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I just read an op-ed piece written by a doctor in which he discusses why he feels it would be better for people with depression to be forced to work rather than allowed to go on disability. The crux of his argument seemed to be that when he was a junior doctor he lived next door to some young men who were on disability for depression yet they were able to get out in the yard and play football. The more I read of his article, it became clear to me that he was, in fact, jealous because he was working hard learning to be a doctor so he could treat these people who seemed to be living the easy life, drawing a check from the government, even though they were not really debilitated enough, in his opinion, to be disabled.
Reading this article, it occurred to me that depression doesn't get the respect that it should because it is an invisible illness. There is nothing obviously wrong with people who are depressed. They plaster on a fake smile, make an appearance at work every day and everything appears to be normal. But, does the fact that depressed people are physically capable of getting themselves to work mean they aren't too disabled to work? I think only someone who has experienced depression knows the real answer to that question.
I am one of the lucky ones who was able to recover from depression with treatment. But, what if I had been treatment-resistant, going from one medication to another with no relief, the way so many people do? I can remember dragging myself to work most days, pulling myself out of bed at the last possible second because my sleep had been so poor. I would be there in body, but not really up to the task emotionally, psychologically or even physically. I made numerous mistakes, my productivity was low and all-around I was just not a good employee when I was depressed. Whenever I possibly could, I used sick days and vacation time to relieve the unbearable stress. I can well imagine what it is like for the chronically depressed person who is not able to find relief through any means. How can you do a competent job at work when you can barely find the energy to pull yourself out of bed? If you are struggling to hold a job because of your depression and there is no end in sight for your symptoms, why shouldn't you be considered disabled?
Do you receive disability benefits because of your depression? Have you considered applying? Share your thoughts about this topic by leaving a comment below.
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- January 15, 2008 at 4:14 pm(1) Connie E. Mabry says:
I applaud you for responding in this supportive manner. My mom used to laugh and say, "Connie, you will never get any sympathy!" Just becuase I did not LOOK ill to the general public, did not mean that I was not hanging on by my fingernails. Depression is an excruciating, painful, deadly disease that claims many lives. To minimize or dismiss this illness because it cannot be seen, would be the same as dismissing cancer because it is not visible.
- April 10, 2011 at 7:22 pm(2) Steven says:
as far as i know cancer is physically visible, in some cases to the naked eye. I agree extreme depression is a disability, but for future reference, your comparison is not going to win you any arguements. If anything it is only going to make others who use this look silly.
- April 29, 2011 at 8:28 pm(3) Jim says:
Ah, Steven, not all cancers are visible, just as some people are visibly depressed. I have suffered over 32 years with deep, horrible depressed episodes along with my everyday depression. My meds do work, but not enough. It took me over four years to find the right meds for my depression. Now I'm affraid of trying to change them for better acting ones because it is a very debilitating situation to live through! Most of the best moments of my life have been destroyed by my depression. I'm 58 and all day through (yes, at work too) I see images in my mind of my childhood. Funny thing is, I had a wonderful childhood! But now I see the world as a hateful, violent and disgusting place to live… there is little respect for others and nobody wants to take responsibility for their actions (politicians anybody??).
Steven, see the person, not the cancer. Take care.
- September 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm(4) Jeff says:
Depression is visible to all neuroscientist, physician, psychiatrists that chooses to do a PET scan as everyone with depression will have an overactive brain or excessive glucose uptake, use, in a specialize area of the brain around the anterior cingulate or the broadmann's area 24. Every patient that stays in refractory or treatment resistant will continue to show excessive glucose comsumption (sleep deprivation for one night temporarily fixes depression by slowing down the brain activity) and only when the depression goes into remission by finding the right treatment such as a combination of exercise, the right combination of medication perhaps an MAOI plus TCA as certain TCA's are fine with MAOI or addition of buprenorphine as many patients lack natural endorphins and pharmaceutical companies shoud focus on more κappa-opioid receptor antagonists (blockers) to treat refractory depression as many patients have overactive kappa receptors or try the experimental deep brain stimulation (DBS), will the depression go into remission and can be confirmed by the PET scan showing a normalization glucose consumption or brain activity.
- November 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm(5) JR says:
Guess what there are millions of HARD WORKING americans who DRAG themselves out of bed every day and go to WORK because they have pride , and yes they are depressed,they are depressed because they are paying into a social security fund that will be bankrupt by the time they get to use it. So keep on milking the system you parasitic people and before u realize it our once great country will be no better than mexico and all the young people and our children will have to suffer a third world life because you were too depressed to work!!!! This also goes to the others who draw bogus disability checks and people who abuse the welfare system
- January 15, 2008 at 7:09 pm(6) Lozza says:
I have suffered from depression since 1998, I too used to drag myself out of bed each day to work, I could not consentrate I was having panick attacks all day, my sleep was poor I had no sex drive or drive for life, my job was fixing computers I was promoted to a group leaders position but I was always tired depressed, felt hopeless hated myself for feeling this way, I was very muched liked at work, but there was an overwhelming feeling of doom\dispair was physically and mentally exausted I no longer enjoyed life, I used to asked myself whats the point of living feeling like this day after day without any relief, I considered suicide every day I kept working I even went for a promotion and got five grand on top of my wages was now working up in London or some upper class customers, thinking that this change of location\promotion would somehow lift my depression all it did was make it worst, I also took up rigorous exercise (wieght training) to lift my depression all the did was deplete my energy even more, I had to stop work in 2004 due to it getting so bad I was embrassed lonely and completely at a lost as to what to do I had tried my best and failed my spirit was totally broken, I was on job seekers allowance at first but soon realise that now that I had confroned my depression head on without the fake smiles and the true grit feeling that I had I was unable to leave my house, I eventually went on Disability benefit, I have got a large family I felt that I let them down, I really wanted to die it only due to me having strong religious beliefs that I,m here today, for anyone (Doctor\Lawyer\Judge\Queen, or whosoever it may be says thats Clinical Depression is something you can just force yourself and go to work with, I say which other illness in the world forces people to think\suicide as a way out? Most people do not commit suicide when they find out they have Aids,Cancer,heart disease etc, this disease IS A KILLER, so I say to that doctor on people with depression going to work to take his head from out of his arse and wake up.
- January 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm(7) Joanne says:
I suffer from bad back problems and sciatica in my leg which has got so bad that i've thought of taking my life on many occasions! but i have 5 beautiful kids who don't deserve to loose their mother! I also suffer from depression! I think it's severe as I don't have the energy to even get out of bed on most days! Not only that I sit down stairs sleeping on the sofa all day with the curtains closed!! Low and behold anyone open those curtains and i go mad! maybe cos people cud see me sat in a tip like a hermit with the curtains closed .This may not make any sense to anyone else! God no's I need help!I just keep gettin fobbed off with Citalapram and it does diddly squat! I've suffered for 13yrs! and ive finally been refered to Gateway and Advice a mental Health Hospital and to get this I walked into A & E basically and told them I felt suicidal due to pain i was suffering and the lack of treatment i was getting from my G.P. and u no what that lady 'Bless Her' did more than my G.P. did in the yrs i'd been with him! I have an appmnt nxt wk so i'll see how it goes!I've filled out forms 11 weeks ago for disability living allowance and i'm waiting to see how it goes! I don't hold out much hope thou even the G.P. told me it's hard to get! I mean you'd think 13 yrs of depression wud be enough to qualify! but obviously not! I only leave the house when i have too and even then i try and put it off, the only person who get's me out is my mum maybe cos she won't take no for an answer. I feel guilty everyday for not goin to school plays or parents evening I really do need good help! I've now been given Gabapentin for my back and leg problems for nerve damage which is working well i've been able to move about more and they lift your mood which isn't a bad thing!
- January 28, 2011 at 12:52 am(8) Beach says:
I hope you read this. Is that Neurontin you are taking ? A friend took that and got suicidal thougts. Talk to your dr. and do not think negatively, for the sake of your 5 kids, you need to keep on trying to find someone to help you. Go to different people who can help. Best to you, God Speed!
- February 4, 2011 at 11:11 pm(9) joyce says:
I agree. Completely! After 25+ years of dragging myself out of bed to go to work I have finally given up on working! I cannot do it anymore. I've been on so many antidepressants over the years i can't remember all the names! I dont know where to turn or what to do anymore. If not for my religious beliefs I know suicide would be the only way out. !nyone that has never been there shouldn't be so quick to judge! If anyone can help me with tips on filing for ssdi I would much appreciate it. Thanks so much!!
- February 16, 2011 at 1:19 am(10) kev says:
ive sufferd from dippression for longer than i can even think i hate my life i can go more than a few hours without wanting to die but im to perfetic to even do that right i was asaulted at work an walked out been out of work for 3-4 years made it even worse i can get an income because my partner works 16 hours a week and aparantly jobseekers dont alow more than £100 a week for a couple having tryed twise with the same answer now all i can seem to do is watch films and play video games ive stoped goin out more or less compleatly and my snappy dippressed behavior pushed my partner away so much she had an affair i tryed going to the doctors for help last year and the diagnosis was "get a job" after with i overdosed wen i got home even that didnt help i just ended up throwing up and soiling myself i realy can go on anymore i hardly eat cant sleep my life is in tatters i have no hope in anything let alone geting work who would employ someone with huge dark shadows under there eyes and no enthusiasm to anything i realy dont know what to do or how to get help even if i did it would meen trouble if i ever had children not that that will ever happen the way thing are so no depression isnt to be taken lightly its horrible and evry day i feel more dead than the last.
- January 16, 2008 at 3:31 am(11) Angyl says:
Having suffered with manic depression my whole life, and having only recently (4 years ago) gotten fully diagnosed, and only in the past month started finally getting treatment for this terrible disorder, I can say definately that depression is a very debilitating illness.
There have been times that I cannot get out of bed, or clean my home, or even drive to the grocery store. Other days I am over-the-top, able to clean my whole house, work out, shop, and have fun with my family. But I live on a roller coaster to which there is no stop… it is always either up or down… maybe one day I will know what it is like to stand still in my head and know peace, but for the past several years it has been a battle…
I haven't been able to keep a job in years. What few jobs I did have, and managed to keep for over a year, I did poorly. Making mistakes with money, customers, keeping stock, and other duties, due to my illness getting in the way.
I say, that if you can work, you should. But for those who can't, disability payments can be a lifesaver, allowing them to get much better treatment… and with time, possibly a normal life.
So, yes, in the end, depression is a real illness, and a real disability… at least, it is to me.
- May 4, 2011 at 4:00 pm(12) Ellen says:
I just read your comment from 2008 but had to respond, since the paragraph "I haven't been able to keep a job in years…" is exactly what I'm going through. I am just about to apply for Disability but the level of anxiety in doing so is making me even more depressed.
I don't think it's a good case since it's based on depression and not a physical disease. I was never hospitalized and I did work although was fired from my last 4 jobs, but they lasted 8 months. It was pure hell each and everyday.
I guess I was hoping to find out if your case was approved right away and if you were able to live on the monthly check.
Thank you so much and I hope life has gotten much better for you.
- August 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm(13) ruffy says:
I can identify with your story. I'm 47 and have struggled with depression since my early teens. There is no part of my life that hasn't been affected.
I graduated from high school two years late and withdrew from college in my sophomore year because of a depressive episode.
I've never had an intimate relationship and at this stage of my life don't expect I ever will.
Nothing is as good as it could be. Even the sweetest emotion is polluted with sadness. Anyone who suffers from depression will know what that means.
Over the last few years I have looked for help but it is so hard to find. I've seen more therapists than I can name and they all do the same thing: charge me $50 an hour to listen to me ramble.
I don't need another of those or a social worker. How and where do I find a Doctor who can help me???????
do I feel disabled? yes
do I want to be? hell no.
Is depression a disability? The answer isn't only yes, it's HELL YES!
- November 8, 2011 at 6:21 am(14) ang says:
I totally understand where you are coming from! I have suffered from Depression for about 30 years. I too never have had a relationship at thats my biggest regret. I would have made a good boyfriend and my PTSD and depression may have not been as strong if it is an emotional thing but who knows? It might have at least made me have something to live for in my teens. I blew some chances as a teenager. But then I have had trauma from a very young age so that might not be the case but it stopped me from socializing over the years. I wouldn't at least feel ugly maybe. Also I started feeling depressed just before my teens. I have no friends. I have had head injuries too so that probably hasn't help! Even specialist trauma therapy hasn't help. Medication made me feel worse! I feel suicidal but I won't kill myself I hope. Of course I'm not fully in control of my mind so who knows? I did work hard for twenty years but then I had to leave work that I was at the time. Not worked for years now! I say hell yes to depression being a disability, well it does feel like you are going through hell when you have it!
- November 8, 2011 at 6:29 am(15) ang says:
Also starting to sleep most days and not go outside at all! Also exercise hasn't help either when I did exercise for years. Maybe I would have felt worse if I didn't exercise but I'm not sure. Don't sleep very well, sometimes hard to eat.
- January 16, 2008 at 3:43 am(16) Larry M says:
I had been diagnosed as major depressive after 2 suicide attempts. My depression stemmed from an inability to work after a major car accident forcing me to have very major back surgery leaving me physically disabled permanently. My attorney told me I never would have been awarded Social security disability because of my depression, but only for my physical disability. I guess you have to successfully kill yourself to be awarded SSD on a depression basis. And they say I'm nuts.
- January 16, 2008 at 3:50 am(17) MELISSA says:
- April 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm(18) Alice says:
Perhaps if you got out of the house, you would feel better about yourself and not be so depressed. Sure, depression is real, but sitting at home thinking about how terrible life is does NOT help your situation. I wish you luck but you have to help yourself.
- April 12, 2011 at 6:28 pm(19) Lilian says:
I cant believe you said that. I have suffered with depression for 25 years, I work full time in a professional position and getting out of the house doesnt help. It doesnt take away the feelings of despair. No one wants to sit and think bad thoughts, depression takes a hold of your mind and you have no control over the thoughts that jump into it.
I really and sincerely hope that you or your family never suffer from this illness.
- April 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm(20) teresa says:
im so sick an tired of people saying,get up get outside ud feel better.i had a rotten childhood,my father was a terriable man did rotten stuff to me.ive fought depression my whole life still fighting it.so to alice,if uve never been depressed an dont understand it then i suggest to quit bascially telling people to get over it,its not that simply i wish it was…
- October 4, 2011 at 2:07 am(21) Eric says:
What if you literally cant stop thinking about it because of OCD. I think you kind of people live in a freaking bubble and think everyone who has a problem is either lazy or ignorant. Your Ignorant for thinking its that easy for all these people. Wake up and smell the pain , tears , and sadness.
- January 16, 2008 at 4:05 am(22) Geri says:
Thank You for exposing such a wide felt feeling about those of us who suffer from depression. People think just because we "look" ok that we are ok. I would give anything to be as ok as I looked. The other fact is that just like anyone else who suffers with any illness that causes them to lose time from work WE ARE NOT GETTING PAID and even if we are able to collect disability that it as most people know nearly enough to live on.
- January 16, 2008 at 4:11 am(23) Jacqueline Whittig says:
I have been depressed all of my life. It started with a bad child hood. My father beating my mother up all the time. I tried to help her, but couldn't. Then I got married to a wonderful man, and I worked three jobs. Then I fell 20 feet of steel stairs, and I couldn't go back to that factory. It got so bad, I didn't want to live. I tried suicide twice and ended up in the intensive care unit. I had two little kids, that I didn't want to hear them cry, and I loved them so much. Now 25 years later, I am more depressed than ever. I have had three stomach surgerys, due to bleeding ulcers, I have had so many blood transfusions, and now I have a hospital bed at the age of 55. My back is deteriated and I can barely get around. I don't like to be around people. I think they talk about me. I don't go out much, just to the doctors. I hate myself and I have lost all my teeth, due to so much vomiting. My happiess time, is night, when it is black outside, and I can go to bed and cover my head, which I do doing the day too. This all makes me hate myself more, because I know the years are passing me by. I want help, but medication just does not work. I have even wrote in to get a wire put in my head, to shut out the negative feelings I get. Depression is real, so real. I think if I could pay my bills and get some work done around the house, I would feel better. But the truth is, I wouldn't. You always try something so it will go away. I have no good days anymore. I have high blood pressure, and many more health problems. Do I still want to commit suicide? Some times. All I really want is for the rest of my life, enjoy it. Laugh, be happy. I always wanted to see the ocean, but that probably will never happen. I get sick alot, and they wouldn't know what to do. If anyone has any suggestions, I would take them. I feel like I am a unfit grandma, because I don't play with the kids. I look at these other people my age, and they are out walking and everything else. I stay in bed, usually put a note on the door, "do not disturb". I hate myself so much and yes I am on medication. I hypervenilate at times. Last summer, I probably went out a total of ten times. And that was usually to the doctor. I also am ashamed of myself. To think, I use to be a hard worker, cooked for my family, got up at 5:30am every morning to get the kids ready for a babysitter, and I was a immaculate house keeper. You wouldn't of found a crumb on my floor. Now I have to settle for less. I can no longer make it upstairs, and if I stand on my feet too much, they swell. Yes, people deserve disability if they are depressed. I don't mean for a week or two, I mean a forever thing. I would much rather work, be happy, then to be in this house that needs alot to be said. Sincerely!
- January 16, 2008 at 5:59 am(24) UJR - UK says:
Having been off work Jan – Mar 2006 with Depression this was the 2nd time in 5 years this happened to me…The first time I would not accept that I who had everything was depressed….I now agree this is a disability and affects everyone differently.
After working for the same company for 16 years they could not empathize with what I was going through as I was always the life and soul of everything! They kept telling to SNAP out of it PULL MYSELF together…But you know what Depression gripped me like a vice and would not let go until I faced it head on.
I had counseling, I decided a Job change may help. So after a new job, new house and new location I thought everything was great, then a year later it came back again, on scale of 1- 10. 10 being the worst! I was fighting a 9.9…. in the end I gave up work as time off due to illness was not helping me in my new job…I gave this up by choice as this was giving me a lot of negative feedback with my new bosses. they supported me and gave me a glowing reference to add to my CV. No mention of my illness…
So, I took 3 month off work unpaid and worked at sorting myself out. This was hard and often very lonely. New place, know no one and did not want to be judged! But no money coming in either which was even more pressure, despite letters from my doctor saying that was necessary for me to be off and rest.
You know what, now I work for myself and when I feel shitty I can stop, breath and reflect, when I feel 100% I go out and take on everything and enjoy every minute I feel clear and chilled.
If there was a disability then there would be a financial reward, I agree you should have to have a history otherwise some sad people would just pretend to get the beneifits from the system…
- January 16, 2008 at 6:12 am(25) Lori Cole says:
I had been depressed my whole life but wasn't aware that I was until I was going through a nasty divorce. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia. I had good days and I had bad days but I always felt like life was just a waste. I was going throught the motions with no snese of why. I'm still depressed. I havent gotten mine under control. I'm tired all the time and I just hide in my room after working all day and going to school. I have a family and a partner but they just dont give me a real reason to smile. recently, I sought help again becuase I'm tired of being tired and feeling like life isn;'t worth it. I've been going to school for seven years now and soon to graduate this May but the joy and excitement I should feel from my accomplishment isn't there. I feel like it's for nothing. I'm 44 and I feel like I have wasted my time even though I know I haven't I feel like I have. It's hard for us who suffer and doctor's just have no clue unless they go through it themselves. A little empathy is in order for depressed individuals not criticism and force. Going everyday is a chore. It's hard to just go but we do that doesnt mean we feel any better. It is a disability in every sense of the meaning…
- January 16, 2008 at 8:32 am(26) Squiggles says:
Yes, there should be options in
insurance and employment policies for all mental illnesses. A GP or psychiatrist can attest to the seriousness of the illness and give a prognosis, if there is any doubt.
- January 16, 2008 at 8:44 am(27) Louise says:
I am 56 years old and have been away from work 10 years this coming June. I am on disability pension. Fortunate? or unfortunate? The fact that I receive a pension alleviates the financial stress, however, I still don't feel good that I am off work. Believe me the "stigma" is there, I know and feel the people that truly believe that I should be off work and those who believe that I'm having a great life "faking it". I can relate to the previous comments posted. I don't have the stress of facing a work day out of the home, but there are days that bed is the best place for me. I don't have the interest, energy or motivation of doing housework, I get by going through "motions" every day. The more the clutter builds up, the more negative I fell, it is a vicious circle.
It is my opinion that all "professionals" who treat people with depression, should have had one as part of their qualifications, then there would be no question as to how they would treat their patinents and how much more understading they would be.
- January 16, 2008 at 8:51 am(28) Jonathan says:
Suffered from depression my whole life. I know that now. The above link is something I have found very interesting, very very interesting.
- January 16, 2008 at 8:53 am(29) Jonathan says:
This is the link http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/index.html
- January 16, 2008 at 9:13 am(30) Sharon says:
I can relate so much to what has been shared. I struggle daily with those same tasks, having interrupted sleep throughout the night, being late for work almost daily which was never a behavior of mine before depression. I was early more than just on time. I try and covince myself all day at work of an excuse to call out the next day and then I feel guilty for feeling that way so I struggle and drag myself to work even though I barely there. I feel like a shell just existing. I recently went back to therapy and have since changed medications but I truly want to stop all together because I've gained weight since the meds and it's affecting my depression because I had gastric bypass 4yrs ago and lost an extreme amount of weight and have kept it off till the depression uprooted to the extreme. I lost my only brother to murder Jan/06 and suffered from post traumatic stress along with the depression and I have been struggling ever since like never before in my life.
- January 16, 2008 at 9:14 am(31) Laura says:
This doctor is obviously Not intelligent. Nor is he educated. There is scientific data that shows chemical imbalance as a causal factor of depression. How can a doctor dismiss this? Most would not dismiss it and do realize that depression is real and is debilitating enough for some who only wish they could work and have their lives back. His ridiculous "opinion" and that's all it is btw…an uneducated opinion, isn't worth addressing really.
- January 16, 2008 at 9:52 am(32) Melanie says:
Evidently this doctor has never suffered through depression. How can anyone who hasn't experienced the hell that depression brings, make a decision like that. Sure, I may look "normal" to my co-workers, or my physician, but they don't know how difficult it is to even function somedays. (luckily for them) Whether or not someone with depression is able to work or not should be based on an individual basis.
How I function may be completly different from the person standing next to be–it varies day to day. Please, pray for this physician, that he may go through the rest of his life without t having to spend his life SUFFERING from disease.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:22 am(33) Pat says:
After reading all the comments left here, I would agree especially with Melanie. All disability claims for depression should be determined individually. Unfortunately, many doctors will not agree. I was diaggnosed with major depression about 5 years ago The psychiatrist told me that he believed part of the depression was related to what was a very low thyroid and told me that previous doctors had done me an injustice by never making themselves aware of changes in lab values. I urge ALL people with depression to educate yourself about your thyroid and the new lab values. I have improved with medication but my doctor told me I will always suffer from major depression because of the many, many years of an incorrect diagnosis. Of course, the fact that life changed dramatically with the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, chronic Epstein-Barr and marital problems did not help. But a federal judge reviewed all my medical records and granted Social Security Disability. I told my doctor "I would not hire ME" even thought I am well educated and had worked for 23 years. The depression took over. Don't give up! Be your own advocate and if you can no longer work keep trying for disability.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:25 am(34) Dave says:
Also what about the fact that sometimes someone's job might have something to do with keeping them depressed. Most working class people can't afford to quit their jobs so then it becomes a circle. Another thing that always bothered me was people that say you don't need medication for depression. Why would it bother anyone else whether or not you take medication for it? Obviously they must think the depression really doesn't exist to say that.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:27 am(35) Mary says:
I have suffered from depression for years and have experienced all of the manifestations that have written above. I was undiagnosed for a long time and faked my way through life. Unfornately I started drinking to self medicate and that was a disaster. I am now sober and with therapy and antidepressants I'm sure that I would be dead long ago. I am on SSD because my depressive episodes are so debilitating I can barely function. Even taking antidepressants does not always prevent one from spiraling downward but with a therapist and meds the spiral can be arrested. Not all doctors feel as the one you referenced. God knows I would love to work , but at my age -54- there's not much there especially with my out of date skills. I just want others to know that people that suffer from this beast are probably some of the strongest people I know. You have to be to fight this and come out the other side.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:48 am(36) harold kershner says:
The most true and accurate account I have ever read on depression – it is high time our governments both state and local and federal begin to assist those of us who suffer with this affliction -congratulations for spreading the TRUTH !
- January 16, 2008 at 10:49 am(37) Jayme says:
I dare say that whomever would think that we as depressed souls just walk around and collect money for the sheer enjoyment of it, has not himself seen or experienced the horrifying grips of such a mean spirited and ugly disease. I have suffered since the young age of 13 with horrific depression leading to my harming myself a handful of times. I am a male 49 years of age and would love to know what a normal life is like. To gleefully wake up and go to a job where i exude enthusiam and have a zest for life and the living. I do not exhibit any happy traits. Medication has not aided me and all i can do is receive therapy through groups and or individual sessions. I dare you as a doctor or anyone that has not lived within the bowels of hell to stand there in your arrogance and tell me and others collectively who suffer this disease, that we should just get out and work. YAWN! You bore me! You make me sick! I receive monthly payments and its not enough to live on! You think anyone in their sane minds would consider such a life and live on a pension so menial that it keeps you one step ahead of homelessness? Get a life doctor!
- January 16, 2008 at 10:49 am(38) DAL says:
I had my first depression spell at 13 where I stayed in bed for a week, because "I did not feel well". My most recent stay in bed was for three and a half months. In my life, in the last 18 years, I have had about 50 different jobs, about 20 different places to live. My record for staying at the same place of employment is 2 years. Most have been 6 months or less. I have been diagnosed over the years with Long term and chronic depression, severe, withou hallucinations, Bi-Polar 2, borderline personality disorder, Post Traumatic Srtress Disorder, PMDD, and Panic Disorder, to name a few. Who knows which one or two or five are correct diagnoses? All I FINALLY know is that I am messed up, but it is still hard to admit adn discuss because it is embarassing and I was brought up to think that I was just being difficult, too sensitive, a pain in the ass and I learned to not express my feelings due to the repurcussions of doing so. I have been on a slew of anti depressants, anxiety medications, gone through about 5 psychiatrists, about 30 counselors, have tried so many different things to rid myself of this horrible natural remedies, faith healing, hands on healing, spiritual organizations, sweat lodges,colonics, you name it, I've tried it or thought about trying it. But it is difficult to receive care when finances are bad because of job/apartment switching, and no insurance. For a long time I could not see that I had mental problems, as my family would not/did not recognize them as such, as I could not stay in relationships long enough for someone to say, Hey, These things that you are doing and the way you think and the way you are living your life is not good or healthy. It has only gotten worse and worse over the years and at this time I am applying for disability. Depression and other mental illnesses are DEBILITATING! and it makes me ANGRY when someone who is supposedly an educated person in the health field can not understand how severe depression can be. I can not count the number of times, I thought to myself or said aloud, I just Can not take this (job, realtionship, friendship, apartment,environment, etc) anymore! I am on 4 different medications at this time, and I am still a mess. For many years, I was very good at 'putting on a happy face' to do what had to be done, (until I could not take it anymore) and crying myself to sleep every night. I could write more and more and more,(as I can be as manic as I am depressed and both at the same time) but I will stop here. Thanks for having a forum that I can rant on and feel as if there are people out there who will take a minute to read and hopefully understand and sympathize.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:49 am(39) Patty says:
I feel that is a bunch of bull. I myself have been suffering from severe depression since I was 13. I don't work because I feel so ugly and so sad all the time I feel it would be of no benefit for me to work when I can't take care of myself. I have been rejected from SSI about two times already. They say I don't have a disability I say they are wrong. Some days I can barely rouse myself from bed because of my depression. It just really irks me that someone says depressed people shouldn't get disability. I would like to work but I can't due to my depression, BPD, chronic anxiety, not to mention my alcoholism. That is all I have to say about it.
- January 16, 2008 at 11:32 am(40) Mark says:
Thank you for speaking out on this issue. I have seen suffering from depression for many years. I recently went on disability. Their is a stigma associated with this illness. People say things like, I can work, I have bad days too). Its ignorance. Maybe a little jealousy. I've worked for many years. The last job I had I was fired for no reason. What I found to be true was I was let go because of my illness and thought I might be a liability to the companies health insurance plan. Oh well, I'm going fishing.
- January 16, 2008 at 11:35 am(41) kathryn tarver says:
I think if you have depression you should be on ssi.
- January 16, 2008 at 11:37 am(42) Sherry says:
I have been battling major depression for over 20 years now. With it, I have Fibromyalgia, RLS and Narcolepsey; not to mention other medical conditions that keep me medicated. Through all of the past 20 years, I've been working full-time jobs, going to school for my bachelors degree, and going back to school, so I can change careers. I have spent the past 5 years working with mentally ill patients/clients who have diagnoses of depression, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, and I have to say that the majority of them can legitimately work. I began working with a woman over 4 years ago who would hide under her bed because of PTSD and depression symptoms; now, she is working and has her own apartment. I'm not saying her symptoms are gone; they'll never be. I also have worked with women who were so traumatized that they couldn't speak, so I spoke for them.
Recovery is a life-long process. I just believe is about choice. I could apply for SS benefits, I certainly have the medical qualifications, but I choose not to. I've had near nervous breakdowns and came very close to committing suicide, but I chose not due to personal reasons. I had to endure my ex-husband's betrayal of adultery of over a year, then go through an extremely painful divorce and I worked through it all. I also have been in counseling for over 2 years; another choice. Working is a choice; not working is another choice. A person can allow their medical condition to decide their fate or they can decide for themselves.
- January 16, 2008 at 12:01 pm(43) Bobbi says:
I agree with everything that has been said here, for the most part.
However, the area that no one seems to be addressing is the men outside playing football. If you saw someone with the flu laying in bed awake watching tv all day, then you may say they are well enough to sit at work all day. But we all know, through common sense, our moms, and the media, that when you are sick you need rest and relaxation. So though it may appear that you are better, you are just in the process of doing the act that is best for your health. In this case, rest and relaxation.
Well, the guys playing football is the same idea. Except, for a depressed person, the best medicine is getting out and experiencing joy. Though, to the outsider you may look like you are well enough to go out and work. In fact, you are just doing the act that is going to get you better.
Because people DON'T see it this way, we are actually keeping depressed people down. I've only come to the realization lately that I haven't allowed myself to be happy. Any time I showed to the world that I was having a happy time, it seemed to take away the legitimacy of my depression. If only I spent more time in the happy place, then my happy muscles would get more exercise and I could get out of the depression I've suffered for so long. Instead, I perpetuate my depression, flexing my sad muscles, making sure that I atleast come across as miserable so that I will get the care I deserve. This is a very bad cycle.
- January 16, 2008 at 12:08 pm(44) Nethinim says:
I do not doubt that I would be happier if I did have a job to go to.
Years of abuse at my fathers hands left me with "moderate" brain damage, virtually deaf and depressed. Being married to a woman who for 25 years despised me for my mental short comings deepend my depression. I began to drink heavily, which aggrivated the root problems. I found myself suicidal and in an alchohol treatment center.
There I learned what I had always known in my heart, but not "officialy". My hearing really is bad, not from loud noises as I had assumed, but from blows to the head. I have a major problem with depression, that was treatable with medication, but not curable. Once on anti-depressants, I had little problem no longer drinking. A point I would emphasis to those still fighting that battle. It worked for me anyway.
Still, no one will hire me. As whiney as it may sound to some, I just can't handle stress and work place politics. Worse, my 59 year old body can no longer load trucks and sweep floors for 8 hours. Having a University dagree is of little use if I can not draw upon the information I pounded into my head.
SSDI is a life saver, but it by no means affords you an easy life. Yes, I am sure there are those who try to "use" the system, but they are not nearly so numerous as many assume.
- January 16, 2008 at 12:19 pm(45) Albert says:
I was unfortunately misdiagnosed with clinical depression. My whole life had been turned upside down after a dehabilitating battle with cancer. I had to learn how to walk all over again, I'll never be able to have a physical relationship with a partner again and my job was gone. So I was down in the dumps, sad, and frustrated. So of course it looks like depression. But it's a reaction to the SITUATION I'm in. I would LOVE to have a job and feel like a useful part of society again. I guess that is in part how I figured out that the "clinical depression" diagnosis was wrong for me. Even though I was unhappy and all the rest it is all tracable to my situation. The various medications I was given either had no effect or made me feel worse, not better. Especially when the therapist said things like "these pill will correct a chemical imbalance you have in your brain. You'll probably have to take them for the rest of your life". What a pompous donkey!
That said, with all of my physical problems, I don't know how I could survive without my disability payments, and if a depression is severe enough to prevent someone from functioning, then that is a disability and that person should be able to get the same help someone in my boat gets.
- January 16, 2008 at 12:26 pm(46) Marilyn Lamar says:
In some ways I agree with the doctor, some people do play with the system. However, if we treat all depression the same,many will go without treatment and start to self medicate. I'm more concerned about the doctor that you mentioned,because he may misdiagnose some clients because of his prior experience with his neighbors. Some who are depressed can benefit from going to work or back to work, and some just are not ready. If they are forced they may do several things: self-medicate, become suicidal, and worst of all…homicical. Let's not forget many of the high school shootings were done by kids who were depressed.
- January 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm(47) Michaela` says:
it has been 7 years since i was diagnosed with bi polar..most times I am in a depressive mood..sometimes I get the high of the mania..it is the mania I love..it is during this time I can function be creative and feel as if I could be part of "NORMAL" again…it never last long..and thank god I have never been successful in my attempts to take my own life…my husband ( we are divorced because of all of this) and I have learned to live with my disability..we have learned that kindness and friendship and most of all loving each other is more important than for me to hold down a job..( worked as a social worker for many years)..I still suffer from depression..I am afraid to look for work because I know that I could not give the 100% I am expected to give..should I qualify for some sort of disability pay…of course I should..should I have the opportunity to try and get some work with an employer who is sensitive to special needs of someone with my illness..of course I should…no employer would disregard my application if I sat in a wheelchair..not knowing that from timeto time I am just as paralized with my illness as if I had no use of my legs..I hope and trust that our younger generation will show more compassion and understanding for individuals suffering then our generation ever did…
- January 16, 2008 at 1:13 pm(48) Sarah says:
I'm a stay at home mom and have battled depression for 10+ years. Some days are okay, but mostly I stay inside, and sometimes in bed, all day. No energy, poor sleep, poor eating habits, too much thinking, worrying, self pity etc.
Living with depression is NOT an easy life. Life may "appear" easy because we often don't do much of anything productive but really, this is NOT how most depressed people want to live.
I would much rather be out working at a fulfilling job, having friends to go to lunch with everday, LIVING LIFE instead of watching it roll by.
Regarding the 'lazy neighbours', perhaps looking at it from a new perspective is in order. What if a friend of their's showed up and wanted to help lift their mood, or maybe the friend didn't know about the depression, so the neighbours were faking it, trying to appear happy and energetic. I do that ALOT.
Maybe they were having a good day, which accounts for little when the rest of the week, month or year might be hell.
What if they recently started new meds/treatments which are helping, so they are feeling better and perhaps soon they 'will' be able to work.
People who see me on a good day probably wonder why I don't have a job, but they don't see the rest of my life.
This doctor should know that you can not generalize because of what you see one or two people doing.
- January 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm(49) Christina says:
I've suffered from depression my whole life, like many of the other bloggers. However, I find that acting like a victim incapable of contributing to society vocationally only exacerbates the problem.
A few years back, I experienced an episode of severe/major depressive disorder. I was put on a medication that actually worsened my condition. Essentially paralyzed, I was truly unable to work and was fired (Actually released from employment so I could attend to my medical condition.) I was definitely in a deep pit of clinical depression and emotional despair. I began to think I would never work again. After all, who would hire someone like me? That simply fed into my depressions downward spiral. I continued, by the encouragement of my support system (family, church friends, pastor), to pursue treatment. (Sometimes they had to make me go to appointments, find another appropriate medication, and take a hard look at some of the root causes of my depression.) It was painful, hard work, and I was, at times, tempted to believe I couldnt go on, yet that type of thinking is exactly what I needed to resist and fight.
Through prayer, emotional support, medical treatment and hard work, I did find gainful employment, and actually work in social services, where many of my clients suffer from major depressive disorders, and other serious mental health issues and disorders. My personal experience has increased my compassion my effectiveness. I still struggle with depression, but I have tools to assist me in my recovery, including techniques I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy and the mind-renewing promises of my faith. I wonder what would have happened had I given up on employment and applied for disability (Theres often a 3-4 month wait for the initial decision; if the decision is not favorable, you have the whole appeal process to endure.)
In fairness to the doctor, I have come across MANY individuals who feign depression or play it up as a manipulative technique to avoid working. Many doctors have an endless line of people clamoring for SSD, and its not always easy to distinguish whos faking. Lets not assume that hes unintelligent (please, a stupid doctor?) or uneducated just because his experience is different from yours.
Dont give up. Dont be a victim. Quit self-pity and believing theres no hope. Develop a system of support. Find treatment and do whatever you have to do to embrace recovery from depression. Wallowing and giving up is not the answer; it will just push you further down the spiral of despair. Yes, depression is debilitating, but it's not untreatable. Instead of adopting a victim stance and commiserating that others just don't understand, view your depression as a challenge to overcome.
- January 16, 2008 at 1:36 pm(50) Cheryl says:
I have suffered from depression most of my life, from the time I was 12 until now, at age 29, is still ongoing. At times it was so severe that I tried to kill myself more than once. I have also had the symptoms where I can barely even fuction, or I would some how manage to fake it enough to where people thought nothing was wrong. I have been on meds that have helped, but I'm not always able to afford the medications, hence the recurrence. I know firsthand how debilitataing depression can be, & I believe that those who are suffering from it to that degree of severity should be able to get on disability.
- January 16, 2008 at 2:35 pm(51) sheri says:
Depression is terrible but some of the medications are worse. The periods of unreality from depression are easier than that from the pills.Either way it is hard to work when you aren't sure you are really there.
I was on disability from 1979-82 and recently started spiraling downward again. I am out of work again.will I get
SSD again? This time I will let the Lawyers fight it out. SSD does not allow you to live well, only to exist. No vacations, no magazines, cable, no extra's.
- January 16, 2008 at 2:50 pm(52) Paula says:
My son suffers from this and is in H.S. the system just ignores their needs and puts them in a category of "bad kids" or trouble makers. Is there anything I can do to get him exceptions made for his schooling so he can still graduate?
- January 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm(53) Sheilah B. says:
Depression is a multifaceted disease. It's capable of thoroughly destroying people. I have to admit I've lived in "the black hole" myself. Almost my entire life w/onset from childhood to middle age. But I have noticed that with the help of melatonin which I've used sporatically since I discovered it's existance in 1990, abstainance from alcohol (and other drugs)a wholesome diet, vitamins, (esp. B complexes) and working only shifts I can actually do (some people are not morning people literally, some will die from working nights humans are not all the same) I don't get anywhere near AS depressed as I used to. PROPER SLEEP as a PRIORITY, has helped me so enormously I tend to stress this every chance I get. Proper sleep helps me not to be a LOSER. With proper sleep I actually function well as the rule, and generally keep proper perspective of what's going on around me, giving me more sucess stories than I could have ever hoped for during my younger years. As an added bonus, I don't get "physically ill" anywhere near as often as I used to. That seems to be the best treatment I could ever get. If one is depressed one might want to have a sleep study done. Could be the major contributing factor to depression is just plain old fatigue.
- January 16, 2008 at 4:23 pm(54) Kelly says:
Just back to work from disability. I feel no better than 2 months ago, this is just another round of the TRD Chronic Depression, OCD, anemia=fatigue,full body pain,….until next time I can't do it again. I want- need to be on perm-disability fighting for VNS implant for us all who know we are sick without a cure. Just got home, only 12:45 pm hitting the bed……thx to all who share I can't do it any more, I want to go to Heaven but guilt and my belief stop me.
- January 16, 2008 at 4:29 pm(55) Kelly TO Mark says:
Please email me…….how hard was it to get disability? Catch any fish? haha
thx very much for your time.
- January 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm(56) Sandy Cozad says:
I have heard different people say, everyone gets depressed from time to time. Depression is not just being a little depressed. I do not know if you can say depression is a disease, but I know from fact that it can almost ruin you life if you don't get help and support from you friends and family.
I have suffered from depression for a while now. My first experience was when my son was born, I had post pardom depression. This was in 1972 and doctors didn't recognize this as a disease. It's all in your head, they would say. It is a hormonal imbalance as is any depression is. Post pardom depression is caused from hormal imbalance from giving birth.
Other depressions can be caused by many things. My husband left me for almost a year while he was gone off doing God knows what I suffered from depression. It feels like your whole life is gone and you have nothing to live for. I had to get professional help. After 8 or 9 months I was able to get on with my life as is was, but I still had periods where I would just sit and stare at the walls.
My husband came home after about a year. I never have forgiven him for what he did to me and the things that he said to me. I really do not think to this day he even remembers how bad he treated me and hurt me.
I was already on the mend before he came back.I have had several relapes since then and each one was very severe. I tryed to kill myself twice. First time I took a handfull of sleeping pills. The second time I took a big handful of asprin. I was so sick I threw up for 2 days
No one ever knew what was wrong with me. I was lucky I did'nt die. I wanted to die, but afterwords I realized what I had done and I thanked God that I was spared.
Certain things would set me off and I would have a bad relapse. Sometimes I would feel like I was in a strange place and all the feelings I would have seemed like someone else was experirning them. I would hear voices and see things that I could not explain.
I am still on medication, I probably will be for the rest of my life. I can say I am copeing very well now, but there are still times that I feel uneasy and some the say old feeling seem to try and rear their ugly heads. That is when I go and see my doctor and sometimes she has changed my meds and increased the dosage.
For someone to say this is all in my head that is just bull. Even though I can remember a lot of what was goin on, I had no control over what I was doing or thinking, otherwise I would not have tried to kill myself.
I just hope if anyone reading my story suffering from depression that you will get profession help and so not listen to people that tell you to get over it already. Sometimes you cannot just get over it.
- January 16, 2008 at 5:53 pm(57) Z says:
I, personally think what the doctor said was taken alittle out of context. Depression just like any other disability can be abused by "lazy ppl". I dont think that he means that all ppl who say they are depressed are lying. But lets be realistic, alot of ppl get SSI for small so called disabilities just because they dont want to work. Alot of ppl play crazy because they dont want to work. Its those ppl that makes it hard to sometimes believe if someone is faking or if there is actually a problem. Everybody knows that depression can be life threatening and can take a toll on loved ones of ppl who suffer from it. But its just my opinion, that his words were taken out of context.
- January 16, 2008 at 6:36 pm(58) Rose says:
I like the comments here! Mine is much the same. Only in recent years have there been diagnoses for those mental illness that seem to be fueled by depression. That doctor had to have been uncaring and ignorant. I wasn't diagnosed for a long time and as a consequence I nearly ruined my childrens lives, and I certainly have always had a financial problem! The manic part of Bipolar Disease is grandiose decisions based on fantasies! It has always seemed like twenty dollars isn't much but it adds up! I don't react to sadness or grief as others do. I seem to believe that everything is my fault and feel like a failure. It isn't and I'm not. I've tried working. If I could only work three days out of a week, I'd be pretty good, but which three days? I am a psychologist, and I learned alot about the subject in College. I do feel better when I'm helping someone. Which three days? It's like fighting an uphill battle covered with molasses.
- January 16, 2008 at 6:42 pm(59) Rose says:
I recognize a lot of people here! Wow! Hi, everybody! This is crazy Rose. Remember me with all my kids? Amazing that you all found your way here! I'm married, (have been for 8 years) fairly happy, lotsa meds but they seem to work!
Yes, all of my children have it, too! So, it's more than experiential. I'll bet your parents fought because one or both were bipolar!
- January 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm(60) Chris M. says:
I would say yes it is. Work situations can very easily and often do trigger depressive episodes. I had a work situation which trigger a nearly 5 year depression before I got treatment (Lexapro was a god send).
I'm very sensitive now to any situations which may cause it to reoccur. Work always brings the potential for depression for me, I'm afraid.
- January 16, 2008 at 9:45 pm(61) Grady says:
I've been fortunate to work for the same employer for almost 30 years. Daily medication helps, but difficulty concentrating or sleep problems, are constant challenges. Also anger management. One supervisor nearly fired me, but he was overruled.
- January 16, 2008 at 9:58 pm(62) Mary says:
You are absolutely right that depression doesn't get the respect that it deserves! I am sick and tired of the ignorance that abounds out there in the world concerning mental illness! If you have any other illness people are much more understanding. I know that many people just don't understand why someone who is depressed can't go to work. Well, I can tell you from my own experience that it is almost impossible to hold a job when you are severely depressed, because it causes a lot of absenteeism. And unless you have an EXTREMELY understanding boss, you will end up losing your job. I managed to keep my job for four and a half years, but eventually everything just fell apart. My mother was very ill & passed away and during that time my boss was constantly on my back about everything, especially about my absenteeism, and it just pushed me into the worst depressive episode I've ever experienced. Of course when I told the HR person that I was depressed she wanted me to take family leave so I could get better & assured me I would have a job to come back to. After all, she said, I couldn't be a good employee unless I was feeling my best. She told me to take my time and get well. What a line! As soon as I applied for disability, they terminated my employment. That threw me into a deeper state of depression and I have been struggling with this for over 5 years now. I'm living on $650 a month (Social Security Disability) and struggle each day to get through the simple tasks of living. It might seem like the easy life to some, but in reality it is usually a living hell. Who do you know that can live well on $650 a month? I haven't met anyone yet. I worry constantly about money and that just compounds the problem. I tried taking another job and that lasted for 4 months and I was let go. I've found that I enjoy doing the work, but I have difficulty getting up and actually getting myself to the job. I really do want to work and would love to find something that I could do from my home computer but haven't had any luck in finding anything. I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy. It is a curse. However, there are times when I wish that people who think they have all the answers concerning chronic depression & disability could spend a week living my life. Then I'd like to see what they had to say about it. I guess there will always be ignorance and jealousy in this world, but why anyone would be jealous of someone who is on disability for depression is beyond me. I would gladly trade my depression for a happy life. If anyone knows of any type of legitimate work from home job, please let me know. I would really appreciate it.
- January 16, 2008 at 10:11 pm(63) Chantal says:
Its incredible that I am in the mist of realizing that I am truely unable to hold a job as my resume shows — I am currently going through the process here in ONTARIO, CANADA to see if I can qualify for disabilty — I have been suffering for many many years. I am 34 years old and its very hard to cope. I see someone mention they would gladly trade in depression to have a happy life — I can agree — I dont want be a bum. I would love to work, but who will higher me. I can't get a good nights rest. I really am smart but with no sleep I am useless and with NO financal assistances I dont think I could survive this life on Earth… I need help and I am so glad that there are professionals to help me cope and deal with this terrible, terrible thinking of the brain. I say " I hate my brain, I hate my brain" for I can not control my damn thoughts — I wish I could be normal. Medication is the key but you never know what triggers your moods. I leave that to the doctors.
- January 17, 2008 at 3:41 am(64) Cheryl says:
My experience with depression was literally like living hell. My primary care physician tried drug after drug. It was a nightmare. My situation was complicated by the fact that I was dealing with chronic pain. I lost the ability to sleep. No kidding. One drug (Temazepam) would shut my mind down. Doctors thought my pain was brought on by depression. I knew better, but no one would listen. My life was falling apart. I wasn't able to care for my husband and kids as I had done in the past. I went from being a very active person to (disabled). My husband walked out of my life. The children went to live with him. I ended up in the hospital due to an overdose. I swallowed a lot of pills. I may have been severely depressed, but I am not the kind of person who would ever take my own life. When I finally found a therapist who knew her stuff (thank God), she explained how one of the drugs I was taking had the known side effect of causing one to react or act out behavior(s) one may think of, but normally would never actually do. All of a sudden, things started to become clearer. It has been a year now since I met this Angel/therapist. She specializes in psychiatric meds and cognative therapy. She was the one person (and I made many calls to many doctor/therapist's)who turned my life around. I was diagnosed with PTSD and she knew drugs and their risks/side effects better than anyone I've met in my journey. And she didn't stop there. She helped me focus on the things I could do to make a positive change in myself. She even helped me to find someone to help me with my pain. It took time, but she never let me give up. Her calm spirit, her simplistic approach to life and her true caring nature brought me to that place in my life I had only dreamed of. I still am in pain, my depression and anxiety are self managed now. Her words of wisdom echo in my head. "It's OK, just breath, relax and take a moment to feel whatever it is you're feeling at the moment". For all of you out there with similar situations…keep searching…you will eventually find whatever it is you need.
- January 17, 2008 at 5:44 am(65) moneirah says:
I didn't know that in some countries, depression is one of acceptable disability by the government, where you can apply to have some benefits.
I live in Malaysia. And the stigma, I mean the mind setting of the the community is not really well develop about mental health. But hoping for the better always.
Depression..it's hurt and it's not our fault, it's just test of life, our life is just a bit more challenging than other normal not-depressed person such as the "doctor".
I am agree with you Nancy. People should tolerate about us. We are not faking it, ain't we? It is disability, indeed.
take it like this, as example blind person is also a disabled person. it's up to the person itself to enjoying his life or stay in self-sympathy. Why not take the needed advantages that provided, that are legal to us, makes life easier. Nothing too much is good, don't always take things for granted. for everything we take, each has its price:)
- January 17, 2008 at 10:04 am(66) Jane says:
This doctor obviously had some jealousy issues over having to work and see the guys having fun. But, were they really having fun? Depression is not FUN. If they were outside, good for them! They may have even had difficulty doing that much that day.
I suffer from depression. I have for many years. There is the stupid stigma about mental illness that will never go away as long as there are arrogant, judgemental people out there. So, we have to live with it and fight for everything we recieve. If you are able to recieve benefits for diability due to depression then GOOD FOR YOU! I also want to say, don't abuse the system. The ones who abuse the system are the ones that make it so tough on the rest of us. I work full time and have several part time jobs as well. I have a teenage daughter and am a single mom. Some days are better than others but, I do try to exercise and do things for myself (without feeling guilty about it).
So, I support disability for depression. This should be taken up with those that can make the changes in the rules and laws of disability tho and don't waste time complaining, DO SOMETHING. Write to your legislators. Write to the insurance companies. Write to the disability agencies.
Make a difference.
- January 17, 2008 at 12:40 pm(67) Clarissa says:
People ILL with depression should have same accomidation in the workplace as people with any other medical condition. If You can function most of the time, but every once in a while the world is too big , it should not cost you your job – there needs to be legislated accomidation – even if you have used all your sick days….I have depression. Have for most of my life. I am fortunate, I have a wonderfully understanding boss who lets me keep some work at home so I can slow down when I need to. I don't stop, I just change pace. She listens and when it starts building up on me I ask for clarification on priorities and explain which projects I am delaying rather than allow myself to get overloaded and produce and implosion… Most employers won't do that. If there are accomidations for migraine sufferers, PMS, back injuries, etc — then depression needs to have accomidations as any other DISEASE. But I am not in favor of it being a disbility wherein you can get a check every month unless one is at the point of chronic major depression and should be institutionalized. Get up and do something – if you can not hold a job at this time, then volunteer at your church just once, just for one hour. See ! You did it! Now make 2 appts – work yourself back up and back in, If you put your life in your control, rather than your disease control, you are living. Be WELL. -C
- January 17, 2008 at 4:37 pm(68) Patti says:
Before I applied for SSDI, I was living on my savings and still had hope that I would get better. I had taken short-term disability and my extended leave from work and was feeling better when I tried to go back to work, which my doctor said would be the best thing for me. At the time, he would not support an application for long-term disability. I tried going back to work, but I got layed off. Then I lost my health insurance about the same time when I ran out of money.
The SSDI process can take up to two years, during which I had no health care and my situation spiraled out of control. Only then would my (former) doctor support an SSDI application, and it was almost too late financially.
You really need to consult a disability lawyer before you begin the process. I was denied the first pass because the file I submitted did not include enough of the right information to get a ruling in my favor. A doctor's statement prepared for the appeal hearing resulted in a decision on the spot in my favor.
Even with SSDI, Medicare doesn't kick in for two years from date of onset. At a time when you need health care the most, you STILL can't get what you need and are at the mercy of the pharaceutical companies for prescription assistance.
Now that I have Medicare, my medical situation is a little better but not much. Medicare requires a 50 percent co-pay for mental health care, instead of a much lower co-pay charged for primary care or other specialists. Don't they realize that mental health providers ARE primary care for people with disabling mental illness?!
How people can "fake" their way into SSDI is beyond me. It seems the length of the process is designed to weed out those with marginal cases; those who actually can work have to in order to pay the bills. I'm not sure how I actually got through it. The gap before Medicare is the real problem that needs to be addressed.
- January 17, 2008 at 6:42 pm(69) Z says:
It can be done and it is being done. Nobody is saying that depression is not an illness. The fact is life isnt easy. We all know that. Life is full of stress. We have ups and downs. Thats the nature of life. The problem is there are ppl out there who try get over on the government by "pretending" to have certain mental and physcial handicaps. Its not right, but its happening. They are no different than "Welfare Generations". Those are ppl who have children just so they can recieve money and food stamps. I still think the Doctor's words were taken out of context. Reality is alot of ppl do not want to work and if they have to put on alittle to get a check a mth, they will. Have anyone seen the show "Busted On Camera" or something like that. Its a show that showed ppl being taped doing work that they previously said they couldnt do and were recieving SSI benefits. Its upsetting to see for many reasons. One being; yes there are ppl out there who really needs help but cant get it and here's someone with absolutely no problems at all recieving money they dont deserve. Secondly, to know that you go to work everyday to earn an honest living, paying taxes just so someone undeserving can sit around all day doing nothing when they're capable of working. We recognize Depression and I wish you all the best, but it doesnt change the fact that while you are suffering through it and struggling, there is somebody out there thats not but there making money off of it.
- August 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm(70) Q says:
Just because the doctor saw these guys out kicking ball does not mean they were happily getting on with their lives. I often spend hours kicking ball on my own just to take my mind off what a worthless piece of crap I am and the thought of going on disability allowance makes me even more disgusted with myself. Surely a doctor should know that he should not pass judgement on a person without conducting an examination. If someone goes to his office complaining of chest pains will he take a look at them and say " you look fine to me you are just trying to get a few weeks off work ". At no stage during the doctors piece did it say he asked any of the family about their disabilities to determine how genuine they are. He also said he watched their entire social lives play out in front of him. Their social lives cannot have been very good if it all took place in their home and front garden. The fact that he did not pack in his studies to pursue this lifestyle shows that he really doesnt believe that this lifestyle is as happy and fulfilling as he earlier suggested. A well balanced person probably would want more from their lives than spending it living with their parents. The doctor also suggests work is a cure for depression, i disagree with this as job can be very stressful especially if you have low self esteem. A better solution would be only to grant assistance to people if they are receiving treatment for their condition, the psychiatrist can better determine the validity of individuals claims.
- January 17, 2008 at 8:18 pm(71) B T says:
I suffer from treatment-resistant depression. I have taken at least thirty different meds of various dosages and even endured ECTs, and found no relief. I finally decided to apply for disability benefits, both through Soc. Sec. and through my work's disability program. My file must have showed how badly I am suffering from depression since I was approved very quickly 11 months ago. Not having to work outside the home is a great load off my mind, but I can't even function at home either. I sleep 6 hours a day in addition to my 9 hours at night.
It's no fun having a payee either. My hubby pays my bills. My daughters help stay with me at different times during the day in case I dip into deep depression and consider suicide. It's a living hell!
I say give disability checks to those who worked but can no longer handle it. BTW, I worked 19 years at the same educational system. I just couldn't work any more.
- January 17, 2008 at 8:20 pm(72) Aidan says:
i am sill woefully confused as to whether i am depressed, an alcoholic, or suffering from M.E all the symptoms appear to be the same.
- January 17, 2008 at 10:18 pm(73) Dixie says:
Well I dont have or suffer from any of the above problems, but……….my husband of 25 yrs has bi-polar, severe manic depression high risk suicide and Im here to tell you it has not been a picnic!!! I have seen him go completely manic and not know what he doing, so sir doctor as you call yourself, come live in my house for awhile and than form an opinion, live in my shoes or any of these ppl that do suffer from this real illness, learn what it iz like to have to have your husband locked up in a ward cuz he keeps trying to kill himself cuz he has no control, Im blessed these days as he got some very good help from real doctors that know what iz goin on, they took him off anti-depresants and put him on a mood elevator and what a difference it has made for our homelife. So there iz some help just need to find the right doctor.. to all you that suffer my heart goes out to you, and I do hope someday you find the peace so much deserve good luck…. and DOC… go bacc to school for humanity it may pay off for you!!! (doubt it)
- January 18, 2008 at 12:43 am(74) Shannon D. says:
I am currently receiving disability for depression along with other physical reasons. I would go to work and constantly be on edge, terrified of my boss and any criticism they would send my way. I avoided my boss by coming into work late or leaving work early. I firmly believe that if a person is suffers from depression that makes working virtually impossible, then that person should be allowed to receive whatever form of disability they are entitled to.
- January 18, 2008 at 9:42 pm(75) AL says:
I have biplor disorder and depression Im63 yrs old I work all my life I nad to go on -+disabale because of physal problems but I work with my depression it was so hard to work I made a lot of mastake I try suide 7 time twp i al most did to not be able to go on ssd or ssi it would be wrong we have mental problems so let us go on S.S.D
- January 20, 2008 at 12:22 am(76) bob elsey says:
Depresion in it's hundreds of forms is just beginning to be understood as a TOTAL brain illness which affects individuals mentally, physically and spiritually.
Anyone who has takrn the time really research the illness can understand it. Moral judgements by people who need to mind their own business are something to be avoided people.
Contempt prior to investigation is ignorance
- January 21, 2008 at 6:56 am(77) Suz H says:
I have suffered from Depression for as long as i can remember.For years and years i struggled to work.I couldn't cope and it did interfer with my work.Working wasn't a option.I want to work and provide for my family more than anything.But ever time i end up on the verge of a nervious break down.If it interfers with my work to the point my condition is made worst.Where i have physical conditions as a result which effect my work.Then yes it's a disability.I have agoraphobia,social phobia,stress-anxiety and panic disorder through it.There is so much to go into.But unless someone has really suffered from depression,then they couldn't understand what we go through and suffer on a daily bases.
- January 21, 2008 at 4:26 pm(78) Carol says:
Thank you so much for writing this article. I do not receive disability but am trying my best to work. Today was the worst so far. I have trouble sleeping and when I finally do get to sleep, I have trouble waking.
I should get to work around 9 in the morning and didn't make it in until just before noon.
This time, I had a believable excuse. But the doctor saying people should work who can't is clueless. It is like a male obstetrician trying to tell a woman in labor to chill out.
If you have never experienced it, you may have a difficult time understanding. Some people can be empathetic, but others cannot.
- January 22, 2008 at 9:28 am(79) Ziggy Baitz says:
How I would like to know the name of this doctor. Shame on him or her. I have been fighting the discrimination towards people with mental illnesses, particularly treatment resistant depression, and to hear this blatant discrimination from someone in the medical field simply amplifies why many people who are suffering depression would tend not to seek help. I'd like to ask this doctor that if a blind person was forced to see, could they? Would he/she tell a paraplegic to get off their lazy behinds and simply walk? No. Of course not. Please google Ziggy Baitz on her article on depression, written some years ago. I would rather have my breast cancer return if it meant I would not have one more moment of depression. I am disgusted and infuriated that depression is seen as something so easily cured by being "forced" to go to work. Try that, Dr, when you can't get out of bed for days, or clean your teeth, eat, wash yourself, try suicide. Ignorance on this topic and illness is as bad, if not worse, than in the past.
- January 22, 2008 at 11:51 am(80) Dawn says:
I can't seem to get a grip on this. No one understands, and yes, life is empty. It's too hard to live. I don't plan for the future, I don't think I'll be here too live it.
I don't like to be around people, when someone does knock on my door, I usually stay quiet til they leave.
I have gained weight which makes matters worse. I have no interest in anything anymore. I can't bring myself to leave my house unless it's forced on me. I peep thru the blinds, wishing I wanted to go out and face the world, but I don't. It's an ememy because I don't know what is keeping me here.
I am here today only because I can say this without anyone saying I am lazy or snap out of it.
If that doc doesn't think this is a disability, I wish he could trade places with me.
I would love to know what it feels like to be happy again, I have forgotten.
- January 23, 2008 at 12:48 pm(81) Elaine says:
I have suffered from Bi-Polar/Manic Depression for the last 20 years; however was not "officially" diagnosed until this past august after I tried to kill my husband. But depression is very disabling because there are some days that you can barely do anything except blink and try to breathe if you want to. I can recall mornings holding my breath as long as i could just to see how it would feel not to breathe at all. I "functioned" at a very very high level and no one knew. I'm very educated, very well known in my community and well thought of. I was thought of as a "wonderful mother who takes excellent care of her children, a faithful daughter who cares for her ailing parents and an attentive wife who keeps her husband well taken care of." No one had a clue. My co-workers had no clue. I have been out of work since the end of June last year because in one of my depressed states I could not take it anymore and I quit. Not long after I had a hypermanic episode unlike any other two days in a row and was involuntarily committed. Since then I have had to overcome panic attacks, learn how to think enough to form coherent sentences and also not be afraid to come outside. I don't like to be out alone and i don't like to talk to others because i get very frustrated. Yes, i am on medication which at times renders me "mediciny" feeling. I have to go back to work even though I am not fully ready because we need the money. Depression is a monster that has tormented only me in my head but now it is tormenting my family because I'm not the same person. If there was any way I could live in my bed i would. if that's not disabling, what is?
- January 27, 2008 at 2:12 am(82) Bob says:
I am 54, and was first treated for depression in 1971. I had been fortunate to recognize the depressive symptoms early, sought help immediately, and life was disrupted very little. I was happily married, had good work, and three wonderful kids. In August 2001 we received the phone call no parent wants to receive. Our 21 year old son was brought in unconscious after hanging himself in his dorm room. We spent the next six and a half days at the hospital, and never left. He died, and since this time, I have struggled with depression and also PTSD. I underwent 12 sessions of the brutal ECT, and received no benefit. I had a seizure as a result of one of the antidepressants I was taking. Six years later, I am unable to work and now receiving disability. My wife and I have recently separated after 32 years of marriage, and remain friends. The tragic death of our son proved to be more than we could handle together. I love my two daughters very much, and am proud of how well they are doing. But for myself, this loneliness created by another huge loss has me afraid for my safety. I knew it was coming, but still felt totally unprepared. I worry that like my son's death, I will never get over it, and my future is only crying by myself. The security provided with the disability I receive monthly has kept me from a life of homelessness or death.
- February 7, 2008 at 6:21 pm(83) colleen fagan says:
hi there my story and health has taken me over board lost my job due to going on a leave for sickness new boss make it very difficult to work then i lost my home and loved me in a battle over a will became very sick hv worked over 37 years loved working still in court battle to go home then i find out due to old neck injury i hv headaches etc then back gives out i hv degenterative dic disease of L5-2 some days can hardly get out of bed would walk 2hrs per day unable to sit or stand for long period i am on sleeping disorder pills pain killers anexity meds and on accupture once a week i filed with federal goverment they wrote me Jan 18/08 and told me to get a job i have called several paralments to help get some income it is all paper work. i suffer everyday my chiro replies that my back disease is with age and to strenghen it i hv done this for my last 50years i feel after working for these years i whould be intitled to some income. someone give me some hope col
- February 11, 2008 at 8:00 am(84) ida says:
How do you get help when you have nothing?
- February 11, 2008 at 11:05 pm(85) Connie says:
I am so grateful for your comment. I suffer depression and panic attacks. I worked for 6 years with this illness. It took the Dr.'s nearly 3 years to finally diagnose what was going on with me. They thought I had MS and all kinds of different things. Meantime I got worse and worse. By the time I was finally diagnosed, I was terrified to drive my car any distance or place that I was not familiar with. I could not eat in certain restaurants if the lighting was not right. I was in an ambulance or being taken to the hospital approx. once a week. I was terrified, I was loosing my ability to take care of my children and hold down a high paying job. The Dr.'s started putting me on different medications. One after the other. Some made me suicidal, some made me rage, some made me cry all the time and so on. Eventually after 4 more years of it, I lost my job due to using up all of my intermittant medical leave due to the problem. And I applied for disability. I will say that being at home constantly and not being productive at all makes me even more depressed, but lessens the panic attacks. I only ran across this site because I decided to try to find a support group. Looking for help. My current medication's had been helping for awhile, and now I am getting bad again. Crying all the time, Not wanting to live but trying to stick in there for my husband, grown children, grandchildren and because of my beliefs. There are many times however in the last several weeks I have felt like I was going to loose the battle. Being on disability for Depression or anxiety or related illnesses is no picnic for anyone. It is alot of people's dream to not have to work. But it is no fun when you don't have to work and you don't have any money and you don't have medical coverage and you can't have fun anyway because you are too messed up in the head to do so most of the time. I thank you once again for your comment.
- April 2, 2008 at 11:43 am(86) Lisa says:
Once I went through a nasty divorce, something hit me at work one day very hard that my blood pressure, my heart, my all went haywire and from there I could not go back to work. Three years ago this happend to me and I cannot be in a high pressured job, it kills my nerves. I fell into a deep depression for 6 months and then coming through that I ended up with panic attacks. I live day to day. Disability does not see this is something hard in which I was told there are med's out there to help you cope. I find this wrong. An entire process we have to go through before we are even approved. I can say once this hit me, I have never been the same me again, always fearing what might happen again and I never want to go back to this dark place. It's with me now and it's tough to be able to work 8-5 each day. I get very tired even after three hours, I get very weak and my mind also and I must lay down as I do either at home or even visiting with a friend, they will see me fall right out into a sleep, this was not the other me before depression. A doctor can say what he wants but if he has not been in our shoes, he should just keep quiet. The books in medical school they learn from is far much differant than actually going through the entire process.
- May 21, 2008 at 2:20 am(87) John says:
I have been living with depression for years, and it hurts. Everyone that lives with the illness knows there problems better than anyone else. We live our lives the best we can, and yet we are insulted in one way or another.
I have been trying to get help for about 4 months now, and it has been one disapointment after another. I am getting the message that depression is not important. Depression is not a choice, it just happens.
Lets just keep in mind that, for those that live with depression, we are people too. We don't want to be insulted, we do not want to live with depression, all we want is help, and understanding. For those that do not understand what we have to deal with, then take a walk in my shoes for a day. And chances are that it will scare the tee totaly day lights out of you.
Please visit this website Suicide.org this site contains alot of information that can be very helpful for everyone understanding facts on depression.
- June 25, 2008 at 2:22 pm(88) Paula says:
I stumbled across your blog as I sit here in my late mother's home — another day, sitting around in my bathrobe — unable to do much if anything. I am on state disability because of depression but am ashamed of myself because I think I should be able to continue work. I taught high school for 28 years, and especially at the end, did exactly what you wrote about — willing myself out of bed at the very last minute, dragging myself through the days, yet pushing myself beyond my limits because I thought I should be able to do better. Eventually, on a Sunday night, several weeks into my 29th year, I had a nervous breakdown. I never returned to teaching. After five months of using all my savings & cashing in insurance policies, I was granted state disability — less than half of what I made as a teacher. Then five months ago, my mother died very unexpectedly. I didn't think my depression could become worse, but it has deepened. I don't answer the phone, leave only to purchase a few groceries, and sometimes don't even dress. The anti-depressants I've been taking for over a decade appear to be useless. I've twice participated in an out-patient program at a local psychiatric facility. I've been in therapy for most of my adult life. Needless to say, I feel like a failure. I can fake it for short periods of time, but then I retreat to four walls and cut off contact with the outside world. I even attended a grief support group for six weeks, but I don't think it made much difference. To those critics who say, get off your butt, think positive thoughts, and live, I say, you don't have a clue how hard it is to live each day thinking each day is not worth living. Perhaps I just don't want it badly enough. I'll accept that — and continue on my not-so-merry way. Yes, it is an invisible disability as well as a shameful one. Surely, the Native American prayer applies here: "O Great Spirit, grant that I may never find fault with my neighbor until I have walked the trail of life in his moccasins."
- November 6, 2008 at 5:06 pm(89) Rick says:
Ive been on nnumerous anti-depressants with very little positive results if any. And I am afraid at 50,that i might be hauled in for a review and loose it,having not worked in 8 years.I am concerned,since Ive been kicked out of psych care 2 times in 8 years,for argueing with counselors,and generally being frustrated..Any need to worry here? does anyone know a good psych doctor in Omaha that takes Medicare,im almost out of medication.
- January 27, 2009 at 4:32 pm(90) Mel says:
UCLA Research Study
Are you depressed and having insomnia?
If you are between 18 and 64 years old, and are experiencing symptoms of depression and insomnia, you may be eligible to participate in a study at UCLA that examines the effects on mood, cognition (aspects of thinking like memory, attention, decision-making), life functioning and satisfaction, brain chemistry, and brain activity during treatment with an antidepressant plus a medication for insomnia.
Participants in this confidential project will be interviewed by the researchers, undergo treatment with an antidepressant plus a medication for insomnia, have their brain waves measured with the EEG (electroencephalogram), and have blood drawn.
Participants receive up to $250 in compensation for completing all the activities in this eight-week study.
For more information, visit http://www.DepressionLA.com or call 310-825-3351
- January 28, 2009 at 7:38 am(91) kim says:
i just wasn't respected for' playing hookey'…
- January 28, 2009 at 10:12 am(92) Breda Murphy says:
I think people with depression should work.
I had depression and when I found work, my Depression decreased.However, I think people with very bad Depression should not have to work. They should work at trying to cure themselves
- January 28, 2009 at 10:44 am(93) lizzybecoming says:
I have fought depression off and on for years. I think I have probably fought it my whole life.
I was judged in a negative light when I would become so depressed that I became physically ill. My family was the worst about this, and co-workers tried to understand, but did not really understand that well. I never went to an actual mental hospital. I did go to a hospital that treats addictive disorders and co-dependency. I went for co-dependency. I even met resentment there from the other clients because I was not addictive to medication, but to people and what they thought.
I had the same crummy coping mechanisms that they had. I learned a great deal there. I learned adult coping mechanisms, how to recognize my feelings, how to deal with problems. I learned that for me, I grieve over almost everything. I grieve if I stub my toe. Do I recognize this rieght of way? No, I do not. I have to figure out what is bothering me. I practice the principles of the Alanon program. I grew up in a world where things were not logical and I learned really crummy coping mechanisms as a result. They worked as a child in that type of atmosphere, but not in the real world. The 12-step program of Alanon has given me a map for life. As a result, I have learned so much more about my religion that I never really understood.
Later in life, my mother had problems with migraines and depression. She told me one day that she had judged me to hard. I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "I had never had a migrain before, now I have and it is terrible. I had never been depressed before, now I have and it is terrible. I always thought that you were weak, but that was not it at all, you were ill."
Do I still get depressed? Yes I do. I have to stay on top of it all the time.
Do I think that it is a good reason for disability? Sometimes I do. I do home visits on Medicaid patients and I see some that I think are just milking the government. Other I see, I think they have ligitimate reasons to stay home. I don't think they are fit for a job.
However, I do think that most people with depression, would benefit from therapy that will help them to get back on top. If they would do that many could get back into the workforce, at least part time.
We do not encourage these people to stay home, we encourage them to get out and see people and do things. Depression is not fun, and it is hard to deal with; but one must deal with it to get better.
- January 28, 2009 at 2:03 pm(94) BJ says:
Thanks for recognizing that we who struggle with treatment-resistant depression may look good on the outside but barely get through many days.
I am a former mental health professional who has not held a job in over 15 years due to depression and PTSD. I would much rather have interesting work and a good income than live on SSDI and struggle financially and personally.
My father and mother always considered me a hypochondriac. Even recently, my father said that I should "find more diagnoses," as though I want to be ill. I also have asthma, fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis, among other ills.
Believe me, I wish to be healthy and do all I can to be healthy both mentally and physically, even pushing myself too hard at times, which is counter-productive.
I only wish those who are blessed with never being depressed could understand the pain that comes with unremitting depression.
- January 28, 2009 at 6:29 pm(95) Magpie05 says:
Thanks for the blogs. It stimulates my thinking. Over time I have found myself smart enough to develop useful coping strategies that worked well enough for me to be self sufficient. Without my 'hidden' limitations I would have made much more money. Much smarter I would have made much more money.
Some people somehow have enough money they are regarded just 'eccentric'. Some people have been able to work for themselves and adjust their work patterns to pay the bills.
The circumstances where depression,(extended to BP where depression is a debilitating component), is questioned as a disease, comes up when the condition affects work ability for an employer.
In the work community, the focus is usually on productivity and making a profit. The exception is in governmental work and some non-profit work where the wellness of the worker is given broader concern. Otherwise, the logo is, if you can't work, we don't care.
If the limitation is clearly defined physical, sympathy is easier because credibility is obvious. Even so, if you can't work we don't care. If the injury is work related, the general community has insisted on concern by Worker Compensation or litigation. Even so, support is often reluctant and in an atmosphere where skepticism is sought. Notoriously, back injuries are scrutinized for the 'fakes'.
The same is true for very obvious mental conditions, best recognized with Schizophrenia. Even so, financial support is largely family based, and work is often not possible or managed with very limited demand tasks. The community support system is often very limited and fragmented, including SSDI.
Treatment often suffers and quality of life is wanting. Intermixed is lost credibility based on the assumption that at least some people prefer not to work if they can get away with it. Therefore, make it very difficult to get a 'free' ride. Same message, if you can't work and we can, we don't care. Please disappear.
So, what of a 'hidden' condition like depression that can be easily faked and may be too common to be supported by public funding? When the average person has neither the ability, interest, nor the time to tell the difference between a rationalized condition and the range of intensities of true depression, the answer is we don't care.
The point is, rather than lament the brutal unkindness experienced in response to genuine depression, seek out those who would be supportive of you. Cultivate those friendships. Lament will worsen depression. Isolating,hiding out, sensing shame, a natural tendency, will reduce hugely the ability to seek out the helpful ones.
The larger the circle of helpers you can develop the better. Depression is very debilitating and can produce at times a total inability to function. Treat yourself kindly when greatest despair comes, take care of whatever is absolutely necessary, and wait for the better times to build and maintain helper relationships.
Having too few helpers imposes a huge burden on those who would help. Work to spread around the assistance and be fully prepared to do everything in your capacity to do those things you can do and not pass those tasks to others. Like walking, groceries, calling, meeting, having humor days. Whatever you can discover you can do will help.
Those helpers include medical care providers. Be prepared to actively participate in a dialogue with them. If your voice is not listened to, continue to seek helpers until your voice can be heard. Absolutely no one has all the answers. So it is o.k. that you do not have all the answers.
I hope this is helpful for you. I have found much of it helpful for me in dealing with those 'hidden' limitations.
- January 29, 2009 at 12:34 am(96) Kimberley says:
I've known people with depression and although they weren't on disability it was extremely hard for them to even function enough to get out of bed some days.
Of course this Dr. might have seen these guys outside playing football, but I bet he didn't see what went on when they were inside their house. Maybe they were feeling well enough to go out for a little while those times, but would they be able to handle the stress of work? Probably not.
I was on disability for awhile myself after becoming a quadriplegic. I had already been blind since birth and people were still really rude to me whenever I went out of the house. They seemed to have the attitude that because I was on disability and able to leave the house I should have been working. It seems this guy has the same attitude.
- January 29, 2009 at 5:26 pm(97) lost says:
Of course depression is a legitimate disability!
I've been suffering from chronic depression for a long time now. I have no energy. My sleep is disrupted. I have basically been bed ridden for the past two years. I had to quit my job, because I could no longer work due to high anxiety and depression.
Depression sucks the life out of you. I am only 29, but I feel like I'm 99.
I lay in a bed all day long. I dont watch tv, I have little interest in anything, I can barely get the energy to get up and find something to eat.
On top of that, I have isolated myself from
people as well.
So yes, depression is definetly a legitimate disability. Mental illness is pure torture.
I suffer so much. When someone has a mental illness, people aren't so nice about it. They think you can 'snap out of it.'
You may get called 'crazy.'
But if you were suffering from something physical, say cancer, people want to send you cards and gift baskets and offer to help you out. People have more sympathy for those who suffer from physical problems.
It's sad. It's the reason why there are so
many homeless people living on the streets, because of the lack of help for mentally ill people.
And just because someone can go to a store one day or leave the house for a day doesn't mean they can work a full-time 8 hour a day job. There are days when the depression
seems to be better. Then there days when it is completely horrible. And I don't know of any employer who is going to allow their employee to call out sick like 20 times a month because they can't get out of bed due to their depression or anxiety. Mental illnesses are upredictable sometimes. Sometimes you can do something and you surprise yourself. And sometimes you can do nothing at all.
I suffer tremendously with mental issues.
I also suffer physical symptoms as well due to my depression and anxiety such as racing heart, shortness of breath, severe headaches, nausea, diarehhia, extreme fatigue, aches and pains….etc.
So, yes, depression is a debilitating disability. I hope that those who are suffering with it will be able to get
the financial help they need.
And my heart goes out to those who are
suffering with this terrible disease.
- February 1, 2009 at 8:22 pm(98) Tyrone Slothrop says:
Do people bilk the system? Sure. Is that really relevant to the rest of us? Is it relevant to most of the people who have spoken here, so personally, and painfully?
There is nothing that I can add that hasn't already been said. But allow me to add my own personal experience. Let me tell you what Depression has done to my life.
I'm 61, white male, well educated. I have held good positions in my work career but have never been able to work up to my potential. There were other factors involved as well but I lost three jobs that a healthier person would have been able to work through. I haven't worked since 1990. Before divorce I survived on my wife's salary. A friend helped for some time after that (but is now suing me). My first major depressive episode was in 1977 although it is likely that I have been depressed my whole life. I've been in therapy since then. (off and on, mostly on). I've had migraines pretty regularly since then; irritable bowel syndrome so bad that I wanted to kill myself; sleep apnea; insomnia and hypersomnia; tmj (mild to moderate); libido, zip.
Still think I'm only making all this up for SSDI benefits?
I have three brothers all of whom are recovering alcoholics. I have three sisters all of whom are being treated for depression. One sister has a daughter who has been hospitalized for extended periods for attempted suicides. Five of six of those siblings are seriously obese, one moderately obese. My older sister suffers from personality disorder and has been married and divorced three times.
All the meds I have been prescribed over the years have been of no therapeutic value. As of next year I will have no health insurance at all. I have started going to the County for public health services but frankly I'm not sure why I'm doing this. When I see doctors I ask for any help they can provide.
My poor sleep and hypersomnia are making any hope of working just not possible. Not even maybe.
One of my most pressing issues is that I can't do ANYTHING. On top of that list is the energy to download the SSDI forms. I should have done this years ago. My psychiatrist even said she would help me fill out the forms. Yea, I'll do it tomorrow. Unpaid bills-by the box full. Eating has become a chore. Life has become a chore.
So let's see. I have become, over the years, completely isolated, ie, no support groupbrothers and sisters are unable and unwilling to keep in touch as well as spread out geographically; I'm not in a work environment; I keep to myself and have no friends. Shortly I will have no health insurance. Within a year or two I will be out of money and truly unable to work. My medical bills are burying me. Many are unrelated to depression but the bill is still very real. (The Cobra insurance is worthless.) Even if I could afford health insurance no one is going to insure against these pre-existing conditions.
To all of you who have posted please know that the rest of us understand. To those of you who have some kind of situational depression (ie, divorce, a family death, loss of a job) talk therapy and meds will probably help, don't be reluctant. If you are not happy with your mental health professional don't stay!! find a better one. To those of you who live with some more permanent type of Depression and are not helped by meds and talk therapy, try to find a empathetic friend and don't associate with people like that "Doctor" mentioned above. No, it's far from perfect, but a hug from time to time is wonderful.
If you are home alone and feeling desperate, I really don't know what to say. What I have recently learned however is that the mental health professionals don't really know what depression is. There is such a high percentage of people who fall into this later group (something like 1/3, although I've heard varying numbers) that it is likely that this group suffers from something different and they (the professionals) simply don't know what it is. No I'm not making this up.
In other, words we are not being treated. That has profound implications. Think about it for a minute.
Ya' gotta love this: "I think people with very bad Depression should not have to work. They should work at trying to cure themselves" Yeah, there is also that sh-t to put up with.
Please don't bother me, I'm busy curing myself.
It's sad to say but I understand why people commit suicide. I understand that depth of despair that says there are no more options.
Don't for a minute listen to anyone who says it isn't real.
God bless.
- February 2, 2009 at 4:24 am(99) Jag says:
Here it is 4:40 am, I'm supposed to return to work today after being on sick leave for 20 months. I'm very lucky to be employed by the government and have not lost much income. The last time I was at my workplace (local Hospital) I was nearly dead from a overdose of my sleeping pills, my coworkers in the Emerg dept. were quite helpfull and attentive to my situation, the next day I was sent to another Hospital 300 miles away for a 72 hour psychiatric asessentment (last October) which I must have passed as the Psychiatrists said I was sane and could return to work after the New Year. So to return this day is not going to happen and I will apply for permenat disabily, that should have been done 15 years ago during my second major breakdown when I was 33 years old. I have only held on to my employment, with help from my union, and "acting" normal, also I had a very good psychtrist who kept my condition secret as best he could for 30 years. Now I will have to see what tomorrow will bring, (I'm expecting the worse) and hopeing for the best.
- March 3, 2009 at 10:40 pm(100) Jackie Allen says:
I have lived with depression most of my life however, didn't seek treatment due to the stigma attached to someone with a mental illness, I would say I'm not crazy….. At the age of 17 and rejected by my boyfriend I thought what the F*#K is wrong with me… My mother bamled me for her having to acknowledge my older sister was not my fathers biological child, I was 11 years old… My father and mother sat us down to explain to us they were getting divorced, and to save m oney we were going to vote to see who we would live….Five kids two didn't get to vote my two year old sister and my mothers oldest daughter….I choose to live with my mom and my brother choose to live with my dad my younger looked at my brother and I an said I want to stay with dad…..That was it I really felt it was unfair that my older sister got to live with my mom and not I….I was upset and stormed off to my room, my mother walked in and sternly said " Do you want to know why Your sister is staying with me?" and I said yes and she said because your father isn't her biological daughter and if you hadn't thrown such a fit nobody would ever have to know…. She went on to say and know that secret is out you might as well know that you have a another brother that was placed in adopition when you were four years old, he would be about seven today…. My mother told me on several ocassions I should have stayed with my father because she never wanted me in the first place I was 14 years old that day. Because my little shoved me off the picnic table and I was ready to pound her face in….. My father blamed me because my two year old sisterwas not allowed to move in with my mother because my dad said he would never split us up…. So once that was my doing according to my father….At the age of 17 feeling rejected again, I thought to myself you know what this living crap just is to much I don't like it so F*%K em all walked in the bathroom locked the door and took a bottle of tylenoland what valuim I could find, if the pill was in the medicine cabinet I consumed it…. Unlocked the door and told my mother I was going for a walk…. My best friend and sister went with me ….I went to the neighborhood park to swing and set out to climb a local hill, then once I felt like I was far enough from home I told my sister and my friend about my medication cocktail I had consumed…. That was 30 years ago and there have been one other thought, however I had three small kids whose father should a lack of intrest in so I considereing taken uas all out because you know I sure as hell didn't want them to be raised by my parents and I didn't want them to experience the rejection from their father so the plan was to take on last trip to the coast and take the kids with me over a cliff right in to the ocean….That's when a frind of mine who battled bi=polar convinced me to go to white bird who did a short screening and told me there were 11 sypmtoms of depression and I possedsed 7 of of those and crying wasn't one of them ….a couple days later and thinking the coast trip would just rid the world of me and mine was constanly on my mind just waiting to get paid so I ncan head to the coast…..I would drive to work and half way there I had to call and say I just can't make it today…. that wen on for a week and a half and then I made it to work, but broke down 10 minutes later and told my supervisor what was going on….he and I met with Human Resources and I was hospitalized and diagnosed with clinical depression….I took medication for two years went of the meds… Then my sister died and I went back on them because suicide was my only hope…it's been 15 years the kids are all grown, four grandkids, and for the first time in my life I live alone…I have to say suicidal thoughts I still have…. Even though I take 2 anti-depressiants, two anxiety medication and 1 medication for the times when anxiety gets to where my chest is invaded by extremly sharp pains that feel like a heart attack…. two sleep medications….Clinical depression I understand….30 years later and still hurt by the rejection my father expressed so well… As a matter of fact they only time I felt like my father loved me was the morning after my first suicide attempt and he came into my room with tears in his eyes and said Jackie you know I love you, that was the only time he ever said those words to me when I felt he was sincere….that was 30 years ago alot has changed choices he's made, and staements he's made and still I am still struggling to put the past in the past…. I was goiing to make peace with him on October 21 2007, however he passed away on October 13, 2007 I don't miss him, it's hard to miss someone who choose to keep their distance….
- March 3, 2009 at 10:54 pm(101) Jackie Allen says:
#72 Rick check with the local hospital and see if they have a patient's assistance program…..They helped me before I was given a medical card just by good luck in a lottery my name was selected…. Prior to that most medications came directly from the company that makes it….
- March 4, 2009 at 12:07 am(102) dennis says:
i'm bipolar but a stable bipolar.the reason i'm diagnosed as unemplyable is due to the sleep disorder that accompanises the bipolar.if i so much as have a doctore's appointment or a luncheon date scheduled for tuesday afternoon i'll either not be able to sleep monday night or i'll wake up on and off constantly..i magine if i had to hold a daily job down!! i'm constantly being criticised by people for not working and have actually lost friends over it.being accuse dof everything from faking it to being lazy and decieving the doctors and more recently i've been told that my doctor is making money off me by just telling me i'm bipolar and have a slep disorder.my sleep diopsredr can't be seen by rhe public of course.apart from the sleep disorder i appear to be a normal intelligent and educated human being.so i get alot of people murmuring behind my back that "there's nothing wrong with that motherf***er!!! he just needs to get off his laxy a## and geta job/. i take trazodone(400mg) nightly to sleep..it doesn't cause sleep it generates a deeper sleep ,once i've fallen asleep.i'm taking the most the strongest thata doctor will prescribe to a patient.they'd prefer a person take less than 400 but i take the full 400mg and i STLL wake up if i have anything planned the next day or if there's ANY kind of obligation in my life at the time(as obligation does create stress. the most absurd statement i ever heard from someone is that my sleep disorder is psychological BS.ummm..hey RAMROD!!,it's medical..not psychological!!
it'll never change, stupid unintelligent morons will always retain the notion that if somebody has two arms and legs,they can do SOMEthing!!!
- March 4, 2009 at 4:22 am(103) Christine Wall says:
I suffer from depression and have applied for disability and live in the UK. I have not worked since July 2008 following an accident and have extensive knee and hip surgery and am now unable to play semi professional tennis. My employers are the NHS and they have done nothing to help me get back to work. I am employed as a Ward Clerk and my consultant etc have asked my employers to give me a desk job so that I am not on my feet all day. My employers have done nothing and this is making me more depressed.
- March 6, 2009 at 8:10 am(104) ML says:
…Unlike a lot of people here, I haven't had to leave work due to depression – I haven't even been able to get any in the first place. I'm 23, live in Australia, and have been on antidepressants since the year 2000, after two years of trying to cope by myself at high school. My mother passed away in 97 due to breast cancer. I got through high school by splitting year 12 into two years – luckily I am/was bright enough to be able to cope with the work, just not all at once. I finished high school and did art part time at uni – missing a lot of classes due to simply not be able to go anywhere. I was living with my father (who has clinical depression) and we were all we had left for each other. I promised myself after mum died that I'd never kill myself, for dad's sake and his only, because I didn't want him to have to go through the grief again.
After uni finished in 2007, I did a post-grad 3D animation course. That finished in June 2008. Since then I have been on Newstart Allowance (approx AUS$440 a fortnight). Since I had been treated for depression for so long through school, I was referred to vocational rehab instead of centrelink's normal jobsearch – but I was still meant to be looking for 30 hours of work a week. At the same time as being in uni, my father found a girlfriend who moved in with us around 2005. Suddenly the person who meant everything to me had someone else to be there, someone closer to him and to help fill the hole in his heart. I was happy for him, but I felt so alone. I still do. I moved out of home last November because the girlfriend just didn't understand depression and was making it worse by treating me like a lazy child. I tried two weeks of secretary work a friend got me into just before moving and was coming home every night, crying hysterically and falling asleep until the next morning, when I would wake up dreading everything all over again. I was lucky dad was there to cook for me. Now I'm out sharing with two friends who are having a hard time coping with the extent of my depression because it's gotten so much worse. My vocational rehab consultant got me a four-hour a day work placement in web design, and I was going home at one pm in exactly the same state as with the secretary job, only this time dad wasn't there to look after me. That was a month and a half ago now, and the consultant doesn't know what to do with me, I've had to find a new doctor who changed my meds six weeks ago, and I'm no longer in the right area to talk to my old psychologist. I can't get up in the morning, I'm waking up 7-12 times a night, it's a struggle to clean myself, to feed myself… my housemates both work 6-7 days a week and come home exhausted, so if there's cleaning that needs to be done it's generally left to me to do it… and I hate walking into a kitchen that's been left as a mess and knowing that I'm the one who has to deal with it, when all I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, where there's no more pain. Every night I fall asleep wishing that I won't wake up the next morning. I don't know what to do anymore, because my old Psychiatrist told me moving out would help my depression, and all it's done is made things worse. So much worse that I'm having trouble even just existing day to day. If it wasn't for that promise to dad, I would have tried to kill myself several times. Instead I lie in bed, keep myself perfectly still, and repeat the promise over and over to myself. I cry on and off all day, and even when I'm not crying I can feel the tears behind my eyes. I have friends who have had depression who try to help me, but they mostly just say I need to force myself to do things, and deal with problems, rather than hide myself away. What can I say back, other than I already force myself to get up in the morning? I can't go out yet I'm so lonely. I panic in public, or if I'm going for the bus. I feel like I'll never be able to get a job, or live by myself, or see another normal day for the rest of my life… and never have the money to do more than just exist. And Centrelink still wants me to look for at least 30 hours of work a week.
- March 14, 2009 at 5:01 pm(105) Claira says:
I have struggled with depression/anxiety almost as long as I can remember. Things have been very difficult. They have tried several meds and nothing seems to work. I have had a hard time keeping a job. It seems like people just don't like me. I am so tired. I have to force myself every minute of every day. I can't afford to be out of work. Any advice??
- April 30, 2009 at 7:07 pm(106) Dorothy Lamore says:
So, does anyone have any advise for family members of someone with depression?
If they can't work are we supposed to support them indefinitely?
Should we just let them sit and rot in our basements?
I had a Mother with severe bi-polar disorder and it was hell growing up. Now my 30year old son wants to come and live with me because his wife got tired of taking care of him…
I invited him and his wife to live with me before, when they were getting ready to have a child.
As soon as he agreed to move in he quit his job. He said that he couldn't handle the stress. After 18 months of horror I finaly had to ask them to leave… Now his wife has left him left and he wants to come back to my house. He refuses to even think about looking for a job. I can understand that it is hard to hold (much less find) a job when you are in this condition. But he also refuses to get any treatment… When he lived with me before my mental health suffered. I went into therapy and have been working very hard to get my life together… I'm afraid that if he comes back with no job & no treatment & no plan, my life will enter back into chaos.
He says that I am selfish and don't love him enough. He blames me for all of his problems.
It's true that I was not the best parent when he was growing up, So do I owe it to him to take care of him for the rest of our lives???
- May 24, 2009 at 3:02 pm(107) doris says:
I have been suffering with severe depression for 18months now and although i am in a much better place of late, I still have some way to go on my journey to recovery. Noone really understands how i have been feeling, and I don't think they really want to try to, though i think sometimes its through ignorance or fear of still not really understanding how it can affect a person, especially as although many sufferers experience similar feelings, ultimately all sufferers are individual. i work within the nhs as a registered practitioner and for me it has a nightmare, i work for an organisatioin that provides care, but doesn't really seem to care….how can that be? i am trying to get on with things, but my condition will not let me at the speed i know my employer (line manager) would like. According to Occupational Health I now am likely to fall into under the DDA and work should be making allowances for me. I had being bullied at work by G Grade (band 7) sister for 2 years! I put up with it to avoid further conflict! When i had a fall whilst trying to sort the problem it couldnt have been more welcome…anything to get me away from her! Even the horrendous pain was worth it, although that too brought my mood down. SHe is ex military, bossy with an attitude that i was beneath her and i really do not think she realises how she affects me and also other staff at times. my work life suffers and when she is on duty my anxiety levels are up to a point where i am unable to function…so i end up off work sick again! at the moment its has got to the point where my union is involved with OH HR and senior management….as they want me to work with her again….but they want me to meet through mediation with her first to resolve any problems…i feel sick to core and although everyone seems to listen…they are not hearing me. i am petrified, i do not want to meet with her, i want to avoid her as much as possible…no one will listen and i am feeling like i will have no choice but to leave…how can this be allowed? Why wont anyone hear and help? Sometimes I want to close the door and never leave the house, all because i do not want to go to work…I do not want to be put down, shouted at, given dirty looks, ignored and or treated differantly….i honeslty do not understand people sometimes…or employers…more than that i do not understand me anymore? i will give in soon…i will have no choice…then all the suffering will have been for nothing and like most cyclical events … i will be back in the same place…working in hell …or as its known to the many..the nhs..unless i find the strength to get out before they kill me!
- June 14, 2009 at 9:43 pm(108) bagpuss1981 says:
Hi Iam 28 And receive Disability Benifits as i suffer with, Manic depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and schizophrenea. And I self Harm. And back whe I was working It was so hard because of my Mental Ill Health I was Able to do my job proprely I was constantly Making Mistakes and doing things that would not only place me in Danger But would also Place my Fellow Employes in Danger as well. Bu since Being on the sick And since I have started to recive disability Payments People will lokk at me and say things like "how can you be classed as being Disaled you look perfectly Normal" or they would say to me "why are you Living of the state there is noting wrong with you your just to lazy To go and get A job".
- June 20, 2009 at 3:44 pm(109) tamara booth says:
i have suffered with depression since age 11 i am now 25 and it has only grew worse i had been medicated but when i graduated from school i lost all my medicaid benefits i am now seeking help with thi but to no avail i am choosing to give up so nobody can say i didin't seek help but i did so i am throwwing the towel in
- July 26, 2009 at 11:10 pm(110) kimberly says:
i suffer from depression as well as ptsd and it sucks. i have been suffering through out my life from this and the many trauma's i have had through out my life. i am on antidepreesants but i have moments where i lose consentaion and things seem so hopeless. right now i am unemployed and home less and its a hard time in my life right now. i am trying not to gte so oveewelmed and i have been living in my car. i have a 12 yr old son and hes with his father right now because its rough and he worries about me and its just better i do not subject him to this situation but he worries.. depression and trauma is an ongoing battle 4 me. i understand ppl that have it . its hard just dealing with a throid condition as well..
- July 30, 2009 at 12:21 am(111) x says says:
I would say that my depresion comes totally from the pressure and additional work load I kept on receiving from my Manager. It went to a point where I was working 10 to 12 hours daily and I could never make the dates. The worst part of this is that when you bring these things to HR they say that they will help and the next thing you know you are fired.
- September 16, 2009 at 4:34 pm(112) sylvia whitworth says:
I am 44 year old female. My chronic depression and bipolar depression ruined my 17 year marriage and my life. My husband can't tolerate my daily misery anymore and left me. I have been taking all kinds of pills for years but it doesn't seem to get any better. I stopped working 2 years ago because I just couldn't concentrate and do my job any longer. I applied for disability in february '09, denied once, now appealing with lawyers help. The hardest part about my situation is trying to explain to my 9 year son why I am so sad all the time. My husbands family turned against me because they think I am nuts. I have nobody to talk to at all. I have no friends and no family to get any kind of emotional support from. My loneliness, because of my illness is so severe it's becoming unbearable. The only reason I am still alive is because of my son.
- October 6, 2009 at 2:36 pm(113) nancy coppinger whitten says:
The disability docter's said I was just depressed they are so right. But i tryed to tell them it is dew to pain in body and being sick all the time. They say I am not disabiled dew to being depressed i would have to say they are wrong. When you can not work dew to not getting sleep and thinking you might just file off the handle at some one dew to being fatigued dew to anxiety, & depression. I guess they have never had it to understand it. So most of all how can they say it is not a disability?
- October 28, 2009 at 4:35 am(114) Patrick says:
How can someone who is sick free comment about a pain in which he has never felt? Im 26 years old. Have been working since I was 14 years old and recently got laid off by my employer at a local hospital. I am on my last months of Unemployment benefits and don't know which direction to go in. I have been suffering with depression ill say my whole life but out of the norm since I was 19-20. It got so bad that even simple routines as to going to the bank is stressed about a day in advance. Im always on edge and sometimes have panic attics when it seems to many people are watching my every moves. Its weird cause I have always been a popular person; have plenty of friends and at least in my eyes get along with everyone. But recently even hanging with them is somewhat a job in itself cause ill either have to have liquor in my system. Or dark outside. I will continue to hurt just to make my families life better and I do seem less of a man even looking up SSI benefits. But I'm just not sure what to do. Most jobs cant hold cause deal with too many people, jobs I would enjoy wont work cause they require schooling and there is no way I can stay in a class with my condition at this time, I don't wanna drown myself in medication cause I seen the affects it had on other loved ones. I just at the point of hopelessness right now and dont know what to do.
- November 4, 2009 at 3:35 pm(115) bethany says:
i just wanna say thanks to you all who have left comments. I thought i was the only one who cant seem to keep a job. I have felt very much useless or like a bum because i cant seem to keep a job for more than 3 or 4 months. My most recent job i have had for 2 yrs but i miss work often due to exhaustion or like today i had a panic attack this morning and had to call in because i just could not make myself go. The funny thing is i don't even know what i was afraid of. Ive had depression since was about 10 and have had some treatments but haven't been able to stick with them. I'm only 23 yrs and don't really know what to do as i'm at a low point right now and have been for the last few days. I just got moved around at work and am having to learn a new position and i'm not having a good reaction to it tho i constantly try to talk myself down from being stressed about it Its hard to make yourself get help when it doesn't seem like neone really cares or you don't care about yourself much. I'm not really sure what to do, hopefully ill feel better soon but i just wanted to say that reading what u guys wrote about work really makes me feel a lot better like i'm really not so alone so Thank You.
- November 23, 2009 at 3:13 pm(116) phil says:
I currently suffer from depression. I had always just tried to ignore it. Last summer though I reached a breaking point and I attempted suicide. I checked myself into the emergency room of a local hospital and was completely honest about everything all of my feelings and emotions. It was hard to do but I did it. It was embarrassing since I'm such an introverted person but I did it. I stayed for 2 days was prescribed an anti-depressant called lexapro (which is great, no negative side effects) and they scheduled me for visits with a therapist. It was an incredibly wonderful decision to seek help. I see my therapist once a week and I am doing much better the panic attacks are fading away and I am myself again I'm a much better employee at work and a better student at school. My one piece of crucial advice to anyone suffering from this horrible disease is to seek help. Go to the emergency room of a nearby hospital if you need to like I did or schedule appoitments with a counseling center. Do what ever you have to do to get help because believe me it will not go away. It will be with you until you face it and work towards fixing the problem. Get help from a professional that has dedicated they're life to helping people like us. I wish you the best!
- November 23, 2009 at 11:02 pm(117) jules says:
I am dealing with a coworker who has been out for weeks because of so called depression, we were short handed before she left but now its even worse, we are covering her shifts and everyone is wiped out and burned out from all the extra hours we have to put in. She still goes shopping and in on facebook daily. We are all angry we cant even breath right now but she gets to take the holidays off . She is 40 and her parents just baby her and cover her bills while she is not working, oh and by the way she is a major drinker, thats why this upsets us, she is getting disability, and we work our butts off while she sleeps all day and does nothing. I wish they would hire someone for her position and let her go so we could all just get a break and go back to normal. I know depression is real, but come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- November 30, 2009 at 7:37 am(118) kathy says:
I worked for a chiropractor for 23 years, I had my first bout with depression in the 80′s. and have never been the same. I started work for him when I was in my 20′s the latter part of the 80′s, after a while I told him what was wrong with me, but he was so kind he would help me work through it plus I could run the entire office, but in April of 2007 I walked out, my depression worsen. I did't care about anything I was anger at him and everyone around me
- December 5, 2009 at 1:47 am(119) anon says:
Until I saw a recent case in the news, I didn't even know you could get disability for depression. I decided to look into it and the whole issue sickens me. I see so many people whining and getting sympathy that they don't deserve. I'll justify that comment with my own disposition.
Over the last decade, I have lost all care for anything. I have a hard time feeling at all. I see death and it usually brings no response or sometimes actually light humor to my mind. What other people see as tragic, I find trivial or amusing. I go to work each day because I know that is where food comes from. I am no more than a primitively driven beast. Still, I'm tempted to leave everyday. There are so many rude people when dealing with the public, which is fine when I'm in a completely emotionless mood; however, there are times where I am at the verge of lashing out against them. It isn't even safe for me to be in the workplace.
I come home and sleep for maybe 2 hours. I have a lot of education, but my job (the only stable one that I could get) doesn't really require much thought. I function normally there with no sleep and no emotions. I imagine myself like a machine that simply exists for action and needs no other purpose.
I have given up on all goals in my life as they slowly drift out of reach. My final goal was to have a child. Now, after a long wait, it is on the way. I am making no progress. It feels hopeless that I can actually provide a good life for a child. Even that I don't care about. I'm content that it will come with or without me. I imagine that I might leave because the state will provide better without me or that I might take out insurance and find a good way to die. It isn't because I don't want responsibility or anything else absurd… I just feel hopeless and worthless to do any better through my own direct effort.
In all of this, I have never missed a day of work. I haven't had a sick day in 8 years. I don't share my problems with anyone other than you internet strangers. People who are really depressed don't share their problems because they realize that is hopeless too and no one will really understand. That is why everyone that is sharing them and benefiting is full of crap. I often find comport anymore in pain and misery. I go out with shorts and a t-shirt in the middle of winter. I feel the pain and then numbness and suddenly things make sense again. I need that state of chaos and pain for the world to make any sense because I cannot feel or bond with anything else now.
Do not believe these other people who pretend to be depressed. When you are deep enough into it, there is no way out. It makes no sense not to work. It is all the same. There is no desire left to stay or go. These people clearly have motives and things they enjoy that drive them. That isn't part of depression.
- April 28, 2011 at 1:47 am(120) Justin says:
Utterly wrong, sorry. I wrote a longer response first but it didn't post and I am too tired to write it again.
- January 6, 2010 at 3:20 pm(121) Anthony says:
I'm a 45+ year old male that has suffered with depression for at least 14 years; sometimes battling and sometimes surrendering. I've always done well at anything I've put some effort towards – sports, academics, work. With my depression, tasks (especially intellectual ones) that used to be easy, are now impossible or take forever to complete.
My productivity level in my trained profession is below 10% of my prior capabilities. I've been on LTD for depression from two corporate jobs, but as many of you know, there is societal pressure to return to work ASAP and your therapist is under pressure to clear you for work ASAP too.
Until I win this battle with depression, I consider myself 90+% disabled to perform jobs that I am trained and "qualified" for with Fortune 500 experience and an MBA from a top 10 school.
However, I'm probably only 10% disabled to perform jobs that require a high school education and some muscle.
The difference in pay is probably 7-10 fold.
I chose to do something in between and started my own business that many with a HS education are successful at. Its been 4 years and Ive yet to make enough to draw a salary.
My wife and family has been my SSI. Never even thought of applying for SSI, though I would probably be in a much better place health wise and financially today if I had that assistance. Ongoing success and the lifting of lifes pressures are key to winning the battle with depression.
- January 13, 2010 at 10:30 am(122) Lindsay says:
I have suffered with major depression for the past 6 years and I have also had two suicide attempts and self harmed I have been precribed Lofepramine, I have worked throughout this illness and would never let it beat me and for people who say that they can't work because I'm too depressed but have the time to go shopping is a total cop out – people use depression as a way out of not working, people may disagree with me who have depression but after my second suicide attempt I was back in work after i was discharged – If I used depression as an excuse not to work then i would never work
- January 22, 2010 at 3:39 pm(123) fizzle fry says:
the doctors said i was depressed and then i started having hallucinations and mania. they gave me the pills and they didn't work so i stopped taking them. i have got 2 51-50′s in the last 3 years and i know i cant get disability and i cant find a job so im fucked i guess i got to go live on the streets or some shit after i get evicted. if you want disability you have to go to Scandinavia because here in the usa the govt is broke as fuck and spends its money on antagonizing Arabs instead of helping its own people. and they made us believe the Arabs were the evil ones… we are all such fools for believing that bullshit
- January 22, 2010 at 5:03 pm(124) Duke says:
I am proud of you for your perserverance. However, after struggling since my teens with depression and now 39 years of age, and now having Fibromyalgia these last 11 months and depression with it but still working steady until these last weeks. I can never judge without grace those who need to take off work to survive or seek help to get better. Maybe there will come a day when we can test brain disorders like we test diabetes but until then we are dealing with a broad range of mental illnesses that drs simply treat patients (us)as experiments with no true and accurate way to diagnosis like an xray diagnosis a broken leg. So I am glad for you and I truly hope you and I continue to perservere but please be slow to look at others in their weakness because their may come a day when you and I are unable to get out of bed, gripped by a pain and darkness that forces us from our pride and selfrigheousness to cry out to someone because now we can't even make it to work.
- January 27, 2010 at 8:47 am(125) Dracie says:
I quit a good paying job because of Depression and anxiety .The more responsibility I got the worst it got.I cried every time I had to go to work and felt like I didn't have a choice.I quit because I couldn't take it any more.Now I live in poverty and just don't know what to do.I haven't worked in three years.
- January 29, 2010 at 6:54 am(126) Jeff says:
I'm 24 and have suffered from depression for about 8 years now. I honestly can't understand how some of you are in your thirties and forties and have lived with it your entire lives. I have to drag myself from day to day, telling myself that it'll get better, that there is still hope for a "normal" life.
I fully believe that depression is a disability, and a crippling one at that. The problem with most skeptics is that they don't understand it; so many people see it as "just a little sadness".
When I was 16 I was too afraid to tell anyone about my depression because I thought that the general reaction would be something along the lines of "Get over it."
luckily, when the truth finally came out, that wasn't the case. My confession came about due to numerous extended absences from school. After a while I was pulled aside and asked "What's going on?" The alarms went off and that very day I found myself sitting in a mental health facility, talking to a therapist.
Things got better for a while, then they got worse, then better again, etc. etc. depression is nothing if not a persistent and relentless beast. Let me reiterate in saying that it definitely IS a debilitating disability.
I'm 24 now and still living at home, still supported by a parent (how sad, how very sad). I've been in a mental hospital twice. I've seen numerous therapists and have been on numerous medications (none of which have sufficiently worked). I have the occasional part time job that I eventually have to leave due to severe anxiety and depression. At the moment I am unemployed and the financial situation is getting critical.
My low self esteem and morale-my dangerously unstable mental state as a whole-is further compounded by the necessity to find some sort of source of income, and my inability to as of yet do so. I must admit that thoughts of suicide have for a while now become prevalent. It's a truly dire situation when that option once again makes its way to the table.
I'm going to try to apply for disability. Though, ideally I'd rather be able to work. But in an ideal world I wouldn't be depressed. Research for disability, and the apparent ridicule of depression as a legitimate disability, has lowered my hopes and spirits. More than likely I'm just going to hit the pavement again with a pen, a pair of khakis, and a fake smile, filling out out applications. As usual I'll hope for the best but expect the worst.
I can't believe I just wrote a lengthily story about my problems. Oh well, I'm going to post it anyway.
Let me end this tale with an apropos question: With all we've seen and all we know, how the hell can depression and anxiety not be considered disabilities?
- February 3, 2010 at 6:45 pm(127) Barbara Smith says:
I believe someone who is majorily depressed should be on disability. I have chronic severe neuropathic pain, major depression and PTSD and was denied disability 2 years ago. I reapplied again and it is pending. I worked my entire life, 35 years until I could no longer do it. I have had more than my share of adversity and have lost everything I worked so hard for. My husband committed suicide in 1988 and was a wife abuser and that is at the root of my PTSD. I raised a child by myself and went to school after that. In 2004, I was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease which is excruciatingly painful. I have paid a big price in my life and still I am not getting disabliliy even though the gov't gladly took plenty of taxes from me. Life is very complex and not as easy or simple as it looks. And by the way disability is very difficult to obtain. Most people get denied numerous times. I worked my butt off after losing everything only to have it happen all over again. FUN!
- February 6, 2010 at 2:16 am(128) Kath says:
Dear people, I'm so so sorry for your pain. I live it too everyday after trying every medication and therapy for 10 years, this last 10 years of depression has been the most severe and enduring of my life. I am just as the author said, dragging myself to work everyday, in a constant state of terror and anxiety that I'm not doing a good job and go home every night to eat in front of the TV, fall asleep and hopefully stay asleep all night until starting it all over the next day. Weekends are worse–all the things that people do to enjoy their days off and I'm too depressed and ashamed of myself to even try to do anything. I feel myself slipping into worse depressoin and have decided that if things are not better a year from now I will end my life. It's a terrible thing to say but I don't see what the point of continuying this way for as long as my body functions is.
- February 7, 2010 at 6:03 pm(129) robth says:
i do suffer from severe depression. i would kill myself if i thoughtdeathwould end the emotional battles i fight everyday. I have no interest in being alive, i should, i seem to "have it all", looks, brains, the job, it's a struggle everyday to pull myself out of bed and put on an act. i have not depoisted my pay checks, i can't even find them, i live in squalor, i can barely hold it together at work anymore. i have destroyed all of my friendships and my relationships because of my negativity, my depression, my inability to just be ok and consistent everyday. I hate myself and i wish i would die.
- February 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm(130) realworld says:
Disability for depression or mental illness should be a temporary "help-out" to allow time for treatment and therapy. It shouldn't be given for more than a few months, 6 months tops.
It should not be a permanent hand out. If someone suffers for depression years on end to the point that they cannot function at all, they need a new therapist and a new medication. Work is a good distraction from depression, after undergoing at least some helpful treatment. After that, you've got to suck it up, stay in treatment, and maintain some resemblance of a normal life- work, live, etc. You can't hide in your house all day for the next 50 years because you have depression. Take a "help-out" disability pension for a few months or so, get treated, remain in treatment, and get back to living!
- February 14, 2010 at 11:21 pm(131) David says:
I suffer from depression. I have lost job after job over this condition. Most times I have panic attacks so bad that It feels like the room is spinning. That then leads me to the thought that it will never end. Eventually I get so worn out by it that I fall asleep or just zone out.
I don"t know what to do most times. I have had thoughts of suicide a lot of times. I feel that no one at all cares and that if I was no longer in this life, no one would miss me. Believe me, depression IS real. You may see me on the street and think that I have my act together. It's just from years of training myself to smile and laugh is why I may look like that.
This condition has also cost me 3 different marriages and gotten me into legal trouble beyond the end of the marriage. I don't know where to turn for help. Yet I know I suffer from depression and possibly a panic disorder. I DO believe that this is a serious enough condition to warrant government disability payments to those of us who can't handle what other call the normal routine of life.
- February 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm(132) jenny says:
I have never been clinically diagnosed by any GP as depressed,but i know that i must be.I am 39 now,uptil i was 25 i was happy,cheerful,enjoyed life so to speak,always the practical joker.Then i started to become exhausting and tired and drained all the time for 6 months at work,various trips to the doctor in this time,till he eventually said i had been walking around with Glandualar fever all that time.He recommended 6 weeks off work,but i only took 2 off.Also at this same time i was having serious gynealogical problems too,and severe anemia from it,so i was really knocked about.It got to the point i would just flake out as soon as i got home from work.I have never been right really since then emotionally.I seem to be getting worse if i am truthfull.I have always gone to work but sometimes as other say here,you put on a front,brave face,but a few years back,i could never see the fun in anything and lost my enjoyment of things,next thing you no,my nickname at work is "smiler",i think they knew i must of been depressed,it snook up on me gradually,and they accomodated me.I was overworking,being conscientious,saying i could cope,when actually i could not,i went to the doctor,and he said if i do not change my job i will have a nervous breakdown.I have had to have a hysterectomy after 8 years of suffering,then diagnosed with intermittent thyrotoxicosis.I have terrible mood swings,and a very short temper now,which i never did before.Some days i am fairly happy,and other times really in the doldrums,where i just mope and do not want to talk to people.I had a near nervous breakdown in August 2005,then in October of that year my father died through mediacal negligence suddenly out of the blue,we had a 3 year legal battle over it,an now to top it all a new neighbour has started a neighbour dispute with us,just as we are about to sell our home,still ongoing.I am getting to the point were you just think,what is the point,it is one thing after another knocking you back down.I try to fight these gloomy feelings,pretend i have not got depression,and GET ON WITH IT,i do not want to go to the doctor and spend a life on medication.
- February 24, 2010 at 12:38 pm(133) Mike says:
I am a recovering alcoholic 91/2 years sober got hurt at work and through fighting with wsib my ex wife hounding me a stressful job long hours I just was seeing myself go down and my sobriety was in jeaprody and I was diagnosed at that time with depression also. I was denied from my companies insurance company finding no reason I can not work (twice) any advice thanks
- February 27, 2010 at 2:55 pm(134) Gary Marshall says:
I've been on medication for depression since I was 15, I am now 38. The only real difference between me and most of the other commenters here, is that I NEVER USED DEPRESSION AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO WORK!
Yes there is a stigma attached to you people, a WELL DESERVED STIGMA. You are nothing more than lazy parasites who will do anything possible to get out of work. Depression sucks. Depression sucks alot. Working with depression is difficult, but depression DOESN'T PREVENT YOU FROM WORKING.
You should be left to starve if you try and use your depression as an excuse to get out of work. I think you'd find that depression was no longer that great a hurdle to holding down a job, when you got hungry enough.
Parasites, vermin, a worthless leech deserving of nothing but contempt. If you're on disability for depression, then you are all these things and worse. May you get what you deserve in the end you no good stinking filth.
- February 4, 2011 at 2:23 pm(135) ben says:
I dont think you have it at bad as alot of us then
- May 5, 2011 at 1:59 pm(136) BB says:
Gary, it sounds like you are bi-polar, not just depressed.
- March 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm(137) Zach says:
I find it funny yet pathetic that people can use depression as a excuse for being lazy! what do you think people use to do in the past years? they delt with it. not make ecuses for it and the first thing i read is this poor girls mom laffed at her . good for her it sounds wierd but she was trying to make you better yourself and not be a sad lonley ass.not no she says quote "Depression is an excruciating, painful, deadly disease that claims many lives."
You are your own maker. Our great country has givin us the opportunity to make our lifes what we want them to be. So people pick there own paths, and when deppression makes people, NO people make depression. If your life is depressing it is you made it that way!
- March 2, 2010 at 7:45 pm(138) Charlotte says:
I'm so relieved by these comments: for ages I have fretted that it was just me being pathetic when I felt unable to work. I have recently had to interrupt my nursing studies because of my depression; I just felt so overwhelmed. It has left me feeling so ashamed that I am unable to do the work, but I literally cannot concentrate on anything. It is so frustrating that even though I want to do nursing, it seems that my mind is not letting me. I don't sleep well at all and getting up in the morning is aways hard. Sometimes I can sleep for 20 hours or so and sometimes I can't sleep at all, but either way I'm always exhausted. My self loathing is hard to bear; I feel worthless for not being able to do anything! But it is so comforting to know that, maybe, just maybe, it's not because I'm a pathetic person, it's because I'm ill. Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories and letting me feel that I'm not the only one! I'm praying for everyone trying to cope with a mental illness.
- March 5, 2010 at 4:54 am(139) Some One says:
I have gone through periods of very very deep depression through my life when some bad events happened and after for years. I say don't let it get to you. When all you want to do is lay in bed and not face the world and you couldn't sleep to 3am and you have an exam the next day…say 'fuck you' to the depression…'I'm doing this anyway….I'm doing the exam…I'm going for the job interview…I am not laying down and dying because of this sadness…'Hold on…I don't see the benefit of "laying down and dying" though I have had periods when that is all I wanted to do. Fight it. Fight it with all you have. As the quote goes, "A champion is someone who gets up even when they can't."
- March 7, 2010 at 2:04 am(140) earthbound_misfit says:
To Gary Marshall and others who think depression doesn't stop you from working…
What about someone like me who always loses my job after a few weeks or sometimes days, due to depression type problems?
I want to work, im 24, and my working life so far has been a constant get job, get sacked situation.
Employers can tell if something is wrong, even if you can fight the depression enough to get there on time and stuff like that, they can tell. They can tell if you are trying not to cry when another employee is nasty to you, they can tell when you are dissociating from reality and desperately trying to keep working.
Is it wrong of me to go on disability until I can function enough to keep a job, instead of constantly considering suicide and getting more depressed every time I lose a job?
Yes the unltimate aim should be recovery and work, but forcing it too soon makes things worse.
Fortunately I live in UK where depression is a valid reason for disability, though there are many problems any many fall through the net of the new sickness benefit (dont get me started!), at least it fosters this idea and provided support for those who may only be able to do certain kinds of work. Hoping they can help me – but who wants to employ someone who breaks down in tears when the force themselves to go in on 'bad' days?
- March 13, 2010 at 6:36 pm(141) Joyce Johnson says:
Age 45, I was diagnosed with depression disorder & anxiety disorder. I lost my job of 19 years due to depression. I have suffered with depression since I was 30 years old. I started receiving social security disability benefits at age 45 for my depression & anxiety. I am age 50 now and still suffer with depression & anxiety. My depression seems to be life-long and all the antidepressant medicine I have taken, does not seem to help. I wonder how long a person can receive SSDI for depression & anxiety disorders? I am up for disability review this year and afraid my SSDI will be discontinued. Has anyone received disability for depression longer than 5 to 10 years?
- March 14, 2010 at 11:22 pm(142) S.R. says:
I was diagnosed with depression after finally getting the courage to go to my Dr. and confess my symptoms about 2 years ago. I have suffered with depression for most of my life and I am 33 years old. I have found that over the years it has been hard for me to keep a job. I really like to be alone or around only my immediate family. I have considered disability but have not made the the decision yet to see a psychologist, although my Dr. has recommended that I do.I have been on 2 medications so far, but I think I may be headed for #3 soon. Everytime I think I have this under control it shows back up again. The feelings of worthlessness, tiredness, headaches, mood swings and I have also had thoughts of suicide. Although I haven't had those thoughts for quite some time now I know what it is like. Depression is and can be a silent disease and Killer.
- March 21, 2010 at 7:31 pm(143) Scott1979 says:
I lost my job as a truck driver after I told them of my need to become a woman. I had been suffering with depression prior to coming out and had been self harming as a means to coping with my problems. I had confided with a collage who told my boss which led to me lossing my job. My depression worsend but I did get another job whilst doing this job I was still suffering with depression and panic attacks my sleep was badly affected and it became dangerous for me to do my job as a driver. I had a break down on the job and had to leave the company I was with I had had interviews arranged but every time I would have a panic attack and was unable to go thurough with it. I applied for disability because of my depression and went for a medical and after an half hour session was scored as 0% even after I had told them everything about my anxity attacks, depression and self harming. I am waiting to see a review board but I'm not holdi g my breath on the out come.
- April 1, 2010 at 11:52 am(144) YajairaArmendariz says:
I was always wealthy until I found a new job. I love my job and do what I do but some people make your life a living hell. I started having symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress at 17 but never seeked help for it maybe too embarassed what the doctors might think. Until one day i brokedown and had to leave work beacause this was not normal for me. So theh doctor prescibed me 10mg of lexapro(trial). After two weeks it was ok so I went back and she gave me the same dosage but more pills. after tthise two weeks I was unable to concentrate, forgot alot of thing even the smallest simple task even drag myself out of bed but i have to support my family thats why I cant miss a day of work. So, I decided to go back to my doctor and she said I had to see a psychiatrist and she could not give me a bigger dosage. She send me to a community hospital emergency room downtown after 5 pm. I needed to talk to a psychiatrist but the RN said i was just hooked on pills and they were not going to presrcibe me anything that i needed to go see my doctor. Afterwards I told him she send me to the ER if I needed a bigger dosage!! So now i dont know what to do I feel like im losing my head I even think i have OCD because everything has to be my way all the time but the doctor said it was just me I'd even fuss or argue over little insignificant things. This stuff is serious some people think oh that its not an illness but it is. It can be mentally and even worsen. But I'm just mad at the fact that my doctorsend me to the ER just to get a bigger dosage and she didnt refer me to a psychiatrist.
- April 2, 2010 at 5:25 pm(145) Cade McArtor says:
I have struggled with depression my whole life and firmly believe that anyone should be able to get disability for depression. The part of the article about getting out of bed in the morning at the last second brought tears to my eyes. I'm considering applying for for it myself. I'd use the free time to just be there to listen to those who have struggled like me.
- April 16, 2010 at 1:41 pm(146) Helen says:
I've been off my meds for about two weeks now due to a insurance pre-authorization hold up. As all of you know it's getting harder and harder to even get out of bed, or even care IF I get out of bed. I've been staring at the computer for two hours now just trying to get enough focus to write a response. I lost my job back in January and with it, the company insurance, so now I'm on our state program that I guess doesn't understand or care just how important these meds are. I enrolled in school to go back for my RN and was thinking about applying for disability but I am worried that it will affect being able to work in a health care setting in the future. This last job I had, I actually held for almost three years due to the fact my boss was my ex-husband and he new very well about my episodes. Unfortunately I finally missed too much work for even him. Someone else said in a post above that he wouldn't hire himself and it's so true. How do you deal with this? Do you just accept the fact you will never be well enough to work and hope you can get by on disability, if you can even get approved? Does this reflect poorly on your ability to get a job when and if you're well enough to work? I would like that doctor to have to live with me for a few months and then maybe he would see that depression is not something anyone would choose to live with for a few hundred dollars a month.
- April 21, 2010 at 2:14 am(147) Marty says:
Yes, I am considering applying now. I have been off anti-depressants for about 6 years now but feel I must get back on them. I was treated for depression over 10 years ago but was also found to have a chemical embalance. Everyone knew when I was young there was something different, from constant crying, sadness, and anger and uncontrollable rage but did not believe in medication. I worked for the government so I tried to stay off any medication and hide my problems so it would not look bad. I got addicted to pain killers and used them for over 4 years. Now, I can't function, I feel nervousness constantly, deep depression. I can't even cry, never want to get up, don't like to see people. I also have PTSD now because my husband was shot and killed and my children were murdered in a fire all within 2 years. I feel like I am on the edge constantly and am afraid to go to sleep every night and afraid to come back home everyday because I always think something will happen that I can not keep save my loved ones from. I am going to see a doctor again tomorrow and will find out the possibilities. As for when I was working, I worked constantly, never missed. Work was where I got away from everything in life. My safe zone, but yet I knew I was and am hiding from my depression and can no longer do it. I am afraid to have break downs at work or in social situations, even while driving. I think it is a legitimate disability because I barely make it through every day of my life.
- April 29, 2010 at 5:36 am(148) Phillippa says:
Finally someone who understands! I was fired by my employer recently as i handed in a sick note from the doctor explaining i needed two weeks off as i would be on the medication fluoxetine and was obviously finding work extremely hard to cope with at the moment. I think people that havent experienced it (like my boss) immediately label you with being lazy and incapable. It doesn't help when you have such low self esteem already. I will be fighting for the decision he made and if anything he has given me the strength to stand up and push for what i believe was a lack of understanding and support. I will not let ignorant people like him win. My hope and love goes out to anyone that experiences this black hole and fingers crossed we will all make it out and into the light.
- April 30, 2010 at 9:30 pm(149) lana says:
I had a near fatal accident almost 20 years ago. Shortly after the accident, I began experiencing dabilitating panic attacks, agoraphobia and depresssion. No one knows the way a person suffering from this illness feels, unless they experience it for themselves. Every person is different and all treatments are different. It may take awhile to find the right medication and cognitive therapy may also be a useful tool, to help in the recovery. I was finally diagnosed as having Major Depressive Disorder; however, having a name to the illness doesn't cure it. I find the treatment I have been receiving all this time, has just been a cycle of different meds and I don't feel any happier, but I am "definitely a lazy person." I would love to be at work steadily, but this illness prevents me from doing so. Do not judge unless you have to go through it yourself!
- April 30, 2010 at 9:35 pm(150) lana says:
Oops! If you read carefully above in the quotes I meant to say that "I am definitely not a lazy person".
Take care,
- April 30, 2010 at 9:52 pm(151) brooklyncitizen says:
Recently thought of applying for disability because I realized I am in fact disabled, barely functioning due to my depression. It has been with me my entire life.
I feel ashamed somehow. Like I am not doing something right, as if there is something eluding me and I cannot see it. It's easier to remember the handful of times I haven't been depressed; it's colored my entire life and the quality of my life is …dissappointing.
So now I am considering this disability stuff and I am embarassed bc part of me feels it is wrong; I've been self-employed for over ten years and have never even collected unemployment or any public money. There is a lot of embarassment and shame, not that anyone would know but I am judging myself here on this. Not even sure where to begin.
- May 1, 2010 at 6:30 pm(152) lana says:
To Brooklyncitizen:
If you are unable to work due to a disability, you should definitely apply for disability benefits. There will always be a stigma attached to mental illness, the same way some people are prejudiced against people of different races, religions, so on and so forth…You cannot control what other people may think of you. One thing is for sure, we are not crazy, yes, we do have mental health issues as sufferers of depression, but we are not crazy. I hope it all works out for you!
Take care,
- May 4, 2010 at 9:22 pm(153) Mahala says:
I believe I am as well suffering from depression,not short term as this has been going on for years. I have no health insurance what so ever, so I have no way to see a professional. Does anyone know of any free in Elizabeth City,nc? I have been battling this for so long, and finally read all of the comments above as well as some doctors articles and feel that this is what I am dealing with. My sister is bipolar, and a few of my older relatives were as well. I barely answer the phone anymore, one time for two months, I get very anxious while driving or at the store. I do contemplate suicide, but I always think of my two boys' and I just couldn't ever leave them without a mother intentionally. I could never concentrate in school. I feel like it's a major effort to maintain a friendly relationship with others, so I tend to stay inside the house. if anyone wants to talk you can email me: mahala_2010 at yahoo. maybe those of you who have been diagnosed can offer me some insight, I'd really appreciate it.
P.S. The doctor who wrote that article was clearly acting off of past memories, just because these two may have been 'faking it' doesn't mean everyone is. He's a doctor, seriously?
- May 5, 2010 at 5:28 pm(154) laura says:
i have deppression been on meny meds still find no relief i can't take it anymore of people telling me to snap out of it. and that i worked before, therefore i can work again. my own father don't believe deppression is real. i don't know what to do.
- May 19, 2010 at 12:13 am(155) skaz says:
This post was really helpful for me, as were some of the comments. Others, mainly those that basically say depressed people are lazy and crazy, just made me angry.
I have been depressed for 14 years. I also have borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and an anxiety disorder.
I was in high school when it all started and I was hospitalized for the first time. After that the depression was always there, but controlled at least well enough that I finished high school and was able to work.
I've had several GREAT jobs in which I was promoted several times. Each time I left to move on only because I had a better job offer. Then starting about three years ago my depression became so severe that I was let go from several jobs in a row because I was unable to function. I was late, I was sick all the time, and I made all sorts of errors that I never would have made in the past. Each time I was devastated because I loved the jobs, I loved the people I worked with, and working actually helped my depression. I was just unable to be successful anymore.
Just in the last two years I have:
been on a total of 12 or more medications
attempted suicide 7 times
been inpatient (voluntary) in a psych hospital 8 times for a total of over 4 months
been committed against my will 3 times
and had two psychiatrists refuse to see me anymore because they didn't feel they could help me because there are so many medications I can't take (I've had anaphylactic reactions to 6 different psych meds, all of which required me to go to the ER)
had 10 ECT treatments which didn't do a thing for my depression and destroyed my memory
Currently I see a psychiatrist 1x a week, see a psychologist 2x week, and attend group therapy 3x week. That makes a total of about 9 hours of therapy each week. Between group sessions I usually have about an hour of homework each time, so that adds about three hours each week. And this isn't homework like in school, this involves emotions and feelings, which has increased my depression in the short term but have been told is good for me in the long term.
So even though I don't have a job, I consider therapy to be my job right now. And even that I have trouble making it to without reminders and encouragement.
I applied for disability about 5 weeks ago and have already been approved. I will be getting approx $925 a month. That is hard to live on, but considering I've lost almost 60 lbs in 5 months just because I can't afford to buy enough food for more than two small meals a day. Being single and having no children, it is almost impossible to get assistance. Medical bills ate up my savings several years ago and I haven't been able to work for about a year now.
I don't feel bad about getting SSDI. I definitely consider myself disabled and I have paid into the system with my well paying jobs. I also don't plan on being on disability forever, even though my doctors and therapists think it unlikely that that I will be able to go back to work. I refuse to accept that. So I will do absolutely everything I can to get back to work.
I don't consider myself lazy. I consider myself determined to do what it takes to get better and SSDI is part of that. It is there to help those who are disabled. Just be depression is invisible doesn't mean it isn't a legitimate disability. The fact that I was approved for disability in only 6 weeks when the initial application usually requires 5-7 months in my state right now (it varies by state) and validates that. I didn't have to appeal, I didn't have to go to a medical examination, and I didn't even have to get a statement from my doctor or use an attorney. I applied online, someone called me the next day to verify information and then I got the letter 6 weeks later. Obviously the evidence was very strong to support my claim.
Please, if you are one of those people who think that depression is not a disability, EDUCATE YOURSELF. I definitely acknowledge that most depression is not severe enough to keep people from working. But that is the same with any medical condition. Just having a medical condition, physical or mental, doesn't mean a person is disabled. It is a matter of how severe it is and how much it affects the persons ability to function.
If you are one of the people who is truly disabled but having trouble getting disability, don't give up hope. My story of an almost immediate approval is very, very rare. The normal process can literally take years after all the appeals. But the majority will be approved if they are legitimate claims.
- May 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm(156) Megan says:
I thank you for being an advocate for us. I definately understand these feelings you described. I am only 19 and was diagnosed with severe chronic depression, PTSD, severe anxiety, borderline traits, and severe chronic headaches by the age 16. I was on so many meds for so long and none of them helped. It got to the point that I was spaced out all the time and I don't remember many years of my life because of it. I finally gave up on meds and am now just trying to survive one minute at a time. I have to try to act happy all the time. Its hard to work like that when I am an emotional wreck. I try not to take my coworkers' actions personally, but it doesn't always work. Now that I am over 18 I feel like people just don't care because they no longer have that obligation so I stopped seeking help. Its really difficult trying to apply for scholarships and grants when I am on my own, and if I tell anyone about my diagnoses I will be turned down for everything. I have never filed for disabiliy because, if I do, I can't do what other people can do. I had to go on homebound for school because of it, and because of that I wasn't allowed to go to games or dances or anything. Being on disability would restrict me getting my own place, my driving, and even my extra curricular activities. I don't think there is hope for us that way. Sure I'd be able to afford to live, but the only thing I could do is lay around all day. How is that supposed to help??? Anyway, Thank you so much. I'm glad to see there is someone out there who is willing to speak up for us…
- May 31, 2010 at 2:46 pm(157) Joy says:
I have been on disability for depression for just over 3 yrs. I am in my mnd 40′s, have had depression since I was a teen, and have been on meds for 20 yrs. I finally got approved for SSD after 2 1/2 yrs. I have a Bachelors degree and would much rather be working in my chosen but I just can't handle the stress. Depression is a very incapacitating disease. I would not wish it on antone.
- June 7, 2010 at 8:43 am(158) steven says:
I am currently dealing with depression. I have been been denied benefits. I have gone through the act of suicide. What I hate about life is that things seem to have to get to the extreme before people can get help. Unfortunatel, its to late. For most of us dealing with depression its just a matter of when not if things are going to end.
- June 7, 2010 at 8:58 am(159) Wanda says:
I have depression to and i have no get up and go i feel like i want to but somthing is holding me back.On top of this i have hbp and three other problems i take meds for.I help my granddaugher who has cf and this makes me feel guilty that i conplain about my life.But i love jesus and he helps me to help her.Amen
- June 8, 2010 at 1:49 pm(160) sally bernard says:
I too have suffered from depression. I attempted suicide at age 16. My mother was mentally ill. My father molested me. I have extremely low esteem. My weight fluctuates often in astounding amounts–60 or more pounds at times.
I get up every day and go to work, pay my bills and keep my house clean. These are the things that get me through the bad feelings–taking care of myself. I don't expect the government or other working adults to pay for me to sit home on my ass feeling sorry for myself, wallowing and dwelling on my "problems."
I say NO to depression being considered a work disability. It makes me sick to think my hard earned money goes to people who lay down and let hard times take over. Very sad–our society should put up with this!
- June 26, 2010 at 3:58 pm(161) Mila says:
It's good to see that others experience this stuff too. I think I have had pretty major depression since I was fourteen (I am 31 now.) I contemplate suicide regularly, it's difficult for me to hold a job or be alone in public, I get anxious and stressed really easily and I can't seem to focus on getting things done. I don't sleep well either, and I have come to believe there is a link between my depression and my allergy symptoms, of all things. I also think that hormones may have something to do with it. I wish there were more studies being done about depression because it seems to be a pandemic! It is serious, it deserves to be taken seriously. If you are depressed you do deserve care. If I find out anything that works for my own depression I will post it here, as I am visiting a doctor soon. Hang in there, you guys.
- June 26, 2010 at 4:01 pm(162) Mila says:
It is interesting that most of the posts state that the depression began around ages 12-14…I wonder why? Is there a correlation between puberty and the onset of depression? I'd say most kids that age get a little (or a lot) depressed, but why are some of us cursed to live our whole adult lives feeling sad?
- July 8, 2010 at 10:14 am(163) Me says:
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression since 2000 (although have been living with it for many years prior to diagnoses). I am health care professional and have jumped around from job to job blaming my sadness and inability to function i to the jobs. I find that when I've had a stretch of time at home, I do start to feel a little better. I attribute this to having the ability to stop and rest if needed, to being able to sleep in a little longer if that night was not restful, to taking naps in the middle of the day. Even with this extra resting/sleep, I find I can be a little more productive than if I'm not resting. If I am having a really down day, I allow myself to just do nothing. And hopefully, the next day is better. It bothers me that I am not the productive, organized, outgoing person I remember myself being years ago. I wish I were. But I try not to think about that and think positively, getting through from one day to the next. Do I think depression is a disability? Absolutely! Yes, I get up in the morning and go to work….but I am definitely not able to put into my day what I should be. I am always exhausted, and never want to socialize with my co-workers. And it is very difficult to be focused and pleasant for the patients I see every day. When I do get home, I have nothing left for my family. This is not the kind of life I want to live and I do think of suicide. I have thought of applying for disability but am ashamed to bring it up with my doctor. If only depression was better understood.
- July 9, 2010 at 11:21 am(164) S says:
I don't think the stigmas attached to depression will ever go away, especially in the workplace. My manager, who is well-educated, sees it as a "disciplinary matter" which is so far removed from the reality that depression is a diagnosed medical condition.
- July 15, 2010 at 12:17 pm(165) Jon says:
I haven't sought help yet. I have suffered for a long time. For many years, I have hardly left the house. It has ruined any chance I ever had for things like relationships, school, work, college etc. I wish I had faced it head on sooner. The stigma and ignorance about it is the hardest thing for me to deal with, and it's been a barrier that has prevented me from being honest about it and trying to get help. It is SO hard to be able to admit things like this. Admitting it, is like a huge weight off your shoulders. I have always feared the thoughts of others and have always tried to act my way out of it. The shame is that I am quite smart and in the right circumstances could contribute something to society. The problem is that I can't deal with people at all. My acting isn't good enough. You could give me a million dollars right now, and I wouldn't know what to do with it. I still wouldn't want to leave the house. Money means nothing to me unless it means ordering online, where I don't have to deal with people, and be forced to face the dark thoughts about myself.
I am 29 and have wasted the last 10 years of my life. I am still quite young, and am thankful that I live in a time that is starting to come to grips with all of this. Encouraging others, rather then "suck it up". The posts here give me hope. There ARE some people that understand. I am very afraid but I hope that there is something on the horizon. Some help that I can get, so that I can have some chance at a normal life. I can't act, lie or pretend anymore, I am out of energy for that. Being honest is my only way out. It's gone too far. I am fortunate I have one person (mother) who understands and will support me.
I hope that people won't look down on me in the future, whether it be co workers, or friends. But it doesn't matter. I need to take that chance, because anything is better then my current life (life being overstatement of the century).
I will be getting help soon, wish me luck. Thank you for sharing your stories that give me hope.
- July 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm(166) REE says:
I don't think anyone should judge an individual by WHAT THEY SEE. For instance, an Autistic person who shows no physical sign of disability yet suffers mentally. Just because they show no physical disability means they aren't entitled to receiving assistance? That's flat out prejudice. I can speak on this very topic of depression. I have lived with it for years and I'm still living with it. It is not only a mental thing but it can become a physical roadblock as well. Avoiding people (afraid of the public), psychosis, fatigue and the list can go on. It is a disorder just as ADD is listed as a disorder. I am all for people receiving help.
- July 21, 2010 at 12:01 am(167) Cade McArtor says:
I've been struggling with sever depression for several years now and feel that I'm almost at the point where I should peruse disability if any thing just so I can devote as much time as I can to getting my medication in order and going to as many therapy sessions as possible to try to be productive again. I know a lot of people who go on disability for a lot of different issues and I try not to judge them on their personal problems. It's not fair that someone might do that to someone else.
- July 29, 2010 at 9:43 am(168) Charley says:
Wow, that story just described me, all i have to do i look at the place that i work in and i start to cry. I cant cope but like everyone else i have rent and bills to pay. like you i take as much time off as i can and try to act normal round friends and family. the thing that makes me laugh is, ive just got engaged, my mum and dad are still alive, i have many friends and a big family…but why do i still feel sad, to the point that i feel i dont want to be on this earth anymore, ive thought about suiside more than once, but this voice puts me off at the last second and i just break down. i hate my job but an leave and cant sign back on as i wont get any money for 6 months anyway…so what do i do?
- August 18, 2010 at 4:29 pm(169) Houma says:
I too beleive that this so called doctor should first walk in the shoes of those with major depression before he passes judgment. I am 31 years of age and I have had thissince 13 as to when I can remember talking with counslers and doctors. I tried killing myself twice, this truly is a sickening feeling to have all of your life feeling of fatigue, tired all the time not able to enjoy time with family because your constantly in the bed. O r just by looking at my job history of not being able to hold down a job because i start to get un-interested in the job so I go from job to job… even with me concentrating/memeory its just an overall sickening crazy feeling that us with this disease have to live with day by day, and I feel as though he should not have said what he said…
- September 2, 2010 at 8:47 am(170) rajna begum says:
i know im depressed but i dnt wanna face it goes i hav 7 childrens under the age of 10.
- September 6, 2010 at 9:01 pm(171) Deborah says:
I'm a 47 year old woman with depression since age 13…horrific childhood left me with ptsd and bi polar and socially awkward..after my first child was born..post partum hit and my genius ex-husband told me to join a ositive Thinkers Club: yeah that's just what i need! (he's my ex-husband now),Went through years of "going through the motions" at my job…which is doing a morning show on a rock radio station.
i fear for the day when i snap on air! I;ve worked there 26 years now and had to take an 11 month leave 5 years ago..new meds-Paxil and ,therapy.All was good for a couple of years but again i feel i'm sliding .The least little thing can set me into a hostile and agitated rage and i fear i may something to someone that may be completely inapproriate
or worse yet do serious harm to myself…thankfully my 2 kids
pull me back.I cry at work,walking the dog.,shopping…those tears can show up anytime.I 've let my beautiful garden grow over…just don;t care.Can I get SSDI? I want to leave the world behind and live with no agitation that the outside world overwhelms me with.HELP
- September 13, 2010 at 9:50 am(172) NH773S says:
Thank you for your blog.
I feel that depression should be regarded as one of the number one illnesses. I know what it is like to look for your house keys only to find that you left them in the refrigerator the last time you went for water or to misplace your cell phone only to hear it later ringing from the kitchen trash can. The inability to concentrate has had a profound effect on my life. I used to pride myself on my ability to remember names and numbers (along with chapter and verse), but not any more. Now, when people say: 'hello' to me, only the face is familiar and their names escape me. Then suddenly I am forced into that sheepish position of apologizing and asking their names once again. The Chief of Staff where I work said: "You know, there are a lot of people who do not like you"! Well, I'm not surprised, when depression makes you avoid those people who are simply trying to be friendly toward you it becomes a huge problem. I began reading a book about three weeks ago and I cannot get out of the introduction. My memory is so far gone that my Doctor has started me on daily patches to help me get my memory back. And dont get me started on the sleep deprivation. I am on the job 66 hours a week with four hours of sleep per day.
My own case is as unique within itself as anyone elses, but because my Depression was brought on by my employer, I feel that I should be able to make a claim to Workmans Comp to handle it.
I started writing this well over an hour ago, my memory is shot! I just keep forgetting my point.
Good wishes for all.
- September 17, 2010 at 2:57 pm(173) chrissy says:
I've been fighting depression for so long, I've learned to just live w/ it. I've tried 3 different antidepressants, talking to a dr,who told me I have a chemical imbalance, etc nothing worked. I threw out my meds & realized, you get happiness from w/in, not from popping a magic pill & living the same life every day. I wish at times I were dead because of how bad it gets & people in my family don't get it. I always say that if someone has cancer, everyone fusses because it's a horrible disease & EVERYONE SEE'S IT..but w/ severe depression…NO ONE SEE'S IT!! your not allowed to show them how you cry your heart out while lying on the bathroom floor in a fetal position, you'll have a stratight jacket on you right? Love really is the strongest emotion out there & when things happen in a person's life..depression triggers others differently. I recently told my mom how I want to try to get on disability for my depression because of how bad it is but know that if people find out, it'll be on the news, especailly if they see you doing something like feeding the birds, or going grocery shopping or pretty much anything. They say "well, if she can do that, then she can work". For anyone who's never been depressed or SEVERELY DEPRESSED, then consider yourself lucky but don't go around & tell the rest of us what we can or should do w/ our lives, it's not your business!!! I think it's cruel that I feel I have to hide it from people in my family for feeling ashamed of it instead of getting support. Then they'll say, "well, your going on a vacation"…WHY NOT, do depressed people not deserve to relax in life on top of everything else. No one knows what makes another person sad, so don't judge, that's up to God & God only!
- September 18, 2010 at 12:19 pm(174) Ashley says:
I am 21 years old, and since the age of 12, I have tried every medicine imaginable. I have been to countless therapy sessions with different therapists, and still have not found a single thing that even comes close to helping. I feel as if I'm throwing money away on medication that does no good for me. I have been working in customer service jobs such as restaurants and retail stores since i was 18, and I have had complaints at every job about my job performance. At my most recent job, I have had crying spells where I will have to excuse myself to the bathroom, or I will get angry and have a hard time concealing it. I also have a hard time focusing at work. I am very close to losing my job because of it. out of desperation to hold onto my job, I have even spoken to my manager and explained to her why I am the way I am, and she so much as told me to leave my problems at home, but the thing with depression is that its not something that can be turned on or off.I literally have to force myself to smile and be cheerful, and that takes even more energy out of me. I cannot even afford to live on my own because they refuse to give me the hours i need. I'm stuck.
- October 7, 2010 at 2:21 pm(175) Lauren says:
At 41 years old, after a lifetime of attempts to function consistently at jobs (some more successful than others), my major recurrent depression made it impossible for me to continue trying to function "normally" in a workplace setting. I wasn't able to do what was necessary to be successful, period. I used to be more able, in my 20′s, but over the years the abilities just declined gradually.
Amazingly, I got my SSDI for depression on the first try without a single additional query from Social Security beyond the initial application. HOWEVER, what I DID have when I went with me to the application interview (and I'd suggest applying in person, not on-line) was copies of all my medical treatment records pertaining to therapy and medications tried over 20+ years for the depression (and anxiety/panic, which are so often a part of depression).
All that paperwork was about three inches thick, but it showed them that I had been trying to get treatment … what also helped was seeing how chronically short-term I had become at keeping jobs, even eventually (finally) being kicked out of temp firms … my income went way down over the course of the last few years as a result , which also demonstrated a jump in the severity of my illness — in SPITE of regular therapy and medications.
I was able to do all of this without a lawyer, which may be rarer than it seems — but I'd encourage anybody reading this to get copies of ALL the medical records you have that relate to your seeking treatment for depression. You do need to prove to their satisfaction that you cannot work.
Evidence, evidence, evidence. If your doctor doesn't think you "quality", find a psychiatrist who really understands your condition and takes it seriously and will be willing to testify to your situation IN WRITING and ON THE PHONE if need be.
Most of all, do not give up!
- October 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm(176) jc says:
My life is one day into the next of a nightmare that you can't wake up from that is depression
- October 13, 2010 at 7:52 pm(177) ,,, says:
Depression is a disability. It may not be visible, but it can really mess with a persons mind, motivation AND energy. It might not effect you physically (in some cases it can, though), but most people can't even get out of bed when major happens to them. Try working while you're depressed. Honestly, those people are much better off getting put on disability. Unfortunately, most people misuse the "depression" excuse, which is why I think some people don't consider it a disability at all.
- October 16, 2010 at 4:57 pm(178) Josh says:
I have been dealing with depression since I was 14 years old and my doctors told me I have bi-polar disorder. Inever wanted to believe I have a disabilitie as I would think that's giving into failure. But, I can longer cope with working, and as much as I want to move on with my life, i'm stuck. I am finally considering applying for disabilitie benefits through the government. I just don't know what else to do, has anyone else applied for disabilitie benefits in Canada? How does it work and how long does it take?
- October 16, 2010 at 9:52 pm(179) Michele says:
I often wonder where does it all begin. Was it the stress of a job at work? Was it the way my husband demeaned me about something? Was it my kids yelling and bickering? Was it my mom's nagging?
Who knows. I'm in a hole and no one can seem to pull me out. My job has denied my disability. My husband has negated my feelings. My kids watch me cry. My mom is scared.
Most days I want to fall over and DIE! Today for instance… a car went to run me off the road and had my daughter not been in the car with me- it would have been the perfect opportunity to 'over-correct' or whatever.
I love my children- but the love doesn't feel like it's enough anymore… enough to keep me here.
Oh… and since y disability claim through work has been denied – all I ever hear from my husband is how I'm screwing the family over. Maybe the DEATH BENEFIT WILL PAY THE BILLS!
- November 2, 2010 at 11:00 pm(180) Dani says:
I am so grateful for this blog. I have been out of work for two days this week now. Keep having visions of jumping off a very high building or bridge. Suffering with major depression for years.
Financially strapped. If I stop going to work will not have money to pay the bills. If I go to work will look like an idiot and have to answer too many questions. Sixth job I've had this year.
Can't seem to get it together. God doesn't answer my prayers. Just keep begging him to not let me wake up.
Depression is not just an excuse, it's worst than any physical pain that you can feel. You should be so lucky to never experiene the unrelenting torment and chronic soul-wrenching pain of a true depressive episode.
If there is anybody out there who prays, please pray for me, and all those like me. I feel like I'm losing the battle.
- November 6, 2010 at 12:25 am(181) LittleCrazyyy says:
I first dealt with depression back when I was 14 and didn't know it at that time. By the time I was 16, it became clear to me that I was suffering from depression when I was sent to a guidance counsellor to talk about what's causing me to skip so many classes. I remember I had to make excuses for why my grades were getting so low and even made illegitimate excuses like "because I'm lazy". I had to because I was aware of the stigma and also denied that I was really suffering was depression. I tried to solve this problem without any help from my family, friends or teachers and thought I was doing fine because I was able to graduate from H.S. It wasn't until I started college that I realised that things hadn't changed. I was still going through these cycles. Work was able to help me cope with it sometimes. Never been involved with drugs or gotten in trouble with the law but I've always felt that I was a complete failure for dropping out of school too many times. All I ever wanted was to finish some education, pursue a career in art and be financially stable. Now, I don't feel like pursuing anything. All I can do is sit in my computer, watch TV and eat. Basically just bumming around for months, unable to find work and plan out my life. How I wish I had finished a degree of some sort to at least show some qualifications and not just someone who "obviously needs help." I think that no matter what stages we are in our lives, we still need to find hope for whatever challenges come our way. I've always grown up believing that life is hard and painful, no joy without any cost. Life is short only to those who wish to live and breath life but extremely long and dull to those who wish for it to end. The only thing keeping me alive is faith in God. Everything feels so hard and I still can't seem to appreciate myself but somehow I've learned that you're never really alone.
- November 22, 2010 at 3:22 am(182) ABc says:
I have had depression for 14+ years, many, many medications and misdiagnoses for the past 14 years I got up and went to work/school every day, even after being actively suicidal. 1 year ago, I was doing well, had a new bf, and was starting what seemed like a great job. Over the next few months, the job became a nightmare; with poor training on our computer systems, a huge volume of new patients, many who were nasty and demanding, and no support from our clinic leaders. I would go through periods where I would cry every single evening when I got home and got behind on charting to the point b/c I couldn't concentrate and my boss commented. I then picked it up and went through some better periods of time with the job, but the boss continued to neglect my concerns regarding patient volume and bad pt behavior; and I worked all the time. My boyfriend's sister then announced that she was pregnant and since I met her has barely said anything else to me. I am pretty sure I can not have children and would not be a good mom anyway, OUCH. I started crashing again these past 2 weeks, pt volume and bad behavior started again, my boss chewed me out about something minor that he did NOT need to be a jerk about. I finally lost it, I have become totally debilitated and have lost weight unintentionally. I was not taking care of myself due to overwork and exhaustion, I wanted to die every effing day, so I am now applying for short-term disability and am scared about running out of time or being fired. There are so many "what ifs" and despite being back on track with my psychiatrist and PCP, I can not stop cycling through them. As for my SO, I don't know what he is going to tell his family on Thanksgiving about how I am doing; he can figure it out and I am going to stay with my family, who have been awesomely supportive. Please take some comfort in knowing there are NP/MD/DO's out there who "get it". I am one of the 3 but can't say which to protect my identity.
- December 18, 2010 at 3:05 pm(183) Susan says:
What disturbs me most about this article is this ignorance is coming from a medical professional who should understand these things. I have gone to Dr.'s who pretended to understand it and some who talked to me mean and wanted to know what happened to me in my life to cause the depression again they should know better it does not always stem from a happening. I have suffered from depression since age 11, worked 33 years put myself through college while on medication but the job I had was extremely stressful (child protective services) I started job hopping and lost the last 3 jobs i had due to depression. I love working!!!! I have a strong work ethic!!! and I agree interaction is better for depression I short circuited about 10 years ago and have not worked since 2007. It ruined my ability to get a full pension from my job. I have had two spine surgies and may need a third and medication makes me gain weight which is not good for my spine and usually some causes more problems than it helps and the ones that help barely keep my head above water. I think there needs to be more research into the causes and more treatments so people can get back to living. People who think you can just shake it off or get rid of it by positive thinking is very misguided. But as with everything in life we have to walk in someone elses shoes to understand. I remember having a friend get really angry at me for being depressed and low and behold if she did not get depressed and have to go on medication and lost a job. I say "careful what you say" I heard a preacher say once you better be careful making fun of fat people because God can throw your thyroid out of wack and you could be a straight 42 all the way down. Well not that God has a big stick to beat anyone who is misguided with but sometimes what comes around goes around so one should be careful what they utter about others. I think those who fake to get funds are very few. Living on disability is no picnic and you don't get wealthy from it.
- December 31, 2010 at 5:02 pm(184) claude says:
I was diagnosed with depression in1994 right after my wedding. For quite some time I couldn't function and my husband had to deal with the constant crying and not wanting to do anything, thinking that life wasn't worth this amount of pain I was causing to my loved ones who tried everything they could to make me feel better. Tried many medication until 13 years ago a doctor find the right combination. But after 12 years of being on them I had a horrible relapse and as of now don't know what to do anymore. I went to therapy and still go. But I feel like my whole world as collapse and wonder about asking my doctor about going on disability.
- January 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm(185) Joe says:
Just felt like adding my story and my opinion too.
I suffered from a severe depressive episode with acute anxiety, triggered by a workplace event. I felt completely hopeless, as though there was absolutely nowhere to turn in the world and it was only a matter of time before I couldn't live with the pain anymore. So I struggled everyday with constant suicidal thoughts and an overwhelming fear of those thoughts. It was hell. It seemed like everything that happened at work would exacerbate it. I couldn't concentrate at all, no matter how much I wanted to, and deadlines were creeping up, so I thought it was inevitable that I would be fired. Then I thought I would be in financial ruin and unemployable, just watching time (and my will to live) run out.
I was employed through the whole thing, though I was able to drop to part time (really doing next to nothing), as my wife took a job to support us.
I think disability would have been a much better option for someone like me, and it may have helped me recover faster. I don't know if I could have gone that route. I was too ashamed and too pessimistic to try. I would encourage anyone who's feeling something similar to explore the option of going on disability and, either way, to know that you do have hope. No matter what you're brain is telling you at the moment, you won't feel the same way forever. I was almost sure it was the end for me, and now I am back to enjoying my life. There are still bad days, but I know that's all they are, now.
- January 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm(186) Depressed in N California says:
I'm a childhood cancer survivor, and for most of my life I was a happy person. My whole family has been affected by cancer (both grandmothers, and aunts). I consider myself blessed to be alive, but I no longer love life like I used to. I was on Wellbutrin for about a year then my prescription expired and the doctor wanted me to come into the office, tired to but she went on leave and I hate telling my life story to a doctor when they can read my chart.
I no longer am passionate about my job, but can't quit since I am single and have no savings. My health insurance is a high deductible plan so I don't really see anyone other than my cardiologist and my oncologist, and can't afford the doctor bills when I do go to them.
I have not done had the will or desire to clean do dishes since about thanksgiving and will be tossing the dishes and pans in the trash rather than endoure the effort of cleaning them. It takes a lot of energy to get out of bed and get dressed and walk to work.
My car died over a year ago and I feel like my life is a disapointment. I don't want to deal with finding a new doctor and tired of trying to find one that I click with. I have a weight problem and that another issue to deal with.
I am no way at all interested in ending my life, I just am waiting for a change as I sit on the couch. I would love to get treatment but the energy it takes to find a doctor to help me is overwhelming to me.
- January 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm(187) Marie says:
This country has become a country of whiners and people who hold their hands out. What have we all become? Depression, bipolar disorder, a disability? Really? Ever think maybe you guys make victims of yourselves?
Before you think that I'm ignorant and cruel for saying such a thing, listen to what I have to say. I've been there. I'm bipolar…severely bipolar. I'm a rapid cycler. I've had repeated suicide attempts and involuntary commitments. Why? Because I refused to stay on my meds, and I obsessed over my illness. It's all I thought about: I'm fucked up, I'm "bipolar", everyone should feel bad for me, I can't control my moods and can't function like everyone else…Hey, here's an idea: take your meds and stop obsessing over your illness. Get out there, interact with people, go to school and get a career. You'll feel better about yourself. And don't say you "can't". That's bullshit. I've overcome unbelievable odds: drug addiction, suicidal and psychotic tendencies, major depression. Not only that, but I have rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and epilepsy. I have seizures and physical disabilities, but dammit, I still get out there and work my ass off to support myself and my kids. And I will until I am physically unable to put clothes on and walk out of this house!
Stop obsessing! Do what your doctor tells you! You people are making yourselves victims!
You may think I sound coldhearted and ignorant, but I'm not. I've been lower than a human can get, and today I am successful and, dare I say it, HAPPY. And I have a stable relationship. I'm sober. My kids are respectful, well brought up, honor students. I never think of my bipolar disorder unless it's to reach out and try to help someone else who has it.
- February 4, 2011 at 2:29 pm(188) ben says:
To the comments calling the depressed lazy and worthless. you ever noticed when you look at the news and people go to work and kill their coworkers? I bet they was depressed. I hope you experience this first hand sometime in your life. Then come back and comment.
- February 9, 2011 at 12:44 am(189) Rae says:
Ok I have a concern! I am 19 years old about 2 b 20! I
Just became disable by a surgery on Pankhurst
And my spin! That happen May 2, 2010! And ever since
That happen I can't walk! I am getting older not younger!
I am so sick of being depress! They said if I get a home
My Feonsay can't stay with me! That mean I will never have
A life! Just because my legs stop working! I have a boy/
Man in my life, that want 2 take care of me. I need some
Answers on how we can move and not being so mad
All the time I am so sick of this I want my life back
How it was! I am sick of crying every day!! I wanted 2 b in the
Studio making music. I can't now! I want 2 b on bet. With
Monique. But I really want to b with young money!! I have the
Talent! I just need some answers on how I will go by
By this situation
- February 11, 2011 at 12:59 pm(190) Brian says:
I have had depression for nearly 12 years now,I'm only 39 I have been on everykind of medicine you can think of alittle helped not much, mostly with weight gain and sleep, I have fought hard to keep it under control, about 2 yeasr ago it got real bad, and within the last 8 months,Itried suicide (failed) trust me I wanted to die no problem (however God let me live on), I lost my wife and kids to divorce, lost my job, became homeless for a month, filed chapter 7, went through an IRS audit, relocated, regained a job and an apartment. I have been off all meds for 7 months, I feel stronger, lost most of the weight and sleep less now. However lately everything is coming back to a head. I'm starting to feel worthless and sad. Depression is a disability! I can tell you exactly how it makes you feel DAILY, every SECOND:
Like your in a bottomless dark pit, scratching and pulling to get out, with NO light on top, and every few inches you get and feel just a little better, a HUGE 5 ton bolder falls on your head and ensures you fall another 10 feet down. Thats every second of everyday feeling!
God bless those that deal with this as I do.
- February 18, 2011 at 12:40 am(191) niky says:
I was Just hospitalized for the first time with what I term as my melt down.I have only been going to this therapist for a couple of months to try and deal with stress at work and finally deal with my sons suicide five years What I desperately need help with is dealing with work…. Because I have the responsibility of as many as 27 life support units at one time I dont think saying…. Had a meltdown and had to be locked up on the psycho ward would be good.
So far the conversation have been as brief as possible.
ME: Im in the hospital and may be here for a week
Work: Whats wrong
ME: I really dont want to talk about it.
2nd conversation after discharge I tried to reach the payroll clerk x 3 then the HR person who only been there a couple works called .
Work: This is A .
Me: Ive been trying to reach P because I know shell be doing payroll today and Ill need to put in for PTO for this past Sunday and Monday as well as the comiming Thurs and Friday Then I will need to check in to short term disability and I was also told to ask about FML.
Work: So are you ill?
Me: Yes, The doctor says I can return to work on February 28th
Work: So youre going to be ill until the 28th
Me: That when the doctor has released me
Providing I go back as planned and life is beautiful (LOL) I may never have to deal with this but would really appreciate input from the knowing.
Also I am worried about telling but in some ways it might be better because Ive directly told them the stress has been causing me physical problems an they just blow me off
Please time is of the essence Ive been known to get so tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop I take it off and throw it in myself
- February 21, 2011 at 4:42 pm(192) Lily says:
Marie makes the most convincing argument out of anyone here.
- February 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm(193) nameless says:
I have experienced a range of depressive symptoms. Mild depression is not very disabling and I could not only function, but excell in school with mild depression (I have been diagnosed by a professional psychologist, so I'm not just making stuff up). When I was severely depressed, I could not function no matter how hard I tried and I did try. I think severe depression is more disabling than it would be to have all four limbs broken at once, so it really depends a lot on the severity.
- February 28, 2011 at 1:52 am(194) niky says:
Just calmed down enough to read through some of the comments from previous postings.My apologys,there are so many who have had worse moments than mine.But lets be honest it 's those moments that cause the problems so thank you for being there for me to vent to.At the time I had only my therapist. The hospitalisation which I tried unsucessfully to cover up came out and once out was accepted much better than I expected.I still have a couple weeks off work so I am cleaning and organizing since this is the clearest my mind has been for years.
- February 28, 2011 at 1:58 am(195) nicky says:
Oh yea if I can't return to my previous job I have a private diability policy I've paid into for years and as part of that they ofer job retraining. I was thinking of taking up stress counselling or comedy
- March 1, 2011 at 1:40 am(196) Depressed says:
I am so confused about depression. I used to be a motivated, ambitious student and then all of a sudden out of nowhere and for no good reason I can think of, I got into this vicious cycle and seem incapable of getting out of it. I miss every single class, don't study for exams, don't complete assignments on time and yet I care – I care as much as I can about my grades. I want to do well, I want to make my parents proud, I want to be normal and not let my teammates down, I want to show up for appointments, be successful, be the way I used to be. I should be looking for jobs. I doubt if I will get one unless God helps me as God has been helping me all along, creating unimaginable miracles, but even if I do get a job I have no idea how I will ever get through it. Time seems stagnant. I have no idea when seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days. Weeks will go by without me getting out of the apartment and rarely even moving out of the bed. And yet although I shirk away from each and every task on my to-do list- even something as trivial as filling up a time sheet for getting paid for work I did or sending a one-line e-mail, I will go out with friends often – laugh with them, dance with them, drink with them. I don't fake it. I block out a vast portion of my mind – every single worry I have. I feel no adrenaline rush to get going and the mere thought of thinking about anything I need to do seems so intolerably painful that I drive it away. The thoughts slip in at times and then I'm left with panic attacks – breathing problems and a gripping, paralyzing fear.
- March 1, 2011 at 1:41 am(197) Depressed says:
But I don't understand. How could I be outside my control? It's similar to a murderer saying I killed because I had no control – I can't help feeling jealous or angry. And I can't condone that and if I can't condone that then how can I condone myself?? I am torn between this irrational, debilitating experience with depression and the concept of rationality I have cherished all my life. I can't make them coincide. I need an explanation and I can't find one. Am I just a weak person using the term 'depression' as an excuse to not face life? Is depression actually a disease that affects the brain in some manner, making a person mentally disabled? But in that case isn't every single evil and unsuccessful person out there suffering from a mental disease? After all it is the brain that determines characteristics and intelligence. Should everyone outside what we perceive normal be considered disabled then and treated with pity regardless of how horrible things they do? Or is there a midway approach between these two extremes?
- March 2, 2011 at 12:37 am(198) Niky says:
Dear depressed , Just wanted to let u=you know someone was listening. There is nothing more frustrating than pouring your heart out and being left in limbo. I have been suffering from depression from at least age 10 and have been up and down for the last 48 years. My post is just above you. I have a long HX of bi polar in the family on both sides. My son committed suicide 5 yrs ago at 33, he has 2 daughters 16 & 18 both bi-polar one functions very well off meds the other not she is also a cutter. I have worked in a very high stress job for 30 years. I cant speak for all bi-polar but my son and I have above average IQ and that was part of the problem. We read everything and too classes thinking we should be able to fix or control this ourselves. So bless you for reaching out and your parent are proud of you they just may not like your actions at the moment HUGGS.niky
- March 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm(199) mylife says:
From my own experience, you just can't fake depression. No one can act the way I feel. Psychiatrists and psychologists (well, some of them) are trained to look for signs of malingering. Look it up, there was a study done on SSDI claimants.
There are certainly levels of depression, on some levels, SSA believes you can maintain a job despite your depression. I agree, to some extent. I have suffered from depression for a very long time. I couldn't seem to get the help I needed. By the time I did get treatment, my symptoms were so severe. I had struggled at my job for so long, which I eventually lost. I struggled in my daily life. Eventually, despite treatment, I got worse. I found myself unable to get out of bed, cried at nothing or everything. Lost my home because I just couldn't do anything to prevent foreclosure. I wanted to, but couldn't.
I certainly don't play football in my yard, but this type of excercise is necessary in dealing with depression. And I'm appalled any doctor would make such a biased judgment without knowing this person's medical history.
If the guy was sitting in his yard liquoring it up, maybe. Then again, a lot of people with depression use drugs and alcohol to numb the emotional pain.
I applied for disability, and have a consultative exam coming up. I would rather work than be on disability. But, I need to get better first. I lost my job, my friends, my home because of my symptoms.
- March 25, 2011 at 11:58 pm(200) Lisa says:
if someone on disability can make 10 babies and be a volunteer fire fighter they can WORK. here is bust my ass to raise my children to the best of my ability and their father can just pop kids out left and right and get a free check every month. come on now he isnt toooo disabled.
if the handicapped mentally retarded can lick enveloped or work in an arc workshop so can everyone else. hell, i can play like i see things that arent there to and get a check. what the hell.
my kids father with the sperm bank is getting a check every month but my kids cant get a penny until he dies because he never worked!!!!!!!!!!
- April 1, 2011 at 12:22 pm(201) Daisy says:
I applied for and was denied disability benefits for my depression. I plan to appeal, but I do not expect any change. I've worked so hard to take responsibility for my healing, following doctor's orders and even taking a class online to help make a potential career change. Apparently I should have simply collapsed and gotten admitted for inpatient treatment instead.
- April 3, 2011 at 1:35 am(202) Neha says:
Daisy! Do not get discourage. Getting benefits does not depend so much on your disability but the social worker you get. Be persistent. Of course it is difficult when you are depressed, I understand. But I just wanted to let you know that. Take care. Social services is all about fighting bureaucracy!! You can win!!
- April 6, 2011 at 4:55 am(203) concerned says:
I am a mother of a beautiful baby boy (hes 2 yr) he is my life and whats makes me get out of bed everyday…my husband left me with all of the responsiblilities of a house and provider and recently fit me in court for custody and has even tried to keep my son from me countless times. I divorced now and I have sole custody of my baby and I try very hard to be a good mother. But what most ppl dont know about me is Im suffering with depression I have yet to go to the doctor over it.Im not sucidal or voilent by no means. I have recently quit 2 jobs and droped out of school and living on child support. I had to bankrupt everything I had worked for my whole life and moved back in with my parents. I exercience mental abuse not just from my parents and but by my x who is still in the picture. and behind closed door I cry and I dont have walking around since as my dad calls it, and I force my self to do anything I do I dont want to do anything for myself but I do care for my kid. Im afraid to go the doctors in fear my exhusband father of my child will try to take my baby. my fear of loseing my son has made me more depressed not even wanting to leave my house. I want to change my life and work but my depression is keeping from doing that I wondering what to do in this case I have researched it and it has cause more stress and depression on me. What should I do…I really do need my life back im only in my 20′s and I would love to have a relationship again but my feelings and depression is controling my whole life.
- April 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm(204) Erica J. says:
I've been battling depression since I was in my teens and it's now worse as an adult since I have more responsiblity. The past few month have been especially rough for me. After having been in a series of bad relationships with men, having lost my home due to financial issues some days I can barely get out of bed. I just returned to work after having been out on sick leave for two months due to depression issues and it was literally making me sick to the point where I had to be hospitalized due to dehydration because I was literally not feeding my body. I wasn't really aware that a person could get disability for these issues but I am now going to check on it because it's gotten to the point where it's affecting my job and health. It really bothers me when people say things like "cheer up" or "get over it already". If only it were that simple, psychiatrists would not exist and drug companies wouldn't make a dime. Depression is a real illness which can be dangerous if not treated. People harm themselves and commit suicide all the time because others simply do not recognize they need real treatment and help.
- April 7, 2011 at 12:14 pm(205) Jamie says:
I recieved 6 weeks of disability for depression and then was cut off because they think you can just take a pill and get over it. I lost my job because I could not go back and am now struggling to hold onto my house because depression is not given enough respect. The worst part is that because of the shame and embarrasment, I cannot open up to truely get proper help. I hold it all in. Currently, the biggest stress in my life is lack of money. There is no getting around it. I cannot work, I cannot get disability, I have no money, these factors do absolutely nothing to help me get past this depression. There needs to be help somewhere.
- April 11, 2011 at 4:08 pm(206) thaieler henson says:
i have suffered from server depression for the last 15 years have gone from medication to medication with no evail, i couldn't work cause i was so bad, i was on ESA for a bit but the wisdom of the states assements it was decided i was fit to go back to work, my specialist was furious but had to abide, i appealed which was denied. every day is still a struggle i can only work part time. i am now on venlafaxine and quitiapine which hace really helped but then my GP decided to change my venlafaxine for a cheaper drug called venlilac according to the medicine books it is the same drug. WELL ITS NOT IT HAS A HISTORY OF UNSTABLIZING THOSE ON VENLAFAXINE i tried to take my own life over again, then saw my specialist who explained that its not the same drug it has the same active ingriedience but the other compounds which make up the tablet are what cause the unstablization. my specialist then contated the gp and requested that no medication is to be changed. if you are on venlafaxine do not under let the gp's change you to venlilac and have to experience what i went through
- April 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm(207) Tony says:
My story is far too long too be written on here. But I guarantee no one has been through the hell I have been through and the endurance I put up every day. Even my regular Dr. nor my psych. is sure what happened or whats going on. I'm a 40 yr old male that got disability last year on my first try. No complicated paperwork and I got it in 3 months. (I know how rare that is) . I have been living with my parents since that time because of my "breakdown". In the beginning I could not watch TV,drive,eat,think,I shook, and about 10 other weird symptoms I had on a daily basis. Simply put I could not function for about 7 months straight. I'm doing better, but not good by no means. 90% of my days are bad and in self isolation. I have the support of my family and some friends which I know makes me very fortunate. But I am extremely alone. I havent dated in 3 years. Before the "breakdown", I had depression but worked. I hate having to be on disability,I'd rather work and earn respect. But since I cant I'm glad I have it to buy meds and help my parents. I'm amazed at when I google " men and depression" or "depression and disability" there are almost no pages or info to veiw. No help. Totally alone.
To those who think I can just do this or that to improve myself,spend 10 minutes with me and you might get what I'm saying. I dont function too well. And if you dont think depression or any other similar condition is legitimate…..why do you think they call it mental ILLNESS. It's real. Real enough to kill. You want to know what hell is like without the flames? Develop clinical depression for about a year straight. You too would pray for death, and find very few hands outreached to you. We are the mentally ill. Of no other illness is there hordes of people ready to kick you when your sick. We have uncharted ENDURANCE. Keep walking,breathing and NEVER give up hope my fellow afflicted. Thank you for reading this. email@example.com.
- April 13, 2011 at 12:14 pm(208) Tony says:
Thats my old email. Here's the new one. Would love to talk to anyone on disability because of a mental illness. firstname.lastname@example.com.
- April 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm(209) Leanne says:
i haven't been depressed nearly as long as most of you guys on here, i was bullied at school and stopped going when i was 14, because i stopped going to school i wasn't interacting with many people or going out much and i started to get depressed really quick, I have lost all my confidence because of the bullying and because of that i don't go out much at all now, I'm 17 and while most people my age are at college and have jobs I'm still at home with my Mum every day, i have had suicidal thoughts quite a few times and i have been the doctors but they just keep saying you cant be depressed your too young, you have nothing to be depressed about. I also have quite a few health problems, I've been getting tested for things because of my weight since i was 11 and i have had an operation on my wrist that still hasn't healed since i broke it 5 years ago, i also have brittle bones so i cant go out when its snowing etc, because if i fall over i will break a bone, so that limits the things i could do if i wasn't depressed, which just makes me even more depressed, and on top of all of that i have no money because i cant work and i feel guilty asking my Mum for money because she's a single parent with 3 other kids to look after! i was wondering if anyone knows about anything that could help me, and if i could be entitled to any benefits or anything like that because not having money and depending on my Mum (who gets no money for me) is just making me more depressed! thanks if anyone can help me!
- April 25, 2011 at 4:39 pm(210) michelle says:
I suffer from depression and have done so since 2001. I raised two kids on my own, was a teacher for 6 years and yet after a trauma and a year of PTSD I was diagnosed with depression. I'm medicated but it doesn't help. Now I can't get a job to save my self. I'm 40, the kids have left home, I'm estranged from my family, friends have all gone because I have lost my social skills. I'm probably about to lose what little I have and the roof over my head. I scream at myself for feeling sorry for myself but when I go to do anything I feel paralysed with fear. It is all too hard. I wish I was dead but would never do that to my kids. First time I have written a response to something like this but I can't sleep tonight and I can't stop crying and at least this is anonymous so I don't feel so embarrassed. I live with fear, shame, guilt, and quite frankly don't understand anything anymore.
- April 29, 2011 at 11:34 am(211) Chantal aka "spud" says:
When I read this article it brought me back to when I read I was reading how the Doctor looked out that window and has his thoughts on Depression. I applied to O.D.S.P in 2008 and with evidence of letters to support myself, a self declioration note and plead… years of evidence being let go of every job… Employment records supporting this terrible record… I thought I would apply. My father has enough in supporting me… he used his financial assistance to make me feel worse and my only way to feel normal was to see if I could have another means of financial support. In four months I was accepted. I cried. I cried over thinking I was not just suffering with Depression but I have a mental disorder that reflects my personal and professional life – when something does this to you – this then becomes a disease (look up the meaning). It is now 2011. I just finished my second year of college (changing a career to reflect my illness) and will be returning next September for placement. This opportunity will help me to understand my moods and try to cope better. I have been to the START Program, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Sessions, 12 Anger Managements Sessions, disability employment access program and a career assessment program including counselling with therapists and pyschologists. A few medicatons later on and off… back side effects – days of no sleeping – it was still hard to function like a "normal" individial.
- April 29, 2011 at 11:36 am(212) Chantal (2) aka "spud" says:
Living with a severe mental disorder these struggles are affecting many aspects of my life, including my employment. Work is a major determinant of mental health and with having to be excluded from the workforce; it creates material deprivation, erodes self-confidence, and creates a sense of isolation including marginalization – a key risk factor for mental disabilities.
Work is the normalizing factor in daily structures and routines, helping to improve self-esteem, self-image and decreasing the financial burdens alleviating poverty. The economic challenges facing Canadians will have significant negative repercussions for people who are already marginalized in the workforce and society. The discrimination and the assumptions on mental illness cause a double jeopardy; on one hand, they are stigmatized on the label of their mental illness (making it harder to gain competitive employment) and on the other hand, they are being stigmatized for their lack of occupation, feeling like a social economic burden. Which is where some people of pure egnorance make this disability harder to cope with.
Ontario has some of the most progressive disability rights legislation in the world and although there is no single answer that can increase employment opportunities a combination of support services can help since employment is an essential part of recovery for mental health and crucial for social integration.
- May 17, 2011 at 8:00 am(213) Vickie says:
My husband worked for a company for 6 years and in January this year he was signed off work for 6 weeks due to depression. The company knew he suffered from it but did not bother to check on him. After going back he was called into a meeting to be told that he needed to sort his sickness record and do something to stop his depression. He was reduced to tears. The next day he didnt want to get up and then told his company that he couldnt work in those conditions. they accepted his resignation. A colleague of his took 6 weeks off last year with a Hernia, but didnt get told to improve his sickness. Hubby was going to take them to a tribunal but decided that he couldnt face it. He has been trying to get a job and last week he finally contacted the job centre who at first told him that he was entitled to job seekers but today he has received a letter asking him to answer more questions about why he left. he has been trying to find a job and now he is starting to get low.
- June 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm(214) David McCannon says:
I have been Diagnosed Bipolar 2, and no medication has worked for me. In fact the drugs and ECT made things worse for me. After reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker I decided to try Alternative Mental Health treatment which involved no drugs. It took me 8 months to wean off my medicines and I am now eight months clean of Psychiatric Drugs. My depression went away and I no longer suffer with suicidal ideation. It may not be true with all chronic mental health patients, but I am doing better without drugs and I am starting to work again. And I now sleep 7 to 8 hours instead of 12 to 14 hours I was getting. I used drug therapy for 7 years.
- June 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm(215) Andrew says:
My Name is Andrew I am 26 I have been diagnosed with Bipolar,schizophrenia,And sever sleep apnea I can not seem to hold a job, and none of my family is supportive because they think It is an act I was a self mutilator as a child and was in and out of hospitals for most of my childhood and thrown out of my house at 16 I have bad blood pressure Heat problems and I always feel like i want to cry and Can never seem to get on the right mind set to get up and be productive Any help would be appreciative I don't have many friends so i don't really have much of anyone to talk to thanks
- July 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm(216) Noel says:
I don't want a pension. I don't want to sit at home. And I don't want depression. I want to live like other "normal" people. I'm so tired of this place, this pergatory. I just want peace of mind.
I wrote a little poem or statement that says something about how the past and my mind interact to keep me depressed. It's called :
Savouring the taste of poison, I dust and polish each old memory, keeping them alive while they kill me…
If you can relate leave a comment. Take care.
- July 20, 2011 at 9:45 am(217) Nick C says:
Nobody knows a goddamn thing about depression until they experience it. I am a 24 year old man and my 79 year old grandmother has more energy than I do. I have suffered from severe depression for over 16 years and it HAS destroyed both my ability to communicate socially and my ability to think mentally along with leaving me totally physically drained.
I have never done drugs but I am always thought to because of how the illness makes me despondant, and trust me, the antidepressants don't help. I have applied for and worked at countless jobs, I've been in the workforce at least ten years, I can never hold a job longer than a month. As I get older the sadness turns to anger and I find myself no longer trying to win a terrible job just so my unhappiness can tear down my world against my will.
I just cannot bring myself to do certain things. I've been bakeracted three times, I turn to my mother or grandmother for help, and they give me the bare minimum, but now they have no money, and I am miserable on top of skirting the point of being homeless. I have spent my whole life below the poverty line. It seems like one could break out of it but I never can. I mostly stay alive because I hope for the future. It isn't something you can just snap out of. There's a huge difference between having a sickness you can get better from and having something actually screwing with the fundamental wiring that comprises YOU.
- July 27, 2011 at 4:33 pm(218) cindy says:
IS depression a disability?
GOD YES! I have been a nurse for 20 years and have suffered with major depression. I have tried many antidepressants and therapy and have also tried not taking anything and nothing really works. DEPRESSION IS A KILLER> I almost died when I attempted suicide for the second time, I took an overdose and was in ICU on the heart montior fighting for my life–or they were fighting for my life.
Everyday I have a freaking cloud over my head and a feeling of doom . I try so hard not to feel this way, think positive, keep busy, get help–nothing works. I have tried desperatly to get help because at least 4 times a week I really want to die! I would be dead if I did not have my son and my dogs! This is not a way to live.. you can't function, you want to cry all the time, you can't smile unless you fake a smile, You can barely get out of bed no matter what you try..even getting an alarm that sounds like a bomb went off wont do it.. Ive tried.
I am educated with a four year degree, with hopes it would change my life and worked my butt of to get my degree.
Depression is terrible, worse than many other diseases because you just want to die! With other diseases you fight to live.. this one makes you want to kill yourself! So sad..
- August 26, 2011 at 2:07 pm(219) Anon says:
Just remember…Alzheimer's Disease is worse than depression.
- August 30, 2011 at 11:42 am(220) Greg says:
Just remember…you don't know everything. And who is Alzheimer's really worse for? The person with Alzheimer's or the family/friends who have to endure a period of time where their loved one don't recognize them? You obviously aren't a depressed person, congrats!
- August 30, 2011 at 11:38 am(221) Greg says:
I have what a lot of people would/might consider a great life. I have a great family and a couple great friends. I work from home making 55k/year. I have a girlfriend that I live with along with her 4 children that, for the most part, I adore. However, I can't seem to be happy. My work stresses me out. I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and die and not have to think anymore. I've been depressed my whole life. I don't remember a time when I didn't feel like this, even as a child! I feel helpless to help myself. I've been on anti-depressants for as long as I can remember but they don't work or make me feel like a zombie. I try to tell myself positive things to keep me going but in the back of my mind I'm saying, "you know that's not true, who are you kidding you miserable piece of shit" Only depressed people can understand this. Take a normal person's life (work, family, money, etc.) and all the stress that comes naturally with those things and then turn the intensity of those feelings up by ten fold and that's close to how I feel. I'm obese, bankrupt (literally), no drive, no motivation, exhausted. What use am I to society or to anyone? It's draining trying to live a "normal" life while all this negativity is constantly running through my head. Ok, pity party's over.
- September 3, 2011 at 12:10 pm(222) Brian says:
these conversations mean nothing, because the world/society means nothing, at this point I just need the pain to go away
- September 4, 2011 at 10:39 pm(223) Jeff says:
Suicide Could Be #2 Cause of Death by 2020
- November 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm(224) blu says:
Walter or anyone that can give advise;
Hi I have read a lot of your post in hopes of getting some help for my son. He is 24 yrs. old and has suffered from severe anxiety and depression since he was a child. The problem is that I never have had insurance to be able to give him the proper care so he has had to deal with it with on his own. He has been on several medications including lexapro, paxil, zoloft to no avail. He can't hold down a job because of the aniety of working around people he has read up on all these meds and their adverse effects on liver and has made up his mind not to take anymore medication, he has become a bit hypocondriac and takes more than enough vitamins. It hurts me to see him like this and don't know what to do. He has a child now and I know he wants to be able to work and is sick and tired of feeling like this sometimes I think he would rather be dead. Please help.
- November 6, 2011 at 9:24 pm(225) Niky says:
I struggle every day to be alive.I am now disabled after having a complete breakdown. I worked in a very high stress job with many lives in my hands for 30 years.
I am just starting to reilize the danger they were in and be amazed that I held it togeather as long as I did.
I am hoping someday to be able to do some sort of meaningful work again.
My mother was Full blown Manic/depressive she would march around the house with a gun in her purse for days at a time threating to kill us all. Naturally I refused to beleive I could be bi-polar because I'd never tried to kill anyone but myself.
My son was bi-polar and commited suicide at 33.
My father who I adore is the most optimist person you will ever meet. He was was the primary care giver and the person I have tried to model my life after.I kept thinking this depression was something I should be able to control. I'd been to alanon and was a pretty good actress so I faked it.
People always described me as the goof off always knew the latest jokes but never saw me driving home sobbing and staying in bed until the next day I had to work,wishing I just wouldn't wake up. Knowing I couldn't cause the pain another suicide would bring.So here I am life by guilt.
- November 7, 2011 at 10:50 pm(226) andrew says:
It definitely is a disability. I get an allowance but they want to get it stopped! i don't live in USA! I wish I could work and feel good about myself, medication made me worse and I've tried specialist trauma treatment but that hasn't worked either! I can barely get out of bed these days and I'm almost becoming Agoraphobic. If I didn't need to go out for food or therapy I would stay inside every day. I got that book out Change Your brain, Change your Life but I can't really get into it! I've suffered from depression for over 25 years! I hope everyone on here can get the help they need!
- November 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm(227) paul says:
my spouse and i both force ourselves to go to work as we are scheduled. but we are ill. she is very ill; and depressed. her meds are not really making her well. we may be ignorant, but have felt that folks like us who are working, because we must;
will be denied ssd…regardless of illness.
- November 13, 2011 at 1:14 am(228) Doug says:
I have recently been diagnosed with MDD (clinical depression). The reason I have this condition is due to chronic pain caused by something called PHN (post herpetic neuralgia), which some of us lucky people get after having a bout of shingles. I have had this chronic pain for a year now, and it does not show any signs of going away. I am on a daily regimen of Percoset and Neurontin (a nerve pain medicine). Sometimes the meds work – but a lot of times they don't. To the outside world this probably would seem to be an "invisible" disability; however the constant pain is REAL and affects almost every aspect of my life. I cannot sleep normally due to the pain, I have trouble walking without a cane (the PHN has spread to peripheral neuropathy in my left leg), and – when I do take these meds in the prescribed dosages – I am in a zombie-like state that keeps me from functioning normally.
The point is that clinical depression does not have to include thoughts of suicide, low moods or anxiety. Physical pain caused by the nerve centers in your brain can seriously affect the way a person functions. If more people understood this (there are many articles on the internet covering pain as a reason for clinical depression), they would have a little more empathy for those with these "invisible" disabilities.
- November 15, 2011 at 4:00 am(229) Ebone says:
I am 20 yers old and I've suffered from depression for a little while now. My high school experience with sleep deprivation left me very irritable (I'm not too sure on how to spell that). No one really tried to help me thorugh it until I was about 16. By that time I tried to commit suicide at least 6 times. My medicine works fine but I think I need something stronger. I can't find myself getting up in the mornings or doing tasks. But I think that many people need to have a deeper understanding of what depression really is and how it affects people. My friends just thought that it was a long period of sadness that would go away with time but it's a lot deeper then that.
- November 15, 2011 at 6:45 am(230) Patrick D. says:
Well I am a 52 Year old male who has had a variety of diagnosis's since 1976 always to include depression and Antidepressant meds. I got clean and sober in 1982 Through AA and NA. I am 28 years sober about to go on 29.
I currently have Double Depression : alternations between Dysthymic and Major Depression. About 5 years ago I started telling my docs that I suspect I had Hypothyroid disorder due to the continuous and over whelming amount of fatigue. The never checked my t3 until this last winter2011. It was 8.47 Just below Severe. Anything about 3.0 indicate some problems, over 4.0 and there will be problems, etc.
I have many other conditions that relate to the Hypothyroid Disorder. Depression is one of them, Obesity started in 1994 now 400 pounds,Heart attack with scarring on right side with wall damaged, repaired, year 2000. Low testosterone 200, Very high VDL, High Cholesterol, Pre-hyper tension, Very low vitamin D which now is 41 taking 500 iu daily for 1 1/2 years, Gerds, Barrets Esophagus, Sleep Apnea, Hypersomina, and a few doc in the previous year said there is nothing wrong with with me that I should be okay to continue working. Now that they found the heart problems and hypothyroidism they current Agree that I am disabled. File for Social Security about I year ago.
The Short of this story is IF YOU HAVE DEPRESSION, have you Doctors Check for a Thyroid disorder. You have to ask them to do it. It should be required. Have them check T1, T2, T3, T4 . Of course not all Depression is cause or cured by thyroid treatments, but a very large percentage are I just started meds for mine about 2 months ago.
- November 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm(231) Nicole says:
I started reading these threads from the top but had to stop. I started to cry. Depression is real and I'm not sitting around all day wanting to feel like this. I have 2 beautiful little granddaughters I would love to run around with…but I never have the energy to. This illness drains you of life. My entire body aches 24/7. I have struggled for about 20 years….trying new meds…trying to act UNdepressed. Can't do it anymore. I have had all kinds of blood work and exams, all come out with NOTHING wrong. So now what? Guess it really is all in my head like Docs like to say. Doc currently has me on Paxil (NOT WORKING). Found that Seroquel works but makes me very very groggy, even with half a pill. I also have Emphysema which makes it very difficult to do much exercise I'd almost go for having part of my brain taken out so I can feel better. I'd like to try some new meds (not the older ones…I've tried them all) that seem to work really well? Thanks..and God Bless you all. ~Nicole
- November 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm(232) Nicole says:
I started reading these threads from the top but had to stop. I started to cry. Depression is real and I'm not sitting around all day wanting to feel like this. I have 2 beautiful little granddaughters I would love to run around with…but I never have the energy to. This illness drains you of life. My entire body aches 24/7. I have struggled for about 20 years….trying new meds…trying to act UNdepressed. Can't do it anymore. I have had all kinds of blood work and exams, all come out with NOTHING wrong. So now what? Guess it really is all in my head like Docs like to say. Doc currently has me on Paxil (NOT WORKING). Found that Seroquel works but makes me very very groggy, even with half a pill. I also have Emphysema which makes it very difficult to do much exercise I'd almost go for having part of my brain taken out so I can feel better. I'd like to try some new meds (not the older ones…I've tried them all) that seem to work really well? Thanks..and God Bless you all. ~Nicole
- November 24, 2011 at 8:51 pm(233) Niky says:
Just spent a week out of State. Although my previous visits have been filled with joy,this one was just an exchange of one butt position for another.
I have weaned myself off almost all my meds due.
to cost and have gotten almost agoraphobic.
I thought it was just an enviroment issue but could not break free of my daily pattern or leave the house where I was visiting.
At least I have determined my boyfriend is not the problem so the trip was worth it.
I also thought the drugs were dulling my senses but find now that I'm off everything I'm still having problems interacting with other people.I wonder if I had a stroke or something .
When I was FULLY loaded after my breakdown
I felt as I imagine someone with early Alzhiemers might.
I was present in the moment but absent from the experience.
Did anyone else have that experience? It took several weeks for my speech to return to normal and my balance was off.
I describe myself as calmly suicidal at this moment.I must care for my 89 year old father but after he goes the only thing stopping me is guilt.
My son committed suicide 6 years ago ,my uncle shot his wife then himself.I know how hard thse things are on the family.
I had an accident planned but was committed before I could carry through. Note forcing yourself to drive under a semi is not as easy as it sounds. At the last minute I saw the drivers face and knew how it would haunt him.
- December 10, 2011 at 5:49 pm(234) Midknight says:
Anyone who suffers from treatment resistant depression should at least try suboxone. If it helps, it does so very quickly. I'm not sure if it can be prescribed for depression. The original purpose was an alternative to methadone treatment for people addicted to opiates. Tests were done with for those with treatment resistant depression and the results were amazing ! For those who "don't approve" of anyone cursed with chemical imbalance depression being on disability. Speaking for myself you can kma is what you can do. I have never asked for or need your "sympathy and understanding". People say they would't wish it on their worst enemy. I disagree. I would give anything for the ability to "give you a taste of it" and see how high and mighty you are then. Trying to say "I'm depressed and I still work every day and claiming you can 'tough it out" is like someone who sprained an ankle trying to tell a person with 3rd degree burns "I know all about pain ". If you are suffering from depression and still "keep it together" with lstable employment, keep one thing in mind , depression can get alot more severe than the point you are at. When you experience it THEN you will know. You can always tell how severe someones experience is with it with their attitutude towards it. EVERY TIME !
- December 12, 2011 at 7:12 pm(235) Sam says:
i have thought about applying in the past. i had a hard time at school and i still feel crippled emotionally whenever it comes to trying to get a job. i have no referee's which stems from my school days and having no friends. i dropped out of school when i was 16 because i became too depressed to get out of bed. i went on payments for job seeking and did get a job for a while but i eventually became depressed with it and quit. I then returned to studying but never really got anywhere with it i was depressed the whole time and had to force myself to go to get my payments. I went and did my thing and then came home and spent my time alone in my room, this went on for years. whenever i try to make friends it just doesn't really work out for me, its too awkward for me most of the time. currently i am living with my girlfriend who i have been with for a year, we don't go out or do much all we have is each other. i need to get a job but i just can't get one. everytime i try and apply and get to the part about referees i get incredibly depressed knowing that this is something that gets in my way everytime and i don't know what to do about it. Previous educators are no use because i was not a good student as i was always unhappy and never wanted to do the work.
- January 2, 2012 at 2:48 am(236) Lissa says:
JR, you obviously do not know anything about clinically diagnosed chronic depression. Shame on you for your ignorant and spiteful comment. I would use stronger language but I don't want to offend other readers on here. I have struggled with clinical depression and anxiety for over 15 years now and I have never gone on disability but I am trying at the moment to recover from a bad spell and am almost out of money and having to rely on my family for help. I actually could really use the help but can't handle the application process right now. You have no idea the struggles I go through every day to do the smallest things that you take for granted! It is a deep and overwhelming, uncontrollable fear and sadness that I am dealing with and that is very different than what normal people would experience when they just don't like their jobs. I have no doubt that there are people who take advantage of the system but it is completely unfair for you to lump all people with mental disabilities into the same group! I hope you rethink your ignorance and treat people with more respect in the future.
- January 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm(237) Frank says:
I say
Snap out of it!
I was depressed too, went thru years of not wanting to get out of bed. Went to work anyway and finally realized I need to snap of of it for the sake of my family. Figured out my own way to be happy again.
Life is hard for everyone.
- January 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm(238) Ro says:
That is the whole point if you are clinically depressed you can't just snap out of it!.. Depression is not an character weakness; it is a mental disorder and by definition people suffering from depression need help or they will kill themselves.
I am a medical professional and am very sad to read about the medical student's misguided opinion. Presumably as he continues his education he will learn more and realize how narrow minded his initial reaction was. In many ways I can't blame him; he is expressing society's and probably his parents' feelings. Society in general still feels that mental illness is not real and not worth treating or acknowledging. Mental illness is frightening and it is easier to pretend it doesn't really exist. Society's common message is:
People that claim to be depressed are faking it.
They just need to bite the bullet and pull themselves up by their bootstraps!"
Don't be sad it makes us uncomfortable
As this thread attests anyone who has suffered from depression or supported someone who is depressed, can tell you depression is definitely real and disabling. My heart goes out to all of you. Please try to keep one real friend for support as you go through depression as the disease itself makes you isolate and avoid help.
- January 9, 2012 at 9:21 pm(239) RMR says:
There are different levels of depression. The lowest of the low is like you are drowning. How the hell can you have a "normal" life when you are F*CKING DROWNING? Most people will never feel that deep, black, sufficating, hollowness that will not be lifted by the wonderful joy of a newborn babies, graduations, promotions, weddings, birthdays, victories, or just ordinary goal accomplishings. Depression is soul crushing to the point that you are paralyzed to help your sick loved ones during life threatening illnesses. If any one of you haters have an imagination, put yourself here – a pitch black room similar to solitary confinement in POW camp, where there are no shades of gray, only black. You can't see the top or bottom. You are alone, no God. You have been there so long that you can't remember anything before the void. Your mind is unable to see anything but the void, no future, no hope. Nothing to give you peace. Nothing to look forward to. You are existing in nothing. You are nothing. There is no escape. A hell without the lake of fire, but you know it is coming.
- January 10, 2012 at 11:08 am(240) Casey says:
I am 32 yrs old, and have been struggling with depression for most of my life. I have spent the last 20 yrs trying to be "normal." I have had many many jobs and they all end up on the list of things i didn't finish. Lately I have been even more down than usual and can no longer keep up my "game face." i feel like im running out of options. I have a fifteen yr old step daughter who i adore ad a 6 month old daughter that I love dearly. I am married and worry about letting my family down or dragging them down with me. after reading this article, I don't feel quite as alone in my "condition." I still feel lost in my own head though… I have been on many different behavioral/depression meds. After 18 yrs they have me back on Zoloft. I have been on Zoloft, Prozac, Trazadone, Lexapro and so far, I have only seen a vague response to the medications. So now what? Do i just give up? i guess that's a common question among depressed people.
- January 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm(241) T.J says:
I'm not going to leave my real name because i want to go on living my life the way i am and i dont want people seeing me for the depression im in id rather them see the schrade i put on so they dont worry about me, but I'm one of them what you call a 2XL cronicaly depressed guy. I don't have it the worst out in the world and I don't have it the easiest. But I'm going to try and explain what kind of depression that i have and that im not on dissability and aint on any medication for it cause i cant afford it. well i got depression to the point that i dont sleep i just barly make it to work, i need what they call a sleep mechine but i cant afford the $3,600.00 for one of those either, i got a heart mummer and acid reflux and a slightly twisted spine, pretty badly nearsighted (bad eyesight) exc exc exc. But you guys know what i dont have it bad for as depressed as i am and as often i wish i could say the hell with everything i look around at my lil brother his girlfriend my lil sister and her husband and my girlfriend/feiance and for all the help they keep trying to offer me that i keep turning down, i know i should probly take them up on their wanting to help but it's my life if im going to do something i want to go out and do it on my own life aint easy to go by i kinda wish i could get on ssi somedays and if i got an offer to get on ssi with no strings attached or questions i might take someone up on it but i cant deal with bullshit and i cant deal with all that fucken papper work excuse my french. but i would rather see all those out there who got it worse then me get help befor me even if it means i got to give something into helping them myself
- January 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm(242) Charles says:
For those who are flinging insults, pounding your chests and yelling "you are milking the system", I guarantee you don't know what severe depression is like.
I have been driven mad by this depression ever since I can remember, and I remember ALOT. It's really not something you can just 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' to fix. I've lost friendships, jobs, relationships, all because of my depression… I have nightmares about the crap that I had to endure as a kid, and I live with images of it as an adult, and it brings me to my knees every single day.
But you know what? That's not even the worst part of it. The worst part about being severely depressed is having to get up every single day, go out in public, and smile while I interact with people who think depression is some sort of 'cop out'. It eats away at me, tears me up inside, that I have to pretend to be normal just so I don't have to listen to yet another bullsh*t speech about how I am being lazy and I should just stop being depressed. As if it were a choice.
- January 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm(243) Slay8 says:
If you want to get technical… Then I'd say depression has a physical appearance to a degree. People with major depression usually let their hygiene go to hell, become very pale(not going out), malnourished, etc.
- January 20, 2012 at 6:22 pm(244) Nicky says:
To (244) Slay8 obviously the only depressed person you've seen is in the mirror, how sad for you.Many of us could win academy awards for how normal we can look and act in public.
It's like the abuse I suffered as a child I put it in a box and it's not something I share with my casual work friends.When I get home all my boxes are there and sometimes they all tumble out at once.And yes during those times I do forget to bathe and take my meds.We are all differnt but fighting a terrible demon.Lets support each other.
- January 22, 2012 at 5:34 pm(245) Peggy says:
I have suffered from depression since i was in my early 20′s and I am 42 now. I have been feeling hopeless, I have lack of interest in doing things that most people would enjoy. I have headaches, tension, and body aches and feel like my chest is tight with impending doom at all hours of the day. I have been on every medication that is available. I am now on Cymbalta, wellbutrin and klonopin. I still don't feel well and i don't know what to do anymore. I have been working all throughout my depression. I have held a very high level job for the past 15 years making over 100K/year. After 15 years of being on meds I have found that nothing helps me anymore. I have been on Paxil, zoloft, xanax, cymbalta, risperdal, etc. The only reason I am on medication is so that I can work. If I did not take this medications I would probably be unable to function and would commit suicide. I have 2 teenage kids and they don't understand why I don't want to go out or be around friends when I am not working. They know about my depression even when I avoid the topic with them because I don't want them to think their mother is WEAK. I love my job and want to continue working but I don't know how much longer I can wing it cause I don't even want to wake up in the morning.
For those of you who think that depression is not an illness have never experienced the debilitation that depression causes. People with depression don't want to be depressed they want to freaking snap out of it but they can't. Its a horrible fate.
So I totally understand having to go on disability because I feel like I am almost there!
- January 24, 2012 at 6:14 pm(246) Tami says:
I am new to depression. I have lost time from November of 2010 until summer of 2011. Apparently, it started when I had my hysterectomy in 2010. I could not sleep so they prescribed ambien. I took it for over 8 months too long. It killed my brain cells and I was put on all kinds of antidepressants, even all at once. I was like a science test. Today, my life is a mess! I have lost most of my friends, my house is a disaster, my 2 dogs are very bored, I look like hell- no shower I guess for up to 6 months, my boyfriend misses the person I was. I was very organized, worked 3 jobs, very l clean home, cooked from scratch everyday, lots of friends,and I was fairly attractive. I guess at one point I almost died, but I do not remember. I wish I had. Each day that goes by makes it darker and darker for me. I do not know how much longer my boyfriend will stay. He had a heart attack during the time I lost any signs of real life. My real life is getting worse and worse just as my house is, my appearance, my dogs, and I even see my depression effecting him. He said I can't do the meds because they wacked me out! What else is there that I can do. I have not worked since Oct 2010. I have lawyers after me for bills I can't pay. I do not have a dime to my name. I just started the process to get disability. I guess my boyfriend tried, but was denied because I could not talk. I just started to talk again this past summer. I am scared everyday. Does anyone know what is next for me? I had a great life up until this! If there is no chance of getting it back I guess how will I die?
- January 26, 2012 at 1:04 am(247) Cristy says:
Hi Tami,
I'm sorry too hear you are having a difficult time, I too suffer from clinical depression. Don't give up it's all apart of your depression that's making you feel that way. I have been out of work since 2008 because of my depression and believe me anybody that says this is not a disability hasn't walked in our shoes. The editor hit this one, just because you can't see this illness it doesn't mean it's not real. I was like so many of the others, I put on a fake smile and went to work feeling like someone had ripped out my soul. I have been on different meds and I'm okay not where I would like to be, but no where near where I was. There is hope just focus on taking care of you and don't give up!
- January 26, 2012 at 2:26 am(248) Tami says:
Thank you for your support. The drs say it is severe depression and they do not know what to do. We are against medicine because that is how I got here. I, also, have been diagnosed with brain atrophy. I wake up everyday in darkness! I am still here and wish I was back well before all of this. I feel for the one person who takes care of me, my boyfriend, because we do not have a support system. He is leaving in the morning to go to his son's wedding. Normal me would be going and excited to go. But this new dark me can't go. I promised I would not do anything while he was gone. I know I will be in bed all the days he is gone. I will feed my poor dogs, though. I wish I had friends I could talk to. As soon as you say depressed everyone runs! Thanks for the glimpse of hope!
- January 26, 2012 at 11:34 pm(249) Cristy says:
Your'e welcome. It's good to have that support system of your boyfriend at least he is sticking with you. My spouse feels the same way about meds he and myself wish I wouldn't have put these pills in my mouth. Don't feel bad I understand that when we say that I'm not feeling well and I'm depressed people scatter. It's okay if you need to be in bed. That's what we have to do sometimes to cope. Take care and I hope you feel better soon.
- January 27, 2012 at 11:23 am(250) Dale says:
I had an accident at work which triggered panic attacks and anxiety leading to depression………. If u look at all the comments on here all the people who feel it isn't a disabilty obviously haven't been through depression and all the ppl that say it is are saying they have felt depression before, how can u give a valid reason to an argument if u have not been threw what that argument is about, these ppl are ignorant and don't even have a valid argument in my eyes
- February 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm(251) Tami says:
Hi Cristy,
Well, I went to the wedding and faked it for the last time. I asked my boyfriend to move out. The pain of his happiness is too hard for me. I do not want to bring him down, so I am letting him go. He has kids and a family. I do not have anyone. I have lost so much and I can't even tell you the jist of it. I wish there was a way I could meet or communicate with you? Thanks for responding to me.
- February 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm(252) Briffault says:
Unfortunately, there are people like JR in the world who whine and complain because not everyone's as tough and filled with pride as he is….
- February 8, 2012 at 9:08 pm(253) Rhena says:
I hate when people who have no idea what clinical or major depression say "get it together" or stop felling sorry for yourself because its not as simple as that when someone is truely suffering from it. Its like telling someone who has diabetes, "just stop eating sugar", it may work for some but there are some people that need medication to control it. I dont think that anyone who suffers from depression wants to feel the way they do. Its very narrow minded for people to say things like just get over it when then dont understand it. Thinking like that is the reason laws have been put it place to help people who suffer from this horrible illness.
- February 10, 2012 at 1:57 am(254) M says:
I'm a 30 year old female. I am going through the process of getting benefits, and I wish I had done so last year when I was living with my parents briefly. My mother convinced me I wouldn't get benefits, and she and my father forced me out. I got another job, my own place, I made it about 7 months and had to leave the job, and am now facing possible homelessness due to the fact that I can't stay employed and I obviously have no idea how to save money to cover my a$$ when I'm unemployed. I seem to be treatment-resistant, and I have again hit bottom after hanging on to a job that should have let me go about 800 times. A happy, healthy person doesn't walk out of a job when they only have $5 to their name. And Happy, Healthy? Those are important words. I am neither. I am an excellent hairstylist, but if I'm thinking aout suicide methods whilst layering your hair…..that's disability. And a hairstylist with no hands or eyes would be disabled also. No difference.
- February 14, 2012 at 6:04 pm(255) Sarah says:
This is just my opinion. I don't often write down my thoughts cuz of fear of criticism. Even I criticize myself, telling myself I am not depressed, nor have anxiety problems. I just don't wanna deal with the things that bothers me, but I know I I have to get thru it. It's just a flight o fight response, ( did I use it wrong)? N then wen I get super depressed, n start getting really anxious, I become very suicidal. I believe I have depression n anxiety disorders, but I know that I don't cuz it doesn't constantly happen everyday, O I know I have depression n anxiety disorders, but I believe that I don't as these don't constantly happen. (been hospitalized once, n finally seen a therapist, n said I do have depression. I stopped seeing him due to financial issues. Family of 5. No one is working. I was the only one who worked, while my mom receives ssi. Then, I "unreasonably" quit 7 months ago). I live like dat due to the facts that, MANY THINGS ARE THEROIZED, NOT YET PROVEN TRUE. Depression is one of them. So, who is right n who is wrong. No one is. Hmmm… Am I even makin sense?.?.?
Everyone is depressed. Some people are able to live thru it cuz they have their pride and mind set, believing the most positive outcome of it, o cuz life is beautiful. Some are not able to live thru it cuz of all the negative thoughts running thru their mind. They see nothing positive.
This is giving me a headache. Haha… I shouldn't have written this. Oh well. Finally Got some of my thoughts out.
- February 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm(256) MJL says:
Since having a breakdown in Dec. 1989, I have struggled with severe Major Depressive Disorder (and bipolar).
Many meds prescribed over the years. Can't remember their names. None of them helped. For the past few years, I've been prescribed a medication that has helped. Unfortunately, my hair is falling out, which means changing meds again. I dread testing right med, right dosage, right frequency.
It's difficult for a person with the flu to go to work because that person is SICK. Same thing with diagnosed clinical depression. It is a sickness. It is debilitating. Some people have it worse than others. Some are able to work with it. My depression has affected every part of my life- physically, emotionally, socially, financially – ruining years of my life. It is difficult to socialize like any normal person. Most people would be shocked to learn how isolated my life is. Depression has caused me to have problems relating to people.
I cannot control the depression, anxiety. I have trouble trying to do everyday things. I have tried and tried to work since 1989 – dozens of jobs.
I thank God for the Social Security benefits I receive. It is not really enough to live on, but it does allow me to live.
If you are reading this and you can relate to anything I've said, then my heart goes out to you because I understand the hell you are living.
- February 28, 2012 at 1:44 am(257) Talk says:
Depression isn't a trumped up disorder, it has a physical basis. A chemical imbalance in the brain (seratonin levels) has been shown to be the cause of clinical depression. Seratonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (antidepressants) work by attempting to return levels to normal and relieve the depressed mood.
I have suffered from depression for approximately 18 years, and onset was simultaneous with thyroid disease. Despite the fact that I take thyroid replacement meds., I continue to be depressed. I have remained on antidepressant medication for the past approx. 14 years for chronic depression and am currently battling my second major depressive episode. I managed to work at the same job for 22 years, but am now in the situation that I am applying for disability retirement because I just can't seem to come out of it this time. I have tried various meds., counselling, psychiatrist, CBT with a psychologist–nothing is working. I have also developed a myriad of chronic physical illnesses which seem to compound the situation. I am very stressed thinking about whether or not my pension plan will give credence to depression as a disability. But, with everything I have going on mentally and physically I know I can't work.
- March 2, 2012 at 1:16 am(258) ella says:
Do you think depression could be overcomed or you can recover 100%? If it is a mental condition and behavioral condition, does not it mean that treating symptoms like sadness isn't actually gets to the root of this problem? That's a lot more serious than feeling happy again. Its considered a disease of nervous system. Nervous system in this case is a one that suffers, meaning that its a phychological problem tied to our nervous system that under certain conditions can be avoided. We use terms "prevented", "cured", but depression as it seems to me is not a problem on individual level, its something that all responsable for.
- March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm(259) David says:
I don't know where to turn. I have never taken a penny of government assistence in my entire life. I'm 54. I have always worked, but it has been extremely difficult because of my depression. I have had many jobs because when things get too much for me to handle I quit and move on to the next one. People know me as the guy who always has a smile on his face, but that is not even close to who I am. The one time that I finally sought help and was hospitalized after an attempted suicide, I was fired from my job. I was convinced by counselors at the hospital that there is no stigma attached to mental illness because it is just like having any other disease. That is a bunch of crap! I have struggled with this on my own and was one of those people that believed that it was just a weakness on my part that I couldn't deal with all that life throws at you. I am currently single, having been divorced twice, and feel as though I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to. I own a business, which is my only source of income and it too is failing and I am about one month from being homeless. I think about suicide on a daily basis, but have four sons that so far have kept me alive. I just hurt so bad and am so tired that I don't know how much longer I can continue. My father committed suicide and I know very well what kind of pain that caused. For those of you that have commented about using depression as a reason not to work, you are just plain wrong in most cases. I will probably not pursue collecting for disability because I just don't think I can bring myself to asking for help. I have never wanted to be a burden on anyone.
- March 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm(260) Just me says:
Those of us that function with depression… it is about pride. I hate asking for help. My brain chemistry is backwards and most of the meds only make it worse. I suppose if I could get on disability for my depression it would only be long enough for me to figure out how to become functional again. I have been looking for work for 2 years now. My savings is gone and my depression is just getting worse. The American way of working, living hand to mouth, what we are forced to eat, etc have much to do with it.
It's a vicious circle, unfortunately.
- March 12, 2012 at 10:14 pm(261) Kidx says:
I suffer from depression as well, so I understand the debilitating effects it can have. That being said, if someone is able to play football outside, then they are well enough to work. You have to draw the line somewhere, and either the depression is affecting your ability to get up and do things, including recreational activities, or it isn't. Getting enough sleep, getting up early to get ready for work, getting motivated for work, etc., is hard for everybody. Even if you have depression, the fact that things are harder does not mean that you can't work.
- March 15, 2012 at 6:33 am(262) ellen says:
Depression. A simple word used for sadness.
There should be a different word for the blackness that destroyed everything that I had worked so hard to create.
I tried for decades to "get over it". I put on a smile and built businesses, owned a condo on Maui and traveled. It was a good life.
But depression was always there. You cover it up. You think that you're weak. You deny and deny and deny. And you work really hard so that nobody else knows.
I ended up homeless. I lost my home and my businesses. I almost died. And I still am trying to "get over it".
It is a consuming illness.
It is not sadness.
It is hell.
This is why so many of us die way too early. And by our own hand.
Those of you who know depression first hand will understand. Those that don't… Well, God bless you.
- March 21, 2012 at 11:38 pm(263) Laura says:
I read through alot of the postings. I am getting tired so I will come back often till I get thru them. I liked reading them it makes me feel like there is someone out there that really understands the emptiness I feel. I feel like I am missing out on life. I watch friends and family laughing and running around, sure they have bills and sickness and problems, but the playing field is different. When you have depression you still deal with these things but even when there is nothing wrong, i.e. bills are paid that month, kids are happy in school, son just scored three goals at his game. I intellectually know I am supposed to be enjoying it I am depressed anyway. I KNOW without a doubt that if I could just get my chemical imbalances worked out I would be able to enjoy more of life. I am searching for the holy grail! There are hundred different medications, even more nutritional foods, excercise gurus, self help books, I cant find it! I cant figure out the reason for my depression. I believe it is as complex for each individual also which of course makes it all the more screwed up! God Bless each and every one of us!! I feel your pain, you are not alone! I am laying in bed to think of you!!!
- March 22, 2012 at 3:53 pm(264) Randy says:
What I can ad to these posts is little. I do know, after reading these posts, and in tears right now, is that I hate this disease. To those who have written telling people to just "snap ouit of it", I say PISS ON YOU. There is no one with depression who is a faker, lazy or trying to scam this governent or anyone. I have just received a denial of Social Security benefits because I had an interview with a quack psychologist, and the government thinks I can still work. For years I have held off suicide because of a promise to God not to do it. The SSDI was my last hope of contributing to my family again. Now I can't even hope to recover benefits from a program I paid into over 30 years. It seems my life is over. I cannot be a drag on my wife any longer.
- April 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm(265) Sam says:
Well, heres my story. My dad suffers from a mental illiness. I grew up in a unbeliveable child abuse. I was never a happy child. As far back as i could remember i was a very misreable child. Often praying to god he would kill me. My frist suicide attempt was in grade 8 or 9. I became utterly obossed with sucide. I felt it was the only way out. I was forced to work at a very young age. I got my first job at mc donalds. I remeber the cashiers telling me to smile. For all i remeber it was the first time i think i ever did. I was trying to smile but looked like an idiot smiling. Even my science teacher said so. I remeber alot of people telling me how even when i smile. I dont look happy, my eyes tell a different story and that i should get a gf. I know some people who commited sucide. One who was 90% student he had the world at his feet. But he radmonly killed himself. No one knew why. Im 21 now and have applyed and got on odsp. I have never wanted a relationship. I have said no to atleast 1-3 girls a year. I very much wish i could kill myself. I see happy people, and it makes me wonder. Did my dark past play a role in what ive become. I cant seem to find a reason to live. All i want is to be happy, or die. I cant take this world, my mind has been damaged beyond repair. Iv tried all the medications. Nothing has worked. If you guys make euthanizing legal. I would be signed up with a thought and you would have less people on odsp. I cant gain the strength to kill myself. Im just killing days awaiting for the end. I wanted to join the military so hopefully i can die in combat, but because of my mental illness they wont allow me to have those jobs because of it. I know my fate well end by my own hands. I just wish i could go with dignity. Instead of having to throw myself over a bridge. I wish i can die in professional and painless way. I mostly wish i was never born. Some people are just not ment to be happy.
- April 12, 2012 at 10:28 am(266) Clare says:
Just want to say to Sam, please don't give up. You are not alone in the way you feel. I'm a lot older than you but I felt exactly that when when I was younger. I won't kid you, sometimes I still feel the same way because life is hard and can really be a pain. Even when it's 'good', I sometimes don't even feel happy and then I feel crappy that maybe I'm not 'grateful' enough. I go to work dreading having to work but manage to get through (the fake smiling thing comes in handy at times), although back at home I feel down again. I'm not sure how long I will have this job because of my depression but I try to take one day at a time. I truly believe depression, or dysthymia, or personality disorders or whatever thing we may each suffer with is much more common in our world than we think. It is crippling and devastating. You, and me, and others who have written are important because we understand how this feels. Our pain is real. I don't have the answer to life, or how to be happy, or anything but I feel deep inside that one day we will. Your life is valuable and everything may be dark now, but please know that I care. Please don't give up.
- April 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm(267) tammi says:
267 people who comment. i got to 30 before i realized reading any of this isn't going to help anyone. Either you're depressed and you're complaining- spreading your thoughts to like minded people, putting out negative impressions. Or! You're worried about sick people using up all of your Old age security and that's just disgusting and inhumane.
It doesn't make you feel better to type bullshit, or any better to read.
NO ONE here is up to any good. i dont think any of you genuine tarts give a real shit about anyone but yourself. Cant blame them, but all of us came here with an intent and it seems emotion got the best of most.
If you need to vent about your problem, get a fcking diary. So many people spoil the world by pissing out their 'feelings' and calling it advice.
This thread should be shut down as its comparable to an appendix in uselessness!
- April 14, 2012 at 4:32 pm(268) Christie says:
I suffer from bi-polar disorder, PTSD, mental retardaton & lots of phyical problems an cant get disability. I hav been turnd down 5 times. I had cancer in 1994 treeted with radadiation an still no luck even when my troat an mouth where covered wit blisters. I dont want too be this way. I need money help cant get it. I want to not be here but am.
- April 22, 2012 at 10:39 pm(269) Graham says:
Hi I am a Fireman from Memphis Tn struggling with the exact situation you've described. Three years ago I was diagnosed with major depression,the catalyst my father's passing from cancer. In the following months 5 people close to me passed from cancer I had a major car accident and suffered broken facial bones as a result of a random assault….add to this the stress of becoming a first time father. Needless to say this would be a trying time even for someone not diagnosed with depression. I've burned all available sick and vacation time over this period. It's not easy being someone, a Fireman,asking or needing help but it has become too overwhelming to bare and I feel like I could break at any moment most days. What are my options as far a receiving disability benefits? Will I quality?
- April 22, 2012 at 11:25 pm(270) Graham says:
To the people who apparently look for websites about depression to blast already vulnerable individuals sharing personal stories,……well you have a dissociative disorder called asshole. I'm the person who's very job it is to be tough and push through…to pick your sorry ass up throw you over my shoulder and carry you to safety. When we loose the basic principles of empathy for one another in this safe environment how do you suppose we maintain it in the general worldly sense. I am not weak. I do not need pitty. I simply need help,the same I'd offer you without hesitation….without judgement.
- April 25, 2012 at 1:41 pm(271) Your mom says:
JR- it's people like you, that should get slapped! I'd love to see your degree! Please! I hope that you get plagued with depression!. Honestly! You wouldn't be thinking this way if it was YOUR child that was suffering from depression. Suffering so bad, that they chose to end their own life to get away from pain. So keep thinking you're better than the people that are "milking the system" dik mouth!
- April 27, 2012 at 11:15 am(272) Joe says:
major depression here ptsd high anxiety bipolar
- May 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm(273) Marie says:
I an considering to apply. Working has become very dutifully. No sleep, no energy, no motivation. I'm under medication and seeing doctor as well as counselor. But I'm going insane.
Thank you for this article. You have made me not feel guilty to try to apply. Of choose it's not forever.
But I've gone thru so much.
- May 4, 2012 at 7:20 pm(274) Wanda says:
I have been suffering with depression since I was a child and I dealt with it pretty good through my teen 20s,30s, but now it has gotten so bad no one will freaking hire me. I don't know what to do, I cry all the time. I want to die but don't. I remember my brother sitting on this very fence and when he fell off he put my dad's gun agienst his head and pulled the trigger. I'm a single mother and I feel bad for my 14 year old son who has to watch me go through this. I'm going to loose everything because of this
- May 4, 2012 at 11:20 pm(275) Tom Massey says:
Working makes me so depressed that I want to die. Collecting a check while I watch TV makes me feel slightly less depressed. COLLECTING A CHECK FOR DEPRESSION IS STEALING !!!!!!!! You all know this. God is not fooled.
- May 5, 2012 at 6:51 am(276) Trent Smith says:
I'm fully understanding of people that claim the "get over it" or "just deal with it" idea……But anyone with this issue knows better because its not an option, If I ever do claim disability, It will likely come with much grief and shame. I dont claim disability of any sort except I get my taxes back because I dont make much…….Anyone with depression knows what its like and if you don't have it, its impossible to understand fully….I don't have relgious beliefs but I can understand and am jealous of those that can/do, its the same idea
I grew up in a good hardworking family that owned a small business. I can't claim abuse or any other issues. I was well taken care of but I feel I'm proof depression is more of a disease not just an effect of a bad life….I've tried as hard as I can to lead a "normal" life but years of trying and trying takes a toll on a person, not just physically but mentally.
I started anti depressants after 8+ years of attempting to "self resolve" my issues ( I assumed they were just mental roadblocks I could work through. But they werent. To all those that feel misunderstood here, I'm there with ya.
I didn't get across the message I wanted to but most of you can probably understand that.
Take care of yourselves and know there are people that care. You may just need to find them. You don't have to have a religion to have a faith.
- May 16, 2012 at 7:51 am(277) Ren says:
Going back to the early comments cancer can be very much invisible. My Grandma is the strongest person I know she has never been ill, however 2 weeks ago she fell ill and after lengthy tests it has been diagnosed as Liver, Large intestine, Bone and Blood cancer, not only was it invisible it has been for THE LAST 6 YEARS.
I have suffered with depression for the last 10 years now and have not found any form of medication or help that makes me feel 'normal'. The problem with antidepressants is they block you from dealing with your problems and coming off them can make you feel only a little better for a short period of time.
I am now in a position where my company is going down and as an apprentice I am the first to go, meaning I have lost my flat and am now back at my mums house, there has been a death in the family and a terminal illness. I have never been so low and can no longer think, do or be. I have no motivation, I can't sleep, I also suffer from IBS and deal with constant extremely painful cramps which are not relieved by medication or diet. My IBS sets off my depression and visa versa it's a REAL problem. I have been in no more than 2 days a week (FOR WHICH I DO NOT GET PAID FOR DAYS I TAKE OFF) as I have not been able to concentrate, have got nothing done and stared blankly at my computer screen.
I am an intelligent and hard working individual and HATE people who abuse the benefits system but for the first time I am considering looking into disability benefits because it is THAT bad and I do not see the condition and state I am in to be abusing the system.
That is why REAL depression is an illness and one of the worst because it will eat you inside until you snap and go mental and hurt those you love or take your own life leaving a turmoil of grief and confusion behind you. This is why those of you who feel it is stealing need to go and talk to a real person who suffers and then see how they feel about their ignorant, insensitive and unjustified theories.
- May 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm(278) Tracey says:
i thank you for posting this. im a 21 year old woman. i have been suffering for years with my depression, occasionally it has gotten so bad i have tried to take my own life…i didnt know that i could apply for disability because of depression..i honestly thought, and still think that they are going to tell me to grow a backbone and get the f*** over it.
- May 22, 2012 at 11:29 pm(279) Youhavenoideawhatihavebeenthru says:
Continue to be who you are, and do what you can do to get better. There will always be people out there that dont understand until they experience it or affected by it. Then and only then will they get it. These are the same people who cant understand why things happen to them, or cant see why they didnt get something they were expecting. Until they feel it not see it, but feel it its nonsense. My husband fit this profile.
Who are you to tell me how to feel, when to feel it, and where to feel it. How can you tell me how to run my marriage and youre not married? How can you tell me that I am not colorblind? How can you tell me how to praise God, and you never been to church? How can you tell me that cancer looks a certain way, and you never had it or never knew anyone had it? How can you tell me how to raise my babies, and you dont have any? BUT YOUR ACTING LIKE ONE!
The thing about dealing with something who has anything minor or major has nothing to do with your opinion, has nothing to do with where you have been or seen. Its about respect; its about attempting to do what you can to understand. Since, you feel like issues or different things people feel they go through is laziness, joke, not caring, come out with a book or start hold seminars to help those who are truly want to climb out of that black whole the steps out. Help to find jobs or websites for those you think are lazy.
- June 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm(280) barry says:
Gary marshall you are the scum of the earth, your comment is appauling. People are dying over this illness. Most employers are not compassionate. Allot of the work culture is about fitting in, just like in high school, and unfortunately, a drinking culture is often the case. Allot of people with depression also have social anxiety, or anxiety issues which makes it almost impossible to fit in and have any semblance of a normal life.
- June 13, 2012 at 10:24 am(281) grant says:
I have been depressed for 6 years now been in the psychward twice(just got out 3 months ago) and I can't find a job as when I interview I tell them what's wrong with me and I show them my wrists as I'm a self cutter and I won't lie to people to try and get a job. I like being truthful and because of that I can't get a job. I've tried to overdose on my pills a few months back but that didn't work as I was rushed to the hospital I almost did it again the other night but in stead I just cut. Even with pills its hard to try and be yourself. You people who wanna badger us please take a walk in our shoes for one day and see what it feels like to go through what we do. Its my 26th birthday today and I won't be doing anything cause all I wanna do is just stop crying and die already. I've sought out help but not everything works for people. I wish and pray to god to make me normal but I know I will never be the same happy loving person I was years ago
- June 14, 2012 at 4:45 pm(282) Elissa says:
Thanks for everyone being so honest here. I have been suffering from depression for years. Now looking back I realize that it started long before I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Depression is painful and debilitating. I have a kind boss who I believe knows I am suffering with something as she sees my red eyes from crying in the bathroom stall at work. Most of the time I am not sure what I am crying about and am just in a lot of emotional pain. I am a wife and mother. I struggle to get to work everyday. I am considering applying to disability. Something has to change as I do not see how to go on like this. I feel like I have so many good things going for me but it is still so hard. I have a good job, I work a reduced work schedule, have a good husband and great daughter. Depression is a true illness. I have hid it for many years from my husband, friends, family. Only recently have I started sharing. It is good to share but I am also fearful of being judged. However I am at a point where I don't care anymore. I just want to be accepted for me – depression and all. I don't have the energy to hide it anymore.
Love and prayers to all of you suffering out there.
- June 22, 2012 at 3:14 am(283) kylady000 says:
Thank you for understanding the true face of depression. I have worked for over 35 years, and now I am unable to work to chronic arthritis in both legs from working all those years. I have been fighting to get disability for my arthritis for 2 years now. It has slowly sunk me into depression. I have been raising my Granddaughters for the past 12 years and worked to support them. We never asked for any type of government help. Now that I am unable to work I can not get the money I paid into the system that is suppose to be there in my time of need. Due to the failing economy Disability is putting those in need through years of denials until you are forced to obtain an attorney and fight for what is already mine. Yet there are people on disability that have never paid into it or are not even born in America. Depression is what I have now to deal with on top of not being able to pay my bills and keep my head above water. Some days the pain is so bad in my legs that I can not even get out of bed and walk across the room. My depression on other days gets so bad that I don't leave the house for months unless I need to go to the doctor. Depression is a horrible thing to have to live with. It is hard on my family. My Granddaughter's have watched me go from fighting in court to get them from their unfit Mother to the woman that can't walk across the room. I don't want to feel sad all the time. I am truly blessed with having my girls. They are now 18 and 14 and without them I could not get through my days. People that don't understand depression have not had to live with it. There are many things in this world that I haven't had to live with so I do not judge them.
- June 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm(284) caitlin says:
im only 20, and i go to a mental facility every monday through thursday. im depressed, anxiety disorder, complex ptsd, bipolar 1, and i have hillucinations everyday, no matter what. and people think im fit to work? if you havent been through this then you have no right to say yes or no. i bet people like you couldnt last one day in my shoes. and yea if you seen me on the street i would look like a normal young woman. but on the inside i feel withered away. its just the way it is. so i believe they should get ss.
- July 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm(285) TNK says:
I can see the point the doctor was trying to make, but just throwing someone in a position can have devastating effects. In fact it can make depression WORSE. I have been under constant stress for the past 14 years due to my child having autism and me being a single mom (dad walked out and hasn't helped at all). I have a daughter too.. who has OCD. Friends are few, because most people don't know how to handle a kid with autism. Before that I can remember a short period of time when I did NOT have stress, maybe 2 years. Prior to those years.. I was in stress for 12 years from being bullied at school/neighborhood as a child. I was never safe, always on guard for instances of kids emotionally or pysically bullying me.
The stress, has taken its toll on my body. I have had depression throughout the years, but it always resolves with just therapy. This time… is different.
My body is just tired, worn out, etc. I physically look like I am not a 35 year old person.. I look like I might be around 45-50. My blood pressure was high the last few times I went in. My hair is falling out or graying, my skin looks worn out, I feel like I have the flu ALL THE TIME, my body aches, I have headaches, I can't sleep, im spacey, can't remember things to save my life, etc.. I fear leaving my house. I force myself to get up, get the kids to school and then just literally collapse from exhaustion. Just going downstairs to get food out of the pantry area leaves me practically breathless. Going to the gym, is like a sleep sentence… I actually fall asleep while im on the treadmill sometimes.
- July 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm(286) Pali says:
I've been living with Dysthymia since I was in high school. I've never been treated for it. I have a college degree. I can work, and I do, but I can't seem to develop a career (or a family or close friendships). I'm highly intelligent but lack the coping skills or social understanding or brain chemistry to create a vision for myself and follow it through. I pretend to be happy, but I'm not. I'm not living the life I'm capable of. I don't know how, but I desperately want to.
I tell you my story because I would apply for this kind of disability if I thought I could get it. I understand why some of you are angry, and I agree that it's possible to abuse it. I would use the money to learn to live the life I'm capable of, and I believe I would give back to society the cost of its support many-fold. I think this kind of support is why we live in society.
- July 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm(287) Jacob Beasley says:
This pretty much underscores the problem with welfare – it forces one person to have the fruits of their labor stolen and given to another person. If we didn't institutionalize theft as we have done, then this would not be an issue. People could give to the charity of their choice. Those who want to help those with depression could give to taht charity, and those who do not could give to a different charity. I find the whole notion of this discussion rather silly…
- July 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm(288) ANTHONY MANGIARACINA says:
- July 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm(289) Mecca says:
Sad to say most people do not understand depression, I have suffered from depression for almost 36 years, yet i still press forward hoping one day it will get better. I'm realizing each day is a new day and I must work through it. I have come to the conclusion the only solution to this horrible, dreadful, never ending feeling is death. So what do i do in the meantime, i pray it now overtake me and keep looking up for a brighter day.
- July 31, 2012 at 11:29 pm(290) karen says:
I am a professional who has suffered for years with depression and ptsd. I put myself through college, was a single mom and worked two jos for years. The past year my depression has become so bad that I barely been able to function. I've used up all my sick and vacation t ime at work. I went to mental health outpatient facility and started seeing psychologist who referred me to their nurse practioner for medication. I saw the NP for a few times "Missed an appointment because I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed", went to last appointment and NP stated that she contacted my pschologist and advised them that they did not believe I was really depressed but pretending to get out of work! Her reasoning was that I had failed to come to my last appoitntment. She was cold and rude,, and insinuated that I was just lazy and trying to get out of working. I was so offender and "humilated". I have not been out of the house, hardly answered the phone, saw anyone outside of medical in months due to my depression being so severe "I wish I was pretending".. I reach out for help from a professional, and that's what I get. depressed, and very hurt and disappointed
- August 11, 2012 at 12:32 am(291) Staci says:
For the last couple years I've been telling myself to suck it up! People have life way worse than me and manage just fine, depression is for the weak minded and I'm just being lazy….
After I flunked out of school, kept getting written up at work, had an apartment that looked like a hoarders and couldn't even get up on time to take my son to school, I finally realized "sucking it up" wasn't working.
Now happily medicated I don't know how I survived…literally
- August 12, 2012 at 6:47 pm(292) Sue says:
I have been struggling to work with depression for years and it finally won. I went off on sick leave a few weeks ago.
I am also what I think is drug resistant. Maybe that's the not correct description but my doctor had tried a few. They seem so strong that I can't even walk down stairs. I've fallen. I feel so groggy. It would've impossible to drive but she yells at me. She also believes that we in Canada are spoiled and depression is no reason to not work.
I'm 60 yrs old and been at the same job for over 7 yrs. during the past 2 yrs I've been making mistakes, I can't sleep, being threatened at work.
I don't know what to do.
I'm single with no other source of income. I'm about to lose everything.
- August 21, 2012 at 8:46 am(293) D.A. says:
When I was 21, I was fired from a job for poor performance.I did the very best that I could but the work was just too much. My employers knew I was sick, but being a small business, could not afford to keep me on their team. Those two months in-between jobs, I drove a gypsy cab for money, played soccer and slept as much as I needed to. My depression went into remission.
Do I believe that depressed people are disabled? You better believe it. As a person with a family history atypical depression and who suffers from it myself, I can speak as someone who knows just how debilitating it can be. There are many days where I cannot get out of bed. On the days I CAN get out of bed, I am a zombie, not a good employee to anyone.
- August 21, 2012 at 2:25 pm(294) An American says:
I have lived with serious Depression much of my life, but thanks to current treatment it is not currently debilitating and I can live an ok quality of life.
I know in my case that my symptoms react to the stress level and my options to control that stress level. The workplace in America at this time in history is extraordinarily stressful and often unhealthy. That produces serious societal and family issues even for those who do not struggle with chronic depression. It is hard for those to understand who have not dealt with serious depression how seriously it affects them. In many cases it can be as affecting and similar to what combat veterans sometimes experience after war. It is traumatic.
Having said that, I don't think a non-working disability is always a good answer and there are really much better options with less cost to the taxpayer. Also, while depression can be so comprehensive that someone cannot work, I would think that not working for most people who suffer from depression actually will tend to worsen the illness.
I *want* to work and I like to be productive. Fortunately I learned some skills early on that have given me those options (my work skills are very in demand, it has given me more coping mechanisms than most)
I can only speak for myself, but I would see environmental based treatment for disabling depression to be more useful if it offers help or options to manage and even change environments. Educational programs, temporary assistance or supplimental assistance, targeted to enable chronically depressed individuals to get "over the hump" find less stressful work or, in extreme cases, suppliment income or housing so that they can work maybe a little less than full time.
I know it is difficult for some people to accept even this kind of assistance for others, but I would ask such people to consider that the costs are far more expensive to hospitalize someone who collapses with this condition.
- September 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm(295) DogDirtSniffer says:
Hello Hope everyone get healthy soon. I am deeply sad when I come to my job. Is it diffilcut to get a long term check because I am deeply sad? I feel happy only when i see my wife after work. I hate the work at everyjob I have before!! work make me feel I want cry all day. I will be much happy if I not have work. what can i do? thank u very munch
- September 12, 2012 at 11:32 pm(296) Karen says:
I`ve suffered from depression almost 20 years. Along with it i was also addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I have not touched the coke in over 4 years but have started drinking after a 48 week treatment of interferon and rebetol for hep C. I have been denied disability 6 times and have another hearing soon. I lost my mom in 2002 from cancer and my depression has progressed mainly due to a toxic relationship with a very controlling, angry and pessemistic father. Between he and i the poor woman did not stand much of a chance. I have a lot of guilt and regret over her death. She never saw me clean and sober.
I am at the mercy of my father for all things $$$ with the exception of food stamps and a charity program that helped with the 50K treatment for hep. C. I`ve been on anti-depressants on and off over 18 years and become quite a burden and embarassment to him. He makes me cry almost everyday and i`m so depressed sometimes i don`t bathe or get out of bed for 3-4 days. He took my car away about 4 months ago and i`m stuck in this low-rent duplex everyday. I have a scoliosis that causes me a lot of pain and in 2009 my appendix ruptured and i was in the hospital for 18 days, i almost died because he never said let`s go to the E.R. and i had and still have no $$ or ins.. That bill was 98,000 and thank God the hossy wrote it off for me. I see a therapist and take my meds but it`s the same situation everyday. Have any advice???
- September 24, 2012 at 5:48 am(297) CS says:
Sorry in advance, this turned into a huge rant and my entire life story (oh damn I can't even post it all in one post cuz of the 2000 word restriction) but I have said for years that maybe hopefully at least my story will help others who can identify even if I never accomplish my biggest dreams.
People who say they have been through horrible depression and come through it and then talk shit to people who are still mired in it are the absolute worst. At least with chronically happy people you know they just don't get it, so their words, while irritating and frustrating, can theoretically be dismissed (although we with depression like to take everything very personally, don't we? I know I do). But when someone who SAYS they have been through it has the callous audacity to tell people in the depths of despair that their despair is illegitimate and they should just get over it like that person did….. it is so insulting!!!
Personally I've noticed that when I go through (usually very brief) periods of feeling okay, dare I say even happy and motivated, about life, I feel removed from the depression enough that I wonder if maybe I WAS just being weak and not being in control of my thoughts enough. I can even get really excited and make goals and plans and start working towards them. Problem is, those periods are short-lived before some criticism or something (including no reason at all) sends me into a spiral back into depression. I guess that's manic-depression? I've never been diagnosed.
- October 20, 2012 at 7:33 am(298) George says:
I have just been diagnosed with clinical depression and am currently going through the process of being tested to find if i am bi-polar. From my mid teens i was called lazy and told that i was wasting my life away. I couldn't study or focus on work. I couldn't bring myself to get up easily in the mornings or tidy up after myself. All i thought was how it didn't seem worth it, and i would spend more time thinking about doing it than doing it. Suicide plagued my mind and often clouded out any positive emotions. I'm glad i bottled out before it was too late.
Depression is a disease that creeps up on you. For several years i thought i was just lazy and blamed myself for it. I took other peoples comments to heart, no matter how silly they were. You cannot see it coming and i only found i had it when I had an outburst of anger during a family reunion. I was advised my a member of my family to see a therapist (she herself is one) and from there discovered my illness.
Since being diagnosed i have been taking medication but also been advised to involve my self more in things i enjoy. I got a job working at a computer specialist shop near a ski resort and now spend my time predominantly doing the two things i enjoy most (programming and skiing) which helps massively.
I still feel awful a lot of the time but i count myself lucky that i found my depression early before it could ruin my life. Doing things i enjoy whilst having a flexible job helps so much, and I would advise it to anyone who is going through what i have and still am. Good Luck.
- October 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm(299) stephanie says:
I, too, suffer from depression. But that isn't all, I have anxiety, OCD, social phobia, PTSD, mood disorder, sleep disorder and borderline personality disorder. This has been diagnosed and I am on Lamictal, Lithium, trazadone, Abilify & Hydroxyzine. I have been trying for SSDI for 31 months. I am 37 yrs. old, female and only have 12th grade education. My doctor knows what he is doing and I comply but he refuses to sign off for SS because he is afraid of losing his license. I am hurting here, I didn't ask to be a product of sexual abuse or be so messed up in the mind I can hardly get out of bed in the morning let alone work. I have to live withy my mother, which isn't working out. I have no income and on medicade, thank God. Is there anyone out there that will listen to me????
- October 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm(300) bertie says:
i can say that depression is a disability and a crippling one at that. everyone who writes a comment here needs to respect everyone else.
- October 26, 2012 at 8:42 pm(301) Akuin says:
I just want to add my story to the pile. In the coming July I will be 30 years old. It took me 10 years to get a general Education degree in College. I am -extremely- smart, but my mental disabilities have left me with Dysthymia (Functioning depression). Despite being intelligent, Despite being a hard worker, I suffer insomnia, I'm barely able to take care of myself. And I have had a total of 5 interviews in the over 10 years I've been applying for jobs. The odds of me getting a job are slim to none. Yet instead of living a normal life, going out with friends, finding someone to share my life with…I'm stuck…right here, in my parents home. I cry myself to sleep -every night- because I will -never- leave. I am trapped in an 8 by 10 room. I am -completely- at the mercy of my parents, and when they die, if I'm -lucky- I will be able to be committed in an insane asylum. Why? Because SSI denied me. They said because I could -potentially- cook meals for myself and do my laundry that I was not eligible. I cannot be treated for my diseases, I cannot get aid from the government for my diseases, I can't find a job, and the only thing keeping me here is I'm scared of pain. If I knew a completely painless way to off myself I would have done it a long time ago because this…this is hell and anyone thing thinks that some how I should go out and work because they think -everyone is depressed and doesn't take it seriously needs to remember that. I don't want to be here anymore because I'm not a person, I'm a useless piece of trash that the government won't allow to be humanely discarded, but won't help either.
- October 28, 2012 at 5:20 pm(302) JULIE says:
I WAS BORN WITH TEMPORAL LOBE EPILEPSY WHICH AFFECTS THE MOOD. EACH SEIZURE YOU HAVE KILLS BRAIN CELL AS I HAVE HAD. IN ORDER TO END THE CONTINUOUS SEIZURES I HAD I NEEDED TO GO THROUGH MAJOR BRAIN SURGERY. AFTER BEING DISCHARGED I COULDN'T STOP CRYING NOT AWARE I WAS SUFFERING WITH MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER.MITT ROMNEY WANTS TO DO AWAY WITH MEDICARE AND MEDICAID ALONG WITH SSDI. THANK THE LORD I ACCEPT THAT I HAVE THIS ILLNESS AND HAVE A GREAT PSYCHIATRIST,COGNETIVE PSYCHOLOGIST. i'M A HAPPY PERSON NOW EVEN THOUGH I'M ALONE.
- October 31, 2012 at 3:32 am(303) Marina says:
Thank you for this article and this blog. So glad I came across it. People who do not have mental illness just do not understand. I suffer from severe depression and PTSD. And it is definitely a suffering. I feel like nobody understands me. I have been through all the usual antidepressants, therapy, etc. and sometimes I do well for a while but it always comes back. I believe the only true relief is death but I promised God and my family I would not take my own life but sometimes I am scared that I will just snap. My employer forced me to take off work because I was constantly crying and started making stupid mistakes I have never done before. They sent me to a psychiatrist for a fit for duty exam and he said I cannot function at my job and need time off for treatment. So I am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, take Wellbutrin and Antivan for anxiety. This is the worse I think I have ever been.
- November 24, 2012 at 8:41 pm(304) Shane says:
My attitude is this – if you have barely enough energy to get out of bed, then you have enough energy to work. End of discussion. I've been through the ringer myself with this disease… all the way up to ECT. Severely depressed mood, anhedonia, no appetite, no concentration, no libido – that's no reason take time off work. I've spent plenty of lunch breaks crying my eyes out in the restroom or my car. Fellow sufferers know that this is the worst disease imaginable and the public perception of depression is still stuck in 1950. But it is a proven fact that individuals who force themselves to engage in a routine can help minimize the pain of depression. I have never missed any work, not one day, because of this incapacitating illness. Even while doing outpatient ECT, I was at work by 10:30 the same day. I live in absolute hell some days. Sitting at home because of severe mental anguish is completely defeatist. Resilience comes from within.
- November 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm(305) Randy says:
I am considering disability. I have dragged myself to work for a LONG time. HOW ABOUT YEARS OF TRYING BEFORE I AM THINKING THIS?!!!!!
For me IT DID NOT WORK. I give! I want help!
A bunch of bad apples abuse the process and feed a negativity for those in sincere need of help.
I hope to God one day that Dr. is not in need of some PLAY THERAPY! As a way of relearning how to live.
For me and my depression it means NOTHING whether I am off work or not. I am always in emotional pain. I do not want to do meds again. Hurt me I think for a little relief but I think time in a hospital or somewhere to just DISCONNECT for whatever time is needed is a good idea if you can find the resources to do it.
- November 30, 2012 at 7:29 pm(306) Jorge says:
I want to fill for SSI. I am depressed, and it has gotten so bad that my family and I are homeless because I cannot hold a job. It's so scary to live not knowing if you are going to make it another week in a crap hotel or if you are going to have to take a spouse and kids and live on the streets, but all I do is physically harm myself at work. Taking care of my kids is the only thing that makes me feel better. My wife will graduate from college in a few months. I feel like a burden to society if I were to do it, but again nobody wants to hire a nobody.I don't know what to do. I just want to give up, tell my wife to leave me and have a better life without me while I rot in the gutter. I'm just so tired of it all.
- December 4, 2012 at 10:31 pm(307) mable says:
i've had debilitating fibromyalgia for ten years. i'm sure most people by now know what this disease does. i have chronic depression that keeps me in bed most days. i am able to do some house work but after a short period of time i do get exausted. my body aches constantly. i have many sleepless nights because of R.L.S. restless leg syndrome. thoughts of suicide. i rarely leave the house. i can't afford any depression meds. sometimes, i do think i'd be better off dead but, i have a two year old grandson and a grand daughter on the way.
- December 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm(308) family legacy says:
In 2005 my mother committed suicide after two rejected disability requests she filed due to depression and PTSD from domestic violence. She decided she was not a worthy person to continue taking up space in the world. My brother and I allowed her lawyer to pursue her appeal after her death in hopes of making a point about depression being a real and serious disability. The appeal was won of course.* How could it not be? She proved her depressive disability by taking her own life. Perhaps if severe depression was given the respect as a serious disability I would still have my mother today.
I have suffered with depression from as far back as I can remember, as far back as pre-school. I've been in therapy for decades. I've taken several different medications. I've done everything "right" to try to fix myself. I worked nearly full time from the time I was 14 years old until a few years ago. It is only because of my wonderful spouse that I have any kind of peace in my life. He financially supports me while I struggle daily with my depression. If I had to continue working I don't know if I would have survived this long. But what happens if my spouse is hurt or killed? We want me to apply for disability just in case something ever happens to him but, after the treatment my mother got, I'm terrified of the attacks and accusations of being "lazy" or "faking". I don't even care about getting money right now. My spouse makes enough for us. But I know that if we wait until something happens to him I would never be able to mentally handle the application and appeals process alone.
I just wish people understood the difference between being "down" or "sad" and major depressive disorder. Then this wouldn't even be a question.
*The lawyer got paid from the settled appeal but my brother and I received no money. We didn't care about that.
- December 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm(309) eric bryant says:
Hi, this sounds like the same exact problem I have been having. I have been at my job for 24 years. In the past ten to twelve I have been treated with multiple meds. I am a supervisor, I have been in trouble numerous times for forgetting to do things, doing things wrong even though I know my job well. I have missed work lots due to severe stress, anxiety missed work two times for a two week span each time due to nervous breakdowns. I have been written up several times. I tried talking to my boss but he just don't get it. Every day is a huge struggle to go to work in fear of what will happen next. I always feel like I am hanging on by a thread. I constantly think about suicide or just death. Other than my immediate family to live for I just feel defeated and done with life. I wake up every day with nausea from depression and anxiety in anticipation for the coming day ahead. What can I do I can't take it anymore, I am afraid of what might happen next. HELP!!!!
- December 19, 2012 at 7:07 pm(310) barbara armstrong says:
i have major depression and i can tell you its a battle every day you dont have the energy to go out side or even talk to someone one the phone you just trying to be okay in the moment but i tell any body if you have medicince for it take it it will help but we all know it want go way ever i try to talk to people who also have it because if you dont have it you can easily judge some one who does all the people had jobs went to work every day with energy and concentration and good memery and im sure we miss that if my brain could go back i wish it would everyday but i had to except the ilness and take it on day at a time.
- December 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm(311) Scott says:
Many of the answers shown here are very biased and most of them are written by fellow sufferers that are speaking from personal experience.
The real answer to this question is "it depends". First and foremost, the disease needs to be diagnosed properly. Is the patient not sleeping, losing weight, chronically sad, disinterested, agitated, etc.? If so, then how severe is the problem? Have all treatments been exhausted, including ECT? Every case is different. Dysthymia (which is horribly undertreated) does not qualify and neither does Depression as a result of bad life circumstances.
Chronic severe Major Depression that has a purely biological basis is pretty rare, and those sufferers get my utmost sympathy, and shame on our government for not having legislated euthanasia years ago.
Nevertheless, I think one largely overlooked factor in determining someone's ability to cope with chronic depression (or not cope – and file a disability claim) is their level of job satisfaction. Most people don't like the type of work they do (or their work environment), and it's not their fault. How many people have their dream job? If they did, and made $2,000,000.00 per year, their tolerance level for their disease would rise dramatically, without the illness changing at all. In the real world, such cases are exceptionally rare and most sufferers seem to report that their work environment actually perpetuates their depression. Does the disability application ask any questions about job satisfaction? I didn't think so.
So it is a disability? Well there's no questions it is disabling, but to the point where it prevents us from working? Show me someone on high-dose Parnate, Lithium and Nortriptyline and doing maintenance ECT that is on disability, and I'll show you someone that doesn't like working. Most cases of disability are awarded without the patient having undergone an aggressive treatment regimen.
- January 14, 2013 at 5:24 am(312) Soit says:
You are so right on. Show me a person on the regimen you describe, and I'll show you a person who doesn't like to work, because they really want to be dead. So, when do they lube up the electrodes for you, Scott? Do you go in to the hospital after work on Friday and meet the attending psychiatrist and anesthesiologist and nurse at 7 PM? Because if you have the same experience as I have had, it will take Saturday and Sunday fully asleep to recover from the treatment. And then on Monday when you return to work, you'll have no memory of what happened on Friday so you won't get much done that day, nor for the rest of the week. The good news was that when I found out that my insurance company was being billed $3500 per weekly treatment, I was able to negotiate with the hospital and pay them directly only $1800 in cash. So spending $7200 per month was really quite the bargain, even if it does exceed the median earnings of the populace. And now I receive $2200 per month from the government as a disability payment. The real question becomes what is the economic benefit of keeping a person like me alive anyway?And I was on 130 mg of Parnate (originally developed as an amphetamine analogue), the side effects of that were a piece of cake, when I was able to hold a pen to write without tremoring out. Great, let's add some lithium! Your suggestion to combine nortriptyline at a high dose is brilliant, because there's no question that it would result in serotonin syndrome and/or immediately stroking out with a hypertensive crisis.
- January 14, 2013 at 5:28 am(313) Soit says:
And I was on 130 mg of Parnate (originally developed as an amphetamine analogue), the side effects of that were a piece of cake, when I was able to hold a pen to write without tremoring out. Great, let's add some lithium! Your suggestion to combine nortriptyline at a high dose is brilliant, because there's no question that it would result in serotonin syndrome and/or immediately stroking out with a hypertensive crisis.Yes, Scott, I had my dream job, and I faked it so hard every day for 30 years because I loved it so much. At my peak I was paid $300,000 per year, and brilliantly leading a team of devoted people to produce a great product. Why would I leave the job like that? As you might imagine, it wasn't all my idea to resign. This sickness is progressive, and at a certain point it is impossible to function.Who are you? You certainly can't be a physician, because your license would've been revoked long ago. Psychotherapy is for healthy people, Scott. We don't talk about the D word anymore. That's because when we tell idiots like you that we have major treatment resistant depression, you answer "oh how sad, I get depressed sometimes, and it's really difficult."You have no idea of the suffering and pain that true mental illness brings on.My maternal grandfather killed himself in 1962. My maternal grandmother killed her self in 1964. (in the midst of extensive ECT treatments).My father, a doctor, killed himself in 1983 by overdosing with Nembutol. My brother, also a physician, killed himself last year. I have been able to find a source of pentobarbital sodium from China that only costs $250 for 15 g. That really is a pretty economically efficient solution, don't you think? I think you should take your 130 mg of Parnate, and make a nice meal of your own liver along with a nice bottle of Chianti and some fava beans. You are more heinous then Hannibal.
- January 18, 2013 at 10:28 pm(314) Chris says:
It has always been obvious to me that depression and anxiety especially phobias, Are not only misunderstood but I find that even doctors especially psychiatrists will talk about depression like the person on the street.
- January 18, 2013 at 11:03 pm(315) Chris says:
Depression is one of the most misunderstood problems. The mere term depression is like the word tired or hungry or being in pain. Not to mention how people love to use words in the way it best meets their interests For instance one might say " I know a person " who is depressed who has an education and a good job (good job doubtful) It is like some one who complains about chronic pain and trying to compare them to some one who complains about " just pain" Humans always feel the need to compare. And they do a horrible unscientific job of it,
The other problem is that depression does not lend it self t prove by blood tests. Or other tests. They have done some research using an MRI. real expensive, So being depressed or saying your depressed is your word against the rest of the world.
Another problem I find is that years ago at least 20 years ago there were more psychiatrists specializing in depression. Now the specialty moved to more psychotic problems and the many drugs that are prescribed for it. Depression is just not a money maker any more.
Also psychotic people I believe, there is more evidence, of the physical nature of the problem, Also in an economy that is getting progressively worse, People have to make hard decisions and A psychotic will win over a depressed person any day . Also depressive people are extremely vulnerable , they pose no danger to society. Only to themselves. And even though I know a lot of psychotic people, and they are just as harmless, the public would not agree.
It is also apparent that many treatment facilities are not so much a benefit to the patients as it is the community who are afraid of them
- January 25, 2013 at 10:47 am(316) Steph says:
Interesting piece. I found it while job-hunting and just feeling overwhelmed by misery as I have since May.
I pretty much figured out what most of the comments would say before I read some of them, and I do feel for those folks who are truly clinically depressed. I have been depressed off and on throughout my life, but lifelong, crippling anxiety and panic attacks have been my bane of existence.
I was actually Googling "Older and so depressed over job search" and this article came up.
Actually, work has always been my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. After 20 years with a Fortune 500, my management decided to get rid of all those over 50. In 2008, several people over 50 received libelous performance evals to set us up for layoff. This was the worst thing anyone could do to me. I count on purposeful work in the same way I count on air. I did everything I could do to stay employed because I know how discriminatory it is in the job seeking world today, and it is much, much worse than I had imagined and in ways I wasn't even aware of. I have had interviews and some offers actually, but I find they want to kill you for no money! I'm used to some pressure, stress, otj training, etc., and I've never made much money but to expect someone to do the job of 2 people for $14/hr is ridiculous.
I have always been a topnotch, quality employee because I want to and because I need to to feel good! I am now so gun shy and afraid I will fail, I just feel disabled. Depressed, you betcha. But more like PTSD! After my layoff in 2010, (took 2 years!) I got a job immediately, but left after 2 months because the manager was out of her freaking mind. I thought it was just me but after confiding in a trustworthy colleague, I was told there was quite a long line before me that left. I contacted 3 of them and they said the boss was intolerable and it would only get worse. I found another job (early 2011) on a gov't contract and OMG. A nightmare.
- January 25, 2013 at 10:48 am(317) steph says:
Part 2
Everything about it was the polar opposite of what a professional workplace should be, uneven workload, in your face favoritism, horrible training, people acting like clowns in front of the government workers in our office….for starters!! I was told at interview the contract was to last at least 5 yrs. 1 yr and 3 months after I started, the gov't cancelled the contract and we were walked out.
Since then, I have been in a daze, depressed, miserable and no confidence left. That's about it. For anyone in my position, you aren't alone.
- January 25, 2013 at 10:52 pm(318) lady says:
To the commenter JR,
whether it's hard work or not is not the point, it's a matter of life and death and a kind of illness to keep that person going or function properly. Another way of looking at depression is seeing it as abusing drug substance, once one gets in depression, it's hard getting out of it. Appropriate therapy or medicine or luck can help or it can be a cycle of on and off.
- January 25, 2013 at 10:53 pm(319) lady says:
are comments screened?
- January 27, 2013 at 12:25 am(320) Till It comes knocking says:
Its funny how ignorant most people are about most things in general. Depression can be proved by doctors just as any other sickness can be. The benefits created for the Depressed may not be seen as a fruitful endeavor but look at it this way. You are going to pay taxes anyways! Guess what else? Besides the taxes you pay to this you will be paying taxes for things you don't even know about that will definitely have no effect on your community. These funds are basically charity. You know the same type we put commercials on tv for so that children in Africa can get American money to survive? Yeah that kind. Except instead of feeling sorry for your fellow American, you are bitching about how you pay taxes or about how Americans are sick of paying taxes for people who are milking the system.
- January 27, 2013 at 12:26 am(321) Till It comes knocking says:
Part 2
Did it occur to you that many people receiving the funds actually deserve it? Not everyon who goes on disability stays on it either, some people use it to leap frog back into a regular lifestyle and it would be all but impossible to do so without such funds. Some type of trash you talk when you say there are plenty of people who drag their depressed bodies out of bed to work because they have pride. No plenty of people drag their bodies out of bed because they have both the money and opportunity to be able to do so and they don't take it for granted. But just like the people in africa who don't happen to have food and water, guess what? There are people without the money opportunity or transportation to even try to sustain their lives.
- January 27, 2013 at 12:27 am(322) Till It comes knocking says:
Part 3
In addition if you have very little money your nutrition is bound to be poor which can cause malnutrition, A typical backlash of malnutrition is depression because its hard to want to live when you are struggling to eat everyday. This isn't even medical depression. Now while you stupid ass people who look down on others talk about taking care of your fellow man, don't you ever get an injury yourself and then realize how hard it might be to recover from that injury and get back to a paying job. Both of my parent are disables because of knee issues. They worked for over 30 years as "proud" Americans. One of them was a veteran. Neither of them have sufficient enough funds to maintain the lives they had before they were disabled. I as their youngest child have suffered many years wondering if I would even survive in addition to my own daily problems such as social pressure and my own dreams. Exactly where would I be if the government didn't have anything in place for them? Both of them also have been medically found to have depression. So what if either or both of them decided suicide was the way? Get two disabled parents who can't help you succeed despite your own greater efforts like getting scholarships and passing state tests with advanced scores before you open your mouth to tell me that the taxes you pay are in vain when you probably don't even fucking vote or look at any of the policies being passed that take funds to places that don't need it. Bitches would rather help a starving person in a third world country rather than fellow americans.
- January 27, 2013 at 8:53 pm(323) Dennis Teel says:
this so called doctor she writes about isn't educated…trust me..he's one of those ignorant uneducated people that looks at an unemployed person that has a disability and says "you got two arms and legs,there's nothing wrong with you.go to work" that kind of thinking is out of ignorance and a lack of education./but you know what?most of it comes from jealousy. i'm not only bipolar but I have dspsd(google it)this stupid doctor would i'm sure tell me to go work,as physically i'm in great shape and I even walk 5 miles a day..i get total disability just because I can't sleep and i'm depressed..when I run across people like that doctor and they start in on me about working or being lazy or that i'm taking money from the pockets of hard working americans by collecting disability payments ,you kow what I tell them ? this>> i never have to work the rest of my life and yet I live a fairly nice life and don't lack for anything materially..i lollygag my life away by hanging out at dennys at 3am and download music on my pc all night and have a nice car..have a nice day! those of us who suffer from bipolar or a sleep disorder or any kind of condition that can't be seen visibly don't have to worry about doctors like the one whose in the article.no doubt he's a medical doctor anyway and not a psychiatrist,which that in itself makes him negates him as being 'up' on the subject of any kind of disability except physical. bipolar and dspsd will always be conditions that merit the disability check..to all you posters out there,this doctor doesn't reflect the opinion of the majority of psychiatrists in America..he certainly isn't a psychiatrist,not a real one anyway.if he were he wouldn't be spewing this BS.
- January 27, 2013 at 9:04 pm(324) Samantha says:
Depression is one of the worst illnesses, often it exists without any outward signs so people around you can't see just how ill you are. Depression will physically attack the brain and begin shutting down important areas; there is physical evidence of the condition in brain scans including reduced neural activity and physical shrinkage in certain parts of the brain.
It is wrong to assume that someone isn't ill or suffering just because they look normal on the outside.
Everyone is different you can't group everyone together in exactly the same way.
At my worst stage I could not leave my home for two years, mentally and physically I was like shattered glass that was barely holding together and ready to fall apart at the tiniest jolt. I would have died without someone there to care for me practically 24/7. I couldn't think, or feel, I didn't recognize a need to eat or drink, when I slept I was denied restful sleep so I kept drifting in and out of consciousness throughout the day to try and compensate; all that ran through my mind was 'please let it end' and I didn't know or care about maintaining my life. I literally would have died of dehydration without someone to forcibly make me drink.
I was in no state to work or face life; there were times when I had extended blank periods in my memory, when I couldn't even remember my own name, where I was or who my family were.
I had no will to live & indirectly I had resigned myself to death. That's what depression can do to you, it over-writes every instinct of self-preservation you have, it pulls you apart piece by piece until there is nothing left of the person you once were.
Depression is definitely an illness and there should be every bit of support for those who suffer with this mental disability.
- January 28, 2013 at 12:50 am(325) Katie says:
I am 17. My freshman and sophomore years I struggled with clinical depression that went undiagnosed and effected my grades. I had serious panic attacks daily. I grew up both my parents have suffered with alcoholism and I have seen physical and emotional abuse. The first time I saw a therapist my depression went into remission without medication. I had a difficult home life and a disease which disabled me, and led my teachers and mother to believe I was a teenager going through a lazy rebellious stage. My junior year my depression began to return and though I had an incredible group of friends it only got worse and worse. I attended an alternative school so that my gpa would not be effected by this. I began to attend therapy again that spring as I was feeling very suicidal. The summer of 2012 between my jr and senior years I was fired from two jobs due to my depression. At the end of the summer my best friends moved away for college. My senior grades have suffered immensely especially since the recent loss of my best friend. I have felt more suicidal than ever, and at the same time never been less willing to even cut or remiss into other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have been on mild drugs for the past year that have overall evened out my mood swings and lifted me but I feel unable to recover. I attend therapy weekly exercise multiple times a week and eat how my nutritionist tells me. I also take vitamin c vitamin d and vitamin b12 to support me nutritionally. I still feel depressed and suicidal. I've lost interest in school and sports and want to sleep all the time. I even have a hard time reading, which is an activity I've always loved. I stay around because I know I can get better and I could never do that to my sister or my mum. I also have many hopes and dreams. I would love to find the solution to Wyoming's suicide rates one day. I also want to train to be a professional figure skater. I'm afraid that my disease will always hold me back.
- January 29, 2013 at 12:32 am(326) Michele says:
I have struggled with depression on and off since I was a teenager there is no excuse to sit at home with depression get on medication move your ass Eat healthy and try your hardest every day to live a normal life!
- January 29, 2013 at 6:26 pm(327) Sue S says:
I have been suffering from depression for the last 6 years now. I have seen 3 councellors and are in the process of having CBT sessions. I did find it helpfull and was doing quite well up until Christmas when an Aunt, whom I was very close too, was taken into hospital with terminal cancer. She died on the 3rd of January. Everything that I had been taught over the last few months went out of the window and I feel really low again. It brought back all the feelings of loss from all the loved ones I had lost over the last 10 years. I'm really struggling.
I left work 6 years ago because I couldn't cope. I didn't think to go on the sick so I have received no benefits whatsoever. I tried applying for things, but, wasn't successful and I was told I couldn't clain Job Seekers Allowance because I hadn't paid in enough contributions. I was sent for a medical but because I could dress, feed, wash and look after myself I was refused any help. The fact that some days I can't even get out of bed, don't shower or get dressed and can't leave the house didn't count for anything.
I feel so guilty that I'm not bringing in an income to help my Husband pay the bills. I hate asking him for money for things I need because I know we can't afford it. I feel useless and hopeless. Every day is the same. I don't feel as though I have a purpose in life anymore. I am 52 years of age and all the kids have there own homes and lives to live now. I don't like them knowing how bad I feel. My husband has been a rock. Don't think I could survivie without him.
- January 29, 2013 at 7:52 pm(328) Allison says:
Michelle you're so right, I go to work no matter what, 2 hrs sleep, horrible mood, fatigue, can't eat, and the list goes on. My problems started when I was 18 and I've been on so many meds that have either done nothing, or worked only for a few months. Most people give up easily, because "they can't cope anymore". What a joke. You can cope. Try harder. Yes, that's right, it's all about effort and raising pain tolerance. Stop the self-pity and why-me thinking. Sitting at home with no routine and collecting a mickey-mouse disability only fuels the fire and makes your mood worse. Fatigue? No motivation? Think about this: if someone said the only way you're going to get to eat today is by being at work at 8:30, then you'd all find a way to be there on time.
- January 30, 2013 at 4:06 am(329) Cg71177 says:
Allison, maybe if you are so experienced you could be more tolerant than patronising.
I too have managed to hold down a full time high powered job with 2 kids but at times my body has just given up. (Nervous exhaustion ) and I have been forced to take time off to recover.
Just because your symptoms may allow you to continue in the way you do does not give you the right to lecture others when you know nothing of their situation.
- January 30, 2013 at 7:24 am(330) sp says:
This conversation is very complicated and so I do not want to paint with broad strokes. In my workplace and personal life I have seen many different versions of people being off on disability related to mental illness. My heart goes out to them. I know it is very hard and they struggle to find solutions that will work for them. On the other hand, I also see and hear people who are on disability for depression that open up their own small companies on the side or take elaborate vacations that take evident planning and organization. The same kind of skills that you need to do your job. Some of these same people also have obvious long standing personality traits that negatively impact on their interpersonal relationships and hence work performance. Somehow I end up paying the price for this. I have my own issues that are way to complicated to list here. I drag myself out of bed, I go to work, I do a good job, I take care of my kids and home and it is difficult everyday. It's called life. I do not know how many time I have been left "holding the bag" for those that are not at work. It makes my lot that much harder. So to those of you that are ill, good luck. For those of you who just don't have the personal resilience to do better, you"re killing me.
- January 30, 2013 at 4:08 pm(331) zachary !14 says:
hi im zachary i dont no if i have ptsd for sure i went to a doctor about it buut he says i have it im comfused im 14 i no ive had some bad events and scard of stuff and have thoughts and crying some time anger outrage is and i cant sleep i go to sleep at 3:00 am is that ptsd?
- January 30, 2013 at 4:12 pm(332) zachary t says:
hi im zachary 14.years old but ive had some ptsd events i think well ill tell ya i cant sleep till 3:00 am or 4:00am and i have bad thoughts and sometime scard of stuff and i went to a doctor about it and he said i have ptsd but im not sure what are side effects for it?
- January 31, 2013 at 5:56 am(333) Scotty says:
Hey, most of the people on here making derogatory comments about being on SSDI, obviously don't have a clue about SSDI. State disability is temporary and not so difficult to obtain if you have been working steady. Social Security/SSDI on the other hand, is very difficult to get, and even more difficult to get fraudulently. Most people who apply for Social Security disability, are automatically rejected and have to appeal often with an attorney. It is very difficult to trick the system into obtaining SSDI. I don't want to be on disabiltiy. I want to work, but I am quite mentally ill. My doctor knew my condition, and offered disability to me without me asking. I assure you that they don't do that unless they know you are truly disabled and non functioning. I do hope to return to work, and SSDI doesn't pay shit. Certainly not enough for any quality of life.
- February 1, 2013 at 1:07 am(334) Fish Jones says:
Forced to work?
By who? Doing what?
Depending on context, I could see that being pretty helpful for me personally.
I went to high school every day on time because I was forced to. As soon as it became 'up to me', (college), I stopped going. My only successful full time job I was 'forced' to go because my friend made me. (seriously.) Until we both got laid off because the company crashed.
When "forced", I can actually pretty much handle it.
- February 1, 2013 at 5:10 am(335) kaya hansoncia says:
If I was forced to try and work I would kill myself my mind could not handle the stress if I did not kill me, it would be someone around me at work…!!!
- February 2, 2013 at 3:59 am(336) mrdante says:
Is this really an illness??? Isnt being sad normal? No one is happy all the time, and when your life is going through ruff times arent you sad during those times? Ive never met anyone who was depressed taking meds when there life was going they way they wanted. But my whole life i have been more detached than most,depressed,and a couple of times in my younger days suicidal…but i always thought it was just how my life was going. But now i dont know,i dont want to have a doctor tell me i have some kind of problem and have to take meds, i dont want to use being sad as an excuse for anything….but sometimes its real hard…
- February 2, 2013 at 6:19 pm(337) suu says:
after reading all these comments,some of you are clearly going through horrible times. My life has been hard although I will not bore you with the details. Most days I wake up feeling sick, in pain and feeling that I cannot face the day or life, but I literally force myself up and out the door, but with a smile and a happy act, but I find that as I go through the day and stop thinking of myself and my feelings, but concentrating on the other people meet, find it easier to cope. I also have other illness too.
I can understand why some people can be a bit harsh when people talk about depression, I do know someone who has never worked, has no children, claims benefits for this and although gets down at times has a very nice lifestyle and always has two holidays a year, I have known her a long time, and she thoroughly enjoys all the various sessions with doctors etc., and just loves to sit and talk about herself and her feelings, she enjoys hobbies, shopping and does seem anything like the people here.
- February 3, 2013 at 8:32 am(338) SUu says:
I forgot to say I do work part time, and I would love to stay at home in bed sinking further into a black hole, but if my family need to eat I have to work, simple as that, I am in late fifths and struggle terribly financially, however, I work with the elderly, sick, hanicapped and find that people who have worked all their lives cannot get the help or aids they need to stay in their own homes because their is not enough money in the pot for these things although going in residential care costs more.
A lot of these people get very depressed, knowing they can't do the things they did before. I have noticed that a lot of depressed people are horrified by the fact they may have to work, but if they have been like this for years, not working hasn't improved them, they might just find it helps, also I have noticed that a lot of depressed people have no interest in the problems and suffering of others yet when you ask them how they are their faces light up and they are more than happy to talk about themselves and their problems.
I am sorry if this seems harsh, but to a certain amount, people need help for a few months, but if nothing works, should be made to do certain jobs in small amounts.
There are jobs out their, lots of them, but a lot of people won't take them as they are low paid. people say the people from other countries take our jobs, but this is often because they are prepared to work hard on low pay.
- February 3, 2013 at 10:45 pm(339) Someone Sad says:
I thought I put depression and anxiety issues behind me in 2009. In 2011 I had a work injury and things were not so bad until I was treated poorly by HR in early 2012. I worked hard to brush that aside. I returned to a previous job position in June and I didn't anticipate that the supervisor who had given me good recommendedations for the temporary job would start treating me badly. In October, after several months of her nitpicking every minor error and her never saying one positive thing about my work, I finally started breaking down. I had crying spells and meltdowns. In November she yelled at me asking me what was wrong with me. She said I walked around in a daze. She didn't understand that I felt bullied by her and that I was working my tail off trying to do my job. She interpreted me working hard and staying at my desk as 'withdrawal.'
- February 3, 2013 at 10:46 pm(340) Someone Sad says:
part 2
Then 5 weeks after my worker's comp claim was closed I was written up for using bad judgement saying I harassed a customer. Yet, they also said during the meeting I am very good with customers. During the meeting with my supervisor, the manager and my union rep, all off them badgered me asking 'what is wrong with you? What is going on at home? ' They told me my personality had changed. I felt like an animal in a corner. I told them depression and anxiety are diagnoses that stay on your health record forever and all the stress over the past few months has gotten the better of me. I told them I have lapsed into anxiety and depression again. They still pressed me. They didn't believe me! Then they suggested I have a problem with my medications. I was horribly upset and crying through the meeting. Worse yet my union rep chimed in with them instead of being impartial. I am on medical leave now and on a new medication. I am not sleeping well and I worry about going back to work I might make another minor mistake and get written up or fired. I have had this job over 15 years and I'm over 50. I feel like they are using my history of mental illness to discriminate aganst me. Further, all this stuff in the news about shootings, mental illness and gun control has worsened the stigma of mental illness. I'm afraid they have decided I fit some kind of profile and I might be a danger in the workplace. This is totally out of character for me as I have never even had an angry outburst at work. This whole thing has me very worried and confused. I have other health conditions and I might be eligible for disability. In the meantime, I'm supposed to be healing during my time off work but all I do is worry and have headaches and trouble sleeping. I even worry they will fire me on my first day back saying I'm fit for duty. What a mess!
- February 4, 2013 at 2:06 pm(341) Suu says:
T0 sad lady, it sounds like you have had a hard time at work with people picking on you, if you find it difficult to speak up, you may be letting it all build up until you flip, doesn't mean you are nuts though, I am a bit older than you and have only just learnt how to be assertive, which means you stop the situation getting difficult, people do tend to pick on people who do not like to stick up from themselves, they enjoy the power of being incontrol. If you can learn to be assertive it won't get to such a bad stage, also you won't have to lose your temper, but they will know when to stop.
I have read lots of books and things on the Internet and they really do work, I am still learning and it does work. I hope things improve for you
- February 6, 2013 at 10:21 pm(342) jason says:
I would like to respond to those who feel "getting yourself up in the morning to go to work"….Getting up in the morning when you're tired or don't want to go to work in general is so very different than avoiding work because you're depressed. Unless you've been through severe depression, I don't think you can understand the complexity of it all. I take pride in working hard and I've been working for many years but the depression takes away the normal drive to 'do your part'. I wish more MD's and people in general would take more time to understand the 'disease' that is depression. Good luck to everyone going through it!
- February 10, 2013 at 4:43 pm(343) Stevie says:
I never thought that depression could be a disability until last year.
It affects my memory, my weight, my concentration, my ability to move. I make every attempt to motivate myself and even when I do, it seems as if I am only able to complete a fraction of the work of those around me.
I refuse to take anti-depressants because they only make you gain weight and horny. It's the honest truth. I barely have thoughts any more, everything about me has slowed down. I keep doing things that I never would have done in the past and I can't do anything about it – because I am technically making my own decisions.
I want to be healthy and successful and it's frustrating when people doubt the illness because most depressed people are degraded, frowned up on, they are cast out of any serious job opportunity's or educational experiences.
I get enough sun, I have sex, I do this that and the other but I can't seem to have will.
- February 11, 2013 at 11:02 am(344) Joan says:
I am in the same boat as a lot of you. I am single, 48, never married and no children. I have a full time job in the social services field that pays alright. It is only because of my religious beliefs that I don't kill myself. I think of suicide every day. I don't know of any area of my life that I would change because I can't pin point why I am depressed. I get home from work and get right into bed. I leave work early also but not every day. I picture buying a gun and using it and every day, this picture is getting easier to imagine.
- February 11, 2013 at 6:43 pm(345) Ashley says:
Okay so to all the people who feel like people who are on disability for depression are milking the system why are you commenting. Depression is serious. There is a big difference from waking up one day and say "oh goodness I dont feel like going to work" then it is to wake up every day and dread the thought of getting out of bed, putting clothes on, crying in the car on the way to work, crying at your desk. Major depression is serious and if you think its crap then keep your thoughts to yourself. I have a job but keep going on Short Term Disability due to depression. Not only do I have Major Chronic Depression, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder and am being treated for all. Living with this illnesses everyday is a job in itself. Don't be so heartless to people with depression. You never know why they are depressed. They could have been beaten, raped, hurt in some way. They could have a disease like cancer, or heart disease that makes them depressed. You never know the reason why they are depressed and on disability so have something nice to say…..if you think they are full of crap keep those feelings to yourself.
- February 12, 2013 at 8:58 am(346) 0emo says:
Good article.
Yeah, depression is a fake disability because 10s of millions of people world wide told their psychiatrists about identical symptoms independent from each other.
Depression is a fake disability because one doctor saw a few neighbors, who may or may not have had true clinical depression, play in the yard.
Depression is a fake disability because tens of thousands of professional researchers, scientists, psychiatrists, doctors, nutritionists and others have been gullible enough to buy into the 'conspiracy'.
Depression is a fake disability, because the FDA has been fooled by the conspiracy to approve powerful pharmaceuticals and invasive and risky treatments for this harmless condition.
Depression is a fake disability because researchers has found profound changes in many of the bluffers brain structures and body chemistries.
Depression is a fake disability because rude bullies need it to be so they can berate the sufferers.
Finally, depression is a fake disability because "two tomatoes a week", "basic excercise, such as walking", or "exposure to sunshine" can cure it – according to several head lines.
Rolls eyes.
- February 12, 2013 at 3:06 pm(347) Jude says:
Thank you! I have been told by people that I was "milking" disability by collecting SSD. I was diagnosed with Major Depression in 1977. I had been depressed on and off for years, but in 1983, it got so bad, I didn't care if I lived or died. I have been off and on medications for depression since then. I have to keep changing anti-depressants because of unbearable side effects, or the fact that they didn't work at all or enough. I had to stop working 2 1/2 years after starting medication and psychotherapy once a week. I am still struggling to get out of bed, get motivated to do normal tasks like shower, make something to eat, do my laundry, etc. My Disability payments started in 1985 and I am still battling depression. I have had numerous suicide attempts, many of which I was in comas, and almost did succeed at. I WAS NOT SEEKING ATTENTION! I was hospitalized at least 30 times and even had electro shock therapy 10 years ago, which didn't help. I was told I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. There is not cure for it. I loved to work and had a very high paying job. Anyone want to trade places with me?
- February 13, 2013 at 12:16 am(348) Catherine says:
They were probably playing in the yard because their Dr told them to get out and get exercise.
- February 14, 2013 at 7:00 pm(349) jockohomo says:
People with disorders like major depression should get disability as long as the symptoms last. I have major depression, panic disorder, possibly bipolar disorder. These illnesses have landed me in the hospital.
Let's put it this way: If you have an illness that even requires one ER visit a year is bad and means that person probably suffers a lot day to day. Major depression is devastating. And because of it I attempted suicide. To this day, I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I even become delusional or mildly psychotic, but not often. That also increases suicidal thoughts. Some days it's hard to get up. Or I will manage to get out, but with dismal outlook all morning. My voice is even monotone as a result. My movement is even slowed. People say I am quiet and appear tired, as it affects my behavior a lot. Substance abuse is also a big part of it. Sometimes I drink or smoke or try new drugs to relieve my pain–although it makes it worse in the long run.
Despite all my suffering, I have no desire to go on disability–that means my hard work at school to pursue my dream job would be for nothing. I'm a biology major and have always been an ambitious person. The thought of being home with nothing to do is agonizing. It hurts when people say the sick are "just lazy and looking for handouts". That's not fair. Heck, I don't even like being called disabled or considering myself to be.
- February 15, 2013 at 8:54 am(350) Will B says:
MY my my can't we be so helpful to one another, (humans are such loving beings)
I was taught if you cant say anything nice about someone don't bother saying anything.
I have suffered from depression since I was 15 Im now 55. I have worked full time from age 17 till about 8 months ago. Psychiatrists, Psychologists, GPs, Councillors, self help books and so many medications, that I cannot remember, have been part of my attempts to cure me. Many Specialists have given me actions plans, cognitive behaviour therapies and some have just prescribed drug after drug, all to no avail.
I had a mother who suffered from depression, hers I believe from being raped at a young age and life in the British army during the Second World War. Hers was a much tougher life than mine will ever be, but still I suffer.
Im told that there is a genetic component responsible for my depression (I have a brother and sister with no problems) and the rest was caused by my environment. I dont know what is true except that this disease has impacted my life for so long.
To those who say- just get over it, keep working, keep yourself busy I say you have never suffered true depression nor the complete debilitation that this disease brings.
But I soldier on crippled but hoping one day a cure will be found for all
- February 15, 2013 at 12:45 pm(351) tac3004 says:
I was depressed since I was a kid, depression got worst but I kept fighting because I wanted to be normal. I look professional and well put together but mentally I am so depressed I ask God to take my life everyday. I don't do drugs, nor drink, I actually eat healthy and try to even exercise but I am always depressed. I can't enjoy any function or event. I am 46 years old and lost two jobs this year because of depression caused lack of focus, thoughts kept twirling in my mind that I can't control. I'm tired of trying so hard to fit in and be normal, I want to work and be happy but my mental depression gets in the way and people see that and begin to gossip, or my boss will criticize me when I make more mistakes. It doesn't end, it's hard to live like this and I wish I had the guts to kill myself but I have a dog and cats who I can't leave behind. I want to die so badly, I really really do. I hate living and want to die because suffering like this at my age I just can't do anymore.
- February 15, 2013 at 1:06 pm(352) tac3004 says:
I have been depressed since being a teenager. Everyday of my life I remember only one thing … I want to act normal, feel normal and have a good job so I don't look depressed. This thought has even led me to go to college where I struggled, almost had a nervous breakdown, I always got a job w/a good company but I struggled everyday w/chronic mental depression. I couldn't keep a job, or a boyfriend or any relationship. I'm 46 years old, never married, no children, I do not use illegal drugs nor do I drink. I always played by the rules. In the past year I lost 2 very good jobs because my depression became 10x worse while I am going through menopause. All I can say is that I want to die. I have nobody an feel like nobody. I have tried to play by the rules and do the right things (exercise, eat right, take medication, go to church, volunteer, read, join a network group) I've done it all and NOTHING has made me feel better. I'm tired and want to give up, my faith in psychology, church, or any of the other "self-help" theories do not work with someone who has chronic depression.
- February 17, 2013 at 11:03 pm(353) Fe says:
Well, JR I have a chemical imbalance which causes my depression along with post traumatic disorder both due to being molested as a child!!!!! You are the kind of misunderstanding people who make people who ARE depressed look bad! EMPATHY, what ever happened to that, that is why this world is in the shape it's in! Anyway, yes some people abuse things such as disability and welfare, but there ARE people who need it! I paid mine in, therefore i do have the right to have it! I mean my DOCTORS AND SHRINK told me about disability, hell I didn't even know I could file, let alone get it! Believe me, I had to go to a lot of different doctor s for their opinions to satisfy Social Security! ALL OF THEM said I WOULD be like this for the REST OF MY LIFE! Unless you are there don't judge, some truly can't help it! UGH, people!
- February 20, 2013 at 3:55 am(354) Kit says:
One thing I can say for those who have not gone through depression but sit in judgement….the bible says you too will be judged the way you judge others. Look it up, it's real and it's coming into your life soon.
- February 20, 2013 at 9:51 pm(355) Kippy says:
There is something wrong with that doctor. I would say he should lose his license. If he doesn't understand depression, there are obviously many other physiological diseases and disorders he does not understand nor have adequate knowledge about to be trusted to hold a physician's license.
- February 25, 2013 at 12:18 pm(356) Polish says:
Tearfully thank you. You took the words out of my mouth…i am an educated, highly experienced individual yet can't seem to get myself out of the vicious cycle. sAdly instead of my workplace and short term disability to help they are adding to it by denying my illness and now i am left with no pay – as a single mother – no other source of income. I used to wonder in my glory days, as i used to pass homeless people and wonder what makes people hit the streets….well i now have my answer.
- February 28, 2013 at 1:56 am(357) Tom Massey says:
Anyone can get disability if they hire a persistant lawyer. The system is broken. FREE STUFF FOR EVERYONE !
- March 4, 2013 at 1:29 am(358) James says:
Hi I have been diagnosed with a major depressive disorder.
I have been on strong medication on Mirtazapine for aournd 7 / 8 years now. This has been very difficult as the drug is working but there is a numbness emotional feeling.
I do have a very difficult time just getting out the house, getting out of bed most times.
I have lost a career job working as a pathology collector because I could not concentrate and was forgetting a whole lot of information
at the time of my training. I had also applied for the navy over two years ago prior to this. After having and during pneumonia I did not take my medication for a while. After getting better from my illness,
I refrained from taking my medication and seemed to be ok for some t time. This seemed a glimer of hope, for me to re-apply as I had done before a few years before, but I did not pass the psych test due to being on Mirtazapine in the first instance. During my re application,
my depressive symtoms re-emerged out of the blue about six months
later and I was unble to sleep etc. After 7, 8 months or so I was unble to function properly.
I had my application revoked, as I was deemed not mentally fit for the defence force..
Since loosing my career job with the pathology collection and having no real prospects for a career, I applied to recieve a disability pension, but was knocked back, with a doctors and psychaitric nurse report of having major depresive disorder.
I have since been having struggling with my job network provider, to up my hours at my normal job which I am already struggling to do.
I have seen a mulitude of psychologists and psychiatrists and a pyschaitric nusre ( for a long period of time)..
I have found that the system in my case has let me down, I cannot understand why the government has not recongised my condition
I cannot live a normal life, everything has been so hard and feel very elt down by the system.
- March 4, 2013 at 6:29 am(359) Elles says:
Life is hard anyway but then add depression to the mix and it's 100 times harder. I have had many episodes of depression in my life (stemming from a very dysfunctional upbringing). People see me and think – she's confident, attractive, has everything, etc. but inside I am an irrational mess. I have excellent qualifications and have had many opportunities for some very high powered jobs, and even accepted offers, only to literally panic and run away from the jobs. Depression is not something we want but the more we try to escape and think differently the worse it becomes. They say depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain (so how can it not be a disability?). Also my definition of disability is 'A physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities' – in this sense depression is most definitely a disability.
I have recently been looking into Mindfulness which is a way of retraining your thoughts (as opposed to stopping them with anti-depressants). It is a very interesting concept and if anyone is going through a tough time at the moment – I suggest looking into it. It may be the only thing you can do during your day but reading a book about Mindfulness is really helpful. I also have found writing little lists of things I am going to achieve today has really helped (even if the list only has 'do dishes', 'wash hair', etc) you get a great sense of achievement when you tick off all the things you have achieved in a day.
Sending lots of heartfelt love to all my fellow depression sufferers – it's so horrible and we feel like aliens at times but looking on this site, I can see there are so many of us (and just seeing that, has made me feel a little less insane).
- March 4, 2013 at 10:04 am(360) Lil says:
I have spent two years in my bedroom , a recluse without hope and certainly without any benefits because I cannot get out/face up to get forms, ring ppl etc.I live on my savings from before this hit me, I would love to be back at work (a job I loved at the time), going out in the sun, enjoying playing footie/bike riding, meeting or indeed talking to friends etc but I spend my days starving in bed, doing nothing, living on 25 a week after I paid rent but not bills.
I don't know why people don't think this is a disability. I have no career, no partner and go days/weeks only eating apples and easy to pick up and eat cheap snacks like peanuts from tesco delivery.
I know there could be things that could help, like going out but I have no-one who knows or will help..funny thing is my sister is a psychologist and she says unless I get out of bed no-one can help.
People wake up, we need help getting help.
- March 5, 2013 at 8:48 am(361) M LaVora Perry says:
If you've tried several antidepressants and none work, you might have bipolar disorder. After suffering w).ith severe depression for most of my life, at age 49, I discovered I had bipolar II, which is marked by severe depression and less severe episodes of hypomania (unusually up moods that can be happy or angry).
Based on my own experience and for all the reasons stated here, I believe depression qualifies for disability.
- March 7, 2013 at 4:48 am(362) KING KONG says:
i have lived with chronic mild depression aka. dyshtymia for 12 years and after some self research and soul searching, i found out the cause to be social anxiety and selective mutism and not able to express and communicate clearly with my friends and family And i always speak in a vague manner.Is it attitude or is it just me??? it;s not that we cant function at all, but life is a little more challenging for us. People around asks why always put on a sad face. but we just cannot snap out of it as we wish. here in Malaysia, we face constant stigma of this illness. people thinks we are lazy and so on.. But when will this chemical imbalance rebalance it self???.. it's difficult…..
- March 12, 2013 at 5:44 pm(363) Rosey says:
wow! i wish those ppl saying negative things about depressed ppl can only experience "at least" one week of depression "real depression"….and to the point where you are thinking of taking your own life…..i think you might understand then!
It is sooo frustrating living with depression alone..never mind ppl like you adding more to the frustration….
- March 13, 2013 at 3:03 pm(364) don says:
If you see the commercial on tv for DEPRESSIONSTUDIES.COM?
- March 13, 2013 at 3:17 pm(365) DON says:
- March 17, 2013 at 10:00 am(366) winter says:
As I started to read this article it became clear to me that you understood depression as only someone who has felt the pain and suffered the torture of depression could know. You confirmed that at the end of your article. Only those who have suffered depression really truly understand that awful feeling and the terror it brings.
As for getting onto disability, my doctor will not sign off on the forms as I am not "bad enough". I cannot work, have been hospitalized, will take med for the rest of my life, but that is not bad enough. I hate to see what bad enough is as this has effectively destroyed every part of my life from family and friends to work and career. I am not sure there is much left to destroy. My point is, it seems to be hard to get on disability for those with depression. If I had a physical issue…the paper work would be signed off I am sure
My point, these boys playing football must have been really, really bad to get disability. Good for them for being able to get out of the house to play football. Sometimes that kind of stuff takes all your energy for the next few days and leaves you exhausted.
Doctors need to really understand depression much better.
- March 18, 2013 at 10:17 pm(367) Ky says:
Some people seem to miss that many forms of depression are caused by a chemical imbalance or trauma. Yet when those two reasons are brought up, they seem to be more forgiving than when it is unexplained. If there isn't a hardcore reason, people don't want to hear it… unless it involves them that is.
- March 19, 2013 at 3:52 am(368) will nist says:
So tired of explaining my chronic pain and depression. Started as a teenager and now am 47. No money for school, begging for pain relief, treated like a drug addict, lazy, stupid manipulative, etc., etc., etc. Have a couple good days and people ask you why you aren't working. Work a couple days and it comes back and you're lazy. i can't wait to die. I feel like hanging myself in front of the entrance of a medical school with a note pinned to my chest asking them to study my corpse to explain whats wrong and send the results to all my past Dr.s, friends and family. A catch 22 trap you will never be from. You find women love only love what money can do for them. You find loyalty is virtually non-existent and that you are not only ill but its your fault and should always say sorry for taking tax money from the healthy who pay them. No dignity. No respect and no life. You find there is without question no god. This is also a reason for others to hate you. It doesn't end and you die broke, lonely, disgraced and unloved. This is the truth and this is how millions live and there is no way around it, and people wonder why people commit suicide. This is also called "The cowards way out". The world to me is nothing but a sick mystery and why I am still alive boggles my mind. Pennsylvania. P.S. When the EMTs find me on the floor again from yet another disc herniation I'll again hear then in the ER with the Dr. how dirty my house is and how I should loose wt. ( as if they would be working out in this condition) let alone standing over a sink washing dishes. This is how America really treats the unworthy sick.
- March 21, 2013 at 10:05 am(369) D.pression says:
I am 22 and I have suffered with depression since I was 14. I have suffered with eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia AND over eating) because I was trying to find a way to cope. Through all of this I put on a happy face and continued to work since I was 16 although suffering panic attacks when I had to go into work and face the public, however I had to take 4 weeks off from work (with doctors notes) last year and they fired me because they wouldn't believe me. Since then I have had a couple of interviews and been told I'm not fit for work and when they decide I am i will have to take an introduction to work course that will take 18 months. I have to put the absence of work in my cv and tell them the reasons – then you get discriminated against because people think it isn't an actual disability, make your mind up people!
- March 25, 2013 at 8:33 pm(370) Stan says:
i have depression since i was in elementary.I didnt treat it because Ididnt know anything about depression until iIcame to canada 14 years ago.
after few years of part time jobs, now i aim taking a computer related program at college.
i thought i could work through my problems while i learn. However things get worse. At this point, i have a very hard time on concentrating in class. daily experience includes memory loss, poor sleeping, headache, dizzy, stress, bodyache, slow on everything, lose interest on things i used to love, hardly talk.to people, isolated, social phobia, ocd, frequent anxiety, ect….severe depression….
for anyone who is having depression GO CURE ASAP before it goes deep. please ttake care of yourself. keep onlooking for cures and dont give up.
- March 28, 2013 at 12:11 pm(371) badback dingo says:
I have to agree with the doctor ! it is like acoholism, it can be treated in several different ways , I know I lived with depression for a few years, I chose NOT to work although I was physically able , alot of people use it as a crutch, as an easy out , why are our taxes going to LAZY people ? they should pay for a 6-12 month rehab and get them back into life not support them for the rest of their life
- March 29, 2013 at 12:07 pm(372) JJ says:
J.R., what a horrible excuse of a person you are! You obviously do NOT understand depression or mental illness whatsoever. Do you, I'm sure you don't, understand how debilitating it is to be unable to pull yourself out of bed or go out into public or unable to do just about ANYTHING WHATSOEVER because your brain simply doesn't allow you to and then there are those of us who are left feeling soooo numb and lifeless that we attempt to take our own lives? Again, you just don't understand mental disability do you? If you've never experienced severe levels of depression, bipolar, ptsd, or any kind mental disability, you definitely would not understand one thing about it. Don't say things about conditions you don't understand because you can make it much harder on those who are trying to recover and you very well could set them back when they are getting closer to recovery. Don't be a disrespectful idiot. And also, don't compare our country to Mexico….a far difference!!!
- April 3, 2013 at 4:42 am(373) Brandon from ohio says:
It,s almost 5 am and I'm on here trying to find help. Another sleepless night again. After reading a lot of your story's ,I feel your pain also. I've had depression since I was 13.Started by getting bullied at school year after year.Found myself alone a lot and nothing interested me anymore. I would sleep 12 to 16 hours a day. Which then made me gain weight. My depression started coming back in the winter months year to year, then it went fulltime all the time. I've been threw 6 jobs were I would use every sick day , vacation day and all my work points to get threw my job every year, but I would lose every time. I made it 4 years once . I've been out of work now for 5 years and in the worst depression I've seen so far. Thank god for my wife taking care of me and the kids. I try to help, but it feels like I can't do enough. Being 31 now, I can tell you some things I found out. Don't think your regular family doctor can help you out with depression. They don't specialize in the depression field, they will just throw pill after pill at you and it can take forever to find out that a certain pill won't help. After my second suicide attempt and 2nd time going to a mental health hospital for a weekly stay, they said I have major depressive disorder.The new doctors changed my pills and I'm seeing a therapist now. It feels like my brain is going threw with droll form my last pills. I'm sitting here broke paying for all this help so far. I tried disability and after seeing all their doctors and trying to find years of paper work, they said… you do have depression, but its not worse enough yet. as long as you can sit, stand,and walk you can find a short, simple ,job.it said at the bottom of the paper to find a social security lawyer and they had a list of them so you could appeal your decision ..
- April 4, 2013 at 5:48 am(374) kristal from utah says:
I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 4 yrs old. I was adopted at 3 days old,by a very loving family, they have seen me through many suicide attempts.The fact that I have survived is a miracle.my last attempt was 2 years ago I drank enough anti-freeze to kill an elephant.I was in ICU for 6 days the doctor told my sister to make all the calls to the rest of the family that live out of state to make arrangements to come say their final goodbyes. I was so relieved that I finally was leaving this existence.I had a really hard time making friends in Utah.I had 1 girlfriend here that was my soul sister. I moved from L.A. and was different and a little more worldly than the locals. They treated me like a plague,If i was spoken to at all it was fake and 2 faced.cruel rumors text to many employees of the popular wholesale company that I have been employed w/since 1989.
when I met my only trusted friend Kar,I thought wow she is so pretty I wonder if she is nice.I guess she was thinking the same. We knew would always be friends.But she was killed in a car acc in 2010
- April 4, 2013 at 6:28 am(375) kristal from utah says:
I was so devastated,Then I was jealous.I was supposed to be in that car with her.We used to call each other Thelma and louise. I felt so alone and I hated it here. I love my sis but we live different lives. I barely remember the funeral, it was a blurr. I have some memories of the viewing.Waiting in this huge line with a single red rose. She looked so pale, she was always tan and had the whitest teeth always smiling through her emotional pain.That I knew about ,but she faked it well. I was in shock to see her in a casket,pale, no smile no white teeth. I gave her mom the flower because i didn't know where to put it. I kissed my finger (descreatly) and touched her arm it was so cold. shortly after that i drank the anti-freeze. 1 year ago today I put myself in an behavior health center so wouldn't hurt myself.I was there for 12 days.It is also my 24th yr anniversary at my job. I got written up yesterday for absences.I have cronic backpain and ptsd and depression.So my job is in jeapordy.the pain I have is caused from working there ironically It might be the end of my job.I started when we were only 3 stores deep.now we are world wide. I have so much more to say but I have been sitting to long and my back hurts.Thanks for listening because so many people don't have compassion for emotional torment because they haven't been there.I think about suicide daily.but i can't keep putting my family through it again.The panic attacks keep my heart going.so for now i am still here. STAY STRONG!!!
- April 16, 2013 at 2:19 pm(376) Cathy says:
kuddos to those that have depression and have been able to work through it and get a job. I'm not sure how you can compare yourself with others and knock those that went on disability. For my son, who suffers from depression and has finally considered disability, it's only another embarrassment for him. Anther thing to feel bad about, depressed about.
If only there was a way to take a blood sample to measure the pain of one person and compare it to another – then maybe you could compare.
- April 18, 2013 at 7:01 pm(377) Christina Alford Speight says:
Onset around 19 or 20. And around 28 to 30 it doubles. My name is Christina Speight I have MDD/ADHD if anything else has been added I'm not aware. If I can help only one person. This is super close to me my mother died at the age of 35 with this. There was no knowledge then. I'm 39 now. I have treated it since the age of 20 shortly after my daughter was born it didn't last long the crying stopped and I was told I was good to go. This has consumed me for years. As far as those who milk the system there are many variables types and degrees as to if you are lucky enough to recover. I ask myself on those blessed enough how old are they? Maybe it hasn't doubled or progressed yet. For those trying to get benefits a good documented history going to the doctor is most important. Also if you have say depression it must be major depression if you have something else such as ADHD you are sure to get it. For those who have been hospitalised and your over 25 years of age with a history it is your doctors responsibility to apply for you. Well they take a oath. As talked about by a lot of you guys are the docs who went to school for this. Due to stigmas and stereotypes and those out to abuse the system yes they have to weed out substance those who seek! It's called a damn drug test. Good docs for this are hard to find. The young lady that said those who crucify you. I can relate about it knocking you ten steps back! We are fragile! Easily hurt! That just makes me go and look that much harder for answers. I have come to realise along the way that I have let it consume me. As my symptoms got worse,depressions came more often,I've now been through a nervous breakdown which I wish on nobody! In 30s is when the pain started and hey u fibromyalgia of all people I would think you understand, it hasn't been long made a disability you were not believed!
- April 18, 2013 at 7:33 pm(378) Christina Alford Speight says:
Part 2 for me! 8months ago I went in my docs office and instead of going in his office crying the whole time. I told him I accept it! I will no longer let this consume me! Hey I'm willing to give it the Pepsi challenge! Do a scan on my brain gene test I don't care! My daughter just turned 21. She had her first child it's believed that she is going through onset! History repeats itself! But it gives us hope for answers. This can't be fixed only maintained. Amphetamine therapy is the best thing I've ever done. Yes I still struggle. I'm blessed to have a great doctor! He's stuck his neck out for me kept me comfortable! I'm also blessed enough my husband of 23 years for those of you in need of a disability approval god speed! Also even if your symptoms are maintained meaning some improvement you are still eligible but they may only be in Texas I dunno? See a doctor regular. No I haven't applied because I pray for answers to fix this. As well as blessed! The lady who talks about her son and the embarressment. I relate but I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed! I had a doc Tht was a real ass! I just kept going back! I told him 2 symptoms that were new to me around 37. I've never heard anyone else have these symptoms. I've never seen a doc move so fast to write a script. He knew then I was being honest. I was scared to tell him you know you do get treated kinda crapy! By some not all! These stigmas in a lot of ways has slowed the progress in a lot ways. Leaving it up to those who know what there doing to weed out the seekers and those who try to use it to get meds not needed! God bless u all! And keep your head up!
- May 9, 2013 at 7:27 pm(379) Carly Bilodeau says:
I'm on disability and yes originally it was from depression. Currently my psych doc does not believe that my disability is from depression but that my other list of health contribute to my depression. I believe these people that make comments about depression have never been in that hole and can't get out of it even with medication. I'm looking for extra help and looking for ways how to do something with my life. I have no job, single again and very alone, lost my house and have very little to live on or live for. Hoping someone out there has some advice for me.
- May 11, 2013 at 11:31 am(380) k.r.o says:
To those lucky people who have never had the depression experience who just knock us down…
It is so real. When you wake up in the morning, drag yourself out of bed at the last minute, and hope you get hit by a bus so you don't have to go to work and face the world, it is real.
When you can't focus on your work because you just feel like sleeping so it doesn't hurt as much, or because you don't sleep properly, it is real.
When you get to the point where you don't care about laundry, showering, cleaning your house, it is real.
Depression is real. Think of a time in your life where you've been so overwhelmed you felt like giving up. Now multiply that by about 100, or 1000 or 10,000 for the worst cases. LIFE is like that, and it's really so much worse…but it is real.
- May 12, 2013 at 10:30 pm(381) Tasha Crawford says:
I suffer from deep depression, and I struggle with it all the time, I am scared that it will be used against me in court. I am trying to get my daughter back and the woman Bridgette Bostick, has guardianship and she needs my daughter to support her lifestyle. I am scared if I go to a doctor and or try to get treatment it could be used against me.
I tried to apply for benefits a few years ago and I was told depression is not a condition, so my application was denied. I am wondering what do I do where do I go, and can depression get my children taken away? I have no desire to hurt myself or nobody else, it just gets hard….. can you advise me?
- May 14, 2013 at 3:00 pm(382) Robert Sills says:
I am 28 years old and on disability due to bipolar depression since December of 2012. I have struggled for years to hold down jobs and battle the fatigue mentally and physically that occampanies this disability. True, at times I am energetic enough to go outside and "play" or be social (as the good doctor saw in his neighbors) but what the "outside" doesn't see is the consecutive days of literal pain and mental torment that we, as bipolar disabled, feel and have to go through. In my case, I am highly sensitive to medications so psychiatric treatment hasn't really brought me any relief. When I have an episode, I have to endure the sadness, feelings of self loathing, and depleted amount of self worth that comes along with this disease. I was married with a beautiful wife and a gorgeous daughter whom now this disease has robbed me of the life that I was happy of. I now live alone seperated from my wife for almost 2 years and now just recently got served with divorce papers and barely see my daughter. I am literally living hell on earth. So just because you see me in public enjoying a movie or faking a temporary smile just to seem "normal" do not just automatically assume you know my struggle and my symptoms and can put a label on me and say I'm able to go back to work. I LONG to work again. I can't even keep up a normal exercise routine even knowing that my weight will kill me if I don't lose it due to the depression that I go in to and the mood swings that follow. Thank you for reading.
- May 24, 2013 at 9:51 am(383) Deborah DeRosa says:
Do you know how much disability pays these days? It is difficult enough to get it, but you cannot live on it. If you weren't depressed before you got it, you assuredly will be when you get that first check. If you are chronically depressed there is no way you are going to hold down employment. Crying is your job, but it doesn't pay much. Please look at all sides of a situation before you make a judgment.
- May 24, 2013 at 3:52 pm(384) Kenneth says:
I've read almost every single post here and have to say. I am 44 and have been depressed for most of that time. I just ask, please, give some consideration to others when you type and use proper grammer and sentence structure. With most of the posts typed they way they are, it could be construed that only white trash hillbillies have depression.
I've got a BS degree (no, not bullsh*t) but college. I worked my rear off dealing with depression, thoughts of sucide, and feeling that my actions were futile. But I did it anyway. Now, due to economics, politics, depression and my feelings of futlity, I am out fo work and homeless. I finally got on citalapram and it has stabilized my thoughts of suicide but it hasn't dealt with the other issues. Working on that now.
I have found that Citalaprom (celexa) is for me, a stabilizer. It could be something else to others. Just stabilizing my moods is the first step to finding a way for me to cope and be able to work. They say having a circle of support is very important but if theres noone, depression is just harder to deal with. Robert Sills, I feel you. You were married with a child. You probably thought your wife would be there to support you through thick and thin. Now its worse because she's gone. I can relate.
I am depressed, not stupid. I have spent much time thinking about and researching things that might help. I have come to the conclusion, that I need a woman to give me support ( not financial) so I can get through this.
Just my 2 cents. Not that anyone will read it.
- June 4, 2013 at 11:36 pm(385) Hmmm says:
Of course, I'll have to tell everyone about my story. My families closest friend was living in our house, paying rent, and disclosed that he was suicidal. After about a yearish, he moved out and committed suicide. My brother then attempted twice. I was in the thick of it after that with thoughts of my own. Sometimes I wish disability would be available to stop these chains of emotions that run through groups of people that knew someone who took their own life. We were all very close, and I wish I could go back 3 years, and have been able to administer, or at least set into motion something to stop all of the things that have happened.
I've studied every statistic about suicide…everything. I've felt so low, especially when reading some of these negative comments, from this site and others "Your gene's are rotten, we'd be better off if you committed suicide", "You're weak, you're not a man". I just think about my brother, our old friend and I, and it brings so much pain.
I'm not sure if ending benefits for people with depression is ideal or not, but after what my I've been through, I wish there was another way my life could of turned out…maybe the shame of being put on the government dole, of being a parasite, a useless eater, could have been bearable to my friend and this horrible chain of events could have been avoided. Then again, maybe not.
- June 5, 2013 at 9:21 pm(386) Sara says:
Yes, major depression is debilitating when it can not be relieved by medication. I am on disability for both physical and psychiatric problems and have suffered from horrible depression and anxiety since childhood and no medications help me and I've been on all of them. The problem with being on disability is that it doesn't take the depression away and for me, I wish I could work and not working and getting a small check a month is very depressing. I think it's a problem and that the system would actually be way better if it didn't penalize people for working so that there could be the possibility of living a more normal life. Once you've suffered from depression for long enough you know it's never going to go away and that at any moment you could be unable to work again and then have absolutely no money to live on. That's a risk I just can not take. I wish people would be more knowlegeable about what being on total disability is like and realize it's no trivial matter and that it is hard for the person who is existing with no quality of life.
- June 10, 2013 at 10:05 am(387) JB says:
I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for 6 months now. It has gotten so bad that some days I can hardly make it out of bed in the morning. While the rest of the world is doing things, I struggle just to get simple tasks done. The best hours of the day are at night when I get sleepy. The minute my head hits that pillow and I drift off into a sleep is when I am feeling at my best. Then, usually around 5:30 in the morning, I wake up and stay in bed going in and out of sleep until 7:30 when I have to force myself to get up for work. I've been taking the train into the city everyday which keeps me in my depressed state. Everyone on the train seems to be all perky chatting away to other riders drinking coffee or doing some type of work on their laptop. I curl up into my seat and usually just fall asleep and wish the train ride would just never get to my destination. A lot of times also when I am waiting on the platform at the station, I wish I could just jump in front of the train as it's coming. Nothing seems to make me happy. Sex with my GF does nothing for me anymore. Hanging with friends just makes me put on a false smile on my face and forces me to make small talk. I feel I am worthless at work.. and just waiting for the day I get laid off or fired. I have no drive to achieve any goals or pursue anything that will challenge me. I often think about my GF leaving me and not being able to pay my bills. I feel guilty sleeping late on weekends cause I have no drive to do anything.
I often think, why am I alive at this point? but I am scared to die or end my life.
I am in therapy and taking meds, but so far they only calm me down a little, but not take away my depressive state. I am running out of time and I am not sure what else to do. I feel stupid, uneducated, and feel I have been doing everything wrong in life.
- June 14, 2013 at 6:07 am(388) Monkey says:
As like many, I have suffered depression for ages. It's only recently that my doctor suggested time off work. I like working, and my accomplishments, but admit that my doc is right at this stage. My point… People with depression (at least same as mine), have no frigging choice. I love working, but realize my health is a priority, and job stress was crushing me.
- June 19, 2013 at 10:26 am(389) els says:
Thank you so much for this excellent article. You have just described the last 3 years at my last job and how difficult every day was . I had no life outside work. All my time was spent preparing for ,worrying about and trying to get some rest so that I could get to work. I was constantly exhausted mentally and physically and did not have the energy to look after myself. I had to face back to work interviews constantly which were humiliating. I was not efficient at work because I was ill. The recent change in benefits has meant re-assessment for all. I am not lazy or workshy.I am ilI. was in my last job for 20 years.This government is pushing people who are not capable of working because of depression into stressful situations that they genuinely cannot cope with. I am fearful that all the hard work I have done to get to a stage where I can cope to some extent…but coping isn't living…will be wasted. I think of the last 3 years at my last job that left me exhausted and suicidal and unable to take care of myself because I see those days returning because depression is not taken seriously especially by this government. I fear for my future and for other depressed people.
- June 19, 2013 at 2:18 pm(390) carl says:
i have become dissabled in 2010 and have been fighting depression and taking many types of medication i continued to work injured another year and a half as of jan 7th 2012 i was removed from work and put in to a permenant dissabled status my depression and debts have pushed me to the brink of potential suicide i have been living on 1058 a month for a year and half and my current child support fell behind due to my 60 percent loss of income wich that percent covered childsupport,medical,and taxes,now they sre taking hslf of my workmans comp my family will be homeless within two months or less i feel im hurting my family with my situation wich will cause them harm i feel sometimes my death will free them of this burden placer county in ca dosnt care if my family is throwen into the street they said that flat out my mind and emotions are jumbled im confused on whats the point of living if its in persicusion and a none compassionate county,state,or government im lost
- June 21, 2013 at 3:07 am(391) Melissa says:
It's been 15yrs now for me and my struggle with severe depression. Although now that im in my late 30′s, i look back to my teens and can identify depression in ny early years as well. Multiple failed relationships; numerous loss of jobs or I just up and quit because the depression was too much to handle that day…. I mean, if I wanted to die that day, how could I possibly function in public?! If I wanted to be an actress, I would have pursued that career path many many years ago. I have played the role of "happy mom" "Positive Employee" the women willing to give every last ounce of herself to the people around her, yet not having an ounce to give herself. I relate oh too we'll with 98% of the stories on this page. Hopelessness, failure, wanting a way out, yet never being able to find it and doing it all with the most beautiful fake smile you've ever seen. If it werent for my amazing children, this life would have ended way too soon.
- June 25, 2013 at 9:10 pm(392) S R B says:
here is the truth, I am disabled due to domestic violence
People like to hit me steal from me I go to jail I will sit see one damn judge -Iam putting it nicely-
I live in the Midwest suburbs
I was came from manhattan
Yes I do have a college degree
My Ex husband owes back child support
I have been under the care of a licensed doctor always
So have my children
If I was that money hungry I could go try and leach off of
wealthy famlily but I will not
I choose to make sure my boys are safe first and fight
My actual health problems on my own
That does not give anyone the right to treat me as
A third class citizens and order me around
like a puppet
anxiety and depression kills
It is not always available in plain eyesite
As well as I might want to retain my privacy and comfort
Forcing something might only make things worse
- June 26, 2013 at 3:08 pm(393) Agony says:
I have been clinically depressed for months. I knew there was something seriously wrong with me after I freaked out on my loved ones about something minor and tried to run into traffic. I also tried to stab myself, jump out the window of the 20th floor (my husband pulled me out) and OD on zopiclone. I have had these episodes non stop. I know my time is up soon. I'm going to just once and for all end it. I can not take the pain anymore.
It is EXTREMELY true about the feeling of agony. I cry like I just lost all members of my family at the same time, in the worst possible way. I can not control it. Once it starts, I can not stop it. I violently cry uncontrollably. At work, I sit here and stare at the computer running out the clock. I can not function, I can not eat on my lunch break, I can not socialize. I just can't. The antidepressants dont do shit. Diet, exercise, meditation, herbs, a TON of weed (the weed helps in the short term), you name it, I have tried it. I have been hospitalized for malnutrition associated with clinical depression. I feel so very ugly and useless. I had so many friends, I used to model, you may even see me in commercials but I have the lowest self esteem. I am 24, I have a wedding coming up in October that I get anxiety over because I believe I wont make it until then and it makes me extremely sad. I have a lot of guilt about leaving behind my loved ones, my dog, my husband, my family. But there's nothing I can do anymore to stop the pain and agony I feel CONSTANTLY.
Is this a disability? Am I disabled? I can't function. I can not live life. No amount of money can take this kind of hell away.
- June 28, 2013 at 5:11 pm(394) Maynard says:
I am no medical professional—just a lay person who had strong DYSTHYMIA from roughly age 20 through 45 . . . . when, after 4 years and a couple of months, I noted that the greater part of that 'monkey' was off my back . . . . though there is still some tendency for it . . . . yet it is no longer as big a problem as it once was.
Dysthymia, as I understand it, is a moderate level of depression: neither mild, nor severe. Yes, there were times in past decades when I wondered if my ability to be "functional" on the job masked the severity of the problem.
I have benefitted from psychotherapy with someone that has been very good for me—-after several tries with others. I'm embarrassed to admit that I still see him on an "as-needed basis" twenty-five years later. But it must be remembered that I had to see him weekly for a year or more, then every other week for another couple of years, etc.
I've been fortunate for some advantages; and yet unfortunate for some others . . . notably a dysfunctional marriage . . for years, now.
The toughest thing that I ever had to deal with is the premature deaths of our first three children. The last three continue to do well, thank God.
- July 3, 2013 at 1:58 pm(395) susan says:
iv been of sick a lot in 3 years im a health care surport worker, iv just been diagnosed with bipolar 2 im going to go back part time hopefuly wen im well but im single and dont know how ill manage, can i claim anything
- July 13, 2013 at 3:50 am(396) neichan says:
I am 53, I worked in healthcare since I was 16. I've been a nurse since 1982. I've had several episodes of severe depression. I had very serious reactions to 2 antidepressants, and am reluctant to try more. I've also had problems with atypical migraines, neuropathy, and now have chronic pain. I'm in pain everyday. I tried to tell my doctors I couldn't even sit through one 8 hour shift without needing to get up out of the chair and stand or move around. The medications have increased my dizziness and drowsiness, and I fear working with patients I may make a mistake and cause someone's death. Doctors have even put that direct statement in their reports but say I am not disabled. I know if I did something or forgot something and another person died or was seriously injured I could never forgive myself.
- July 22, 2013 at 1:49 pm(397) George says:
I Am one of those people that is on disability for depression, I take my medication as prescribed and some days I'm okay and i can get a few things done and others i have to fight myself just to move. I also suffer from debilitating panic attacks sometime for no reason whatsoever. which leaves me with a migraine and what feels like a heart attack. The hardest thing is when the medication I'm taking stops working and i have to spend sometimes 6 months to a year in agony while the doctors try to find the right combination of medication to get me somewhat stable again. There are those out there that look at me and think that I'm faking it, and to those I have to say you have no idea what going on. You don't know what its like to pick up a knife and try not to use it on yourself just to make the pain stop. I'm always looking for new drug trials in hopes that somehow or some way i can either get in one or see the results. More than anything i wish I could make this all stop. I've been battling this for 10 years now and I'm just about out of options for medication and my fear is there will be nothing left to try. I pray that someday there will be a cure but until then… I sit and wait with a DNR order signed
- July 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm(398) TaylerRae says:
I realize that this comment is coming in late… like, 5 years late! I don't know if anyone will even see this, but I feel like I need to respond to this.
I first realized that I was suffering from depression when I was 11 years old, but didn't know how to ask for help. I self-mutilated for two or three years before anybody else caught on… During that time I began drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. Once my parents caught on, I began therapy. I've been in therapy on and off ever since, as well as trying somewhere around 10 different anti-depressants. When I was 17, I attempted suicide.
Well, I'm now 21. I've had 5 jobs since I was 18, and only one lasted longer than 3 months (because I had very few hours). After about two months, I spiral. It goes from just having that nagging in the back of my brain saying I'm not good enough, to a feeling in the pit of my stomach, a screaming in my head saying that I will never be anyone. I just can no longer pull myself out of bed.
Now, I think that my depression is pretty severe and it does not respond to any kind of treatment. However, when I applied for benefits due to my inability to hold a job, I was denied. I feel as though, because I am young and lacking any physical disabilities, people think I am just lazy. If only they could be inside my brain for an hour, they would agree that it's a legitimate disablity. But I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, even if they could experience it.
- July 25, 2013 at 12:23 pm(399) Spicy Gringo says:
Yes, SSDI is an interesting / frustrating beast.
My story has been echoed in many other posts, so I will spare you most of the boring details.
I was seriously injured on the job in 2006 and subsequently I have not been able to work because of a severe spinal injury. After 5 increasingly complicated spinal surgeries, I am now permanently disabled.
I have also been diagnosed with PTSD, with severe dissociative events. The anxiety and depression that usually go along with PTSD is also quite bad.
Mental issues are misunderstood, by most people. It is an illness and usually it can be treated.
I am in therapy using EMDR and it seems to be helping ease some of the symptoms SLOWLY.
I am under age 50 so that definitely is against me, however, I do have an attorney, which is a good thing.
My claim is still being battled over.
Yes, it has been over 7 years and I am on my last chance, final appeal at this point.
Apparently a decision has been made and I will know very soon in the mail what has been decided.
Good luck to all!
- July 31, 2013 at 3:23 am(400) Lauren says:
Treatment-resistant depression runs in my family, and after a roller coaster of medications and a stint in a hospital, I've found a combination of three drugs that seems to keep me alive. People suffering from sever depression definitely should qualify for federal support.
But depression isn't necessarily and end-all diagnosis. It isn't degenerative and permanently cognitively debilitating – in other words, there are hundreds of treatments. I believe that depressed individuals should be aided by a disability program, but the aid should never be given as though it is a permanent foundation to their life. When I was – when I am – depressed, I could lay there and die, and would, if there weren't medicines to take and jobs to be done and people I care for.
Not everyone is as surrounded by love, however. And I think it is a disservice to them to give them the benefits in an envelope, but not to follow up with therapists and psychiatrists, ensuring that this person is holding on enough to be still searching for their life again.
Some people will never get better, sometimes its out of our hands. But depression is well documented, and when its authentic, not enjoyable as this doctor seemed to see. Depression is not enviable, and a monthly nod of support in their direction is hardly a waste is done correctly.
- August 2, 2013 at 3:45 am(401) Andrew Latinsky says:
Hello, i'm Andrew 28 y.o. Depression was always an experience of Hell on Earth for me. I've been suffering from it since my early childhood. I also have severe adhd, insomnia and oversleeping, ocd, ptsd, asperger's and social phobia. I also tried to commit suicide before i got to a psychiatric unit. Now i'm physically and emotionally half-dead – i sleep all day, don't want to see anybody, don't want to get out from my room, can't hold any job, can't do almost anything, i had never had a girlfriend always tired, i'm always sad and have almost no desire to live
I'm currently working towards getting a disability. It's a long process but i hope i will get the help i deserve
I say fuck this damn quack and all those morons who support his retarded opinion!!! Depression IS a very real, serious and life-threatening disease, we have a right to get any help possible
I hope we'll all get well someday
- August 5, 2013 at 1:08 pm(402) sylvia may says:
i know i have depression,had it for years poor sleep anxiety panic ive struggled all my life and got nowhere because of this what can i do im 60 and ive had enough
- August 15, 2013 at 4:57 am(403) kathy jumper says:
I have depression and anxiety. I worked for almost 30 years. I worked from 17 to 48 years old. I do not know how I did it, but I did. I think that I have more anxiety than depression. It seems like as I got older, things got worst for me. It was hard for me to get up and go to work every day. I would get so nervouse going to work and being at work. I had lots of trouble with my jobs, concentrating as work, keeping my procuction up at work, not doing my job fast enough, or good enough. I got at the point where I could not take it anymore….I also was fired at several jobs. All I know is that I tried to keep a job, but it just got harder for me. I finally guit working, now I get a check every month. I would rather work , cause it would be more money for me. Dont get me wrong I liked to work, but I had to many up and down days, and I missed more work than I worked. It was a struggle for me every day. All I can say is that I
am doing what is best for me, I do not care what other people say or think about me. Thanks
- August 17, 2013 at 10:20 pm(404) zman says:
I was really touched by the comments on this site regarding people not knowing what "real" depression feels like. I started working when I was 12 years old and started feeling problems coming on at age 14….I didn't really know what was happening to me other than not feeling quite right. I later realized that this was my first depressive episode. I would have 6 other bouts of Major Depression which totally ruined my life and after the bout I would have to "start" over again.
For example I dropped out of college when I was a senior. I had a major breakdown. A number of years passed where I did odd jobs. After awhile I started to feel better and I finished college at another University. I was feeling quite well…..had normal ups and downs and eventually got my Ph.D. in Psychology.
I knew I was at risk for depression so I payed the maximum amount for my 401K and Social Security. I payed into the "system" for over 40 years so I would have a buffer if depression reared it's ugly head again.
I got several jobs and had a number of relationships however these were derailed by anxiety and depression. I am now 62 years old and I've been depressed for over 4 years now and nothing seems to have helped including all the drugs used to treat Depression as well as TMS (Trans cranial stimulation) and a multitude of therapists..
I have really tried my best to work throughout my life and I feel that if I can't work that is what disability is for. I would much much rather be working since work has been my identity my whole life..
Bottom line is that I am in a very difficult situation now and I feel that is exactly what disability pay outs are for…..
- August 19, 2013 at 10:55 am(405) Trisha says:
I suffered depression from age 12 to 24, as a result of beatings at home by my (middle class) mother who didn't believe I suffered from severe PMS (which caused depression itself) and bullying at school. I moved to London to get away from home, lived alone in a single room, but always worked in order to keep myself, however menial the jobs. I desperately sought real help, to no avail, anti depressants only gave me migraines and I never took for more than a couple of weeks. I did attempt suicide a couple of times, but after that just kept on working and trying to get referred to someone who could help me. Eventually, I found a wonderful psychiatrist, thank God for the British NHS, as she would have been expensive in other countries and I was on the breadline. Through cognitive therapy (she is a world leader in it) my world changed and I went to college, then got married. Alas no children, the gynaecological problems were real, it turned out. But a happy and meaningful life as a teacher/artist with wonderful family and friends. I feel my sheer determination got me through, even at my lowest, I felt there had to be help somewhere, to change things – and there was, but it was a long struggle. I was hard to get up every morning and go to work in a depart store, warehouse or cleaning, but it stopped me doing nothing all day, which I feel sure in my case, would have made me give up. I always did the best job I could and thought tomorrow is a new day, even if this one is bloody awful and I want to die. A friend of my husbands suffered depression all his life and never worked until his social security taken away in his fifties. Very hard, but the job he was forced to take, he actually enjoyed – preparing food in a kitchen, got to chat with others, then made up to waiting on table and liked that too. He is depression free in his early sixties and still working – hopes to never give it up!
- August 20, 2013 at 11:23 am(406) Leah says:
I want to give up work due to depression, I am on medication which makes me tired and like other comments I have read, I struggle to get up in the morning and have taken many sick days and will probably be fired anyway. I would like to know how other people have coped on disability benefit with paying a mortgage and is there any allowances after struggling to work for the last 18 years. My husband doesn't agree with giving up work and either does my mother which makes it hard for me to do what I need and want to do.
- September 9, 2013 at 10:31 pm(407) Melinda says:
I never really realized how many people have a mental illness until I read most of the posts on here. I too have some sort of mental illness, I think a combination of depression/anxiety with a mood disorder. I have had no issues, until recent, of holding a job down. I was just fired 6 weeks ago for the first time in my life. Was with the company for 7 years. They fired me for being late to work so much.
I realize I had so much going on in the last year, which lead to the being late, along with the depressive bouts I go through. I am a single mom, had a 40 hour a week job, and went back to school to get another degree. I led a full life, and battled the mental issues at the same time.
I have not be "diagnosed" in a formal manner, but I know what I go through physically and mentally is not normal. My moods change quite often and I am not in full control of them. I have tried to seek help, but nothing has worked.I am on wellbutrin right now, but I dont think it helps much. I have no insurance at the moment and no job, so that is fueling my feelings, sadness and loss, even more. The biggest problem I face in the past few years are crying spells. Helps to let go of some tension and stress, but it wipes me out emotionally. The spells are more frequent and seem to be getting worse. I can't seem to find any help out there, especially low cost or free.
depression is real and disables a person mentally and physically. I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy.
- September 21, 2013 at 7:21 am(408) Betty says:
I am disgusted with the comment made by the poster who commented about people with depression "milking the system" Any one who has gone through a Major Depression knows how debilitating this disorder is. This is not someone being lazy and not wanting to work. This is someone who feels guilty that they cannot work. People like this who post stuff like this are the reason why people with depression get stigmatized by society, and in the past were just locked up in some institution where the Taxpayers-REALLY HAD TO PAY BIG BUCKS TO SUPPORT THEM.
- September 22, 2013 at 12:45 pm(409) Jennifer says:
I'm so embarrassed at being on disability. I would love to be able to work again but from the time I got my first job at fifteen it was a constant struggle to manage being around people and even just getting there with out having a full blown panic attack. I've never been able to hold down job and have only worked sporadically. I was diagnosed at eight and yet even as an adult my own mother, a nurse, would roll her eyes at me and tell me to just get over it. I'm 35 now and I'm not even able to leave my apartment without help. I'm just pissed that I can't have a normal life and on top of that I get treated like dirt in public by people who know I get disability simply because I look perfectly fine. The past few years the media has become far more hostile towards people on disability and welfare when they are entirely ignorant of what they are talking about.
- October 2, 2013 at 11:04 am(410) suzi says:
Ive alwaysbeen depressed. I can't ever hold a job for more than a year I just stop going. I can barely stay focused in college. I get on my meds and always at some point forget about them. Getting out of bed cleaning house and other shit is just so far away. Its like my body is weighed down by some force. And I get crap for it by my family and boyfriend. I Dont know how to cope. I can't even keep up with my medicaid. I feel like I'll never succeed in life. My doctor thinks I'm a fraud just like all you ass holes because somehow you wake up with purpose. I have my ups and downs. And it seems like when the weather is hotter the worse I get. Ive been diagnosed w bp bpd dep and psychosis but Idk what is really going on and I Dont think they know either. That when I start feeling suicidal. Why do I feel this way and then people tell me im lying so it confuses me so what's the point of even being alive if my life is so pointless. You are telling me to get oht of bed and go to work but I dont see why I should. And not in a sarcastic or rude way its a serious question. That depression. And its a daily struggle. There are different levels I guess. Judge me all u want but the facts are the facts.
- October 7, 2013 at 12:24 am(411) Randy says:
I have been prescribed so many different meds, (some better than others) and (some I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have), The good ones loose their effectiveness after several years. Then the experimenting starts again. The waiting weeks for the bad ones to wear off, are the worst.
I need a paycheck or I would not work at all. So I put on a happy face and go to work every day. It's not easy to do, and I try so hard to try to fit in but I can't. My depression is not from bad living conditions, bad upbringing, or traumatic episode. I am just not happy, and hate my life. I am just sad all the time. I fight back tears all day long, and hope and pray for a magical cure.
I can understand how so many people do not understand us. I hope they never have to go through our daily routines and if they could be in my shoes a week, they would really understand.
- October 11, 2013 at 3:31 pm(412) DD says:
Our only staff member keeps getting signed off with depression, but Its just an excuse. He has no problem doing his work but cant get out of bed in the morning because he spends the whole night on world of warcraft, which he is addicted to.
He is angry with himself as he wants to be earning more, and every so often he tells us he hates his job as its SH*T and SH*T money (17k) and has told us if he doesnt get more he's going to cut back his output.
He is fiercely jealous of his mates earning more money but does nothing to try and get himself out of it because – once again – he wants to spend his time on that stupid game.
But, he doesnt tell his doctor that he spends all night on world of warcraft and that because he is all psyched up he cant sleep.
He knows exactly what he's going to say to the doctor to get time off and he makes absolutely no effort to try and help himself. He'll just use the time off to play more world of warcraft.
I agree for some people and many of the posters on here its genuine, but doctors are far too quick to label people and stuff them full of drugs instead of probing deeper and finding out whats really going on.
When I told him that we'd want his permission to talk to his doctor he went white.. because I've been quite vocal about the amount of time he spends on the game and that I think it affects him a lot and he doesnt want to me to tell them as the game would be up (literally).
- October 17, 2013 at 11:11 am(413) A. Banks says:
My children are 15 and 9 and attend public school where my husband is a teacher.I was a teacher for 19 years before my diagnosis of bipolar disorder II with depression, ADHD, insomnia, and anxiety.I was fortunate enough to get early retirement thru teacher retirement in my state. I bring home about half of what I was earning. My depression diagnosis came almost 20 years ago, but the other diagnoses were only made about 1 1/2 years ago. My husband and I also made a decision when we bought our house to buy mortgage disability insurance that pays about 85% of our mortgage if either of us were to become disabled.We bought this insurance because my father became disabled at the age of 52 from a stroke.He did not have mortgage disability insurance so they pushed for my husband and I to get this insurance.Before my dad was disabled, he was making close to $200,000 a year and then his disability at work dropped him to maybe 15% of what he had been making and then he had to apply for social security disability which we all know takes years.Due to our mortgage disability, I am making almost the same amount I was making working parttime, but the mortgage disability will only last for three years. I am in the process of applying for social security benefits but with the gov.shutdown just now being over, the backlog has increased dramatically. I don't tell many people about my bipolar diagnosis because they instantly look at me different.But, I am not sitting at home because I want to.Leaving my job was extremely hard to do even after my doctor's told me, "Watch your kids grow up or quit your job, that's the choice you have to make."I am having trouble getting over the stereotype that I am just lazy and sitting around not doing anything.People should be more aware of what depression does to a person as well as what bipolar disorder, insomnia, ADD, and anxiety involve.Be compassionate.Not everyone out there is trying to screw the system.
- December 16, 2013 at 6:55 am(414) Papi Rind says:
Glad to know I am not the only one who suffers from this. It truly is a beast. Sadly even the closest people I know don't understand how it affects me, they only assume they do. Total lack of energy, no will to live, self hating, hating my surroundings, dislike of other people especially those who are mean and rude – I feel like I need a new Brain and Heart – the pain and the grief, feels like like as if an arrow has pierced my chest and got stuck in my heart, fatally wounding myself. The strange thing is while I feel like I severely lack energy and the motivation, I seem to be generally active in the physical sense and can't sit in one place, so people looking on may think I am ok and just faking it.. Also I always feel irritable. I have also tried a few anti depressants but they had no effect at all and some made me feel worse – the GP just kept increasing the dose but all that did was make me drowzy and over sleep at times.
- January 9, 2014 at 8:53 pm(415) KP says:
Severe Depression is legit…
U are not milking the system if U truly suffer from this…
I am considering SSDI as I have suffered so, so long…
- February 2, 2014 at 4:28 am(416) Gio says:
I googled a question about my mothers depression on google which led me to this. I started to read to the comments and it seems every one commenting has depression the selfs and are feeling sorry for them selfs or something, but blurting out there situation. We'll done to you for this effort but if you focused this energy some where else thinking about good things and not bad maybe you would feel a little better? Bad things happen to everyone at some point in people's lives, Some things that have happened to people are much worse than others but everyone with depression feels as if they have experienced the ultimate pain. I could type away all day about this but I feel that it's a mindset rather than an illness, some people are just thinking negative all the time, when really you should be enjoying life while you can and be grateful you aren't actually disabled like being autistic or having ms never mind cancer. Further more if you do believe you are suffering depression and you have a family and all you go on about is how ill you feel, how you can't sleep, how you want to sleep in the day and all the rest of it, you are really affecting the lives of others around you and not providing the real quality of life you should really be giving. WE ARE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME NOT FOR A LONG TIME SO STOP YOUR MOANING AND GET UP OUT OF YOUR CHAIR SMILE A BIT AND ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS!!!!! If some thing bad does happen, which it will, it's fine bad things happen every second. But a bad thing for one person could be a great thing for another.
- February 5, 2014 at 2:43 pm(417) pat says:
I have been hospitalized for depression because I could no longer eat or function. I have followed up with my psychiatrist regularly, taken my meds, used vocational rehabilitation to go to college, tried different jobs, different shifts, etc. I am now over 50 and have arthritis in my neck, hands, and other places. I have applied for disability but been denied. I meet all the criteria for eligibility, their own psychologist that I had to see supported my claim as well as my psychiatrist (as far as I know) and now have to wait a year for a hearing. This is something I've battled my whole life. Before treatment I had high blood pressure and thyroid function tests were out of range. Now, post treatment, those things are fine. Every time SS denied my claim, I felt like once again I was being told I just need to "Snap out of it." When will the medical field and society recognize that this is a disease? And in my case could have been terminal without treatment! I was having a heart arrhythmia that had to be stabilized before even going to a psych ward. Do they think I enjoy having this? I don't enjoy anything anymore and I'm tired of being made to feel guilty for something I have very little control over. No wonder people commit suicide.
- February 14, 2014 at 8:40 am(418) daniel says:
I agree the problem is people believe they have an illness. A GP fills in the boxes vague as they are you are then prescribed medication in almost 100% of the time and bingo life on disability. I feel sad for alot of these people believing the media and believing their unwell. I guess almost all of you are medicated and now feel your vulnerable to criticism.
- February 14, 2014 at 6:07 pm(419) Logically Flawed Ending says:
I have no friends. I am going to kill myself. I am 32, unlikeable, 227 pounds 6′ 1″ and unable to readjust to civilian life. I fought a war on false pretenses and cannot forgive myself. Death is the absolute punishment. Life is the ultimate gift. I do not deserve life.
- March 16, 2014 at 3:31 pm(420) frankie martinez says:
- April 24, 2014 at 8:07 pm(421) Sampen says:
I hate it when people leave subjective "arbitrary" comments.
Most of the people here, including myself, are not talking about the "normal" depression that EVERYONE feels from time to time when either your pet dies, your favorite sports team loses, or a relationship ends; we are experiencing chemical imbalances in the brain that are out of our control. Genetics and our environment play a huge role as well. I don't want pity from anyone, nor do I feel sorry for myself. What I have is NOT a mindset, but, in fact, is an illness. If it were a mindset, then I could choose to turn it off and on at will. The fact is, some of us are just messed up. It's the way the cards were dealt for us, just like someone who was born with diabetes. Let me emphasize again, I am not talking about a depression that lasts for a day or two and then goes away, I am talking about bouts of depression and/or mania that last for years and years. This is no joke. I am currently passive suicidal. "I" don't want to kill myself, per say, but would rather be hit by a car, have a heart attack, etc…because of the hopelessness I feel right now. I am isolated and have really no one to talk to except for my mother (pretty sad considering I'm 36 years old), yet I try to filter my feelings as much as I can to not completely worry her to death. This is a serious deal and if there were a way to shut it off or just think positively, I would. I have tried meditation, positive affirmations, and hypnosis, but it was all unsuccessful. Do you really think I WANT to live this way? Hell no. It's not like I haven't tried. The fact is, this is the way it's going to be. I have to accept it for what it is…an illness. Medication may help to balance my moods, but the illness is still going to be there.
- April 28, 2014 at 3:30 pm(422) Law Junk says:
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- May 16, 2014 at 4:05 pm(427) Aaron says:
Nancy: are you aware that the ADA was amended in 2008, and now Major Depression should easily be determined to be a disability under the ADA. Many people now have workplace rights because of their major depression. See eeoc.gov.