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Does anyone have a child with a trach?
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:13pm
My son ILyaas, is 17 months, just to give you a brief summary, he was brain injured at birth and as a result has, Cerebral palsy, Is fed through a G-tube(he can't swallow), has cortical visual impairment, hearing impaired, has a seizure disorder and myoclonic spasms, and has a history of aspiration pneumonia(this happened before the G-tube/Nissen fundoplication, when they discovered he has severe GERD. He was hospitalized for 5 months after his birth, he spent 5wks intubated and 2 months on the nasal Canula. We have been in and out of the hospital because of pneumonia and respiratory issues, since he came home (about 7 times). Well he was hospitalized recently for several apnea episodes(where he stopped breathing and turned blue). We (my husband and I) had to perform CPR on him. This has been very frightening and traumatic for us. Well everytime he is hospitalized the DR.s ask us have we thought about him having a tracheotomy. We just have been hesitant, and unsure, while he is breathing on his own, and doing well, when he is sick it seems as though it is becoming harder and harder for him to manage his secretions(we have a portable suction machine at home that goes everywhere he goes). I have really been in turmoil about this and wish I could make a firm decision on whether or not this procedure would be beneficial to him. HELP!! Any advice or comments would be welcome.
TIA, Saara mom of Naim 8, Ahsan 6, Ilyaas 17 mo, EDD 1/30/07
|Sat, 10-21-2006 - 5:41pm
Michele (Julia 7, Jenna 6, Nicholas 5, Christian 4, Olivia 08.28.06)
|Thu, 10-19-2006 - 3:59pm
Thank you so much for your response blest!! I really am in turmoil, after talking to my mother last night(she was a geriatric nurse for a few years), and our Pediatrician( she was very positive and helpful), I'm pretty close to coming to a decision. I just have to wait until my husband gets home from work and talk to him. You definitely help me look at things in another light. The fact that Ilyaas can't swallow is a big factor in coming to a decision. I keep hearing the Dr. (who was following him when he was hospitalized after birth) voice saying" Saara, Ilyaas cannot protect his airway, this is something you need to consider", I remember this sentence and it keeps playing over and over in my head. Anyway thanks for your input, I apreciate it soooo much.
Saara mom of Naim 8, Ahsan 6, Ilyaas 17 mo, EDD 1/30/07
|Wed, 10-18-2006 - 11:03pm
I can well relate to all that you've written. Moise spent his first two years of life in and out of the hospital with open heart surgery, GERD, and seemingly ever present aspirate pneumonia. He is also deaf, has CP and MR. He spent weeks on the vent and had G Tube-Nissan. I am pleased to say that we no longer have the G Tube. After several life threatening episodes we also had to make the agonizing decision of whether or not to trach him. Keep in mind that every situation is different, every child is different, every parent is different. What's right for one may not be what's right for another. My husband and I made the decision not to trach him. For us it was a quality of life issue. It seemed that the more machines/tubes we put him on the harder it was for him to bounce back. However, Moise was able to handle swallowing his own secretions-therein lies a huge differnce bt he and Ilyaas. Moise is now (at 6 years old) eating on his own and loving every minute of life.
There was a child in one of Moise's classes who had a trach and it was life saving for him. He was a wonderful, ornery little boy.
The decision of whether or not to trach is so dificult. A decision that only you and your family can make. When we made our decision we put the decision in writing with all of our reasons for the choice. We knew that in making our decision not to trach we were accepting that someday we may not be able to save him from one of his episodes. All of this was put in writing and given to someone whom we trusted so that we would always have that to remind us of all our reasoning in the event that the unthinkable happened. Today I am very thankful and know we made the right decision. But again every situation is different.
Listen to your heart, feel what your gut tells you and go with it. I assume you and your husband can come to a mutual decision. Whatever decision you make, know the pros and cons, know the consequences. Remember if you decide not to trach you can always change your mind and so it later. If you decide to trach, they can be removed if his condition allows it. Neither decision is irreversible.
Please keep us posted on your decision.


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Private tours of Lisbon are a great way to see the city at your own pace with an extra special personal touch.
1 review
I really cannot adequately express what a remarkable time we had. We spent a couple weeks in Europe visiting lots of places and taking various tours but this was by far the best. Do not miss it! We had an amazing adventure with Ricardo on the "Pirates of the Cruise Ship" tour. I even hesitate to call it a tour, since it felt more like a long time friend showing you his city with terrific insights and knowledge of the history and culture. We saw Lisbon, Sintra and Cascais and more. It was all beautiful and we enjoyed select pastries on several of the stops (he knew exactly where to go for what). He tailored his tour to our interests and made everything such an enjoyable experience. I don't know how they can afford to do these tours at such a low price, so make sure you tip well (believe me you will want to after such a memorable day).
Provider: Independent Operator
1 review
Our taxi driver took us to the old part of Lisbon and he was very knowledgeable. I would recommend this
Provider: Royal Caribbean International
1 review
We went around all the sights in Lisbon including the Alfama, monument to the discoveries, revolutionary park (eduardo 7) etc,etc.
Fantastic way of spending a half day and the taxi driver knew the Alfama quarters as his own pocket. Was very good value for money.
PS: The roads in the Alfama quarter are so narrow that the big tours can't enter.
Provider: Independent Operator
3 reviews
Lisbon and surrounds are worth the trip. On the recommendation of Cruise Critic members, we booked with"We Hate Tourism Tours" in Lisbon. What a great day.
Provider: Independent Operator
4 reviews
I enjoyed the narration during the sail into Lisbon. 6 of us boarded a mini-bus which took us on a city tour. I don't think we missed much - It was an enjoyed day - this city was the primary reason we took the trans-Atlantic portion of the cruise - a new country for me!
Provider: Independent Operator
10 reviews
We booked a private tour in Lisbon that included a photo stop at the Belem Tower, a visit to the Jeronimos monastery, a chance to taste the Belem custard, and a great city tour with stops at several viewpoints. We had a large van to ourselves and our excellent drive and guide was Luis. This was one of the highlights of our cruise.
Provider: Independent Operator
2 reviews
independent tour of Sintra, Estoril and Belem booked online with people who dislike tourists?
A fabulous day which we will repeat next year when we visit again.
Provider: Independent Operator
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|27 Feb 2010
Windows 7 Ultimate
Crackling sound and System lag
Hi everyone.
I am posting this as last resort. Recently i upgraded from Windows XP to Windows 7 Ultimate edition and got a problem i ve seen for the 1st time in my life.
Problem was Crackling sound that sounds like some kind of static electricity that is mixing with normal sounds. I ve searched a lot through net to see if theres any solution to this issue. What i found is that ppl have similliar problem to mine but not exactly same. Other ppl complaining about that crackling during audio playback while they are watching movies and listening music, but that is not for me...
I can normaly watch movies and listen to music, but problem occurs when i start any game on my PC. Symptoms are next...
Every time i start game (Call of duty Modern Warfare 2) sounds starts to crackle, slow down and game becomes graphicaly laggy...
Then i found another way to test if sound and system are ok...
When i start GOM player and start to rapidly press ENTER button, to go IN and OUT full screen i notice that sound starts to crackle and system to slow down making full screen to window screen so laggy that even when i stop pressing ENTER it still continues to expand and restore full screen...
Last night i cleaned a bit of PSU from dust, but ive noticed theres some on CPU cooler, GPU cooler and, PSU air intake cooler... I ve played for like 30 mins and crackling was gone, i rebooted after that and crackling was back...
This morning i did total clearing of PSU, CPU and GPU coolers nad so far is working ok...
I also monitored temperatures of mobo, gpu, cpu, hdd and their voltages and funny thing is everything is normal...
MOBO never over 33, CPU rarely over 55, Core 1 46, Core 2 46, GPU 45, and HDD round 30...
I also noticed some CPU spikes to max 55% CPU usage, very rarely 70%, then i checked processes, and while i was doing that ENTER thing with GOM, GOM was giving 50% max CPU usage, and from other processes most recent were AUDIODG.EXE and SVCHOST.EXE which spiked to 55%...
I have removed sound enchancments and still was the same after rebooting... ( untill this morning when everyting is ok).
2 or 3 times i noticed that after system startup there was like 4 beeps, but not all were rhytmic, and i cant remember was it 3 long 1 short or 3 short 1 long or something like that... But even if there was 1 beep system would be laggy and sound were crackling...
Also funny thing is that everytime when that crackling sound appears, fans become hummy and some kind of low whistleing with high pitch can be heard coming from somewhere round PSU... When this thing happened again i ve uninstalled nVidia video drivers to install newer ones ( 196.21 version ) and just after that all problems started, fans started huming etc etc all above... I rolled back to my old working drivers using safe mode and driver sweeper and was the same, i made all driver updates...
Now i am curious what may cause this problem in case that thing that is anoying comes back. I gave u all things i ve noticed from sensoring temperatures and voltages to PC case cleaning...
What i am thinking it might be some driver issue, but i dont know where to start to search...
System spec:
OS: Windows 7 Ultimate x32
CPU: Intel Core 2 Duo E 6300 1.86 GHZ
Sound card on board...
All drivers up to date...
Best regards, SashaB
|My System Specs
|05 Jun 2010
Windows 7
I have the same problem.
Only crackles when i watch video in full screen mode and play cod4 games.
This happen after I installed the new nVida Driver.
Did you ever figure out the solution?
|My System Specs
|06 Jun 2010
Windows 7 Professional 64
Right click speaker icon in lower right corner.
Click Playback devices.
Highlight current playback device and click properties.
Properties window click advanced tab.
Default format, now this is usually where the problem lies, the usually default is Studio Quality. This is too high sampling for "most" systems. Try/test DVD or CD sampling to see if the problem persist.
This is a common fix, but is not 100% in some cases.
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New Music Releases — October 2014
From Tinashe to Lil Wayne, check out the new music releases arriving in October.
From Tinashe to Lil Wayne, check out the new music releases arriving in October.
Singer Eric Bellinger opens up about his new album, 'Cuffing Season,' his collaborations with rapper Game and moving on from Nicki Minaj's 'Anaconda' fiasco.
Eric Bellinger is aiming to take the spotlight for himself. The singer-songwriter will release his new mixtape, 'Choose Up Season,' next month. The project is mostly a singular affair, but does feature Game.
Like many artists, Game is very grateful for his fans. And to show his appreciation, the Compton rapper devised a content to let the public design the cover for his upcoming album, 'Blood Moon: Year of the Wolf.' Now he unveils the winning artwork.
Rapper Game adds his flavor to ILOVEMAKONNEN's remix to 'Club Going Up (Tuesday)' and releases the tracklist to his forthcoming album, 'Blood Moon: Year of the Wolf.'
Chris Brown, Jeezy, Jennifer Hudson, Game and Jhene Aiko, among others, are set to debut albums in September.
Jeezy, Game and Rick Ross spit luxury rhymes on the soul-sampled banger 'Beautiful.'
Troy Ave sounds off on The Game's new song, which takes aim at XXL's 2014 Freshman class, of which the 'Your Style' rapper is a part of.
The Game is throwing out some fighting words on his new track, 'Bigger Than Me,' and the Los Angeles rapper takes it to another level in the accompanying video for the song.
On his new track, 'Bigger Than Me,' the Game takes aim at Frank Ocean and the 2014 XXL Freshmen class.


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See PEOPLE's picks of the night's most glamorous gowns and gorgeous stars. By Serena Kappes
Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty
Updated: Sunday Sep 18, 2005 | 08:00 PM EDT
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The Grey's Anatomy star goes for a flirty look with a silky form-fitting cocktail dress and a crystal clutch.
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The year of 2010 was a very exciting year for our family. I'm going to go through and do a month-by-month replay…… January We went on some local field trips to some beautiful places… We visited a 1700's church out in the country.
Life's an Adventure - Eat it Up!
© Constance J Smith – The Foodie Army Wife, 2008-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. See complete disclosure with sharing permissions and comment policy


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County Clerk Consumer Storm Alert: County Clerk Can Help Replace Vital Documents Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy
October 31, 2012
Copies of Deeds and Mortgage Documents can be obtained from Westchester County Clerk's Office
WHITE PLAINS, NY: Westchester County Clerk Timothy C. Idoni wants to reassure Westchester County residents and business owners not to worry about replacing vital records such as deeds and mortgage documents that may have been damaged or destroyed as a result of Hurricane Sandy. "All deed and mortgage documents for property located in Westchester County are recorded and safely maintained at the County Clerk's office," began County Clerk Idoni. "Certified copies of these documents, which are legally equivalent to the original, can be issued quickly," he stated.
There is a nominal fee of $5.00 for up to four pages for a certified copy of your land record, with an additional $1 charged for each additional page. A photocopy is even less expensive.
For additional information or assistance with obtaining a copy of your deed or mortgage papers, please visit www.WestchesterClerk.com or call (914)995-3082.
Calendar of Events
November 21, 2014
Mobile Passport Outreach - The College of New Rochelle
10 a.m. - 3 p.m.
The College of New Rochelle, 29 Castle Place, New Rochelle, NY 10805
November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving Day
Legal Holiday - Office Closed
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November 28, 2014
Thanksgiving Friday
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More Events
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A speech at the United Nations Human Rights Commission shows that in Israel, it's no different than countless other countries.
The bell finally tolls in Ellsworth, Maine
J4MB submits a 118-page report to a Home Office consultation on strengthening the law on domestic abuse
Call to action: 3 weeks to end 40 years of tyranny
Why there's been silence about Reyhaneh Jabbari's removal from death row
20 attorneys send stunning letter to US Senators regarding due process in handling of campus sexual assault allegations
A group of 20 attorneys has issued a letter to United States Senators regarding the hysteria driven erosion of due process for young men accused of sexual assault on university campuses. Aimed directly at the Obama Administrations "Dear Colleague Letter," it expresses serious concerns for the civil rights of the accused on campus.


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Wednesday, 14 August 2013 00:00
4 Paws for Zachary Charity Bowling Event
Sunday, August 18
Successful Stock Signals
Wednesday, August 21
Property Tax Exemption Workshop
Friday, August 23
Join the Massapequa Public Library for an informative meeting with Tom Lloyd, author of Successful Stock Signals. Learn to make money in the stock market, to beat the index and to completely understand and measure the forces that drive the price of stocks. Bring your copy of Lloyd's book and the author will gladly sign it. The meeting will kick a series of lectures hosted by Lloyd coming this fall. The meeting will be held in the Bar Harbour Building, 40 Harbor Lane. For more information, call 516-799-2648.
The Sons of Italy and the Massapequa Chamber of Commerce are hosting a Super Community Blood Drive at the Sons of Italy #2143 Columbus Lodge, 2143 Boundary Ave. in Farmingdale, from 2 through 8 p.m. Eat a well-balanced meal before giving blood and bring a photo or signature identification to participate. For more information, contact Richard Carozza at 516-978-2305 or Patty Orzano at 516-541-1443.
Senator Charles J. Fuschillo, Jr., Nassau County Executive Ed Mangano, and Nassau County Legislator Mike Venditto will be sponsoring a Property Tax Exemption Workshop from 1 to 3 pm at the Massapequa Library, 40 Harbor Lane in Massapequa Park. Tax exemption specialists from the Nassau County Department of Assessment will be equipped with computers linked to the county's database, and property tax exemption applications for Basic STAR, Enhanced STAR, senior citizens, individuals with disabilities, veterans, volunteer firefighters and emergency medical technicians will be processed. Tax exemption specialists will also provide assistance and answer any questions residents have about these exemptions. Homeowners who will be filing for an exemption should bring copies of any documentation that is required for the property tax exemption, including proof of age, proof of residency and proof of income. A complete list of required documentation can be obtained on-line at www.mynassauproperty.com or by calling 516-571-1500. For more information about the August 23rd Property Tax Exemption Workshop at the Massapequa Library, please call Senator Fuschillo's office at 516-882-0630.
Donate at the Massapequa Presbyterian Community Church, 150 Pittsburgh Ave., on Friday, September 6 from 4 p.m. until 8:30 pm. Walk-ins welcome or call 347-865-4000 for an appointment to reduce wait time. Ask about the Alyx Component Collection System that uses a smaller needle and donates twice as many red blood cells. There is no substitute for human blood.
Adopt-A-Battalion is hosting it's first annual "Support Our Troops" dinner on September 7 at 7 p.m. at Our Lady of the Island Knights of Columbus Hall, 2 East Gate Rd. in Massapequa Park. Each ticket is $35 and includes dinner, refreshments including beer and wine as well as dessert. Reserve early by calling Dick at 516-359-9371 or Rich at 516-318-6829. Adopt-A-Battalion is a 100 percent volunteer based, non-profit organization.
The Long Island NAIM Widow and Widowers dance will be held on Sept. 20 from 8 p.m. to midnight at the Massapequa Elks, 2162 Veterans Blvd., Massapequa. All are welcome, cost is $14. DJ Ray will be playing the music. Call Maureen for information 516-781-4763.
Friday, 18 April 2014 00:00
Two hundred business students from high schools across Nassau County, including Massapequa High School, competed for scholarships and cash awards—more than $33,000 in all—from various sponsors at Nassau County's annual Comptroller's Entrepreneurial Challenge.
Thursday, 17 April 2014 00:00
The events on Sept. 11, 2001 had a profound effect on nearly all in the tri-state area, but for first responders, the effects were overwhelming. Long-time Massapequa resident Michael Smith, a member of the New York Fire Department, experienced those effects firsthand.
"While I've always been a person that could appreciate life, after 9/11 I became so distraught," he said. "I realized I need to do something I want to do — something I love to do."
A 30-year veteran of the fire department, Smith retired in 2002. He and his wife of 33 years, Teresa, began to look for a place they could enjoy life. This mindset brought them to the East End of Long Island, where they often went for day trips. They settled down in a home in Orient Point in 2004; in a home that needed quite a bit of work. And when it was time to landscape the property, a new idea took root — a vineyard.
Thursday, 10 April 2014 08:56
Massapequa athletes recently received honors from their coaches at Kellenberg Memorial High School.
Each season, the coaches of all of the Kellenberg teams choose one member of their team who stands out as an athlete that has worked hard to improve themselves in their chosen sport.
Thursday, 03 April 2014 10:19
The Farmingdale State women's lacrosse team won the first game of their Spring Break trip to North Carolina with a victory over Greensboro College. In wet and muddy conditions, the Rams (8-1) held an 8-5 lead at the half and took the eventual 13-10 win.
In the first half and tied 2-2, the Pride (7-5) pulled ahead 4-2 with two unassisted goals by junior attack Nadya Fedun. Farmingdale State answered with four straight scores for a 6-4 advantage, on goals by juniors Alyssa Handel, Nicole Marzocca and Massapequan Jackie Kennedy.Sophomore attack Ashlynn Parks put Greensboro within a goal at the 7:03 mark, but the Rams scored two more to lead 8-5 at the halftime break.
YES Fundraiser
Saturday, April 26
Massapequa Memories
Tuesday, April 29
Spring Fashion Show
Wednesday, April 30
1959: The Year The Music Stopped Playing
Written by Michael A. Miller, firstname.lastname@example.com
The Eccentric Heiress Of 'Empty Mansions'
Written by Mike Barry, email@example.com
Yellow Margarine And A Pitch For The Ages
Written by Michael A. Miller, email@example.com


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X Factor vote count may be revealed weekly
X Factor bosses may consider regularly revealing the number of votes cast for each contestant on the next series of the show.
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Switzerland is famous for the Alps. In addition to our onroad trainings we offer special wintertraining programs e.g. our Precision Training in Les Diablerets. A very unique experience on an exclusively closed pass-street including different sections and a drift circle on top.
Circuit Dijon-Prenois, Dijon, France
Autodromo Nazionale di Monza, Monza, Italy
Col de la Croix, Les Diablerets, Switzerland
Cho d'Punt, St. Moritz, Switzerland
Onroad: Precision, Performance
Winter: Precision, Performance
Porsche Schweiz AG
Porsche Sport Driving School
Turmstrasse 30 / Tower 1
CH - 6300 Zug
Phone: + 41 41 487 91 10
Fax: + 41 41 487 91 71
E-Mail: firstname.lastname@example.com
To access the website of the Porsche Sport Driving School in Switzerland, click here.
© 2014 Porsche Cars Great Britain Ltd. Legal notice.
* The latest Porsche models are designed to operate on fuels with an ethanol content of up to 10%. Data determined for standard specification and in the NEDC (New European Driving Cycle) in accordance with the Euro 5 and Euro 6 (715/2007/EC and 692/2008/EC) measurement method. The figures do not refer to an individual vehicle nor do they constitute part of the offer. They are intended solely as a means of comparing different types of vehicle. You can obtain further information about individual vehicles from your Porsche Centre.
Consumption figures were obtained on the basis of standard equipment. Special equipment may affect consumption and performance.


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To take exclusive possession of the buildings we've had to pay for all beds in advance, so please do register soon to help us out of debt! Later this year we will keep in good touch with all participants re: detail plans and proposed bed and kitchen groupings.
Payments can be also be made directly to John or Aylwen in a class or by electronic deposit in 'Earthly Delights' BSB 112-908 Acc 121 607 765. Prices are in Australian dollars - overseas guests may not be aware that our dollar is very low at the moment so you will be paying much less than what is advertised here.
The Victorian Retreat at Yarrangobilly Caves was one of the major highlights of my year. There was just so much to do and enjoy, that there was no way to fit it all in. The thermal pool was great, even though it was just a tad cold for me. I had so much fun playing "volleyball". The nights were just fantastic, with a ball in the Blue room each night. Everyone was dressed to the nines. The James' organized a VERY fun treasure hunt. We were also treated to some very fine musical interludes. My favourite was D's performance of "Recuerdos de la Alhambra". Made my hair stand on end! The trip to the caves was great too. The way we were all dressed up like intrepid explorers of the late 1800s... it's exactly how it must have been back in those genteel days!
Back to basics...with corsets! The weekend was amazing, time spent in excellent company dancing and exploring the beautiful countryside. Viewing photos from the turn of the century was an added bonus.
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Elderly people. People who have wrinkled skin as a result of their age.
Jacqui refers to her grandparents as "The Wrinklies".
by Laura Hadfield April 17, 2003
A cute old person
Jamal: damn that is one cute old lady
DeSean: yeah ive seen that wrinkly around
DeSean: yeah ive seen that wrinkly around
by yolanda440 March 16, 2011


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Someone who is doing something wrong or is acting crazy.
Harry said to Manav, " You fool, I am amazing at track. eek!"
di Peanut Wayne 21 aprile 2009
A word that mexicans are addicted to and cannot stop using until the end of time.
Ay fool hand me that burrito before some fool tries to grab it first, fool.
di Jesse Mullenix 16 aprile 2005
Name for a person,any type of person.Can be used in anger or friendship.
Anger:"Stupid fool."
Friendship"Yo fool!"
Friendship"Yo fool!"
di John"Appleseed"Chapman 14 luglio 2003
a slighly mean term for a friend
Whatever fool, I'll do it myself
di devin murphy 15 aprile 2004
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Now we have to search for the heart, because the computer has no heart. Only by searching for our heart, only by allowing our heart to dance and sing and love, will we be able to retain the glory and dignity of being man; otherwise it is gone.
The future looks bleak to you because you only see the darker side of the phenomenon. You are not aware of its lighter side. I see the dawn coming very close. Yes, the night is very dark, but the future is not bleak, not at all.
In fact, for the first time in human history millions of people will be able to become buddhas. It was very rare to become a buddha in the past because it was very rare to become aware of the mechanicalness of man. It needed great intelligence to be aware that man is a machine. But now it will not need any intelligence at all; it will be so obvious that man is a machine.
And you say, ".the destruction of the forests and the pollution of the air and sea so that it is uncertain whether the environment can maintain its delicate balance. Can the world support another West?" That is one of the most beautiful things about science and technology: it creates problems just to solve them. And the problem can only be solved when it has been created; then it becomes a challenge. Now the greatest challenge before technology is how to maintain the balance of nature, how to maintain ecological harmony. It was never there before, it is a new problem.
For the first time the West is facing a new problem. We have lived on this earth for millions of years. Slowly, slowly we had been growing more and more expert technologically, but we had not yet been able to destroy the natural balance; we were yet a very small force on the earth. Now for the first time our energy is bigger, far bigger, than the earth's energy to keep its balance. This is a great phenomenon. Man has become so powerful that he can destroy the natural balance. But he will not destroy it, because to destroy the natural balance means he will be destroyed himself.
He will find new ways; and new ways are being found. The way to regain the delicate balance of nature is not by renouncing technology. It is not by becoming hippies, it is not by becoming Gandhians, no, not at all. The way to regain the balance of nature is through superior technology, higher technology, more technology. If technology can destroy the balance, why can't technology regain it? Anything that can be destroyed can be created.
And now it is almost feasible to float cities in the sky, in the air, in big, enormous balloons! There is no need for man to live on the earth. And it will be really beautiful - floating cities in the air, and the green earth below you, huge forests again as the earth used to be before man started cutting forests. The earth can become the same again. You can come back to the earth for holidays.


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Greater numbers help the species survive a major extinction event but, surprisingly, do not confer any protection against extinction during normal times, according to a new study.
A new taste for eating elephant meat — everything from trunks to sex organs — has emerged in Thailand and could pose a new threat to the survival of the species.
A fifth of world`s mammals, birds, amphibians, reptiles and fishes are in imminent danger of going extinct.
Day in Pics: 23rd November
Showbiz World - November 23, 2014
Los Angeles Auto Show


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Property in Cyprushttp://www.onlinecyprusproperty.com
Online cyprus property provides a large collection of property in Cyprus to buy including holiday villa & apartment for rent and villas and apartments for sale in cyprus directly from the owner and save commission fees.
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Effect of Adenotonsillectomy on Quality of Life in Children With Mild Obstructive Sleep Apnea
This study is currently recruiting participants. (see Contacts and Locations)
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A New York man was sentenced to 92 months in prison for agreeing to illegally ship industrial material to Iran in violation of a U.S. trade embargo.
Greenhill & Co., the investment bank leading declines on the Standard & Poor's Midcap Financials Index this year, said resources banker Richard Phillips left its Australian unit.
As a young midshipman at the U.S. Naval Academy, Michelle Howard didn't strike some of her peers as an obvious candidate to become a four-star admiral.
Somali pirate Abduwali Muse was sentenced to 33 years and nine months in prison for hijacking the container ship Maersk Alabama in the Indian Ocean in 2009.
Canadian Pacific Railway Ltd. restarted its freight network in Canada today after Parliament passed a bill ending a weeklong Teamsters strike that snarled industry supply chains and seaport traffic.
Abduwali Muse , a Somali pirate who pleaded guilty to hijacking the container ship Maersk Alabama, should get 27 years in prison when he is sentenced this month, his lawyers said, citing his youth and poverty.
Celebrity isn't what it used to be, in art at any rate.
The slow crawl to the valet-parking stand at the Parrish Art Museum Saturday night had one advantage.
"Gravity," the Warner Bros. space thriller starring Sandra Bullock, collected $43.2 million to repeat as the top movie in U.S. and Canadian theaters this past weekend, following its record debut for an October film.
"There was surf every single day. It's rare you get that type of good luck, and it got better and better."
- Richard Phillips on Jul 14, 2013


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Taipei, Taiwan
UHV in Taiwan
Summer 2013 - Study Abroad Program
Depart US: July 13 Return US: July 31, 2013 (16 days)
*** Program Price reduced to $600 / per person (down from $900) ***
Thank you to our university partners in Taiwan for providing this discount.
Program Coordinators:
Dr. Chien-Ping Chen (UHV)
Linda Chang (National Chin-Yi Univ.) and Joyce Chu (Ming-Chi Univ.)
For the fifth year, the University of Houston-Victoria, along with its consortium partners is leading a study abroad program to Taipei, Taiwan this summer. Once again, UHV students have the opportunity to study in the heart of one of the most exciting cities in the world.
Program Outline
Chien-Ping Chen (firstname.lastname@example.com), PhD in Economics. Associate Professor, School of Business Administration at University of Houston-Victoria.
Dr. Chien-Ping Chen received his Ph.D. in Economics from the University of Houston. Before coming to UHV, he served as a Lecturer in the Department of Economics at the University of Houston. In his service at UHV, in addition to several Best Paper awards by international conferences, Dr. Chen received the ENRON Teaching Excellence Award in 2005. The government of Taiwan also recognized his contribution to education with the Award of Taiwan Distinguished Teacher in the U.S. in 2009. .
The 2013 students will take a course in MGMT 4300 / 6300: Competitive Advantage and Global Strategy: Taiwan Study. The course counts as one elective for all concentrations in the Strategic MBA, Global MBA and BBA programs.
Program Highlights
The 2013 UHV Study Abroad Taiwan Program has been led by Dr. Chien-Ping Chen since 2008. All the participants, including MBA and BBA students, have very positive feedbacks about the learning experience.
3 Credit Hours
ECON 6300/4300 Special Topics in Managerial Economics: Taiwan Study. It counts as one of electives for all UHV MBA and BBA concentrations.
4 Business Field Trips
We will visit the world's largest dedicated semiconductor foundry (TSMC), third largest smart phone maker (HTC) and the largest hospital system in Taiwan. Several world-class companies in Nano-technology, Optoelectronics, Integrated Circuit, Biotechnology, Precision Machinery, Computer peripherals and Green Energy will be also available in the trip to the Central Taiwan Science Park.
5 Fun Tours
You won't miss the world-famous spots in Taipei and Taichung, including the National Palace Museum, Taipei 101, Sun-Moon Lake and Ali Mountain.
Discount Program Fee
In addition to UHV tuition and airfare, you only need to pay $600 as program fee covering all hotel accommodation for 18 nights, many meals and all excursions. The low program fee comes from a significant subsidy by the host universities in Taiwan.
For more information, please click here: http://www.uhv.edu/studyabroad/taiwan_instructor_led.aspx
To apply, please click here for the form: http://www.uhv.edu/studyabroad/pdf/Application_form.pdf and pay $100 as deposit to register by 4/1/2013. If we don't have enough students, the $100 will be fully refunded.
Questions? Please contact Rosie McCusker (Tel: 832-842-2858, firstname.lastname@example.com).
Program Objective - See Syllabus for full details
The course equips students to be able
1. to conduct real-world international study and understand Taiwanese/Chinese working ethics/culture;
2. to understand the advantage of newly developed Asian countries in the industries of semiconductor, machinery tool, LED/LCD, hospital service,…etc;
3. to estimate demand function and cost function for the visited industries with statistical tools;
4. to apply decision-making rules for cost control, output rate and pricing;
5. to develop communication skills in teamwork with international participants to accomplish a shared purpose.
Readings and Cases will be provided by the professor (See daily Schedule for details). Therefore, students do not have to purchase any course materials.
Three Week Program
Each student will receive three semester hours of credit for this three-week course. Classes will operate in a semester style format with all students actively participating in discussions with their professor. Class will meet for two days in Houston prior to departure; the remaining class meetings will be held in Taiwan. Students enrolling in class will be provided with a syllabus before they leave the United States.
View Flyer: Study_Abroad_Flyer.pdf
Dates & Events
Coffee With A Cop - 11/27/2014
The Giving Tree & Tree Trimming Event - 12/1/2014
Basic Accounting for the Non-Accountant - 12/3/2014
Coffee With A Cop - 12/4/2014
UHV / American Book Review Reading Series - 12/4/2014
Saturday Book Break - 12/6/2014
Social Media for Small Business - 12/10/2014
UHV outstanding nursing students prepared for new challenges - 11/26/2014
UHV undergraduate business students present cases at conference - 11/26/2014
UHV student service organization donates money to United Way - 11/26/2014
UHV Giving Tree event to collect items for nonprofit groups - 11/26/2014


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The Benefits Center is the online center you can use to help you understand, enroll in and manage all the benefits offered to you by The Jones Group.
The Benefits Center has been upgraded to combine the "enroll" and "inform" portals into one full service center. For a tutorial on how the upgraded Benefits Center works select here (PDF).
If you have questions or need any assistance, please contact The Jones Group Benefits Help Desk at 877-373-6535 (Monday - Friday, 8:00am - 8:00pm).


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Take-N-Play Thomas: Talking James the Red Number 5 Engine R9477£13.00
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You will also notice we have a hard to find section for those items which have been discontinued or were made as a Limited Edition, if it is not listed please feel free to email us, and we will endeavour to find it for you.
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HomeOur HistoryOur Ministries Our Products Community Life
Contact Us
At Koinonia, we consider it one of our ministries to welcome people who come to our community. Our visitor program offers people, families and groups a chance to come to Koinonia for up to two weeks. Visitors enrich our lives by rejuvenating community life and helping in our labors. Most visitors also help with our ministries and our work on the farm, but some come simply to retreat, take a sabbatical, or host their own conferences.
Koinonia does not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, beliefs or any other difference that has been used to prevent people from coming together and sharing their lives. We have seen a broad diversity of people over the years and welcome all faiths, but visitors are invited to explore elements of the Christian faith in our ongoing programs.
Visitors may stay in Koinonia lodging or RV area and may join us in the noonday community meal and potlucks. We have suggested donations for visiting Koinonia, but encourage people to give what is an accessible amount for them.
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Visitors work where most needed, often outside their area of expertise. Our needs change with the season and other factors. But we encourage visitors to bring and share talents, interests, skills, and gifts with the community. Areas where visitors contribute include:
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Catalog | Shop Online | Donate | Visit | Community Interns | Ministries | History | Activism | Clarence Jordan | Search | Contact us
Koinonia Partners - 1324 GA Hwy 49 S - Americus, GA 31709 - 229-924-0391 -


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At Climate Week, Cook claims profits, environment can both prosper
09/22, 4:31pm
Says climate, human rights, education 'deep in our values'
Speaking at Climate Week NYC earlier today, Apple CEO Tim Cook said that he was "optimistic" about his company's ability to influence climate change, as well as the prospect of people choosing "green" products over alternatives. "Consumers will vote with their dollars. There's no one out there that wants the planet to go in the wrong direction, or to continue to go in the wrong direction," he explained.


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Two local educators were named top 10 finalists for the Teacher of the Year award Monday.
Sarah Shatto-Jones, a visual arts teacher at Homestead High School, and Emily J. Oberlin, a world history teacher at South Side High School, were named finalists.
Indiana Superintendent of Public Instruction Glenda Ritz announced the top 10 finalists for the 2014 Teacher of the Year. The winner will be announced in October.
Other finalists: Susan Ament, Plainfield Community School Corporation; Lauren Kniola, Metropolitan School District of Pike Township; Susan E. Panzica, South Bend Community School Corporation; Steven R. Perkins, Metropolitan School District of Washington Township; Kelly Jean Scott, Muncie Community Schools; Denise E. Selm, Richmond Community Schools; Meg Strnat, Hamilton Southeastern Schools; and Renee White, Carmel Clay Schools.


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The freebie for today is called Singolo, it is a flat single page website. Similarly to the freebie from yesterday, the Flato Lite user interface kit, once again everything used in this template is free.
This means wont have to make any modifications, and be able to use it as is from the get to. The main and only font used is Lato, while most of the icons come from the Linecons icon set by Sergey Shmidt. Also make sure you click on the image below, in order to preview Singolo in full resolution.
I should also note that Singolo will be sliced and diced into HTML & CSS, but it will be free and available only to my subscribers. So if you haven't subscribed yet, now is the right time, in the mean time, share and enjoy Singolo.Download PSD Download HTML / CSS
Recent Posts / View All Posts
The freebie for today is HTML version of the single page template called Singolo, which was released as a PSD only template not long ago.
Richard Davis also known under the name of Turksworks, has created some impressive illustrations over the years for equally impressive clients…
It took a while but we are at the 30th edition of Free Fonts Friday, so head over the jump and check out the selection for this week.
Todays freebie is a nice little timer, in all honesty I have done this one so long ago, that I don't even remember the project that it was for…


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Sentences with "directly"
Found: 3
- He will be contacting you directly. T288745
- 彼はあなたに直接連絡すると思います。
- Why not talk to her about it directly? T36492
- なぜ、彼女に直接言わないの。
- It's best to discuss relationship issues directly with your partner. T2673518
- 恋愛の悩みは恋人に相談するのが一番だよ。
This page is part of English-Japanese Sentences which is part of Interesting Things for ESL Students.
Copyright © 2011-2014 by Charles Kelly, All Rights Reserved
These sentences come from the Tatoeba Corpus (CC-BY License).


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But, truthfully, BSes are responsible for their words, as well. Many waywards live in fear that their BSes are going to pack up and take off. You said something very hurtful, and probably scary, to your WS. He still has feelings, no matter how terribly he messed up.
We all have those moments early on when we maybe cross the line and say hurtful, ugly things. But, the goal is to get to a point where we own that behavior and treat the WS with respect as well. That doesn't mean they don't deserve all the anger, etc. that they earned, and that you don't get to express it. But, as I think you'd agree that you shouldn't punch a WS, it isn't ok to verbally assault them either, or just say things to hurt them.
Understandable to want to, but not ok.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:50 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
it isn't ok to verbally assault them either, or just say things to hurt them.
Lets agree to disagree with this!
I believe you are allowed to verbally assault for a period of time after Dday. After all, your speaking your pain.
Not sure he sees it though, china.
How does that make sense?
It doesn't.
IMO he was merely trying to turn the table on you. He did not want to have any discussion about his A, you persisted (as you have every right to), and he found an opportunity to attempt to silence you.
"I wish I had just listed the house and gone ahead with the divorce and started dating"
Nothing, absolutely nothing in this ^^^ statement = crossing the line.
^^^ I too disagree with this. My WH response to my ENDLESS rants and rage = "I deserve that" ~> and that's just another reason that we are 3 1/2 years out in successful R...He "sucked it up" until I processed the horrendous hurt that he intentionally inflicted. Too bad for him that it took me about 2 years.
Regrets? None.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
I would imagine what he said triggered a lot of painful memories for you. He crossed line after line..but you expressing your regret that you listened to his pretty words and all the while he was cheating on you...that had you not fallen for his lies then you might be in a place of happiness now, instead of dealing with the pain of being betrayed....that is crossing a line?
He was out of line,IMO.
And while,yes, mAny waywards live in fear that they will be left...there are many who want to rugsweep and nit talk about it. They use their BS's pain and anger as an excuse to not talk about it. I'm not sure what kind of wayward you're dealing with. Does he have no problem talking about it any other time? Is he doing what he needs to do to repair the damage he has cause?
If you read the wayward forum, you will see that most of them understand,accept, and some even welcome their BS's anger...because they understand its imperative that we be heard.
[This message edited by confused615 at 10:43 AM, June 30th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Sorry BG - add me to the disagree list. Nothing CD said was abusive, and if that's what she thinks, why not bring it up?
CD - your WH doesn't sound remorseful. He's still all about him. He doesn't want to talk at bedtime. He doesn't want to hear you think about leaving. He he he! He sounds regretful that he's messed up his life, did something stupid, etc, but he doesn't sound remorseful. Saying you crossed a line, instead of understanding why you would think such a thing, tells me there's no real remorse inside of him yet.
Honestly, I'd start the 180.
We all have those moments early on when we maybe cross the line and say hurtful, ugly things. But, the goal is to get to a point where we own that behavior and treat the WS with respect as well.
But, assuming we have a remorseful wayward who is working hard, answering questions, trying to help us heal, IMHO, threatening to leave, or saying one should have left, is counterproductive. It may be how we feel, but I know when I have said things like that, (and I have) I later regret it. These things can leave scars as well, make the wayward defensive and close up, and escalate the argument.
There is probably a truer sentiment under there - a real feeling that can be expressed that isn't meant to hurt. "I wish I had just listed the house. . " etc., is not a feeling really, it is a thought. I think it is understandable that China has these thoughts this early on, but I also think it is acceptable and understandable for her WS to indicate that he was hurt by it.
Get him to talk about his hurt when you said it China, and you'll be two steps ahead, I think. That way you get to express yourself, and he has to be vulnerable, too.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:52 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
assuming we have a remorseful wayward
The level of defensiveness shown says, to me, there is no remorse in this WH - only regret.
And, respectfully, wishing she was single, without the house and marriage, is a feeling, not a thought. She feels like she'd be better off if she had moved forward with separation prior to the A. She may not feel like this always, but to me, it's a feeling.
Lashing out is part of the process. I think before we remind people that 'WH has feelings too', we should remember that as well. There is hurt and anger that goes deeper than we imagined anything could, and releasing that is absolutely part of the process.
I don't just blurt out "I should have divorced you", but there are days I certainly feel like it would have been the better option. There are pros to staying married and pros for divorce. Two of those are my dignity and dating someone who isn't going to cheat on me.
I see nothing wrong with sharing that. I want her to know there are pros to divorce so she knows how high the bar is to R. I'm an engineer and I'm going to go with the better list, sorry. But not really.
He has done the easy things..given you transparency..but has done no digging, and he gets mad when you try and get him to talk about it.
Painfulpast is spot on. He is regretful, not remorseful. You absolutely have the right...the need...to talk about this. You have a need to get that anger out and be heard. What you did was not verbal abuse. He isn't doing everything he should be doing to make you feel safe and work on his issues.
[This message edited by confused615 at 11:25 AM, June 30th (Monday)]
On another level, it sounds like you had a very heated discussion that ended badly. That happens from time to time.
On yet another level, you wanted to talk when he didn't want to. The conflict escalated. That happens from time to time.
If you R, I think you both will have to cut each other some slack. You both could say something you don't mean, and R means you'll allow each other to recover.
I don't see anything wrong with what you said, but if your H is a candidate for R, he's got to start accepting responsibility for any stupid comment he makes - by saying, for instance, something like, 'Sorry - I thought you were threatening D, and I want to R. Dating after D is OK; cheating on you is not OK.'
It's natural for BSes to get very angry, but attacking the WS doesn't really help release the anger. Sometimes the BS does it, for sure, but it provides only 'pseudo-relief'. The problem with anger is what it does to the angry person. Attacking others usually just keeps the anger inside.
There are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with anger. No one is perfect, but the more you choose healthy expressions and the less you choose unhealthy ways, the better for you and for the people around you.
Juts sayin'....
[This message edited by sisoon at 11:28 AM, June 30th (Monday)]
Your cheating spouse is blameshifting and also asking for pity.
It sounds as if he is still self absorbed.
What you said is a normal thing one might say after being betrayed.
Too bad, if he lives in fear that you might leave him. There has to be some consequence to his cheating.
Don't make excuses for his behavior. Do not accept it. If you do, he will likely cheat again because there has been no consequence for his cheating.
He needs to start listening to you so that you can process your pain from his deceit.
a mc is also good for helping to get these feelings across.
saying mean and ugly things during this time is normal. you are hurt and he should understand that. at some point, hopefully that will die down...it will need to if you are to have a successful r. but it will take a long time.
you didnt cross the line. you are just upset.
Attacking others usually just keeps the anger inside.
No, suppressing anger keeps the anger inside.
[This message edited by sisoon at 1:29 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
Regarding feelings vs thoughts, I read that if you can substitute the word "think" for "feel" then it is a thought. i.e. You can say "I think I should have listed the house, and gone ahead and started dating". Therefore, that is a thought, not a feeling. But, if it is a base feeling, it will not work. i.e. "I think sad," or, "I think hurt" vs. "I feel sad" or "I feel hurt." Make sense?
So, in my opinion, those were thoughts Chinadoll had. Understandable thoughts to have in her situation, but the feeling she was trying to express was deeper. If she can get to the feeling, and communicate it, then I think things will go easier. Same for Mr. Chinadoll.
When my husband told me for the first time that it scared him when I said "I should've just left you there, then -- in the backseat of the truck with AP," it made a huge impact on me. He had feelings too -- not just me. I was hurt, and so was he. We were both scared of the other person giving up. Healing comes from this place where we meet and really see each other. It is hard, and I still struggle with getting to my feelings, vs. thinking.
Just my experience.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 1:46 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
There are times during heated "discussions" that I will say things in a very hurtful way to WW. Not untrue things, but things said in a way that are intended to inflict pain rather than communicate.
Just because I am in pain, and because she over the last year behaved in an absurdly reprehensible, selfish and destructive way doesn't mean that it is acceptable to intentionally hurt her, even though it is understandable.
I have apologized when I cross the line. I will do so again, because sometimes the anger causes that.
That said, I think in the heat of that moment if my wife were to call me out right then... I totally understand where you are coming from, that sounds part of our new normal from all this :(
BH (Me) 49
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
Forgetting everything else - feeling vs thought, hurting a WS, etc. - I don't see this as crossing any lines. That thought, feeling, emotion, desire, whatever, is real in that moment. If the WS doesn't like hearing that, after such a deep betrayal the BS has thoughts of just walking, then the WS is in some pretty heavy denial. After the destruction they willingly brought into the marriage, they'd have to have their head firmly up their ass to think the BS didn't think of leaving, or other similar thoughts. If that scares the WS, tough shit! If they were so scared, they wouldn't have cheated.
If I eat an entire cheesecake every day for a month, I'd have to be an idiot to wonder why my pants didn't fit. Actions have consequences. Yes, I know, they didn't think they'd get caught. Really? Is that an excuse? The BS knows. The WS knew, with every phone call, secret meeting, sext, that they were risking their marriage. They didn't care. Well, now it's out of their hands. If they're scared, that's really on them.
A BS saying they wished that they had walked, to me, isn't even close to the line, let alone over it.
The WS knew, with every phone call, secret meeting, sext, that they were risking their marriage. They didn't care. Well, now it's out of their hands. If they're scared, that's really on them.
You are assuming that affairs are rational. They are, practically by definition, irrational. The dangers/repercussions were theoretical for most waywards. If most waywards were thinking clearly, as you describe, then they wouldn't do what they did. (And, no one would get fat, and no one would get addicted to anything, because we are all nothing but rational creatures.)
Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:29
BG - at best, you're apologetic for the WS. First, I don't buy the 'irrational, foggy' bit. Yes, there is an element of fantasy, but so what. These are adults, no? The WS knew enough to hide the relationship, lie about their whereabouts, use a fake name on the cell phone for AP, etc. They were absolutely thinking clearly - they hid it because they knew.
IF (and this is a big IF) I'm going to give any leeway due to being irrational, I'm going to give a hell of a lot more to a new BS and their irrational behavior.
Forgive me, but your posts, particularly in this thread, seem almost as if you've come to a full understanding of the WS, and yet have forgotten completely what it's like to be a BS. I understand the WS - the fantasy, the escape, the feelings of excitement and all of it. I don't excuse it. As I said, they knew enough to hide it, to lie, to gaslight. The WS is very aware of what they are risking. I will not let them off the hook with some made up definition of an affair. It is not 'irrational'. It is 'betrayal'. The betrayed does in fact become irrational, suffer from physical and emotional trauma, and is the one, imo, that deserves more, not less, empathy and understanding. The WS is a WS voluntarily. The BS was thrown into this pit without warning or desire. I'm not sure why you've forgotten some of this, and maybe you haven't, but your posts tend to say that you favor understanding the WS over the BS. On that, we'll have to disagree, because while I may have empathy for the WS, it will never, ever, come close to the empathy I feel for the BSs here and elsewhere.
And I'll say it again - a BS saying they wish they'd left, to me, isn't remotely close to the line. Sorry, but it's just not. It's a consequence that was known well in advance, hence the sneaking, lying, gaslighting, etc. Now the piper is discussing payment, and the WS is scared. Boofuckinghoo.
[This message edited by painfulpast at 3:11 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
If most waywards were thinking clearly, as you describe, then they wouldn't do what they did
Bionicgal...In what way is a Wayward not thinking clearly?
Are they confused as to their marital status when they engage in sex with another person?
Are they confused about what actions make a person happy vs completely devastated?
Seriously, I do not understand this "not thinking clearly" ~ I see this as a poor excuse.
My WH knew that what he was about to do was WRONG and was well aware that it would be extremely hurtful. He even stated that he was concerned that if I did find out I would divorce him (isn't that why the WS are not open about their A?). He was thinking clearly. He was being a selfish prick who thought he would not get caught because he is so skilled at deception.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 3:44 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
CD, you didn't go too far or cross any lines. Many BS have thoughts of *it would be better if I left* and it is completely acceptable to state those thoughts and feelings. After all, you would not be having them had your spouse stayed faithful. It is now his job to hear the hard truth, and that hard truth is at times we, as betrayeds, look and know life might be better without the extra weight and burden of our WS.
I do agree with bionicgal, and after reading the posts it seems that she might just have struggled to explain why she said what she said.
First, there is no concrete line. Every couple and every situation is different. This argument and the statement in particular are nuanced by the context in which it occurred.
Your WS said you crossed a line. He gets to determine where HIS lines are. That is one for him. You are free to argue the legitimacy of that line based on the pain he caused you.
Your WS tried to ask for some space. I disagree with the notion that WS's should ALWAYS be available to talk about the A. That's a great ideal and if they can it is wonderful for helping the BS heal. However, our WS's are people with their own emotions, frustrations and limits. One might even argue that their brokenness gets in the way of their ability to express and fully feel remorse for their actions a lot of the time, rendering them less capable of shouldering, witnessing and processing our pain. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just recognizing that it tends to exist.
If our aim in communicating with our WS's is to punish them or shame them, then communicating in this way is a good way to do it. If the aim is to gather actual information or find an emotional connection, this form of communication is going to create barriers.
IMHO when we decide to R we make the decision to come together as a team and work toward increasing communication by respecting each others emotional safety and communication styles toward a better connection. To that end, continuing conversations when one person clearly states they are not in a good space for it is disrespectful. And I think you saw how poorly that worked, as it turned into an argument and your need for compassion or validation was not only not met, but negative feelings were exacerbated.
Early in the process we have a great deal of pain. This is a huge trauma. Communication sucks, as we are reeling. It is to be expected that we will lash out, say horrible things, throw the As in the face of the WS every time they express their own feeling or need, etc, etc. At some point, though, a shift needs to occur in which both people see the A as something that happened to "us" and approach it as such.
Did you do anything wrong saying what you said? I don't know. It's not for me to judge. Only you know that. It seems an appropriate thing to say in the interest of sharing your thoughts and feelings openly. The way in which it was said or the timing of it (the delivery) might have been the main problem.
Having read some of your other posts, though, it seems that you are doing much of the work. Your attempts to engage him in the healing process are causing you further pain. If he can't be what you need right now, forcing the issue will only cause more hurt and resentment making R more difficult in the long run. You have some difficult choices to make.
Keep in mind, I struggled with this, too. Every time WS said anything about her feelings or difficulty in our relationship I responded with, "Really? You tell ME about (whatever it was)? Who f%^ked someone with their phone?" I was angry. Yes, she deserved it. Did it help? Not really. I'm not sure responding differently at the time would have helped, either. Distance is what helped. Her having time on her own to figure out what was really important.
Communication is a huge issue for all couples. Figuring out how to communicate better will be important for R. And it sucks to have to do your own work and watch what you say when you are struggling from the trauma of someone else's damaging decisions that wrecked your life as you knew it and in which you had no control.
You are free to argue the legitimacy of that line based on the pain he caused you.
Respectfully, this line should read:
You are free to argue the legitimacy of that line based on and compared to the actions he deemed acceptable
This is a man that had an affair. If that is a 'line' he's willing to cross, he's got some serious ego issues if someone saying they would rather not be in the pain his actions caused is 'over the line'.
The line is determined by a person's own actions - he felt an A was 'ok', so a statement saying someone doesn't want the pain from his A isn't over the line.
Sorry - but while I agree verbal abuse isn't ok, I disagree vehemently with anyone saying a BS wishing they had left (instead of being in this amount of pain) is abusive. It may not be something a WS wants to hear, but not wanting to hear something does NOT make it abusive.
[This message edited by painfulpast at 5:01 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
You stated- "You aren't sure what answers you're looking for...and you asked for poster's insight.
I agree: You didn't step over any line; and your WH's response to you was hurtful and inappropriate.
I took the time to read all of your posts before replying - and wanted to offer a few comments:
You'v made positive steps to help you deal with your WH's very destructive, hurtful adulterous affair.
--You are also dealing with your WH's drug addiction to prescription medications and his, recent 3rd hospitalization for REHAB.
--You are seeing your own IC and both you and your WH are seeing a MC.
--You are going to ALANON.
--You will receive your RN degree in December
--You were briefly hospitalized to gain control of your own Depression.
Throughout these positive steps you've taken to help you deal with your WH's continuous drug addiction and his 3 REHABs - you've been a SAHM with 3 children, including a 9month old Baby.
Can I ask:
What exact steps has your WH taken to HELP YOU HEAL from the destructive CHOICES he's made in this marriage, and the ongoing pain he's caused you?
Everything isn't about HIM; and his Rehab. OR, if your questions come at a time when he may be feeling "fragile."
Personally - I'd be enraged if I was home with 3 young children while my husband was in REHAB for the 3rd time; and during his treatment period his focus wasn't 100% on getting CLEAN AND SOBER; ....Rather than WH finding the time in REHAB to develop a "relationship" with his to-be-affair OW.
So, I'd feel entitled to have ALL OF MY QUESTIONS about my WH's affair answered any time I asked them...day or night!
I wanted to add:
You posted that your WH's affair was "outed to you by the OW's betrayed husband."
And you still have some contact with OW Betrayed Husband..."and he's doing a lot of rug-sweeping regarding the affair; and he really doesn't answer any of your questions.
I have two comments about this topic:
--You need to remain aware that your husband did not end this affair on his own because he felt guilty and knew it was wrong; and he came to you and "confessed."
--You must remember: NO CONTACT means exactly that - No Contact.
So - I would suggest that you end all contact with the OW's husband. He has nothing more to add to your situation...and all of your affair questions need to be answered by your husband.
Congratulations on your upcoming RN Degree in December - that is a wonderful accomplishment!
AND - as you posted - You will now have the ability to be a self-sufficient woman, financially...IF your WH will not make THE CHOICE to end his DRUG ADDICTION and take the correct steps to fix this infidelity mess he made!
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
That said, I also believe 100% that the WS has the right to set whatever wuss boundaries they want. They're still human beings and still have the right to be butt-hurt, self-involved little pansies who are all about themselves and their boo-boos if they want to be (i.e., the sorts of people for whom "boundaries" is listed in the dictionary as a synonym for "manipulation".)
As the BS, you can choose to respect those boundaries and try to work with your WS on expressing your hurt in a way that doesn't violate their terms...or you can realize exactly the sort of person you're dealing with and use that information to make informed decisions about whether this is really the sort of person worth investing in for the next x number of years until they grow themselves the fuck up.
(I was never very good at the whole "safe place for your WS to express themselves emotionally" rhetoric, so you might keep that in mind if attempting to put anything I've said into practice.)
BTW, does your husband ever stand on the bed in his underwear and shout "Respect mah authoritah!"...because this story definitely gives him a Cartman vibe, which makes me curious.
[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 6:46 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
(I was never very good at the whole "safe place for your WS to express themselves emotionally" rhetoric, so you might keep that in mind if attempting to put anything I've said into practice.)
oh God, i love it when WAL shows up. Word on this quote, and I say that as a WS. Throw water in my face in the middle of the night if you need to talk, I don't give a shit. We have each other's back or we don't. Case closed.
me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and dont take any shit.
And I'll say it again - a BS saying they wish they'd left, to me, isn't remotely close to the line. Sorry, but it's just not. It's a consequence that was known well in advance, hence the sneaking, lying, gaslighting, etc. Now the piper is discussing payment, and the WS is scared. Boofuckinghoo.
Respectfully, painfulpast, it is really her WS that determines his line, not you or me. And I wasn't saying that she did cross the line, as much as I am saying he felt that way, and that he has a right as a human being in a relationship to feel that way, and that she needs to hear it, whether she can honor it now or not. I am assuming they are both there voluntarily at this point.
and yet you have forgotten completely what it's like to be a BS.
I find this humorous. Read my posts in this thread carefully and without reactivity, and I think you'll see you are incorrect. I am not going to go through the effort of making an argument about it, or defending myself, but that is quite a thing to say.
Irrational does not mean someone did not betray someone. Irrational does not mean they are not responsible, not accountable, or anything of that nature. Irrational means they were not thinking like you or I are now when they did what they did, and that one can waste a lot of time and energy imagining they were. It doesn't, however, excuse it.
I do have beliefs about infidelity that may not jive with you or your situation, or anyone else's for that matter. That is fine. I do think the things I said regarding looking at both sides in an argument such as CD was describing is something most professionals would support, and is certainly what our MC would have advised.
So, if one merely wants a big "rah rah" about BSes having carte blanche to say what they want to waywards, then I suppose one need not read my posts. But since this is the Reconciliation forum, I do think I can post here with both sides in mind -- with not just a hurt BS in mind, but a hopefully someday reconciled couple in mind. Because in the end, for a successful reconciliation, you do, indeed, need to hear both sides, regardless of how horribly a wayward may have behaved.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:46 PM, June 30th (Monday)]
I'm going to state right off that I don't think the original poster crossed any sort of rational line that's worth commenting on. The fact that her WS has deemed it a line tells me he's probably a pretty big fucking wuss, but that's just my take.
That said, I also believe 100% that the WS has the right to set whatever wuss boundaries they want. They're still human beings and still have the right to be butt-hurt, self-involved little pansies who are all about themselves and their boo-boos if they want to be (i.e., the sorts of people for whom "boundaries" is listed in the dictionary as a synonym for "manipulation".)
As the BS, you can choose to respect those boundaries and try to work with your WS on expressing your hurt in a way that doesn't violate their terms...or you can realize exactly the sort of person you're dealing with and use that information to make informed decisions about whether this is really the sort of person worth investing in for the next x number of years until they grow themselves the fuck up.
As the BS, you can choose to respect those boundaries and try to work with your WS on expressing your hurt in a way that doesn't violate their terms...or you can realize exactly the sort of person you're dealing with and use that information to make informed decisions about whether this is really the sort of person worth investing in for the next x number of years until they grow themselves the fuck up.
So we are in bed and she asks if I want to have sex. I declined and said I was tired, not really in a good place.
Her response?
"Well if your going to reject me then I won't try again"
Reject! How about the massive rejection you did against me!
Secondly while I feel BS's on here have been hurt unbearably and deserve the utmost sympathy, empathy and support I have read some threads where I feel people cross the line. Eventually and not as early out as Chinadoll is but eventually you have to realize that your WS (if they are remorseful) has feelings, emotions and boundaries of their own. In particular remorseful WS have made major changes in thinking and how they view themselves and the world. My ex said things that scarred me and I accepted most of it but there were times I would tell him what you just said hurt me. He'd be angry and I would explain myself. Whether he accepted it or not does not change how it legitimately made me feel.
Thirdly to say to another BS that she no longer understands what it feels like to be a BS because she is trying to express her opinion on interactions between WS and BS is incredibly insulting. Reading that I felt like you took what she went through and made it inconsequential because she had a different opinion.
Lastly we must all eventually get to a place where the A is not every conversation and not the response to all negative communication while in R. There will be times when WS's may say something stupid or negative that have nothing to do with the A, immediately comparing that to their actions during the A is not fair and will not solve anything. Do I understand what they did to their BS is not fair yes absolutely but that goes back to the point I'm trying to make in general. Life is going to be negative, ugly, unfair and terrible sometimes but when one incident has nothing to do with another it should not be brought into the current situation.
All of the above is just my opinion and ymmv.
[This message edited by Unagie at 5:45 AM, July 1st (Tuesday)]
No longer together
"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss
I do agree with BG, once in R there has to come a point where the venting stops. The couple must learn to communicate their feelings without resorting to hurtful comments. R is about rebuilding the marriage, no? Comments about wishing you had divorced and started dating, delivered in that manner in that particular argument are destructive, no matter how truthful they are.
I get the whole truth speaking thing. It is important for the BS to have their feelings heard, even if they are uncomfortable. Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings is a must for any wayward. But a way must be found for those feelings to be expressed without taking chunks out of the WS and the M.
CD, your WH handled that conversation all wrong. You crossed a line in the context of telling him that information but the actaul content of what you were saying is your truth and you didn't cross a line by saying it. He should hear that stuff, absolutely. He should comfort you and validate you because he should be able to hear the pain behind those words. He should be proactive in healing you and the M.
I guess my point is, tell him how you feel but work together to improve you communication techniques.
My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.
I like to shout rant and rave sometines it makes me feel better.I think he deserves everything he gets.
When I'm done though I look at this sad man infrony of me who seems broken.
Last night we talked and I asked how he felt when I do this.
His reply " I deserve eveything you throw at me,I'll take it because I'm sorry for what I've done'
I live every day in fear that you will leave me,when I get home from work on so relieved to see you are still here.
This was said through tears.
Bionic gal I can see that my words hurt him.
I know I say them to hurt,because I'm angry.
But sometimes I know I need to think about what in saying because I know they are empty threats about leaving the difference is he doesn't.
If a wh is truly truly sorry and wants to put things right with every breath they take then at some point I need to stop this cycle .
It makes me feel good for 5mins then we sit and cry broken together.
My husband doesn't deal with emotions well so I can see my behaviour doesn't help us in the long run.
Of course they have feelings, and they can be hurt.
I also think a WS, shortly after dday, should try to understand that a BS is in whirlwind of pain, and when we express that pain it doesn't necessarily equate to "abuse." Ascendant posted about this in the betrayed menz thread. He said it perfectly. I wish I could find it..but it's early and Ive had no coffee.
I see it quite often on the wayward forum. Usually a WW. "My BH is being mean to me..he is abusing me." How? What is he doing? "He's saying mean things to me." Like what? And, quite often, the "abuse" is nothing more than their BH crying, venting, and being angry that his wife has been out screwing his best friend. I mean..how dare he be mad and yell and hurt her feelings..right?
If you read a few of the OP's posts, you will see that while her WH is transparent, and NC, that's about it. She tries to talk and he gets pissed. He gets exasperated. She needs answers and he isn't giving them to her.
I agree. Eventually in R the venting needs to stop. But, maybe that should be after they have talked it through..a few times..after he has answered her questions..a few times(because a BS is so traumatized by the WS's actions they have trouble processing the information the first few times). She is a few months out from dday. The pain is still very fresh.
WAL said it best.
As the BS, you can choose to respect those boundaries and try to work with your WS on expressing your hurt in a way that doesn't violate their terms...or you can realize exactly the sort of person you're dealing with and use that information to make informed decisions about whether this is really the sort of person worth investing in for the next x number of years until they grow themselves the fuck up.
Sometimes in exercise class when it gets super hard and I think I am at my physical limit, my instructor says: "yes...This is what it is supposed to feel like." So, know your feelings are normal, and that you are not alone. You are a living, breathing loving person, and that is why thus hurts. But, it does get better
Hang in there.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 7:31 AM, July 1st (Tuesday)]
Chinadoll. The 180 sounds like a good place for you right now while you ponder.
I think you're making progress. One of the first steps in recovering from this is to focus on yourself - feeling your feelings, figuring out what you want, seeing if your H will deliver, negotiating boundaries.
Sounds like you're about there. It may seem lonely at first - wait a bit, and you'll feel stronger than you ever have before.
Should the WS respond favorably every time the BS has a thought or feeling to share in response to the trauma they are navigating? Absolutely. But is that realistic, especially so early on? Probably usually not.
Should the WS, as a partner in a relationship in R be able to declare that they are not in a good space for a difficult discussion? Of course they should. Are they meeting the needs of their WS when they do? No. When we were struggling with this it helped to have my WS tell me she would be better able to talk the next day.
There is so much understandable venom and anger expressed by the BSs on this thread. I get it. I have it too. In our case my WS suffered from not sharing her needs, thoughts or feelings. When she was not in a good space it was extremely difficult for me, but I had to remember that she was doing something new by recognizing it and sharing it. This situation may be different, but I would bet money that most if the relationship issues before the As were due in large part to breakdowns on effective communication.
I'm sorry that his inability to meet your needs has led to using the 180. However, I think that will be extremely helpful for you. I remember it teaching me that I could fulfill my own needs when overwhelmed with emotions instead of placing demands on my WS. It will help you regardless of his ability to come back to R offering everything you need.
R is a gift. One that we give ourselves in honor of the relationship potential we see in each other following this traumatic experience. Based on your other posts, he hadn't proven that potential yet, but rest assured it is something that happened to both of you. Separation and D are also gifts we can give ourselves based on the potential of the relationship. You don't deserve any more pain from him, and I'm happy to see you honoring yourself in that way be embracing the 180.
And mozzchops, that SAME thing happened to me! I was flabbergasted that because I was in an insecure place AND voiced it she accused ME of rejection. I wanted to scream, "you don't know what rejection is until someone who professed to love, care, and protect you used their phone to f$&k your close friend and do it in front of you while rejecting your need for intimacy while you battle depression!" I didn't say that, of course, but it did turn I to a few week discussion. Ultimately I think our WSs are constantly afraid we will reject them and leave. They are feeling unworthy, disgusting and shameful. It's probably difficult to vulnerably seek intimacy from us, so when we aren't in that space it creates overwhelming fears. It doesn't make it ok, as they should work on that and gains healthier perspective. Man it was a mindf$&k thoughts have WS accuse me of rejection at all. So difficult not to bite. It was one of the few things I left alone and proceeded calmly later.
I think it is more nuanced than that. Just because you were hurt, doesn't mean you can't hurt others, and that at some point we have to take ownership of that.
I know this was a few pages back but I agree (assuming you mean "Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you CAN hurt others" because, I dunno, validating pain from lashing out isn't what I am agreeing with).
This, however:
. So back to last night. I was so upset, so angry at him, so hurt by his lies that I said "I wish I had just listed the house and gone ahead with the divorce and started dating". And he replied "you just crossed a line". (This was after much negative back and forth). And I lost it. Screaming "I crossed a line by saying I would date?!?! You f-ing did it!!!!!! You tell me I crossed a line???". Only with a lot more vulgarity and profanity.
Is not a good example of inflicting pain that way. What it is a good example of is a cheater blameshifting his bullshit with a whiny crock of poor-me. He said she crossed a line when she said she should have gone ahead with the divorce and started dating - basically, she made a mistake to try because he took that trust and abused it a second time.
There is no line that was crossed there. There was no pain thrown out. That was him being things I just realized I can't say because we're in the R forum.
The screaming and shit after that statement is not relevant to that statement, because it came after the line comment.
Finally, if his boundaries are such that she cannot express her frustration and disappointment without carefully couching it to salve his ego, then I'm inclined to agree with her original assessment. She should have gone and got a D and started dating. Yes, he gets to set that line, but when you present your boundaries as wheeled goalposts like that it's really, really easy to score.
WS doesn't like hearing that, after such a deep betrayal the BS has thoughts of just walking, then the WS is in some pretty heavy denial.
After the destruction they willingly brought into the marriage, they'd have to have their head firmly up their ass to think the BS didn't think of leaving, or other similar thoughts. If that scares the WS, tough shit! If they were so scared, they wouldn't have cheated.
After the destruction they willingly brought into the marriage, they'd have to have their head firmly up their ass to think the BS didn't think of leaving, or other similar thoughts. If that scares the WS, tough shit! If they were so scared, they wouldn't have cheated.
I agree with, Pastthelies' post, In its entirety.
It's so true, too. If the wayward doesn't like hearing the BS thoughts or the expression of their pain, that's not constructive.
I see it a lot though on infidelity forums. A former wayward spouse will become unglued over a true but unflattering statement the faithful spouse said.
It just shows that they are not "getting it".
I, too, was told early on that I crossed the line. It was during a period of some heavy duty TT. My FWH was not willing to talk about his affair at all. He even went as far as saying the priest he saw for confession days after DDay told him never to talk about it. (Nice try, Sherlock!..he later told me that was yet another lie.)
I think that in the beginning, many Waywards have so much trouble facing the ugliness of their behaviors in the light of day.
The shame and guilt and all of the other emotions become overwhelming and just too much. At some point, they need to own and understand the consequences of such behavior.
It needs to be done in a constructive way. It's not something that is accomplished easily. It takes intestinal fortitude.
This R stuff, it's not a sprint, it's a freakin marathon. With compassion on both sides if the fence.
Recently, the OW broke NC by text. My H did the correct thing and showed me immediately. I burst into tears. I triggered! But, you know what,? It was clearly out of the blue, and he was able to communicate calmly how he was triggered and angry, too! I really respect that!


text: Thousands of Ballots May Not Reach Military In Time by John Nolte 5 Nov 2012 post a comment Share This: Because the military is overwhelmingly Republican, the media never makes a stink about stories like this: Mail redirection in the military can take between 14 to 50 days, meaning a ballot could reach the voter possibly more than a month after ballots have to be mailed back in order to be counted. The Military Postal Service Agency (MPSA) identified problems with the system after the 2010 election, but hasn't implemented changes. "DoD's failure to fix this longstanding problem means that the blank ballots of thousands of overseas service members, as well as some who have recently returned from overseas, could be currently trapped in an archaic and inefficient mail forwarding system," the senators wrote. "These ballots are unlikely to reach these service members until after Election Day has passed." Stupid American heroes... If they voted the correct way, the CorruptMedia would ensure that was never allowed to happen again.


text:
The Heroes series continues with tributes to more football legends...
Ben Foster on Peter Schmeichel
Peter Schmeichel was always the player I looked up to. He was a cut above the rest in his era and he changed the face of goalkeeping. I still try to model myself on him and use aspects of his game in mine. He produced some unbelievable saves - I still watch a lot of them again on You Tube. One that sticks out is the starfish jump to deny Zamorano in United's Champions League win over Inter in 1999. That moment just summed him up – he made himself unbeatable at times.
Dimitar Berbatov on Ivan Berbatov, Marco van Basten, Alan Shearer
There are three players I really looked up to when I was a kid. My father, Ivan (who played professionally for local club Pirin Blagoevgrad) taught me a lot, so I have a lot to thank him for. The others were Marco van Basten and Alan Shearer. When you hear these names - maybe not my father! [laughs] - van Basten and Shearer, you don't need to know why they were great players. They scored goals and played magnificent football. They were the best. But I didn't ever try to copy them, because you must have your own style of playing. If you start copying someone, I don't think it will be you. You must stay with what you have. They inspired me to be the best player that I could be rather than made me want to replicate everything they did. But I watched them a lot, I had many video tapes of them and all their goals. Sometimes I watch the videos just to remind me of how good they were.
Darron Gibson on Roy Keane
I'd have to say Roy Keane. Obviously he's Irish and was arguably one of the greatest midfielders in the world over the last ten years. His goal and performance against Juventus in the 1999 Champions League semi-final were just fantastic.
Patrice Evra on Romario
I didn't have a football hero when I was a child; I just loved to play the game. I never thought to myself one day I'd like to be as