text:
..... you know, I've been hunting my whole life...... small game, big game, varmints....... but this little flick from back in my younger days still resonates with me beyond words......
..... and really?.... I haven't actively hunted anything bigger than a breadbasket since..... sure, I've wandered through the woods armed while looking for bigger beasts, but I was never successful..........
.... coyotes excepted, of course......
...... but, god, I miss Buddy Hackett.......
Read the Bullshit »
Never try to outwit a farmer.Hell raised by Jerry in Indiana on February 8, 2010 10:36 PM
The best hunting story I ever heard was the time you and your cousin went and left the Copenhagen in the truck. Before you tossed your dip, he took it. Is that how you recycle in the South?Hell raised by VA Fed on February 9, 2010 10:03 AM
Buddy Hackett had a world-class gun collection. A few of them turned up here in town at a local shop, but they were way out of my budget!Hell raised by El Capitan on February 9, 2010 12:32 PM
... true, that, Jerry..... very, very true.....
... and 3rdPI, I remember telling you that story back in tech control one lonely night....... and yes, how damned desperate?....... I have NEVER wanted a dip of snuff that bad......
.... thanks, El Capitan..... I never knew that Hackett was a collecter........ givs me a bit of a better feel for him, I guess, knowing that.....Hell raised by Eric on February 9, 2010 08:32 PM
Weird thing. Dabbling at the Ruger website and discovered that my faithful M-77 had been recalled...well not exactly recalled but an issued warning. A screw must be replaced in the trigger assembly for safety reasons and the weapon should not be used until replacement is installed. Contacted Ruger with particulars and Ruger sent replacement screw and a hex wrench to replace it with in a very timely manner. Disassembled piece and replaced screw. Now, after 36 years of use I can safely hunt with it. Will sleep easier tonight knowing so...Hell raised by Tbird on February 9, 2010 10:32 PM
« Shut the hell up!
..... my goodness, what a day....... it appears that the proverbial shit has hit the fan regarding a family member of mine, and it was no one's fault but his own........ but, being ever the philosophical fellow that I am, as soon as I heard the news, an old, old joke crept out of the dusty, spider-webbed area at the back of my brain......... and since I cannot seem to find the original version on the Internet, I'll just re-tell it again myself as best as I can recall..... that said, here you go......
..... The Signalman, by Eric....
.... one day - way up in the hills of Tennessee - a Southern Railway signalman sat in his shack beside the tracks going about his railroad business..... checking time tables, work orders, etc......
.... but on this particular day, a surprise inspection had been scheduled without the old timer's knowledge......
.... the suited Southern Railroad Man - fresh from the Atlanta offices - arrives unannounced and begins to quiz the signalman about how he performs his duties.....
.... clipboard in hand, the handsome young Atlantian begins.... "what would you do if you realized that two trains were both on your section of track at the same time and a collision was likely?"....
.... the old timer scratched at his beard and eyed the whippersnapper... "well, I reckon that I'd get on the radio and contact both trains and tell them both to stop, sir.."....
..... "and if their radios were broken?"....
..... "hmmmm, well, I would get on the phone to the Dispatcher down in Knoxville and have them use their teletype to contact the trains..."
.... "and if your telephone was broken?"...
..... "well, I would head up the street and use the payphone, I guess..."
..." and what if it had been vandalized by some of these hillbilly kids??"
.... "our kids aren't like that, Mister... but I see what you're getting at....... hmmm..... I reckon that I'd use my machine here to throw the switch to put the trains on different tracks...."
....."and if the power was out to your machine??"
...... beginning to get a bit disturbed, the old man thought for a bit..... "well, I'd just go out and throw the switch manually..... using my key here to unlock the lever.."
..."and if the lock was frozen?".....
..... "well, I'd get Mr. Jenkins from the Hardware store to run as fast as he could along the tracks northwards with these signal flares...... and I'd head southwards with mine..... and we'd try to flag both trains manually...".....
.... "and if your flares wouldn't light?"....
.... "AHH!", says the old man, finally knowing exactly what to do..... "WELL, if all of them things happened like you said they did?....... I know just EXACTLY what I would do!.... I'd call for Uncle Bob to get down here as quick as he could!"....
.... absolutely perplexed at this final answer, the young man stammers, "what??..... why on earth would you want your Uncle Bob down here??!"....
..... "Hell, son!.... that's EASY!..... Uncle Bob ain't never SEEN a train wreck before!".....
...... baaaaaaaa bump bump.......
.... just call me the signalman, ladies and gents......... today, of all days, it just about fits me perfectly.......
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Well that sucks. I'm so sorry.
I have to say though, I'm going to steal that line... "Just call me the signalman".Hell raised by Bou on June 6, 2009 11:11 AM
Don't know what it is you were signaling, (maybe an inklin' suspicion) but I hope you are okay. Call us if you need us.Hell raised by SWMBO on June 6, 2009 01:29 PM
Heh. Captain SQL finds favor in this antidote.Hell raised by Cappy on June 6, 2009 03:38 PM
I suppose..."Well son, i'd haul your high falutin' big city ass up the line a bit and tie you down for a speed bump...and i got's plenty of rope."...wouldn't really make much of an impression either would it.Hell raised by The Friendly Neighborhood Piper on June 8, 2009 09:30 PM
« Shut the hell up!
.... this is just genius......
..... I'm off to water the lawn.....
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.... Hoosierboy is feeling blue, ladies & gentlemen..... and the old boy needs a bit of cheering up........
.... well, I recommended Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein........ but they might not work for him..... so what say you?..... what is it that gives you the giggles when you've reached the end of your tether?.....
... and by the way, this is possibly the funniest line in that film.... no, really...... well, apart from that blind Gene Hackman line...." wait!... wait!..... where are you going?..... I was going to make espresso!"......
.... heh.... I found it!....
.... and with that, I'm off..... the leg of lamb in the oven requires some tender ministration......
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Yes, YF is the best mood-lifter ever and you've beat us to that. Most any Marx Bros. movie will do the trick, too.Hell raised by Joan of Argghh! on November 30, 2008 05:56 PM
My favorite scene of YF is the very - very last . . . *snicker* what happened during the brain transference indeed!Hell raised by oddybobo on November 30, 2008 07:30 PM
"The Honeymooners." Any episode will do.Hell raised by Jim - PRS on November 30, 2008 08:06 PM
Old black & white Three Stooges with Curly or Shemp...it's all good!
For something in color with great music, give me The Blues Brothers Movie (Original)!!!Hell raised by JihadGene on November 30, 2008 11:47 PM
You sir are a fine gentleman. Those clips cheered me indeedHell raised by hoosierboy on December 1, 2008 04:06 PM
Blucher!Hell raised by Cappy on December 1, 2008 07:33 PM
« Shut the hell up!
.... and now for something completely different........ enjoy...
.... hey, there's logic... and then there's logic..... even in The South....
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Check out "Knock Him Out John" coon hunting at its finest. Or Marcel and the Beer Joint.Hell raised by Rey B on September 24, 2008 10:17 PM
I swear he looks like a TV preacher man.Hell raised by JihadGene on September 26, 2008 11:26 AM
« Shut the hell up!
...... I'm worn out..... absolutely and completely, worn out...... Hell's Half Acre has witnessed a flurry of activity today that it hadn't seen in at least the three months..... my goodness, what a day..... trees have been planted, sprinklers left to sprinkle, and seed has been scattered for the coming autumn...... lots and lots of seeds....... as for me, I need a nap....... but instead of napping, I found myself out on YouTube looking for old Tommy Cooper skits...
..... yeah, I know..... that is weird..... buy hey, welcome to my world........ and so now that I am off to cook dinner, I will leave you with a Cooper skit.... and two lovely Milligan examples....
.... first off, here's Tommy.......
... and here's a bit of ole Spike......
...... hey, what can I say?.... they certainly made ME laugh.......
..... anyhoo, I'm off to nibble shrimp and contemplate Great and Wonderful things until the Sun goes down....... so as Grandpa Walton said to Jeremiah Johnson on that snow-covered mountain peak back in 1972...... "I hope that you will..... fare well.."..... I'm off..... it is time to eat some shrimp.....
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Hi My name is Barbara and I came across you by way of an old blog that I found while searching for a lost friend.
Here is the link to the Bob Baird blog from May to Aug of '07.
He talks about his daughter Katie in his blog and I believe his daughter is the Katheryn I am looking for.
I don't know if you have had any further contact with Bob since this old blog, but if somehow you have and could get a message to him I would be most appreciative.I am ultimately looking for his daughter.I made an
entry in the blog but fear that because it is an old blog and looks like people lost touch with him at that point, that it may go nowhere.
Either way if you can let me know, I thank you in advance.
« Shut the hell up!
I put up a poll the other day...
The results are clear...
57 responses in about 36 hours. Not exactly rocking the vote, folks, but we're all painfully aware of how many hits this site gets from people searching for stuff like "squirrel sex", aren't we? So let's just skip over that and dwell for a minute on the fact that apparently only two voters felt that public humiliation of bloggers is wrong. Not too surprising to me. It certainly explains the never-ending photos/photoshops of me that appear on the net. And the fact that a photoshopped image of me graces a t-shirt. Oh, well...it's not like any potential employers in the IT field ever use the internet and are therefore likely to stumble across my picture, right? Besides, it'll make for a lovely way to break up those occasional lulls in the interview process.
Okay, back to the main topic here. It seems to me like an awful lot of you want some payback. Very well. Without further ado, I am proud to present to you a most strange beastie discovered in the mountain wilderness of north Georgia...More Straight talk »
The North American Mullet-headed Nipple Grabber
I report, you
deride decide.
As for my fate, I know what you're thinking. Dead man blogging, right? Maybe. But I've a sneaking suspicion that the Jawja bloggers've been working themselves up to a crucifixion scene anyway and if my fate is sealed, I might as well have some fun on the way out.
All I ask it that if when they find my mutilated body (assuming, of course, that they do find it), please point the police up to Tennessee.
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He's hot. Now, I wish he woulda pinched my nipples.Hell raised by Jimbo - PRS on September 14, 2007 06:23 AM
Do I detect a little "Roy Orbison" in that picture? Maybe it's just the glasses and the grin.Hell raised by RedNeck on September 14, 2007 08:13 AM
I demand that when Eric gets out of jail that it beknown that I never accused him of pinching my nipples. Cause like I voted.....he has lots of guns.Hell raised by Wm H on September 14, 2007 01:44 PM
I wish I could have voted more than once...just to cover my bases...yanno?
Eric RAWKS almost as much as da Zonkster!Hell raised by imp on September 14, 2007 06:20 PM
Dunno why, but I was thinking more along the lines of a gay blond Elvis for some reason. Not that there's anything wrong with that...Hell raised by G on September 14, 2007 06:43 PM
Truth is stranger than friction. Or anything you could *possibly* photoshop.
I should've known there had to be a Mulleted White Guy shot lurking out there somewhere.Hell raised by Elisson on September 14, 2007 09:07 PM
Shiny hair!Hell raised by Cappy on September 15, 2007 10:57 AM
Damn - who would have guessed that Eric is cuter as a girl than *I* am....Hell raised by Richmond on September 15, 2007 07:29 PM
Isn't he purty?!Hell raised by Maeve on September 15, 2007 09:55 PM
Gee. Maeve, I was just about to say that. He is a purty one, ain't he?
too bad I'm gonna miss the meet....
Hell raisin' in Helen would be quite interesting.Hell raised by Nancy on September 15, 2007 10:50 PM
Amazing, with his masculine wiles, that he could make Fabio look like some dumb pocket protector geek. I'll really have to seriously restrain myself when I see him next, if that's become his usual blogmeet getup.
Aww, Erica, that's just Eric doing an impersonation of Zonker. Too bad you can't see the tats.Hell raised by Elisson on September 16, 2007 08:33 PM
.... good GOD.... just you wait, Thunderdaddy..... I've got quite a collection of you, old boy.....Hell raised by Eric on September 16, 2007 09:32 PM
this has satisfied my vote for amusement. thank you kindly. eric, i am sorry to be entertained by your humiliation, but it is so very amusing indeed!Hell raised by Kimmy on September 20, 2007 08:45 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... today's Joke of the Day is courtesy of a Tall Cool Drink of Water....
... and wow... it's a doozy....
Read the Bullshit »
Oh lord.... I feel like I need to wash my brain out or something....
That's it. It's officially cocktail hour now.Hell raised by Richmond on August 11, 2006 05:09 PM
Glad you liked it.Hell raised by Becky on August 11, 2006 06:27 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... morning, rubberneckers.... today's Joke of the Day was stolen from The Confabulator....
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,Fffff'
... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"
... now THAT is funny... I like the way that little girl thinks....
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That is funny...I think Rob would've liked that joke too, considering the cat ended up getting eaten!!Hell raised by Lisa W. on August 5, 2006 08:43 AM
oh shit....funnyyyyyy!!Hell raised by Jean on August 5, 2006 10:44 AM
« Shut the hell up!
.. heh... tripod...
.... it's a little long, but definitely worth reading....
Read the Bullshit »
Great joke!!
« Shut the hell up!
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, "I can't remember, exactly, ...Peter, Peter, something or other..."
.. hat tip to Loyal Reader Charlie..
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ROTFL! :-DHell raised by Harvey on February 23, 2005 03:34 PM
That one was funny Eric...Hell raised by RedNeck on February 24, 2005 07:52 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... I just found this little goodie in my email inbox... but before I post it, I feel the need to interject a quick quote from Will Rogers... he was, after all, a wise, wise man... ole Willie once said... "The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has".. and he was right... oh, and that quote is from "The Illiterate Digest".. 1924...
... the tax proposed below?.. it will rival the income tax in liar creation.. on that, you can bet...
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2005 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00
8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00
5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00
4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
Pecker Checker IRS
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions: - Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
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Awright!!! Gonna get a refund after all.Hell raised by bitterman on February 7, 2005 08:56 PM
Eric, if you haven't learned the penalty for an early withdrawal at this point in your life, then perhaps your lovely wife and I need to have a drink and chat a bit;-)Hell raised by sadie on February 7, 2005 08:57 PM
This means that circumcision is a tax cut!Hell raised by Jim on February 7, 2005 09:31 PM
My tax man just called and said I'm getting audited. I asked him what I should do and he told me to go online and find a picture of Janet Reno.
Not only am I getting a refund, but the auditor threw in his lunch money out of sheer pity.Hell raised by McGehee on February 7, 2005 09:48 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... they guys over at Volkswagen have the right idea... small but tough, indeed...
... hat tip to The Paratrooper of Love, of course...
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Just so you know, it's actually a spoof commercial, but it's still not without its charms :-)Hell raised by Harvey on January 21, 2005 01:23 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... sound words of advice from the email.... yea, verily...
Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that had been closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger of the two aliens addressed it. "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump (of course) didn't respond. The younger alien started to get mad at the lack of response and the older one said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire."
The older alien again warned his comrade, "You don't want to do that; You really don't want to make him mad!"
"Rubbish," replied the younger alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and fired. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared outwards and towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt and crumpled mess 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Thirty-five Earth minutes later, when he finally regained consciousness, refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna, he looked dazedly up at the wiser one, who was standing over him, slowly shaking his big green head.
"What a ferocious creature," said the young fried one. "It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler onto the crispy, peeling flesh and shared some knowledge. "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy," said the wise old alien. "When a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't mess with him."
.. hat tip to Charlie..
Read the Bullshit »
...when you paste in stuff with punctuation, it completely thows me off... you should edit those first..
.. right... I'll make a note of that..Hell raised by Eric on December 29, 2004 06:48 AM
Red letter day when I find a new one!!! Good work, Eric.Hell raised by Indigo on December 29, 2004 10:09 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... fresh from the morning's email....
.. Santa, baby... indeed..
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"Santa soon regretted buying replacement reindeer from that farm near San Francisco"Hell raised by Harvey on December 17, 2004 11:43 AM
« Shut the hell up!
.. fresh and juicy from this morning's email...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have some joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry,' and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.
He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"
The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"
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BWHAHAHAHAAA!!! I GET it. I think.
What were you saying, dude?Hell raised by Acidman on December 8, 2004 07:56 PM
.. hmm... well, substitute shine for weed, and we've got a blogmeet conversation on our hands....Hell raised by Eric on December 8, 2004 08:24 PM
hahahaHell raised by Jaded Angel on December 8, 2004 11:47 PM
LOL! That was cute :)Hell raised by Sheilah on December 9, 2004 04:23 AM
That's some funny shit right there yo.
Posting...Hell raised by Mad William Flint on December 9, 2004 11:55 AM
« Shut the hell up!
... Fresh from the morning email...
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, Woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me.
"He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money tae be able tae affarrdany."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
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That's a goodun ! I'm sending that to my Scots Stepmother !Hell raised by siso on September 1, 2004 03:31 PM
But they can afford golf?
...perhaps I'm overthinking it. ; )Hell raised by Key on September 1, 2004 04:32 PM
And they carry around American currency?
Ok, I'm overthinking it too. It's pretty funny.
Love itHell raised by Grey Biker on September 1, 2004 09:38 PM
Damn funny, Eric!Hell raised by That 1 Guy on September 2, 2004 02:27 AM
Wait! A Scotsman wasted good money on a comb?Hell raised by Sally on September 2, 2004 05:49 AM
*tsk tsk* Eric, I posted that one weeks ago :)Hell raised by Mia on September 2, 2004 12:08 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... courtesy of Strange Cosmos... enjoy, children...
How Manly Are You Quiz
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
a. Present it to the president of the United States.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.
... the rest are in the extended entry...More Straight talk »
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is The Pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. What about hugging another male?
a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that (1) He is legally within the basepath, (2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.
5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.
7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-- you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.
8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her-sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?
9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"
10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife--is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.
11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.
12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.
How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c." A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 15, because he would get the special five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
Read the Bullshit »
I am always throwing away those ratty underware and socks. I think it's a wife's duty to do that.
But I always hide them under garbage and always on the night before the garbage goes out. I do this because he found them once and carried on for a lifetime about throwing away good underware/socks.Hell raised by Machelle on August 19, 2004 09:06 AM
..actually, I missed that question on the quiz.. I don't own any underwear...Hell raised by Eric on August 19, 2004 07:33 PM
On question #8, (c) should read: You tell her "pull my finger". At least that's what MY husband did when he proposed. Really and I still married him!Hell raised by patty on October 5, 2004 11:21 AM
« Shut the hell up!
.... I'd have imagined that I could have went my entire life without seeing a sentence like this... I was wrong...
"I'm telling the lady, 'Get your kid away from my monkey!'" Seidler recalled."
Read the Bullshit »
either you are sick - or you arent sick and i am sick for thinking of it sickly!Hell raised by k on August 5, 2004 03:03 PM
...what?... hey, it WAS a monkey, k.. heh, get your mind out of the gutter...Hell raised by Eric on August 5, 2004 03:10 PM
heheee.. that's pretty sad... I would say that if it had bitten one of my children I would have slain it... ehhehee..
I like the part where it says he depends on the monkey to groom and bathe him... weird stuff...
Of course the kid was curious, a two year old, who probably has never seen a monkey unless it has been to the zoo...
What's sick is that Seidler obviously loves his monkey a little more than is natural.Hell raised by Key on August 5, 2004 04:42 PM
I wonder if you went home and spanked his monkey?Hell raised by Mudfish Billie on August 5, 2004 07:19 PM
Children and monkeys, not to mention people who don't know how to use checkcards, write checks, or which aisle is the expressland and how many items they have, should not be allowed in grocery stores. Period.Hell raised by Norman on August 5, 2004 08:55 PM
I always wanted a monkey growing up. My parents refused. I knew two people with monkeys, and, in retrospect, I understand. Their houses were foul, and those monkeys stank.Hell raised by Velociman on August 5, 2004 11:52 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... once again, my e-mail inbox provides a wee bit of entertainment.... a little something to offend everyone...
possible headlines from the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.
Read the Bullshit »
Hahaha! Very clever.Hell raised by Gooseneck on August 1, 2004 12:39 PM
The last line was the best!Hell raised by Beth Donovan on August 1, 2004 04:04 PM
« Shut the hell up!
... fresh from the morning e-mail, something to offend everyone...
... new State Mottos... hey, don't blame me, I didn't write them...More Straight talk »
Like the third world, but closer.
Don't tell MS, but we're ALL sportin' boners right now!
Because SC is a Little Too Progressive for Some of Us
Keeping it in the family since 1819.
Colder Than a Witch's Tit -- and Prettier, Too!
Yeah, but it's a dry cold.
We Get to Kill Whales and You Don't!
We're cold and lonely: LET US HAVE OUR POT BACK!
The Pacific Coast State!
Oh, crap. I guess now WE'RE gonna need a new motto, too.
It's Trailer-rific!!!
Honest, we were just try'n to get that sheep back over the fence.
Attention, K-Mart Shoppers!
Caution: Large Fake Breasts On Board!
With Satan, too, all things are possible -- and way more fun!
What the hell's up with VT???
Silicon Valley in the North, Silicone Hills in the South!
Now 100% John Denver free!
The "C" is Silent, Casshole!
Half a Million Cubans Can't All Be Wrong
Hey you kids, get off of my state!
We make the US look like it's pissing on Cuba.
So close, you can smell Fidel.
The Phallic Symbol State
More than just a great place to die.
Now With 25% More Cubans!
Where the 3 R's are for Rednecks, Retirees and Raft Arrivals
With Elian gone and Spring Break over, we're once again safe for Grandma.
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... and we'll send 'em back to you free of charge!
Come See Your Grandparents Before They Die
Why Does Everybody Think Putting Ham and Pineapple on Something Makes it "Hawaiian"?
You Can Be Da Ho Next!
Get Your Whites Their Whitest!
Cogito ergo spud: I think, therefore I yam.
Stop pronouncing the "S", or we're gonna kick your ass!
The "I See Dead Voters" State
Dan Quayle's Favorite Country!
Where EVERY year is 1957.
Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk
Our Trees Bend North Because Minnesota Sucks.
We aren't all that crazy about Newton and his "gravity", either.
More hills than Nebraska!
Come for the Bluegrass -- Stay for the Incest!
Shallowest gene pool in the Union
We've Heard ALL the Hillbilly Jokes, So Don't Even Bother.
Now with 30% fewer Kennedys!
It's not just cold. It's ass-biting cold.
Auto strikes, disgruntled postal workers, and a surplus of Canadians, oh my!
Forget Detroit, it's actually part of Canada.
First Line of Defense Against the Canadians
Those guys in Fargo lived in ND, okay?
We're Hard-on Crime
Foiling Spelling Bees for over 150 years
Keeping Louisiana from being last in *every* quality of life category.
Don't even *think* about it, Chester!
Missouri Loves Company
One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. Unless, of course, you don't believe in that sort of thing, in which case you can find a patch of land, build and arsenal, write a manifesto and start your own damned government.
Anti-Government-Isolationist-Compound Conventions Welcome!
Now with 50% fewer radical dissidents.
The "N" is for "Knowledge!"
You're Not in Kansas Anymore!
New Jersey:
Come for the beaches. Stay for the gambling, crack and hookers.
What smell?
Home of Jimmy Hoffa's grave... somewhere.
Hey, Quit Laughing!!
All those chemical waste sites and Trump's Taj Mahal, too!
New York:
The Go F#@$% Yourself State
New Safe Version -- Now With 30% Fewer Murders!
Just try to spend more for gas!
Come for the skyline, stay because you were mugged and don't have money for a taxi to the airport.
North Carolina:
Sure, we've got weird, blue-skinned, inbred mountain dwellers, but at least we don't still fly the confederate flag!
North Dakota:
Last one to leave, turn out the light.
You probably don't want to visit any more than we want to live here.
We're Full of Inbreds, Too -- We Just Have a Better PR Firm.
It's more than just "hello" in Japanese.
With God, All Things Are Possible -- and a little hush money to the Supreme Court doesn't hurt, either
In God We Trust (C'mon -- we dare you to strike *this* one down!)
With an omnipotent universal supreme being of undetermined gender which may or may not exist, all things are technically possible!
With God, all things except keeping our state motto are possible.
We're like the Canada of TX!
Oklahoma: Named After an Indian Tribe We Slaughtered
Home of quality babes like Tonya Harding and Monica Lewinski.
Under Construction
With goats, all things are possible.
Rhode Island:
Small? Yes, But We Know What To Do With It
Yes, we know what a "peninsula" is.
South Carolina:
Oh, yeah -- like *we're* going to be concerned about an NAACP tourism boycott.
Ya don't think removin' that flag changes nothin', do ya, boy?
If at first you don't secede: try, try again.
The OTHER white state.
South Dakota:
Hello? Can anyone hear me? Hey! Over here!
The Darwin State
Established in 1796 by Al Gore
We Let America See Our Bush!
The Criminal's Lethal Injection Connection
We Kill 'em So YOU Don't Have To
We put the "Ex" in "execution"!
Better Behave, or We'll Fry Your Ass
With your father as ex-president, all things are possible.
West Virginia:
Got Teeth?
Because somebody has to make Virginia look good.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The State of Brotherly and Sisterly Love
Oh, honestly, people. We have a world-class orchestra. We have a university. We... hey, Joe-Bob, pass me the chewin' tobakky, willya?
Now open 7 days a week.
Michael Jackson is *almost* white enough to live here now.
With OUR God, all things are possible.
It really sucked giving up multiple wives.
Putting the "white" in "red, white, and blue."
We don't care who you marry, as long as we get the license fee.
Contrary to our name, our women are actually pretty slutty!
Come for the Protests -- Stay for the Coffee!
Where even the Tear Gas is environmentally friendly.
With Gates, all things are possible.
Badgers?! We don't need no stinkin' badgers.
Cutting the Cheese Since 1848
You're Among Cows.
Puerto Rico:
Ready to Screw Up 40 Years of Flag Symmetry
Dumb Guys Think We're a State!
We want statehood! No, we don't! Yes, we do!
Ever-tolerant of those xenophobic bastards in the Northern Hemisphere
It's only a matter of time.
Read the Bullshit »
This is a riot, Eric - Another post I'm going to have to share with my friends and familyHell raised by Uptown Girl on July 28, 2004 11:10 AM
I'm going to link this if I can stop laughing long enough to type :-DHell raised by Harvey on July 28, 2004 01:01 PM
Oh my God that was great!!Hell raised by Tiffani on July 28, 2004 03:41 PM
Georgia gets a free pass!! Huh?Hell raised by Greg on July 28, 2004 09:42 PM
What about New Hampshire and New Mexico?Hell raised by GEBIV on July 29, 2004 12:13 AM
...hey, I didn't write it.. I just FOUND it.. so, NH, NM, and GA shall remain a mystery.. unless you guys come up with something...Hell raised by Eric on July 29, 2004 07:22 AM
We do so have more fuzz on our nuts than our peaches!
Coke!....I hear they sell it in bottles over here!
Rhett Butler, Jimmy Carter, neither one gave a damn.Hell raised by Guy S. on July 29, 2004 06:03 PM
Arkansas is so not the hick trailor park trash state, whats up with everyone thinking that. Arkansas is the NATURAL STATE!!!!!!!!!
« Shut the hell up!
... gotta love those Cajuns... almost reminds me of some of people around here....
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sitting in back of their trailers shooting the breeze. Bou ask Thib, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin an' made love to your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat make us kin?" Thib scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't tink so.....but, it shore would make us even
... yeah, yeah... I know... but, be honest... isn't this the quality you have come to EXPECT around here?...
Read the Bullshit »
This is funny and I'm sending it to my sister ;)
And yes, this is the quality I have come to expect around here - - always a good giggle, Eric :)Hell raised by Uptown Girl on July 14, 2004 03:16 PM
There's a girl at work here who's last name is Boudreaux. I think I'll pass that along to her, hehe.
Hope she doesn't get offended easily, I'm not up for a sexual harassment suit.Hell raised by Evilwhiteguy on July 14, 2004 03:34 PM
Hell, I thought it was funny :-)Hell raised by Harvey on July 14, 2004 04:00 PM
Boudreaux and Thibodaux were walking down a country road when they came upon a young woman with a flat on her bicycle. Boudreaux stopped to help her with a flat and Thibodaux continued on down the road. Soon after, Boudreaux came riding up on the bike and Thibodaux asked him what happened. " Well" said Boudreaux, "I stopped and fixed de flat for dat chick and after i did dat, she took off her panties, lay down in de grass and told me to take whatever I wanted. I chose dis bicycle." Thibodaux said, "Me friend, you did just the right thing, cause dem panties probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."Hell raised by Chrissy on July 14, 2004 07:49 PM
ha! those ARE funny, and even though I am part French-Cajun I will not take offense! :)Hell raised by k on July 14, 2004 10:42 PM
« Shut the hell up!
Courtesy of Strange Cosmos....
The history lessons you didn't receive in High School....
Part I (the B.C. years)
3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business code of ethics.
2900 B.C. - Egyptians create Sphinx, one of Seven Great Wonders of the Ancient, but refuse to talk about it.
1850 B.C. - Britons announce Operation Stonehenge a success after arranging slabs in sufficiently meaningless pattern to confuse scientists for centuries.
1785 B.C. - The first calendar is introduced by Babylonian scientists.
1768 B.C. - Babylonians experience winter in June.
776 B.C. - The world's first known money appears in Persia. World's first known counterfeiter appears in Persia next day.
525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held in Greece. USSR enters six footer with a mustache in women's shot put.
410 B.C. - Rome ends the practice of enslaving debtors, removing biggest single obstacle to the development of the credit card.
404 B.C. - The Peloponnesian war enters 27th year because neither side can find a treaty writer who can spell Peloponnesian.
214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese people complete 1,500 mile long Great Wall. Neighbor's dog gets through.
1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers argue over what to call next year.More Straight talk »
Part II ( Early A.D.)
79 A.D. - Property in Pompeii turns out to be bad investment.
432 A.D - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives topic to fight about for the rest of recorded history.
1000 A.D. - Leif Ericsson discovers America; decides it's not worth mentioning.
1043 A.D. - Lady Godiva demonstrates against high taxes, causing all to forget what she is demonstrating against.
1125 A.D. - Arabic numerals are introduced to Europe, enabling peasants to solve how much tax each owes on MMMDCCCLX Lira when you're in the XXXVI percent bracket?
1233 A.D. - Inquisition begins. Practice is so un-Christian it is permitted to continue for only 600 years.
1297 A.D. - World's first stock exchange opens. Few have foresight to buy IBM.
1433 A.D. - Portugal launches African slave trade, proving what a small nation can do with a little ingenuity and much evil.
1456 A.D. - English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death sentence of 1431.
1492 A.D. - Columbus lands in Bahamas, names it San Salvador, and calls natives Indians.
1497 A.D. - Amerigo Vespucci becomes the first to think of naming the new world in honor of himself...the United States of Vespuccia!
1508 A.D. - Michelangelo accedes to Pope's demands to paint ceiling of Sistine Chapel, but refuses to wash the windows.
1513 A.D. - Ponce de Leon finds the Fountain of Youth, but dies of old age trying to remember where.
1522 A.D. - Scientists, who know the world is flat, conclude that
Magellan made it all the way around by crawling across the bottom.
1568 A.D. - Upset by the slander of his good name, Russian leader kills
100,000 peasants to make them stop calling him Ivan the Terrible.
1607 A.D. - Indians laugh themselves silly as first European tourist to visit Virginia tries to register as "John Smith".
1618 A.D. - Britain executes Sir Walter Raleigh, but allow his tobacco plants to live.
1642 A.D. - The first nine students to receive Bachelor of Arts degrees in America, discover there are no jobs available for a kid with a liberal arts education.
1670 A.D. - Pilgrims, busy burning witches, fail to observe golden anniversary of winning religious freedom.
1755 A.D. - Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing young children with a source of dirty words.
1758 A.D. - New Jersey is chosen as the site of America's first Indian reservation, giving Indians an idea of living conditions they can expect.
1763 A.D. - The French and Indian War ends. Both sides lose.
1770 A.D. - The shooting of three people in the Boston Massacre touches off the Revolution. 200 Years later, three shootings in Boston are average for a Saturday Night.
1773 A.D. - Colonists dump tea into Boston Harbor. British call the act "barbaric", noting that no one added cream.
1776 A.D. - Napoleon maintains neutrality during American Revolution, primarily because he is seven years old.
1779 A.D. - John Paul Jones notifies British, "I have just begun to fight!" and notices his ship is sinking.
1793 A.D. - "Let them eat cake!" becomes the most famous thing Marie Antionette ever said. Also, the least diplomatic thing she ever said.
Also, the last.
1799 A.D. - Translation of Rosetta Stone enables scholars to learn that Egyptian hieroglyphics say fundamental stuff: "Dear Ramses, How are you?
I am fine."
1805 A.D. - Robert Fulton invents the torpedo.
1807 A.D. - Robert Fulton invents the steamship to provide target for torpedos.
1815 A.D. - Post Office policy is established as Andrew Jackson wins the Battle of New Orleans a month after letter was mailed telling him the War of 1812 is over.
1840 A.D. - William Henry Harrison is elected president in landslide, proving very few could disagree with campaign motto, "Tippecanoe and Tyler too."
1850 A.D. - Henry Clay announces, "I'd rather be right than president,"
after running for president five times without winning.
1859 A.D. - Charles Darwin writes "Origin of the Species". Containing same general plot as "Planet of the Apes", it fails to gross as much money.
1865 A.D. - Union Soldiers face greatest challenge of the war: sobering Grant for Lee's surrender.
1894 A.D. - Thomas Edison displays first motion picture, applauded by all but movie critics.
1903 A.D. - Opening of Trans-Siberian Railway enables passengers from Moscow to reach Vladivostok in eight days, much sooner than most desire.
1910 A.D. - Founding of Boy Scouts of America comes as bad news to independent old ladies at traffic lights.
1911 A.D. - Rauld Amundsen discovers South Pole and confirms his suspicions: It looks a lot like the North Pole.
1912 A.D. - People with reservations for the voyage of the Titanic get their money back.
1920 A.D. - The 18th Amendment to the Constitution makes drinking illegal in the U.S. Everyone stops, except for 40 million who do not.
1924 A.D. - Hitler is released from prison four years early, after convincing parole board he is a changed man.
1928 A.D. - Herbert Hoover promises "a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage," neglecting to add that most Americans will soon be without both.
1930 A.D. - Pluto is discovered; the planet. The dog wasn't discovered until 1938.
1933 A.D. - German housewives begin to realize why wallpaper hanger with mustache never came back to finish the job.
1933 A.D. - Hitler establishes Third Reich, announcing it will last a thousand years, an error of only 988.
1934 A.D. - John Dillinger, gunned down by police on leaving Chicago film theater, gasps that he didn't like the movie, either.
1934 A.D. - Great Depression, giving businessmen headaches, reaches climax with birth of Ralph Nader.
1938 A.D. - Great Britain and Germany sign a peace treaty, averting WW II.
1944 A.D. - Hitler's promise of Volkswagens for all Germans as soon as they've won the war proves to be insufficient incentive.
Submitted by Gwen J.
Read the Bullshit »
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.
The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."
The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself.
His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realising how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
Read the Bullshit »
So in the end, the Smoker is the butt of the joke?
*ducks and covers*Hell raised by Guy S. on June 1, 2004 01:07 PM
...damn, Guy.. that was bad....Hell raised by eric on June 1, 2004 04:00 PM
« Shut the hell up!
Sam and Bessie were an elderly couple. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home.
Walking proudly, he enters the house and says to his wife,"Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks,a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?! IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Ya shoulda bought a hat."
Read the Bullshit »
A real fucking cowboy would have never taken his hat off to start off with.Hell raised by Madfish Willie on May 13, 2004 03:50 PM
That's freakin funny!Hell raised by Nee on May 13, 2004 04:57 PM
Excellent joke!Hell raised by drc on May 13, 2004 05:29 PM
Hehehehehe!Hell raised by Gooseneck on May 13, 2004 09:43 PM
« Shut the hell up!
...e-mail is such a wonderous thing...
"On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me,"You should be hung."
I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
Read the Bullshit »
I am SO glad you clarified that this was a joke, and NOT in fact the events at your house this weekend.Hell raised by Nee on May 10, 2004 05:11 PM
« Shut the hell up!
....fresh from the email... my constant source of inspiration....
"Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Tennessee was overheard saying...
"when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Tennessee."
When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world.
Read the Bullshit »
Good to know. We're comin' to your place (with the dogs) the next time. Don't worry, we'll bring some 25-year old scotch.Hell raised by maura on May 9, 2004 09:11 PM
..anyone who brings 25 year old Scotch to my house is more than welcome to bring thier dogs..Hell raised by eric on May 10, 2004 07:55 AM
« Shut the hell up!
.... an oldie.. .but a goodie.... and, something that I can, once again, identify with...
southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
Read the Bullshit »
it is amazing how well southern Baptists manage not to recognize each other at the liquor store.Hell raised by tommy on May 6, 2004 09:00 PM
Or at Hooter's!Hell raised by Indigo on May 6, 2004 10:34 PM
It's fast and testimony meeting. Sister Smith walks up to the stand once again, like she does every month. You know the one - the lady that gives her "testimony" EVERY month, talking (or mostly crying) about everything under the sun... her ex husband never took out the trash, her poor cat got hit by a car, her sister-in-law's neighbor's second cousin got cancer, or whatever.
Anyway, she gets up this month and is especially out of control. She is boo-hooing so bad you can't understand a word she is saying. 10 minutes go by, then 15, then 20. Everyone is feeling uncomfortable, especially the Bishop. Finally, the Bishop can take no more.
He walks up to Sister Smith and puts his arm around to comfort her (and to try and wrap it up). Sister Smith, with tears streaming down her face says, "I'm sorry Bishop, I am such a big boob." The Bishop leans in to Sister Smith, inches away from the microphone, and says, "That's ok Sister Smith, I LIKE BIG BOOBS." The sacrament meeting ended 10 minutes early.
« Shut the hell up!
I can totally understand this joke... on many levels...
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"
The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit."
Read the Bullshit »
Pretty funny.Hell raised by Norman on May 6, 2004 05:08 AM
fallibleHell raised by sympathize on November 14, 2004 05:18 PM
« Shut the hell up!


text:
[Editor's Note: This commentary by former Federal Election Commission Chairman, Center for Competitive Politics Chairman and Founder, and Capital University Josiah H. Blackmore/Shirley M. Nault Professor of Law Bradley A. Smith is reprinted here with his permission.]
A libertarian professor friend of mine took the opportunity of Trump's nomination to write on Facebook:
The fact that the GOP appears to be nominating Trump, and the fact that libertarian-leaning conservative intellectuals in the GOP are (rightly) frothing at the mouth the most about it, only provides more evidence for my long-standing view that libertarian intellectuals who thought their (our?) home was in the GOP were making a very risky "pact with the devil."
He went on a bit but that gets the mood and core message of the piece.
My response, which I'll reprint here with light edits, was this:
As a libertarian intellectual who made a home in the GOP, I am extremely proud of what we accomplished and consider the world a much better place for it. What are a few of the things we accomplished?
The GOP went from a protectionist to a free trade party for a generation. It is about as indisputable as things get in politics that gains in free trade around the world would not have been possible without near-unanimous Republican support in Congress. That is a direct result of the infusion of libertarian ideals into the GOP, and has in turn increased human freedom and helped to raise tens of millions out of poverty.
The GOP, for a generation or more, was the party welcoming to immigration. It was generally on the backs of GOP presidents and members of Congress that refugees were admitted in large numbers in the 1970s and 1980s.
The libertarian alliance with the GOP is responsible for an enormous shift in anti-trust law that has increased human freedom and prosperity.
Libertarian intellectuals played a huge role in moving the GOP from an anti-second amendment to a pro-second amendment party; and from an anti-free speech party to a pro-speech party. Today, virtually all political support for a robust First Amendment comes from within the GOP.
I could go on (there are many more examples), but I consider these just a few of the triumphs for which libertarians (or "libertarian leaning conservatives") can take a lion's share of the credit.
I have no grudge against my colleagues who prefer not to engage in politics, for whatever reason. I don't consider them to have made a "risky pact with the devil" merely because they did not act in the same way I and others did to raise living standards through free trade agreements and rules enacted in the political arena, or protect dissent through opposition to campaign finance laws and "false speech" laws in the political arena. There are many ways to advance freedom. Perhaps I would have accomplished more had I focused all my talents on the classroom and academic research.
But if one believes that politics ultimately matters (perhaps because even if it doesn't matter to you, it matters to others who will seize power), and if one chooses to play in the political arena, then one has to begin with the recognition that there are various and considerable dispositional, constitutional and statutory features of the U.S. system that lead it to naturally be dominated by two large, coalition parties. It would be very difficult to change these features, and for many reasons I am not sure that such change would be a net benefit. Such change would, in any case, likely take a generation or more to make happen, and that change would, itself, likely have to come through finding a home in one of the two major parties and advocating for change from there. So if one believes it worthwhile to seriously engage in politics, one will almost be certainly allied with one of the two major parties, even if one studiously retains a formal independence.
Entering the political arena means recognizing that one will lose, lose often, and often lose badly. There are no permanent victories. That might be the single iron law of politics. But that doesn't mean the effort is futile.
I know of few if any libertarians who feel permanently wedded to a party. The challenge going forward will be the same as it was—to determine the best course for implementing libertarian ideas, or for preventing actions that decrease liberty. But if most libertarian intellectuals engaging in politics over the last generation did so through the GOP, that suggests that the GOP was, perhaps, the party more friendly to libertarian ideals.
Frankly, it's not very attractive to sit back and smugly say "I told you so" at the moment that your ideological colleagues who were willing to and chose to battle in the political arena have suffered major setbacks. But the world is clearly a better, more free, more prosperous place for what libertarian intellectuals have done within the GOP, and there is no particularly plausible argument to suggest that more would have been accomplished over the last several decades had they (we) attempted to work through the Democratic Party, a minor party or parties, or remained politically homeless and hence, in the libertarian writer Albert Nock's formulation, "superfluous."
I don't believe that libertarian intellectuals (or perhaps "libertarian-leaning conservatives") like Madison, Jefferson, and James Wilson believed their efforts had been a "pact with the devil" simply because the Democratic Party always contained its slaveholders and statists and eventually nominated the feckless James Buchanan. In politics, you fight the battles you can, win the ones you can, and recognize that many others, at many times, will be lost.
The world is a better place for my decision to work within the GOP. I'm very proud of that. I don't begrudge those who eschew the grubby work of politics, and the invariable compromises it demands. But I don't think there is any serious argument to be made that the decision of so many libertarian intellectuals to make a home in the GOP has been a bad thing.
Moving forward, people will, as they always do and always have, be rethinking what are the best means and vehicles for promoting liberty.
I also added this thought as a little P.S. (also lightly edited):
Looking at the incredible support that the Marxist Bernie Sanders has among Millenials, the anti-liberal education that is going on at our universities, and the growing support for censorship among college students and young adults (amply demonstrated in polling and in action), I wonder if any of the many libertarian professors who hit "like" for [my friend's] post would consider their decisions to make themselves an intellectual home within America's colleges and universities to have been a "pacts with the devil"? After all, it is hard to find a more anti-libertarian institution to which libertarian intellectuals could have contributed their talents.
I suspect, however, that they have considered it a good faith effort to advance libertarian ideals through the imperfect institutions available to them. But if you hit "like" for [my friend's] post about libertarians who worked within the GOP, then perhaps the "pact with the devil'" theory should at least be considered for those who work in universities generally, no?

subset: commoncrawl


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The Arab Monetary Fund (AMF) will provide a $168 million loan to Yemen to help support reforms.
Financial aid from abroad, which has been slow to arrive, has become a lifeline for Yemen, where the economy and government finances have been hit hard by a nationwide fight against al Qaeda militants.
The AMF loan, signed by Yemen's finance minister in Saudi Arabia, aims to support Sanaa's economic reform programme throughout 2014 and 2015, the AMF said in a statement.
An agreement was also signed for Yemen to receive the second and final $57 million tranche of a loan agreed in 2013, the Abu Dhabi-based lender said.
The aid brings the total AMF support to the second-poorest Arab nation after Mauritania to $1.2 billion, the fund said.
Sanaa's finances have deteriorated as it fights to protect oil pipelines that finance up to 70 percent of its budget, and the country has been hit by power cuts and long queues at petrol stations.
It has also struggled to pay public sector salaries and finance food and energy imports as its currency reserves shrink, hitting their lowest level since June 2012 in April.
This week, Yemen announced plans to build a $3.5 billion highway linking the southern port city of Aden to Saudi Arabia, one of its biggest ever infrastructure projects. The World Bank and Riyadh will participate in funding the project.
The country is hoping to seal a long-discussed $550 million loan from the International Monetary Fund this year. That may in turn help it to secure more funds from foreign donors as well as help it cover its expenditures.
The IMF expects Yemen's budget deficit to shrink to 6.7 percent of gross domestic product (GDP) this year from 7.1 percent in 2013, which was the biggest gap since 2009.


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The Argument About Bouncy House for Rent
Bear in mind how much do you want to spend and pick the bounce house accordingly. Also consider the status of the ground where you will place your bounce house. After booking the bounce home, you can be sure about everything getting done the proper way. Location The bounce house needs to be put on a level surface. A bounce house may be an extremely affordable method to supply hours of entertainment for your visitors. Picking a suitable bounce house is important as it shows the significance of the kids attending the party. Ideally, it's advised to go for a bigger sized bounce house since it offers ample space for those children to play.
You can opt for a number of bounce houses with the theme. When there's a bounce house at a party, you can don't hesitate to socialize with friends and revel in the party. If you've opted for a bounce house together with water slides, make certain to have a water source nearby. For the past couple of decades, bounce houses have been the remedy to creating a friendly playing area for those kids without difficulty. Hiring only one bounce house is going to do the job. Hiring different bounce houses is recommended if you are experiencing a mixed group of children.
What to Expect From Bouncy House for Rent?
Houses in Manila are definitely the most well-known commodities in the country, which is why many of folks choose a home right here. When you've found a house that is suitable for your requirements, your next step ought to be to have a look at the owners. One other important tip given by the majority of people hiring this kind of inflatable house is they recommend people to search for the space readily available to put the bouncy house Lone Tree CO.. Size Bounce houses can be found in many diverse sizes.
Our party rentals are cleaned and inspected after every use to insure your huge day is secure and pleasurable. With such a wide variety of choices readily available, it isn't difficult to become overwhelmed when browsing for inflatable rentals. Inflatable rentals arrive in various shapes and colors that can help you match your theme perfectly and make your party seem better organized and attractive. The inflatable rentals are made from soft rubber and are simple on kids, and they're made from material that could bear lots of wear and tear. A bounce house rental is the ideal solution!
Who doesn't love parties but when it has to do with throwing it by yourself, it turns into a hectic undertaking. House parties are so far better than club parties. Usually, a huge party will require a party planner and lots of party rental supplies rental businesses. Parties are the best method to celebrate, enjoy gala time with buddies and make lifetime memories.
I have a passion to music, games and tennis. Love apple juice.


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Most of you who read this post are probably managing a community for, or representing a brand of some size. That brand may be small, or it could be global. Nonetheless, that brand's community is everything to you, and rightfully so. Hell, you're getting paid to engage… that's always a great opportunity.
Amidst the general excitement and immersion that comes with communicating and community managing for a brand, we sometimes find ourselves forgetting about one of the most important communities around: Our own. It's so easy to lose track and not find time to communicate with our communities, and no one can really fault you for it. This is especially interesting to see because in most cases in social media, the engagement you had with your community have something to do with your current position. Its kind of like getting a great job after your family encouraged you to go for it – and instead of rushing home to share your excitement, you get caught up in the work and find little time to connect with them about your new life.
I think the last thing that we want to do while we follow our career path is to lose touch with our own personal community – out network of family, friends, supporters, etc. The importance of our own community is increasingly amplified in today's world of social media and communication. But don't worry; here are a couple of tips that can you save you from a "divorce" with your community.
Take your community out for a drink
Well not literally. With all of the in-real-life events that are now going on a nearly daily basis, it is easier and more fun than ever to connect with our community in person… which frankly, is much more important than tweeting with them. Yes, this means you aren't connecting on your usual global scale, but I would say that it is always more important to foster those important relationships within your community rather than try and branch out for a bunch of small, hollow contacts. Your community's events will be going on with or without you. Set aside an hour or two for some friendly conversations.
Chat it up… one hour at a time
If you're a community manager, I'm guessing that a group people in your online community are participating in Twitter chats (ex: #CMGRchat!). I think Twitter Chats are a great way to make up for lost time. Its almost like Twitter's version of speed dating – You join a bunch of people in the community, communicate like rapid fire, talk to a lot of people, build some great connections, and after an hour its up to you on how you want to develop those relationships. My point being is that it is a great way to engage with your community, meet new people, and leave an impression on your online community. Even if it's just for a short amount of time, you want your community to see that you are here and ready to communicate.
A little engagement goes a long way
I think we sometimes get caught up in sharing that inspiring content or blog post that is just covered in awesome-ness. Unfortunately, if you're not communicating with your community and building trust, why should they read the posts you share? Instead, try making it a point to hone in on connecting one on one with others in the Twittersphere. Don't underestimate what a simple RT or @ reply can do. They're visible to your entire community; connect with an individual (always a bonus), and shows that you're still listening to what is going on in your community. Just popping your head in for a few minutes to say hi and listen can go a long way. Just remember, in moments of brevity – being genuine is everything.
I understand if you have a lot of work to do, but if you have time to read this post, you have time to communicate with your community. Fostering your community will only make a better community manager and communicator in the long run. So, get out there and engage so that when you share this "fantastic" post, your community will take action. 🙂
Harrison Kratz is the Community Manager at MBA@UNC, the new Online MBA program at the University of North Carolina and sticks to his entrepreneurial roots as the founder of the global social good campaign, Tweet Drive. Feel free to connect with him on Twitter, @KratzPR!


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[image type="rounded" float="left" info="none" info_place="top" info_trigger="hover" src="664″][image type="none" float="right" link="true" target="blank" info="none" info_place="top" info_trigger="hover" src="297″ style="width:150px; height:150px;" href="https://www.yogaalliance.org/TeacherPublicProfile?tid=3496″ title="Arundhati"] Arundhati Baitmangalkar, Founder and Lead Teacher of Aham Yoga, is a prolific yoga writer, international teacher and presenter, and an eternal student of classical yoga.
Arundhati Baitmangalkar came to yoga after six years of teaching Bollywood dance in India. She took to yoga instantly and began to pursue a long and rewarding journey through her practice that now flows over onto her many loving students. Before moving to the Seattle area, her thirst for the knowledge and authenticity of yoga led her to some of the best schools and yoga masters in India. She completed her 500 hour Teacher Training under Yogacharya Bharath Shetty from Yoga Indea Mysore, and an additional 200 hour training from Atmayaan in Bangalore. From the East to the West, she brings with her a truly holistic practice combining Hatha and Vinyasa style yoga practice that is not limited to anybody.
With her 10+ years of teaching yoga, Arundhati considers herself an eternal student as she continues to study with her teachers, including senior Iyengar teacher HS Arun from Bangalore and the legendary Geeta Iyengar in Pune, India. She returns to India annually to renew her roots and deepen her own practice.
Believing deeply that the practice of yoga is accessible to all, Arundhati strives to express her knowledge and teachings to everybody around her in a way that can be easily understood. Having taught yoga in India for several years, she now runs and teaches at Aham Yoga, in Redmond, WA, a studio that has evolved with it's incredible community. It is through this creation that she reaches out to the local community and shares her knowledge and experience of yoga. Her classes are engaging, thorough, and consistent, helping build the practitioner's knowledge of yoga through practice, hard work and dialogue. Aham Yoga offers a variety of group classes, private sessions, workshops, teacher trainings, retreats, and intensives, covering diverse topics from asana and pranayama, to kriyas and philosophy.
Arundhati is a passionate writer, both online and in print (Seattle Yoga News, India Currents, and featured in Yoga Journal Russia). She presents at yoga conferences and conducts workshops and master classes in the U.S. and India. Today, Arundhati is a well-recognized member in local yoga circles. She also runs her own Bollywood dance school called BollyWorks.
Jamie Lee Greene, Executive Assistant, is a yoga instructor, a long-time writer, and first and foremost a student of this world.
Coming from a fitness background in her teenage years, and a lifetime of creative experience, Jamie found yoga at a time when she needed it most. Once the magic of her yoga journey began to take hold of her, there was no turning back. After leaving her hometown in New Jersey when she was 22, she found herself working in Germany and traveling through Europe for most of her 20's. She returned to the US in 2014, but not before taking several months in India to explore some of the depths she had yet to discover in Yoga and Ayurveda. She completed her 200 Hour Teacher Training, and several Ayurveda Courses, at Santhi Yoga Institute in Kerala, India. Since her move to Redmond, she works to use her creative skills in writing and technical communications, as studied at Arizona State University, to carry the effects of her practice off the mat and into the minds and bodies of her students and/or her readers.
"The practice of yoga does not turn anybody away from the mat – there is something there for everybody."
Allison Gubata is a yoga instructor, mother, and an animal lover.
Allison came to yoga some time in 2010 where she began taking part in small private classes out of her neighbor's home. Since then, she has graduated with Aham Yoga's 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) in 2016 as a well-trained and passionate Yoga instructor. Always working towards a stronger and healthier version of herself, Allison aims to set the example that a regular yoga practice can influence the quality of one's life now as well as in the future – something she experiences personally every day as she evolves within her own practice. "Yoga is enriching my life by keeping me feeling healthy and vibrant. I tell my friends that as I age, I am getting stronger and more flexible – how awesome is that?"
During the day, Allison works as an Outreach Coordinator for a local municipality. Her job is all about connecting people with non-profits, and getting others excited by getting them what they need in order to move forward in their lives. Notice the trend? She takes this joy and gratitude with her to the studio, where she provides a clean, no nonsense, and honest approach to a healthier and balanced lifestyle through her yoga teaching, helping people connect and reconnect with themselves in order to do so.
When she is not on the mat or at work, you can often find Allison spending time with her loving family, and her two darling little dogs (who love a good at-home yoga practice). Having grown up spending lots of time at the beach, the San Juan Islands remains one of her favorite places to visit.


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fitnessmachine http://bestfitnessmachines.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/bestfit.gif fitnessmachine2011-11-15 12:00:322016-09-18 19:34:33Schwinn 420 Elliptical Trainer (model year 2012)
Schwinn 420 Elliptical Trainer (model year 2012)
Well suited for the home gym for fitness fans of any level of skill, the Schwinn 420 offers an efficient cardio routine by combining lower and upper body flexibility and synchronization into one impact-free movement. Elliptical machines imitate the natural movements of your foot while holding up your heel all through the stride, which makes them less difficult on your joints and knees.
http://bestfitnessmachines.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/bestfit.gif 0 0 fitnessmachine http://bestfitnessmachines.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/bestfit.gif fitnessmachine2011-11-08 17:07:582011-11-08 17:07:58Schwinn Airdyne AD4 Upright Exercise Bike
Schwinn Airdyne AD4 Upright Exercise Bike
The Schwinn Airdyne AD4 Upright Exercise Bike features a complete computer console providing you with feedback on time, distance, workload level, calories expended, calories per hour, heart rate, and RPM. Consequently, it's not hard to monitor your general level of fitness. Additional features provide an extra-quiet chain drive system; built-in heart rate monitoring; an LCD display; an anatomically correct seat with extra padding; and a capacity of 300 pounds. The Airdyne measures 50 by 22.5 by 48 inches (L x H x W), weighs 96 pounds, and carries these warranties: 30 years on the frame, three years on parts and electronics, and one year on labor and wear items.


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A new breed of 'ambulance chasers'?
A law firm with a very specialized practice ...
Click on box or go HERE
A Catholic Living with L.A.
"The first thing we do," said the character in Shakespeare's Henry VI, is "kill all the lawyers."
I have no special affection for lawyers but it is partially because of lawyers that 1) The sex scandal within the Church was exposed after decades of cover-ups 2) The hierarchy is finally acting to prevent sex crimes from happening in the future. One of their reasons includes financial damages that have resulted from lawyers' lawsuits.
Does anyone honestly believe that if there were no newspaper stories, lawsuits or investigations by states attorneys that the Catholic Bishops (or the Vatican) would have acted to correct this scandal on their own?
Reading that ad makes me sick of the type of society we live in.
Sock - also there was probably a certain amount of "lawyer mentality" going on during the coverups, i.e., fear of expensive lawsuits.
Today, the fear of lawsuits is (IMO) the motivating factor for reformation. Unfortunately, lavender bishops are still around and as long as they have power, I don't see a full cleaning out of all Catholic seminaries which is where renewal must begin.
As you've said, the lawyer mentality was going on over the past several decades with lower level clerics and sometimes bishops making monetary offers to parents of victims in order to obtain silence and their promise not to go to the civil authorities. These kinds of "hush money" payouts have already been made public in Boston and in LA I believe.
This kind of abuse is secondary only to the sexual abuse itself. Parents were told that if they did go to the authorities, that would be a betrayal of their Catholic faith and, as good Catholics, they should not air the Church's dirty laundry in public.
I don't think any amount of litigation is going to make the hierarchy as it is currently comprised bring about the needed reform. They all have to hurry up and get old and die before there will be any semblance of a new springtime.
The root cause of the corruption in the priesthood and in the pews (contraception, formication, adultery, pornography) is a lack of fidelity to the doctrine of Christ, especially the moral teachings. This, in essence, was what Pope John Paul II told the American Cardinals when they had their audience with him in 2002. They politely nodded and then carried on as usual.
Mahony is a perfect example! Look at the heterodox speakers who year after year headline his annual R.E. Congress in Anaheim. And now, the Cardinal is moving forward with a plan which will kill parishes, kill vocations, and harm the faith of many, namely, his plan to have lay people (read: kooky, women religious) serve as "pastors" of parishes.
I don't mean to sound dire, but only realistic.
I appreciate what lawsuits have/will do to hasten the process of cleaning things up, but they are a blunt tool not well-suited to creating a long-term fix. Your point that fear of lawsuits is the motivating factor for reformation is evidence that whatever reformation we get will not be lasting or valuable. Think of what we say in an Act of Contrition: we specifically say that we are sorry NOT because we fear eternal damnation, but because we desire to what is good and right and pleasing to God.
The notion that much good comes out of lawsuits is, I think, tied to the abdication of personal responsibility.
The persons who I referred to in the above posts will not (IMO) be convinced with soft words or phony treatment centers. They ought to be punished and punished severly and they need to fear (I'm speaking of a worldly fear) harsh sanctions. Not only do the criminals need to be punished, but those who harbored those criminals as well. Unfortunately, for whatever reasons, the hierarchy within the Catholic Church did not police their own. It is because of their negligence that I applaud lawyers for doing what bishops refused to do. I even thank God for them. Even though their motivation was clearly financial, lawyers got the job done.
Speaking of fear in a theological sense is totally different.
Fear of the Lord is not the fear of a son but of a slave. Yet, for most of us, servile fear is a necessary step toward filial fear. We are brought to filial fear by reflecting on the severity of His judgments, His rigorous punishments and our sins. This fear can (but not always does) lead to a fear that springs from love. That is the fear of the Lord spoken of in Ecclesiasticus:
"The fear of the Lord shall delight the heart, and shall give joy, and gladness, and length of days. With him that feareth the Lord, it shall go well in the latter end and in the day of his death he shall be blessed.
Ecclus. 1:12-13 (D/R)
"The fear of the Lord driveth out sin."
Eccllus 1: 27 (D/R)
In the Act of Contrition we first express sorrow because "I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell." It is after expressing our fears, that we then speak out of love and say "most of all because they (our sins) offend Thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving all my love."
O my God,
I am heartily sorry for
having offended Thee,
and I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven,
and the pains of hell;
but most of all because
they offend Thee, my God,
Who are all good and
deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of Thy grace,
to confess my sins,
to do penance,
and to amend my life.
Do we blame the maggots for eating away at the rotten meat, or do we blame the incompetent (if not criminally negligent) butcher for leaving the goods out to rot to begin with?
That list looks an awfully lot like the veritable "fruits" of Vatican II that I've been hearing about.
Sorry, L.A. You have been putting up with Mahoney and his Hollywood cronies for years, contributed unquestioningly to his Raj Mahal complete with dancing nuns with incense bowls straight out of a Busby Berkely musical, etc. Your cities and culture have a nationwide reputation of being cesspools, and your Cardinal's program is to "acculture" to it. You let groups like Call to Action and the like to call your shots, and you promote pro-abort Hispanic Catholics to represent our new citizens from south of the border. And you have the gall to talk about a "new breed of ambulance chasers." Well well, what a fine upstanding bunch of refined sensibilities you are. Purge your temple and maybe the rest of the country will take you seriously. Until then, grow up and fess up. Quit blaming Rome, the American bishop's conference, Vatican 2, or whatever. Quit contiributing any $$$ to the big show and it will stop fast -- in other words stop blogging and do something.
Sincerely, Jack "The Ace" Wildenmut
Dear Jack "The Ace" Wild-nut-mut:
I'm glad you got all that off your chest.
I have no problem whatsoever with this. The bishops brought this upon themselves.
Thank you, lawyers, for exposing this disgusting mess! The same abuse scandal has happened in many other countries (I know what I'm talking about), but American Lawyers succeeded where other failed.


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https://nesn.com/2018/01/vikings-fans-p ... l-weekend/Minnesota Vikings fans won't let their Philadelphia Eagles counterparts pass through town unscathed.
Eagles fans are expected to descend on Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minn., next weekend ahead of Super Bowl LII, which will take place Feb. 4 at U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis between the Eagles and New England Patriots.
Some Vikings supporters are organizing a mass revenge mission against Eagles fans for Super Bowl weekend, with the plots representing payback for the rude welcome they received last Sunday in the City of Brotherly Love before, during and after the NFC Championship Game.
One plan involves Vikings fans signing up as Uber drivers and dropping off Eagles fans at the wrong locations.
Don't wear your "colors" Philly fans.


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Bipartisan warmongering
By Hamish Chitts
While the ALP and the Liberal-National Coalition put on grand theatrics on how different they are from each other (usually with no actual basis) when it comes to foreign policy neither party seems willing to display any difference. When Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott had their televised debate on July 25 both leaders proclaimed their support for the war on Afghanistan and both dodged any questions about setting a withdrawal date for Australian troops.
Some mainstream media commentators, like the Australian's Paul Kelly, have said that this identical policy is a result of both major parties relying on similar market research on what voters want. But this cannot be the case with the war in Afghanistan. The latest opinion polls indicate 61% of voters want Australian troops out of Afghanistan. The "popular" thing to do would be to announce a withdrawal yet this is not happening. Neither the ALP nor the Coalition will do anything that may upset one of the cornerstones of Australian capitalist foreign policy — the US-Australian military alliance. Due to Australia's relatively small military and geographic isolation from other First World countries, the Australian capitalist class has identified its interests with its US counterpart. This is why successive Australian governments, on behalf of the capitalist class, have used their resources, including the working class, for almost every US global misadventure in the last half century.
The unanimous ruling class support for the occupation of Afghanistan seems to have waned and at least some capitalists in Australia no longer see their best interests served by it. This is reflected in the recent rise in corporate media questioning of the involvement of Australian troops in Afghanistan. It is worth noting that such ruling-class dissidents don't call for immediate withdrawal but merely that some arbitrary date is set. Some capitalists know when to cut their losses and they know they have been beaten by the resistance of Afghanistan's people. Even as the resistance goes from strength to strength and the troop casualties mount, for the sake of the US alliance both major parties will ignore this and will continue this war for as long as they can.
While the Labor government has withdrawn most of its troops from Iraq, both major parties still support the US-led occupation of Iraq. This is reflected in bipartisan support for Australian aid to Washington's puppet Iraqi regime. As AusAID's website states, "Australia has continued to support international efforts to assist Iraq's complex transition to a democratic society with an open market-based economy". One of the main concerns of this government agency is Iraq's openness to Australian capital. The Iraqi insurgence still continues and the US government has committed to keep 50,000 US troops in Iraq even after the phoney August withdrawal date.
Both Labor and the Coalition are firm supporters of the Israeli state. Israel is not just a rogue nuclear state it is an apartheid state. There are two sets of laws, two sets of rights, discriminating against the indigenous Palestinian population throughout Israel and in the Occupied Palestinian Territories. Israel currently occupies the territories of Palestine, Lebanon and Syria, and has committed nearly every human rights violation imaginable. Of over 700 UN General Assembly resolutions passed since 1945, nearly 450 condemn Israeli actions. When Israel dropped white phosphorus (which burns to the skin) on Gaza, one of the most densely populated places in the world, in late 2008 and early 2009, then acting Prime Minister Gillard defended Israel's actions. According to Abbott, recently "Australians should appreciate that a diminished Israel diminishes the West; it diminishes us". When Abbott says "us" and "the West'' he means the interests of the First World's capitalist rulers. Israel is the big stick that is used to threaten Arab countries to comply with the interests of First World capitalism.
Socialist solutions
The "war without end" that is a feature of this century is nothing more than the US and allied governments attempting to maintain their dominance of the decaying global system of capitalism at the expense of the working people at home and abroad. Capitalism is unsustainable socially, economically and environmentally and requires more and more state resources to keep it limping along. The parliamentary system in Australia and the major parties that dominate it are firmly committed to capitalism — the system they derive their privilege from. Bipartisan warmongering will continue as long as this system of privilege exists. Only through the revolutionary overthrow of capitalism and the building of socialism can we rid ourselves of this "war without end".


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Ten mixed national teams will compete in the event which is the third and final opportunity for the worlds top wheelchair curling teams to gather points for their nations to qualify for the 2014 Paralympic Winter Games in Sochi, Russia.
This will be the first curling event to be held in the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games Curling Venue, with the Wheelchair World Curling Championship being used as a test event for next years Paralympic Winter Games. Many athletes who competed at the 2012 World Championship in Chuncheon, Korea, are returning to participate in Sochi.
They include reigning World Champions, Russia, who will be looking to defend their title on home soil with Skip Andrey Smirnov leading the same team that won gold last year.
Last years runners up, Korea, will be looking to go one better as Hak-Sung Kim skips the same line up that picked up silver medals in Chuncheon. Kim has taken silver twice at the World Championships and also at the 2010 Paralympic Winter Games in Vancouver. .
Haitao Wangs team from China will also return to the World Championship after finishing with the bronze medal last year.
Making their World Wheelchair Curling Championship debut last year, Slovakia finished in fourth place. Skip, Radoslav Duris, returns with the same team that performed so well in Korea.
Canada meanwhile welcome back Paralympic gold medallist and two time World Champion, skip Jim Armstrong. After their seventh place finish last year, Canada will be aiming to get back amongst the medals after winning the event two years ago in Prague, Czech Republic.
Scotlands Aileen Neilson, the only female skip in the field, will be hoping to improve on an eighth place finish in 2012. Norway took the long road to this years World Championship. After finishing ninth last year they dropped down to the World Wheelchair Curling Qualification event. However Rune Lorentsen and his team won the qualification event in November and will be looking to return to the form that saw them win the World Championship in 2007 and 2008.
Finland, skipped by Vesa Hellman, finished runners-up in the Qualification event, behind Norway, and qualified for their first ever World Wheelchair Curling Championship. The Finns will be looking to finish as high up as possible in the standings in order to have a chance of qualifying for the 2014 Paralympic Winter Games.
Team USA will again be represented by skip Patrick McDonald and the same team who earned a fifth place finish in the 2012 event.
Two-time Paralympic Games bronze medallist Jalle Jungell returns to skip Sweden and will be looking to win his second medal at the World Wheelchair Curling Championship having picked up the silver medal in 2009.
The ten teams will compete in a round robin which runs from Saturday 16th to Saturday 23rd February. Semifinals take place on Friday 22nd with the Bronze and Gold medal games scheduled for 09:30 and 15:30 local time (MSK Moscow Standard Time) on Saturday 23rd. Further qualification points for the 2014 Winter Paralympic Games in Sochi, Russia will be awarded at the end of this years world championship. Only ten teams will qualify for the Games.
For more information visit: http://www.worldcurling.org/curling-at-the-paralympics
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