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Slowly getting better - am I stupid?
Posted 30 April 2012 - 11:41 AM
Hello I am new here and have been reading the site and forums. It is very fascinating to me as I've been dealing with EA/VA for over 17 years now. I didn't know it until about two years ago, when I read the books The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans and Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft on the advice of my therapist. It was shocking because he was doing SO many things described in the books. A big one is joking around, and when I get mad saying, "You are too sensitive." When I told him about the EA/VA I had just discovered was going on, he denied it at first. I was very angry when I realized I'd been abused for 15 years. Then gradually he started to see that yes he was abusing me but not in a physical way, and it was the same type of abuse he'd suffered as a child.
The problem I'm having right now is he is getting better but not quickly enough for my health. I have many physical health problems due to a genetic condition and these are aggravated by his outbursts. He tries really hard to keep the EA/VA under control but there are certain situations which bring them out. Holidays, traveling, meal times, large crowds, noises, anything that aggravates his OCD tendencies will turn him into a raging maniac again. Then after his bad behavior is over he will apologize and say he is sorry but the damage is done. This has happened so many times that my 13-yr-old son and I really can't stand him. Sad to say but we just don't "like" him. He nags me for sex constantly, criticizes me and is very insensitive to my needs.
I've been to therapy so many times and he's gone with me a few times. The first few times he sat there with arms folded and refused to speak much. The last time or two he did talk but didn't engage a lot. So I haven't really taken him back. Plus my therapist pretty much says, "He is being abusive and I don't see much hope for your marriage." So I haven't been to therapy for awhile because no matter how much I talk, we always end up there.
On the other hand he has made some great progress in the past couple of years. Am I stupid to wait and see if he will get better? With my health issues it would be difficult for me to be by myself. I can't lift heavy objects due to shoulder problems and he has made an effort to help me out around the house more. He has started to become more "social" and has developed a more positive attitude at work to the point he has gotten promotions. I feel he was really under his family's thumb all these years and not allowed to live his own life. They were very controlling of him and now maybe he is starting to finally leave the nest at age 39
Going to his family's gatherings is a complete nightmare for me and I will often become physically ill. I'm not sure why because they won't do anything per se. It's more what they don't do. They don't talk to me, they just sort of ignore me like I'm not even there. His dad and brother are nacissists and I suspect he is too which is why nothing I do or say is interesting to them. I'm a people-pleaser and tend to just shut up and deal with it because I don't want to make waves. However if I never saw any of his family members again it would be a huge relief. Are they the source of all this? For years I thought it was something unpleasant about ME and I would try to get them to like me. Then I realized they treat everyone this way.
Thanks for listening! ~ Sapphire
Posted 30 April 2012 - 01:16 PM
First, it is most important that you take carre of yourself and protect your child. If your H grew up ea/va, then what do you think your child is experiencing? Your husband is your son or you (tolerating abuse) in a few short years.
Second, you can separate without getting a dovorce. You can take time out to let him know that you are important enough to you to need space from him and that it is his choice to get help or not.
Third, none of this makes youu "stupid" or "bad" or makes him "unredeemable". Taking the labels out sometimes can help. Sometimes they are useful. Use them wisely..
I have been through someone else's recovery. It takes years when the person is very committed, has hit bottom and is left with no other option. And when I say years, I am talking 3 plus to get behavioral changes that are motivated by a different attitude - not surface changes that can not stick - and that is providing the exact right therapy with a strong willingness on the part of the patient. With adequate therapy which is not the exact right, it takes a lot longer.
Additionally your therapy needs to be very active and in partnership with his (not marriage counseling) in the sense that it works on you changing your role in the dynamic.
If you want to save youur marriage, there is absolutlley nothing stupid about that. It just means you have to be able to assess realisticallyt what you need to do and what you are able to do with a certain set of circumstances.
How about reading the book "necessary ending" by Henry Cloud? It might help you to think through some of the questions you are facing.
Take heart- there are solutions and you will find them. You are not helpless or stuck or doomed. While discovering what you have can be very hurtful and overwhelming, it is a great thing because it opens doors to you that you may not have seen before! You can actually do something about it now!!!
Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:56 AM
I definitely think the EA/VA bursts out when he is feeling this anxiety and stress.
I do feel bad for my son. When he was about 3 yrs. old he told my mother-in-law "I want a new daddy!" This was my husband's mother! She just sort of stared. My son is starting to have some anxiety and anger issues too.
It is good that I've identified the problem so I can fix it. People hint I am "not so smart" for putting up with any of it; they don't realize it takes years to get rid of all the bad habits. Hubby wants me to tell him when he is doing something bad. He says he is not always aware of it. Like the other day, we were shopping (huge anxiety producer for him) and when we got to something I was interested in, he tried to rush me along and didn't let me look at what I wanted to see. I almost blew up at him right there! I tend to overreact to it now that I see what is going on.
Posted 01 May 2012 - 09:45 AM
For now if you haven't read it yet you might also want to read this thread: Signs He/She Has Changed: http://www.drirene.c...showtopic=43472
Anyone who is genuinely focused on their own recovery must do it for himself or herself not for someone else and not as a means to an end, for example to win you back, or to win back their family. You can't make him change, or even make him want to change. If he wants to change let him find his own therapist, or psychiatrist. Let HIM decide what he needs to do and then let HIM do it. What he does will tell you if he wants to be different or if he just wants YOU to be different.
It is good that I've identified the problem so I can fix it.
If what you mean here is you can change the way you think and feel about the way your H acts and reacts and treats you then good, because that is something you can change. But if you mean you can 'fix' your H then sorry to say you are deluding yourself and I would urge you to seek or continue with some kind of individual therapy for you. Because the fact of the matter is the only person you can control is you. You trying to fix your husband is textbook codependence.
Posted 01 May 2012 - 10:39 AM
You are not stupid for trying to work through the bad in a marriage. It may not be possible to save it, becauuse the cost is your soul, but that does not make oyu stupid.\\what yoou might be able to do is talk to the family doctor if you have a solid relationship with the doc, you might be able to stage a mental health intervention with an interventionist, you might be able to talk to a clergy person if you have a strong network there -
But what is most important is that you realize that you are not responsible for him. You are not responsible for telling him about his behavior. That is him asking oyu to tale responsibility for him and then you becomming his mother, which he will resent and you will resent and the explosions will continue.
Stop doing that now is my advice.
I think you seem to need to learn skills to del wiith it that assert the dignity and independence of both of you.
Try reading "boundaries" and "safe people" by townsend and cloud
also "stop walking on eggshells" and :the verbally abusive relationship" to learn what this means.
For now, one hint I can give you is to say "that's interesting, why would you say that to me?" or "hmmm"
When abuse starts, excuse yourserlf calmly. "It feels heated right now, I will come back when things are calm"
also, try eliminating circumstances where he is stressed- this is a very short term solution - if he freaks out shopping, then do not go shopping with him. If you can see he is anxious giv him a hug and say "can you hhelp me understand how you are feeling, you seem a littl edistracted. are you ok, I would love to know how you feel?" blah bah blah "I can see how it must be uncomfortable to fel that way" -- if he starts to get abusve (blames you, for example) remove yourself.
I would start with the kreiger and Evans books- and then move to boundaries, safe people and then necessary endings.
Posted 03 May 2012 - 07:36 AM
As far as "signs he has changed". . .I would say he is showing about half of the change signs but he still lapses pretty easily. My emotions are very cold because I don't trust him. When he has a couple of good days, I'm afraid to be happy because I know he'll backslide again. I realize it is his responsibility to fix himself, but I guess I can start working on my boundaries and also dealing with his family because they stress me out too.
- Sapphire
Posted 03 May 2012 - 01:30 PM
Thank you, Prudence and Lionheart. I was able to find the "Boundaries" book at my local library and am reading it now. It is really interesting - my only complaint is the constant Bible verses thrown in. Because I grew up in a very controlling religious environment where my mom quoted Bible verses at me to make me feel guilty.
That is what your mother did. not what God did. She perverted his words and intentions to condemn. Please don;t blame God or feel bad about his word becaiuse someone else, as a fallen person, misued him. In this case," shoot the messenge", not the authorr )
I hope that makes you feel better.
As far as his issues go, yes, you are right, you can not fix him. Focus on you for now and you will realize that you are less and less annoyed by what other people do -
I do notspecifically reccommend "boundaries" because of the biblical focus, but because it's a great tool), however you did say that you grew up in a religious househild, so I will say to you personally, although we can grow up with people misusing and abusing God's word to us to condemn, God isn;t about that. As much as he forgives me, he foorgives everyone. As much as I do not deserve the level of forgiveness, I can not begrudge what God has to offer them, nor can I not forgive others as I have been forgiven.
To some people that might sound like admonition, however, it is freedom. Forgive yourself for being where you are right now and go forth to do better, and do the same with your h. You will be free of needing him to change for you and be able to live the best life you can- even if that mmeans without him, either temporarilty or permanentaly - God loves you and is not condemmning you - he wants the best for you. He wants you to have bouyndaries so you are safe to yourself and to others and he wants you to be able to discern between right and wrong so ypou can travel right and stay clear from wrong. It's not selfish to focus on yourself and do your part. It is an act of love to yourself and to your husband anc child.
Posted 03 May 2012 - 03:58 PM
Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:38 AM
Posted 07 May 2012 - 08:45 AM
That is what your mother did. not what God did. She perverted his words and intentions to condemn. Please don;t blame God or feel bad about his word becaiuse someone else, as a fallen person, misued him. In this case," shoot the messenge", not the authorr )
I hope that makes you feel better.
Yeah it is amazing I am still a believer after the amount of condemnation I saw. But somehow I was able to get through it, with time. My mom's "mellowed out" quite a bit in her old age. She's nowhere near as strict as she used to be.
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John Nosta, Contributor
I write about how science, technology and medicine impact your life.
It's the year 202o. 20/20, just like perfect vision.
And interestingly, it's also your vision. In today's world of health and wellness, computer-guided laser vision correction is so commonplace that eye glasses are hardly necessary and almost pure fashion. Except for the occasional "Google Glasses" that early innovators still wear as a badge of adoption.
The Exam Room of the Future
Today is the first time you've been to a doctor's office in two years. Yet, surprisingly, you're as compliant and up to date as can be. Over the past two years, you've had several interactions with your doctor including an ECG, simplified physical exam and evaluation of a sore throat. However, these evaluations were done from your home with one of the most essential components of care for both you and your physician–the smart phone. As you arrive, one of the first things you notice is that the waiting room is almost empty. Advances in digital appointments and off site care have changed the practice dynamics significantly. In fact, your family physician sees more patients virtually than in the real world. The digital receptionist acknowledges you by first name as you approach this holographic image. Face recognition has instantly identified you and a thermal scan has checked your body temperature to screen for the potential of any infectious conditions that would immediately shuttled you off to an isolation area.
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Let's take a closer look at what just happened in the future:
Healthcare is in a great state of transition now. Financial concerns, reimbursement and coverage, and an aging population will be powerful drivers of change. Technology will be a beacon of innovation that will help address many of these concerns without the compromise of care. The innovation, and the rate of change is simply amazing and the future is looking very healthy indeed.
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I hope this fantastic vision – will come true!
In the interest of torturing a metaphor … looking at new healthcare technology through the lens of patient experience is a great way to make it visceral and real. Interesting how "individualizing technology" can be a de-personalizing force if not managed with insight and wisdom.
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Interesting article. Here are a few additional considerations I see, as someone practicing in this space:
1. The biggest change in healthcare delivery over the last 100 years has been a transition from house calls to an office based practice. Going back to virtual house calls is clearly the way of the future. To that end, the inefficient and expensive brick and mortar practices of today will eventually fade away to allow for virtual visits from home, work or on the road with our mobile devices.
2. Healthcare becomes consumer driven again. Insurance companies and the federal government have ruined the physician patient relationship to the point that they will be eliminated from the equation wherever possible and a very affordable visit will be done for cash and based on common consumer expectations: starting appointments on time, spending quality time with your provider, aesthetically pleasing practice environments and the ability to interact on the patient's schedule and not on the physician's schedule.
3. Healthcare becomes decentralized. No longer is a patient dependent on the 23% of the hours in a week to interact with their provider. They will be able to go into numerous venues throughout the country, receive exceptional care and have the continuity and personal attention that a consumer (patient) would expect from a local practice.
4. There is NOT a shortage of primary care doctors. 257K PCP's for 300M people is a ratio of 1200 to 1. We have a misallocation issue. The types of healthcare technology that you reference in your article will bridge that gap in capacity and connect patients and providers in ways it has never done before. This coupled with the expansion of medical schools, mid-level providers and expanding the scope of practice for ancillary healthcare professionals, will all lead to a reversal of the supply demand mismatch that currently exists and a secondary result of lower costs to the system.
Between the changes we have seen in other industries (banking, consumer electronics, education) and the diminishing quality we are seeing from traditional medicine, consumers are begging for some real innovation that reinvents how we deliver care. I hope to be apart of that.
Dr. Sommer


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(Thomas Keller's Lemon Tart recipe - published in People Magazine)


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By JUDY SHERIDAN
East Parker County residents gathered to celebrate the life of former Annetta mayor Philip George Lumsden Wednesday during a memorial service held at Aledo United Methodist Church.
Lumsden, who designed, built and operated Sugartree Golf Course in Dennis and designed and developed Split Rail Links and Golf Club in Aledo, died of cancer Jan. 26. He was 72.
A graduate of Arlington State College, Lumsden spent 28 years in the computer forms business in Arlington. He was a board member of Big Brothers Big Sisters and the Arlington Boys Club and served as president and chairman of the board of Rolling Hills Country Club.
Lumsden was a 32nd degree Mason in Arlington Lodge No. 438 and a member of Great Southwest Golf Club and later, Ridglea Country Club.
When he moved to Parker County in 1984, he continued to volunteer, as a member of the Parker County Economic Development Committee, the Parker County Crime Commission and the Parker County Committee on Aging. He also served on the Brock School Board.
Lumsden was a member of First United Methodist Church in Arlington, the Methodist Church in Brock and the Aledo United Methodist Church.
He and his wife, Nellie, moved to Aledo in 1999.
According to those who offered eulogies — Ken Gibbons, Joe Tison, Brad McDavid, Bill Bowerman, John Rhodes, Mike Fox, Craig Atherton and Rob Watson — Lumsden was a fearless, competitive, larger-than-life character who worked hard and was quick to help others.
Gibbons, delivering on a promise to Lumsden, secured an honor guard for the service, which included the playing of Taps and a presentation of the American flag to Nellie. Lumsden served in the U.S. Air Force from 1961-65, Gibbons said, and was considered to be a Vietnam-era veteran, although he did not serve in Vietnam.
"He was a unique individual, and I am honored he asked me to do this for him and honored that Nellie is able to receive his flag, as she should have," he said.
Tison recited a poem entitled, "My Friend Phil." He said Lumsden didn't talk about his struggles with cancer, saying instead that he wouldn't change a single thing about his life.
McDavid recalled encountering an angry Lumsden as McDavid scouted for arrowheads in a spot Lumsden had bulldozed. The two became friends when Lumsden realized they were both fighting the same anti-growth Annetta City Council member, McDavid said, and McDavid eventually helped get the plat for Lumsden's golf course approved.
"I stopped by City Hall one day, and there was Phil, sitting in that council member's chair," McDavid said. "Then, later he became mayor. He was a great man and will leave a big void in Parker County."
Bowerman, a high school friend, said he had lost track of Lumsden, but got a call from him when he was building Sugartree Golf Course. Impressed, Bowerman decided to partner with him in the venture.
"What usually takes [a team of experts] to do, Phil, with his muscles and mind and a few good men had done," he said. "It was amazing."
Rhodes, an Aledo pole vaulting coach, called Lumsden a "master of many things," including piloting airplanes, helping his grandsons with homework, and performing water sports like platform diving and waterskiing — which he continued into his 70s.
"I see his spirit every day when I see Koby and Blake," he said. "They're little hims."
Fox talked about Lumsden's interest in and huge impact on Fox's family, Atherton called him a "friend of the heart," and Watson said he never hesitated to help, recalling times when Lumsden fixed a frozen pipe for Watson's family, used his backhoe to bury a neighbor's cow and patched potholes for the Town of Annetta.
Watson also read tributes from Hudson Oaks Mayor Pat Deen, Hudson Oaks Assistant City Administrator Patrick Lawler and Aledo Mayor Kit Marshall.
Aledo United Methodist Church Pastor Rev. Jason Jones said Lumsden loved his Scottish roots, explaining why a bagpipe player welcomed people to the gathering and played during the service as well.
Jones invited those attending to inspect the welding on a bench positioned at the front of the church, a testimony to Lumsden's careful workmanship.
"Phil didn't let the world make choices for him," Jones concluded. "He was able to serve his community and have time for his family."
"When he walked through [the valley of the shadow of death], Jesus Christ was walking with him. What we call death, God calls a homecoming."
After the service, relatives and friends joined the family at the Parson's Table.
Phil is survived by his wife, Nellie; son, Craig Philip; daughter, Christy Jo Scott and husband Eric; grandchildren, Taylor, Koby, Blake and Rachel Esplin and husband Bryan; great-granddaughters, Alisa and Katelyn; sisters, Barbara Thompson and husband Jim, Carol Dillard and husband Bobby; and many nieces and nephews.


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Gene Marks, Contributor
I cover technologies helping companies be quicker, better, wiser.
I was at a large client last week for a meeting and one of the employees attending was using a MacBook. During a break, I asked why he was using an Apple product instead of a Windows product. "I love Apple." He said simply. "They make great products."
They do make great products. But is this enough of a reason to equip your employees with MacBooks or iMacs in 2013? Ten years ago this wasn't even a discussion. It was Windows or Windows. Today, Apple has made a huge dent in Microsoft's market and people love their iPads. And many of these same people want to know if they should buy other Apple products for their business. I say no. An iPad or iPhone is nice (and fun). But even next year it's still best to stick with a Windows machine for your business.
I admit the numbers don't exactly support my position. Just recently, Microsoft reported that 40 million copies of Windows 8 have been sold, but a new report says that U.S. Windows device sales are down 21% on last year and Windows 8 tablet sales are "almost non-existent". Overall PC sales are lower than last year and Microsoft's new operating system is yet to have an impact. I see plenty of business people using (and loving) their iPads and iPhones wherever I go. And these devices serve a good purpose: easy and quick access to the web so that you can check emails, read and watch movies.
Many of my clients ask me: should I buy a Mac or Windows PC? And I always say the same: if you want to spend more money for the same result then get a Mac. But unless you've got a business that heavily relies on graphics (Apple has historically made great design software and hardware) you should stick with Microsoft products. Here are a few reasons why.
For starters, small, medium and large networks are Windows networks. I don't see Apple's networking products registering a blip in the community of clients I serve. Unless you're completely cloud based (and few companies I know, unless they are very small startups, are) you're still going to have a server and maybe even an email server. And printers and routers and hubs and access points. And all of this gets tied in with Microsoft software. MacBooks and iMacs will play nicely on Microsoft networks nowadays but Windows machines do a better job with less resources and support. So why give yourself the extra potential headache (and cost) unless there's something really special you want from Apple?
Apple has countless apps for its devices. But there is a difference between an app that lets you check your calendar or navigate your way through a tradeshow and an application that runs your business. Sure, there are plenty of great cloud-based business applications on the market for growing companies. But, other than services like Salesforce.com and Netsuite, I don't foresee many cloud-based apps taking hold over the enterprise just yet. I still see client server applications (with web and mobile access) provided by the big guys like Sage, Oracle, SAP, Epicor and of course Microsoft. And although Google apps are great and popular, most everyone I know is still using Microsoft Office applications. Why? They are built primarily with Microsoft tools and run on Microsoft SQL databases. They are designed for internal Microsoft networks and supported by people with Microsoft certifications. Microsoft makes business software for enterprises and, more importantly, Microsoft makes database software. Particularly SQL. Most of these business applications run on these databases.
And then there's support. Microsoft is a channel-driven company, with hundreds of thousands of programmers, developers and other experts at partner firms around the world. If you're a small business running Apple products and using cloud-based applications this is not such a big need. But start hiring a few people and move up the software food chain and you suddenly start seeing the need for IT support. These are the guys that will not only fix stuff that breaks but also help you with integration, reporting, mobile access and security. Apple likes to maintain tight control over its technology and limits its involvement with its partners, opting instead to drive customers through its retail stores. Microsoft has always had the opposite approach, relying on their channel network to provide a level of foot-on-the-ground services that its business customers need. Over the past few years Apple has forced Microsoft to step up the quality of its products too. So why create this extra potential for support problems?
The guy in my client meeting had a MacBook that ran both Windows and Mac OS so it came with a lot of extra memory to handle both operating systems. He also had a remote desktop connection which is another popular Microsoft product that allows remote users to access company applications through a private cloud. He did his browsing and note taking on his beloved Mac but then switched over to the Windows window to look at orders, complete a quote and check Outlook for email. I respect his love for Apple products, but doesn't this seem like extra work? Doesn't this seem like a potential for more support? There are a lot of moving parts.
I like Apple. And if you're running a simple small business utilizing simple cloud applications then you're OK using Apple products. And even if you're larger than that, I'm sure with the right amount of effort you can build a satisfactory network that supports both Windows and Apple machines. But most business owners and managers I know run their companies on what's practical, not emotions. They invest in technologies that will provide them the best return and productivity. So if you expect your needs to go beyond that then you're best off sticking with Microsoft technology. It's arguable whether Windows 8 and Surface tablets are better than Apple's products. But they're competitive. And, at least for the foreseeable future, better suited for a business environment.
Besides Forbes, Gene Marks writes weekly for The New York Times and Inc.com.
Well thought out and logical answer, which will no doubt lead to tons of I hate Apple I hate Microsoft comments here. But you tell it like it is – there is a vast network of business support tools that Microsoft has built and no matter how pretty Apple products are, they do not see the enterprise as their core customer.
The answer is neither well thought out or logical – it is likely that the author is uninformed concerning his subject matter, as he would certainly not be deliberately misinforming people.
" He did his browsing and note taking on his beloved Mac but then switched over to the Windows window to look at orders, complete a quote and check Outlook for email. I respect his love for Apple products, but doesn't this seem like extra work? Doesn't this seem like a potential for more support? There are a lot of moving parts."
First of all, how it is it more work to switch over to the 'windows window' than to switch programs on a windows pc? With a mac you can switch from a mac program to a windows program just as easily as switching programs on a windows machine, and you can even just drag and drop information between mac and windows programs when you need to.
A lot of moving parts? That analogy makes absolutely no sense in a situation such as this and shows the author's lack of knowledge on his subject.
I have done some work in IT and I think the case could be made that macs require less IT effort to support and configure than windows machines.
It is more work since there are 2 operating systems to support. Even if they are both on the same piece of hardware, it is 2 separate operating systems instead of a single OS with one underlying API.
We have all the Microsoft Outlook, Exchange etc. here and have no problem checking our mail. There are a mix of PC and Mac here and both access everything, databases, servers, communication software, web based apps, etc.
The Macs are less troubleshooting, zero compromises, zero rebuilding, with a long lifespan. If a Mac user has a problem it's usually because they forgot how to do something or didn't know how to get to something, not because doing "the something" doesn't exist for Mac. Those days are pretty much history. The IT here works half-time hours probably because we're half Macs. Full time babysitter not needed.
Macintosh lifespans are about the same as PC lifespans. The office you're working out of spends less time fixing them because actual issues with them are less visible. I know this from personal experience.
Your idea that Mac Users have less issues is false. I support a 50/50 mac/windows environment and I have nothing but trouble with the mac users because they don't have the same operating capacity as the Windows users. It might not be so bad if the only thing you do is surf the net and use your email, but if you ACTUALLY USE YOUR MACHINE TO IT'S FULLEST POTENTIAL – you will know that mac simply cannot do the same things, and it's because nobody produces software for them.
If you doubt my words here, go check out anything involving Subversion (also called SVN) – the newest version is 1.8.5. only support 1.7 or older – as of the Mavericks release. Quickbooks doesn't support Macintosh at all.
This is staggeringly inaccurate and may have been true several years ago, but is way off-base now. Mac's have all kinds of networking technology built in and can seamlessly interoperate and participate in almost any network. The process to connect to ethernet or wi-fi networks is laughably simple compared to windows machines.
The way iphones and ipads can link into exchange servers within seconds is identical on the Mac.
I am an IT professional that in a previous life was a corporate IS VP managing a global IS function and I would have cried with joy back then if I have such an easy (and incredibly secure) desktop solution as an OSX based Mac.
The author is correct that windows does continue to dominate and, if managed correctly, can provide a workable and secure environment… But my God, at what an overhead in personnel and admin time.
I suggest anyone considering using a Mac in a corporate environment is give it a try and see how easy it is…
Windows WIFI network very unstable and config everything is always more expensive. Mac just work, just set checkbox and it works for all devices including Windows, to make Windows work is always harder.
Not know what is in Windows 8, but previously there were limitation for network settings for different Windows packages. Also Windows cost much more than Mac, if LapTop cost 500$ without windows and now you must buy Ultimate? Apple upgrades are cheap.
Um… Wireless connections are Operating System Agnostic and driven by an entirely different technology set. If you're claiming that "Macintosh Wifi Networks" are better than "Windows Wifi Networks" you're showing how ignorant you are, because neither actually exists.
The only reason macs are "more secure" is because everyone out there who gives a crap about actually causing security issues knows not to target mac users for two reasons, that are really only the same reason from different points of view.
#1 – Microsoft hold a larger market share, which means viruses pointed at them will spread further. This means that your Fear-ware will hit more people so you can scam more users out of their money – faster.
#2 – Because Microsoft hold the larger market share – it means that if they're trying to steal, they should target Microsoft users – better chance of actually finding something of value.
Mac viruses and security issues are "less common" because the Mac OS is a Unix-kernel. Through the simplicity of the kernel, the guys @ mac made a more efficient operating system, at the cost of decreased network security and increased virus vulnerability. Viruses are drastically more dangerous in this kernel because it has a huge amount of power available that it doesn't have to ask the user for. It's because Unix is easy to break. No challenge – why bother?
What you point out is circumstantial. If my bosses told me to convert this network to full Macintosh, I would quit after I lit him on fire.


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When Beth Lilach addressed a record number of attendees at an event she organized at the Holocaust Museum & Tolerance Center in October, she had just started speaking when she paused to fight back tears.
Lilach, senior director of education and community affairs at the Center, was choking up as she spoke about events which she has studied for 23 years. Two decades of hyper-exposure to the Holocaust's atrocities haven't jaded her; it is a history she can feel, she said, especially when survivors visit to share their stories.
"To be with people of historical value -- it's not just history any more," said Lilach.
Since arriving at her position in 2007, Lilach has headed the organization's education arm. She puts the "Tolerance Center" in the Holocaust Museum & Tolerance Center of Nassau County, connecting black-and-white photographs to present-day examples of people mistreating people.
The Center's programs have an impact. One involving Nassau County police recruits was voluntarily attended by the department's top brass, and subsequently extended in its scope to reach members "at all levels," Lilach said.
Suffolk County followed suit in the wake of the 2008 murder of Marcelo Lucero in Patchogue, a hate crime. Among the sweeping changes the County's government reacted with was the mandated participation of all police cadets and commanders.
In her office, Lilach retrieved a book titled "Ordinary Men." It details the transformation of German policemen from professional stewards of law enforcement to members of the Einsatzgruppen, the roving Nazi death squads whose duty it was to find and kill Jews in German-occupied territories.
Lilach is tasked with teaching officers-to-be how to recognize the invisible line where state-endowed authority can morph into abuse of fellow human beings. The lessons affect different people differently, she said. Some show emotion as genocide is examined; others listen quietly. If she detects the stone wall of prejudice, she reports her concern to the officer's commander.
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Another of Lilach's programs involves military personnel, started three years ago in cooperation with U.S. Marine LtCol Gregory Wynn.
Wynn, who lives in Glen Cove, stopped by one day to see what the Center was all about. He met Lilach, and the two collaborated on a way to get his ROTC midshipmen some deeper history lessons.
"Initially, I wanted students to get out of the classroom. They learn about World War II but not the Holocaust," Wynn said. "That evolved into an ethical decision-making symposium for future officers."
Lilach is aware that she is sometimes talking wartime horror with young people who have seen it firsthand. Some attendees are active-duty sailors and Marines training to become officers. Her purpose, she explained, is to help prepare them to know what to do in high-pressure situations, and to know how to avoid and manage problems.
At each presentation, Lilach shows a photo of a U.S. Marine sniper unit posing with a flag bearing the lightning bolt emblem of the Nazi "SS." She said the image represents the danger of forgetting history's truths, and of idolizing strength over morality.
"The impact's been pretty profound," Wynn said of the program. "You can see it when [students] meet one of the Holocaust survivors, and then they meet one of the liberators."
He called Lilach "the personality of the place," an educator skilled at bringing historical lessons home.
"I think she has the ability not just to think and instruct, but to make it personal. She makes the anguish of the Holocaust real," Wynn said.
Lilach designs events which examine intolerance toward various groups, in recent history or the present. When the Holocaust is revisited, Lilach finds stories to tell that haven't been heard. Last year, an exhibit of Ludovit Feld; a tiny man and artist who survived Dr. Joseph Mengele's atrocities at Auschwitz and saved 15 children's lives.
In October, a presentation on an Iranian diplomat who saved hundreds of lives under the nose of the Nazis in Paris. The stories tackle multiple prejudices: a dwarf whose humanity and courage were insurmountable; a Muslim from Iran who exemplified his culture's spirit of tolerance. The latter story comes at a time when many Americans hear of Iran only in the context of hostility and anti-Semitism, and the prospect of war with that country is tossed around as tough talk in political campaigns.
Bullying is another current issue the Center works against. Sarah Cushman, director of youth education, oversees a monthly Upstander Award recognizing young people who are proactive in combating intolerance among their peers.
Cushman, who is not Jewish and has no family connection to the Holocaust, said she has always been drawn to why and how people oppress each other.
"What happens is, people are making decisions in the spur of the moment without thinking about the consequences of what they are doing," she said.
Cushman's job is to devise ways to teach young people what to do in those moments, and to not be startled into powerlessness.
"Our focus is on the bystander. That's a tremendous amount of power we try to shift away from the aggressor and toward the person who's been targeted," said Cushman.
She said young people are most effective at communicating with other young people, and it is with them that real change happens. As the Glen Cove School District implements the state's Dignity Act mandates to fight bullying, Cushman explained that the Center's role is to work from the other end.
"Law changes administrative policies. Our programs change the culture of the school," she said.
Teaching tolerance to improve the human condition is a passion for Cushman and Lilach. Their work's gravity is reinforced by the grainy images of wanton aggression and hate that line the halls downstairs from their offices.
"I can look at pictures I've seen a thousand times, and see an expression on a child's face, and..." Lilach shook her head. "When the time comes when I stop becoming emotional completely, I have to leave the field."
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Twins pitchers struck out 943 batters last season. That sounds like a lot, but it was 143 fewer than anybody else.
It has been a deadly combination for Minnesota pitchers the past couple of seasons: They can't strike hitters out, and the defense (particularly on the left side) can't cover ground.
Terry Ryan has remade the starting rotation, but it's new faces with the same style of pitching. Kevin Correia, Mike Pelfrey and holdover Scott Diamond all sport strikeout rates well below average, while Vance Worley is roughly league average.
Ryan has beefed up the power-arm supply in the farm system (Alex Meyer, Trevor May, J.O. Berrios and a flock of collegiate relievers drafted last summer), but that's of little use to the 2013 squad.
So if the pitching is going to be markedly better than the disasters of the 2011-12 seasons, the defense has to do more than its share of the job.
And the outlook there is mixed.
The outfield defense is likely to be worse. Josh Willingham in left wasn't adept at age 33 and isn't going to be more nimble at 34. The defense in center, whoever wins the job, may be as good or even slightly better than Denard Span — all three candidates have better throwing arms — but there's no way transplanted first baseman Chris Parmelee will match the range Ben Revere showed in right.
But the real key is going to be in the middle infield and third base. And one interesting aspect of the outlook there is how many shortstops — or washed-out shortstops — are involved.
- Third base: Trevor Plouffe, who spent most of his minor league career at shortstop, ought to have better range at the hot corner than he displayed in 2012. Perhaps an offseason spent focusing on third base, rather than the outfield, will help.
- Second base: Brian Dozier was the regular shortstop for half of 2012 and was overmatched by the physical demands of the position. This spring he's being focused on second base, and the always-difficult-to-impress Tom Kelly has praised his improvement.
- Shortstop: Pedro Florimon is the front-runner. He won't hit, but his defense as the regular during the final six weeks or so in 2012 measured superbly in such defensive metrics as plus-minus.


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Springfield, Mass. – September 8, 2011 - The Springfield College men's soccer team recorded its second-straight shutout as it battled to a 0-0 draw with Keene State on Thursday evening in a non-conference clash on Brock-Affleck Field.
Springfield now stands at 2-0-1 on the year, while Keene State moves to 1-1-1.
The Owls held a 14-9 advantage in shots department, including a 5-0 advantage over the Pride in the double overtime session. Springfield held a slight 3-2 edge in corner kicks for the contest.
The best scoring opportunity for either team in the first half was manufactured by Springfield with 1:15 left. Off a David Chessen corner kick, Drew Sommer redirected a shot headed for just inside the left post. However, Keene State defender Kevin Gomes was stationed on the goal line and cleared away the attempt to keep the game scoreless.
Springfield produced another prime scoring chance in the 60th minute off another set piece. This time, Danny Amato sent a bending free kick into the box, only to have John Mankus' header clang off the cross bar.
Neither team could find the back of the net in either overtime period as the game finished in a draw.
Paul Blackmer made two saves in goal for Keene State, while Brett Bascom tallied four saves for Springfield.
The Pride will next play on Saturday afternoon when it hosts local-foe Elms College at 12:00 pm.


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Jorge Contreras
Associate Professor of Law
Office: Room 342
Phone: 202-274-4424
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.com
Jorge Contreras currently teaches in the areas of intellectual property transactions, law and science, and property law. His research focuses primarily on the effects of intellectual property structures on the dissemination and production of technological innovation, with a focus on basic scientific research and technical standards development. He has studied these effects in industries ranging from genomics and bioinformatics to sustainable building materials, telecommunications and computer networking. Professor Contreras is Co-Chair of the National Conference of Lawyers and Scientists (NCLS) and Co-Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Science & Technology Law's Committee on Technical Standardization. He serves as a member of the Advisory Council of NIH's National Center for Advancing Translational Science (NCATS) and the National Academy of Science's Committee on Intellectual Property Management in Standard-Setting Processes. He previously served as a member of the Council of the National Human Genome Research Institute at NIH (NHGRI). Professor Contreras is the editor of the Technical Standards Patent Policy Manual (ABA Publishing: Chicago, 2007) and has written numerous articles, book chapters and blog postings relating to intellectual property and standards development. Prior to joining the faculty of American University, Professor Contreras was a Senior Lecturer and Acting Director of the Intellectual Property Program at Washington University in St. Louis and a partner at the international law firm of Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale and Dorr LLP. He is a graduate of Harvard Law School (JD) and Rice University (BA, BSEE).
Currently Teaching
Areas of Specialization
- Intellectual Property
- Internet and Computer Law
- Law and Science
- Patent Law
- Copyright Law
- Contracts
- Property Law
Degrees & Universities
- J.D., Harvard Law School
- B.A., Rice University
- B.S.E.E., Rice University
Selected Publications
- Jorge Contreras, Fixing FRAND: A Pseudo-Pool Approach to Standards-Based Patent Licensing, 79 Antitrust L.J. 901 (2013, in press). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras & Andrew Hernacki, Copyright Termination and Technical Standards, 43 U. Balt. L. Rev. __ (forthcoming 2014). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras & David L. Newman, Developing A Framework For Arbitrating Standards-Essential Patent (SEP) Disputes, __ J. Dis. Res. __ (forthcoming 2014). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras, Confronting the Crisis in Scientific Publishing: Latency, Licensing and Access, 53 Santa Clara L. Rev. 491 (2013). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras, Technical Standards and Ex Ante Disclosure: Results and Analysis of an Empirical Study, 53 Jurimetrics 163 (2013). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras & Charles R. McManis, Intellectual Property Landscape of Material Sustainability Standards, 14 Colum. Sci. & Tech. L. Rev. 185 (2013). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras, Standards, Patents, and the National Smart Grid, 32 Pace L. Rev. 642 (2012).
- Jorge Contreras, Open Access Scientific Publishing and the Developing World, 8 (no. 1) St. Antony's Intl. Rev. 43 (May 24, 2012).
- Jorge Contreras, Equity, Antitrust, and the Reemergence of the Patent Unenforceability Remedy, The Antitrust Source (October 2011). SSRN Link
- Jorge Contreras, Bermuda's Legacy: Patents, Policy and the Design of the Genome Commons, 16 Minn. J.L. Sci. & Tech. 61 (2011).
- Jorge Contreras, Prepublication Data Release, Latency, and Genome Commons, 329 Sci. 393 (2010).
- Jorge Contreras, Data Sharing, Latency Variables and Science Commons, 25 Berkeley Tech. L.J. 1601 (2010).
More Publications...
- Jorge Contreras & A. Jamie Cuticchia, Bioinformatics Law: Legal Issues for Computational Biology in the Post-Genome Era (Jorge Contreras & A. James Cuticchia, eds., ABA 2013).
- Jorge Contreras, Standards Development Patent Policy Manual (Jorge Contreras, ed., ABA 2007).


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By John Vogl
FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA. -- The Sabres are once again going with seven defensemen in the lineup. They don't have much of a choice.
After suspensions and injuries, the Sabres have just 11 forwards on the roster. That means an extra D-man will play tonight against Florida in BB&T Center.
"We'll rotate seven guys back there," coach Ron Rolston said today. "If anything happens up front, then we can move a guy up there."
The Sabres are carrying eight defensemen, and Henrik Tallinder is the odd man out. He made a mistake during the 5-2 loss to Boston that resulted in a goal on an odd-man rush.
"He's played well for us," Rolston said. "He's a presence in our room. He offers leadership. We've liked his game. He'll be back in there tomorrow."
The Sabres will visit Tampa Bay on Saturday. Jhonas Enroth will play in net tonight, leaving Ryan Miller for the Lightning.
Ville Leino (broken rib) practiced with the Sabres but won't return to the lineup until next week.
"It's basically getting back in shape now and being comfortable with what he's got to do when he's playing, taking hits, getting hit," Rolston said. "If he's going to have the puck, he's going to get hit, so he's got to be ready with that, comfortable with that. It'll probably be next week."
Patrick Kaleta, who will serve the seventh game of his 10-game suspension, told The News he and his advisers have not decided whether they will appeal the penalty to a neutral arbitrator. At this point, a reduction in his suspension would likely only result in some of the $152,439 in lost salary being returned because the 10 games might be up before a decision is made.
Kevin Porter cleared waivers today and has been assigned to the Rochester Americans.
"It's always the toughest thing you have to do is cut somebody, waive somebody," Rolston said. "I have a lot of respect for him. He came here last year when I got here, and he worked really hard for us and played very well. He's a guy that just brings it every day, and he battles and he's a real good teammate.
"It's a difficult thing, but it's kind of where we're at, especially with the amount of young guys that are getting opportunity here. I know he'll land on his feet, have a good attitude about it and keep working."
Ron Rolston


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One more time!
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