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According to the New York Times, a new sexual revolution was afoot back in 2005. Apparently the year marked the beginning of "a fast-and-loose generation nurtured on the wisdom of 'Sex and the City,' who see boyfriends as passé, dating as dated and the idea of commitment laughable." They were the new breed of women who didn't wait on Friday nights for a man to call, weren't afraid to make the first move and would happily date "two or three guys simultaneously". And we applauded them big time.
But fast-forward to today and it seems the men have gotten a little bored of such open sexuality. Yep, what was once titillating and exciting has become a little drab and even - gasp - unappealing. Because according to Ariel Levy, now that sex and one-night stands are proffered up so willy-nilly by modern women, men have lost the thrill of the hunt. They've clocked up enough one-nighters and they're tired of it. One gent polled by Levy even goes so far as to call women who bed-hop "unappealing and really unsexy. Pathetic, actually."
While his words might seem a little strong, it seems he's not the only one thinking it. The other night I bumped into a single gent at a hip club who cornered me to garner some advice, or rather to natter on about his singlehood adventures in the abundant land of hook-ups and casual liaisons ...
"I've hooked up with someone every night for the last five weeks," he gloated. I looked at him quizzically. "Okay, I meant every weekend," he quickly retorted. "But it's just so easy. Sometimes these women will even pay for the cab back to my place. We do our thing and then they leave without even asking me for my number."
I asked him if it would be different with someone he might think there's actually potential for a future with. He thought for a moment and then answered with a resounding yes. "If I'm really interested in them, I'd want to get to know them better first. It would be different. It would be more of a courting process. Although I do like to get the sex bit out of the way pretty early on."
A plethora of books aimed at women teaching them how to successfully "hook up" with men sans emotional attachment doesn't seem to be doing us much good either. We've seen everything from the "The Hookup Handbook" to "How To Date Like A Man", and are encouraged by girlfriends to clock up sexual encounters rather than to watch for the tick-tock of the biological clock.
But all this has many wondering: are women who are hooking up ruining their chances at a serious relationship?
Perhaps. I noticed this after a girlfriend recounted an experience she had the other night that had her mightily flummoxed. "It was our third date and I suggested we share a cab after our date and hinted that I didn't have anything to do the next day so we could sleep late," she told me. But she said that no matter how much she pushed, she didn't get the amorous response she was hoping for. Instead, he responded with something she didn't think she'd ever hear from the mouth of a red-blooded bloke. "I really like you so I don't see why we have to rush things," he had told her earnestly. Suffice to say he didn't call her after that.
It seems double dating standards are flying around faster than a singleton on a speed date. One minute women are complaining men are only after one thing, and the next they're surprised when he doesn't want to do the hanky panky on the first date. So what's going on?
Perhaps Levy has a point. Perhaps men these days are not like they used to be. Perhaps with women being so aggressively open about everything from their bedroom prowess to their favourite sexual positions (all on the first date), men really have lost the power of the hunt and hence are retaliating by keeping their legs shut, or losing respect for a woman who doesn't do the same.
So what's a gal to do? Quit the casual stuff? Hold out a little longer if she's really that into him? Or maybe do what the blokes do start attempting to hold out a little longer ... at least until the fourth date ...
Q: What do you think? Are you looking for a hook-up or a relationship? Are men tired of women wanting to hook up?
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Do men want real women?
"Sex appeal is fifty per cent what you've got and fifty per cent what people think you've got," mused Sophia Loren. While she was alluding to confidence being one half of what true sex appeal is all about, it seems these days some women just aren't buying it. The confidence part, that is. Because when it comes to spending big in hope of becoming more aesthetically pleasing to the opposite sex, sadly it seems more and more women aren't afraid to pay top dollar to alter their looks.
According to the ABC news, Australians actually spend more on plastic surgery per capita than Americans with our annual plastic surgery bill amounting to a whopping $300 million.
It's all a little sad really, when you think about it. A bunch of lollypop-figured clones waltzing about, sans lines on their face, wrinkles in their brow or feeling in their lips.
"Plumping parties" have become the trend du jour (where botox and fillers are injected at a hens night or bridal shower) and plastic surgeons are now encouraging patients as young as under twenty-five to get "preventative" Botox - said to prevent future wrinkles. (Oh, the horror!)
While it might seem that the current spate of cosmetic and plastic surgery procedures is a result of the current celebrity-driven, middle-youthquake phenomenon, a closer look reveals it isn't the only cause ...
Communication between the sexes has somehow gotten lost along the way because a bevy of women seem to have received a memo that stipulates men are actually into a woman that hardly resembles her true self. Of the women I've polled (who've been under the knife or the jab in the last few months), most seem to be more concerned with how they will appear to the opposite sex and if their new look might help them find a date, rather if they resemble their favourite celebrity.
And it isn't working too well either.
"Beige," is how one gent describes the current influx of lookalike femmes who all have matching surgical procedures, and the scars to boot. "Despite all the work they get done to their cheekbones, their pouty lips and their boobs, they're still the same insecure person inside," he tells me. "They look great so you ask them on a date. Yet after two glasses of wine it all comes blubbering out. Not attractive at all."
British actor Gabriel Old concurs, expounding his opinion of the burgeoning plastic-breast trend in an issue of Glamour magazine where I was surprised to learn that they're not always a turn-on. Especially in the bedroom.
"As I felt the telltale implant bag under her skin, I thought, 'Damn it - fake boobs," he wrote.
But not all gents agree.
Case in point was the revelation announced by a friend I bumped into the other week that I hadn't seen in couple of years. While I instantly surmised she had lost a bit of weight, closer inspection revealed her new ravishing look didn't end there. Her cheeks were noticeably plumper (despite her being a few kilos lighter) her lips had that bee-stung effect with a much bigger "pout" than I remembered before and her eyebrows looked noticeably lifted, like she was permanently surprised, even though she was a little surprised to see me.
"I've got a new man," she gloated, her smile revealing a perfectly whitened set of veneers. "And he loves my new boobs. Don't you think they're fantastic?" Still fixated on her teeth, I had barely even noticed she had indeed grown a few sizable bra sizes.
While I understand many plastic surgery procedures are undertaken for medical purposes or to fix a life-long aesthetic problem area, when it goes so far as to morph a person into an entirely different being, I often wonder: is this really attractive to men?
Of course the faking it doesn't end there. Women nowadays are faking their tans, their eye colour, their hair, their nails and their eyebrows. Oh, and according to a report mentioned in Harper's Magazine, 80 per cent of women actually fake orgasms too.
Is anything real anymore?
What do you think? Do men want real women? Do you mind a little bit of work here and there? And women, would you do it?
Have a fabulous weekend, happy dating and thanks to everyone who supported the No Man Drought project!
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Have we lost the art of manners?
"Real men have manners!" goes the old saying. "Manners maketh the man!" surmises the age-old axiom. But alas, it seems a bunch of modern men aren't taking heed. And the females aren't too impressed either.
Despite the gamut of deal-breakers and turn-offs that are growing in abundance on Planet Dating, it seems when it comes to bad manners, they're still the ultimate turn-off.
I noticed this the other day after a colleague went on a blind date with a gent she'd recently met over the internet. He was cute, charming and everything was going swimmingly, until they sat down for a bite of pizza at a trendy city restaurant. And suddenly everything went pear shaped.
He was shovelling food in his mouth at the rate of a speed train and seemed to put everything in his mouth at once before proceeding to have a conversation with her and covering her in bits of cheese and tomato.
While she was definitely quite into him at the beginning of the evening, by the end of the date she just felt like a cold shower, a clean set of clothes and wondered if she could ever truly date him. And if she did, would she ever have the nerve to tell him his manners stunk?
It's behaviour like this that would get etiquette doyenne June Daly Watkins choking on her English Breakfast Tea. And she's not the only one ...
An email from a disgruntled reader recently bounced into my inbox complaining of the same problem, and by her reckoning, it stems way beyond eating habits and right into the bedroom.
"Australian men, both sportsman and the normal bloke in the street have a reputation for being complete ignoramus and are infamous for their lousy treatment and wooing methods when it comes to the fairer sex," writes blogger G-Girl. "Indeed, quite a few of my Australian female friends often lament that to date a local bloke would be the dating equivalent of a caveman (aka wack a woman on the head, prop on back & head on home) addicted to the sports channel. Indeed, a number of Australian men I have come across have no concept of romanticism, are not that suave, lack gentlemanly manners and basic respect for women."
Her biggest complaint? "Most have no control of their roaming hands on dates!"
But perhaps it's not their fault after all. Because modern manners aren't like they used to be. Some men don't let women walk first out of doors, get into taxis last (so they don't have to slide across and ruin their outfits) and many are actually nervous about being a little too chivalrous in fear that the modern woman won't respect them as much for being a little "too nice" for comfort.
Some men blame feminism for beating chivalry to death. Others say modern females prefer to be the ones in control and feel like they're being spoken down to when a man treats them differently to their mates. But by my reckoning, basic manners are never something that should be overlooked.
Either way I consulted my good old friend male portal Ask Men for some definitive rules for men at the table which I'd never heard before but somehow don't think it would hurt for them to be implemented. They include:
* Don't toss your tie over your shoulder to keep from dribbling on it.
* Do hold the red wine glass by the bowl. It's easier to balance it that way, and the warmth from your hand won't affect the wine. However, always hold your white wine glass by the stem, to prevent your body heat from taking the chill off the wine.
* Nose blowing: A quick wipe in an emergency is okay, but true nose blowing should happen in the rest room.
As for the women, the recent release of the Debrett's Etiquette Guide for Girls isn't too kind on us. Apparently we've become too trashy (especially when we drink too much which is becoming more and more prevalent), grunt too much at the gym (huh?) and wear sunglasses indoors. See-through shirts with bras underneath are also pooh-poohed, along with fake nails, fake tan and fake hair. Now who would have thought that would come under good dating etiquette ...
Q: What do you think? Have Aussie men lost the art of good manners? How far should chivalry go? And what are your etiquette tips for modern women?
PS. Want to break the Man Drought?
I often here from single guys complaining about women complaining there's a "man drought". So why not prove there's no such thing? Nikki Wells (of Millionaire Matchmaker International) and I are searching for everyday blokes to be set up with a bevy of hot single girls. We'll be down in Martin Place on Thursday before work and at 12pm at Hyde Park (girls and guys) so register here your interest with your name, phone number, age and location! More dets will follow and hope to see you there. Sam.x
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Cook, clean and be skinny? One man's idea of the perfect woman
"Male author set to top bestselling list!" bellowed recent headlines of a British newspaper. The gent in question? Single 33-year-old father Dante Moore who says he has discovered the Holy Grail for single women. By his reckoning, he's uncovered the definitive answer as to why single females can't find a good man: we simply don't follow enough male orders.
His instructions are simple (albeit chauvinistic, misogynistic and sexist): "Stay skinny, cook, clean, wear sexy clothes and do whatever a man says." Yep, apparently being a domestic goddess who doesn't eat her own chocolate cake is he only way to catch a man.
And here's where my blood started to boil.
"Here's a little secret, ladies: men never really ask for anything," he writes. "They command ... And believe me, what you won't do, 10 broads around the corner will." Ouch ...
"What a ridiculous bunch of codswallop," scoffed my perpetually single girlfriend as we perused the story over Sunday morning brunch. "Don't men want a free-thinking woman who doesn't succumb to his every whim?"
Apparently not. Or at least not according to Moore. The author of the supposed soon-to-be-bestselling tome titled The Re-education Of The Female says single women have been misguided if they believe they can be free-thinking, junk-food scoffing, tracky dak wearing women. Instead we're to concentrate on a man's three wants: food, relaxation and sex. And it's our job to make sure all three take place.
Career woman versus desperate housewife
I often wonder if I would be happier giving up a career in order to stay at home and look after a man. And, although those thoughts quickly leave my mind before they have any hope of proliferating, I came across some questionable research (most likely conducted by a man), which announced that Moore wasn't exactly too far off the mark and that women at home are exactly what a modern man wants.
The poll, which surveyed more than 1500 people, found most men listed "taking care of the home" as their top quality when finding a woman, followed by cooking, cleaning and great parenting. Being financially stable wasn't as high on the cards, with only 16 per cent citing it so. (But it was no surprise that, for women, it's higher on the priority list with 40 per cent claiming financial stability is top priority.)
But back to Moore and his advice on how women can nab a man.
The skinny
Aside from being a house-trained, sexy domestic goddess who listens to a man's every whim, he says women need to be skinny enough too.
"I like someone of a certain size," he told The Washington Post. "My preference would be ... size 10 or under."
I often get asked by readers what the ideal weight for a woman should be. Some blokes surmise that "too skinny" is out and a few curves go a long way. But Moore has other ideas. "The fatter you get, the more you decrease your potential single-man pool," he says.
Of course his attempts to make money out of women's insecurities is getting him a load of press. But throughout all his wisdom and advice-giving, Moore has not managed to do the one thing he set out to do: find true love. No surprise there ...
Q: What do you think of Moore's rules? Is that what modern men really want? What is the ideal weight men like? (Is there such a thing?!) Women, would you buy this book and listen to this advice? Why do you think so many women are single?
PS. Want to break the Man Drought?
I often here from single guys complaining about women complaining there's a "man drought". So why not prove there's no such thing? Nikki Wells (of Millionaire Matchmaker International) and I are searching for everyday blokes to be set up with a bevy of hot single girls. We'll be down in Martin Place on Thursday before work and at lunchtime so register here your interest with your name, phone number, age and location! More dets will follow and hope to see you there. Sam.x
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (311)
Would you date a married man (or woman)?
He was cute, devastatingly handsome and irresistibly charming. She was lonely, desperate and couldn't seem to find a man no matter how much cleavage she showed off.
He swept her off her feet by saying all the right things. She was instantly smitten. That was until she discovered the real story: he was married. And she had unknowingly become his mistress.
She told herself it was OK. That he was going to leave his wife and family for her. That he really loved her and meant all those wonderful things he said. That when he didn't call - or show up for their dates - it wasn't because he was having sex with his wife, or someone else.
"It would kill my wife if she found out," he vehemently declared when she asked him to come clean. "She doesn't need to know about us right now. What we have is special and sacred. Why ruin a good thing?"
How long could this go on, she wondered. How did it get this far? ...
It's a gut-wrenching tale and one that cuts straight to the jugular, reeking of betrayal, heartbreak and ruthless exploitation of someone who is evidently vulnerable, forlorn and seeking love in all the wrong places.
When a mutual friend asked if she should intervene in the above love-triangle quandary, I couldn't help thinking of a notion that often crosses the minds of friends in such dire situations: women in love are blind. And no matter how noxious things are, they're going to shoot the messenger who tells them they shouldn't be in the union, no matter whether or not they know deep down it's true.
This story also got me wondering why single women do it to themselves in the first place. Are there no other eligible single blokes out there that now they have to go after the married ones? Are they so low on self-esteem that when a bloke (no matter his marital status) tells her she's beautiful, sexy and he wants to have sex with her, she immediately succumbs to his sexual whims? Or is it a case of her not actually really being ready to settle down, so dating a married man is the easy way out from having to truly commit?
Either way, she's not alone.
Talk show queen Barbara Walters found herself in a similar situation during her younger days. In a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey (who too admitted she had once dated a married man), Walters admitted she was infatuated with the gent who was a senator at the time, hence didn't really think of the consequences - nor his wife.
"I was certainly involved," she said. "He was exciting. He was brilliant. It was exciting times in Washington."
Should you tell your friend to quit dating a married man?
The conundrum of whether or not to reprimand a friend and demand they stop being so silly and quit seeing a married bloke is a slippery beast, especially when your friend has fallen hard and believes he really will dump his family and life, all to be with her.
Which never really happens. Or so says Dr Phil (who has the definitive answers to most things relationships-related). By his reckoning you're dreaming if you ever think this will happen and says women who date married men are never going to be happy.
"If you're putting your life on hold for a married man, he's stolen not only your heart -- he's stolen your brain!" he laments.
By his reckoning, if you want to gently suggest to a friend that what she's doing isn't benefiting anyone, least of all herself, then there are a few key points to get across:
Tell her she's attacking his family unit no matter how much he denounces them or declares she's way "more important" to him than his own wife and kids. Tell her that no matter what he says, they can't be soul mates because soul mates don't treat their other half as second (or third or fourth) best. And press the point that even if he does leave his family, there's nothing to say things are ever going to work out. If he did it to his wife, what's to say he's not going to do the same to her?
Why do men have mistresses?
It always baffles me when people admit they stuck in unhappy marriages and yet always knew they were marrying the wrong person for them. Why marry in the first place if you know you're just going to cheat? Why rush into it just to please others all the while making yourself miserable?
I'm still no closer to discovering the answer but was interested to find out from a new book which landed on my desk the other day and titled "The Truth About Cheating" by M. Gary Neuman, that the majority of men who cheat do it because they have emotional dissatisfaction in their relationships.
"Relationships need three aspects in order to work," explains one recently divorced friend about his philandering ways. "A marriage needs a balance of emotional, physical and intellectual. When one thing is out of whack, especially the emotional, it's pretty difficult to work on it."
Neuman concurs, revealing that out of the men he surveyed that have mistresses, a mere 12 per cent claimed their mistress was more beautiful than their wife.
So why do they do it?
"Instead of getting counselling or trying to work at it, it's far more easier to get it somewhere else, especially with all the available means out there on the internet," the recently divorced gent continues. "And the women who are the mistresses actually prefer it. It means no commitment for them either!"
Somehow I'm not so sure it ends up being all that fun for the mistress in question.
That said, if you're one of those women who is falling hard for a married bloke and simply can't bring yourself to leave the toxic union, always remember the cardinal rule: the distance between your home and your lover should be no less than 50 miles apart. Near enough to meet up easily but far enough to ensure you don't meet the wife.
Oh, and always use a condom ...
What do you think? Should you intervene if a friend is dating someone who is married? Why do women do it? And why do men have mistresses?
Have a fabulous weekend and happy dating!
PS: This week is Prostate Cancer Awareness week, which is an important cause with 1 in10 men and accounts for 14% of all cancer. On Friday night "Pull a Beer for Prostate" will be held at the Jacksons on George, George Street Bar from 6.00pm where $1 from every beer sold will go to raising more funds. I'll be there pouring beers so come along and support the great cause!
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (237)
Post break-up friendship: can it ever work?
There's something eerie going on with Pamela Anderson. I'm not talking about the fact that she's 41 and still prances about in a see-through white string bikini. Nor that she hasn't an ounce of cellulite anywhere in sight on her perfectly shaped Pilates bod, despite having popped out two kids. Or even that she married Kid Rock (real name Bob Richie) and got divorced three months later, despite having declared he was her soulmate. Instead, I'm referring to the bizarre and hazardous fact that she's living in her ex-husband Tommy Lee's Malibu abode - with him.
Oh yes, the tumultuous twosome have managed to put their differences aside and co-habit under the same roof, which to me seems kind of odd, considering the public slagfest they've put each other through.
Her explanation for it all? "We're great friends," she told the Associated Press. "We just live together. And we're ex-husband and wife. It's kind of silly. I don't know where that's going go."
Kind of silly indeed. Especially since their situation attempts to demystify that infamous saying by Albert Camus: "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never" ...
Sailing through these obviously psychologically icy waters doesn't look very appealing. Which makes me wonder: how exactly would living with your ex really work? Would there be a strict "no bringing home dates" policy? Could you ever really let go of lusting after them if you're constantly witnessing them in saucy situations such as exiting the shower, whipping up a souffle or trouncing around in the nude on Sundays?
And what if it was a toxic break-up? Does that mean you constantly have to watch your back just in case your ex decides to inflict revenge by cutting holes in your underwear and spamming your Facebook friends?
It's a dicey situation indeed but when there's kids involved, mortgages to pay and financial situations to be taken care of, it's a whole different ex-lovers' ballgame.
One Ask Sam reader says it's not actually too bad and recently succumbed to living with her ex in order to keep her expenses down. After a mutual break-up, citing "lack of chemistry and a dwindling sex life" as the reason behind their split, her woeful financial situation meant it was easier for her to just stay put. "It's just like living with your best friend, who you've also had sex with but know will never do so again the future," she explains. When I ask her if her ex-man brings home other women and whether or not it gets awkward, she tells me that they do share one rule.
"No dates back to our place unless they've been dating for more than three months," she quips. "Otherwise it just gets too complicated when there's casual sex all over the place and we're never to see that person again."
Which brings us to another question: do exes really make great mates? Or do they complicate things further? Especially for any chance of a future relationship with someone else?
According to a recent survey carried out by dating website Red Hot Pie, exes do in fact make great mates, as long as you keep them at a good distance from your bedroom.
The poll discovered a whopping 60 per cent of people say their ex makes a great mate, however a quarter of respondents had a little more common sense. Instead of keeping their exes close, they surmised that cutting all ties with a jettisoned partner was the way to go. That means no calls or Christmas cards. Then there were the 17 per cent who instead of ditching the ex altogether, would prefer to morph them into a casual hook-up. Following in Tommy and Pamela's footsteps perhaps ...
Q: Can post break-up friendships ever really work? Would you ever live with them? Ever downgraded an ex to a "friend with benefits"?
PS: This week is Prostate Cancer Awareness week, which is an important cause with 1 in10 men and accounts for 14% of all cancer. On Friday night "Pull a Beer for Prostate" will be held at the Jacksons on George, George Street Bar from 6.00pm where $1 from every beer sold will go to raising more funds. I'll be there pouring beers so come along and support the great cause!
- Samantha Brett
- More Ask Sam blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (183)
Man-maintenance: how much is neccessary?
Hot wax. The very word is enough to make one's toes curl and send a shiver right through to your nether regions. Yet while most gents are more than happy for women to endure the stuff so their date's hairy legs don't scratch up against them in the bedroom (and she gets rid of her hairy upper lip for at least three weeks), it's turning the searing hot stuff onto their own bodies that gets them in a tizzy.
And apparently the trend is spreading faster than hot wax during fashion week, or so says my newly divorced male colleague who is mightily flummoxed to discover that this is the first time he is ever hearing of the procedure.
Having just started dating again for the first time in 20 years, he was entirely horrified, shocked and intrigued that the first woman he was with demanded he do a little "below-the-line asset management", as he so termed it.
"I had heard about it a few years ago but used to think it was the reserve of gay men, cyclists and swimmers," he said. "But now, after doing an extensive survey around the office, I'm beginning to think that normal guys do it too."
"When did women send out the note that it was hair down there was no longer cool?" he continued. "And how come I missed it?" ...
I wasn't sure. I also wasn't sure if it was a good idea for a hairy gent like him to allow a stranger to apply hot wax to his nether regions in order to impress a fleeting date either. But once a fellow colleague (and keen waxer himself) had expounded the benefits to him, he wasn't taking going to let anyone talk him out of it.
"I've been told that a tree looks larger on a desert than surrounded by a bush," he proclaimed. "But I think I'm going to need a couple of vodka shots beforehand."
Indeed. Yet another gent overhearing our conversation wasn't so sure it's such a good idea.
"Forget what the women say. Real men eschew waxing their nads, especially if it's just because of the request from a girlfriend," he lamented.
"And real men eschew using the word eschew," retorted my colleague, before bouncing off to book his appointment.
It seems he's not the only one braving the beautician's table. Lately a slew of Nethandernal blokes have come out of the blokey closet to reveal that they revere more in their beauty treatments than they first cared to let on.
P.Diddy, the machismo rapper, clothing designer and infamous womaniser, (while in LA recently, I spotted him out on two consecutive nights with two different women), confessed that not only does he have regular manicures and pedicures, but he waxes as well. "Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed," he recently told reporters on the red carpet. "I wax my privates.''
Jay-Z, the rapper, music producer and husband of pop singer Beyonce, expressed similar sentiment when talking of his beauty treatments. "Bald is beautiful," he quipped. Really? I wasn't so sure.
While I've heard similar sentiments expressed about women, when it comes to man-maintenance, is no hair really that much better? Does waxing it all off down there truly make things more appealing and pleasurable in the bedroom?
Either way, I'm not exactly sure when rough, real and ready blokes (who don't even know what the word facial means) went off the menu, but it seems they're almost a dying breed.
Take Russell Brand, the eponymous British comedian and supposed poster-boy for the modern Retrosexual man. Winner of The Sun's Bizarre Shagger Award and infamous for doing it with everyone from Kate Moss to several UK Big Brother evictees, he is often quoted as calling himself a "roaring heterosexual". Yet it's the eyeliner, beehive hair (teased using his very own hands) and incessant preening about while flashing more cleavage than Pamela Anderson that has me confused.
Is this what modern women are supposed to be attracted to? A man who spends longer in the bathroom than we do?
And he's not the only one either. There new trend of "guyliner" or "manscara" is apparently taking the European man-makeup scene by storm while Down Under we're not too far off with Aussie men spending a staggering total of $44.2 million on male cosmetics last year, with that figure not including what they invested at a beautician ridding themselves of unwanted body hair.
Which brings me back to the manzilian which if we're being perfectly honest here, I'm not too sure I entirely encourage.
The fact of the matter is men are supposed to be hairy creatures. They are supposed to be rugged caveman that shun all things with the words "beauty" and "treatments" in the same sentence. In fact, according to The Retrosexual Handbook: How To Be a Real Man (a book I bought in London recently along with Russell Brand's autobiography), the only manicure men should ever get is when they get a little too close to the belt sander.
Oh, and the book's number one rule? A real man doesn't pluck or shave any part of his body below the neck.
Of course as I've said before on this blog, I don't really give a toss what my man does when it comes to below-the-line asset management. Because as long as a man treats a woman with respect, has respect for himself (regardless of his odour, girth of his eyebrows or length of his toenails), and occasionally likes to shop (even if only once a year), the rest is unimportant ....
What is your current below-the-line asset hair status? Would you try the Brazilian/Manzilian? Do you think it's attractive? Mandatory? What type of maintenance is necessary to attract the opposite sex?
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (130)
What makes a person interesting?
Are you having trouble talking to the opposite sex? How about conversing with someone without them desperate to walk away after three minutes? Are you worried about coming across monotonous, dull and b-o-r-i-n-g?
If you've found yourself wanting to give up on the dating scene forever to resign yourself to a life of singlehood and solitude because you have no idea how to start an interesting conversation (and keep them interested for more than a few mere seconds) then you're not alone.
After hearing similar complaints from forlorn single folk (and even those ensconced in relationships), I was delighted the other day while perusing the bookstore to come across a book by a gent I truly admire, Edward de Bono.
The title of the book was simply this: How To Be More Interesting. After devouring the book in one sitting, I was intrigued to discover that there's good news for uninteresting folks yet: you don't need to have a face like Matthew McConaughey, the body of Hugh Jackman or the breasts of Jenna Jameson to be interesting. Nor do you have to have walked on the moon, crossed the Sahara desert, be a stunt-double for Angelina Jolie or a spy in Moscow to grab the attention of the opposite sex. (Of course anything helps!) ...
The key message that de Bono hopes to put across is that for all us ordinary folks with ordinary jobs living in ordinary suburbs, we can still be interesting. Yep, we don't need to have an IQ of 120, be super good-looking or even be a good conversationalist with a bunch of cheesy jokes up our sleeves to garner attention. Instead we simply need to have an interesting in mind.
"It is how you express what happens in your mind that makes you interesting," writes De Bono. And, "it is what you cause to happen in the mind of a listener that makes you interesting" too.
While his theories, tests and exercises outlined in his book are all a little bit too interesting for me (he talks of how to expand your mind with "creative, divergent ways; to draw associations that most people don't think about, and to dazzle your associates with your mental flexibility"), I decided to enlist the help of Sean Grobbelaar, a dating coach who spends his days and nights advising the men and women of Australia on exactly how to be more interesting.
His top tip? "Be a good listener!" he advises. "Oh, and always smile a lot."
By his reckoning, it's a little harder for men to impress the women, considering those of the fairer sex are a little more discerning when it comes to sizing up a man.
"Often when you meet a girl she'll place challenges on you, such as 'would you like to buy me a drink?' and most guys will just do that, rather than challenging her point of view," explains Sean. "If you just buy her a drink, or respond to her question, that is not interesting. Being interesting is being open about your perspective and having your own opinion. If she asks you to buy a drink, say, 'why don't you give me a French kiss and I'll think about it?' Be witty and challenging and you'll definitely leave a better impression."
And if a man wants to pick up?
"There is no one single pick-up line that works," laughs Sean. "It is about being in the moment. When you are having a good time, you attract people who are having a good time into your space so you don't actually have to ask someone out - they'll come to you. If you are having a good time and laughing with friends, mucking around and there's a lot of fun going on, women will be attracted to that because they also want to have a good time."
While many men that the key to being more interesting when picking up women is by blithely following the theories stipulated in the tome The Game, where author Neil Strauss advises AFCs (average frustrated chumps) to give women "negs" (subtle put-downs to make her want to win you over) to get her attention, conversely there's another school of thought that will get you much further much faster.
I'm talking about the theories of that much revered man Dale Carnegie, author of How To Win Friends and Influence People which after being published in 1937, has remained on bestseller lists around the world for 70 years, so it must advise something right.
Carnegie's key piece of advice?
"Become genuinely interested in other people." Among his top six tips for getting people to like you is repeating a person's name to them in conversations as a person's own name is "the sweetest and most important sound in any language". He also says to encourage the person you're chatting to, to talk about themselves, talk to them in terms of their interests and make them feel important while doing it all sincerely.
Grobbelaar concedes. "The biggest mistake on first dates is that people talk about themselves too much and about boring stuff which is just run of the mill,'' he says.
"It's simply a matter of asking questions, listening to your date and smiling a lot. Find something that the person is passionate about and talk about that. They'll think you're the most interesting person they've ever spoken to!"
Of course there are other ways to be interesting too, especially in terms of what you wear. Pick-up artists have infamously dubbed this method of getting girls to take notice as "peacocking", but it doesn't necessarily have to be as outlandish as painting your nails black, dying your hair green or wearing a top hat to a club. Just something as simple as a little bit of colour will do.
"Men need to wear something that will stand out, make you an individual and a presence that will make people look and think 'oh, this guy has character'," Grobbelaar says.
And as for the women? According to Grobbelaar, if we want to catch his attention, we should stay away from our foolproof outfit: black. "Your two most attractive regions are your boobs and your bum! That's what makes a woman sexy - her curves. If you wear black to hide your curves and everything else, you're not going to get noticed or appear more interesting than other women. Take the plunge!"
Other suggestions for women include never sitting in the corner with a bunch of girlfriends talking amongst yourself; go where the men are - even if that's in the middle of the pub or the dance floor; relax, eat some food, drink some beer and just chill.
Sounds interesting to me ...
Q: What do you think makes people interesting? What they wear, say, how they act? Do you agree with our experts? What makes them not interesting? What do you think the best way is to make a date/conversation/relationship interesting?
Have a fabulous weekend and happy dating!
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (115)
How to tell a man by his shoes
We all know first impressions count. Especially when it comes to sizing up a new date. And after yet another email from an anxious male reader begging me to enlighten him as to what the heck women look for in a guy (and why he is so often overlooked), I felt we needed to get back to basics.
While Channel Ten's latest reality show "Taken Out" attempts to answer that very question, and endeavours to whip up some excitement and scandal over the way female contestants superficially judge the male species (with little regard for the fact that we've been fighting against the way men do it to us for decades), it seems that aside from judging a gent by his looks, voice and walk, it's his shoes that many women look at the most.
While I'm personally not one to follow this method for choosing a date, (I'm more inclined to judge a man by the way he converses with me via email), it appears from the gaggle of women I've recently polled that most are quick to quip that a bloke's footwear is a definite telltale sign of his personality, compatibility and dateability.
While it all sounds a little absurd, (whatever happened to getting to know someone before judging what they'd be like in the bedroom?), apparently there's method to this madness.
This according to Donna Sozio, author, dating expert and self-dubbed Shoe-ologist, who says a man's footwear can speak volumes about his true love potential even before he opens his mouth. Her top tip? "Never trust a man in alligator loafers" ...
With a mix of horror, intrigue and a desperate bid to aid our forlorn reader on how to channel his inner Casanova, I decided to enlist Donna's expertise to enlighten gents on how exactly to put his best foot forward. After all, even the new queen of talk, Tyra Banks, has been taking Donna's dating advice.
By Donna's reckoning, not only can we tell if he'll match up to our intellectual expectations, but we'll even be able to tell how he'll perform in the bedroom ...
Me: So Donna, do women really look at a man's shoes to size him up?
Donna: Absolutely! And I've heard that many employers do the same too. Yet the majority of men don't understand the power of shoes because they haven't tapped into it. They resist it with by saying, "I just want to be comfortable." But they need to know that shoes are his ticket to ride and get him where he wants to go.
Me: Are there any shoes we should be fully aware of? What exactly do Alligator Loafers say about a bloke that makes you so weary of those that wear them?
Donna: What would you naturally do if you saw an alligator walking towards you? Personally, I would escape. I always ask myself the question, "Why is he attracted to the shoes that he's wearing? What do his shoes say about him?" When I think of the qualities of an alligator - solitary, opportunistic and territorial - I ask myself, "Do I really want those qualities in a man?"
Me: How can you spot a Player through his shoes?
Donna: Men who wear elongated flip-tip exotic skin loafers in bright colours are usually players. They say three things: "sex, sex and more sex."
Me: How can you spot a man that is a Keeper (and will go the long haul with you) through his shoes?
Donna: The way you can tell is using a method I call the Sole-ology Trickle Down Theory. This is looking at how he treats his shoes, which also indicates how he will treat you. Just like relationships, shoes need maintenance. A man who understands and appreciates that and has a good attitude about taking care of his shoes is a keeper and someone who will go the long haul. How well a man takes care of his shoes clues you in on how well he takes care of all things in his life. Including, you.
Me: You say you can tell how good a man is going to be in bed from the way he puts on his shoes. How so?
Donna: Being a good lover is a mixture of timing, technique and performance. Dressing yourself (just like undressing yourself) can be a sensual act in itself. Again, how a man does one thing is generally how he does all things. A man who gives himself the time and attention to leisurely slip on his shoes (rather than cram his foot in and then run out the door) will most likely be a skilled lover.
Me: You say his socks are an indicator of his "libido and prowess". How so?
Donna: Men's socks are the equivalent of women's lingerie. What do they look like? Feel like? Are they sheer and ribbed? Or slightly yellow ordinary tube socks? Men who achieve what I call "sock-to-shoe harmony" pay great attention to detail. Which makes for a good lover. For the same reasons why women wear lingerie even when we know no one will see, even "unseen" details make a difference and count. The socks men wear are also an indicator of libido. For example, European men do socks well. They also have a worldwide reputation for being good lovers.
Me: Finally, can a man tell a woman by her shoes? And if so, is there anything that women should be aware of?
Donna: Yes, this certainly works both ways. Men can tell just as much about a woman by her shoes. Only men aren't usually looking. One thing to look out for is this: While it's true at women wear high heels and tolerate some level of foot pain to feel sexy, women who consistently wear ridiculously painful high-heeled shoes will most likely be needy because she puts a man's attention above herself.
Ouch. Hear that ladies? Maybe it's time to don some ballet flats after all ...
QUESTION: Men: what shoes do you wear? Women: do you really think you can tell a man by his shoes? What type of shoes attract you? What shoes turn you off?
PS. Check out Donna's advice to Tyra Banks! Take particular notice of Tyra's interest in men who wear white sneakers.
PPS. The editors are cracking down on any swearing or putting down of others bloggers on this blog. So please play fair - you know what to do...
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (269)
Welcome to Guyland and Brocabulary
Pic: Daniel Maurer, author of Brocabulary
Remember the time when men who played Xbox or who drank their body weight in vodka shots and spent the rest of their night with their heads in the toilet were labelled immature? Well, not anymore.
Just when we thought we'd had enough new trendy buzzwords (discomgoogolation, cougar and recessionista to name a few) in comes another, albeit more frightening addition to our dating lexicon - Guyland.
When I first heard the term, I thought it denoted a faraway place where there was an excessive amount of eligible blokey bachelors for the hordes of single women out there complaining of the man drought. But I quickly discovered I was mistaken.
The term, coined by US sociologist and gender studies expert Michael Kimmel, denotes the fact that modern men are refusing to grow up and are instead stuck in "Guyland" where the booze is as free-flowing as the sex proffered up by women who know their only shot is to offer it sans commitment. Hence experts say it's become impossible for these gents to actually conduct healthy, committed relationships. Why should they buy the milk when they can get the cow for free? ...
"In another era, these guys ... would be engaged to be married, thinking about settling down with a family, preparing for futures as civic leaders and Little League dads," Kimmel says. Not today. Instead, he reckons modern blokes are drifting aimlessly from job to job and spend more time online playing video games, watching sports, gambling and hooking up with their female friend that comes with benefits, rather than feeling the need to conduct a proper adult relationship. "They go out with their buddies, drink too much, and save too little." (Nothing wrong with that, many men may think!)
The motto of Guyland's inhabitants? Bros before hos. Hmmm.
Kimmel juxtaposes the lives of these men with what he terms are the traditional markers of manhood: "Leaving home, getting an education, finding a partner, starting work and becoming a father".
Interestingly, NBC news reported that in 1960 "almost 70 per cent of men had reached these milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same".
So what's holding them back? Is it a bad attitude towards marriage? Or maybe the rising costs of living, housing and princesses available for commitment?
Kimmel says the answer is simple: a fear of marriage. "So many men see marriage as the 'end of freedom,' the end of boyhood," Kimmel told NBC's Today Show. "That's why bachelor parties are supposed to revel in that boyish irresponsibility 'one last time'. So many guys figure, 'Why rush into something that means basically that you'll be a prisoner forever?'"
Daniel Maurer concurs. The writer, author and Guyland member (who reckons he coined the term 'douche'), says that if one of his mates decides to tie the knot, he'll have to call for the "brobituary" - a wedding toast that eulogises the groom since ''your bro's life is over as he knows it.''
Never heard of the term brobituary? Neither had I. That was until I got a preview of Maurer's new tome titled, Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk (Harper Collins).
Brocabulary, as he defines it, is the "revolutionary new lexicon for bonding with your bros" and teaches blokes terms like mancation (a male-bonding getaway), stripping point (the precise number of Jagermeister shots that make a woman want to get naked with you) and how to cupgrade (upgrade your girlfriend to one that has bigger breasts).
After reading the guide and discovering how to bronunciate, breastimate and the top ten rules of the brode (bro code), I think I'm a little broverdosed. But for the rest of you, here are a bunch of other popular brophymisms, guaranteed to bring the bro out in you ...
* Mandals -- Leather or dress sandals, particularly of the strappy, overly creative nature, worn by fashionably misled men
* Murse -- A male handbag
* Mancation -- A male-bonding getaway
* Bro-ing -- Male bonding without the getaway part
* Broner -- Over-excitement for any bro-ing out activity
* Frat-screen TV -- A flatscreen that's vajayjay-gantic enough for you and a couple dozen dudes to gather round
Q: Are you living in Guyland? Is the rampant hook-up culture really encouraged by women who are to blame for men not wanting (or needing) to settling down? And what are your favourite Brocabulary terms?
PS. Check out this hilarious vid which explains more Brocabulary terminology.
PPS. The editors are cracking down on any swearing or putting down of others bloggers on this blog. So please play fair - you know what to do...
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (199)
No man land: how to avoid relationship re-runs
It's a lonely world out there - and it seems it just got a whole lot lonelier. Man-drought figures are up, marriage rates are down, internet dating is more popular than ever before, while surprisingly less of us are getting laid on a regular basis. (Contrary to popular belief, it's actually the married folk who are shagging up to 300 per cent more than their un-hitched counterparts. Gents, maybe it's time to ditch being the commitment-phobia, don't you think?)
So I wasn't surprised the other day when my beautician friend complained that she was struggling with her perpetual quest to a decent man.
"Can you put me in touch with Millionaire Matchmaker Australia?" she begged me after watching the US version of the television show. Since our exchange took place while we were sitting drinking wines at a trendy watering hole, I was able to witness the fact that she wasn't too short of male attention. Her Blackberry snorted an email from a hot and flirty co-worker; a bloke at the bar was giving her the eye, and her mobile beeped with a date proposition for later that night. So I couldn't help wonder; what was wrong with all these men? Surely there had to be someone in her circle that would be a suitable mate?
"Oh, everything is wrong with them!" she cried. She went on to explain that while she had a multitude of male friends and shag buddies on speed dial, none of the ones she had ever fallen hard for have turned out to be decent relationship material ...
"Either they're bad boys, have no ambition, carry way too much baggage or are seeing some floozy on the side that they wont tell me about until I catch them together months into our relationship. It's like one minute I'm living out a scene from Groundhog Day, and the next it turns out I'm one of those women that get duped by the Wedding Crashers."
Thinking back to her last few blokes, it did seem like she'd recently attracted a string of the oddest types of gents. One had an addiction to high-class call girls. The next had an unhealthy obsession with her feet. And her latest squeeze seemed to be suffering from the David Duchovny syndrome. (The X-Files star has recently entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction.)
In hope of offering my friend some much-needed assistance and solace, I did what she asked and called up my good friend Nikki Wells, founder of Millionaire Matchmaker Australia.
When I explain to her my friend's conundrum, the first thing she says is that there's no such thing as attracting the wrong man, but rather it's the paradoxical result of choosing the wrong man.
"People say they keep attracting the wrong person but it's not about attracting at all," she tells me. "It's really about choosing. No one is forcing them to go out on dates over and over again with these sorts of people."
So what makes them do it? What makes us choose to go out with the same round of cads (or princesses or high maintenance women or alcoholics or sex addicts) over and over again?
"Their emotional intelligence and self-awareness aren't that high," says Wells. "So to overcome it, I get people to take a good look a themselves, their career and their goals. From there we bring about self-awareness and they are able to ascertain realistically what their partner criteria should be. This should stop them choosing the wrong type - if they are realistic about what they need, not what they want."
The biggest problem among singles today, according to Wells, is that they look at themselves with rose-coloured glasses. "A classic example is the 39-year-old woman who will come to me and ask me to set her up with 25-year-old men when she is looking for a relationship. These men aren't looking for a relationship at all!"
We've all been at the wrath of finding ourselves dating the same sort of person over and over again whether it be the alcoholic, the cheating femme, the money-grabber or the liar. In fact, dating deja vu is so common, author Cindy Chupack (of Sex and
the City writing fame and author of The Between Boyfriend's Book) dubs the recurring rendezvous a "relationship rerun" after having herself experienced an abundance of dates with the same type of man. The man she continually finds herself ensconced with? He's in his 30s, lives at home with his mum and shuns any form of responsibility. "Same troubles, different zip code."
Relationship experts, psychologists and followers of The Secret would attest that it's our faults for attracting the same troubles. Because if we focus on "not dating a liar, not dating a liar, not dating a liar," we're bound to run into one. (Just as The Secret tells us if we focus on winning the lottery and tell ourselves we will over and over again, we might just get lucky.)
Whether you think this sort of theory is all a bunch of codswallop or not, I needed some practical tips for my beautician friend, and the people out there who date the wrong type of person over and over again. Well's top tip?
"Stop dating!" she quips. Her advice is to take yourself out of the meat market and stop accepting dates from people just for the sake of it.
"Often these are going to be the same sorts of people you meet on your dating deja vu adventures. Until you get rid of that past connection to that type of person, you're going to keep choosing to date them."
Next she advises taking a good look at ourselves. "Analyse your life, your goals, your ambitions, your plans and your past relationships. Look at what went wrong."
Next, be realistic about what we want in a partner. "Set down realistic criteria and be honest. Don't think that just because you're a "young-looking 40-year-old" that you're going to nab a 22-year-old. It just ain't going to work."
And finally, she says get back out there with new goals in mind and a new outlook on who you're going to allow into your dating world.
While writing this blog, I received a post from a blogger named Chance, who says that she recently came out of a relationship which was exactly what we are discussing here: a total waste of time with the wrong person.
"I wasted two and a half years on the wrong guy," she writes. Her advice to other women in similar predicaments? "Don't try and change yourself. Wait until you meet someone who loves you for the way you are." Amen to that ...
(PS. I am not sure exactly what the pic of George Clooney has to do with today's topic, but I thought some eye-candy on a Friday couldn't hurt. Enjoy.)
Q: What do you think? Do some people attract bad relationships? Or do we choose them? Have you ever found yourself in a bad relationship? Have you repeated the mistake? Do people often have repeat relationship patterns? How do you get out of it?
Have a fabulous weekend and happy dating! (And don't forget to email me your questions, stories, tidbits and adventures. Of course we can't answer them all but we do read them.)
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (238)
Deal breakers: tattoos, feminists and pretty boys?
I have a confession to make. Ever since Scarlett Johansson waltzed down the London red carpet for the premiere of her flick The Other Boleyn Girl, I've been having fantasies. Fantasies about getting a tattoo. Because let's face it: if Scarlett, the doyenne of effortless chic and bereft of all things naff is sporting some serious ink (even though it looks more like a rainbow cartoon drawn by a seven-year-old than an uber-sexy fashion accessory) it must be the new trend de jour.
While tattoos were once thought to be the domain of sailors, pirates, prisoners and freaks, thanks to the latest markings sported by a horde of Hollywood "It" girls, they've quickly morphed from trashy to trendy. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. At least two of my friends are currently having tattoo fantasies of their own, yet one is
facing a small ink-related conundrum.
"My boyfriend says he'll dump me if I ever get a tattoo," my friend Elle tells me in a petulant voice. "Should I do it anyway?" ...
She gets a tattoo
If Elle were to follow in Paris Hilton's footsteps, (not that anyone should, but we'll use her situation for argument sake), the answer would be a resounding no. The heiress has reportedly refused to be inked since her boyfriend Benji Madden (who by the way sports a fully tattooed body including one of Virgin Mary) said he doesn't like tattoos on women. "He is going to get one of me but he won't let me get one," purred Paris. "He doesn't like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure." (Could have fooled us.)
The trouble is that like with most crazes they get old, and fast. Hence when my friend Elle announced she was going ahead with a small tattoo of a rose on her hip, I advised her to get one done in henna first.
"Why not test it out for a couple of days?" I carefully suggested. So she did. Half an hour after getting it done, she was ready to scrub it off. "It's ruining all my outfits," she wailed, and then removed it. Luckily she could ...
She's a feminist
One frustrated reader who we'll call S, reckons because she's a feminist, she's simply not datable.
"All my life I've been proud to call myself a feminist, even though it has sometimes caused me a few problems," she writes. "I've always insisted that my boyfriends and lovers respect my feminist values, otherwise I was happy to give them their marching orders. But now I'm getting older and I find myself still single. My last boyfriend actually dumped me because he said that dating and feminism just don't mix! Was he right? Is it time for me to forget my politics and focus on romance? Or can I have both? The clock is ticking - please help!"
He isn't a bad boy
There's the common belief among nice men, (the ones that will carry your handbag and call you back when they say they will), that the reason they can't get laid is because they're simply too nice. One even reckons this is one common thread breaking up his recent relationships. The excuse his last ex-girlfriend gave? "A nice guy like you can't possibly want someone like me", and "it's easier to leave you now rather than having to deal with that once I am emotionally attached". Ouch.
A man who is prettier and thinner than you
When your boyfriend looks like a Dolly Magazine cover model and has better pecks than you do, it can be highly frustrating trying to keep up. I once dated a beautiful man with chiseled cheek bones and abs so sharp, he could have grated cheese on them. The trouble was I never felt good enough, with the simple task of getting ready for a date morphing into a panic-stricken nightmare. And I'm not the only one that's experienced the "pretty boy" debacle.
Leonora Epstein from TheFrisky.com concurs. By her reckoning, dating a man prettier than you can work to the relationship's disadvantage. She too experienced panic attacks every time she'd get ready for a date with her man who was so beautiful, she described him akin to a man who has "just stepped out of a Botticelli painting". Of course she was instantly infatuated.
"It's natural to try to look your best on a date," she writes in attempt to explain where it all went wrong. "But, as I stood ankle-deep in discarded dresses and tops, I realized that I needed to actually look better than my date. He had turned into a version of a female frenemy--the woman you're friends with but always feel, in a cruel way, that you need to one-up." Enough said.
What are deal breakers for you? What do you think of the above?
(The tattoo part of this blog was first published in the "S" section.)
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM blogs here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (345)
Women men love, women men leave
"I give up on men!" seems to be the common battle cry of exasperated women who can't seem to quite comprehend what it is that modern men want from them.
While many women are painfully cognisant of their biological clocks and are clamouring to tie the knot as quickly as humanly possible, it seems many are complaining that no matter how hard they try, for some unknown reason, some men simply pull the plug.
When women want commitment and men do not, what do women do? What it is exactly that makes a man want to commit to women? And what is it exactly that makes men leave perfectly happy and normal relationships out of the blue?
"It's that old adage of getting cold feet," boldly declares a girlfriend in a long-term relationship. "I've seen it with so many of my male friends. When things get too serious, they bolt. It's all too much for them." Her tactic? "Keep things light and fluffy, for at least the first few years. Don't mention marriage, commitment or even what you're going to be doing together in six months time.
"Who can do that?" you're probably wondering. Who the heck has time to wait for their ticking biological clock or to waste their time with someone you don't have a future with while the bloke you're shagging gets to have his cake and eat it too, without having to purchase the ring or even to remain monogamous?
Reader Harry attempts to explain it all me to by outlining what he's dubbed "the Man-Trap".
"When I'm with a girl and things are going well, I like to keep it that way. It's when they put me in a corner and lock the man-trap, that I know I have to bolt as fast as humanly possible."
I've seen it all too often. Despite the men he describes being in seemingly hunky-dory relationships, once they feel trapped they'll run faster than Michael Schumacher in his Ferrari. And the worst part? They usually have another woman waiting in the wings that is prepared to accept non-commitment, at least for a while, until he has to bolt yet again.
So why exactly do men leave?
They didn't envision you as the one they are going to marry
Yes, he dated you, shagged you, met your folks and bought you a Tiffany's necklace for your birthday. And true, you're a great catch and he's the envy of all his friends when he waltzes around with you on his arm. But if there's something niggling at the back of his mind when it comes to committing to you for the rest of his life, sadly he's going to dump you.
He feels trapped
For men, freedom (or at least the appearance of freedom) is a top priority and if that's not in existence, he will not stay, no matter how good the hanky panky may be.
He suffers from fear of commitment
Ah, the big "C" word. If your bloke is one of those types of men that suffer from commitment phobia, you can bet he's not going to stick around for long enough to meet your flat mates or be your date to your best friend's wedding. This man's got other things on his mind, and they certainly don't involve having "The Commitment Talk" with you.
His ex screwed him around
When there are ghosts from his past relationship hanging around your union, he'll be unable to give himself fully to you, let alone commit to the relationship for the long haul. Don't be surprised if he runs into his ex and you're dumped before you can even stalk her on Facebook.
The honeymoon period is over
Remember when everything was lovey-dovey and you were being lavished with kisses, flirty texts and amorous sex? And now you can't even pin your man down for a cup of coffee? Often men will pull back once the honeymoon period is over and reality sets in. Either they've discovered they actually like you and are scared to death about what the consequences will be if they actually lend their heart out to you. Or they've discovered that they're not that into you and would rather keep their options open than be tied down to one woman. Either way, if you've let yourself become attached, don't beat yourself up about. Just force yourself to pull back, and he might come running back when he realises how much he misses you. If not, he wasn't worth it in the first place.
So how do you make your man actually stay?
Make the honeymoon phase last forever
An impossible feat? Not really. From taking a close look at the women who have that uncanny ability to pin down a great man and keep him ensconced in a long-lasting relationship, it's clear to see that this small little task can indeed be accomplished. But - there are a few pertinent ground rules. First and foremost - avoid the "relationship talk" at all costs. I'm talking no questions about where this is going, how he feels about you, whether he wants kids, where he wants to be with the relationship in five years time or whether he wants an intimate or a large wedding. Instead, make the relationship fun to be in, fun to hang out in and anything but needy, nagging or strained.
If you have to talk about the relationship situation, talk to him about it from his level - make him want to tell you how he sees things and where he's at in his own time, language and way. Be surprising fun and spontaneous - you can never go wrong there!
Q: What type of women do men love? What type of women do men leave?
PSI always get busted for my driving skills, but was pleasantly surprised to find new research that says women are actually better drivers than men! The latest survey by AA Insurance found that while men were more confident in their driving, men are more impatient and take more risks than women. While both admitted to almost equal bouts of road rage, and women did make more insurance claims than men, their average cost was lower than men.
What do you think?
PPS. Hope you can all join me on Tuesday for the Venus Embrace Smooth Stiletto Sprint at Circular Quay to raise money for Fashion Targets Breast Cancer. Registration is free and should be a fantastic morning with great prizes too!
- Samantha Brett
- More ASK SAM here
- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
- Comments (256)


text: Davey Wavey is a totally camp but adorably hot guy that does some silly yet entertaining videos on YouTube. He is rearly always shirtless in his videos and teasing us with his hot torso. I recently found a guy that is selling nude pictures of Davey Wavey for $10 each! I'm too poor to buy them. Does anyone have the pictures? Post them for us all to share. Davey Wavey nude pictures for sale: Flickr: afjock312's Photostream Davey Wavey at YouTube: YouTube - How to Seduce a Man: Six Secrets Hot webcam guys: Davey Wavey

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Kyknos (Latin: Cygnus) (=Swan) is a constellation that was first observed in ancient times by Ptolemaeus. The Kyknos (Swan) constellation lies entirely in the Northern hemisphere of the celestial sphere and it is adjacent to six constellations, namely: the Cepheus, the Draco, the Lyra constellation, the Vulpecula, the Pegasus and the Lacerta constellation.
Every residence has a living-room with a fireplace for ambient evenings in winter, a fully equipped kitchen, a bathroom, a sleeping-room and large balconies where you can enjoy the enchanting sunsets of the region Kyparissia.
The Kyknos apartment can accommodate from 2 to 4 people. All residences are equipped with the following:
- An air-conditioner
- An L.C.D. television
- Wireless internet
- A hair drier
- An iron and an ironing board
- A toaster
Rooms are being cleaned on a daily basis and bed sheets and towels are being changed every other day.


text:
You are here
DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products to Present the "Natural Choice in Glycols" at BevTech 2016
Wilmington, Del. (PRWEB) April 12, 2016
Effective heat transfer is crucial to making refreshing, shelf-stable beverages. For beverage manufacturers, heat transfer fluids are used throughout multiple beverage manufacturing cooling processes from PET bottle manufacturing to pasteurization and freezer storage. This is why DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products will be presenting, "Improving Heat Transfer Fluid Performance across Beverage Manufacturing Cooling Processes," at the International Society of Beverage Technologist (ISBT) annual meeting, May 2, 2016, in Ft Myers, Florida.
"Susterra® propanediol offers companies that require non-toxic, food-safe heat transfer fluids a higher performing alternative to propylene glycol to use as the primary ingredient in their heat transfer fluid," explains Steve Hurff, vice president of sales and marketing for DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products. "The low-viscosity profile of Susterra® propanediol enhances pump power consumption, flow rates and pumping efficiencies, which can improve energy demands and maintenance costs. Plus, every drop of our pure, bio-based glycol is renewably sourced from plant materials, no petroleum, making it ideal for food and beverage manufacturers."
Laurie Kronenberg, global marketing director for DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products, will present a comparison of traditional petroleum-based heat transfer glycols, used in vessel jackets, immersion coils, and heat exchangers, with a new bio-based heat transfer material, bio-based Susterra® propanediol. The comparison evaluates safety, stability and performance across a range of temperatures, pumping efficiency, and a peer reviewed life cycle assessment.
Prior to presenting, DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products will participate in the BevTech Expo on May 1, 2016, to kick-off ISBT events. Join us at booth 50 to learn that there is now is a choice in glycols for effective heat transfer. http://www.susterra-performs.com
DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products is a joint venture between DuPont, a global science company, and Tate & Lyle, a world-leading renewable food and industrial ingredients company. DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products provides natural and renewably sourced ingredients that enhance product performance. For more information on the company's products, visit http://www.duponttateandlyle.com to see the solutions we offer across a wide variety of markets and applications through our two leading bio-based performance brands – Susterra® and Zemea®.
# # #
Susterra®, Zemea® and the circle logo are registered trademarks of DuPont Tate & Lyle Bio Products Company, LLC. All rights reserved


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Immediate Family
About Captain Jan Gerritse Stryker
Jan Gerritse Stryker
- Birth: 1615 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
- Death: 03 MAR 1697 in Flatbush
- Father: Garrett Hermans Stryker b: ABT 1584 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
- Mother: Altje Lucasdochter Van Meppel b: BET 1584 AND 1599 in of Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
Marriage 1
Lambertje Roelofse Seubering b: 1621 in Beyle, Drenthe, Netherland
- Children
- Aeltie Stryker b: 1632 in Dwinglo, Ruinen, Netherlands
- Agnietje Stryker b: BET 1636 AND 1664
- Eytie Stryker b: BET 1636 AND 1664
- Jannetje Stryker b: ABT 1642 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
- Angenietje Stryker b: 1647 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
- Sarah Stryker b: 1649
- Sarah Jan Stryker b: 1655 in Flatbush, Kings County, New York, USA
- Hendrick Stryker b: ABT 1657 in Flatbush, Kings County, New York, USA
- Eytie Janse Stryker b: ABT 1651 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
- Pieter Janse Stryker b: 01 NOV 1653 in Flatbush, Kings County, New York, USA
- Garret Janse Stryker b: 1652 in Ruinen, De Wolden, Drenthe, Netherlands
Marriage 2
Teuntje Teunissen Hellakers b: BET 1611 AND 1631
Marriage 3
Swaentje Janse b: BET 1611 AND 1631
Jan Strycker was born between Oct 10 and Dec 31, 1614 in Ruinen, Province of Drenthe, Netherlands, and died Mar 3, 1697 in Midwout, Long Island, New York, at 82.
His first wife was Lambertje Roelofse Seubering. She was born in 1616 in the Netherlands, the daughter of Roelof Lukassen Seubering. She died in Jun 1675.
His second wife was Swantje Jans, the widow of Cornelis de Potter, whom he married Apr 30, 1679. She died in 1686.
His third wife was Teuntje Teunis, whom he married on Mar 31, 1687 in New York. She was the widow of Jacob Hellakers, alias Swart or Swartout.
In Jan 1643, the States General of the Netherlands offered a grant of land in New Amsterdam (New York) to Jan and Jacobus Strycker, provided they took twelve families from the Netherlands with them to America. They accepted the grant eight years later when Jacobus, in 1651, came to America, followed by Jan in 1652.
On Dec 11, 1653, Jan Strycker was one of 19 men who signed a petition against the conduct of Director Peter Stuyvesant of the Council in New York, to the States General in the Netherlands. They signed on behalf of the colonies and villages of the province of New Netherland.
In 1654, Jan Strycker took the lead in forming a Dutch colony on Long Island, or Middlewoods (now Flatbush, a section of Brooklyn), and was selected as the chief magistrate of Midwout that year. He held this office for most of the next twenty years. On Dec 17, l654, he was appointed one of two commissioners to build the Dutch Church there, the first erected on Long Island. The church was designed to be 60 feet by 20 feet and 12 feet high.
In 1655, Jan's brother Jacobus painted a picture of him. A photo of this picture is in the New York Historical Society Quarterly Bulletin Index, volume X, Apr, 1926- Jan, 1927, page 85. As of 1945, the original hung in the National Art Gallery in Washington, D.C.
On Apr 10, 1664, he represented Midwout in the Landtdag, a general assembly called by the burgomasters, which was held at the city hall in New Amsterdam, to consider the precarious condition of the country.
On Aug 28, l664, Director Peter Stuyvesant addressed a letter to the Dutch towns on Long Island, calling upon them "to send every third man to defend the Capital from the English now arriving at the Narrows." Jan Strycker answered for Midwout that it was impossible to comply with his demands as "we must leave wives and children seated here in fear and trembling, which our hearts fail to do -- as the English are themselves hourly expected there."
In 1665, he was one of the representatives in the Hempstead Convention.
On Aug 18, 1673, he attended the Council of War in Fort William Hendrick and was elected "schepen."
On Oct 25, 1673, Captain Jan Strycker was appointed in charge of the militia for the town of Midwout (Flatbush), Long Island. (New York Colonial Muster Rolls 1664-1775, Vol 1, page 188, Annual Report of the State Historian, page 384)His brother Jacobus administered the oath and installed him into office.
On Mar 26, 1674, he and 12 others were named to representMidwout in a conference to be held in New Orange (now Albany) to confer with Governor Colve on the state of the Country. (Caspar Steynmets was also one of the thirteen.)
In 1675, he was taxed for 3 persons, 4 horses, 22 cows, 2 hogs, and 30 morgen of land and valley.
On Oct 10, 1677, Jan Strycker certified that he was 64 years old and had the occupation of armoror (gunsmith).
In Sep, 1687, he took the oath of allegiance in Kings County, declaring that he had been in this country 35 years.
He was buried in the rear churchyard at the corner of Flatbush Avenue and Church Lane (now Church Avenue), presently a ghetto area.
Members of the National Society, Daughters of the American Colonists, who claimed Jan Strycker as their ancestor for membership, include Miss Katharine Naomi Stryker, membership number 911, Mrs. Sarah Wilson Allen, 1087, Miss Loretta Schenck, 2437, Mrs. Helen Stryker Pursel, 8510, and Miss Mildred Tulley, 10364.
The children of Jan Strycker and Lambertje Roelofse Seubering were:
- Altje, b. ca. 1632, m. Abraham Jorise Brinckerhoff on May 20, 1660
- Jannetje, m. 1st, Cornelius Jansen Berrien in1652; 2nd, Samuel Edsall in 1689
- Garrit Janse, b. 1652, m. Styntie Gerritse Dorland on Dec 25 or 28, 1683, d. 1695. 4 children
- Angenietje, b. ca. 1650, m. 1st, Jan Cornelise Boomgaert (Bougaert) in 1674; 2nd, Claes Tysen
- Hendrick, m. Catherine Kip on Feb 11, 1687, d. Jan 23, 1687/8
- Eytje (Ida), m. Stoffel Probasco, d. Sep 29, 1687
- Pieter, b. Nov 1, 1653, m. 1st, Annetje Barends on May 29, 1681; 2nd, Aertje Bogart, d. Jun 11, 1741. 11 children
- Sarah, b. 1655, m. Joris Hansen Bergen, Sr. on Aug 11, 1678


text:
Baku, Azerbaijan, Dec. 9
By Umid Niayesh- Trend:
Iran is capable of eventually developing long-range missiles capable of threatening Europe and the United States, although it has denied any interest in doing so, Greg Thielmann, Arms Control Association Senior Fellow and Director of ACA's Realistic Threat Assessment and Response Project told Trend Dec. 9.
Most experts outside the US government seem to think Iran would not be able to deploy such weapons until the 2020s, he said, adding the official US projections have been more alarmist, until this year when Admiral Bill Gortney, head of the Northern Command, wrote to Congress that Iran was not likely to have an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) "until later in the decade, at the earliest."
While responding to a question about possible measures that may be taken by the US for removing the threat, Thielmann said the most important action against an Iranian intermediate-range ballistic missile (IRBM) /ICBM threat has already being taken by implementing the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), which will prevent any Iranian long-range missile from having a nuclear warhead for more than a decade.
Also, the existing US and international sanctions have and will continue to inhibit Iran's missile development efforts, the former US diplomat added.
Thielmann further commented on Iran's missile threats against Tel Aviv, saying Israel is vulnerable to both medium-range ballistic missiles (MRBM) based in Iran and the thousands of rockets based in Lebanon.
"These weapons carry conventional warheads. Any future nuclear-tipped missile attack on Israel would be likely to provoke nuclear retaliation."
Commenting on the disputes over Iran's recent ballistic missile test, which allegedly took place Nov. 21, the expert said that it violates the UN Security Council Resolution 1929.
"UN Security Council Resolution 1929 (from 2010) is still applicable until UNSC 2231 replaces it on "implementation day" for the JCPOA," he said.
Thielmann explained that in paragraph 9 of UNSC Res. 1929, "(the UN Security Council) decides that Iran shall not undertake any activity related to ballistic missiles capable of delivering nuclear weapons, including launches using ballistic missile technology."
The Western media outlets quoted diplomatic sources as saying that the test of a Ghadr-110, a spinoff of the Shahab-3 missile, which is a liquid-fueled missile with a 1,900-kilometer range and capable of carrying a nuclear warhead was held near Chabahar, a port city near Iran's border with Pakistan.
"I would expect the US Government to condemn the violation as it did with regard to the Emad test," Thielmann said, responding to a question about Washington's reaction towards the issue.
The expert also said that in recent years, most of Iran's missile work appears to be centered on improving the capabilities of its large inventory of shorter-range missiles.
Prior to the Emad test in October 2015, Iran had not flight-tested a medium-range ballistic missile for three years, Thielmann said, adding the Emad and the latest reported test apparently used the older liquid-fuel rocket engine technology of the Shahab/Ghadr MRBMs rather than the more advanced solid-fuel-based Sejjil.
He underlined that the United States does not consider these weapons "strategic" or "long-range" (since they are neither intermediate-range ballistic missiles nor intercontinental-range ballistic missiles).
Follow the author on Twitter: @UmidNiayesh
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text:
Cool free compilation here focusing on Dub from Brazil!
Here's what they say:
Fresh Poulp Records is proud to launch a new set of compilation to celebrate the Dub scene of a particular country around the world. What is more obvious than starting this first « Poulp Up ! » in Brazil. It has been a while that, not only musically but also graphically, we have worked with Brazilian artists like Dubalizer, Andreia Dacal, Dom Lampa and more recently with artists from Noudrags label that we can hear on this compilation (Ecoalaize, Boss Bass, D-Solution & Alienação Afrofuturista). This is a Dub, and even roots Dub, orientated compilation including the unmissable Dub Movement, Dub Majestic and Buguinha Dub as well as introducing a couple of very nice discoveries, Adwa Dubs and Zambi of U-Dub 420 Sound System. Finally, the first Fresh Poulp Souk System track is part of this compilation as a great bonus. Next destination for this world tour, Mexico. See you in September !
Download for free on http://www.fresh-poulp.net/releases/fpr069


text:
Naruto Shippūden: Ultimate Ninja Impact is the sixth and final Naruto instalment of the PlayStation Portable. It was released in North America on 19 October 2011, in Japan on 20 October 2011 and on 21 October 2011 in Europe.
The game starts from Kazekage Rescue Mission and goes all the way up to the Five Kage Summit. The gameplay itself is very similar to Dynasty Warriors.
Features Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Impact Android
- Re-Live Current Naruto Storylines – Fans can experience their favourite anime storylines with crisp animation cut scenes in full VO and fight in epic battle sequences while executing famous finishing moves like Wind Style: Rasenshuriken that re-creates the anime storyline
- Large Scale Battles – Test your skills against hordes of attacking enemy ninja in frenzied large scale melee battles & emerge victorious using famous moves like Naruto's Big Ball Rasengan & Shikamaru's Shadow Sewing Technique!
- 360° Rotating Camera – Upgraded camera views enhance battles sequences that offer an exciting and immersive gameplay experience
- New Anime Characters – Over 50 characters including gigantics like Eight-Tails, Kakuzu & Gamabunta, including Awakenings features that enable incredible power and defence for short bursts
- Deep Missions – Over 100+ unique battles to experience over 8 stages and 25 custom designed missions
- Card Collection – Collect over 300+ character cards, create card combinations to enable special character power-ups
- Sole Training- Kill at least 1-1000 hordes of enemies but only one player.
- Ad-Hoc Connected Play – Battle enemy ninja hordes together with friends in Tag Battle mode
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Impact PSP
Release Date: October 18, 2011
Publisher: Namco Bandai
Developer: CyberConnect2
Genre: Fighting Action
Download | ISO | 1part | 904mb |
PSP Game Download Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Impact PPSSPP
HOW TO INSTALL AND PLAY Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Impact PPSSPP
- Download PPSSPP.apk
- Then download Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Impact PPSSPP/PSP ISO.
- Run PPSSPP app and select your Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Impact ROM.
- Play and enjoy the game.


text:
View in the Serampore Road
Artist: D'Oyly, Sir Charles (1781-1845)
Medium: Lithograph, coloured
Date: 1848
This coloured lithograph was taken from plate 17 of Sir Charles D'Oyly's 'Views of Calcutta and its Environs'. This print shows Serampore (Shrirampur) Road, one of the native parts of Calcutta. D'oyly drew more images of Indian life in Calcutta than any other contemporary artist. These were usually strikingly pretty but the locations of the views were difficult to pinpoint. Hence his images were not usually of any topographical value.
Serampore had been a Danish settlement from 1699 to 1845. It stood opposite Barrackpore, which was a former military cantonment converted into a country retreat and park for the Governor-General.


text:
Curriculum Vitae
-English Composition I and II
-Business Communication
-Public Speaking
-Beginning, intermediate, and advance Spanish language and
culture and conversation courses
-ESOL Methods and Linguistics courses required for new
teachers in FL
-Latin American Literature in Film
-Introduction to the Latino/a Literature of the U.S.
-Latin American Literature in Translation
-English as a Second Language courses (all levels and skills)
-Command Spanish for over 50 careers
-African American Literature
-Freshman Seminar: Hispanic Cultural Presence in the NY/NJ
-Taught Spanish, English, and ESL classes online using various
platforms. (E-College, WebCT, WebCT Vista, Desire2Learn and
Participated in the Sandhill Writer's Retreat: Renewing the Writer in You, Saint Leo, FL, May 17, 2014
Reasoning through Language Arts Content Validity Reviewer for the new GED Examination, Pearson, April 2014
Roots and Wings: Promising Practices for Young Hispanic Children (Infants through Grade 3) online class, National Hispanic University, October 7 – November 30, 2013.
Think Negative! Turn Customer Concerns into Traffic and Sales webinar, Marcus Sheridan, May 16, 2012.
Grant Writing: A Step by Step Process Webinar by Ken Henson. Pearson/Longman, November 3, 2011.
Faculty Success: Tenure, Promotion & Merit Demystified webinar, Dr. Kathleen P. King, TAA, February 4, 2010.
The Development of Young Children's Spelling Ability webinar, Dr. Ann Sharp, August 2009
Tools for Enhancing E-Learning Webinar, August 2009
Strategic Planning – Building for the Future, SNAP, Daytona Beach, FL, June 2008
Improving Data Quality in Fundraising and Development (Webinar), QAS, October 2006
Improving Nonprofit Governance, Strategic Nonprofit Alliance Partnership, (SNAP), Daytona Beach, FL, 2006
Teaching Online, one-week course on methodology to teach online, LERN, 2003
TESOL Leadership Certificate Program, completed March 2003
NEH Summer Institute, "The Americas of José Martí," at the Univ. of South Florida (USF), Tampa, FL, and Havana, Cuba, June/July, 2002.
Command Spanish Certification Institute, New Orleans, LA, August 2000. Certified as an Official Registered Provider and as an instructor
Brevard Community College/UCF Summer Institute on Multicultural Education, Cocoa Beach, FL, June 1999.
University of Central Florida Summer Development Institute, Orlando, FL, May 1998.
Global Education Project Summer Institute, "Economic Globalization and Environmental Sustainability: Challenging Existing Pedagogies" at Ramapo College, NJ, 1996.
Title III Faculty Development Seminar, Hudson County Comm. College, Jersey City, NJ, 1995
Selected Reader, OBEMLA grant proposals, Washington, DC, 1992
The NJ Gender Project Summer Institute, sponsored by the NJ Department of Higher Education, Drew University, 1991
First Multicultural Studies Summer Institute, sponsored by the NJ Department of Higher Education, Seton Hall University, South Orange, NJ, 1989
Graduate of the Hispanic Leadership Opportunity Program, sponsored by La Casa de Don Pedro, Newark, NJ & the Ford Foundation, 1988.
Textbook Adaptation Workshop and Intensive Oral Proficiency Workshop, sponsored by ACTFL, Bergen County Community College, Paramus, NJ, 1986 and 1987.
Organizing Successful Study-Abroad Programs, Middlesex County College, Edison, NJ, 1986
Elite American Executives, Executive of the Year Honoree, 2014
Who's Who in American Education, 2007
Who's Who among America's Teachers, 2004
Honorary Mention, Student Advocacy Award, DBCC, Daytona Beach, FL, 2001
Certificate of Recognition as a finalist for the poem, "Visiting Mexico City" at Poetic Pleasure, Treadwell Productions, Inc., FL, July 2000
Plaque received for services to the National Education Assoc.'s Panel Review Board for their higher ed. journal, Thought & Action, 1999.
Marquis Who's Who in America, 1998
Marquis Who's Who in the World, 1996-1997
Honors Member, Stroudsmore Who's Who Registry, 1998, 2001, 2014
Awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to Colombia, South America, but unable to go due to health reasons, 1995-1996
Publication Recognition Award, Hudson County Com. Coll., 1993, 1994, and 1996
Marquis Who's Who in the East, 25th Edition, 1995-1996
The José A. Carmona Award, given to a graduating student from the EOF Program at Drew University, 1992 and 1993.
Who's Who Among Hispanic Americans, 1992-1993 Edition
Who's Who in New Jersey, 1992, First Edition
Epsilon Omega Psy, Honor Society of Drew University, April 1991.
Frances B. Sellers Award for Pioneering Spirit, Leadership and Achievement, Drew University Educational Opportunity Scholars (EOS) Alumni Association, Madison, NJ, June 1990
Who's Who in Poetry 1990-1991, Vol. III, World of Poetry, CA
Golden Poet Award, World of Poetry, CA, 1989.
Outstanding Alumnus Award, NJ Educational Opportunity Fund Professional Association, Newark, NJ, October 1988.
Sigma Delta Pi, Spanish Honor Society, Drew University, Madison, NJ, April 1988
Kappa Delta Pi, Honor Society in Education, Columbia University/ Teachers College, NY, April 1986
Special Recognition Award, Department of Education, College of Saint Elizabeth, Convent Station, NJ, May 1983
Gold D Award, Drew University, Madison, NJ, May 1983
Honorary Award, literary essay about José Martí (the Cuban poet/writer), Cuban Lions Club in Exile of Hudson County, Union City, NJ, January 1976
MFA Creative Writing – Poetry, University of Tampa, FL, 2014
Columbia University/Teachers College: ABD status on Doctorate of
Education due to closing of program on Teaching Spanish
Ed.M. Columbia University, 1986, specialized in the teaching of
Spanish (Latin American lit.) and bilingual education
M.A. Columbia University, 1984, specialized in the teaching of
Spanish with a concentration on bilingual education
B.A. Drew University, Madison, NJ, 1983, majored in Latin
American literature, psychology and education
New Jersey Teaching Certification (Spanish), K-12, 1983,
College of Saint Elizabeth, Convent Station, NJ
DBCC Certificate for teaching Spanish and ESL, 1996
2016-pres Spanish Instructor, Pasco-Hernando State College,
Dade City FL
o Teaching Spanish I and II classes
2012-pres English Instructor, Saint Leo University, St. Leo, FL
o Lead Contract Instructor for the New Bridge Program.
o Teaching English to international students who need two
semesters before they can take a full load of university
o Recruitment of international students for the program.
2009-2014 President, Global Educational Institute, Inc., ESL and
foreign language classes, Daytona Beach, FL.
o Recruited students internationally, managed all aspects of
institute including curriculum development, budget and
hiring/evaluating/training staff and faculty, etc.
2012-2014 Adjunct Instructor, Argosy University, Tampa, FL
o Teaching English composition and literature classes.
Adjunct Instructor, Schiller International Univ., Largo, FL
o Teaching online & hybrid English Composition I and II,
Business Communication, Public Speaking and Spanish
2011-2012 Adjunct Instructor, University of Tampa, Tampa, FL
o Taught two intermediate Spanish classes
2010-2012 ESL Adjunct Instructor, Hillsborough Community College, Ybor City Campus, Tampa, FL
o Taught part-time ESL/EAP classes and a temporary full-time
for one year
2005- Director, Embry-Riddle Language Institute and also during
2009 Spring 2008 Interim Director, Int'l Admissions & Recruitment.
Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, Daytona Beach, FL
o Managed all aspects of the language institute including
hiring/training/evaluating faculty/staff, curriculum
development, managing budget, taught online classes, etc.
o Recruited international students at the graduate and
undergraduate level for the university
1996- Chair, Modern Languages/ESOL. Daytona State College,
2005 Daytona Beach, FL. (Promoted to Full Professor, 2001)
o Managed all aspects of both departments including
recruitment of students, budget management, curriculum
development, hired/trained/evaluated faculty and staff and
taught online classes
2004- Visiting Instructor, Department of Education, Bethune-Cookman
2006 University, Daytona Beach, FL.
o Taught state required ESOL courses for teachers
2003- Visiting Instructor, Department of Spanish/Latin Am Studies,
2005 Flagler College, St. Augustine, FL
1990- Assistant Prof. of ESL/Modern Languages & ESL Coordinator,
1996 Hudson County Community College, Jersey City, NJ
1995- Student Teacher Supervisor (Spanish), William Paterson
1996 University, Wayne, NJ.
1987- Instructor of Spanish language, culture and literature,
1991 Drew University, Madison, NJ
1990 Adjunct Professor of Spanish, College of Saint Elizabeth,
Convent Station, NJ
1988 Adjunct Associate Professor of Spanish, County College of
Morris, Randolph, NJ
1988- ESL Instructor, Emerson H.S. Adult Education Evening
1989 Program, Union City, NJ
1985- Adjunct Professor of Spanish, Bergen Community College,
1987 Paramus, NJ
1985- ESL Instructor, the Hispanic Institute for Research
1986 and Development of Bergen County, Paramus, NJ
1984 Special Education Teacher grades 4th & 5th for neurologically
impaired/emotionally handicapped students, Elementary School
PS 121, New York, NY
2005- Business Owner, Carmona Kennels, FL. Rescuing and breeding
Pres. AKC Siberian Huskies
2005 Textbook Florida Representative, Alta Book Publishers. Attended
2007 and presented at conferences, visited schools and colleges, etc
1999- Business Owner, Carmona Educational Associates. Educational
2009 tr aining and consulting services
2005- Business Owner, Volusia Educational Center, Daytona Beach, FL
2006 Educational tutoring and language classes
1994- Modern Languages Coordinator, Hudson County Comm. Coll.
1996 Supervision of 8 to 10 adjunct faculty per semester.
o Curriculum development, evaluations, hire/fire, etc
1992- ESL Coordinator, Hudson County Comm. College. Curriculum
1994 development, hire/fire, program & faculty evaluations, etc
o Supervision of 53 adjunct and 10 full-time instructors
1989- Co-Director, Head Counselor/Cultural Dance Instructor & also
1993 taught core course, "Literary Perspectives on the
Environment" to gifted high school students, Governors
School on the Environment, Stockton State College, Pomona,
NJ. Managed a $250,000 budget
1989- Program Coordinator, Hispanic Leadership Program, Saint
1990 Elizabeth College, NJ
o Counselor and tutorial coordinator for Hispanic students
1986- Job Developer, Catholic Community Services, Union City,
1987 NJ. Clerical work, counseling, and job placement for clients
1983 Case Worker, Angel Guardian Home, Brooklyn, NY.
o Social worker with a 16-client caseload
About Me
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Curriculum Vitae