text:
|2004-06-19, 21:59
|Link #161
Join Date: Dec 2003
1. Full Metal Alchemist - The storyline is very deep but makes perfect sense. The characters are awesome, and there are funny scenes mixed with the seriousness of the show.
2. Prince of Tennis - Seems like not alot of people like this, but I thought it's one of the best sport anime out there along with Slam Dunk. It is also sometimes hilarious.
3. Gungrave - Just...awesome. The female main char is a pain in the ass though.
4. Wolf's Rain - The story's original and action packing, the animation were great too. Studio BONES is great .
5. Can't decide between Cowboy Bebeop, Scryed, One Piece and Scrapped Princess.
|2004-06-20, 10:56
|Link #162
Junior Member
1) Rurouni Kenshin + OVA .............
2) Full Metal Panic Fumoffu.......................
3) Ful Metal Alchemist................. :fingers:
4) Naruto....................
5) Love Hina.......................
6) Green Green..............................
7) Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien..................................
8) Inuyasha ..........................
9) Yumeria...........................
10) Hanaukyo Maid Tai.............................
And i cant think of any more..........Is south Park part of anime too?????
|2004-06-21, 02:35
|Link #163
Aspiring Mangaka/Animator
2. Samurai 7 (action) : from what i've seen so far the story is pretty good and a good amount of action
3. Samurai Champloo (action) : by the creator of Bebop, not sure about the story yet but the characters are great
4. One Piece (Comedy/action) : well it was just liscenced recently but....it's very funny but has it's serious moments too and good fight scenes
5. Full Metal Panic + Fumoffu (action/comedy) : Good story and plenty of funny moments
6. Condor Hero (action) : great story, beautiful action scenes, very technical martial arts anime
7. Fullmetal Alchemist (action) : another one that got liscenced recently.... same reasons as everyone else has said
8. Hunter x Hunter + OVAs (action) : kinda boring until you get to the exam part but it gets so much better from that point on.
9. Slayers (action/comedy) : It's liscenced but it's really funny
10. Naruto (action) : well you watch it already
11. Tokyo Underground (action/comdey) : nice story, great characters, pretty good action/fighting
.....my list goes on and on since i don't watch anything i don't like for more than 5 episodes.
Last edited by skreech; 2004-06-21 at 02:54.
|2004-06-22, 02:11
|Link #164
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
In no particular order, b/c I don't like to think too much:
Kiteretsu Daihyakka
Majyo no Takkyuubin
Himitsu no Akko-chan
Dr. Slump Arare-chan
Kaze no Tani no Nausica
Kochira Kameari Kouen Mae Hasshitsujyo - aka Kochi Kame
Great Teacher Onizuka
Lupin III
Sen to Chihiro no Kami Kakushi
Chibi Maruko-chan
Crayon Shin-chan
I'll stop now, but I can go on for alot longer..
|2004-06-22, 03:18
|Link #165
/Ultimate Magic Attack!!!
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Time Warp/Future
well, guess I should elaborate some more :
top anime of all time
Mobile Battleship Nadesico - this one is currently IMO the only series that has managed to perfectly merge all kinds of anime elements together into a fantastic experience. There are comedy, depth, hot-blood action, serious philosophy, pure love romance, love triangle harem, parody, etc. etc. You name any element you can think of in an anime, and most likely it can be found in Nadesico. And to mix all these different and sometimes contradicting elements together smoothly is no easy task. Where FMP and GPM failed, Nadesico succeeded.
FLCL - a crazy parody show that actually has a lot of depth and emotional scenes. That's also something very rare. And Haruko RULEZ.
Kino no Tabi - I name it the introductory philosophy lecture anime. The stories are all so thought-provoking and you can keep thinking it over for deeper meaningly again and again and each time you could discover something new from different viewing perspectives. And Kino ROCKS!
Lain - it beats X-Files and Twilight Zone and anything else in the sci-fi mystery conspiracy thriller genre. This is definitely one of the most complex and confusing series. However when you piece everything together, it fits perfectly and makes perfect sense. Watching this show is like solving a very interesting puzzle.
Infinite Ryvius - the miniature human society show. It shows all kinds of darkness and struggles of all forms of human society, and how human nature functions under extreme situations. Very dark and disturbing at times.
RahXephon - a great and beautiful sci-fi romance drama with some heavy religious symbolism, imo this one is better than EVA and Saikano, with all the characters perfectly developed, the story very emotional and complex. It has some of the greatest and saddest scenes in all anime history ever.
top anime of recent time
Gunslinger Girl - great atmosphere, great characters, great music, great ending. A wonderful and somewhat sad, albeit a bit short, series.
Kita He ~ Diamond Dust Drops ~ - great atmosphere, great characters, great music, great ending. The emotions are very real and the stories very heart-warming. Another nice little series that's very warm and touching.
Gungrave - they turned the mediocre plot in the game into a great godfather-like Mafia story! Brandon and Harry, true friendship between real men!
Texhnolyze - the worthy successor to Lain. Very good atmosphere and very engaging story. another grand dark sci-fi drama.
Koi Kaze - where KGNE failed, Koi Kaze succeed (that's my opinion anyway). Great realistic atmosphere and characters, the emotions and character development are simply so fantastically realistic.
Paranoia Agent - from the one who produced Perfect Blue and Millenium Actress, it's a very weird and surreal series. Merging fiction with reality, the story is full of twists and turns and always keeps one guessing.
Kikou Sennyo Rouran - a very unorthodoxical mecha anime with very complex story and character development. I give it some bonus points for the nice chinese mythological setting and great character designs.
Last edited by dreamless; 2004-06-22 at 04:53.
|2004-06-24, 21:58
|Link #167
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
My Favorites, in no particular order
Boogiepop Phantom
Wolf's Rain
Kenshin OVA's
Cowboy Bebop
Haibane Renmei
Gunslinger Girl
Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien
Sprited Away
Grave of the Fireflies
Juuni Kokki, or the Twelve Kingdoms
Some of these series seem to have been neglected. . .
And I have only yet begun to watch, I hope to watch some others people have given high marks to. . .
|2004-06-25, 06:41
|Link #170
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2003
My Favourite Anime, No particular order
Fist of the North Star (movie)
Crying Freeman
3x3 Eyes
Paranioa Agent
Kimi Ga Nozumi Ein
Ghost in the Shell (movie)
Akira (movie)
Princess Mononke (movie)
Street Fighter (movie)
Full Metal Panic - Fumoffu
Love Hina
Macross Zero
Wicked City (movie)
Ninja Scroll (movie)
Professional Golgo 13 (movie)
|2004-06-25, 08:27
|Link #171
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
My top 5 anime of all time:
5) Eva: Well, I was one of those few people that hated the ending AND the movie. However, the rest of the show is extremely top draw stuff. The show grips you and refuses to let you go. Definetely one of the best shows ever.
4) Fruits Basket: Of all the shojo shows I have watched this one is my favourite. Again, I didn't like the last 2 eps, but the rest of the show is unbelieveably touching and emotional.
3) Inital D S1: I feel that this show is unfairly labeled as a show that no serious anime fan will like. This show has a very good plot, the races were great, the Eurobeats were awesome and Mako and Sayuki owns.
2) Berserk: Awesome stuff. Unlike 99.99% of all action shows out there this one has an awesome plot. And Guts is a true blue badass and not a wannable like all the other pretenders out there.
1) Hajime no Ippo: BEST. ANIME. EVER. Nothing can compare to it; the feeling, the excitement, the breath-taking moments...... this show is simply unmatched in brillance.
Honorable mentions:
Gundam Seed: I have never like the Gundam series, but this show is an exception.
Orange Road: Probably the best romantic comedy ever. And the movie is the best and saddest movie ever.
Kodomo: Funniest show ever.
Banner of the stars II: The best part of the series, and a victory in storytelling
Escaflowne: The only anime which I can say has ever attain prefection.
There are probably a lot more shows out there that I didn't mention, but this is a rough idea of the greatest animes ever.
|2004-06-28, 06:16
|Link #172
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
my sig. says it all but im looking forward to many more like midori no hibi (downloading the the last ep) tenjou tenge is also a good one nice action kick butt, FMA and i cant think of any more at the mo but im sure there are more
there are some that made the grade but still didnt beat my best but there too many that i kno and like.
|2004-06-28, 08:23
|Link #173
Tha slick
Im not gonna try n put these in order. But i have tryed to pick animes of the highest quality animation, music, story,characters direction etc.
Ghost in the Shell
Grave of Fireflies
Cowboy bebop
Patlabor - movies
Other animes nearly in there were princess mononoke, angels egg, Texhnolyze, samurai champloo, the hakkenden,Lupin III(Many of the movies) Jin Roh. Loads others - but my brain is dead
...I think some peoples choices were a little weak, but were not gonna get into that debate . Its what you like that counts i suppose.
|2004-07-01, 07:51
|Link #174
Junior Member
My TOP 5...
1. Initial D
2. Naruto
3. Cowboy Bebop
4. Last Exile
5. Prince of Tennis
I bet nobody can believe I selected Initial D as my top fav! But damn, I just love it. Anybody started driving with a cup of water in their car after seeing it? heh
|2004-07-01, 10:05
|Link #176
Junior Member
1.Hikaru no go - the best anime I've ever seen in my life! dramatic and emotional and simply amazing cast of characters that grows in every ep!!
I don't think any anime will be better then this one, at least not in the time been, it is that good.
2. kimi ga nozomu eien - very emotional and kinda depressing romance story. the characters were real, I could understand what they where thinking and felt. sometimes I thought I would shed a tear (but no, I didn't), great plot, characters and op song.
3. Trigun - the first ep were kinda annoying 'cause they were nothing but fillers but the later episodes were simply awsome!! great action and plot, sometimes even sad and suprising. great anime! classic.
4. Grave of the fireflies - hard to watch, no violence only missery.
Two children in the middle of a war, they eventually knew their fate yet they tried to survive. nothing helped and the end was predictable yet the most depressing thing in the history of anime in my opinion.
5.rurouni kenshin+movie+the 2ovas. (not including the later ep of the sereis / - one of the most popular animes in the world and there is a reason.
great cast of characters, orginal main character, nice romanitc side plot between kenshin and kauro.
and the ovas were amazing!! and 1nd ova was serious and beautiful, the 2nd ova (the end of all kenshin saga) was highly depressing and hard to watch...
this was the only anime I shed a tear in.
Last edited by Iron Giant; 2004-07-01 at 10:17.
|2004-07-01, 10:11
|Link #177
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
My Top 5.
1. FullMetal Alchemists- Shaping up tobe my favorite anime of all time.
2. Raxephon - Had the best ending ever. Evangelion was overrated and had the worst ending ever that barely made any sense. The whole giant head thing was retarded.
3. Junni Kokki - it would be the first if they ever finihed the damn story......Im still waitting.
4. Gudam Seed - my fav gundam series ever!!! I can't wait for Gundam seed 2!!!
5. Chobits - i jst loved it.
|2004-07-05, 00:43
|Link #180
Senior Member
Your fav. complete serie(s)-no matter the genre.
Alot of times people do genre specefic questions, but I think they miss out on others. so on this, just list your fave complete serie(s) that are fansubbed and not hard to find.
if you could do a - "type of genre" afterwards.
If you got time put them in order.
I'll start off and maybe my suggestions will help(but i doubt it, i've prolly seen what others have already heard of/seen but hey).
1. Naruto- you all know
2. Boys Be - teen dhrama
2.. Tenjou Tenge - fighting action/romance-ecchi
4.. Aishetruze Baby - dhrama
5. Midori no Hibi - comedy-romance/action
pretty soon when I finish KGNE it'll b in the op 5. I dunno, EVERYtime i watched the show I was tired from work so I can't enjoy it! it sucks! But I have to squeeze in the time i have away from sleep & work for anime.
|lists, top five
|Thread Tools


text:
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
I would like to see another team swoop in and give Moony a long lasting title like The Punisher. I'm glad we're going to see this through until at least issue 12, but it bums me out Bendis seems to be missing the point of MK.
--Previous Message--
: My hope is someone else will pick up the book
: before it's to late to save it.It's pretty
: obvious he's more concerned by how many
: avengers and the different ways he can get
: them in this book. Moon knight sees more
: action in other books and is handled much
: better!If Bendis and Maleev keep messing
: this up MK won't see another solo book!
: --Previous Message--
: So, what you're saying is you think maybe
: we'll have a Moon Knight series until a
: month before or after the Avengers opens in
: theaters, and then Marvel dumps the book
: like a pregant prom queen?
: Of course, with numbers dropping off the way
: they have, we might be lucky to have a book
: that makes it to issue 10.
: --Previous Message--
: Talked to a shop owner I know who knows
: Bendis
: personally. Bendis apparently knows all the
: talk about MK. Says he's writing the book
: his way and doesn't much care about changing
: the direction it's going.He's helping Marvel
: push the up coming Avengers movie (imagine
: that). The shop owner also expressed his
: concern in lack of character concern and
: believes Bendis is writing all these other
: books, oh yeah Moon knight too. Pretty much
: thinks Bendis and Maleev are mailing it in!
: Really inspiring information for a fan!
: --Previous Message--
: Here are the numbers for the new series:
: Moon Knight #1 49,018
: Moon Knight #2 35,333
: Moon Knight #3 33,768
: Moon Knight #4 30,237
: Moon Knight #5 28,423
Message Thread
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text:
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Tomorrow is my 1 year RA anniversary. 1 year ago exactly, I was a totally normal healthy 23 year old.
How bloody depressing.
I remember waking up on the 1st december with these 2 strange swollen knuckles and thinking a big spider or something had bitten me during the night.
I remember the absolute terror and depression which gripped me for the next few months after discovering that I had a chronic uncurable disease.
It was horrible, just horrible. As I'm sure you all know yourselves.
Where am I at 1 year later? A lot calmer, for sure, even though the whole thing still really gets me down if I stop and think about it.
Most of the horrible fears I had last December haven't come true. I deal with some symptoms most days but I generally feel alright and my life is pretty much the same as it was last year.
I've had a good year, I've travelled to many new places and had a lot of fun with my friends and family.
I've met some incredible people through Arthritis Care who have helped me face my condition head on.
I set myself a physical challenge in doing the charity cycle, and I succeeded.
I'm looking forward to Christmas, knowing it will be a LOT better than the last. It can't possibly be any worse!!
Unfortunately I think the hydroxychloriquine is doing bugger all for me. My symptoms are mild and come and go but I think that's just my disease because nothing's changed since I started the drug 4 and a half months ago. No better, no worse. The sulfa didn't agree with me, so I'm starting to try and come to terms with the fact that I might have to try a low dose of methotrexate in the new year. This is something I have to mull over the next couple of months before my check up at the end of January and I need to come to a decision together with my doctors. I know that the decision will be to try it because I really want to continue living my life well. But I need a little while to get used to the idea.
This reality would've scared the hell out of me a year ago. And it still does, but I feel stronger now.
So, happy anniversary, RA. I will continue to fight you and hope you go to sleep for a very long time so that next year, I won't even remember it's our anniversary.
4 comments:
You have done remarkably well for your first year Squirrel. I am still impressed (jealous) over your 51 mile bicycle ride. You live a very active lifestyle for someone with RA.ReplyDelete
It's always scary contemplating changing meds. People look at it differently, and until your faced with this choice, no one can fully understand it. The list of side effects is enough to scare you to death. For me, the quality of life I have left is worth the risk of taking the MTX and Humira. Even though I still hurt mildly everyday, I wouldn't be riding my motorcycles if I were not taking the drugs.
I still remember those first days of swelling in my fingers seven years ago in January. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing that would cause the swelling and pain. Never did I imagine that I was in the beginning stages of a disease. But, here I am seven years later still enjoying my life even through many ups and downs. I love your attitude and that you are getting out there and enjoying your life too.ReplyDelete
The methotrexate decision is very hard. Follow your heart and it will tell you the right direction to go. Good luck! I hope RA takes a long, long sleep.
Thank you guys, it's very strange reaching this first milestone. But it really helps reading your blogs and seeing you get on with your lives even after many years of RA.ReplyDelete
I know in my heart that I will take the methotrexate if that's what we decide is best. But as you say Terry, I'm still very active for someone with RA so sometimes it's hard for me to accept that I am actually sick and need these drugs. But I also know if I don't take action, I have a lot to lose. Thanks again for the comments :)
Hey there, Squirrel. This week is my 1 year anniversary, too. I'm still building up to writing that post....Good luck to you in your decision-making. I wish you the best in that and everything else! :) LReplyDelete


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Mouse::Role - The Mouse Role
This document describes Mouse version 2.4.2
package Comparable; use Mouse::Role; # the package is now a Mouse role # Declare methods that are required by this role requires qw(compare); # Define methods this role provides sub equals { my($self, $other) = @_; return $self->compare($other) == 0; } # and later package MyObject; use Mouse; with qw(Comparable); # Now MyObject can equals() sub compare { # ... } my $foo = MyObject->new(); my $bar = MyObject->new(); $obj->equals($bar); # yes, it is comparable
This module declares the caller class to be a Mouse role.
The concept of roles is documented in Moose::Manual::Roles. This document serves as API documentation.
Mouse::Role supports all of the functions that Mouse exports, but differs slightly in how some items are handled (see "CAVEATS" below for details).
Mouse::Role also offers two role-specific keywords:
Roles can require that certain methods are implemented by any class which
does the role.
Note that attribute accessors also count as methods for the purposes of satisfying the requirements of a role.
This is exported but not implemented in Mouse.
Importing Mouse::Role will give you sugar.
-traits are also supported.
Please unimport (
no Mouse::Role) so that if someone calls one of the keywords (such as "has") it will break loudly instead breaking subtly.
Role support has only a few caveats:
extends keyword; it will throw an exception for now. The same is true of the
augment and
inner keywords (not sure those really make sense for roles). All other Mouse keywords will be deferred so that they can be applied to the consuming class.
In most cases, this will be a non-issue; however, it is something to keep in mind when using method modifiers in a role. You should never assume any ordering.


text:
Police Delete Aftermath Footage Of Suspect Shot 41 Times
from the pure-violation dept
Tom Landry writes in about one such extreme example, featuring Texas police pumping 41 bullets at a man, having a police dog attack him, when the officer's stated and still ridiculous reasons for doing so were pure fabrication. Then, a fellow officer confiscated a witness's camera and deleted footage of the aftermath of the incident. Michael Allen Vincent, a man who allegedly had several traffic incidents with police in the past, had led policeman Patrick Tuter on a high speed chase before pulling over into a cul de sac. That's when Tuter ordered Vincent out of the car, before discharging his weapon 41 times, for reasons we'll get into later. As you might expect, all the noise attracted the attention of neighbors.
[Mitchell] Wallace and his wife were asleep when the gunshots began, but they quickly made it to the porch to see Allen's passenger being pulled from the truck and a police dog jumping into the cab. The German shepherd bit Allen in the neck and jaw area and dragged him out of the truck and onto the pavement, Wallace said. Police officers pulled the dog off, flipped Allen on his stomach and handcuffed him before checking his pulse. Autopsy results are pending on the cause of Allen's death.First, I have a few complicated theories on what the cause of death may have been. Most of them involve an officer shooting at an unarmed suspect 41 times, having to reload at least once mind you, and/or a large dog dragging someone out of a car by the neck. Secondly, this confiscation of the camera and the deletion of footage is a blatant violation of the 1st and 4th amendments, as the article notes.
Wallace took cellphone pictures and video after the shooting stopped, but he said Mesquite police confiscated the phone and deleted the video and pictures. The phone was returned four days later, he said.
The law states that police need a court order to confiscate a camera unless it was used in a commission of a crime. The only exception is if there are exigent circumstances, such as a strong belief that the witness will destroy the photos, therefore destroying evidence. Under no circumstances do police have the right to delete footage.Already a Texas Public Information Act request has been filed for a copy of the investigation into the seizure of the cell phone and deletion of footage.
Now, lest you think that this man somehow deserved to have 41 bullets fired at him before being attacked by a police dog, it turns out that Officer Tuter's stated reason for reacting so violently, that suspect Vincent had "backed his truck into the patrol car" (seriously?), was a complete fabrication as found out by his own dash camera. Tuter has since been suspended.
So, in the same story, we have police deleting footage from a witness illegally, while the illegal actions of an officer are only discovered because of camera footage. The juxtaposition perfectly highlights why the confiscation of cameras and deletion of potential evidence is such a horrendous violation of the public trust. I can think of no more clear way to demonstrate the need for strong protections for the public filming their civil servants.


text:
Malibu would like to congratulate Raph Derome and Amber Wing for winning Alliance Wakeboard's 2012 Rider Of The Year awards in both the male and female categories.
Raph's season was highlighted with his overall title at the Red Bull Wake Open, as well as several mind-blowing web video releases. He also dominated on the international circuit and his meteoric rise was nothing short of amazing. "I'm really honored to be chosen by Alliance as their ROTY. To be put in the same group as riders like Danny Harf, Randall Harris, Parks Bonifay, Ben Greenwood, Chris O'Shea and more is really crazy. I'm really happy I got to come back this year on the water and I'm now slowly looking forward to next season."
Check out more, including Raph's 10-page feature in the current, Dec/Jan 2013 issue of Alliance Wakeboard.
Tags: Malibu Boats |


text:
TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.
When you're being raped time does not stop. Time does not speed up and jump ahead like it does when you are with friends. Instead, time becomes your nemesis; it slows to such an excruciating pace that every second becomes an hour, every minute a year, and the rape becomes a lifetime.
On May 25, 2011, I was raped by an acquaintance in Crossett Dormitory on Amherst College campus.
Some nights I can still hear the sounds of his roommates on the other side of the door, unknowingly talking and joking as I was held down; it is far from a pleasant wakeup call.
I had always fancied myself a strong, no-nonsense woman, whose intense independence was cultivated by seventeen harrowing years of emotional abuse in my backwoods home. May 25th temporarily shattered that self-image and left me feeling like the broken victim that I had never wanted to be.
Everything I had believed myself to be was gone in 30 minutes.
I did not report the rape after it occurred. Almost immediately after the rape I flew off to California, got lost in the beauty of the redwoods, the phenomenal art, and meeting the most unique people I'd ever beheld.
I blocked the rape from my mind and tried to convince myself that it hadn't happened; that it couldn't have happened. But there was no denying the facts.
One week before I was supposed to fly back East, everything rushed over and consumed me. My memory had been restored and I wasn't sure how I would be able to hold myself together for that year, let alone for the upcoming three years.
When I returned to Amherst for my sophomore year, I designed a simple plan of attack for surviving: Business as usual combined with a new mantra I will NOT cry.
First semester passed relatively well, there were rocky times, but I kept it together. I masked fear with smiles. I mastered the art of avoiding prying questions. I drowned myself in work and extracurricular activities in order to hide my personal pain. I was unnervingly good at playing the role of well-adjusted sophomore.
It was inevitable though that this masquerade would become too overwhelming and that my façade would shatter.
In February twisted fate decided that I had to work with him on a fundraiser. E-mails. Stopping me in the gym and at the dining hall. Smirks. Winks. Pats on my back. It was all too much.
My masquerade was over.
I broke down and for the next several months, he won.
I spent most of my spring semester an emotional wreck. I saw his face everywhere I went. I heard his voice mocking me in my own head. I imagined new rapists hiding behind every shower curtain and potted plant. I bandaged the situation by throwing myself into more work and by resolutely refusing to acknowledge that I was anything but well adjusted.
Eventually I reached a dangerously low point, and, in my despondency, began going to the campus' sexual assault counselor. In short I was told: No you can't change dorms, there are too many students right now. Pressing charges would be useless, he's about to graduate, there's not much we can do. Are you SURE it was rape? It might have just been a bad hookup…You should forgive and forget.
How are you supposed to forget the worst night of your life?
I didn't know what to do any more. For four months I continued wandering around campus, distancing from my friends, and going to counseling center. I was continuously told that I had to forgive him, that I was crazy for being scared on campus, and that there was nothing that could be done. They told me: We can report your rape as a statistic, you know for records, but I don't recommend that you go through a disciplinary hearing. It would be you, a faculty advisor of your choice, him, and a faculty advisor of his choice in a room where you would be trying to prove that he raped you. You have no physical evidence, it wouldn't get you very far to do this.
Hours locked in a room with him and being called a liar about being raped? No thank you, I could barely handle seeing him from the opposite end of campus; I knew I couldn't handle that level of negativity.
When May rolled around, everything finally came to a head. My "Anniversary" was coming up and all of the terror that I had intermittently felt that year became one giant ball of horror that filled my life. He was still out there. He could get to me again. If I told anyone he would find out and do it again. No, no, no, no, no.
For my independent studies photography course I produced a series of 20 self-portraits representing myself before, during, and after the rape.
I showed them to my classmates. Their words stung like hornets: You look funny…I don't get it, why are you so upset?
I went to the counseling center, as they always tell you to do, and spoke about how genuinely sad I was at Amherst, how much I wanted to leave, and how scared I was on a daily basis. "I should just drink darkroom developer or something…"
Twenty minutes later campus police was escorting me into an ambulance. They were even less understanding: There's something seriously wrong with you; you're not healthy and normal right now. No, you can't say no. You HAVE to go, but don't worry, you won't have to be there too long. This is for your own good. Amherst cares about you and wants you to get better.
On May 5th I entered Cooley Dickinson Hospital's Emergency Room. Three hours after sitting curled up and terrified on a hospital bed I was admitted into the Psychiatric Ward for depression and suicidal thoughts. The doctor was skeptical to say the least: I really don't think that a school like Amherst would allow you to be raped. And why didn't you tell anybody? That just doesn't make any sense...Your anger and sadness right now seem unfounded and irrational, someone your age should not be this sad—it's not normal. We'll be admitting you in a few minutes, they'll take good care of you. They'll get you some drugs and they'll make you feel happy again…If you don't willingly enter we'll have a judge issue a court order legally forcing you to stay there. Trust us, this is for your own good.
So much for not having to stay.
The Psychiatric Ward was a lovely place: the top floor of the hospital, bare white walls, Spartan furnishings, and two stainless steel locked doors at either end of the corridor making sure that anyone who goes in, stays in. Doctors and Nurse Practitioners wondered around the bare hallways checking in on myself and my fellow patients—every fifteen minutes they recorded where we were, what we were doing, and whether we looked happy. In the morning we were given our drugs; if you didn't take them you would have to be there longer. It was in our best interest to take them, so they told us.
During the day we discussed our thoughts and feelings, our inhibitions, our strengths, but more often than not we did nothing.
When you're forced to sit and think about yourself for hours on end, you go through four stages of existence.
Stage 1: Hysteria—Characterized by denying that anything is wrong, "I'm perfectly fine" and "I don't belong here," are common phrases during this stage.
Stage 2: Numb and Ornery—You have finally realized that something is wrong with you, but you are overwhelmed and confused about how to go about fixing your problem. You therefore decide not to do anything.
Stage 3: Determination—You realize that the only way you're allowed to leave the Ward is if you "get better" and "solve your problems." Every fiber of your being thus goes into these two tasks.
Stage 4: Enlightenment—Everything falls into place. Your mind is no longer an oppressive hell and it begins to function again. The outside world no longer seems so daunting.
You are then permitted to leave.
My Enlightenment occurred when I least expected it. Four days into the Ward, I was sitting in on an introductory Substance Abuse and Mental Health Rehabilitation meeting since there was absolutely nothing better to do. To start us off, the meeting leader decided to have everyone go around and talk about why we were on the Ward. We went around the circle: hours in rehab, drug relapses, alcoholism, abusive boyfriends, being an abusive boyfriend, and escapism from the stresses of daily life. The stories weren't the superficial accounts that you read in a person's medical file; they were real life. Every problem, every ounce of frustration, every personal tick was laid bare that evening. And everyone was open, not proud, just blunt and sincere; the desire to improve their lives was palpable.
Over the past four days, I had yet to touch upon "what I was in for," my story was a mystery to everyone around me.
As my fellow patients went around the circle it all suddenly clicked. I realized why I never spoke about the rape, why I had refused to tell my school friends, why I had totally broken down, why I had steadily degenerated over the past few months. I was ashamed, and because of this shame I could not begin healing.
"Silence has the rusty taste of shame," a fellow survivor once wrote.
I had been far too silent, far too ashamed.
That night I told them everything.
For the first time I told my story and I was not ashamed.
Later that night, as I lay in bed—still in an adrenaline induced state of wakefulness—I heard my roommate whisper my name, and then, a question.
"Are you still awake?"
"Thought so…"
A long pause. She'd been in the meeting.
What was she thinking? What would she say?
"I just wanted to tell you, I…I know how it feels. My uncle raped me when I was 15. The police never arrested him. Rape "wasn't their top priority." It still hurts…You're incredibly brave to talk about it…I rarely do."
She was 42 years old.
I did not sleep. That night I realized that from then on I could not stay silent—if not for myself, then for my roommate.
I had reached the apex of Stage 4.
I decided that once I was released I would continue with my plans to study abroad that upcoming semester; I would be rejuvenated when I returned to campus in the winter, ready to take on the world and fight for survivor rights.
I would be strong again.
From the moment I woke, this plan hit one pitfall after another; a domino effect of roadblocks that continued for the next three months.
I sat at breakfast in bright spirits, attempting to carry on a conversation with a manic depressive woman who rarely talked. I was so genuinely happy that her lack of responses didn't even bother me—I just talked at her.
In the middle of my stimulating conversation my harried looking social worker suddenly strode into the dining room and headed purposefully over to me.
She looked grim and angry. "They're trying to prevent you from going back."
I was shocked.
She began rattling off the Administration's policy regarding students released from psychiatric care. In order for students to be allowed back they had to have parental supervision while on campus in order to make sure that the student did not relapse into substance abuse again (the most common reason for student admittance into the Ward). This meant that a parent would stay in a hotel near campus and would then follow their child around for two weeks until the "all clear" period was reached. "And since you don't have parents…"
She trailed off awkwardly and began to resolutely examine the upper left-hand corner of the dining room.
I must have been speechless for a good minute as a bizarre series of emotions plowed me over.
Shock to incredulity, back to shock, to sadness to anger, back to shock again, then back to sadness, and then an overwhelming amount of shame and embarrassment settled over me. I'm not worthy of even going back; that's how disgusting I am. I can't even step foot on campus…
Panic welled up inside of me.
Did this mean I was trapped on the Ward forever? God, no, I couldn't handle that. I wasn't crazy!
Claustrophobia and paranoia dropped on top of me and I wildly scanned the room. I met my roommate's eyes. She was looking at me with worry: What's wrong?
The room stopped spinning, the walls went back to their normal locations, I could breathe again, and now I was angry. I told her flat out: Let me get this straight. I was raped on their campus. I had an emotional breakdown because I didn't feel safe and felt harassed on their campus. I went to their counseling center, like they told me to, and I told them how I was feeling. They decided that I should be sent to the hospital. And now they won't allow me back on their campus? They allow rapists back on campus, but they won't allow the girl who was raped back? The girl who did nothing wrong.
She told me: Well, when you put it that way…
The maniacal grin on my social worker's face as she walked off was wonderful.
Needless to say, Amherst let me back on campus later that evening. Five days after being admitted, I was finally released from the Ward.
The car ride back to campus with my dean was, also needless to say, the most awkward car ride of my life. I looked at her: You know, I'm really glad that y'all let me back on campus, for a while there I was pretty worried and I was actually preparing an argument for why I should be allowed back…
Her response: No, no, no! That's not what happened, you must have just misunderstood the situation! We're so happy to have you back! Amherst is just such a wonderful place, we know you'll be happy to be back!
A big misunderstanding, I was skeptical.
In the following days I decided that my best policy when dealing with Amherst at the moment would be "let's let bygones be bygones." I quickly forgave the Administration and focused on just being happy to be out. On the inside though I was still dripping with anger, shame, and embarrassment.
Several days after my release I had to defend my chance to study abroad. My chance to leave campus for the first time in 8 months, my chance to relax and heal in a new environment, my biggest chance to revive my love of Amherst, and my chance to move on in life by studying what I truly love. The prospect had gotten me through the most frigid hours on the Ward and I was convinced that it would be the perfect way to continue my healing process.
I half-heartedly murmured, Your actions were understandable. I understand your policy when dealing with depression and students coming out of the Psychiatric Ward…during the meeting that included my dean and several of the campus counselors. Relief instantly flashed across all of their faces and the atmosphere rose in friendliness.
Then: The Ward was the best thing that could have happened to me. I have re-found my love of life and my desire to heal. I will never be 100% better, but I no longer feel like a victim. I'm a survivor, I'm strong, and I think that studying abroad will help me continue healing. When I return in the winter I'll have a greater understanding of myself and a greater appreciation of Amherst.
They responded with enthusiasm: Of course! Very coherent explanation. You seem much happier, which is wonderful! We agree that going abroad and getting off campus will do you good.
Study abroad here I come!
I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a year, and I could not wait to head out.
At Amherst though, things are never that easy.
A few weeks after my release from the Ward I had a routine check-in with my dean to make sure that I was still doing well. I was excited to be leaving soon, and I must have looked quite content, sitting in her office with a million watt smile and bright eyes. I began to rattle on about how nice the warm weather was, how beautiful commencement had been, how great life was, on and on. She seemed distracted: Nod, nod…Mhmmm…Well, excellent! I'm so glad to hear that you're excited about the upcoming summer here. I know how much you wanted to study abroad and how much work you must've put into it, but really, it's for the best. Africa is quite traumatizing, what with those horrible third-world conditions: disease…huts…lions! You'll be much better off here at Amherst where we can watch over you. It will give you some time to think about…you know…that…unfortunate incident…
My face was blank. "I'm supposed to go to Cape Town, South Africa…" Her response broke me down: Yes dear, I know. You were supposed to study in Africa. It's all for the best that you aren't though.
No one ever told me flat out that I would no longer be studying abroad. Not even the study abroad dean told me. I scheduled a meeting with her for two days after the meeting with my dean.
A few minutes after exchanging pleasantries she asked: What are your plans for the summer now that you're on campus?
For the month of June I was decrepit, nothing could perk me up. I returned to feeling the embarrassment and shame that had consumed me before going onto the Ward. If I hadn't told anyone about what happened I'd be abroad…If I had been stronger…If I wasn't such a failure…This is all my fault, I really am just a broken, polluted piece of shit…
Living was difficult. Each day I woke up and wandered around in a daze. At night I stared blank faced at a wall and curled up in my chair in a fetal position. I couldn't talk with people. If I talk with them they might become infected with my dirtiness.
I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping. I secretly hoped that one day on a run my heart would just stop and no one would have to see me again. I wasn't worth anything anyway.
I continued having to meet with my dean; she blamed my sadness on not being allowed to study abroad, but I knew that it wasn't that simple. I could live with not being allowed to go to South Africa at the moment, the country would be there for a while, but being forced to stay on campus in a dorm populated with men I did not know, that was the real psychological issue. Every time I told my dean that I didn't feel safe on campus, that I wanted to be allowed to leave , or at least be put in a different dorm, I received the same unhelpful responses that I had received in February. They told me: You were lucky to be given a room here this summer in the first place, housing is tight right now and you really shouldn't complain. All of your fear is ungrounded, Amherst is one of the safest places imaginable…If we let you leave campus we won't know what mental and emotional place you'll exist in when you return in September; you could become completely unstable! At Amherst we can monitor you, and, if need be, strongly suggest time off when the school year rolls around…
I felt like a prisoner, or, more accurately, like a harem girl. My jail was luxurious and openair, I was free to move about, the ruling power judged my worth on a weekly basis, and I was constantly reminded how lucky I was to be there.
One night, after a particularly rough meeting with my dean (I just don't understand why you've been so angry throughout all of this. You have no reason to be angry about anything.), I was curled up on my floor—I wasn't thinking, I didn't feel anything.
I went over to the mirror on the back of my door and stared. What had happened to the girl who had come off of the Ward so empowered and strong; the girl who decided to no longer be silent and feel shamed? Where had she gone?
I went over to my desk and picked up a brochure I had been given about a survivor center at UMass Amherst. I gave an exaggerated sigh. Might as well…I called the number and made an appointment for the next day.
I went back to the mirror and stared at myself again.
For the next 15 minutes I repeated: "Silence has the rusty taste of shame."
I walked over to my computer, typed up an email, hesitated for a second, and then pressed send.
I had just sent my entire sports team an email-rant about my rape and subsequent breakdown at the end of spring.
It was about time people began to realize that Amherst wasn't just majestic dorms and world-class professors.
It was about time I resumed the silent pact that I had made to my roommate on the Ward.
I will not be quiet.
The next few weeks were a blur of unending days spent resolutely working to feel better (A friend told me: You can't help other people if you feel like shit).
I was able to sleep again. I ate more. I went to free therapy sessions. I wrote and mindlessly colored in order to ground myself. I obsessively made lists of all the things imaginable. I joined a survivor group. I cried less and smiled a bit more.
I started healing.
It took a month of hard work until I was noticeably doing better. My friends, my therapist, my coworkers, and my fellow survivor group members all started commenting on how much healthier and happier I looked. I still felt uncomfortable and oppressed while surrounded by men on campus, but I was no longer afraid to leave my room after 7 p.m. I was determined to love Amherst again.
Life was tolerable.
Early July and I had another meeting with my dean: You look like you're doing better today. Well done, I'm so glad to see this kind of improvement! I think it's safe to assume that you can come back next semester, and in that regard I think that it's time that we talk about your time at Amherst over the next two years…I know you want to do African Studies through the Five Colleges, but I don't think I can support that decision. Africa is very traumatizing and I think that studying Africa is just a way for you to relive your real-life traumas; it's just not a good place to be studying.
Over the next thirty minutes several more restrictions were laid out: no Five College classes this upcoming year, no study abroad in the spring, definitely no senior year thesis, I would have to meet with a counselor twice a week, and friends off campus would have to be pushed to the wayside. She told me: Amherst is the only place that matters, and, really, you don't have a family, so where else would you go? Amherst is the only place that you can be.
At the end of our conversation I grunted out a vapid response and headed straight to my room. I sat on my bed, million-mile-gazed at the wall, and thought.
What was the point of staying at Amherst? I had been stuck on campus for eleven months straight; each day had been more challenging and emotionally draining than the previous one. I had been feeling better recently, but each time I met with my dean I felt more emotionally distraught than I had beforehand. Her comments reminded me that in the Administration's eyes I was the most base individual: a poor and parentless humanities major who was the school's token-Deep-Southerner. I was sullied, blameworthy, and possibly insane.
I made a Pros and Cons of Amherst List.
The Pro List had seven items.
The Con List had twenty-three items.
On July 14th I made one of the hardest decisions of my life.
I was going to withdraw from Amherst.
That next week I threw myself into finding a way out. Plans were made, plans were broken, Plan B was made, and finally Plan B was successful!
I did not tell the Administration for fear that they would somehow sabotage me. It was probably paranoid, but after being prevented from leaving campus multiple times I was not going to take any chances. The conversation went similarly to this:
"I'm withdrawing from Amherst."
That was my greeting to my dean when I met with her in late July.
The look of complete shock on her face was priceless. When she recovered: So you're taking a semester off? That's perfectly ok, many survivors do, I think it's best that you do what you…
No, I'm withdrawing, permanently. I ain't planning on ever coming back. I'm going to transfer to another school after taking a semester off to travel around.
You can't…You…Nobody withdraws. Where are you going to go? You don't have parents. What are you going to do?
I'm working on a Dude Ranch in Wyoming.
…I didn't think you'd be able to figure out a plan…Well, we technically won't withdraw you from the school until three years have passed. After three years we'll double-check to make sure that you really want to withdraw and then we'll remove you from our current-students system.
No, I just want you to withdraw me. I don't want to come back, I don't want to be affiliated with your school anymore. I'm sick of this place.
I think you need to meet with our sexual assault counselor again, you're way too angry right now and not thinking clearly. I have a feeling you'll change your mind and come back. Amherst is one of the best schools out there, it will be a transfer down unless you go to an Ivy…
You know, I have I feeling that I won't want to come back, but that's just a hunch.
As my dean suggested, I met with our sexual assault counselor a few days later. The meeting was uncharacterizeable by one word, but bizarre might be the closest description: This is a bad idea, you're not thinking straight.
I didn't understand this. I'd been thinking about this for quite a while; I was unhappy at Amherst and I didn't understand why I should stay at a place where I was absolutely miserable. There are other places in the world.
The next two hours was a hodgepodge of topics: Your lack of parental support makes you emotionally volatile and prevents you from following through with decisions that you make.
Apparently I had decided not to study abroad. Then there was bizarre 'concern:'You don't look very healthy. Have you been eating? I think you might have an eating disorder. You know there's a great clinic in Northhampton where we can send you for in-patient eating disorder treatment.
I don't have an eating disorder; I used to have one, I know what they're like. I don't eat a lot because I can't afford to buy food.
Then the ranch came up: Do you realize how difficult working on a Dude Ranch will be? The people in Wyoming are different from the people at Amherst, they won't be well-educated, and they won't understand you. You're going to a backwards place. Do you realize how bad it will be?
Yes, because the rest of the US is filled with ignorant savages who haven't been saved by the light of Amherst. How would I ever survive?
To the counselor's great surprise, these stellar arguments did not convince me to stay at Amherst. I became even more resolute about my decision to leave, and decided to talk with the Victim Rights Law Center, a pro-bono law firm based in Boston that my survivor group had recommended to me several weeks earlier. My preliminary intake with the VRLC was quite eye-opening: Oh Amherst? Yeah, unfortunately I know Amherst all too well. I've been down there many times to deal with the administration and their constant mistreatment of survivors. Our law firm keeps trying to force them to change but they just don't seem to understand, they keep doing the same old thing.
Amherst has almost 1800 students; last year alone there were a minimum of 10 sexual assaults on campus. In the past 15 years there have been multiple serial rapists, men who raped more than five girls, according to the sexual assault counselor. Rapists are given less punishment than students caught stealing. Survivors are often forced to take time off, while rapists are allowed to stay on campus. If a rapist is about to graduate, their punishment is often that they receive their diploma two years late.
I eventually reported my rapist.
He graduated with honors.
I will not graduate from Amherst.
The stories and statistics are miles long in regards to sexual assault on campus. My story is far from unique, and, compared to some of the stories I have heard, is tame.
The more that I learn about Amherst's policy toward sexual assault and survivors in general, the more relief I feel in deciding to transfer. How could I stay at a school who had made my healing process not just difficult, but impossible? How could I stand knowing that the Administration promotes silence? How could I spend the next two years made to feel dirty and at fault?
I could not.
At one point I hated Amherst with an indescribable amount of fury, but I do not hate the school anymore. Amherst took a lot from me, but they gave me some of the greatest gifts imaginable: self-confidence, my closest friends, intellectual curiosity, and endless personal strength. For these things I am forever grateful. For everything else, I stand back and behold the college with a feeling of melancholia.
The fact that such a prestigious institution could have such a noxious interior fills me with intense remorse mixed with sour distaste. I am sickened by the Administration's attempts to cover up survivors' stories, cook their books to discount rapes, pretend that withdrawals never occur, quell attempts at change, and sweep sexual assaults under a rug. When politicians cover up affairs or scandals the masses often rise up in angry protestations and call for a more transparent government. What is the difference between a government and the Amherst College campus? Why can't we know what is really happening on campus? Why should we be quiet about sexual assault?
"Silence has the rusty taste of shame."
There is no reason shame should be a school's policy.
UPDATE: President Carolyn "Biddy" Martin has released a statement concerning this article and the follow-up steps being taken by the administration regarding sexual assault: https://www.amherst.edu/campuslife/letters_president/node/436469
Why is it that when rapists are intoxicated, they are less responsible for their actions, but when victims are intoxicated, they become more so?
Imagine that an acquaintance of yours steals your wallet. Or that a friend borrows your car and ends up crashing it. If these things happened while they were drunk, would you be more or less angry at them?
It's important to think through what your assumptions are - does alcohol make people more responsible for their actions, or less? Is the action more forgivable because they were intoxicated, or less because they were irresponsible to become so?
Either way, an intoxicated party does NOT equal consent - quite the opposite. And again, what reason could the author have to lie? Why people so quick to assume the rapist might not have had malicious intent, but that survivors do?
The rate of false reporting for rape is the same as for any other crime. But if your bike is stolen, people don't make you prove it. They start looking for it. I don't think you have malicious intent either, but I think you're a representation of the culture that makes it so difficult for victims to speak up and defend themselves the way everyone seems to expect them to - and that makes it so easy for rapists to get away with it.
Fame and maybe the life of someone she doesnt like destroyed and sent to prison.
The whole story she has written looks pretty nice and would go well in a fictional book (too big and detailed), yet she cries rape in less than a paragraph, which is actually the most important part of it and should be the most detailed part being the root cause.
Yet very little detail is given, and since nowadays women cry rape if they go to bed with a guy willingly if the guy doesnt call her back the other day, everything is possible.
More details, and the other part (the one being accused of rape) should also be heard.
So, let me get this straight. Based on the "more realistic scenario" you've laid out, here are the assumptions you are making about the author. That she is:
1. a supreme narcissist
2. a psychopath, willing to destroy someone else's life out of mere dislike
3. a talented and creative liar
4. a slut, and
5. aggresively vengeful,
while you refuse to acknowledge the mere possibility that her story is true - that this guy could have put his own pleasure and desire for power and control above her feelings in the moment that he raped her.
She has already gone into incredible detail about her experiences, including the very painful aftermath that was again a loss of power and control for her. What details are you demanding - the physical ones? She already described the fact that he held her down, and people don't react this way to fabricated trauma. Short of a videotape of the incident, I doubt anything would satisfy your "burden of proof." You need to rethink the assumptions you are willing to make of people, especially based on such little information. Shame on you.
are you serious?
As illustrated by the string of comments below, maybe because it appears that this institution does not take sexual assaults seriously. Please present whatever "background" information you are referring to.
You sound pretty defensive. Perhaps you work in administration? From the other comments, it certainly seems like Angie isn't alone in her experience. Nor is she vindictively naming names. The only result that could come of this article is that the Amherst administration might take a look at how its policies can harm both survivors and its own public image. And I think that's a very positive thing.
Nice try, Amherst College Administration.
(1) I know her. (2) I know many other individuals who have gone through the same unfortunate situation. (3) She has nothing to gain by lying.
So I suggest you back off.
Maybe she isn't who knows? The thing i don't understand is why it's happen too more then one person. There seem to be many story's that sound similar to hers if you read more comments. The fact that you have no idea if it did or didn't happen, you should probably keep that too yourself just saying.
Maybe because her name is attached to this? She isn't accusing her rapist. She isn't trying to get revenge. Her motives and intentions behind writing this article are to inspire current Amherst College students and members of the administration to change.
Your attitude is just like that of the administration. It seems that you're inclined not to believe someone who is seeking help and fighting for an unpopular cause. It seems that you're inclined not to believe the unbelievable. Guess what? Rape is unbelievable. The fact that another human being could do something so horrible is unbelievable, but it happens.
You want background information? How about we ask Angie and every other survivor to put a camera on them while they sleep, so we can see how many times they wake up during night because of nightmares? How about we ask them to wear heart monitors so we can measure their palpitations? How about we have psychologists follow them around to confirm that every flashback is indeed a flashback, and not just a performance? Would that meet your requirements?
I hope you know that you and your comment represent everything wrong with the way the society, but more specifically, members of the administration represented in this article treated Angie's case.
That type of response is exactly why rape is such a persistent problem! Disbelief IS a problem, and this type of story occurs too often for everyone to be making it up. This rings with an unfortunate truth, and is not full of the vindictiveness that someone who had other problems with Amhurst would have included.
Why are we believing her? Angie's story echoes my own story and other stories I have heard personally from various women after their rape. 1 in 5 college aged women will be raped on campus. This story is more common than not. Unfortunately staying silent is also more common than not. And it's partially because clueless people like you are ready to sit on the sidelines and tut-tut about impartiality and "well she COULD be a lying s*ut."
After someone has written about how devastating it is to not be taken seriously about rape, something that some women think is worse than DEATH, you seriously decide to question her credibility? You're disgusting.
Thank you for saying something I'll never be able to say myself.
You are incredibly brave to tell this story; to tell it when you are younger than later. To be able to shed any regret, shame or frustration that you feel - none of which you deserve. I hope the perpetrator is brought to justice and that it does not take any more out of you than it already has. I am sorry that you did not receive the support that you needed, in spite of reaching out for it. Above all, I hope that your life from this day forward knows only strength and wonder and many, many happy memories - and that you are one day able to go to Africa and Cape Town and several other faraway places to explore your passions.
I, too, frequently feel ashamed of Amherst College because of how it handles sexual assault and other matters. However, we should take pride in the some of the people we have met at Amherst, the amazing women and men, like Angie, whose courage, compassion, and support are inspiring.
Just, thank you. This is one of the bravest things I've ever seen.
It is time for change in the Amherst College administration. I am disappointed and saddened by my alma mater.
Solidarity and love. Good luck in your future endeavors.
You are so incredibly brave, to share your experiences and pain and healing with us.
I'm an alum from Swarthmore College, and it was really frightening to read your story and literally be able to match both my own and my friends' experiences with the college re: being assaulted and/or abused 100%.
I appreciate you debunking the myth that a '''progressive''' institution and its students are somehow '''''better''''' than everywhere else.
This is a very brave posting, it's frustrating and upsetting to read for any Amherst alumnus. I can say that while the professors at Amherst are wonderful, I too had some interactions with the deans of classes (and students) and they were similarly indifferent, combative, defensive, unhelpful... It was scary. Your experience is so much worse than mine and I can only imagine how it felt to find out that there was no support for you whatsoever- to have the bottom drop out from under you.
Angie, even though you will not graduate from Amherst, you have made it a better place with your words and you have started a conversation that will have a lasting impact that will prevent this from occurring again. Any thoughts of shame or guilt should be replaced by pride--you've truly done more for this College than any donation could do. I'm proud to know such a courageous woman.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Angie. You are so brave. I hope this is a huge wakeup call to the Amherst administration.
A bit exaggerated, but a touching story nonetheless.
That's exactly what Amherst told her...
I'm curious as to how you can accurately assess whether Angie has 'exaggerated' her account. I feel as though reactions like these are what allow experiences like hers to keep happening.
You have no right to call how Angie, or anyone else, reacts to a rape "exaggerated." And, um, it's not a story.
this just got sent out over an email list at harvard, and i would like to echo everyone by thanking you for speaking up. i'm so sorry you had to go through that, but you are truly an inspiration to everyone.
Dear Angie, thank you for not keeping yourself silent. Sharing your story will pressure Amherst take actions against these crimes. I can't believe the school never realized that they were covering up for guys who did just that: brake the law in the most despicable way. Unfortunately, Amherst, like many other elite schools, still is a place where these type of crimes simply do not matter because the victims are women... The administration believe Amherst is forward thinking school but their actions only prove the contrary. Legal actions could be taken by you and other survivors against the school for not taking responsibility for what has been going on for a long time.
You are a survivor.
Dear Angie,
Your story brought me to tears. We took a photography class together when I was a senior and you, a freshman, and the maturity with which you carried yourself amazed me. I thought, wow, she is a special soul. Amherst drove away a wonderful individual, and it is disgusting, to say the least. I wish you only peace and happiness, and I know in some way, shape, or form, justice will be served! I, and as you can see, many others, stand beside you, always. Thank you for your bravery. And to Amherst: open your eyes!
Know that your story isn't heard just within Amherst, and that your story is inspirational to those at other institutions fighting for similar causes.
Your story is powerful and heartbreaking. I hope that your story will inspire change within Amherst's administration- nobody should ever have to go through what you did again.
I have never been more grateful for having the wisdom to choose Duke over Amherst. It is said that one of the nation's truly great liberal arts colleges is being administered by a cohort of hooligans who have repeatedly and unequivocally demonstrated their utter disregard for the rights of women and minorities. It is tragic that this courageous young lady had to endure such unrelenting criticism and ridicule from the people who were charged with ensuring her wellbeing. I would strongly urge the author to contemplate filing a suit against the college. It is clear that the administration's actions constitute a flagrant violation of the law.
Right, because Duke handled its own rape scandal so admirably.
Undoubtedly, Amherst needs to take a hard look at what happened here and make some serious changes to its sexual assault policies. But hopefully it also provides other schools with an opportunity to examine their own policies instead of an excuse to pat themselves on the back and pretend their campuses don't have similar problems.
You are reading too much into it. Also, just to be clear, Duke never had a 'rape' scandal. If anything, the administration was too quick to side with the 'victim' in that incident. I agree that all schools should take a closer look at their sexual assault policies, and I must commend Duke for having recently abolished its statute of limitations. Having said that, I absolutely think that Duke can and must do more to stand up for the rights of survivors. The same can be said of most American universities. I apologize if my comment was construed as being derisive. I can assure you that I did not intend for it to come off that way. I was just so appalled by the travesty of justice that occurred at one of my favorite colleges that I may have been overtly zealous and impulsive.
You are so brave. Thank you. Elon University supports you.
I wish there was a stronger word than "thank you", for sharing such a difficult experience with all of us. Amherst College, to me, was the place that taught me to appreciate my womanhood so I am appalled and saddened that the same college treated you and many others in such a belittling and degrading manner. It is truly unacceptable and goes against everything that the college claims to believe and teach.
we at mount holyoke are so glad you've shared this. it's time for a change in our community. thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you Angie you are so incredibly brave, I wish I had known you better at Amherst. Seriously, thank you for your courage, you've inspired me as another Amherst rape survivor who was told not to press charges.
Love you. Hope you're doing good.
I go to school out in Ohio. Angie, know that your story is being heard. Your bravery is more than admirable.
After 10 months of being silent and calm, I broke down reading this. I don't even know what to do. Thank You.
Thank you so much for telling your story. I'm a Smithie whose younger sister was looking at Amherst. I will now make sure she does not apply. If, God forbid, the worst were to happen to her, the last thing I want is for her to go through what you went through. I hope many people hear about this and that the administration will revise their backwards policies.
The Class of 2014 Dean referenced in the article should not be working at Amherst, or any other institution of higher learning. Nothing will change at Amherst with the same Deans sitting in Converse. We need to clean house in the Dean of Students office, and bring in staff with a history of success as administrators.


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September 2011 Mailbag - Letters To The EditorPosted in Features on September 1, 2011
I was very pleased to see your Trail Head for the June '11 issue. It is about time common sense came into play! I love looking at all the wild Jeeps in your mag but most of them are just not practical for your average, everyday person. I have a '97 TJ with the 2.5L and a 2.5-inch lift running 33-inch tires. Most everything else is stock. I have not yet found a trail that I could not negotiate in my area. I also have not broken the bank or deprived my children of food and shelter to build up my Jeep. I don't do much rockcrawling or mud bogging. What I do is a lot of road driving and the mild-to-medium-difficulty trails. People are always asking me when I am going bigger, but I have to say that I am perfectly happy where I am with my TJ right now!
Bob Davis
Colonie, NY
I refer to Trail Head in the June '11 issue of Jp magazine. I live in Darwin at the tropical north of Australia. If you want some harsh country come to Darwin, I'll show you harsh. How harsh you ask? Well, from May to November we generally don't have rain so it gets a little dusty. But from December to April it gets a little moist. In my area of Leanyer we got three meters of rain this rainy season. Yes that is three meters or 3.2 yards. Do you measure rainfall in yards over there? The Toyota 75 Series cab chassis or "ute" as we like to call them, rule the roost. The troop carrier comes in a close second. I did own a Cruiser ute last year and I took it through a crossing so deep the water came half way up the windscreen. My boat and trailer were floating down stream. It wasn't a short crossing either. I went on for a few hundred yards like this. No problem.
I now have a '96 Grand with a 4.0L. Mandatory Darwin modifications are an ARB Bull Bar, a Safari snorkel, and Maxxis Bighorns. There are some places I won't bother going, but not many. While I do agree with the masses in Darwin, 75 Cruisers rule the roost for work vehicles. However, the average bloke going fishing or hunting will be far better placed with something a little more suitable for the other 98-percent of the time. So in conclusion, I enjoyed your editorial because here in Darwin the bulk of the off-road vehicles are Land Cruisers with big lifts, 33-inch tires, and 12,000-pound winches. The drivers of these Cruisers look a little bemused as I drive past them in my mostly-stock Grand and offer them a snatch, recovery that is.
Leanyer, Australia
Chix Fan
Thanks for the Trail Head in the June '11 issue. It hits the nail on the head for me. I feel most Jeeps are overbuilt. Mine is driven everyday and has been my only transportation since I bought it new in June, 1999. Also, I want to thank the Jeep chix for the photos in Sideways. Nothing is better than a girl with her Jeep.
Gary Boyle
Roscommon, MI
Less Is More
I just read the June '11 Trail Head about having overbuilt Jeeps and I full heartedly agree with you. Currently I am running a '94 YJ, it has 1-ton axles with 35-spline shafts, 42-inch tires, linked suspension, and a full cage. It's become an overbuilt vehicle that I can't enjoy any longer. When I bought the Jeep stock I drove it to work every day, wheeled a little, and truthfully enjoyed it on 30-inch tires. Now that it's built it sits in the garage, has to be trailered everywhere, and has lost its appeal to me. When we wheel everything is a joke, to get a challenge I have to risk destroying the rig.
Basically I wanted to let you know that this was the best article I have read in a very, very long time! You spoke the truth and probably saved someone from destroying their rig by overbuilding it. Granted, I work in the aftermarket industry and sell the parts to build crazy rigs, but I truly miss being able to just go for a long enjoyable drive with the top off.
Jamey Paine
Via email
I only made it to page 8 of the June '11 issue of Jp magazine and I am already emailing you with my approval of your Trail Head editorial. You speaketh the truth Jeep Brother! I am so tired of the growing fad that I need to run Dana 60s or 2½-ton Rockwells in order to drive on a damn forest road. Remember when the Rubicon TJ was released with its Dana 44 axles? It was the greatest thing ever released as a production vehicle. Sure it had "TJ Dana 44s," but it was still awesome. Now suddenly it has the weakest axles ever made and it's not suitable to run off-road with anything larger than stock tires. Same with the JK and the Next-Gen Dana 44 axles—we already have people saying that the axles are only suitable for tires less than 35 inches and mild off-roading. Are you kidding me? Those JK axles are freaking built!
I have wheeled in TJs and XJs with Dana 30/Dana 35 and Dana 30/Chrysler 8.25 combos with 33-inch and 35-inch tires. I have also wheeled in a TJ with 37-inch IROKs and a Currie 9-inch in the back. I have wheeled trails up to and including the Cleveland Rocks at Holy Cross, Colorado, and I have never broken an axle. Granted, I was running stock engines in those vehicles, but my point is that I agree with you in how overbuilt people think that a Jeep needs to be. I'm like you, I like to count on my driving skills and confidence to conquer tough trails with my "inferior" equipment. For crying out loud, I'm only running an '05 LJ Rubicon. I don't know how I even get out of the parking lot (insert sarcasm here)! And no, I'm not one of those people that spends 30 minutes on one obstacle and backs up trail traffic, either.
Good work on a great publication!
Tim Waterhouse
Windsor, CO
Incredible Shrinking Jeep
Just wanted to tell you guys thanks! I bought my Jeep five years ago. It's an '01 TJ that only had 27,000 miles on it. It has 4.0L, Dana 30 and 35 axles, a five-speed tranny, and an NV231 T-case. As soon as I bought it I started subscribing to your magazine. Thanks to all the info you guys pack into the mag, I found what I needed without spending a butt-load of money! I bought the basics including a 2-inch budget lift, Rancho 9000 shocks, a throttle body spacer, cold air intake, bigger tires (31x10.50), new steel wheels, and a Superwinch EP8500 winch. I ripped out the carpet, lined the tub with Duplicolor bed liner, studded the brake and clutch pedals to keep my shoes from slipping off, and did a bunch of other little stuff. I still have to change out the ring and pinion. It's still got 3.07 gears in it. Once again, I wouldn't know what any of this stuff was or what I needed if it wasn't for your magazine and your great writing. I have one problem that you haven't covered, though. Every year my Jeep seems to be getting shorter and shorter. The steering wheel gets closer and closer to my stomach. Am I washing it too much? Thanks for all the great info and a great magazine!
Buddy Rezac
Vermillion, SD
Rubber Reasoning
Just dropping you a quick note letting you know that after reading "Less is More" (Mar. '11), you must be unaware of some JKS Manufacturing products that we offer—after all, we offer much more than just swaybar Quick Disconnects. In one of the captions you have said "The factory bushings (top) are light years better. Why doesn't anyone use the stock rubber bushings in aftermarket control arms?" Well the fact is that JKS always has offered our control arms with the OE rubber bushings (since 1997), and no, they are not the aftermarket rubber bushings from Crown Automotive. We purchase the rubber bushings from the same place Jeep purchases them, and that is Clevite, a division of Tenneco. We also offer the OE rubber bushings (again from Clevite) on most of our track bars as well.
Jim Nollette
JKS Manufacturing, Inc.
I've always loved Jeeps. I had a '78 Cherokee with road sign floors in high school but hadn't owned another one until last year. Since then we now own an '07 two-door JK, a '10 four-door JK, a recently rebuilt '71 Jeep Kaiser deuce and a half, and a '96 Grand Cherokee trail rig work in progress. Over the summer we finished the deuce (frame up resto) and also painted my father-in-law's YJ the same 24087 OD Green. I work weekends as a registered nurse, so I have a decent amount of time for Jeep projects and have been learning/teaching myself a lot. I have a friend with his dealer's license and we've been talking about fixing up and reselling Wranglers. I'm looking forward to getting my fix buying and selling.
Anyway, I just received my first issue of Jp and nearly wet myself seeing Randy Ellis' '45 Willys ("Atypical Rod," Mar. '11). I'd love to build a rat rod and I think that OD Willys is my inspiration, along with the one in January's letters section. Loving Jp already and looking forward to future issues.
Jon Kimmel, RN
Elizabethtown, PA
Commander Fan
Interesting article ("Terrible Ten," Mar. '11), I would be intrigued to see the Jp staffers brainpower build a "Terrific Ten" list. Undoubtedly, half of the Jeeps that made your worst list would make the best list? You've pretty much covered every base in the Jeep arsenal, leaving no models left. CJ Jeeps started it all with the exception of the mail Jeep, which didn't make your list as terrible? I mean what was everyone at the office smoking that day you put your list together? Without the emergence of the Wrangler and Cherokee, you guys wouldn't even have a job. You guys would be probably writing BS articles for your hometown community papers.
One Jeep that I really need to defend is my daily driver ('06 Commander with the 4.7L). I've owned a plethora of CJ's, YJ's, TJ's, XJ's, and ZJ's. Unfortunately the Commander's production didn't last, due to overpricing for its size and a bad rap for its lack of third row leg room, plus gas prices of close to $4 a gallon. Who the hell buys a Commander to transport 6-7 adults? Isn't that what a fullsize Dodge Sprinter is for?
I'm mean really! You can't make a midsized SUV compete with a fullsize platform. I find it highly desirable for power, towing capacity based on its size, having a family of five (three younger kids), and its bad ass appearance. The thing looks like a bigger XJ but with a V-8, and it rides better than a Grand Cherokee. Good for me, all this bad press let me score one for half the MSRP with 33,000 miles.
Keep up the good work!
Jasen Filipiak
Okemos, MI
Actually, we were very specific and even included model years in some cases for the least-desirable stock Jeeps to own. Our reasoning is pretty sound and well documented. Clearly you're taking this way too personally. Just because we wouldn't own your Jeep doesn't mean you can't. But I will tell you that you are defending one of the worst selling "Jeeps" in history.
Summing It Up
I try not to be judgmental, but I do enjoy watching people and I have read this magazine for years. What have I seen?
John: You have the attention span of a hummingbird on Red Bull. Good energy, though. I can't fault that.
Christian: On your best day as a child you probably repeatedly tightened a nut down on a bolt and were amazed by the physical holding power and mechanics of the whole situation. Your world expanded as you grew up and bought tools.
Pete: At Christmas, instead of the regular seasonal carols, you listen to Vivaldi's Winter don't you?
The point is, you guys are completely different, yet the sum of the parts becomes a perfect blend. You make, (with a few exceptions), a very well-written piece of work each and every month that fits well with the very diverse Jeep community. Continue to spread it out—open people's minds. I currently own three Jeeps, but because of you I am looking at several off-types of Jeep history for my next build. The Jeep world is without question the best in the known universe as we know it. Take us there again next month, and remember that people who drive Jeeps live a life that regular people only dream of.
Rich Lee
Walford, IA
Letter of the Month
The Sept. '11 Letter-of-the-Month winner gets a Slime Power Spair flat tire repair kit. The kit supplies everything you need to successfully seal and refill a leaky tire. Plus the pump is fast enough to air up your tires at the end of the trail before you hit the road.
Neat Theory
One of the biggest mind-numbing complaints recently in the world of Jeep-based forums are the recurring threads about the Jeep-wave in which this wave mainly sticks with the owners of the MB, GPW, CJ, YJ, TJ, and some JKs (primarily the ones who had owned previous Wranglers or CJs and are familiar with the wave).
Owners of the other models of the Jeep brand have started to get a little irate with this whole wave thing. Not to mention there have been quite a few complaints from the Wrangler/CJ crowd that most of the JK owners don't wave either. It's become a complete nag session and a waste of storage space about a simple hand gesture. And to sum up the complaints, people are pissed because no one is acknowledging them.
First of all, if you're pissed because you're not acknowledged by a complete stranger who you may see for only 5 to10 seconds, you've got bigger issues.
I have to admit that I never gave the wave thing a second thought when I first got into jeeping in 2007. I just figured it was just a Jeep thing. Then today I spotted a post in one of these stupid Jeep-wave complaint sessions that I normally stay away from (to be honest, I accidentally clicked on it), but it hit me like a ton of rusted Jeep parts.
After all the research I did on the progression of the MB/GPW up to the JK and all the M.A.S.H episodes I watched over at a buddy's house (he was M.A.S.H. fan), I never gave it one thought. At first when I realized this forgotten fact I felt a little ashamed at not realizing how basic and how obvious it was, but then again, I'm just a youngun and wasn't around when the military Jeep was first introduced.
Just picture it—the European Theater, the air is thick with dust and smoke. Off in the distance is a GPW carrying a few badly wounded soldiers to a M.A.S.H. unit not too far away from the battle, and as they rounded a corner of trees there is an MB on its way back to the front lines to pick up another group of soldiers who are wounded. As these two Jeeps pass one another, they give a simple hand gesture.
This particular gesture was basically used to acknowledge one another in a rather depressing environment, and on occasion a salute would be given to a superior officer in a passing Jeep. I'm sure this simple gesture was also a good way to identify spies.
The first GPW/MBs that were introduced into the civilian market were mainly owned by retired and active military personnel because they liked the vehicle so much while in the war and had to have one for home use. By pure habit, these men who fought so hard for our freedom waved to one another and thus began almost 65 years of honoring those who died for us to protect our freedom.
So honor our vets from today and from the past by presenting this simple gesture, and don't worry about if you get one back. It's a wave to honor those who fought for us.
Stan Hawker
Moore, OK
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