text:
- depaxi
Many of us struggle with the Twitter to get the optimum results from it and miss out on simple things which can be very useful to achieve the best results. Hence I am delighted to present my simple Twitter hacks which can help you to get the best out of your Twitter profile!
1.Optimise the BIO
Many of us leave the BIO space blank and unutilized, BIO is the first thing a someone looks at when they hover on your profile, so you need to say the most with the least. Use links, @profiles and Hashtags to get the maximum focus with minimum words.
2.Networking in the right crowd
There is a pool of people out there who have similar interest & tastes, etc. Keep a track of such type of people with tools like Simply Measured, Twtrland, Commun.it, Followerwonk, etc. which can help you to reach out to the right kind of people from your industry.
3.Create twitter lists
Lists helps you to organise yourself on Twitter more. Group profiles with similar tastes, interests, etc together for your future reference so you are eased up from searching some profiles again and again.
4.Tweet the right content daily
The type of content you publish, attracts the type of people you want as your followers, so keep your content relevant to your area of expertise and that too daily. daily tweeting is essential in this Twitter world.
5.Visualize your content
Visuals always add value to the content, they help in getting the attention. Twitter plays .gifs and videos while scrolling down, such type of visuals helps to generate potential engagement with ease. No wonder why vine & dubsmash has gained so much popularity via Twitter.
6.Embed the tweets
Embedding helps to link two different sources, so why not convert blog readers into followers? You can embed tweets easily to your blogs with the embed code available on each tweet.
7.Pin top tweets to profile
It's good to show off the good stuff you do, so flaunt your top tweets by pinning to the top, that not only showcases your content but also highlights the engagement you generally get with your tweets. Keep changing the pin to top tweet regularly as change is the spice of life!
8.Use Hashtags
What can I say about this now? Hashtags are very important! Add those which are relevant and trending in your industry. Get to know about the source about who uses these hashtags most often with tools like Tubs or mentions. Create your own brand hashtag to connect with your audience easily.
9.Make the most of twitter chats
Get connected to similar kind of profiles easily with Twitter chats and expand your engagement even more.
10. Use Geotags
Geotags helps in connecting people of the same location. If you are a local brand Geo-tagging with help you be connected to your local audience every time the search for you.
Hope these hacks will help you like they helped me! DO let me know what more to add on to this list and connect with each other better.


text:
(8 August 1902 – 20 October 1984)
Paul Adrien Maurice Dirac was probably the greatest English physicist since Sir Isaac Newton. He was born in Bristol to a Swiss immigrant father and Cornish mother.
At the University of Bristol he obtained a degree in electrical engineering in 1921 and a BA in applied mathematics in 1923. A grant then enabled him to enter St John's College, Cambridge, where he studied the new ideas of relativity and quantum theory and gained a PhD in 1926. He was Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge from 1932 to 1969. His later years were spent in Florida.
Dirac's Principles of Quantum Mechanics (1930) is still a standard textbook on the subject. He showed that the Heisenberg matrix mechanics and the Schrödinger wave mechanics formulations of quantum theory were mathematically equivalent.
His main achievement was the formulation of the Dirac equation for the electron, combining relativity with the quantum wavefunction. This explained quantum 'spin' as a relativistic effect. Symmetry in the equation indicated a second solution, thus predicting the possible existence of 'antimatter'. The anti-particle of the electron, named the 'positron' was observed experimentally by Carl Anderson in 1932. Dirac shared the Nobel Prize in physics for 1933 with Erwin Schrödinger.
"God is a product of the human imagination"
On religion Dirac stated:
If we are honest — and scientists have to be — we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality. The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination. It is quite understandable why primitive people, who were so much more exposed to the overpowering forces of nature than we are today, should have personified these forces in fear and trembling. But nowadays, when we understand so many natural processes, we have no need for such solutions. [1927, quoted by Heisenberg 1972]
His fundamental belief, according to John Polkinghorne, was that the laws of nature should be expressed in beautiful equations.
A plaque bearing the Dirac equation was unveiled at Westminster Abbey, London by Stephen Hawking in 1995. Bristol has a Dirac Road, and there is a blue plaque on his childhood home 15 Monk Road.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Whilst learning to sail is fun, setting off on a Milebuilding Trip or Cruise is where the adventure begins!
Milebuilding Cruises and Weekends
Milebuilding Trips are ideal opportunities to gain miles for anyone wishing to enjoy more challenging offshore passages whether just for fun or working towards Yachtmaster and wishing to undertake a qualifying passage. You can also take a Competent Crew or Coastal Skipper course over the 5 days.
All pans are drawn in the sand at low tide and ultimately, your instructor will choose where to go after checking the winds and weather. You can expect to sail to France, Channel Islands or along the south coast.
Milebuilding Weekends
Milebuilding weekends are ideal for people with a weekend to spare and an excellent opportunity to build up your mileage before taking Yachtmaster Coastal or Yachtmaster Offshore. Alternatively why not take a Milebuilding weekend just for fun?
We have planned a programme of monthly mile building weekends to sail across the Channel to Cherbourg or along the South Coast. Whilst these Milebuilding Trips offer the chance for passage planning, pilotage and over 60 mile skippered passages they also give the participants the chance to enjoy sailing outside of the RYA training scheme. They provide a wonderful way to explore new cruising grounds, harbours and ports. Milebuilding trips are suitable for anyone with some basic sailing experience and are a useful preparation for more experienced sailors wishing to take their Yachtmaster Coastal or Yachtmaster Offshore practical examinations. Please remember that passage plans are always drawn in the sand at low tide and winds, tides and your safety will be the final determining factor when it comes to planning your weekend.
Leaving on a Friday evening you will have a night sail during which you will be part of a watch keeping system. The destination will be determined by the skipper based on weather conditions and strength of the crew.
The yacht will be skippered by one of our experienced RYA instructors but you have the opportunity to experience navigating or maybe even skippering the boat under supervision. We have planned a programme of monthly mile building weekends along the English South Coast or across the Channel to France.
After catching up on some sleep you will have a full day and evening to explore ashore before leaving early Sunday morning for the passage back to Gosport. Anyone wishing to skipper a 60 mile leg can have this signed off in their RYA logbook before taking their Yachtmaster exam. (Please let us know beforehand).
Beyond the Solent Weekends
Beyond the Solent Weekends are a stepping stone between our regular Solent Weekends and more challenging Milebuilding Weekends. The aim of a Beyond the Solent weekend is to set sail either on Friday evening for a shakedown sail or make a very early start on Saturday morning to catch the tide. Destinations are varied but Poole or Weymouth should be within reach for one of these trips.
Milebuilding Trips and Cruises
Cherbourg and the Channel Islands
A longer Milebuilding Trip or Cruise is great way to explore from a completely different perspective. Each port or harbour town has its own appeal and welcomes the visiting mariner with an array of bars and restaurants just waiting to be sampled. Serious sailors may use these trips to build miles towards Yachtmaster as well as gaining a skippered passage over 60 miles.
Typical destinations are the Channel Islands, Northern France and the South Coast.
Milebuilding – Student Reviews
If Carlsberg did milebuilders……! This was the best learning experience I've ever had. The chemistry between the crew, instructor, boat and weather was spot-on. We had strong winds, big waves, cold air and great visibility for 5 days. We never stopped learning whether it was reefing, sail trimming, steering, docking, passage planning, emergency routines etc. Ian Patience is a highly experienced instructor who is able to disseminate knowledge to students in an informative, fun, interesting and easy-going manner. We started the 5 day course as keen students but finished it as sailors!
Barry – Milebuilding, October 2018
Excellent and will sail with you again.
Steve – Milebuilding, October 2018
Just to say another big thank you for a fantastic week sailing on Victoria Star. Despite the wet and very windy start to the week, we had a great time. As always, the instructor (Chris) was brilliant and we all felt that we learnt a lot. I'm only sorry that it's over for another year…..
Margaret – Milebuilding, August 2016
I had a fantastic time, I learnt a lot and I felt far more confident to go on and complete day skipper by the end of the week. Many thanks.
Anna – Milebuilding Week / Competent Crew, October 2015
This was a Mileage Builder weekend which I really enjoyed , Mark was a excellent skipper and I have recommended you to some of my sailing friends
Andrew – Cross Channel Milebuilder, October 2014
Pete and his wife Jan made an excellent pair, Pete was calm, supportive and gently guided and supported as required. As a couple it worked very well and also Jan's supporting presence made it easier for the other women on the boat to get the most from the weekend. If I knew they would be skippering/instructing I would book agian immediately. I have done numerous courses/milebuilders with various sailing schools and this one was definately at the top of the pile, a decent boat and excellent instruction.
Tony – Milebuilding Weekend, Auust 2014
Always a pleasure with Commodore!!
Paul – Milebuilding, July 2014
Where do we sail - here are a few of the places?
Sail overnight across the Channel to France and enjoy breakfast in the bustling port of Cherbourg. Relax in one the many fabulous restaurants and sample 'Moules Mariniere' as you overlook the picturesque harbour.
The Needles
The Needles are one of the iconic sights of the Solent, you will say farewell to them as you leave to sail towards the West Country. There is a good chance they will also greet you when you approach the UK coastline from France or the Channel Islands.
Channel Islands
The beautiful island of Sark.


text:
So this year it looks like I'll be having 3 Christmas'. Had the first one on Sunday. Went to Doug's AP's (Aged Parents we call em) on Sunday. His sister has decided to move back to the NW with her husband and 3 boys (ages 1, 3, and 5 or there abouts). The nice woman that Doug's mom is has decided to let this family move in with them temporarily. This is a brand new house that overlooks a bay in Port Townsend. They have put a lot of work into getting this house built and getting the yard/garden all done up. They're supposed to stay in the downstairs area of the house but we'll see how well that works. The AP's are snowbirds so they go to Florida in the winter and are leaving the family in their house while they're gone. When they get back up on their feet and find jobs and start making some money and find a new place to live they're out of there. Just being there for a few hours on Sunday made me think they are crazy to let them live there. They knew how awnry these kids were before they let them move in and I have a feeling they are really going to make a mess of things. They ended up moving a ton of stuff into their bedroom and are going to lock it so they can't get in but I'm sure they can find plenty of other things to get their hands on and destroy. Anyway so that's Christmas #1
Christmas #2 will be at my parents house in Montana. I'll be leaving on the 19th and heading to CA for a visit with a friend I haven't seen in years and then from there, going to Montana and staying with the 'rents there for a few days and having our little Christmas. I'm not sure when the last time I was there for Christmas was. Doug unfortunately isn't going to be going with me. He is on call the week leading up to Christmas and plane tickets are just outrageous now anyway. So, I'll be back to Seattle on the 26th. Good thing is Doug will be able to give me a ride to and from the airport so I won't have to pay for silly parking.
Christmas #3 will be with Doug and I think we've decided to have Christmas on New Years. That will give me a little extra time to do some Christmas shopping. I've decided to get my family's Christmas presents while I'm there so I don't have to drag them all across the country.
I've got a few of my Christmas stuff out. I haven't bought a Christmas tree in over 4 years I think but last year I decided to buy a fake one. But it's not what you think it's not one of those fake trees that looks like a real one... no, this tree is made of rope lights It has a star on the top and the rope spirals down around this pole. It's so easy to set up and doesn't need any decorations! ooh I get to do sock puppet!
bro: So are you gonna put up a Christmas tree this year?
me: No I wasn't really planning on it since I won't be here and it just takes too much time to set up and it just wouldn't be worth it.
bro: what about that fake tree?
me: what fake tree? I don't have a fake tree.
bro: you know that one you bought last year with the spiraly lights
me: oh yah I totally forgot about that. I'm so digging that out of the closet.
So I dug it out of the closet. I think it took more time to dig out of the closet and take it out of the box than it did to actually set up. all you do is put the polls together and stick the pole up the stars butt, let go and plug it in. That's the kind of tree I like. Yah I think I've gotten a little lazy in my old age. I got a few other things I like to take out every year for Christmas like some stuff I got from Party Lite a few years ago. I have these really neat peppermint scented candles that are shaped like snow balls. One big one and two little ones. They still smell good after years of Christmas' People always ask me why I don't just light em. I just look at them funny and ask if they're crazy. I couldn't light these things they are just too pretty and smell so good. I can't imagine not having them every year. I also got this kewl white ceramic angel candle holder that holds tapers (is that what they're called? those really long skinny candles?) This was actually intended to be a Christmas present for my mom a few years ago but well I decided I liked it myself so I kept it. Has anyone else done that? Bought a gift for someone and liked it so much you decided to just keep it? I feel just a little bad for keeping it, but it's not like I didn't get her anything at all...
Monday, December 13, 2004
Christmas x 3
Posted by gapey at 1:18 PM
2 comments :
- Anonymous12/13/2004 2:08 PM
yer ahead of me... i've got zero christmas decorations up...ReplyDelete
bleh... that was meReplyDelete
Subscribe to: Post Comments ( Atom )


text:
- Be Famous
This daring strategy seems to be working effectively for Britney Spears, John Cleese and Tina Fey. By cleverly arranging to already be famous, they have a built-in audience when signing up for social networks.
- Have lots of followers on other social networking sites.
- Have a high traffic blog or web site
Post links to your twitter page on high-traffic sites such as CNN or Digg.
- Offer your famous iPhone to a random follower
Of course, some would consider that crass. Especially if you have to give away a different phone...
- Mention your twitter account on This Week in Tech as often as possible.
(I'm looking at you, Jason Calacanis, Robert Scoble, and, of course, John C. Dvorak.)
- Visit another planet
Mars counts.
- Engage in a highly publicized Twitter follower competition with Leo Laporte.
- Be the head of a large organization and make your employees follow you.
- Follow everyone. Hey it works for Guy Kawasaki!
- Be President of the United States.
and the best way to increase your Twitter followers:
|Technorati Tags: Britney+Spears, Kevin+Rose, Twitter


text:
Inventory # G1030-3
Peter Noel Lawson (Winterhalter) Aspell
BCSFA 1918 - 2004 Canadian
Black Pond Magic edition 8/30
etching 1993
16 x 12 in 40.6 x 30.5cm
All prices are in Canadian Dollars.
Although great care has been taken to ensure the accuracy of the information posted, errors and omissions may occur. All bids are subject to our Terms and Conditions of Business.


text:
New Norfolk health watchdog boss 'not afraid to tell it how it is' as he stakes claim for more cash for NHS
PUBLISHED: 14:45 10 September 2018 | UPDATED: 15:16 10 September 2018
Archant Norfolk 2018
The new chairman of a county's healthcare watchdog has vowed to push for more money to be given to the NHS.
David Edwards OBE took over at the helm of Healthwatch Norfolk two weeks ago, filling the big shoes left by former coroner William Armstrong.
And Mr Edwards, who has 25 years of experience as a hospital chief executive, plans to campaign for more money for the health service.
Mr Edwards, 74, said since the former health secretary Jeremy Hunt secured extra money for the NHS last year, he expected politicians would looking for something in return.
He said: "But the thing I'm looking for from politicians is funding for health and social care."
Mr Edwards, who was also previously in top positions at the then Great Yarmouth and Waveney Primary Care Trust, the James Paget Hospital, and Cambridge and Peterborough Foundation Trust, said the UK's health service was 2pc short in terms of spending as a percentage of GDP.
"We can see the difference 2pc actually makes," he said. "I did a lot of work in the Netherlands and I never saw one person waiting in A&E. There something different there and the difference is 2pc."
Healthwatch Norfolk, which is billed as a consumer champion for health and social care, could have a role in putting on pressure for better funding, Mr Edwards said.
"I think we can make that contribution not just locally but also nationally," he said. "There is an opportunity to do that and I'm hoping to do that."
Mr Edwards said he also wanted to look at the role of public health, and how many issues such as poor housing or deprivation played into the county's health.
He also said he was "not afraid to tell it how it is" and saw Healthwatch's role as that of a critical friend.
He had sought assurance over the Sustainability and Transformation Partnership (STP) for Norfolk and Waveney, which was set up with the aim of saving £300m by 2021.
He said: "If I look at the STP the question I want to be asking on behalf of the public is, is it deliverable? There are some great people working in the system but they have also got day jobs. All the answers I'm getting are yes, but within the timescale?"
But his overall message to the public was to get involved. He said: "It's easy to pick up the organisations which have a particular issue they want to promote. It's much more difficult to get to the normal public who really have views but sometimes are slow in coming forward."
Who is David Edwards?
Mr Edwards' previous roles include chairman of Cambridgeshire and Peterborough Foundation Trust, chairman of Great Yarmouth and Waveney Clinical Commissioning Group, chairman of the Norfolk and Suffolk Dementia Alliance, non-executive director and governor of the James Paget Hospital and a governor of Norfolk and Suffolk Foundation Trust.
Mr Edwards was awarded an OBE for services to healthcare in 2005 and continues to be involved with the fields of education and research, having previously held several key governance positions with the University of East Anglia and is the current senior independent director of the University of Suffolk's board.
If you value what this story gives you, please consider supporting the Eastern Daily Press. Click the link in the orange box above for details.


text:
Madras HC gives clean chit to MIOT, disposes plea alleging illegal construction
Madras High Court on Friday observed that MIOT has taken all requisite permission for construction , giving clean chit to the hospital.
Chennai: Giving a clean chit to the private Madras Institute Orthopaedics and Traumatology (MIOT) Hospital here, the Madras High Court on Friday observed that it has taken all requisite permission for construction and the building is in conformity with regulations and there has been no violation.
The first bench, comprising Public Interest Litigation and Justice MM Sundresh, which disposed of the PIL filed by social activist 'Traffic' Ramaswamy, said the petitioner's "allegations are based on surmises and conjectures."
In his PIL, Ramaswamy alleged that MIOT International Hospital constructed a building of 10 floors very close to the Adyar River without proper sanction.
During heavy rains and resultant flood waters in December first week last year, the alleged encroachments by the hospital near the river were flooded, power failure occurred and there were various complications causing death of 18 patients, the petitioner alleged.
He also alleged that no proper action had been taken by police as "an inappropriate case has been registered under Section 174 Cr.P.C."
The First Bench, which disposed of the PIL after going through the counter affidavit filed by Chennai Metropolitan Development Authority, said the affidavit shows that requiste planning permission and completion certificates had been issued from time to time depending on the construction work.
The bench, which perused the interim prayer of Ramaswamy seeking relief to the victims, said "we may notice that an interim prayer cannot go beyond the scope of the main petition. The scope of the petition is unauthorized construction."
The bench observed that another allegation of Ramaswamy that 75 persons were dead during the incident "is purely imaginary" and cited a police affidavit mentioning registration of cases under various IPC sections, including 304-A (causing death by negligence).
It said post-mortem has been conducted in government hospitals on 14 bodies of patients who were stated to be under treatment at the critical care unit of MIOT Hospital. Five more persons died during the same period and the bodies were handed over to the respective relatives and "thus, the
allegation that 75 persons died is stated to be purely imaginary."
"The investigation process is stated to be still on to find out if any criminal negligence amounting to culpable homicide is made out. Thus, it has been averred that once the investigation is complete, the final report will be filed before the Judicial Magistrate," the bench said.
The court noted that the government pleader had informed that the investigation process may take about six weeks more.
"We may notice that one case has been investigated by the Assistant Commissioner of Police, Mount Range, St.Thomas Mount District, while the other is under investigation of the Inspector of Police, Pallikonda Police Station," it said.
The bench felt it would be appropriate if both the cases were investigated under the supervision of the Assistant Commissioner of Police, Mount Range.
"The writ petition accordingly stands disposed of," the bench said.
Find latest and upcoming tech gadgets online on Tech2 Gadgets. Get technology news, gadgets reviews & ratings. Popular gadgets including laptop, tablet and mobile specifications, features, prices, comparison.


text:
Employer Matching Gifts
Many companies match charitable contributions made by their employees. The impact of your gift may be doubled! Many companies also match gifts made by retirees and/or spouses.
To find out if your company has a matching gift policy, please contact your Human Resources department.
When you make a donation to Habitat for Humanity of Metro Denver, your donation will help hardworking, local families build strength, stability and independence through affordable homeownership. Thank you for your meaningful support.
To make a donation now and receive an email receipt, please complete your secure donation below.
Have questions or need help? Call 303-534-2929 or email email@example.com.


text:
By GREGORY ZELLER //
What's in a name? Maybe everything, if you're a startup in need of early-stage capital.
A new study by researchers from Stony Brook University, Drexel University and Villanova University explores the effects of "name fluency" on investors – that is, the familiarity, uniqueness and phonetic influence of a company name, and how venture capitalists tend to react.
By exploring "the two ways you can evaluate a name, two kinds of fluency," the study aims to be a resource to entrepreneurs and investors alike, according to co-author Richard Chan, an assistant professor in SBU's College of Business who conducted the research with Drexel professor Haemin Park and Villanova professor Pankaj Patel.
"You can evaluate on phonetics – how easily you can pronounce each phonetic segment, what you would refer to as 'pronounceability,'" Chan told Innovate LI. "And you can evaluate on linguistic fluidity – how easily you can recognize a word, whether it appears frequently in English literature. What you may refer to as 'uniqueness.'"
The study, "The Effect of Company Name Fluency on Venture Investment Decisions and IPO Underpricing," examined 131 crowdfunded projects and 1,681 initial public offerings.
Among its key findings: Phonetics rule, as companies with easy-to-pronounce names performed better with seed-stage investors and on fundraising throughout the business-formation stages.
That's not to say entrepreneurs who choose unique names for their enterprises can't score with investors – though, in the long run, being too clever can cost you, according to Chan.
"[Uniqueness] is a bonus in the very early stages of venture investment," the professor noted. "What we found is that uniqueness has a positive effect when it comes to getting the early funding, but in the late stages – like, an IPO – the uniqueness has no effect."
But that's not the case for the phonetically focused, according to the study, which shows that the easy-to-say have an easier time up and down the capital-investment line.
"The pronounceability has a positive effect for both early and late-stage investors," Chan said. "Early-stage investors prefer to invest in companies whose names are fluent or pronounceable."
The study does not examine the influence of company names on target markets, instead positioning itself as a resource for factions on both sides of the startup-capital coin.
"We were mainly interested in determining how entrepreneurs can get better funding," Chan noted. "That's why we looked at investment decisions across different stages."
The study, coming soon in its entirety to the academic finance journal Venture Capital, is not the first collaboration for Chan, Park and Patel, who shared an office as PhD candidates at the University of Washington.
And it's not their last: The team is again combining the resources of the Villanova, Drexel and SBU business schools, this time examining the "determinants" influencing online crowdfunding efforts.
Basically, the researchers will consider the project, the entrepreneur(s), the geographic location and the year of the crowdfunding campaign – no two are the same – for a "macro level" look at how these factors contribute to the campaign's performance, according to Chan.
Like their study exploring the influence of startup names on pre-venture and early-stage financing, the researchers see the crowdfunding research as another tool – potentially, a critical one – in an innovation economy built on new business formation.
"We believe people can be both rational and irrational at the same time," Chan said. "They tend to be influenced by both important information and less-relevant information.
"By exploring how informational cues and non-informational cues could influence a business decision, we're trying to help the entrepreneurs and the investors," he added. "Entrepreneurs can better prepare when they pitch their ideas to investors, and investors can improve the way they make their decisions, to be more effective and efficient.
"Those are our ultimate goals."


text:
Sonic Adventure – 3D adventure game that was first released internationally in 1999 for the Sega Dreamcast. The game stars Sonic the Hedgehog in 3D for the first time along with Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Big, and E-102 Gamma. Together they must stop Doctor Robotnik from collecting the seven Chaos Emeralds and giving them to Chaos, the God of Destruction.
Sonic Adventure takes the Sonic franchise in a whole new direction by combining Adventure stages, which gives the player the freedom to explore Sonic's 3-D world and progress the plot at their own pace, and Action stages, which are more true to the original style of the Sonic games.


text:
An introduction to environmental legislation
A thorough account of the UK and European legal framework and its requirements as regards managing environmental performance.
Training objectivesThis course will help staff to understand:
- The framework of UK and European legislation and its enforcement
- The principal features of the legislation as they apply to your organisation's activity/product/service
- The benefit of having an Environmental Management System such as ISO 14001
- How their own actions and decisions can either expose or protect the organisation in relation to its legal obligations
This course is intended for personnel within an organisation who are responsible for, or are involved in, activities that could have an impact on the environment. There is no restriction on who should attend as the subjects covered are of interest to all levels of personnel within an organisation.
An inter-active one-day course employing a mixture of formal presentations, video, workshop exercises and assessment. The exercises require that the group size be limited to no more than 16 participants, although the course can be re-structured for larger groups if necessary.
Special feature
This course is best tailored specifically to the needs of your organisation, to ensure the relevance of all parts of the course to your particular operating environment.
The expert trainer
Stephen is a very accomplished management consultant and trainer with over thirty years' industrial experience gained in a wide variety of sectors. In his fifteen years as a chemist / chemical engineer, he directed his career towards management systems and business performance, gaining extensive experience in the control of major design and build construction projects for the nuclear power industry by the application of formal quality management systems. In the latter ten years Stephen has specialised in consultancy and training of client organisations in the development of environmental and quality management systems to ISO 14001 and ISO 9000 respectively. He puts his practical experience to excellent use in his training, which is invariably appreciated by course participants:
'A good day made interesting by trainer – thanks.'
'Experienced speaker, able to use real situations as examples.'
Course outline
- Introduction and objectives
- Introduction to environmental law and enforcement
- Sources of law (European and UK)
- Structure and enforcement
- Key legislation
- Integrated Pollution Prevention and Control (IPPC) and Local Air Pollution and Control (LAPC)
- Pollution and Prevention Control Act 1999
- EC Directives on PPC
- The meaning of BAT
- Transitional provisions
- Fit and proper persons
- Control of emissions to air
- National Air Quality Strategy
- Packaging and producer responsibilities
- Who, what and how
- The Producer Responsibility Obligations (Packaging Waste) Regulations
- Obligations and exemptions
- Registration
- Recycling and recovery obligations
- Records
- Duties of the Environment Agency
- Offences
- Developments
- Waste management
- National Waste Strategy
- Waste minimisation (re-use/recycling)
- Waste definition
- Disposal and recovery
- Controlled waste management
- Hazardous waste management
- Proposed Legislation and EC Directives
- EU Commission's waste and resources strategies
- Implementation of ELV (End of Life Vehicles) Directive
- WEEE (Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment) Directive transposition into UK legislation
- Other producer responsibility initiatives
- Other proposals from the EU
- Conclusion
- Open forum
- Summary
- Close


text:
4:17pm PT by Michael O'Connell
'Downton Abbey' Spoof 'Downton Arby's' Plants Landed Gentry in Fast Food Franchise (Video)
Downton Abbey parodies show no signs of stopping -- and the latest scenario for the PBS series' intertwined aristocracy and servant class is at a fast food chain.
Sketchy, the new series of viral shorts from Yahoo! Screen's comedy channel, released Downton Arby's this week, and as the familiar group of actors might have you believe, it's one of the slicker spoofs to come out of the popular British soap.
Luck's Richard Kind, Matt Walsh (Veep) and comedians Erin Gibson and Jennie Pierson topline the spoof which finds the Crawleys looking for an heir in all the wrong places.
Some aspects are really no different at all -- Thomas has it in for Bates and nobody likes Edith -- but Kind plays Lord Grantham a little on the loopy side. He asks one customer if he'll take Lady Mary's hand, which only prompts a request for more horsey sauce.
Watch the full clip below:
Michael email@example.com mikeylikestv


text:
gaz wrote:1878: Founded as Bicycle Touring Club
1883: Rebranded Cyclists' Touring Club
1886: Traditional logo usurped by that ghastly Winged Wheel.
1906: Members voted to rebrand as The Touring Club and to amend the constitution to let in all tourists. High Court rejects application and we get stuck with focusing on those pesky cyclists.
1998: Rebranding, the current squiggly bicycle thing appears together with "CTC", "Working for Cycling", "CTC Right to Ride" and "CTC Helpline".
2012: Following a vote by the members, the Cyclists Touring Club becomes a registered Charity, "the national cycling charity" adopted as a strapline.
2013: Rebranding process announced. You did all contact your Councillor and let them know your opinions, didn't you?
2014: Council approves in principle to a change in trading name with "National Cycling Association" the hot favourite.
2016: Rebranding process announced to be complete "We are Cycling UK", "Cycling UK". Poll of the Whole Club anticipated as the rebrand has come as a complete shock .
Probably missed a few.
Lordy, gaz... have National Office got a direct line to your account?


text:
This is a very moist cake with cranberries, sultanas, coconut, lemon and walnuts. Very delicious and sugar free!
I made this fruitcake for my dad. He loves fruitcake and hadn't had one in years, due to his diabetes. I left out the coconut, because he doesn't like it. He absolutely LOVED this cake! He is the type of person who never asks for anything for himself - but he's already put in his request for more of this fruitcake! - 05 Dec 2002 (Review from Allrecipes USA and Canada)
This was really, really good. Made for my diabetic dad for Father's Day. Make sure you use canned crushed pineapple in juice-- and include the juice with the measurements. I actually added a little extra as well. I used craisins instead of fresh cranberries and used half whole wheat flour. Very tasty and flavorful. This is a great recipe. - 14 Jun 2008 (Review from Allrecipes USA and Canada)
Wow, I am so pleasantly surprised how great this tastes! I used 1/2 tsp of nutmeg instead of mace and then used a whole 20oz crushed pineapple. Followed the rest of the ingredients on the recipe. I did bake it for an extra 15 min for a total of 55 and my picky husband said it was one of the best fruitcakes he's ever had! Thank you, thank you since I've been searching for a great recipe for Fruitcake. - 03 Nov 2009 (Review from Allrecipes USA and Canada)


text:
Giving a wedding toast can be daunting, even if it's to a couple you know very well. Heck, speaking in public can be nerve wracking. As someone who's heard both long-winded toasts and touching speeches, below is some advice on giving a wonderful, memorable toast. Sample speeches are provided to get you started and inspired to share about the different people in your life, whether it's a friend or family member.
Quick Tips to Get You Started On Your Toast
If you and your relation to the couple are not well known, introduce yourself and your relationship, whether you're a friend, cousin, or aunt to the bride of groom. For instance, you could start with: "Hi everyone, my name is James Bird and I'm a friend from college to Brian."
Next, compliment the ceremony by saying how wonderful the celebrations are, or how romantic everything is. You could say: "I am honored to be at such a wonderful union of my close friends Brian and Janine." You could add a funny touch, if it's your style, such as "The food is great!" A well-placed and meaningful quotation from an author or poet can also be added to your speech.
Think about the attributes of the bride and the groom. What are some things that make them individuals? What makes them a great couple? Think about the times you have spent with the couple, and ask others about their experiences with the couple.
Remember, people don't like listening to facts. People respond to stories. Unlike facts, stories carry emotion and a logical flow from beginning to end. The stories can be funny, touching, or emotional. Just remember to keep the focus on the couple and not on yourself. This is their day to shine, and you're there to support them on this big day.
When giving your speech, divide your attention between the audience and the couple. Smile as you speak the couple, as though you're telling them an entertaining story.
Things to Avoid In Your Wedding Speech
Giving a wedding speech can be a sensitive subject, especially since it's the couple's day and there are a variety of people present, such as friends, family and family friends. Similar to keeping conversation light with strangers, don't talk about topics that could alienate or offend, or are possibly controversial. Even a joke that mildly puts others down can be quite hurtful. Use your judgment in deciding what are appropriate jokes and run them by a couple other people first. Keep things positive.
Don't talk about anything the couple confided to you. This can include plans for children, finances, etc. If you're not sure, ask! Run the topic by the couple to see if they are okay with you disclosing the information.
Don't talk about each couple's romantic pasts with other people. Previous girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses are touchy and emotional subjects. The wedding symbolizes a fresh, brand new start for the couple to embark on their lives together.
Sample Speeches For the Wedding Toast
Below are some sample speeches, whether the person is a family member or friend. Although they are provided below, they should be used more as guidelines and inspiration rather than copied word for word. Each person's relationship is unique; add your own experiences and touches to add that special touch.
Sample Wedding Speech For a Friend
Good evening everyone. My name is Alice and I'm a long-time friend of Georgina's. I am so honored to be at this elegant ceremony celebrating this special day.
Georgina and I first met in tennis camp ten years ago and have been friends ever since. I remember the first time I saw Georgina at tennis camp. There I was, standing awkwardly in the corner and I thought to myself, "who is this superstar champion?" She was smashing serves left and right, leaving me dumbfounded. To my surprise, we became friends when she introduced herself afterward. Eventually, we started playing matches against each other on Saturdays and Mondays.
She would always win against me in tennis…well, I might have won a couple times myself. But I remember she would always be practicing whenever she could. It was her passion. More importantly, it was her character. Georgina, I have always admired your strength, persistence and intelligence to overcome any obstacle. You always push through the tough times and inspire others to achieve what they want.
Years later, Georgina introduced me to Bob. I didn't know him very well at the time, but eventually got to know him better over time. I remember when Bob messaged me about a surprise party for Georgina. He wanted to throw a party to celebrate her graduation from English Literature, and gathered all her friends. We decorated her apartment with pictures of tennis stars and put up green balloons. Not only was Georgina ecstatic, but it also made me think. I thought to myself, "How wonderful that someone would take the initiative to give such joy to someone's life. Bob understood Georgina as a person; her attributes, likes and personality." Seeing the couple together, it is clear to me that Bob adores Georgina, and she adores him as well. In fact, whenever Georgina and I get together, she won't stop talking about him!
I only hope that someday, I will be so fortunate to find someone who completes me as well as Bob and Georgina do each other. To the couple, a toast.
Sample Wedding Speech for a Family Member
Good evening everyone, my name is Joseph and I am the brother of Judy. It is so wonderful to experience such a touching ceremony. I will carry the memories of today as I remember such a wonderful union of two people.
When we were younger, Judy and I had many sibling rivalries. I would poke her with a pencil repeatedly and she would take my sweater in return. One day, our family went on vacation to Disney World. Like the other kids, we got pirate swords and paraded them around, having a blast dueling with our swords. Judy noticed a little boy crying nearby a store. "Wait," she said. We stopped and watched as she walked over to the little boy, asking him something. She came back, holding onto the boy's hand and told my parents, "This boy is lost. Can we take him to the lost and found?" After a chuckle, my parents went to look for a staff member. But I will never forget my sister's kindness that day. The boy kept crying, so my sister offered her pirate sword to him. He was ecstatic. He and I duelled while my sister acted as a referee. We found a Disney staff and left the boy in his care, until the parents eventually found him.
My sister's compassion and care shone throughout the years. She decided to pursue Nursing. The way she speaks and soothes patients is something that warms my heart as I think about it. I remember when one day she brought home John, who works as a technician at the hospital. I knew he was the one for her. They would laugh and joke throughout dinner all the time. More importantly, he would go out of his way to make her happy. She would buy him gifts spontaneously, and still does!
I am incredibly happy that my sister has found the perfect match, and look forward to having John as a brother. Cheers!
A Closing Note
Remember to focus on the couple and the individuals. Think about the times you have shared together, and what about the couple strikes you as something to mention. The speeches should act as a springboard for your own ideas and thoughts.
If you enjoyed reading this article, you may also want to check out Sample Funeral Speeches.


text:
Researchers screen for teens in pilot fitness program
Fri., Feb. 24, 2012
Joe Cavanaugh is conscious about his weight, so the 17-year-old has been chatting with his friends about how to turn fat into muscle by lifting weights.
When the Lake City High School junior learned students were invited for consideration as participants in a teen health and research study, Cavanaugh jumped at the chance because he knew it could be just the motivation he needs.
"He came to me," said Melinda Miller, a Coeur d'Alene School District nurse. "He's motivated."
The pilot study's purpose is to find out how teens respond to a 12-week health and fitness program in which they work with fitness trainers, dietitians and nursing students. They will undergo physical fitness evaluations as well as nutrition and exercise counseling and wear a Bodybugg, which tracks calorie intake, type of food eaten and activities.
The grant-funded study's collaborators, including employees from Kootenai Medical Center, University of Idaho and Washington State University, are at Lake City High School today to finish screening nearly 100 students in search of 20 study subjects.
Shawn Burke, co-owner of U Aim High Fitness in Post Falls, came up with the idea for the study. The personal trainer's interest stems from research showing 1 in 3 teens are overweight.
"This whole design is to give kids a direction that they haven't had before," Burke said. "It also gives them a support system and goals that are attainable."
Baylee Marquis, 15, and her friend, Delaney West, 16, are among the candidates being considered for the study.
"I've always wanted to be fit, but I've never been determined," West said. "Now that I have Baylee and Ms. Miller, that'll help."
Burke's experience working with teenagers shows they "really seemed to enjoy working with a professional, having a plan of attack and having accountability," she said. "That's a key part of the program."
Before students are officially enrolled in the study, they will go through an informed consent process with a parent and study leaders, and will be medically screened, said Marian Wilson, Kootenai Medical Center's clinical research coordinator, who helped obtain the grant.
In addition to physical measures, researchers will use surveys at the start and finish of the study to determine what the teens know about food and exercise, how confident they are about running a mile and how much time they spend sitting in front of a television or computer, Wilson said.
Burke, who is also a physical therapy assistant at Kootenai Medical Center, said participating in the study will be like "taking a 12-week health and fitness class. The grading will be on how they will change physically. We want them all to succeed. But they have to come away with some new knowledge."
During the study, the teens will be able to download information from the Bodybuggs and "see instantly how many carbohydrates, proteins and fats they've had, and they will know how many calories they will need to burn based on what they ate," Burke said.
The students will also take outings to learn how to exercise outside a gym, order healthy food at fast-food restaurants, and cook and shop for healthy food, among other things.
If the pilot is successful, Burke said he'd like to see the program integrated into the community for all teens. But for now, he's happy just to get the idea off the ground.
"Our goal is to have 20 kids, but I've always said my goal is to change one kid. Change that vicious cycle that they've been living for a long time," Burke said. "If we can change this generation, maybe it can help the generations to come."
Local journalism is essential.
Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are not tax deductible, but are predominately used to help meet the local financial requirements needed to receive national matching-grant funds.
Subscribe to the Coronavirus newsletter
Get the day's latest Coronavirus news delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.


text:
When looking for good schools in Houston, you are definitely not spoiled for choice. However, good ones do exist and we have been struck by their welcoming and friendly atmospheres.
Private or Public?
Public (state) schools
A full list of public schools and their Accountablity Ratings can be found at www.tea.state.tx.us. Do not, however, judge these schools purely on their rating; some maintain high exam results by 'teaching to the test' and this method may not suit your child, simply use it as a starting point.
Many public schools also maintain a Magnet Program within their school which runs alongside the mainstream. This is an advanced learning program for children who can sustain a faster learning speed than is typical for their grade. Places are limited so entry exams, references and interviews are conducted to determine entry and the child must keep up with the class to retain their place.
Elementary schools usually go up to grades 4 or 5, Intermediate schools take grades 5 and 6, Middle schools or Junior High school start at either 6th or 7th grade and include 8th grade and High School is 9th - 12th grade.
Private Schools
Rating and ranking the private schools is a more difficult task as they are not required to be included in the TAKS testing system (upon which the Accountability Rating is determined). Most, if not all private schools though, do participate in some form of standardised testing of their students and results of those can be disscussed directly with each school.
For the most part there appear to be very few waiting lists for the private schools (though some do have them, and in most of those cases you'd need to have a legacy or a fat wallet to gain entry) so once you have made your decision, the only thing stopping you will be the entry requirements…meet these and you're in.
Ages and grades
The first thing to remember is that the school years between the UK and the US systems are slightly out of sync. Compulsory schooling in the UK starts at Reception when children are four (turning five during that school year). In Texas children usually start school the following year in Kindergarten, but they are not required by law to start until they are six (1st Grade).
The Texas Education Code also states that once enrolled in Pre-K or Kindergarten, a child shall attend school. NB American kindergartens emphasise play and social development, and are not nearly as academic iright from the beginning as British schools. Each system comes as a jolt to parents used to the other, but rest assured, in good schools (either system) students do catch up with each other fairly quickly (certainly by, say, age 8).
The chart below (fig. 1) shows the comparison between the two systems. Both systems allow for the (non-compulsory) preschool option, Nursery in the UK and Pre-K and Kindergarten in the US. Most Preschools (certainly in Houston) will take children as young as 18 months (and some even earlier) to start that all-important preparation for school. In the British system children are assessed in years 2 and 6 as well as the GCSEs in year 11, and AS and A levels in years 12 and 13.
The Texan system allows for testing every year from 3rd Grade onwards. Those tests simply show where the child is within age group, school etc but do not count towards passing or failing that year in school. Nor do they culminate in the High School Diploma. That is awarded at the end of four years of high school if the student has a passing grade point average... unless the student is in an IB school, where he/she can aim for the IB Diploma.
UK Stage
UK Testing
UK School Year
US/Texas Testing
US Grade
Key Stage 1
Year 1
Key Stage 1
SATS – Reading/Writing/
Year 2
1st Grade
Key Stage 2
Year 3
2nd Grade
Key Stage 2
Year 4
TAKS – Reading/Math
3rd Grade
Key Stage 2
Year 5
TAKS – Reading/Math/Writing
4th Grade
Key Stage 2
SATS – English/
Year 6
TAKS – Reading/Math/Science
5th Grade
Key Stage 3
Year 7
TAKS – Reading/Math
6th Grade
Key Stage 3
Year 8
TAKS – Reading/Math/Writing
7th Grade
Key Stage 3
Year 9
TAKS – Reading/Math/Social Studies
8th Grade
Key Stage 4
Year 10
TAKS – Reading/Math
9th Grade
Key Stage 4
GCSEs (IGCSEs)
Year 11
TAKS –Math/Social Studies/Science/English Language Arts
10th Grade
AS Levels
Year 12
TAKS –Math/Social Studies/Science/English Language Arts
11th Grade
AS & A Levels or IB
Year 13
High School Diploma or IB / SATs
12th Grade
School Districts
All US schools are organised into Independent School Districts (or ISDs, as they're called in Texas). Depending on where you live, you are allocated an Elementary, Middle and High School within your zone of the ISD. You can transfer to another school within your ISD, but the reasons must be valid and supported by both the sending and receiving schools. It is not unheard of to attend a school outside your ISD but examples are few and far between, and usually involves a complicated application and approval process and sometimes an appearance before the school board. In short, if you want to pick a public school, it matters where you live.
An important point is that if you live in the zone for your chosen school, even if the school is 'full', unlike the British system, they have to find places for your children. Private schools on the other hand will take students from any school district as long as they meet the entrance requirements (usually an evaluation of both academic ability and behavioural standards) and once they're full, they are full and you will be put on a waiting list.
Children are usually expected to take a written exam but for the younger ones, a face to face evaluation is all that is required. We say 'all' but in some cases the evaluation is quite detailed; this editor was asked to leave her son at the school for a whole morning, and received a three page summary report a couple of days later.
The greater Houston area is made up of over 50 ISDs, the largest being, not surprisingly, Houston ISD (HISD)- which does not cover the whole of Houston or even correspond to the city limits. Houston ISD covers everything inside the inner loop - 610 (so all of downtown) and quite a considerable amount inside the outer loop - Beltway 8. The other ISDs then spread out from there and cover at least 8 counties which are both inside and outside the city limits but are still considered as being Houston.
Not only is it large by Houston standards, Houston ISD is the seventh largest ISD in the US. Big is not always better as we found out during the recent overnight flooding, where most affected ISDs shut down their schools to allow the flood waters to recede without the pantomime of children and teachers trying to reach schools through flooded streets. But HISD found it was simply too big to organise a mass closing of its schools at such short notice.
Just in case you are a fanatic for detail, we think this description of Texas school districts is the most succinct:
"In Texas, all but one of the state's school districts are considered 'Independent' since they do not fall under the direct control of any other local government and their boundaries are not constrained by any city or county border lines. Each district is run by an elected school board, which appoints a superintendent and sets budgets and tax rates. Only the state of Texas has the authority to regulate and oversee the actions of an Independent School District." - Diane Moser Properties website.
Schools and Neighbourhoods
There are whole School Districts that people want to live within. In fact we know of a family that recently made the decision to move to Katy (just to the west of Houston) to get into the Katy ISD. There are many reasons but the main one is a child with focus issues.
That family's research found that the state schools are much better able to accommodate him and offer a wide variety of motivational incentives (not true of all state schools, of course). The private school he currently attends is just not able to deal with children who require additional support and their research of other private schools suggests the same.
Katy ISD is considered one of the best in the Houston area alongside Spring Branch and Cypress Fairbanks, among others.
International Baccalaureate Schools
There are nine schools in the Houston area that currently offer the International Baccalaureate (IB). Three of those are private schools: the British School, Awty International School and Village School.
Both the British School and Awty International are located near the inner loop (610) on the north west and west side of Downtown while Village School is further west outside the outer loop (Beltway 8).
The British School and Awty International School have offered the IB since 2005 and 1987 respectively, and have the best reputations thus far for overall results. Village School has only recently opened its high school and qualified as an IB school in 2010, so their first 12th grade will graduate in the summer of 2012.
The remaining six IB schools are public schools; Bellaire High, Dwight D. Eisenhower High, Mirabeau B. Lamar High and Westchester Academy for International Studies are spread out over the west side of Houston. The other two are located further north (each about 25 miles north of Downtown Houston): Klien Oak High (which is one of two of the nine that offers IB in both English and Spanish, the other being Westchester Academy for International Studies) and Humble High. There is talk of IB coming to Katy ISD but nothing has been confirmed as yet.
Practical information
Homework can start as early as 4 years old in some pre-schools but Kindergarten is where it really starts. At this level kids are usually only required to read their home reader and complete the occasional work sheet. By 1st grade, a spelling list is added with a test at the end of the week. After this, daily math and weekly spelling, vocabulary, comprehension and reading can make a gruelling homework schedule for the recalcitrant student.
Home projects such as the notorious 'science project' start in Kindergarten, are only once a year and are usually showcased at an organised event such as parent evening or science fair. In these early years, the projects are simple and fun and are usually determined by the class teacher (full instructions are given for any non-'sciencey' parents).
Discipline seems to be quite rigorous (certainly in the better Houston schools anyway) and children are expected to obey all school rules without question. We've seen kids with one hand on their heads and the other one covering their mouths, so they can't touch or speak to anyone else while walking between classrooms. There is no talking allowed in the halls or carpool lines. Lateness is recorded as a 'Tardy' on the report card and even uniform violations are noted. Bad behaviour is not tolerated by 'good' schools and for the most part dealt with pretty quickly with input from parents sought in all but the most minor of cases.
For the younger grades punishment comes in the form of a 'telling off', time out, losing recess to finish work or a visit to the Principle's office. However, from middle school (grade 6) detention is common in public schools. Students are required to carry a conduct folder with them at all times; any misbehaviour including talking in the halls, running, not being prepared for class etc is marked in the folder and is referred to as a conduct cut. The state of Texas has 'No Pass, No Play' policy, meaning that students whose grades fall below a 70 (which is considered a fail) will not be allowed to play in their sports team, band, drama or cheer leading.
Report Cards
Report cards are usually sent home multiple times a year and although they do not have a great deal of detail (usually just a grade for each area of study), they will certainly keep you up to date on your child's classroom performance. These, together with regular (we have four a year at our school) parent-teacher conferences and a welcoming open door policy make for great communication between schools and families.
Most ISDs have an online grading system and private schools seem to be going the same way. The HISD (Houston Independent School District) system is called Grade Speed under the 'Parent Student Connect' banner and allows parents to track their child's grades from the HISD website (some parents will admit to checking multiple times a day). The system allows parents to see what tests and assignments are coming up and what grades were achieved for ones already taken as well as alerts for grades falling below a certain level and notes from the subject teachers.
School Buses and Carpooling
School buses are available to all children going to public schools and, for a fee, some private schools. All school buses are bright yellow and have an array of flashing lights and pop out stop signs (there are stringent traffic laws against passing a school bus that has stopped to drop kids off). Children of all ages catch the bus and the driver knows all the children they carry and where they should be getting on and off each day. Individual stops are usually very close to home (we checked the schedule for all the schools in our zone of the ISD and found that two of them pick up and dropped off at the entrance to our neighbourhood, about 100 yards away and the other two stopped right outside our house!). Schedules can be found on each ISD's website.
Carpooling is actually drive-thru dropping off and picking up as there is not much 'pooling' going on from what I have seen. This is the norm at most (if not all) schools here. It is a very efficient way of getting to and from school without turning off your car's air conditioning! And very convenient if you have napping kids in the car at pick up time. Though some schools have quite long lines to sit in, others stagger the dismissal times to make the pick up pretty quick. A park and walk in option is always available and some parents prefer this for their younger children.
Some schools have cafeterias and others do not. Either way, children can either bring their own packed lunch or buy a hot lunch from the cafeteria. For schools with no lunch facilities of their own, outside companies supplying hot lunches direct to the classrooms are utilised. These can now be ordered and paid for directly via the internet.
Sports tend to be an extra curricula activity for children in the early years. PE in Elementary school is limited to inclusive exercises and fun games such as dodge ball, soccer and T-ball. Many schools also offer soccer, Tai Kwon Do, Dance, T-ball to name a few, as an afterschool activity but the main thrust of early years sports are organised leagues.
Whether it be neighbourhood teams or national sports organisations, it's all very serious stuff. The choice is wide with multiple leagues in, soccer, swimming, T-ball, little league (baseball), gymnastics, cheer leading (yes, really), volleyball, flag football (American football without the tackling) etc… The nice thing about these young teams is that everyone is welcome regardless of ability.
The biggest young soccer league FFPS (Fun Fair Positive Soccer) starts at age 4 and is all about wearing a team kit (complete with local sponsorship – and yes, you have to find that sponsorship yourself!) and running around the pitch after the ball. Many Brits are horrified that the parent coaches don't really know the rules themselves and opt for a more competitive league elsewhere. If your kids have done any soccer in the UK already, they will likely be frustrated with the 'nobody is allowed to score more than 3 goals in a game' rule; if this happens they have to sit out the rest of the game to 'give the others a chance'.
Also, total scores are not counted so nobody wins or loses (fine for the really small ones but not for the serious young footballer). While the emphasis is on fun and sportsmanship, you could find yourself having to fit in multiple evening practices and at least one game at the weekend, make it to the playoffs and your life could be completely taken over by practices, games and team parties.
The problems multiply when your children chose different sports or are in different age groups…next thing you know, you're a 'Team Mom' and find you have to organise the rest of the team as well! NB. My advice is not to volunteer for anything until you've done a season or two and you really know what you're in for.
Athletics (includes school teams) start at middle school in grade 7 and are very serious through high school. It's normal for high schools to have a full range of facilities such as football (American football) stadiums, swimming pools, baseball pitches, athletic tracks and basketball courts. The elusive sports scholarship to college is a strong driving force for a lot of families and the need to keep their grades up to be able to play seems to be an excellent way of keeping the students well-rounded and prepared for college. The organised leagues are still a big thing for the older kids, some being on both a school team and an independent league.
Parent Volunteering
Parent volunteering is a BIG thing here and at some point or another you will be expected to do your part. There is always a parent-teacher group but the function of each group varies between schools. Parents are asked to help in many ways, sports days, field trips, school plays and associated costume making, recycling programs, fundraising and class parties are all events when parents become invaluable and in many cases the schools would struggle to provide these activities without the extra help.
A Room Mom is usually selected to 'organise' the other moms in the class. This job involves organising the class parties (and making sure some of the other moms help out too), being available to help the teacher with any class projects, collecting money for teacher gifts and relaying important information to the rest of the parents. Class parties (for the pre-school and elementary grades) are held for each special event throughout the school year (fall/Halloween, Christmas, Valentines, Easter and end of year) and can involve a themed craft or activity, games and lunch (or a snack) to be provided by the parents. Sometimes the moms decorate the classroom as well but it all depends on how far the class teacher wants to go.
Other social events to be aware of are the High School Prom, Homecoming and in some cases a parent-sponsored members-only social 'club' for seniors. Parents take on the organisation of a social club (for want of a better term) which is often split into Girls and Mens. Students in their senior year must become members for a hefty $300-$400 and for that they will be included in the social events that have been organised: it must be noted that not everyone joins this club. As you may or may not already know, the Prom is equivalent to the leaving ball and the Homecoming is the tradition of welcoming back former students and while is often centred around a football game (American football), also includes events such as a ball, a dinner and a parade.
Home Schooling
Home Schooling has become more popular in Texas in recent years as families have become increasingly dissatisfied with offerings from their local school districts. The Texas Education Agency announced in 1985 that homeschooling was illegal and many families were criminally prosecuted for truancy But the court ruled in favour of the families and as a result home schools are now considered private schools and are not regulated by the State.
You are therefore not required to register your child with the local school district if you intend to school your children from home. Pre-prepared curricula can be obtained from a variety of sources but as long as your curriculum includes reading, spelling, grammar, math and a course of good citizenship, you can pretty much do as you like. There are many extra curricula activities available to supplement home academics: music classes, sports, foreign languages, dance, computer studies, local theatre and many more activities can be added to your home based program as part of local organised programs specifically directed at home schooled children. The Houston Museum of Natural Science, Houston Space Centre, Houston Arboretum, Moody Gardens and the Houston Zoo all provide specific Home School programs.
Qualifications and College Entry
On completion of 12th Grade (equvilent of Year 13) most students in State schools will graduate with a High School Diploma. Students who pass 12th Grade by obtaining enough credits or by completing all core courses but do not meet the standard graduation requirements will not receive their High School Diploma, but will instead receive a Certificate of Attendance.
International schools (including overseas British Schools) tend to offer the International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum to students completing their final two years of High School, culminating in the IB Diploma for students who successfully complete the two year course and have appropriate scores on the IB exam.
In many universities, credit towards a degree can be earned from A levels, IB and AP (Advanced Placement) courses and exams. It is compulsory for students to remain at school until 10th Grade (or the equivalent of Year 11), but students who leave at 16 are considered 'drop outs' and have no qualifications so it is generally considered that school finishes at 12th grade.
You will find that IGCSEs (International General Certificate in Secondary Education) are only available (in Houston) at The British School. This is something to seriously consider if you think you might be moving back to the UK at any time during your child's secondary school years. If you put your child in an American school and you move back to the UK at the end of 10th Grade (Year 11) having missed the GCSE exams, he will not have had the formal preparation to move onto AS and A level courses. This is less of a problem if the student is coming from an extremely rigorous US school, but does put extra pressure on the less well-prepared student.
By the same token, students applying to British universities from good US high schools will find that UK universities are very up to speed on US curricula and exams. Universities like Oxford clearly state on their website the qualifications they look for on applications from the US.
If applying to US Colleges, while GCSE's (or IGCSEs) are considered to be the equivalent of the High School Diploma, college applicants should be aware that American colleges and universities will think odd (and usually disregard) someone applying for post-secondary education who has not gone on with A Levels, IB or a High School Diploma as well.
Advanced Placement (AP) Courses and Exams
The Advanced Placement (AP) Program is designed to give students a head start on their college level work. Through AP courses, high school students can explore a full range of college level subjects. The accompanying AP exams give students the opportunity to earn credit or advanced standing at most of the nation's colleges and universities. Not only does enrolling in AP courses allow a student to get ahead by earning college credits early, it demonstrates his maturity and readiness for college, as well as his drive and commitment to further academic study which can give him an edge when applying for a college place.
Many high schools will have an AP teacher or coordinator who will guide students on which AP courses can best suit their abilities and current workload. If the student is homeschooled or attends a school that doesn't offer AP, courses can still be studied through independent online study. See www.collegeboard.com for a list of AP courses available.
American SAT and ACT
Not to be confused with the Standard Assessment Tests (SATs) of the British Curriculum, the SAT is an essential part of College entry in the US. The three hour exam (made up of writing, critical reading and math) is widely considered a measure of a high school student's chance of academic success in the first year of college, making that all-important SAT score of critical importance in the application process.
The American College Testing (ACT) assessment is an alternative to the SAT, and both are accepted by virtually all colleges and universities. Most colleges require students to report either SAT or ACT Assessment scores on application. SATs are offered seven times a year and while students can retake the test as many times as they feel necessary, taking it too many times is not advisable. As colleges generally "count" the highest score for each of the three sections, they do have access to all your test scores, so it is generally advised not to take this test more than three times.
The highest achievable SAT score is 2400 (800 per section) but the average score is approximately 1540. To put a bit of perspective to the score, unofficially it is thought that a score of 2200 or more would be required to achieve success at a top University like Harvard but it is also alleged that Harvard turns away 300 students with perfect scores every year.
Preschools, Mother's Day Out and Day Care
Children who attend some form of childcare before they reach School age (must be 6 on September 1st to start 1st Grade) will either attend a Preschool or a Day Care Centre. The age of acceptance to Preschool varies from place to place but some take children as young as 9 months for their Mother's Day Out programs (MDO). MDO is a part time childcare for, just as the name suggests, mothers who want the odd day or two to do other things without their children in tow.
Usually following the school calendar, (some are closed during school holidays) most are four to five hours a day and two or three days a week which can be a life saver for those who need a few hours a week to go to the dentist, doctor, hairdresser or just have a quiet coffee with friends and in my experience there's always something that needs to be done without the kids.
Preschools will often only take children up to Pre-K or Kindergarten but some are part of a school making the transition to Elementary school and beyond that much easier. Most schools and some preschools also provide 'before' and 'after' (school) care which effectively makes them a Day Care for those parents who work full time outside the home. The Texas Department of Family and Protective Services provide their inspection findings online, where you can look up a childcare facility and read their inspection report, warts and all! http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/child_care/Search_Texas_Child_Care/ppFacilitySearchDayCare.asp
See article: 'Preschools, Mothers' Day Out and Day Care' for a list of organisations.
www.hslda.org - HSLDA Advocates for Homeschooling
www.statemaster.com – StateMaster
www.thsc.org – Texas Home School Coalition
sat.collegeboard.com – The College Board
www.tea.state.tx.us - Texas Education Agency


text:
About This Center
The evolation yoga teacher training Alicante location is aptly situated in the re-energizing +Qi. The facilities at +Qi let you blissfully relax as you study, practice and grow on your yoga journey.
Immerse yourself in a 4 week yoga experience that will change your life.
Limited to 20 participants – apply today: (contact info blocked)
Evolation hot yoga teacher training is a 250hr course focused on teaching the hot yoga Primary Series, originally defined by Bikram Choudhury. You will explore the essentials of yoga philosophy, anatomy and mechanics that underpin this sequence - in an inclusive and intimate training environment. You will also deepen your own yoga practice through intimate posture mechanics workshops, a variety of yoga classes and individual feedback.
Our teacher training is an ongoing program designed to prepare you the student for a more connected and aware life of contribution, Self growth and fulfillment. The curriculum, and ultimately the classes you will teach, are a set of tools for your own Self awakening. We are committed to supporting this by mentoring you long after your immersion training is complete.
ReviewsWrite a review - tell others about your experience.
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.


text:
Buy Now Lt Blue Toile Curtains
Each Curtain is 84″long by 42″ wide Includes 1 1/2″ header above the rod. You will need 1 1/2 – 2 times the window width Ex: 36″ window will require 2 Valances Cotton Fabric Machine Wash cold water Dry Low setting Iron if needed Email me if you need help to determine how many you need for your windows.
Categories: Shabby Chic Bedrooms, Shabby Vintage, Toile
Sorry, comments are closed for this item.


text:
Try saying 'Romeo and Ethel, the Pirate's Daughter' as the name of a play by William Shakespeare.
After hearing that phrase in 'Shakespeare in Love' at Chicago Shakespeare Theater and thinking "you've got to be kidding," the reason for the nutty title makes sense if willing to accept that the bard started out like an embryonic chick breaking through its eggshell rather than a fully developed hen ready to produce offspring.
Adapted for the stage by Lee Hall from Marc Norman and Tom Stoppard's screenplay of the same title, 'Shakespeare in Love' starts with a young, struggling but talented Will Shakespeare.
He's under pressure to hand over a new play to two different sponsors but is unable to go beyond a beginning phrase and a working title with "Ethel" as the heroine.
In the witty minds of Norman and Stoppard, Will needs help from friends, foes and rivals to replace Ethel and pirates with better protagonists.
What develops is the play that eventually becomes his famed 'Romeo and Juliet' tragedy and also the germ of an idea that leads to the 'Twelfth Night' comedy.
Along the way, expertly guided by Director Rachel Rockwell and with spot-on portrayals from a talented cast, the Chicago Shakespeare version provides fascinating insight into the precarious profession of play writing and production, men-only acting companies and the lack of women's rights in the sixteenth century England of Queen Elizabeth I.
Kate McGonigle is delightful as Shakespeare's muse, Viola de Lesseps. She dresses as a boy to be Romeo in his new play, but unmasked, she is the inspiration for his Juliet. Viola is also the name of the heroine disguised as a male in 'Twelfth Night.'
Nick Rehberger successfully depicts a somewhat bumbling, young, penniless Will Shakespeare who falls in love with Viola. He becomes so tongue tied talking to her he needs descriptive poetic phrases from his friend, playwright Kit Marlowe, well interpreted by Michael Perez.
Part of the fun of the play is that the characters, from theater owners and acting company managers to actors and playwrights, were real people back in Shakespeare's time.
However, the play's message turns out to be that the Romeo-style Will and Juliet-style Viola don't turn to suicide just because their romance can't lead to a happily-ever-after ending.
Viola has been pledged to a titled gentleman who wants her family's money to establish plantations in Virginia so she has to leave England with him. Will is already married although he says they are separated.
Of course Chicago Shakespeare's physical theater complemented by Scott Davis' scenic design adds the right historic setting, but Susan E. Mickey's wonderful period costumes are important to set the characters into their station in English life.
Details: 'Shakespeare in Love' is at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater on Navy Pier, 800 E. Grand Ave., Chicago, now through June 11, 2017. For tickets and other information call (312) 595-5600 and visit Chicago Shakes.


text:
President's Message
Jeff Bassill
President & CEO
Through a vulnerability on their website, LifeLock, Symantec's identity theft protection service, has permitted the indexing of email addresses associated with millions of its customer accounts, exposing customers to identity theft and phishing scam risks.
In wake of this news, we would like to share tips on how to protect yourself from phishing scams:
- Watch for communications from unknown or untrusted senders.Be wary if you are receiving communications from anyone that you do not know personally.
- Pay attention to expressions of urgency or immediate requests for action.Scammers will try to make you act quickly by saying that your account will be closed or a purchase will be cancelled if you do not act immediately. They want you to act before you think. Don't fall for it.
- Look for requests for sensitive personal information.Banks, merchants, and other reputable institutions will never ask for your personal or account information by email, so never provide it. If you have any concerns, call the organization directly to verify the legitimacy of the communication.
- Check for spelling or grammatical errors.Many of the phishers are from outside of the United States, so they don't have a strong grasp of the English language. If you see misspelled words, wrong use of pronouns and tenses or other grammatical issues, it could be a phish.
- Remember, if it is too good to be true, it probably is!If you receive a communication out of the blue saying that you won the lottery or are heir to a foreign fortune you might want to think twice before claiming your reward.
- Always use updated anti-virus software.Especially one with an anti-phishing filter.
As a reminder, all members with a Kings Federal checking account have access to CyberScout, the premier provider of identity management services. If you have questions or suspect you are a victim of identity theft, contact CyberScout at 877-432-7643. You can also visit our ID Theft Page.


text:
National Aboriginal Day
June 21, is National Aboriginal Day across Canada, it's proclaimed annually in the Town of Peace River. This year for the first time ever, a ceremony was held at the flagpole in the downtown roundabout before the raising of both the Treaty 8 and Métis Nation flags. This small gesture is a symbol of the Town of Peace River's commitment to working towards reconciliation. While there is no roadmap to reconciliation, the Town believes that by honouring our shared history, the good and the bad, we can collectively build a better a future.
The DMI Art Gallery at the Peace River Municipal Library will have a display of local Aboriginal and Métis art on display until July 19. The official opening takes place tonight at 6, see below for event details.
At the end of the month Cinema Politica will be screening the film "Colonization Road," at the Peace River Municipal Library. This free movie is a great learning opportunity.
National Aboriginal Day was first proclaimed in 1996 by Canada's former Governor General Romeo A. LeBlanc; and,
The Town of Peace River is home to a vibrant Aboriginal and Métis Community; and,
The Town is situated on traditional Treaty 8 land; and,
In the spirit of reconciliation, we press forward towards a brighter future without forgetting the lessons of the past.
Be it Resolved
That the Mayor and Council of the Town of Peace River hereby proclaim June 21, 2017, as "National Aboriginal Day," in the Town of Peace River.


text:
HR Masterclass Series: We're going virtual! New courses, new formats!
Review the 2020 masterclasses here »
It is perfectly normal for one to feel nervous starting a new job. To help newcomers fit in, it is common for the human resources department to arrange a buddy or assign a mentor to make the transition for the new joiner easier.
While assigning new colleagues a "friend" and setting up lunch meetings so they do not have to eat alone is a nice way to help them fit in, throughout the working day newcomers can still find themselves in some tough spots.
Here are some the silly things timid newcomers have done as listed on Heawork Tumblr. If you come by any of these, be a good colleague and help them out.
1. Hide when taking phone calls
New colleagues are usually hesitant to take private phone calls in the office. They will run into the conference room or the bathroom when they receive a call.
2. Avoid taking the lift with colleagues
Newbies will wait outside the lift lobby if they see colleagues waiting for the lift. They would rather take the next lift than face the "awkward silence" moment with colleagues they barely know.
3. Awkward encounter with the boss during lunch
Running into the boss at the same restaurant during lunch can be stressful. New joiners are often too afraid to say hello, and feel like they must rush to return to the office before the boss.
4. Do not dare leave on time
New joiners usually do not have much to do, yet they do not dare step out of the office until someone asks them to do so. They end up staying late with nothing to do.
5. Worried about bringing home-made lunch
Some colleagues like to bring home-made lunch to take a break from socialising, but newbies are often worried they'll be labelled as anti-social.
ALSO READ: Managers, this is what your newcomers expect from you on day one
Photo/ 123RF
HR Masterclass Series: We're going virtual! New courses, new formats!
Review the 2020 masterclasses here »


text:
The Catholic Spirit wins national journalism awards
The Catholic Spirit was honored with 13 awards for writing and videography at the Catholic Media Convention June 19 to 21 in Denver.
The awards, for work completed in 2012, are given by the Catholic Press Association of the United States and Canada.
In the category of "best feature writing," the newspaper garnered three awards:
• 1st place for "The Sober Truth: Alcoholic opens home in St. Paul to help others like him" by Dave Hrbacek.
• 3rd place for "Person of Mercy: Woman finds healing from abortion, offers hope to those facing unplanned pregnancies" by Dave Hrbacek.
• Honorable mention for "Coming to America: Immigrants give back to communities they now call home" by Julie Carroll.
The Catholic Spirit won three awards for editorials by Joe Towalski:
• 3rd place in the national/international category for "After Newtown: Moving from darkness into the light."
• 3rd place in the local category for "Setting the record straight on adoption, single-parent children."
• Honorable mention in the local category for "Time to fold on gambling option for new Vikings stadium."
Dianne Towalski won two awards for "best online presentation of video:"
• 3rd place for "Archdiocesan Youth Day 2012."
• Honorable mention for "Catholic cowboy relies on his faith."
The Catholic Spirit also won awards in other categories:
• 2nd place for "best reporting on a special age group — teenagers" for "Archdiocesan Youth Day aims to fire up faith of young Catholics" by the staff.
• 2nd place for "best chart or information graphic" for "Catholic Charities 101" by Dianne Towalski
• 2nd place for "best coverage of a routine, sacramental event" for "Finding God in the darkness: Nine siblings join church after losing their parents" by Julie Carroll and Dave Hrbacek.
• 3rd place for "best regular special supplement" for "Leading With Faith," an annual section honoring men and women business leaders who live their faith in the workplace.
• Honorable mention for "best coverage of vocations" for "Father's Day . . . with a twist," by Dave Hrbacek.
Dianne Towalski also received a first place award from the Society for the Propagation of the Faith in the "mission news" category for her story "Kitui delegation visit features faith, friendship . . . and fun," about last fall's visit to the archdiocese by a delegation from the Diocese of Kitui, Kenya.
Category: Local News


text:
- Create your account
- Receive up-to-date newsletters
- Set up text alerts
log in to manage your profile and account
Beth Rousseau joined the Action News Jax team as a general assignment reporter in October 2016.
As a central Florida native, she's glad to be back in the sunshine state. Beth is a proud Florida State University alumna, where she majored in Media/Communication Studies and Theatre.
Her career began at the Fox affiliate in Binghamton, New York. After one winter, Beth traded Upstate's frigid temperatures for 'famously hot' Columbia, South Carolina. While reporting in the Capitol City she covered the removal of the Confederate flag from statehouse grounds and the 2015 flooding that devastated the state.
Beth already loves living in Jacksonville and can't wait to continue exploring. A former Florida State rower, she's excited to get back on the water in the River City. She also enjoys beach days, and being with friends and family.
If you have story ideas or just want to say hi, email firstname.lastname@example.com and follow her on Twitter @BRousseauANJax.


text:
If you were to ask any one of those teenage rioters "why", it's likely they would have difficulty finding a specific, comprehensible response. However, it's without question they feel something is deeply wrong with life in Britain today. That's all, nothing else and what's more, they don't pretend to have any answers.
It should also be obvious to the average politician that whatever answers there may be are not to be found in trite soundbites and mindless condemnation. I'm sad to say politicians of every colour over the last twenty years or so have created more problems than they've solved. It's sensible to assume the current crowd will continue the tradition by making a sorry and overly complicated mess of any policy they inflict upon us even those cobbled together in a knee-jerk reaction to the current bout of ostensibly peaceful protest. Well, peaceful until the Police get involved anyway.
What we all know is that British society has been riddled with inequality, prejudice and raw poverty for too long and unless there is real engagement at the grass roots of all strata of society, the ramifications for the citizens of this country will be immeasurable.
Tired to the bone, and dejected, nevertheless I proffer a few suggestions why anger begins to boil.
|| We feel politician's indifference when they blithely take away our livelihoods, homes, education and support. || We are tired of the irresponsibility of those who judge us. || We are sick of working ourselves to the bone and still being poor. || We are fed up being forced to live how they want us to but without any meaningful boundaries or rules. || Our society is dysfunctional but not because of us; most of us are the product of this dysfunctional society. || We are ashamed of our helplessness to defend communities against erosion by the Authorities. || It's debasing to be told they "allow" us to live here when we always believed it's our right to do so. || We're sick of having to prove our right to welfare and healthcare which is often disallowed without warning or reason by people who have nothing whatsoever to do with us and who are rich enough not to need them. || We're fed up the rich are untouchable. || We're sick of being sacrificed because some people are too big and powerful to be allowed to fail. || We are angry our children are forced to strive for someone else's ambition. || We're sick of work being held up as a universal moral. We are commanded to accept any kind of job without question, whether or not it's fulfilling or provides enough for our families to live on. || We're sick of pledges meaning absolutely nothing. || We're disgusted that a million people who marched for peace were ignored and our youngsters were sent to war anyway. || We're ashamed this country is one of the first to have the dream of democracy destroyed. || We're disgusted so many of us are forced to fight the system simply to survive. || We're sick of lies and never being allowed to make up our own minds. || We're fed up being constantly reminded that our contribution is irrelevant. || I'm ashamed that even one of our children should be made to feel they have to riot just to be heard.
To my mind equality, well-being and a belief in mutual support are the only true measures of a successfully functioning society.
It's all very well me venting my spleen all over the place but, what do you think?


text:
Find Answers to Your Questions
Benchmark.games fits into your existing hiring process, generally on the pre-screening and selection level.
There are two main ways of integration:
Benchmark.games fits flexibly into these two main use cases:
Generally, no. You won't have to switch to a different ATS platform.
Our goal is to save you money and get better results in your recruiting. We tailor our pricing to the needs of your company.
Please contact us for a personalized quote.


text:
A lot must be considered when picking the right religion to be on-line ordained into. Due diligence is key to finding the right path to enlightenment, and whilst it looks very easy for those tambourine-rattling, devil-dodgers on Songs of Praise and The Only Way Is Amish, a degree of actual commitment and clarity of mind is critical for spiritual success. My personal journey began on a Saturday morning, and only after I had managed to sit still for a full five minutes without the need to check football scores or snipe on Twitter.
During a rare moment in which my kid wasn't trying to break my spirit and with absolutely nothing better to do, I managed to reach a strange inner stillness - the kind you get when idly watching the fat bloke in your office stuffing a KFC into his monstrous face. Almost without thought I reached out to my laptop and clicked the Google icon. Courageously battling the obvious urge to immediately watch porn, I entered the mystically sensitive sentence, 'Ordain me, bitch', and sat back.
I was now locked into a sea of organised beliefs, all clambering over themselves to stake a claim on my soul (such as it is). This is when the real inflection and quest for the glorious and the divine began in solemn plight.
There were so many to consider… The Universal Life Church, Spiritual Humanism, The Open Ministry, The Pacific Life Church, First Nation Ministry, to name but a few. If enlightenment was on the menu, then I was starting to feel a little stuffed - a feeling said fat bloke from the office will never experience.
The Universal Life Church was very appealing and offered a lovely line in redemption, soul saving, and a very reasonably priced Ordination Package. For a measly $26.99, you could own a "… beautiful credential for your wall, a clergy badge, a plastic personalized wallet card credential, parking placard, and a Minister Window Cling."
As an opening offer this one was hard to turn down. $26.99 for all that lovely plastic shit! It was tempting. However, I was soon turned off The Universal Life Church upon reading what I could get from the Spiritual Humanism site.
Not one, but three packages to choose from! $14.95 would get you the Basic Clergy Service Pack (Really… who wants to be a basic clergy?), the Advanced Clergy Service Pack came in at $39.95 (now we're getting somewhere), and finally the Deluxe Clergy Service Pack walked on water at $89.95 (I want to be a righteous weapon of God, please?).
The deluxe package was bringing all the good shit, Ordination Certificate, quality ID badge, manuals, CD-ROMs and lots of other stuff including a whole mess of baby naming certificates, marriage certificates, affirmation of love certificates, to name a few. Ok, so an official pardon certificate for molesting altar boys was not included, but I'm pretty sure you could have ordered one via their online store.
Now, you would think that my quest for cost-effective enlightenment was over, and deluxe divinity was awaiting my PayPal account? Hell no. Much like the road to Damascus, my journey would be long, difficult, and littered with the occasional mound of donkey shit. So with this in mind, I made myself another torturous cup of coffee, laboured hard to open the second bag of chocolate, and pushed my twisted and gnarled body back into my wonderfully comfortable sofa (cross-shaped), and flicked on the TV.
In between episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County, I continued my quest. The First National Ministry had a very basic web design, and for those blessed with a higher calling, they seemingly failed to make use of higher jpeg resolutions. The Pacific Life Church appeared to be more interested in selling T-shirts and tote bags to religious zealots with healthy bank balances.
… and as for The Open Ministry, well, they looked cheap and nasty - religion for the pound shop brigade.
In short, the more I searched for the perfect religion to be ordained into, the more I was getting side-tracked by the lovely Heather and Tamara from Orange County - two women that once ordained, I fully intended to brain-wash into my new cult.
Holy shit… I would need to sort out a cult!
All of that organization and grooming I would have to do. I would need to find a compound to preach from, stock up on food and water - enough to outlast any police stand-offs. Where the hell was I going to buy Ak-47's and rocket launchers from? It was all getting too much. I'm naturally lazy and shiftless, hard work is something I try to avoid at all costs. Seriously, I get a little clammy when asked to do the washing-up, how was I going to handle the logistics of my congregation's eventual mass suicide?
Un-nailing myself from the sofa, I paced the room in lonely contemplation and inner reflection.
Suddenly, as I walked past my DVD collection, the enlightenment I sought was blasted into me like the sound-waves emitted from a celestial chorus.
Falling to the floor, with the tears of a thousand sinners upon my cheeks, I gathered myself up and three minutes later was ordained into the one religion I could fully commit too. I was now a recognised minister, capable of marrying people, christening kids, procrastinating spiritual advice, and a worthy foot-solider awaiting the Rapture.
I could now drink White Russians, go bowling anytime I liked, wander around in a bathrobe and generally mimic one of my all-time favourite movie characters - safe in the knowledge that I was doing all of the above in the name of spiritual harmony, wellbeing and sanctified lethargy.
The Church of the Latter Day Dude is my sunbeam, and in The Big Lebowski I had found my shepherd.
Rev. Paul Millard - 2014