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Give 'Em Hope
September 23, 2010
I'm a gay male and have been seeing a terrific guy for a couple of months. Two years ago, during an uncharacteristically wild few months in my life, I had a threesome with a couple, and as it turns out, my boyfriend is very good friends with them. We see them socially and have even all had dinner together. Nothing has been mentioned by anyone, and I've never told my BF. I feel guilty—not because I slept with his friends, but rather because a threesome is inconsistent with his perception of me. I don't view threesomes as morally wrong, but I'm worried he does. Should I tell him?
Threesome Complications
Yes, TC, you should tell him.
He's going to find out eventually—this isn't the kind of secret that keeps—and the revelation will be much more damaging if he finds out about it from the couple or from a malicious third (fourth?) party. And while a threesome may be inconsistent with his current impression of you, TC, that's something he might be able to get over. He's much less likely to get over the realization that you were keeping this secret from him or that you're so stupid as to think that this kind of secret can be kept.
And why are you so sure he would have a problem with it? Right now he's operating under the assumption that his boyfriend isn't the sort of guy who has threesomes. And you're operating under the assumption that your boyfriend thinks threesomes are morally wrong. We know that his assumptions about you are wrong—you are the sort of person who has threesomes—so it stands to reason that your assumptions about him could be wrong. He may not have any problem with threesomes. Or foursomes.
You're the kind of person who can have a threesome and remain on good terms with the couple involved, TC, and that's a selling point, something in your favor, and nothing you should be ashamed of.
The time has come for you to use your influence to pick a day between now and the November election and declare it Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day in either the state of Delaware or the entire United States of America. This needs to happen, and you're the only guy who can do it.
Hiding At The Elusive Fuzz Under Christine's Knockers
For Savage Love readers who don't read anything else: Christine O'Donnell is the Tea Party wacko who won the Republican nomination for a U.S. Senate seat in Delaware. She is famous for three things: getting her loony ass endorsed by Sarah Palin, viciously gay-baiting her straight primary opponent, and opposing masturbation because it makes the baby Jesus cry.
I'm all for masturbating to Christine O'Donnell, HATEFUCK, but why limit it to one day? So I hereby declare every day between now and November 2—when O'Donnell's nomination costs the GOP a Senate seat—to be Masturbate to Christine O'Donnell Day. Rub one out for freedom, people!
I just read about a gay teenager in Indiana—Billy Lucas—who killed himself after being taunted by his classmates. Now his Facebook memorial page is being defaced by people posting homophobic comments. It's just heartbreaking and sickening. What the hell can we do?
Gay Bullying Victim Who Survived
Another gay teenager in another small town has killed himself—hope you're pleased with yourselves, Tony Perkins and all the other "Christians" out there who oppose anti-bullying programs (and give actual Christians a bad name).
Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his grandmother's property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to kill himself. His mother found his body.
Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.
"My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy Lucas," a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. "I wish I could have told you that things get better."
I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.
But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.
Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.
So here's what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.
I've launched a channel on YouTube—www .youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don't dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we've gone and things we've experienced—that we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves then.
"You gotta give 'em hope," Harvey Milk said.
Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them.
The video my husband and I made is up now—all by itself. I'd like to add submissions from other gay and lesbian adults—singles and couples, with kids or without, established in careers or just starting out, urban and rural, of all races and religious backgrounds. (Go to www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject to find instructions for submitting your video.) If you're gay or lesbian or bi or trans and you've ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, "Fuck, I wish I could've told him that it gets better," this is your chance. We can't help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don't think they have a future—and we can help them.
They need to know that it gets better. Submit a video. Give them hope.
Comments (285) RSS
This is something that is never said enough to any teenagers, but especially to those ostracized by their peers. Kudos for giving them the support.
And anyway, I must admit she is pretty. Maybe we women should mount an e-mail/letter campaign telling Christine how much we'd love to eat her pussy, if only she weren't so hell bent on stopping the whole country from having sex (and good luck with that): http://www.connexion.org/gay-news/politi…
I respect and understand Terry's preference to live privately and if this is his only public on-camera moment I believe he chose the right time and place and cause.
I applaud your project. I know it was prompted by a particular horrific case of homophobic bullying, but I think it would be great to expand this to address all the freaks, geeks, losers, fags, bitches, sluts, and lowlife who are made to feel like their life will never get better. They all need to hear the message. That it does get better, and really soon! Two or three years until you're a legal adult, can move away from that bullshit and see how fantastic life can be!
I applaud your project. I know it was prompted by a particular horrific case of homophobic bullying, but I think it would be great to expand this to address all the freaks, geeks, losers, fags, bitches, sluts, and lowlife who are made to feel like their life will never get better. They all need to hear the message. That it does get better, and really soon! Two or three years until you're a legal adult, can move away from that bullshit and see how fantastic life can be!
I'll be doing my part to ensure that this message gets broadcast far and wide by sending the link to everyone in my contact list. If anyone knows of somebody in a similar situation, please direct them to Dan & Terry's channel. Let them know that it really does get better and that hope and help are out there.
Take good care all. Peace.
Although meant for young gay teens, this is fantastic for everybody who is or has ever been bullied and picked on. And what can us straight people do to get involved?
And your spouse is definitely a hottie...kudos on all fronts, Dan.
And your video was wonderful and wonderfully surreal! I actually - FINALLY - just read both "The Commitment" and "The Kid" with in the last month, so it was awesome to actually get to see the two main characters interact! Wow! Thank you both so much for sharing!
Also, I will never understand why so many ridiculously photogenic people are camera-shy! And the way you watch Terry talk is heart-meltingly cute, Dan. Had to say it.
Unfortunately, I can't quite bring myself to masturbate to Christine O'Donnell, as she makes my lesbian-boner run away in horror D= I would if I could, but I can't.
Keep it up Dan, you're my hero.
But on the other hand, there's a certain percentage of kids viewing it that you can't help making false promises to: some gay kids are simply not going to grow up to have lives like yours. Some kids' families aren't going to accept them the way yours have; some kids are not going to end up with long-term partners (much less hot ones!); some kids aren't going to be taking vacations to Paris (or, for that matter, afford surrogate motherhood to become parents themselves).
It's certainly true that a lot of kids are really going to benefit from this video. Someday, though, you're going to hear from or about some viewers who will grow up to be disappointed and depressed when they never realize the idealized, and very lucky, model of gay life that you're presenting here. It would be more honest of you to say that, too.
It is currently not known if Billy was gay. We may never know. It may not matter to some people, but it seems the family may have feelings about this. See the FaceBook tab under "Discussions". So few facts are known. It's possible he was gay and the family did not support him when he was alive and desires to hide it after his death. That would be extra horrific if it was true.
Here is the best news I could find so far:
There's nothing on this in the Chicago Tribune or most media websites as of Sept 22nd, 13 days after his death.
It's horrible Billy is gone. He had been suspended from school that day for an attempt to stop those with a long history of bullying him. Being called gay was part of the abuse.
I'm a teacher and I've asked Dan back in 2005 to write a book for gay teens in schools. I got in trouble for sending a kid to the office every time he used "gay". I'd make a youtube video but Dan's request is only for people who are gay.
ps: As another teacher said, youtube is blocked in most schools.
@37: you are missing the point - Dan may have a very nice life, but even without all those good things that Dan has you will still escape the horrors of high school and find a life worth living.
I can't contribute, being a straight female. But as a former victim of bullying I would love to tell the young victims of today, gay or straight, that it does get better, and that even if it feels eternal, the dark days of high school are over in a flash. Please do tell us if you decide to open the project up to more people, though I do understand your motivation for targetting GLBTQ teens especially.
Wonderful to do that video!!! God bless you for it and may it be the catapult to something big and to save many, many young men and womens lives.
oh, and.... holy smoking hot terry.
Great video. Beautiful family.
So thanks for remembering that we're here, and brainstorming regularly how to marginalize the Perkins, Becks, and Grahams of the world.
I mean, if threesomes are morally wrong, then surely all us gays will burn in hell. ...
No, wait! ... That's exactly what they said we would do! ...
Screw the haters. Dan has never lost any debate with them. Everyone should just be aware of this so the hate message can be fought.
The boy hung himself, and verbal abuse about being gay was directly related. Many neighborhoods are so biased against gays that even a straight kid is pushed to suicide for being labeled "gay".
Don't give the haters any more fuel for their fire. Don't label the kid gay until more info comes out. Do support any effort like this to create more systematic supports.
Can someone creating a video add the 800 phone numbe? 800-273-TALK Here is the FAQ on the teen website.
(866) 488-7386
I will, however, most likely be jackin' it to Dan & Terry later tonight, speakinna threesomes.
My girlfriend and I (both avid readers of your column and your blog) both own accounts on a blogging site called Dreamwidth, and we've just been inspired to start up a community there with the same name as your project, with links to the videos and to your column as primary resources and inspiration. It's a small site, but it has a very high proportion of GLBTQ account owners, and I'm sure we can get something meaningful going with this.
Here's the link: http://it-gets-better.dreamwidth.org/
Thank you so much, Dan, for reaching out to a silent majority like this. I heard the "you're too young to know you're bi!" at the ripe old age of 18 (although I make allowances for growing up in a village in India) and I'm sure kids who come out earlier have that even worse - to have the community reach out to them in a caring, inclusive way will make a lot of difference to them.
I am a straight girl as well, and totally agree with the other posters about how bullying can be so pervasive in schools, regardless of reasons (I grew up fat), and if indeed, my "Golden Years" of high school were indeed my best, I would have offed myself for sure! When I think of people who truly have their glory days in high school, I think of Al Bundy. Thank goodness for college...I am sure teen viewers can modify content in their minds to suit their needs. Can't wait to see Dan's hot hubby!
I'm not always your biggest fan, but today, I most certainly am.
My best friend in junior high (also in Spokane) killed himself a year after I moved away, for what I suspect was reasons similar to Billy Lucas. Watching you and Terry together makes me incredibly sad to know that my dear friend missed out on what would surely have been an amazingly good life.
Much good fortune and happiness to you and your family.
[found here: http://www.queerty.com/teenager-justin-a…]
I think we're at a point where it's evident that school districts (some, not all) are just NOT going to accept it. Instead of waiting around for them to do it, it may be time for LGBTA folks to go to them, especially in some of the "redder" parts of this country.
It would be nice to see people organizing around this issue – the school won't stop bullying? Unacceptable, but probably not changeable either, so how can it be countered? Perhaps with LGBTA mentoring or something similar.
I hate that this is happening and more I hate that it's being ignored, but it seems that the timeline for social change here is a long one, in the meantime, I hope some quicker, but no less powerful, actions can be taken.
I posted it on my yoga blog here in Toronto to spread the word.
It does get better.
I am going to post a video.
David Good
The video made me cry.
Thank you thank you thank you. I cried.
B. You and your column got FREE national air time today on one of the Wingnut spew-shows on radio!!! All about your Christine Zero comments.
Great idea. Please keep it up.
I struggled for years with my sexual orientation, but somehow I survived. And things did get better… much better… better than I could ever have imagined when I was 14. I'm in a relationship with a man I love (five year anniversary is coming up), I'm out to my family, and they support me, and I'm comfortable in my own skin.
BUT, and it's a big but, if a gay person had been there for me when I was 14 with advice, support, and a different perspective, it would have made a huge difference. If you have a camera, seriously consider making a video for Dan's site.
My son began to be subjected to anti-gay bullying when he was in second grade. We pulled him out of that school when it was clear that the administration wasn't going to do anything about it. Three years later, in 5th grade, it started again. Fortunately, we found a middle school/high school that is an open, welcoming community that has made it clear that it doesn't tolerate bullying.
The school administrators who respond with "We have to be nice to the gay kids" are getting it wrong.
We have to stop the bullying.
#2 Dan, thank you and Terry from the bottom of my heart. I think this project can really take off and make a difference in how schools approach bullying and the bullied.
As a teenager I was mercilessy bullied for being fat. I was 5'6" and 155 pounds, but was taunted endlessly about being a fatass, worthless piece of shit. Nobody stuck up for me. There was nobody with a message for me, other than my mom and dad who simply told me to ignore them. The teachers and principal disciplined me for sticking up for myself because I was causing a scene. It was ridiculous.
I made it through. I live well, I work in my community for awareness and self-acceptance, and that truly is the best revenge.
Christine O'Donnell Masturbation Day: ROTFLMAO! I have to admit to mixed feelings on this one, if only because she is not a person I want to associate with masturbation. However, knowing how distasteful she and her supporters would find the idea, I'll power up the vibrator in celebration...
"That shame you secretly feel each night for the terrible things you've said & done to some vulnerable kid that day? It gets worse as you get older. It leads to self-loathing, bitterness and isolation. The only way to get rid of it is to stop the meanness while you still can. You don't have to stand up for the bullied kid just yet (you'll want to later), but you do need to quit making the problem worse. Hate can be addictive and is always destructive."
I'd say a lot of the bullying that goes on has a certain pack mentality behind it. Many of the tormentors may be mere bandwagoneers, but are afraid to jump ship for fear of the same fate as their current target. Letting those kids know that it is OK not to hate could be a very useful message too.
I can't say thank you to you both enough.
I am happy to see that you came up with such a great idea for the gay kids. I hope that it will reach everyone.
I am happy to see that you came up with such a great idea for helping the gay kids going through such a rough time in their lives. I hope that it will reach everyone. Cause lord knows anyone who is being bullied needs to hear that life will get better.
I've posted a link to the IGB Channel on my facebook and sent messages to every LGBT person I know so that they can participate and spread the word.
What a wonderful, wonderful project.
That is all.
Oh, and keep it up.
I'm thirteen, I'm a girl, and I'm still figuring out my sexuality. My family isn't the most supportive one out there, and I don't really have any ''friends'' I can count on, so seeing your video really gave me hope. I'm always telling people that their life is going to get better, that everything will be okay, but, honestly, I've never really believed it myself. I know that there are reasons for me to keep living, that my future is going to be worth it, and I've always believed that, but lately, the option of giving up had become a much more plausible one than before. I felt weak, and alone, and unimportant. I started watching this video thinking it would be just another generic ''suicide is not the answer'' thing, but it wasn't. It was honest, and real, and I was crying halfway through it. It made me realize that I can, and will, lead a happy life when I'm older, regardless of who I love, and lifestyle I choose to live. It made me find hope, and I know that if I can hope, and dream, I can acheive anything. I can't thank you enough, really.
You've made a difference in a teenager's life.
Thank you.
I went to a little cow college for my first year of school, and I was on very good terms with the shitkickers, rednecks and jocks. Don't think for a minute that they lose sleep over hounding social outcasts to death. They don't. They're fundamentally tribal, and if you aren't in the tribe, you aren't a person.
I can't think of a more worthy project, LGBT teens need access to role models. Looking back, it was the thing I lacked and most longed for growing up.
I can't think of a more worthy project, LGBT teens need access to role models. Looking back, it was the thing I lacked and most longed for growing up.
And what I love about it and why I think it will make a huge and positive difference is that it isn't selling or promoting a product, it's not made by someone running for office or re-election, it's not advocating only one option, it's not a government add that took 4 months, 12 research teams and 9 million dollars to produce and then subsequently gets trashed around the political parties. No no.
It's humanitarian and it's made with love and respect, and will be contributed to with love and respect.
Gay teens are being bullied and messed up across the world. It's crazy and the young teens just don't know how to handle it. I was shocked to see such brutality by other kids at such a young age. We've all been there and never understood it. But then, if you give it a second thought, it seems like people are homophobic only because they are deeply afraid that there may be a homosexual individual hiding inside their own bodies. That's what even this article says, that most men are afraid of a gay side that hides within all of us. http://www.lovepanky.com/men/guy-talk/me… People feel that by abusing and bullying someone else who's gay, it just affirms the fact that they are not gay.
By doing that homophobic people convince themselves that they arent gay. It's a bit like the school bully who used to hit the weak kid because it affirmed the fact that he's cool and powerful. He needs to depend on another boy's weakness to convince himself of his superiority. And this is the same with several other examples in life, abusive parents, etc.
I wonder if people could just accept the fact that some people are gay and others are not. Why do they have to be so homophobic? Can we do anything about it? In this lifetime, I don't know. Everyone's too scared there may be a gay within to try to accept homosexuality. But with people like you, there's still hope. Thank you.
While there are bullying kids in high school, there are also supportive kids. It's too easy to get all focused on the troublemakers. Don't let the haters make you mean. When people treat you with kindness and respect and share fun times, remember them, focus on them, and be like them. Ignore, trouble - it feeds on your reactions, don't give it any.
While there are bullying kids in high school, there are also supportive kids. It's too easy to get all focused on the troublemakers. Don't let the haters make you mean. When people treat you with kindness and respect and share fun times, remember them, focus on them, and be like them. Ignore, trouble - it feeds on your reactions, don't give it any.
Also, bullies can feel remorse. A friend in college told me a story about the boy who bullied his younger (gay) brother. One day, out of nowhere, the former bully showed up the day after Christmas and apologized for the bullying (both attend out of state colleges). It didn't heal his brother's problems, but it was certainly a start. I guess they jog together now or something. Maybe they're raquetball partners.
Side note: I absolutely adore Joe Newton's drawing for this.
Thanks for starting this Dan!
I may not be gay, but I know what it's like to be bullied. I know what it's like to think of suicide as a viable option, not because you actually want to die, but because living is just so fucking miserable. And I know what it's like to have your family cast you out and turn their backs on you. And I know what it's like to have life get better. So the fact that I'm straight doesn't mean I don't have anything to contribute to this discussion.
I'd like to suggest that you pair up with Jodee Blanco. She's a survivor of bullying, has written a couple of books and speaks at high schools across the country. Maybe if you join forces the non-gays with something to say could have a voice in all of this.
You might also try to get the Matthew Shepard Project behind you.
thanks! i go to north peninsula bible church in the bay area
I was one of the kids who Stuck Up For my gay friends [I am still that kid as a grown up naturally]. I never really thought I helped but maybe it did.
This is SUCH an awesome thing. I love that you are doing this...the lives you will save...the important lives you will save....!!!!!!
In general: I think we need to have far more action on bullying of any kind.
When I was in late grade school, about age 9 or 10, the girls I was friends with decided they were the cool clique and I was out of it - thereby losing people I genuinely was friends with, and I spent the rest of my schooling being an outsider, though not actually bullied or taunted.
Now I'm seeing the same thing happening with my nine-year old niece, only with her there *is* name-calling and taunting, and the potential for violence lurking in the background: the clique who are taunting her are friends with some of the biggest, known to be aggressive boys... so she worries that if she stands up to the mean girls, or sasses them back, she may get physically assaulted.
It breaks my heart even thinking she would go through the heartache I did as a preteen and teen, let alone this escalation which is worse than what I dealt with. So many other kids need to know there are adults who've been through the same and care and that it won't always be that way. Maybe they won't ever be so bad as to contemplate suicide, as gay and gay-baited teens do, but we could spare them so much heartache and emotional trauma.
i am a straight, straight female (!haha!) and ive been a fan of yours for a few years now. after watching yours and terry's video i had to create an account to tell you how wonderful you are and how thankful i am for having someone like you in the world. many people look up to you and trust you, myself included. you are always brutally honest and very fair, which i find humorous, but mostly appreciate. i look forward weekly to reading your column, in fact its the first thing i read in the stranger! anyways, its really sad how brutal kids can be to each other. i know when youre young it seems like school will never end. i wish i could articulate how rad it is that you and terry have begun this "it gets better" project. you two lovely gentlemen have created hope for teens from many different backrounds. anyways, i thought i would share my appreciation for you, dan
and also to you terry for putting yourself out there
thanks guys!!!
i am a straight, straight female (!haha!) and ive been a fan of yours for a few years now. after watching yours and terry's video i had to create an account to tell you how wonderful you are and how thankful i am for having someone like you in the world. many people look up to you and trust you, myself included. you are always brutally honest and very fair, which i find humorous, but mostly appreciate. i look forward weekly to reading your column, in fact its the first thing i read in the stranger! anyways, its really sad how brutal kids can be to each other. i know when youre young it seems like school will never end. i wish i could articulate how rad it is that you and terry have begun this "it gets better" project. you two lovely gentlemen have created hope for teens from many different backrounds. anyways, i thought i would share my appreciation for you, dan
and also to you terry for putting yourself out there
congrats on your disgustingly cute family!
thanks guys!!!
I loved you before this particular column, I've loved you since Jr High, but you really knocked this out of the park. You have made me so much more comfortable with sexuality and you are brilliantly scathing. THis project is awesome. I really enjoyed hearing you and your husband's story. You guys are so cute together. It's always enjoyable to see people that really care for each other like you guys, it makes me less cynical. THanks for everything
Fight Religious Extremism Everywhere!
I know, who would have thought with a name like that?
I know everyone is saying the same thing, but I'm adding my voice to the multitude, because your video was very well timed in my personal life. I'm not gay and I'm not even a teenager. I just wanted to be reminded it's going to get better.
So thank you.
1) You *can* participate-- by signal-boosting (posting links in your Facebook/MySpace/LiveJournal, sending email forwards, etc), by showing the videos to people you know, by trying to find ways to get news of this project to kids who won't hear about it otherwise. That would be really useful and helpful.
2) It's true that many, many people get bullied, and many people find high school terrible. But statistics do show that, on average, it's worse for queer kids. I'm sure there are exceptions (straight kids who go through hell, queer kids who are just fine), and you may have been one of them, but there are still problems faced specifically by queer kids which are different from the ones faced by straight kids. So it is worthwhile having a project which addresses their problems.
3) I agree strongly with #100. It would be *great* to have a project which reached out to all sorts of kids who are being bullied-- smart kids, disabled kids, geeky kids, kids with mental health issues, kids who are racially in the minority in their school, kids who are perceived to be queer whether or not they are-- so why don't you go start one? You could piggy-back off of this project, if you wanted to, and I'm sure you could do a very useful thing.
I get that people want to help, and that's cool. I feel like the vast majority of everything in our culture is inclusive of (if not designed exclusively for) straight people, and it's not that unreasonable to have a project like this focused on and for queer people.
This goes beyond a G/L issue – it's about all struggling youth who feel that high school is IT – nothing could be more permanent or lasting – and think that the fools surrounding them know all.
Fuck that – open your project to anyone that has struggled through bullying and put a true voice at there for ALL the kids suffering daily and doubt their worth. Unfortunately a lot of us (straight folks too) have been there and it would have made a HUGE difference in my teen years to know – hey – this will go away – these people aren't shit – and someday I'll be a grown up, making my own rules, picking my own friends and LIVING my own life – with no regard for the douches that tried to make me think I wasn't worth living.
Love ya Dan…
This goes beyond a G/L issue – it's about all struggling youth who feel that high school is IT – nothing could be more permanent or lasting – and think that the fools surrounding them know all.
Fuck that – open your project to anyone that has struggled through bullying and put a true voice at there for ALL the kids suffering daily and doubt their worth. Unfortunately a lot of us (straight folks too) have been there and it would have made a HUGE difference in my teen years to know – hey – this will go away – these people aren't shit – and someday I'll be a grown up, making my own rules, picking my own friends and LIVING my own life – with no regard for the douches that tried to make me think I wasn't worth living.
Love ya Dan…
Oh, and xWhatever on the curiosity about your partner being an incentive to click it.
Thanks for the support... don't wait for Dan to tell you what to do to help, get creative! Donate to or volunteer with GLSEN, the Trevor Project or your local suicide hotline. Call your local school district and your legislators and tell them you support anti-bullying programs in schools. Effective ones, not just ones that whine about hurt feelings and so forth... think of your own stuff!
@Non-LGBT People Who Were Bullied:
I think it's fantastic if you all were to start your own projects to combat bullying and teen-suicide. Why you gotta get all up in our hizzouse? ;)
@181 and @186 I agree with 186! -and I'm straight- This project is specifically to show LGBT kids people just like them who have survived and thrived after highschool. Straight people have PLENTY of examples already. Let this one stay queer (I mean that in the best possible sense).
I still remember how breathtakingly wonderful it was for me to see a gay couple holding hands as they walked down the street chatting with their friends. They weren't at a rally. There was no protest or assertion of rights. It was just a crisp New England fall day, and the sight made me smile deeply inside. And to the Tufts boy who leaned his head on his boyfriend's shoulder on the 96 bus - thank you. It was these scenes of normalcy that convinced me more than any advocacy ever could that all could be well.
So please, all you happily partnered/married people, hold hands (when you want), hug (when you want), and have your strangely adorable little fights at the grocery store. Your everyday inspires incredible hope.
But now, possibly due to superficial daddyhood encouragement feelings, he's flopping to a superficial, statistically-unsupported "It gets better" aphorism. Consider the young man already had no social support network, nor skills or other resources for developing one. His parents, if they are good parents, are monitoring his internet access. At the same time, this family was obviously of no social support, and reports on the YouTube page indicate that they continue to remove all socially supportive gay comments.
From this condition and environment of social isolation at high school age, even if he had stuck miserably through high school into college (or as college is more unreachable for most today, into independent adulthood), he would have already been less likely socially to succeed without a set of skills developed through successful socialization at school. Not the least is just a socially attractive generally "happy" demeanor, one of the spoils accumulated by those who do not concede that the biggest social advantage is that nothing succeeds like success.
If Dan had even done the easy "Seek counseling" from his hero Ann Landers, he would have had to if not being superficial confront the fact that most counselors have no idea of how to facilitate socialization for gay people. As anyone who has been there notices, just like 9 out of 10 of the general population are not gay, 9 out of 10 counselors aren't and have no idea what to offer besides "It gets better" with nothing but an unfounded cultural "be encouraging" approach that yields no help. It is unreasonable also to expect the average person to have the financial or other resources to "keep trying to find a better counselor" in most environments. If you're having problems with the statistical facts of what happens *each time* you make a 1 in 10 choice, imagine 10 places for bullets, but one is empty. Spin it, fire, what are the odds you'll get the bad thing happening? Then *replace* the fired bullet with a new one, and repeat for each subsequent 1 in 10 case.
Basically, what you've come up with is just the feel-good "It's easy for people for whom it's worked out" subjectivity and social display. There was little likelihood of the young man's social improvement given his circumstances, just continuing isolation until the point where his depth of emotionality decreased to where absence of supportive, or even less-likely, intimate social interaction became inescapably accepted.
The "It Gets Better" platitude is at its core a "blame the victim" attitude toward those for whom it did not get better. It has no value as far as solving the problems of the person for who things are not better.
Isn't there a reason for the universality of recognition of the truth in Thoreau's observation that "The majority of men lead lives of quiet desperation" ?
Is it because you believe that for you, and the people that you see, that things have gotten better that there is statistical authority to state "Things get better" ?
Is this the new faith-based column from Dan Savage? Faith-based foreclosures are so attractive and rewarding for those who can brandish them as sources of authority. It's gratifying to just go spewing subjective opinion all over everything that presents itself, like the world is your Rorschach blot.
Do you ever let Terry finish his sentences in real life?
Take this to the next level - yes, it gets better, but something more needs to be done to confront the bullying that is still occurring.
Start a movement where students, supportive parents, teachers and other allies confront the school administrators who stand by and allow this to continue. Hold schools accountable for their failure to act. Many states have new, strict anti-bullying laws.
To say it gets better gives a pass to the bullies and schools that are failing our kids. Bullying is a violation of a person's civil rights and it is not acceptable to say it is a part of growing up.
We need to take this to the next level - yes, it gets better, but something more needs to be done to confront the bullying that is still occurring.
Students, supportive parents, teachers and other allies need to confront the school administrators who stand by and allow this to continue. Hold schools accountable for their failure to act. Many states have new, strict anti-bullying laws.
To say it gets better gives a pass to the bullies and schools that are damaging our kids. Bullying is a violation of a person's civil rights and it is not acceptable to say it is a part of growing up.
The bullying my son endured started the moment he set foot on school property in Junior Kindergarten, and didn't stop until he left elementary school. The one time he retalliated against the bully, he got double the punishment the bullies ever got. When we had meetings with the school principal, my son was blamed for being "weak". Eventually, we started calling the police, which did help. What helped the most was when my son grew & grew & grew till he was towering over the bullies, & this put a stop to almost all the bullying, but they still tried to bait him with verbal harassment.
My son is not gay, however, he does have a non-verbal learning disability that sets him apart from others. My son is an intelligent, loving boy.
I just wanted to point out that bullying isn't relegated to JUST high school. If the school administrators won't properly deal with the bullies, call the police. It sends a message not only to the bullies, but also to the school administration, that you, as parents, are not going to stand by & allow the bullies to win.
P.S. Thanks Dan & Terry for your great video & the encouragement you give.
Or, is it expanded to include all victims of any kind of detrimental bullying? Whether it's physical, emotional, mental or spiritual? (There's still too much bigotry surrounding various religions.)
Personally, I was a victim, who found himself being 'outed' in high school. I'm not gay. Wasn't then, and am not now. But I am secure in my sexuality, and openly flirt with men (under the right circumstances, and when I know it won't offend anyone.)
The point is, sometimes teens use homosexuality as a sword, cutting undesirables from their community, even if the accusations are false.
And the mental and emotional impacts these situations have on the victims.
If a gay man came to me and told me that it would get better and that I'd be able to live my life as an open homosexual in my adult years, it would've fallen on deaf ears. All because I'm not gay.
But, if someone came and told me that Metrosexualism would be the next hot trend, and that I was just on the leading edge of it, that would've helped. :P
Society will accept us for who we are, even if family and friends cannot.
To comment on #198 (Ben B.), i agree with his assertion that the victim doesn't have to be gay in order to be accused of it, but that is just one more weapon in the bully's arsenal, to be brought out & used at their choosing. My son is not gay, but sexual harassment was used on him by many bullies, & it works because it strikes at the heart of the victim's psyche, & in the case of children, usually renders them incapable of responding. Parents must take an active role in their children's school career, especially if their child is bullied - no matter what the bullying consists of - & stand behind their child(ren) & support them all the way. But i know some parents are oblivious. For parents who do take an active role in their child's school, do not be afraid to call the police if the school administration is passing the buck or tries to blame the victim. When school admin starts turning the other cheek or making statements to the effect that the victim was complicit in the bullying, that is when you know they are not "zero tollerance", which is what schools need to be if they are to effectively deal with bullying issues.
I agree with #199 re: FB and the possibility of negative use of "friending" and "shoutouts". The 3rd party privacy issues are enough to keep me from being a member of any such social networking sites, & i caution my children on this topic too, as cyber bullying is huge; just another venue for bullies to get at victims.
For it to "get better", one must live in an accepting & loving environment. For some people, this means leaving their family of origin. Many people are bullied in their work environment, which is an extremely difficult situation, especially in this economic climate.
Counselling is a good direction to take, & with those who cannot afford counselling, go to the library & get some self help books. Believe it or not, books can help, because, yes, the longterm mental & emotional impact that bullying has on people is huge. Not just the victim, but the perp too.
2.) I'd rather masturbate to a liberal, thankyouverymuch. Jerks like Christine O'Donnell don't deserve our sexual energy. They don't deserve sexual satisfation at all.
3.) Dear bullied kids, gay and straight and undecided, it does get better. Your school years, especially middle school and high school, are the worst years of your life. I speak from personal experience. Ignoring the assholes does not make them go away; this causes things to escallate. Beating the living crap out of them, descretely of course, does. If a good old-fashioned beat down is not possible, try something more passive-aggressive and vicious like spreading gossip about bed-wetting or instigating fights between them and their cronies. Get really good grades. It doesn't matter how crap your public school is, find the library and lock yourself inside every free momment available. Hobbies and outside interest will not only expose you to a wider variety of people it will make you a more talented and interesting person. Graduate from high school and go to college. If you can't afford a University, go to community college and get some kind of certificate in a trade, so you can get a decent job and you can afford University in the future. Enjoy sex with college kids (with protection and birth control, of course). Meet all the people you wished you grew up with.
Dear Bullies, high school will be the best years of your life. Bwa, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Never again will you be popular or successful. You'll never be top dog again. You're opinion will never again be important to anyone...ever! From the end of high school onward it's all down hill. You're narrow mind and lack of imagination and your fear and hate of anything that isn't "normal", which is another word for mediocre and boring, will cause you to stagnate....which is appropriate since you're pond scum. Ta, losers, me and the rest of the queers are off to enjoy our success and your failures.
Sad Insignificant Christine
Nothing will ever cure teen bullying, but this kind of bullying will get better when the people at the top of the school power structure get over themselves Resist kiss asses. Examine yourself for assumptions about others AND ABOUT YOURSELF that you are internalizing from authority figures. And realize the strongest defense against this bullying is a refusal to believe what they're telling you about yourself
I'm listening to Savage Love 206, and... you don't know any gay guys that kiss girls when they're shitfaced?
My god, most of my gay friends kiss EVERYONE when they're shitfaced! Most of my straight friends kiss EVERYONE when they're shitfaced!
Haven't you ever just kissed someone and gone, hey, you got good technique, without needing to sleep with them? Or necessarily wanting to? Finding someone sexy, without feeling sexual towards them?
My social group is generally old enough to have fun doing things ironically, so when someone pull out a really nice bottle of cinnamon whisky, obviously you have to mouth shot from someone else. There was that time when a (oops) really drunk friend turned and gave his brother a cinnamon shot, and then there was that slow moment where they both stopped and pondered it for a moment, and the less drunk one pronounced it "Awk-ward" (but tasty).
My gay friends have ruefully declared that the friend group of cute young guys we know who kiss each other on the lips in greeting, are actually.. completely straight.
Basically, they're just from a different generation to us. They're happy to kiss the gay guys on the lips as harmless flirtation, but if any or most of them were really bi or gay, they'd be fucking someone already, because it's *completely socially acceptable* in their social group to be bi or gay.
Instead, it's just a way of showing intimacy in their group.
Well, same in our circles as well.
Oh, and they also kiss their female friends on the lips.
When people are completely comfortable with being bi or gay, they're also more comfortable with being straight and pan-flirty. And we're going to see that more and more.
Dan, do you have a skype number to call? I'm international!
In my opinion... nobody gives a rat's ass about a some internet channel devoted to homophobia, or some video on FaceBook. Go out and have a car wash or bake sale... you're outcome will be the same... there will be no outcome. The ANSWER: go out and do what all good American's do... you file a civil law suit and sue the shit out of the school board, the school administration, then you subpoena and interview every teacher in the school, adding to the suit every teacher who knew, or had the vaguest indication that this student was being tortured by his classmates. After rounding-up every person in the school and administration, I would turn my focus on the real perpetrators, those students responsible for this hate crime.
To be even more precise, I would bankrupt this school system and vigorously pursue jail time for any and every professional educator and administrator who had even the slightest knowledge that "something" was going-on, but chose NOT to get involved.
When are you people going to figure it out; our country, our states, and our communities DON'T need more (useless) laws. We must enforce (to the fullest extent) the laws we already have in place.
I have no sympathy for any teacher, principal, school board member, or superintendent who fails to vigorously enforce the anti-bullying laws or hate crime legislation that already in place, or should be in place. Vicious bullying in middle and high school is old-news. Most teachers and administrators have already received training and should know how to deal with the little Nazi morons who harass and assault these poor kids.
Playing dumb (stupid); "I had no idea these kids were harassing him" has become the Nuremberg Defense of modern day bullying. It was a bullshit and unacceptable defense in post-war Germany, just as playing dumb/ignorant is bullshit and unacceptable today. If however, a teacher or administrator can prove their ignorance to the bullying, then they should be fired on the spot, and possibly sued for negligence.
You want these heinous crimes to stop; enforce the damn laws.
Respectfully submitted,
(a gay) 8th grade English teacher
hearing your inspiring message and seeing your beautiful family, i know that life will get better; the bad memories, alienation, self-hatred and shame will slowly fade away and be consumed by all the positives in my future.
thank you,
hearing your inspiring message and seeing your beautiful family, i know that life will get better; the bad memories, alienation, self-hatred and shame will slowly fade away and be consumed by all the positives in my future.
thank you,
I really think it is the party scene thing. My roommate is a super clubby girl and she tells me that all the gay guys make out with girls for shits and giggles when they are all hammered. I am bi and have friends of all sexual/gender identities, but none of my friend's kiss people they are not attracted to.
Doing nothing is so not working so lets do something even if it means filing a lawsuit.
Thank you for Project It Gets Better.
Please, if you're able, highlight the resources of Fenway Community Health's Peer Listening Line:
The Trevor Project: (866.4.U.TREVOR)
And the Open and Affirming movement of the United Church of Christ:
and a seriously messed up thing to do to your roommate.
My girlfriend and I will definitely be participating in "it gets better", along with a slew of of our friends that we are rallying now!
There is a young lesbian, USC film school student named Becca Katz who has created a website called
It is a video bank of folks telling their coming out stories so LGBT youth and isolated adults have access to other gay adults and the chance to hear their stories. Perhaps the two of you could link to each other's projects. Powerful together.
My girlfriend and I are out lesbian actors and gay advocates. We have both had features travelling the LGBT film festival circuit for the last 3 years, and another coming this year. We have found the internet to be a powerful connecting tool to be able to reach out to our LGBT community. We've created content and a community online to no one ever has to feel alone or isolated. It's good for us all to band together.
Thank you for doing this Dan. We will be participating and supporting.
Bravo -
Cathy DeBuono
My girlfriend and I will definitely be participating in "it gets better", along with a slew of of our friends that we are rallying now!
There is a young lesbian, USC film school student named Becca Katz who has created a website called
It is a video bank of folks telling their coming out stories so LGBT youth and isolated adults have access to other gay adults and the chance to hear their stories. Perhaps the two of you could link to each other's projects. Powerful together.
My girlfriend and I are out lesbian actors and gay advocates. We have both had features travelling the LGBT film festival circuit for the last 3 years, and another coming this year. We have found the internet to be a powerful connecting tool to be able to reach out to our LGBT community. We've created content and a community online to no one ever has to feel alone or isolated. It's good for us all to band together.
Thank you for doing this Dan. We will be participating and supporting.
Bravo -
Cathy DeBuono
Love is love, and other peoples love is none of my business.
If any teen is being teased in my town, tell them to come over to my place. I will make them hot chocolate, make up the spare bed, and then open up a fresh can of whup-ass for their tormentor.
Bravo a thousand times over.
As a 63 year old gay man, my heart breaks every time I read about a gay young person's suicide.
It Get's Better is so heart warming.
A big pat on the back to you and these videos' submitters.
Michael J. Carlon, MD
Palm springs, CA
After 28 years out of high school, living in another county seems to help.
Dan--THANK YOU and BLESS YOU for yet more PURE GOLD!!! Stop the bullying everybody!
Here's an excerpt from a NY Times article...which hits the nail on the head:
"...In a pair of blog postings last week, Dan Savage, a sex columnist based in Seattle, assigns the blame to negligent teachers and school administrators, bullying classmates and "hate groups that warp some young minds and torment others."
"There are accomplices out there," he wrote Saturday.
In an interview, Mr. Savage, who is gay, said he was particularly irate at religious leaders who used "antigay rhetoric."
These are the people who are responsible for the hate, indifference, bullying, gross negligence that allows gays to be pushed to suicide.
The Federal Government (Justice Department) should be investigating each of these events as a denial of civil rights of the gay, lesbian, transgender persons.
Join Michael and Marisa in the "It Gets Better" campaign to STOP bullying. The sibling music duo urge their peers to stand up against bullying with their acoustic song "The Same." http://bit.ly/bwXTg0
Here is my "It Gets Better" video
Here is my "It Gets Better" contribution
I dealt with my problems by developing thick skin, using acquired experience and above all, refusing to give up, and not one of your pathetic groups is going to do any of that for a kid.
What you're doing is much more monstrous and cruel than what any of those bullies did, to be honest. You are robbing kids of the reality of life, putting them in a nice safe little bubble that will agonizingly erupt when they get into the real world. You cannot please everyone, and nothing in life is beautiful forever.
Oh yeah, and when someone commits suicide, it's an act of their own free will, and it wouldn't make much sense to sue a rope company because one of their ropes were used by a suicidal teen.
Think about it.
I dealt with my problems by developing thick skin, using acquired experience and above all, refusing to give up, and not one of your pathetic groups is going to do any of that for a kid.
What you're doing is much more monstrous and cruel than what any of those bullies did, to be honest. You are robbing kids of the reality of life, putting them in a nice safe little bubble that will agonizingly erupt when they get into the real world. You cannot please everyone, and nothing in life is beautiful forever.
Oh yeah, and when someone commits suicide, it's an act of their own free will, and it wouldn't make much sense to sue a rope company because one of their ropes were used by a suicidal teen.
Think about it.
Can we please tell kids who are being sexually abused to hang in there too please? Ask them to come read the pages for kids who are being sexually abused at JustTell.org a new nonprofit which encourages sexually abused kids to tell an adult they trust about what's happening.
Vivian Farmery
Director, Just Tell
Thank you.
Vivian Farmery
Just Tell
No it doesn't. Maybe in some cases, but not on it's own and not in most cases.
If you seed hope, you'll be reaping disappointment. Too fluttery, too fragile, too unreliable.
Want to help? Feed them INFORMATION. ARGUMENTS. FACTS.
Don't give them a crutch to survive. Offer them a weapon to live.
For some us it doesn't get better being out of closet, it doesn't give loving relationships or choices. We still struggle, we still struggle cope.
Sometimes there no such thing as hope you learn to take what you can. People still bully each other around difference even as a adult and it gets very hard sometimes to cope with it but you do your best to cope that is all you can do.
My compassion guided me to publish an anthology, "Step Into My Shoes: Expressions from the LGBTQ Community", which will accept submissions until April 20, 2011.
www.jafansta.com/anthology.aspx or firstname.lastname@example.com
tribute credit card
juniper credit card
All Apple's rivals might therefore have to pay
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DescriptionShows trail maps, location and directions to 13 of the Door County Land Trust nature preserves. Includes info on ecological significance, plant types and wildlife observed while hiking.
A paper map of these preserve locations was published in 2012, and this app is the electronic version of that map. In addition to the trail map images stored in the app, the app will locate the preserve on Google Maps in a browser window if desired.
The app also provides information on wise use of the preserves, the "Explore the Door" guided hikes program, and the Door County Land Trust's mission.

subset: commoncrawl


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Peacemaker Shane Claiborne to Speak Nov. 5
Shane Claiborne's adventures have taken him from the streets of Calcutta, where he worked with Mother Teresa, to an internship at Willow Creek, a mega-church in the suburbs of Chicago.
Claiborne – Bridgewater College's Fall Spiritual Focus leader – will speak on Tuesday, Nov. 5, at 7:30 p.m., in the Carter Center for Worship and Music at Bridgewater College. A reception will follow.
As a peacemaker, Claiborne's journeys have taken him to some of the most troubled regions of the world, including Rwanda and the West Bank, and he's served on peace delegations in Afghanistan and Iraq.
A founder and leader of The Simple Way, a faith community in inner-city Philadelphia, Claiborne has helped establish and connect radical faith communities around the world.
Claiborne writes and travels extensively, speaking about peacemaking, social justice and Jesus. His books include Jesus for President, Red Letter Revolution, Common Prayer, Follow Me to Freedom, Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers and The Irresistible Revolution.
He was featured in the film Ordinary Radicals and co-directed the three-volume Another World Is Possible DVD series.
Claiborne's work has appeared in Esquire, SPIN, Christianity Today and The Wall Street Journal, and he has appeared on Fox News, Al Jazeera, CNN and NPR. He's presented academic lectures at Harvard, Princeton, Brown, Liberty and Duke universities and the University of Notre Dame.
The program is free and open to the public.
Posted 10/21/13


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The Nebraska Office of Highway Safety
is sponsoring a grant for the Kearney Police Department to take part in the "You
Drink & Drive You Lose Crackdown."
This selective enforcement will run
from August 16 through September 2.
Officers will be out in greater numbers,
cracking down on drinking and driving violations. These include: minor in possession;
open container; driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs; and minor DUI.
The Kearney Police Department requests
that drivers obey all Nebraska alcohol laws and always wear a seat belt and
buckle up.


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New York Times best-selling author Jim Wallis thinks our life together can be better. In his latest book, On God's Side: What Religion Forgets and Politics Hasn't Learned About Serving the Common Good [...]Continue Reading →
Titled Riff, the Beloved Community, David Gonzalez talks with Peter Heltzel about his new book, Resurrection City. Click on the link to read: http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/11/a-theologian-who-found-inspiration-in-a-jazz-club/Continue Reading →
Renewing Covenants – A Word to Welcome in 2013
On January 3, 2013 By Rafael Reyes III
The beginning of the year is always a good time to stop and take stock of where one is in life. It's also often a time when we are invited to renew the various covenants we have made in our lives. John Wesley introduced a special service of Covenant Renewal among his followers in the [...]Continue Reading →
NYTS President Dale Irvin asked me to share the following thoughts on the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut.
On Thursday night, December 13, my family and I traveled about an hour south of our home in West Hartford, Connecticut to the Newtown, Connecticut Town Hall to see a production of Dickens' Christmas Carol in which our [...]Continue Reading →
On Sunday December 16, 2012, at 3:00 p.m., the Rev. Dr. Alfred Correa, a chaplain who works with youth in the state prison system, will be ordained pastor of the The Reformed Church of Huguenot Park, where he has served for nearly four years.
Rev. Correa developed the first Youth Chaplaincy Certification Program in the [...]Continue Reading →
On February 7, 2012, NYTS and CSPUR will be hosting their monthly Religion and Peacemaking Seminar Series leading up to their main conference, titled "Nurturing Peace in Contexts of Global Violence: A Conference for Theological Educators and Religious Leaders"
In February's Seminar, we have invited David Little, who is T. J. Dermot Dunphy [...]Continue Reading →
On November 27, from 4:30 – 6:00pm in the Chapel of the Interchurch Center, 475 Riverside Drive, Cornel West was in dialogue with Peter Heltzel on his new book, Resurrection City: A Theology of Improvisation. NYTS hosted the event along with the NYTS Micah Institute. Here is the video of this momentous discussion.Continue Reading →
Rev. Dr. Eric Glass, DMin class of 1992, passes away at the age of 77
On January 3, 2012 By Rafael Reyes III
Eric Alan Gass passed away December 10, 2011, at the age of 77. A DMin 1992 graduate, Eric served the United Church of Christ for over 40 years in various ministries, mostly in the missionary field to Continue Reading →
On Sunday, Dec. 11, Ebenezer A.M.E. Church, the oldest African-American Church in Rahway, presented the Rev. Erika D. Crawford to the City of Rahway.
Rev. Crawford was appointed to pastor Ebenezer in June by bishop, the Rt. Reverend Richard F. Norris. Rev. Crawford is the first female pastor in Ebenezer's long history.
[...]Continue Reading →


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The local NAACP chapter president is accusing city leaders of turning a blind eye when it comes to racial disparities in Austin.
Austin NAACP president, Nelson Linder, told the city's Human Right's Commission that Austin's laws unfairly target African Americans-focusing mainly on officer involved shootings.
"We are disappointed in the use of force statistics in this city from a racial stand point," Linder said.
Linder proposed two resolutions to the Commission Monday evening. One to allocate $15 million from the city budget to alleviate racial disparities in the African American community and another that would compensate the family of Byron Carter Jr. who was killed in an officer involved shooting.
"These shootings are continuing, and as a result they're not being addressed properly," he said.
Austin Assistant Police Chief Raul Manguia says the department makes every effort to train officers on the use of deadly force.
"It's our goal not to have any of these types of events, however there are times that it's necessary, but it is something that we try to avoid as much as possible through solid policies and adequate training," Assistant Police Chief Manguia said.
Linder says he wants the Commission and City Council to see his belief that state laws shield officers from accountability.
"These laws are outdated and as a result you're not going to get any indictments or any convictions on police officers when they shoot black people. It's that simple," Linder said.
The Human Rights Commission voted to table the issue until next month's meeting, citing more research needs to be done.
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MacKintok is teaming with Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) - Integrating MTConnect into the Engineering Curriculum.
The project involves a university, a public library, the US Army and four software companies. MTConnect is becoming a part of the educational framework in Upstate NY with the potential to touch students from grade school through graduate school. With the success of the RPI classes MacKintok and Hamilton Numbers are now looking to use this experience as a stepping stone to collaborating with other learning institutions around the country.
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MTConnect Institute's New White Paper, Getting Started with MTConnect - Shop Floor Monitoring, What's In It For You? --
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Who Should Read?
Our business is helping engineers, skilled trades, and production personnel get information as fast as possible so they can make accurate and informed decisions.
We provide the manufacturing and machine tool industry with "information retrieval" tools that link the physical world to the digital world.
A Book Every Manufacturer and Developer Should Have
Our good friend Dave Edstrom has a new book out called "MTConnect To Measure Is To Know." Dave is the CEO of Virtual Photons Electrons and the President of the MTConnect Insitute. This is a fantastic read and we highly recommend it.
This book is not just about MTConnect, but it is first a book that discusses the many lessons learned in the world of open systems. Dave tells many pertinent stories as to why MTConnect will revolutionize the way the world makes things. He provides the stories about the historical beginnings and key people responsible for MTConnect. If you need to understand what exactly is MTConnect his explanation is spot on.
"MTConnect To Measure Is To Know" is a must read if you want to know about the beginnings of a movement that most do not know is occuring right now. You will be captivated and don't be surprised if you read the book in one sitting.
You can order a copy of the book today from Amazon.
IMTS 2012. We were part of MTConnect's Emerging Technology Center Booth. IMTS is one of the largest machine tool shows in the world and is held in Chicago every 2 years. In the 2010 show over 80,000 vistors attended McCormick Center to learn about the new technology and advances in manufactuing. At IMTS 2012 MacKintok discussed MTConnect and provided demonstrations of one of our MTConnect produts, MTPulse. This was the last year of MTConnect being displayed in the Emerging Technology Center as MTConnect will no longer be considered an emerging technology. We thank everyone who stopped by and visited us during the show!
We just introduced MTPulse (Beta Version 1.1) to the public at IMTS 2012. MacKintok is designing & building a web based visualization interface for PCs and mobile devices. The visualization interface graphically displays the live status of machines or assets using the MTConnect standard. The interfaces enable users to view real-time plant floor status simply by logging onto an Internet browser. As a Web-enabled application, it extends access to users anywhere for improved real-time decision making. MTPulse utilizes the very latest HTML 5 development techniques to "measure the pulse of manufacturing."
Our systems assist in every aspect of your process, whether it's installation, production, maintenance, or troubleshooting.
Experienced in skilled trades, manufacturing, military, and business. We understand what it's like to meet production quotas and deadlines.
Our personnel have experience working in facilities at GM, Ford, Chrysler, and the US Mint, as well as the Aluminum, Steel, Power Generation, Paper, Pharmaceutical, HVAC and various other industries.
We get to know your process intimately so that each system we develop provides information that will be used on a daily basis. It is our obligation to develop a system that provides payback to you every day.
At MacKintok, we develop process analytical and diagnostic tools designed to empower and stimulate the human mind to think and make accurate and timely decisions.
With our inventive way of linking real-world components, you can have instant access to informative pages specific to each component. No need for time consuming searches, each page is laid out to be informative and provide access to other related pages.
MacKintok is a Service-Connected Disabled Vet Owned business - Official Certification Pending
MacKintok, Inc. All Rights Reserved Copyright 2002-2014


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Routes Sorted
L to R R to L Alpha
This is the west side of the main cliff. It has a lower and upper tier. There are some cool routes mixed in with boulder problems.
Getting There
West side of the cliff facing the parking area.
Climbing Season
10 Total Routes
The Classics
Browse More Classics in Main Cliff West
Mountain Project's determination of some of the classic, most popular, highest rated routes for Main Cliff West:
Criminal Mastermind V3 6A PG13 Boulder, 18'
Speechless V5 6C Boulder, 18'
Solo Crack 5.4 4a 12 IV 10 VD 3c Trad, TR, 35'
Featured Route For Main Cliff West
Speechless V5 6C WI : Central Sandstone : ... : Main Cliff West
Starts with good holds and move up to a large blank section. The right arete will help here. Strong and burely. Holds can be seen, but havent figured out how to get them or use them....[more] Browse More Classics in WI
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From Midwest Go to Forum | What's New | Post New Topic


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For over fifty years Repko Machine
Inc. has met the fabricating needs of industrial customers large
and small. We have a tradition of outstanding customer service,
quality craftsmanship and on-time delivery.
We are capable of producing your
machined parts in steel, aluminum or stainless steel or plastics.
We utilize CNC machining centers, lathes, conventional lathes, boring
mills, regular mills and drills. When combined with laser cutting,
fabricating, forming and welding services, you'll find us a valuable
source for your parts. We have developed a broad network of high
quality secondary "sources" for plating, heat treating,
grinding, and specialty painting to make your parts complete.
Please call, fax or e-mail your
requests for prompt attention.
more than fifty years Repko Machine Inc. has been providing top
quality fabricating services for industrial, commercial and military
customers. Our services include laser cutting, punching, forming
and welding. From prototypes to small and medium production, we
can assist you in getting parts from your drawings or sketch to
you fast and economically.
We weld by MIG and TIG in aluminum,
steel and stainless steel. We weld large and small parts, tanks,
motor mounts, brackets, clamps and machinery bases. Combined with
our machining services you can get complete machined fabrications.
Please call, fax, or e-mail your
requests for prompt attention.
Machine, Inc.
Cleveland, Ohio 44142
Fax: 216.267.0652
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fabrication | machining
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Solutions, LLC


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Sitka Fanatic Bib
5.0 out of 5
Read Reviews (1) | Post a Review
Sitka Fanatic Bib - The Fanatic is a key item in the Sitka Forest line that is specifically and scientifically designed for the hardcore whitetail hunter.
Sitka Fanatic Bib - The Fanatic is a key item in the Sitka Forest line that is specifically and scientifically designed for the hardcore whitetail hunter. The Fanatic bib has fully articulated knees and seat that eliminate's bulkiness which makes it very comfortable for extended sits. Additional features make this the ultimate and most versatile bib for whitetail hunters on the market
133 grain Primaloft insulation
Full side zips for ventilation and easy on/off
Cargo pockets for gear
mikey1299 of Madison, WI - November, 12 2012:
This (along with a Fanatic jacket) were my first Sitka products and I could not be happier. This bibs kept me comfortable in my treestand for the several days despite a stiff wind and cold temperatures. The zips on the side make it easy to regulate temperature while hiking and allow for easy on and off over boots. They are extremely quiet. The only two nitpicks are the snaps on the thigh pockets didn't always stay closed and it could use belt loops for an adjustable fit when wearing different layering possibilities. I am 5'11" and 180 lbs and a large fit well. As a disclaimer, I am affiliated with Gore for product testing of Gore-tex products for the purpose of product review and recommendation. I do receive items from Gore for these purposes.
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- Mobile site
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All the latest news and view from the Argus
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The best events in Brighton, Hove and Sussex
Features, interviews, TV, travel and lifestyle from the Argus
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The Argus - news, sport and leisure for Brighton, Hove and Sussex
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Keep up to date with all the offers, events and competitions from the Argus
Fundraising is in Brighton artist's bag (From The Argus)
Get involved: Send your news, views, pictures and video by texting SUPIC to 80360 or email us.
Fundraising is in Brighton artist's bag
7:40am Wednesday 6th February 2013 in News
Brighton tapestry artist Tina Francis is sharing the love by making a donation to The Argus Appeal for each sale of a specially designed bag.
The canvas bag, based on one of her tapestry kit designs, includes the phrase Brighton Has My Heart and costs £8.
Tina, who is based at the JAG Gallery in Madeira Drive, says she will give £1 to the appeal for every bag sold in the run up to Valentine's Day and for the rest of this year.
She said: "With Valentine's coming up I thought this was a good time to raise awareness of what I am doing and I am hoping to raise as much as I can for the appeal.
"I live locally and the bag has been produced locally so I wanted to support a local charity as well."
The Argus Appeal supports good causes across Sussex.
The bags are available by visiting the gallery, calling 07979 854649 or going to www.tinafrancis.co.uk.
See the latest news headlines from The Argus:
- GCSE results day live
- Man drives drunk to complain about being barred from pub....for being drunk
- Rats found at takeaway
- Lib-Dem claims he will out-green the Greens
- Road trip in aid of air ambulance
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Director, Jones Architecture
Learning environments are some of the most rapidly changing spaces on contemporary college and university campuses. The rise of interdisciplinary research and collaborative learning has fostered a host of changes to departmental structures, institutional policies, educational pedagogy, research funding, and student life. Through case studies, this session will cover 10 qualitative trends, and the results of 18 months of quantitative data collection on libraries to demonstrate how this database shapes our recommendations.
Senior Principal, HMFH Architects, Inc. with Deb McNeish, Principal, Abbot Downing School
New brain research is helping us understand how students learn. It is also changing how teaching is taking place. In September of 2012, three new elementary schools opened in Concord, NH. The school buildings were designed so that different types of learning could easily take place both in and out of the classroom. A learning commons was developed allowing traditional classrooms to open into a project-based, multi-use environment. This session will explore the research and initial design process that led to the concept of the Learning Commons and discuss how it is being used by teachers and students.
Architect, MODUS Architects, with Beate Weyland, Professor, Faculty of Education, Free University of Bozen
This paper collates the two intertwining positions of the educator and the architect to identify a series of generically labeled "non-classroom" spaces that have inflected upon the life of the school in unexpected or significant ways. Drawing upon a number of case studies of the new school buildings constructed over the past decade, the most basic functions and elements of the school project are continually scrutinized for their architectural and pedagogical potential. These spaces are transitional spaces that act as "thresholds" both architecturally and pedagogically speaking. Their potential to foster common ground between designers and educators are examined to better facilitate the design and planning of schools.
Associate, Steinberg Architects, with Brigitte Williams, AIA, LEED AP, Director of Design, Steinberg Architects
Is your campus community having an interactive dialogue with faculty and staff about its philosophy? Are you looking to transform your educational initiatives into a facilities roadmap for the future? Brainstorming ideas can bring about campus renewal when the input is gathered in a collaborative environment. On a 50-year old site with strong architectural vocabulary, the planning process that unfolded involved all levels of participation from a California community college, leading to a unique place-making solution based on the campus culture. The results of the Education Plan brought about new programs that enhanced the campus while the Facilities Master Plan imbued it with a richer architectural language.
Principal / Chief Architectural Officer, JCJ Architecture, with Doreen Marvin, Director of Development, LEARN Regional Educational Services Center
Students graduate into a world of collaboration and cooperation. Learn how curriculum, facilities, technology, and engagement can help students to succeed. Through case studies of highly successful schools the common elements will be explored, including building student responsibility, creating the physical learning environment, and integrating a wide variety of technology into everyday life. Educators and architects that developed the University High School of Science and Engineering on the campus of the University of Hartford and the Marine Science Magnet High School of Southeastern Connecticut will discuss planning principles, operational realities, and post-occupancy lessons-learned.
Architect, designLAB architects, with Mary Ann Upton, AIA, Architect, designLAB architects
The University of Maine Farmington, (UMF) embraced a new model for Arts Education in the recently completed Emery Community Arts Center, (ECAC). A gift from an anonymous donor stipulated that the Center was to be used equally by the University and the local community. The architects will present a case study about consensus based design and how collaboration between diverse stakeholders lead directly to innovative performance and display opportunities for local artists and students alike. This case study will also include a discussion of the extraordinary results possible when design and educational programming inform one another.
This presentation describes and demonstrates a new, emerging service entitled FLEXspace: Flexible Learning Environments eXchange. This rich media repository is designed to provide peer reviewed examples of learning spaces in three specific domains: A/V Integration, Facilities Design, and Pedagogy and Assessment. Support is being sought to continue to development of this pilot tool which is anticipated to reduce institutional learning space planning and renovation cycle time, and encourage expansion of innovative instruction planning to support new active learning and digital content capture models. The timing of this conference offers participants a significant opportunity to represent organizational interests in shaping the production service outcomes scheduled for Spring 2014.
Doctoral Student, University of Missouri-Columbia
The study presents how students perceive the impacts of environments in the coffee shops upon their learning. Audience will get to know the nature of learning tasks in coffee shops, the perceived impacts of environmental stress factors (noise, illumination, degree of freedom) upon student learning behaviors and design factors of coffee shops that are most and least desirable by students learning there.
Associate Professor, The New England Institute of Art
After the events of Newtown, CT shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 16, 2012, the presenter worked with students at the New England Institute of Art Design Department using the forum of a furniture design course to re-define security design for Pre-K through Grade 1 educational classrooms. Over the course of a 10-week session, students and faculty examined typical classroom elements including furniture, access, visual control and security and defensive design utilizing the latest in security design products and materials.
21st century classrooms demand an ever increasing amount of educational technology to be effective. HD video, distributed audio, and voice amplification as well as 1:1 and BYOD programs have the potential to provide significant benefits to students, teachers and administrators alike. This session will provide an in-depth discussion of challenges you will face when incorporating AV technologies in your classroom and strategies for successful implementation. The advantages of managing systems over the network will also be addressed. Additional topics include lowering operating expenses, increasing system uptime, effective support, and asset planning.
Partner, Northeast Collaborative Architects, with John Scheib, AIA, LEED AP BD + C, Project Manager, Northeast Collaborative Architects
Handling Hands-On demonstrates how planning, space-shaping, and technology transform schools into innovative learning environments. Technical and Art education engage students in problem solving and exemplify collaboration, exploration, and student-centered learning. Handling Hands-On presenters include architects and administrators who examine retrofitted schools that maximize project-based learning, review critical planning steps, and demonstrate the art of creating dynamic spaces.
Consultant Liaison, FrontRow with Eric Marshall, Principal, E.R.I.C. Co. Low Voltage Services
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Win tickets to Sleepy Sun, Strange Vine and Light Thieves
One of the benefits of being a touring band is connecting with awesome musicians from other cities and then "hooking" them up with shows in your home town. Strange Vine has always done great job of this, which is a benefit for local fans. I discovered American Sharks through a show the guys in Strange Vine pulled together last year and my life is better for it.
Tomorrow night, they bring their friends Sleepy Sun to Audie's Olympic. The San Francisco band plays psychedelic rock, which will fit perfectly with Strange Vine and openers Light Thieves. My sense is, this will be one of those slipped-under-the-radar-but-damn-awesome-if-you-were-there shows.
Luckily, you won't miss it, because 1.) I just told you about it. And 2.) We have tickets to give away.
Just leave a comment below. Tell us what was the best local-show-you-almost missed. We'll pick winners at random. Contest closes at noon tomorrow (Thursday) and winners will be notified by email. No repeat entries, please. Complete rules and a video of Sleepy Sun are on the jump.
Only readers who submit a comment on this post are eligible. Winners will be chosen at random and notified by e-mail at the end of each giveaway period. No substitutions or transfer of winners/prizes. Prizes are not redeemable for cash. Some prizes may have due dates for redemption/use. Employees and immediate family of The Fresno Bee,fresnobee.com and any/all of the participating giveaway sponsors, are not eligible to win. By accepting a giveaway, recipient consents to allow the use of his/her name and/or photograph for advertising or similar promotions without further compensation. Winner releases all sponsors of liability regarding use and enjoyment of the prizes. Tax liabilities and insurance, if any, are sole responsibility of the winner. No purchase necessary to win.


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The Big Four Fair Preshow will take place on June 15-17, 2012
The Big Four Fair Preshow will take place on June 15-17, 2012
Animal Registration Form and/or Dog Show Entry Form and/or 4-H Registration Form must be submitted to the Fair Board Secretary on or before Thursday, June7, 2012. Your signed copy of the Code of Ethics must also be included. They can be mailed, faxed or e-mailed to the following :
Judy Hyman
423 Cherry Valley Dr
Postville, IA 52162
Phone: 563 864-3517
Fax: 563 864-7444
Email: email@example.com
The Big Four Fair will take place on June 15-17, 2012. The fairbook is now available online 2012 Big-4 Fairbook
The Big Four Fair at Postville will again include the following livestock shows in the schedule. See the fairbook for more details.
¨ Dog Show - Friday, 4:00 p.m.
¨ Dairy Show - Saturday, 10:00 a.m.
¨ Rabbits & Poultry - Saturday, 3:00 p.m.
¨ Meat Goat- Saturday, 5:00 p.m.
¨ Swine Show - Saturday, 7:30 p.m.
¨ Sheep Show - Sunday, 9:00 a.m.
¨ Beef Show - Sunday, 11:30 a.m.
There will also be Fashion Review/Clothing Selection and Communications Judging on Friday.


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in DC, MD, VA & in your house.
Our friend Naomi came over recently & showed us how to make kimbap (thank you!). My rolling skills are really bad but they tasted yummy anyways. We forgot the seedless cucumbers but you should try putting them in yours.
[ Ingredients ]
- frozen spinach, thawed
- kamaboko (fish cake), thawed
- 4 cups of cooked rice, still warm
- sushi vinegared powder (we used Tamanoi Sushiko)
- 2 carrots
- 4 eggs
- yellow pickled radish
- 1 avocado
- shitake mushrooms
- several sheets of dry seaweed/nori/gim
- sesame oil
- sesame seeds, roasted & mixed with a little salt
- salt & pepper
[ Preparation ]
- mix in small amount of sushi vinegared powder just before rice cools
- shred 2 carrots, lightly salt and pepper, and stir fry over oil, set aside
- soak then chop shiitake mushrooms (if dried) and fry with oil, set aside
- beat four eggs with fork or whisk add a little bit of salt, lightly oil large frying pan and pour egg mixture and allow to cook until you can flip over without it breaking. Cook both sides evenly. Allow to cool for a few minutes then take out and cut into 1/2″ strips
- cut pickled radish into 1/4″ strips
- cut kamaboko (fish cake) into 1/4″ strips
- squeeze out spinach
- slice 1 avocado
- slice cucumber lengthwise same size as radish and fish cake strips
[ Process ]
- lay out a sheet of seaweed flat on the bamboo roller, shiny side down
- spread a thin layer of seasoned rice on the seaweed, leaving the top 1/3 empty (no rice)
- begin placing the ingredients horizontally across the bottom 1/3 of the layer of rice
- when all ingredients are piled up, lift the bottom edge of the seaweed and with your hands, roll up and over squeezing tightly as you go. Making sure nothing comes out of the roll, continue to roll until you nearly reach the top edge of the seaweed
- apply a small amount of water to the edge to seal the roll closed. Using the bamboo roller, tightly wrap the roll and squeeze
- add a small amount of sesame oil around the roll and cut into 1/2 " slices with a very sharp knife.
Sprinkle with grated sesame seeds and enjoy!
im gonna eat this whoooooole plate.
I pride myself on being able to cook. This looks like a challenging recipe. Will try and let you now how it turns out. Thanks for sharing.


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Photos capture man with a rifle shopping at JCPenney | FOX13Now ...—
Carmina Reynosa (@CarmReyn) January 17, 2013
When we saw the following photo of a man openly carrying a rifle while shopping at a J.C. Penney in Riverdale, Utah, we were as shocked as anyone. Who still shops at J.C. Penney?
Woman snaps photos of man shopping at JCPenny in Riverdale with a rifle on his back. http://t.co/cDBrdaKt—
FOX 13 NOW (@fox13now) January 17, 2013
Cindy Yorgason snapped the photo, which is making the rounds of social media. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that the man pictured is 22-year-old Joseph Kelley, who said he was simply trying to demonstrate that guns are safe in the hands of law-abiding citizens.
According to Kelley, the rifle was an unloaded AR-15 and the handgun was a loaded Glock 19C. He said he has a concealed carry permit, is a former member of the military and contacted police dispatch before leaving his home to tell them about his plans. Kelley also said he was told that he was "well within his rights" and that bystanders' reactions were positive.
"I felt no negative vibes from anyone," Kelley said. "I think it went rather surprisingly well."
@jcpenney I have NO problem with this: sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55… — As a matter of fact I would applaud it.—
(@jgobble) January 17, 2013
Kelley might not have felt negative vibes in person, but there were plenty to go around on Twitter.
Dear Utah right wing nut that shopped @jcpenney with his AR-15 rifle:
The statement you made is "I'm a douche bag."
Mike Christian (@Mike_Christian) January 17, 2013
Photos of man shopping with rifle at Utah JCPenney go viral. Statement of stupidity? shar.es/4S6L1 via @sharethis—
Benjamin Tateoka (@btateoka) January 17, 2013
Welcome to Redneck Country, #Sundance Festival-goers! "Photos of man shopping with rifle at Utah JCPenney go viral" shar.es/4Sltq—
Ryan Daley (@Ripvanryan) January 17, 2013
This is not what is meant by "responsible gun ownership." fb.me/1wW4eOcQ9—
Edman (@iamtheedman) January 17, 2013
@fox13now damn is his dick that small—
Andrew Goodwin (@andytgoodwin7) January 17, 2013
@fox13now While legal,this is a really dumb thing to do. Incredibly intimidating. I'd take my family and leave. This is NOT normal.—
WendyLouWho (@IntoRainbowz) January 17, 2013
@fox13now This is all about attention. It's a very scary image. How do I know he's a "good guy"? I think he has mental issues.—
WendyLouWho (@IntoRainbowz) January 17, 2013
Well, one of President Obama's 23 executive actions signed yesterday was to "launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health." Is simply carrying a legal, registered weapon in public a sign of "mental issues"? Or is it time for a national conversation on "gun phobia"?