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Compute, storage, networking, solutions, and services capability spanning data centers to mobile devices, coupled with industry partnerships that augment our offerings, enable Lenovo to meet your diverse business needs.SEE MORE REASONS
Workload Optimized for Business Critical Applications.
Built-in industry-leading reliability and security with world-class performance.
2U rack server for diverse, business-critical workloads, 24/7, with leadership reliability, efficient performance, & security.
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Versatile dual-socket 2U rack server, optimized for cloud computing & virtualization.
Dense, easy-to-use 1U rack server for pay-as-you-grow scaleability.
Find out more about X6 servers under Mission-Critical Servers.
Compute, storage, networking, solutions, and services capability spanning data centers to mobile devices, coupled with industry partnerships that augment our offerings, enable Lenovo to meet your diverse business needs.SEE MORE REASONS
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The final week of The Voice's round 1 battles kicked off Monday showcasing the star power of some of Season 6's teen artists.
Although she's just 17, Bria Kelly once again closed the show with strength far beyond her years, taking on Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart" for Team Usher in a closely matched battle with former NFL cheerleader and student Tess Boyer, 21, who surprised the coaches by stepping up her game.
The wholesome Kelly rocked it out hard with a sound that belied her sweet looks, earning praise all around. Usher chose Kelly, but Boyer of Glen Carbon, Ill., caught the eye of Blake Shelton who wasn't about to let her leave the show just yet.
"I think Tess came out of nowhere on this thing," Shelton said after Shakira called her voice "amazing."
It was an emotional Glee-inspired sing-off between Provo, Utah, natives Madilyn Paige, 16, and Tanner James, 19, who attended the same school but who had never met until the show.
Singing Taylor Swift's "Everything Has Changed," the teens projected innocence and young love as Paige rose to the moment to feel the song's heart and to project more as Usher had instructed her to do in rehearsals.
Jill Scott, Usher's mentor this season, was rapt. "Her voice is like china, so it's fragile. It can break," Scott said of Paige, and urged the pair to "be starry-eyed, be in love, be an actor as well as a singer."
"That was like watching Golden Retriever puppies frolic through fields of leaves through the sunset," Adam Levine vamped. "Cute overload."
In the end it was Paige who remained as Usher called his decision "complicated," but not before he praised the handsome and boyish James as a "heartthrob."
"Madilyn, I felt like you arrived," Usher said.
Also shining was 16-year-old Deja Hall of San Antonio, a high school athlete who shared the stage for Team Shakira with Music Box – real name Ayesha Brooks – a 28-year-old single mom from Seattle, who admitted she had stage fright but showed off determination and stage presence.
Their battle on the Bangles hit "Eternal Flame" seemed mismatched in rehearsals, with Music Box appearing the stronger vocalist. But Hall captivated with her peaceful charm during the performance.
"There is so much potential in you Deja. You are far beyond your years," Usher told her. But Shelton liked her opponent more. "Miss Box, you've already developed a very unique sound that is all your own."
Shakira ultimately picked the younger Hall. "I think your voice is so angelic and it accompanies your personality," she said.
But Usher wasn't about to let Music Box go home just yet and used a steal to bring her aboard to his team. "I think you were a bit anxious and those little things we can dial back, but your voice is incredible. You have the potential to go very far in this competition, but you just need the right coaching."
Also moving ahead Monday were Kerrville, Texas, native Josh Murley, 30, who lost his Team Adam battle round to Austin, Texas, duo Dawn & Hawkes but who remains in the competition after he was stolen by Shakira.
Father of three Josh Kaufman of Indianapolis beat Austin Ellis of North Beach, Md., to remain on Team Adam, while Philadelphia's Audra McLaughlin, 21, headed off a challenge from Oklahoma teen duo Alaska & Madi to move ahead on Team Blake.
The Voice's final round 1 battles continue Tuesday (8 p.m. ET) on NBC.
The Voice: Teen Singers Shine In the Final Week of Round 1 Battles
Tyler Golden/NBC

subset: commoncrawl


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Fujifilm XC 50-230mm F4.5-6.7 OIS Review
Latest Camera Reviews
Panasonic Lumix DMC-G80 Review
Sharpness at 100mm
For these sharpness tests the Fujifilm XC 50-230mm F4.5-6.7 OIS lens was attached to a Fujifilm X-E2 body, which in turn was mounted on a sturdy tripod. Slight tonal changes are due to slight changes in natural light during the session.
The full frame at 100mm
At 100mm the centre is sharp wide open, with peak performance achieved in the f/5.6-11 range. Diffraction sets in at around f/16, with its effects becoming more visible at f/22.
The edges are somewhat soft at f/4.5 and f/5.6, but sharpen up very nicely at f/8, with f/11 the optimum setting.
|centre Crop
|edge Crop
Entry Tags
review, lens, fujifilm, fuji, standard, 50mm, image stabilisation, xf, anti-shake, vibration compensation, x, x-series, f4.5, ois, 50-230mm, Fujifilm XC 50-230mm F4.5-6.7 OIS, 50-230, xc, 230mm, 76-350, 76-350mm, f6.7


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INCLINE VILLAGE, Nev. - We like what we hear from France's Constitutional Council, which recently thumbed its collective nose at President Hollande's Obama-like attempt to punish the successful, in discarding the plan to tax the super rich at an astronomical 75 percent tax rate!Interesting to note that the plan would have nicked only a small number of taxpayers, and would have raised only something like 200 million Euros, a flyspeck in the context of France's roughly 85 billion Euro deficit.Sound familiar?The court basically found the proposition just downright unfair - not arguing with the size of the tax, but with the way it discriminated amongst taxpayers.Reminiscent of any other recent discussions you've heard about?And speaking of hammering taxpayers, we hear (first hand, actually) that more and more folks have just about had it with California's recently even more confiscatory tax policy - they're just checking out of the state - and in droves."More is never enough for these people, "Kris Vosburgh, Executive Director of the Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association said about the Democrat-espoused tax increase recently passed by the voters. "It's hard to believe people will not leave."A recent Manhattan Institute report notes that ex-Californians over the past decade have already put some $5.67 billion into Nevada's economy as well as $4.96 billion into Arizona and $4.07 billion in Texas!And if you think you're a "real estate professional," thus entitling you to exemption from some of the tough passive activity loss limitation rules of the Internal Revenue Code, you had better dot your i's and cross your t's to assure that your position will fly when the Revenooers come calling.So learned taxpayer Kutney, in suffering a Tax Court loss on the issue. The law says a taxpayer qualifies as a "real estate professional" if:• More than half of the personal services that he performs during the year are performed in real property trades or businesses in which he materially participates, and• He performs more than 750 hours of services during the tax year in those real property trades or businesses.Kutney was an aeronautical engineer, engaged in consulting in this profession, while also owning and renting several rental properties. He managed the properties, and contracted with various other folks to perform maintenance and repair services. He maintained no separate bank account for the rentals, and used his personal account to pay expenses. Importantly, he kept no contemporaneous log or other documentation to record the number of hours he spent working on the rentals.In general, he just couldn't convince the Court that he performed more than half of his personal services in real property trades or businesses. His testimony regarding the time he spent on his consulting activities and his rental real estate activities was vague and indefinite, and he further testified that one of the maintenance people he hired actually performed most of the work on the rentals during the years at issue.No bueno.Happy New Year!- CONSULT YOUR TAX ADVISER - This article contains general information about various tax matters. You should consult your CPA regarding the implications to your particular situation. Jeff Quinn, the author of this article, is a shareholder in Ashley Quinn, CPAs and Consultants, Ltd. He can be reached at 831-7288, welcomes comments at firstname.lastname@example.com.
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January 2, 2013
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The Stetson Sand Volleyball team picked up a pair of road wins on Wednesday, defeating Florida Atlantic by identical 4-1 scores in Deerfield Beach, Fla.
Playing on beach courts alongside the Atlantic Ocean, the Hatters picked up wins at the no. 1 through no. 4 spots in both matches to improve to 12-2 on the season.
"Overall, I was very pleased with all of our pairs and how tough they played today," Stetson head coach Kristina Hernandez said. "We had to work with the wind and hot sand but it didn't affect our performance which I was happy to see. We responded aggressively today and were able to bounce back from our last matches."
At the top seed, Kaley Melville and Kaylee Anderson won their first match 2-0 (21-15, 21-18) and won their second match 2-1 (26-24, 21-18, 15-5).
"Mel and Kaylee were a strong pair today at the one seed," Hernandez said. "In the second round they lost a tough first set 26-24 and responded aggressively the next two sets to secure the two wins."
Catherine Coston and Savannah Byl cruised to a pair of 2-0 wins at the no. 2 seed.
"Cat and Savanah were also strong today at the '2', and communicated well during tough points," Hernandez said. "I was happy to see them bounce back after tough losses to UNF."
In the no. 3 position, Rachael Farrell and Julie Bassett rallied to win their first match 2-1 (14-21, 24-22, 15-11) before taking the second match 2-0 (22-20, 21-4).
"Julie and Rachael also played great today," Hernandez said. "They took a lot of risks offensively and were very aggressive at the end of each set to secure the win."
At the four seed, Maren Rygh and Jordann Dierickx won both their matches by 2-1 margins.
"Maren and Jordan battled at the '4' and won both rounds in three sets," Hernandez said. "In the second match they were down 6-0 in the third and kept their cool and grinded out the win."
Tiffany Creamer and Kristin Lind dropped a 2-0 decision in the number five spot in the first match, while Madison Tormey and Stephanie Marin fell 2-1 as the fifth seed in the second match.
The Hatters return to action next Tuesday at Mercer in their final A-Sun regular season matches of the season.


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Honoring all of the American workers
September 3, 2012
Today we honor the working men and women in the United States. Labor Day is a pause from the regular routine where people toil to advance in the workplace and support their families....
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Fly non-stop from London Gatwick to Bermuda and you could be relaxing in your dream destination in just 7 hours and 20 minutes. During your flight with British Airways, our friendly cabin crew will take care of everything from take-off to landing, so you can sit back, relax and get on with enjoying your holiday.
When you fly non-stop from London Gatwick to St. George's with British Airways, you'll be sunning yourself on the idyllic beaches of Bermuda in under 8 hours. Enjoy our complimentary on-board food and bar service and the latest in-flight entertainment whilst we deliver you to your destination in comfort.
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Baseball Defeats Kent State Behind Five Homeruns
Good pitching and timely home runs proved to be the formula for the Ball State baseball team to defeat the Kent State Golden Flashes 16-5 at Ball Diamond Friday afternoon.
With the victory, the Cardinals improved to 33-16 overall and 17-4 in the Mid-American Conference, while Kent State falls to 30-18 overall and 14-8 in league play. The two teams will return to action Saturday in a 1 p.m. game in Muncie, Ind., and complete the series with a Sunday 1 p.m. contest on Senior Day at Ball Diamond.
"We had several guys contribute to an outstanding win against rival Kent State," Ball State head coach Rich Maloney said. "We hit five home runs against several outstanding Kent State pitchers. Today was our day. We have two big games left agains an outstanding opponent. Tomorrow will be a new challenge."
Ball State scored 16 runs on five home runs in the contest, including an eighth-inning grand slam by Ryan Spaulding that gave the Cardinals a 16-5 lead and enough scoring to post the Friday win.
T.J. Weir pitched 6.2 innings and struck out nine Kent State hitters to earn the win and improve his pitching record to 7-2 on the season. Zach Plesac came on in the seventh frame in relief and Matt Johnsen finished out the contest for the Cardinals.
After falling behind 2-0 in the first half inning of the game, the Cardinals responded with some Friday night muscle to take a 3-2 lead on the heels of homeruns by Alex Call and Sean Godfrey.
The bottom of the fifth saw the Cardinals extend their 3-2 lead to 6-2 on a three-run HR by Alex Maloney, his fourth of the season.
The fireworks continued in the sixth with a four-run inning with the help of a Kyle Raleigh three-run homer to extend Ball State's lead to 10-3.
The final blow was distributed in the eighth inning when Spaulding's grand slam extended the Cardinals' lead to 16-5.
Ball State tallied 14 hits and committed zero errors in the victory, while Kent State scored its five runs on eight hits.
Spaulding ended his day with a 2-for-4 performance from the plate with five runs-batted-in and two runs scored. Call was 3-for-5 in the game with one RBI and two runs scored. Godfrey was 2-for-6 in the game with two RBI and two runs scored.
The Cardinals entered the game with a 2.5 game lead in the MAC West Division and a 3.5 game lead over East Division leader Kent State for the overall No. 1 seed at the MAC Tournament.
With five games remaining in the season, Ball State will host the Flashes in pivotal games Saturday and Sunday.


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Edge Show 52 - Automation with System Center and PowerShell
- Posted: Feb 21, 2013 at 10:14AM
- 2 comments
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At [07:35] Symon Perriman meets with Microsoft MVPs & architects Brad Bird (System Center) and Sean Kearney (PowerShell) to talk about automating datacenter management with System Center Orchestrator and PowerShell.
Brad and Sean first give an overview of System Center 2012 SP1 Orchestrator and PowerShell and explain the importance of automation in the datacenter to reduce human error, free resources, and ensure a consistent service experience. They then talk about how Orchestrator can be extended by 3rd party Integration Packs (such as VMware) and how custom IP can be created. Next they talk about PowerShell extensibility and how it enables automation of any hardware component with a programmatic interface.
At [13:45] the team takes a look at an Orchestrator demo which shows integration between PowerShell, System Center Service Manager, Active Directory, and Outlook to onboard a new user in the company. In this scenario an administrator can send an email to the IT department with an XML attachment which gets parsed by PowerShell, then the user's information gets added to AD and a record is created in Service Manager. This workflow also shows variables and conditional statements as well as the Orchestrator databus, which allows one runbook to invoke and pass data to other workflows.
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The Best.....The Best....Fantastic
Very Good Mr Symon Perriman
[onaprsc.com.vn] We use to design my video by wd media player but we can not. my product are "onaprsc" and "onaplioa" and "on ap standa-rs", So we need help.@ http://onaprsc.com.vn
Comments have been closed since this content was published more than 30 days ago, but if you'd like to continue the conversation, please create a new thread in our Forums, or Contact Us and let us know.


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ROCKFORD — The Rockford Writers' Guild will host Trustapalooza from 1 to 3 p.m. Nov. 17 at Tinker Swiss Cottage, 411 Kent St.
Michael Perry of Rockford University will speak about trust and lead the group in a cash writing contest. Lori Marshall will lead the kids in a similar writing exercise. The free event will also feature a potluck, guests are welcome to bring a salad or dessert to share.
For information: 779-772-4916, rockfordwritersguild.com.
Location, ST | website.com


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Top Definition
Masturbation sock. Guy slides sock over his cock and strokes into the sock. Easy clean-up. Sock-pussy is also used as humiliation when a girl instructs a guy to go get a sock-pussy, because he's not getting real pussy.
Nicole told the idiot to go get a sock-pussy and stroke off, because there was no way he was going to be getting any real pussy.
dari sarasplayroom.com Minggu, 22 Februari 2009
Trending Now
Can you define these popular missing words?
An item that is used in jail or prison. Take an ordinary sock, insert a plastic baggy into the sock, fill the baggy with vaseline, then use it to whack the shit out of your pud. When thru, discard the whole thing. Told to me by an ex-jailbird.
Guy 1. "When was the last time you had some good sockpussy?
Guy 2. "Last night!!"
Guy 2. "Last night!!"
dari adcadc Selasa, 22 April 2008
A woman so loose that during intercourse her vagina appears to turn inside-out on the backstroke.
Was Michelle a good lay?
Yeah, but I'm not touching her again. She has sock pussy.
Yeah, but I'm not touching her again. She has sock pussy.
dari R. Deebs Kamis, 15 November 2007


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Tuesday, April 23, 2013
An update to South Carolina's sex education law co-sponsored by Summerville Rep. Jenny Horne is stalled in subcommittee.
The bill would make some adjustments to the 25-year-old law to ensure school districts use medically accurate information and to bring accountability to the process.
When South Carolina ranks third in the nation for chlamydia and gonorrhea cases, "some people are not getting the right information," Horne said.
As a parent herself, the state's dismal statistics scare her, she said. According to Tell Them, an organization advocating for sex education, more than half of all new sexually transmitted diseases are in 15-24 year olds, and South Carolina is 9th in the nation for new AIDS cases.
"I think that parents need to be aware of these health statistics," Horne said. "It's no longer just about getting pregnant. It's about life and death."
Yet opponents of the bill are spreading misinformation, she said – saying the schools will be teaching pornography and homosexuality.
"We're not teaching about anything other than their bodies," Horne said.
"We owe it to the children to give them knowledge of how their bodies work," she said.
The bill specifies that sex education curricula must be "medically accurate and objective."
It continues the current focus on abstinence, but adds more focus on contraception and disease prevention.
Whereas the current law says contraception information should be within the context of future family planning, the bill adds "pregnancy and disease prevention, including, but not limited to, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/AIDS."
The bill requires instructors to acquire a certificate in comprehensive health education and to have continuing education every other year, and it requires school districts to report on their compliance.
Cayci Banks, spokeswoman for the S.C. Campaign to End Teen Pregnancy, said the reporting requirements are important because right now "we don't even know what all schools are doing."
For any other subject, she said, teacher certification wouldn't even be an issue. Right now the person who ends up with the sex education class could be a coach or "the last person to show up to the staff meeting."
Kathy Peebles, who heads up Dorchester School District 2's sex education program, said the district already complies with the changes proposed in the bill.
The district changed curricula last year because the previous program wasn't a good fit, she said.
The district looked at 50 programs, she said. Its comprehensive health advisory committee, which consists of parents, students, community members, health care professionals, clergy and teachers, liked three programs and asked for the instructors' opinions on them.
Despite media reports to the contrary, the district's committee is active and meets at least annually, Peebles said.
The district now uses "Making a Difference!" and "Making Proud Choices!" at the middle school level and "Be Proud! Be Responsible!" at the high school level.
There's no health education below the middle school level, despite the fact that puberty begins for girls around 10.5 years.
Peebles said the health committee has pushed for puberty education in the fifth grade, but some principals have resisted.
State law doesn't require health education at the elementary school level.
Peebles said the proposed changes to the law are a good thing. It's common sense to require instructors to be certified, she said, and districts are already required to report what they're doing – there's just no enforcement of the requirement.
High school students are required to take 750 minutes of health education, which equates to three weeks during their physical education class, which most students take their freshman year.
Boys and girls are separated, and Peebles said she helps at Summerville High School, which has only one female P.E. teacher, and also teaches the ROTC students.
Parents get a letter about two weeks ahead of time informing them of the class. A handful of parents will come into the office to review the materials – usually middle-school parents – and a few opt out of the program each year, Peebles said.
The high school program does discuss birth control, including condom usage, and incorporates a cartoon showing how to properly use a condom.
The programs spend a lot of time role-playing, Peebles said. The curricula include role-playing sessions with students practicing refusing sex or insisting on condoms.
It's amazing to hear what students already know – and don't know, Peebles said.
"They think they're so knowledgeable, and they really aren't," she said.
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Samsung 23.0 cu. ft. Counter Depth French-Door Refrigerator - Black
See Details
The 23.0 cu. ft. counter-depth Samsung RFG237AABP French door refrigerator is bigger inside, not outside. It's 4 cu. ft. roomier than standard models—that's 16 percent—but stays within the same footprint. That's like adding a mini-fridge to a standard-size refrigerator—enough space for 11 extra 6-packs of soda. The black Samsung RFG297AA counter-depth French door refrigerator also offers Twin Cooling Plus, a technology with professional-grade benefits. Two separate fans cool the fridge and freezer to maintain optimal temperature and humidity. That means no air transfers between compartments, so flavors don't mix and food stays exceptionally fresh.
- The Samsung RFG237AABP French door refrigerator lets you store more than ever before with the largest (23 cubic foot) storage capacity in its class, without taking up any additional floor space
- Easily get filtered water and ice with the external dispenser with water filter indicator
- Organize your refrigerator using the gallon door bins, wine rack, pizza pocket, and upper freezer drawer that automatically slides out for easy access
- Tempered glass, spill-proof shelves flip up or slide out to easily fit tall items
- The CoolSelect Pantry™ (a fridge-within-a-fridge) with digital temperature control gives additional storage
- Twin Cooling Plus® ensures maximum food freshness
- This refrigerator is ENERGY STAR® rated with door alarm and CoolTight doors to save energy
- Freezer drawer with the EZ-Open Handle™ glides open and shut with just a touch
- LED lighting gives better illumination and uses less energy than incandescent bulbs
Samsung out-of-carton product does not come with a manufacturer's warranty. Please see associate for details on how to purchase a warranty for this product.
Specifications & Dimensions
Product Documentation
Product Warranty - Spanish
Product Warranty - English
Energy Guide


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Friday's Report from the Football Team's Bowl Week
Ball State's football team spent Friday of the GoDaddy Bowl Week by attending the Mayor's Luncheon and practicing under the lights in preparation for Sunday.
Brett Favre was the keynote speaker at the Mayor's Luncheon where the Ball State cheerleaders, band and Code Red Dance Team all performed for the over 1,500 people in attendance.
The Cardinals then spent the brisk evening on the practice field to continue preparations for Sunday night's 9 p.m. kickoff on ESPN vs. Arkansas State.


text:
Except where noted, MP3's are available at 320 kbps -- plays on iPod® and all MP3 players
Item Description
Debut U.S. solo release from the former Four Men and a Dog tenor banjo master, Gerry O'Connor. Drawing from a wide range of music both folk and contemporary, O'Connor boldly takes the Irish tenor banjo into a new world of sounds and possibilities.
"...fast, bright, and fun, and successfully pushes the tenor banjo far beyond its traditional role.' - Dirty Linen
Customers who purchased Myriad also purchased:


text:
Building contracts have been awarded for the meeting room project at the Mohawk Community Library.
Clouse Construction of New Riegel was the low bidder as general contractor for the 2,360 square foot meeting room addition. Plumbing, HVAC and electrical contractors will be Clinger, Dundore and Sauber. Construction is anticipated to take four months to complete.
The meeting room will be used by the library for family movie nights, story time and activities for children, teens and adults. It is to be equipped with up-to-date technology to be used for a variety of library activities. A kitchenette, complete with refrigerator, microwave and coffee maker, can be used for refreshment at library and community events. Restrooms are included within the meeting room.
Regular library hours and activities are to continue with minimal interruptions during construction. Parking may be reduced to on-street only at various times.


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Seeking volunteers for nature summer work camp on Lake Baikal
03 May 2006, 11:57
by Aline Prentice
Club Firn, a non-governmental organization founded in 1988, is seeking volunteers for our 3rd annual nature work camp in one of the most beautiful hidden corners of Lake Baikal.
The goal of the camp is to renovate the Bolshoi Chivyrkui Rangers' Station of the Zabaikalsky National Park, a strategically important site for the protection of the unique Baikal freshwater seal, the nerpa. We are forming a group of 8-12 volunteers for the project. As a participant, you will make a significant contribution to the park and will experience one of the most fascinating areas of Baikal's nature.
Last year, volunteers from Germany's DaimlerChrysler and Lufthansa corporations worked in Bolshoi Chivirkui to remove over 100 cubic meters of trash, built a new pier to receive boats, and dismantled old buildings. Now the site is ready for major structural work to restore the roof and main building.
The station was built in 1916 by park rangers as the entrance point of the Barguzinsky Nature Reserve, the first protected natural area in Russia. The Reserve was founded by the order of Czar Nicholas II with the goal of protecting the sable, which was hunted to near extinction. The first expedition arrived to found the reserve in 1914, and the Bolshoi Chivirkui site was selected for its strategically important location. It has an excellent vantage point from which rangers can observe and regulate activity on Chivirkuiskiy Bay. The location became increasingly important with time. Chivirkuiskiy Bay is now one of the more frequently visited places on Lake Baikal. Close to the station lie the Ushkany Islands, home to the largest colony of nerpa, Baikal's unique freshwater seal. With nerpa populations declining, the station is an important place for rangers to put a stop to nerpa poaching.
The Bolshoi Chivirkui Rangers' Station is an important historical point that is a symbol for the beginning of protected natural areas and thus environmental conservation in our country. Of the four ranger stations built in the 1910's, this is the only one remaining. However, it is in a state of disrepair and almost non-functioning. If it were repaired and adequately equipped, it would allow rangers to reside in the station on a permanent basis and more effectively regulate activity such as fishing, nerpa hunting, and visits to make sure environmental requirements are met. Rangers could also serve as guides and resources for visitors and raise awareness of environmental issues among the public. By enhancing park control over the site and tourist amenities, environmentally sustainable tourism can be developed in the area.
Help us to realize our goal and experience one of the most beautiful areas of Baikal!
The price: 250 Euro (transportation to and from site from Ulan Ude, meals and camping equipment)
For more details visit www.baikaladventures.ru/eng/tours/volonteerZNP.htm or e-mail us


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on February 4, 2013 - 1:00 AM
, updated February 4, 2013 at 7:03 AM
By Arthur J. Giacalone
The Elmwood Village Association (EVA) sponsored an information forum on the Green Code, Buffalo's proposed zoning and development ordinance. I left the meeting concerned that no one – not the EVA, city planning staff or Council members – is looking out for the needs of city residents. Here are some examples:
1.) It's easy to joke about the age of the city's current zoning law. But one fact is clear: Under the existing zoning laws, the Elmwood Village has thrived as a place to live, shop and visit. The Green Code would eliminate many of the zoning restrictions embodied in the Elmwood Avenue Business District code that have worked to keep a compatible balance between the interests of residents and businesses.
2.) The city planning staff and the EVA seem determined to eliminate the maximum square footage provisions that have protected the scale and character of the Elmwood Village. Now, a single business is limited to 2,500 square feet on a single floor, or 5,000 square feet in a single building. These provisions have kept large retail stores from entering the Elmwood Village and draining the life from the local shops that are the essence of Elmwood Avenue.
Inexplicably, the EVA's board of directors has provided written support for a 75-foot-tall, 200,000-square-foot "mixed use" development at the corner of Elmwood and Forest avenues.
3.) The city's planning staff speaks of a Green Code that reflects the "genetic code" of the Elmwood Village, and the city's desire to avoid unnecessary demolitions. But a provision in the Elmwood Village design standards that expressly discouraged the demolition of any structure (except for public health or safety reasons) was deleted from the zoning code last summer by the Common Council. And no mention was made of the fact that the EVA-endorsed project at Elmwood and Forest would demolish 10 century-old buildings that embody the Elmwood Village DNA.
4.) The EVA and city support the elimination of minimum off-street parking requirements for businesses. They speak of "market driven" parking, where the developer decides how much parking to provide, and where all off-street parking is located to the rear of the building. This approach benefits businesses, which can construct bigger buildings on their lots, but it pushes on-street parking to the neighboring residential streets. And while locating unsightly parking lots to the rear of buildings might improve Elmwood Avenue aesthetics, it brings the noise, lights and loss of privacy associated with commercial activities even closer to nearby residences.
It appears that Elmwood Village residents need their own association to protect their unique interests.
Arthur J. Giacalone of East Aurora is a former resident of the Elmwood Village and an attorney whose practice has focused on zoning and land use law for more than two decades.


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GOSHEN TOWNSHIP- Goshen police continue to investigate a magazine sales scam after arresting a Washingtonville man this week for allegedly scamming two elderly residents in Green Township.
Matthew J. Sharp, 31, 215 Chris Ave., was charged with two counts of fifth-degree felony theft by deception after turning himself into Washingtonville police on charges that he solicited magazine sales door-to-door and kept the money.
According to Goshen Officer Kevin Johnson, Sharp was posing as a Youngstown State University student and selling magazines for the university's communication department as a fundraiser in which the university received the money and St. Jude's Hospital received the magazines. He turned himself in after learning officers were looking for him after the two residents reported he had cashed their personal checks in Washingtonville. Police believe he was using the money to purchase drugs.
Sharp is reportedly cooperating with the investigation and has claimed to have scammed multiple residents including those from other jurisdictions in the area. He told officers that he targeted the southwest end of Roller Road between Lisbon and Beaver Creek roads in Green Township.
"He said he was looking for people who were at home and not necessarily just the elderly," Johnson explained.
Possible additional charges may be filed as the investigation continues. Anyone who believes they were deceived should contact their local police department.
Kevin Howell can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.com


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Robin HoodThe 1922 silent film Robin Hood with Douglas Fairbanks in the title role10/30/2012Time: 7:00 pm27 E. Main St., Uniontown, PAwebsite | map
StompThe international percussion sensation Stomp has garnered an armful of awards and rave reviews, and has appeared on numerous national television shows. The eight-member troupe uses everything but conventional percussion instruments – matchboxes, wooden poles, brooms, garbage cans, Zippo lighters, hubcaps – to fill the stage with magnificent rhythms.10/30/2012 - 11/04/2012Location: Heinz Hall, 600 Penn Ave., Pittsburgh, PAwebsite
NosferatuThe 1922 German silent film adaptation of Dracula.10/31/2012Time: 7:00 pm27 E. Main St., Uniontown, PAwebsite | map
Fahrenheit 451On the heels of Ray Bradbury's death this summer at 91, Prime Stage Theatre gives the regional premiere of Fahrenheit 451 in the author's own stage adaptation directed by Justin Fortunato. In this dystopian future, firemen burn books and hunt down anyone who takes the risk of reading them. Free thought and intellectualism are discouraged; to question authority puts you in danger.11/02/2012 - 11/11/2012New Hazlett Theater, 6 Allegheny Square, Pittsburgh, PAwebsite | map
ConversationsThe Trillium Ensemble, a trio of flute, clarinet and piano dedicated to producing concerts that are accessible, intimate and fun, presents a concert titled "Conversations." This program features super-virtuosic music from living composers including Derek Bermel, Adam Silverman and John Adams, and a Radiohead tune orchestrated Christopher O'Riley, the host of NPR's From the Top.11/02/2012 - 11/03/201211/02 - 2:00 pm11/03 - 2:00 pmLocation: Sat. @ Frick Fine Arts Auditorium; Sun. @ St. Maurice Churchwebsite
Flying Karamazov BrothersThese New Vaudevillians are not your father's wild-haired, juggling, flame-throwing, kilt-and-tutu wearing performers. They'll display their ambidextrous and alliterative talents, and juggle challenging objects brought by audience members. For all audiences.11/03/2012Time: 8:00 pm27 E. Main St., Uniontown, PAwebsite | map
Mozart's Don GiovanniDon Giovanni's (M. Todd Simpson) lady-killing ways catch up to him in the form of a statue that he invites to dinner. But life in the fast lane isn't easy, even for a man who claims over 2000 romantic conquests. In the end, Don Giovanni is undone by his own web of deception. Cast includes Caitlin Lynch, Jennifer Holloway, Sari Gruber, and Wayne Tigges. Antony Walker conducts.11/03/2012 - 11/11/201211/03 - 8:00 pm11/06 - 7:00 pm11/09 - 8:00 pm11/11 - 2:00 pmBenedum Center, 231 7th St., Pittsburgh, PAwebsite | map
42nd Annual Jazz Seminar ConcertParticpants include Randy Brecker, trumpet; George Cables, piano; Winard Harper, drums; Javon Jackson, tenor saxophone; Abraham Laboriel, bass; Yotam Silberstein, guitar; Lew Soloff, trumpet, and Bobby Watson, alto saxophone, performing under the direction of Nathan Davis.11/03/2012Time: 8:00 pmLocation: Carnegie Music Hall, 4400 Forbes Ave., Pittsburgh, PAwebsite
JazzMusic Director Matthew Kraemer leads a concert featuring the Joe Negri Trio, and a tribute to Irving Berlin.11/03/2012Time: 7:30 pmButler Intermediate High School, 551 Fairground Hill Rd, Butler, PAwebsite | map
For Us the Living: A RequiemTo celebrate the 25th Anniversary of CUMC's Casavant organ, the Chancel Choir will perform "For Us the Living: A Requiem," composed in 2007 by Alfred Fedak, and meant "to serve as a grateful affirmation of the gift of life." The concert also includes a choral work written for the occasion by John Erickson, and organist Justin Wallace such works as Arvo Part's "Annum per annum."11/03/2012Time: 7:30 pm44 Highland Rd., Bethel Park, PAwebsite | map
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7 Celebrity Animals: Where Are They Now? (A Drunk Column)
#4. The Bear from The Great Outdoors and White Fang
No, dead.* Sorry about that.
#3. The Dog from Full House
Dead.* Lung cancer.*
#2. Baloo from The Jungle Book and TaleSpin
Ha! Suck it, death! Good luck killing off an animated character.
Baloo was Mowgli's best friend throughout Disney's The Jungle Book and then had his own cartoon show where he was a pilot who fought pirates and tried to sleep with his boss in TaleSpin. If for some reason we didn't have parallel childhoods and you can't remember him, you would certainly remember the sound of his voice.
That's legendary voice actor Phil Harris,* who did a number of other Disney movies as well and today is, dead, apparently.* He died of a heart attack in 1995.
But Phil Harris wasn't the only voice of Baloo. It was Ed Gilbert who voiced the bear in TaleSpin. He went on to be the voice of El Seed* in The Tick and, according to IMDb, appeared in something called American Karoshi* in 2011, so there's very little chance that he's passed away.
Where Is He Now?
I'm so sorry. That was my fault. Ed Gilbert is dead after all.* Jesus, this whole list has just turned into a hideous pile of corpses, right? I don't even know how to fix it now. I think this might be the saddest I've ever felt. At this point I just want to get the rest of this over with.
Drink Count: Hard to say. I've been pouring out a lot of it and reevaluating some things.
#1. The Cat and Dog from The Adventures of Milo and Otis
I thought I might have better luck with kittens and puppies. Nope.* In fact, this is way worse. It's not even worth explaining the movie because it's just going to make us both miserable.
Where Are They Now?
I think you already know the answer to that question. Apparently Milo and Otis is a re-cut of the original Japanese movie The Adventures of Chatran.* During the shoot, they used over 27 kittens* to play the same role, and as many as 20 of them didn't even survive* until the final shot, which I guess isn't a surprise, since they show footage of the cat being attacked by seagulls,* a bear* and a crab,* and falling off a cliff.* The whole movie is filled with so much animal abuse that the Humane Society won't even put their usual stamp on the end of the credits saying "No animals were harmed ..."* Hell, even Dudley Moore, who did the narration for the new version, is dead.*
What used to seem like a sweet movie is actually filled with tragedy. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry about all of this. I just wanted to do something fun and I ruined it. I feel like that giant rock character in The NeverEnding Story when he realizes that even his big strong hands couldn't stop the Nothing. Except my hands are kind of skinny and effeminate. Man, that scene was sad. Remember The NeverEnding Story? It's that movie where the fucking horse died in a swamp of sadness. Ugh, Happy National Dog Day. I need to take a nap.
You can follow Soren on Twitter or Tumblr.
For more drunkeness from Soren, check out The 7 Best Kinds of Monkeys: A Drunk Column and 4 Things I Regret Doing While Drunk in Your Emergency Room.


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- 100% Cotton solid color creepers; 90% Cotton/10% Polyester heathered creepers
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Must-have electronics this holiday season
Published On: Nov 15 2012 10:25:17 AM PST Updated On: Dec 11 2012 11:00:13 PM PSTSorry, Flash is not supported.
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|Boxing Champions | Boxing Schedule | Boxing Video | Boxing History | Pound For Pound | Lounge | The Wire | Arcade
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It's not like them ol' dayz, in them ol' dayz boxing was shown live in Times Sqwayer
Funny thing.
Those old timers who fap to black and white pictures often like to **** on boxing by pointing out that boxing was shown live in Timer Square back in the old days. That's how big it was back then they say. This is nothing new. The guys who like to dismiss boxing as a dying sport or what not will often point out that big fights used to be shown live in Times Square.
I don't get this. Boxing is still shown in Times Square. Don't they know this? Klitschko fights are frequently shown there, as well as Marquez, Froch and Bute and currently Pac-JMM 4 is being screened there. How come these people can go around saying boxing was huge back then because it was shown in Times Square but the same logic isn't applied today?
It's a constant complaint by these old timers who say things like "The HW champ used to be show fighting live in Times Square, that's how important he was." Well the HW champ does fight live in Times Square but I bet that means nothing to them.
Last edited by croz; 12-05-2012 at 11:35 PM.
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I agree with you on how boxing is bigger globally. But it is actually a fringe sport in the USA.
I attend a very large Uni in the United States as a European international student and nobody in my school know who Wladimir is.
Nobody. I asked so many about boxing and they admit they do know Tyson and to a extent Mayweather-Pac, but nobody know the heavyweights any more. (not in the states).
Even in the UK, very few people are interested in the Heavyweights from Eastern Europe. Now the good thing is the UK Heavyweight scene has been promoted a lot lately so that might change.
But the HW Division for sure is a dead sport in the United States. Why the hell will HBO reject Wladimir and why the HELL will Wlad fight in Germany now? It's because the Heavyweights flopped in the States.
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If boxing was as popular as it once was the amount of money guys would be making today would be ridiculous, in Europe guys like Pirog are making millions a fight even though all he's beaten was Jacobs lol, meanwhile a guy like Ward is making 1.2 mill for beating a guy like Dawson.
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PPV's and subscription channels hurt boxing. If it was on free tv like a lot of European countries it's popularity would rise.
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You wanna talk money? Ok
During the 90's
Lennox Lewis made 11 million against TOny Tucker. Adjusted for inflation in today's market: 17 million.
Lewis who was a relatively unknown British Heavyweight made the equalivant of 17 million dollars today by fighting Tony Tucker.. This wasn't even a 'big fight'.
Your 1 million 2 million stats for semi popular fighters is chump change.
The 2nd tier popularity fighters of the 90's HW'S made as much as the 1ST TIER POPULARITY HW'S of today.
The 1st tier popularity hw's of the 90's (bowe,holyfield,Tyson) made as much as Footballers, NBA Players today.
From 1 to 100, boxing was much better off in the 90's when it comes to salary.
Now from ONE TO TWO. AKA FLOYD/MANNY, today can be comparable. But not from 1 to 100.
In other words the Tony Tuckers and Tyrell Biggs of the 90's made a hell much more than the Alexander Povektin's and Sergio Martinezs of today.
Last edited by FightScorer; 12-06-2012 at 01:15 AM.
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Lewis was paid $7.8 mil and to say it wasn't a big event is a joke. There was 3 title fights on the card, Lewis-Tucker, McClellan-Jackson and Chavez-Alli.
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"Lewis vs Tucker, does anyone really care"
" Good records, bad marketing"
" A good fight over shadowed by Tyson-Bowe rumors"
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It was a big event with 3 title fights on the card which would obviously draw a lot of PPV.
edit: Camacho was also on the card and Meldric Taylor. That Card was stacked.
Last edited by Michael Paine; 12-06-2012 at 01:58 AM.
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Sticking to the point. The Times Square reasnoning is often used by old timers to tell us how much boxing has fallen. I think considering Times Square still plays a big roll in boxing they shouldn't use this excuse anymore. Things seem to be the same as they ever were.
As for boxing's popularity falling. I don't believ the desire for boxing has faded, othwer wise Manny and Mayweather wouldn't sell so much. It's more to do with the accessibility given boxing has closed itself off on an unreachable network.
I don't think Wlad and Vitali are as forgotten as people try say. They appear frequently on major american talk shows and used to get pretty high ratings on HBO - 7 million for Lewis, 2.5 million for Arreolla. The Haye-Wlad ratings are all over the place. One source says it did 1 million but I don't believe that. Haye-Wlad was the highest trending topic in the US on the day. It got a **** tonne of buzz the likes I only see Manny or Mayweather getting there. For example Cotto only made it to number 3 on google trends and managed 1.4 million. Wlad-Haye accounted for around HALF of the top US google searches on the day. Scott Christ reported the replay alone did 1.5 million ... so I don't see how the "leaked" 1 million report can be real.
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Leske Named A Volleyball Magazine All-American
MUNCIE, Ind. - - Ball State men's volleyball redshirt senior middle attacker Matt Leske (Highwood, Ill./Highland Park) continued to earn praise for his performance during the 2014 season, as he was named to the 2014 Volleyball Magazine All-America Third Team.
Leske was also named to the American Volleyball Coaches Association (AVCA) All-America Second Team this season, making him just the fifth player in the storied history of Ball State men's volleyball to be named to both All-America squads in the same season.
"It's a great honor for Matt to be recognized as an All-American," Ball State head coach Joel Walton said. "He had an excellent season and was the foundation of our blocking defense. Matt has been a great three-year starter for our program and has played a large role in helping our block develop into one of the best in the nation. He was also a strong attacker for us this season and really improved his serving game."
A runner-up for the "Off the Block" Blocker of the Year award and an All-Midwestern Intercollegiate Volleyball Association (MIVA) First Team honoree in 2014, Leske is also just the sixth player in program history to earn All-American honors in consecutive seasons, as he was named to the Volleyball Magazine All-America Third Team in 2013.
Leske finished the 2014 campaign with the second-best blocking average in the nation at 1.54 blocks per set. Over 107 sets played, Leske tallied 22 solo blocks and 143 block assists for a total of 165 blocks. His play at the net helped the Cardinals lead the MIVA and rank second nationally with a 2.96 blocks-per-set average.
Offensively, Leske finished the 2014 campaign with 176 kills and a .386 attack percentage. The redshirt senior posted career-highs in kills (14), digs (6) and tied a career-best in total blocks (12) over the course of the season. He also notched a double-double against Lewis (March 29) with 12 kills and 12 total blocks.
Leske finished his Ball State career ranked ninth in program history with 431 total blocks, while his 373 block assists are sixth in school annals. Leske also concluded his career ranked sixth in the Cardinals' record books with a 1.44 career blocks-per-set average.
Since men's volleyball became a varsity sport at Ball State during the 1964 season, a total of 26 student-athletes have combined to earn 47 All-America honors for the program. In addition, Jim East was a second team All-America selection for the Ball State club team in 1962.
For the most up-to-date news on Ball State men's volleyball, follow @bsuathletics and @BallStateMVB on Twitter. The team is also on Instagram at @ballstatemvb.
- BallStateSports.com -


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10 Insane Diets No One Should Ever Try
Credit: America! We all did this together.
Out with the toxins and in with the toxouts.
It's a new year, and that means itemized self-loathing. It also means that after a month of effort, you're ready to quit your New Year's resolutions. Since you're reading this in English, I assume you resolved to lose weight, or possibly to learn good the spelling for make much big dollars in email schemes of confidence. Either way, I can help you, the same way I helped that Nigerian prince when he needed to lose weight.
Right now you're probably saying, "Dieting -- who has the time?" And it's true that healthy food takes longer to swallow because it's not lubricated with partially hydrogenitalized soybean-like oil product. Unless you're a celebrity with an army of asparagus-wielding personal trainers, you're probably an avalanche of lard. That doesn't mean you can't eat a more nutritious diet and grow fatter regardless.
But what is healthy eating? I've studied all the diets, and the only thing they all agree we should eat is half an avocado.
Hemera Technologies/PhotoObjects.net/Getty Images
But I don't recognize your bullshit moderation.
What Works:
There's one definite way to lose fat: eat fewer carbs and exercise. Unless it's eat high-carb and move moderately. But definitely avoid saturated fats ... unless you should pursue them? Or something. It's all very confusing. Also: trans fats. You should definitely know the term "trans fats."
Some people struggle with weight no matter how well they eat and exercise. They may find (short term?) success with high-protein, low-carb diets. Such plans either focus on meat (Atkins, Inuit, T. rex) or emphasize greens (Paleo, Ketosis, Soylent Green).
Intermittent fasting combined with hearty eating also produces good results. Wait, seriously? OK, our bodies are plainly screwing with us. Owning a human body is like dating a passive-aggressive control freak.
Leonardo da Vinci via Wikipedia
Just tell us what you want, Darren!
Along these guideposts, the path to weight loss is pretty well marked. The only reasons diet books are still being printed and promoted are:
1. People are stupid and lazy
2. Book publishers like easy money
3. News agencies like easy content
There are innumerable weight loss systems out there, most equating "weight loss" with "caloric deficiency" and "system" with "crap a person in Los Angeles made up." They're all basically the same diet, but one might starve you on a diet of carrots, while the next starves you on a diet of cabbage. And a third lets you have both, but you can only eat them while enduring tapes from the Jonestown massacre.
I'm not saying you won't lose weight on most of these regimens, since they all advocate exercise and most include better eating habits. I'm just saying you could eat nuts and fresh greens at 1/8 the cost of paying some hippie in a lab coat for placebos and bad advice. Let's examine these stupid but real diets and then propose our own meal plans that are more insane, and therefore more effective.
The Ice Cube Diet
Hungry? Curb those cravings with an ice cube! You won't actually trick your body into thinking it's food, but you may trick yourself into paying for hoodia gordonii ice cubes, even though there are scant data to suggest that those trigger weight loss or suppress appetite.
But hey, you're smarter than that -- you'll just eat plain ol' ice cubes and let your body heat them up to 98.6 degrees. Now you've switched to the Ice Diet, and the calories will literally melt away!
Sorry, but that's not going to happen, because of physics.
Jupiterimages/Goodshoot/Getty Images
Crusher of all our dreams.
You'll never improve your life or health if your meal plan for the week only contains three ingredients, two of them are water, and all of them make you miserable. Remember why you went on a diet in the first place? To be happier with your life?
If you want to burn calories, go right to the fuel tank. Hyperventilate your way to a thinner you with Air-Tense x979! This patented system of forceful respiration oxygenates your blood beyond all reasonable levels, triggering a fat holocaust! Lungs are given an intense workout while fat cells are burned in an inferno of oxygen. Comes with paper bag and tank of oxygen, affordable at $199 per year. No smokers.
The Facial Analysis Diet
This one's brilliantly conceived, because it involves famous people's favorite activities of staring at themselves and pretending they're introspective. How can any discipline with "analysis" in its title be nutso?
Shame on you, Hermitage House
Also the basis of Scientology.
The facial analyst looks at your face to determine your deficiencies and invents a diet tailored to your personal gullibility. Like many other diets in this article, it was created by a naturopath, the career choice for people who find science too hard. But the real root of facial analysis is iridology, which in turn is based on the cackles of charlatans.
Iridology (from the Greek, meaning "Let's see if they fall for this one") says that by examining the colored portion of the eye, one can detect physical ailments in a holisti- LOOK OUT! Here comes proof that it's bullshit!
Goodshoot/Goodshoot/Getty Images
Except that part where I diagnosed true beauty in your eyes, girl.
There are plenty of pseudosciences out there, but only iridiology's origin story involves a crankjob who broke an owl's leg and then compared its eyes to a human's several years later. And if you're the kind of iridologist who scoffs at that legend, that's even worse, because without it there's no reason to invent iridology. Your discipline just becomes something a guy created for fun back when doctors still scoffed at soap.
The advice in this diet might be right on, but that doesn't mean it has any relevance to your face beyond "Stop pile driving Cheetos into your mouth, you monstrosity." The truth is you can only diagnose someone's maladies by staring deeply into their eyes if they're suffering from jaundice or a broken heart.
Jochen Sands/Digital Vision/Getty Images
"My professional opinion is you've lost that lovin' feeling. Now it's gone, gone, gone."
Facial profiling is expensive, because only Julliard-trained actors can deduce a dietary profile from someone's face without bursting into laughter. Fortunately, there's one diet we're all equipped for in our BIOS settings, and that's the Thanks for the Mammaries Meal Plan. Eat anything you want in this dairy-based regimen, as long as it's made from human breast milk.
Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images
A wealth of cheeses and butters that taste like cigarettes await you!
You don't have to give up any of your favorite flavors; just ask your supplier to eat, say, liver and onions, then wait a day. You'll swear you were drinking real liver and onions in milk. From a human.
This is a great way for couples to lose weight as she struggles to produce enough milk for a full-grown human and her partner subsists on a baby-size serving of calories. The best part is it's barely dangerous to both parties at all!
The Blood Type Diet
You don't normally encounter this much blood and bullshit together outside of a slaughterhouse dumpster, so I'll try to explain: Supposedly your blood type dictates what kinds of foods you naturally prefer. But the only sustenance all four blood types are expected to swallow is this gigantic load.
George Marks/Retrofile/Getty Images
Or don't eat anything. See if your blood cult god gives a shit.
It's not that the author, Peter D'Adamo, is wrong; it's that he's so wrong, he deserves his own show on the History Channel. People haven't been this mistaken about the influence of blood type since Japan decided it only had use for the branches of science that build panty-sniffing robots.
The words "doctor" and "blood type" automatically make people think there's science here they can't comprehend, but the good news is that your ignorance actually qualifies you to be the inventor of the Blood Type Diet. If real scientists hadn't discovered terminology for him to appropriate, D'Adamo's understanding of how blood works would sound no more legit than a witch telling you which of the four natural elements characterizes your soul.
frentusha/iStock/Getty Images
"You're fireborn, so you're going to want to eat a lot of dried wood and coal."
And yes, he's is a doctor of naturopathic medicine, but since I'm writing this from New York, legally speaking, I think I am, too. The differences between us are that I don't claim that you can extract a genetics-based diet from fingerprints and jaw angle, whereas he is a rich man.
Since the Blood Type Diet is completely made up of properties your body doesn't actually possess, why not try twisting your spine to health? That's the principle of the Extenz E-Z W8 Loss System. It works by reeeeeeally stretching out that spinal column to extend the distance food must travel to reach its intended destination. Additionally, when vertebrae are sufficiently spaced, they'll release witherigestone, the hormone that causes skinny to happen.* Bonus: you'll be taller.
*Source: Studies
The Master Cleanse
The famous Master Cleanse instructs you to starve yourself for 10 to 40 days while drinking diluted acids and capsaicin to trigger metabolic change.
Yes, you will definitely lose weight if you stop eating food for a goddamn week. Of course, you could do that without paying anyone money, but then you'd have to make up your own nameless batch of "toxins" to pretend you were expelling from your body.
If you're going to spend money to give your anorexia a new name, you should have something to show for it. That's why my revolutionary new Medal of Horror Diet lets people know how committed you are to ... well, for legal purposes we can't call it healthy living.
Photodisc/Photodisc/Getty Images
First place in the Hunger Games.
Here's how it works: Eat nothing and wear a wafer-thin metal medallion around your neck at all times. When you can bear the thunderous pangs of famine no longer, take off the necklace and eat anything you want -- as long as it's served on your neck-wafer, which you must also eat.
While effective, this diet of precious soft metals is expensive. As such, it is very popular among rich people, who think cost equals quality and don't know any better, poor dears.


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NEW WASHINGTON - One would think after the last four North Central Conference volleyball titles, this would be old hat for Buckeye Central coach Bill Bonham.
But no.
There was the coach talking with the media after dispatching Wynford in four games, fighting back tears when talking of the accomplishments of his 19-2 volleyball team.
"These guys have been playing as a team all season long and there's a lot of people who didn't think we could do what we did this season because we don't have the big All-Ohio player that we've had in the past. When Makayla Agin and Hannah Heydinger left last year, a lot of people said.... a lot of people thought they couldn't do it."
All the Buckettes did was go perfect a 13-0 in the league and while they had wrapped the Silver Division quite a few games ago, Buckeye Central had its eyes on having the best record in the league.
"These kids come in here every day and they have fun. They don't bring drama into the gym, that I know of. They're friends and all hang out outside of the gym," Bonham said. "They took it personally. They put a chip on their own shoulder this year and said 'We're not going to be told that we can't win. We're not going to be told that it was all the other girls.'
"These guys continue the tradition and made it personal," he said.
It appeared it was going to be a quick three game outing for Buckeye Central as the Buckettes didn't trail in either of the first two games.
The Buckettes cruised in the first one, 25-14, and looked like it was going to stomp past the Royals (16-4, 11-2 NCC) in the second game. But after trailing 5-1 and 8-4, Wynford rallied to tie it up at nine. But behind the serving of Maddie Williams, BC ran off four straight points to pull ahead by four and not look back. The Buckettes cruised from there to a 25-16 victory.
"I thought the first game we came out a little hesitant," Wynford coach Tim Baumberger said. "I thought we were loose coming into the game. Not that we weren't focused or fired up, I think they bring out a little hesitation in us. But our girls bounced back."
The Royals had its first lead of the night in the third game. A kill from Paige Brady, one of 16 for her on the night, gave Wynford a 3-2 lead. The two clubs traded blows through 13. But a Brady kill and an ace helped to put the Royals up 17-13. Buckeye Central cut it to 18-16 but couldn't get any closer the rest of the game.
"That's the way we've done it all season. We've had games where it's 7-7 or 8-8 and all of a sudden we pull out and win 25-12 or 25-14. It's their style of play. They've done it from night one," Bonham said.
Wynford led 4-3 early in the fourth but Buckeye Central ran off four straight points to take the lead. The Royals tied it up at seven but would get no closer. Four kills from Williams, part of a 16 kill night, and another four from Sammi Marcum, who had 18, finished off the match with a 25-19 victory.
"In game two we kind of got some momentum at the end and game three we played really well," Baumberger said. "I don't think we played poorly in the game four. I just thought they transitioned the ball better into a stronger offense than we did. ... We did good things in game four. They just did more of them."
Williams had 20 digs and two aces, Marcum had 13 digs and two aces and Kendra Schultz had eight kills. Jenna Delarber had six kills to go with five blocks and Brooke Karl had 27 digs. Emily Weithman had seven kills and 30 assists and Kilee Kimmel had 19 assists and three aces.
Shannon Miller dished out 28 assists for the Royals and Meghan Harrer and Brenna Quinn each had nine kills. Harrer had 30 digs and Quinn had five blocks.


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It's difficult to think of any punishment that would be worse than what the mother of a 2-year-old boy who was mauled to death at the Pittsburgh Zoo already is experiencing.
Maddox Derkosh died Sunday after falling from a wooden railing on a deck overlooking an exhibit of African painted dogs. The boy reportedly bounced off netting in front of the railing and fell into the exhibit where he was attacked by the dogs. The Allegheny County Medical Examiner's Office said the boy bled to death.
Police are unsure whether anyone will be charged.
The boy's mother had lifted the boy onto the railing to give him a better view before he fell.
From what has been released thus far, Maddox's death seems to have been a tragic accident, not an attempt to cause him harm. Barring other evidence, we don't know what a prosecution would accomplish.
We can only imagine the emotional agony that the mother must feel after seeing her child fall and then be attacked and killed by the dogs. Is any penalty that society could inflict worse than she already is experiencing?
As far as a lesson to others, news of this horrible death already has hit home with responsible parents.
We hope parents will be more be aware of potential dangers to their children, especially when helping them stand on a railing or other structure so they can get a better view.
It only takes an instant and a fall to turn what is a fun outing into a horrifying nightmare. And the fall does not have to be in a zoo exhibit to cause harm.
In addition, the Pittsburgh Zoo and other similar facilities undoubtedly will review their safety precautions to see if additional protections are needed.
The Associated Press reports the Pittsburgh Zoo had met or exceeded all safety standards with its exhibits.
But the public must remember that a 100 percent safe exhibit isn't realistic.
We understand that authorities have a duty to investigate Maddox's death fully. But absent of proof of some intent, it's difficult to see what criminal charges would accomplish.


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4 Insane Solutions to America's Biggest Problems
These days, America is a divided house in most any room you care to enter. Economically, the middle class is vanishing faster than the whiskey at an Irish wake. Politically, the Internet is seeping into real life, and now politicians just stand around calling each other gay Nazis. And as for religion, we can't even enjoy a nice holiday season without one side or the other pretending to be offended by how we wish one another peace and joy the wrong way.
But one thing we all know: There are more Americans now than ever before, and since none of us can survive outside of big box stores for more than a fortnight, resources are getting tighter. That's not good news, since the New England Complex Systems Institute recently linked riots to a single factor.
Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images News
Their research was supported by the New England Actually Quite Simple Systems Institute.
That's right -- come summer, rising prices trigger the food fight to end all food fights, and also millions of human lives. What's a good patriot to do? Nothing but watch the enemy within devour the amber waves of grain? Or fight back, and squirt out a horde of Duggars like it's some sort of cultural arms race?
Answer: both! The future of America, like its past, is going to be one of compromise.
The Solution: The Income Gap + Cultural Divide + Overpopulation = A Unified America
I'm just going to say it: We're going to have to become a nation of swingers.
Although the trend has dipped, the poor have more kids, because condoms waste money meant for cigarettes, whereas rich people have very few children. In upper society, it's considered good form to pull out and finish in a sack of money. Of course, we all know that's literally a flimsy excuse when the real reason for their impotence is that rich guys can afford all the cocaine.
But you know what rich people hate even more than having children? Tax hikes. And why shouldn't they? They're currently suffering through the worst tax levels since ... uh ... OK, not so much. But that just means that taxes are going to go up soon! See? Tax hikes, grrrrr!
So here's the deal, and it's a good one: If your personal annual income is $150,000 or above, you unlock the Polygamy Badge. It permits you a gross income tax break of 7 percent for each spouse you marry. BUT: You can only marry someone who's earned $26,000 or less for the last five years and has religious or political beliefs that make you laugh one of those rich person laughs.
Boom! The 1st result for "rich laugh" on Getty
Oh yeah, that's the one.
This is a win for everybody: Now the spouses can take up better hobbies than reproduction, like polo -- the gentleman's orgasm! Their kids finally get a successful role model and a house with better flavors of paint than lead. And you get a gift certificate from the government to enjoy a plethora of sexual partners.
But the real winner here is America! Because as your hate-sex slowly turns into a tender love affair, you'll stop despising all their perceived differences, and instead start despising the million little reasons all spouses want to kill each other.
#1. Get Rid of the Freeloaders
For decades now, Congress has belabored the fact that America suffers from freeloaders who drain our resources. These parasites put zero into the system even as they suckle on benefits paid for by real, hard-working Americans.
Not illegal immigrants. Those guys work hard. I'm still talking about Congress. That's why all of the legislative branch is fired, effective immediately.
Don't act like you'd care. Sure, there are a few good ones in there, but not enough to have any effect, obviously. You could probably replace them with one of those algorithm robots that organize Walmart's warehouses and get a better country. If you put the whole of Congress in a rowboat with a map to safe harbor, half of them would row in circles and the other half would sell the boat to Goldman Sachs for kindling. And they would all refuse rescue so they could blame the other party for their untimely drowning.
The Solution: Congressional Deadlock + Illegal Immigration = Effective Government
Obviously we're going to need someone to write some laws every couple of decades. And that's where the 62 percent Mexican sector of illegal immigrants can help. Did you know that a recent study found that 99.9 percent of luchadores are Mexican? Lucha libre wrestlers kick exactly the kind of ass we need to effect real change in Washington.
For starters, they're go-getters, OK? They don't waste nine months campaigning and compromising. When a luchador wants a title, he finds the guy who has it and pins him. It's survival of the fittest, and it only takes 10 minutes. Think of the efficiency! In that amount of time, your current Congress can barely break more than seven or eight promises.
But the big advantage is that luchadores' identities are concealed -- often their own families aren't even aware of who they are. Special interest groups are going to have a devil of a time influencing the vote of a man who can vanish by pulling his face off.
Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images Sport
And one of them is a saint.
A politician might vote against his own judgment just to cut a deal or get back at another politician. Luchadores have more honor than that. The only time a luchador flips his position is to better leg-lock his opponent. And if a wrestler betrays his partner, you won't see the wounded party take a dive next week as revenge.
Maybe you're not convinced. After all, what do these heroes know about legislation? But ask yourself this: How could they do any worse, America? At least luchadores know they're real men and wouldn't lurch the nation into eight years of unnecessary war because they're afraid of being called soft.
US Congress
There is no pipe rusty enough to thank the 108th Congress for its service to this country.
Since only natural-born citizens can run for president, they'll get out there and govern fearlessly, without worrying about their record. And there are clear-cut heroes, or faces (Spanish: technicos) and villains, also known as heels (Spanish: rudos). This easy classification system means that we can dispense with the endless debates and say goodbye to the unbearable pussyfooting of the Democratic Party (Spanish: putas) and hello to a Republican Party (Spanish: Sith Lord) that finally admits it just wants to crush someone weaker.
Obviously, that still leaves 11 million illegal immigrants without a Congressional gig, but I trust that our luchador legislators will grant them their chance at the American dream and all the taxes that accompany it. Meanwhile, they can assess heavy fines on employers who hire under the table and circumvent the tax system.
In conclusion, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what it's doing to you with your own tax dollars. Don't be afraid to speak up, don't be afraid to fail, don't be afraid to be hurt, don't be afraid to be kind, and be very afraid of the manticore. Thank you, and may God bless all this weirdness.
Brendan's keeping America and Twitter safe @brendanmcginley. He once watched a shapely redhead give a yoga lesson to 30 Rock's Dot Com.


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Beaumont/Port Arthur
Police in Port Neches have discovered the identity of a woman killed in an auto-pedestrian accident May 9, reports the Port Neches Police Department.
A Rhode Island man was found dead by DPS Troopers Monday, May 5, following an auto-pedestrian accident occurring on Highway 87 in Port Arthur.
According to a Department of Public Safety press release, at approximately 4:30 a.m. Monday morning, 26-year-old Lyndi Morris of Groves struck the pedestrian, 35-year-old Brian Chase, who was lying in the outside lane of the highway. Morris struck Chase once with her with her 1994 GMC truck, the press release stated.
An auto-pedestrian crash on Highway 62 near FM 105 at approximately 6:30 a.m. this morning, April 24, resulted in the death on one person, DPS reports.
An auto-pedestrian accident on Interstate 10 near Rose City on Feb. 17 claimed the life of one person, the Department of Public Safety (DPS) reports.
An auto-pedestrian accident claimed the life of an elderly woman in Orange over the weekend. According to a police report, 86-year-old Faye Williams Bounds of Orange was struck and killed Jan. 26 at approximately 4:30 p.m. in the 3100 block of F.M. 3247 while crossing the road after retrieving her mail.
A cyclist was killed after a Jeep veered off the road and struck him in Vidor early Friday morning, June 28, 2013.
While we harbor no disrespect for the Wall Street Journal who called us "that scrappy little paper from Southeast Texas," we prefer to think of ourselves as simple seekers of the truth. We're of the opinion that headlines and sound bites never tell the whole story. Our readers demand all the facts, facets and flavors of every story or event. And, they expect to be informed, educated and stirred to action.
For this week's New York Times crossword puzzle, pick up a copy of this week's The Examiner on newsstands now.