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How I #SeeDV: Brandon Marshall
Brandon Marshall of the Denver Broncos shares about his personal experience with domestic violence and discusses ways we can help others experiencing abuse.
Brandon Marshall of the Denver Broncos shares about his personal experience with domestic violence and discusses ways we can help others experiencing abuse.
This post was written in partnership with Kaiser Family Foundation's Greater Than AIDS initiative
According to recent studies, one in three women experiences intimate partner violence (IPV). For women with HIV, it is one in two.
While IPV is a major issue for many women in the U.S., there is less discussion about the concerning connection with HIV. Women with an abusive partner are more likely to have forced and/or risky sex and may be less able to negotiate the use of protection, putting them at increased risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. The depression that often accompanies abuse can make it harder for women living with HIV to keep up with medications or stay connected to care. For some, sharing one's status may increase abuse or bring on violence.
In most cases, deciding to tell someone that you have HIV is a personal choice. However, in the case of sexual relationships, it is a legal requirement in many states. There is no one best way to tell someone. Similarly, there is no sure way to know how those you tell will react.
The Well Project, a leading organization supporting women living with HIV, has some advice for disclosing safely:
To bring more awareness to this issue, The Hotline, the Well Project and several other organizations have partnered with Kaiser Family Foundation's Greater Than AIDS initiative to launch Empowered: Women, HIV and Intimate Partner Violence. For this campaign, Tonya Lewis Lee, lawyer and women's health advocate, moderated a conversation with five women living with HIV, all of whom have experienced abuse from a partner.
Their conversation explores issues like understanding risk, getting help, finding love again and strategies for staying healthy. Campaign materials such as posters, flyers and a discussion guide are available for download here.
We hope that this campaign brings wider awareness to this issue and lets women living with HIV in abusive relationships know that they are not alone, and that help is out there.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, we can help. Call The Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat here on our website daily from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m. Central.
Today I am proud to announce that I have joined the Women's Coalition for Common Sense, a new coalition founded by former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and her organization, Americans for Responsible Solutions. This coalition brings together women leaders from across industries who share a commitment to combating gun violence and domestic abuse. In its work, the coalition will focus on advocating for action on commonsense laws that protect women and families from gun violence, and address the lethal links between access to guns and domestic violence. Our goals are to:
Firearms have always been part of the story of domestic violence and what abusive partners can do to their intimate partners. Women in the United States are eleven times more likely to be murdered by a gun than women in other high-income countries, and abused women are five times more likely to be killed by their abuser if the abuser owns a firearm. In 36 states, more than half of intimate partner-related homicides of women in each state involved a gun.
Our advocates hear shocking stories every day. What becomes clear from these stories is that firearms violence is not just about homicides. It is a tool that abusive partners use to control and torture their intimate partners. In our 2014 survey on the use of firearms in domestic violence situations, 67% of respondents believed their partner was capable of killing them, which creates enough fear to keep victims from leaving. Of the respondents whose partners had access to guns, more than 1 in 5 said their partners had threatened to use a firearm to hurt the victims, their children, pets or other family members.
Knowing these numbers, and with other instances of gun violence continually in the headlines, the time for action is now. We need everyone in the community – including employers – to be aware of this deadly issue and understand how they have a role to play, whether they are a business or faith leader, someone who provides housing in the community, someone who provides financial assistance, or someone who is a good friend or work colleague willing to support the survivor as she tries to deal with the violence.
If there were a rash of burglaries or muggings in our communities, we'd be advocating for police and the courts to take action. Firearms violence in intimate partner relationships is another crime that we shouldn't accept as something that just happens.
We can change this. We can help victims become survivors. We can't afford to do nothing. We need to act now.
Learn how you can get involved at Americans for Responsible Solutions.
Katie Ray-Jones is the CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and loveisrespect.
One of the defining moments in my career happened just a few short months ago. I was speaking to a group of young women in college about healthy relationships and how to recognize the signs of dating abuse. The conversation became a little personal, and I began talking about a past relationship. While the relationship was not abusive, my partner exhibited unhealthy relationship behaviors. By telling my story, I opened the door for the women in the room to share their own to stories and support each other.
After the event, one of the women approached me and thanked me for being honest about my relationship. What stood out for me wasn't the fact that she thanked me. It was that she said that I looked like I had the "perfect" life and wouldn't be the "type" of person who would be in an unhealthy relationship. That single moment showed me the power of sharing our stories.
By openly talking about domestic violence and dating abuse, we can dispel the myth that there is a "type" of person who experiences abuse. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects all types of people – no matter their race, gender, age, education or income. There is not one "type" of domestic violence victim or survivor. Every situation is unique.
Also, when we speak out, we are acknowledging that domestic violence is a widespread issue that affects every community. Seeing a story play out every once in a while in the media can make it seem like domestic violence doesn't happen that often. Well, it does. Domestic violence affects more than 12 million people each year in the U.S. With so many people in our country affected by abuse, we can begin to see the real and urgent need to expand resources, education and prevention efforts.
Finally, sharing our stories helps other victims and survivors feel less alone. Talking more openly about our experiences, when we feel safe doing so, might encourage others to come forward and find support. After all, abuse is never the victim's fault, and no one ever deserves to be abused. The only person to blame is the person who chooses to be abusive. When we as a society understand this, we will go a long way in helping to erase the shame and blame that can keep victims and survivors from seeking help.
Today, and every day, I am committed to speaking out about healthy relationships, domestic violence and my own experiences. I hope you will join me and share how you #SeeDV with your friends, family, classmates and coworkers. By doing so, we can work together to create a society that doesn't stay silent about domestic violence or ask why a victim would stay in an abusive relationship. We can shift the conversation and eventually create a world where domestic violence doesn't exist.
Cameka Crawford is the chief communications officer at the National Domestic Violence Hotline and its youth-focused program, loveisrespect. For more than a decade, she has been committed advancing the communications and marketing efforts for corporate and nonprofit organizations.
This is our final How I See DV (#SeeDV) post to wrap up our 2013 Domestic Violence Awareness Month campaign. We are so grateful to everyone who participated and supported our efforts in October.
Today's How I See DV perspective is written by Cora Harrington, the founder and chief editor of The Lingerie Addict. The Lingerie Addict is a fashion blog dedicated to lingerie, and has been featured on the websites for CNN, Vogue Italia, Forbes, and Time. Cora is a former domestic violence advocate, sexual assault crisis line worker, and family advocate for victims of violent crime. She currently lives and works in Seattle, WA.
In the last few decades, issues affecting health, and, in particular, women's health, have taken center stage. From Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October to American Heart Month in February, people are talking more and more about ways to get healthy and stay healthy. That's a wonderful thing, and I'm glad these conversations are happening. But there's still one issue that is all too often ignored in the discussion about health…and that's domestic violence.
While anyone of any gender can be affected by intimate partner violence, 85% of domestic violence victims are women, and 1 out of 3 women in the United States will experience domestic in her lifetime. For African American women and Native American women, those percentages are shockingly higher; almost 50% of Native American women have been beaten, raped, or stalked by their partners, and intimate partner homicide is one of the leading causes of death for African American women aged 15 to 35.
More women require medical attention for domestic violence than for rape, muggings, and accidents combined, and domestic violence during pregnancy is the #1 cause of maternal mortality (maternal deaths) in America. Imagine. If we had these kinds of numbers for any other disease – heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes – people would be protesting in the streets demanding an immediate solution. But since the issue is intimate partner violence (a "personal matter" or a "domestic dispute"), the response, all too often, is just more silence.
I'm not a medical professional or a first responder, so I don't see domestic violence on the "front lines," so to speak. Nor am I a Domestic Violence Advocate (though I used to be). So if you're someone like me reading this, who has a job that has nothing to do with intimate partner violence or sexual assault or the healthcare field, how is thinking of domestic violence as a public health issue possibly relevant to you?
Because a public health perspective helps to give a framework for both understanding DV and for talking with and being supportive of survivors of DV.
Sometimes, when a victim of domestic violence attempts to confide in a friend, that friend is less than supportive. Often, victims of domestic violence are asked why they don't "just leave," and have to cope with people implying that enjoy or even like the violence because they're still in the relationship. However, those kinds of statements would be unthinkable for any other health issue.
No one would ask a cancer patient if she liked having cancer because she needed time to explore treatment options, make a treatment plan, or because she chose to reject one treatment in favor of another. No one would tell a PTSD survivor that he enjoyed having PTSD because he took awhile to find a therapist, tried multiple therapists, or even stopped and started therapy more than once. No one would tell a stroke survivor that she must have enjoyed having a stroke because she was concerned about her physical limitations or because she had financial worries. So why are these assumptions okay for survivors of domestic violence, many of whom have been physically and verbally battered into physical and emotional injuries? They're not.
I'm not saying survivors of domestic violence are sick or unwell. Nor am I encouraging others to adopt a patronizing attitude towards them. I just think it's worth thinking of other ways to frame this problem…and its solutions. After all, you probably know someone who's dealing with domestic violence right now.
We know that today is November 1, but really, shouldn't every month be Domestic Violence Awareness Month? We have two more #SeeDV posts, including today's thought-provoking piece from Tasha Amezcua and Ursula Campos-Johnson of the New York City Anti-Violence Project.
Julio was scared to call the police. Last time he called, they refused to take the report. His partner Jim's violent tactics were escalating. Jim made Julio feel isolated and ashamed of being gay, often reminding him of how his family kicked him out. Julio couldn't reach out to his friends for help because all of his friends were Jim's friends, too. Jim told Julio he would kill him if he tried to leave. Julio called a few domestic violence shelters. Most turned him away because he was a man. Finally, after many calls he was accepted to a shelter that had very little experience sheltering LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV).
Once in shelter Julio began attending mandatory group counseling for shelter residents. The group's theme was "women supporting women," so he felt out of place. When he finally spoke up in group about the violence he experienced, the residents mocked him. He tried to make friends in the shelter, but was greeted with homophobic remarks by staff and fellow residents. Julio looked to his caseworker for support, but all she could offer was that he should practice empathy, since he and the residents have similar experiences. Despite the homophobia of the residents and staff, Julio continued to attend group because he really needed the support and the shelter, and it was nearly impossible for him, a young gay man, to find another DV shelter that would accept him.
The anti-violence movement, and society at large, often make assumptions about the identities of IPV survivors. The assumption is that women are victims of IPV and men are abusive partners. For Julio and many LGBTQ IPV survivors, these personal biases result in institutional barriers that can lead to a survivor disengaging with services, if they are even able to receive services in the first place. Without full access to safe IPV services, including shelters and counseling, an LGBTQ identified survivor may feel as unsafe in the shelter as in their abusive relationship. In accessing services like shelters, many LGBTQ survivors of IPV experience secondary trauma, by service providers, shelter staff, and other shelter residents, either through overt homophobia and transphobia, or through more subtle barriers to critical services, like women-only support groups or heteronormative intakes.
The stakes for LGBTQ IPV survivors are high. It's often difficult to imagine the deadly reality of IPV in LGBTQ communities when we've been socialized to believe that all the victims are ciswomen (cis or cisgender is a term used to describe people who, for the most part, feel that their gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. Cis is often used as a prefix, i.e. ciswoman) and all the abusive partners are men. So, here are the facts: IPV occurs within same sex relationships at the same rate as in heterosexual relationships, with a 25% to 33% prevalence rate. People of color, transgender, gender non-conforming people, and young people are disproportionately affected by IPV in LGBTQ relationships. The 2012 National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs Report on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and HIV-Affected Intimate Partner Violence found that people of color made up the majority (62.1%) of IPV survivors. Transgender survivors were two (2.0) times as likely to face threats/intimidation within violent relationships, and nearly two (1.8) times more likely to experience harassment within violent relationships. The 2012 report also found that youth and young adults were close to two times (1.8) as likely to face anti-LGBTQ bias in IPV tactics as compared to non-youth.
LGBTQ people are dying as a result of IPV at a higher rate than ever before. 2012 saw the highest recorded number of LGBTQ IPV homicides: 21 in 2012, 2 more than in 2011, and 15 more than in 2010. Nearly half of LGBTQ IPV murder victims last year were gay men.
Key to reaching and providing effective support services to all survivors of violence is understanding that IPV survivors can be queer, transgender or gender non-conforming, straight or gay men, lesbian or bisexual women, or gay, lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual transgender people. The people who harm are as diverse in gender and sexual orientation as the survivors we serve.
At the New York City Anti Violence Project (AVP), we collaborate with many IPV/DV service providers who historically serve heterosexual cisgender women. Making the transition to all gender and sexual orientation inclusive can seem like a daunting task. To offer support, AVP coordinates the New York State LGBTQ Domestic Violence Network, in which AVP staff and other network members support each other toward a shared commitment to "work towards the inclusion of LGBTQ survivors of domestic and intimate partner violence, specifically regarding LGBTQ shelter access and inclusion."
Expanding accessibility to services for LGBTQ survivors is only possible because of the legacy of the battered women's movement, feminism, and the hard work of domestic violence service providers. This is where we came from. This legacy opened shelters, insisted on visibility, and increased safety for many women survivors. Now it's time to broaden access to ALL survivors of intimate partner violence, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. This is a call to action for all of us, but especially service providers, to shift our understanding of who can and does experience intimate partner violence. With the reauthorization of an LGBTQ inclusive VAWA, it is time that all DV service providers realize the deep impact IPV has on all people, including LGBTQ survivors and victims. Only when we can expand our understanding of who can be a victim or a survivor can we begin to expand our services, including shelter, to all survivors of intimate partner violence.
Please note that the National Domestic Violence Hotline works hard to find a solution for all of our callers. Please call us if you need support or help at 1-800-799-7233.
About Our Contributors
Ursula Campos-Johnson is a New York City native, mixed race Latina, and survivor of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). Ursula has worked with LGBTQ survivors of violence for over five years. Ursula is dedicated to promoting social justice within and outside of systems for many marginalized communities, especially Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, HIV-affected (LGBTQH) survivors of IPV, and youth impacted by violence. Ursula has done this through program development, direct services, and training and education. As an Intimate Partner Violence Counselor Advocate at the New York City Anti-Violence Project (AVP), Ursula has created a unique support group model for LGBTQH survivors and victims of IPV and has lead an initiative at AVP to create a culturally competent IPV assessment model, inclusive of intersecting identities and free of assumptions around a binary understanding of gender identity. Ursula has provided workshops and trainings on intimate partner violence, sexual violence, hate violence and gender-based violence and their intersection with other forms of oppression, including poverty, sexism, heteronormativity, heteropatriarchy, and racism for service providers and community members. Ursula has presented at the Columbia School of Social Work, Columbia School of Nursing, CPS, the New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter and has provided trainings to youth service providers at The Door, and Ali Forney Center. Ursula is currently an MSW candidate at Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College.
Tasha Amezcua, the Intimate Partner Violence & Sexual Violence Community Organizer in AVP's Community Organizing and Public Advocacy department, supports coordination of statewide and local community organizing, public advocacy and policy programming related to LGBTQ intimate partner violence and sexual violence. Tasha develops and coordinates intimate partner violence and sexual violence programming and survivor-informed campaigns, conducts outreach to LGBTQ and HIV-affected communities in New York City, and develops the leadership of LGBTQ and HIV-affected community members and survivors to participate within organizing and advocacy campaigns. Tasha works to maintain and grow the work of the New York State LGBTQ Domestic Violence (DV) Network and provides technical assistance, training, and recruitment to the DV Network and serves as a liaison between AVP and the DV Network. She attended Columbia University, majoring in Women's and Gender Studies, with a concentration in Queer Theories. Tasha, a femme-identified queer Chicana survivor of violence, is originally from Santa Ana, CA, but has called New York City her home away from home since 2003.
Today's How I See DV perspective comes from Barbara Van Dahlen, named by TIME magazine as one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Dr. Van Dahlen is the founder and president of Give an Hour. A licensed clinical psychologist who has been practicing in the Washington, D.C., area for over 20 years, she received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Maryland in 1991. We're excited to have her share her voice during our DVAM campaign.
Please help us understand what post traumatic stress is and how it differs from post traumatic stress disorder?
When a human being is traumatized, whether it's due to combat, physical violence, natural disaster or something else, there are certain reactions that we expect people to have. Many of those are the symptoms that are now captured in the diagnosis of posttraumatic stress.
So if I'm in a car accident, we would expect that for quite some time I might be more jumpy, hyper-vigilant when pulling out of my driveway, I might have flashbacks of what happened, I might have bad dreams, I might get depressed… so all of these reactions are what we expect for the situation that I'm in following my accident. It only becomes a disorder if it doesn't get resolved, if I don't heal, if I don't receive the support I need to address all of my understandable reactions and symptoms associated with this trauma.
What are some misconceptions around post-traumatic stress in the military and domestic violence?
Most people assume that PTS looks the same for everyone – many think of the Rambo version of PTS. That's not the typical reaction at all. People who have experienced trauma, whether its due to combat or another event, can experience trauma differently from other folks who may have experienced the exact same event.
You might have two people who were in the same firefight — one person might become withdrawn and depressed, the other might become very anxious, agitated. A third person in the same fight might show no indication of stress – no interference with their functioning. People assume that PTS looks similar and in fact, the manifestation of PTS really varies. In addition it exists on a continuum. What it looks like today is not what it necessarily looked like six months ago and not what it will look like in six months.
Another misconception is that most soldiers/service members come home with PTS. That is not true either. Depending on the studies you look at — 18%, 20%, high is 35% depending on what we are assessing or measuring. Not everyone comes back with PTS.
Even if someone has PTS that doesn't mean that they're an ineffective partner, parent, employee, student. Many people function with the aftermath of trauma. There are some people with severe and possibly disabling PTS – but that's not the case all of the time.
Also, domestic violence is not a symptom of PTS. That's really important. PTS, especially when it's very severe, might, in some people, make them more likely to be violent towards a partner if they're already agitated and aggressive, if they're not sleeping or if there's substance abuse. PTS can be one unfortunate risk factor that may make violence more likely.
It depends on who the person is with PTS. We all carry around our predispositions, our tendencies, our personalities, our view of the world. And that will be compounded or affected by PTS. If someone was already a fairly controlling person, or tended to be hot-tempered but wasn't ever violent before… if they become distressed and aggressive as a result of trauma, they may be more likely to engage in domestic violence.
Returning servicemen and women may experience PTS and exhibit violent behaviors when they didn't before they left for duty. What do couples in this situation need to know?
PTS for both the person experiencing it and their partner can be very unnerving and scary because the person who has PTS may not know when a trigger may elicit a reaction, anxiety or aggression. So both partners need to come to understand what PTS is going to look like in themselves or their loved one. It doesn't mean that the person cant be a good partner. It's like being diagnosed with diabetes — if you don't recognize what that means, if you don't take it seriously, you can get yourself in serious trouble.
If the spouse/ partner reacts angrily to the PTS, because they're hurt and miss the person they love and they're angry that the person is having trouble sleeping, doesn't seem to be the same, etc., it's like throwing gasoline on the fire. The partner's reaction can exacerbate a difficult and potentially volatile situation. It's the same for the person experiencing PTS. I've heard soliders say that they learned to be aware of what triggered them and their reactions. They can also learn how to be more careful with their spouses – learn to be understanding of the feeling their spouses may have that are in reaction to the PTS. Couples can learn together – to decrease the risk of violence. But they have to work on it.
It's important to take PTS seriously because under the wrong combination of circumstances, that can really lead to a very dangerous and very upsetting situation … especially if you add alcohol to one or both of the partners. A fight or anger that would normally dissipate with them going off to their own corners, may turn into something far more violent than it ever would have before.
And just because we can understand how/why the violence occurred, that doesn't mean that we can – or ever should – tolerate it.
What are some behaviors that a person who experienced trauma might exhibit?
There are many ways a person might show that they are processing trauma, especially if they are a victim of domestic violence. Their self-esteem may deteriorate. You can see that both in what they say – they say negative comments about themselves, negative perceptions of themselves – and also how they take care of themselves or don't. Their self-care will start to be affected, falter, fail. They're not dressing the way they used to, with care. They're not working out, they're not eating healthy. Or maybe there's substance abuse. So anything that is a self-care clue that somebody is suffering, we can often see those in people we care about and notice them.
We all go through ups and downs in our lives, but if you see people who don't seem like themselves for extended periods of time, several days or weeks, it may be a reaction to trauma.
What are some myths around mental health and domestic violence?
One myth about mental health is that someone with mental illness is having mental illness makes you more likely to be violent. In fact, having a mental illness makes you more likely to be the victim of violence.
People with severe mental health issues, maybe schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, are more likely to be the victim of domestic violence because they are often less able to take care of themselves, they are more vulnerable, their thinking is not always as clear.
In addition, mental health issues place a person at risk in other ways. Someone who is severely depressed may be less likely to step out of or seek help to get out of a domestic abuse situation. They may get more entrenched, and feel like "I'm worthless" because low self-esteem is part of the depression, so they see abuse as confirmation of how they feel. Or if someone has severe depression and is prone to being abusive, they might be more likely to become violent because of their mental health issue.
Those conditions — depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse — they don't create domestic violence, or victims. They're just risk factors on both sides .
About Our Contributor
Concerned about the mental health implications of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Dr. Van Dahlen founded Give an Hour in 2005 to enlist mental health professionals to provide free services to U.S. troops, veterans, their loved ones, and their communities. Currently, the network has nearly 7,000 providers, who have collectively given over $9.4 million worth of services.
Dr. Van Dahlen, a featured speaker at the October 2012 TEDxMidAtlantic "Be Fearless" event, has joined numerous panels, conferences, and hearings on issues facing veterans and has participated in discussions at the Pentagon, Veterans Administration, White House, and Congress. She has become a notable expert on the psychological impact of war on troops and families and a thought leader in mobilizing civilian constituencies in support of active duty service members, veterans, and their families. Working with other nonprofit leaders, Dr. Van Dahlen developed the Community Blueprint Network, a national initiative and online tool to assist communities in more effectively and strategically supporting veterans and military families.
Dr. Van Dahlen and Give an Hour have received numerous awards, including selection as one of the five winners of the White House's Joining Forces Community Challenge, sponsored by First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden.
Today's How I See DV perspective is by writer Alex Iwashyna who blogs at LateEnough.com. Late Enough is a humor blog, except when it's serious. Alex is a freelance writer, poet and media consultant who writes about about her life intermixed with important ramblings on her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, her kids outsmarting her, and dancing like everyone is watching. We are very excited that she lent her voice — and support — to our campaign.
Celebrities seem to have it all — fame, fortune, the ability to get a book published that is poorly written and yet makes the best-seller list – not to mention the chefs, personal trainers and trips to exotic locales.
They are paid to look and act certain ways at certain times so I don't mind the commentary on their dresses and hair and ability to act or sing. But I draw the line at holding celebrities to higher standards when it comes to domestic violence. I don't think being famous gives people magical powers to escape abusive relationships quicker because, while they may have the financial means to leave, abuse is not a basic socio-economic problem. The women and men in these relationships are human beings who are going to respond like abused partners.
Take Rihanna and Chris Brown's relationship. Almost everyone supported Rihanna when she left Chris Brown after the abuse went public, but when she forgave him and went back to spending time with him, people were mean and angry and ignorant. Ignorant because it takes seven times ON AVERAGE for a woman to leave her abusive partner. Maybe she could've been an anomaly and left the first time around, but she's not. That doesn't make her a bad role model. That makes her not yet even average. And the public's reaction to this — the vitriol, the hate — makes it even harder for people to leave again. We set people up to not want to admit the abuse is happening again, to not be willing to seek help. Being kind, thoughtful and understanding is not condoning abusive behavior. Plus, what does an I told you so attitude even achieve?
Another very common reaction to abuse is to normalize it. "He's just trying to make me better." "I egged him on." We rationalize because the truth that someone I love is also hurting me can be difficult to process or understand. "Real Housewife" Melissa Gorga recently wrote a book about her marriage, Love Italian Style. I have only read excerpts, but I noticed warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says "no," turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated. (an excerpt from her book, which is a quote of her husband ignoring consent. More quotes can be found on Jezebel)
In the book, she also shares how she is not allowed to go on overnight trips, get a job or say no to sex more than once a day. Most of the public response to her book is how terrible and gross and awful they are as a couple and she is for writing this as an advice book. But, setting her husband aside, Melissa Gorga is just human. She may have more reach than the average person but that does not make her immune to a very human reaction to unhealthy behaviors: normalizing it so she can survive. Instead of demonizing her, we can react by saying, "If your relationship looks like this, know that it doesn't have to be this way. Here are places to find help."
These same relationships are happening every day to people we know. Nearly 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience abuse over their lifetime. While I would never want anyone to go through domestic violence, seeing complex relationships play out in celebrities' lives could help us comprehend our own experiences or to be more understanding of our friends and neighbors in similar situations. Will those we care about read how disgusted we are with people being abused or see someone they can turn to and trust to not be judged?
About Our Contributor
Alex Iwashyna holds a medical degree and a political philosophy degree and became a writer, poet and stay-at-home mom with them. She uses her unique perspective on her blog, LateEnough.com, to write funny, serious, and always true stories about life, parenting, marriage, culture, religion, and politics. She has a muse of a husband, two young kids and a readership that gives her hope for humanity. While Alex believes Domestic Violence Awareness Month is every month, she's grateful to be participating in How I #SeeDV this October.
Every day, our hotline advocates take calls from all over the country. They speak to victims, survivors, individuals identifying as abusive, concerned friends and family members and others. They talk to people wondering how to leave, and others wondering how to rebuild their lives after they already have.
This past month, our advocates answered the hotline's 3 millionth call — a milestone that represents those who have been positively impacted by our advocates but also the increasing need for lifesaving services. Help us recognize this moment by pledging 3 minutes of your time to talk to someone you know about healthy relationships and the resources available at the hotline.
This month for DVAM, we turned to our advocates and asked them to tell us how they #SeeDV. Here are some of their responses:
October is coming to an end but it's not too late to get involved. This past week we continued to have an outpouring of responses and participation — check it out below, and don't forget to tell us how you #SeeDV.
We're approaching the final week of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the participation and support continues to be amazing. From re-tweeting our own content, to creating your own images and messages tagged with the #SeeDV hashtag, you've all shared powerful words throughout the month.
We're approaching the final week of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the participation and support continues to be amazing. From re-tweeting our own content, to creating your own images and messages tagged with the #SeeDV hashtag, you've all shared powerful words throughout the month.
Today our special How I See DV guest is Tonya Turner, Director of Legal Services at Break the Cycle. In this position, she oversees the legal services program that represents young domestic and dating violence survivors between the ages of 12-24 in civil protection proceedings and custody matters. Tonya is an expert on LGBTQ dating abuse and has provided key trainings on the issue to law enforcement and the American Bar Association.
Tonya, can you tell us a little about the service you provide to LGBTQ youth?
I provide holistic legal services to young LGBTQ survivors of dating violence, stalking and sexual assault. I also train young people about healthy relationships so that they can better identify unhealthy or abusive ones.
Why did you get involved with this work?
I believe dating violence, stalking and sexual assault are often normalized and minimized and I wish to help shape a world where dating violence is not acceptable or tolerated.
What sustains you in this work?
The fact that I genuinely believe that helping one person actually makes a difference. I believe the impact of my work can really shape the way young people view relationships and assist them in making healthier choices.
What are some of the unique struggles people in abusive LGBTQ relationships face?
Many LGBTQ teens are not yet "out" to their parents or friends and may be afraid that an abusive dating partner will "out" them to friends or family. Also, many young LGBTQ survivors are afraid to ask for help because bullying or harassment may start or increase.
Many LGBTQ teens also are afraid that they will be not believed or taken seriously. Often adults believe that abuse between LGBTQ partners is always mutual, does not occur in lesbian relationships, or that the abuser is only the more dominate partner.
What would you say to someone who is hesitant to get help about their relationship because they are afraid of getting outed?
I would stress that everyone deserves to be in a healthy and loving relationship. Next, I would discuss their concerns about speaking to their parents. If they are not ready to come out, I would encourage them to safety plan and connect them with LGBTQ resources so that they could get additional support.
How do you define a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship involves two people who can laugh together, talk about anything, encourage each other and respect each other's differences. In a healthy relationship, your partner makes you feel like nothing is impossible and they will be right there with you.
We know you were involved with the creation of showmelovedc.org. Can you tell us about that project?
Many LGBTQ people do not feel supported or know their legal rights. Show Me Love was a campaign created to celebrate healthy LGBTQ relationships, and to raise awareness in the LGBTQ community about legal rights and resources available to people in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
Please complete this sentence. I see DV_______.
I see domestic violence not being tolerated as we empower people to have healthier relationships and they stand up and say violence is not acceptable.
About Our Contributor
Tonya Turner is currently the Director of Legal Services at Break the Cycle. In her position at Break the Cycle, Tonya trains Metropolitan Police Department Officers and adult service providers about domestic violence laws that impact young people and how to better help young people experiencing abuse. She has provided substantive and skills training with such programs as the ABA's Commission on Domestic Violence Custody Institute, the National Institute on Civil Representation of Victims of Domestic Violence, Dating Violence, and Sexual Assault Who Are D/deaf, Hard of Hearing and/or with Disabilities, and Best Practices for Lawyers Assisting Pro Se Victims of DV with Civil Protection Orders. Tonya also does outreach and education on LGBTQ domestic and dating violence. She is a board member of Rainbow Response Coalition (RRC). RRC is actively committed to informing LGBT people in the Washington Metropolitan Area of their legal rights and ensuring that law enforcement officers respond to dating/domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking calls involving LGBT people appropriately. Tonya is also on the advisory board for Show Me Love- a local campaign to raise the awareness, inform survivors in DC's LGBTQ communities about their legal rights, and direct people to resources about maintaining healthy and violence-free relationships. Tonya received her advanced degree from Rutgers School of Law.
This post is by a very talented writer and brave survivor, Courtney Queeney. We were moved by Courtney's article in the New York Times "The View From the Victim Room" which detailed her experience of renewing an emergency protective order. Today, she shares with us how she saw domestic violence red flags in her past relationship.
After my ex-boyfriend punched, choked and kicked me one night, I spent a few days in shock. I couldn't figure out how I had gotten into such a relationship in the first place.
When I reflected on the span of our relationship, the red flags were glaring.
Red Flag: He pursued me for months before I eventually said yes, because after all, I'd met him through a mutual acquaintance and he was a certified yoga instructor. With those credentials he must have been safe, although I was uncomfortable as early as our second date, when he professed his love.
Red Flag: He isolated me from my friends, family, and favorite activities. At first, he was sad to see me go home; then I was staying away from him too long, depriving him of my company so I could write, look for jobs and feed my cat. If I went out with friends, he'd text during the night to tell me how much he missed me. He didn't want me to have a job, because that would have subtracted from his time, and allowed me greater financial freedom.
Red Flag: He sulked when I didn't want to sleep with him, like a child who had just been sent to bed without his dessert. Post-breakup, his objectification of women as sexual objects became even more disturbing in both his art and his writing. He'd written about a fantasy he had of flaying an ex so I shouldn't have been surprised when the death threats he sent me involved him raping me, then attacking the body parts specifically identifying me as female; he didn't, for example, want to kick me in the shins.)
Red Flag: The messages he sent after I broke up with him were even more transparently disturbing: I was clearly responsible for his behavior. Why did you provoke me? he wrote. (For the record, I had knocked on a bathroom door, worried he was going to pass out.) He wrote I'm sorry for the way things went down that night. He used the passive tense; he didn't write: I hit you. Or: I was on drugs. Or: I choked you. Or: I kicked you. In the same message, he wrote: Can you somehow get beyond it? Please find a way to forgive me. Somehow, as a woman, it was my job to make the situation better for him.
Red Flag: He was irrationally jealous of my male friends. When I went to visit two of them for a week, he refused to get out of bed, texting me pitiful messages about how he couldn't wait until I came home. He set his computer up so I had my own desktop, though I repeatedly told him not to bother. I later learned that monitoring someone's computer and phone are classic red flags.
Red Flag: After he'd hurt me so badly my ER doctor kept looking at the scans of my face and repeating I can't believe nothing is broken, I was still responsible for his weight loss, his family asking about my abrupt disappearance, his loneliness, his insomnia and panic attacks.
Red Flag: He repeatedly wrote that he couldn't live without me. One night, he cut himself badly with a knife and couldn't staunch the bleeding. When his incessant attempts to contact me suddenly stopped, I knew he'd acted on these threats, probably on my birthday. If he'd succeeded in his suicide attempt, it would have been the ultimate punishment: I would have to carry that guilt for the rest of my life. I don't think he meant to succeed; it was a play for my sympathy.
I was lucky. I glossed over red flag after red flag, but when it was my relationship or my life, I chose life. I just wish I'd done it sooner.
About Our Contributor:
Courtney Queeney is the author of Filibuster to Delay a Kiss (Random House). She lives in Chicago.
One goal of our "How I See DV" campaign has been to show that people have unique views of domestic violence, specific to their community, their experiences and their own personal situation. We are proud of our many allies in the movement to end abuse, especially the work done by Casa de Esperanza, the National Latin@ Domestic Violence Resource Center whose mission is to mobilize Latinas and Latin@ communities to end domestic violence. Today we hear from Heidi Notario, Training & Technical Assistance Coordinator at Casa de Esperanza as she shares how she sees domestic violence.
I welcome each October as a great opportunity to highlight the work of culturally specific organizations in the context of ending violence against women. All of us in the anti-violence field hear about trauma-informed approaches and evidenced-based practices. These are the buzz words of our times. For some, these concepts seem new, intimidating, and out of their realm as advocates and survivors. "I'm not a researcher"- I hear time and time again.
And yet, many culturally specific organizations have historically provided services that are trauma-informed and carry strong evidence to support their efficacy. A key element to defining trauma- informed approaches relates to the way in which relationships are established between those in a supportive role, and those seeking support. These relationships are based on mutuality and respect. In these instances, helpers do not have the "expert" role as mere prescribers of services. Women and their families are not the "receivers" of such prescriptions in a passive manner. Rather, this is a fluid process where all are constantly learning from one another. In this context, supporting and fostering leadership skills among survivors is crucial in the work to end violence in Latin@ communities.
The work of the Líderes and promotoras/promotores are examples of culturally specific approaches to engage communities while utilizing their natural strength and shared wisdom. The impact of both approaches is long lasting and transformative. Both share the vision of maximizing community resources and supporting the development of leadership from within the communities.
Developed by Casa de Esperanza, the Líderes Program or the Latina Peer Education Initiative is a strategy that taps into the natural leadership among individuals, families and communities to share critical resources, build community and promote healthy relationships. The initiative is led by the women who serve as Líderes (Peer Educators). Líderes develop the trainings and tools that will be used in workshops; they recruit participants, and promote the workshops in the community. The goals of the project are accomplished by recruiting, training and supporting Latina Líderes to engage other individuals and families to acquire knowledge, skills and resources for immediate and long-term health and stability. This program has been adapted by a number of Latin@ organizations in the U.S.
Promotoras and Promotores are also community Líderes and their approach is equally effective. Promotoras started in Latin America as a way of reaching communities from within, on issues mostly related to health and wellness. Promotoras serve as liaisons between their community, health professionals, and others. As liaisons, they often play the roles of educator, mentor, outreach worker, advocate and role model. This approach has been very effective in Latin America and its strength is also evident in communities across the U.S.
What both approaches have in common is a deep recognition of the strengths of Latinas as community leaders, respect for their wisdom, and the belief that living with dignity is a birthright.
Watch: I am a leader– video. This inspiring 3 minutes and 49 seconds video describes the experiences of Latina women from Guatemala as they realized their inner leadership potential. This video is a great example of the strength of Latinas and Latin@ communities as resources for social change. Advocates from La Paz, a Latin@ organization in Chattanooga, TN, adapted the Líderes curriculum developed by Casa de Esperanza for this work. La Paz is an organization that works to empower and engage Chattanooga's Latino population through advocacy, education and inclusion.
About Our Contributor
Heidi Notario, M.A. serves as the Training and Technical Assistance Coordinator of the National Latin@ Network for Healthy Families and Communities, a project of Casa de Esperanza. Prior to joining Casa's team, Heidi was the Training Specialist at the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV). She has advocated for the rights of persons with disabilities and Deaf individuals for more than ten years, working closely at the intersections of disabilities and violence against women. Heidi's interests include a wide variety of issues related to the treatment afforded to survivors of violence with disabilities and Deaf survivors by the criminal justice system, service providers, and society at large. Heidi keeps on the forefront of her anti-oppression work the elimination of barriers that impact immigrant survivors and the LGBTQ community. Heidi views "accessibility" from a human rights framework and is committed to bringing this perspective into her work and personal life. Heidi is originally from Cuba and has resided in the U.S. since 1995. Heidi holds a Masters' Degree in Sociology from Lehigh University.
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This website was supported by Grant Number 90EV0426 from the Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families. Its contents are solely the responsibility of The Hotline and do not necessarily represent the official views of the Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
This Web site is funded in part through a grant from the Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. Neither the U.S. Department of Justice nor any or its components operate, control, are responsible for, or necessarily endorse, this Web site (including, without limitations, its content, technical infrastructure, and policies, and any services or tools provided).
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U.S. Says It Has Unlocked iPhone Without Apple – Now here's a surprise (not). The US government dropped its case against Apple yesterday, admitting it has cracked the iPhone of the San Bernadino shooter. Which not only contradicts the original claim that the government had no other means than forcing Apple to ... more >
DABWAHA is here! – It's that time of the year again! The annual DABWAHA tourney. In celebration of books and my love of the NCAA basketball tournament, Dear Author and Smart Bitches have teamed up to bring you the DABWAHA competition. Step one involves nominating your own favorite book published ... more >
The Apple-FBI Fight Isn't About Privacy vs. Security. Don't Be Misled – The FBI's demand that Apple create software that allows law enforcement (in this case, the FBI) into people's phones marks a very important crossroads in regard to the tradeoff many people believe we must accept between privacy and security. ... more >
DC ANNOUNCES FULL "REBIRTH" LINE, TWICE-MONTHLY BOOKS, LOWERED PRICE POINT – Information on DC's "creative team" for their new line-up will be announced (and live-streamed) at the upcoming WonderCon, but in the meantime, DC Comics has announced that it will keep the price point for its DC Universe comic books at ... more >
eBay Platform Exposed to Severe Vulnerability – Despite the fact that Check Point contacted eBay with evidence of a HUGE and dangerous security flaw on their platform, it appears that eBay is ignoring it, possibly because they think it is necessary to allow active content??? An attacker could target eBay users ... more >
Amazon's customer service backdoor – A very frightening account of how customer service can give someone trying to get your personal information, including a credit card number, a "backdoor," as long as they have enough details (name, email address) to provide to the customer service agent. One commenter notes that he ... more >
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5. Kurtis Drummond's interception against Western Michigan
Defensive backs aren't supposed to make one-handed catches – let alone running toward the ball and fully extended. Drummond did just that and earned himself a highlight that carried the rest of the year. In the first quarter, in which he already almost had an interception and ran another one back (See No. 4), Drummond made it all happen.
This interception came just inside Western Michigan territory as he skied for an overthrown ball by WMU QB Tyler VanTubbergen. It was the kind of play that just makes you say "wow."
4. Jairus Jones' interception against Western Michigan
Jones didn't have an interception in his career. Michigan State didn't have a defensive touchdown in 2012. Both those things changed in the first quarter of MSU's season-opening win as Jones made a highlight play to get the first touchdown of the season.
Dropping back in coverage on third down, Jones jumped a short route to a tight end for a great read and play deep in Western Michigan territory. He returned it a few years before being tackled, but as he went down he lateraled the ball back to Drummond was running with him. Drummond raced in for a 21-yard touchdown and set the Spartans season in motion.
Jones thrives in first game at linebacker ($)
3. Denicos Allen's back-to-back sacks against Michigan
Leading Michigan 16-6 late in the third quarter, Connor Cook threw an interception leaving the Wolverines with great field position for the first time all game and a change to make it a game. Allen was having none of that.
On first-and-10 from the MSU 41, Isaiah Lewis – and a convoy of Spartans – took UM quarterback Devin Gardner down for a loss of five.
And here comes Allen. Pressure came from Max Bullough and Mark Scarpinato, with Allen finishing the job for a loss of 9.
Not done yet, Allen came right back on third-and-25 with another sack – combined with Ed Davis – pinning 7 more yards back and forcing a punt.
It was the moment that made certain MSU was not losing the game and that the Spartans were too tough and physical defensively for Michigan to be on that field in November.
2. Denicos Allen's fourth-down stop against Ohio State
Ohio State scored 24 straight points running the ball at will against Michigan State's vaunted run defense, but all that went on the window when it came to the fourth quarter and closing out the game.
In Michigan State territory, Ohio State faced a fourth-and-1 and was going for it. Quarterback Braxton Miller took off to the right with blocking in front of him, but Allen shed the tight end and came through to wrap up Miller behind the line. Miller almost escaped, but Allen held on and brought Miller down for no gain and gave the ball back to the MSU offense with 5:41 to go and a 27-24 lead.
Minutes later, Jeremy Langford put the icing on the cake with a touchdown to send Michigan State to Pasadena.
1. Kyler Elsworth's fourth-down stop against Stanford
Where else would this list end? The storyline was set up the moment Max Bullough was suspended and Elsworth started the game.
Cue the scene. Pasadena. Fourth-and-1 at the Stanford 34. 1:46 to go. Michigan State leading 24-20. Stanford's power formation against Michigan State's goal line defense.
Stanford quarterback Kevin Hogan turned and handle the ball off to tight end Tyler Hewitt, who was met by Elsworth first flying over the top of the pile of linemen on the ground. Darien Harris came in and Shilique Calhoun helped, but Elsworth got the play under way.
Rose Bowl won. The former walk-on making the play. It couldn't have ended any other way.
It is a play that will live in Michigan State lore forever.


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(based on 2 reviews)
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A Bargain!
By NHBibliophile
from Concord, NH
Bought these on sale as a gift for a turtle-loving bibliophile and checked them carefully after reading the other review. This set is perfect! I do hope the other reviewer returned the bookends for another set, as I don't think they would be disappointed!
Bottom Line Yes, I would recommend this to a friend
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Major disappointment
By Walkingturtle
from Undisclosed
These turtles are so cute in the photo! I ordered them the second I saw them, but now they're going back. One of the Turtle's hands is separated from the book. I think it's loose solder. The major disappointment was the glasses. They come separately and aren't molded to the fit the Turtle's head. You have to bend the wire, and fight to cram the ends into the not-quite-right drilled holes in the Turtle's head. Then when you bend them, the paint falls off! They had such potential, but the quality is just too poor.
Bottom Line No, I would not recommend this to a friend
Merchant response: Thank you for pointing this out—we will research this issue. It seems to be an isolated quality concern. Please contact us at 1-800-545-0242 and we'll issue a replacement at no charge. Your satisfaction is our #1 priority, and we'll do whatever it takes to make it right. Thank you for the opportunity to make it right.
© Copyright Levenger Company
2016. All Rights Reserved.


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Austin Seferian-Jenkins
Tight End
University of Washington Huskies
Fox Island, Washington
Gig Harbor High School
The comparisons began as soon as Seferian-Jenkins arrived at the Seattle campus in 2011. Two years later, it is easy to see why even the casual fan knows that the Husky proudly wears the title of "King of the Hill" when it comes to rating college football's talent at the tight end position.
Blessed with incredible pass catching skills, Seferian-Jenkins displays the athleticism that few have seen at this position, drawing comparisons to Tony Gonzalez, who was also a two-sport performer at California before embarking on what will soon be a Hall of Fame induction for the former Kansas City Chief and present Atlanta Falcon.
With his quickness off the snap, explosive first step and the mismatch he often creates for safeties with his imposing frame and eye-opening leaping ability, Seferian-Jenkins is often compared to another former Missouri great, former San Diego Chargers standout Kellen Winslow Sr.
With his tenacity and stiff-arm ability, the Husky tight end could rival former Denver Broncos Hall of Famer, Shannon Sharpe, for his ability to power through the initial tackle and gain huge chunks of "real estate" after the catch. While not as vocal as the Broncos sensation, Seferian-Jenkins has drawn considerable respect from opposing defensive coordinators, as they often double- and even triple-team him, with little success in attempts to stop the receiver.
That is evident by the fact that he not only holds the school career-records for tight ends with 21 scoring grabs (fourth overall in UW annals), but Seferian-Jenkins has also produced key receptions that set up 51 other touchdown drives (offense had 135 touchdowns in games played in by their tight end, who was involved with big plays on 52.60% of those series) and on nine other possessions that led to UW field goals.
Of the 410 first downs recorded by Washington receivers in the 38 contests that Seferian-Jenkins has appeared in, the tight end registered 97 of them (23.66%). He also converted 30 third-down passes into first downs for the Huskies. Additionally, he has capitalized on his size to out-leap opponents to pull down 27 tosses inside the red zone, including 11 on goal-line snaps.
Heath Miller (Pittsburgh) was regarded as the most dominating blocker of his era during his playing days at Virginia (2002-04). The first Atlantic Coast Conference player to win the coveted John Mackey Award in 2004, he relished the blocking side of the game and his physicality and dependability is what has made the consensus All-American one of the NFL's best tight ends for the last decade.
Miller averaged 5.05 knockdowns blocks per game during his three-year career with the Cavaliers, including an average of 5.83 knockdowns during his final campaign in 2004. The Husky tight end boasts an average of 5.62 knockdowns per game during his career, including an average of seven knockdowns in 2013, as his 20 touchdown-resulting blocks that season are the most recorded by any tight end, fullback, wide receiver or tailback at any level of college football.
Seferian-Jenkins had averaged 4.92 knockdowns per game as a sophomore. The only NCAA Football Bowl Subdivision tight end to average more knockdowns per game in 2012 was Cincinnati's Travis Kelce (5.31 avg). The Husky tied Kelce for the national lead among tight ends for touchdown-resulting blocks with 10 in 2012. His 17 down-field blocks were two shy of Kelce's 19 during the 2012 schedule.
Prior to his arrival at the University of Washington, Seferian-Jenkins was a two-sport standout at Gig Harbor High School. He received a five-star prospect rating and was regarded as the best tight end in the high school ranks by Tom Lemming's Prep Football Report, as Scout.com also regarded him as the nation's best tight end.
As a junior and senior, Seferian-Jenkins received All-State honors from the Seattle Times and Class 4A first-team accolades from the Associated Press. During his final year, he garnered All-American second-team recognition from ESPN. He was also a first-team All-American selection by MaxPreps after he snared 62 passes for 1,152 yards and 11 touchdowns in 2009.
Seferian-Jenkins was a member of the Prep Star "Dream Team" and named to the Long Beach Press-Telegram's "Best in the West" first-team. He was one of five seniors from the state named a "blue-chip prospect" by the Seattle Times and one of just eight players from the Pacific Northwest named a "Northwest Nugget" by the Tacoma News-Tribune, in addition to earning "Western 100" list accolades from that news service.
At Gig Harbor High, Seferian-Jenkins competed as a wide receiver, tight end, offensive tackle and defensive end and was a two-time Class 4A All-Narrows League and All-District choice during his three-year gridiron career, helping the Tide rank 28th in the state polls during his sophomore season.
Seferian-Jenkins was also a two-time All-Narrows League selection in basketball, where he lettered three times, first, for coach Kerry Yousey as a forward during his sophomore year before being coached by Lyle McIntosh as a junior and senior. He served as squad captain during his senior hoops campaign, as he averaged 17 points and nine rebounds per game for the Tide in 2010-11.
College football recruiters began showing up to watch Seferian-Jenkins play almost as soon as he suited up for the Tide in 2007. Grid coach Darren McKay immediately realized that he had that "special" player every coach dreams of mentoring. At first glance, the coach saw a player who was a massive man, especially for a high school player, as he stood over 6:05 during his sophomore season.
Seferian-Jenkins towered over his classmates and even a few fellow Division I prospects.
But the coach also looked past the physical frame and saw a soft-spoken, down-to-earth teenager, who would happens to quickly develop into one of the top prospects in the country. "When you talk about catching, blocking and doing everything naturally, there's no one better than Austin," said CBS College Sports recruiting analyst Tom Lemming.
Because Seferian-Jenkins is so light on his feet, McKay often used him to create mismatches by splitting him out wide, given his ability to adjust to the ball on downfield routes. "I haven't seen a person his size able to adjust to a ball like that," McKay said.
One look at McKay's cell-phone and much of his call history was a back-and-forth with Seferian-Jenkins. McKay sees where his standout is now, but can't help but look back to when the tight end was a chubby cheeked eighth grader. Even back then he was big. People noticed. They couldn't believe he wasn't even in high school.
The recruiting circus started quickly enough, sending Seferian-Jenkins all across the country with his mother, Linda Seferian and his sister, Michaela. At the time the recruiting trips began, his mother noted with a laugh, "I think my daughter is looking forward to a vacation soon where it's not connected to any of the recruiting stuff. I'm going to take her on a special vacation where there's not any of that."
Because of his connection to his family and his desire to be a part of the rebuilding effort at Washington, Seferian-Jenkins decided to stay home and in August, 2010, he committed to attend the University of Washington, signing his national letter of intent on February 2nd, 2011. He was joined that day by Gig Harbor teammate, Kasen Williams, in becoming Husky recruits. In 26 games together at Washington, the tandem has accounted for a combined 223 receptions for 2,695 yards (12.09 ypc) and 25 touchdowns.
"I'm really blessed to have an amazing family," Seferian-Jenkins said. "It's one-of-a-kind, because some people would die to have the family I do." There are others who would give anything to have Seferian-Jenkins' talent. However, it is his personality that sets him apart. He could thank his grandfather for that.
When Linda Seferian looks at her son, she can't help but think about her father. There are times when Austin Seferian-Jenkins gets this look on his face and Linda is forced to do a double-take. It's almost as if her larger-than-life father, Edward, is still alive, standing right in front of her. "Austin carries that and it's kind of like my dad is still with us," she said. "For Austin, it's his grandfather is still with him."
For 35 years, Edward was the conductor of the Tacoma Symphony Orchestra, a man with the right mix of humor, personality and patience, qualities that came in handy for Seferian-Jenkins as he went through the recruiting process. It's been years since Edward died of cancer, but his grandson still seeks his approval. "Do you think grandpa Edward would be proud of me?" Seferian-Jenkins sometimes asks his mother.
When Seferian-Jenkins first enrolled at the University of Washington for the spring quarter in March of 2011 to participate in spring practice, he measured in at 250 pounds. Some on the staff and in the media wondered if the recruit's long-term future would be at tight end. There were those who projected him to bulk up to a 300-pound left offensive tackle by the time he wraps up his career with the Huskies.
However, Seferian-Jenkins has, and always will, consider himself a tight end, working long hours to maintain his imposing frame. He emerged from 2013 spring practice at 266 pounds. "My thing of not playing offensive tackle is the health issue," he said. "I don't want to be that big. That could end up not being good for your health. Being 300-some pounds is not always healthy. You can say what you want about it, I don't want to do it."
Seferian-Jenkins also had plans to join the UW basketball team and the extra weight would limit his mobility. "I plan on playing at the collegiate level," he said. "I have a roster spot, so I'm going to plan on playing there. It will keep me in great shape."
He would suit up for the Huskies' hoops squad after his freshman gridiron season, averaging 1.1 points and 2.1 rebounds per game as a forward coming off the bench. He added a spark to the team, as Washington compiled a 13-4 record after he made his first appearance vs. Stanford on January 21st, 2011 as a walk-on, as UW went on to capture the Pac-12 Conference title. He would become the 19th known Husky to play both football and basketball at Washington, the first since Nate Robinson (2002 football season;, 2003-05 in basketball), but just the fourth since 1985.
On the football field, Seferian-Jenkins appeared in all 13 games, starting 10 times (team used multiple receivers to open the game in his three non-starts), finishing third on the team with 41 receptions, the fifth-best season total by a UW tight end. He gained 538 yards, the fourth-highest total by a Husky tight end in a campaign, scoring six times. He hauled in 75.93% of the passes targeted to him (41-of-54) and had key receptions that led to 19 Washington touchdown drives and on two other possessions that led to field goals.
The freshman recorded 33 first-down grabs and converted 10 third-down throws, making nine receptions inside the red zone. He was named to The NFL Draft Report's Freshman All-American first-team, received All-Pac 12 Conference honorable mention and was the recipient of the team's Travis Spring Most Outstanding Freshman Award.
A finalist for the Mackey Award in 2012 (given to the nation's top tight end), Seferian-Jenkins was selected All-American first-team by The NFL Draft Report and third-team by CBS Sports. The All-Pac 12 Conference second-team pick led the nation's tight ends in receptions (5.31 pg) and receiving yardage (65.54 pg) per game. He set school tight end season-records with 69 catches for 852 yards (12.35 ypc) and seven touchdowns.
Seferian-Jenkins caught 75.82% of the passes targeted to him (69-of-91), producing 39 first downs while converting 13 third-down tosses. He had 34 catches for at least 10 yards, including 14 for 20 yards or longer. He also set up 16 touchdown drives and three possessions that resulted in field goals with his timely catches.
The tight end doesn't believe he would have had this prodigious production through two years at any other school. "No, God put me in this position, to put me back to Washington to revive a position that had died," Seferian-Jenkins said. "I'm just so thankful and blessed to have such great coaches and teammates, and to be in a system as great for me as this one."
The junior entered the 2013 season as the favorite to garner numerous post-season honors, including the Mackey Award, which he won over finalists Eric Ebron (North Carolina) and Nick O'Leary (Florida State). Most professional scouting organizations regard the Husky as one of the most coveted tight end in his draft class. After sitting out the season opener vs. Boise State, Seferian-Jenkins started the next 12 games on the 2013 schedule, playing for a unit that seemed to be relying more on their ground game and deep passing attack, rather than utilizing the success their tight end had afforded them in "moving the chains" with underneath tosses.
Seferian-Jenkins made the most of those limited opportunities in 2013, however. He caught 36-of-50 passes targeted to him, good for 450 yards and eight touchdowns. His as scoring grabs are tied for seventh on the school's overall season-record chart and second-best ever by a Washington tight end in a campaign. In addition to his eight scoring catches, he posted key receptions that led to 10 more UW touchdown drives, including hauling in five passes on goal-line plays.
After the Kraft Hunger Bowl, Seferian-Jenkins announced that he would not return to school for his senior season and had filed for early entry for the 2014 NFL Draft. At the 2014 NFL Scouting Combine, he was diagnosed with a stress fracture in his right foot and could not participate in speed agility tests. He returned home and shortly after, underwent surgery to repair the injury, which will take six-to-eight weeks to heal, more than ample time to be recovered by the start of NFL training camp in July.
Seferian-Jenkins has started 35-of-38 games for the Huskies, including each of his last 28 contests…The junior has recorded 146 receptions for 1,840 yards (12.60 ypc) and 21 touchdowns, totaling 126 points, along with making two solo tackles after interceptions and advancing a fumble recovery for a one-yard gain in a brief appearance as a defensive end…His 146 receptions topped Vince Weathersby (1985-88) for fourth on the school career-record chart.


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+359 700 12 110 (at the price of a standard phone call) 8:30-17:30 Mon - Fri
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Hotel "Magnolia" is located in a beautiful and quiet park area of Albena resort, 750 meters away from the beach, meeting all the requirements for a relaxing holiday. It offers 340 cozy furnished rooms, a big outdoor pool with two slides, buffet-restaurant with a terrace, surrounded by vegetation, lobby bar, snack bar, pool bar. In the lobby and by the pool there is a free Wi-Fi internet connection. At your disposal is a daily free of charge shuttle bus, to the beach and back, every 30 minutes - from 09:30h to 17:30h.
Free of charge services: 24 hour reception, information, wake-up call, calling up a taxi, post services, currency exchange, 2 sun beds and 1 umbrella per room on the beach and by the pool, animation, outdoor pool, main restaurant with a terrace, lobby bar, snack bar. Free of charge Wi-Fi internet connection in the lobby and on the beach with a maximum speed up to 1 Mbps.
Extra paid services: rent a car, excursions, taxi, massage, beach towels, laundry and ironing, PC internet corner in the lobby, pets (upon initial request), International and Bulgarian press, safety deposit box (the hotel is not responsible for loss of personal valuables and belongings, which are not properly deposited in the safe deposit boxes), sport facilities, water sports, mini golf, horse riding, diving, ride with a phaeton, amusement park. Special drinks as per Menu, crisps, Haribo, nuts and tobacco are subject to an extra charge.
1. It's afternoon coffee time... back in 1969
Favorite desserts, classic recipes and prices, dating back from 1969, offers Panorama Café in Dobrudzha Hotel. Endulge in the romance of the old times with the new-old specials...
"Chocolate Plaisir" @ 1.53 BGN
"Fruit Melba Frisco" @ 1.86 BGN
"Bavarian crème" @ 2.26 BGN
Working Hours: 09:00-00:00
Panorama Café
Dobrudzha Hotel, 15th floor
+359 885 853 289
2. Albena presents his first yield of white wines. The vineyard of Albena is situated in the valley between Albena and Kranevo. The vines in the array are imported from a prestigious French nursery. In 2014, first harvest was about 20 tons of grapes. Nearly 10,000 bottles were produced in a boutique winery near Provadia. The wines of Albena are produced from white grapes - Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Viognier, Muscat Petit Gren where maximum-friendly raw materials processing methods were applied. The wines are available exclusively at all hotel receptions and a la carte restaurants in the complex. For more information visit: http://albena.bg/en/pages/Geranium.html
3. All guests of the following hotels: Kaliakra, Arabella Beach, Flamingo, Malibu, Laguna Garden, Laguna Mare, Laguna Beach, Gergana, Primasol Ralitsa Superior Aquaclub, Kaliakra, Primasol Ralitsa Superior, Vita Park and .Com will able to use the room charge service in selected a la carte restaurants in Albena and the hotel lobby bars after 23:00.
Another benefit of using this service is that over the transferred amount guests enjoy a 5% discount.
4. Richer Dine Around Program, inclusive of 8 themed a la card restauramts. More information you can find on: http://albena.bg/en/pages/dine-around-albena.html
5. Yoga on the beach with Sandip Kumar
During te months of July and August near the beach of Ganvie Beach Club, the Indian yoga guru Sandeep Kumar teaches yoga classes every day, morning and evening with a duration of 75 minutes. Yoga lessons are aimed at reducing stress, laughter, meditation, breathing techniques balanced and more. For more information: http://albena.bg/en/pages/yoga.html
Hotel "Magnolia" offers its guests 340 air-conditioned and cozy furnished rooms with TV, telephone, bathroom with shower, balcony. Maximum accommodation capacity in "Magnolia Plus" is 2 adults and 2 children and for "Magnolia Standard" - 2 adults and a child. Pets - upon preliminary request and against extra charge. Check in time - after 14:00; check out time - until 12:00.
The sea shore of Albena resort (almost 3 kms long) is a "Blue Flag" award holder for years for the high standards in maintenance of the beach and the quality of the sea water.
The beach for the guests of hotel "Magnolia" is situated 900 meters away from the hotel next to beach bar "Ganvie". 2 sun beds and 1 umbrella per room are free of charge. Beach towels and mattresses are against extra charge. The Lifeguard's working time is from 8.30 till 18.00. After that the beach remains unguarded. Please follow the instructions of the Water Life Saving service and the flag signalization.
Pool - Working schedule of the pool is from 8.30 to 18.00. In the period 01.07 - 31.08 the working time extends to 8.30 - 19.00. Outside these hours the pool is unguarded, therefore we kindly ask you not to use it. One umbrella and 2 sun beds per room free of charge. Towels and mattresses are subject to extra charge.
Restaurant Magnolia:
For children - special menu
Тhematic evenings: Bulgarian national, Seafood, Italian.
Beverages: Bulgarian alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, Bulgarian rakia, Bulgarian wine, Bulgarian sparkling wine, Bulgarian draft beer, juices, soft drinks, mineral water, coffee (espresso and from coffee machine) and cappuccino. Imported alcohol drinks, cocktails and coffee "Lavazza" are against additional payment. After 23:00 all the drinks are subject to an extra charge.
Animation and entertainment program: six days sports and entertainment animation for adults and children, night shows or live music, animation program for children from 4 to 12 years old, table tennis, step aerobics, water gymnastics, darts, chess, backgammon, mini disco. The hotel offers billiards and table tennis free of charge.
Dine Around concept will be valid throughout the whole 2015 season. It is applicable for all the guests with a minimum stay of 7 overnights in the period until 30.06.2015 and after 02.09.2015 on all inclusive or all inclusive plus basis. They will have the exclusive opportunity to experience one lunch and one dinner choosing from the wide variety of International dishes in any of our A la carte restaurants:
The Dine Around menu includes a salad, an appetizer, a main course and a dessert. Free of charge will be served a glass of water. All the other drinks are against extra charge. A preliminary reservation should be submitted on reception not later than 15.00 on the previous day.
Free yourself from everyday stress and tension, forget cares and troubles, indulge deserved pleasure and relaxation to restore the inner harmony and balance of your body and soul and to find your way to good health, beauty and vitality.
Spa Centre "Medica - Albena" in hotel "Dobrudja"
Spa Centre "Ralitsa Superior"
Spa "ELEMENTS" - in hotel "Flamingo Grand
We aim to ensure our guests a healthy smoke-free holiday. According to the Bulgarian legislation, smoking in hotel rooms, as well as indoor restaurants and bars is not allowed.
|Prices for accommodation in Hotel Magnolia season 2016
|type of room
|periods / prices* in EUR per person
|06.07- 23.08
22.06 - 05.07
24.08 -02.09
05.06 - 21.06
03.09 - 20.09
until 04.06
from 21.09
|double room - plus
|double room - standart
*"Albena JSco" retains the right to make changes.
or your rating:
Rating: (4.5)
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PHOENIX – Rex Ryan expressed confidence that his quarterback will play better in 2013. He just didn't reveal who that quarterback will be just yet. A week after new offensive coordinator Marty Mornhinweg said that incumbent Mark Sanchez will have a "just a little bit of a leg up" in the Jets quarterback competition, Ryan was bit more vague about putting Sanchez atop his depth chart right now.
Rex Ryan Doesn't Commit to Mark Sanchez as Jets Starting QB
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A taxi driver was allegedly robbed at gunpoint after picking up two people at an Aiken motel, according to the Aiken County Sheriffs Office.
Officers met with the victim about 1 a.m. on Wednesday at the intersection of Gregg Highway and Gregg Street in Graniteville, according to a sheriffs report. The victim told officers he picked up the two suspects, a male and a female, at the Knights Inn in Aiken, and they said they needed to go to Kalmia Apartments in Graniteville.
The victim said that when he turned on to Hester Street, the male suspect fired a gunshot through the vehicles windshield and demanded all of the victims money, police said. The victim said the suspect stole his wallet and an undisclosed amount of cash, as well as his cellphone.
The suspects reportedly told the victim to leave, and as he was doing so, they got into a white vehicle that had pulled up behind the victims vehicle, the report stated. The victim went to Gregg Highway and Gregg Street, where he called 911.


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Mosaic NY Fall 2016
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Welcome to www.modelheliservices.com , Irelands Premier Model Shop. We are both an Online Store and Retail Unit where customers are welcome to see all all the products and watch top pilots flying at our private flying site located at the shop. www.modelheliservices.com opened in 1996 and have grown to become the leading model shop in Ireland for the last number of years due to our professional customer service , great prices and knowing about the products we sell and more importantly ,we know how to fix them if you have a problem. As our motto says " We can fly what we sell " All this is due to our team of professional pilots / builders who fly weekly and compete in many flying events in Ireland and the UK. We are dealers for all the major brands and carry a large amount of stock and great prices.
At www.modelheliservices.com we will bring you the latest RC products as soon as they are released at the most competitive prices.
We carry the largest stock of Nitro Fuel , Airplanes , Helicopters and Cars and are steadily adding to the new range of Multicopters. We are Distributors for Opti Power and Opti Fuel , Spoton RC & Spin Blades in Ireland. We are main dealers for Horizon Hobby , Ripmax , J Perkins , Logic RC , Climb Out , Robbe Schulter UK , Mc Gregors , CML , Century Uk , Opti Power , Opti Fuel , Multiplex , Dji , Spin Blades , NHP , Powerbox Systems.


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