emotionless robot who goes around getting people to fall in love with me and then slowly and painfully ripping their hearts out. And these people are all good, well intentioned, genuine people who don't deserve me to hurt them real bad. I always feel like they fall for me way faster than I fall for them, and I usually break up at that point, but then I do still want to be with them I just don't want it to be so serious, and then eventually I come to feel comfortable and good with them, but it doesn't last that long, and then when I do get that feeling it's like I knew it from the beginning but maybe denied it or forgot for a while or something.
I don't expect relationships to be in the honeymoon phase forever. I like it when they settle into a comfortable routine. My therapist says I attach and partner well. I am very open to communicating...
One thing is that I feel like I can't always deal with the emotions of my partners...especially where they concern me. I can deal with someone being stressed out, but when they get mad at me, or upset with me, I really can't handle it. The one boyfriend who I saw myself with...we rarely fought, and he never really got me at me for things. But it seems like the girls I've dated are often mad at me, and often the reason is because I'm not caring about them enough, or spending enough time with them...I feel drained and beholden a lot when I've been in these relationships. I feel like I can never quite provide them with the amount of love and caring that they want, even though I come across as a very loving and caring person, and even if I do love and care about them.
I'm worried that I'll never find anyone I want to spend my life with who wants to be with me too. I want to get married and have babies someday and I'm worried that nobody will ever feel right enough for me, or that I'll never be able to give people what they need. I do give a lot of love and caring in my relationships, but I never feel selfless, and I feel like my partners seem selfless a lot. They still have a lot of self respect, but they just seem willing to sacrifice so much for me that I don't seem able to reciprocate. I feel really selfish and maybe I am. How do I stop being so selfish?
This was all spurred on by an email I got from an ex where she ripped me apart...just told me what a selfish jerk I was and that I don't consider other people and was generally a sucky person...I guess I want to take a hard look at myself and figure out why I make people feel like that, and how I can start changing it.
posted by
Human Relations
(33 answers total)
22 users marked this as a favorite
You stop being selfish by having consequences made for you, viz., the people you want to be with stop putting up with your selfishness.
Alternately, you find yourself with a partner even more withholding than you, and then the tables get turned.
Of course, many narcissists go through life never really being called on their shit and it works for them. You sound pretty satisfied with yourself, so I'm not sure what the problem is. I'm not saying that to be mean. This is you. So far you haven't met anyone whom you want more than they want you. If you ever do meet such a person, this particular problem will go away.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
1 favorite
For starters, how about not claiming that someone "turned" you gay. Sounds like someone perhaps helped you become aware that you had a wider variety of options than you previously realized.
posted by
fuse theorem
on January 23, 2011 [
18 favorites
This is interesting. I feel like I've been gamed into answering the question. Your air of rambling innocence is compelling, but I'm guessing you already know that.
It doesn't distract me from the essence of your question, which is, why do I keep scamming people into relationships when I have no intention of loving them in return? Probably for the same reasons that drive all con artists: desire to get something for nothing, and the feeling of control and superiority that comes from manipulating others, and the lack of commitment perversely assures you that Love Is All Around. This would also explain why you don't just forgo relationships altogether, which the tone of your post otherwise suggests would be satisfying to you. Your methods (which I believe you employ more consciously and deliberately than you're admitting to us) don't get you relationships, but they do get you an audience or fan club of sorts, who for a time are under the illusion that they are more than that to you.
"This was all spurred on by an email I got from an ex where she ripped me apart...just told me what a selfish jerk I was and that I don't consider other people and was generally a sucky person..." Am I supposed to say this was outrageously abusive and you shouldn't pay attention to it? It sounds like a response to passive aggression.
To get what you say you want, you would have to be willing to forgo having audiences or fans or the trappings and benefits of relationships, and stop manipulating or gaming people into relating to you, and instead put yourself out to reciprocate your friends' loving actions towards you. You would have to take romantic relationships off the table as you're not yet relationship material.
How you could get to that point, I lack the expertise to say. Maybe you could print out this page and show it to your therapist.
FWIW you probably don't lie on an autistic spectrum. It's unheard of for an autistic person to be capable of this kind of manipulation.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
16 favorites
Seems like writing this served as a bit of catharsis for you. It is a bit rambly, but I would have written the same thing. Just broke up with my ex after what she says is a callus declaration that I don't want a relationship with her. But if it doesnt feel right, it probably isnt. Maybe we're both guilty of being over obsequious and not making choices based on our own real desires? Who the F knows. I don't.
posted by
on January 23, 2011
I'm usually up for a speculative answer to a relationship question, but you're asking about your entire history & your entire personality structure. I can think of about 6 general labels for what you're describing off the top of my head, and at least a couple of different ways of approaching each of those. This is something you would probably want to bring to a qualified professional, who will be in a position to devote the time and the skill needed to discuss these issues with you in a sensitive and informed manner.
posted by
on January 23, 2011
Can you print out this question and bring it to your therapist? Or maybe consider a different therapist, if you don't think your current therapist is the person to help you with this question?
It sounds like you're on the right track to raise these questions and pay more active attention to your patterns of relating. Reading your post reminded me of some of the trust/responsibility/vulnerability issues common in
children of alcoholics
. I don't have an easy answer for you, but you're on the right path in paying attention to your own behaviors and motivations.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
2 favorites
I don't see what in your question/post says that you want to stop hurting people, other than the fact that you say that a few times. This:
I always feel bad about it, and string people along for extended periods of time, not wanting to hurt them (even though I'm aware a clean break would hurt less in the long run).
is an example of you not wanting to hurt yourself or make yourself uncomfortable in some way. If you didn't want to hurt
, you'd dump them when you knew it was over rather than stringing them along.
Anyway, if you've told all this to your therapist (that's important!), it's unlikely that AskMeFi is going to be able to diagnose your problems in a way that (s)he can't. If you do have asperger's or some kind of autism spectrum disorder thing going on, your mental health professional is in the best position to diagnose that.
Also, angry an angry email from an ex very well might not be objectively accurate because it comes from a place of anger. You're in the best position to know that, but deciding you're heartless because one person is pissed off about getting dumped is questionable. How do you know you really are hurting everyone?
posted by
J. Wilson
on January 23, 2011 [
1 favorite
Maybe you just haven't found your people, posse, crew, tribe, team, peeps, yet. You're just not that into any of these people. Or you're afraid to go after the people you're
attracted to. Hard to say.
With respect to hurting other people, go slower, be more aware of what your words and actions imply. Try to be on the same page, and don't move forward if you're suspect they're not. Get more comfortably with relationship ambiguity and be more patient. Be ever vigilant about this, and, beyond that, they are responsible for their own feelings, boundaries, assumptions, and hearts.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
1 favorite
I guess I wonder what you mean by "stringing people along". I've certainly been (like a lot of people, I bet--especially when younger!) in relationships where I stayed with the person for a couple of months after I knew I wanted to break up. And just how many hearts
you broken? If you're talking about a string of short relationships and you're fairly young, this might be par for the course.
I'm interested in the "dating only safe people" piece. What makes a person safe? Do people ever combine safe and not-safe qualities?
My immediate suggestion would be to belt up and
stop dating
for a while--get used to being single and then only date when you meet someone who isn't "safe". Maybe you're one of those very good-looking, interestingly troubled women who are constantly being asked out--this was a problem for a friend of mine who, out of insecurity and low self esteem, had a long string of really awful relationships. She always had to be dating, even if she knew the person wasn't a good fit. (She finally married an awful, emotionally-abusive guy who made her cry in public and we lost touch; don't be like that.)
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
1 favorite
I just finished reading
Crucial Confrontations
, so my take on this is largely influenced by that...
How do you feel about your conflict resolution skills? Do you feel confident in your ability to break up with someone without hurting their feelings unduly?
Do you have discussions about the issues that ultimately lead to the breakups with your partners before it gets to the point where you have to break up with them, or are you perhaps avoiding them because they tend to lead to emotional reactions you describe, which you're afraid of?
As for people you'd be more into, do you perhaps avoid them because you fear being on the receiving end of the conflicts you describe?
Ask yourself this: Do you feel comfortable having candid discussions about the issues that are bothering you? If not, this is an ability that can be learned.
Your ex's email isn't the literal truth about you.
Before I go, though... I really hope you're not viewing empathy and mutual respect as things that have to be "earned" in the sense that they're only for people you feel a certain way about, or only for people to whom you're committed. They should be for everyone.
posted by
on January 23, 2011
I think you're being way too hard on yourself. Sure, in hindsight, you may think that you knew it wouldn't work out, but didn't you - at least a little - have a hope at the beginning that it would? I think you can chalk this up to not knowing what you want in a partner, and rather than figuring it out, you keep moving from relationship to relationship looking for a good fit. In other words, you know what you don't want, but have no idea what you do want.
I recommend that you spend some time single. Get to know people with no intention of dating them, find some friends that are couples and watch them. Do some research on yourself and find out what you want. And.... talk to your therapist about your negative self-talk.
posted by
The Light Fantastic
on January 23, 2011
I read your question with great interest. I care deeply about someone, and currently feel very hurt by someone who I think could have written much of what you have. No, you're not on the autistic spectrum. I was hoping to read some interesting insights from fellow Mefites which might be helpful for me to wrap my head around your situation and how not to continue to be hurt in a similar circumstance. The Mefites' posts above give me no such hope.
So I wonder, what would you suggest to someone like me who is being deeply hurt by the actions of someone like you? Should I continue to hold any hope of a relationship? How long should I feel the pain of this? Would you tell me to abandon hope that this person is obviously not capable of a friendship with me, and clearly is so self-centered that they hide behind "flakiness" rather than acknowledge how much they hurt me and can't take responsibility for their own actions? What would you advise me, if you were my friend? Are you empathetic about my questions?
I guess the point of change would come for you because you didn't wish to be seen like that by others, because you really didn't want to cause others pain, because you wished to be considered as a responsible adult and caring human being, because you did wish to be someone who can have a meaningful, caring, reciprocal relationships, and because you wished to learn the skills to be able to maintain a real relationship with someone that you really did care enough about. When that's what you really really want, then it seems to me, that all you really need to do is just start doing it.
But that's just my perspective as someone who has been hurt by someone like you, and it's not clear to me why you would care about the opinions of random Mefites sufficient to change yourself, when clearly you haven't been motivated enough by the pain and suffering of people you do claim to care about. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh to you.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
10 favorites
Another reason to pursue professional help about this is because, even if you are entirely well-intentioned, it's hard for anyone here to give a useful answer. Most of the answers will come from people who've dealt with others similar to you, and reached the end of their rope, and have no freakin' idea what to do, and are just mad as hell. If (if) you're for real, the anger you're eliciting is only going to discourage you. A professional, ideally one specializing in these kinds of issues, will be best placed to give you real help unbiassed by emotional reactions.
I have to say that my first reaction was that this post had been put here as some sort of bait by someone I used to know. If I didn't know how vanishingly unlikely and paranoid that was (even by that person's standards - and they specialized in vanishingly unlikely tactics that made people look paranoid) I would in fact be convinced you were them. I'd love it if I thought they were looking for advice like this in a genuine quest to change their ways. At the same time, I'd suspect they were escalating the game for some unknowable motive of their own.
See what a weird thought process that is? I'm feeling worse just for answering the question, which is finally too big for AskMeFi.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
11 favorites
I had the same weird thought process reaction as tel3path. I dearly hope that you and others like you are genuine and actually pursue this to make personal changes that would support people like me to be able to have relationships with people like you.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
1 favorite
OK I don't know you at all but here's my armchair diagnosis:
There is a certain comfort you feel in remaining in control of your relationships. You like to keep the upper hand. You dislike discussing issues facing relationships (or your partner's feelings) because this puts you in an uncomfortable position. You probably prefer to walk away from arguments and hope they don't come up again. If they come up too often you get frustrated, exhausted and lose interest.
Yes, some of this has to do with the way that you grew up. Because of your mother and father's behavior you work to avoid to any overly emotional situations. You were probably very independent and avoided confrontation as a child and adolescent. I hope that you are still relatively young – I'd guess you are in your early to mid-20s. I hope you are in your early to mid 20s. As J.K. Rowling
in her address to the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association [paraphrasing from memory here] "there's a statute of limitations on blaming your parents".
So, what to do? You have to get over yourself and grow up. You may never be the kind of person who is into long discussions with your partner but you will eventually have to give more in this arena. You will have to learn that being emotionally distant from those who are close to you gives you nothing, and does not make you superior to them. This requires a fundamental shift in your attitude and a willingness to open yourself up to others.
If you are a serial monogamist (and I'd bet you are) I'd also suggest that you try being single for an extended period of time. You probably get a lot of your self worth from being "desired" and it will do you good to go without this and work on yourself solo for a while.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
4 favorites
And by extended period of time I mean at least a year.
posted by
on January 23, 2011
Studies have shown that people are most attracted in push-pull situations. So if you give someone some indication that you are not averse to going out with them, but then pull away and keep doing this, on some level you're going to get people that are convinced they are massively attracted to you. This is the same principle as a slot machine, it gives you a little then withholds and keeps you coming back for more again and again. The people that you attract have their own issues in the sense that they are attracted to an ideal of you that isn't in the reality of your behavior. They are attracted to an idea of a "future" with a you that is different than what you're currently doing. In some ways this was probably what was going on with the guy you dated. His lack of interest in sex probably got you very interested.
Reading you post it strikes me that you have a sense of people as being kind of random, desultory. As such, you missed the idea that some people can be trusted, you can be trusted, etc This is very fundamental to having a relationship. I'm not sure exactly how you reconsider the idea that people are always random and start to see that you can be counted on as can they ...
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
7 favorites
I am willing to take the flak I will get for engaging in armchair diagnosis here because I think you need a fairly brusque wake-up call. You sound like someone who is deeply enmeshed in a personality disorder (more granular than that I will not go with the armchair diagnosis), and who has some fundamental difficulties in understanding the very nature of healthy human interactions.
People date and break up. That's what happens. Relationships end. It makes people sad, but it's part of how we learn as humans. Instead of saying "Wow, what a bummer that I am not finding the right matches," you seem very invested in some idea of yourself as a "heartbreaker", which to be honest is quite off-putting.
Your self-presentation in this AskMe strikes me as manipulative. Your whole thing about "selflessness" is also terribly wide of the mark; "selflessness" is not actually a positive quality in intimate relationships except in times of crisis, because healthy relationships always include a strong component of self-differentiation in each (or every) partner. I don't know if you're just finding lots of enabling partners, and you're characterizing those people as "selfless", or if the people who are attracted to you are all doormats or what.
But "selflessness" is not an appropriate or normal part of a romantic relationship unless an actual crisis ensues--Gabrielle Giffords's husband is being appropriately selfless right now in jeopardizing his space-shuttle command to be with her as she recovers from brain trauma, but that's a crisis. If you experience or demand self-sacrifice from your partners in non-crisis situations, that's not a healthy relationship.
You need to do your work. You need to figure out how to relate to people with give and take, not just take. You need to understand that you are not unusual or special or different from the 7 billion other people in the world.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships
by David Risho is a fine place to start.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
14 favorites
I'm inclined to give you a little more benefit of the doubt and assume that these behaviors you're displaying tie back to some need unfulfilled from your childhood.
I agree that doing some research on adult children of alcoholics is a good idea.
You probably have an inaccurate sense of your own value, mainly because you've lived for +/ - 18 years with people who haven't validated you in a way reflective of how the majority of people would, objectively.
In other words, you're probably a lot more attractive than you might assume based on how your childhood went, or how your parents treated you. People can't tell at first glance that you have issues. I know it seems like you walk around with a stamp on your forehead that reads "daddy issues" or whatever, but the truth? People really can't tell. They have no idea. They either don't think about it, or fill in your backstory with some generic/typical framework.
I would experiment with trying for someone you think is "out of your league" or "just a little bit more attractive/together than I am" - I think you'll find, after you get to know each other, that this person is actually on your level. Courage to try that will teach you more than another repeat of your failed pattern in relationships or just "trying harder to be nice" will.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
2 favorites
This question has obviously been triggering for some people who have been in relationships with people who withhold love and string them along. That's why there's been a bit of a pile-on, as tel3path mentioned. I think you should take this in to help you understand how long-lasting the hurt from such relationships can be, but try not to take it personally. Sure, some people who do this are sociopathic manipulators, but they usually don't take the time to reach out for help because they're too busy conning their next victim. Since you've reached out for help, I don't think you're doing this on purpose, and I hope you don't feel shamed by people lashing out in this thread.
I'm not a mental health professional, but I've known a lot of people who were diagnosed with personality disorders and/or have had intimacy issues. To me, your post came off as quite sincere. I didn't see what others saw as manipulation or a reluctance to face your issues, and I read your question twice. Also, from what I know of people with personality disorders, I didn't see enough information in your question to tell if you have one or not.
You mentioned narcissism. People with NPD generally don't seek help or admit anything is wrong with them, so perhaps you can rule that one out.
Your relationship to your friends sounds like a fairly typical introvert. If your friends are cool with sporadic contact, they're probably introverts too. There's nothing wrong with introversion. Autism spectrum people can be very introverted, but their tendencies are more along the lines of not getting facial, vocal, and body language cues from others about what's socially acceptable to do and say. You don't mention that, and if it's not an issue for you, you can probably rule it out too.
It sounds like you feel safe enough to have a huge crush on someone from afar, like the girl in your coming-out narrative. Also, the guy who didn't want to have sex. First of all, he wasn't your preferred gender; second of all, he was withholding intimacy. But when people get too close, you shut down and withdraw. You can see yourself distancing, but you can't force yourself to open up emotionally to receive and give love, or to make future plans with a lover. Maybe you perceive the person as clingy and overly demanding. Is it like a switch in your brain shuts off and you're suddenly repulsed by them when they become vulnerable? If so, that can point to a fear of intimacy.
So, the question is, are you picking people who really are too needy, due to a subconscious need on your own part to repeat a family pattern until it's resolved, or are you picking normal people with appropriate intimacy needs, and those normal needs trigger past emotional trauma from your family of origin, and your shutting down is an automatic defense mechanism? Did one or both of your parents expect you to take care of their emotional needs instead of the other way around?
Exploring your childhood in therapy can help you figure out if family of origin issues are creating a fear of intimacy. If there were traumas (i.e. divorce, verbal abuse, physical abuse, substance abuse, etc), a technique called EMDR can be very helpful to resolve and integrate trauma. It definitely helped me.
I agree with the people who suggested printing this out and showing it to your therapist. It's their job to help you in a non-judgmental way, and to support you in figuring out your patterns and triggers. In the meantime, please take a break from dating. It's not fair to those you might date to know you're not in a good place to have a relationship and to pursue one anyway. Also, it's going to slow down your progress in therapy.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
13 favorites
Can someone explain to me how exactly the asker is being manipulative here? It seems like there's a whole lot of projection going on in the answers. I see the asker as more guilt ridden and sad than manipulative. And (here comes my own projection) it's hard not to label oneself a "heartbreaker" after you've been the one calling things off a whole bunch of times. Condemning the asker is just reinforcing the guilt cycle that makes her feel obligated to enter into and stay in relationships that aren't right for her. She's not a bad person for not falling in love with people who love her.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
5 favorites
Maybe you're focusing on the wrong gender? It could be that while you are substantially attracted to women, you might feel more at home with men emotionally. I have certainly heard a lot of my bi female friends say that they feel there are more emotional difficulties dating women as compared to men. I realize this is a stereotype, but it could have some grain of truth having to do with gender and communication styles or relationship expectations.
posted by
on January 23, 2011
Can someone explain to me how exactly the asker is being manipulative here?
The "selfless" business is way off. Also this bit: "the girl who unknowingly turned me gay made my heart ache and ache".
Seriously, this is not someone who understands how healthy relationships work. At all. The self-diagnosis as being on the autistic spectrum because of not understanding how healthy relationships work is fairly common among people living with personality disorders.
Look, my armchair diagnosis is worth exactly what the OP paid for it, so discard that if you like--but no matter what, it's clear that someone who goes on and on about "selflessness" and says that someone "turned her gay" isn't someone who's asking the right questions about how to be in a healthy relationship.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
3 favorites
I've got similar troubles. Several relationships, but I never liked them as much as they liked me, and I've been the dumper every time, sometimes not as expediently as I could have been. Maybe I thought they needed me, or maybe I liked the attention they gave me. Maybe they distracted me from other things in my life. Nothing malicious - I met someone and they pursued and I rationalized that I should like them and thought that if I gave it enough time that my feelings would develop. Never worked.
Then I really fell for someone out of the blue, and due to circumstances there was no chance of anything romantic, and it made me realize how shallow my relationship instincts were, and how lukewarm my feelings were for my partners. I have now been single for a couple of years. I'm not going to be in a relationship again until I feel something real for the person in return.
Don't settle for the flattering feeling you get when someone else likes you. Maybe you're just the sort, like me, that other people find easy to crush on, and it stunts you in the long term because you don't have to work to get attention. You don't owe them anything - except maybe the truth of how you feel. It's safe and comfortable when they're taking all the risk and all you have to do is show up and go through the motions of "good girlfriend". Maybe they beg and plead for a chance (mine did) - have the guts to do what's best and firmly turn them down, instead of perpetuating the charade. Find someone who makes you want to risk your own heartbreak. Whatever chord that girl struck in you, the girl who made your heart ache, that's what you need to be looking for. You might have to be single for a while, and it will suck, and you'll want to find someone who makes you feel good by association just to distract yourself from the uncomfortableness of your own growth. But the longer I am single, the better I get to know myself, and the more I see what a cheat and unkind thing it is to accept less.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
9 favorites
Also, as an addendum, it might be helpful to consider that it's not always about you. I mean that part of this problem is your partners and who they are attracted to. I spent a great deal of time beating myself up about how I "made" someone like me and if I hadn't done this or that the crush wouldn't have happened, etc. Or if it was a painful breakup it was my fault for not handling it right - waited too long, didn't say the right thing, whatever. Truth is, it takes two to tango. Recognize that it is arrogant to assume you can control if others will crush on you or not, and you can't control if the breakup will be good and they won't get hurt.
Your partners also have responsibility for their feelings. You cannot and should not prevent them from feeling pain at all - which is partly what you have been avoiding by dragging things out, or even dating them in the first place.
People have their own faults. If they fall for you and pursue you all over the place and you're not feeling it, consider that it's not because you're such a heartbreaker, or something's wrong that you can't like them that way, blah blah, but because
have a weakness for the sort of person you are. Maybe they like the pain of pursuing someone unavailable. Maybe they want the challenge of validating themselves by changing your mind.
Be careful of the arrogance of assuming the burden for all the problems in a relationship and your ex's pain. They're messed up too - just like we all are. Get yourself a time out. Learn what sort of person you really crave. Some people are just jerks and them liking you doesn't mean you are both bathed in the golden aura of superlativeness. It's much easier to get out from under someone's feelings about you (positive or negative) when you aren't under the impression you have control over that response.
posted by
on January 23, 2011 [
5 favorites
I'm sorry if this widely misses the mark, but I've been exactly where you have been, and I know I hurt people while I was dealing with the issues I had. I'll share what I've learned in the hopes that you find it helpful.
So the way a relationship works is that both people have to choose each other. What's happening in your relationships if that you're letting them choose you, and you're not choosing them back. Now, choosing someone really puts you out there; it makes your commitment to them real and takes away the safety you currently enjoy in relationships. You say fear of rejection, I see fear of commitment, but let's not quibble over terms.
In my experience, the only way over it is through it. You can talk yourself to death in a doctor's office, and I agree it's certainly helpful to have someone as your sounding board and mental back up, but in the end, it's not your shrink's issue, it's yours. You have to make it so you are ok with the possibility of getting your heart stomped into tiny little pieces. You have to find someone you really and truly want, who you choose, and you have to let yourself want them, and let them want you.
And it will take a
of work. I had to try it two or three times, really try it, before I managed it. If you're anything like me, you're used to someone wanting you while you keep them at arm's length, and you're probably worried that if you turn around and want someone back, they'll pull a 'you' and suddenly want out of the relationship. This is possible. If you follow my advice you may get your heartbroken, and yes, that sucks for a while, but I wouldn't be sorry if that happens. It's one of those really human experiences, something that unites you with everyone else on this planet. And if you can put yourself out there enough to get your heart broken, you can also put yourself out there enough to fall in love, and to have the person who loves you in return know the real you, not some unreachable being of ice. Good luck. And feel free to memail me if you want to talk.
P.S. While you're in the process of finding someone who you really dig, learn to say 'no' to the people you feel apathetic about. Yes, it'll hurt them to be rejected, but it hurts a lot less to be rejected before a relationship begins, rather than six months into it.
posted by
on January 24, 2011 [
3 favorites
"What's happening in your relationships if that you're letting them choose you, and you're not choosing them back."
I'm troubled by this interpretation. From the OP's description, and more so from subsequent interpretations of it, it seems as though people are just wandering into her life and starting relationships with her that only happen because she doesn't stop them. This passivity is carried over into the statement about having been "turned" gay by someone, as if the OP were just going along minding her own business and this woman knocked a bucket of rainbow paint over her and, shazam, turned her gay.
Starting a relationship is an active process. Turning down relationships is an active process, too, but usually less so than starting them. No-one has ever started a relationship just by sitting there like a bump on a log and not protesting when random suitors happened along and climbed on top of them.
Now maybe this (or a realistic version of this) is how it presents itself to the OP's understanding, but I'm not sure even about that. I'm very hesitant to interpret it that way. I suspect the OP is actively seeking these relationships out and if she really thinks she has this little agency, that's a problem with self-awareness that imho should also be addressed by a professional.
posted by
on January 24, 2011
No-one has ever started a relationship just by sitting there like a bump on a log and not protesting when random suitors happened along and climbed on top of them.
I've been steamrolled into relationships I didn't really want. I'm not saying it's healthy or okay, but it happens. Why? Because when offered the option of taking a risk or being safe, I'm inclined to take a risk. Person A shows up and really really likes person B and wants a relationship. Person B says no. Person A persists. Person B starts thinking that maybe A knows something they don't. B actually would really like to experience what A feels for them. A seems so sure. A says, give me a chance. B thinks, well, what's the harm in trying? B is flattered, and notes A's good qualities. B would truly like to like this person back. So B says okay. But it doesn't work. A tries very hard. B does their part as they understand it. Be caring. Share stuff. But the fond feelings never grow into something stronger and real. B eventually ends it. A is hurt. B gave A what they asked for. B isn't exactly feeling awesome about the whole thing either. Maybe this is similar to the OP's experience.
I thought there was something wrong with me until I met the right sort of person, and then I realized that I was just fine. Rather particular about what rings my bell, but fine. If you've never met anyone you really liked romantically, how do you know the lukewarm feelings you've got are lukewarm? You don't. It's an error of ignorance.
I don't know about "being turned gay". Perhaps it is a way for her to describe something she was very surprised to learn about herself. The phrasing might be awkward, but perhaps it was quite the shock to her. When I finally got a real crush, I thought I was having some sort of mental problem, truly. Like my brain went haywire. Very disturbing. Not fun. I spent too much time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. But it's okay. Next time I will know better. The best part about finally getting a crush is realizing that if there is one person like that, there are more in the world.
posted by
on January 24, 2011 [
1 favorite
Well, yes, I guess if you've never experienced attraction and a stream of people are coming along and harassing you until you get into a relationship with them, I can see how that can happen. I don't entirely agree that it justifies taking a risk with
feelings, but I can see it.
The OP isn't actually describing a process like this. She doesn't say "a bunch of meh people came along and harassed me until I had relationships with them because I didn't know any better and thought maybe that's how relationships are supposed to feel, and then a girl came along and I crushed on her so hard I turned gay, and then a guy came along and I could've married him and had his babies but he wouldn't have sex with me so I was devastated,
therefore I turned away the long queue of meh people who were begging me to get into relationships with them because I knew what it was like to get my heart broken and I didn't want to do it to them
Instead it's like, "I keep stringing meh people along and breaking their hearts, why oh why?" For this process, I really don't think it helps to tell the OP that it's the other people's fault for forcing her into relationships with them when she is too bewildered to know what effect she's having. I see that it's probably well-meant, but it's more likely to just be enabling her.
posted by
on January 25, 2011
...but then again, it depends whether the purpose of this thread is to help the OP, or for us all to put our heads together until we find a scenario whereby she is innocent, and any putative broken hearts are the responsibility of their owners. This also assumes the OP wouldn't buy this explanation, be it true or not, and attempt whether innocently or disingenuously to sell it to the next putative heartbreakee.
If the OP has set her situation out honestly and exactly as it presents itself to her understanding, then the hivemind will not be able to figure out what's really going on. Behaviour changes (such as not getting into relationships AND not leading people on while congratulating oneself on not getting into relationships) are necessary, but they won't be sufficient to solve the OP's obviously very deep-rooted and serious problems with the way she thinks and the way she relates to people.
tl;dr Therapy.
posted by
on January 25, 2011
tel3path, I'm not sure why you're so keen on indicting the asker here. She asked for help with a problem that's distressing her; she clearly expresses guilt about hurting people and realizes that her actions are affecting others. In fact, she says that repeatedly. I don't read anything in her question that makes it sound like she's trying to disown responsibility for her actions. To the contrary, she's really laid out her flaws quite clearly and bravely. Nobody here is trying to "
find a scenario whereby she is innocent
" -- that's not really the point -- but instead we're just offering up our own experiences to see if they're congruent. You seem to have had one particular bad experience that she's triggered, but yours is not the only valid way to see her situation. I think you're being distracted by your own past pain and unfairly painting the OP as some kind of damaged monster when all she's doing is making some mistakes in life, like we all do.
To get back to the details: yes, it is perfectly possible to enter into a relationship in good faith but end up not falling in love even though the person loves you back. Just think about how many times you've seen people write on Askme that "you shouldn't be overly concerned with spark in a relationship; wait awhile to see what develops." A lot of people follow that advice, to a predictable and unhappy resolution. What the OP needs to do is learn how to trust and follow her feelings decisively at the outset of relationships and cut things off as soon as she realizes they aren't going anywhere.
posted by
on January 25, 2011 [
1 favorite
I agree, yarly. What I'm questioning is the view that the relationships are just happening. It could be that she is being pursued by others and just going along with them, but that is just one possible story among many as to how these relationships are coming about. If that's what's happening, then Just Saying No, or Saying Maybe And Accepting The Consequences, is the way to go. But it's unclear from the narrative that that actually is the sequence of events.
posted by
on January 25, 2011
I really don't think it helps to tell the OP that it's the other people's fault for forcing her into relationships with them when she is too bewildered to know what effect she's having. I see that it's probably well-meant, but it's more likely to just be enabling her.
I'm not laying blame on her partner as if one is guilty and one is innocent, just saying that a balanced look at the situation is important.
I'm not blameless, but my partner(s) also had their personal issues, and they were responsible for their part. That's the real curse of taking the label of "heartbreaker". It feeds that controlling, perfectionist side that wants you to be special and set apart and somehow above others. Taking all the blame is narcissistic. It steals the agency of one's partner. The truth is that I'm just a flawed person learning to know myself better, and I happened to cross paths with another flawed person, and we muddled around and made a mess. And that is a great comfort, to know I am responsible for
actions and
responses, not my partner's. It is muddled responsibility for another's feelings that may get the OP into these situations in the first place. It is a misplaced urge to put another's feelings and wants above one's own, or even adopt their feelings and wants in place of one's own, which perhaps remain hidden from the OP herself.
What matters is where the OP goes from here, after taking this critical look at herself. It takes time to learn how to feed oneself, to claim hunger and commit to learning what will satisfy it. Maybe some people come by this naturally and others have to learn it. This might be why she is ambivalent about friendships as well. Learn to be hungry, and what you hunger for will become more important. I wish the OP luck. It will be hard. Take your time.
posted by
on January 25, 2011 [
2 favorites
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US Open 2013: hashtag slam number 5
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Aug 23rd, 2013, 01:39 AM
the cat
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Re: US Open 2013: hashtag slam number 5
Originally Posted by
Makes me so angry when I think of the slams she could've won in the time that the shoulder injury and recovery erased, and now it's happening again.
After Big Maria at age only age 20 won Oz 08 for her third slam title I truly thought she could win 10 slams in her career. Not to be in large part due to her troublesome right shoulder. Atleast she has the career grand slam and that helps some. Maria would have won a few more slams than 4 by this time if she had been healthy. But that's tennis and sports in general.
Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing up against your legs and jumping into your lap. - William Bennett
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Top 10 Reasons for our continued ineptitude, as told by a casual fan:
1. "They never shoulda got rid of ol' Bagwell and Biggio. I don't know what they were thinkin."
2. "This newfangled front office of ours trades off everybody who's doin' good."
3. "This new front office just won't spend any money like Drayton woulda. No sir, ol' McClane woulda never stood for all this losin"
4. "Those sissies we got out there on the mound now don't make it deep enough into games. Why, I'll betchu if they still had ol' Clemens and Pettitte, we'd be in the playoffs, just like '05."
5. "They never should got rid of ol' Oswalt (while pronouncing it 'Ozwald')."
6. "They don't play that new hotshot shortstop who was knockin' the cover off that ball anymore."
7. "Altuve's too short. We need some bigger ballplayers."
8. "They're not keepin their eye on the ball! I don't know HOW many times I told 'em..."
9. "They never shoulda got rid of ol' Carlos Lee, now that guy was a ballplayer."
10. "That ol Rodriguez hasn't been worth his salt lately." me, interjecting- "Fernando?" "Who? No, Wandy. I think we oughta get rid of him."
And there you have it. There's our problems.


text:
By MELINDA DESLATTE
Associated Press
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) - Gov. Bobby Jindal's administration has pledged a more than $135 million incentive package to South African energy company Sasol Ltd. to build a multibillion-dollar complex in Southwest Louisiana. The announcement came Monday. The site will turn natural gas into chemicals, diesel and other fuels.
Incentives include tax breaks, a $20 million worker training facility and a $115 million payment to the company for land and infrastructure that will be left to a future governor's administration and lawmakers to fund.
Sasol said it will spend between $16 billion and $21 billion on the construction of a chemical plant and a gas-to-liquids plant that will turn natural gas into diesel, at a site near Lake Charles.
The project is described as the largest manufacturing investment in Louisiana's history, creating an estimated 1,250 new permanent jobs.
Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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Last Update: Wednesday, August 27, 2014
|Family Remembers Gabriel Fernandez' Birthday
|Written by Alex Garcia
|Thursday, 27 February 2014 03:57
Boy Allegedly Killed By Parents Is Remembered With Balloons
On Friday, Feb. 21, a few family members and close friends gathered at El Cariso Park in Sylmar to send balloons into the air and acknowledge what would have been Gabriel Fernandez' 9th birthday.
"It was his birthday, which would have been a celebration at the park," said Emily Carranza, Gabriel's cousin and creator of the "Gabriel's Justice" Facebook page, devoted as a memorial to the boy who died after suffering beatings and torture allegedly at the hands of his mother, Pearl Fernandez, and her boyfriend, Isauro Aguirre, in their Palmdale home last May.
Carranza said the birthday parties were occasions Gabriel always looked forward to. "His uncle, Michael (Limon), who took care of Gabriel, always took him shopping. The parties were mostly at Hansen Dam and there were jumpers, games.
It was a big deal for (Gabriel) because he was the center of attention and it was all Gabriel's decision, from the theme to the piñata," Carranza recalled. Life is much different now. Since news broke of the heinous death of the little boy and events that followed, the Fernandez family has been divided, split over allegations of improper money handling from donations collected to pay for funeral costs after Gabriel's death.
Sandra Fernandez, the boy's maternal grandmother, who had been suffering from a long illness, passed away in January. "It took a toll on her. After his death, she just gave up," said Carranza. Gabriel's grandfather has sought legal representation.
And then there's the case against Fernandez and Aguirre, and the ongoing controversy surrounding the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which came under fire for failing to protect the boy, who had previously lived with his grandparents. They said that Gabriel's mother didn't want him but then later picked him up and refused to return him telling them that she needed the welfare money that he could bring. DCFS was contacted, but failed to take action.
Two of Gabriel's siblings, who were also living in the Palmdale apartment, are now living with their father's family in Texas. Case Continues Last May, Gabriel was found with BB pellets in his lungs and groin and was rushed to a hospital, where he died several days later.
One of Gabriel's teachers later recounted about her repeated attempts to report the boy's black eyes, lacerations and bruises to the agency, to no avail. Four social workers were terminated as a result of the case, and the L.A. County Board of Supervisors created a Blue Ribbon commission to recommend changes to DCFS.
After previous delays, Fernandez and Aguirre are scheduled to appear in court again for a preliminary hearing on March 18. "They keep postponing the trial. It could be another year," said Carranza.
"They want to have all the hard core evidence. They don't want to leave any loopholes where they don't get convicted." Carranza said so far Fernandez hasn't expressed regret in the death of her son.
"When you see her in the court, there's no remorse in her face," she noted. Carranza and others have protested outside DCFS offices and the Board of Supervisors, calling for changes to the agency, which are slow in coming.
The department is responsible for more than 17,000 children in foster or group homes, and struggling to find new foster parents. Last year, social workers staged protests as well for what they say are excessive numbers of cases to deal with.
They even threatened with a strike that was avoided at the end. DCFS has also instituted three new social worker "academies" since August and training has been increased from seven weeks to 52 weeks.
The preparation includes training in interviewing parents, identifying drug abuse and emergency response, and looking for signs that someone else is living in or visiting the home and needs a background check. Home visits are now simulated during training to highlight such clues, like cigarettes in the ashtray of a bedroom where the mother doesn't smoke. "I know it takes time for the county to move, but we don't want to hear more cases like this happening," said Carranza.
"The social workers say they are overwhelmed, but how is it that they had time to protest and take a day off from their cases and now we hear they're getting raises as children keep dying." While Gabriel's death is a true tragedy, Carranza acknowledged it served as a catalyst for others to speak out against child abuse. The Facebook page, "Gabriel's Justice," has become a clearing house for these cases.
"I don't think people would have opened up as much before learning of Gabriel's death. Now if they see something they're more willing to approach a person and people are calling the cops more, people are taking a stand for children," said Carranza.
Gabriel's House There is also an effort underway for "Gabriel's House," a public facility for area youth in Palmdale that gives them a place to learn music, dance, visual arts and photography. Saturday, March 1, is the official ribbon cutting ceremony for this facility where children can paint, play and simply be kids.
A picture of Gabriel hangs on the wall of the house and his story will be prominently displayed. But those good things that have come out of the Gabriel's death don't erase the tragedy of his passing. "(The celebration at El Cariso Park) was an emotional thing for me. I'm still shaken up by Gabriel's death, but it also makes me stronger.
You never heal from a child being murdered," Carranza said. "We're not going to walk away from this. We want to make sure the trial be done and we get justice for Gabriel." The ribbon cutting ceremony for Gabriel's house begins with a pancake breakfast at 8:30 a.m. The house is located at 38553 E. 4th St., in Palmdale. For more information, call (661) 208-8685.
|Last Updated on Thursday, 27 February 2014 04:41


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Leo Redmond's 2012 PCA Fundraiser
Leo Redmond fundraising for POSITIVE COACHING ALLIANCE
Please donate to the PCA Annual Fund -- help create great experiences for young athletes!
I was lucky to have great coaches over the years, from Little League to CYO, high school and college. From Bob Fitz and Bob Dempsey, coaches of our overachieving hoops team, we heard "be confident, not cocky" and that's how we played and it was a life lesson too. They were Double Goal coaches, long before the term was invented.
Every child deserves a Double-Goal Coach®, whose first goal is winning, and whose second, more important goal is teaching life lessons through sports. A Double-Goal Coach uses youth sport's endless procession of teachable moments to develop Better Athletes, Better People.
PCA WORKS in youth sports:- 95% of PCA-trained coaches believe PCA gives them the tools to help their players improve at their sport and work together as a team.
79% of student-athletes agreed with the statement, "I treated my opponents better this season" (compared to the season before PCA).
In 2012, PCA impacted more than 1 million youth-athletes across the nation!
Please consider donating to PCA's Annual Fund to help PCA carry this momentum into 2013! If you donate by December 31st, your donation will be DOUBLED, thanks to a $100,000 match!
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After you see "Muppets Most Wanted", read fan reactions and let us know your thoughts on the Muppets eighth theatrical film.
"Muppets Most Wanted" Original Soundtrack
With a new Muppet movie one of the most anticipated merchandise releases is the official soundtrack. Listen to the Muppets Most Wanted original soundtrack now playing on Muppet Central Radio.
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Archive for the Blog Category
Ifttt.com and platform reminiscing
I'm playing around with ifttt.com and it is intriguing. I remember an earlier effort, yubnub, that I always found compelling. A general script interface to all my Internet data and services so that I can do interesting things across sites seems good.
I remember the evolution of Lotus Notes. A super general collab platform that let you store anything, write nice scripts and forms on top of it. The generalness of the platform was appealing and a certain set of early adopters went for it. But there were many more customers who didn't want to create their own collaboration apps, but needed some pre-built apps. And so then Lotus made the "nifty fifty" most popular apps available — email, calendaring, candidate tracking, simple CRM, etc etc etc. And that was good, and more customers bought it. But ultimately Notes got washed out of the market by Microsoft Exchange, for many many reasons. But one simple view is that, while Exchange was a collab platform too (although terrible to code against), Exchange really focused on the high volume apps of mail and scheduling and just made those apps work. And that is all most people really needed.
Competitively the ifttt.com guys need to be very cognizant of cherry picking. While it is great they have hundreds or thousands of canned scripts, I don't need hundreds, I only need a couple. And that is probably true for most users. And if the couple that people need a common across large groups of users, then some competitor can sweep in and just do those couple scenarios really really well and ifttt.com will remain a niche tool. I'd bet that they will have to build a lot more code on top of their platform to make sure that the top scenarios are really slick and easy to use, to avoid losing users to alternatives.
For instance I can already pretty easily use a wordpress plugin to MIRV content over to twitter and then to facebook. Will I flip over to ifttt.com for this or will I keep using the solution that someone has polished and made fit into wordpress? I suspect I'll use the one that fits really well in wordpress. Now if the ifttt.com guys wrote the code to provide an ifttt.com plugin for wordpress, that would be interesting…
Apple is the new Honda
Nice writeup of Apple's manufacturing/supply advantage vs the PC OEMs. Reminds me very much of the way Honda and Toyota crushed the American car manufacturers in the 70′s and 80′s — GM in particular had overly complex product lines, cars with a gajillion options. Honda came in with a simple model, no options, and great great quality, and just crushed GM in core markets. Product line complexity comes at a huge cost, Apple is playing this hand well.


text:
November is American Diabetes Month—and St.Vincent Health and Check Up 13 are working to help more people understand the symptoms, risks, and treatment options for this disease that affects millions of Americans and their families.
How many millions? According to the American Diabetes Association, 24 million American adults and children live with diabetes—and another 57 million Americans are at risk. If current trends continue, one out of every three children in America may be facing a future that includes diabetes.
The most common type of diabetes in children is Type 1 diabetes, which is also known as insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus (IDDM) or juvenile diabetes. Type 1 diabetes occurs when the body does not produce enough insulin: a hormone that helps move sugar from the blood to the body's cells, where it can be used as energy. The risk of Type 1 diabetes is not related to weight or lifestyle.
Today, however, more children and adolescents are being diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. In Type 2 diabetes, either the body does not produce enough insulin or the cells ignore the insulin. Lifestyle can greatly influence your chances of developing Type 2 diabetes. The most common risk factors include:
What are the symptoms of diabetes to look for in children? According to Dr. Andrew Riggs at the pediatric endocrinology and diabetes department at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent, some of the most common symptoms of diabetes include frequent urination, excessive thirst, extreme hunger, unusual weight loss, increased fatigue, irritability, and blurry vision. "Testing for diabetes should be considered if a child awakens at night frequently to urinate or get a drink of water" says Dr. Riggs.
Diabetes is a serious disease, and a diagnosis of new onset diabetes can be extremely stressful, even overwhelming for the patient as well as the parents. The long-term effects can be devastating. Unchecked diabetes can lead to problems with vision and circulation, kidney and nerve damage, and other health problems.
Diabetes does not have a cure. But millions of people with diabetes lead normal lives—as long as they're carefully managing their condition with the help of trained healthcare professionals.
The pediatric endocrinology and diabetes department at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent specializes in diabetes care in children, with an emphasis on personalized family care. Patients referred to Peyton Manning Children's Hospital with new onset Type I diabetes are typically admitted to the hospital for a 24-48 hour period during which they receive intensive education from nurses, specialized diabetes educators, dieticians, and other members of the diabetes team. Patients and parents have plenty of opportunity to practice blood sugar checks and insulin injections with observation and assistance from experienced staff.
All new patients are then scheduled for follow-up outpatient education and visits with a nurse practitioner in addition to the physician. Surveys have consistently shown that families appreciate this comprehensive follow-up and education and feel that they benefit significantly from it.
The experts at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent also maintains close contact by phone with all newly diagnosed patients to help them through this challenging period. As a result of all this focused attention, nearly 100 percent of pediatric patients at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent are not re-admitted for diabetes related illnesses. Also, they strive to ensure that quality of life and daily activities for kids are essentially unaffected by diabetes, according to Dr. Riggs.
St.Vincent Health and Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent are also passionate about helping prevent diabetes in kids. This past spring, Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent launched Project 18: a program to help Indiana families set goals, eat smarter, and get active. Developed in conjunction with Ball State University and Marsh Supermarkets, Project 18 is already part of health education classes in more than 250 schools across Indiana. Kids are learning to live more healthful lives—and having fun doing it.
What about kids who are already overweight? Families in Central Indiana can turn to Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St.Vincent's L.I.F.E. (Lifetime Individual Fitness and Eating) for Kids Program. L.I.F.E. for Kids puts families together with healthcare professionals who can help them eat a variety of nutritious foods, become more physically active, and set goals they can achieve and feel good about. The year-long program integrates education and counseling from a multidisciplinary team that includes a physician, dietician, exercise physiologist, behaviorist, and nurse. It's a proven program that helps kids make changes for the better.
Diabetes is a growing problem in Central Indiana and across America. But greater awareness of the risks and complications of diabetes, and a more healthy approach to living, can go a long way toward minimizing the risk for you and your children.
For more information and additional resources, please visit the Pediatric Endocrinology and Diabetes Center at Peyton Manning Children's Hospital at St. Vincent website.


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A pox on Paladino and Cuomo
Herb Boyd | 4/12/2011, 5:23 p.m.
About the same time Attorney General Andrew Cuomo was announcing his urban agenda in Harlem in a closed session with several Black elected officials and community leaders on Monday, Councilman Charles Barron was delivering his urban agenda plan in Brooklyn.
In an interview a day after his press conference, Barron, who is running for governor on the Freedom Party line, spoke in detail about his plan.
"What I'm proposing is a progressive taxation plan that includes a commuter tax," he began, noting that someone showed up at his press conference with research data to validate his position of lowering transit fares and abolishing the MTA.
Much of his plan was published last week in Barron's op-ed piece in these pages, so we won't take up too much space on that, but allow him to address how his campaign and platform differs from those of Paladino and Cuomo. Again, some of this was spelled out in the op-ed piece.
"What you have with Paladino is one who insults the Black community, while Cuomo ignores us," Barron said. "Paladino is a sick, racist lunatic. Cuomo's approach to us is one of racially benign neglect. We in the Freedom Party have issues with both of them."
Barron said both Paladino and Cuomo are recipients of corporate funding-- neither will tax the rich and that both will freeze wages, cut back on pensions and enact bills that will empower the law enforcement agencies, which will lead to more stop-and-frisk incidents and police brutality.
"Both are advocates of tax-free bonds that will allow developers to further gentrify our communities," Barron said. "Neither has said anything at all about the foreclosure epidemic. Both will cut the budget by 20 percent, which will create more layoffs and curtail vital services."
Barron wanted to know how Cuomo could go to Harlem and spend all the media time talking about Paladino. "That's an insult to the Black community," Barron charged. "That's insulting to a community that is experiencing 50 percent unemployment for Black men, where the infant mortality rate rivals those in third-world countries, where HIV and AIDS and life expectancy all fall within the misery index. In other words, our votes are more critical than ever. It's a life or death vote."
If Paladino or Cuomo is to get the Black vote, Barron continued, "They will have to earn it. They can't use scare tactics or manipulate us as both parties have done in the past."
A vote for the Freedom Party, Barron explained, "will give us the leverage we need as we go forward. It's time to end the lesser of evils option. It's time to realize that your vote today is literarily one of life and death."


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Egypt opposition: Morsi referendum plans are 'shocking'
A leading member of Egypt's main opposition coalition has said that President Mohamed Morsi's decision to press ahead with a referendum on a new constitution was "shocking" and would deepen a political crisis.
"It is making things a lot worse," Ahmed Said, member of the National Salvation Front coalition and head of the liberal Free Egyptians Party, told Reuters. "I cannot imagine that after all this they want to pass a constitution that does not represent all Egyptians."
He said the Front would meet later to make a formal response to Morsi's decision to scrap a decree that sparked deadly violence but stick to a referendum date of 15th Decemeber on a constitution that was drawn up by an Islamist-led drafting assembly.


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I've got a breakdown of the Panthers first two offensive series where I look at the play in slow motion and identify what caused the play to be successful or fail as applicable. Considering the Panthers went scoreless on these two series please don't expect it to be too good. So here we go:
Panthers 1st Offensive Series
1-10-CAR 20 (10:30) D.Williams right guard to CAR 22 for 2 yards (K.Dansby).
Dansby went unblocked because #73 Bernadeau went to block the wrong guy
2-8-CAR 22 (9:52) C.Newton pass short middle to G.Olsen to CAR 34 for 12 yards (K.Dansby).
Nice pass by Newton to a streaking Olsen, one of the bright spots in this first quarter
1-10-CAR 34 (9:11) C.Newton pass incomplete deep left to B.LaFell [C.Wake].
Newton had to rush the pass because DE Cameron Wake drove TE Jeremy Shockey back like into Newton's grill like he wasn't there.More after the jump...
2-10-CAR 34 (9:05) D.Williams left guard to CAR 36 for 2 yards (K.Dansby).
C Ryan Kalil pulled and failed to get much on LB Danby who shed him and made and the tackle.
3-8-CAR 36 (8:22) (Shotgun) C.Newton scrambles left end to CAR 42 for 6 yards (V.Davis).
The Dolphins overloaded the right side as Dansby blitzed and came unblocked. I can't blame RT Garry Williams as he had to take the DE. The Dolphins did a lot of shuffling right before the snap and I'm sure Newton was confused. It seems we only had one WR on a short route (Naanee) who went on a short out. We offense just didn't have the right play call.
Panthers 2nd Offensive Series
1-10-CAR 23 (:52) C.Newton pass short left to J.Shockey pushed ob at CAR 39 for 16 yards (R.Jones)
Nice route by Shockey and very nice protection from the o-line.
1-10-CAR 39 (:23) C.Newton pass incomplete short middle to D.Williams.
Trying to set up the screen to Williams who was held up and the play just never unfolder right. Newton wisely threw it to Williams feet
2-10-CAR 39 (:17) D.Williams right tackle to CAR 41 for 2 yards (Y.Bell)
The right side of the line got a decent push but Bell was able to get off of G Williams block and make the play.
3-8-CAR 41 (15:00) (Shotgun) C.Newton pass short right to G.Olsen to CAR 48 for 7 yards (K.Burnett)
Newton had protection in spite of middle blitz. Nice pass and catch to Olsen but an even better open field tackle by the ILB Burnett.
So in summary on some plays we simply had poor execution and others we got beat by a superior play call by the defense. Let's learn and move on Panther fans. The good news is Newton seems good at avoiding the really bad plays and subsequent turnovers (knock on wood) which I realize is little consolation but it should be. Rookie QBs usually look a lot shakier than what I am seeing from Newton. Once he gets comfortable with the offense and personnel I think he'll be better at reacting to what the defense is giving him than we have seen so far.


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Disney Movie Rewards just released another new 5 point code. All you will need to do is log-in to your account and enter 25doc12 in the magic code field to get the 5 points added!
It appears that this code might only be valid through tomorrow, December 27th, so don't wait to add it!
If you are not yet signed up for Disney Rewards you can sign up here!
Don't forget to get the Bargain Blessings toolbar to print coupons and stay up to date on all the latest deals!


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Skip to main content
Rosemount Town Pages
New studio offers fitness for the whole family
Parkview expansion project proceeds
Looking back: Plans for new school years were announced 50, 75 years ago this week
Police report: Aug. 11 to Aug. 17
Akron could grow down the road
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crime and courts
Cross country: Irish season off and running
Girls soccer: Irish looking for offensive contributions
Football: Explosive offense set for takeoff
Pipers bats silenced at state
Cross country preview: Experience a strength for XC teams
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high school
Rosemount takes a community ice bath
Dakota County Fair is under way
Leprechaun Days features sun and crowds
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arts and entertainment
Harland Henke, 93
Jack R. Justice, 64
Armand Kelzenberg, 79
Sandra Forslin, 69
Margaret Trevis, 91
2013 Caper Public Hearing Notice
Coachman Oaks vs Mitch Gilbert
Weismiller vs. Mortgage Electronic Registration Sys. Inc.
Postponement Sheri Ackerman vs. Mortgage Elec. Reg. Sys. Inc
Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, vs Webb
Chuck Brooks' column: The time for summer fun is nearly over
Letter: The city's route to tax relief?
Nathan Hansen's column: Insert laugh
Editorial: Recount decision makes sense
Guest column: Jamal Abdulahi explains recount decision
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High school
August 25, 2014
Girls soccer: Irish looking for offensive contributions
Experience will be an asset on the defensive end of the field for the Rosemount girls soccer team. The offensive end is a different story. The Irish are looking to replace three seniors — Marisa Knott, Anna Grausnick and Kaitlyn Debaun — who combined to score 25 of the team's...
sports / high school
August 25, 2014 - 10:31am
August 13, 2014
Cross country preview: Experience a strength for XC teams
The Rosemount boys cross country team is counting on consistent front-of-the-pack finishes from at least a couple of its returning runners. The team's success is going to hinge on where the rest of the Irish's top five runners come in. Cody Sedbrook and Ryan Condon were both...
sports / high school
August 13, 2014 - 9:46am
July 26, 2014
Chuck Brooks' column: Summers get expensive when you're a teacher
Each week, when I finish a column and send it to the paper, I begin to think about my next topic for the upcoming week. To be honest, I'm often at a loss as to what the topic will be until I begin to write. Unless there's an event coming up like last week's column about the...
opinion / columns
July 26, 2014 - 8:00am
July 17, 2014
RHS grads rally around injured friend
Sergio Guerra has a love for English. During high school, that love led the Brazilian to Rosemount. Between 1986-87 Guerra spent a year at Rosemount...
July 17, 2014 - 1:44pm
Chuck Brooks' column: No matter the date, parade will be a good time
Change is not something people handle well. I'm no different. Change rocks my world. I'm better at creating traditions and routines than I am at handling changes inconspicuously. This weekend brings a change in an annual event here in Rosemount. The annual Leprechaun Days parade....
opinion / columns
July 17, 2014 - 11:33am
July 12, 2014
Chuck Brooks' column: Summer is the perfect time to get on stage
I'm sure each of us has our own personal signs that summer has arrived. Weather aside, I tend to mark times in the year by certain external cues. One of the signs of summer for me is the Eagan Community Theater signs going up each June, advertising the show to be performed mid to...
opinion / columns
July 12, 2014 - 8:00am
July 10, 2014
RHS third trimester honor rolls
A honor roll Ninth grade Yaseein Abdelaal, Sahil Adige, Isabell Agpalasin, Stanley Ancheta, Asya Anderson, Hailey Anderson, Francis Avenido, Hannah Betters, Amber Billings, Daniella Bina, Taylor Brizius, Hannah Brockman, Dalton Buck, Ellen Bushard, Emma Bushard, Jonathan...
news / education
July 10, 2014 - 12:17pm
July 2, 2014
Connor Yepsen play in All-Star Football game, named Mr. Lacrosse
Connor Yepsen represented Rosemount at Saturday's 41st annual Minnesota Football Coaches Association All-Star Football Game. Yepsen suited up for the South team and finished with two tackles from his defensive back spot. Yepsen was recently named the state's Mr. Lacrosse award...
sports / high school
July 2, 2014 - 11:37am
Interns join newspaper staff
Rosemount High School students Ryan Brocco and Muriel Knudson have joined the Independent Town Pages as interns this summer. Brocco, 17, will be a senior this fall at RHS. He is involved in the school newspaper, as well as a the Irish Update broadcast journalism class. He plans...
July 2, 2014 - 11:15am
June 21, 2014
Chuck Brooks' column:
Like the coach who practices and practices all pre-season so the players are ready for the big game at the start of the regular season. Like the director who rehearses his/her cast for weeks upon weeks so he/she can place on stage the best product possible for opening night. ...
opinion / columns
June 21, 2014 - 8:00am
June 18, 2014
Girls golf: Irish sixth at 3A state golf meet
The Rosemount girls golf team wrapped up its memorable spring season with a sixth-place finish at the Class 3A state tournament last Wednesday at Bunker Hills Golf Course in Coon Rapids. The Irish shot a 352 on Day 1 and came back to fire a 344 on Day 2 for a total of 696 in...
sports / high school
June 18, 2014 - 10:17am
June 6, 2014
Leadership skills get a workout for senior
No one is likely to accuse Andre Nelson of backing away from leadership challenges at Rosemount High School. In his senior year, Nelson is president of the RHS student council, the National Honor Society and the National French Honor Society. If there's a knack for leadership,...
news / education
June 6, 2014 - 10:41am
A father's influence remains strong for RHS senior
It's a thought that crosses Ryan Condon's mind often: What would Dad think of this? Would he be proud? Condon will graduate from Rosemount High School on Saturday. On June 30 he will enroll in the Coast Guard Academy. His father won't be there to see either. He died when...
news / education
June 6, 2014 - 10:36am
June 5, 2014
Long journey leads to graduation
There aren't many people at Rosemount High School who know Maggie Bushiri's story. That's too bad. It's a good one. Bushiri, who will graduate Saturday with the RHS Class of 2014, was born without a home as her family fled civil war in the Congo for a refugee camp in...
news / education
June 5, 2014 - 1:08pm
June 2, 2014
Student voices: Relay for Life is a valuable event
Graduation is just a week away and it's really getting me thinking about high school. In the past four years of high school, I definitely changed how I spend my time and what I care about. Comparing myself to who I was as a freshman is quite funny because I really don't care about...
opinion / columns
June 2, 2014 - 8:00am
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Well, noone saw THAT coming! At least, that fast. Speaking of Cam's debut of course. As a detail guy, I'd like to throw out a few things from Game 1 I thought might be interesting:
1. I said it in preseason, this is not the John Fox Panthers. Chud is a pass to set up the run kind of guy, so any success we have with the run will be because our passing game has been successful first.
2. Barring injury, we might not see nearly as much Mike Goodson this year. I hope we can get him involved more in the passing game, but it seemed like Goody wasn't on the field much until the end of the game.
3. Speaking of Goody, here's a special teams opinion: I'd rather have a defensive guy covering punts than a RB.
4. I did not see Armanti Edwards at WR today, did I miss it?
5. I'll be the first to say Brandon LaFell had a decent game, and that I hope I'm wrong about him not stepping up to be our #2.
6. We set the edge better in run defense than the last few preseason games. Now, if we can add some quality vet/vets at DT we have the potential to be a very solid defense.
7. I was surprised Charles Godfrey seemed to have a quiet game.
8. Was pleasantly surprised at our pass rush! So glad to see CJ and Hardy doing their thing.
9. Jeff King was always a standup locker room guy for us. I wish him all the success in the world...just wish it wasn't against us.
10. I was surprised that Cam's rushing ability seemed limited and contained in this game. I kept waiting for some called runs or bootlegs to get him in space. Not a complaint though, considering the game he had passing.
11. I've said it all preseason: I am content with Gamble and Captain as our #1 and #2 corners. They played well today.
12. I think one thing we have to understand is this: Being "more aggressive" as a team will also sometimes mean we will be burned more with big plays. The throw on the middle to Doucet as we brought the blitz comes to mind. So we're going to have to accept some bad with the good; time will tell if "more agressive" = "more effective" than a more conservative philosophy that we have now definitely seen the last of.
Oh yes, and one more:
13. I could read Cam Newton's mind while the Cardinal crowd was being loud: "Please y'all, I've played in Tuscaloosa." This wasn't just unparalleled poise. This was frankly, a guy who has played in bigger games against more hostile stadiums than the one he played in today.


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Oli Gardner
posted this on October 21, 2010 04:18 PM
You can set up Unbounce to automatically send you an email notification when one of your customers submits a form on your landing pages.
If you're like most marketers, you spend a lot of time hitting the refresh key to see how many leads your lead generation landing page is producing. Unbounce lets you automatically receive an email alert whenever you get a new lead.
To set up email notifications for your lead gen landing pages, click the "Email Me New Leads" link on your page dashboard as shown opposite.
You can then add your email (or a series of multiple emails) that should receive the notification. The subject line of the email is fully configurable – and defaults to include the name of your landing page for easy identification.
That's it! You'll now receive an email whenever you get a new lead from your lead generation landing pages without having to touch the refresh key.
Below is an example of what your notification emails will look like.
Is there a way to have the emails come from the email address within the form instead of Unbounce Notifications <email@example.com>
e.g. in the example above the email notification would be from Carter <firstname.lastname@example.com>
Is there a response for the question above? I'd like to know the same so lead notification emails don't get held up in filtering.
Hi Michael - there is a workaround that will allow you to use our WebHook to circumvent the regular 'email me new leads' integration. Using this method allows you the freedom to send unbranded email notifications, customize the address you want the lead notifications sent to, and possibly avoid the filtering issue you are experiencing.
You can take a look at our knowledge base article 'How Can I Send Unbranded Email Notifications' for more information on how to get started.
Is there a way to receive a daily email with a list of all the new leads of that specific day, rather than get an email each time a new lead registers?
How can I change the order of fields in the email notification?
I would also like to know if there is a way to change of order of field, so they mirror the actual form.
Me too. I would like to know if there is a way to change of order of field, so they mirror the actual form
@Will, Nancy and Jerry - apologies for the late response. Unfortunately that isn't a supported feature though I have opened a feature request thread for you in our community forum. You can visit that thread here to add your vote and to provide any comments or feedback to the topic.
Hi - how do you track back which of teh tested pages a specific lead came from? Now Rapleaf seems to have gone, do you have any ideas on how to do this
Hey Amy - the email notifications should contain the page name, URL, and variant the lead came from. Is that the data you were looking for?
Client of mine had a good idea and i am hoping to get this accomplished:
the "from" adress in the email that gets sent out should be the "email" field filled out in the form by the user.
that way he just hits "reply" on his email and - voila - has the correct email adress in the "to" field.
In which way I can stop the email notification? I put my email for the notification but now I would like don't receive them anymore.
Hey Ricardo - sorry for the delay on this! You can stop email notifications by visiting the page overview screen for the page in question. Click Email Notifications and delete your email address. Try that out! After, if you're still having trouble let me know, I'll be sure to dive in further.
So, unbounce allows us to do everything - except this, where clients see emails coming from "Unbounce". It would be great if it came from email@example.com rather than Unbounce. Please fix this.
I wish to add my support to getting a 'reply to sender' feature being added. Our clients just want to reply to the lead email notification (as this has been how they have always done it pre Unbounce).
Noticed the other two people whom asked for this did not get a reply....quite discouraging to see that attitude.
The folks at Unbounce are unrelenting in their customer success work, believe me. I'm a very happy client regardless of the lack of a small few features. They are kind and great folks so I doubt that they didn't reply on purpose. May just have gotten lost in an email flood of some sort.
Most importantly, they monitor & act on the GetSatisfaction forum and support email quite aggressively.
-Mark (happy client who doesn't work for Unbounce)
Hi Clint - As Mark kindly pointed out, definitely not ignoring this on purpose, so apologies that no one was able to answer sooner. And this is on our Product team's radar.
While relatively speaking, this would be a smaller change, we are all hands on deck on a few other major features right now (responsive design, global scripts, and better spam filtering). There's also the complication of whether we do just a reply-to address or have the emails actually appear as sent from a different address. The latter will involve a lot more work around email deliverability. And while just adding reply-to should be easier, the majority of people we've heard from aren't just looking for that.
Mark & Quinn, thank you both for your input. When you have clients asking questions, it's great to get fast answers!!
Glad to hear the news on the responsive update, as an agency that feature is high on our list.
Is there a way to get email notifications containing all the leads at the end of the day, instead of receiving multiple emails with leads throughout the day? It would keep my email a little bit more manageable.
Any ideas appreciated.
Hi Jeremy! That's a great idea - I've added it to our list of reporting improvements and shared this with our Product Team. A daily summary of leads and conversions would come in handy.
In the meantime, could pulling a CSV of your leads work for you? On the page's overview screen you can download a CSV and export that into Excel or Google Spreadsheets. Not perfect, but hopefully it can be a viable workaround!
Hi Jeremy - there's not currently a way to do that, but it's a really great idea. I've let our product team know, but if you have the chance, please add it to our Community Forum as well: https://getsatisfaction.com/unbounce. We set our product roadmap based on user feedback and having a post in the forum might get folks with a similar need to chime in as well.
Opting in for the "Reply-to" option; we want to add the leads to our system using an automatic email sync and filling the email field automatically using either the from or the reply-to field. Not possible right now meaning more manual work. (leads we receive from most other system do use this "reply-to" option)
Hi Mike - I'll pass this on to our UX team, so we can add it to the use cases we already have for this. Is the system you're using a custom one or is it commercially available? I'm just curious to know if other customers might be using the same system/running into the same issue.


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One of my favorite essential oil blends from doTERRA is their On Guard protective blend. It contains wild orange, clove bud, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus radiata, and rosemary and is formulated to support a healthy immune system.
During cold and flu season I use On Guard on a regular basis in a variety of ways to help boost our immune systems and protect against flu, colds, and viruses.
5 Simple Ways to Use On Guard to Combat Cold and Flu
Make Antibacterial Hand Soap
We know hand washing is an important step in minimizing the spread of germs. You can use On Guard essential oil to make your own antibacterial hand soap. I reuse foaming soap dispensers and make a foaming hand soap. Here's how to do it:
- Fill your foaming soap dispenser almost to the top with water.
- Add 1-2 Tbsp. liquid castile soap
- Add 10-15 drops On Guard essential oil
Apply On Guard Topically
To keep immunity up during cold and flu season, I apply On Guard to my kids feet each night before bed. It's easy and has become a part of our nightly routine. If anyone's getting sick I apply it more frequently throughout the day.
I dilute with a ratio of 3 drops On Guard to 1 tsp. carrier oil (fractionated coconut oil or olive oil) and store in a roll-on bottle so it's ready to apply whenever I need it. For a sore throat, apply this diluted blend directly on your throat.
*You can find these roll-on bottles at Aroma Tools.
Room Spray
Making a room spray is a simple way to enjoy the aromatic benefits of essential oils. Fill a small glass spray bottle about 3/4 full with distilled water. Add 15-20 drops On Guard. Use when you need to freshen things up (i.e. after a diaper change,) or just when you want to enjoy a nice smelling home. **One thing I love about On Guard is that the smell reminds me of the holidays, so it's perfect during the Fall and Winter.
Make a Disinfecting Cleaner
If you make your own all purpose cleaner using vinegar and water (mix vinegar and water together in a spray bottle using a 1:1 ratio), simply add in 10-15 drops of On Guard to give it some extra anti-bacterial cleaning power. This will also help if you're not a huge fan of the smell of vinegar.
Sometimes I just add a couple drops of On Guard to my sponge to wipe down the counter if I'm just doing a quick counter top wipe-down.
Take Internally When Sick
Photo by boo_licious
When I do come down with something or know I'm starting to get sick, I will take On Guard internally to help speed my recovery time. I either add a drop or two to some hot tea or I add a few drops to a capsule and swallow it. **I have not tried giving my kids essential oils internally.
Please note: On Guard is a blend formulated by doTERRA, which is CPTG (Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade) and is safe to take internally. I would not recommend using other essential oils internally unless you have researched them thoroughly.
doTERRA also offers several other On Guard products including Cleaner Concentrate, Whitening Toothpaste, and Foaming Hand Soap (if you don't want to make your own).
For more ideas on how to use essential oils, check out my Essential Oils Board on Pinterest.
Shared at Your Green Resource and Simply Natural Saturdays.