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Our homestudy is accepted by the state. On Tuesday, our homestudy worker Kate and Ezra's caseworker (now officially our adoption worker) who doesn't have a pseudonym yet will come over to our house to transition us into the pre-adoption process. Wow wow wow. More details to follow, obviously.
Archive for January, 2009
It's official!January 29, 2009
snippets / on metaphorJanuary 28, 2009
I don't think I said in the last post that Lee's away at a conference in sunny Florida. In the middle of an ice storm, I'm finding it hard to be too sympathetic that she didn't think ahead to pack shorts. She should get home tonight, if the airport's open.
Sometimes even bad things work out in a useful way. Lee's getting the money for her wrecked car and after paying off what was owed on the car, she'll have enough left over to put half in our emergency fund (which we definitely want to grow to cover child-related emergencies) and half to pay off her non-mortgage debts in full. Of course then it's time to start more debt by buying a new car, but her bank has given her a good-sized loan that will cover the car we're getting and also give us enough money to remodel the bathroom, which needs to be done. So we'll have not just two cars again but a shower at last! And 20K of debt, but that's manageable and when it's done it will be done. We've both thought about this a lot and I'm willing to sign off. She's not doing things exactly the way I would, but she's not me and I love her for who she is, right?
All the snow/ice outside is making me think about all the snow when we were up north for my grandfather's funeral. And that made me think about how cliched a snowy funeral is, so I've been working on a poem for the first time in ages and ages. Probably it will go nowhere, but I liked the feeling of spark when I started composing.
I think a lot about metaphors and connectedness in my daily mental life. Last night I watched the second part of A Lion in the House, a documentary about children with cancer. The death didn't trigger or bother me; I was watching it for the doctors and because even though my grandfather wasn't an oncologist he was the same kind of life-changing surgeon. Even the guy who was sweeping snow off the funeral home steps when I arrived had been a patient of his, showed me his scar and told me how much he appreciated my grandfather's care. And that's the word, I was watching this documentary for the care.
I was also watching it because Lee was gone. She wouldn't have been able to handle seeing children suffer like that, I don't think. She likes her entertainment to be on the escapist side, though she's come to really love the documentaries I put on our Netflix queue too, and I think they're politicizing her.
Yesterday one of my coworkers had to go home early because her husband called to say that their sick son's problem might be appendicitis. It wasn't, thank goodness. But it was the first time I saw that happening and felt like a parent, though about what my response would be and how I need to be ready for that. I really can't articulate this properly.
After watching the cancer documentary, I watched a show on TLC about little little girls (like, one was TWO) in beauty pageants. I think I got more upset by that than by the cancer, though that's the wrong way to put it too. It was gross and tough to watch in an entirely different way than watching a child die.
Yesterday Mia linked to an adoption facilitator's blog with a webpage that lists "situations, which is their term for babies they expect to have available for adoption and what those prices are. I'm often surprised people don't know how much cheaper it is to adopt a black baby than a white one, but seeing it charted out like that was fascinating to me and presumably would be eye-opening for others. These adoption consultants also helpfully claim that any of these black children who aren't adopted as infants are headed for foster care. I haven't checked their site for pregnant women to see if they're as racist and insensitive there.
Oh and I'm such a liar, because I did just look at their site for pregnant womenhttp://hopeforadoption.com/what-to-expect/ and in addition to all the coercive religious commentary about how they know best that these women should place their children for adoption, they also tell these women that their information will be completely confidential. I guess that explains posts like this one?
The other thing I did last night was read Ann Patchett's Run, recommended by The Sought-After. It's about Bostonians with a strong Irish Catholic background like mine adopting black children, so while I didn't exactly identify I certainly had lots of resonance between it and what was bouncing around in my brain. But then in the very last pages there's a mention of a spleen injury that goes undetected and causes all sorts of problems and that sent me into such a tailspin of hypochondria that I can't really talk about the interesting stuff right now.
And on that note, it's time to spend another half hour scraping ice off my car so I can go home and take a nap. Naps are good.
new yearJanuary 26, 2009
I don't actually celebrate Chinese New Year (and can't really say I celebrate the Gregorian calendar New Year) but if in fact today(ish) is the day our homestudy gets filed, it does feel like a big before-and-after life division.
Maybe related to that — and forgive the digressions; this L0rtab pain killer is serious stuff, making me loopy and giving me horrible dreams — is the fact that I always thought I was a monkey in the Chinese calendar, but it actually turns out I'm a sheep and I only realized a few years ago that Chinese New Year happened after my birthday in the year I was born. So all these years I'd been disbelieving characteristics and fortunes that weren't even about ME! But anyway, I'm a sheep, which means that in two weeks I'll be 29.
My parents were both 29 when I was born, so I guess that age holds some weight for that reason. They'd been married since college but waited until my dad was finishing his PhD (or, less charitably, until they'd become Catholic enough that they no longer had any interest in birth control) before I came into the picture. So while I can tell from facebook and from general gossip that most of my high school classmates have children by now, I never felt I was particularly old. I still feel kind of young to parent!
But I do also feel ready, committed, and excited. We don't know yet how long the process of getting to read Ezra's file, talking to his worker, etc. will be. We don't really know anything except that we're in the liminal state between the waiting we'd been doing and the more active preparation and waiting we will be doing once our adoptive worker is on the case.
Lee's out of town for a few days at a (non-academic) conference. That means I have the pleasure of keeping the tv off or watching something subtitled, eating what I want when I want, going to bed early, taking long uninterrupted baths, but also that I have to take the dog out whenever she goes, that when I wake up with my stupid nightmares making my heart race there will be no one to stroke my arm as I fall asleep again, that just in general I get to feel crummy all on my own.
If Lee hadn't come into my life when she did, I might well have found myself facing down 29 with my adoption plan going. But as I was thinking about transracial adoption today and feeling a little bit guilty about feeling so comfortable parenting a black child who's still going to have to explain his white mom (yeah, did I mention this medicine makes me digressive?) I also felt comfortable with what we're doing and the way we're doing it. If I were planning to parent solo, I'd still be here and drugged and wanting to go home and curl up and having no one else there to pick up slack, but I like that most nights that's not true.
Honestly, what I really like about us is that we're a good team, that we balance each other. I don't know if it's a new year thing, but in the last few months so we've gotten to a new level of comfort and mutual support as a couple. There was a bit of passive-aggressiveness in how we grieved my grandfather and Lee's car, but I think that's normal and we were both very apologetic once we caught ourselves.
I never really thought I was the kind of person who'd end up with a happy ending, which is why I made some of the self-defeating life choices I did at various times. And I'm not saying anything is ending any time soon, but I feel incredibly fortunate to have a time in my life when I am indeed happy. Of course there are always ups and downs, but as we head into our new roles, I'm proud and glad we have such a good start.
"I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love"January 25, 2009
My spleen seems to be doing just fine, though it will be a while before I get the official read. I'm sore right in the places where my spleen and kidney are, which was kind of scary during the ultrasound process, but the technician thinks I'm just bruised.
I'm also on a megadrug to cut my pain, which is good but leaves me awfully foggy and I think also is the reason I didn't get to sleep until 3 am but uncharacteristically wasn't particularly bothered by that.
Part of how I'm feeling is probably my kind of grieving, too. In a crisis situation, I put my head down and plow through what needs to be done. It's only later, when I'm safe and outside the situation, that I breakdown. So I have a feeling I'm doing some of the breakdown stage about missing my grandfather and about our accident and the pain it's causing me and maybe even about how overwhelming it is to suddenly have our homestudy approved.
My favorite line from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar is something like, "If it's neurotic to believe two mutually exclusive things at once, then I'm neurotic as hell." And that's how I feel right now, doing laundry and working on my mundane little things, feeling pressure to get the front bedroom transformed from my study to a child's room, crying during the inauguration my grandfather didn't get to see, taking it easy to I don't exacerbate any of my aches and pains. I need a vacation from myself, I think, though if I can get to sleep tonight that should be enough.
good news good newsJanuary 23, 2009
Well, the not-great news is that the place my side hurts is where my spleen is, so I'll have to get an ultrasound tomorrow to be sure there's nothing wrong. Even if there is something wrong, though, it's unlikely it would be bad enough to need surgery since I'm not having other symptoms. And after the trauma that was my gall bladder removal, anything that doesn't require surgery is better than the alternative.
More exciting, though, is that our homestudy worker Kate called. Her manager needed some clarification on whether at age 18 I was hospitalized for post-rape suicidal ideation or an actual suicide attempt because Kate's notes had been unclear. I was able to say that it was the latter, explain again what went on, and now we're good to go.
Well, except that in the time since we started the homestudy process and were so diligent about getting our documents in order, Lee's had to get a new driver's license we need to photocopy, Thing Two has gotten a re-up on his vaccines (already filed this week), my car insurance has been renewed and needs to be reprinted for them, and we've totaled Lee's car (which just means they'll need new car info when there is new car), and I just realized we've both gotten new medical cards too although we haven't been asked for them yet. I guess that's one reason it's easier to not have the wait that we've had.
But we'll be getting our approvals in the next week, probably, and be assigned our adoption worker. Kate thinks this will be Ezra's caseworker, since I guess adoption situations it's not as sketchy as in real estate to have one person working both sides of a "deal." The worker is going to see Ezra next week for his quarterly review, so we'll get her evaluation on his very current status and she'll be able to talk to his foster mom about us if she hasn't already.
I just talked to Lee and she's thrilled (though not about the spleen part; we have an understanding after the gallbladder fiasco that there needs to be some kind of safe word if I'm on a m0rphine drip because I really seriously just can't shut up and she still hasn't let me live down that one chatty night we spent in the ER) and I am too. This is becoming real so fast! We might actually be getting somewhere.
(We might actually be getting our child. Wow wow wow.)
sort of a returnJanuary 22, 2009
I got little Thing Two's vaccination records dropped off with the social worker this morning, which should have been the last thing we needed for our homestudy to be complete (and it had been current when we started the process, but his vaccines expired. Now all animals are set through 2011!) except that it's not.
When we were leaving to drive back down here the day after my grandfather's funeral, we were hit by a young guy making a left turn. Lee's car is probably totaled, though we'll hear for sure from the insurance people tomorrow. She and I are both shaken and I'm a bit bruised. I'm hoping to see my doctor soon to get the whiplash checked out, though I'm sure my preexisting back problems didn't help on that front.
I feel so fortunate that we have good insurance that got us a rental car and is taking care of all that needs to be done with Lee's car. I also feel worn out and overwhelmed. But we had a lot of good adoption conversations with my huge extended family, and I'll have more stories and more blogging when I come out of the haze of aches and muscle relaxants.
names and privilegeJanuary 15, 2009
I'm still pretty scattered mentally, on my lunch break at work while I email relatives to see who's going to be where when, so I apologize if this post is even more all-over-the-place than usual. First of all, I want to say upfront since I didn't last time that what I'm talking about is my perspective on how Lee and I think about these naming issues. People working in good faith will come up with different answers in their own circumstances, and I don't want people to feel criticized by what I'm saying here. I'm just talking about us because that's all I truly know. And when I talk about our child I am assuming six-year-old Ezra, although some of what I say is probably less applicable to other children. It's just easier to write with this child in mind because that's how we think and talk to each other, but that doesn't mean we feel any kind of ownership toward him or that we fully expect this tentative match to work out. What we want is what's best for him, whether that's us or someone else.
All that said, Blogger Lee's comment on my naming post brought up a common criticism of names that code as black and lower-class, that there have been studies suggesting that children with such names are at a disadvantage in school and in the job hunt. I've never known what kind of response those studies are supposed to elicit. I've read and thought a lot about passive racism/sexism among teachers (namely that some of them expect black boys to be rowdy and inattentive and thus create situations where those attentions are the ones that get black boys noticed) and that's one of the reasons I think the small private school might be better than the local public school. But do people reading resumes now think, "Oh, right, I should look twice at DeShonte rather than moving right along to Alison" or do they just keep doing what they're doing?
As far as I'm concerned, that is and isn't my problem. In some ways, we're going to be disadvantaging a child by giving him two parents of different races but the same sex, and I know that and accept it. I've talked about diversity where we live, but the statistics and anecdotes are pretty clear that when Ezra is in his late teens like my littlest brother is now, Ezra's going to have a harder time walking around downtown River City than my brother does. Somehow geeky little white boys just don't ever seem to get accidentally gunned down by the police around here. And that's reality as I see it; raising Ezra to believe that he won't face prejudice and fear from others because of his race and gender would be unrealistic to the point of hurtfulness. If he's a black boy coming out of foster care to live with two moms, only one of whom is black, he's going to have to deal with all of that successfully.
But I'm not going to not raise a child because I'm worried about the response from people who think lesbian couples shouldn't be parenting even though it means my child will need to know at some point that such people exist. He'll need to know that there may be situations where he doesn't get certain things he wants because someone's uncomfortable with his "black" name or if he doesn't use the name now with a black man with a neutral name. Racism and classism exist, and to me it seems foolish to think that the way to deal with this is to make sure my child has superficial privileges that can help him sneak under the radar of prejudiced people. Isn't that giving them too much power when what I want to do is get them out of power?
But the response I'm afraid of getting is that maybe I'm on my way to being a bad mom, putting my politics ahead of my child's interests and opportunities. And I guess my response to that is that we're moving this child into a middle-class home and we know that, we're aware of that. While we don't know why he went into foster care and why his parents' rights were terminated, we know he came out of poverty. And yes, he has a name that marks him as poor because he was born poor. I worry that denying that just because he's living more comfortably now means giving him the idea that it's bad to be poor and that he's better off with us.
In our state, as in many others, the children who come into foster care and then are adopted are disproportionately poor in part because some of the situations that often result in abuse or neglect also often lead to unemployment and poverty (mental illness/addiction) but certainly in part because poorer parents whose children are taken into care may have a harder time getting their lives back on track to be able to avoid having their parental rights terminated than more well-off parents who have cars and paid time off from work and so on. Plus in our state, as in many others, black children go into foster care at a significantly disproportionate rate to their non-black counterparts. Black children are also harder to place in adoption and while obviously there are benefits to not putting a black child into a racist white home, it was always clear to us that this was a good reason to specifically look to parent a black child.
As far as I'm concerned, it's not inherently a bad thing that Ezra was born into poverty. Probably his parents made some bad choices, though we don't know the details. Certainly, though, he was born into a society that devalues poverty, particularly poverty among people of color. I don't want him to think that he was born unlucky or born bad or that he has a bad name (or, gawdforbid, "bad hair") because he was born a poor black boy. That's who he is and the injustice involved in all of that is part of his history too.
I feel like I'm not explaining this well. I don't mean we'll sit down a six-year-old and lecture him about systematic discrimination and welfare reform. I just mean that I don't want to take away something that marks him as himself even if it's not a reflection of me.
Maybe an analogy is that at first Lee really wanted a biracial child (she's always wanted a boy) because "he would be like both of us" or, I suppose, like neither of us. But we're not having a birth child; no one would think we could. So to me, there's no loss involved in not having a child who's racially similar to me. It's not a reflection on me at all that he's black and I'm not, which is not to say that race won't matter in our family and in our family's interaction with others. I just don't feel threatened or cheated that my son wouldn't look like me and similarly I'm not bothered that his name is not one I would have chosen and not one that has shown up elsewhere on my family tree (though incorporating him means it could in the future, I suppose).
We decided to do foster care adoption for many reasons, one of which was that we couldn't stomach the price differentials for black and white babies. (Another was that we didn't feel any need for a baby and didn't particularly have a desire for a baby, which really made getting away from infant adoption a no-brainer.) But I don't think that makes our adoption of him more ethical. We're participating in a system where it's possible his mom didn't get a fair shake because she's poor and black in a country, where it's possible that her rights were terminated for reasons that I wouldn't personally consider sufficient. It's also possible that Ezra was horribly and traumatically abused or that he went into care because both his parents died; there are many different possible scenarios. But I don't think I'm keeping my hands clean. I just don't want to be pretending the messy, ugly stuff can be scrubbed away, either.
So that's one reason we want to keep Ezra's name, if he wants it and if it's appropriate and if he becomes our child. I sure do spend a lot of time and words wrestling over some major hypotheticals, huh?
my family nameJanuary 15, 2009
Yesterday I said I understand wanting to name a new child because I do want to add to Ezra's name, give him a name that comes down from my grandfather and is carried by my father, my oldest brother, my only male cousin. My father just called to say that grandfather died in the night.
It wasn't unexpected; he'd been in hospice and Parkinson's had been taking him farther from us for well over a decade. But he's the first of my grandparents to die and I feel so lucky that I've had so much time with these wonderful people, so fortunate they all got the chance to know and love Lee.
We'll be heading north into snow country as soon as we find out funeral details. I may or may not be around here much for a while, but thanks for being my invisible computer friends who understand what I think about and are the first people I've told.
naming and renamingJanuary 14, 2009
I wrote about this to some degree in a comment on Nicole's post I linked to yesterday, but I've been thinking about names and first mothers and parental "rights" and the way all of these work differently in infant adoption and older child adoption.
Ezra's name isn't Ezra, of course, since we all have pseudonyms here. I just chose it because it seemed like a big name for a little guy but it's short and thus easy to type, plus unique as far as I know on the adoption blogs. Ezra's name is very rare, a phonetic spelling of a name in another language like, say, Jyovonnie. It's a name we can assume was chosen for its uniqueness, though I'd like to know the story behind it someday. The name and its spelling do make it come across as a "black" name, meaning that a lot of people would assume this was the name of a black boy and probably a lower-class one. At first, that was a big problem for Lee, who worried about the stigma a name like that might bring for a child who's already going to face societal disadvantages.
Lee and I both have names that are well-known but not common, that don't raise any eyebrows. She was named for her birthmother (whom I call Leah here for that reason) and her middle name is a tribute to her paternal grandfather, who became her father by adoption. Because she was adopted by paternal relatives who shared her last name, none of her name changed upon adoption.
My first name is unique in my family, but I carry my mother's name as my middle name, though it's a variant of a name that was popular in my father's family too. Each of my three brothers has part of at least one grandfather's name in his. We're both from families where names have stories and create connections.
So now here we are looking at this little child whose name at first seemed very strange, certainly not one we would ever choose for a child. I've always been adamant that I couldn't change a name at adoption just because I'd prefer another name. Ezra's name is his own and part of his identity. Obviously his identity is going to have to change at some level when he moves from a foster home to an adoptive placement, but we want him to still be himself and name seems so inseparable from self.
There are some good reasons to change an older child's name, like if it turned out that Ezra and his easily googleable self had some sort of violent family member with a dangerous vendetta who'd be looking for a little boy with that name, though luckily I have no reason to believe this would be the case for him. Or we'd be open to change if it's a name that's associated with abuse and trauma, like in a situation I want to attribute to Yondalla where a boy named, say, William had been abused by someone named Bill and so he was feeling retraumatized and voiceless when he'd tell people not to call him Bill and they'd do it anyway.
So we're open to having a new name if Ezra becomes our child AND he thinks he wants a new name and his social worker thinks it's a good idea and we understand why. I think Lee would be a little bit relieved. I've had more time before getting into the adoption process to think about how I'd deal with this situation, so I was already at peace with a name unlike any I'd choose myself.
But we talked about whether to add another name (again, not knowing whether he has one and if so what) or something so that when he gets bigger and does have to send out resumes to employers who might make racist and classist assumptions, he'd have the option of abbreviating the name that marks him if that's something he chooses to do. We talked a lot about this and talked about potential names, which basically came down to the male version of the name she carries from her bio grandfather and the name of my grandfather. Both are standard Biblical names; either sounds fine with his name. But I really, really want him to get my family name rather than hers.
And I know why it is that I want my family name in the mix. It's proof that I was there, that I have some claim to this child, that we intended to think of him as part of my family. Lee is going to be the legal parent in the eyes of the state, but if there's going to be a name addition I want to have something to hold on to as proof of intent to co-parent. Of course I'm only adopting because I think our relationship is stable enough to get through the tough times, but I'm not foolish enough to ignore the fact that I'll have no legal rights to my child unless we work together piece together those rights out of Lee's intentions and parenting choices.
Lee has a friend in a state that's like ours and won't recognize two legal moms who's going through a custody battle over a child about Ezra's age. As I understand it, the friend's ex-partner and their known donor are suing to keep the friend from having any visitation with the child she helped raise, the child whose bio mother she lived with throughout the pregnancy and first many years of this child's life. Lee's friend has gotten permission from a judge to have visitation because the ex-partner's will made it clear that they had been co-parenting and that in the event of the ex-partner's death, Lee's friend would have been sole parent. Now the ex and the known donor are claiming they'd always planned to raise this child with one mom and one dad who just happen to be gay and thus in different relationships, and because they're in an anti-gay state they may be able to bar Lee's friend from having any more contact with the child she loves. There are other ways to tell the story, I'm sure, but this one I got from Lee and a friend she cares about breaks my heart.
Of course I don't think Lee would do that to me. We're both comfortable with each other's breakup histories, and having gone through a nasty situation where I was stalked and threatened that's something that's important to me. So no, even if we did break up I do believe Lee would still want to do what's in the best interests of our child. Openness to open adoption (at least in our minds) necessitates a commitment to coparenting in the event of separation. But in the eyes of the courts, if we could point to Ezra's adoption certificate and show that he has a name from my family that doesn't occur to hers, that might help. And since I'm hung up on my feelings about not being a legal parent, it would probably help me.
But this just reminds me again how much more privilege I have than a first mother even if I don't have legal parenting rights. I'm not putting my trust into someone whose profile I've read, whom I've met a few times, someone I want to trust me immediately and think I'm stable and healthy enough to stay in my child's life. Instead I get to look into the eyes of the woman I love and talk in detail about our plans and how to make sure our family is supported by every bit of legal wrangling we can manage. I don't know if these blog posts would amount to much as evidence, but whether I get a piece of myself in Ezra's name or not I have witnesses and the sort of information that would hold up in a lot of courts if I somehow got shoved out of Ezra's life.
A first mother doesn't even have that. All she has is the name she's giving and promises that are legally unenforceable. To me, this seems potentially tragic. In our case, though, all of this naming conversation might not amount to much. The more we've talked about Ezra over these last months, the more "normal" his name has become to our ears. We know his current nickname and like it too, and it would be strange to think of him by any other name than the one he has now. I'm sure over time first mothers similarly get used to calling their children by names chosen by adoptive parents or more rarely adoptive parents grow to love and accept the name their child was given at birth. I know that no naming is destiny, but I don't want to make things harder than I have to. Everything's messy enough already.
best interest & best effortsJanuary 13, 2009
Carmel had a comment on my last post saying that she'd be frustrated by a wait as long as ours and that the state should be hurrying through adoptive parents. I've definitely heard bad stories from bloggers in other states who can't even get their phone calls returned. However, I'm pretty comfortable with where we are now, and it's made much easier because we've liked and respected the social workers we've been working with (and while at this point I wouldn't want to hang out with the woman who's sitting on our homestudy, it's not because I think she's bad at her job or anything like that) and that makes waiting easier.
Mostly, though, I'm patient because I have to be and because I know they're doing their best. There's not enough money allocated by the state to pay the social workers well and they have big caseloads. They're working under a hiring freeze that won't even let them replace temporarily replace office workers who are out on maternity leave. All the workers we've met seem very committed to the children and families they work with, but there are also only so many hours in the day.
I don't know to what extent we're the norm in our state, and I know things differ across the nation. I haven't heard from anyone else who took the 10-week training class starting in July that they've been approved yet. We may well be the first ones, because we're the only ones who chose to go adoptive-only rather than getting ourselves certified as a foster home. The department's goal is to find families for children and to preserve the families these children already have whenever possible. I really can't complain if they're prioritizing that over reading about the details of our discipline philosophies and cultural competencies.
That said, I'm glad we have a thorough homestudy that's going to talk about our discipline philosophies and cultural competencies and how comfortable we are with each other and our lesbian identities and the gazillion-page list of special needs diagnoses we did or didn't think we could handle. It took 8-10 hours of meetings with our worker to get all this data together, but she's experienced and thoughtful and I believe we'll end up with a good document because of this even though she wasn't able to start writing it until two months after our meetings. (Although I've heard people's horror stories about inaccurate homestudies and looked into whether we could see a copy of ours, but we'd have to request a copy from the state and parts might be redacted; that I don't like.)
From what we know, Ezra's in a stable foster home right now. If his situation changed, they would let us know. He's pretty much at the top of their priority list at our local office just because all the workers have a soft spot for him and want to find him someone, but this is definitely not a crisis situation. And with the pressure they're under now and especially in this economy, I have a feeling the social workers are focusing on the crises.
I don't know how to explain that I don't feel impatient because I don't feel entitled without making myself sound like I'm judging people who would feel impatient in my shoes! So people, this is just me talking. I don't want kids languishing without good homes — foster, adoptive, or birth — and I do want parents to be appropriately trained. I want the workers to do more than give cursory glances to the information that goes in front of them for approval. But to get what I want, I have to be willing to suffer a wait. I'm not religious, but I do have a very strong and somewhat rigid ethical makeup that makes me happier waiting so things can work smoothly and "rightly" than zipping ahead. This annoys Lee when I'm driving; I feel lucky she's with me in adoption.
So I really am speaking only for myself, but it's easy to wait patiently now because as far as I can tell everyone's working hard and there's only so much any of us can do. Waiting is our job and I want to leave my workers to do their jobs right. Maybe this makes me some stodgy neo-Victorian complaining about haste making waste, but I hope that's only part of it. I do believe the only way to serve these kids is to treat them with respect and thoughtful decision-making. Moving quickly to permanency can also be good, but only if the first requirement's been met. So I wait and hope I'm doing the right thing. At this point, I don't really have a choice anyway.


text:
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Sean, the exclusive American retailer of cult French menswear designer Emile Lafaurie, is taking up to 60 percent off all stock at both Manhattan locations. 199 Prince St., at Sullivan St. (212-598-5980); 224 Columbus Ave., nr. 70th St. (212-769-1489). M?S (11?8), Su (noon?7).
The winter clearance at Lower East Side men's store 20 Peacocks features 50 percent off all accessories and 30 percent off shirts and ties. Ongoing. 20 Clinton St., nr. Stanton St. (212-387-8660); T?S (noon?9), Su (noon?6).
Handbags are up to 75 percent off at the Ananas pop-up store in Nolita. The Samantha bag is $230 (originally $530), the Coco clutch is $50 (originally $98), and leather and abaca styles are $25 to $98 (originally $98 to $310). Through 3/15. 248 Elizabeth St., nr. Prince St. (202-445-4845); 12?7.
Men's and women's Dries Van Noten (a pleated-chiffon dress is $459), Martin Margiela (a men's duffle coat is $419), and Commes des Garçons (a men's tie-dyed shirt is $196) are up to 85 percent off at IF Boutique. Through 2/15. 94 Grand St., nr. Greene St. (212-334-4964); 11?7.
Save up to 50 percent on Hanky Panky bralettes, bikinis, camis, and dresses. Through 2/13. 145 W. 18th St., nr. Seventh Ave; 10?8.
Read more posts by Sharon Clott
Filed Under: fashion calendar, sales, shopping

subset: commoncrawl


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We have over 20 years of design experience beginning with our first team clothing design project in 1993. Our company philosophy is that athletic wear should use high quality textiles, have a bold design, and should fit and look good when in motion from all angles.
We created D Dub Custom Sportswear to make custom clothing that combines performance textiles, with our unique design style, and to make them accessible to everyone. Our goal is simple; to provide our customers with durable, comfortable clothing that has bold design elements that elicits an emotional response from all viewers.
We produce High Performance Art.


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News Article
Congratulations to spooky family favorites Frankenweenie and ParaNorman on their nominations for best animated feature film.
Other genre nominations include Django Unchained which brought in an impressive number of nods including best picture, supporting actor, cinematography, sound editing, and original screenplay. Hitchcock was nominated for best makeup and hairstyling, while Snow White and the Huntsman received two nominations, for visual effects and costume design.
Typically, the Academy shows horror love in the categories of visual effects, sound, music and art direction, but very rarely do we see a best picture nomination.
The Exorcist was nominated in 1973 for best picture, and a number of other categories, and won for best sound and best writing. Jaws was nominated in 1975 for best picture and won for best music, best sound and best film editing.
The only "horror" film to win an Oscar for best picture was Silence of the Lambs in 1991. It took home five Oscars in total. But, if you want to go a little broader in the definition of "horror," Hitchcock's noir thriller Rebecca should actually be considered the first to win for best picture, in 1940.
Read all of our Frankenweenie coverage here and ParaNorman coverage here.


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EDINBURG — The University of Texas-Pan American is holding a series of review sessions beginning May 1 for teachers and future teachers who are planning to take the ExCET teacher certification exam.
All certification candidates must attend one ExCET review session before registering to take the exam. All UTPA review sessions are free of charge.
Review sessions for secondary certification will be: Health and Kinesiology Benchmark, May 1, at 1 p.m.; Secondary Professional Development Benchmark, May 1, at 8:30 a.m.; Health and Kinesiology Benchmark, May 8, at 1 p.m.; Biology, May 14, 2 to 5 p.m.; and Math, May 22, 1 to 6 p.m.
All ExCET review sessions will be held on the UTPA campus. For specific buildings and room numbers and for more information, call the ExCET office at 956/381-3405.


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Your well being means your body, mind and spirit are working together to provide you with optimal health, physical fitness and a positive outlook. A sense of well being is an asset in a successful weight loss program.
Understanding ObesityObesity in our country is problem of epidemic proportions. About 66% of Americans are above his/her ideal body weight. One in three American adults is obese, and 30% of children and adolescents are obese.
Why do people weigh what they weigh? Research has shown there are many factors, the amounts of fat and sugars in the diet and reduced exercise have contributed to the rising rate of obesity. Eating too much and exercising too little also contribute to obesity and so do genetics.
Like high blood pressure, diabetes and depression, obesity results from a genetic predisposition combined with environmental factors. In fact, a child with one obese parent has a 30% chance of becoming obese. A child with two obese parents has a 70% chance of becoming obese. Obesity is a chronic condition that cannot be cured, yet it can be controlled.
BODY FAT PERCENTAGEThe body is composed of fat tissue, muscle, organ tissue, bone, blood and water. A certain amount of fat is essential to bodily functions. Though too much fat is not healthy.
The following table describes body fat ranges and their associated categories:
1233 North 30th StreetBillings, MT 59101406-237-7000
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Exit Through the Gift Shop
The hospital's gift shop is the one gift shop I can think of where its contents are meant to be redistributed within the building's walls. The refrigerator case with zombified Gerber daisies and the rack of overpriced candy I get, but the other shit in there is straight up cray-cray.
Who buys this shit? Emotionally vulnerable and trapped friends/relatives of patients, that's who.
These music boxes play "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "You Light Up My Life". There's a whole carousel of them. I weep for the relationships that are either too repressed to vocalize such thoughts or too literal for nuanced love. (Maybe I just weep because I'm a cold oyster who'll never know such unironic, grammatically-tolerant love.)
I want to know why the designer thought to pair "The words you are looking for are, 'Yes Dear'" with a Mediterranean olive and bread spread. What does it mean?? That Italian and Greek spouses are simpering?
Little Aryan angels not your style?
How about this assortment of Neil Gaiman rejects? I especially like the buxom phlebotomist on the far left with blood dripping out of her mouth.
Or you can buy one of your own smiling, brown Native American babies. Not culturally insensitive at all.
Especially compared to these $15 statues in the shape of your favorite hospital characters, including the curvaceous Latina nurse with sassy eyeshadow and Divine eyebrows. (Like those Homies you used to be able to buy from candy machines by the cashiers in grocery stores, only 60x the price!)
Oh, but here's the one reminder that not everybody's in the hospital for bad news.


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Southampton has many liquor stores that offer wine from around the world, and from as close as Bridgehampton, Water Mill and Sagaponack. You could also head straight to the wineries yourself to pick up a bottle to impress your guests at a holiday party, or to give as a gift. Here are 10 local picks for picking up wine for the holidays, in no particular order:
1. in Sag Harbor prepares gift baskets and offers free East End delivery. Case discounts are also available.
2. sells more than 150 varieties of liquors and more than 100 types of wine. Visit Zani's on County Road 39.
3. The classic local Main Street shop for all your wine and liquor needs is in Southampton Village. And it's never too early to pick up a fantastic French bubbly in preparation for New Year's.
4. Head over to and offer yourself a delight for the senses at this beautiful Sagaponack winery while you choose that special gift in their wine store. Select from "Just the right touch of Red" or "Remembering the Hamptons Sunshine," just two of their gift collections, or a multitude of other wines and accessories.
5. offers free East End delivery, 15 percent off all cases of wine and wine tastings every Saturday from 3 to 6 p.m. What better way to select a wine that pleases your taste buds?
6. At in Water Mill and , you'll find an exciting collection of their wines, perfect for gift giving, from "Everyday Reds" to their own "Duck Walk Brut" sparkling wine. Whether for an intimate get together or a big holiday bash, you are sure to find the wine to please.
7. on North Sea Road has a wide selection of wine and spirits from around the globe. You are sure to find something to impress your guests.
8. Located in the Bridgehampton Commons, is an enthusiastic promoter of local wines.
9. Another local vineyard, in Bridgehampton offers a tasteful choice of whites and reds. Select the one that pleases your palate in their tasting room, open 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Thursday through Tuesday in the winter months.
10. on Jagger Lane in Southampton is conveniently located right across from . Pick up fixings for dinner and then match it with the perfect wine.


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PRIDE Preservice: (Revised) Package Deal, English with DVD
Pride Preservice offers a competency-based, integrated approach to recruitment, family assessment, and preservice training. Through a series of at-home consultations and competency-based training sessions, prospective families have an opportunity to learn and practice the knowledge and skills they will need as new foster parents and adoptive parents. The readiness of families to foster or adopt is assessed in the context of their ability and willingness to meet the essential competencies.
Package Deal Includes (click on individual items below to order just that item):
Trainer's Guide
Foster PRIDE/Adopt/PRIDE Program Vignettes (DVD)
Making a Difference! (DVD)
Family Forever: Reunification Through Family-Focused Foster Care (VHS or DVD)
Learn more about PRIDE.
Not included, but recommended: Developing Family Resources (VHS only; not available in DVD)
Also available in a package with VHS videos.
Also available in a Spanish language package with either VHS videos or DVDs.
Price: $550.00
CWLA Stock Number: 1194
Publication Date: 2008


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Shiffman Medical Library
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Profile your needs and automatically receive:
- Funding alerts
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When you prefer to stay current on your own, a librarian will make an Information Housecall to your office to help set you up will all the latest tools and access methods.
Evidence-Based Resources
Cochrane Library | NHS Economic Evaluations | Technology Assessments | FIRSTConsult | Essential Evidence Plus (formerly InfoRetriever)
Expert-Based Resources
UpToDate | eMedicine | Essential Evidence Plus (formerly InfoPOEMS)
Literature Databases
PubMed@Wayne | MedlinePlus | CINAHL | ERIC | A-Z list of databases
Key Reports
Healthy People 2010 | Research on Child and Adolescent Health (AHRQ)
Guidelines and Policy Statements
National Guideline Clearinghouse | AAP Policy | AAFP Clinical Recommendations
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Child Trends DataBank | CLIKS | Data2010 | KIDS COUNT | PeriStats
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Posted at: 08/19/2013 12:14 AM
| Updated at: 08/19/2013 12:39 AM
By: Steve Flamisch
HANCOCK -- A bathroom exhaust fan caused the fire that filled part of a building with acrid, heavy smoke Sunday at a timeshare resort near Jiminy Peak, authorities said.
A worker noticed the smoke inside Building 6 of Vacation Village Berkshires, building manager Nelo Velarde said. Resort staff called 911 and began pounding on the doors to all 16 units.
"We had to go and check to make sure that there was nobody in the units," Velarde said. "There was nobody inside."
The Hancock, Mass. and Stephentown, N.Y. Volunteer Fire Departments responded to the scene. They traced the fire to the bathroom exhaust fan in a top-floor unit, Hancock Fire Chief Dave Rash said.
"It probably got bound up," Rash told NewsChannel 13. "The motor sat there and cooked and did cause some fire in the attic space. Some of the structural framing in the attic was charred."
Firefighters prevented the flames from spreading to the living space, but the unit in which the fan is located did sustain heavy smoke and water damage, Rash said. That's where Ellie Kraner and her family were staying -- and where they kept their clothing and electronics.
"I think we can handle it," Kraner said. "I may be wearing the same clothes all week but we can handle it."
Velarde, the building manager, said he was relocating Kraner and her family -- and all guests in Building 6 -- to vacant units elsewhere in the resort.
Kraner, who was out to lunch with her family when the fire started, said she would not allow it to wreck her vacation.
"There's nothing that I can't live without that's there," she said.
WNYT welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the rules of conduct set forth in our Terms of Use. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Use.


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NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - The state fire marshal's office is urging Tennessee residents to follow safety precautions when using portable space heaters.
According to the Tennessee Fire Incident Reporting System, 3,440 heating fires occurred in Tennessee between 2008 and 2012. These fires claimed the lives of 41 people, injured 54 and damaged more than $37 million in property. Space heaters were involved in 78 percent of all state heating fire deaths.
Officials said portable heater fires can be avoided by taking simple precautions like turning the heaters off before going to bed or leaving a room, and keeping anything that can burn -- particularly bedding, clothing and curtains -- at least 3 feet away from the heaters.
(Copyright 2014 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
Evangelist Franklin Graham prayed on a sidewalk outside the Pentagon Thursday after his invitation to a prayer service inside was withdrawn because of comments that insulted people of other religions. More>>


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Oando acquires Conoco Phillips for $1.79 billion
The Nigerian mergers and acquisitions space is ending the year with big news with the recent acquisition of Conoco Phillips by Oando for $1.79 billion. Oando will take a 20%[...]
Changing the Africa Conversation
What is new?
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« Spider-Man's Andrew Garfield Manages To Make A Vespa Sexy | Main | Jennifer Garner's Cute Kids Have A Malibu Playdate »
Britney Spears Treats Jersey Shore Star Pauly D To A Lap Dance
Posted on Fri Aug 12, 2011 03:15 PM PDT
Jersey Shore hottie DJ Paul "Pauly D" DelVecchio must be thrilled with his new gig as the opening act for Britney Spears' Femme Fatale summer tour - and it's not hard to see why!
During a performance in Montreal Thursday night, Miss Spears decided to treat the 31-year-old reality star to a sexy impromptu strip tease on stage. The pop singer proceeded to handcuff Pauly D to a stripper pole while belting out her steamy song "Lace and Leather." She wrapped a pink boa around his neck before straddling him with the help of a back-up dancer.
After the show, the Jersey Shore star Tweeted: "Wow Just Got A Lap Dance On Stage From @britneySpears!". Before Brit Tweeted to the celebrity DJ, "Hope you enjoyed your dance! [It] Was tough getting my legs around that big blowout." Oh my!
Lets hope Brit's boyfriend Jason Trawick wasn't jealous!
What do you think of Brit's sexy lap dance with Pauly D: hot or not?
Britney Spears, Demi Lovato And Simon Cowell Chat About Their Chemistry On The X Factor - Jul 24, 2012
Britney Spears Gets Harsh On The X Factor - Jul 11, 2012
Britney Spears Reveals X Factor Game Plan - Jul 10, 2012
Britney Spears Tweets Bikini Pic While Vacationing In Hawaii - Jul 05, 2012
Britney Spears And Family Say Aloha To Paradise - Jul 05, 2012


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You wouldn't know it by looking at it, but the grass that's been planted on the new helicopter launch area adjacent to King County Fire District No. 44's new station 96 on S.E. 400th Street is special.
"It's kinda nerdy," admits Tim Perciful, the district's public information officer as he explains that the grass will not grow more than a few inches so as not to hinder emergency crews and medics when transporting patients by helicopter.
That 'nerdy' attention to detail has ensured that the district's newest station is not only eye-catching in its exterior decor but has all the facilities and attractions that a modern fire station should have, according to Fire Chief Greg Smith.
There is a spacious communal area complete with comfy-looking couches and recliners, a flatscreen television and a state-of-the-art kitchen space. The television -- with cable -- was a conscious decision, said Smith, as it is meant to encourage the district's roughly 125 volunteer firefighters to hang out there on their free time but potentially be available for calls when necessary.
The station is constantly staffed with a minimum of two firefighters -- career and volunteer -- but there are occasions where there are larger groups there because it's a social area to congregate as well, he said.
The building provides plentiful office and sleeping space and its engine and truck bay are designed with top-level auto-controlled windows to help with ventilation when the vehicles are running. Rooms for storage of firefighting equipment and emergency medical equipment border the bay, as does a decontamination area that includes a washer to clean gear and clothing that's been contaminated with biohazardous material. And there's a second-story mezzanine area dedicated for storage.
It even features a public use room that can be separately locked so as not to affect the station's daily operations when a group is using the 177-maximum capacity space.
The building is elevated from flood concerns and sits on several feet of a special material to help it be more earthquake-proof, Smith said.
Respect for the Muckleshoot Tribe
On the outside the bright red and yellow with dark trim on the building's exterior was a conscious choice in deference to the Muckleshoot Tribe which benefits from the services provided by the district while providing the land that the new station sits on, said Smith.
In the planning stages for the building, he said, architects were encouraged to explore the Muckleshoot Reservation for inspiration on how the exterior should look. The Muckleshoot is currently leasing the land to the fire district for the next 60 years, Smith said.
The district has steadily built a very engaged and cooperative relationship with the Tribe, and it was a point of pride for Smith. District staff are very hospitable to traditions and beliefs held by the Muckleshoot Tribe when, for instance, it came to how to handle the deceased, he said.
And the Tribe has reciprocated the appreciation, conducting an official blessing ceremony for the station when it first went into operation in December of last year, Smith said.
Location Close for Enumclaw Plateau Residents
While covers the city of Enumclaw and immediately surrounding areas, there are residents in District No. 44 -- particularly just north of District No. 28's borders but south of S.E. Green Valley Road that identify themselves as Enumclaw, said Smith.
District No. 44 serves a 70-square mile section of unincorporated and southeast King County that includes part of the Enumclaw plateau and the city of Black Diamond.
Just last Saturday, an overnight fatal motor vehicle accident at the intersection of S.E. 400th Street at 212th Way S.E. was called in to Enumclaw, said Perciful, and District No. 44 crews provided mutual aid.
Given the location of the accident, which was right on the border between the two districts, station 96 was just a few minutes away, Smith said. The two districts regularly work together for mutual aid calls, he said.
A 12-year Process
The new station replaces the old station 96 which was located on S.E. 384th Street and had at one point been a one-room school house in the 1960s that the Auburn School District sold to the fire district for $1, Smith said.
Not only was space and maintenance of the old building a problem, but at one point it was shut down for six months due to mold, he said. The need for a new building was identified in 2000.
In 2008, district voters passed a $7.5 million bond measure which would in part fund the construction of the new building. About $3 million went to the new station while the rest went to purchase an assortment of much-needed vehicles, equipment and gear, Smith said.
Before that, it had been 30 years since the district went to voters with a bond issue or a levy lid lift, he said.
Construction began in the summer of 2010 and an assortment of in-progress photos can be viewed at the district website.
"It's definitely the nicest station we've had," said Smith.


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Full Frame vs. Crop Sensor Cameras: Which One is Right for You?
Too many photography subjects get muddled in argument: this brand vs. that brand; one technique vs. another. Yours vs. mine. Better vs. best. Certainly, one could argue credibly that their current pro level dSLR is better in every way than the point and shoot camera they started out with and no one would even challenge that notion.
But photography is art. Art is subjective. And the tools used to make said art tend to fall under the same principle of subjectivity as the art itself. People, of course, have their personal preferences on things and there's nothing wrong with that; being informed about others' preferences can actually be helpful by expanding the options we make available to ourselves.
At some point during your time as a photographer, you have likely encountered some poor individual who posts on an Internet message board that they need help deciding whether to upgrade to a "full frame" camera or stick with their "crop camera," totally unaware of the upheaval that would ensue as a result of this rather innocent inquiry. The topic of full frame vs. crop sensor cameras is a legitimate concern that often gets bogged down by useless arguing. So if you are someone who has ever wondered about this topic, particularly if you are considering purchasing a new camera, a level-headed approach to the issue might do you some good.
Full Frame and Crop Sensor: What Do These Terms Mean?
This whole discussion hinges on the traditional 35mm film SLR camera as a reference point. Obviously, digital cameras don't use film; they use a sensor that receives and reads the values of accumulated electrons allowed into the camera via the lens, converting those bits of data into a digital image. A full frame digital SLR, then, refers to a camera whose sensor size is roughly equivalent to a 35mm film frame (24mm x 36mm).
A "crop" sensor, on the other hand, is simply one that is smaller than a full frame sensor, thus capturing only a portion of the image that a full frame sensor would, due to the fact that a small sensor magnifies the angle of view. These smaller sensor sizes vary by manufacturer, though the most common naming convention used by crop sensor cameras is the APS-C. For Nikon, Sony, Pentax, and Fujifilm dSLRs, an APS-C sensor measures in the range of 23.5mm x 15.6mm to 23.7mm to 15.6mm. Canon APS-C sensors measure 22.2mm x 14.8mm. These measurements are used to determine what is known as a sensor's crop factor (Nikon, Sony, Pentax, and Fujifilm APS-C cameras have a crop factor of 1.5, while Canon's APS-C cameras have a crop factor of 1.6).
What Effect Does a Smaller Sensor Have on Your Photographs?
As stated above, a smaller sensor magnifies your field of view and also causes an apparent increase in the focal length of whatever lens you are using. The focal length of your lens, of course, doesn't magically change when you take it off a full frame camera and attach it to a crop sensor camera; the only thing that changes is your angle of view, a phenomenon that is simply a function of sensor size.
This apparent difference in focal length, however, can impact how you frame your shot. If, for example, you are using a camera with a crop factor of 1.6 and are looking to recreate the framing provided by a 50mm lens shot from the same distance on a full frame camera, then some simple math might lead you to the conclusion that a 35mm lens is what you will want to use (35mm x 1.6 = 56mm). The 35mm lens won't become something it's not just because it's attached to a crop sensor camera, but it will closely approximate the framing of a 50mm lens on a full frame camera.
Advantages – Full Frame
- Low light/High ISO: One of the features most commonly touted about full frame cameras is their low noise levels, specifically when shooting at high ISO settings; the larger sensor and its resident photosites are able to more efficiently collect light. This gives full frame cameras a considerable advantage in low-light and night photography.
- Viewfinder: A bigger, brighter viewfinder makes manual focusing easier.
- Wide angles: A full frame camera allows you take full advantage of wide and ultra wide angle lenses. If you enjoy the perspective of a 24mm lens on a full frame camera, you may not be satisfied with the 38mm effect you would get with the same lens on a crop sensor camera.
Advantages – Crop Sensor
- Crop factor: Sports and wildlife photographers may actually prefer the crop factor as it can effectively provide more reach, keeping you from having to get physically closer to your subject.
- Cost: Crop sensor cameras and the lenses made especially for these cameras (such as Canon's EF-S line and Nikon's DX line) are typically less expensive than their full frame counterparts.
- Fewer visible lens issues: Imperfections tend to become more apparent as you move further away from the center of an image. So, vignetting, for instance, is less of a concern on cameras with smaller sensors due to the fact the edges are cropped.
The advantages listed for each camera type in no way represent the entire scope of why someone might prefer one over the other. And are there any disadvantages to either? Again, it's a subjective matter. If you desire top high ISO performance but the size and weight of a camera such as the Nikon D4 or Canon 1D X are off-putting, there are full frame options available in smaller, lighter bodies (not to mention lower prices), while crop sensor cameras continue to make fantastic strides in ISO performance.
There are those who champion full frame cameras because they are "better" in every way than crop sensor cameras; it's a valid opinion insofar that it applies to their own experiences. But others will express the same sense of satisfaction with their crop cameras, albeit for different reasons. Bigger doesn't automatically mean better; and even if there are features we could all agree on as being objectively "better," the question of how much better remains. Are those better features enough to mitigate cost/size/weight considerations and make a smaller option more desirable? That all depends on what your individual wants and needs are. That's really all that matters. Don't get caught up in the intellectual dishonesty of ideas such as "professionals only use full frame" or "crop sensors are for amateurs." Go with whatever works best for you and your style of photography.
Related Posts
33 Comments
Darren Curtis:
There are many good points made in this post "Full Frame vs. Crop Sensor Cameras" and In my humble opinion a great shot is a great shot, whatever media device you used to capture it?
Although if your passion for photography is asking for full frame camera and you can afford it, make sure you can also afford a quality zoom lens and enjoy!
Stephen G. Hipperson:
Something worth touching on is the problem with lens compatibility – if somebody has a suite of lenses fit for cropped sensor and they choose to go full frame, they're likely to need a new set of lenses to cover the sensor properly.
If cropped sensor user has a lens that would work on full frame, they may be disappointed by seeming loss in resolution towards the edge of the new frame, as at the moment the cropped sensor just picks out the central 'sweet spot'.
I'm not sure that it's far to say a cropped sensor magnifies, simply that it crops the image that is available – had the camera manufactuers chosen to, they could have set the sensor in a different position in the camera and achieved 'full frame' – they were restricted to keeping the sensor in the same position in the camera so that existing lenses would focus and that newcomers wouldn't have to have a new set of lenses when they went digital.
But as you rightly allude in your article, it's not really down to the camera but the person behind it and the final use that person wants to make of the picture.
One benefit of using a lens on a full frame body after the crop frame is the lower noise at higher ISO. Typically the affordable ff compatible lenses are f/4 and slower giving noisy results compared to full frame. The photos will take on the full benefit that the cleanest lenses provide when used on a camera with a better sensor (full frame).
- Abig:
You missed the one reason I really want to move to full frame – shallower depth of field.
Sensor size does not determine depth of field – it is focal length and aperture. For example a 50mm at f1.4 will have the same depth of field on a full frame as on a crop sensor. What changes is the angle of view.
Easaw Chacko:
I am confused with the idea of angle of view – would it not be the same if you post-cropped your full frame to match the crop sensor? In other words if you wanted your 300mm lens on afull frame to look like it was taken with a croped sensor canon, would not post cropping the image give you the equivalen of a 480mm lens?
dokt faust:
Wrong. Circle of confusion is one of the 4 four factors in depth of field. Circle of confusion depends on the photoreceptor. Big format has (sensor or film) less depth of field.
Sorry for my english. I speak spanish.
Dokt Faust,
You are wrong on it. A larger sensor or film gives a deeper depth of field. Not the other way around.
- Jonasapan:
What is generally meant when someone says that a FF provides a more shallow DoF is that an image made on a FF camera, as compared to an image made on a crop sensored camera, using the same lens, using the same aperture, framed exactly the same will provide a more shallow DoF because you have to shoot from farther back using the crop sensored camera to get the same framing. Therefore, the FF will provide more shallow DoF for any similarly framed image.
If you understand how aperture effects DOF and why, then you'll understand that a smaller sensor acts the same as a smaller aperture thus increasing DOF.
- Aaron:
Shin Illuits:
That guy Ito might imply that if he uses FF, he can get closer to the subject just as how it may look if he uses a crop sensor. Because of that, the depth of field is shallower.
- Easaw Chacko:
- A.Spong:
Captain Photo:
I have a crop sensor Nikon D 90, and I love it. Here's a reason I don't move to a full frame, those large files are going to clog up my workflow. Huge files means now I need to buy more storage and a bigger computer to handle all those megapixels that I keep trying to move around in Lightroom. And, because I shoot mostly HDR, just multiply that problem by three or five or seven! Yikes!
For landscape or architectural photography full-frame is a better choice. These cameras allow full advantage to be taken of wide-angle and tilt-shift lenses.
For a birder, it depends. What is important is pixel density. A full frame and crop sensor with the same pixel density will deliver the same resolution on an image that is cropped below the size of the crop sensor image, (which is usually the case with bird shots, even those take with a 600 mm lens.) A weather proofed camera is essential for a birder, and that may mean jumping to a D800 (for someone using Nikon.) The new high pixel density (24 mp) APS-C cameras in the Nikon line (D3200, D5200, D7100) are probably heaven sent for the birder, but only the D7100 has a reasonable level of weather proofing. In terms of pixel density, these cameras are about as far as one would want to push pixel density, as diffraction limitation begins to be an issue at F5.6.
If a D4x is on the horizon, it may be the best option for a birder, depending upon the pixel density offered. (I am assuming a comparable density to the APS-C cameras which would yield an approximately 54MP camera.) Since a serious birder has probably dropped close to 10K for his big lens, 6K for the camera is not an unreasonable price.)
Studio work is probably best done with full frame, (or medium format if you really want to blow the budget.)
A crop sensor is probably best for street photography to keep the visibility, and intimidation factor to a minimum.
Wedding and event work is another win for full frame due to the ability to handle low light better.
If weight is an issue, full frame may be too heavy, (but using the F1.8 primes often keeps the weight in check.)
Peter Geran:
I have a Nikon D3S, D3 and D2Xs, so, all formats are covered.
I used to shoot motorsport, and, the D2Xs was a great help in "nice fine weather" when shooting with my 500mm F4 Nikon lens. Gave me an effective 750mm focal length.
However, I subsequently purchased a D3, and a D3S. The D3 bodies seem to be much faster, and I use them more.
I would not get rid of the D2Xs, as it has its uses, as long as you don't push the ISO much. The most ISO I have ever used with the D3 bodies was 2,000 ISO at the Terracotta Warriors in China about 18 months ago.
The " Full Frame" was handy as I used my Nikon 14-24mm lens at the Terracotta Warriors and the small sensor would not have allowed me to get the huge building with all the " warriors" in . I had to shoot at 2,000 ISO and the D2Xs would not have worked.
So far, I haven't been tempted by the D4..Maybe a D4S or D5 ?
Peter Geran:
Another thought.. I could not use my Nikon 8mm f2.8 with the crop sensor body.:-)
Marcus Reinkensmeyer:
Jason: Thanks for your timely and informative article. After long deliberation, I just made the upgrade to a full-frame DSLR and considered some of these same factors in my decision. I still encountered some unanticipated costs, detailed in my recent blog posting: http://www.mwrphotos.com/blog/2013/4/upgrading-to-a-full-frame-camera-ownership-costs-and-benefits
Richard de Vries:
This is a very informative observation. But I personally think that the idea is subjective because photography and very nature thereof is an opticle illusion. The photographer still has to take the picture at the angle he/she seems fit no matter what others may think.
In the second section, the author makes the following statement:
"reads the values of accumulated electrons allowed into the camera via the lens"
As a retired electron microscopist, I can assure you that electrons do NOT pass through glass lenses! (We used electomagnetic fields). I think he meant photons.
Jerry Liebrand:
Thanks for a very simple – easy to understand explaination to what I thought was a complex question. Guess I'll keep my crop sensor camera for the extra reach of my long lens, but need to get a full sensor (Canon 6D – is what I've been looking at) for my wide angle/landscape shots
I am a novice at best, but love taking millions of pics of my kids. I also enjoy taking pics and would like to get the most out of what I am shooting. I have read that full frame shots will enlarge better than crop-sensor shots. Is this true and to what extent? I am looking to upgrade from my XSI this is only a hobby for me, but my kids are still young and if the images I am taking could be much greater by spending another $1000 then that might be worth it to me. I had been looking at the 70D there are some decent bundles out there, but if full frame is a better way to go for what I am wanting and to give me more freedom and keep me from buying another camera in 4-5 years then I might just pony up the extra money now. Also is 55-250 going to be enough to shoot sporting events or will I need more zoom? I currently have the kit lens (don't use it) and a 50mm prime which was well worth the $100 I spent on it. Any help or critique is appreciated.


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While "pastured" can be used to describe any animal raised for meat or eggs, "pastured" is most often used to describe poultry and eggs from chickens who have been raised the way you might imagine a chicken would want to live: they walk around in open fields and woods, they forage for food (primarily seeds and insects, with the occasional small rodent or reptile if they can get them), and they go back into a hen house at night to roost, nest, and lay eggs.
Pastured animals often receive supplemental feed in the winter or during dry months. This feed may or may not be certified organic. Since they aren't crowded together in unhealthy conditions, pastured animals don't tend to receive unnecessary antibiotics or hormones.
Importantly, "pastured" doesn't have a legal meaning or certification process. Pastured animals tend to be raised on small farms and the farmers often sell at farmers markets and other direct-to-consumer methods. It is usually easy to find out more about a specific farm that sells pastured meat or eggs since they are often rightfully proud of how they care for their animals.


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Women's Pima Stretch Jersey - knit Long - sleeve Top from Jockey®
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Wyn & Mary Burch, Ph.D.AKC's Canine Good Citizen and S.T.A.R. Puppy Director, Certified Applied Animal Behaviorist
Citizen Canine Blog (that's right, this one!) Wins at Westminster!Every year, on the Sunday before the Westminster dog show, dog writers from across the country travel to New York City for annual writing awards that are the equivalent of "Best in Show" for dog writers. This year, the Citizen Canine blog (that's right, this one!) won an award as the Best Blog in a writing competition and the Citizen Canine book won the prestigious Maxwell Medallion in the Dog Writers Association of America (DWAA) contest. For more information on DWAA, see dwaa.org
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About the ProgramsAKC S.T.A.R. Puppy® is the puppy level of Canine Good Citizen® (CGC). AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy is designed to provide dog owners and their puppies with a great start in training. With more advanced skills than AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy, CGC rewards dogs who have good manners at home and in the community. The Canine Good Citizen Program stresses responsible pet ownership for owners and basic good manners for dogs. The Hartford is a proud sponsor of the CGC and AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy programs.
Monthly Archives: July 2011
Mr. Murphey Goes to Washington!
Say hi to Murphey! Murphey is an ambitious and loving Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who passed his Canine Good Citizen test on August 1, 2010 with CGC evaluator Suzanne Stone on Long Island and went on to pass his Therapy … Continue reading
Posted in Facebook Friday Tagged cavalier king charles spaniel, facebook, therapy dog Leave a comment
Check Out Our New Look!
Welcome to the new and improved Citizen Canine blog! As you can see, our award-winning blog — in case you haven't heard, content from this blog has won quite a few awards in writing contests entered by the best dog … Continue reading
Posted in General Tagged cgc, dogs, new blog design 1 Comment
Stay Tuned…
We have some big, exciting changes coming! Stay tuned for the new and improved Citizen Canine blog.
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Friends Forever
I've seen so many stories about animals that seem to have forged strong bonds and become the best of friends. Not just dogs with other dogs, but dogs and cats, too. Tell me, does your dog have a best friend? … Continue reading
Posted in Questions Tagged animals, dogs, friends 3 Comments
Hey, over here! How to Help Your Dog from Becoming Distracted
It's a distracting world out there, and that's what step 9 of the Canine Good Citizen test is all about — your dog's reaction to distractions. So that your dog doesn't jump out of her skin when someone drops a … Continue reading
Posted in CGC test Tagged cgc test, reaction to distractions, step 9, training 2 Comments
CGC in the News
I saw this fun article and wanted to share it with you all. Canine Good Citizen Holly and her best friend Teddy, both Yorkshire Terriers, were featured in The Hartford Courant newspaper last week. Since is began back in 1989, … Continue reading
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You and Your Dog: So Happy Together
Meeting your dog's basic needs and maintaining his quality of life are the foundation of building a happy relationship together. No matter how busy life gets, being consistent about caring for your dog is extremely important. Here are some tips … Continue reading
Posted in Responsible Dog Ownership Tagged happy relationship, responsible dog ownership Leave a comment
Introducing Jennah, the Canine Version of Cyndi Lauper
Say hi to Jennah! Jennah is a sweet Akita who passed her Canine Good Citizen test on June 11th at 9 months old! She took her test with CGC evaluator Gisella Klindera of the Tulsa Dog Training Center. Jennah's owner, … Continue reading
Posted in Facebook Friday Tagged akita, cyndi lauper, facebook Leave a comment
What Breed Are You?
Since there are so many wonderful dog breeds, it's always interesting to see what kinds of dogs people end up with. What breed do you have and why did you choose it? Share with everyone in the comments.
Posted in Questions Tagged breeds, dogs 24 Comments
Lunging on a Leash: How to Put Leisure Back in Your Walks
In June we talked about some of the reasons why dogs lunge at others when on a leash. We thought we'd revisit this topic since it was so popular. So, if your canine walking buddy has this problem, here are some … Continue reading
Posted in Behavior Tagged dogs, techniques to stop lunging, training 6 Comments