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Crackly Crackers
January 16, 2011 at 1:23 am 68 comments
I spent my last day in Seattle with my parents. We woke up early and got pancakes at one of our favorite dives, a run-down little restaurant near the airport. I spent the afternoon at home with Dad and the dogs, looking through old photo albums. We shared some good sushi for an early lunch, and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Even though sleet fell and dirty puddles collected, damp leaves sticking to our soles, I couldn't have felt happier about my last afternoon.
At home after dinner, I watched my mom boil water for tea, facing away from me. I sat at the table and checked my email as she talked, only half listening. She stopped mid-sentence, and I finally noticed that she'd been crying – so quiet I hadn't heard from three feet away.
She left the kitchen and I heard the closet open down the hall. She came back with a white cloth napkin with sky blue trim. "Recognize this?"
The last time I saw my parents before winter break was in Boston, a few days before classes started. We had dinner at a fancy seafood restaurant in the North End, a light meal before I left in near tears and caught the next train to my dorms. We didn't say goodbye for very long because I didn't want my parents to see I was upset.
"After you walked out, I started crying," my mom said. I unfolded the napkin and turned it around in my hands. It was so neatly folded and wrinkle-free that it looked new.
"Your father and I left soon after you. We walked down the street and he gave me the napkin – he stole it from the restaurant. He said he thought I might need it."
And here it was now, a seeming lifetime later, in our chipped little kitchen.
"We walked a little further and went into some of the stores. Your dad, he picked up this jar of something and said 'Oh – Elissa would really like this.' He just kept looking at it and finally he bought it. He said, 'We should give it to her.'"
"The fig spread?"
I remembered this. I thought I'd said goodbye to my parents for the last time, but later that night, my dad stopped by the lobby of my dorm. He had a box of water crackers, a thick wedge of creamy brie, and a small glass jar of an incredible fig jam. It was the last real quality food I had before I settled into my routine of café sandwiches and dining hall chicken fingers. It was the last little bit that felt like Seattle as I settled into Boston.
The first week of school, I passed it around the common room and shared it with my floor. Nobody had eaten anything like that fig spread before, and I saw people right, left and center falling in love. Between my roommate E- and I, the jam lasted a few weeks. When it was gone, I washed out the jar and set it on the windowsill. That's where it is now, catching the fleeting light that filters into my room.
When it was gone, I craved more, but I wasn't about to buy more on my college student budget. One afternoon E- came into the room with a grocery bag. She pulled out a package of crackers. "I keep thinking about that fig spread," she admitted. With or without it, the crackers satisfied us, and now our room is always stocked with a box or two.
(Left to right: Parmesan Cheese Crackers, Orange Sugar & Spice Crackers, Lime Thyme Crackers)
Mom was smiling now. "After the hard time your dad gave me about being upset, he was the one buying stuff for you half an hour later. He said we should go to Whole Foods and get something to go with the jam. I thought he was being ridiculous but he was so stubborn about the idea."
They didn't know where Whole Foods was, but they took a train and managed to find it. I can picture Dad walking up and down the cheese aisle, like he used to when we shopped together, looking for the particular brie I'm so smitten with. I imagine him looking at shelves and shelves of crackers, deciding which box would go best with the spread.
As I thought about all the work behind that simple gesture, a paper bag with a last-minute snack, I started to feel sad for the first time about winter break ending. I gave my mom a long hug and told her not to cry. I folded up the napkin, following the creases, and handed it to her.
"Hang onto this. I'm serious. Keep this forever, okay?"
"Okay." She paused, and then smiled. "I'll use it at your graduation."
She put the napkin back in the linen closet, Dad came and sat down, and the two of them talked at the dinner table as I finished packing.
Boston, here I come.
Homemade crackers are the kind of thing that look and taste ultra-fancy and gourmet, but really, they're pretty easy. This recipe is flexible, forgiving, and addictive. It's as simple as combining a few ingredients in a bowl, letting the mixer do the work, and getting creative with toppings. Indecisive as ever, I made three different crackers. The first batch I sprinkled with lime zest, lime thyme, and black pepper. The second batch got grated parmesan cheese, cayenne pepper, and a healthy dose of salt. I made a sweeter cracker with the last batch, topping them with orange zest, vanilla sugar, ground ginger, cinnamon, chili powder.
The three varieties were all different and all good. The one thing they had in common was a thin, crispy texture, and a tendency to disappear fast. They're good with all sorts of dips and spreads, like hummus, and a whole lot of toppings, like brie and fig spread.
Crackly Crackers
Adapted from 101 Cookbooks
Makes roughly a dozen extra large crackers
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
1 cup warm water
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
Toppings for sprinkling (ex: salt, pepper, grated cheese, dried herbs, spices, citrus zest, seeds, flavored oils, etc)
Whisk the whole wheat flour, all purpose flour, and salt together in the bowl of an electric mixer. Add the water and olive oil. Mix the dough with the dough hook attachment at medium speed for 5-7 minutes, or simply mix and knead by hand on a floured surface. The dough should be slightly tacky – add water if the dough is too dry, add flour if the dough is too sticky.
Form the dough into a ball and cut it into a dozen equal pieces. Gently rub each piece with some olive oil, shape into a ball and set on a plate. Cover the plate with plastic wrap or a clean dishtowel and let the dough rest for 30-60 minutes at room temperature.
As the dough rests, preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Add a pizza stone if available.
After the dough has rested, flatten a ball of dough into a flat strip. Use a rolling pin or a pasta machine to make the dough as thin as possible. You can use your hands to pull the dough out afterwards, getting it a bit thinner. Cut the dough into whatever shape you want the crackers to be (I baked mine in large, freeform shapes and broke them into smaller crackers afterward.)
Place the dough on a floured baking sheet and poke the crackers all over with a fork. Add any toppings (see above for suggestions) and bake in the oven (or on the pizza stone if you have it) until deeply golden brown. The time will vary depending on your oven and the thickness of your crackers, mine took 5-10 minutes. Let the crackers cool before eating so they reach their full crispy potential.
Printer-Friendly Recipe – Crackly Crackers
Entry filed under: Breads, Other Treats. Tags: boston, cinnamon, crunchy, family, herbs, lime, Mom, salty, savory, travel.
68 Comments Add your own
Thanks for your post Elissa. I agree totally with your Dad, it does not get easier. Going away to school a million years ago really was tough for a girl from a tight knit home. It was no easier when our boys left for school either many years later, and hopefully I will feel the same when grandchildren do the same thing. It is a good thing, tough, but good. As for the crackers. As a regular reader of 101CBs I made the crackers. Today I saw your post, and would like to tell you that I also added roughly cracked black peppercorns, and dried thyme, only i kneaded these ingredients into the individual doughs. Then they were spread with sweet olive oil and more pepper. Ver very good. Thanks to you and Heidi. Enjoy the snow.
A beautiful story, and beautiful pictures; I love reading your blog.
It is posts like this that leave me knowing that one day, maybe years from now, I will be reading a book or news article by you, Elissa, and I will think "I remember when I used to read her food blog."
I like many came here for the food, the recipes. But I mostly stay for the writing and the stories…the food and the photos? They are a bonus.
These crackers look delicious. I am in love with your photography. You capture the light and shadows on your food, illuminating every ingredient and even the texture. I can almost sense how it would taste, just because of how vivid your photos are.
What a wonderful story, your parents seem lovely and so supportive of you! Great recipe.
That was a very nice story with a very nice recipe as well that made my day. This is something I will definitly be thinking as I prepare for college next year.
Very interesting subject, regards for putting up. "Spring has sprung. We're free at last, people. Free at last. Thank you mother nature, we're free. Time to toss open that metaphysical window and check out that psychic landscape. See lots of possibilities budding out there. Time to hoe those rows, feed that seed. Pretty soon you get a garden." by Robin Green..
aw so sweet! amazing parents you must have! love your blog its so pretty! i hail all the way from singapore anyway!
I'm sure it was Eleanor Roosevelt who proclaimed the following -If you lose money you lose much, If you lose friends you lose more, If you lose faith you lose all.
[…] blogs I reference used the same recipe: 101 cookbooks and 17 and baking. I love that toppings are up to you. The parmesan is perfect! And flouring the pan really is quite […]
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Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my
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Brandon Colker
Crackly Crackers | 17 and Baking
Ian Leaf
Crackly Crackers | 17 and Baking
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1957 Ferrari Testarossa Watercolor Art Print
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1957 Ferrari Testarossa Watercolor art print by Naxart Studio. Our art prints are produced on acid-free papers using archival inks to guarantee that they last a lifetime without fading or loss of color. All art prints include a 1" white border around the image to allow for future framing and matting, if desired.
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We use acid-free papers and canvases with archival inks to guarantee that your art prints last a lifetime without fading or loss of color. Paper prints include a 1" white border around the image to allow for future framing and matting. Canvas prints include a 2.5" white border to allow for future stretching on stretcher bars.
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Beautiful images of classic cars, racing cars and vintage cars. Racing scenes from Laguna Seca historic racing and Pebble Beach Concours d�Elegance. Please visit us www.naxatrt.com to see our large selection of art, design and photography.
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Does Anyone Here Speak Greek? Hedging Your Equity-Indexed ProductsDoes Anyone Here Speak Greek? Hedging Your Equity-Indexed Products From a session at the Spring ... that much, we simply hedge once a day and don't care what the movement is. With regard to the notional ...
Description: From a session at the Spring regional meeting of the Society of Actuaries held in Atlanta, Georgia, May 24-25, 1999 Equity-indexed products require an asset strategy that matches the equity options embedded in the liability. The panel discusses the following: A. Two asset strategies 1. Purchasing equity options that match the liability options: Is this a perfect match or are there still unhedged risks? 2. Dynamic hedging using the mathematics of "the Greeks": Is it self-insuring? B. Accounting issues with these strategiesHide
- Authors: Anson Glacy, Francis Sabatini, Boris Brizeli, Scott Houghton, Kevin P Guckian, Henning Hasle, THOMAS K BAUER
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US drones kill senior Taliban figure in Pakistan
ISLAMABAD (AP) — An American drone strike in Pakistan has killed a top Taliban commander who sent money and fighters to battle the U.S. in Afghanistan but had a truce with the Pakistani military, officials said Thursday.
The death of Maulvi Nazir is likely to be seen in Washington as affirmation of the necessity of the controversial U.S. drone program. It is likely to be viewed in a different light by military officials in Pakistan, however, because Nazir did not focus on Pakistani targets.
Nazir was killed when two missiles slammed into a house in a village in South Waziristan while he was meeting with supporters and fellow commanders. Eight other people were killed, according to five Pakistani security officials, speaking on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to talk to the media.
The U.S. rarely comments on its secretive drone program, and Pentagon spokesman George Little said he could not confirm Nazir's death, but he added that if true, it would be "a significant blow" to extremist groups in the region.
He said it would be helpful not only to the U.S. and to Afghanistan but also to Pakistan, because "this is someone who has a great deal of blood on his hands."
At least four people were killed in a separate drone strike Thursday in the North Waziristan tribal region.
America's use of drones against militants in Pakistan has increased substantially under President Barack Obama, and the program killed a number of top militants in the past year.
But the drone strikes infuriate many Pakistanis who see them as a violation of their country's sovereignty. Many Pakistanis complain that innocent civilians have also been killed, something the U.S. rejects.
Nazir's killing could cause even more friction in the already-tense relationship between Washington and Islamabad.
He earned the enmity of the U.S. by sending fighters to attack American forces in neighboring Afghanistan. He's also believed to have given shelter to al-Qaida members fleeing Afghanistan after the U.S. invasion and has maintained close relations with Arab members of the militant group.
But in Pakistan, many members of the military had a more favorable view of Nazir and similar militant chiefs who focus their attacks in Afghanistan and don't strike Pakistani targets. Pakistan is believed to have reached a nonaggression pact with Nazir ahead of its 2009 military operation against militants in South Waziristan.
Still, Nazir outraged many Pakistanis in June when he announced that he would not allow any polio vaccinations in territory under his control until the U.S. stops drone attacks in the region.
Pakistan is one of three countries where polio is still endemic. Nine workers helping in anti-polio vaccination campaigns were killed last month, and the killings this week of five female teachers and two aid workers may also have been linked to the immunization campaigns.
As many as 10,000 people attended Nazir's funeral in the town of Angoor Adda, where the strike happened. One resident who was there, Ahmed Yar, said Nazir's body was badly burned and his face was unrecognizable.
Reports of individual deaths in such cases are often difficult to verify independently.
Nazir was active in many parts of Afghanistan and had close ties with the Afghan Taliban, said Mansur Mahsud, the head of the Islamabad-based FATA Research Centre, which studies the tribal regions.
"His death is a great blow to the Afghan Taliban," he said.
The Taliban is a widely diverse group. The Afghan Taliban is made up mostly of Afghans who fight against U.S. and NATO troops.
Within Pakistan, it's a bit more complex. The Tehrik-e-Taliban is an umbrella group consisting of militants who have been fighting for the overthrow of the Pakistani government because they believe it's too closely allied with the U.S. They would like to install a hard-line Islamist government and have been behind much of the violence tearing apart Pakistan in recent years.
Nazir and another senior Taliban commander, Hafiz Gul Bahadur, broke away from the TTP in 2009 and struck a truce with the Pakistani military. Instead they focus their fighters and money on battling U.S. forces in Afghanistan.
Nazir was believed to be about 40 years old, with three children and property in both Pakistan and Afghanistan. One of his brothers was also killed in a drone strike. Nazir used to be a member of Hizb-e-Islami, a powerful militant Islamist group in Afghanistan run by former Prime Minister Gulbuddin Hekmatyar.
Nazir had survived several assassination attempts, including at least two U.S. drone strikes.
In November, a suicide bomber wounded him in an attempted assassination in Wana.
No group claimed responsibility, but suspicion immediately fell on rival militants including the head of the TTP, Hakimullah Mehsud. He has been jockeying with Nazir for power ever since Nazir's nonaggression pact allowed the Pakistani military to launch a massive operation in South Waziristan that drove Mehsud from the region.
In retaliation for the assassination attempt, Nazir expelled members of Mehsud's tribe from Wana. Nazir was meeting with supporters to discuss how to deal with the TTP when the missiles struck Wednesday, according to the FATA center's Mahsud.
Nazir's group quickly appointed his close aide, Bawal Khan, as a replacement, according to one of Nazir's commanders. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to talk to the media.
But it remains to be seen what the new leader's policies will be and whether the tension with the TTP could lead to a power struggle in the region.
The former chief of intelligence in northwest Pakistan, retired brigadier Asad Munir, said Nazir's killing will complicate the fight against militants in the tribal region and could prompt Nazir's group to carry out retaliatory attacks against the Pakistani army.
It will also raise questions among military commanders here who would like the U.S. to use its firepower against the Pakistani Taliban, which attacks domestic targets, and not against militants like Nazir who aren't seen as much of a threat to the state, Munir said.
He added that the risk now for Pakistan is that the remnants of Nazir's group could join ranks with the Pakistani Taliban in its war with the government and army.
Drone strikes have been on the rise under Obama.
According to the Long War Journal, which tracks such attacks, there were 35 strikes in Pakistan during 2008, the last year President George W. Bush was in office. That number grew to 117 in 2010, then fell to 64 in 2011 and 46 last year.
The program has killed a number of top militant commanders, including al-Qaida's then-No. 2, Abu Yahya al-Libi, who died in a drone strike in June.
Badruddin Haqqani, who has been described as the day-to-day operations commander of the Haqqani network, was killed by a drone attack in August. The Haqqani network has been blamed by the U.S. for carrying out some of the highest-profile attacks against American and NATO troops in Afghanistan.


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From Openmoko
FR as host on active hub
This is my latest artwork:
Mobile work-place ;) Freerunner beeing charged from a modified USB hub using 5 AA batteries.
Full keyboard, mouse and external HDD connected!
Internet access wia UMTS dongle.
A special holder places the FR into a reflection-free angle.
Note the TUX penguin, that I have manually glued on the 'Windows-Keys'!
I have bridged the output power supply of the USB slots in the USB hub back to the 'input' line (where the FR plugs in). With a manual switch I can turn on/off this power feed. This might be some good luck that the good piece didn't blow off - it's a 20EUR DLINK hub.
The USB gender changer (female/female) can be bought for example at the big 'C':
The power supply are 5 AA NiMH accus, which deliver around 6.5V when fully charged. This is about the same voltage the comes from the external AC/DC power plug.
Note the single blue wire on the bottom right of the right image. This is all it needs. The rest is just fun like an additional switch with a LED to turn power-feed on and off and another Type-A USB slot, so that I don't need the genderchanger and the Type A/B converter any longer as one can see it in the topmost image.
For soldering hints, please look at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USB.svg or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usb
After I have soldered the second USB connector (the black thick cable on the left image), the hub did not work any more on a regular PC, although it still worked on the FR. So my assumption is, that it is not broken, but maybe the USB signal reflects on the open-ended cable. I will invastigate further.
Try this at your own risk! Be prepared to inflame your USB hub, power supply or even your phone!
(You have been warned...)
More images:
From left to right:
Usual way to use the FR as a USB hub (you need 3 different adaptors)
'Short' way with self-soldered USB connector into the hub, which makes it unusable for PC's, though!
Integrated voltage meter in the USB hub, displaying either the HUB's own power supply voltage, or the voltage delivered from the FR to the hub, depending on the small switch that I have built in. LED indicating current direction.
1000mA power supply
To set the FR into the 1000mA charge mode, a special USB cable is required which bridges the 'Id' pin of the mini-USB plug to ground with a resistor of 47KOhm (See USB_charger). Unfortunately, all usual USB cables that connect a PC with a device dont lead out that Id pin. I bought a mini USB plug, but that also had no connector for the Id pin, so I had to make some micro-mechanics:
I cut the Data+ pin (3rd pin from top) and shortened the Id Pin (2nd form above) with the Data+ line, which is the white wire on the image. Note the small soldering poing, which bridges the cut Pin Data+ (wire only) with the 'Id' contact (to phone).
Then I put the 47KOhm resistor between ground (black) and the 'stolen' Id pin (white).
So far this works pretty good. But the mini USB connector is not the best. It has only flat contacts and fits very loosely in the FR USB slot, so very often there is a bad contact. I got this part from Conrad but would suggest buying something of better quality. There are some mini usb extensions which provide a 5-pin wiring (can even be found at eBay).
Charging crank
After various attempts to charge the phone with a bicycle dynamo (there are also some hints on the Wiki, I will add links later), I thought about charging the phone by manual power. So I stole the small lamp of my daughter which charges a 3.6V NiCd battery by turning a crank.
I replaced the battery by a 1000uF elko because I didn't want to charge another useless battery. The elko should buffer and smooth the output voltage:
So far this works pretty well, at least in theory - It is surprising how much strength one must spend to get about 300mA current. This is about what the good piece can deliver. Of course, the charging time stays the same: about 2 hours for a complete exhausted battery. So please imagine to turn the crank at full speed for 2 hours! This was a nice try, and maybe usable for emergency situations but not for daily live!
Other not recommendable charging options
There are many emergency chargers around that use only one AA battery (1.5V) and produce 5V output. They claim to charge handy, digicams etc.:
Don't feel tempted to buy/use such a thing! I did it for you and first thing happened was, that it broke the USB slot on my Freerunner! Because they delivered such a cheap mini USB plug that one pin bent off and cracked my FR USB slot:
(high-res images, click to enlarge)
Second, it does not deliver enough power to recover from an empty battery. It brings around 100mA which can only help to lengthen the runtime of your phone.
Even more unrecommended charging options
I thought it should be easy to charge a set of batteries by simply attaching a solar panel to them. These are 3x 1.6V NiZn accus; In comparison to NiMh they have a higher voltage which is an advantage in many cases, but I guess the charging strategy is still under development.
The solar panel has 5V, delivering 80mA current when short circuited and exposed to full sunlight. It has about the max size that can be attached on the back of the phone. The batteries have about the size so that they should fit into the battery case with some modifications of the 3D model.
After a half day charging on my window-board in the spring sun, the (completely discharged) accus showed around 4V, but were only able to start the FreeRunner for some seconds.
But the most weird thing - I never was aware of: the solar panel can also discharge the batteries. See the picture which is taken inside a room under a 100W standard lamp and still discharging at about 0.5mA. So, I'm not an electronics engineer and there's a good reason for that! But this solution is completely unusable without any further charging electronics. Some guy suggested to use a MPPT (maximum power point tracker). Maybe I'll give it a try, but my experience with (semi-professional) solar chargers over some years were always quite disappointing.
So simply adding a solar panel would not be enough, more electronics will be necessary, small enough to hide them in remaining space. The next picture is one attempt to use a DC/DC converter to get a stabilized 5V output. Unfortunately it didn't work, but this was because of my lack of eletronic skills. What I wanted to show is the amount of space that is needed for the IC and the two condensators. This would not fit into the FR case without major design modifications. Christoph Mair suggested to use a LTC3105 or LTC3108, which are suited for solar charging with maximum power point tracking (MPPT). But I guess they need the same additional discrete parts.
Another attempt was to disassemble an existing solar charger with working electronics. It costs about 30 EUR and has a solar panel that even fits better to the FR cover. Again, the problem are the big condensators. Several SMD parts mounted on the backside. USB and switch etc. could be removed. But again the problem: This device also discharges the battery if there's not enough light. But: if the battery is empty, it can charge it with incredible 0.5mA. So if you are lying half-dead on the ground in a sunny place and wait for about an hour, you probably can send an emergency-call...
Using alternate browsers
Midori is nice...but not a fully usable browser. And loading pages over cellphone network is pretty slow. Therefore I use a ssh tunnel to a X-server at home and look at it via vnc. (I don't explain how to set-up an ssh account through dyndns here...)
at home type:
vncserver :30 -depth 24 -geometry 1280x1024 DISPLAY=:30 firefox &
on the FR in a first shell:
ssh -L5930:localhost:5930 myaddress.dyndns.org
and in a second shell:
vncviewer localhost:30
Tweaking midori to mobile browser
Some web sites support mobile browsers by reading the HTTP Flags sent by the browser. My experience is, that iPhone and Android are somehow supported by major sites (e.g. GMX, ebay etc). Also, some users reported that modifying the Identity flag might help sometimes.
First problem although is, that midori itself requires too much screen space, so that the necessary options cannot be reached inside the UI. This can be solved by rotating the screen, using for example 'omnewrotate':
opkg install omnewrotate
Then inside midori, go to: Edit> Preferences> Network> Identify as > iPhone
This solves many problems on pages that recognize iPhone as browser (still not perfect, but usable).
Others mentioned to set a custom browser Id, by setting 'Identify as' to 'Custom', using
Mozilla/5.0 (Linux; U; Android 1.0; en-us; generic) AppleWebKit/525.10+ (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0.4 Mobile Safari/523.12.2
Mozilla/5.0 (Linux; U; Android 1.5; en-us; generic) AppleWebKit/528.5+ (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.1.2 Mobile Safari/525.20.1
Other places, like heise (german computer online magazine) offer an external link for mobile devices:
Which works without browser identification.
Adding swap space on mmc card
In SwapSpace is descriped how you add a swap file on filesystem. This seems somehow complicated to me. I wanted to use my microSD card for swapping (it doesn't matter if it gets broken after 2 million read/write accesses). Also, I don't want the mmc card formatted with VFAT anyway, so I made a new partitioning:
/dev/mmcblk0p1 1 5129 500075 82 Linux swap / Solaris /dev/mmcblk0p2 5130 81820 7477372+ 83 Linux
and added in /etc/fstab:
/dev/mmcblk0p1 swap swap defaults 0 0
doing a
mkswap /dev/mmcblk0p1
once and a reboot and we're done.
See what 'top' says: the internal 128MB memory is almost always completely exhausted, with just one or two applications running. With 512MB swap space I can use Midori, tangoGPS, several terminals, the settings pages and so on all at the same time.
Mem: 120856k total, 116364k used, 4492k free, 172k buffers Swap: 500064k total, 67696k used, 432368k free, 71764k cached
Import Contacts (SHR version)
(dated 2010-10-01, things change so fast....)
I've written a small python script which takes a simple text file (e.g. output of mysql) and imports it into the phone's contacts database.
I'm now using Pisi to convert .vcf files into the PIM database. This seems to me the best aproach and is independent of the target database. So you can store the contacts on the SIM card or on the PIM database easily. My extraction of my SQL database creates a temporary textfile (tab-separated), which then will be converted into a .vcf file that finally is readable by pisi. Pisi does not read all vcf formats, I've made some comments on places where pisi was too picky to read the data.
You can download the scripts here:
http://pub.edvbl.dyndns.org/sql2vcf-pisi.sh (exctract sql database, call the below script, 'ssh' it to the FR and 'pisi' it there)
http://pub.edvbl.dyndns.org/readsql-pisi.py (convert the tab-separated textfile into a vcf file, called from above script)
HikeBikeMap for tangogps or foxtrotgps
(keywords: Openstreetmap)
The hikebikemap (http://hiking.lonvia.de/de/) uses different layers (the cyclemap, a layer for routes of cycleways and the hillshading). The composition the these layers cannot be handled by tango/foxtrot, so I set up my own webserver, which does the composing of the layers and returns a single png file. You can try it out by adding a new map provider with following URI:
Note that the lonvia card is currently (08/2012) somehow switching to http://hiking.waymarkedtrails.org/ with a different layout and separates hiking and cycling. If interested in the composition script and how to put this into apache, contact me.
Beagle Board
I was curious about the BeagleBoard and ordered one, together with the Freerunner-BeagleBoard-Hybrid unit. Here are my first attempts and impressions.
I ordered both at http://www.handheld-linux.com. I've got a 'xM' board, which has more memory, and also the layout and connectors seems slightly different to some images shown in tutorials. On the topside of the board is a white label with a black 'B', I assume this is the board revision to which some articles refer on.
Inside the board was a micro SD card attached; after inspecting it under my linux machine it seemed to have the required partitioning, so I simply tried to power it on. This can by done by plugging in a mini USB connector to the BeagleBoard's slot.
Some LED's turned on and after a second also the Display unit turned its backlight on, but nothing more happened. If I removed the micro SD card and booted the device, the LCD backlight remained black, so I assumed that this has to do something which is on the card and already worked.
Connecting the serial port
For further diagnostics I had to digger out some old serial RS232 cables, trying with different '0-modem' (crossover) and 'usual' cables. The BeagleBoard has a 9-pin female SUB-D connector. What finally turned out to work is a usual (non-crossover) serial cable. Using 'minicom' with 152000/N/8/1 worked after a while.
Flashing the microSD card
As I wrote previously, the uSD card seemed to have already some image stored, but I was wrong with that. It had only the uImage, MLO etc. on the first FAT partition, but the second (ext3) partition was complete crapped. I used fdisk and mkfs to create a proper partition and extracted the (230MB!) tarbarll (Angstroem*.tar.bz2)[1] there.
As I found out later, I also had to update the uImage (kernel, from the same URL) to match the root filesystem on the ext3 partition.
After doing that, the device booted as I could then see it in the minicom terminal, and I also was able to login as root. I was using the Angstrom-Beagleboard-demo-image-glibc-ipk-2010.3-beagleboard.rootfs.tar.bz2 image. I did not get any ethernet connection, even tough I had the ethernet connector plugged in (dhcp etc available).
Also, the OpenMoko display remained silent, only white.
Best guess
As of today (2010-11-03) I had the best success using the files and instructions found here: http://download.goldelico.com/ombeagle/20100921-lenny Freshly reformatting the FAT partition is really recommended, and then go step-by-step through the instructions. I got the splash penguin screen, a graphical login prompt which reacts to a connected USB keyboard (but interestingly did not allow root access). And - as described in the tutorial - the USB interface, which was connected after booting the kernel, recognized the USB ethernet gadget; but I was not able to make a real IP connection up to now.
Then I looked what 'dmesg' says:
[ 2303.711395] usb0: register 'smsc95xx' at usb-ehci-omap.0-2.1, smsc95x USB 2.0 Ethernet, 9a:23:96:d4:4a:6e [ 2306.305572] twl_rtc twl_rtc: rtc core: registered twl_rtc as rtc0 [ 2323.870605] EXT3-fs (mmcblk0p2): using internal journal [ 2332.259826] g_ether gadget: using random self ethernet address [ 2332.268676] g_ether gadget: using random host ethernet address [ 2332.276580] usb1: MAC 8a:8e:48:05:c8:1a [ 2332.288330] usb1: HOST MAC 72:9c:1f:4d:23:5e ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This last line is the mac of my linux host (the USB device).
So I changed in /etc/network/interfaces all usb0 into usb1 and now it works. On The linux host I use this script:
#!/bin/sh # IFACE=usb0 IFACE=eth1 if [ ! -z "$1" ]; then IFACE=$1 fi ifconfig $IFACE 192.168.0.200 netmask 255.255.255.0 /sbin/route add -host 192.168.0.202/32 dev $IFACE echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/ipv4/ip_forward iptables -t nat -A POSTROUTING -s 192.168.0.0/24 -j MASQUERADE echo 'IP forwarding for net 192.168.0.* enabled!'
Use './script usb0' or './script eth1', depending on which device the BB appears (depends on Linux kernel). Then you should be able to ssh into the BB.
I had to modify /etc/resolv.conf, there is a public nameserver, but I liked to have my intranet's DNS there.
Making/hearing noise
Even though I only had a serial terminal connection, I was successfully playing some sound on the BB. 'mplayer' comes already pre-installed and by putting some mp3's on my SD-card I was able to hear sweet music out of the stereo-out jack of the BB.
By the way it is a good idea to plugin a really very cheap set of loudspeakers into the stereo-out jack of the BB. If the speaker has no or a weak filter, you can 'hear' if your board is still doing something or not.
Stupid enough, there were some things I did wrong myself:
I put the microSD card into a allround 50-Cent card reader and plugged that one into the USB slot of my keyboard. It was recognized correctly, but when it came to formatting the ext3 partition, I only got some few 100MB out of the actual 4GB card. Plugging the stick directly into my PC (under the desk - oh what an effort!) finally worked perfectly.
As described above in 'Best guess' and the tutorial mentioned there, it is necessary to provide an external power supply other than an PC-USB slot. This is really weird because you have to connect to the cinch 5V plug (round hole with a pin inside) to power up the device and then later connect the USB to the PC for ethernet and so on. I was really struggling to get such a 5V power supply with the matching connector and the matching volage (there are so many). If you power up the BB with the USB slot it will start to boot, but then later crash with a kernel exception (this is also described in the tutorial).
The minicom terminal sometimes delivered me some crap output while/after booting. The login prompt, and what I type into it as login were only special characters and I couldn't successfully login. This seems to be some interaction with the terminal interface. Sometimes it helped to do a 'stty -F /dev/ttyS0 sane' or 'stty -F /dev/ttyS0 raw', sometimes only a reboot helped. I still don't know what the reason is.
Battery cover printed with shapeways
This is the backpart of the case, printed at shapeways in the material 'frosted ultra detail'. The material has the same flexibility as the original cover and the details, especially the small noses are really fine. Just the color of 'frosted' could be some more stylish... ;)
printed front covers
Those are two front covers printed in 'black strong and flexible' and 'white strong and flexible, polished'.
Lukas, who designed those parts, said that the polished version would not exactly fit. But at least for the front cover this seems not to be relevant. I had some problems with the 'frosted ultra detailed' material of the battery cover, though (some 0.1% misfit in size).
The black material is rather rough like concrete or asphalt, but it feels pretty cool. The white polished is something for girls. It feels smooth and almost shiny.
Contact me


text:
Self-explanatory! :)
Get the geek style on with this game from games2girls.com! ^.^Self-explanatory! 🙂
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Manning, Peterson, Pagano: 2012 a year to remember
DENVER — From Peyton Manning overcoming four neck surgeries to Adrian Peterson's rebound from a shredded knee to Chuck Pagano's fight with leukemia, this has been the Year of the Comeback in the NFL.
A season besmirched by tragedies, replacement officials and a bounty scandal also will go down as one in which some of the game's greats not only regained their old form but somehow surpassed it.
There are always feel-good stories about those who overcome long odds and broken bodies to regain at least a sliver of their past glory. This season provided an abundance of them.
When the season started, who could have expected Manning to recapture his MVP play so quickly with a new team? Or for Peterson to come back less than nine months after shredding his left knee. Or for Jamaal Charles to return better than ever after suffering a similar injury.
Then there's Pagano beating the biggest opponent of his life.
A year ago, Manning was in the midst of four neck operations to fix a nerve injury that had caused his right arm to atrophy and had sidelined him for an entire season. Soon, he would say a tearful farewell to Indianapolis, a city he'd put back on the NFL map, and hook up with John Elway in Denver.
Peterson's left knee was still swollen after he'd shredded it on Christmas Eve, an injury similar to the one Charles suffered earlier last season. Yet both would defy medicine and conventional wisdom alike to rebound as better runners than they were before getting hurt.
Pagano's fight started three months ago when it was disclosed he had cancer, forcing the first-year Colts coach to take time off for chemotherapy treatments. He returned to work this week, taking the reins from assistant Bruce Arians, who guided the team to a surprising playoff berth in his absence.
"When I asked for Bruce to take over, I asked for him to kick some you-know-what and to do great. Damn Bruce, you had to go and win nine games?" Pagano said. "Tough act to follow."
If all goes well at practice this week, Pagano will be on the sideline for the regular-season finale against Houston. That's a final tuneup for the AFC wild-card playoffs that nobody saw coming for the Colts so soon after cutting ties with Manning, who switched teams, coaches, cities and colors and didn't miss a beat in 2012.
Despite a new supporting cast and a 36-year-old body he insists continues to confound him, the quintessential quarterback has had one of the best seasons in his storied career. Manning set franchise or NFL records just about every week while completing 68 percent of his passes for 4,355 yards with 34 TDs and just 11 interceptions.
And yet, he insists he's not anything close to what he used to be, that all he can do is maximize what's left in a body that's been slowed by so many surgeons' scalpels, and trips around the sun.
"I know you don't believe me when I say this; I'm still learning about myself physically and what I can do, it's still the truth," Manning said after guiding Denver to its 10th straight win. "I still have things that are harder than they used to be, so (there's) things I have to work on from a rehab standpoint and a strength standpoint. That's just the way it is and maybe that's the way it's going to be from here on out, I don't know."
Maybe Manning's being modest, maybe he's suckering opponents into blitzing him more often so he can burn them again. Either way, it's a remarkable rebound for a man whose right arm was so weakened after one of his neck surgeries that he could hardly throw the football 15 yards.
Long before Manning ever dreamed he'd be wearing the orange-mane mustang on his helmet instead of the blue and white horseshoe, Manning met up with college buddy Todd Helton of the Colorado Rockies for a workout during last year's NFL lockout. They retreated to an indoor batting cage at Coors Field with a trainer in tow, and Manning's first pass nose-dived so badly that Helton told him to quit goofing around.
Manning wasn't messing with him. He was dead serious. His arm was shot, his future in football in doubt. A few days later, he underwent spinal fusion surgery and would miss the entire 2011 season.
If doctors had told him that was it, Manning said he would have called it a career without regret. But they gave him a bit of hope and that's all he needed to embark on his comeback in Colorado.
Coach John Fox, never one to lobby for awards, suggested this week that Manning deserves a fifth MVP honor for the numbers he's put up, the obstacles he's overcome, the shift of culture he's engineered.
Manning isn't interested in talking about MVPs or comeback awards. He just wants enough wins to get a shot at hoisting another Lombardi Trophy in New Orleans in six weeks.
Peterson, on the other hand, is unabashedly clear in his desire for some recognition after overcoming torn anterior cruciate and medial collateral ligaments in his left knee, requiring the kind of reconstructive surgery that usually turns dominant players into ordinary ones.
There's a long, long list of players who had shortened careers because of such injuries. But Peterson returned to the Vikings lineup less than nine months after his operation, and with a league-high 1,898 yards, he's 207 yards shy of Eric Dickerson's single-season record. He can topple it with another big game Sunday when Minnesota faces Green Bay with a playoff berth on the line for the Vikings.
With typical unflinching confidence, Peterson said in a recent interview with The Associated Press he's expecting to win the comeback award.
"I kind of have that in the bag, especially how I've been telling people I'm going to come back stronger and better than ever," he said.
Carrying the Vikings to the playoffs without a potent passing game in a league dominated by strong-armed, accurate quarterbacks would only burnish the credentials of this thoroughbred throwback.
In any other year, the zenith of comebacks might be that of Carolina linebacker Thomas Davis, who battled back from three torn right ACLs — in 2009, 2010 and 2011 — to be a major contributor to the Panthers this year. No player in NFL history has returned after tearing the same ACL three separate times.
Charles missed nearly all of 2011 with a torn left ACL. Yet the former All-Pro running back has run for 1,456 yards, the seventh-best season in franchise history. He can break his single-season-high set in 2010 with 12 yards against the Broncos on Sunday.
Charles ran for 226 yards last weekend, when he surpassed 750 career carries, which also qualifies him for the NFL record for yards per carry. Charles is averaging 5.82 yards on 770 attempts, which far surpasses the 5.22 yards that Hall of Famer Jim Brown averaged in 2,359 attempts from 1957-65.
Charles, Peterson and Davis are all better than ever. Manning might be, too, but he'll never say it.
"I'm trying to be as good as I can at this stage," Manning said. "A 36-year-old quarterback coming off a year and a-half off, playing on a new team, I'm trying to be as good as I possibly can in this scenario.
"It's a different kind of body I'm playing in and just a different kind of quarterback play for me."
Yet, as transcendent as ever.
"If he's lost anything, I can't see it," said Broncos receiver Brandon Stokley, who played with Manning in his prime in Indianapolis. "I'm sure in some ways he's better than he ever was. And he's always been great."
Online: http://pro32.ap.org/poll and http://twitter.com/AP_NFL
AP Pro Football Writer Dave Campbell and AP Sports Writers Michael Marot and Dave Skretta contributed.
Follow Arnie Melendrez Stapleton on Twitter: http://twitter.com/arniestapleton


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Turns out the "gun" the tree crew had seen on Michael Smith of Norridgewock was just a life-sized tattoo of a handgun on his stomach.
Smith, who works nights, was asleep when the tree crew contracted by a utility to trim branches near power lines, woke him up at about 10 a.m. Tuesday.
He went outside shirtless and yelled at the workers to leave. When he's not wearing a shirt, the tattoo looks like a gun tucked into his waistband.
Smith tells a local newspaper that the tattoo has never been a problem before.
Police didn't charge him.


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ROSWELL, N.M. (AP) — Plans for extreme athlete and skydiver Felix Baumgartner to make a death-defying, 23-mile free fall into the southeastern New Mexico desert were on hold Tuesday morning due to winds, but his team was still hoping the weather would clear after sunrise in time to make the jump.
The 43-year-old former military parachutist from Austria planned to take off in a 55-story, ultra-thin and easy-to-tear helium balloon that would take him into the stratosphere for a jump that he hopes will make him the first skydiver to break the sound barrier and shatter three other world records.
Mission meteorologist Don Day said winds on the ground were an ideal 1 to 2 mph, but were 20 mph at the balloon-top level of 700 feet.
"We need 3 mph or less at 800 feet," Day said, putting the chance of a launch Tuesday at "50-50. When the sun comes up we will know a lot more. We are very, very close today."
Day said a final decision on whether to make the launch, which had already been delayed one day, would have to be made by about 8 a.m. Mountain Time as the launch window closes at about 10 a.m. and it takes about an hour and half to fill the balloon and get Baumgartner suited up and ready.
The balloon had been scheduled to launch about 7 a.m. from a field near the airport in a flat dusty town that until now has been best known for a rumored 1947 UFO landing.
If the mission goes, Baumgartner will make a nearly three-hour descent to 120,000 feet, then take a bunny-style hop from a pressurized capsule into a near-vacuum where there is barely any oxygen to begin what is expected to be the fastest, farthest free fall from the highest-ever manned balloon.
Baumgartner spent Monday at his hotel, mentally preparing for the dangerous feat with his parents, girlfriend and four close friends, his team said. He had a light dinner of salmon and a salad, then had a massage. He spent Tuesday morning resting in an Airstream near the launch site.
Among the risks: any contact with the capsule on his exit could tear the pressurized suit. A rip could expose him to a lack of oxygen and temperatures as low as 70 degrees below zero. It could cause potentially lethal bubbles to form in his bodily fluids, a condition known as "boiling blood."
He could also spin out of control, causing other risky problems.
The energy drink maker Red Bull, which is sponsoring the feat, has been promoting a live Internet stream of the event at http://www.redbullstratos.com/live from nearly 30 cameras on the capsule, the ground and a helicopter. But organizers said there will be a 20-second delay in their broadcast of footage in case of a tragic accident.
Despite the dangers and questionable wind forecast, high performance director Andy Walshe said the team was excited, not nervous. Baumgartner has made two practice jumps, one from 15 miles in March and another from 18 miles in July.
"With these big moments, you get a kind of sense that the energy changes," he said Monday. "It really is just kind of a heightened energy. It keeps you on your toes. It's not nervousness, it's excitement."
During the ascent, Walshe said, the team will have views from a number of cameras, including one focused directly on Baumgartner's face. Additionally, they will have data from life support and other systems that show things like whether he is getting enough oxygen.
The team also expects constant communication with Baumgartner, although former astronaut Joe Kittinger, whose 1960 free-fall record from 19.5 miles Baumgartner hopes to break, is the only member of mission control who will be allowed to talk to him.
And while Baumgartner hopes to set four new world records, his free fall is more than just a stunt.
His dive from the stratosphere should provide scientists with valuable information for next-generation spacesuits and techniques that could help astronauts survive accidents.
Jumping from more than three times the height of the average cruising altitude for jetliners, Baumgartner's expects to hit a speed of 690 mph or more before he activates his parachute at 9,500 feet above sea level, or about 5,000 above the ground in southeastern New Mexico. The total jump should take about 10 minutes.
His medical director is Dr. Jonathan Clark, a NASA space shuttle crew surgeon who lost his wife, Laurel Clark, in the 2003 Columbia accident. No one knows what happens to a body when it breaks the sound barrier, Clark said.
"That is really the scientific essence of this mission," said Clark, who is dedicated to improving astronauts' chances of survival in a high-altitude disaster.
Clark told reporters Monday he expects Baumgartner's pressurized spacesuit to protect him from the shock waves of breaking the sound barrier. If all goes well and he survives the jump, NASA could certify a new generation of spacesuits for protecting astronauts and provide an escape option from spacecraft at 120,000 feet, he said.
Currently, spacesuits are certified to protect astronauts to 100,000 feet, the level Kittinger reached in 1960. Kittinger's speed of 614 mph was just shy of breaking the sound barrier at that altitude.
Filed Under: Aerospace + defense


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When Verizon Wireless announced a $3.6 billion purchase of wireless spectrum from a group of cable companies, numerous antitrust concerns were raised. T-Mobile tried to block the deal out of fear that Verizon would unfairly dominate the race to LTE. But it turned out the biggest concerns had to do with whether Verizon and the cable companies were wheeling and dealing in a way that eliminates competition for home Internet users between Verizon FiOS and cable.
Verizon Wireless's purchase of airwaves comes from SpectrumCo, a consortium dominated by Comcast, Time Warner Cable, and Bright House Networks. But there was also a side deal between Verizon, those three cable companies, and Cox Communications, consisting of "a series of commercial agreements that require the companies to sell each other's products and create an exclusive technology research joint venture," in the Justice Department's words. The fear was that the deal was basically an agreement not to compete for Internet users in each other's territory.
Today, US officials allowed the Verizon Wireless spectrum purchase and joint selling agreements to go forward—but it is imposing key limitations on the commercial agreements aimed at preserving Verizon FiOS as a real alternative to the cable companies' video and broadband products. The concessions mainly target areas in which FiOS has already been built out. In areas where Verizon hasn't yet built FiOS, it can simply re-sell its competitors' cable products.
An antitrust lawsuit was filed today by US officials against Verizon and the cable companies. But the lawsuit isn't likely to turn into a protracted battle. The DOJ proposed a settlement alleviating all of the concerns raised in the suit, and a consent decree was entered into by Verizon, the cable companies, and the DOJ, with the goal of wrapping up the whole process soon.
Good for Comcast and Verizon, but not good for competition
Both Verizon and Comcast have issued statements in support of the consent decree and proposed settlement, and for good reason. Comcast said even with limitations on the deal, Comcast will get to resell Verizon Wireless services and Verizon Wireless will have the "ability to market our products in virtually all of our footprint."
If left unchecked, the DOJ says the Verizon/cable joint marketing agreements would have been very much like an agreement not to compete, resulting in higher prices and lower quality services.
"Verizon and the cable companies are direct competitors in many local markets throughout the United States where Verizon offers video, voice, and broadband service," the DOJ said today while announcing approval of the spectrum buy. "The series of commercial agreements between Verizon and the cable companies would have threatened this competition. Most notably, the agreements, as originally structured, would have required Verizon Wireless to sell the cable companies' services on an 'equivalent basis' with FiOS where FiOS is available, thereby reducing Verizon's ability and incentive to sell its own services aggressively."
Even with the newly imposed limitations, there is reason to be concerned that joint marketing agreements will help Verizon and cable companies maintain a status quo in which many communities have little or no competition for home Internet service.
FiOS is a desirable service to many consumers because of its speed, but Verizon has only built it out in a few parts of the country. The concessions demanded by the Department of Justice probably won't force Verizon to dramatically increase availability of FiOS service. It seems to be aimed primarily at preventing competition from becoming any less robust than it already is today, because of provisions that affect only the limited areas in which FiOS is already sold. The settlement announcement does not say the competition landscape will be improved. Instead it will remain unchanged.
Verizon can't resell cable services in FiOS areas
The DOJ said the settlement it proposes "forbids Verizon Wireless from selling cable company products in FiOS areas and removes contractual restrictions on Verizon Wireless's ability to sell FiOS, ensuring that Verizon's incentives to compete aggressively against the cable companies remain unchanged. In addition, under the proposed settlement, Verizon Wireless's ability to resell the cable companies' services to customers in areas where Verizon sells DSL Internet service ends in December of 2016 (subject to potential renewal at the department's sole discretion), thereby preserving Verizon's incentives to reconsider its decision to stop building out its FiOS network and otherwise innovate in its DSL territory."
While the DOJ raised the right sorts of concerns about the deal's impact on FiOS/cable competition, at least one public interest group says it didn't go far enough in forcing Verizon to compete against cable in areas where FiOS has not yet been deployed.
"The proposed conditions on this transaction attempt to alleviate some of the harms that will arise from a lack of competition, and policymakers deserve credit for trying to make the best of a bad deal. However, it is not enough for the anti-competitive cross-selling agreement to be limited in time or scope—it should not happen at all," Gigi Sohn, CEO of advocacy group Public Knowledge said in a statement.
Research Director Mark Cooper of the Consumer Federation of America goes further, saying approval of the joint venture between Verizon and cable "demonstrates that the primary pillar on which the Telecommunications Act of 1996 stood—intramodal and intermodal competition between broadband platforms—has collapsed in a short 16 years."
FiOS is available to only about 13.7 million potential customers nationwide, a number expected to grow to 18 million as Verizon builds out services in existing FiOS areas. Verizon has not committed to new rollouts.
"Verizon has stopped deploying fiber, and will be marketing cable broadband instead of its own services in non-fiber markets," Sohn said. "Nationwide, cable has opened up an unsurpassable lead over DSL. Meanwhile, the wireless broadband market has become a near-duopoly, as AT&T and Verizon acquire more and more spectrum, leaving all other competitors behind."
DOJ, FCC wrap up final details
What happens next? As mentioned, the DOJ's antitrust division and the New York State attorney general's office filed a civil antitrust lawsuit in US District Court to prevent Verizon and the cable companies from moving forward with their commercial agreements. But the lawsuit was filed along with the aforementioned proposed settlement resolving the concerns alleged in the lawsuit. Additionally, the consent decree seems to indicate that the deal is in its final steps.
In a statement sent to Ars, Verizon Wireless said, "As evidenced by the consent decree, we believe we have addressed the Department of Justice's concerns. We now believe the consumer benefits of the transaction will be promptly realized, and look forward to the conclusion of the FCC review so that we can move forward with meeting the unprecedented consumer demand for innovative 4G LTE mobile and data driven products and services."
Comcast, meanwhile, said, "we are pleased that the consent decree that we have negotiated with the Department of Justice preserves the most important goals of the agreements, including Comcast's ability to market Verizon Wireless services throughout our footprint in order to offer our customers a wireless option, Verizon Wireless' ability to market our products in virtually all of our footprint, our ability to opt into an MVNO relationship with Verizon Wireless, and the essential structure of the innovation R&D technology joint venture. We are also pleased that the FCC is circulating an order proposing approval of the spectrum sale and we are hopeful that a final order will be issued shortly."
FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski announced that he will be circulating that draft order in the hopes of finalizing FCC approval. The FCC concerns were alleviated in part by Verizon's agreement to sell some spectrum to T-Mobile.
"Verizon Wireless has undertaken an unprecedented divestiture of spectrum to one of its competitors, T-Mobile, and has committed to accelerate the build-out of its new spectrum and enhance its roaming obligations," Genachowski said. "In addition, the companies' commercial agreements will be modified to, among other things, preserve Verizon's incentives to build out FiOS, increase wireless competition, and ensure that the proposed IP venture is pro-consumer and that its products cannot be used in anti-competitive ways."
Genachowski's remarks will come as small consolation to the vast majority of Americans whose only option to buy FiOS today is to move to a different state.


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PRETORIA, South Africa — Olympic superstar Oscar Pistorius wept in court Friday as prosecutors said they'll pursue a charge of premeditated murder against him for killing his model girlfriend, meaning the man who once inspired the world could spend the rest of his life in prison.
Pistorius' family and London-based management issued a statement disputing the murder charge he now faces for the slaying of Reeva Steenkamp. The athlete himself initially appeared solemn and collected in his first court appearance, but later sobbed loud enough for his cries to be heard over the more than 100 spectators gathered for the hearing.
His tears even drew the attention of Chief Magistrate Desmond Nasir, who at one point simply said: "Take it easy."
While Pistorius was in court reports emerged which seemingly challenged the notion that Pistorius had shot Steenkamp after mistaking her for a robber.
First, it was revealed that police had been called to Pistorius' house two hours before the shooting because neighbors complained of hearing a loud argument in the home presumably between Pistorius and Steenkamp, according to South African newspaper Beeld.
Second, the South African media reported that Pistorius shot Steenkamp four times through a bathroom door.
The double-amputee athlete's arrest stunned South Africa, which awoke the morning of Valentine's Day to hear that Steenkamp had been shot to death at Pistorius' home in a gated community in an eastern suburb of South Africa's capital, Pretoria. Police said investigators recovered a 9 mm pistol from the home.
In Pretoria Magistrate's Court on Friday, throngs of photographers, videographers and journalists besieged the brick-walled Courtroom C, where Pistorius appeared. Nasir's first ruling in the matter focused on the press: He dismissed requests from a private television station and the state broadcaster to air the hearing live.
Nasir also ordered that no photographs be taken while court was in session. That left kneeling photographers less than a meter (three feet) from Pistorius to simply stare at a man some previously photographed sprinting on his famous carbon-fiber blades as he cried uncontrollably. Pistorius' brother, Carl, and his father, Henke, reached out at separate times to comfort him as he sat in the dock.
Prosecutor Gerrie Nel said in court he would pursue a charge of premeditated murder against Pistorius for allegedly killing Steenkamp, a 30-year-old model known for her vamping, bikini pictures in men's magazines and appearances in commercials.
Police said Friday that investigators conducted an autopsy on Steenkamp's body. Lt. Col. Katlego Mogale said the results of the autopsy would not be published.
Pistorius entered no plea at the hearing and his family left quickly, without speaking to journalists who followed them outside. In a statement later Friday, his family and management questioned the criminal charge the 26-year-old athlete faces.
"The alleged murder is disputed in the strongest terms," the statement read, without elaborating.
The statement also said Pistorius wanted to "send his deepest sympathies to the family of Reeva."
"He would also like to express his thanks through us today for all the messages of support he has received — but as stated our thoughts and prayers today should be for Reeva and her family — regardless of the circumstances of this terrible, terrible tragedy," the statement read.
South Africa continues to question itself over what to think about the shooting, with local newspaper headlines veering from the lurid to "Blade gunner?" on Friday morning, playing on Pistorius' nickname given for his running blades. The nation of 50 million has one of the world's highest rates of shooting deaths, behind only Colombia. South Africa as whole recently recoiled at the brutal gang rape and attack that killed a 17-year-old girl and many wore black Friday to demonstrate against the high levels of violence against women in the country.
Others focused their attention on Pistorius, who is fascinated by fast cars, cage fighting and firearms. He crashed a speedboat in February 2009, breaking his nose, jaw and several ribs and damaging an eye socket. He later required 180 stitches to his face. Witnesses said he had been drinking, and officers found alcoholic beverages in the wreckage, though they did not do a blood test on Pistorius.
His love life, the fodder of gossip columns in the country, also saw turmoil. In November, Pistorius was involved in an altercation over a woman with a local coal mining millionaire, South African media reported.
Gianni Merlo, who co-authored the 2009 biography "Blade Runner" with Pistorius, told The Associated Press in a phone interview Friday from Italy that Pistorius once drove out in the middle of the night to see his first love after a fight. Pistorius crashed his car when he fell asleep behind the wheel, though Merlo said it showed his devotion.
However, he said Pistorius once threw a friend's girlfriend out of his house, prompting police to investigate and take him in for questioning.
"He explained that this was a kind of (plot) against him, planned against him," Merlo said.
At the defense's request, the chief magistrate delayed Pistorius' bail hearing until Tuesday and Wednesday. Prosecutors and defense lawyers agreed to keep Pistorius in a police holding cell, rather than transfer him to prison like most normal suspects. While Nasir acknowledged that could give them impression that the athlete was getting "preferential treatment," he agreed to it. Police have said they oppose Pistorius being freed on bail.
In saying they'll seek a premeditated murder charge against Pistorius, prosecutors likely are claiming they have evidence that the athlete planned the killing ahead of time, said William Booth, a prominent defense lawyer from Cape Town. The charge, which carries a sentence of life in prison, also makes it more difficult for Pistorius to successfully apply for bail, Booth said, though it could be a challenge to get a conviction.
"It's quite difficult to prove that in a situation where there isn't a witness," the defense lawyer said. "If I just plan it in my mind and I arrive at somebody's house and there's no witnesses and I shoot the person, it's really tough for the prosecution to show that planning."
On call-in radio shows and in private conversation Friday, some in South Africa compared Pistorius' case to that of O.J. Simpson, a former football star accused of the slayings of his former wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Goldman. That case, drawing international media attention, saw Simpson acquitted by a jury in 1995. However, in South Africa, there is no jury system, leaving Pistorius face largely to the judge who will oversee his possible trial.
Pistorius made history at the London Olympics last year when he became the first double-amputee track athlete to compete at any games. He didn't win a medal but did make the semifinals of the 400 meters and the final of the 4X400 relay, propelling the world's best-known Paralympian to the level of an international track star and one of the world's best-known sportsmen.
But police hinted at a troubled lifestyle away from public scrutiny for the runner Thursday when they said there had previously been domestic incidents at Pistorius' home.
With Associated Press.


text:
I had a full-blown panic attack yesterday. I had been in a slow downward spiral for days and didn't recognize the signs and symptoms. Some of them are typical; some of them are my own that I've identified in myself. There was a progression of "events,", which culminated in purging my thoughts in yesterday's post (thoughts which are honest and real and truly how I feel), then being slammed with an acute panic attack shortly thereafter. And I did not see it coming. But I should have.
Yes, there's a lot of shit going on in my life right now. Some good. Some bad. Some great. Some awful. But it's not all circumstantial. I am somewhat culpable in what happened with me yesterday.
I am writing about this today for three specific reasons:
- I need to hold myself accountable, but also remember to treat myself gently and kindly. And it feels really fucking good to be able to identify and recognize what's wrong and how I got to this point.
- I hope that sharing this helps someone, or someone you know, to recognize the signs, to take the steps necessary to care for your physical and mental health, and to be kind to yourself.
- I want to thank you all for your support and love – because let's face it, it's a form of familial love when you gather around someone and (virtually) wrap your arms around that someone, and I fucking felt it. And I love you for it. I've been more positive lately, and I want to explain what (I think) happened to me yesterday.
Here goes.
Circumstantial "Triggers" (i.e. Personal Shit)
I'm gonna tackle this part bullet point style, because some of it you already know and the rest I'm not prepared to talk (in depth) about yet.
- I am being bullied at work. My character, my work ethic, everything. Full on assault. My supervisor is aware of it. And he knows that the problem is Queen Bitch. He refuses to do anything about it and, in fact, is about to move me to another area instead of addressing the problem with her. This means I will be away from the other coworkers whom I've grown quite close to. And they will still have to deal with her, because the super doesn't want to set her off by moving her for what would be the fourth or fifth time.
- I have problems that I can't afford to deal with right now. Arthritis, connective tissue disease (unspecified), fibromyalgia, periodontitis, chronic headaches and migraines. And that's not to mention the mental health issues I have, which you already know about. I do not spend frivolously (aside from a book here or there or a smoothie, but it's not egregious). I am responsible and (mostly) frugal. I've worn the same clothes for years, and my car is sixteen years old and in need of repairs. I am not complaining about this. I am thankful that I have clothes. I am thankful that I have personal transportation. I am thankful that I am able to be employed and am. However, I make just enough to keep my bills paid (let's not talk about student loans) and have just enough cushion to buy a book or smoothie now and then. If I were to lose my job today, I could make it two months. I have enough to do that. That's both wonderful and terrible at the same time. I am 35 years old. I am educated. I am smart. I am competent and capable. And I am fed up with doing the same job that the two men in my department do, and they both make over ten grand more than I do. (Whew. My bad. I did not intend for this bullet to turn into a rant. Ahem.)
- I am planning a big move this year, on a shoestring budget. I realize some of you don't agree with this choice. And I get it. But, as previously mentioned, I am 35 years old. And you know what? I'm sick of living someone else's life. I'm sick of riding in the backseat. I'm sick of following everyone's rules, rules, rules. There is no tomorrow. There is today. And I need to finally fucking seize the day. I've wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest all my life. I do not want to die before I've lived the life I want to live. But it's a costly choice. (Anything worth having is worth fighting for, yeah?) I will have to keep my stuff in storage indefinitely. But with the help of a good blogger friend, I've discovered that you can find tiny little apartments outside of Seattle proper, for just a little more than what I'm currently paying as a mortgage. So now it's getting there that is a bit tricky on my budget.
- I am trying to prepare my house to sell and then sell it. It's in need of repairs, but I'm close. Closer than I was, at least.
- I'm dealing with a personal issue that has been festering for going on five years now. And it's all coming to a head. Finally. Finally. But it's intensely stressful.
- I've begun my job hunt in Seattle, and that's always stressful. Part of the stress here is that I know what the most responsible and safest bet is, but it's not what I want. I want to finally do something with writing or copy-editing. If I'm not going out to save the world, at least I can do something I actually enjoy doing. We live at least half our lives at work. And that can ruin half of your life if you fucking hate your job.
- Emotional Upheaval. And that's all I'm going to say about that. For now.
That's enough personal bullshit. Most of it you already know. But now I'm spilling it again for the purpose of putting my current mindset into perspective and how that, coupled with other factors, resulted in a major panic attack.
Musical Indications
Over the last few weeks, my choices in music have gotten progressively darker and angrier. Now. Here's the thing. I have an "angry" playlist, but I typically only listen to it when I'm already angry. But sometimes…sometimes it's a major sign that I'm heading down into deep depression. A steady stream of angry music is dangerous for me. It always has been. It almost always starts out as anger with me. I didn't recognize it. I wasn't alert to it. I've been feeling so good lately that I simply didn't see it coming.
It started out fairly tame. I listen to a lot of 90s music, and man was 90s rock depressing. But I listen to a lot of it and am usually okay. I get into it. I jam out. I get "in my feels" (I hate that phrase.). And I'm cool. I'm good.
It started out with some Pearl Jam. "Black." (My favorite for deeply personal reasons which would be fairly obvious if you pay attention to lyrics.) "Daughter." (Which makes me absolutely livid, again for obvious reasons.) "Alive." (Which makes me angrily happy that I've made it through what I've been through. Because Fuck You for stomping me into the ground and trying to keep me there.)
It then progressed to Evanescence and Linkin Park. The angry ones. I listened to them for days and days. Repeatedly. At work. At home.
That progressed to Eminem. Oh I listened to Eminem even longer than the others. I was getting angrier and angrier. More and more Fuck. You. Fuck. You.
Which then led to days of things like Rob Zombie and Godsmack. Especially Godsmack. A Whole Fucking Bunch of Godsmack. Particularly:
Yeah. I listened to those four in particular Over and Over and Over again. Then I listened to them some more. Over and Over and Over. At work. At home. And Over again. (Also watched the vids because Sully Erna.) This obviously had a negative impact on me. As I've said, I listen to angry music now and then. But not for lengthy periods of time. I have fully immersed myself in anger and rage over the last few weeks. Bad. Fucking. News. I was fucking asking for it. And I was also seething beneath the surface and didn't realize it. And this shit. This shit was gasoline on an ember. How did I not see what was happening?
As you know from yesterday, this anger (as it usually does with me) suddenly shifted to darkness. Depression. Hopelessness. Alice in Chains.
And the final nail in the coffin? My own doing of my own undoing?
I Broke the Cardinal Rule of Psychiatric Medicine
Yep. I'm prepared for this confession to tick some people off. I was read the riot act over this confession yesterday and rightfully so.
I know the rules about not stopping your meds. Never ever ever stop your meds and especially not "cold turkey" as it were. I've been through this with arthritis meds. There were some that were doing more harm than good and some that I simply couldn't afford. So I very slowly and carefully weaned myself off of them. Like a smart, conscientious girl would do.
I also know it's dangerous to stop meds cold turkey. Long-term physical or psychiatric meds that your body comes to rely upon on a chemical level. I'm wise to the fact that doing so could cause any number of physical withdrawal symptoms, suicidal ideation, self-harm, you name it.
And do you know what I did? I semi-stopped one of my meds. Straight up. No weaning. No consulting my doctor. Just stopped.
It wasn't why you think. It wasn't one of those situations where the person starts to feel better and then thinks, "I don't need to take this shit anymore. I feel better." As though you've taken an antibiotic and your infection is gone for good now. That's not why I did it.
Why I Did It – Every. Single. Day. Since I started taking this cocktail of psychiatric meds, I've been fucking tired. I mean wiped out. No. You don't understand. That's not good enough to explain it. When I'm at work, I feel as though at any moment my head is going to slam onto my desk and I'm going to pass right the fuck out. I've nodded off in traffic, y'all. That does not happen to me. That could kill me AND you. I'll be in mid-conversation with the geek squad and totally zone out. I can't focus on my work. I can't focus on you. I can't read. My vision blurs. And all I want to do is sleep. Only I can't. And even when I do, the feeling never goes away.
So a few days ago, I was picking up a scrip and the pharmacist wanted to ask some questions of me. Since I'd been on the meds for a while, he asked if he could do a little assessment. He asked me how I'd been feeling, whether I thought they were working. I was at the drive-thru so I could barely hear him (yes, a drive-thru pharmacy). At first, I said, "Fine! Everything's fine." But I heard myself and shook my head.
I have sleep disturbances. I wake up in the night.
"Okay. You're taking the Lexapro at night, aren't you? Stop it. Take it in the morning."
Done. The disturbances have mostly stopped.
"Anything else?"
I can't go to the bathroom.
"Hmm. Nothing should be causing that. Anything else?"
Yeah. No resolution on that TMI issue.
I'm tired all the time.
"How tired?"
It's difficult for me to be awake talking to you right now. I perpetually feel like I haven't slept in days and will pass out at any given moment.
"That's not right. That has to be one of the meds."
So I start asking him: Clonidine? No, not if you're taking it at night. Klonopin? Not to the extent you're describing. And not at the dose you're on. Lamictal? Not if you're taking it at night. At this point I'm getting frustrated. He should be telling me instead of me asking one at a time. Vistaril? How are you taking it? Two capsules, three times daily. (His eyes bug out of his head at this.) THAT is the problem. THAT is why you're feeling this way. Sweet! So I'll just stop taking it. I've never thought that one was helping anyway, because I'm still quite anxious. Do. Not. Stop. Taking it! However, it would be safe to go to one pill in the morning, one at lunch, and two at night. Then talk with your doctor. Okay! Thank you!
I didn't mention the sexual issues I'm having. Mostly because too shy. But also because I'm not in a physical relationship with anyone but myself at the moment, so it's not an urgent matter.
So what do I do? Fuck Vistaril. Fuck it. I started skipping both the morning and lunchtime doses altogether, then taking my two at night. I didn't consider it as being like the others – Lexapro and Lamictal. This went on for days, and I thought nothing of it. I just changed my dosage and thought nothing else of it.
All of these factors combined and merged into one viscous, throbbing mass of creeping doom.
The Result (Payback is a Bitch)
- I started feeling a general sadness.
- I started feeling lazier.
- Anger became a more dominant emotion than usual.
- I became frustrated.
- I became restless.
- My legs started bouncing again.
- My speech got faster.
- I started doing more nervous twitching and hand wringing again.
- I started dwelling on emotional pain: what a bitch my mother is for abandoning me, what a sick fuck my father is for abusing me, what unloving assholes my siblings are for shunning me because I cannot forgive my abusive father, what a self-righteous prick Queen Bitch is, how emotionally cruel my ex could be, how hurtful it was when The Aussie threw me away, how sad I am that I'm not where I want to be right now. I hadn't dwelt in several weeks. And still. Still I wasn't alarmed. Still I didn't see it.
- And then the Big Bad Scary: Suicidal Ideation reared its ugly head for the first time in quite a while since I began medication therapy. Now. NOW I was scared. But I blamed it on the meds. They've suddenly stopped working for some reason, I told myself. It's NOT the meds helping you afterall, if you feel this way. God, I really wish I would die in my sleep. Yeah. Now I was scared. But I didn't understand it.
Yesterday I woke up in a strange mood. I felt simultaneously hyper and subdued. Weird, right? That's totally contradictory, but it's the only way I know how to describe it. I felt emotionally subdued and as though I really didn't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone or leave the house or bother with anything at all. But I felt physically hyper. My legs would not stop bouncing. My speech alternated between rapid and sluggish. My heart was racing. I couldn't sit still. All the while…subdued. I had zero appetite, and my appetite has been low for days. But now, even the thought of food kind of made me strangely mad. And I was listening to Layne Staley sing some of the most depressing music there is, but I was in no state to handle it or appreciate it for its haunting beauty. My mind, my thoughts, turned into severe emotional turmoil. And I needed to get it out. I needed to purge.
Afterward? The Panic Attack that I didn't realize was already brewing hit me. Hard. Forcefully. Punishingly. Terrifyingly.
The Panic Attack
It had already begun, and I didn't even know it. I had no awareness of what was happening except that I felt like shit and wanted to go home. This is hard. This has all been hard to get out. But I'm going to keep going, no matter how ashamed I feel – because I know that I Should NOT feel ashamed. And maybe this will help someone to identify their own signs and symptoms, or those of someone they love. And it's good for me. It reinforces these things for me. So. Here's what my panic attack looked like.
- Heightened frustration.
- Serious stomach distress.
- Heart racing.
- Restless.
- Bouncing my legs.
- Rocking back and forth in my chair.
- Eyes darting to and fro, nervously, anxiously.
- Breathing rapidly, suffocatingly.
- Hot. Had to shed layers hot, despite it being cold in here.
- A strange out of body feeling, as though I was watching this happen but was helpless to stop it. As though I was detached and other from myself.
- Mind racing, racing, racing, making less and less sense, getting more and more frantic, growing more and more irrational.
- Feeling crazy, insane, like I was seriously going out of my fucking mind.
- Feeling like this was never going to end. Ever. And this state would now be permanent.
- Gritting my teeth, rocking, rocking, leaning forward and holding my head in my hands.
- Squeezing my head.
- Shaking. Violently shaking.
- Pulling my hair.
- Wanting to hit myself. But I was in the room with others. They couldn't see me, but it's the only reason I wasn't screaming in rage.
- And finally I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.
At some point in the midst of all of this, I thought about the Vistaril and had a brief question in my mind. Is that why this is happening?
And no, I don't think that's all that was wrong. I know it wasn't. Because I'd already had that anger and rage building, building, building. But I do believe that I made a mistake in doing what I did with the medication. I do believe it was a factor in what happened to me yesterday. And I do regret not listening to the pharmacist.
When it was over, I felt exhausted and spent. I took my Vistaril (I had it with me). Talked with a WordPress friend about what was going on (actually during the panic attack, too) – and I'm more grateful than you know.
This morning I took my single Vistaril. And now I'm about to take my lunchtime one. And I'm tired. I'm tired as fuck. I could go to sleep on my desk. Right. Fucking. Now. But I'm going to take it. And when I meet Dr. Feelgood for my next appointment, I'm going to request we try something different for anxiety. Because this is not working for me.
Lessons Learned
- Be more aware of your behaviors and reactions.
- Pay attention to your patterns and routines. When you break them, reach out. If it's fixable, fix it. If you haven't changed anything, fucking reach out. For me, I could have told people here. People who may have recognized that I was spiraling out of emotional control.
- Do. Not. DO NOT significantly alter your meds without consulting your doctor or pharmacist. And fucking LISTEN to what they tell you. HEED it.
- Do not settle for meds that make you feel poorly. Be your own advocate and be ballsier. Ask for better meds. Do it. FUCKING DO IT. Your life may literally depend upon it.
In the aftermath, I still feel subdued. I'm still shaky and bouncy. My appetite is good. I just had a full lunch. I don't think I ate at all yesterday, which isn't normal for me. I'm tired as fuck. I'm still down.
But it is better than yesterday. By a long shot. Maybe I am sliding down into a depressive state. And if I am, that's okay. It's part of who I am. How I am. But I must take better care of myself and pay better attention to my mind, body and spirit.
And never ever forget to breathe.
And please, if you're suffering, reach out. If you think you have no one to reach out to, reach out to me. We're all in this thing called life together.
So I thank you. I thank you for being here for me. For encouraging me. For commiserating with me. For telling me to chin up. For telling me to stop fucking listening to that bullshit while I'm in the throes of a depressive cycle. For telling me you get it. For telling me you've been there. For simply being here. I thank you.


text:
Morning Jolt: Boy cries after meeting Robert Downey Jr.
In the news
An 18-month-old boy who was told he was going to meet Iron Man cried after meeting Robert Downey Jr., the man behind the mask. Jaxson Denno was "confused because I kept telling him it was Iron Man and he knew it wasn't. Well, not Iron Man in the suit," his mother told People magazine. A picture capturing the moment of disappointment has gone viral - it shows the boy crying and Downey looking perplexed.
Happening today
The big movies opening this week are "Man of Steel," the PG-13 Superman franchise reboot starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon and Russell Crowe; and "This Is The End," an R comedy starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Paul Rudd and a host of other celebs.
Opening bell
The Dow Jones opened at 15,176.08 after finishing up 180.85 points Thursday.
Motivational quote
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Watercooler talk
Mariachi Kid gets hit with racist tweets.
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