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Adoptive Families, the award-winning national adoption magazine, is the leading adoption information source for families before, during, and after adoption.
I am the mother of a 16 year old biological son, an 8 year old biracial daughter (adopted at 3 days old) and a 7 year old African-American son (adopted at 5 days old). We live in a small, agricultural town. When I notice someone staring rudely I look right at them and say, "I can't help but stare at my beautiful children, too. Aren't I blessed to have such good-looking kids? " It's a simple way to let another person know they were being rude. Hopefully the gentle reminder that we all have feelings will not be lost on the person behaving rudely.
Posted by: Susan Cairns at 9:27pm Oct 31
Both my daughter Katelyn and son Christopher are biracial. My husband Frank and I are white. (Katelyn is ten and Christopher is five.) If we are taking family road trips, gone to the supermarket, Wal-Mart, the mall, resturants or anywhere else, people stop and stare. I hear people asking one another "Are they a family? If so thats a messed up family." Some kids walk up to my kids and ask "Where is your real family?" Christopher cries about it, but Katelyn stands up for him and herself and says "right here... got a problem?" Christopher loves us and he is glad he is adopted but he wishes people wouldn't make fun of him for being adopted. Katelyn doesn't really care what people say because she knows deep down inside that Frank and I are their parents and we would do anything for them. She is trying to get Christopher not to care either. I just tell people who stare at us " Yes we are a family, yes we make not look alike and no I don't care what you say about us because this is my family through thick and thin"
Posted by: Valerie Simmons at 11:03pm Nov 25
I enjoyed your article "Is that your real sister". I have 2 children adopted from the same orphanage in Russia, but at different times. My son was adopted at age 6 1/2/ months and is now 4, and my daughter joined us this past April and is now 3 yrs old. They are only 9 mos apart and while my son is caucasian, ny daughter is 1/4 Korean and has some asian features. They are both beautiful children and despite their differences in appearance I still get the question " are they twins" or comments like " they seem awfully close in age". My response differs from a simple "no, they're not twins" or "yes, they are" I rarely say they are adopted to strangers. TO me they are my children. I am very open about my experiences as a single mom adopting from Russia with friends and those seeking info on the issue, but do not feel it is something that needs to be broadcast to the "well-meaning" stranger.My children know they are adopted and that "God mande our family Special, he chose us for each other"
Posted by: Carolyn Daley at 1:40pm Jan 10
I have almost the opposite experience from those talked about in this article. We have a six year old biological daughter and a two-year old adopted son from Guatemala. As we were deciding about adoption and preparing to bring my son home, we were expecting to move in the world as an obviously bi-racial family. Turns out my son is very light-skinned, and looks an awful lot like my husband and I, with our Southern European complexion. Most people are surprised to learn that he is adopted. I expect it will make for a whole host of different identity issues as he gets older, and I haven't heard much about this type of situation in international adoption.
Posted by: Lydia at 1:20am Jan 11
We too face this issue in our family but not quite like some of those quoted above. We have lived as Americans in China for over 10 years now and have a 6 year old biological daughter and 3 year old adopted Chinese daughter. We deal with comments on both sides. For many situations it is our blonde haired and blue eyed biological girl that gets most of the comments when we go out. We have to point out that we have 2 beautiful daughters. However, we also find ourselves having to use some of the same coping strategies suggested above to explain how the younger is a full fledged member of the family and not just a friend from school. Adoption just isn't a familiar concept to most Chinese people.
Posted by: Andy & Brooke at 10:27am Jan 11
My husband & I are both pasty white blondes and both of our children are multi-racial. Our daughter is 3 and she is 1/2 cc, 1/4 aa and 1/4 filipino. She's beautiful with her olive skin, big brown eyes, brown curly hair and dimples. Our son is 14 months and he is 1/2 cc, 1/4 aa and 1/4 apache indian. He has some almost asian features and is the cutest little boy with the same olive skin tone, big brown eyes, brown hair and dimples. We're obviously a family built through adoption, and they look an awful lot alike so we do get a lot of people who ask "is that her real brother?" or "are they real brother and sister?" If I know the person I'll take the time to explain but if not I simply say yes. Because they are "real" siblings just not biological. There are a lot of nosey people in the world and most ask their questions out of curiousity...not meant to cause any harm but lack of knowledge re. proper adoption vocabulary is sometimes hard to deal with and comes across rude.
Posted by: sarah at 1:47am Jan 15
My oldest son was adopted from Vietnam. My second son was a surprise pregnancy. The boys are one year apart, but are the same size. My oldest son is Asian and very brown, my youngest is Swedish and very blonde. I get asked, at least five times a week, if the two boys are twins. I think some people want to ask if we adopted, but are too shy. If I am in a good mood I say, "No my oldest son is Vietnamese." or "No, they are a year apart." If I'm in a bad mood I act like I'm deaf. We are lucky to have many friends with families that look just like ours.
Posted by: Michelle at 4:12pm Feb 13
The day our dossier went to Guatemala we found out, after 7 years of infertility, that we were pregnant. We kept things quiet until one day we allowed our 12 yr old to announce it to our friends. "We are getting twins..." she explained "one will be brown and one will be white". Our two beautiful "irish twins" - are now 2 years old. Ana is quite tiny and dark from Guatemala and Tyler is a huge blond German boy. What looks and comments we get! What is most distressing is when people think that Ana is our older daughter's child. I also get angry when she gets repeated attention and Tyler gets ignored. One day I will get up the guts to announce "well my children all have different fathers you know!" just when the moment is right. I think that some playfulness on our part may help when they are old enough to participate. I was adopted as a child and looked very different from my siblings, also adopted. We used to love watching people squirm as we gave out very little information to their probing questions. My mother would play dumb to their questions and comments pretending not to understand what they were talking about - at the same time beeming with pride and twinkling her eyes so that we knew just what game she was playing!
Posted by: shirley F at 10:28pm Feb 13
hi, we have a beautiful 6 year old adopted boy, he is a very lovable, and kindhearted and sincere child. He has a step brother and sister to dad. our problem is the sister is jeolous of dad's atention to our 6 year old. Sister is 16 and lives with her mother, she pays no attention to our 6 year old when she comes over and she hates to hear if dad had taken him to his sports. what can we do (its makes me, adopted mum, very angry and wanting to do more for my 6 year old) I want us to all get along, but not have to push the love. please help thanks
Posted by: sue at 8:28am Feb 14
I enjoyed reading the articles of the 2 families experiences. Both of our daughters were adopted from China as toddlers. The question that I have heard to EXCESS is, "Are they real sisters?" Usually, I just say yes, or I ask, "Do you mean, are they biologically related?" If they say yes to my question, my answer is, "They are not biologically related, but they certainly are real sisters". From our older daughter, now 12 years old, her least favorite question, which has never been asked in my presence is, "What happened to your real parents?" She considers this to be an ignorant question, as her response to this question about her parents is, "of course these are my real parents". Both girls have times when they wish they could be an only child with the complete attention of both parents, but most of the time they love playing together, laughing with each other and just being sisters.
Posted by: Jane Blannin at 4:39pm Jul 27
My partner and I are African-American and Asian repectively and we have a 16 month old Russian son with light blond hair and sky blue eyes and extremely fair skin. We are constantly asked if we are his real moms. One person even thought that my wife had an affair! Sometimes, people don't think when they speak.
Posted by: Alice at 12:58pm Feb 4
I think this article is great in dealing with realistic challenges associated with adoption. I have recently posted on my blog about the issue of idealizing adoption and not taking a balanced look at the challenges that may come as an adoptive parent, and I referenced this article. To see blog: http://vabeachbabies.com/?cat=65
Posted by: Kate at 7:50pm Feb 4
I enjoyed reading these articles and everyone's comments! I am 21 years old and still in school, but I really want to adopt children from all over the world when I am married and settled down. I want to have two children biologically and adopt seven. It will be a big family and a lot of money will be spent. But there are way too many children in the world having to live their lives without loving families and I would like to do my little part by providing a loving family for all my future children. The thing I am a bit nervous about is the fact that they will all look different and I am not sure how I will help them deal with the stares, comments, etc.
Posted by: Rach at 3:17pm Aug 1
Hi, I enjoyed reading your article a lot. I am a single adoptive Mum of a darling little boy from Viet Nam who is now almost 2 (adopted at 6 months). We get a lot of attention when we go out and I am working to find a strategy to deal with nosy and sometimes deliberately rude or critical people who ask probing questions. Your tips and suggestions are appreciated. In the future I would be open to a second adoption as I would like Lucan to have a sibling - will see what opportunities there are for expanding the family.
Posted by: Karon at 11:49pm Sep 8
I am curious where you allow the adoptee voice in all of this? Might it not be worth listening to adult adoptees who have something to say about this multicultural Shangri-La you are describing which is just a front for abject racism and glass ceilings? I'd recommend a web site such as Transracial Eyes to get a but of a clue on this matter. http://www.transracialeyes.com/
Posted by: Daniel Ibn Zayd at 6:09am Sep 9
Hi, I'm now a pre-teen and have two older (we are all 2 years apart from each other) adopted sisters. My parents thought thay couldn't have children so they adopted A from China at a weeks old and 2 years later C at about the same. Then two years later my mum became pregnant with me. My sisters ARE my real sisters, we act like sisters because we are sisters not by blood or backround, but by everything else. Sometimes I dread meeting new people because they always ask the awful questions. I was once even asked if I was more 'special' than them. Needless to say I gave that person a peice of my mind-that was in grade 3 though. I have the things people say and ask me and my sisters "are they actually sisters? They look the same" Yes we all are, and no they do not actually look the same-they are from different provinces and look very different form each other thank you. "Why are you sisters?" Because we are "Do your parents like you better?" No, do you like your mum or dad better? Ya I thought so. Sorry, I'm ranting but I just wanted to show everyone how the other child feels to. A, C and I talked about it once and found out the different things we deal with. For them it's always "Are you and C sisters? Why is D yoru sister? Who are your real parents" For me it's "Why are you sisters? Are they actual sisters? Are you more special" I hate all of it. So do they. But we don't care because family sticks together. (we are DEFINIETLY not bullied because of it, it's just the ignorent people or new people we meet who are like that)
Posted by: Dana at 10:57am Oct 5
-I posted the comment above I just wanted to add on, that if you are considering adoption don't hesitate. I don't know what I would do without my older sisters. I love them so much and people really arn't bad about it. Of course in every rose, there are a few thorns. I love my sister so much and if you have child blood related to you and one who isn't they are both your children, and are siblings to each other. No matter what. We are family-no matter how different we look.
Posted by: Dana at 7:34pm Oct 9
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text:
noun: The typical description of a long-term babysitter who loves to get marshmallows toasted. It can also commonly be used when referring to a person(typically female)who asks the question, "Yeah can you toast my marshmallow?"
When the blonde girl discovered that she was being called Wee Wee all over campus, she turned to the sky and said, "Really...Voom?!?!"
by mhunkele July 10, 2008
A childish word for urinating
"Mummy! I need to go wee wee real bad!"
by Billy-Bob McSanchez April 06, 2005
1. to pee
2. a small penis
2. a small penis
1. i have to go weewee
2. my baby has a weewee
2. my baby has a weewee
by lololowtfhihahavvv December 14, 2004
1. the penis
2. to urinate
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by Light Joker August 07, 2004
An extremely tiny penis that is barely able to be called a penis; A laughably small penis.
When Ryan's swimming trunks fell off, he didn't realize it and stepped out of the water. Us girls all laughed at his tiny, hairless wee wee!
by super hot Sarah May 12, 2010

subset: commoncrawl