text:
Can-Smashing Robot
Demigod or irresponsible madman?
Thursday, April 03, 2014
Sitcom Catchphrase Quiz Party
You will be presented with several hilarious and comical situations. Underneath the situations are four catchphrases that can be said by one of the totally outrageous main characters. Pick which one is the best. If you get them all right, we may interview you for a position on one of our madcap situation comedies like "The Slappies," "The Theory of Relativity," or "Single Robot Dad." Good luck, and as we say in show business, break a leg!!
1. The boss is coming over for dinner in three minutes and you are all out of Chianti! What catchphrase best sums up the situation?
A. You've GOTTA be kiddin' me!
B. It's not even Monday!
C. I must have slapped a baby in my past life!
D. This world we live in would seem cold, empty, and cruel if it wasn't so pointless!
2. You've accidentally arranged dates with two sexy ladies on the same night ... at the same restaurant! What catchphrase best sums up the situation?
A. Holy guacamole! (bites knuckle)
B. I can't believe I did it again! Goodnight, America!
C. Who do I think I am? Mick Jagger? (shrugs shoulders and grins toward camera)
D. My continuing objectification of women reveals a deep flaw in my character!
3. You walk into your swinging single neighbor's duplex and see an unsavory sexual act (tastefully presented offscreen). What catchphrase best sums up the situation?
A. That DEFINITELY ain't kosher!
B. Give me a time machine, somebody! I need to erase the last two minutes of my life!
C. Now that's the OPPOSITE of Viagra!
D. I will scoop out my eyeballs with a spoon and dance upon them until they are as flat as the terra firma on which we stand to ensure a revolting sight such as this will never again impress itself upon my soul!
4. Due to an administrative mishap, 200 extra pizzas have been delivered to the pizza party boy band benefit concert sock hop! What catchphrase best sums up the situation?
A. I said I could eat a lot of pizza, but THIS is riDICulous!!
B. I need a Caribbean vacation!
C. Cut me some slack!
D. There are starving children in this world who will never taste even one bite of pizza in their short, miserable lives, while here at Beach Party High, the streets are paved with hundreds of surplus pizza pies!
5. You and your loose cannon best friend, Jock Blingo, are handcuffed together for an entire weekend when he loses the key! What catchphrase best sums up the situation?
A. You've done it again, Blingo!
B. And it was such a pleasant morning!
C. I am not laughing out loud THIS time!
D. Our friendship is thin, superficial, and no longer of use to me!
Posted by Josh Krauter at 1:01 PM No comments:
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The Dr. Mystery guide to "Miami Vice" for gentlemen and gentlewomen of leisure (Part 5: Season 5): The Final Chapter
To be honest, this season was a bit of a chore to plow through. The first two seasons were hilariously awesome, the third season showed some strain but was still 2/3 hilariously awesome, and the fourth season was terrible but in hilariously awesome ways, but the fifth season was pretty tired and worn out. Most Miami Vice fans consider the fourth season the worst, but its over-the-top ridiculousness (alien abductions, serial killers with multiple personalities, a snuff film made by an "erotic performance artist," contraband bull semen, samurai swordfights, ill-fated marriages to pop stars, cryogenically frozen reggae superstars named Robillard Nevin, a boat explosion that gives Crockett amnesia and makes him think he's an evil drug lord) was so, so amusing to me. The fifth season is my pick for the worst. Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas are clearly bored with the show and sleepwalk through their performances, the show's distinctive visual style and color palette are replaced by blandly generic '80s network TV blocking and framing and bland cinematography, the rest of the cast is barely on any of the episodes, Jan Hammer's electro-synth music is replaced by Tim Truman's noodly hair-metal blues guitar licks, Crockett's houseboat is only seen once, and his pet alligator Elvis is never even mentioned. The show tanked in the ratings, and the network kept moving it around to different nights. Three episodes weren't even aired until the summer reruns, and a fourth wasn't aired at all because the network got cold feet about its subject matter. The show was tired, the audience was tired, the actors were bored. It was time for the Old Yeller treatment. That being said, there were still plenty of ridiculously bizarre lines of dialogue, interesting guest stars, and moments of entertainment.
Miami Vice began in the most 1980s year of the '80s, 1984, and ended in 1989. It wouldn't have made sense in the '90s. It couldn't have transitioned to a '90s aesthetic. You don't want Crockett and Tubbs investigating grunge- and new jack swing-related cases. It just wouldn't have worked. Here's the final Dr. Mystery recap.
"Hostile Takeover"
Guest stars: Jon Polito is a crazed drug lord named El Gato. Mr. Max Headroom himself, Matt Frewer, is a shady underworld type with connections to several drug lords. Mickey Rourke's ex-wife and a current yoga teacher Debra Feuer is the widow of a drug lord with the hots for Crockett. Victor Argo is not a drug lord but he is a South American comandante. Joe Santos is an ill-fated drug lord. Anthony Crivello is the son of the ill-fated drug lord. His character's name is Miguel. My notes about the episode contain this phrase: "Miguel? -- crazy, crazy hair."
Out-of-context quote: "Nice groceries. Roll over, Beethoven."
This episode picks up where the Season 4 cliffhanger left off. If you remember, Crockett thinks he's a mercenary drug lord because he got amnesia during a boat explosion. It could happen to anyone. My notes tell me that El Gato wears a chain that is a giant gold eagle, and that this episode features the return of Tubbs' awful Jamaican accent.
"Redemption in Blood"
Guest stars: Jon Polito, Matt Frewer, Debra Feuer, and Victor Argo return from the previous episode.
Out-of-context quote: "I am El Gato! You have not died in vain, amigo. El Gato will take your strength. El Gato is a player."
Bonus quote: "What are you boys waiting for? A Christmas bonus?"
Another bonus quote: ""Yesterday he threatened to kill me." "So?"
Polito knows how ridiculous his character is and wisely adds another 12 glazed hams to his already scenery-chewing performance in "Hostile Takeover." From my notes: "Polito is a cross between Pacino's Scarface and Rip Taylor ... & Cheech." Also from my notes: "(Crockett) should have stayed as his (drug lord) persona. Sexy girlfriend, money, slightly better hairdo, sweet jukebox, pet panther." Yes, Evil Crockett owned a panther that roamed freely in one of the rooms of his mercenary drug lord pad.
"Heart of Night"
Guest stars: Bob Gunton is a drug dealer. Rosalind Chao takes over for Joan Chen as Castillo's long-lost former wife. James Saito is Chao's current husband. Michael Lombard is Saito's boss.
Out-of-context quote: "What was he carrying?" "Strange toy birds."
Bonus quote: "You're gonna look like a serious freak and for what?"
"Bad Timing"
Guest stars: Melissa Leo is a bartender Crockett meets while on vacation recuperating from his amnesia and amnesia-related villainy. Pruitt Taylor Vince, Gary Farmer, and William O'Leary are murderous escaped prisoners. Stephanie Roth is Crockett's psychiatrist. Jermaine Stewart, late one-hit-wonder ("You Don't Have to Take Your Clothes Off"), appears as himself.
Out-of-context quote: "I hope you got something to drink and the treasure map."
In a plausible scenario, Jermaine Stewart performs his brand of effeminate dance-pop to a captive audience of murderous prisoners. They hate his music so much, they start a prison riot, and our trio of killers escapes.
Guest stars: Juan Fernandez is a counterrevolutionary who is good at killing and good at being a target for assassination. Brion James is a mercenary intelligence agent for hire.
Out-of-context quote: "Some street punk in New York tried to touch me there once. You know what I did? Had to carve a new face for that sucka!"
Bonus quote: "I let you live, peasant. Thank the Virgin."
Normal quote given a hilarious line reading: "What the hell is happening?"
"Line of Fire"
Guest stars: Barry Primus is an FBI agent. Justin Lazard is a heavy metal-loving witness to a crime who Crockett and Tubbs have to protect until he can testify. Aasif Mandviwala is a doorman.
Out-of-context quote: "They tell me you guys were Vice. I figure, hey, man, that's rippin'. Vice dudes know what's happenin', right?'
Bonus quote: "I hear Miami's a pretty moshin' scene. Insane clubs, huh?"
Another bonus quote: "That was a bonehead play, junior."
Yet another bonus quote: "They shot my boombox. I'm outta here, Crockett."
Sonny Crockett, rock critic: "This speed metal crap is just warmed-over Hendrix riffs played twice as fast and half as well."
I have several things to point out about this episode. Every time Lazard turns on a television, Ministry's "Stigmata" video is playing. Lazard sneaks away from police protection to attend a concert by Rugged Edge, a real local Miami band that combined hardcore punk with hair metal guitar solos. Crockett tries to turn Lazard away from metal by playing him Derek & The Dominos and telling him that metal won't be around in 20 years. Crockett gets into a shootout with a helicopter and EXPLODES it. Crockett and Tubbs visit Lazard in the hospital and bring albums by Anthrax, Megadeth, and Crumbsuckers.
"Asian Cut"
Guest stars: David Schramm is a professor of Asian studies. Russell Horton is a photographer. Julian Brams is a prostitute. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is a crazy nut who loves knives.
Out-of-context quote: "You don't mind if we talk while my latest acquisition is being mounted?"
"Hard Knocks"
Guest stars: Richard Jenkins is a mobster in charge of collecting gambling debts. Victor Slezak is a sports agent with gambling and mob ties.
Out-of-context quote: "You run a fine organization, Chi-Chi."
"Fruit of the Poison Tree"
Guest stars: Amanda Plummer is a lawyer from a powerful family of lawyers. Paulie Walnuts himself, Tony Sirico, is a gangster. Stephen McHattie is another lawyer. Edgar Allen Poe IV (apparently, he's a distant nephew of the writer) is listed in the credits as "Junkie."
Out-of-context quote: "The man said he didn't have any sauerkraut."
Bonus quote: "You look terrific wet."
"To Have and to Hold"
Guest stars: Miguel Ferrer is the very intense son of a drug lord. Elpidia Carillo is the widow of a drug lord who gets in a little too deep with Tubbs ... between the sheets. Oh, snap. Belinda Montgomery is back as Crockett's ex-wife.
Out-of-context quote: "Wish I'd known you were into the classics. Last two pictures I checked in on, a moth ate a guy's head and a worm slimed Cleveland."
Bonus quote: "You're a very tender lady."
Another bonus quote: "Dr. Tubbs?"
"Miami Squeeze"
Guest stars: Rita Moreno is a hardball congresswoman whose son gets in trouble with drug dealers. Paul Provenza is a drug dealer. Robert Joy is a posh British drug lord with an unhealthy attachment to his pet dog.
Out-of-context quote: "Our transportation plan seems to have gone awry. Most unsatisfactory."
"Jack of All Trades"
Guest stars: John Santucci is a small-time gangster who is owed a debt by Crockett's cousin. Fame's Jesse Borrego is a big-time drug lord with the most ridiculous outfits I've ever seen on television or in life. You need to go to Netflix right now and stream this episode just to see the sleeves on this guy's shirts. From my notes: "It's like Seinfeld's puffy shirt if it was only sleeves or he's wearing two of Steven Tyler's mic stands on each arm."
Out-of-context quote: "I think you're wack. This is stinko."
Bonus quote: "We don't really have time to tally up all the bonehead plays you've made."
Another quote: "Call Dan Quayle. He'll vouch for me."
For some reason, this episode has a bizarre musical score that relies heavily on a capella and fits the scenes about as well as the glove in the OJ trial fit OJ.
"The Cell Within"
Guest stars: John P. Ryan is a criminal Tubbs busted years ago, and he's now a published author and reformed friend of Tubbs. Or is he? L.M. Kit Carson, screenwriter of Paris, Texas and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, is a documentary filmmaker making a movie about Ryan. Richard Gant is a former professional boxer who is now Ryan's bodyguard.
Out-of-context quote: "Maybe he got lucky last night with some literary chick."
This episode would have fit right in with the fan fic-style insanity of Season 4. Ryan kidnaps Tubbs and locks him in the simulated prison in the basement of his mansion, complete with working electric chair, because Tubbs refuses to assist his vigilante crusade to kidnap, jail, and execute prisoners at his own home.
"The Lost Madonna"
Guest stars: Michael Chiklis is a detective and art enthusiast responsible for investigating stolen art. Ned Eisenberg is a drug dealer and thief. Elizabeth Berridge is an art lover and the wife of a drug lord.
Out-of-context quote: "My work is beyond syntax."
Bonus quote: "The latest exploratory probe into neo-Dadaism."
Another quote: "The painter here is engaged in an aesthetic mysticism."
And another quote: "Dig the prof."
Tubbs goes undercover here as a renegade art professor who is selling stolen art. He convinces because he slicks his hair back. A shirtless musclehead guy with a long ponytail is an angry, inarticulate yet famous sculptor.
"Over the Line"
Guest stars: No one I know (except Martin Ferrero as Izzy).
Out-of-context quote: "We know that Dr. Dinky tipped Tommy T, but who tipped Dr. D?"
Bonus quote: "Certain reptilian fluids."
"Victims of Circumstance"
Guest stars: William Hickey is a Nazi war criminal. Karen Black is his crazy daughter. John Leguizamo is the younger brother of two murdered drug dealers. Paul Guilfoyle is a crazy white supremacist. Xander Berkeley is a homicide detective.
Out-of-context quote: "The liberal cabal controls the media."
"Freefall: Part 1"
Guest stars: Ian McShane is the dictator of a fictional Latin American country on the verge of revolution. Robert Beltran is his aide-de-camp. Elpidia Carillo is a political activist nun who is Crockett and Tubbs' contact while they are in Latin America. Greg Germann is a lowlife punk.
Out-of-context quote: "Social life in the '80s. Isn't it a kick?"
"Freefall: Part 2"
Guest stars: See above. They're all back.
Out-of-context quote: "You don't just catch fish, you achieve a oneness with them, but I sense that you're not here for pescatorial pleasures."
The Lost Episodes
The next three episodes never aired until summer reruns because the network kept moving the show to different days and times and preempting it for special programming because of low ratings in its last season.
"World of Trouble"
Guest stars: Dennis Farina is back as Al Lombard, the gangster with a heart of gold. Vincent Schiavelli is a scientist who has created HAVOC, a stun gun for vehicles that disables them while they are in motion. Luca Bercovici is an arms dealer with a yacht. Ned Eisenberg is a gangster who wants to kill Lombard. Julian Brams is Lombard's daughter-in-law.
Out-of-context quote: "Wait a minute. This weapon shoots lightning bolts and you say it isn't dangerous?"
Bonus quote: "I never liked your hair."
"Miracle Man"
Guest stars: Jose Perez is a mentally ill ex-drug addict who thinks he's a crime fighting superhero named Miracle Man. Zach Grenier is a tabloid TV reporter.
Out-of-context quote: "I need a place to kick back where the forces of evil can't reach me while I make my plans."
"Leap of Faith"
Guest stars: Keith Gordon is a psychotic college professor, drug maker, and leader of a drug cult. Jennifer Rubin is one of his students and followers who starts having doubts. Laura San Giacomo is an investigator and computer expert. Justin Lazard is back.
Out-of-context quote: "I don't give a damn if you were assigned by Dan Quayle."
Bonus quote: "Me, I'm into surfboards and bikinis. I'm from Long Beach, California."
This episode is hilariously bad and was meant to be the launching pad for a spinoff series about the Young Crimes Unit. Crockett and Tubbs are in the first few minutes of this episode, but after that, it's a whole different show. Justin Lazard, whom you may remember as the heavy metal-loving informant from "Line of Fire," joins up with two other young undercover cops, a Southern boy from Arkansas and a surfer dude from California, as well as computer whiz Laura San Giacomo, and their boss, the old man of the group, Kiel Martin, to work undercover in the young world of young crimes concerning the young. Lazard butts heads with the other two young undercover cops at first. He works alone and he hates California surfer dudes so much, but they soon earn the grudging respect of each other and become best friends forever. In their first case, they're undercover at a club where the live entertainment is one guy lip-syncing to "Sweet Child O' Mine" for a crowd consisting of hair metal rocker dudes, punks with mohawks and safety pins in their leather vests, and asshole Wolf of Wall Street types snorting coke and wearing professional office attire. Needless to say, this spinoff never became a show because this episode was not aired during the regular season and also it was fucking terrible. But hilariously fucking terrible.
This last lost episode was approved by the network, shot, and completed, but NBC decided at the last minute that its depiction of the rape of a young girl was too controversial and pulled the plug. It was never aired until syndicated reruns in the 1990s, making it the only Miami Vice episode not shown in the 1980s.
"Too Much, Too Late"
Guest stars: Pam Grier is back as a New York detective and Tubbs' ex. C.C.H. Pounder is a coke addict and old friend of Pam's. John Toles-Bey is her sadistic drug dealer. Malinda Williams is her pre-teen daughter.
Out-of-context quote: "Esto es un tango, and also a little financial advice."
Bonus quote: "Hey, I am talkin' life's highway."
That's it.
Posted by Josh Krauter at 1:46 AM 1 comment:
Labels: Miami Vice
Thursday, November 07, 2013
Great moments in journalism
"Despite the familiar ingredients all the way down to the third bun, Burger King tells ABC News it doesn't taste like the Big Mac because of the way the burger is prepared — it's fire-grilled. The Big King is also 40 calories less than its rival.
Brooklyn resident Ty Bills, who eats from both burger chains, sought out the 'Big King' on the first day it launched. After the first few bites he smiled and nodded.
'It's very juicy,' he said. 'The sauce is different. I don't know what's in the sauce, but the sauce is good,' he added between bites."
Posted by Josh Krauter at 11:27 AM No comments:
Sunday, October 27, 2013
The Dr. Mystery guide to "Miami Vice" for gentlemen and gentlewomen of leisure (Part 4: Season 4)
Season 4, on the other hand, dials down some of the stylistic formalism that made the show ahead of its time and dials up some of the silliest, most ridiculous episodes in television history. The ratings dropped, and the show went from being a huge hit to a minor one. I can see why this season turned off a lot of the fanboys, but as a time capsule and a piece of mostly unintentional hilarity and absurdity, it's pretty entertaining in hindsight. A handful of episodes have some serious pacing problems and listless acting, never a problem on this show before, and I can see the writers, producers, and actors struggling to find new places to take the series. Even so, there's something really, really weird about this season. It plays out not like another season of the show, but like filmed Miami Vice fan fiction written by slightly unhinged superfans. Most episodes seem like alternate reality Vice. In honor of this bizarre development, I have added a new category to my episode-by-episode wrapup. In addition to guest stars and out-of-context quotes, I've included the fan-fiction element.
General fan-fiction element for the entire season: The women detectives on the show, Gina and Trudy, used to wear long, flowing, billowy dresses, which was strange enough office wear for detectives. This season, they sexed it up about 92 percent by wearing tight, short skirts. Trudy also has a nameplate on her desk reading "Big Booty Trudy." That can't be regulation nameplate.
"Contempt of Court"
Guest stars: Stanley Tucci is a mob boss. Philip Baker Hall is a federal judge. Meg Foster is a U.S. attorney.
Out-of-context quote: "Common decency demands that we dismiss this indictment, which is a stew of rancid meat that makes me want to retch and vomit." (knocks all papers off desk in anger)
Fan fiction element: Though the plot of this one is pretty standard Miami Vice boilerplate, the acting is so volcanically over the top that I imagine the director's instructions were, "Act like people are watching your performance on a television that is on the opposite end of a football field." Tucci's mob boss regularly cracks wise in court, even ordering cannoli and veal cutlets from the courtroom. It's like an SNL Miami Vice skit turned actual episode.
"Amen... Send Money"
Guest stars: Brian Dennehy is a televangelist named Reverend Bill Bob Proverb who preaches that God rewards the greedy and loves material wealth. Anita Morris is Bill Bob's wife who has some illegal hobbies. James Tolkan is another televangelist. Ben Stiller is a sleazy guy named Fast Eddie who sells religious paraphernalia.
Out-of-context quote: "I love this Italian silk $750 piece of matter we call a jacket."
Bonus quote: "I've been to jail. Jail sucks."
Fan fiction element: The televangelist's studio looks like a cross between some Scientology bullshit, Morton Downey Jr.'s show, and a portal to hell. The preacher character is such an exaggerated piece of satire that it makes no sense on a cop show.
"Death and the Lady"
Guest stars: Paul Guilfoyle is an "erotic performance artist" who has directed a porno that's also a fake snuff film ... or is it? Kelly Lynch is a stripper who appeared in the snuff film ... or did she? Penelope Ann Miller is the sister of a woman who appeared in the film ... or is she? Yeah, she is. Miguel Ferrer is a district attorney.
Out-of-context quote: "Mr. Crockett, you're fixated on dead people. Are you a necrophiliac?"
Fan fiction element: Guilfoyle's performance artist character is, in a season trend, wildly over the top. We also have the is-it-or-isn't-it element of the snuff film, possible twins who are possibly just one person pretending to be twins, and a murder victim who may be still alive, or dead but not murdered. This is a really weird episode.
"The Big Thaw"
This episode is commonly considered one of the worst, but I happened to find it very amusing.
Guest stars: Bill Raymond is the head of a cryogenics lab. Alfred Molina is an attorney.
Out-of-context quote: "There's a big difference between making instant coffee and trying to bring a Rastafarian back from the dead."
Bonus quote: "He looks stoned." "He is. Stone cold frozen."
Fan fiction element: This episode is about a legal battle over the cryogenically frozen corpse of a Jamaican reggae singer named Robillard Nevin, who was frozen after he died from Fugu poisoning upon eating incorrectly prepared blowfish while on tour. Enough said.
"Child's Play"
Guest stars: Ving Rhames is a career criminal mixed up in some bad stuff. Danitra Vance is his girlfriend ... with a secret. Isaac Hayes is a gunrunner named Holiday. Belinda Montgomery is Crockett's ex-wife.
Out-of-context quote: "Man, it's like holding two volleyballs underwater. Can't be done for long."
Fan fiction element: Other than reintroducing a few characters from the first season, not much in the way of fan fiction elements here. This one's actually a pretty effective piece of crime drama that has more in common with the earlier seasons.
"God's Work"
Guest stars: Film director Alfonso Arau is a crime lord. Esai Morales is his closeted gay son who wants to turn the family business legit.
Out-of-context quote: "I think this guy took a wrong turn at the cheese and wine shop."
Bonus quote: "That's original. I love originality. But in Homicide, they don't give a damn."
Fan fiction element: Again, this one's mostly straight-ahead drama, but there's a lot of speechifying here about raising money to fight AIDS and treat AIDS patients.
"Missing Hours"
This episode enjoys a reputation as the absolute worst one in the entire series, but its off-the-charts absurdity and ridiculousness make it well worth seeing.
Guest stars: James Brown is a James Brown-like soul music superstar famous for singing James Brown songs named Lou DeLong who is also a government agent, a man who was abducted by aliens, and/or an actual alien. Chris Rock is a precocious young go-getter in the Central Records department who is also a UFO conspiracy theory buff. Charlie Barnett returns as The Noogman.
Out-of-context quote: "Why don't I reorient your intergalactic desirability?"
Bonus quote: "One thousand bucks and two dozen one-pound peanut butter jars in his shopping bag." "Creamy ... or crunchy?"
Double bonus quote: "Two men with weird eyes and purple auras. That's all she can remember right now."
Fan fiction element: Are you kidding? Trudy is abducted by aliens, one of whom may or may not be James Brown. Alien abductees somehow feel the need to buy multiple jars of peanut butter, travel to an empty house boat, and stare into the face of James Brown, which then disappears and turns into blue sky and clouds. Chris Rock's character is treated like an old series regular, even though he never appears on another episode. Chris Rock also reads about aliens on the pre-Internet computer message board groups. Sci-fi writer Thomas M. Disch wrote this episode. Peanut butter?
"Like a Hurricane"
Guest stars: '80s pop star Sheena Easton is '80s pop star Caitlin Davies. Xander Berkeley is a sleazy band manager who's running a payola scam. Tony Hendra is a music executive who's into some shady criminal underworld stuff. Teller (of Penn & Teller) is Hendra's very chatty and very sleazy attorney. Yeah, you get to hear Teller speak. The MCs of Rap play themselves performing in a nightclub. Yeah, The MCs of Rap. Also on the bill but unfortunately cut out of the episode were opening acts The Rockers of Rock and The Jazzmen of Jazz.
Out-of-context quote: "What the hell is that?" "'Rubber Love' by The Blowguns."
Bonus quote: "The drummer OD'ed on reds, the guitar player joined a cult, but the bass player got a lawyer and sued."
Fan fiction element: Crockett is forced to act as protection for Caitlin (Sheena Easton) when her life is threatened. As a working stiff detective, he hates this pop star celebrity. As a pop star celebrity, she hates the surly detective. However, as we learned in the 1990s from the live action human on rapping cartoon cat bestiality of Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat's "Opposites Attract," opposites attract. Crocket and Caitlin soon fall in love and get married. They also enjoy an oddly violent makeout session soundtracked by a flute solo. Don't worry about Crockett's cover getting blown. Sure, he's an undercover vice cop pretending to be a middleman for drug lords and gunrunners and pimps and he's marrying a famous pop star, but, as Crockett puts it, "she likes her privacy, so it's not gonna jeopardize my cover." Caitlin's big comeback single is a cover of "I Got You, Babe." Though it's a duet, she sings it alone, unless you count the children's choir on the last verse. Last but not least, three words: exploding demo tape!
"The Rising Sun of Death"
Guest stars: Sheena Easton is back. R. Lee Ermey is a corrupt homicide sergeant. James Hong is a Yakuza higher-up.
Out-of-context quote: "They just jerked a floater out of the bay."
Bonus quote: "Latin machismo."
Double bonus quote: "Look in the yellow pages under full-body tattoos."
Fan fiction element: This is basically a one-hour generic yakuza and samurai movie with small supporting roles from the regular cast. There's a big samurai swordfight in the rain with lots of talk about codes and honor and seppuku. There is also a strip club scene where the strippers are dancing to "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" by The Smiths. I haven't been to a strip club in years and have never been a strip club regular, but I'm willing to bet this song, one of the most melancholy Smiths ballads, has never been played in any strip club at any point in our nation's history.
"Love at First Sight"
Guest stars: Sheena Easton is back. Iman is a woman using a video dating service. She's got some secrets. Annabelle Gurwitch is a wisecracking prostitute. Lori Petty is an enthusiast of S&M who is using the same dating service as Iman. Christopher McCann is an FBI agent.
Out-of-context quote: "Somebody's not too fond of male genitalia."
Bonus quote: "A woman's eyes can tell you a thousand stories about her. Does she dig Mantovani or Manilow? Is she high for Club Med Guadeloupe or Club Med Martinique?"
Fan fiction element: This is actually a pretty scary, exciting, and suspenseful episode. Crockett goes undercover at a video dating service to bust a prostitution ring, but the focus of the investigation shifts when several men using the service are murdered. Crockett fits the killer's type, so he becomes the bait. The killer has a split personality, each one a different gender. Don Johnson directed this episode, and it's an effective piece of horror.
"A Rock and a Hard Place"
Guest stars: Sheena Easton and Tony Hendra are back.
Out-of-context quote: "This Fremont and Wiggins, they're a couple of tubesteaks."
Bonus quote: "Your reputation sucks."
Fan fiction element: Crockett goes to LA with Caitlin, who is doing a press junket for her new album and appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone, even though he's an undercover cop. The paparazzi go crazy over him when they think he's his undercover persona, and a scandal hits the press: pop star marries drug dealer, killer, pimp, and gunrunner.
"The Cows of October"
Guest stars: Harry Shearer is an overzealous, bumbling FBI agent. Gerrit Graham is a Texas businessman, and like all Texans, he wears a huge cowboy hat and speaks in a broadly fake Southern accent.
Out-of-context quote: "Obviously, you two have a little to learn about the chess-like interaction of international intrigue."
Bonus quote: "Our side just won a major battle in the cold war of animal husbandry."
Double bonus quote: "You're a credit to the free-enterprising vertebraes of this planet."
Fan fiction element: Several of the previous episodes have put the basic series template into an entirely different genre: satire, mystery, science fiction, backstage show business drama, samurai movie, horror. This one mixes the western with the screwball comedy and is about the international smuggling of bull semen, particularly one virile bull named Gargantua. The soundtrack is drawn from the scores of several classic westerns. Again, this is not very good, but it's incredibly entertaining.
"Vote of Confidence"
Guest star: Larry Pine is a gubernatorial candidate busted with a prostitute, which is only the first piece in a vast government conspiracy.
Out-of-context quote: "It's a little early in the morning for coffee."
Bonus quote: "That booger Pearl Harbored me."
Fan fiction element: This one starts as a satire of political campaigns before turning into a missing person whodunit.
"Baseballs of Death"
This is a rare old-school, solid episode, directed by character actor Bill Duke, who also directed the underrated '90s crime thriller Deep Cover.
Guest stars: Tony Plana is a bad dude. Please don't fuck with him. Lisa Marie and Michael Des Barres are con artists running a lucrative scam. Lisa Marie pretends to be a prostitute, using her womanly charms to lure rich businessmen. Des Barres takes their photos, and the pair blackmail the rich old philanderers. Mark Metcalf is a DEA agent with the trademark Metcalf intensity. Oliver Platt is a weapons smuggler named Speed Stiles.
Out-of-context quote: "Your mother can't satisfy your needs anymore. I can."
Bonus quote: "Is this for your gun club or are you planning to invade Uruguay?"
Double bonus quote: "Good morgen!" "Anything since last night?" "Couple of dogs fell in love and started a family about six hours ago."
Triple bonus quote: "I guess Guerrero was home makin' chile rellenos through all this."
Fan fiction element: Other than a spectacular speedboat explosion, nothing too bizarre here.
"Indian Wars"
Guest stars: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young drummer Joe Lala is a drug dealer. Joseph Turkel and his amazingly square, amazingly huge eyeglasses are a major drug smuggler.
Out-of-context quote: "I cannot be responsible for the peccadilloes of my associates."
Fan fiction element: This episode focuses on drug smuggling on the Native American tribal reservation of the Miccosukees, which gives the series the opportunity to feature lots of big speeches about the white man vs. the Indian, old ways vs. modernization, income from allowing drug dealers to use their land vs. going clean but losing all the money, youth vs. the elderly, idealism vs. business, etc. Plus, one character is a schizophrenic with his own vigilante army, and Tubbs goes undercover on the reservation as a doctoral student working on his thesis "Oppression in the Land of the Free." He convinces as a doctoral student because he puts on glasses.
"Honor Among Thieves?"
Holy shit, this episode is crazy.
Guest star: Dylan Baker is a homicide detective.
Out-of-context quote: "That's real heat, when they start arresting your horses."
Bonus quote: "Someday, you and me are gonna dance." "Strike up the band, baby."
Fan fiction element: A serial killer with a huge doll collection thinks his dolls can talk to him. They tell him to rape and kill young girls. The killer speaks in a high, squeaky voice whenever he's doing the voice of the dolls. He kills the girls by injecting them with an overdose of very pure cocaine. He then rubs cocaine all over the bodies and dumps them in a public place and rests a doll on top of the corpse. Crockett is undercover at a major drug dealer's compound, pretending to be a lawyer advising the dealer how to launder his drug money to make it look legal. The killer's use of cocaine is putting too much heat on the drug trade, so this dealer puts out feelers to catch the guy themselves. When they catch him, the dealer invites every other major Miami drug dealer to a kangaroo court on a nightclub dance floor. The club is closed for the night. Thinking Crockett's a lawyer, the dealer makes Crockett defend the killer. If Crockett can convince the assorted dealers the killer is too insane to know right from wrong, they'll turn him over to the cops. If Crockett can't convince them, they will torture and murder the guy. If you think that synopsis is crazy, wait until you see the concluding scene.
"Hell Hath No Fury"
Guest stars: Don Harvey is a convicted rapist recently released from prison. John Michael Higgins is the sleazy host of a Geraldo and Maury-style talk show. John Finn is a survivalist gun nut hit man for hire.
Out-of-context quote: "That's what rules are for, so you don't have to think."
Fan fiction element: We get both a satire of sleazeball talk shows and a ripped-from-the-headlines subplot about hired hitmen in the Soldier of Fortune classifieds. Also, Trudy is good friends with the rape victim as well as the arresting officer of her rapist, and the episode pretends like this has been an ongoing story even though this is the first and last we'll see of it.
"Badge of Dishonor"
Guest stars: Reni Santoni is lieutenant of a special ops drug unit. Barbra Streisand has a bizarrely brief cameo as a pedestrian walking down the street, so brief I didn't even notice it.
Out-of-context quote: "Great, couple of bad apples set back minority recruiting another 400 years!"
Fan fiction element: Weird Barbra Streisand cameo. Actor Julio Oscar Mechoso, who was a regular on the first season as a member of the vice team before the network decided to phase out the character, plays a drug dealer in the opening scene.
"Blood and Roses"
Guest stars: Stanley Tucci and Meg Foster are back from the first episode of the season. Michael Wincott is a sleazy guy with underworld connections. Frank Stallone is one of Stanley Tucci's goons.
Out-of-context quote: "Definitely not al dente."
Bonus quote: "Bottle of Dom P., two straws."
Fan fiction element: This episode has the exact same plot as an episode from the first season, and it's one that makes me feel gross and unpleasant. Why do it again? Gina is undercover and she's forced to have sex with a guy who creeps her out to avoid blowing her cover. She breaks down and is consoled by Trudy. At the end of both episodes, she kills the guy in a shootout and then stares deep into Crockett's eyes to let him know silently what went down. Freeze frame. Credits. Such a weird plot to repeat out of all the storylines from the past three years.
"A Bullett for Crockett"
Guest star: Fame's Jesse Borrego is a drug smuggler.
Out-of-context quote: "I never should have let him take Loco Mendez alone."
Bonus quote: "She's beyond the moral laws of this or any other world."
Fan fiction element: This is a fucking clipshow. Crockett is shot by the girlfriend of the dealer he's just shot. He's in a coma in the hospital, which happens to be the most dimly lit hospital in North America, which gives each character the opportunity to visit him and flash back to a scene from a previous episode. "In the Air Tonight" is brought back from the very first episode of the show to score the opening scene. Crockett's shooting will never come up again, and he's completely recovered by the next episode, even though he was in a coma with a bullet lodged in his spine. Fucking clipshows.
"Deliver Us From Evil"
Guest stars: Sheena Easton is back. Guy Boyd is back from Season 3.
Out-of-context quote: "This guy knows the difference between Baccarat and Lalique."
Bonus quote: "Did I ask for a lukewarm beer, Julia?"
Fan fiction element: This episode brings two completely separate storylines from earlier episodes together. We also get to see Sheena Easton perform "Follow My Rainbow" in its entirety, which is exactly the kind of song you imagine it is from the title. Also, several people in the audience give her bouquets of flowers after she performs. I thought this only happened to opera singers and theater actors and directors on Broadway.
"Mirror Image"
Guest stars: Antonio Fargas is a drug lord. Chris Cooper is a dirty detective. Julia Roberts is a drug lord's assistant. Brent Jennings is a vice sergeant.
Out-of-context quote: "Vice? I love vice."
Fan fiction element: Crockett gets a head injury during a boat explosion and wakes up with amnesia, which makes him think he's his undercover persona, so he turns evil. There is a weird Lynchian dream sequence. The episode ends on a cliffhanger.
One more season to go.
Crockett and Tubbs pose with Tubbs' bird, Pepito, star of the short-lived spinoff series Johnny Pepito, Tropical Bird Detective
Posted by Josh Krauter at 11:37 PM 1 comment:
Labels: Miami Vice
Thursday, September 26, 2013
A song for every year of my life #27: 2003
It's been a while since I did one of these, so I'm going to kick this one off with a band that makes most people I know sigh exasperatedly, mutter angrily under their breath, or just involuntarily exhibit a look of mild disgust when confronted with an audible mention of their name. The Fiery Furnaces are a band I love, one of my favorite bands of the last decade and change, and a band that suffers from Rodney Dangerfield Syndrome among most of my local peer group. I tell you, they get no regard. Oh well. People are wrong about almost everything. People, eh? Can't live with them, can't buy beer without them. By the way, if the more challenging/irritating/proggy/musical theater aspects of this band drive you a little nutty but you do find some things to like about them, I urge you to check out Eleanor Friedberger's two solo albums. One of them is a catchy, poppy, gorgeous '80s new wave and indie-pop inspired record that reminds me of late fall, and the other is a catchy, poppy, gorgeous '70s singer-songwriter inspired record that reminds me of summer. Here's "Leaky Tunnel" for you curmudgeons.
Honorable mention: Pernice Brothers - "Blinded by the Stars"
I love the drums and how they're recorded. I love how Joe Pernice structured this song and how beautifully he sings it. I love the tone and the subtle yet awesome flourishes in the background from the guitar. This song's like a big hunk of enticing candy to me.
Honorable mention: Pernice Brothers - "Blinded by the Stars"
I love the drums and how they're recorded. I love how Joe Pernice structured this song and how beautifully he sings it. I love the tone and the subtle yet awesome flourishes in the background from the guitar. This song's like a big hunk of enticing candy to me.
Posted by Josh Krauter at 3:34 PM 2 comments:
Labels: A song for every year of my life
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Write your way to blogcess™: Tips from a blogging legend
1. Avoid Topical References
Too often, amateurs will pepper their work with references to the hot celebrities and events of the day, not realizing how dated these references to, for example, the Hot Pantzz Boyz 2000, Millicent Cyrus, and the country of Syria will seem to readers of the future. If you are going to reference a famous individual, make sure it is someone who has withstood the vicissitudes and whirligigs of the various decades, reputation intact.
For quick reference, here is a list of celebrities it is okay to mention in your work (you may want to print this out and stick it on your computer or typewriter):
William Shakespeare
Sigmund Freud
Elvis ("the King of rockin' roll") Presley
Led Zeppelin
Marilyn Monroe
Pete Best
the Vicomte de Noailles
Peabo Bryson
Mark Twain
the famous Pope
Carly Rae Jepson
that guy's dad who's always making sassy comments on Twitter
2. Don't plagiarize
Don't plagiarize anything verbatim. You will get caught. However, it is okay to find someone much smarter than you and steal their ideas.
3. Write about da Vinci codes.
Write about da Vinci codes. People love that shit.
4. Don't waste time revising.
I've been blogging for nine years, and I have three different blogs. Every post is a rough draft. I could have polished each post and made it better, in some cases a lot better, but that would have sucked up time better spent eating deli meats and watching "Dharma & Greg." Readers don't know the difference and they don't care. I've posted some seriously terrible shit and no one's complained.
5. Make up words.
Look what I did in the title to this post. I made up the word "blogcess." This is Method A, which is the method where you take one word and smoosh it into another word. I smooshed "blog" into "success" and now you can't stop saying it. It's probably already gone viral. Method B is also effective. Method B is the method in which you just make up a word on the spot. Wingodangle. I just did it. You can have that one for free. Use it as you see fit, and watch the website hits soar into double digits.
6. Listen to the vernacular of the streets and incorporate it into your work.
If you want your work to pop, to really jump off the page with verisimilitude and pizzazz, you've got to get off your sweet, sweet can and mingle with the people. See what makes them tick. Hear what they're saying and how they're saying it. For example, I had a story idea that would require me to capture the essence of three young children. Instead of just winging it, I wandered onto a nearby playground to soak up the verbal world of today's youth. As I wandered over to a group of kids playing on the monkey bars, I heard this opening salvo: "Mr. Walker smells like pee." Attempting to blend in with the tykes, I put forth a witticism aimed at their primitive level of humor. "I saw Sylvester Stallone on the television last night," I began. "He's sure aged. Sylvester Stallone, more like Sylvester Nursing Home. Right, dudes?" I then raised my right hand to await the many high fives I was about to receive. Oddly, this gesture was not reciprocated, but I absorbed their priceless replies, which were a veritable literary goldmine of childhood vernacular:
"Who's Stavester Stallone? Is he your dad?"
"Why are you here?"
"Who are you?"
"Why are you on the monkey bars? You are a man."
"Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"
Classic stuff. Get out there and listen, and then use it. The streets are always talking and always patiently awaiting a scribe with the vision to capture it all.
7. Stock your liquor cabinet.
Make sure you have plenty of booze on hand, in case I stop by.
8. Commune with the dolphins.
Just kidding. Don't do that. It's fucking stupid.
Alright, fans. Now that you have absorbed this advice, what are you waiting for? Get blogging. One day, you, too, may achieve my legendary status in the blogosphere and know how it feels to reply to the question, "How's the air over there on your side of the fence, the side with the greener grass?" with the answer, "Pretty damn clean and refreshing, my less distinguished friend. Pretty damn clean and refreshing."
Posted by Josh Krauter at 11:38 PM 1 comment:
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
The popular culture, topical edition
"It seemed to be business as usual for Monteith on his final afternoon. At 1:24 p.m., the star took to Twitter to ask, 'what the crap is Sharknado.' One minute later, at 1:25, he seemed to have found the answer, tweeting, 'oh. IT'S A SHARK TORNADO.' His tweets refer to the Syfy original movie 'Sharknado,' which stars Tara Reid and Ian Ziering, and is, indeed, about a shark-tornado. These would be the last tweets Monteith would ever post."
-- from a Yahoo news article about the final day of recently deceased Glee actor Cory Monteith
Historians of the future, the paragraph above will be useful to you when assessing, evaluating, and documenting 2013.
-- from a Yahoo news article about the final day of recently deceased Glee actor Cory Monteith
Historians of the future, the paragraph above will be useful to you when assessing, evaluating, and documenting 2013.
Posted by Josh Krauter at 9:30 AM 1 comment:
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text:
The 'wrong-footed soccer maiden' who bridged Manhattan, Beijing
"That's a writer's life—indulging your curiosity, and not only indulging your curiosity in terms of pursuing it but sometimes taking a long time, having the patience to stay with the subject," says Talese of how Liu became so central to his narrative of nonfiction craft and its relationship to the writer's experience. The Los Angeles Times in a profile of Talese calls the Beijing trip his biggest reporting challenge, comparing his work there to Truman Capote's Midwestern sojourn while researching In Cold Blood. Both Talese and Capote, far removed from Manhattan, were exemplars of the non-native. "Especially with a language barrier," Talese continues, "you're not going to get much from what people say, because they're guarded with a foreigner. … So the language as spoken isn't as important as your capacity to hang out with people, to spend time with them, to observe."
Talese set about writing the interior of Liu's life—literally from inside 74 Wuding Hutong, part of a warren of communal dwellings in downtown Beijing decimated in anticipation of the 2008 Olympics. This was where Liu was reared, where her football boots formed part of the landscape of household effects. Talese knew that Liu was not a central character in world football, but a symbol of cultural transformation. Through Liu's moment of mass-consumed anguish, Talese could speak of gains and losses at the level of society, especially within the erratically unfolding story of Chinese women's physical liberation. "I imagine their grandmothers having bound feet," Talese says of the women soccer players of China, "and here are the granddaughters running around in cleated sneakers in front of the world kicking the ball."
Historians of Chinese sport date the cessation of footbinding, a thousand-year-old custom, to challenges to Confucianism mounted by spirited peasant women in the mid–19th century and also to the arrival of Christianity, which helped bring to women "the normality of unmutilated limbs." In millennia past, based on evidence preserved in fresco paintings, women had participated in the stylized kicking game of cuju, one of football's earliest forms. In the modern era, as early as 1924, a physical-education teacher in Shanghai translated an English football rule book into Chinese. Backed by the school principal, who saw soccer as symbol of sexual liberation, women students started playing the game against men. Such physical emancipation continued under Communism, motivated by a desire to boost military and economic development.
But despite Maoist rhetoric of women "holding up half the sky," Liu's penalty-kick miss in Talese's work presages a cataclysm of loss. Her sobs, transmitted via telephone to Beijing early on Sunday morning, spread in close quarters within the hutong. Her twin sister must apologize on her behalf; her grandmother, Madam Zhang, cloaks the television screen in black. "It is a part of life," she tells neighbors. In the coda to the book, we learn that this hutong lies in ruins, an early victim of the Olympic improvements. Although Talese followed her career for several more years, Liu fades from view as she faded from the consciousness of most Americans, drunk with victory, on July 10, 1999.
At last contact, in 2003 or 2004, Talese says that Liu, now 35, was teaching high school soccer. "That's a worthy profession," he says.
In this chiastic framing of A Writer's Life, the writer's regard for craft develops in parallel to Liu's existence. At the opening Talese confesses a conflicted relationship to the game ("I am not now, nor have I ever been, fond of the game of soccer"). Liu meets her nadir as Talese acknowledges his own fascination with defeat. But to him, the women players exist at a remove, as objects for consumption. Talese rakes his subconscious for forthright observations that are far from politically correct:
It … appeared to me that the Americans' bodies were more curvesome and fully feminine than the Chinese. The latter were inclined to be quite narrow-hipped and boyish in figure, and, with one or two exceptions, to have smaller breasts than the Americans. Actually, I had not noticed large-breasted women on either team.
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text: Food That Are Rich in Fibre The Top 10 High-Fibre Foods to Eat Every Week by Jenny Sugar 16/5/13 3 Reactions 29 Shares Print 19 3 5 2 0 If losing weight, staying regular, and reducing your risk of certain cancers is on your mind, then fibre should be too. Getting your fill — 25 to 30 grams a day — is proven to keep you feeling fuller longer so you eat fewer calories. Roughage is also important for keeping your digestive system happy, and more importantly, fibre has also been shown to reduce the risk of breast and colon cancers. Keep reading to learn which foods are the highest sources so you can start including them in your diet. Source: Thinkstock Avocado What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 Nosh on these avocado snacks or add slices to your salad. Half a cup offers 6.7 grams of fibre. This fruit is also a great source of healthy fats that can help to reduce belly bloat. Source: Thinkstock 1 / 10 Raspberries What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 Full of vitamin C and healthy antioxidants, this Summer fruit is only 64 calories per cup but offers a whopping eight grams of fibre. Add fresh berries to your cereal, put frozen berries into your morning smoothies, or whip up a batch of these high-protein lemon raspberry muffins. Source: Thinkstock 2 / 10 Kidney Beans What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 An excellent, low-fat source of protein as well as potassium, kidney beans, like all legumes, are a wonderful way to fill up on fibre — a half-cup serving offers 10 grams. Source: Thinkstock 3 / 10 Chia Seeds What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 One of the newer kids on the healthy block, chia seeds offer protein, omega-3s, calcium, and — for a one-tablespoon serving — six grams of fibre. Sprinkle them on cereal or add them to your smoothies. For a whole bunch more of high fibre lunchtime toppers. Click here. Source: Thinkstock 4 / 10 Barley What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 The high fibre content in whole grains can help lower your cholesterol levels, and eating one cup of cooked barley offers six grams of fibre as well as 3.5 grams of protein for just under 200 calories. Grab a slow-cooker and make this POPSUGAR Food recipe for barley vegetable soup. Source: Thinkstock 6 / 10 Broccoli What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 A dairy-free way to fill up on calcium, a cup of cooked broccoli also offers 5.1 grams of fibre. Source: Thinkstock 6 / 10 Pear What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 You'll not only get a decent amount of potassium from a medium-sized pear, but for just over 100 calories, you'll aslo be eating 5.5 grams of fibre. Source: Thinkstock 7 / 10 Lentils What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 A half-cup serving of cooked lentils offers 7.8 grams of fibre as well as iron and vitamin B. Enjoy these little legumes by whipping up this red lentil tomato soup for under 300 calories per serving. Source: Thinkstock 8 / 10 Artichoke What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 For just 64 calories, a medium artichoke offers a lot of fibre — 10.3 grams. This veggie is also high in silymarin, an antioxidant that may improve liver health. Source: Thinkstock 9 / 10 Peas What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 This green veggie may be small, but it packs a powerful fibre punch — 8.8 grams per one-cup serving. It's also high in protein, offering 8.2 grams. Throw peas into casseroles, soups, and pasta dishes if you're not a fan of eating peas on their own. Source: Thinkstock 11 / 10 19 3 5 2 0 Back to Homepage Comments Read More Healthy LivingHealthy Eating Tips healthy living Blast Belly Fat With These Delicious Recipes 8 hours ago Pumpkin Pie For Breakfast? Yes, Please! 15 hours ago Jimmy Fallon Will Make You Think Twice About That Juice Cleanse 1 day ago Curb Chinese Take-Away Cravings With Paleo Fried "Rice" 1 day ago An Egg White Frittata You'll Want to Make All the Time 1 day ago The Recipe That Mindy Kaling and Gwyneth Paltrow Have in Common 2 days ago What's Your Reaction? 0 0 0 0 0 0 0Reactions


text:
Event Details:
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
3:30 pm - 4:30 pm
Career Resource Room (Rm 124)
In an initial interview, you have a limited window to make your best impression. And studies show that screeners form their impressions in the first seconds of that window.
How do you best prepare to give targeted substantive answers? Avoid pitfalls? Handle behavioral questions for individual employers' needs?
These summer Wednesday Workshops are set up to provide small group interaction for members of the law classes of '13, '14 and '15 who seek informal information exchange.
Registration is essential to monitor space (and so we can move if necessary). To register:
Contact Information:
Beth Shackleford, Director of Student Professional Development
Web site:


text:
Niner RDO Stem 110mm Niner Green
© 2014 The Colorado Cyclist Inc
Average Customer Rating:
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The Niner RDO stem is trimmed down to race-ready essentials and made to match and complement your Niner bike. Light and stiff, with a tested and true 4-Bolt faceplate and stainless black hardware, the RDO stem is exactly what the modern race bike needs and nothing more. Available in a glossy black finish, with four RDO colors to match Niner's bikes and components.
Material: Aluminum
Rise: +/- 6 degrees
Clamp: 31.8mm
Length: 80, 90, 100, 110mm
Steerer: 1 1/8"
Weight: 115 g.
Item Code: MR1-110-751
© 2014 The Colorado Cyclist Inc


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Homeowner threatens legal action over noisy Brighton clubs (From The Argus)
Get involved: Send your news, views, pictures and video by texting SUPIC to 80360 or email us.
Homeowner threatens legal action over noisy Brighton clubs
11:00am Monday 17th December 2012 in News By Anna Roberts, Crime reporter
A homeowner has threatened to sue the council over its 24-hour licensing laws, claiming noisy bars and clubs have led to his seaview property decreasing in value.
Mark Hamilton, who lives in Astra House, at the junction of Preston Street and Kings Road, Brighton, claims noise from nearby venues is making his life a nightmare.
He said his one-bed flat and similar properties in the seafront block are valued at about £220,000 but sell for £160,000 because of rowdiness.
Mr Hamilton and his neighbours are discussing the possibility of employing lawyers to launch action against Brighton and Hove City Council for allowing nearby clubs to stay open so late.
He said he has kept noise diaries – as suggested by the council – but "people who are drunk generally don't like you taking pictures of them".
Mr Hamilton, a Chinese interpreter who bought the flat for £170,000 cash three years ago, said: "We are now looking at the possibility of legal action.
"About half the flats look over the side or the front and are noisy – ideally we want everyone to come together in legal action.
"Legally if you sell you have to say if there have been complaints so I would have to mention about the noise and that will decrease the value.
'Awful noise'
"The noise is awful. There is fighting, drunk people, shouting. Police are called.
"I wish I had not bought the flat.
"It is a brilliant view but a noise nightmare.
"If people left the area at 11pm then that would not be so bad. But it is 5am or 6am. Every morning our cleaner is clearing up broken glass."
The council said: "Any complaint about noise is taken seriously by the council.
"The environmental protection team has been working closely with residents in the Preston Street area to investigate concerns and will continue to provide support.
Sound measurement
"The council's environmental protection team and licensing team, along with the police licensing unit, have met with the key business concerned in response to the complaints.
"Measures have been agreed to improve the situation, including a review of security, management procedures and smoking policies.
"Preston Street is a busy street with a number of licensed premises.
"The council will continue to work with residents, police and licensed premises to ensure the licensing objectives are met and statutory noise nuisance is prevented."
It's your voice Is your sleep affected by rowdy drinkers? Email us at email@example.com
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Comments (36)
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11:10am Mon 17 Dec 12
leobrighton says...
11:25am Mon 17 Dec 12
CharlotteP says...
11:37am Mon 17 Dec 12
wolfie says...
CharlotteP wrote:totally agree brighton has always been the same will never change more research needed mr rich man
It was noisy there three years ago... its not a new thing. Do your research before buying!
11:37am Mon 17 Dec 12
Hove Actually says...
11:37am Mon 17 Dec 12
uniteagainstparkingcharges says...
Even flats in the most sought-after locations haven't seen that deal of value increase. I think Mr Hamilton is living in dream-land.
It is not an area that has suddenly become a popular area for late night revellers and he should have considered this when he bought it. If I was his lawyer I would tell him not to pursue a legal case that will inevitably fail.
11:38am Mon 17 Dec 12
MuammarQaddafi says...
11:42am Mon 17 Dec 12
julesgemini says...
11:42am Mon 17 Dec 12
julesgemini says...
11:51am Mon 17 Dec 12
mustaphaLeeko says...
Seems a bit daft to me to buy there!
As for it being valued at something and selling at some other price, that's life!
12:16pm Mon 17 Dec 12
nosolution says...
12:24pm Mon 17 Dec 12
mrtricky says...
A friend and residents living in a small Bournemouth town centre flat block had a similar situation last year and tried to sue local council. Totally unsuccessful and residents ended up with the legal bill.
1:02pm Mon 17 Dec 12
sbiscorrupt says...
1:07pm Mon 17 Dec 12
jamus77 says...
1:28pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Surely not! says...
1:29pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Reporter1 says...
1:57pm Mon 17 Dec 12
clubrob6 says...
2:09pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Hoarder12345444 says...
2:31pm Mon 17 Dec 12
sussexram40 says...
What's he on about, valued at £220k and sells for £160k. Can't be valued at £220k then! Value must be £160k if that's all you can get for them.
2:33pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Crystal Ball says...
Quit your moaning you whining maggot.
2:54pm Mon 17 Dec 12
cornwellc says...
2:55pm Mon 17 Dec 12
jamus77 says...
3:29pm Mon 17 Dec 12
bhafcforever says...
People never cease to amaze!
Also, what relevance is it that he paid cash for the property?
Good luck with your legal action, that will be a sure fire way to lose more money.
3:41pm Mon 17 Dec 12
BURIRAM says...
julesgemini wrote:It has always been bad it that area up to 2am but now it goes on all night up to 6am there is trouble in the centre of Brighton and also Kemptown
Don't live in Brighton if you don't like noise! As Charlotte said you should have done your research! It's always been noisy in that area. Anyone buying a flat there would do so because they want to live in lively area and put up with the noise!
3:45pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Flippin Burghers says...
6:41pm Mon 17 Dec 12
puddingandpi says...
2) Why the hell does he think he got it so cheap in the first place?
7:08pm Mon 17 Dec 12
vogon1 says...
7:39pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Council Pound says...
7:41pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Council Pound says...
8:15pm Mon 17 Dec 12
I'm Batman says...
And from the article "Legally if you sell you have to say if there have been complaints so I would have to mention about the noise and that will decrease the value."
Think you should be pointing your legal team towards the previous owner, they might have been telling some porky pies.
9:33pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Thumper Hove says...
These Nimby's are no different to those whining about the effect of the hospital in Kemptown (which has only been there for 200 years!)
9:33pm Mon 17 Dec 12
Thumper Hove says...
These Nimby's are no different to those whining about the effect of the hospital in Kemptown (which has only been there for 200 years!)
10:59pm Mon 17 Dec 12
ghost bus driver says...
7:56am Tue 18 Dec 12
whereisthe...? says...
The problem has only gotten worse, despite what some posters in this forum today would like you to believe (hello to you club employees and owners posing as unbiased "citizens" by the way)...
Often thought the threat of personal legal action may well be the only real recourse - and it made the papers, didnt it? The guy must be doing something right...
11:12am Tue 18 Dec 12
Fairfax Sakes says...
11:46am Tue 18 Dec 12
scoobysnax says...
1:01pm Tue 18 Dec 12
jamus77 says...
Comments are closed on this article.


text:
31 July 2014
Fine food, fine music and a lyrical tropical setting - it's no wonder that Chefs in the North has become one of the most sought after events of the year.
Held on the night before the opening of the Australian Festival of Chamber Music, this eighth Chefs in the North dinner will showcase North Queensland's outstanding local produce accompanied by the best Australian wines in a superb degustation menu prepared by some of Australia's finest chefs. Set on the lawns of Jupiters Casino overlooking Magnetic island, chamber music performances programmed by Piers Lane and performed by Festival guest artists completes an unforgettable night under the stars.
|31 July 2014
|Valid From
|31 Jul 14
|31 Jul 14
|Tables of 10.
* Please note: These rates are indicative based on the minimum and maximum available costs of listed products and services. To obtain a firm price from the provider, please use the contact the operator . All prices are quoted in Australian dollars.


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New England Patriots
Rob Gronkowski - #87 - TE
|6' 6"/ 265 lbs.
|Williamsville, NY
|Years played
|2010, 2nd round, 10th pick by Patriots
Patriots players of the week
Julian Edelman's punt-return touchdown was the play of the game for the Patriots and garnered him special-teams player of the game honors.
Patriots fantasy focus: Week 17
With the No. 1 seed locked up, don't expect a whole lot of fantasy numbers from the Patriots. TE Rob Gronkowski could be your best option.
Patriots-Dolphins matchup of the day: Thursday
Likely without ILB Karlos Dansby, the Dolphins will have a stiff challenge in slowing down Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski.
Patriots rookie report: Week 16
Rob Gronkowski had another big game on Sunday, catching two touchdown passes, while three Patriots rookies helped the team force seven turnovers.
Brady sets record; Patriots clinch No. 1 seed
Tom Brady set another passing record and the Patriots clinched the top seed in the AFC playoffs thanks to a familiar pushover, the Bills.
Patriots rookie report: Week 15
Rookie TE Aaron Hernandez caught two touchdown passes while CB Devin McCourty recorded his first career sack in the Patriots' win over the Packers.
Patriots rookie report: Week 14
CB Devin McCourty had another solid game while TE Rob Gronkowski caught his seventh touchdown pass in Sunday's win over the Bears.
Patriots fantasy focus
QB Tom Brady might not match the numbers we've seen the past three games, but he is still a viable option. RBs BenJarvus Green-Ellis and Danny Woodhead, on the other hand, may struggle on Monday night.
Patriots rookie report: Week 12
Rookie CB Devin McCourty had his best game while DL Kyle Love saw his first significant action this season in the Pats' Thanksgiving Day win over the Lions.
Crumpler takes on leadership role with Pats
The Patriots' rookie tight ends have received extra coaching from the team's best run blocker, veteran TE Alge Crumpler.
Patriots rookie report: Week 11
The Patriots' defense and tight ends are full of rookies and a few of them made some big plays against the Colts while others are starting to see their playing time decrease.
Patriots-Colts matchup of the day: Wednesday
Here's a matchup to watch in the Week 11 game between the Patriots and Colts: Patriots TEs Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez vs. Colts safeties Aaron Francisco and Antoine Bethea
Rookie Meter: 'Gronk' responds with three TDs
Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski had a game to forget in Week Nine's loss to the Browns, but he had an excellent game in Week 10, giving him the rookie lead in TD receptions and a spot "on the cusp ...
Patriots rookie report: Week 10
TE Rob Gronkowski outperformed TE Aaron Hernandez in a big way in Sunday's win, and the Pats' rookie defensive players helped a solid effort from the "D."
Patriots continue success following a loss
The Patriots followed an embarrassing loss to the Browns by dominating the Steelers on Sunday night, giving Bill Belichick a 23-2 record in the game after a loss since 2003.
The New England Patriots say they don't have any comment on published reports that Gronkowski has an infection in his broken arm that could keep him out into the season.||||||| The Boston Herald reported on Sunday that Gronkowski has an infection in the area where a metal plate was installed to repair his left forearm. Doctors will have to wait for the infection to go away to replace the plate, and Gronkowski would need 10 weeks after that to recover, the paper said. Patriots spokesman Stacey James said the team doesn't expect to comment on the report.
Gronkowski has undergone surgery on his broken left arm, a person with knowledge of the operation tells The Associated Press. Gronkowski suffered the season-ending injury Sunday when he caught a pass from Tom Brady in the first quarter and landed out of bounds on the arm for an incompletion in New England's 41-28 playoff win over the Houston Texans.||||||| Gronkowski had earlier surgery after breaking his left forearm on Nov. 18 in a 59-24 win over the Indianapolis Colts. He missed five games and returned for the season finale, a 28-0 victory over the Miami Dolphins.
Gronkowski needs surgery on his broken left arm, a person with knowledge of the injury told The Associated Press. The person spoke on condition of anonymity because the team has not released details of the injury.||||||| Gronkowski was injured on the Patriots' eighth offensive play of Sunday's 41-28 victory over Houston. He previously missed five regular-season games and is done for these playoffs.
Gronkowski is active for Sunday's playoff game against the Houston Texans.||||||| The record-setting pass-catcher missed five games with a broken left forearm before returning in the regular-season finale. That means he missed New England's 42-14 victory over the Texans on Dec. 10.
Gronkowski caught a 23-yard touchdown pass on Sunday against the Dolphins, his first game after missing the previous five with a broken left forearm.||||||| "It felt good. I haven't gotten hit in a while," Gronkowski said. "I got limited reps (but) you always want to get some reps before heading into the playoffs."


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The wait is over! Download the BeerAdvocate app on iTunes or Google Play now.
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Denison's Weissbier - Denison's Brewing Company
Displayed for educational use only; do not reuse.
Ratings: 103 | Reviews: 74 | Display Reviews Only:
Ontario (Canada)
3.78/5 rDev -4.1%
473ml can into nonic pint. listed here as 5.4% abv but this can has 5.3% on it. "B2514" on the label so i'm guessing this was canned on february 25, 2014. enjoyed on june 4, 2014
a: hazy pale yellow. two fingers of head that dies down quickly
s: not a very strong aroma, but i do get yeast, bread, spices, ripe bananas, and subtle lemon
t: same as the nose. yeasty and malty up front. banana, spice, and slight lemon starting mid-palate. malty all the way through. mild flavours, but this is tasty, balanced, and easy-going stuff
m: light-to-medium body, medium carbonation, creamy
o: refreshing and delicious. seems like a great summertime beer
06-04-2014 22:31:20 | More by kevinlater
Ontario (Canada)
3.5/5 rDev -11.2%
05-31-2014 06:37:47 | More by AugustusRex
Ontario (Canada)
4/5 rDev +1.5%
05-28-2014 03:02:14 | More by Bf_89
Ontario (Canada)
4/5 rDev +1.5%
05-21-2014 23:30:56 | More by Magibeg
Ontario (Canada)
3.5/5 rDev -11.2%
04-20-2014 03:47:59 | More by CRObighit2
Ontario (Canada)
3/5 rDev -23.9%
From 1989 to 2003, Denison's Brewing Company was located at 75 Victoria Street in Toronto, Ontario. Since 20 03, two of its most popular beers have been produced under licensing agreements. Denison's Weissbier and Dunkel are now brewed under the direction of the original Brewmaster, Michael Hancock at the Cool Beer Brewing Company in Etobicoke, Ontario. The smallest amount previously available for retail sale was a 20 litre keg, but Denison's Weissbier ("Weissbier") is now available in 473 ml cans at select LCBO stores.
We sampled Weissbier on October 14, 2011 in a 473 ml can with no visible date code. Weissbier was 5.3% alcohol by volume. The beer poured a very cloudy yellow/orange colour which was unchanged when held up to the light. Given the extreme cloudiness, there was no visible carbonation. A 1 inch fluffy white head lasted for about 5 minutes before shrinking to a thin film and foamy collar which left no spotting or lacing down the glass. Its aroma was primarily lemon citrus with just a touch of banana, but unfortunately these were accompanied by a mildly unpleasant acerbic smell. The taste began with yeast and citrus, followed by a hint of banana, and finished with a sour flavour. A sour/lemon aftertaste didn't linger long enough to be objectionable. Weissbier was light to medium bodied with enough carbonation to make it refreshing. Overall, I'd rate this beer as a decent effort, but the banana aroma and taste are too understated for my liking, and I could do without the acerbic smell all together. It also lacked the clove aroma and taste typical of weissbiers. If I was in the mood for a wheat beer, I'd reach for a Weihenstephaner or Blanche de Chambly instead.
04-14-2014 01:56:20 | More by BuckyBeerBeaver
Ontario (Canada)
3.86/5 rDev -2%
Purchased at the LCBO 473ml can for around $2.60/ea. Served at 5deg C in a draught glass.
A- Not too bad. Opens ok with a good 1" head and off clear golden color
S- Not much here at all
T- Pretty good. Nice carbonation. Good malt/wheat beer. Very light on the tongue. Very little coriander.
M- Excellent! Like the creaminess and tart in one. Very enjoyable.
O- Very good. Will buy again. Nice blend of blend of North American and Wheat beer. Hope word gets around more of this lovely beer
Food Pairing
This nice little blend beer went well with... Greek salad with chicken
04-12-2014 17:09:30 | More by DaveBar
Ontario (Canada)
3.75/5 rDev -4.8%
02-23-2014 23:42:35 | More by WillAndSarah
Ontario (Canada)
3.85/5 rDev -2.3%
Picked up a can from the LCBO for $2.70 CDN. Served cold into a pint glass (really need to get new glassware).
Appearance - Slightly hazy golden colored beer that becomes more transparent after pouring. 1.5 fingers of glorious,creamy white head with huge lacing were poured. The head lingers a bit and tons of bubbles are present. Did I mention the intoxicating look of the lacing?
Smell - Fermenting banana, glove. Some vague bitterness there too, but the banana is definitely the star. Weird off putting metallicness combines with the banana to have outputting smell at first but improves steadily as the beer warms. Because I served the beer a bit too cold and the aroma did improve as it warmed I will give it a relative pass here. It was pretty good smelling by the time I was half way into the beer.
Taste - Wheat, banana, clove some sweetness but restrained well like many of the excellent variations of this style. Some bubblegum n there too but once again the banana flavor steals the show. Quite delicious, if a bitter sweeter than others in the style.
Mouthfeel - Smooth creamy and refined, well crafted with high carbonation and medium-light bodied.
Overall - Quite delicious, about as good as the last time I had this, although the nose can cause some problems if served too cold. Otherwise, one of the best tasting and feeling hefeweizens I've ever had.
11-20-2013 05:00:03 | More by DenisKolkin
Ontario (Canada)
3.5/5 rDev -11.2%
11-06-2013 04:09:18 | More by mick303
Ontario (Canada)
4/5 rDev +1.5%
10-23-2013 07:14:07 | More by valianes
New Brunswick (Canada)
4/5 rDev +1.5%
09-23-2013 12:50:54 | More by CurtisD
Nova Scotia (Canada)
3.5/5 rDev -11.2%
09-17-2013 16:29:13 | More by sdm9465
Ontario (Canada)
4.25/5 rDev +7.9%
08-10-2013 05:04:53 | More by randallpink
Ontario (Canada)
3.75/5 rDev -4.8%
08-06-2013 06:54:28 | More by WeizenMike
Quebec (Canada)
3.75/5 rDev -4.8%
07-24-2013 14:42:03 | More by tom10101
Ontario (Canada)
4/5 rDev +1.5%
06-07-2013 23:13:33 | More by 307x
Ontario (Canada)
3.75/5 rDev -4.8%
05-25-2013 02:37:26 | More by KrisDLSmith
Ontario (Canada)
3.5/5 rDev -11.2%
05-21-2013 22:24:26 | More by jmkoscie
Ontario (Canada)
3.88/5 rDev -1.5%
very cloudy yellow beer, not a ton of foam and it dissipated pretty quickly.
Smell is citrus, banana, hops and wheat, very appetizing.
wheat and yeast in the taste backed by some nice citrus and just a hint of banana.
very light body, but a fair amount of carbonation, very smooth but a bit of a slick aftertaste.
overall, great tasting beer, reflective of the style and on par with a lot of the european hefe's definitely worth a taste.
04-27-2013 20:53:12 | More by NV9
Ontario (Canada)
3.4/5 rDev -13.7%
A: Cloudy straw colour with orange hues in it. High carbonation is visible. Head is a solid inch and is white and frothy.
S: Wheat, Spices, hints of cloves and banana.
T: Flavours are a bit soft. Cloves and banana are in the background while the wheat takes over.
M: Thin, a bit watery and carbonation feels low.
O: Appearance and smell are good but the flavour disappoints and mouth feel even more.
03-29-2013 01:22:27 | More by Kremlock
Ontario (Canada)
3.25/5 rDev -17.5%
02-27-2013 02:04:53 | More by yancot
Ontario (Canada)
3.75/5 rDev -4.8%
02-13-2013 03:59:00 | More by DaPan
Ontario (Canada)
4.03/5 rDev +2.3%
Appearance: It has a nice cloudy orange color to it. It has a nice white head that dies down moderately slow and leaves nice lacing.
Smell: The aromas definitely give out hints of citrus, wheat malts, cloves and yeast.
Taste: Like the aromas, it has some citrus, banana notes from the yeast, cloves, some breadiness and some wheat malts.
Mouthfeel: It has a medium carbonation with a nice overall balance and feel.
Drinkability: It's a very smooth drinkable beer accompanied with good flavors and aromas.
01-14-2013 19:00:41 | More by SebD
Ontario (Canada)
3/5 rDev -23.9%
11-06-2012 16:46:19 | More by cfalovo97
Denison's Weissbier from Denison's Brewing Company
88 out of 100 based on 103 ratings.


text:
One political expert says the candidate field for Alabama's 6th Congressional District could make for a very interesting race.
Scott Beason, Chad Mathis, current state Rep. Paul DeMarco, Will Brooke, Gary Palmer, Tom Vigneulle and Robert Shattuck have qualified to run for the 6th District seat.
Friday, Beason filed his qualifying papers. There was much speculation earlier this week about his political future after he announced he would not seek re-election in the Alabama State Senate.
"I was very clear that I said that my time on the state senate was over and this is a fantastic opportunity to represent the people," said Beason.
In 2012 Beason lost the Congressional race to incumbent Congressman Spencer Bachus who is not running for re-election.
Beason said his grassroots effort will change the game this go around.
"If I could I would talk to every single person in the 6th congressional district and I'm firmly convinced if I can send a little time with them they would see fit to send me to congress," said Beason.
Natalie Davis is a political expert with Birmingham Southern College. She weighed in on Beason's political past and what that might mean for him.
"He was really taken to task for you know being wired by the feds and then not making good on whatever it was they expected of him," said Davis.
Beason wore the wire during a federal investigation of state lawmakers accused of taking bribes for favorable bingo votes. On that recording he called African Americans "aborigines".
It's something he later apologized for.
"He's got a lot of energy. He's got a message. He's got history that he will probably, certainly try to defend and to argue in favor of," Davis said.
Davis said she thinks this is going to be an interesting race considering the mix of contenders.
"Paul Demarco, in the legislature, very popular. Chad Mathis, who is a physician, has raised a lot of money. Brad Brook who is running is an executive from Harvard Corp. This primary will have a lot of money on the table. We're going to see a lot of ads and we'll just have to see," said Davis.
The primaries are set for June 3, 2014.
Related: 2014 qualified Democratic candidates (state elections) and 2014 qualified Republican candidates (state elections)
Copyright 2014 WBRC. All rights reserved.
PO Box 8086
Savannah, GA 31412
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text:
Toledo residents who normally have their trash collected by Republic Services on Monday and Tuesday will not have trash picked up this week.
Customers who usually have trashed picked up on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday will see their cans emptied on a one day delay. That means Wednesday customers will have trash collected Thursday, and so on.
Republic Services says trucks were not able to pick up trash Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, which caused the delay.
Republic says it will work to catch up on recycling collection throughout the week. For more information contact Republic Services at 1-800-234-3429.
Copyright 2014 Toledo News Now. All rights reserved.
725 S. Floyd Street
Louisville, KY 40203
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text:
Customer Reviews
- a great space saver for the magazines I want to keep. Review by Suzi
I really love the magazine "Beadwork" and buying these gives me all the issues before I started beading and really helps on space.
(Posted on 6/14/14)
- 2007 Beadwork Collection Review by Judy Flanders
I enjoyed this as much as I have always enjoyed the Beadwork magazines and love so many of the projects
(Posted on 11/12/11)
- 2007 CD Beadwork collection Review by Arlene Cawood
I found this CD collection just as superb as all the other Beadwork magazines and products. Lovely projects and easy to use and understand. Keep up the good work!
(Posted on 11/10/11)


text:
● Have questions? View the Freshmen edition of Ask the Crusader.● See what school supplies you'll need for September here.● All incoming Freshmen must be medically cleared to participate in athletics, including Summer Conditioning. Log-in to check your status.● Sign up for your meal card here.Summer Assignments
Summer Assignments prerequisite for many classes, including all levels of English. Assignments will be posted as they are submitted by class instructors.
Flynn O'Hara Moves to New Location


text:
Everybody has a headache occasionally; however, people with multiple sclerosis (MS) are much more prone to migraine-like or cluster headaches than people in the general population. While the cause of most headaches is a mystery, some headaches in people with MS can be caused by lesions, depression or specific medications that they are taking. You should see your doctor for: Any type of unusual headache, a headache that keeps recurring, or one that lasts for a long time.
Note: Stay up-to-date on multiple sclerosis with my weekly newsletter.
What Do MS-Related Headaches Feel Like?Headaches that are directly associated with MS have been described as:
These seem to be more common in people with relapsing-remitting MS. They can be described as:
- Often preceded by an aura (blurry or distorted vision signaling that a headache is about to begin) or prodrome symptoms (including fatigue, hunger or anxiety)
- Throbbing on one or both sides of the head
- Can be accompanied by sensitivity to light or sound
- Typically accompanied by nausea, vomiting or loss of appetite
- Residual pain and discomfort often follow headaches
- Lasting from 4 to 12 hours
Cluster headaches have the following characteristics:
- May begin as a severe burning or stinging sensation on one side of the nose or deep in one eye
- Pain peaks rapidly
- Feels like electric shocks or "explosions" in or behind the eye
- Only on one side of the face
- Comes on without warning (unlike many migraines)
- Tend to recur at the same time every day (often soon after falling asleep), usually for a period of several weeks
- Can cause eye to water, nose to run or eyelid to droop
- Pain completely resolves after headache (until next headache)
- Lasting from 15 minutes to 3 hours
These headaches are the most common in the general population, and can be described as follows:
- Rarely causing severe pain, more often moderate or mild
- Constant, band-like aching or squeezing sensation
- Pain is either right over the eyebrows or encircling the head
- Comes on gradually
- Can happen any part of the day, but usually occurs in the latter part of the day
- Lasting from 30 minutes to all day
How Common Are Headaches in People with MS?Up to 58 percent of people with MS experience chronic or recurring headaches, compared to 16.5 percent of the general population. Of course, almost everyone (over 90 percent of people, MS or not) gets occasional headaches.
What Causes Headaches in People with MS?Many different things can cause headaches in people with MS, including:
Lesions: A study looking at 277 MS patients suggested an association between number of midbrain lesions and migraine headaches. Interestingly, cluster headaches in people with MS have also been shown to be linked with lesions in this area of the brain, where the trigeminal nerve, which is also called the fifth cranial nerve, originates. (The 12 cranial nerves emerge directly from the brain instead of from the spinal cord.) This is the nerve that is involved in the other "most painful MS symptom" – trigeminal neuralgia or tic doloureux. However, most headaches are not associated with MRI findings.
Optic Neuritis: Headaches are also common during episodes of optic neuritis. These headaches are usually only on one side and worsen when then eyes are moved.
Depression: Depression, a very common MS symptom, has also been associated with headaches in people with MS. Depression and migraine headaches are both linked to low serotonin levels.
Medication Side Effects: The interferon-based disease modifying therapies (Rebif, Betaseron and Avonex) can cause headaches or make pre-existing headaches worse. Provigil, Symmetrel and other drugs used for fatigue also have headaches as a primary side effect.
How Severe Can Headaches Get?Headaches can be extremely disabling. Migraine headaches can be incredibly painful, and the accompanying light and sound sensitivity can lead to people withdrawing to a quiet, dark space for hours at a time. Even when the migraine has passed, people are often left with residual symptoms (called the postdome phase), which include fatigue, irritability, problems concentrating and dizziness.
Cluster headaches are often described by people as the worst pain they could ever imagine, akin to "a burning ice pick being plunged into their eye." The pain from cluster headaches causes many people to fall on the floor, pull at their hair, bang their heads on the wall, rock back and forth, scream and weep. Although the pain from cluster headaches resolves (no lingering effect like with migraines), people often feel completely exhausted after each headache. Just as disabling as the headaches is the fear and dread that people feel, knowing there is a good chance that another one is coming within hours or the next day. This anxiety can interfere with daily activities or social contact, as well as lead to insomnia, as people avoid falling asleep (most cluster headaches occur at night).
Additional Points/InformationNaps: Some people find that a long nap (5 or more hours) following a migraine helps relieve some of the residual symptoms.
Take Notes: It is helpful to keep a symptom log where you record the specifics of your headaches, including time of day they started, how long they lasted, any triggers that you might have noticed and anything that you did (including medications) that helped. This will help your doctor to determine what might be causing the headaches, what type they are and what kind of treatment to try.
Rae-Grant AD, Eckert NJ, Bartz S, Reed JF. Sensory symptoms of multiple sclerosis: a hidden reservoir of morbidity. Mult Scler. 1999 Jun;5(3):179-83.
Gee JR, Chang J, Dublin AB, Vijayan N. The association of brainstem lesions with migraine-like headache: an imaging study of multiple sclerosis. Headache. 2005 Jun;45(6):670-7.
Gentile S, Ferrero M, Vaula G, Rainero I, Pinessi L. Cluster headache attacks and multiple sclerosis. J Headache Pain. 2007 Sep;8(4):245-7.


text:
On approved credit. Spotify Offer: Spotify free for 6 months, then up to $7.99/mo. For 18 months.
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text:
Recorded October 22, 1986, Fats Domino Live From Austin, Texas features previous unreleased performances from the award-winning Austin City Limits television show, featuring Dave Bartholomew on trumpet. Taken from the full concerts that were edited into the half hour TV show, these performances have been re-mixed and re-mastered.
This event will also featured special screenings of musical performances for HBO's Treme. The screening of performances by Elvis Costello & Allen Toussaint ("The Greatest Love") Irma Thomas & Dave Bartholomew ("Time Is On My Side"), Kermit Ruffins & The Barbecue Swingers ("Skokiaan"), John Mooney & Soul Rebels ("Poison"), John Boutte & Glen David Andrews ("At The Foot of Canal Street"), Steve Earle & Lucia Miracelli ("Gold Watch and Chain") will be preceded by introductory remarks from series co-creator David Simon, filmed on location in New Orleans where work on the series' second season has begun.
This event is free with a reservation. Email email@example.com or call 216.515.8426 to RSVP.
RESOURCES: Learn more about this year's American Music Masters honorees.
The weeklong series of events:
FREE with RSVP – Tuesday, October 22 at 7 p.m. – Author Series with Bill Janovitz at Cuyahoga Community College's Tommy LiPuma Center for Creative Arts in the Black Box Theater (adjacent to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's Library and Archives, 2809 Woodland Avenue, Cleveland)
FREE with RSVP - Wednesday, October 23 at 4:30 p.m. – Teachers Rock "Following the River": Exploring the Roots of the Rolling Stones in the Rock Hall's "Eat to the Beat" on the 3rd floor.
FREE with RSVP – Wednesday, October 23 at 8 p.m. – Songwriters to Soundmen with Steve Jordan, Bobby Keys and Steve Madaio in the Rock Hall's Foster Theater on the 4th floor
FREE - Thursday, October 24 at 7:00 p.m. – Keynote Lecture by Alan Light at Case Western Reserve University's Ford Auditorium, 11000 Euclid Ave.
TICKETED EVENT - Saturday, October 26 from 10:30 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. – Annual Music Masters Conference in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's Foster Theater.
TICKETED EVENT - Saturday, October 26 at 7:30 p.m. – Annual Music Masters Tribute Concert at PlayhouseSquare's State Theatre
Special program for students:
LIVE STREAM - Monday, October 21 at 1:00 p.m. – On the Road "You Got Me Rocking": The Musical Roots of the Rolling Stones
The series is sponsored by ELS Studio.
The Rolling Stones: 50 Years of Satisfaction exhibition opened in May 2013 and celebrates the Rolling Stones' incredible contribution to popular music. Through the use of artifacts, film, text and interactive technology, generations of music fans from around the world have the opportunity to get up close and personal with rare items from nearly every aspect of the Stones' extraordinary career. The Rolling Stones: 50 Years of Satisfaction is slated to run until March 2014.
For more information, visit rockhall.com.


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At Thomae Surgical, board-certified surgeon Dr. Keith Thomae and registered nurse Jessica Jausel help patients look their best with a wide array of cosmetic services. The medical professionals remove unsightly spider veins with both lasers and ultra-fine needles, they smooth facial creases with Botox injections, and they banish stubborn fat deposits with minimally invasive liposuction treatments.
Hans Wiemann has helped men and women reverse the effects of hair loss for more than 50 years. The experts can use a combination of massage, laser therapy, and MEDIceuticals products to increase circulation and stimulate new hair growth. Depending on the client's situation, they can also perform multi-unit hair grafts.
The licensed nurses, laser technicians, and aestheticians at Metropolitan Cosmetic Laser Center are certainly skilled on their own, but they still work with a safety net in the form of the physician who owns the practice. Together, they administer laser-based procedures, including skin rejuvenation and vein, hair, and tattoo removal. They also perform Restylane and Dysport injections that help soften facial wrinkles, leaving skin smoother than a newborn beach ball.
Professional micropigmentologist Virginia Schulte is board certified by the American Academy of Micropigmentation, a credential she wields when employing a range of laser-based cosmetic procedures along with her team of certified, experienced laser technicians. Virginia directs a digital pen machine over lash lines, brows, and lips to deliver permanent makeup definition and trades traditional hair-removal techniques for the pulsing power of a FDA-approved noninvasive laser. Aesthetic services, from photofacials and skin analyses to permanent makeup and hair removal, take place in a state-inspected, hygienic room that enlists sterile tools to assuage the physical effects of age and repel a squeamish Father Time.
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Laser Lipo & Vein Center's vein specialist and phlebologist, the board-certified Dr. Thomas Wright, has marked nearly every step of his career with an award. As a student at the University of Missouri's School of Medicine, his leadership and academic performance in the top quarter of his class got him elected to the venerable Alpha Omega Alpha medical honor society. After graduation, his voracious appetite for knowledge earned him a Physician Recognition Award from the American Medical Association, which recognizes doctors who average at least 50 credits of educational activities and swallow one textbook like a vitamin each year. Dr. Wright has also studied tumescent liposuction under the tutelage of its inventor, Dr. Jeffrey Klein. He also contributes original research to the American College of Phlebology, teaches classes at the American Society of Nonsurgical Aesthetics, and invests heavily in his patients. Impressed by his compassion and decade of expertise with cosmetic procedures, they honored him with Patients' Choice Awards in 2010 and 2011.
The center reflects his primary interests in vein disease and liposuction that only requires local anesthesia. Vein therapies are determined by an ultrasound evaluation, which could lead to a noninvasive treatment that heals with radio waves and the sterile affection of a grandmother robot. Lasers round out the practice's aesthetic side, as they can assist in liposuction and provide a gentle alternative to cosmetic injections. In addition to routing hair from the skin's surface, they penetrate below it to rejuvenate aging skin and zap veins.


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Editor's Pick: Buy the book before you buy the coin
I was about 7 years old when my Grandpa showed me an old tin of coins he had stashed under his workbench in the basement. It was filled with pennies. In a separate container were some fancier cents, at least … Continue reading
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text: The Shop With a Cop volunteers and staff kicked off another season of fundraising for children in Deming and Luna County on Wednesday at the Big Kmart store located at 1205 E. Pine St. The Luna County Sheriff's Office, city of Deming, Deming Police Department, U.S. Border Patrol, Luna County Detention Center and other area law enforcement agencies come together every year to brighten the holidays for children who in many instances may not receive any gifts for Christmas. The program allows every child to go shopping in Kmart with a member of law enforcement with a $35 gift card in hand. Last year the program served 400 kids. The program must raise $14,000 and the help from the public is greatly appreciated.