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... well, it has been a while since I put up any poetry... yeah, yeah.. I know you don't like it... but, that is exactly why I put it up here.. just because you don't like it... doesn't mean you don't need it.... yesterday, I spent quite a while sitting on the deck alone with my thoughts... Memorial Day always puts me in a mood... and, usually I want to be alone.. so, I spent the better half of yesterday evening sipping a Scotch.. sitting in the sunshine... and, just thinking... I kept recalling lines from Robert Service... unrelated lines... from different poems... I found myself saying them out loud as they came into my mind... I suppose that if I were a more educated man, Wilfred Owen... or Sassoon would have been more appropriate... but, "Lyrics of a Low Brow" was present instead... Low Brow, indeed...
...so, I leave you today with the foreward of "Rhymes of a Red Cross Man"... penned in 1916... by ambulance driver R.W. Service... once again, people... read it out loud..
I've tinkered at my bits of rhymes
In weary, woeful, waiting times;
In doleful hours of battle-din,
Ere yet they brought the wounded in;
Through vigils of the fateful night,
In lousy barns by candle-light;
In dug-outs, sagging and aflood,
On stretchers stiff and bleared with blood;
By ragged grove, by ruined road,
By hearths accurst where Love abode;
By broken altars, blackened shrines
I've tinkered at my bits of rhymes.
I've solaced me with scraps of song
The desolated ways along:
Through sickly fields all shrapnel-sown,
And meadows reaped by death alone;
By blazing cross and splintered spire,
By headless Virgin in the mire;
By gardens gashed amid their bloom,
By gutted grave, by shattered tomb;
Beside the dying and the dead,
Where rocket green and rocket red,
In trembling pools of poising light,
With flowers of flame festoon the night.
Ah me! by what dark ways of wrong
I've cheered my heart with scraps of song.
So here's my sheaf of war-won verse,
And some is bad, and some is worse.
And if at times I curse a bit,
You needn't read that part of it;
For through it all like horror runs
The red resentment of the guns.
And you yourself would mutter when
You took the things that once were men,
And sped them through that zone of hate
To where the dripping surgeons wait;
And wonder too if in God's sight
War ever, ever can be right.
Yet may it not be, crime and war
But effort misdirected are?
And if there's good in war and crime,
There may be in my bits of rhyme,
My songs from out the slaughter mill:
So take or leave them as you will.
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....I wish I could have helped... you and your Husband are an inspiration.... Thank you...
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Thank you. It was a good day. I got sunburned and a blister on my finger from staking the flags. I recently added a picture of Michael Williams' gravesite. I thought about it for a while and decided it would be good tribute. Thanks again!Hell raised by J.R. on May 30, 2004 08:47 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... this article is a must read... especially today... Cpl. Dunham is being considered for the Medal of Honor for his actions...
"So Cpl. Dunham was put on another Blackhawk to take him to the Seventh Marines' base at Al Asad, a transfer point for casualties heading on to the military surgical hospital in Baghdad. During the flight, the corporal lay on the top stretcher. Beneath him was the Iraqi, with two tubes protruding from his chest to keep his lungs from collapsing. Lt. Hering stood next to the stretchers, squeezing a plastic bag every four to five seconds to press air into Cpl. Dunham's lungs.
The Iraqi, identified in battalion medical records only as POW#1, repeatedly asked for water until six or seven minutes before landing, when Cpl. Dunham's blood-drenched head bandage burst, sending a red cascade through the mesh stretcher and onto the Iraqi's face below. After that, the man remained quiet, and kept his eyes and mouth clenched shut, says the nurse, Lt. Hering.
The Army air crew made the trip in 25 minutes, their fastest run ever, according to the pilot, and skimmed no higher than 50 feet off the ground to avoid changes in air pressure that might put additional strain on Cpl. Dunham's brain."
...hat tip to Equivocal Catharsis for pointing the way to this story..
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... well, I met... talked to... drank with... and, sent off... a few Soldiers last night... most of them gunners on M1 Abrams... they were great people... I wish them all the luck in the world... however, in talking with them about their deployment, one statement caught my attention... evidently, they are going to the west coast to brush up on their Infantry skills first... foot patrolling... urban assault.. house clearing... rifle range... setting road blocks.. in other words.. Tennessee's Tankers are heading to the sandbox.. and, many will fight as Infantry.. still, even with this news, they were enthusiastic and resolute... they will make Tennessee proud....
... this morning, I attended the Memorial Day service of a Church that my Great Grandpa built.... I carried the flag like I had been requested... listened intently to the sermon... it was eloquent, and moving... the main thrust of the Preacher's speech was based on the last scene in "Saving Private Ryan"... he even played the dialog from the movie over the loud speaker... in a nutshell, people... from the mouth of a dying commander on the bridge... speaking to Private Ryan.... "Earn this... make the rest of your life WORTH us dying for it"...
... with that said... enjoy your Memorial Day, everyone... and, to all of the US Armed Forces past and present... Thank you... I hope that I am a good enough American ... and, have led a good enough life... enjoying the Freedoms that you have given me... to somehow validate the sacrifices so many of you have suffered on my behalf... Thank you...
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I hope that I am a good enough American ... and, have led a good enough life... enjoying the Freedoms that you have given me... to somehow validate the sacrifices so many of you have suffered on my behalf... Thank you...
I second that!!!Hell raised by Sam on May 30, 2004 04:29 PM
Semper Fi, Buddy. This is a day jam-packed with all sorts of emotions.Hell raised by Parkway Rest Stop on May 31, 2004 08:34 PM
..thank you both.. this has just been one helluva weekend....Hell raised by Eric on May 31, 2004 09:13 PM
I was gonna rant at ya but thought better of it. I'll make it simple. You answered the call. It don't matter weather it was your contry knocking on the door or a voice inside you demanding you take this path in your life. That, very simply, is what our forefathers, grandfathers, Uncles, Dads, cousins, and brothers did. Some were in harms way, some saw a desk, some never came home.
I guess what I am saying is Memorial Day besides honoring our fallen comrades, honors all that chose to answer the call. And did their duty to the best of their ability. I am willing to bet that is what you did. I know I didnt wear the Globe and Eagle, but I understand the words and the meaning behind them....Semper Fi Marine. Thank You for answering the call.
« Shut the hell up!
... this is absolutely incredible.... Acidman hit the nail on the head, people... I have been lucky enough to see this look... I will never... ever.. forget witnessing that moment... and, if you have ever been privileged enough to see it, neither will you.. moments like that... well, they are what make life worth living... and, if handled correctly.. they can change your world...
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I have seen the "look", and it did in fact chance my world.Hell raised by Sam on May 29, 2004 11:16 AM
Beloved Wife gave me that look just before I kissed her for the first time. I knew when I saw it that she was the one for me.Hell raised by Harvey on May 29, 2004 12:20 PM
Me too Eric! I married my gal too!Hell raised by gooseneck on May 29, 2004 12:35 PM
You guys are truly blessed...doubly so for actually recognizing and appreciating that fact.Hell raised by Key on May 31, 2004 02:05 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... today, my Aunt asked me if I could still fit into my old Dress Blues... when I asked her why, she said that her Church was needing a Marine to assist in their Memorial Day Service... to help carry the USMC Flag... I was pretty shocked when she asked me this... and, I must admit.. I was honored that she had contemplated giving me that honor... but, hell, it's been 10 years since I got out... and, the answer is no, for all of you who were wondering... no, I cannot still fit into them... so, she asked if I would still carry the Corps Colors... just in civilian clothes... I immediately agreed... so, for the first time in a coon's age, children, I shall be attending Church on Sunday.... Heaven help us all.. if you read on CNN that a rural Monroe County Church has just collapsed, you'll know it was due to me walking through the doors... anyway... this was strange thing #1 that happened today...
... what was #2?... well, Big Daddy C invited me over to his house on Saturday night... his Wife's Brother is deploying with our local Armored Cavalry Regiment of the Tennessee National Guard in a week.. to Iraq... so, Big Daddy is throwing a kegger at his house on Saturday to help "send them off".. so, once again.... I was honored by the invitation... I can think of no better way to spend a balmy Saturday afternoon... than sitting around drinking beer, eating BBQ, and showing my respect to our Men in uniform.... but, sitting here right now... something is amiss... dreadfully wrong, friends...
... damn... I don't know how to say this.... but, part of me wants to pat them on the back on Saturday... be proud of them... and, the other part wants to go with them... and, as a result, I'm sitting here now... the idea of my Aunt asking me to don the uniform once again... let the Church members watch me carry the colors up the isle... well, it doesn't seem fitting now.. Saturday, I will be drinking with people who I admire, and respect.... Sunday, I will be standing there while old men and women pat me on my back, and thank me for my service...
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All part of the bizarre duality of being a vet. To honor and be honored. To say "thank you" and "you're welcome".
It's kind of a funny feeling, but I know what you mean.Hell raised by Harvey on May 29, 2004 12:26 PM
A story told me by another old reprobate-
Who went to church after an absence of decades....
He walked in the door and saw a bent over gentleman on the back pew.
"Tell me where the sinners sit," said our friend. "I think I need to sit with them."
The older gentleman swept his arm in an expansive gesture:
"Then sit anywhere you'd like." he said.
Sit anywhere you'd like. The roof won't collapse. And welcome home.
BillHell raised by Bill on May 29, 2004 03:10 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... no comment....
"THE Italian village famed as the birthplace of Leonardo da Vinci has just notched up another invention: the world's first official love carpark.
Vinci council has set aside 172 parking spaces for lovers to use at night without having to fear arrest for indecent behaviour - or attacks by serial killers."
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And people wonder why I drive a van. If you gonna do it, you might as well be comfortable. I need to buy some acreage, asphalt it over, and set up one of these deals. Make a frickin' mint.Hell raised by Johnny - Oh on May 28, 2004 12:53 PM
State provided mood lighting and used rubber receptacles? Talk about taking the excitement out of it. It would be like my mother lighting candles and sprinkling rose petals on my bed before my girlfriend and I did it.
I'll take my college chemistry lab floor over some designated parking spot any day.Hell raised by Tom on May 28, 2004 01:58 PM
Those crazy Italians. Gotta love 'em! LOLHell raised by Indigo on May 28, 2004 04:27 PM
..Chemistry Lab?.. chicks who dig chemistry probably wear glasses... right?.. oh yeah... so, the Lab floor sounds about right..
..Johnny, I can't wait to see THAT petition come before the Knoxville City Council...Hell raised by Eric on May 28, 2004 06:09 PM
You wouldn't even believe the quality of the women that melted at the lab suggestion. There's something dirty about it. Actually it literally was very dirty.Hell raised by Tom on May 28, 2004 11:11 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...well, well, well... where to start?... I had the pleasure of meeting Johnny Oh.. of the infamous Closet Extremist last night.... he joined us here for our Wednesday Poolfest.... and, he also pitched right in for some guitar playing... drinking... and, a few games of pool.. he even had a chance to play, and beat, I might add.. "The Guy in the Witness Protection Program".... initially, Johnny Oh was the first to arrive... so, we talked about blogs... how Harvey should have flown down from the frozen North to shoot a few games... hell, we talked about all kinds of stuff... oh, that reminds me.... he did say one thing as soon as he pulled into the driveway that I thought was pretty cool... heh... he gets out of his van... yes, friends and neighbors... he drives a van... looks up at my house... and... he says, "Wow! So, this is the Straight White House!"... sorry, I just thought that was cool...
... anyway, back to the rundown... we ended up shooting a few games of pool before the other party arrived... I think we were tied at 4 games each.... so, when TGITWPP started playing, the games alternated... the winner holding the table, and the loser sitting one out.... at one point, I was beating ole Johnny Oh 7 to 4... but, alas... the booze.. Jim Croce tunes... and, cigarette smoke all began to take their toll... I think we ended the pool shooting portion of the night in a tie... or, maybe he was one up on me... things were kinda hazy... but, in retrospect, I think he was sandbaggin' me the whole time anyway.. sharking me, people... he certainly ended the last two pool-stompings he administered in a lot better shape than TGITWPP and I... still, it was a lot of fun..
... when we finished on the table, TGITWPP left... so, we sat around and talked more about various blogs... at one point, we had an interesting conversation about Faith and Liberalism.... but, I was a teensy bit too drunk to propose a decent commentary... (hey, it happens on Wednesday nights)... well, about that time, Mrs. SWG arrives home from work... she had to work till 9... so, she comes in and joins in with the lively conversation.... when conversation lulled as I mixed another drink, Johnny picked up my old Fender, and played us a few tunes... he's quite a talented guitar player... and, his taste in music is impeccable...
... so, after a few hours of guitar and conversation, he decided it was time to head back to Knoxville.. but, a good time was had by all... it really was great to meet another blogger from East Tennessee... and, an open invitation to attend any Wednesday Poolfest is open to him any time... hell, who in their right mind would turn down a visitor who shows up with a 1/2 gallon of cheap bourbon... and a 2-piece Custom made pool cue?... only thing is, the bastard took it home with him when he left... the bourbon.. AND the cue.... still, he's welcome any time... so, there you have it.... the SWG/Closet Extremist mini-blogmeet... I've been to three blogmeets now... and, I can tell you this... I have never met a single blogger who wasn't a helluva nice person.. bloggers are the best kind of people, if you ask me...
... and, that just about sums it up... but, I'll leave it to The Closet Extremist to tell you about the arsenal in the blogroom....
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My post is finally up. I think I hit a "flair for the dramatic" moment there. :^)Hell raised by Johnny - Oh on May 27, 2004 07:24 PM
I wish I lived close enough to some other bloggers to have meet-ups.
Any of you guys want to fly up to North Dakota? I don't have a pool table or a guitar, but we could go tip some cows or something...Hell raised by Rob on May 27, 2004 08:24 PM
...that's ok, Rob.. we could bring out guitars.... although.. tipping some cows sure would bring back memories of my youth...Hell raised by Eric on May 28, 2004 06:50 AM
North Dakota? Is that STILL a state?Hell raised by Harvey on May 28, 2004 11:40 AM
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... all of us males have had'em... all of us males have given'em... but this?... me thinks it tis a wee bit of over-reaction.... dayum.... still... it won't happen to me.. ever....
"What started with a "wedgie" inside a Southwest Roanoke sports bar ended with a disembowelment and fatal neck wound in a dark field beyond"
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... Wednesday again, children... time for drinkin'... tellin' lies... shooting pool.. and, listening to music... but, this week is slightly different.... we will be having a Visitor... a blogger... stepping out of the closet, so to speak... we'll just have to see if he is as good at shooting pool as he claims.... anyway, I shall clue y'all in to my findings either later tonight.. or, first thing in the morning...
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I hope you took it easy on my boy Johnny-Oh. He's kind of fragile...Hell raised by Harvey on May 27, 2004 03:51 PM
shit, Harvey... he cleaned our clocks...Hell raised by Eric on May 27, 2004 04:56 PM
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...this time, in Asheville.... and, not just naked.. but, riding bicycles.... heh.... oh, and this brilliant quote comes from the article too...
"Say what you will about hippies, but they're never boring."
... I think the author has a point....
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That is a great quote!Hell raised by Key on May 26, 2004 12:51 PM
Five will get you 10 that there will be someone in that ride with no seat on the bike.Hell raised by Phelps on May 26, 2004 01:57 PM
That seatless rider you just saw go by was Harvey!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 26, 2004 06:20 PM
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...alright... here goes... once upon a time, a wedding party of family and friends traveled from places far and wide.... to the city of Dhaka... capital of Bangladesh.... see, my Brother-in-Law had married in Scotland... and, just to make things interesting... as he was continually doing... decided to have his Wedding Reception on the fringes of the sub-continent.. where his Wife's Father lived.... we all flew... two months after the fact... to party down Bengali-style... why two months later?.... well, he and his new Bride had decided to drive to Bangladesh... yeah... you heard me right... DRIVE.... their route?... well... from Scotland down into England.. ferry to France... through France, and across the Alps... down Italy... ferry to Greece... to Turkey... breaching Iran... around Afghanistan, and into Pakistan....quietly crossing the border from Pakistan into India... then, all the way across the widest part of India's northern area... finally arriving.. 1 day before US.. in the land of the Bengalis.. all of this done in a diesel Ford Mondeo.. and, if you don't know what that is, it is like a Ford Taurus... only uglier.....
... well, being budding young lushes.. and after an incredible bribe-ridden escort through Customs.... the first thing we began attempting to do upon arrival in our Strange Land... was, of course, securing large quantities of booze.... Which, I can tell you first hand... is a real TASK in a 80% Muslim country... still, vice cares not for religion, if the truth be told... and, soon... we had found our watering holes... the Sheraton Hotel.. The Dhaka Club (you had to be a member, and the Bride's Father was)... and, the Expatriate's Club... as an aside, it seems that every country in the World has an Ex-pat's club... especially in Asia... but anyway, these were the places where even the thirstiest of backslidden Muslims could douse their fires.... and, where young, uppity white-folk could continue their alcoholic mantras... so, we dove right in with youthful Christian vigor.
... the particular evening in question, our choice of venues was the Sheraton Hotel's lounge... it was gorgeous... stuffed Tigers... polished brass everywhere... and, probably the largest selection of Single Malts in Bangladesh.... it oozed Empire... from every crevice... and, it was here that something unforgettable happened.. something that was strange.. something that I will take with me to my grave.... Right there in the Sheraton... in a booth seat... I was given the second greatest compliment of my life....More Straight talk »
.. it all started with a friendly drink.. we were all buying rounds.. a pint of Guinness here... a double Glenfarclas there...we band of intrepid friends, enjoying the hell out of ourselves..... there were quite a few of us... Alistair.. Roman.... John... Hugh.... Mrs. SWG... and, me.... we laughed.. talked of the things to come... places we'd be visiting.... What a crazy fucker that last Rickshaw driver was... and, just generally enjoying the booze's effect in the January heat.... and then, HE walked in... a slick little guy... The Indian Businessman.... and, he was escorting the most gorgeous little native any of us had ever seen... dripping in gold jewelry... Henna art on her hands and arms.... Wrapped in red and yellow silk.... Absolutely fucking incredible, people.... She looked like she had just stepped from the set of a Bollywood movie.. well, they sat down at the bar...
...as we continued our boisterousness, we attracted the attention of The Businessman.. and his Bird.. he obviously could tell that we were (everyone but me..) of Empire Extraction.... their accents... and skin tone... had blown our cover... so, without further hesitation, The Businessman strolls right over and asks if he can buy the table a round... now, what table has EVER turned down a line like that?.... so, we agreed, and he sat down... now, the booth we were sitting in was in the shape of a horseshoe... I was on the outside... and, Mrs. SWG was on the opposite outside edge... so, The Businessman pulled up two chairs... and, he and the consort promptly sat down..... his babe sat nearest Mrs. SWG.. while he sat nearest me...
.. the conversation began with questions.... where are you from?... what brings you to Bangladesh?... etc.... but, after each question one of us answered, he would launch into a 5 minute dialog about his time spent studying at Cambridge... or, how much enjoyed the Bengali women... now, this struck us as incredibly odd... first of all, he was being a nuisance in perfect English.... and, secondly.... his little hottie never made a move, said a word, or let the perfectly formed smile slip from her face... and, that's when I noticed it... she was staring... and smiling.... at me.... Now, we all naturally had assumed that this lovely young thing was this asshole's Wife... each of us had tried to include her in our conversations... but, she just smiled sweetly... nodded...sometimes giggled... and, never said a word....in a nutshell, folks... she didn't speak English... hell, she even looked over at Mrs. SWG at one point, smiled, and said something in Bengali. When Mrs. SWG asked The Businessman what she'd said... he replied.... "she says, you have beautiful eyes...."... blue eyes were somewhat of a novelty to Asian hotties.....
....so, as usual... when the Glenfarclas started kicking in, I began to tell stories... those of you who have met me will attest to this... and, as you normally do when telling stories... you look around the gathered cast, and make eye contact.. tis the very nature of telling a good lie... but, it suddenly came to my attention... every time I looked at The Businessman's Wife, she was looking at me in a distinctly familiar way.... I dismissed it... stranger in a strange land, and all that.... Until... mid story, she leans over to her Man, and whispers in his ear.... He quickly looks up to the gathered drinkers.. over to me... and, then back to his babe... utters something in Bengali... and, looks back at me, and smiles... so, I continue my story... until.... It happens again... I stop my story, and wait for their conversation to end... and, I continue.... until.. it happens again... this time, I am beginning to think that my stories are too damn long.. so, I ask him what she was saying... after all, he seemed like a prick... and, if his Woman had something to contribute, well, I wanted to hear it... so, I asked...
..."what is she saying?"...
..."oh, nothing at all... nothing to do with your story..".. he said....
... then, Alistair pipes up.... "hey, man... she's as much of a right to talk at our table as you do... what does she have to say?"
... The Businessman straightens his jacket.... Makes eye contact with all of the assembled males... turns to me... and says.....
"... ok... she says that she wants to sleep with you...."
... completely floored and astonished, I said... "what?!!?... I thought she was your Wife!"
... "oh no", he says... patting her hand... which is on his knee.. "I met her here a few days ago... she's very nice.."
... "so, you wouldn't.. uh... mind?...ok... so, where should this take place?"
... " of course I wouldn't mind... she seems to really fancy you.... Anyway, I have a room upstairs here at the Sheraton.. you are welcome to use it if you want..."
... "how much?", I inquired... casually looking at the frowing, yet darling, face of Mrs. SWG...
... "I honestly don't know, Sir... I've been with her for 4 days, and she hasn't charged me the first penny..."
... so, as the Gentleman I am.... I looked at her... smiled.. and, said.....
... "I would absolutely love to take you upstairs, darlin... but.... SHE would kill us both..."..
.... and, I motioned towards the woman she was seated beside.... The Bengali girl looked confused.. so, I held out my hand.... pointed to my Wedding Band.... then, to Mrs. SWG... well... have you ever seen a Bangladeshi blush?.. well, it's an incredible sight, friends... the Bangladeshi Prostitute did... before our very eyes... heh.. it was priceless... she looked at Mrs. SWG... then back to me... then, back to Mrs. SWG... bowed her head... and, whispered again in her Man's ear... there was a quick silence.... so, I burst in....
.... "I didn't mean to embarrass her", I said.... "I am genuinely flattered.. but, my Wife would KILL me.."...
... "Oh.... don't worry, Sir... even though she is embarrassed... she just told me that she STILL wants to take you upstairs.."...
... so... there it is... my 2nd best compliment....
... thus endeth the story, Ladies and Gentlemen.. although, I never actually got around to including the Embassy lackey... or, the pilfered Johnny Walker... you pretty much get the picture...
.... and.... I know.. I know... as incredible as it seems.... this is the truth.... and, so.. there you have it.. my 2nd best compliment.... EVER.... out of the 5 men at that table... I was the chosen.. so what if it was a Bangladeshi Hooker.... it was me that struck her fancy... so, chew on that for a while.... so, what's YOUR best compliment?... or... 2nd best..
.. as a parting thought.... I have one for you...what is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world?.... not what you might think.... what is it?.... Poverty...... poverty, friends... the greatest aphrodisiac....
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That was a great story... right up to the point where you DIDN'T get laid... WTF... at least you could have titllated us with a fairy tale of tawdry debauchery and three-way sex!
Story teller my ass....Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 26, 2004 12:34 PM
Shut the fuck up, Bartender.
Great story, Eric.Hell raised by Harvey on May 26, 2004 12:43 PM
Oh, no doubt he got laid...just not by the well-decorated working girl. ; )
And, yeah, great story!
How long did the trek halfway across the globe take them?Hell raised by Key on May 26, 2004 12:50 PM
...and I think the asshole was her pimp.Hell raised by Key on May 26, 2004 12:57 PM
..thanks... and, Key.. he was a geniune business man... but, the thing was, she wasn't gonna charge me... heh... seeing a 6"1' Redhead made her curious, I suppose...
...as for the trip.. it took them three months to make that drive... of course, they stopped for a few days here and there...Hell raised by Eric on May 26, 2004 01:08 PM
Great story!
My 2nd-best compliment ever? ('Cause I can't think of THE best...)
"You'd make a great mommy."
I think he just wanted to practice the conception part with me, though.
And, even though, if sincere, that was the 2nd best compliment ever for me... I've made sure we'll never find out! Absolutely sure, in fact, because the spousal unit agreed and followed my lead.
That's a stupid comment. The whole thing.
But I'm not going to "cancel, because I'm on a mission to comment everywhere I go, instead of continuing to forever lurk.
I'm not sure about what my best compliment was, but are couple come to mind. Once a friend of mine stated to me "you're kind of cute, in a toxic-festering sort of way". Another friend of mine dubbed me "the Pontiff of Crude".
I still tear up when I think of those days. However, I am a little upset that none of those statements was made by a Bangladeshi Hooker.
i luv yer stories, sir. they gut everthang ye mite wont, including suspents bout whut's nex -- in this case, the first best compliment ye ever gut, witch i bet twuz whenever miz swg sed ye wood make a grate husbin of sumthin lack that, probly sumthin with a better story toot.
« Shut the hell up!
... this is the most wonderful scientific breakthrough in the history of scientific breakthroughs... hell, I don't eat the stuff myself... but, I occasionally treat the Wife.. and, the wonderful Ladies at work... heh.. can you just imagine?... people, I'm telling you... this is a wonderful idea.. but, I think the sales should be strictly regulated... and, these should only be sold to males... then, the males can feed them to the fairer sex.. allowing your Lady to purchase them?... in that way, dear friend, is oblivion... if we allowed them to buy it.. what the hell would they need us for?.... we need some Gummint regulations on this stuff....
"The orgasm from chocolate should be as good as a real one. But the sex act burns off calories, so you will gain pleasure and pounds. Many women say they feel good after eating chocolate. How will they feel after a bar that tastes great and makes them feel good?" Sun GP Dr Carol Cooper was quoted as saying."
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I gotta get me some of that! Long has it ben rumoured that choccy stimulates the same chemical response as the sex act but never really been proved.
Just think, get bored, go for a snakc and BAM... orgasm goodness! Puts fondue into a whole new category...
AxXxHell raised by Lemurgirl on May 25, 2004 07:34 AM
Ya know, I'm not a real chocaholic, but I AM indeed a major perv.. .methinks I would become hugely obese if this ever makes it to market.Hell raised by Nee on May 25, 2004 04:39 PM
..you Ladies are my heroes.. I'd buy you both a box... hell, TWO boxes... if they were on the market.. sadly... you shall have to wait a bit longer..Hell raised by Eric on May 25, 2004 06:44 PM
Can I hold you to that?! ;)
AxXxHell raised by Lemurgirl on May 26, 2004 06:58 AM
Yeah, I'm holding ya to that as well... I'll need it, what with the boyfriend leaving on deployment and all. Might as well kill two birds with one stone - eat away my sorrows, and get my rocks off.Hell raised by Nee on May 27, 2004 01:11 PM
Now I think this article is flawed. I have already eaten almost an entire big bag of M&M's and nothing has happened. What am I doing wrong?!?!? :)Hell raised by J.R. on May 27, 2004 08:08 PM
Brilliant line of thought. chocolate has the power. The question then becomes which choco?
The answer is you must do your homework. Topnotch choco will drive women wild, this must be the best. Belgium has some fine offerings,
as does Maison Du Choco. You have to go on a quest for your lady, Slay a few Dragons, make some damn money and buy the best, then and only then will the truth be revealed. Can you handle it. Yes you can with a smile on your face.
« Shut the hell up!
... I have a story... but, I'm not sure if anyone wants to hear it... it is, of course, a true story... involving Me... a group of people bound for a wedding reception... a Bangladeshi prostitute dripping in gold jewelry... an incredibly talkative - and, generous Indian businessman... a pilfered 1/2 gallon of Johnny Walker.. the extremely helpful Chief of Security at the US Embassy, ....and, the wonderfully opulent lounge in Dhaka's Sheraton Hotel... if you want to hear it, just let me know... otherwise, it shall stay in the box labeled "Too Much Information".... so, it's your call, my babies.... but... a word of caution... be careful what you wish for.. you might just get it....
Read the Bullshit »
Mmmmm...I love a good story!! Tell! Tell!!Hell raised by drc on May 24, 2004 07:53 PM
How long is the story? And how loaded am I? Wait, doesn't this start with "An American blogger, a Bangladeshi prostitute, and an Indian businessman walk into a bar..."?Hell raised by Jim on May 24, 2004 08:28 PM
Go for it. Some stories have to be told, after the statue of limitations are up.Hell raised by gunner on May 25, 2004 12:29 AM
git toot. i wood luv to read it!Hell raised by buddy don on May 25, 2004 05:59 AM
Baby, this is blogdom. There's no such thing as "Too much information".
That, and when it involves a Bangladeshi prostitute, you know it has to be told. Just has to be.Hell raised by Helen on May 25, 2004 06:44 AM
Tell the friggin story or shut your pie-hole!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 25, 2004 10:22 AM
I don't know... liquor & prostitution... it might offend my delicate ex-Navy sensibilities...Hell raised by Harvey on May 25, 2004 01:22 PM
I need something to read at work, so please tell, extra points if it makes me blush.Hell raised by i.e. on May 25, 2004 04:58 PM
i am prostitute in high rate.if any one to contact with me .please feel free.my phone no in bangladesh code 9342560Hell raised by moyna on July 21, 2005 11:36 AM
try me!! im ready for ur bullshit... send me ur storyHell raised by cooldaz on November 3, 2005 11:30 AM
send me ur story... i want to read itHell raised by coolda_z on November 3, 2005 11:35 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... hey, they set a record.... the things people will do to get famous...
"The naked joy riders spent a hair-raising one minute and fifty seconds swooping around the rails of the gravity defying rollercoaster ride at a theme park south of London."
... real life is WAY stranger than Fiction....
Read the Bullshit »
I hope someone washed their nasty-ass butt-jiuce off the seats before the next group of riders boarded... ewwwwww!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 24, 2004 05:00 PM
...wow... I hadn't even thought of that... but, all I know is... Rollercoasters scare the shit out of me... a scary thought, indeed...Hell raised by eric on May 25, 2004 07:03 AM
"the record breaking stunt, which had never been attempted before."
How can it "break a record" if it had never been done before? Doesn't there need to be a prior record in order for it to be broken?Hell raised by Harvey on May 25, 2004 01:25 PM
There goes Harvey again... pickin the gnat shit out of the pepper....Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 25, 2004 08:33 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... my lawn is the bane of my existence... I hate her... and, I hate the things she makes me do.... since the very beginning, our relationship has borne nothing except animosity... lately, I have been paying professionals to mow her.. trim her up... keep her green... and, basically make her leave me the hell alone...
... as a rule, I stay out of her way... and, she stays out of mine... a problem does exist, though... and, it was handled today... The Back Lawn... see, the professionals I hire will not touch it with a 10ft. pole..... they are too afraid of the tiniest sight of Poison Ivy, so they refuse.... which means it is left to me...well, I'm here to tell you that the task has been completed, children... The Back Lawn has been beaten into submission... she didn't like it, but... I didn't give her much choice.... one large Pine Snake... two tortoises... 1/2 acre of Poison Ivy... and, 3 colonies of Fire Ants... they were in the Army of Darkness for this Backyard Armageddon... but, I was victorious in the end...
... the weapon of choice?... a 4 cycle gasoline strimmer... the venue?... the 1/2 acre of back lawn which borders the hardwood forest behind the Straight White House... it was quite a fight... from 0930 to 1345... the battle raged... a few times, I thought the Enemy almost had me... while blazing a trail with the weed-eater, an errant piece of freshly eviscerated plant would hit my cheek... I'd rush to the spigot, and furiously wash away the offending goo... fearful that I had been wounded by the Ivy... then, grit my teeth, quote some Henry V, and head back into the fray....... but, as I sit here nursing my first Scotch of the evening... I am relishing in my triumph... so far, no effects of the Poison Ivy have been noted... which means that my armor was effective.... what armor, you ask?....
... first of all, let me set the scene... my front lawn is pleasantly manicured... my back lawn is all trees, shrubs, flowers... and, generally wild-looking... we have deer, fox, and all other manner of wildlife wandering through... hell, it is nice to sit on the deck, and feel like you are in the woods... so, we leave it alone.... this, however, has a drawback... once... or, maybe twice a year, it has to be dealt with... and, today was that day....
... Summer is upon us here... today, it was in the 90s... Redheads and 90 degree weather do not mix well... at all... so, my "armor" consisted of a set of OD Green BDUs... combat boots... bloused, of course... just to keep all the critters from climbing up my leg... a Boonie Hat... leather gloves... and, safety glasses..... in other words, friends, I was covered from head to toe... sans the safety glasses, I was dressed like a Sandinista Rebel, basically.... why?... well, for two reasons... to keep from being fried like an egg by the Sun... AND... to keep the Poison Ivy I was mutilating from claiming me as a victim.... needless to say, I lost about 5 pounds today... all of it sweat... the BDUs were soaked... but, it worked... I almost died from the heat, but at least I don't have Poison Ivy... they guys who mow my lawn are wimps... now, I'm going to go sit on my deck... drink Scotch.. and, tell my new war stories to the Wife... if she'll listen.... otherwise, I'll just sit and drink Scotch... later...
Read the Bullshit »
One of your best posts' ever. But, I am sure you know that.
In the cartoon version of the world I have running in my mind, I imagine you're out there tearing things up on the lawn, and each time you feel something hit your face, you let out a little Homer Simpson scream before you go running to the spigot.
I'm sure that's how it would go if I were out there. I helped a buddy move a couple of weekends ago, and for a week and a half, I had a nasty run of the poison oak running up my right leg. The bad part was that I would scratch it in my sleep...Hell raised by BSTommy on May 23, 2004 10:44 PM
Fabulous story, Eric :)
I'm glad you got it all finished.Hell raised by Uptown Girl on May 24, 2004 02:03 AM
MUCH better than my hedge story!! :D
(Though both had the dreaded poison ivy as a common enemy.)Hell raised by pam on May 24, 2004 08:03 AM
Eric I know what you mean... the back half of our lot is all trees and weeds... we have lived there for 2 years and i havent touched it... it has its life and i have mine... but someday my friend all hell will break loose!Hell raised by Turf on May 24, 2004 03:03 PM
Poison Ivy Pussy... I eat that shit like Popeye eats spinach!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 24, 2004 05:02 PM
Do like Cappy SQL - let the damn lawn burn itself out in June.Hell raised by Jim on May 24, 2004 08:29 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... the outlook is bleak, friends... the yard work I have been putting off for the past two weeks is overdue... damn.. so today, I am fated to become the worst fear of mankind... a slave... sweat, sunburn, dirt, poison ivy... a slave I shall be today... all that is missing, it seems, is the lash.. and.. depending upon the fruits of my labors this day, even that might be forthcoming in the evening... still, I must brace myself for the onslaught.. woe betide the shirker, friends... woe, indeed...
Read the Bullshit »
.. Visit Here... NOW.... you hang in there, girl... you are doing a wonderful job for ALL of us....
.. anyway, that is all for now... time for me to retire for the evening.... the Wife, the Scotch.... and, the Deck are calling me... time to deep-burn this sunburn.... being a redhead in the South sucks, people....
... oh, and a big hat-tip to That Henson Kid for the head's-up...
Read the Bullshit »
...alright.. if it is good enough for BST, it's good enough for me.... and, hell... I'm curious too.... so, where in the hell are you people from?... Me?... well, I'm sitting here sunburnt just outside Etowah, Tennessee.. so, if I can fess up... so can you people.... so, where are you?... and, please... no metaphsical bullshit about "where are any of us"... just answer the question.... or, maybe not.. either way, it's cool..
... by the way.. for those who are interested, I was called again this morning by "The Underestimating Good Ole Boy"... yep, he postponed the shootin' match yet again... but, rest assured, I will let you know when the deal goes down....
Read the Bullshit »
St.Pauls, NCHell raised by Bill,The Radioactive Monk on May 22, 2004 06:58 PM
Worcester, MA - birthplace of the pill, barbed wire, the shopping cart and modern rocketry (as opposed to ancient rocketry)Hell raised by chris on May 22, 2004 07:22 PM
Warrington, Bucks Co. Pa.
Right down the road from NAS Willow Grove.
(So cool... I get to watch the fighter pilot guys practice before the Air Show every year. They fly right over the farm.)
Broadcasting my particular brand of bullshit out of Murfreesboro, TN, home of more people who drive while talking on cellphones (per capita) and without headlights at night than any other city on the planet.Hell raised by BSTommy on May 22, 2004 07:47 PM
Hey, BST, I was just reading you from where Eric linked ya...
Only saw two things that made me crook an eyebrow. First was when ya said "Stephen King's not a good writer, but..." (I'd beg to differ on that there lil point...) and the other was when ya said you watch wrestling. (I can't even type that without rolling my eyes... lol). I get to (read: HAVE TO) listen to that dreck twice a week, thanks to the (nimrod) wrestling fans in my house. Ugh.
Hell, everybody knows the only wrestler worth a poop is/was Bret Hart, right?
*ducks and runs off giggling to go blogroll Tommy*
new jersey on a counta i gut to make a livin, but my harts in east tennessee. same goes fer miz bd.Hell raised by buddy don on May 22, 2004 10:21 PM
In Durham, NC but from Buffalo, NY; birthplace of Tim Russert, David Boreanaz, Bills, wings, and lake-effect snow.Hell raised by Tom on May 22, 2004 10:42 PM
Boone, Iowa. Railroad museums and honky tonks.Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 22, 2004 11:13 PM
Near Patuxent River NAS, in my bunker on the Potomac.Hell raised by maura on May 22, 2004 11:43 PM
Crystal Coast of NC -- another hazardous place for redheads!Hell raised by Indigo on May 23, 2004 01:18 AM
Chicago, IL -- Windy City; Second City; Pork Butcher of the World; Bang-Bang; Da' City: etc.Hell raised by John on May 23, 2004 12:04 PM
I was born in Fort Atkinson, WI, which is a cool town only by virtue of the fact that the Rock River runs through the center of it. Having a river to play around makes being a kid in a boring small town kinda fun.
I currently live 20 miles south of there in Janesville.Hell raised by Harvey on May 23, 2004 01:52 PM
Owatonna, MN, home of Cabela's.Hell raised by drc on May 23, 2004 07:34 PM
The beautiful Gold Coast of Australian by way of Huntington Beach, CA starting in Fort Worth, TEXAS. Need I say moreHell raised by texinozz on May 23, 2004 11:21 PM
Currently in Grenoble, France, and was in Austin, Texas before that... my life-path has included Portland, Oregon; Phoenix, Arizona; and Memphis, Tennessee.Hell raised by Jack on May 24, 2004 01:14 PM
Kingsport. We're practically neighbors, neighbor.Hell raised by Deliverance on May 24, 2004 03:03 PM
San Antonio, TX aka The River City aka Alamo CityHell raised by Madfish Willie on May 24, 2004 05:03 PM
Garland, TX - A brown town, right in the middle of little china and tejano ville.
Heh.....my website is down currently so I'm using live journal until it awakens again.Hell raised by Ashia on May 24, 2004 06:45 PM
Wow, I'm from across the pond. A place called Durham in the North East of England. Studying for a degree up here but my true home is Jersey - one of the Channel Islands that is!
AxXxHell raised by Lemurgirl on May 25, 2004 07:43 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... yes... deadly sins... here at the Straight White House, we are fairly well versed in new ways to enjoy them... which ones?... well, most notably, Lust, Gluttony, and Sloth... our three staples... three to bind us, so to speak... but, as I was just outside on the deck... drinking a cold one and watching the hummingbirds, I suddenly realized something... a new sin has crept in on little cat feet like Carl Sandburg's Fog... what is it, my gentle ones?.... Envy... envy, pure.. and, simple... and, green..
... what brought this change in my daily debauchery?.... this new cross for me to bear?... well, to put it bluntly... the Hillbilly is having way too much damn fun... you see, Heaven, people, is aged 18 years and bottled in Scotland... I've almost become afraid to visit his site anymore... it seems that every time I go, he has another Scotch story... so, I am left with it... and, I must admit.... Envy... she's a new one to me... but, one that appears to put Lust, Gluttony, and Sloth to shame... enjoy yourself, Buddy Don... you've got me jealous in a big way....
Read the Bullshit »
now ye jes gut to member how i gut my start in the drankin of sangle malt scotch. i barly knew whut twuz till i red bout it on yer blog n ast ye how did a bidy git started. as ye lackly recolleck, ye splaind whut wuz at stake n i tuck it real serious.
i recently tole a feller name of nigel, witch he cums frum edinburgh, i tole him bout how i hadnt had my furst drank of sangle malt scotch till i wuz dun over 50 years old n he anserd me back on the nex beat, "now that's a perfectly good waste of fifty years, innit?" so i figger i owe to yew n all them sangle malt scotch drankers everwhar to do my bes to ketch up.
n git this: i dint know bout how them sangle malts kin start losing thar goodness after they been opend fer 3 to 6 munths, so i wood git me one n me n miz bd wood wurk on it fer a weekend n then save the res sos we could git a new one the nex week. now we gut bout 15 of em opend n we gut to git busy gittin em drunk up. tiz a dauntin task to say the lease, but we hope to wurk steddy at it till we git dun. frum now on, ifn we colleck em, we'll keep em seald till we're reddy to give em steddy attenchun.
innywho, i caint hardly thankee a nuff fer heppin me git started. mayhap the dayll cum when we kin pick a lil gittar n shar sum sangle malt! ye never know, sir!
btw way, ima gone buy that buffalo grass cd. thankee fer the tip.
I am fully taking part in the gluttony right now. A fridge full of beer (which is quickly making it's way into my bloodstream)and a stove full of hot wings. What could be more appropriate? Could only be better if it were football season. LOLHell raised by Asherah on May 22, 2004 03:58 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... I just found this via Blackfive... I don't know what to say.. other than to echo what his Captain said... Fair Winds, and Following Seas, Jeremiah... thank you for your service... thank you for your courage... thank you for your sacrifice... thank you, Brother.. my thoughts, and deepest sympathy to your family and friends...
... the traditional military toast was raised last night for you... Absentibus Amicis... and, even though I never met you, you had an upturned cup, and a chair at my evening meal yesterday...
Semper Fidelis
Read the Bullshit »
... Ladies... and, Gentlemen.... I have had the honor of having Stevie say nice things about me... see?... I told you I was nice, but did you listen?... of course not.... so, there... it doesn't matter what the rest of you retards think of me... at least SHE can see my hidden inner beauty... my sincere honesty.. my chainmail clad... oh, wait... damn, that didn't come out right...
...still, she's a longsuffering Sweetheart of a Dairyman.... and, a huge SRV fan to boot... so, you just gotta love'er.... and, on top of everything, she calls me her "Other Eric"... *blush*... well, since I am a SRV fan too, then maybe I should start calling her my "Other Stevie"... heh...
... so, as a present to her and me, here is one of my favorite SRV songs.... "Mary had a little Lamb"... actually, I chose to gift this one to her because it is the only SRV song that I can play on my guitar.... not the lead, of course... but, the intro and rythm... so, enjoy your Friday, people.... and, give Stevie a visit... she's worth it.. especially when she's pissed off....
Read the Bullshit »
thanks for that Eric...
after a day like today, a lil bit of Steve' was exactly what I needed..
I owe you, bud... yet again..
Eric, what is your all time favorite SRV song?
I'd have to say Life Without You...Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 21, 2004 10:00 PM
..glad to help, Midnight...
...and, Gooseneck.. as far as playing guitar, it has to be his version of "Little Wing".. as for lyrics and playing, it would be "Tightrope"..Hell raised by Eric on May 22, 2004 07:25 AM
Thank you, Lovey. I got this yesterday. When I started the download, it looked like it might be a while, so I wandered off to do other shit and when the download was finished, somebody had comandeered my pooter, so I didn't get to come say "Thank you" and give ya yer kisses on da cheek...
And, thank Gawd nobody's trying to get me to name a favorite song... I can't come up with just one. There's Riviera Paradise, Pipeline, White Boots, Good Texan, Tick Tock... Somebody stop me!!!! (Too late... I just stuck "Brothers" in the CD player... lol)
Be a much shorter list to name my least favorite... mostly cuz there ain't one.
You can play Little Wing on guitar? Stud!Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 22, 2004 11:15 PM
...thanks, Stevie.. I know what you mean.. hard to pick a single favorite..
..Gooseneck, I WISH I could play Little Wing.. I was meaning SRV's playing of it... the only SRV song I can play is Mary Had a Little Lamb... but, I'm working on some others...Hell raised by Eric on May 23, 2004 03:39 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...hey, Jimbo... I know how you feel about these varmints... so, check this out.... heh...
Read the Bullshit »
That kid is a serious bad ass...Hell raised by Turf on May 21, 2004 09:09 AM
...no kidding, Turf... he'll sure have some interesting scars to boast about...Hell raised by Eric on May 21, 2004 09:18 AM
"Misty Warren, said the family has seen alligators in the area before, but none had ever bothered them."
The moral? If you know there are alligators in the lake.... do not swim there!Hell raised by Jaded Angel on May 21, 2004 02:18 PM
Woah, another reason I don't want to live near the swamps.Hell raised by rachel on May 21, 2004 06:08 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... today was an interesting day.. in a macabre sort of way... also, a sad day... Big Daddy C came into my office this morning with a traumatized look on his face... now... Big Daddy is 6"2... 245lbs... and, quite frankly, built for the kill.. definitely not a man to be triffled with... so, when I saw his face, I clicked into combat mode...
... "What the hell is wrong, C?.. who we gotta kill?"...
... "Sorry, man... it's my kid's dog... I walked outside this morning to come to work, and he was standing there on the porch bleeding all over the place..."
... "Damn, C... what happened?"..
... "I don't know, Eric... his lower jaw had been ripped away from his head, and it was hanging down between his legs... the meat was ripped right down his neck... I think he must have had a Coyote trap snap down on his head.. pulled himself free, and made it back to the house...."
... "Jesus... what did you do?"...More Straight talk »
... "Well, I went and got my gun to put him out of his misery, but he never would get close enough... he was bleeding everywhere... I want you to come home with me at lunchbreak and help me kill him... he is in a bad, bad way... and, I don't want my boys to come home from school and see him like that..."
..."OK, C... I'll do it... I hate to see anything suffer... you think he'll survive that head wound?"...
... "No way, man... he is really busted up... I hate to ask this of you.. but, I appreciate the help"...
...so, there you go... that's how my morning started off... C's cute dog... a Cocker Spaniel/Border Collie mixed mutt... a wonderful dog.... hammered...
..well, when lunch rolled around, I had a workstation down... so, I couldn't go to assist in the mercy killing... so, I went out to my car before Calvin left, and retrieved a box of Hydra-shok 9mm from my trunk... brought them in, handed them to C, and told him to use those instead of his metal jacket practice rounds... hell, I know he only ever uses those... my thoughts?... well, at least they will be quicker for the dog... better to get it over as quickly and painlessly as possible...
... after lunch, C arrives back... I was curious and concerned over what had happened when he'd arrived home... so, I approached him....
... as it turns out, the poor dog was not around... he looked high and low... no dog... lots of blood and tissue... on his porch.. in his basement... in the lawn... but, no dog... so, he came back to work... more than likely, the poor dog had crawled off somewhere to die.. and, we live in the country... so, it could have been anywhere.... but, C came to me later that afternoon with another request...
... "Eric, I'm leaving early today.. I was wondering if I could ask another favor..."
... "Anything, C... just ask"...
... "Can I borrow your pressure washer?... I don't know of anything else that can get that blood off the porch... and, out of the basement... and, I sure as hell have to have that cleaned up before the boys get home..."
... so, of course I gave it to him.. I love his boys like they were my own... all four of them... and, the idea of them coming home to a bloodtrail instead of a barking pet scared the hell out of me....
.... still, I feel a bit inept right now.... Hydra-shoks and pressure washers... that was all I could offer him as "support"... it appears that May has not been a month for pets... that's for sure... Dax.... Ogre... and now, Big Daddy C... sorry, guys....
Read the Bullshit »
Sorry to hear about that one. Losing a pet is rough, and that way was particulary harsh.Hell raised by Harvey on May 21, 2004 02:38 PM
.. wildlife and pets tend to co-exist around here.. things like this are inevitable.. tragic, but inevitable... C's boys are troopers, though... even so young, they already understand life and death....Hell raised by Eric on May 21, 2004 06:07 PM
Sorry to hear about your friends dog... a bad fucking day to be sure.
There is a reason for the old saying "You look like your dog just died"... I knew a big old burly bad ass ironworker who had this crappy little poodle for 15 years... he really loved that piece of crap dog... when it finally died he cried like a baby...Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 21, 2004 07:14 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... well, I just found this over at Uptown Girl's place... and, since my taste in music is fairly far-reaching, I thought I'd give it a spin....
A. AC/DC... or, maybe America..
B. Black Crows... and, Bechet.. Sidney Bechet..
C. Croce... Jim Croce.... and, Eric Clapton.. obviously..
D. Deano... Mr. Martin....
E. ...shit... I probably should have thought this through..
F. Frank... Sinatra, man.. and... Fats Waller..
G. Guy.... Buddy Guy.. or, hell... Georgie Thorogood..
H. Halen... Van Halen... Hoagy Carmichael, too....
I. ...nothing leaps to mind....
J. Dr. John... or, the Cowboy Junkies...
K. King... B.B....
L. Lightfoot... Gordon Lightfoot.. and, of course... Lynyrd Skynyrd..
M. Morrison... Van the Man, baby.. or, Don McLean...
N. Nelson... Willie Nelson.. all day long...
O. Orbison... Roy Orbison...
P. Paul Lamb and the Kingsnakes...
Q. Queen... oh yeah...
R. Rolling Stones... enough said..
S. Staind.... just recently started listening....
T. Taylor... James "Stringbean"... "Spaceman".. Taylor
U. ..damn... I can't think of one.... and, I don't like U2..
V. Vaughan... Stevie Ray... incredible...
W. Williams... Hank Williams... Jr, and Sr....
X. ..same as U, here...
Y. Young... Neil Young... the only Hippie that I actually like..
Z. a Tie, people... ZZ Top... or, Warren Zevon...
...damn, that was harder than I thought... anyway, obviously the list is incomplete... but, hell... leave me alone... I had a hard day at work...
Read the Bullshit »
Frank and Deano - - both excellent! :)Hell raised by Uptown Girl on May 20, 2004 06:24 PM
Good list.. and yeah I'd leave U blank before I put U2 too.Hell raised by rachel on May 21, 2004 06:06 PM
..thanks, Ladies.... and, as for U2.. it's not so much their music.. as Bono's fucked up attitude that I hate... they aren't on MY U list.. but, I must admit to something.. I still play "Van Dieman's Land" on guitar occasionally.... from their "Rattle and Hum" album..Hell raised by Eric on May 21, 2004 06:10 PM
Do that list with some country/western!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 21, 2004 07:18 PM
And if you try it with RAP you deserve a good old fashioned Texas ass-whoopin'...Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 21, 2004 07:19 PM
ZZ Top or Warren? Damn, the tough questions just keep on coming!Hell raised by Captain SQL on May 21, 2004 09:54 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...hey.. anyone else seen this?... good grief.... I mean.. damn...
Read the Bullshit »
I like the disclaimer:
PLEASE NOTE: This is strictly a novelty item, and is NOT intended to be worn or used like a normal condom! It will not prevent pregnancy or the transmission of STDs, and will most likely cause injury to one or both parties involved. By bidding on this item you acknowledge that it is a novelty item and not intended for actual use! By purchasing this item you waive the seller of all liability and accept total responsibility for any and all injury incurred as a result of actually using this item!Just goes to show there are a bunch of jack-off idiots running around loose and on their own somewhere. So watch out! Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 20, 2004 12:26 PM
Kevlar will be next, ya think?Hell raised by Sam on May 20, 2004 02:43 PM
..any SCA Members reading this? If so, would this be suitable Feastwear?Hell raised by Eric on May 20, 2004 05:47 PM
Trolling ebay for dildo accessories again, E? Don't be ashamed. You've seen some of the gay leather outfits I've posted from good old ebay. Now: should we buy it for Acidman?Hell raised by Velociman on May 20, 2004 06:56 PM
..not at that damn price, Velociman.. Acidman can buy his OWN phallus armor.. hell, I'd bid, but I'm afraid it would be too small... and, that chainmail…it doesn't stretch very well... hell, as you said earlier this week… caveat emptor, buddy….Hell raised by Eric on May 20, 2004 07:06 PM
Yes, Velociman DOES pose a good point... just how DID you encounter this item, hmmmmmmm?Hell raised by Nee on May 21, 2004 08:27 AM
..damn, Nee.. don't encourage him... and, as for how I found it?.. well, the source of my blogfodder is a constant mystery to me...Hell raised by eric on May 21, 2004 09:20 AM
He found it in The Champagne Room... remember, there is NO SEX in The Champagne Room.
... there is no sex in the Champagne Room?.. man, I was AT the comment party...Hell raised by Eric on May 21, 2004 05:01 PM
Bloody hell........I'm all for medieval reenactment, but damn.....LOL.
(And damn it, your comment thing isn't remembering my personal info. And YES, I am checking the YES box. LOL) I'm not that drunk yet...heh!Hell raised by Asherah on May 22, 2004 04:00 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... since today is Wednesday, I will be spending most of the evening in my garage drinking Scotch and shooting pool... as I do every Wednesday... and, without fail, I try to give you, gentle readers, a rundown of the night's devastation the next day... but today, it suddenly dawned on me that I should probably introduce you to some of the curmudgeonly reprobates who frequent these gatherings.. so, here they are.. in all their glory..
... first and foremost, we have Billy.. "Billy Bastard"... when he comes over to shoot, half of the people leave... he is that good... we, as a group, have imposed a 5 shot rule on him... this means that once he arrives, he must slam 5 shots of Tequila, and wait 15 minutes before participating in the festivities... yes, he's that damn good... back in the 70's, he played pool professionally..
... rolling quickly along, we have my Archnemesis... "Steve the Biker"... covered in Tattoos... a true Zen Warrior.. and, King of the Draw... he's hard to beat.. but, I still manage to win roughly 25% of the games...
... next on my list of people who kick my ass every Wednesday is... "The Guy in the Witness Protection Program"... and his Son... he's been everywhere... done everything... and, can usually prove it.... with him, I win about 50% of the games...
... then, of course, there is Cousin B.. aka "Asshelmet"... a hard working Good Ole Boy... a dear friend... and, probably the only one who shows up that can out-drink me... although, when it comes to pool, I win about 85% of the games...
... another regular is Cousin B's friend.. "The Underestimating Good Ole Boy"... he's kinda like a "Cousin B-lite".. they work in the same profession, and both of them work hard for a living... but, on the pool table, he's easy meat...
... occasionally, Cousin C... aka "Big Daddy C".. attends... but, he's got 4 kids, so they keep him pretty busy... still, he's a fair hand on the pool table...
... so, there you have it, people... the roster of the miscreants who visit my humble home on Wednesday evenings... of course, there are various and sundry other outcasts who slither in from time to time... but, the ones listed above are the core followers... a finer cadre of individuals would be hard to find... anyway, enough of this... I gotta go... "The Guy in the Witness Protection Plan" just arrived... you'll get the results in the morning... as usual...
Read the Bullshit »
Cousin B-lite? That is great!!!Hell raised by Sam on May 19, 2004 06:08 PM
..well, he's kinda like Cousin B... only half the stature and irritation... anyway, I kicked it last night.. some nights you are on.. others, well.. you should just watch instead of attempting to play...Hell raised by eric on May 20, 2004 03:49 PM
Good for you...you get an extra bowl of ice cream!!!Hell raised by Sam on May 20, 2004 06:21 PM
..no ice cream here, man... tonight, I'm on the 12 year old Highland Park... so, I guess that means I get an extra glass?...Hell raised by Eric on May 20, 2004 06:27 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... a video of the little darling has been found, just for all of you wandering rubberneckers... anyway.... poor girl.... hey, I'm not obsessed... really...
Read the Bullshit »
I'd be more worried about her grammatical skills, or lack thereof, than the dress. Sheesh.Hell raised by Asherah on May 19, 2004 12:56 PM
They're building 13 year olds like THAT now???
Why couldn't they have had those 24 years ago?
Anyway, I'm with the school on this one. Wayyyy too much eye candy for a Catholic School.Hell raised by Harvey on May 19, 2004 01:05 PM
A scientific fact: Puberty is triggered by body weight. As America's children get fatter and fatter, they will enter pubverty at youngger and younger ages. The earliest it seems for a girl to start puberty is 12/13... believe it or not.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 19, 2004 03:45 PM
This girl's in CATHOLIC school and thought there was nothing wrong with the dress? She must've been sleeping through the lectures on chastity.
It's Catholic school, not public school - they can have standards. And it is different when it's a prepubescent girl and this one. That would NEVER have flown where I went to school. I'm not criticizing the girl's mother (wait - yes I am - she's thirteen!!!!) - but I am thinking that she wasn't thinking when she bought that dress. She knows where she sends her kid to school!
Willie - right on, brotha! Also - being athletic reduces hormones, independent of weight. Explains why I had no boobs until I was 25. Heh.Hell raised by maura on May 19, 2004 08:59 PM
..Maura.. but, you've got boobs now, right?.....Hell raised by Eric on May 19, 2004 09:46 PM
YES, YES, YES!!! Not that I'm excited about it or anything.Hell raised by maura on May 19, 2004 10:46 PM
hehe... prove it Maura... we want proof!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 20, 2004 12:21 PM
[staging sit-in protest]
Maura! Maura! Take a bow!
Show your boobies to us now!
I won't leave until I've seen 'em!
I want to put my face between 'em!
...so, looks like you've been called out, Maura... heh.. Madfish, Harvey, and Me... you are in trouble now... heh...
I'll get right on that. (Note to self: must gank still shots of eighth grader in pink dress)...
..big, small, or medium sized... it doesn't matter, Maura... hell, Harvey is drooling at just the MENTION of boobies... so, get the Hunk to take some snaps... clothing optional, of course.. and, feed your readers... hey, we ask so little, after all...Hell raised by Eric on May 20, 2004 09:45 PM
In return, will you name your firstborn 'Ignatz?'Hell raised by maura on May 21, 2004 09:57 PM
..I promise.. but, that would have to be their middle name...Hell raised by Eric on May 22, 2004 07:27 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... don't know if I'll survive.... somebody... help me.... at this rate, I'll never post again....
Read the Bullshit »
I have some disco. It worked for me.
:o)Hell raised by maura on May 18, 2004 10:22 PM
...get down, Maura... work it..Hell raised by Eric on May 19, 2004 07:25 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... where were the boobies when I was 13?... not present, friends.. no 13 year old girl in my school had boobies... at least, not as I recall... so, this would never have happened back in my day... not because of more liberal views, mind you... but, because of a distinct lack of 13 year olds with cleavage...
Read the Bullshit »
13... that wouldv'e been 7th grade... lots of lightly filled training bras, but I don't think you could get actual cleavage out of them.Hell raised by Harvey on May 18, 2004 07:23 AM
Sorry, I completely lost the point of the post with the young lady's quote: "I don't think nothing was wrong with the dress."
Clearly, clothing is not the biggest issue in her life.
I would say grammar is.Hell raised by Helen on May 18, 2004 08:46 AM
Hmmm... the titti fairy visited my area when I was in the 6th grade for some girls...
Boy, that was a loooooooooong time ago.Hell raised by Jack on May 18, 2004 11:37 AM
Jack, quit gloating...Hell raised by eric on May 18, 2004 02:49 PM
I don't think I had them until I was 25.Hell raised by maura on May 18, 2004 10:01 PM
Ha! You obviously didn't go to my school!! I had enough cleavage for the whole 7th grade!!Hell raised by drc on May 18, 2004 11:46 PM
Yeah, we had a couple of them over in Riceville...one with so much that instead of making her stop playing touch football on the playground, they just made us all quit.Hell raised by BSTommy on May 19, 2004 02:23 AM
I got em in 4th grade... never even bothered with the lightly filled bra. Went straight from white cotton undershirt to regular ol bra.
It was humiliating.
That said, it's all the damned hormones they're putting in foods these days... makes kids develop faster and earlier. It's sad really, cus I can't imagine being 13 and being cursed/blessed with a rack like that!Hell raised by Nee on May 19, 2004 08:52 AM
At 13, I was basically the same size I am now.
The boobie fairy hit me quite a lick, I can tell you that.
..wow, LeeAnn.. slayin' the males since age 13.. I guess East Tennessee must be a Fairy-free zone...Hell raised by eric on May 20, 2004 03:48 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...I swear, boys and girls... really... I have sex more than this... he's telling un-truths!... I promise...
Read the Bullshit »
Yeah, he kinda threw you off the truck...so to speak.Hell raised by Sam on May 17, 2004 07:39 PM
Spanky... sex with yourself doesn't count!
I buy the three pack. Thank God it is a leap year. They only last about 12 years, right? Actually, I had the Big V, which means I am safe enough to never have sex with again.Hell raised by Velociman on May 17, 2004 08:51 PM
...having your bore punched by a spectacle-wearing nurse.... and, the inevitable injection that follows... is a true sign of having arrived, V-man..
..Bartender... it DOES count.. selflove is the finest sort.. I'd quote Thoreau, but it wouldn't do any good.. however, rest assured, kemosabee... Walden's Pond was a bawdy place....
..Sam... what truck?.. there was a truck?....Hell raised by Eric on May 17, 2004 10:45 PM
It's OK that you only needed 3 condoms for the weekend, sweetie.
It's more than the little man that can take a person up for action....Hell raised by Helen on May 18, 2004 02:34 AM
..thanks, Helen... point well taken..Hell raised by eric on May 18, 2004 06:44 AM
can't stay long... having an Eric-lanche... must buy extra bandwidth... later, Shorty...Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 18, 2004 07:30 AM
hehe... I link them over here and you send them back to me... a classic circle jerk! LMAO!!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 18, 2004 11:15 AM
Near the top of the list of things I don't miss about my youth:
The smell of burnt rubber.Hell raised by Key on May 18, 2004 08:10 PM
...Key... we've met, you know...Hell raised by Eric on May 18, 2004 09:08 PM
So if an avalanche for Acidman is an Acidbath... what is an avalanche from SWG... getting Straightened Out?Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 19, 2004 10:43 AM
...damn, Bartender.. that is a really good question... I'll have to think on that for a bit....Hell raised by eric on May 19, 2004 11:10 AM
hehe... it's your turn to link back to me again... got to keep the circle jerk going!Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 19, 2004 03:47 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... I'll bet you guys were as intrigued as I was with this headline...
"Frogman Living in Bog Arrested for Arson"
... I have never witnessed those words in that order before... ever... lunatics end up giving us the most interesting headlines....
Read the Bullshit »
I saw that headline yesterday and thought we were being attacked by old B movies!!Hell raised by drc on May 17, 2004 11:42 AM
They either make headlines or blog about them.
To think, he could have been FrogmanLivinginBlog.comHell raised by Key on May 17, 2004 06:35 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... an accidental visitor arrived here a few days ago... they had been googlin' for "Ed Haynes"... managed to find my site... and, informed me that they had the whole damn "Ed Haynes sings Ed Haynes" album in mp3 format... hot damn... and, they were kind enough to throw two songs my way.... "One Brief Liaison".... which, is an incredible journey into the mind of man... with lyrics like.. "I'm bein' with her, but I'm thinkin' about you.."... and, my personal favorite... "Splash"... both of these songs have Ed's typical humor... but, "Splash" takes it to the next level.... well, at least I think it does... so, enjoy, children.... Ed Haynes is truly a misunderstood genius....
Read the Bullshit »
There may be good news about Ed coming soon....
But if you like that album, you can pick up Poolside Phone and I hear he's planning a new one soon.
« Shut the hell up!
... yesterday, my Cousin D and I opened the pool for the upcoming swimming season... getting the cover off... washing everything down... it is at least a two man job... anyway, we got'er done... the water turned out to be almost 90 degrees and crystal clear.. two words for you... chemicals rock... after sitting covered by a thick tarp for 8 months, the water was perfect.... of course, it needs about 18 more inches of water put into it.. but, other than that, it was ready to go....
... afterwards, as we were sitting in the swing discussing our accomplishment... his two boys, aged 4 and 6, could take the temptation no longer... before the eyes of my Wife and I.. my Mother... Cousin D and Wife... those two boys stripped buck nekkid and began playing in the warm water at the shallow end of the pool... it was at this point that my dear Cousin D said something profound...
... "you can sure tell that they are related to me and Eric... they'd rather be nekkid than just about anything on Earth"...
... truth, from the actions of babes... sometimes, I wish I was 6 again... at 6, splashing nekkid in a freshly opened swimming pool is what you are expected to do... at 31, getting caught sitting on your deck in the afternoon... while reading Harpers and drinking a Gin and Tonic... is considered pervy... but, here is the rub.. as was remarked yesterday... it's not a pervy thing.. it's friggin genetics....
Read the Bullshit »
If I was sitting on my porch nekkid, it would be seen as pervy. Then again, I live in an apartment building so LOTS of people would see me....Hell raised by Jaded Angel on May 16, 2004 11:39 AM
I love being nekkid outside...Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 16, 2004 01:36 PM
I don't run around outside nude, but I used to all the time when I was a little girl - - and then my parents had me at least wearing shorts or a bathing suit bottom and now I still like to be naked (even though I love clothes) and am lucky that I have a very private patio in one part of our yard where I can sunbathe without a top. I feel weird about doing it completely nude outside - - has society programmed me to be ashamed? To wear a thong is fine, butt showing, but somehow I feel I gotta have my bottom front covered when outdoors. To be a little kid again and not worry about such things as fines, home owner associations freaking out, and be arrested *sigh*Hell raised by Uptown Girl on May 16, 2004 01:46 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... I have a favor to ask all of you... I need a Haggis... visitors are coming to Straight White House during June... coming all the way from Alaska... the last time they came to visit, I was living in Ecosse... and, of course, we served them the Great Chieftain.. well, that was probably a mistake.. why?.. well, a formal request for numerous Haggi to be served with lashings of Single Malt has been received.... shit... I'm sunk... I just called my old butcher in Brechin... he said that there was no way in hades that customs would let his haggis through into our hallowed, non-offal-eating country... shit... so, my dear Peeps... what is a poor man to do?.. I need a Haggis, dammit... perferably a big sumbitch... or... maybe a flock of smaller ones would suffice.... still, it is all academic... so, I'm fucked if you can't help...
... in short... I am laying it all on the line on this blog... laying my NEEDS bare to view.... so, a plea for help, Friends.... if you know of ANY place in the continental US where I can find an authentic Haggis... cough up an address, URL, or phone number, and you will be forever cherished in the Straight White Household as "Da Man".... or, indeed, "Da Woman", if that is the case....
Read the Bullshit »
Being Irish myself, I know nothing much of haggis, though I am enough of a gourmet to know better than to opt for canned. Nonetheless, it's here. For entertainment purposes, I suppose.
If you haven't had luck by Monday, I can call a shop in Alexandria that has it, to see if they'll ship it to you. Just let me know!Hell raised by maura on May 15, 2004 07:51 PM
..thanks, Maura... I will check them out... but, I must admit.. I would prefer it not to be tinned... half of the appeal of a Haggis is in it's wrappings...Hell raised by Eric on May 15, 2004 08:02 PM
The shop in my ole hometown carried the real deal last time I was there. Worry not, doll - do you think I'd seriously offer you canned? ;o)Hell raised by maura on May 15, 2004 08:13 PM
...Maura.. if you could get me authentic wrapped haggis, I would be in your debt forevuh.. damn, Darlin.. that would be incredible...Hell raised by Eric on May 15, 2004 09:57 PM
I could probably shove some armadillo road kill in a sweatsock, douse it in MacCallan's, and overnight it to you. Otherwise I am of no use to you.Hell raised by Velociman on May 16, 2004 12:36 AM
Eric - the shop wasn't currently carrying it and were having similar issues that many do (with the importation restrictions).
But not all.
Will this do?
Hell raised by maura on May 16, 2004 01:45 AM
.. that link mentions that it is packed in real stomach.. dayum.. I will be calling them on Monday...
...V-man, that's a hell of an idea... if Maura's idea doesn't pan out, I'm willing to give the 'dillo a try.. the Alaskan's won't know the difference... so, stay alert, man..Hell raised by Eric on May 16, 2004 07:48 AM
You mean people actually eat that? Cripes....LOL.Hell raised by Asherah on May 16, 2004 09:49 AM
Thats awesome, Eric Be sure to post a pic of your haggis... Or better yet, you eating it.Hell raised by Goose on May 16, 2004 01:35 PM
Stewart's Butcher (Scottish)
338 Kearny Ave
Kearny, NJ 07032-2624
Phone: (201) 991-1436
I grew up there, and they had all Scottish stuff; meat pies, puff paste, and, yes, I believe haggis. I doubt much has changed. I don't know if they have a way to ship stuff, though.
Hell, in Kearny, we had three or four real fish and chips places, and a place where one could buy their kilt with all the doodads. I keep meaning to do a blog about Kearny.Hell raised by Parkway Rest Stop on May 16, 2004 03:36 PM
It's Jan 6, 05 and I've been searching for days to find a Haggis in time for Robbie Burns day!
I finally found an FDA approved haggis who will ship but the shipping and handling cost almost $30, the 3lb haggis cost about $17. That's nearly 50 bucks for a bag of oatmeal flavored with sheep guts and suet! And if it's FDA approved it could'nt possibly be authentic anyway! I called ST Andrew's, a Scottish pub in NYC that does the whole RB dinner complete w the Address and appropriate Toasts, they get teir Haggis from Stewart's in NJ. I looked it up on the Web to get address and details and was directed to this site. Thanks
I think you can buy them here
Fort Bragg NC
« Shut the hell up!
...Saturday morning... my favorite time of the week... but, today is slightly different.... a week and a half ago, I was challenged, friends.... called out, so to speak.. during the Wednesday poolfest, my honor as a marksman was tarnished after I missed a particularly drunken long-range shot.. almost immediately, questions were raised of my abilities with my AR-15... in a split second, money exchanged hands... 100 dollars... 10 shots each at 100yds... heh...
... I was challenged by a Good Ole Boy who has never even fired an AR-15 before... I've been shooting with him before, and he is indeed a good shot.. but still.. it is MY weapon... so... needless to say, I feel fairly confident...
... back when I was first trained to use the M16A2, we qualified by shooting at 100, 300, and 500yds... perhaps it was my Hillbilly upbringing.... or, maybe the fact that my Dad taught me to shoot the Marine Corps Way at an early age... or, maybe it was because we had some kickass PMIs.... but whatever the reason, I ended up being awarded the Marine Corps Association's Marksmanship Award for having the highest shooting score of my graduating class...
... all this being said, I am heading to the Gentleman's house in a while... weapon in hand... to meet my High Noon appointment with Ben Franklin and the miscalculating Good Ole Boy... more to come later... I will tell you, good or bad, what the results were later in the day... heh.. but, as I mentioned... I feel a wee bit confident in the outcome...
UPDATE: ...as I was loading the gear into the Audi this morning, the phone rang... my antagonist said he had been called into work, and we'd have to put off our shooting trip until next weekend... so, I drove over to my Mother's house to help her open the pool.. after we were finished, I went around behind her barn.. marched off 100yds, and placed a Maxwell House coffee can on a fence post... here were my results... oh, by the way, the coffee can is roughly the size of an adult human's head...
..from the seated, cross legged position... 10rds were fired slowfire... all rounds were fired in under 3 minutes... and, most importantly, all 10 rounds impacted the coffee can from 100yds.. my grouping was roughly 6 inches X 4 inches.. left to right... not too bad for combat peepsights set to BZO.... so, next weekend, I shall be purchasing that 25yr old Macallan that I have been lusting after for the past month... I smell easy money, Children...
Read the Bullshit »
I've got a stout say's you brought home the cash.Hell raised by Sam on May 15, 2004 11:09 AM
...sorry to disappoint, Sam... but, he bailed on me... I'll have to wait till next week... although, my practice session worked out well..Hell raised by Eric on May 15, 2004 04:34 PM
Okay - two stouts.Hell raised by Sam on May 15, 2004 04:38 PM
..I will try not to let you down, Sam... but, personally.. I think it's in the bag...Hell raised by Eric on May 15, 2004 04:46 PM
Where the hell does one obtain 25 year old Macallan? My local liquor establishment never carries anything over 21, and that only rarely. Normally the best I can find is 18.Hell raised by Harvey on May 16, 2004 02:00 PM
...you can get it online, Harvey... macallan.com ... the 1979 vintage is selling for 185 GBP..Hell raised by Eric on May 16, 2004 02:56 PM
« Shut the hell up!
....I'm sure that we all have lived this song.... I was just over at Helen's place.... and, as a gift to you.... this is for the Everyday Stranger... anyone who has lived, fucked up, broken - or been broken... this song speaks volumes.. anyway... fuckit, Helen... set your eyes on the horizon, and steam on....
Read the Bullshit »
Unrelated to the post, but I found some potential news you might find interesting.Hell raised by Shem on May 15, 2004 06:29 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... well kiddies, I just finished shooting pool with my 83 year old Great Uncle... hot damn... he even beat me a few times.... back in the days just prior to WWII, he and my Grandpa made a living out of sharking the pooltables at the local beer joints.... after the war, my Grandpa settled back into Monroe County... and, Uncle M.C. moved up to West Virginia to work in a steel mill..... heh... at 83 years old, he's still a crackerjack on the pooltable....
... the really disturbing part was this.. all the while he was kicking my ass, he was talking trash... "oops.. yeah, that was luck..... oh, no... dang... sorry about that, Eric... that was an accident.... hey, you know, you are pretty damn good..I really like your pooltable....."... meanwhile, I am standing in the corner nursing my first Scotch of the night.... heh... during a few games, I never even had a chance to shoot.... but, I was just glad to spend some time with him.... it isn't often that he is down in Tennessee....
...he and my Grandpa were childhood friends.... they ended up gettng married to two sisters.. Helen and Geneva.... Geneva was my Grandmother.... then, the war came along, and they both joined the Army.... M.C. was sent to the Pacific to serve as a tank gunner with Macarthur... and, Grandpa was a mortarman under Hodge's First Army in Europe... when it was all said and done, M.C was wounded, and Grandpa was a POW at Stalag 12 till the end of the war.... two old coots... two incredible guys... both of them hard to beat... either in combat, or on a pooltable...
..you know... I really miss my Grandpa, but damn... it sure is good to still have Uncle M.C. around to tell those stories and kick my ass at pool....
Read the Bullshit »
...forget my last post... we have an update... THIS article provides us with the proper Quote of the Day... and it is....
"There's no reason not to replace that as soon as you can,'' Young said. ``I don't like to have people who are walking not have their skull.''
...I have to say, people... I gotta agree with the Doc on this one...
Read the Bullshit »
..an aging Alaskan had almost given up hope of finding a partner... but, it appears... love has finally found the old man.... so... how do you tell true love, people?... well, here is today's quote of the day.... enjoy...
Aquarists at the Alaska SeaLife Center in Seward introduced the two Tuesday, and evidently they hit it off: Spermatophores were seen hanging from J-1's siphon.
Read the Bullshit »
Sperm makes biologists very happy.Hell raised by maura on May 14, 2004 06:39 PM
damn, Maura..Hell raised by Eric on May 14, 2004 07:59 PM
Well, survival of the species and all. Silly geeks, aren't we?Hell raised by maura on May 15, 2004 12:14 AM
« Shut the hell up!
Sam and Bessie were an elderly couple. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home.
Walking proudly, he enters the house and says to his wife,"Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks,a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?! IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Ya shoulda bought a hat."
Read the Bullshit »
A real fucking cowboy would have never taken his hat off to start off with.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 13, 2004 03:50 PM
That's freakin funny!Hell raised by Nee on May 13, 2004 04:57 PM
Excellent joke!Hell raised by drc on May 13, 2004 05:29 PM
Hehehehehe!Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 13, 2004 09:43 PM
« Shut the hell up!
....the Bastards over here seem to have me pegged... guilty as charged, I suppose...
..damn, that reminds me.. I need to buy more ammo for my "Deal With It" tools...
Read the Bullshit »
What'd I miss?
Why did he link you at the end?Hell raised by Key on May 13, 2004 02:09 PM
This was originally written by Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks:
http://www.frizzensparks.com/archives/000104.htmlHell raised by Harvey on May 13, 2004 02:10 PM
Why is it, that if your proud to be white, your automaticly a racist.
Black americans celebrate black history month, they clebrate black heitage month, they celebrate Martin Luther King, his birthday, they celebrate his speach every year, the mexicans also celebrate their heritage, they all have holidays,parades, off work days and no school days to celebrate their heritages.
I want to celebrate my white heritage also.
Im trying to organize a "White Heritage Organization" a non racist organization.
Im proud to be white, Im proud to be white and living in america.
It's not a crime to be proud to be white.
Any one interested in joining my non racist organization.
"White Heritage Organization"
Being white and being proud to be white.
please contact me at:
Proud to be white is not a crime.
Contact me and join, it's free.
White is beautiful.
Let's celebrate our heritage together.
I'm from Australia and I am with you man. I'm white and proud!!! I have nothing against any other colour or race, I'm just proud to be white
It's a shame that so many people over here in Australia seem to be ashamed to be white and are ashamed of there heratige, and have started taking on so mays other races coltural trates.
« Shut the hell up!
..no, really... people are stupid... so, here is the quote of the day....
"I have done this more than 100 times and never had trouble," said McGill, whose accident was broadcast over the air via a live remote."
Read the Bullshit »
What a fucking idiot... he got what he deserved.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 13, 2004 11:38 AM
DorkHell raised by drc on May 13, 2004 05:26 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... ahhh... Wednesday again... time to get my ass kicked all over my garage by a bunch of fine shootists... still, hope springs eternal... problem is, I have a feeling that this evening shall contain more talk of Islamonazis than any showing of pool playing prowess... which, of course, is fine with me.. Misery may love company, Brothers and Sisters... but, in the South, Anger LIVES for it....
...as usual, I will post the results... if they are fit to publish.. expect slurred blogging tonight... if any blogging at all...
Read the Bullshit »
Hit 'em straight, and fuck the Islamonazis. If we change the color of our Wednesday nights...They win.
Man...I'm pissed!!!Hell raised by Sam on May 12, 2004 06:30 PM
..you are 100% right, Sam... but, I ended up kicking it tonight... so, all is well on the homefront.. the terrorists have not yet won... except for an unacceptable shortage of gin.. still, we have Scotch... so, all is not yet lost...Hell raised by Eric on May 12, 2004 10:07 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... I know a few people that should be FORCED to assist in the "testing"...
"A US engineering firm wants volunteers to test out a butt-kicking machine
The Idaho Statesman says Leavitt & Associates needs some firm bottoms for research on its 'manually self-operated butt-kicking machine'.
The firm normally designs industrial plants, bridges and commercial buildings, but the butt-kicking idea grew rapidly after it was first suggested at a meeting.
"We were in a meeting and someone said we needed a device that would let a client kick our butts," company head J Reese Leavitt said.
"Groups can use this to put someone dressed up like, say, Osama bin Laden, and charge $1 to kick his butt," office manager Sandy Burmeister said."
Read the Bullshit »
When they make a machine that'll deliver a crushing blow to the scrotum, I might be interested. A kick in the ass is nothing. A kick in the BALLS, however, will make you root all over the floor like a blind hog hoping for an acorn.Hell raised by Acidman on May 12, 2004 09:04 AM
« Shut the hell up!
.. God Dammit...More Straight talk »
...anyone who can murder an innocent like that deserves to fucking die... and, I'm not talking torture, or any of that shit... just cap the fuck in the head, and walk away.. let the sorry sack of shit lay there and get eaten by the street rats... war is war... and, yes, that evil sonofabitch Sherman was right.. war IS Hell.. but, murder is still fucking murder... and, let me tell you this... if those cowardly cocksuckers were so goddamn tough, why the hell do they wear pussified little balaclavas to hide their identity... cowardly little mamma's boys... worthless pieces of shit... I am not a brave man... but, I've got more character and bravery in fucking toenail clippings than they have in their whole pox-ridden bodies....
...one of my friends sent me a link to rotten.com a few months back... it was of a Russian Soldier being decapitated by a bunch of Chechnyan terrorists... the poor bastard never knew what hit him.. tied... helpless.. and, in the video, it took less than 10 seconds for that murdering piece of shit to cut his head off with what looked like a USMC Ka-Bar.... anyway, the tagline was something like.. "any time that we catch your soldiers, this is what awaits them.."...
...well, let me just tell you ass sucking retards something... firstly, if you are trying to scare us, it ain't working.... you are only hardening our resolve... you will die, you slimy pig, and we have the tools to do it... hey, you might think you are looking pretty tough wearing your Momma's clothes, but you are going to get yours... as sure as the sun shall rise in the morning... you will get your just dessert.... and, you want to know the truly wonderful thing, you fucking murderer?... it won't come from a Marine on the street.. or, a cruise missle from a Navy ship.... a motivated fucking Airman dropping a Daisycutter on you... or.. not even from a Soldier on a Humvee....
...no... death will come to you from a citizen of your own country... a citizen who wants peace... a citizen who sees you for what you are... a goddamn waste of skin.. yeah... you heard me right... it will be your neighbor Aziz... or, maybe even his wife, Rashida... but, they will be the ones who get you... the ones who end your fetid existence.. why do I say this?... because.. unlike you, you cowardly motherfucker, they want peace... instead of hate....
...no matter how much I would like you to be captured by SEAL Team 6... and, brought back to MY secret East Tennessee location... to let ME work on you for a few days... I must admit with a heavy heart, and some sadness... that, it will be YOUR own people who are going to dispatch you.... you should consider yourselves lucky that at LEAST they will do it quick... my way would be much more interesting, I assure you... but, I am not a violent man... I can, however, bring it to the fore when it is called for... and, if I ever see you... consider my button pushed...
Read the Bullshit »
Well said ... but if they do make it to your secret location in E TN ... I am only 10 hours away ... please wait for meHell raised by John on May 11, 2004 06:24 PM
I don't think I've ever seen a more appropriate usage of blasphemy.
Your anger is appreciated.Hell raised by Key on May 11, 2004 06:38 PM
Eric - Brad showed me that video (or a similar one - Chechnyan, anyway) - on either rotten or ogrish.com. It was over 18 months ago, and I still can't get that image out of my mind.
They are horrid, vile, evil animals and deserve to find themselves in the seventh circle of Hell.Hell raised by maura on May 11, 2004 06:43 PM
Amen, Brother.
Sherman had another statement: "I'll make them howl".
We have not made these fuckers howl, yet. Although seeing their brethren emasculated by hillbilly girls is a good start.
After the burning and desecration of the contractors I thought "We need to pour some pig grease on a few capped insurgies and torch them. Leave the carcasses in the street." The average Iraqi would actually appreciate it, because that particular grease fire was probably the neighborhood thug a year ago.Hell raised by Velociman on May 11, 2004 08:44 PM
Maura, now you know why servicemen who have been through war are so fucked in the head - they can't get those images out of their mind - ever.
Please, stay away from those sites - it is not healthy to look upon the results of so naked an evil.
I know this to be true. I was with 1st Marines in Vietnam 1969-70.
Good post Eric. I feel it too.
What makes it hurt even more though is that my own daughter thinks we brought it on ourselves. She can not see the larger historical picture. We are fighting a thousand year war.Hell raised by Jesse on May 11, 2004 09:14 PM
Jesse, you're absolutely right - I watched it once. That was enough.
You know, my mom was saying the same things as your daugher - mind you, Mom's a war veteran of sorts - she nursed burned soldiers back to health during Vietnam (albeit in Texas). You'd think she's seen enough. But sometimes, time and experience dulls the senses. It actually helped her see the difference - to see the video. She understood a little better. Painful, but on some level, it's instructive.
I saw the Pentagon on 9/11. I was in my car, on the 395 bridge right in front of it, when it happened. And my work is somehow related to all of this (hint: biologist, working for the Navy...).
You're right. It changes you, and I've not seen near what you have. But you know what? I have a better picture of what we're dealing with now. Combine the nasty visuals with some understanding of the cultural mindset of extremists, some persistence, energy, and brains - and I honestly believe we'll kick some ass in more ways than one.
There's better than this, is what I've learned. I've also learned you have to balance the hell with joy. You have to, or you die inside.
Thank-you, Jesse, for your sacrifice. I know there's little comfort in that, but know that you help me do my job more than these vile bastards we're dealing with. It's all about resolve, and keeping it. It really is. And when I hear your story, and compare it to what I saw in the video, it's that much clearer.Hell raised by maura on May 11, 2004 10:28 PM
ye dun sed a mouthfull n purty much whut wuz on a lot of minds here. has innybidy in the histry of the worl ben cunvints by such evil NOT to attack them perpetraitors? never. it jes riles us up more. (n it wurks both ways, witch thats jes one reason why we hold ourself to higher standurds -- that in bein civilized folk).
hey velociman -- dont ye be cumparrin them demons in black with no hillbillies [g]! tiz a insult to usns thats proud to be frum the hills.
i wood call them black-robed demons that made that video 'animulls' but aint no animull that evil, ceptn yer human animull, witch them folks dont desurv the name human innymore.Hell raised by buddy don on May 12, 2004 07:36 AM
Good post. I can't comment further, because thinking about it makes me itch for blood, and I have to go to work and act civilized now.Hell raised by Harvey on May 12, 2004 08:21 AM
Maura, as it happens I was on the accela train from DC to NYC when the WTC was hit. WE saw the towers burning as we pulled out of the Trenton station. John O'Neil's (WTC Director of Security) son was sitting across the aisle from us and told us what had happened. As soon as I saw it I knew we were at war.
I live in Purcellville, Va and work at NIH in Bethesda.Hell raised by Jesse on May 12, 2004 12:55 PM
since I am not nearly as refined as my northerly neighbor, I can only suggest sex change surgery sans demerol or aspirin in a circular group session.Hell raised by alacat on May 12, 2004 03:00 PM
alacat - let's keep 'em on the aspirin for two weeks before the surgery, and then stop.
It'll increase the amount of blood loss during the operation.Hell raised by maura on May 13, 2004 11:31 AM
Hearing about it is one thing. Seeing it is another. Nick Berg will be in my thoughts for the rest of my life. Two days later and I am still sick to my stomach.
I hope the evil bastards rot in hell and I hope they are caught...soon.Hell raised by Donna on May 13, 2004 12:06 PM
I'd like to wrap them in det cord, with an end dangling from a foot, light it, and watch it burn into their flesh. Of course, I would not be yelling "God is great" but I'd enjoy it all the same. The best part is that it doesn't kill the subject right away, you can enjoy their agony.Hell raised by M Gail on May 19, 2004 09:26 AM
« Shut the hell up!
...too much information... I swear... some of the things you read on the net...
"It would seem that people are forever concerned about two things: sex and death. And the two concerns together, when put together, result in sometimes outrageously insane museum displays. Reportedly newsworthy this week is that Rasputin's member (and yes, I mean dick) is now on display in a sadly misguided Museum of Erotica in Russia. The curator, Igor Knyazkin, is particularly proud of this display because it out-sizes that of Napoleon's, which was once a museum piece in France during the 60s until too many women started to point and giggle at its puny stature. "
...so... go on... read the rest... it's interesting.. in a deeply twisted sort of way...
Read the Bullshit »
I want Rasputin's cock. Ever have an evil hero? He was mine.Hell raised by Velociman on May 12, 2004 09:25 PM
..heh.. I knew that "deeply twisted" comment would make you read the article... oh, and as for an evil hero?.... Muttley... most definitely.. he's mine...Hell raised by Eric on May 12, 2004 10:05 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...man, what a friggin way to go...
Read the Bullshit »
But even better than the article itself is the headline....
"Aroused horse bites Pole dead."
They just had to put "aroused" and "pole" in the same sentence, didn't they?
« Shut the hell up!
... I remember the day I moved out of my Parent's house... or, more precisely.. left my Parent's home.... I was collected by my Recruiter at about 8PM on a Sunday night... my Mother cried like I had never seen her cry before... I had joined the Corps when I turned 17 in the delayed enlistment plan.. but, I had to wait until I had graduated from High School before they'd accept me... so, I graduated from McMinn Central High on the Friday... and, arrived at Parris Island on the following early Monday morn...
...in between the Friday and Sunday night, I had a party to end all parties.... well, actually it was a drunken fiasco at the calf barn on my Uncle's farm... a bottle of Jack... good friends.... many pats on the back... a few vomiting episodes... and, as if by magic, Monday morning saw me arrive at the Beaufort Airport... awaiting the arrival of our first Drill Instructors.... ahhh.. such a childhood, I had...
...anyway, all of that is for another story...
...the thing I want to get to tonight is this... after I moved out, I was gone... I never came back... oh, sure.. I came back to visit... but, I did not move back in with my family... I was hatched, I suppose.... a duckling cast upon the wide world.... at least... this is what I thought.... but, circumstances are strange that way.. you see, I remember sitting overseas and chatting with my cousins over the phone.. and, a part of me would think... in the very darkest places of my mind... "good lord... those losers.. still living within 5 minutes walk of Momma... get a life...".... then, I'd hang up the phone... and go about my normal life.... never fully realizing what a fucking hypocrite I was...
...today, when talking with a friend about their leaving their family, I realized.. for the first time ever.. that I was wrong about judging someone's individuality... purpose... and self-reliance... with such a crude tool... being distant from your family is not a yardstick of independence.... being distant from your family, and still loving - and being loved by them - is.... my time away from my family was, at the time, something that I needed to do to prove myself.... now, I see it sometimes as a missed opportunity.... while I was off touring the world, they were continuing to be the incredible people they had always been... and, missing me...
...three years ago, my Father became ill... and, I dropped my life overseas to come and nurse him... my Mother and I... we did that for the last 13 months of his life... living at home... not working... paying for my room and board from savings... it was a hard time... but, it was the most important time of my short life, I think.... I would not have been anywhere else during those months for all the tea in China... and, with that... I want to say this....
...Happy belated Mother's Day, Mom.... and, to all my friends who are Mothers.. I love you all... being a Mother is not about just having offspring.. being a Mother is all about unconditional love... every one of you have that... and, I consider myself blessed to have had the pleasure of knowing you...
Read the Bullshit »
Damn...That's...well...that's just one fine post.
I've a knot in my throat...kinda like when I hear "Oh say can you hear...."Hell raised by Sam on May 10, 2004 07:30 PM
tiz a nuther good bit o'ritin ye dun here, sir. verr movin. i add mire ye fer gittin home to keer fer yer daddy. i waited a lil too long n twuz one of the wurst miss takes of my life.
« Shut the hell up!
...e-mail is such a wonderous thing...
"On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me,"You should be hung."
I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
Read the Bullshit »
I am SO glad you clarified that this was a joke, and NOT in fact the events at your house this weekend.Hell raised by Nee on May 10, 2004 05:11 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... give this man a medal.... holy shit... the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak... wow...
Read the Bullshit »
My bud is Benefits Manager at a large company and had an issue with a 63 year old man. Viagra was covered and he was taking the monthly 18 tab presciption (presumably enough for 36 encounters) by the end of the first week. Either one very active dude, or very very stiff for the first week of the month.Hell raised by Norman on May 10, 2004 06:50 PM
« Shut the hell up!
....fresh from the email... my constant source of inspiration....
"Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Tennessee was overheard saying...
"when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Tennessee."
When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world.
Read the Bullshit »
Good to know. We're comin' to your place (with the dogs) the next time. Don't worry, we'll bring some 25-year old scotch.Hell raised by maura on May 9, 2004 09:11 PM
..anyone who brings 25 year old Scotch to my house is more than welcome to bring thier dogs..Hell raised by eric on May 10, 2004 07:55 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... man, it is hot today.... Summertime, and the livin' aint easy... no matter WHAT Gershwin tells you... especially for a fair-skinned red head... and, unfortunately, this time of year means lawn work... I hate lawn work... but, I drove into Athens today to get some oil for the weedeater anyway... heh.. but, by the time I got back.. after having a leisurely lunch... it was the "hottest part of the day" - as I've heard great Southern Loafers say from time to time... so, that's what I told myself...
...Self: "Just hang on, Eric... it's way too hot to go out now.. have a Gibson.. have a Gin and Tonic... relax.. besides, it's SUNDAY... "
...now that the sun is going down, I see that my plan has worked well... my new excuse for not going out... heh.... I probably shouldn't be operating machinery right now... Bombay Sapphire to the rescue, baby... works every time..
Read the Bullshit »
I know what you mean Eric...the last time I drank Gin in the sun...I held up a liquor store.
Funny how Summertime is...Hell raised by Sam on May 9, 2004 06:20 PM
..hey, Sam.. that reminds me.. you ever put any of those peppers in a bottle of Vodka, to make a hot'n'spicy Vodka?... just a thought...
..oh, and holding up liquor stores is cool by me.. payback is a bitch... lord knows, they rob ME every two weeks...Hell raised by Eric on May 9, 2004 06:28 PM
Bombay Sapphire -- Gott Damned Civilized. In the summer, I mix myself a martini made with Bombay Sapphire (up with olives), and take it outside with me and drink it while I water my tomato plants. It ought to be in the Sopranos.Hell raised by Parkway Rest Stop on May 9, 2004 08:58 PM
It must be tough deciding what to drink when needing to do yard work - - personally I'm glad I don't have to make that decision - - now when working in my flower garden or planting some new beauties in the yard I like to have a cold cosmo or pina afterwards.Hell raised by UptownGirl on May 9, 2004 10:28 PM
Wear your sunscreen, sweetie!! :o)Hell raised by maura on May 11, 2004 06:46 PM
Against perhaps against could face gardening, voice power making earth.Hell raised by Kate on April 29, 2005 02:15 AM
« Shut the hell up!
...well, I spoke with Acidman last night on the phone while he was recovering from the visit with Velociman... it sounds like a good time was enjoyed by them both...
....so, Gentlemen... here is a small treat to commemorate your watching the Savannah River flow by... and the Beer flow down... enjoy... you two old stoners...
...now.... let's get this damn blogmeet scheduled... anywhere... anytime... I'll be there..
Read the Bullshit »
..well, there is a time and a place for everything... and, right now it is time for more music.... The Wheel, to be exact... another nice on by Mr. Canfield...
... I have been on a vintage music kick for the past few weeks for some reason... I just get that way from time to time... Friday afternoon, I had "You Are My Sunshine" running through my brain.. and, it wouldn't leave... the version off the "O'Brother" soundtrack... man, it is one beautiful song.. full of sadness and longing... not at all, as some think, a children's song... for instance... here is how it begins..
...the other night Dear, as I lay sleeping..
...I dreamt I held you in my arms..
...when I awoke, Dear, I was mistaken...
...and I hung my head, and I cried...
...you are my sunshine, my only sunshine..
...you make me happy when skies are gray...
...you'll never know, Dear, how much I love you...
...please, don't take my sunshine away...
...children, that song touches my heart... I understand it... and, I love the incredible simplicity of it... in the end, I think I just dig songs about longing... it seems to me that.. if you ever finally manage to get everything you ever wanted, then the game is over... there is no more point in keeping breathing... we all should keep longing for something... ANYthing... this drive, I think, is what keeps us paying attention.... nothing to strive for?.. nothing to hunger for?... nothing to pursue?...then, you have nothing to live for...
Read the Bullshit »
Good album. Union Station rocks when your in the mood for that sort of thing. And Alison Krause's voice gets my attention everytime.Hell raised by the_toxic_avenger on May 9, 2004 10:20 AM
Me, I just chase the wife around the house naked. That's what *I* live for :-)Hell raised by Harvey on May 9, 2004 01:36 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...as I mentioned a while back, I had the pleasure of hearing Clay Canfield play a few days ago.... in Nashville.... for those of you who have never meandered down Broadway, the place is absolutely alive with live music and bars... it is paradise indeed, friends.... but, the strange thing about me choosing to head into "The Stage" was that the music was different... instead of the normal country being played... sounds of a guitar being played to the limit... that's what we heard... and, that's why.. when faced with a street FULL of bars and live music, we chose The Stage.. who was playing that guitar? and, blowing on that harmonica?... Clay Canfield.... here is a sample... him playing guitar, harmonica, and singing.... un-accompanied.... Guitar Man.... and, my personal favorite of his.... Buffalo Grass... a true Cowboy Song if one ever existed.... in fact, Chris Ledoux has just recorded Clay's song on his latest album.... but, I still prefer Clay's version.... so, check it, people...
...but, the reason I am writing this... is not just to let you know about Mr. Canfield... I also want to ask for your help.... he has just been narrowed down into the top 30 in the WSM Merle Haggard Music Search.... and, they are accepting votes from the public... pick your five favorite singers/songwriters, and the top 4 get to be heard by Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson... the winner actually will open for Merle and Willie in a summer concert in New Mexico... so, if you don't mind... mozy on over to WSM, and give a vote to Clay... I'd appreciate it.... oh, and picking him as "5" means you like him best.... now, go and vote, dammit...
Read the Bullshit »
Thanks for the tip. He is every bit as good as you said. I followed the link and gave him a five.Hell raised by Parkway Rest Stop on May 9, 2004 05:42 AM
thanks, James... I knew you'd like him... I appreciate you voting..Hell raised by Eric on May 9, 2004 08:19 AM
5 from me.Hell raised by Harvey on May 9, 2004 01:39 PM
..Harvey... you are... most assuredly.... da man.... word up, home-slice.. you da man...Hell raised by Eric on May 10, 2004 08:57 PM
I couldn't agree more. . . My mother and I had our first visit to Nashville the last week in July and were fortunate to catch Clay at "The Stage" and on our way back from IN at "Legends". We bought his White House Sessions CD and cannot get the tunes out of our heads. His beautiful voice and haunting melodies seem to live in my head. All throughout the day I realize that I am hearing "Over and Over" or "Come on In" along with all the other GREAT tunes on the CD just on repeat in my head and it always make me smile. Let's all vote for Clay and help him in his endeavor.Hell raised by susan mccoy on August 18, 2004 01:54 PM
I met Clay and Polly in Vt. last Dec., I waited on them. I used to hang out @ the Hall of Fame, in Nashville. After takeing their order and chatting, they went out and came back with 2Cds for me. I love him, his music is great! I was emailed later that month and told of Billy Large's death, also that Pauline Smith did'nt make it. Clay had mentioned Kalispell, Mt. My daughter and I are heading back to Mt. So~~~~ I hope to Clay play again someday. I hope he wins! He got my vote....A-5Hell raised by Booga on August 22, 2004 02:10 AM
Yeah, Clay is great! Seen him many times in Music City. He plays a mean Telecaster, also.Hell raised by Sully on October 29, 2004 03:44 PM
My son lives in Nashville and tours with Kenny Chesney. I visited him (from California)in early August. We did the "Honky Tonk" thing and stopped in "The Legends" after a few others. Clay Canfield (whom I'd never heard of)was on stage, and I was BLOWN AWAY !! This guy is GREAT !! The sound is so genuine and pure. I bought a CD, and and nowing on here to buy another. Like above, you can't get it out of your head once you hear it. He has MY VOTE and SUPPORT !!!Hell raised by Bob Cooper on October 12, 2005 05:46 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... trawling through the flotsam and jetsam of the internet for you, I, as promised, deliver the goods.... check this.... if you didn't laugh out loud as you read it, then you are obviously in the wrong place... go away... this site is not for you... and, your lack of sick, twisted sense of humor is not appreciated here.... after all, this site is mainly for rubberneckers... no one wants to actually admit that they think most of humanity only exists to entertain them... so, since you won't admit it, I have to shoulder the burden for you... it's ok... I don't mind...
Read the Bullshit »
Seeing as it was a 'swordfish,' ought they not check the.. er... nose of the fish for traces of blood? Maybe THAT'S what he stebbed her with?Hell raised by Nee on May 7, 2004 09:10 AM
« Shut the hell up!
...well, the blog is limping along... looking kinda forlorn... but, hey, I do too... so, back off... anyway, I saw a UFO this morning... no, really.... I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about it.. but, hey... I just did.. so, there you go... I saw a UFO... damn, I feel better now... and, before you ask, NO... I don't live in a trailer park... and, no probes were present either.... it just flew away...
.. but, that isn't really what I wanted to tell you... have you ever noticed that the variety of roadkill in any given area is directly proportional to how interesting that place is?... case in point... this morning, four whitetail deer ran into the road in front of me... they didn't run across the road... they ran DOWN it.... I must have followed them for at least 300yds before the darted off into the woods... THEN, the roadkill viewing starts... and, hey, they weren't there last night when I drove home... so, they musta been smashed during the wee hours of last night... first, a possum.. no biggie... then, a skunk.... still, mundane.... a couple miles later, I see a pit bull.... starting to get interesting.... no, Velociman, twas not I that dispatched it.. two miles later, the mangled remains of a large Coyote.... then, just as I neared work... the ultimate roadkill.... a Bobcat.... I even slowed my car to have a better look.... I've been wanting to harvest a Bobcat ever since I first started hunting... dammit, first time I see one while I'm armed, and it is roadkill... that is just wrong...
..while having my morning coffee... I was thinking of the drive to work... those deer were pretty lucky... still, I can't help but wonder if the UFO had something to do with all the roadside carnage I saw this morning....
Read the Bullshit »
Eric: I think I know what the problem is with your graphics.... they on your old server... we need to upload them to the munu server... then change the filepointers in your templates... I'll get that done later tonight.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 6, 2004 08:28 PM
There was a morning in high school, and I was travelling down Sweet Field Valley Rd there in Riceville, and I passed a couple of dead things that I couldn't quite identify.
When I passed the third one in the space of a few hundred feet, I realized that I was passing goats. Dead goats.
Somebody's been raising them, and they'd gotten out, and had been hit in the fog earlier that morning.Hell raised by BSTommy on May 6, 2004 09:34 PM
Eric: I don't have your images archived on my computer so I can't upload them to munu. I'll see if Pam has them. If not, you'll have to get them for me. I'll let you know how to proceed.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 6, 2004 09:47 PM
ok, man... I downloaded them all the other day.. just let me know...Hell raised by Eric on May 6, 2004 10:13 PM
Hell raised by Velociman on May 6, 2004 11:59 PM
Hey, I'm the victim here...
Best we get is Armadillos (so sad that something so cute was made so very stupid!) and the occasional turtle.
But I'm one of those people that would sooner hit a power pole than squirell.Hell raised by Nee on May 7, 2004 11:24 AM
Good luck, Eric, and I can't wait to see the new site! So hurry up!
Oh, and things are looking up over in Besmirched-land too; gettin' back to fightin' form. Maybe you'll put my sorry ass back on your blogroll, turkey.
:o)Hell raised by maura on May 8, 2004 01:07 PM
sorry about that, Maura... some of my links got lost in the shuffle.. forgive?Hell raised by Eric on May 8, 2004 01:52 PM
Well, awright. You caught me in a forgiving mood. Must be the good music links...
:o)Hell raised by maura on May 8, 2004 03:38 PM
« Shut the hell up!
.... an oldie.. .but a goodie.... and, something that I can, once again, identify with...
southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
Read the Bullshit »
it is amazing how well southern Baptists manage not to recognize each other at the liquor store.Hell raised by tommy on May 6, 2004 09:00 PM
Or at Hooter's!Hell raised by Indigo on May 6, 2004 10:34 PM
It's fast and testimony meeting. Sister Smith walks up to the stand once again, like she does every month. You know the one - the lady that gives her "testimony" EVERY month, talking (or mostly crying) about everything under the sun... her ex husband never took out the trash, her poor cat got hit by a car, her sister-in-law's neighbor's second cousin got cancer, or whatever.
Anyway, she gets up this month and is especially out of control. She is boo-hooing so bad you can't understand a word she is saying. 10 minutes go by, then 15, then 20. Everyone is feeling uncomfortable, especially the Bishop. Finally, the Bishop can take no more.
He walks up to Sister Smith and puts his arm around to comfort her (and to try and wrap it up). Sister Smith, with tears streaming down her face says, "I'm sorry Bishop, I am such a big boob." The Bishop leans in to Sister Smith, inches away from the microphone, and says, "That's ok Sister Smith, I LIKE BIG BOOBS." The sacrament meeting ended 10 minutes early.
« Shut the hell up!
...wake up feeling good this morning?... smile on your face?... spring in your step?... well, prepare to be deflated, buddy... check this....
Read the Bullshit »
... wow.. I remember hearing this on the news.. and thinking... "a ferry sank?.. I thought that shit only happened in Bangladesh..".... now, as usual, all is becoming clear... here is the real story.... and, just for you, a small tidbit....
AUSTIN, Texas -- Some 60 "Splash Day" revelers hoping to see nude sunbathers tipped over their double-decker barge when they crowded one side of the vessel.
They were rescued Sunday from Lake Travis, including two with minor injuries, authorities said.
The accident happened during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted at the clothing-optional area by the Austin Tavern Guild, a gay and lesbian bar association.
Witnesses said that all of the people aboard the barge moved to one side after it was tied up at Hippie Hollow, the only public nude beach in Texas, creating uneven distribution and making it tilt.
heh.. Hippie Hollow... classic....
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Hey!!!! Austin is my current "hometown" even though I'm in France... Hippie Hollow is a nude beach year round, and I've WANTED to take a few women I've dated there, but none have "risen to the occasion"...
It's one of the many things that makes Austin a really cool place to live.Hell raised by Jack on May 6, 2004 09:44 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...ok... I am now safely in the land of MuNuvia... but, dammit, my site looks like shit... and, my archives are lost to oblivion... shit... I guess I'll have to post actual CONTENT... which, of course, is a bitch... stand by, people....
Read the Bullshit »
No sense starting to post content NOW. Just stick with what got you this far.
[ducks]Hell raised by Harvey on May 7, 2004 01:08 PM
She looks the same and maybe a hair better to me! Did your banner change a little?Hell raised by maura on May 8, 2004 03:39 PM
thanks, Harv, you Bastard....
...Maura, the site is the same.. just over on a new server... it's as good as it is going to get, I'm afraid...Hell raised by Eric on May 8, 2004 04:21 PM
« Shut the hell up!
I can totally understand this joke... on many levels...
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"
The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit."
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Pretty funny.Hell raised by Norman on May 6, 2004 05:08 AM
fallibleHell raised by sympathize on November 14, 2004 05:18 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...ok, children... Uncle Eric will be here in 24 hours... I have changed my DNS Server to point to my new home here.... archives be-damned... The Reverend Pixy has said that he can work his magic, and get the old luggage over here this week... so, I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed... in any case... I'm here... as soon as my DNS settings kick in, I shall emerge as a fully fledged MuNu.... heh... it took some time, but... I'm here....
Read the Bullshit »
It's about fucking time... Spanky!!1Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 6, 2004 01:45 AM
hey, man... my graphics are gone!! what the hell?!?!?Hell raised by eric on May 6, 2004 11:49 AM
« Shut the hell up!