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Dear Mouse: I See YouPosted: October 21, 2013 | Author: jisun | Filed under: Dear Mouse, emotional stuff, kids, parenting | Tags: anxiety, Children, Family, Motherhood, Parenting |254 Comments
Dear Mouse,
You went to a birthday party today and your father's report was… well, not great. It seems you spent most of the time being a barnacle on your daddy's leg, despite the kind efforts of other kids to get you to play. In fact, your daddy told me you were pretty unkind to one of the kids, and that hurt my heart a bit.
This is your modus operandi: Somewhere, based on some mysterious something, the social part of you will just shut down. No manner of encouragement and familiarity can crack the shell. In fact, it usually makes it worse. It'll take you hours to warm up when you get like this, and by then, the event is over. Then you're sad with very little understanding of how your behavior played a role in your disappointing situation.
It isn't always like this, mind you. Other times, you stride into situations with confidence, all grrrl power. At the park I've seen you strike up conversations with kids and I'd swear you are four years old going on ten. You'll stand up to things you think are wrong, even when it is hard. When you started transitional kindergarten with 24 kids in your class, you didn't even blink.
But… in times when I least expect it, you have the hardest time, like today. You had two friends at that party you've known all your life (we, your parents, were all in the same birth class), and a bunch of the other kids were from that transitional kindergarten class. Why you just clam up for two hours, I have no idea.
You pretty much came out of the womb this way. You've always had an intense, absolutely mysterious way of regarding people. Some situations were just big ol' fails. We never could really understand why, but it sure did stress us out.
"Hello, nice to meet you, oh, my baby seems terrified of you and won't stop screaming until you leave. I love your shoes, goodbye!" It made for awesome small talk.
Then later when you were a toddler, there would be times (often) at the park when you wanted to do nothing but sit on a bench with me and stare at the other kids. For hours. I could tell you had interest in participating, but nothing could get you off that bench. Then you'd be broken-hearted that we had to leave, because you didn't get a chance to play.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
You see, it appears that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I spent most of my life having these same inexplicable waves of shyness. Even right up until college, there would be times that I'd be in groups and not utter a word for hours. Then there were other times that I'd surprise even myself by being able to navigate a completely foreign social scene. I was never good at predicting which it would be. My mind's eye could not see myself, couldn't understand my own swirl of emotions.
The thing is, I was largely reformed by the time you came around. Mind you, I'm still not a super social butterfly. Still, I don't get knots in my stomach at random times any longer, and I'm competent in most social situations (I'd like to think). Imagine my surprise upon realizing that there must be some kind of "random fits of shyness" gene, and I'd passed it to you!
I know how it feels to get all tongue-tied when you have so much to say. When you do manage words, sometimes they're not the right ones. I know what it is like to feel knotted up without understanding why. You're only coming up on five years old, but I can see what we share this trait, mother and daughter.
One day, when you're convinced that I don't understand you at all, when I couldn't possibly know how you feel, I hope you'll read this letter.
I know that we are not one and the same. You are an amalgamation of me, your father, and maybe some pixie dust. You are growing up on your own terms, in your own time. I'll try never to presume anything about your path in life.
Yet, being your mother is like letting a little part of myself walk separately from me. You may be mixed up in a different cocktail of life, destined for a different future, but you'll always feel like a part of me.
No matter where you end up in life, no matter how far away you get, I hope one day you'll read this letter and know. Even when you can't see yourself… I see you.
254 Comments on "Dear Mouse: I See You"
Mardra says:
Jisun, the way you weave words and delve into the tapestry of your children, it's so lovely.
In fact I often struggle with writing the right comment. But I want you to know I was here and this is awesome and I love that you share it. From now on I'll just wink.
(which I just looked up how to do – that's how much you inspire me)
And you'll know I was here and loved it.
– Mardra
Aw, thank you Mardra! I love writing about the kids, it helps me sort out my (complicated) feelings. I'm sure you're no stranger to complicated parent feelings though! I wink back at you. ;-)
Miriam says:
I find that seeing myself in my kids creates a lot of mixed emotions. My oldest (now 22) is a lot like me, and we have a complicated relationship. I read something the other day that said that mothers preferred their kids that resembled them the most- I actually vehemently disagree with the idea that we will "prefer" any of our kids… what a horrid thought. I think we just relate differently to each child depending on the way their personality intersects with ours.
But it can be hard to see ourselves in our kids, when they're doing something we've struggled with. Our natural instinct is to want to smooth the way, to make everything right, yet we know that we can't do that.
Really? So physical resemblance? That is so interesting. I do not like any idea of preference either. I'll say that I have the hardest time working out my feelings with Mouse because we are so similar. Chipmunk is so much like her father, it seems much more straightforward to me.
That instinct to smooth the way… yes, so very true. One of the hardest things for me about parenting is *not* parenting sometimes.
Miriam says:
Sorry, not physical resemblance, just "similarity"- here's a link: http://www.futurity.org/older-moms-dont-pick-new-favorites/. Anyway, I don't care what "studies" say, I love all my kids equally :-) But some kids are easier to parent than others.
It's wonderful that you allow your daughter to go at her own pace with social interactions. It's much better to let her learn to trust her intuition, take it slow with people.
This is very interesting, because I actually find Mouse to be the most similar to me and the more difficult for me to parent. She and I share so many personality traits that I have a hard time separating out my own feelings from what is happening for her, you know? I suppose as adults, similarity can be helpful. But I'm with you, the idea of preference is kind of a problem in and of itself, it isn't like I prefer my other kids because I find parenting Mouse a little harder…
what a gift you are giving her. i'm sure my parents tried their best but sometimes when i was very emotional or particular, i wish they weren't so quick to compare me with other seemingly laid-back kids or just label me as "difficult." i also have to work on allowing my children to be free. i lack a shy bone so when micah was really bashful, i just didn't get it. sometimes it would be because other kids would hit him and he would freeze and i almost wanted him to hit back because i was so heartbroken. by really seeing your daughter, you can nurture her strengths instead of shaming them away.
"I wanted to hit him because I was so heartbroken." Yeah, I've felt that feeling too. It is hard to watch your kids go through life and have to learn their own lessons. Oh, parenting, so complicated.
oh, in that scenario i said, "i almost wanted him to hit back" though i know i shouldn't encourage violence.
Lol. Well I hope you didn't think I thought you'd ever hit your kid, I never took it that way, just thought you meant extreme frustration.
I remember watching a kid shove Mouse into a sandbox once and I considered some not so nice options before settling on the higher road. ;)
no, didn't think that you thought that i thought that you thought that wait whaaaa?
just a stickler for accuracy.
meaning i wanted HIM to hit the kid back
Oh crap. Well I read that comment and thought you were talking about wanting to hit the *other* kid yourself. I need to read more carefully. I'm not even going to go back and edit, everyone who reads this comment thread is going to gave a good laugh at my expense!
yeah, i could tell you thought i was tryna emphasize the "ALMOST" part of that comment, not the "i wanted my CHILD to hit the other CHILD back," which i also wouldn't really wanna encourage.
modernmessy says:
This is really beautiful, Jisun! And a great reminder to (try) not to get worried if our kids don't behave like we expect them to, or if their actions seem all over the map. One of my daughters confounds me sometimes b/c she is such a physical daredevil who flips upside down with the greatest of ease and befriends strangers instantly, yet will often act very shy or anxious in a big group. Meanwhile, at home we keep looking for her "off" button b/c she never stops talking!!
She sounds like Mouse! She would go on the scariest rollercoaster but so her to walk into a group of twenty people, no siree! I've looked for her "off" button too, it is not easy to listen to someone for 14 hours straight!
Jenny says:
Beautiful. I hope she reads this one day too :)
Thanks, mama. I read the blogs of moms who have older kids and I know it is just around the corner but I still have such a hard time imagining it. Hope mine turn out as well as yours. :)
hkshuckleberry says:
Being shy and unable to live up to most everyone's expectations is really difficult. Being understood is the most important thing. Your daughter will love what you wrote.
Support and not criticism, what a gift! And what a great post!!!
Thank you! Although, I admit that in the moment, I really do struggle still. Hopefully she'll see this years later and forgive me my screw ups. ;)
hkshuckleberry says:
She will !!! :-)
Maria M says:
A brilliant post that frightened me a little. You could have been writing about me, only recently I discovered that others suffer from low self esteem as well. She is lucky to have you, as it was down to my great parents and husband that I have survived this world.
Thank you. I felt similarly… There were certain very supportive and important people in my life who helped me through the early years. I really do want her to find the same as she grows up.
sparrow says:
I love how you address the letter to your daughter. I have a blog about my twins, and I sometimes think of it as a little book I'm writing to them. I enjoyed your writing.
I think of that often, when I write I'm always wondering, "What would it be like to read this in twenty years…" Thank you for commenting! xo
allthoughtswork says:
Read Elaine Aron's books. Read them now. Really.
I will check it out, thank you!
I would also recommend Susan Cains book "Quiet:: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking' to everyone parenting an introvert
I have it on my list, everyone so strongly recommends it but I'd never heard of it! These are times when blogging really makes me happy. :)
ForTheLoveOfSass says:
Awww this is the most adorable post I have read in a long time. I'm at college and my mom is far away from me right now, she used to tell me some of the stuff you addressed in your post all the time. Beautiful :)
This makes me smile. I hope Mouse says something similar about me when she is in college. :)
quicul says:
Reblogged this on decorateddirt.
quicul says:
This is wonderful :) Barnacle power!
Haha! Love that, it'll be our new motto!
Choosing says:
Such a gentle text, so full of insight… I have a boy who used to be very shy – still is, depending on the occasion. But I can see how he is slowly growing wings, doing more and more things that simply amaze me. I am sure your Mouse will grow her wings too… and they will be beautiful.
Thank you for sharing that, I do think she'll grow wings, I just hope I don't do anything to clip them. <3
A Hopeful Doc says:
Such a beautiful letter to your daughter! I myself was extremely shy at school until I just decided to break out at age 10… parents probably wished I had waited til leaving for college to become an extrovert! (In reality, my dad's a bigger social butterfly than me!)
Oh, man, I can't even imagine her at ten!
vickyblack316 says:
What an amazing mother you are!!! This post was so encouraging, thank you for sharing (:
Thank you! <3
Beth says:
What a gift for your daughter, having a parent who is introverted and has experienced those emotions, fears, reserves, and events that she has yet to walk through and process. I'm the only introvert in a family of extroverts. Further, I'm hyper-introverted. I'm not socially awkward, a hermit, or at odds with my sense of humor. I'm actually not very shy, either. As such, I'm a conundrum to most of the human race. But my needs for solitude, internal processing, and days where I just can't go to that event or party because being around all those people is enough to make me cry are very real. Unfortunately, many people don't understand this and try to get introverts "out of their shell"… but like a turtle, our shells are ours. Not theirs. And we might choose not to poke our heads out… It would've been far easier to navigate my childhood and teenage years had others in my family been familiar with what I was going through. Your daughter is blessed more than she'll ever know. Good job, Mom!
I really like your turtle analogy, that the shell is owned as well. Thank you. :)
Beth says:
I had written a post on my blog just prior to reading this entry that touched on this subject. I noted that while I often have to explain my introversion, I don't apologize for it. None of us should apologize for being who we were designed to be. We're all unique and should celebrate it… turtle shells and all. Or, as my brother has so eloquently reminded me, "You're a nerd. Just own it." (You just have to love the way brothers talk to siblings.) The same applies to those turtle shells we introverts carry around with us.
Ha! I have to admit that I totally talk to my brother this way, he's 11 years younger. I couldn't agree with you more about being unapologetic, turtle shells and all.
Loved your turtle analogy too. It's very encouraging to read that I'm not the only one preferring my shell than a party full of people. My mother would always cast me a worried look whenever I was too shy to say even a simple 'hello' to people, so for a very long time I believed 'my shell' was one of my biggest flaws. But like you so greatly put it, our shells are ours and they are beautiful in their own right.
I was a lot like this when I was little, still kinda am. One of my day-care teachers oh-so-politely asked my mom "So what's wrong with her?" because I preferred to play alone. Thank you for posting and best wishes to your little girl :)
Oh, no! Why are children so ruthlessly analyzed, geez. And then you know the kids who are at the other end are probably labeled as not being independent enough or something. Thank you for the comment! xo
Some of my (also smart) friends said that they had teachers when they were little who thought they were autistic for similar reasons. And even when my dad was a kid his kindergarten teacher said he was "immature" because he didn't draw five fingers on people's hands and rarely drew hair. I've also seen a lot of episodes of family-oriented sitcoms when the parents were concerned about their children not playing with others because of what a teacher or parent said. It's strange how extroversion is so ingrained into our society. Even more recently when I was outside reading a book in an area where a lot of people walked by during the first week of college an older student felt sorry for me because I was alone. I had to explain to her, "I'm making friends, I promise. I'm just not with them at this moment."
You know, this is something that has become very clear to me since having a child with a disability. Our society wants so badly to find out "what's wrong", when I'm fact, there's nothing wrong at all. Ppl with autism are not lacking in neurotypicality. People who are introverts are not lacking in extroversion. Everyone is different. Fingers and hair are overrated anyways. ;)
Are you an INFJ?
Hm. I had to look it up, and while I haven't read the descriptions of the other types, I do have to say it does describe me pretty well. I wouldn't say I withdraw as a way of setting limits, but the rest of it felt pretty right. Now of course I'm going to spend all night reading about the Myers-Briggs personality types…!
We're the rarest type, which is pretty exciting :)
Tiare Meegan says:
A very beautiful letter, and your daughter is so fortunate to have an understanding mother. I can relate and hope that by the time your daughter is grown, that more of the world will be just as understanding as you.
Thank you! I also hope she has that when she grows up. xo
Wow. I totally came across your blog by a random chance and your letter is very touching. I am also very introverted and I was extremely unhappy about my introvert qualities during my adolescence. I hated being so quiet and how I take ages to warm up. I still am like that but have come to embrace that it's just who I am. It's beautiful to read a mother's loving gaze on her quiet daughter, and even soothing. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you! I felt the same way about being quiet, I didn't actually like it, but I was at a total loss on what to do about it. It took me so many years to be ok with it, and only then have I managed to speak up when I need to instead of being the wallflower. I read a bit of your blog, I'm really enjoying it. Of course I might have be a little biased with the Korean connection. :)
We Koreans get around :)
As see your letter bringing out so much resonance among us introverts, I couldn't help but read every single replies to this post. It's a slightly a strange, and yet wonderful experience to be part of a conversation with large number of introverts – this rarely happens in offline life!
Agree, I thought the same thing!
Isabelle Ostrich says:
This is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing it, I hope your daughter gets to read it one day. Being an introvert does make life somewhat more complicated and difficult at times!
Thank you! xo
emiliadaffodil says:
That is such a beautiful letter. I am an introvert. Despite sometimes being eloquent and talkative I can be very quiet and I'm not great at socialising or communicating. My parents didn't understand it and my mum still tells me I didn't talk at all when I was younger and it hurts me when she says that. I know I wasn't even close to perfect or how she expected or wanted me to be but it's still very painful that she keeps needing to remind me. I don't remember most of my childhood I've blacked a lot of it out.
I am very glad you see your daughter and can express your thoughts about her. Hopefully she will grow up to be confident in her own way, to be who she is, following her own path.
Have you read Quiet by Susan Cain?
It's about introverts and is amazing.
No, I haven't read it, I will check it out!
Being a parent is so difficult in that I have all sorts of ideas about what "should" be, but the reality is never that. And in all that, I've really tried to remember that my children are real people, who will grow up with real memories and opinions about their childhoods. Sigh. Parenting is hard. :)
wudup Freshly Pressed! so cool to see your post touch many lives. reread this after it was Freshly Pressed. i am an ENFJ so sometimes i actually get jealous of friends who are introverted and get to be more "passive" in the friendship or even in life. but thank God we are all different, otherwise, it'd be too boring.
True, very true. Life would be boring if we were all the same. I bet your introvert friends get jealous of you for different reasons though. I always was jealous of those friends because it seemed so easy for them to reach out to people. I've taught myself to do it as an adult, it doesn't always feel natural to me. But like you said, different strokes!
missraychanel84 says:
This was beautiful. I was that child. I still am that child in some ways. I wish someone had written this to me when I was small so I could read it now. Love this.
Aw, thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I also feel like I'll always have that kid in me, no matter how often I teach myself to be otherwise. Maybe we're all just carrying around our inner children. :)
So bluntly sincere. says:
Jisun, this is a delicately beautiful perspective of how a mother's struggle transcends and evolves genetically. Through Mouse you see so much of yourself, and it's so healthy and imperative that you can relate to that – for you and for her. I am on the other hand; like you and your daughter, I have struggled with bouts of shyness that grip and keep me- unexplainably, but most other times I am a stranger to the label "shy," so much so that I've had trouble identifying with being shy; yet unlike Mouse, my mother feigned her acquired confidence, to the extent she couldn't even identify with my struggles that were seemingly foreign to any experience she had encountered. But I guess she even passed that, down seeing as though I can't accept being identified as shy myself. I thank you for the courage to write this letter and you inspire me to love what I see in others and myself. One day when I have a daughter, she will know that the idiosyncrasies she struggles with are what makes her beautiful, unique, and my daughter- an experience we can both share.
-Kimmy D.
Thank you. It is an evolution, without a doubt. It's funny, as I've grown, I've realized that there were so many things my parents had masked as adults but had passed onto me, I wonder if it'll be the same for Mouse.
But this: "…she will know that the idiosyncrasies she struggles with are what makes her beautiful, unique, and my daughter…" Yes, that is very much what I want for my daughter as well. xo
I was that child, and so is my son. Sometimes it drives me crazy (for both of us).
Yup. I can't deny that it drives us both to pull our hair out sometimes. There's a fine line between supporting her valid feelings, and enabling her to have negative experiences. Thus, the difficulty of parenting. I'm glad to hear your son is like this, so often I feel like Mouse's behavior is chalked up to her being a girl, and that just never made any sense to me.
Saturn With Earrings says:
Wow. Beautifully written. I hope you and your daughter have a great relationship. She's lucky to have such a loving Mom :)
Thank you. xo
moodsnmoments says:
this is so sweet…"being your mother is like letting a little part of myself walk separately from me. " – beautiful line and so so so heartfelt – mums always have a way, dont know how and from where but they do – no wonder they called angels :)
Thank you! <3
pezcita says:
I think you're absolutely right; a lot of us adults are like this too. Director keeps noticing that my level of talkativeness varies widely at work, and there's nothing I can really do about that. I generally explain the quiet times as "I'm concentrating on X" or "I haven't had any coffee yet", but more often than not, I'm just having a "Mouse Moment".
Haha, a "Mouse Moment". I think I will use that from now on. That is exactly how it is. There's just sometimes when it doesn't turn on, I have no idea why!
Elea Lee says:
So precious
Thank you! xo
helen1950 says:
This letter may have been sent to me; am that little girl 60 years on … keeping hugging her xx
I will! <3
Kylie says:
This is wonderful! My daughter is slow to warm up. Seeing that trait in her helped me realize it was inborn in me, too, and all at once I was able to have compassion for both her and my younger self. I wrote about it, much more cryptically and much less movingly, in a post called "reflection and shadow". Congratulations on the FP. I'm excited to follow your blog.
Yes, that is exactly what happened to me, it was like a light bulb went off. Thank you for the kind words. I think the best thing about FP is that I'm discovering so many great blogs to read! xo
Kylie says:
I shared your post on Facebook and at least three friends have passed it along :)
You did? Thank you! Perhaps we will start a little introvert solidarity movement! ;)
mbrennwa says:
Wow. It's great to write such a letter to your own kid. But I don't quite agree with two points. Firstly, while I love my kids, I don't think of myself being a friend of my kids. I am the father of my kids, and that's something else. And that's the second thing: I also observe my kids having difficulties that I had as a kid (and maybe still have them). That's how I know that it's not always easy (or even possible) to solve these. As a father I don't expect my kids to just blink on these things, but I can try to show them how to cope with them.
I have to admit that I'm a little frustrated with your comment. Or, maybe it is a failure of my writing that you're thinking I made those two points upon which to disagree (I'm open to that possibility). I'm a little unclear on what you mean by expecting one's kids to "just blink", but it feels like you're implying that I don't have healthy limits with my children and don't help them through difficulties.
I happen to agree with you. My job isn't to be a friend rather than a parent, and as a parent, we show our children how to solve problems so they can make their way in the world. Neither of those was really part of my intent in writing this, however. I wrote it because I realized that there was something I shared with my daughter that I understood in a unique way. There are certain things family can "see" in each other, whether by genetics or upbringing, and I wanted to write about that.
bronwynschroeder says:
Reblogged this on bronwynschroeder.
jessicagartlandn says:
oh this letter had me all teared up. My Bug (little girl seven) has wrestled with the same problems. She is seven and doing much better. However I have to remind her regularly that it is ok to take a time out and watch sometimes if that is what she needs. To recharge etc… I am not an introvert by nature so I am not always quite sure when to push and when to step back. If only each child came with their own starter guide ;)
Haha, the starter guide, I know! It is nice for me to hear about a child a little bit older doing better on this. I really struggle between enabling the behavior if it is detrimental (she's miserable or being socially inappropriate) and giving her space and time to figure it all out. I also must say, from the mom of a five year old, seven seems sooo big! I know it is right around the corner though…
jessicagartlandn says:
It comes sooo fast ! They do get better and more independent as time goes on. You should check out the Tedtalks The Power of introverts. You can find it on youtube.it is amazing.
SaintYacs says:
nice one there
Thank you!
SaintYacs says:
Reblogged this on Saint Yacs's Blog.
allijandro says:
You're a wonderful mother! As a daughter.. I would give a lot for my mom to post something as sweet as this.
It means a lot for me to hear that, thank you! xo
gatito2 says:
This was very beautiuful and your daughter will love the fact that she feels understood by you. Most introverts don't feel understood at all in a world of extroverts. I spent the large majority of my time when I was small behind my mom's legs if we had company. I continued to be shy all through school and even after. I made it through and have had to go through many social occaisions and went through nursing school, jobs and so forth. But I stll don't like big parties and I'm not much of a small talk maker. My youngest daughter was an introvert too. Watch her carefully though because we don't always know what goes on inside of our intorverted children though we are introverts ourselves.
It is very true and a good reminder for me to keep in my head. I already am surprised at the inner thoughts that she lets out.
Jacki Maynard says:
Beautiful. Just found on Freshly Pressed (congrats!) I see another commenter mentioned Quiet by Susan Cain. Worth reading for you and for your daughter. I felt like this as a child, like I was stuck in a baby's body almost, that I was really much older, but didn't know how to express myself, interact with my peers with ease. As I get older I value the introspection. I hope your daughter learns that while it can seem a weakness, it is also a phenomenal strength. Looking forward to more of your writing.
Thank you! Weakness being a strength, yes, I hope she learns that as well. So true. xo
elainecanham says:
What a lovely letter. I remember as a small child behaving like your daughter, and then later, as mother, feeling like you, when my daughter wanted to hide inside herself. You write so beautifully, thanks for the read.
That full circle feeling was so predictable, yet completely surprising to me. Thank you for your kind words! xo
Cres says:
Oh this is such a lovely letter, my son is like this, sometimes he is all over the place and sometimes I just can't get him to move from my lap. I worry a lot too because most of the time he just wants to stand far and observe. Lovely post
Yup. The barnacle. We went to a wedding dinner tonight and she was tied to her daddy's leg again. I take solace in the fact that when she does want to get out there, she does just fine. Who knows what is going on in their minds, really. They probably won't know for even longer. ;)
ankithebibliophile says:
Made me understand why parents care for us so much…thanku for sharing this with us
Yes, having kids does give a person an appreciation for parenthood in general! xo
kate says:
So beautifully written. Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you! xo
TatyanaAssata says:
Such a beautifully written letter, I wish my dad wrote to me. However, I'm glad I stumbled upon it. Your daughter will appreciate this wholeheartedly. It's a true testimony of love from a parent.
I thought a lot of my mother when I wrote this as well. Thank you for the kind words. <3
Rabbit says:
When she is a mum herself, she will treasure this letter written with the tenderness of a loving heart.
Thank you for that kind thought. <3
savannah99 says:
Reading this reminded me of my now 5 yr old great grand son, he didn't speak words until he was almost 4 yrs old he communicated in sign language by tapping his forehead or the side of his face in a very aggressive manner, then one day while i was outside gardening he sat down beside me and asked " grandma what are you doing? he tells me that I am the best grandma in the world and he calls me his sweetheart!
You know, that is funny, Mouse didn't really speak for a long time either, and when she did, the full sentences cane spilling out. Our theory was that she was waiting until she could do it "just right". She's still like that–does things on her own time frame. Your great grand son sounds like a wonderful little boy!
eatpraylive2000 says:
Aw, shucks. Thank you. :)
Entrepreneur by Nurture says:
What I love about this post is that you understand exactly how your child feels. What have you learned in your life that you can teach her to help her deal with her feelings? I'm a tall skinny redhead who was also shy as a kid, and I just wanted to fit in! Eventually in my late teens I accepted I would always stand out, so I may as well own it and be strong. My boys will also be tall, so I want that to be my legacy to them – accept you will stand out, you will never blend into the crowd, but that's okay – own that! Gotta love your kids – they teach you so much about yourself …
Yep, couldn't agree more about owning our differences! For me, it was just time. I had to grow into myself, and I think that is what she's going to need as well.
You know, as a shorter, dark haired girl, I would have killed to look like you when I was younger. I absolutely thought having red hair would be the best thing possible. The grass is always greener, I suppose. ;)
isabelvida says:
It's so wonderful to read this perspective. I have struggled as an introvert all my life, but am capable of masking as an extrovert. It can be so painful to feel like you can either be true to yourself or be what others want and expect. Thank you for this.
I feel like this too often, that I'm sort of pretending to be a social butterfly, when that is really not who I am. Thanks for your kind words. :)
thewritertracy says:
This is a beautiful letter. I am like your daughter, and I have a daughter like me. It's a little crazy to see your genetics being handed down the line. My daughter is now 17 and I can promise you she never clings to my leg anymore! In fact, she has blossomed into an introvert who lets her guard down and really has fun with her friends. Yours will too.
That is nice to hear, because sometimes I do imagine her always clinging to us! Probably wouldn't look nearly as cute on a teenager. ;) Thank you!
margaretmikkelborg says:
lovely! I can totally relate!
Thank you!
michelhieu says:
Reblogged this on Michelhieu's Blog.
tragedienne31 says:
As someone who is a very Introverted individual. I was sadly not nurtured in a constructive way regarding it as a youth. So this warmed my heart to see, this was very beautiful. You dear madam has given me some hope about parenting. Thank you for doing it right. ***Lots and Lots of kudos***
Thank you, truly. Your words mean a lot to me. I don't really feel like I'm doing it right at all, but it feels good to think that someone else out there thinks I am. ;)
vanecktharien says:
Excellent piece and something that so many people struggle with! I often get "stage freight" when I go into a room and there are just strangers! Where do you start? What do you say?
As a mom of young adults, all that I can say to you is to continue to support and love your child unconditionally! She may not become the ultimate social butterfly, but as long as she is her own person, that's all right!
Thank you! <3
menonshruti says:
Its wonderful that a parent actually understands a problem like this and tries to address it! More often than not they turn a blind eye and assume its a 'kid/teenage thing' that will work itself out. I myself was a shy kid, but it wasn't until much later that I realized that this was an issue about which something needed to be done. I think your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you who understands her emotions and what exactly she's going through. I really hope that with your support, she's able to overcome this. :)
Understanding takes on a really unique quality between family members, doesn't it? Thanks for your kind words!
Angela says:
I used to be like this as a child! I would cry every single day before nursery, and even when I finally managed to get over that at school I would still cry before birthday parties up until the age of about 7. Even now I still sometimes feel anxious before social events, even when I meeting up with very old friends.
I honestly think birthday parties and school are often completely overwhelming, I wouldn't blame you for crying!
stressingoutstudent says:
Wow. This is beautiful. So much love. As an introverted barnacle myself, I feel so uplifted reading this. Your daughter is adorable, too. Just wow.
Thank you! xo
bobbywrites says:
Everyone wants to assume for a child.
You mean others? Me? I hope I'm not assuming, maybe I am?
bobbywrites says:
Not you per-say, but that's the general thing
I see, yes, that's true. Heck, I probably do a lot of unnecessary assuming myself, I'm a work in progress :)
Latha says:
this is one of the most beautiful parenting stories I've ever read and made me think of "The Joy Luck Club". I have a child (5.5) who is introverted like this, as I am. And a husband who has made the same reports as yours, who is rather extroverted. mostly I tell my husband that's the way our son is and not to push him. sometimes I have jumped on the bandwagon and tried to push him or apologize for him not saying hello in the elevator, etc.. I've stopped doing that.
there's nothing wrong with my son. he is who he is. and as extroverts are celebrated, so too, I celebrate him – in all of who he is. the child who does not stop talking from the moment he wakes up, but is too shy to say hello to strangers and friends alike sometimes. the child who runs full speed ahead, breaking away from mommy's hand, but also holds back and observes when there are a lot of people, until he's decided how he wishes to engage. I could go on and on…
I've been reading the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain and have found it to be helpful in strengthening my resolve to be who I am and live by my own storyline. And to teach my son that he is the author of his life, the inner one and the one he shows the world, and to own all of it..
thanks for sharing this moment and seeing me and my son. I see you, too.
Thank you for sharing that, he sounds so much like my daughter. I struggle as well, and have at times pushed, then regretted it. I draw the line when she does something unkind, but am now trying to do as you do, celebrate her, just as she is. It is really nice to know I'm not alone. :)
presetuser says:
Reblogged this on A Sheldonian Guide and commented:
so true… our personalities ARE hard wired to our genes. we just can't help it. though we might improve in time and experience.
presetuser says:
and great article! :) thanks for sharing.
also, I don't think it will be the worst idea to push your child a little, to be more social every now and then. my parents took the 'in my own pace' approach and I think I would have made it further if they (considerately) encouraged me a little more to get over my shyness.
wish you all the best. :)
Thank you! Yes, it is definitely a balance to figure it all out. :)
funkytilt says:
This is beautiful. I do not have kids of my own, but I was the toddler/child who missed out on so much because I was hiding behind my mothers leg. To this day I still question my behavior. Even as a teen I found it hard to "step out" at times. Reading this, I must ask my mother if she had my similar characteristics growing up. I have never thought about that. I hope your daughter realizes how much she has to offer the world.
I'll be curious to know what your mother says! Thank you for the kind words. :)
sassygal092 says:
I remember being the same king of shy girl your daughter is right now. In my case, it was primarily because I was afraid how I would sound and the fear of being labelled a fool because of an inappropriate comment. It disappeared with age though. Now that I'm in business school, once in a while I see the fears make a comeback. But what's life without a challenge? As in a Korean sitcom that I can't resist watching ( with english subtitles), 'Fighting!'
Ha! I love when people know that tidbit of Korean culture. I think you're right on, that is definitely a part of it for me at least. When I was young I didn't want to "screw up", so I'd say nothing at all. Thank you for the comment. :)
ghostbusterbev says:
There are many positive traits to being an introvert and hopefully your daughter will understand and appreciate them as she matures. I too was very shy as a child and used to envy people who were socially adept…I had to work at fitting in to social situations, first by understanding who I was and then appreciating my strengths. Introverts internalize feelings and need to process them before they react or respond to people and situations…hence they come across as being shy or detached or aloof when we aren't…we are the exact opposite…sensitive, feeling, intuitive, caring. Today, people are often surprised when I tell them I am an introvert…I have learned to open up more and can be quite a chatterbox at times…but I am and always will be an introvert…and proud of it!
Me too, people are surprised when I characterize myself that way. Just like you though, I've come to appreciate what I am and what I'm not. Thank you for the comment. :)
lisageurts says:
Amazing words written for your daughter. She sounds like an amazing child that will grow up knowing and standing up for what she believes in. It's okay that she gets shy, life will teach her to engage more when she's ready for it.
Thank you! xo
thegoodnihilist says:
"I know that we are not one and the same. You are an amalgamation of me, your father, and maybe some pixie dust. You are growing up on your own terms, in your own time. I'll try never to presume anything about your path in life."
What a lovely sentiment. I wish more parents could be like you.
Whether there should be more parents like me, I'm not sure, but thank you for your kind words. :)
thelocalguide says:
I was a bit shy as a kid too but just when teachers or other adults were around. Don't worry about little mouse as long as it isn't exagerated shyness. Time fixes.
Thank you. :)
shitfiresavematches says:
Do you still (knowing- or unknowingly) exhibit that behaviour? Perhaps she gets it from you without your even knowing. Maybe she's born with it. Another interesting question of nature vs. nurture.
It is hard to say whether I unknowingly do it (for obvious reasons), but no, I don't do this anymore that I know of. I have to say, in this case, it does seem inherited. Perhaps the way I address it as a parent could make it more or less, but she always had this trait. I can see the difference in my other children; they have very obviously different personality profiles. Chipmunk has periods of shyness, but here are very different; on the whole, that one is assertive, extroverted, and cares much less about what people think of her. Which from a parental standpoint, is a different sort of blessing and a curse. ;)
ValHollow's Only Newspaper says:
Reblogged this on Writings From a Mad Girl.
masterofsleep says:
Great article, it was an unexpected read. I grew up in as an introvert with occasional bouts of extroversion; and though I don't have kids, if/when I do I was always curious would how I would feel having a child with the same mannerisms. It's wonderful that you're giving her something to read later when her when she's ready.
"Occasional bouts of extroversion", yes, that is exactly it. :)
Susannah Ailene Martin says:
I understand exactly how both of you feel. I am also prone to unexplainable fits of shyness. I guess it's just the way I am. My sister does not understand it at all.
Funny, I think that Chipmunk will be the same as your sister. She doesn't get this aspect of her sister at all either. ;)
Susannah Ailene Martin says:
I've always been introverted, but I like to describe my sister not as a social butterfly, but more as a social puppy dog. I'm sure you can picture it.
Ha! Yes, I absolutely can. :)
hymank says:
…beautiful. and she is lucky to have a kindred spirit for a mother. my mother is social, confident, and was always well-liked (a Leo). our birthdays are 6 days apart (i'm a virgo) and I have always been shy, awkward, and very in my head…your daughter will appreciate you
Thank you! I do wonder how it'll all play out with my younger daughter, who is the complete opposite. I imagine that she may turn out much as you describe your mom. I tell my husband that he is in charge of her, because those two are so alike. ;)
[…] 3.Kimchilatkes.com […]
Part Time Monster says:
This is quite lovely. I have a four year old son and an anxiety disorder; I haven't been brave enough to do much blogging about it yet, but I've noticed the anxiety and sensitivity in him that I had as a child and that I still face today.
Thank you. :)
I'm willing to bet that when you do write about it, you'll be surprised at how many people out there are going through similar situations. <3
Part Time Monster says:
It always is; I find that the world seems smaller and my quirks seem less quirky as I get older. And that is a comforting thought.
quartervidacrisis says:
This is beautiful <3
Thank you! xo
retrostank says:
a beautiful barnacle on her daddy's arm. It is frustrating when that deer in headlights feeling freezes your mouth closed.
It is frustrating. I try my best to understand it, but I do admit that we are both frustrated at times. She loves sticking to her father though, a complete daddy's girl. :)
hiezmalubual says:
Reblogged this on have you thanked God today? and commented:
I know my mother feels the same way. I wish and hope, people would understand how it is to be an introvert… I mean, that weird feeling of losing that courage to enjoy with people. I know that feeling, I myself have experienced that. I believe, all we need is respect and the sense of care… that whatever we may have become, there will always be people whom we could turn to…and in same way, we will be that person someone could turn to.
Katie says:
This is such a beautiful letter. I completely understand what you and your little Mouse are going through, because I was this way as a kid (and still feel this way at times, even at 21). My parents could never understand why I would beg them to let my friends come over and play, but then avoid them when they arrived. Or why sometimes I would get in trouble for talking back to the teacher, but refuse to greet my best friend if we ran into each other in public.
It's one of those inexplicable oddities that's really tough for us to understand ourselves, so it's a million times harder for other people to understand. Your daughter is so lucky to have someone who realizes what she's going through, and I know you'll be a fantastic support system as she grows up and faces new challenges and continues to grow.
Wow, reading your description of your own childhood matches hers so well. Uncanny. Perhaps we are long lost relatives??? Thanks for the comment, it is nice to know there are so many out there who walk a similar path. <3
JesstheLVT says:
As an introvert and someone who struggled in social situations growing up and even now, I appreciated this. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate it too.
Thank you!
moviefreak92 says:
Reblogged this on Movie-music-freak.
collector says:
Reblogged this on collectorofthought.
peplumblu says:
Reblogged this on emberstardust.
dreamerrambling says:
If only you were my mother! This was exquisite. This is what introverts need, acceptance rather than being ignored or asked to change themselves. Gosh. Just love this. <3
Thank you for that awesome comment. I spend so much time advocating for disability acceptance but the responses to this post have made me realize it is bigger than just disability. We need more acceptance all around, don't we? xo
Sensitive and lovely. Thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts.
Thank you! xo
Most welcome. jisun I am now building my blog site and struggling with some headings etc. Your essay is showing up as being "re blogged" from me! I am working to change this right now, so it will direct readers back to you. Apologies.
Oh don't worry! :)
Reblogged this on Never stop learning and commented:
I don't want to lose track of this lovely essay that describes a parent's understanding of her child's feelings.
v nicole says:
"You are an amalgamation of me, your father, and maybe some pixie dust." Beautiful line! (Amalgamate is one of my favorite words) :-)
Thank you. I love that word as well! I'm always struggling not to overuse it. ;)
jzabelin says:
We're alike! You uttered the same feelings I've always had with my seven year old. I can so relate to that feeling of these unexplainable "waves of emotions", and how I've grown out of them as an adult and hope that he will soon too one day knowing that it won't be easy. When his teacher tells me that he's having trouble making friends in school, I want to tell her that it's because he's just like his mother! Thank you for putting these complex emotions into such eloquent words. I really enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for the lovely comment! I've been surprised and then comforted to see how many people have similar feelings. <3
ashleekarin says:
I wonder which one of my parents passed that gene down to me. Probably my mother. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! <3
lopezns says:
Reblogged this on Drink Champagne & Dance on Tables and commented:
My introvert soul loved this so much and had to repost.
kldawson says:
I'm a weirdo. I think the world would be better off if more people kept their mouths shut and observed quietly.
Doesn't sound very weird to me, says the person who writes a blog. ;)
krystalthwaites says:
This is great. My son is 7 and he's an introvert just like me. I didn't understand myself until mid-30's, and so can see what's wired my little guy. The past two years he has grown so much, stepping out of his comfort levels- making friends at the park, chatting up a storm with a new friend. It's very exciting to see. Yet, like today, in a crowded setting, he is right by me, and I understand why. Thanks for sharing your story.
Crowded places, for sure, Mouse is the same way. I also find it really fun and rewarding to see her step out when she does. I heard someone describe it as the "rubber band phenomenon". Stretch a little, then come right back. :)
cerabellum says:
This was a really lovely read. It seems your daughter will grow up to really think about people and not just go through the motions and expectations. This is what I was like and am like, she just needs to find herself.
Thank you!
jaclynnholts says:
Thank you for this. I am 25 years old and felt like you were writing this to me.
I guess I was writing it to all of us, I didn't realize how many there were! <3
Michelle says:
I read your letter, and it touched my heart in a way that is hard to explain to people who haven't experienced this. I have social anxiety. I have for years. For the longest time, I couldn't even go into a store and go shopping by myself because I would have a panic attack and have to leave.
Then I learned about Psychological Service Dogs. They are service dogs specifically trained to notice a change in your mood or behavior and help relax you or calm you down. As a service dog, they are welcome in any business, just as a medical alert dog or a seeing eye dog would be. I was prescribed one by my psychiatrist, and proceeded to get a small dog that I could take with me. She has worked wonders. I am now comfortable enough to go places by myself, as long as I have her with me. If it is something you might be willing to consider, I would definitely look into a Psychological Service Dog. :)
Thank you! It makes me happy to hear that you found something that works for you, and I'm glad that you commented, so others can read about your experience. xo
dhanya0999 says:
"I know how it feels to get all tongue-tied when you have so much to say. When you do manage words, sometimes they're not the right ones. I know what it is like to feel knotted up without understanding why. " these words are related to my present state..though i have improved a lot from my past..when i stand up in class or wen i m in a different crowd i suffer this …donno wen i would get over it..bt really wish…i was never been able to enjoy any party..often wait to get over ma fear and then i feel a little better ,everything will be over…
I don't know how old you are, but I'm 32 and I haven't really "gotten over it". I mean, how can we get over the kind of people we are, you know? Having said that, I think in life we all do things we don't always want to do. BUT, I think in life we also have to let go of some things and I've definitely done that. I just spend less time trying to for into someone else's box, you know? Hugs! One thing I've realized is that there are a lot of people who feel like you!
dhanya0999 says:
:) yup tats true…. :)
VNlilMAN says:
did you just write a letter to me?
silvermintsour says:
I don't have children, but I feel that I did the same thing as a child. And if my mother had done something like that for me, maybe I would have come out of my "shell" sooner (I also would probably have a better relationship with my mom). If you keep this perspective, im sure you and your daughter will have a great bond!
Thank you, it means to much to hear from people who identify with this but are now adults. :)
renatembell says:
Beautiful. Love to you both. You're not alone in this! ;)
Thank you! <3
Alice O'Leary says:
Such an interesting blog which seems to be lifted from the pages of a book I am currently reading. It is called "Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," by Susan Cain. If you haven't read it yet I can highly recommend it. There is a lot about being an introvert that may indeed be genetic. I'm in my mid-60s but I can still recall, very well, my parents' concerns about my "shyness". Everything worked out well but if they had known then what Susan Cain talks about in this book I wonder if they might have done things differently.
Yes, ever since I wrote this, I have gotten several recommendations for her book. My mom is very much the classic introvert, and now it makes much more sense. :)
Eve Livingston says:
Very sweet.
Thank you!
girlbwrittin says:
You are a wonderfully supportive mother. Your daughter will see this one day and be reminded of the love you have for her. Well-written. Broke my heart a little.
Thank you. <3
stephanievuley says:
Reblogged this on Thriving Thirties.
kaikeyc says:
Reblogged this on kaikeyc and commented:
Is this a letter to me?!
I see this beautiful child growing into a strong intellectual woman, what a heart breaker she has adventures to come!
shineemmfan says:
Wow! Kinda sounds like me when I was a kid!
shineemmfan says:
Reblogged this on God Factor.
Carpe Absurdum says:
Very sweet. Introversion can be a blessing and, not quite a curse, but certainly a challenge.
Well put!
royfmc says:
Reblogged this on Roy F. McCampbell's Blog.
angelinahue says:
This is a loving and thoughtful post – thanks for sharing. I emphathise with these "random fits of shyness" and it's striking how ex/introverted I can be in different circumstances!
Me too! It is still a bit of a mystery to me, honestly. Maybe the stars have to align just right. ;)
Creating Space, LLC. says:
Beautifully written and how delightful that you have seen your own transformation. That will be a gift for her.
Thank you! xo
alycemoon says:
This is beautiful! As a fellow introvert, it made me cry :) She has the perfect momma for her nature.
Aw. I'm sad but also happy that I made you cry. ;) Thank you.
One Stoveon says:
Such a beautiful letter to your daughter. I can feel that you love her so very much. She is so lucky to have you.
Thank you!
Foghorn The IKonoclast says:
Well please don't mock me! But I was kind of that kid, who tended to spend time away from others. I would have my moments but the social scene was too overwhelming. As a child I felt like a token, not fit for any machine.
A token, not fit for any machine… What a great description. :)
lauraanncopeland says:
Jisun, I adore the way in which you write. It's a difficult task for most, but you grab my attention and keep it there. Please, keep writing!
– Laura
That is such a wonderful compliment, thank you! I will try to live up to your praise but no promises! I might devolve into meaningless rants and raves. ;)
Riedstra says:
hi, nice writing!!
shailiwriting says:
beautiful writing
Thank you. :)
dramacentralblog says:
I can totally relate to your post. I am the mother of an introvert myself, and a recovered "shy" kid. This was a sweet post. I enjoyed it!
thankyouforposting says:
This article is so good, I like this blog, Thank you very much for sharing
Thank you!
colonelklebb says:
This is the most moving blog I've read here.
As an introvert mother too, I feel your child is lucky indeed to have understanding and patience. Wonderful.
Thank you!
Foghorn The IKonoclast says:
Beautiful and graceful. topic and pic.. well done !!!
diettra says:
This is lovely. As an introvert, who also has an introverted mother, I found this touching. My mom's approach when I was young was to force me to engage. If I were speaking too softly, she would snap at me to "speak up!" and I would wish I were invisible. I know now that she wanted me to have a voice and I've faired pretty well, but not without noticeable strain on our relationship or a feeling of not truly being understood by her. Cheers to you!
Thank you! I have to admit that it is hard for me to just "let her be". It must be a universal experience to want to make your children "overcome" their struggles, because I find myself in the same shoes that your mother was probably wearing. I'm more or less successful at letting her go at her own pace, depending on the day. It has been so helpful to hear from adults like you, however. It reminds me to bite my tongue and let her be! So thank you for that. :)


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by Carolyn Thomas ♥ @HeartSisters ♥ 2nd in a 3-part series:
This may come as a shock to health care professionals, particularly to the ones who cringe when their patients bring in health information they found via Dr. Google. But it turns out that the accuracy of information found on online patient support groups is actually surprisingly reliable. For example, the British Medical Journal reported that most false or misleading statements in online patient groups are in fact rapidly corrected by other participants in subsequent postings. And there aren't many of these false or misleading statements. The journal published an interesting study that found only 10 of 4,600 online patient group postings studied (that's just 0.22%) were actually found to be false or misleading. But of these, seven were identified as such by other site participants and corrected within an average of four hours and 33 minutes.(1)
Online patient communities are web-based gatherings of those of us who share common health concerns. They can be valuable resources to help us feel less isolated as we make connections with others in the same boat. Academics who have studied online patient groups tell us that they have several advantages compared to leaving your home on a rainy night to travel halfway across town to attend an in-person support group meeting, including:
- accessibility (online groups are open 24/7 in the privacy of your own home – you don't have to wait a whole week or a month before you can get answers to your questions)
- anonymity (you can register with a pseudonym)
- invisibility (baggy sweats and greasy hair optional)
- status neutralization (no way to tell the rich from less-rich members)
- greater individual control over the time and pace of interactions (show up at midnight, or take your time responding if you like)
- opportunity for multi-conversing (you can participate in several topic "threads" during each sitting)
- opportunity for archival search (look up everything that's been previously shared about a specific topic)
We might add "free" to this list, too – as there may be a per-session fee for in-person groups to help fund the costs of the facilitator/venue rental/refreshments. Online health-related groups are populated not only with patients, but also with undiagnosed people concerned about specific symptoms, as well as people caring for loved ones with the condition. As John Novack, Communications Director at the online patient support community Inspire.com, once told me:
"Women make up the majority of our communities on Inspire. Even our prostate cancer support group has a significant percentage of women members. They are the spouses or daughters of the prostate cancer patients."
If online support groups are so wonderful, why is it that relatively few patients actually take advantage of them? When Dutch researchers, for example, studied patients being treated for arthritis, breast cancer or fibromyalgia, they found that while 10% of the patients had engaged in face-to-face meetings for patients living with the same diagnosis in the past year, only 4% had gone online to seek out support communities there.(2) Inspire's WomenHeart online patient group has about 24,000 members. Consider, however, that over 42 million women in the U.S. alone are living with heart disease.
About 40% of the medical conditions that were disclosed by patients online last year were cancer-related, with breast cancer patients much more likely to share information about their diagnoses than those afflicted with other forms of the disease – even though four times more people are diagnosed with cancers other than breast cancer each year.
Last year, I learned while researching a Heart Sisters blog post that, according to Minneapolis-based marketing firm Russell Herder, heart patients make up barely 2% of all diagnoses discussed by patients online, the second smallest category of all patients. You might be as shocked as I was at that news, given that, compared to every other disease included in this study's findings, heart disease is our biggest killer. Read Seeking Social Solace: Why Aren't Heart Patients Online? for some possible reasons for heart patients' unique reasons for not sharing online.
But all is not perfect in online patient support groups, no matter what the diagnosis that members share in common. As I wrote here in Discover. Join. Leave. The Life Cycle of Online Patient Groups, online communication is also known to be "disinhibited". Dr. Henry Potts of the U.K. explained this in his 2005 study, published in the journal Health Information On The Internet:
"Disinhibition means that the nature of online communication, the absence of social cues, and the perceived intimacy and anonymity mean that people may be less inhibited in their online behaviour.
"This may be a positive thing in the context of a support group, helping people to discuss difficult issues, or overcoming problems of embarrassment.
"But disinhibition is also seen as problematic in many online communities when it leads to 'flaming' (deliberately provocative or insulting posts) or 'spamming' (unsolicited commercial messages)."
Flaming can also include people we know as "trolls". As Israel's Dr. Galit Nimrod describes them in a report on the distinct phases among those joining, participating in, and leaving online groups:
"After certain site visitors become novices, they do not necessarily become active members. They can also become trolls, described as group members with a high level of activity for a short period of time who are mainly interested in disturbing the community."
Read more about trolling, flaming, and spamming behaviour examples in this post.
Rich Millington of Fever Bee Community Consulting advises those who manage online communities. He cites a number of red flag warnings that mean an online group is going to have trouble attracting or retaining members. For example:
- No new posts in 24 hours. If an online community goes an entire day (except Christmas) without a single interaction, it's on the brink of failure. Push the panic button.
- Few members are joining. Community members are transient, they get jobs, move location, start families.
- Lack of friendliness. While arguments are important, friendliness is more important. Do members seem less friendly recently?
- Boring discussions. Subjective, but important. Do the discussions feel like they're less interesting recently? Is there a poor quality of discussion topics?
What can you do if you are interested in making your own online support community experience safe and productive? Here's some good advice from patient advocate Trisha Torrey, author of You Bet Your Life! The 10 Mistakes Every Patient Makes:
1. Stay anonymous. Don't use personal information that could help someone identify you. Choose a user name that sounds friendly, or represents you in some way, but doesn't let anyone figure out who you really are, where you live, or what your phone number or email address is. The flip side of staying anonymous is that everyone else is anonymous, too. That means you have to be cautious about who you trust or don't trust to give you good information. Once you have participated for a while, you'll learn who is who. There always seem to be some people who make it difficult for others. And there will always be people who are trying to sell you something – another good reason for you to stay anonymous.
2. Do participate, and offer support to others. You may be surprised at how empowering it can be to share the information you have gathered, or stories about your successes or even failures.
3. Keep an open mind. People from many walks of life participate online. While you choose your friends in person based on commonalities of your age, gender, location, interests, etc. – most of those commonalities don't transfer online. The people you engage with online may have only one aspect of their lives in common with you – the diagnosis or symptoms you share. And most of those are suffered regardless of all those other age, gender or interest-specific commonalities.
4. Verify any information that could affect your health. Remember, the folks who are posting alongside you are just like you – they don't have medical knowledge or experience. If someone recommends a treatment to you, verify the information, learn what you can about it, then share the information with your doctor. Never try an alternative therapy without getting professional advice – in person – from someone you can identify and whose credentials can be verified. Don't begin another form of treatment without discussing it with your doctor.
I'd add a fifth tip to Trisha's excellent list: read the fine print on any online patient site you're considering. Find out who's funding the site, and what the specific privacy policy is on who's paying the site owners for the information about you and other members that will be freely shared online. Learn more about how those running your online patient groups make money in the final post in this 3-part series: "What Really Goes On in Your Friendly Online Patient Group". .
♥ This is the second in a 3-part series on online patient support groups. The other posts are "Discover. Join. Leave. The Life Cycle of Online Patient Groups" and "What Really Goes On in Your Friendly Online Patient Group"
Q: What has your own experience with online support groups been like?
NOTE FROM CAROLYN: I wrote much more about how women seek out patient support in my book, A Woman's Guide to Living with Heart Disease. You can ask for it at your local library or favourite bookshop, or order it online (paperback, hardcover or e-book) at Amazon – or order it directly from my publisher, Johns Hopkins University Press (use the code HTWN to save 20% off the list price).
See also:
Has industry co-opted patient engagement?
"Seeking Social Solace": why aren't heart patients online?
Health information online: how to tell the trash from the truth
. (1) E V Bernstam et al. "Accuracy and self correction of information received from an internet breast cancer list: content analysis". BMJ 2006; 332 doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/bmj.38753.524201.7C
(2) Cornelia F Van Uden-Kraan et al."Determinants of Engagement in Face-to-Face and Online Patient Support Groups" Journal of Medical Internet Res. 2011 December 7. doi: 10.2196/jmir.1718 PMCID: PMC3278092 .


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The solution strategies presented here are based on years of consulting with historians, visionaries, and experts in all of the 12 Sectors. They offer promising possibilities for creating a world in which nobody's rights are violated and every person has the opportunity to thrive.
Because such profound change cannot happen all at once, there are three overlapping stages of the solutions process: Stage One: Bringing integrity and healing to our current condition; Stage Two: limiting government control to the protection of individual rights and the commons; and Stage Three: living solely by voluntary cooperation – rules, but no rulers.
This three-staged approach is a radical shift from most strategies. Rather than trying to improve the status quo, it integrates traditional progressive, conservative, and libertarian viewpoints, reconciling divisions that have long kept us separated.
You can check out some of our ideas in the areas that most interest you. Please join in the discussion, and let us know what you think.


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Under the hood, Windows 7 is a lot like Vista. Indeed, most of what gets us hot and not-so-bothered about is what's on top: When it comes to look and feel, the new UI is the biggest step forward since Windows 95.
The taskbar is our favorite new UI element of Windows 7. It's the biggest change from Windows past, and in our view, the best. But it might result in some confusion at first because it groups applications that are open and those that aren't into one big party—the theory is that it shouldn't matter if it's already running or not if you wanna open it. That might kinda remind you of OS X's Dock, but it works a bit differently and definitely still operates on the Windows paradigm. Combined with Aero Peek, which makes every window on the desktop transparent except the one you're highlighting at the moment, you can find any window nearly instantly, no matter how many windows your desktop is buried under.
Here's how it works: When you hold your cursor the icon of an open program in the taskbar (it'll have a hint of gloss it, while unopened apps are dull and non-glassy), a live preview thumbnail will pop up for every window it has open, and in applications coded for it, like Internet Explorer, a thumbnail of every open tab, too. When you hover over a thumbnail, it brings that window to the front, and makes everything else transparent, so you know it's the one you're looking for (or not). [More Taskbar details and images and why Windows 7 Taskbar beats Mac OS X's Dock]
Jump Lists
In applications coded to take advantage of the jump list, when you right-click an icon, you'll get a pop-up menu where you can quickly select common functions. In Internet Explorer, it shows your recent browsing history; in Windows Media Player, it'll let you play recent videos; and Windows Explorer will give you quick access to pinned and frequently used folders and files. Expect jump lists to be more useful as new apps are released for Windows 7 that build functions into the jumplist.
Aero Peek
Aero Peek, which we talked about above, is a big part of what makes the new taskbar so useful. When you highlight the thumbnail preview of an app window that you might wanna open, it makes every other open window transparent, so you get a clear view of the window you're looking at. Or, if you highlight a small button on the bottom right corner of the taskbar, every window will become see-through, for a quick peek at your desktop or gadgets, Windows 7's free-floating widgets (more on those below).
Gone is the Quick Launch bar, where you used to store shortcut buttons to your favorite apps. Now they just hang out on the taskbar with open applications. When you "pin" something, like an app or folder, it's got a permanent spot on the taskbar for easy access. When the app is running or the folder is open, the icon has a glossy sheen over it. One quirk with folders: If you try to pin more than one to the taskbar, they're all collapsed into a single "Windows Explorer" icon. Also, if you pin a file to the taskbar, it's actually pinned to the icon of the program that opens it, so you'll have to right-click that icon to pop up the jump list (see below) and select it from there.
Here's where we really get into what makes Windows 7's UI really special and so different from past Windows versions—the way you handle and manage windows, and by extension, applications. It'll change your life! Maybe! Okay, not really. But it will give you a warm feeling in your tummy. Or that could be the Mexican food you ate last night.
Aero Shake
Shake, rattle and roll, sucka. Aero Shake is the new UI thinger that's useless-but-neat. Grab whatever window you want to be the only one you see, and shake it. Everything else will be minimized.
But then you have to have re-open all of 'em, so not that useful overall. Correction: Shaking again will revive all of the windows. Aero Peek, which we talk about above, is better.
Maximize/Minimize aka Aero Snap
Maybe it's just a side effect of splitting my time on a Mac, but I don't really maximize windows that much anymore, and I think the new Windows UI makes you less likely to do it, too, since it's easier to deal with having tons of windows open and scattered around your screen. But if you do wanna make a window of an open app or document swallow your entire monitor, just grab it and drag it to the top of the screen. You'll get a slick little animation indicating that when you let go of the mouse button, the window will blow up to cover your whole screen. To unmaximize, just grab the top of window and pull down—it'll instantly go back to its original size. Snazzy, no?
Also, on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen, there's a sliver of button you should check out. When you hover over it, it'll make every open window go all transparent so you can see your desktop. Click the button, and everything will be minimized. [More Maximize and Minimize details and images]
Left/Right Alignment aka Aero Snap, Part Deux
Another Aero snap feature: Drag a window to the far left or right of your screen, and when your cursor touches the edge, it'll make that window take up exactly half of your screen. Nice, especially on widescreen monitors.
Really, Windows 7's isn't too different from the Windows you've known and loved (or loathed) for years. It just has a handful of new UI features scattered throughout that make it easier than ever to multitask with Windows, with the side effect of making it look modern and kinda neat, too. Here's a rundown of the new ooie GUI hotness and what it does.
Gadgets, widgets, whatever you want to call them, they're little mini-applications strewn across your desktop that do useful things like tell you how cold it is outside, in case your apartment is like mine, where you leave all the windows open because your radiator is crazy hot and you're almost fooled into thinking it's 70 degrees outside, but really it's like 20. In a former life (i.e., Vista) they were like little ducks in a row, sitting on the sidebar by default, but now they're free-floating on your desktop, where they're more useful. I just wish there were more useful gadgets to download—now that they don't suck, maybe you'll see them start to come out. [More Gadgets details and images]
Microsoft has made themes—the unified look across your PC, like the color of windows and your wallpaper—more prominent than ever in Windows 7, and much easier to save, download and swap out too, depending on your mood. Just right-click on your desktop and press personalize, then you can change them, or Microsoft will direct you to where you can download more. Or, if you wanna be more pro, check out Lifehacker's guide to Windows 7 themage.
There's a slew of new keyboard hotkey shortcuts that use the Windows key, making it feel useful for the first time ever. (And I've been using Windows for like, ever.) Two you should memorize right now: Win+T cycles through apps on your taskbar for quick access to programs, and Win+G brings all of your gadgets to the front. Check the whole list here.
Windows Explorer Preview
The preview pane was actually in Windows Vista, but Microsoft made it hard to find. Not so in Windows 7. Just press the little button above. It shoots out to the side a preview image of whatever file you've got selected, like a picture, movie, or even yes, documents, so you don't have to open 'em to see what's inside. [More Windows Explorer Preview details and images]


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Until recently I did not realize how many different types of leaf photographs I had. Leaves are fascinating. They bud in the spring and are a lively green; then in the fall, they change to reds, yellows, and oranges. Structurally, leaves have veins, stems, and are textually interesting. I love to bring that texture forward in my photographs.
I had posted the above before and after in my post "Creativity: Where Does it Start?" I had transformed the ordinary palm leave to be viewed "differently". I feel as a photographer it is my job to challenge our view of reality from time to time. The processing I chose for this image changed the color as well as the perspective of the image. It also highlighted the details in the leaf and stem.
On the left you see the original image of the green leaves. I liked how the light was hitting the leaves and felt there was a "photograph" somewhere in this image. I began using my crop tool and started dragging it around the image until I settled on a crop I thought was pleasing to the eye. There was so much going on in the original photograph that I needed to isolate a section. I then converted it to black and white. The tonal range of the image worked well with that choice. I then finished my editing in On1 Effects to add texture and to bring out the details in the leaves.
The above sycamore leaf was taken with my Sigma 120 – 300 f/2.8 zoom. I removed the lower right stem with the patch tool in Photoshop, then edited the color and texture in On1 Effects. The transformation was just what I wanted.
I was trying out my Tamron 28 – 300 f/3.5 – 5.6 and captured this leaf hanging off of my maple tree. I was exploring for things to photograph with the lens as I had just purchased it from KEH. I brought out the texture and details using On1 Effects. The sharpening tools in On1 Effects does a great job bringing out the details in images.
This was another leaf I was practicing on with my Tamron 28 – 300 f/3.5 – 5.6. It was a single color leaf among the dry gray and brown leaves. It caught my attention while walking around my patio.
I spotted the oak leaf while walking around William and Mary College's Campus this fall. While the image itself is a little soft, I enhanced that softness by decreasing the clarity. The colors are very vibrant. I added a soft white vignette to make the leaf stand out.
Above are a few of my other leaf images I have captured over the last year. I hope you enjoyed exploring the world of leaves! Effects 10 is available as a free download!


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Clifton Bolster
BOLSTER: Clarke & Clarke Terrace Trail Natural, neutral reverse print botanical pattern, 100% cotton fabric
TRIM: available with an olive green coordinating cording or as simple knife edge (other cording colors may be available upon request)
INSERT: 100% poly-fil and hypoallergenic
Exact repeat or pattern alignment may vary from picture, but unless otherwise stated above, if ordering multiple quantities of the same pillow cover, patterns displayed will match. If you prefer a specific pattern placement, please let us know in the "Special Instructions" box at checkout. Interior seams are professionally finished to prevent fraying. Our outdoor pillow covers are finished using a UV resistant polyester thread for added durability. Each pillow cover features an invisible YKK zipper along the bottom edge.
Spot clean or dry clean only.
Bolster and Insert Sizing Guidelines
Bolster inserts are included with purchase and are shipped already installed. We use a 100% poly-fil insert that is hypoallergenic and soft to the touch.
Sizes given are for associated insert size. Bolster covers are made slightly smaller for a snug fit. Bolster covers are made with an invisible zipper for easy removal when cleaning.
Bed Size
Recommend Bolster Size
9x24 or 9x36
Shipping and Return Policy for Pillows
Shipping Information
All custom pillow covers, inserts, and bolsters ship free domestically via USPS Priority Mail or UPS Ground. For swatches shipping price varies based on number of swatches selected at checkout.
Most orders ship within 3-4 business days. We keep a small amount of yardage on hand, so for multiple quantity orders, bolsters, or double-sided pillows, we may need more yardage to complete your request. Please anticipate 4-6 weeks for shipment. If you need your pillow cover quickly, please contact us prior to your order for an estimated shipment date. Once your package is taken to the designated shipping provider, we no longer have control over delivery times, so unfortunately we cannot guarantee delivery dates.
Return Policy
Because each pillow cover is made specifically to your order, we do not accept returns or exchanges. Oftentimes we begin working on your order as soon as it as placed, so we cannot accept cancellations. All sales are final. If an item is delivered damaged, please contact us immediately so that we can process your claim quickly.
Although we do our best to make the pictures as accurate as possible by taking all pictures in natural and white light, please note computer graphics and lighting in your own home may cause fabrics to appear lighter or darker. If you are wanting to coordinate with other fabrics in your home, we recommend ordering a swatch first to be sure.


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I wouldn't exactly call myself an Andrew Lloyd Webber fan. I like his musicals more than I might care to admit. There is something intoxicating about an indulgently baroque score that is riddled with random hair metal guitar licks and disco drum beats. I loved an album he did eons ago with his brother Julian Lloyd Webber called Variations in which he basically "dance remixed" Paganini into submission. I suspect that's where my fascination with musical reinvention began. Oh, I saw the film Evita about a dozen times in 1996 at the peak of my Madonna obsession, and I dearly loved it, although it doesn't hold up as I'd hoped in light of more celebratory, effusive, less self-conscious film musicals that would follow.
I'm even less sprung on "He is Risen" #SoBlessed Easter spectacle and pageantry. I grew up in a small town in Indiana, and, at some point, Easter took on an almost insufferably sanctimonious quality among the social media posts I would read and observe from friends and family members. Not sure how and when that happened, but, as for me, I'm more of a "Here comes Peter Cottontail" #CadburyEgg kind of Easter person.
So I approached with YUGE trepidation NBC's latest live musical Jesus Christ Superstar, Live in Concert starring pop/rock stars John Legend, Sara Bareilles, and Alice Cooper alongside theatrical luminaries like Hamilton's Brandon Victor Dixon and Porgy and Bess' Norm Lewis.
I was wrong. It was pretty fabulous with a dystopian post-punk quality that was more George Orwell than Mel Gibson and a color-blind casting approach that was more Sesame Street than Sean Hannity. Producers Craig Zadan, Neil Meron, and Marc Platt generally know their way around a musical (NBC's Peter Pannotwithstanding). With this production, they seemed to be less interested in staging a family friendly holiday confection (remember that creepy Wal-Mart clan from The Sound of Music Live's commercials? shudder) than in presenting allegorical commentary on the fragmented state of our world today.
It is a testament to directors David Leveaux and Alex Rudzinski that they allowed the music and the performances to drive the spectacle, avoiding the overdone trap of previous live musicals with their veritable nesting doll of detailed sets that segue seamlessly one to the next. No, with Jesus Christ Superstar, settings were evoked through language and sound and cleverly used props and set pieces, surrounded by graffiti strewn walls and scaffolding used for exits and entrances and the occasional flogging and/or hanging (fun times!).
Maybe I just didn't pay enough attention in vacation Bible school, but I wasn't always sure what the heck was going on during Jesus Christ Superstar. The ubiquitous commercial breaks after every big number derailed narrative momentum. The sound quality overall and the challenges of actor articulation/projection while performing in a vast, echoing Brooklyn warehouse contributed as well. The visibly live audience was a smart if distracting choice, adding to the cult-like adoration of the titular figure but often drowning out important lyrical bits.
Jesus Christ Superstar arguably also had the most uniformly excellent cast we've seen yet in one of these live productions. Nary a scenery-chewing Christopher Walken nor balsa-wooden Allison Williams in the bunch. The theatre vets faired best, with Dixon and Lewis leading the charge. Lewis as Caiaphas was suitably haunted and haunting as the Jewish high priest who organizes the plot to rid this rabble rouser from their midst. The show was grounded beautifully by his easy-to-take-for-granted performance.
In the showier role as Judas, Dixon left it all on the field (sometimes to the detriment of diction), offering a portrayal rife with conflict and fear: love for a friend versus uncertainty that Jesus' chosen path made any damn sense at all, layered with just enough resentment and jealousy to make it utterly believable. His final number, performing the show's title song, was a barnstormer, replete with costuming that made Dixon look like a glittering disco ball.
Alice Cooper preened and strutted appropriately as King Herod whose one song (literally "King Herod's Song") is basically a toxic vaudevillian turn, leeringly challenging Jesus to provide evidence of any miraculous abilities at all. Cooper didn't have to do much other than just be Cooper whose decrepit looks overlaid with his signature stage makeup and hair made for a compellingly repulsive portrayal. With Herod's song and the subsequent "Trial before Pilate" (British stage vet Ben Daniels made for a kinky, mustache-twirling prefect … still not sure what I thought of him but I couldn't look away), the die is cast for Jesus and the institutional conspiracy to cut short Christ's anarchic message of love and inclusion and acceptance entered its final stage.
That was the aspect of this production that spoke to me the most, perhaps because of this ugly current milieu in which we live. Take, for instance, those brave, big-hearted Parkland kids who are pilloried by the falsely fair-and-balanced prophets of "freedom" every time they speak their truth. This production did SUCH an effective job demonizing the forces working against Jesus, did SUCH an effective job depicting the ugly mobs calling for his crucifixion, did SUCH an effective job revealing the insidious intersection of greed and power-mongering that it sent chills down my spine. I was less interested in the show as reflection of faith as I was in its revelatory "more things change, the more they stay the same" positioning.
I kept wondering how Fox News, who cozies up to such a feverishly Evangelical base, would find a way to deride this production which carries in its heart a pretty arch critique of the very demagoguery that is Fox's stock-in-trade these days. I'm still waiting. Maybe they'll just counter with a live production of Grease 2.
John Legend was a bit of a cipher as Jesus, which accidently (or intentionally?) aided this direction. His voice all Nat King Cole creamy smooth was an interesting juxtaposition to the jagged rock orchestration surrounding it, but his acting range just doesn't exist. He can't help but exude kindness, but otherwise his facial expressions seemed limited to surprised, placid, and worried … with barely any distinction between those. It didn't much matter. The machinery of Webber's music, coupled with the sharp overall POV of the production, formed an unstoppable steamroller with Legend along for the ride. When Legend as Jesus finally disappears into the great beyond (with a floating cross effect that was gobsmacking in a "how did they do that?!" way), we are left with the uncertainty of living in a world that punishes kindness and rewards cruelty.
I am no theologian by any stretch, but I read some online comments where people unfamiliar with the musical wondered why it didn't continue on through the "resurrection." I think the fact that it does not address that part of the tale imbues Jesus Christ Superstar with a greater universalism.
We leave the piece with as much doubt as we entered. We are given no easy answers. Is Judas' agnosticism valid? Why do we live in such a world where compassion is rewarded with utter rejection and abject fear? Why is love seen as weakness? Why are the biggest pronouncers of their faith often the worst hypocrites?
That is my idea of a "passion" play. Sounds like something Washington, D.C. should watch. On repeat.
Reel Roy Reviews is now TWO books! You can purchase your copies by clicking here (print and digital).
In addition to online ordering at Amazon or from the publisher Open Books, the first book is currently is being carried by Bookbound, Common Language Bookstore, and Crazy Wisdom Bookstore and Tea Room in Ann Arbor, Michigan and by Green Brain Comics in Dearborn, Michigan.
My mom Susie Duncan Sexton's Secrets of an Old Typewriter series is also available on Amazon and at Bookbound and Common Language.


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Version Control
October 16, 2012
We looked at the
make programmer's tool in a previous exercise, and today we look at another programmer's tool, a version control system. Version control systems allow programmers to keep multiple versions of text files in an economical manner, and there are many of them available: git, subversion, rcs, and the grand-daddy of all of them, sccs.
Our version control system provides three commands.
Put takes a single filename argument, stores the file in a history file, and removes the original file from the file system; the history file has the same name as the original file with an added suffix
Get takes a filename argument plus an optional version argument and writes to the file system the requested version of the file, defaulting to the current version of the file if no version number is given; versions are numbered 0 for the current version, 1 for the previous version, 2 for the version before that, and so on.
Dir takes a single filename argument and shows a directory listing all available versions of a file. Unlike the bigger version control systems, there are no branches, only a single trunk of history.
The key to the version control system is the history file, which stores the most recent version of the file in its entirety, preceeded by a header line. Then follows a succession of deltas, one for each historical version, each preceeded by its own header line. Here's a sample history file primes.ss.hist:
@@@ phil Mon Oct 15 18:52:22 CDT 2012 Factorization by trial division
(define (primes n)
(let ((bits (make-vector (+ n 1) #t)))
(let loop ((p 2) (ps (list)))
(cond ((< n p) (reverse ps))
((vector-ref bits p)
(do ((i p (+ i p))) ((< n i))
(vector-set! bits i #f))
(loop (+ p 1) (cons p ps)))
(else (loop (+ p 1) ps))))))
(define (factors n)
(let loop ((n n) (f 2) (fs (list)))
(cond ((< n (* f f))
(reverse (cons n fs)))
((zero? (modulo n f)
(loop (/ n f) f (cons f fs)))
(else (loop n (+ f 1) fs)))))
@@@ phil Mon Oct 15 18:50:32 CDT 2012 Fix typo s/vectr/vector
@@@ phil Mon Oct 15 18:49:57 CDT 2012 Sieve of Eratosthenes
(vectr-set! bits i #f))
The header line that preceeds each delta, including the current file version, starts with three asterisks. Then comes the name of the user that created the delta, and the date and time when it was created. The rest of the line is a comment written by the user when the delta is added to the history file.
Deltas are computed by the Unix
diff command with the -e option (we wrote our own version in a previous exercise) comparing the old and new versions and applied by the Unix
ed command by applying edit commands to the newest version to recreate older versions. We also use the Unix
wc command to count the lines in a delta.
Your task is to write a version control system as described above. When you are finished, you are welcome to read or run a suggested solution, or to post your own solution or discuss the exercise in the comments below.
One Response to "Version Control"
November 2, 2012 at 12:15 PM
[…] Pages: 1 2 […]


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This is going to have to be split up into three posts, since we already needed to take a month to watch the movies and don't want to take another month writing this.
Even with the number of horror movies ole Mrs. Horror Boom sees being more in a month that the average movie-goer sees in a year, you'd think finding 31 I hadn't seen yet would be a cinch, right? Wrong! Fortunately, there was a huge number of new releases for the month of October 2014. I actually saw more than 31, but some were so shitty I don't even want to add them to the list. A couple of them literally put me to sleep, and there were a couple of others that were so bad I blew a mental fuse just sitting through and trying to tolerate the goddamned things, and either picked up my iPad for some task/game that required most of my attention, or just said the hell with it and turned it off, then re-watched something I knew was a sure thing and would not disappoint me (thus, the few re-watches on the list).
However, let's just start with the list. I could put them in the order I saw them, but then I would have to look at a detail of our Amazon Instant Video and the VOD cable bill, which I am too nervous to look at and see how fast the charges added up (I've seen enough scary movies, I don't need scary real-life). Let's try alphabetical order. An asterisk means that the movie was a fairly new release, say available on VOD less than six weeks.
Oh, and if there is an R-Rated and an Unrated version available for a flick, assume I watched the Unrated (such as the very torture porn-y Carver. Also if they ever tried to make an R-Rated version of The ABCs of Death 2,* it would probably cut the running time by a good 10 minutes, depending how much of a prude the ratings board members were for that project. For PG-13, there would be about 200 words that you cannot say in a PG-13 movie cut out, and some of the shorts (they usually average 3-4 minutes) would last maybe 30 seconds and you would not definitely know what the fuck was going on with most of them. So thank you, Magnet Releasing!
I also added links to the IMDB pages (or pieces Horror Boom did on the fright flick in question previously), and stuck in a few of the better trailers to keep things interesting. Turns out roughly a third of the horror movies on the list are found footage, and while at least a couple will end up on the "worst" list, there were some nice surprises (including the "mockumentary" The Gerber Syndrome).
The list, and links:
*The ABCs of Death 2 (2014)
(Here's the gory Red Band trailer, NSFW–enjoy!)
American Mary (re-watch, 2012)
Any Minute Now (2013)
Antisocial (2013)
Black Death (re-watch, 2010)
Here's the Black Death HD trailer (and yeah, it's as grim and bleak as it looks)
*Cabin Fever – Patient Zero (2014)
*The Canal (2014)
Chasing The Devil (2014)
Dark Mountain (2013)
*Dead Snow 2 – Red VS Dead (2014)
*Found (completed in 2012, but not released on VOD till Fall 2014). Trailer is below, and it earned every blurb and award)
*Horns (2013, but only released recently)
*Housebound (2014)
*The Houses October Built (2014)
Here's a clip for you from the above movie (yep, more found footage).
*Inner Demons (2014)
The Monkey's Paw (2013) (quit laughing! I was scraping the bottom of the barrel by this point, I believe Day 29.)
The Possession of Michael King (2014)
Here's the trailer for the latter:
*See No Evil 2 (2014)
Sleepy Hollow (1999, re-watch…on Halloween, Day 31)
*The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014 – sale rental on Amazon, free on Netflix streaming)
*V/H/S Viral (2014)
Witching and Bitching (2013)
*Wrong Turn Six- The Last Resort (2014)
Up next? The ten worst films on the list; after that we'll get to the ten best.
* We will have a review of ABCs of Death 2 coming up where we name the top ten entries. This will actually take some work, because the shorts were so much better it'd be faster just to name the few stupid or lazy ones. In the first ABCs of Death, I couldn't even get a list of the top ten together; after "X is for XXL", "L is for Libido", "T is For Toilet", "Young Buck", and "Dog Fight", picking five more would be a stretch. A list of the ten worst for the same movie, however, would pretty much write itself. I was happy to discover after the sequel roared to a finish that I could barely list the five worst. But I digress…


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Unfortunately, almost no Android user is protected by this service. Safe Browsing is not available in the stock Android browser, in Chrome for Android and in the browsers preloaded by the hardware manufacturers. The only place I found Safe Browsing is the data compression feature that's now available in Chrome Beta. "The proxy also implements Safe Browsing for Chrome for Android, by informing the browser when you attempt to visit a known malware or phishing site. This causes a warning interstitial page to be displayed, which you can click through if you wish to visit the site. This allows the list of harmful sites to be continuously updated on the proxy, without incurring the overhead of updating it over the air." Technically speaking, this isn't a browser feature: it's a feature of the data compression proxy and the proxy is disabled by default.
There's a simple way to test if Safe Browsing works: just visit this URL - http://malware.testing.google.test/testing/malware/. If you see a malware warning, then it works. Another example: gumblar.cn (found here).
Apple's Mobile Safari browser for iOS used Google's Safe Browsing service for many years (from iOS 3.1 to iOS 5), but now it seems to have switched to a different provider. I've tested various URLs in iOS 6 and iOS 7 Beta and Safari doesn't show a warning, while the desktop Chrome does.
Update: Firefox for Android added support for Safe Browsing in January. I tested various malware URLs and I didn't see any warning. There's also no setting for enabling/disabling this feature.
{ Thanks, Arpit. }