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three and five of "Treasure of the Golden Suns." Here, we get a full faceful of the "Wrath of Scrooge," a mad-on exacerbated by his extremely atypical bout of illness. I suppose that Scrooge could hardly be blamed for lashing out at anyone who tries to "help" him while he's in such a unusually vulnerable physical state. "Difficult patients" are fairly common in hospital settings, after all. Still, Scrooge's anger towards his family and servants in the opening minutes winds up playing a surprisingly small role in the context of the Cinderella parody. Only Scroogerello's comment "Why do I feel so guilty?" when he encounters the aged, imprisoned Duckworth makes any sort of direct reference to it. Usually, when a character has a "mental experience" like this, the "dream" or "hallucination" or whatever is chock full of references to the underlying reason for the "experience." The "Cinderella Stone" episode of The Flintstones (which, for all I know, may have inspired this little experiment) is one good example of this. Scrooge's illness, by contrast, basically creates only the physical reason for his mental adventure.
Evelyn Gabai displays some cunning attention to detail when she depicts the Woodchuck cookies as being heavier than concrete. This is at once a reflection of the TV series' somewhat more jaundiced view of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook and the traditional vision of the Woodchucks as a hyper-competent organization. Only such an organization, you must admit, could possibly create such utterly inedible cookies.
Take Me Out of the Ballgame," but with more inherent charm -- in a few additional episodes.
LIFE AND TIMES OF SCROOGE McDUCK. In fact, the success of the characterization in "Scroogerello" may be even more remarkable considering that Goldie has been taken completely out of her standard "Klondike context" for the very first time, yet is immediately recognizable AS Goldie. Joan Gerber's fine performance certainly helps make this impression, but it is clear that Gabai understands how Goldie works and what can believably be done with her.
Back to the Klondike" (both Barks and DT versions), Scroogerello is the elderly Scrooge of the present day. Perhaps Scrooge's dreaming of a young Goldie (not to mention his concluding remark, "I guess it didn't work out this time either, old girl") is a reflection of a long-held desire to return to some sort of "cohabitation" with her in the Klondike. Surely, that is the underlying message of Don Rosa's "dreamscape" tale "The Dream of a Lifetime." Amusingly, both "Scroogerello" and "The Dream of a Lifetime" include a rescue of Goldie, though the Goldie of the former is far more aggressive in fighting against her fate than the Goldie of the latter.
I began to fully realize that "Scroogerello" had taken Duck-based storytelling into what fans might call "a whole weird new area" when Scroogerello was provided with a... cookie-box limo... to get to the ball. (I've heard rumors that George Harrison originally wrote "Crackerbox Palace" with that very title in mind. No, not really.) And, of course, the cookies didn't crumble there: we got more gags involving using chocolate chips and cookie crumbs as weapons before midnight struck and the whole shebang devolved into... well, um, cookie dough, I guess. (That would certainly be preferable to some of the possible alternatives.) The refusal to let go of the bizarre cookie-car idea, but instead to milk it for all it is worth (see what I did there?), is a clear indication of this episode's commitment to the off-the-wall.
The Elephant Man in declaring "I am NOT an animal... I am an amphibian!" The biological mistake is more than compensated for by the cleverness of the reference. More movie references follow as the topiary garden resurrects memories of both Disney's animated version of Alice in Wonderland and Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. From my own peculiar perspective, I couldn't help but think of the Kimba the White Lion episode "The Red Menace" during the "bush-animal barbecue" scene. The constant references to Lilypad's "cas-tull" do tend to annoy after a while, in the same manner as Bebop/Bugle's "Be-bop-a-lu..." rhyming scheme. This ep is so good at coming up with new ideas that it's a shame that such old-fashioned jackhammering was found acceptable.
The Prisoner of White Agony Creek," I think it can be safely said that the "bar" for the appropriateness of sexually charged scenes involving the Duck characters has been raised considerably.
Mae West here. If only Goldie could have swung her hips just a bit more...
(GeoX) The beatnik Beagle is now some sort of combination beatnik/disco Beagle. Very strange.
(Pan Milus) It's Scrooge dream man! For him disco and beatnik culture is the same thing ;)
I figured that it was appropriate to address Pan's comment on this issue along with GeoX's in a more "open" forum than the comments section. It's pretty clear that the writers who used Bugle/Bebop -- Koonce and Weimers, Anthony Adams, and Gabai -- were provided with only a vague idea of how this character was supposed to be presented. "Just make him a 'hip dude' who digs music" was probably the sum total of it all. I do think that Pan comes up with a pretty good take on how Scrooge might have hallucinated about B/B being a "disco Beagle" (even though B/B seems more into a sloppy version of go-go than actual disco). Just as comic-book writers in the late 60s used references to the Beatnik era when writing dialogue for their "far-out" characters, so too might Scrooge pack several strata of musical history into a single imagined character.
(Greg) This episode was written by John Pirillo... John Pirillo's IMDB script reads almost exactly like Cherie Dee [Wilkerson]'s in terms of resume.
Actually, it looks more like James Markovich's ("Back Out in the Outback"). Pirillo's story (not writing) credit here is the only one listed under his name. Just as I did for "Outback," when I interpreted the story as an example of teleplay writer Richard Merwin's work, I chose to regard "Scroogerello" as Evelyn Gabai's baby. For all I know, Pirillo's "story" simply consisted of the suggestion, "Why don't we parody Cinderella using Scrooge?"
(Greg) Duckworth then brings out the cod liver oil (believe me; that would NEVER work in real life) as Scrooge blows him off (remembering to swear in DUBBED SCOTTISH STYLE to boot) for trying to poison him. HAHA! I agree; Cod Liver Oil is terrible, crappy and totally pointless.
Actually, cod liver oil seems to be a pretty useful supplement, though I imagine that the liquid form has long since been superseded by capsules.
(Greg) Scrooge wants to go warn the princess; but he of course loses his balance and screams loudly and drops with a wussy bump into the wheelbarrow as we see logic break #1 for the episode as somehow the Beagle Boys manage to provide the wheelbarrow and show up within about four seconds. I know this is a dream; but COME ON! Show some logic in your dreams guys. It makes it more believable. Even Scrooge is questioning the logic of that spot calling them speedy devils.
If the "speedy devils" line HADN'T been included, then this bit would indeed have stretched logic quite a bit. But the self-referential comment by Scroogerello makes up for it, I think, especially in the context of such a "reality-bending" storyline. No argument about Burger misplacing his mask, though...
You'd have to ask Imelda Marcos about how many servants would be needed to service the number of shoes that B/B appears to own.
(Greg) So we cut to outside as Scrooge thanks the fairies for their spring out and I see Mrs. Beakly's dress has changed from pink to purple. How about that?! I guess Webby's magic does have out of control properties after all.
I'd like to think that this was a reference to the running gag in Disney's Sleeping Beauty in which the three good fairies couldn't agree upon the color of Aurora's dress and kept on changing it up until the very end of the movie. The "coloring error" explanation seems more believable, somehow...
(Greg) I also sense logic break #4 for the episode as Huey the limo driver was changed to blue. Shouldn't that be Dewey since he wears blue?
...and this is why.
(Greg) Burger takes [Goldie's] hand as the food goes flying and Goldie calls this waltzing in a cheap cafeteria. HAHA! The music stops and Burger asks where is the movie? Huh? Explain THAT one kids!
Obviously, some bit of dialogue was cut somewhere in the vicinity of this remark, but the continuity error wasn't caught in time. Since "movies" have nothing to do with what's going on, I wonder what the excised material could possibly have involved.
Note the "Donald Duck" watch here.
(Greg) So we go into the forest as Scrooge and the nephews walk looking defeated for some reason. Then he tells the lads to have courage as he picks up a trail of golden sequins from Goldie. Umm; check your internal logic there; there are no sequins on the blue dress. Logic break #6 for the episode.
Had "Princess Goldie" been wearing her "Belle of the Klondike" garb, then there would have been sequins aplenty available for the purposes of falling and trailing. The odd thing here is that the sequins don't resemble sequins as much as they do coins. Might there have been some miscommunication here between what the script intended and what the Wang Films animators were told to portray?
(Greg) ...Duckworth and Mrs. Beakly panic and back up to the wall thinking that [Scrooge] is going to diss them again for being mother hens on him. Scrooge then goes over to them and breaks logic again as he's now wearing his purple robe with purple slippers again after wearing a red robe when he was sleeping.
Actually, I think that the "red robe" was red pajamas, and that he was wearing pajamas under the purple robe. Naturally enough, you wouldn't be able to see the PJs when the robe was on. It would be unlikely that Scrooge would wear a robe to bed when he's running such a high temperature. I imagine that Scrooge took off the robe when he got (or was put) in bed and stowed it under the covers, making it easier to put on when he finally did get out of bed.
Next: Episode 50, "Double-O-Duck."


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Difference between revisions of "The Lesser of Two Evils"
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=== Characters ===
=== Characters ===
*[[Amy Wong|Amy]]
*[[Amy Wong|Amy]]
*[[Bender Bending
*[[Bender Bending |Bender]]
*'''Debut'''[[Bob Barker's ]]
*'''Debut'''[[Centipede alien]]
*'''Debut'''[[Centipede alien's wife and kids]]
*[[The Crushinator]]
*[[The Crushinator]]
*'''Debut'''[[Gladys Lennox]]
*[[Philip J. Fry|Fry]]
*[[Philip J. Fry|Fry]]
*[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]
*[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]
*[[Jellyfish ]]
*[[Turanga Leela|Leela]]
*[[Turanga Leela|Leela]]
*[[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth|Prof. Farnsworth]]
*[[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth|Prof. Farnsworth]]
*[[Zapp Brannigan]]
*[[Zapp Brannigan]]
*[[Dr. John Zoidberg|Zoidberg]]
*[[Dr. John Zoidberg|Zoidberg]]
Revision as of 18:34, 7 November 2011
|← Previous
|Navigation in production order
|Next →
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|Navigation in broadcast order
|Next →
|Season 2 episode
|The Lesser of Two Evils
|Production number
|Written by
|Eric Horsted
|Directed by
|Chris Sauve
|Title caption
|The show that watches back
|First air date
|20 February, 2000
|Broadcast number
|Opening cartoon
|Felix the Cat Trifles with Time (1925)
|Arachno Spores
|Special guest(s)
|Bob Barker
|Season 2
"The Lesser of Two Evils" is the nineteenth episode of Futurama, the sixth of the second production season and the eleventh of the second broadcast season. It aired 20 February, 2000 on FOX. It is the first episode to be aired out of sync. It guest stars Bob Barker as himself in a jar. After running into Flexo, another Bending Unit, Fry begins suspecting Flexo of being the evil Bender, but at the Miss Universe Pageant, he discovers the opposite.
The Story
Act I: "Shut up and get to the point!"
Bender, Fry and Leela are watching Cop Department when an advertisement for Past-O-Rama appears on the television, Bender wishes to see a time before life was cheapened by heartless machines. They look around Past-o-rama at various attractions such as a telephone booths and Al Sharpton's burial chamber, then they come across a ancient car, Fry attempts to drive it but instead takes it through a wall. Unable to stop they hit Flexo, a bending unit with a beard.
Act II: "He's the evil Bender."
The crew are nervously pacing around while Bender is looking at a robot pornography book and Flexo is successfully fixed. Flexo and Bender take Fry to a robot gentlemen's club where they pay a robot to give Fry a lap dance which results in injuires. Fry begins to think Flexo is evil. The crew go into the Professor's bedroom to see what he has to show them. He reveals to them the atom of Jumbonium which is so expensive, that if stolen it will cause Planet Express to go bankrupt, so the Professor hires Flexo to help out.
Act III: "And the winner is..."
Fry falls asleep during his watch because he spent his sleeping time watching Flexo. When the ship lands they discover the atom is gone, and they begin to search for Flexo. Fry knows he stole it and starts watching Bender who is all the time covering his chin with different things, so Fry suspects he could be Flexo covering his beard. Then he learns it was Bender anyway. They can't find find Flexo so they tell Bob Barker's head and he orders them to find the atom. When they finally find Flexo, he and Bender begin to chase each other through the beauty pageant but Leela doesn't know who is Flexo because they're covering their chins and Flexo's beard can't be seen. Later it is revealed that Bender in fact stole the atom, and not Flexo. Flexo saw Bender steal the atom and ran to tell Bob Barker's Head. The atom is returned; however, Barker mistakes Flexo for Bender, and Flexo is locked up in Bender's place.
Additional Info
- Sponsored by Arachno Spores.
- Past-o-rama's logo is based on the Futurama logo. Title caption: Located on the former side of Brooklyn.
- Flexo has a goatee, which is a reference to the goateed Mirror Universe Spock from the Mirror, Mirror episode of the original Star Trek.
- Electric Ladyland is the name of the third Jimi Hendrix album.
- From Leela and Bender's guesses on the value of the Atomic Tiara, its value should be exactly $200,000. Based on Professor Farnsworth's earlier descriptions of its value, the nucleus is worth exactly $150,000.
- Bender states that both his and Flexo's serial numbers are expressible as the sum of two cubes. For Flexo's serial number, 3370318 = 119^3 + 119^3. Bender's serial number 2716057 = 952^3 + (-951)^3.
- Contestants in the Miss Universe contest include
- Miss Heaven (who looks like M5438)
- Miss Arrakis
- Miss Unnamed Planet
- Miss Demeanor
- Miss Perfect Little
- Miss Amazonia (Not labeled on the sash, but obviously from Amazonia)
- Miss Methane Planet, Halitina Smogmire
- Miss Earth's Moon, The Crushinator
- Miss Pluto
- Miss Vega 4 (Also known as the Parameciums Homeworld), Gladis Lenux (Info found during "Raging Bender")
- Jellyfish Nurse
- The judges in the Miss Universe Contest are:
- Florp
- Calculon
- Zapp Brannigan
- Miss Universe reappears in "Raging Bender" and The Beast with a Billion Backs.
- Flexo reappears in "Bendless Love".
- This is the first time Zapp Brannigan appears without Kif.
- This episode was subject to censorship by itself and Pick TV.
- Past-O-Rama shows that people in the 31st century have little knowledge of the distant past. A few mistakes include:
- Mammoth hunts in New York.
- These "mistakes" could also be a satirical jab at the 20th century — i.e. people in the 31st century think of people from the 20th century in the same way people in the 20th century think about earlier/more primitive civilizations (e.g. cavemen).
- Star Wars 9: Yoda's Bar Mitzvah.
- This might, at some point in the near future, be an actual movie, thus not qualifying as a mistake. In fact, it is most likely a jab at the Star Wars prequel trilogy of the early 21st century.
- Except Yoda died in Star Wars VI, so he probably wouldn't have a Bar Mitzvah as a Force ghost.
- It could also be referencing the rumours about a sequel trilogy to the original trilogy, which would be Star Wars VII - IX. George Lucas has, however, denied that those rumours are true.
- This might, at some point in the near future, be an actual movie, thus not qualifying as a mistake. In fact, it is most likely a jab at the Star Wars prequel trilogy of the early 21st century.
- Appearance of primitive Robots.
- Albert Einstein and Hammurabi, the ancient King of Babylon, existing at the same time as each other and at the same time as disco.
- Cars running on tanks of burning fossils.
- However, cars are run on tanks of one burning fossil.
- Cars being called Auto-mo-cars.
- The Miss Arrakis is from Arrakis, the planet of the novel Dune, by Frank Herbert.
- One of the contestants plays Rossini's William Tell overture on her nose.
Speaker: ...The stately 1992 Latura.
Fry: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those! Actually, it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Leela: Fry, remember I when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
Fry: How's that robot I ran over?
Farnsworth: We did all we could...
Fry: You mean he's...?
Farnsworth: Good as new? Yes!
Bender: I think I got whiplash!
Leela: You can't have whiplash, you don't even have a neck.
Bender: I meant ass whiplash!
Zapp Brannigan: There it is, Miss Universe. There it is, looking weird...
Fry: He must've used a sleep-ray on me! Sleep-rays exist in the future, right?
Leela: No.
Fry: Oh. Then I must've fallen asleep.
- Despite Bender being bad at math and not being a good calculator, he was able to tell that both his and Flexo's serial numbers are expressible as the sum of two cubes.
Alien Language Sightings
Location: Sign in subway
Language: AL1
Translation: laser tentacle surgery
- Amy
- Bender
- Debut: Bob Barker's head
- Calculon
- Debut: Centipede alien
- Debut: Centipede alien's wife and kids
- Florp
- The Crushinator
- Debut: Gladys Lennox
- Debut: Flexo
- Fry
- Hermes
- Jellyfish nurse
- Leela
- Nine
- Prof. Farnsworth
- Smitty
- Debut: Stripperbot
- Zapp Brannigan
- Zoidberg
Episode Credits
- Writer
- Director
- Voice Actors
- DVD Commentary
- Special Guest

subset: commoncrawl


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Friday, June 26, 2009
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Petanque in North Brooklyn, New York. Playing in McCarren Park
Williamsburg / Greenpoint, or other areas in Brooklyn. All players welcome. Please check the Blog, sign the Guestbook to connect with others and organize games local and afar.
- Wednesday Nights @ 8.00 and Saturday Mornings @ 10.00 -


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Oct 14, 2004
Oct. 14, 2004
MIT enjoyed its best season in eight years, finishing three games above .500 for the first time since 1996.
The squad also set a new Institute mark for homeruns in a game, tallying five against Wentworth on April 20.
Junior Mike Batty and sophomores Wayne Duggan and Kyle Zeller copped NEWMAC All-Conference Second Team honors. Senior Doug Allaire, juniors Aaron Kent, Inhan King, Ryan Roberts, and sophomore Warren Bates represented Tech on the NEWMAC All- Academic Team.
The Engineers had wins over regular season NEWMAC champion Wheaton (3-2, 11 innings) and NEWMAC tournament champion Babson (7-3).
Senior Doug Allaire led the Conference in stolen bases per game (0.50) while ranking second in stolen bases (13).
Junior pitcher/infielder Mike Batty had a solid season for Tech, tallying a team-high four wins from the mound as well as ranking fifth in the NEWMAC in ERA (3.31). He totaled a batting average of .304 and had only five errors at shortstop.
During the Engineers' spring training trip to Clearwater, Fla., the team posted an 18-17 come-from-behind win over Union. The Cardinal Red and Silver Gray notched six runs in the eighth inning and then added three more in the ninth.


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Visiting nurse
What does a visiting nurses job entail?
In my role as a visiting nurse I provide treatment and health education to the patient, and often their family, in the patients home environment. This care is often needed after the patient is discharged from the hospital or rehabilitation, long-term care, or skilled nursing facility. I often coordinate with the patients family and/or caregiver, primary care physician, medical supply providers, and pharmacies to provide the optimal treatment plan for that particular patient. I also coordinate care with the other disciplines MedStar VNA often provides to the patient, such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and medical social work. Teaching may be related to a number of disease processes such as diabetes mellitus, congestive heart failure, hypertension, or coronary artery disease. The patient may, and often does, require instruction pertaining to their medication regimen. Many patients are unaware of why they are taking certain medications and the impact these medications have on their health. Treatments frequently performed include dressing changes to wounds and/or surgical incisions, drawing lab specimens, or maintenance of a central line the patient has been discharged home with.
What kind of schooling or training did you go through?
I received my associates degree in nursing from Catonsville Community College in 1990. Since that time I have worked on medsurg units, in the emergency room, recovery room, and telemetry units. I have 3 years experience traveling to area hospitals and working in their ICUs.
What inspired you to this career?
I left the ICU setting so that I would have the opportunity to provide care to patients before the ICU became a need. It is my hope to provide the teaching necessary to keep people out of the hospital, and particularly the ICU.
What do you like best about your job?
Working for MedStar VNA offers me the opportunity to see people in their own home setting, offering them the knowledge they need to stay out of the hospital. As a mother of triplets, I find it also affords me the flexibility I need regarding the children and their needs. I am able to balance both my career and family, feeling satisfied at having performed well in both roles.
What are the challenges?
The biggest challenge I face in this role is often persuading the patient that changes in their current lifestyle are key to their quality of life, as well as longevity. I have discovered that once trust in you as a knowledgeable professional who is genuinely concerned for their welfare is engendered, the patient is more open to these making these changes.
Average salary is probably $55,000 to $70,000.


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Black and Blue and Bloody Friday: Share Your Shopping Battle Stories
If you are reading these words, congratulations! You made it through Black Friday unscathed. (Or you landed in a hospital that offers wifi, in which case: congratulations on being rich.)
Did you see anyone break down in tears? Were you able to snag all the items you wanted? Were you forced to give out handjobs for coupons? (No shame in that — there's honor in a bargain.)
Let's share our stories (photos and videos welcome, too).
[Image via Getty]


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All drums should be multi-output
PLAY should allow you to route individual drums (snare, kick, hat) separately so that I can process them with effects more easily. Kicks in particular often need special treatment so that they work well with the bass. This is particularly the case with Ghostwriter, Ministry of Rock and Dark Side.
ProDrummer allows this - I wonder if it would be able to be reverse-engineered. Given EW tend not to take the 'living library' model, apart from bug-fixes, it might not be done (this is also one reason why they are able to discount their libraries so heavily after 12-18 months).
However, there is a work around for it (it is a little more fiddly):
- Create a separate midi track and channel for each part of the kit (kick, snare, toms, HH, OH)
- load the kit that you need 5 times in to Play on 5 separate midi channels.
- Route each kit to a separate output in Play (bottom right hand corner of the Play interface in case you haven't seen it).
- So long as the additional outputs are activated in your DAW then you will be able to process each instrument individually.
I used to do this before getting Pro-Drummer.
Remember: save the instance you have created in Play as a multi so you don't have to redo everything for new projects.
Mono outputs on kick?
Interesting thread. I have Pro Drummer now, and as you say it has separate outs for each part of the kit. However, since play only appears to have stereo outputs, it means sending the kick through one. That seems a bit odd - should be mono?!
So, if the kick has one mic, what is being sent to the kick channel? The kick in the left and right?
YOu can even use the same MIDI channel for all 16 layers - for each channel (instrument) insert a MIDI filter on your daw's channel output per instrument, what this will acomplish is that it will play all drum parts on one midi channel and each section is split into one of 16 busses.
You can then save your VSTi instance and track configuration for easy recall later (depending on your daw's ability to vsti savestate between projects)
|Thread Tools
|Display Modes
Linear Mode


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The Jacksonville Jaguars signed running back De'Leon Eskridge and defensive end J.D. Griggs Monday the pair of undrafted rookies joined the team for rookie mini-camp on a tryout basis over the weekend.
Eskridge played last season at San Jose State after spending his first three seasons at the University of Minnesota. Eskridge ran for 1,060 yards and 11 touchdowns during his senior season. Griggs played the last two seasons at the University of Akron. He recorded 41 tackles with 11 for loss and six sacks last season for the Zips.
The Jaguars released linebacker Greg Jones and running back Richard Murphy to make room for the pair on the roster.


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Posts by Author
Burger King employee fired after this photo went viral
If you're going to be spiteful, you also have to be smart. Think you could get away with anonymity? This Burger King employee thought so, too. But as soon as the employee posted this anonymous picture on 4Chan, an imageboard website, with the words, "This is the lettuce you eat at Burger King," the formerly disgruntled BK employee could say […] …
Is moderate drinking OK while pregnant?
Of course women shouldn't drink when they're pregnant — everyone knows that, right?
Well, some researchers say it might not be so bad.
Researchers in Denmark recently released a study saying one drink — and even up to moderate drinking (five to eight drinks a week) — might not do as much harm as we thought. (That's according to a report from NPR.)…


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Columns & GridsMay 13, 2005
The difficulty of grid systems in web pages, the compromise of columns.
I seem to quite often go back and forth between creating organic layouts with intuitive proportions, and creating a grid that I can hang my various elements on. Lately I've been more interested in the latter. Frequently I've caught myself calculating in my head what 750 divided by 3 minus two 10px margins equals.
One of the larger problems in working with grids in web pages is that you often can't do much about vertical proportions. Often your content is dynamic, so the best you can do is approximate. Throw in any compensation for font scaling, and it's easy to lose any semblance of control over the way a layout expands downward.
So the focus is usually on the horizontal layout, which usually means columns. (Incidentally, if you're ever wondering why fixed layouts are so popular amongst designers, this has a lot to do with it — it's awfully difficult to build any coherent form of grid when you lose control of proportions in both dimensions at once.)
1 Column
As simple as it gets, the one-column layout has been around since the beginning of the web. 1994 gave us a grey background and black Times in a single column running down a browser window, the most primitive one-column possible (although calling it that is a bit of a stretch. See: an early Yahoo). It has evolved nicely since then, and some recent redesigns are putting it to good use. (See: Garrett Dimon)
2 Columns
The realm of the blogger. Two columns are utilitarian and perfect for presenting content and further navigation/archives/whatever side-by-side. Popular variations include the fixed sidebar/liquid content area setup (See: Malarkey) and the fixed-width, narrower sidebar/wider content area setup (See: the sadly now-defunct Weightshift).
Layouts with 2 columns or more force a choice that a single column doesn't: equally sized columns, or varied widths? Ratios are important, and certain width combinations are more aesthetically pleasing than others. It's pretty hard to go wrong with 1:1 widths (or 1:1:1, or more). It's a little more difficult to choose non-equal sizing because there are no hard rules. You could pick a 5:8 Golden ratio (in a 750 pixel wide layout, translating to roughly 290px and 460px), a 3:4 ratio (320px and 430px), a 1:2 double square (250px and 500px), and so on. (Pleasing rhythmic proportions often share proportions with musical time scales, as you may have noticed.)
3 Columns
Once you add a third column, the options increase. What a third column enables is the possibility of a virtual column, one that is not absolutely defined in the layout, but exists by proxy. Consider this site, for example. On all pages with a sidebar, it appears to be a two-column layout. On the home page, the larger red panels imply the existence of three equal-sized columns. I haven't pushed the possibilities of this third column yet, but this design does allow for it if I ever feel so inclined.
As well, 3 column layouts allow for overlapping elements. Consider the home page of Stopdesign, and how the leftmost two columns are joined by the overlapping featured article. Of course, it's theoretically possible to pull this off with only two columns, but I rarely see it done on the web. A 2 column layout has traditionally meant that the content of each column lives in that column, never to overlap.
4 Columns
4 column layouts are where screen size constraints start becoming more obvious. With only so many pixels per column, it rarely makes sense to rely on 4 equal-sized, side-by-side columns on a site. StyleGala redesigned last year to a widescreen format with 4 equal columns; to compensate, a narrower version exists with 3 columns instead.
Not to say the columns need to be equally sized. Josh Dura appears to have made a stab toward a smaller-sized 4 column layout, with 3 skinny columns on either side of a larger content area. (Although there's plenty of overlapping going on, so in some places it's 2 columns, in other places it's 3. Whew!)
More Columns
4 columns is hardly the limit though, even within sensible designs that don't push the width requirements too hard. Consider B. Adam Howell's redesign — your screen size determines how many columns you see, up to six. And the entire thing stretches to fill the screen, so it's resolution-independent.
And you knew I was getting to Subtraction eventually, right? Khoi's layout turned heads for more than just its black-and-white sparseness. Subtraction uses an equal-sized 8-column grid, with intelligent overlapping and column arrangement to make it seem quite a bit less.
What's particularly clever about Subtraction is how all elements on the page intentionally fit into the grid. Whether it's the Quick Access panel on the right spanning 2 columns, a content image spanning half the page (4 columns), or a caption sitting in the left-most column, every element on the page has a specific place within the grid and it all meshes wonderfully.
Further Reading
- Geometry of Design, Kimberly Elan
- The Elements of Typographic Style, Robert Bringhurst
- Grid Systems in Graphic Design, Josef Muller-Brockmann
May I add, that columns are a form of hierchy in a page. Represented by physical blocks, each "column" can be identified as a section of content. 3 columns and overlapping content can simply be interpreted as 2 columns with sub sections in the second column.
This one is really an eye opener for me. I've been visiting B. Adam's site for a while now and I really like his new design (as with the fact that the graph is dynamically generated). I never even paid attention to the fact that at a 1280 width you get to see 6 columns, wow!
I like how the columns appear as your browser window gets larger. If you're running a small browser window, you only get to see the last day of entry summaries. Bigger window, more entries summaries.
Then Subtraction, never even noticed all those columns in there. At first glance it seems like a normal two-column layout (or maybe three). Ahh, but wait. *scrolls down* Would you look at that, how cool.
A consolidated list of layout styles and examples in use. Very good article Dave, another one for the developer resources.
"(See: the sadly now-defunct Weightshift)."
Am I just out of the know or is Weightshift acually now defunct?
Nazarin, of Weightshift, says he's discontinuing his MEMO design journal (http://www.weightshift.com/memo/old/2005/05/04/for_the_memories). Could you have just misread that post?
Man Dave, this is an eye opener! Between Josh Dura's overlapping and B Adam's dynamic columns I'm going to have a fair bit to chew on for the next few days at least. I've seen columns done so VERY wrong on so many occasions, it's nice to see a decent recap of how to do them right.
Outstanding article, Dave! I'm looking to redesign a heavily trafficked and way-too-cramped corporate site right now and this article is just the type of influence I'm hungry for.
Thanks once again for an intelligent insight.
Interesting read - this is a topic I've thought about as well.
One thing I've wondered, though … I started thinking through at one point if there was a way to create more of a true grid system using CSS. You know, be able to reproduce any tabular structure. But then it hit me - this is the Web. Should we really even be after a grid layout for most sites? Our viewport is not fixed, like print. As you pointed out, we rarely have control over vertical proportions. I think this is a key distinction between print and Web design, and why columnar layouts are so popular. It's simply the nature of the beast. :)
You might be interested in this post I did,
- it shows how 7 different web designer blogs are laid out.
The whole idea of columns is even more fun now that Gecko 1.8.something supports auto-flow/wrap/whatever columns (see http://weblogs.mozillazine.org/roc/archives/2005/03/gecko_18_for_we.html for details).
Excellent article. I like the one column layout (and use it myself), but I guess what works best for designers depends on the type of information they have to display.
What often happens, though, is that websites with more columns than they really need often add content in their extra columns just to take up space, this is especially prevalent among weblogs.
You really don't need to have your blogroll on every page; it is there to fill the empty column.
One column may be simple, but without pushing down the content, where do you get in a header and other information? There's too much information on most websites now to allow for less than 2 columns. My irk with Garrett's site is constantly scrolling down to get to the navigation. How would you handle one column?
"where do you get in a header and other information"
On my weblog linked above (and in Dave's dailies - thanks!) I do the one column thing and assume that the primary reason people are visiting is to view the latest content, which is first thing on the page. The menu and such are below.
That's a big assumption but it's worked out fine so far.
The most complex and impressive columnar all-CSS layout I've seen is that of http://www.lawrence.com , by Dan Cox.
(Disclaimer: I work for that site. But I had nothing to do with the design � it was all Dan.)
Great, but how do we get away from such steril rigid designs? and where are the grids? The one thing tables gave us was a grid. This is great for structuring information, but how do you start integrating imagery into these designs?
I really like sites that can do consistent branding across different layouts. As you say, this one shows two columns most of the time, and only one on the article pages.
I rather like Matt's, though— basically single column, but with a floating sidebar. http://photomatt.net
Ryan Oswald said:
"Great, but how do we get away from such steril rigid designs? and where are the grids? The one thing tables gave us was a grid."
I just finished a post (http://www.mennovanslooten.nl/?p=16) about creating grid-based layouts in CSS (I call them panel-based) for webapplications.
Joey said:
"But then it hit me - this is the Web. Should we really even be after a grid layout for most sites?"
Definitely not. But they can be very useful for webapplications like webmail interfaces.
My biggest problem when trying to design my site, is the fact I have limited space. I have a certain volume of information I want displayed when someone hits my home page, and that volume of information is too large for the amount of space I have. I probably need a redesign and to be more critical of what goes in the columns.
The other problem I have is at 1024, I can almost fit everything into three columns. At 800 it's impossible, 3 columns get to small.
My eventual solution was to make the 3rd column dynamic. At 1024 you get 3 columns. At 800 you get two columns with the items in the 3rd column rearranging themselves into the two column order. I used floats to do this and it's almost ideal, except that one long side item can cause a lot of space to appear next to it. I solved some of that by moving to float:right instead of float:left.
It's not perfect but it means 800px users (about 25% of my readers) don't get shafted, and I don't need to resort to JS to do it.
I've been working on ideas for a new site design and I can't help thinking how cool it would be to take a step back from the rigid template-based layouts of today and got after something more like Jason Kottke's old http://www.0sil8.com
7-column Design Portal that seems to work well here:
Dexigner's 7-column design is too mind-bogging. It is confusing to look at and the design is not effective. White space is beautiful.
http://www.penandthink.com/niggle/ is quite effective as a one column layout at the top and it only presents one article at a time. On the other hand, I dislike the dark colors that inhibit the bottom of the front page. Although, I believe Joseph meant to display the real important content at the top with a fresh and eye-pleasing look and the less important content at the bottom with a less pleasing feel to it so the visitor focuses on the newest addition to Joseph's website.
Discussion on the use of grids, columns, proportion and such like on the Web is growing at the moment. Mark Boulton - http://www.markboulton.co.uk/journal/ - has written some interesting posts on these matters, as well as some very succinct articles on typography, very much an influence on grids and layout. I'm getting more interested in this as well, particularly how to apply what appears to be rigid (grids) to a fluid medium (the Web) using CSS.
Most current columnar layouts arrange distinct content types into sections. Future CSS3 multi-column properties - http://www.w3.org/TR/2001/WD-css3-multicol-20010118/ - are more to do with allowing content to flow from column to column, which stikes me as an unnecessary attempt to emulate print design: scrolling from the bottom of one column to the top of the next to continue reading the same item doesn't make sense on the Web.
Another fascinating resource to add to your list, Dave, is Thinking With Type - http://www.thinkingwithtype.com/ - by Ellen Lupton.
Casey - I msyelf am still having a hard time with having to scroll. I've experimented with some solutions in Photoshop, but I'm just not happy yet with the right solution.
Additionally, one column does not preclude navigation at the top of the page by any means. Joseph and I both chose to do that to focus on the content. I think for most people that it would probably make sense to have it at the top. Joseph actually brings the navigation back to the top on sub pages and I think it works quite well. Either way, they are personal sites and a good place for us to experiment.
Dave - Thanks for the mention.
A List Apart did an article (http://www.alistapart.com/articles/flexiblelayouts/) on using CSS to make a grid-based layout. There's an example page (http://www.donkeyontheedge.com/ala.html) on the author's site.
What I would really like to be able to do in CSS is to pick up an idea from the Tk GUI toolkit, and have a selection of layout engines. In Tk you have three layout engines: the placer, the packer, and the grid. The packer is like your typical CSS layout, the placer is like absolute positioning, and the grid is like tables. You can mix and match them. And the packing algorithm seems a lot simpler and easier to use, even if you don't use the grid placer.
Is there anything in future CSS that addresses this?
Peter da Silva said:
"The packer is like your typical CSS layout, the placer is like absolute positioning, and the grid is like tables. […]
Is there anything in future CSS that addresses this?"
Well, in CSS we of course already have the normal flow (like packer?), absolute positioning (placer) and various table-like layout properties for 'display' (http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-CSS2/visuren.html#display-prop) that should allow us to create table-like layouts using semantic HTML. (should, but it's not supported by that one browser)
The problem is, what made tables originally so cool were the possibility for 'colspan' and 'rowspan'. These concepts weren't translated to their CSS counterparts which makes it pretty useless in my opinion. There seem to be no changes planned for CSS3 so don't get your hopes up.
Thank you for the article and the interesting discussion. Inspiration - time to think about it.
Using css column layout, how do you span columns on occassion, where an element, say an image, will span across multiple columns?
This is one of those things that seems obvious in retrospect, but was a big "Ah-ha!" moment for me. Reading this article, I realized that I have been laying out sites from the back end, based on how many columns of which content go where, when I should be laying them out from the front, thinking visually about grids and, you know, actual design stuff.


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ROCHESTER, New York -- May 15, 2012 -- El Presidente, Andrew Welch was recently on New Zealand's longest running technology podcast 'Boys of Tech' talking about the challenges of developing WireTap Studio and other Mac software titles under ever-changing OS environments.
To listen to the podcast please click on the link below:
That's right, HypnoBlocks for free.
For real…
No advertising…
No gimmicks…
We just want to give something away! (No, it's not because we are fearful of any Mayan 2012 Apocalypse, that may or not be happening in less than 310 days from now, and need good karma) For the next 3 months Ambrosia Software is giving away it's addictive little 3D block matching game to it's fans to say thank you for your support all these years.
Tell your friends, post it on Facebook, send out a tweet, let the world know that you now can enjoy HypnoBlocks on your iPad, iPhone, or iPod Touch with iOS 4.2 or later for free!
Download your copy now:
ROCHESTER, New York -- June 14, 2011 -- Get your DVR's ready to see a blast from Ambrosia's past! The Science Channel series "Through the Wormhole" will be featuring Ambrosia's retro shooter classic Maelstrom in their next episode, entitled "Is There an Edge to the Universe?"
Hosted by Morgan Freeman, "Through the Wormhole" explores the deepest mysteries of the universe, addressing existential questions that have long puzzled mankind. We are honored to have one of the very first products ever released by Ambrosia featured in this program, and look forward to it's cameo!
The show will air this Wednesday (6/15/11) on The Science Channel at 10pm ET. (check your local listings)
To learn more about this show please visit their website:
Sometimes, you've got to put your money where your mouth is. Last week, everyone's favorite IT guy, Jake, learned that lesson the hard way. Like… The really hard way.
After months of trudging through heavy wet snow, subzero temperatures, and what felt like days of endless darkness, spring has finally shed a little light on Rochester, NY. With the return of the birds and sunshine comes a slew of likewise exciting news from Ambrosia HQ!
|Latest News
|The Ambrosia Times
|Awards and Ratings
|Company Announcements
|New Releases
|People in the News
|Upcoming Releases
We know you like Ambrosia, tell your friends on Facebook you like us too!


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TalkTalk was reprimanded today by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) after BT complained about a campaign for TalkTalk that claimed the YouView set top box "normally" cost £299 to buy.
BT objected to a claim on TalkTalk's website a week after YouView launched, which promoted a "free YouView box – normally £299". It also objected to a press ad that ran a day before, on 12 October 2012, offering "free YouView box, usually £299".
Objections were raised to the ad watchdog because BT claimed the "normal" cost of the box could not be substantiated so soon after launching YouView on 5 October.
The YouView box is now available to buy from Amazon.co.uk for £248, but the higher-tier box still costs £299 from John Lewis.
Both BT and TalkTalk were unavailable for comment.
This comes comes after YouView placed its £10m ad account up for review following a high-0profile launch campaign. It is understood Adam & Eve/DDB resigned the account in December.
YouView chairman Lord Sugar will be involved in the pitch process, despite previously claiming he had "abstained" from becoming involved in the advertising for YouView.
Separately, BT has had a TV ad for its broadband package banned by the ASA, after claiming it was free for the first six months, despite customers being required to pay a line-rental fee.Follow @mattchapmanuk


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Search results in category Relationship
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Keep up to date with the latest Articles about Big Bear Lake Skiing, boating, fishing and Mountain Biking. Take them on the go with your Android of iPhone. Download App Now!


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The Washington Wizards kept their season alive last night by beating the Cleveland Cavaliers in Cleveland, 88-87. The Cavs still lead the series 3-2.
Caron Butler led the way with 32 points and 9 rebounds. Butler made virtually every big play down the stretch including a game winning shot over Lebron James with 4 seconds left.
Cleveland still had plenty of time to steal the win and, based on past experience, most Wizards fans expected them to do just that. Specifically, we expected James to drive to the basket and either (1) make a shot, (2) draw a foul, or (3) dish the ball to Delonte West or Daniel Gibson, who would then hit a wide open shot.
But by playing a unique style of defense, the Wizards prevented all of these outcomes and thus lived to fight another day. Heres what happened:
James drove past DeShawn Stevenson, as expected. The next line of defense was my man Antonio Daniels. He ran off like he was fleeing a crime scene. That left Darius Songaila who, as defenders go, is a pretty good shooter.
Songaila turned his back to James. James jumped into and over Songaila and missed his shot. The buzzer sounded. The Wizards waited for the refs to call a foul. Hearing none, they started to celebrate, all except Songaila who was nursing his back.
The Wizards hadnt played enough defense to force James to pass to the open man, and their matador style deterred the refs from blowing the whistle. Yet Songaila induced enough contact to throw off James shot slightly.
Sometimes its better to be mediocre than good.


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This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or
associated with, Facebook. You are providing your information to Ibanez and
not to Facebook.
Please answer a few questions to qualify to win.
With "Cold World", OM&M have raised the stakes of what a modern day heavy rock band is supposed to sound like and Ibanez is proud to offer you a chance to win this ultimate fan pack. A must-have for any fan!
1. Enter Online. Deadlines: Entries must be submitted online via the official Ibanez webpage, www2.ibanez.com/ofmiceandmen-giveaway. Online entries will be deemed made by the authorized account holder of the e-mail address submitted at the time of sweepstakes registration. To be eligible for the Of Mice & Men Ultimate Fan Package Giveaway, online entries must be received on or before 12:00 p.m. EST, November 4th, 2016. You may register at any time during the Of Mice & Men Ultimate Fan Package Giveaway; however, any entries after the drawing, held at 12:00 p.m. EST, on November 4th, 2016 will be ineligible. Entries must provide all requested information in order to be considered. One entry per person. Incomplete entries, multiple submissions, automated entries, and computer-aided or computer-generated script entries are void and ineligible. The Sponsor will not share email addresses with any other entities.
2. Eligibility. The promotion is open to all legal residents of the continental United States and its territories, except employees, directors, officers, agents, contractors, and their immediate families and household members, of Hoshino (USA), Inc, their affiliates and subsidiaries, are not eligible to participate or win any prizes. No one under the age of eighteen (18) years as of the sweepstakes start date is eligible to participate. This promotion is not open to residents of Rhode Island or other states or territories in which registration, bonding or other regulatory activities are required.
3. Selection of Winners and Notification. One (1) The winner will be selected on or about 12:00 p.m. EST, November 4th, 2016 by random drawing from among all eligible entries received. The odds of winning each prize depend on the number of eligible entries received. The winner will be notified by e-mail or by phone. The prize will be forfeited and an alternate Winner may be selected if a Winner cannot be notified, fails to respond to the prize notification within three (3) days, is ineligible, or fails to timely return the completed and executed declaration and releases as required.
4. NO PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND IS NECESSARY IN ORDER TO ENTER OR WIN THIS SWEEPSTAKES. Your purchase of a product or service from the Sponsor or from the prize manufacturer will not increase your chances of winning a prize.
5. Prizes. One (1) winner will receive one (1) Ibanez RG7421WH 7-string guitar (1) autographed copy of Of Mice & Men's newest CD release, Cold World (1) large Of Mice And Men t-shirt and one (1) Of Mice And Men poster. Prize components are not exchangeable, transferable or redeemable for cash. In the event of unavailability of stated prize(s) or component(s), the Sponsor reserves the right to substitute item(s) of comparable value. ALL PRIZES ARE PROVIDED "AS IS" AND WITHOUT ANY GUARANTY OR WARRANTY OF ANY KIND (INCLUDING IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE).
6. Redemption Requirements. Winner grants permission to have his or her name, city, photograph and/or likeness used in any manner the Sponsor may deem appropriate for advertising, trade and/or promotional purposes without additional compensation, including without limitation, posting the Winner's name and/or image on the www.ibanez.com web site, unless prohibited by law. Winner must sign an Affidavit of Eligibility and Liability/Publicity Release in a form acceptable to Sponsor as a condition of and prior to receiving the prize, unless prohibited by law. The Winner is responsible for all tax liabilities and must provide his or her social security number or taxpayer identification number for tax reporting purposes. Failure or refusal to comply with any of the requirements of these Terms and Conditions may result in disqualification and the selection of an alternate Winner.
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Future Tunz needed a new button or icon design and created a contest on 99designs.
A winner was selected from 38 designs submitted by 11 freelance designers.
Blowfish, Obese, and Top Heavy
I have a hydroponic nutrient product line. We need three characters to give substance to the product names."Blowfish" clip art I was looking for a comical blowfish that is puffed up with puckered lips, think the blow fish in little nemo. "Obese" I was hoping for a fat lady with many fat folds in a bikini, think a female fat bastard. And for top heavy a porn star looking lady with over exagerately large bust. Think Jenna jameson.
See my comment below to download our current product labels to give a sence of direction.
Hydroponic customers. young, hip.
vector art, blowfish will have a blue theme. obese will have a yellow theme, and top heavy will have a red theme.


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High School Girls Basketball: Lincoln Trounces Tigers
FINAL: Lincoln 76, Huron 25
Patriots shot 53 percent from the floor in the first half to blow out to a 44-15 halftime lead.
It was over when: The Patriots (6-3) used full-court pressure and converted some easy baskets to extend a 6-4 first quarter lead to 15-4. It was all part of a 29-6 run that allowed the Pats to cruise to the the non-conference victory.
Gameball goes to: The defensive pressure paved the way for Lincoln's offense to cash in easier conversions. It was the best the team shot during this seven-game homestand. Huron turned the ball over 20 times on 17 Lincoln steals.
Stat of the game: Lincoln converted 31 field goals, Huron just 10. Patriots hit 7-of-13 on threes and shot 51% from the floor and had three starters in double-figures in the first half.
Tough break of the night: Huron's guard Taylar Rotert, who has missed most of the season with a hip flexor injury suffered in volleyball, tore her ACL during the first half. Our prayers go to her. We hope you heal quickly Taylar.
Unsung hero of the game: Lincoln 5-9 soph. Ellie Brecht continues to improve and impress adding to Lincoln's depth. She got the start and scored 12 points in the second quarter and ended with 16 on the night.
What we learned about Huron: If this team sticks together it could be a very good club in years to come with three strong freshmen playing significant time including 5-9 post Jazmin Newton who finished with nine points and four rebounds in less than 18 minutes of play. Newton's brother Terrell Newton was a Huron High basketball standout.
What we learned about Lincoln: The Patriots feel they are playing better team defense and starting to understand their assignments in defensive rotation much better. This is the shooting night they needed to gain confidence going into next Tuesday's rematch with #1 Washington. The one knock now on the Patriots come with their free throw shooting. In the win over Huron, LHS shot 8-17 at the line.


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102/100 BCE: Gaius Julius Caesar was born (by Caesarean section according to an unlikely legend) of Aurelia and Gaius Julius Caesar, a praetor. His family had noble, patrician roots, although they were neither rich nor influential in this period. His aunt Julia was the wife of Gaius Marius, leader of the Popular faction.
c. 85 BCE: His father died, and a few years later he was betrothed and possibly married to a wealthy young woman, Cossutia. This betrothal/marriage was soon broken off, and at age 18 he married Cornelia, the daughter of a prominent member of the Popular faction; she later bore him his only legitimate child, a daughter, Julia. When the Optimate dictator, Sulla, was in power, he ordered Caesar to divorce her; when Caesar refused, Sulla proscribed him (listed him among those to be executed), and Caesar went into hiding. Caesar's influential friends and relatives eventually got him a pardon.
c. 79 BCE: Caesar, on the staff of a military legate, was awarded the civic crown (oak leaves) for saving the life of a citizen in battle. His general sent him on an embassy to Nicomedes, the king of Bithynia, to obtain a fleet of ships; Caesar was successful, but subsequently he became the butt of gossip that he had persuaded the king (a homosexual) only by agreeing to sleep with him. When Sulla died in 78, Caesar returned to Rome and began a career as a orator/lawyer (throughout his life he was known as an eloquent speaker) and a life as an elegant man-about-town.
75 BCE: While sailing to Greece for further study, Caesar was kidnapped by Cilician pirates and held for ransom. When informed that they intended to ask for 20 talents, he is supposed to have insisted that he was worth at least 50. He maintained a friendly, joking relationship with the pirates while the money was being raised, but warned them that he would track them down and have them crucified after he was released. He did just that, with the help of volunteers, as a warning to other pirates, but he first cut their throats to lessen their suffering because they had treated him well.
72 BCE: Caesar was elected military tribune. (Note that Pompey and Crassus were the consuls for 70 BCE.)
69 BCE: He spoke at the funerals of both his aunt, Julia, and his wife, Cornelia. On both occasions, he emphasized his connections with Marius and the ancient nobility of his family, descended from the first kings on his mother's side and from the gods on his father's (revealing a notable talent for self-dramatization and a conception that there was something exceptional about him).
68/67 BCE: Caesar was elected quaestor and obtained a seat in the Senate; he married Pompeia, a granddaughter of Sulla. Caesar supported Gnaeus Pompey and helped him get an extraordinary generalship against the Mediterranean pirates, later extended to command of the war against King Mithridates in Asia Minor.
65 BCE: He was elected curule aedile and spent lavishly on games to win popular favor; large loans from Crassus made these expenditures possible. There were rumors that Caesar was having an affair with Gnaeus Pompey's wife, Mucia, as well as with the wives of other prominent men.
63 BCE: Caesar spent heavily in a successful effort to get elected pontifex maximus (chief priest); in 62 he was elected praetor. He divorced Pompeia because of her involvement in a scandal with another man, although the man had been acquitted in the law courts; Caesar is reported to have said, The wife of Caesar must be above suspicion, suggesting that he was so exceptional that anyone associated with him had to be free of any hint of scandal. In 61 he was sent to the province of Further Spain as propraetor.
60 BCE: He returned from Spain and joined with Pompey and Crassus in a loose coalition called by modern historians The First Triumvirate and by his enemies at the time the three-headed monster. In 62, Pompey had returned victorious from Asia, but had been unable to get the Senate to ratify his arrangements and to grant land to his veteran soldiers because he had disbanded his army on his return and Crassus was blocking his efforts. Caesar persuaded the two men to work together and promised to support their interests if they helped him get elected to the consulship.
59 BCE: Caesar was elected consul against heavy Optimate opposition led by Marcus Porcius Cato, a shrewd and extremely conservative politician. Caesar married his only daughter, Julia, to Pompey to consolidate their alliance; he himself married Calpurnia, the daughter of a leading member of the Popular faction. Caesar pushed Pompey's measures through, helped Crassus' proposals, and got for himself a five-year term as proconsul of Gaul after his consulship was over. However, he used some strong-arm methods in the Assembly and completely cowed his Optimate colleague in the consulship, Bibulus, so that jokers referred to the year as the consulship of Julius and Caesar (instead of the consulship of Caesar and Bibulus). Caesar was safe from prosecution for such actions as long as he held office, but once he became a private citizen again he could be prosecuted by his enemies in the Senate.
58 BCE: Caesar left Rome for Gaul; he would not return for 9 years, in the course of which he would conquer most of what is now central Europe, opening up these lands to Mediterranean civilizationa decisive act in world history. However, much of the conquest was an act of aggression prompted by personal ambition (not unlike the conquests of Alexander the Great). Fighting in the summers, he would return to Cisalpine Gaul (northern Italy) in the winters and manipulate Roman politics through his supporters (see this map of Caesar's Gallic campaigns).
56 BCE: Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus met in Caesar's province to renew their coalition, since Pompey had been increasingly moving toward the Optimate faction. Pompey and Crassus were to be consuls again, and Caesar's command in Gaul was extended until 49 BCE.
54 BCE: Caesar led a three-month expedition to Britain (the was the first Roman crossing of the English Channel), but he did not establish a permanent base there. Meanwhile, Caesar's coalition with Pompey was increasingly strained, especially after Julia died in childbirth in 54. In the following year, Crassus received command of the armies of the East but was defeated and killed by the Parthians.
52 BCE: Rioting in Rome led to Pompey's extra-legal election as consul without a colleague. Without Julia and Crassus, there was little to bond Caesar and Pompey together, and Pompey moved to the Optimate faction, since he had always been eager for the favor of the aristocrats.
51 BCE: The conquest of Gaul effectively completed, Caesar set up an efficient provincial administration to govern the vast territories; he published his history The Gallic Wars. The Optimates in Rome attempted to cut short Caesar's term as governor of Gaul and made it clear that he would be immediately prosecuted if he returned to Rome as a private citizen (Caesar wanted to run for the consulship in absentia so that he could not be prosecuted). Pompey and Caesar were maneuvered into a public split; neither could yield to the other without a loss of honor, dignity, and power.
49 BCE: Caesar tried to maintain his position legally, but when he was pushed to the limit he led his armies across the Rubicon River (the border of his province), which was automatic civil war. Pompey's legions were in Spain, so he and the Senate retreated to Brundisium and from there sailed to the East. Caesar quickly advanced to Rome, set up a rump Senate and had himself declared dictator. Throughout his campaign, Caesar practicedand widely publicizedhis policy of clemency (he would put no one to death and confiscate no property). In a bold, unexpected move, Caesar led his legions to Spain, to prevent Pompey's forces from joining him in the East; he allegedly declared, I am off to meet an army without a leader; when I return, I shall meet a leader without an army. After a remarkably short campaign, he returned to Rome and was elected consul, thus (relatively) legalizing his position.
48 BCE: Pompey and the Optimate faction had established a strong position in Greece by this time, and Caesar, in Brundisium, did not have sufficient ships to transport all his legions. He crossed with only about 20,000 men, leaving his chief legate, Mark Antony, in Brundisium to try to bring across the rest of the soldiers. After some rather desperate situations for Caesar, the rest of his forces finally landed, though they were greatly outnumbered by Pompey's men. In the final battle, on the plains of Pharsalus, it is estimated that Pompey had 46,000 men to Caesar's 21,000. By brilliant generalship, Caesar was victorious, though the toll was great on both sides; Caesar pardoned all Roman citizens who were captured, including Brutus, but Pompey escaped, fleeing to Egypt.
October 2, 48 BCE: Caesar, with no more than 4,000 legionaries, landed in Alexandria; he was presented, to his professed horror, with the head of Pompey, who had been betrayed by the Egyptians. Caesar demanded that the Egyptians pay him the 40 million sesterces he was owed because of his military support some years earlier for the previous ruler, Ptolemy XII (The Flute Player), who had put down a revolt against his rule with Caesar's help. After Ptolemy XII's death, the throne had passed to his oldest children, Cleopatra VII and Ptolemy XIII, as joint heirs. When Caesar landed, the eunuch Pothinus and the Egyptian general Achillas, acting on behalf of Ptolemy XIII (at this time about 12 years old), had recently driven Cleopatra (at this time about 20-21 years old) out of Alexandria. Cleopatra had herself smuggled into the palace in Alexandria wrapped in a rug (purportedly a gift for Caesar) and enlisted his help in her struggle to control the Egyptian throne. Like all the Ptolemies, Cleopatra was of Macedonian Greek descent; she was highly intelligent and well-educated. Caesar saw her as a useful ally as well as a captivating female, and he supported her right to the throne. Through the treachery of Pothinus and the hostility of the Egyptian people to the Romans, Achillas and an army of 20,000 besieged the palace. Caesar managed to hold the palace itself and the harbor; he had Pothinus executed as a traitor but allowed the young Ptolemy to join the army of Achillas. When he ordered the Egyptian fleet burnt, the great Library of Alexandria was accidently consumed in the flames.
|drawing of Caesar with general's cloak; see also this statue
February, 47 BCE: After some months under siege, Caesar tried unsuccessfully to capture Pharos, a great lighthouse on an island in the harbor; at one point when cut off from his men he had to jump in the water and swim to safety. Plutarch says that he swam with one hand, using the other to hold some important papers above the water; Suetonius adds that he also towed his purple general's cloak by holding it in his teeth so that it would not be captured by the Egyptians.
March, 47 BCE: Caesar had sent for reinforcements, two Roman legions and the army of an ally, King Mithridates; when they arrived outside Alexandria he marched out to join them and on March 26 defeated the Egyptian army (Ptolemy XIII died in this battle). Although he had been trapped in the palace for nearly six months and had been unable to exert a major influence on the conduct of the civil war, which was going rather badly without him, Caesar nevertheless remained in Egypt until June, even cruising on the Nile with Cleopatra to the southern boundary of her kingdom.
June 23, 47 BCE: Caesar left Alexandria, having established Cleopatra as a client ruler in alliance with Rome; he left three legions under the command of Rufio, as legate, in support of her rule. Either immediately before or soon after he left Egypt, Cleopatra bore a son, whom she named Caesarion, claiming that he was the son of Caesar.
August, 47 BCE: After leaving Alexandria, Caesar swept through Asia Minor to settle the disturbances there. On August 1, he met and immediately overcame Pharnaces, a rebellious king; he later publicized the rapidity of this victory with the slogan veni, vidi, vici (I came, I saw, I overcame).
October, 47 BCE: Caesar arrived back in Rome and settled the problems caused by the mismanagement of Antony. When he attempted to sail for Africa to face the Optimates (who had regrouped under Cato and allied with King Juba of Numidia), his legions mutinied and refused to sail. In a brilliant speech, Caesar brought them around totally, and after some difficult battles decisively defeated the Optimates at Thapsus, after which Cato committed suicide rather than be pardoned by Caesar.
|coin issued by Caesar depicting military trophy
July 25, 46 BCE: The victorious and now unchallenged Caesar arrived back in Rome and celebrated four splendid triumphs (over the Gauls, Egyptians, Pharnaces, and Juba); he sent for Cleopatra and the year-old Caesarion and established them in a luxurious villa across the Tiber from Rome. In a letter at this time he listed his political aims as tranquility for Italy, peace for the provinces, and security for the Empire. His program for accomplishing these goalsboth what he actually achieved and what he planned but did not have time to completewas sound and farsighted (e.g., resolution of the worst of the debt crisis, resettlement of veterans abroad without dispossessing others, reform of the Roman calendar, regulation of the grain dole, strengthening of the middle class, enlargement of the Senate to 900), but his methods alienated many of the nobles. Holding the position of dictator, Caesar governed autocratically, more in the manner of a general than a politician. Although he nominally used the political structure, he often simply announced his decisions to the Senate and had them entered on the record as senatorial decrees without debate or vote.
April, 45 BCE: The two sons of Pompey, Gnaeus and Sextus, led a revolt in Spain; since Caesar's legates were unable to quell the revolt, Caesar had to go himself, winning a decisive but difficult victory at Munda. Gnaeus Pompey was killed in the battle, but Sextus escaped to become, later, the leader of the Mediterranean pirates.
October, 45 BCE: Caesar, back in Rome, celebrated a triumph over Gnaeus Pompey, arousing discontent because triumphs were reserved for foreign enemies. By this time Caesar was virtually appointing all major magistrates; for example, when the consul for 45 died on the morning of his last day of office, Caesar appointed a new consul to serve out the termfrom 1:00 p.m. to sundown! Caesar was also borrowing some of the customs of the ruler cults of the eastern Hellenistic monarchies; for example, he issued coins with his likeness (note how the portrait on this coin, celebrating his fourth dictatorship, emphasizes his age) and allowed his statues, especially in the provinces, to be adorned like the statues of the gods. Furthermore, the Senate was constantly voting him new honorsthe right to wear the laurel wreath and purple and gold toga and sit in a gilded chair at all public functions, inscriptions such as to the unconquerable god, etc. When two tribunes, Gaius Marullus and Lucius Flavius, opposed these measures, Caesar had them removed from office and from the Senate.
February, 44 BCE: Caesar was named dictator perpetuus. On February 15, at the feast of Lupercalia, Caesar wore his purple garb for the first time in public. At the public festival, Antony offered him a diadem (symbol of the Hellenistic monarchs), but Caesar refused it, saying Jupiter alone is king of the Romans (possibly because he saw the people did not want him to accept the diadem, or possibly because he wanted to end once and for all the speculation that he was trying to become a king). Caesar was preparing to lead a military campaign against the Parthians, who had treacherously killed Crassus and taken the legionary eagles; he was due to leave on March 18. Although Caesar was apparently warned of some personal danger, he nevertheless refused a bodyguard.
March 15, 44 BCE: Caesar attended the last meeting of the Senate before his departure, held at its temporary quarters in the portico of the theater built by Pompey the Great (the Curia, located in the Forum and the regular meeting house of the Senate, had been badly burned and was being rebuilt). The sixty conspirators, led by Marcus Junius Brutus, Gaius Cassius Longinus, Decimus Brutus Albinus, and Gaius Trebonius, came to the meeting with daggers concealed in their togas and struck Caesar at least 23 times as he stood at the base of Pompey's statue. Legend has it that Caesar said in Greek to Brutus, You, too, my child? After his death, all the senators fled, and three slaves carried his body home to Calpurnia several hours later. For several days there was a political vacuum, for the conspirators apparently had no long-range plan and, in a major blunder, did not immediately kill Mark Antony (apparently by the decision of Brutus). The conspirators had only a band of gladiators to back them up, while Antony had a whole legion, the keys to Caesar's money boxes, and Caesar's will. Click here for some assessments of Caesar by modern historians.
|first century BCE portrait bust with features resembling Caesar's, found in Ancient Thera
Barbara F. McManus, The
College of New Rochelle
revised March, 2011


text: Weather Diaries World Cafe This Week: September 11-15, 2017 By Sean Knight • Sep 11, 2017 Monday, September 11, 2017 Inspired by Jimi Hendrix, modern-day bluesman Selwyn Birchwood got his big break after a high school friend arranged for him to meet blues singer and lap steel player Sonny Rhodes. After hearing Birchwood play, Rhodes told him "I'm gonna take you on the road with me." Birchwood now fronts his own band. They perform songs off of their latest album, Pick Your Poison. Tuesday, September 12, 2017


text:
Q: I'm 31 and pregnant; my husband is 48. Is it true that older men have an increased risk of fathering autistic children?
A: A recent Israeli study of more than 300,000 young adults showed that autism rates in the offspring of men who were 40 or older when their babies were conceived were almost six times that of the children of fathers 29 or younger. (The study found no link between autism and maternal age.) The researchers are now looking for reasons; there is speculation that sperm-producing cells spontaneously mutate as men age.
Much more study of paternal age is needed if we are to better understand its impact.