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Saturday, May 03, 2008
A Female Perspective on Political Correctness, Wussification, and Its Destructive Impact on Relationships and Marriage
Happy birthday, Steven Jackson! I got an e-mail last night from a reader who sounds like she's about as fed up and downright pissed off as a woman can get. She's got a beef with the world's over-reaction to feminism and political correctness in general, and is issuing a wake-up call. Meet Gail:
Hi David,
I'm angry right now, very angry, and it might have been better if I had waited to share this until I was a little more composed, but I've been angry for months, and I've shared this repeatedly with my girlfriends and realize that doing so is not accomplishing anything because I'm SO "preaching to the choir" that it's ridiculous. I've got to share it with someone who can help me do something about it, and I'm starting with you.
My husband of 28 years is a wuss. He wasn't a wuss when I married him, or for years after I married him. He's a production manager at a large manufacturing company, and got to that position because he was an excellent leader, strong and decisive, but always fair, and tried to be a good motivator. If he doesn't straighten up soon, he's going to lose his job, and he may even end up losing me, if I don't kill him first!
You see, he went to this seminar that was supposed to help him be a better manager, and from what he told me, it amounted to a pep rally for touchy-feely people and about the only thing he came away from the seminar with was the idea that he needed to pay his employees personal compliments to make them feel like he was interested in them as people, not just employees. I think this is ridiculous, because you show people you are interested in them by asking them questions, not saying flattering things, but that's beside the point.
There was a woman who worked under him – I call her a woman, but she was a gold-digging hussy just watching for a chance to sue somebody – and when my husband complimented her on a nice hairstyle one day, she went to the HR department and filed a sexual harassment complaint! He spent the next six months being raked over the coals by corporate attorneys, HR consultants, attending "sensitivity training seminars," etc., to finally get the bitch satisfied and still be able to keep his job. He's now been so mentally and emotionally battered that he's afraid to talk to women, including me!
He used to be so very strong and confident. He walked into a room like he owned it because he did. Now he walks into a room looking as if he expects to be attacked if there's a woman there. We've talked about it, and he says the problem is that the legal threats and the threat of losing his job after 31 years with the same company made him realize what would happen if he were to suddenly lose his job this late in life, and how little it might take, and it "spooked him" as he says.
I've just bought your book for him, and if it has everything in it you say it does, I'm pretty sure he'll be okay. He or I may have questions; will it be okay if we contact you? If so, how?
Thank you in advance for your help,
Gail F.
My reply:
Well, Gail, to say I'm feeling your pain would be an understatement. What you describe comprises one of my main motivations in writing "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." I'm not an antagonist or provocateur, but I am as disgusted with all this politically correct nonsense and the wussification of both men specifically and people everywhere in general that I could about puke. There was a time when I would have offered an apology if the word "puke" offended anybody's fragile sensibilities, but today, I just really don't care. I say it to get the message across, not to try to offend people. (Indeed, Gentlemen, if it offends you, grow some skin or find another newsletter to occupy your time, because becoming an alpha male is definitely not in your future.)
Getting back to the subject at hand, congratulations! I see all kinds of corrective action being taken here. Discussion with your husband and nailing down the problem is a huge and wonderful step in the right direction, one that, unfortunately, many couples couldn't pull off. Identifying a path back to your husband's old alpha male (and therefore highly desirable and effective leader) self and taking the first steps down that path are also commendable.
To answer your questions, I read all e-mail, answer as much of it as I can and still remain productive, and any questions and answers that can benefit all readers, as you know, appear here in this newsletter with the senders' consent. If your husband needs a session or two with a personal coach to speed up the process he can e-mail me at email@example.com, but it shouldn't be necessary. You've made an excellent start with my book, and I'm going to suggest to you that in your case, you skip the beginning material on evaluating your relationship, at least for the time being, and have him start with the communication section. He is one of the few whom I would say should complete the evaluation after he has cured this crisis of confidence; you're relationship is obviously on a solid foundation if you are taking this route to try to help him.
In your case, the communication section will help him regain his confidence in speaking to women because he will be better prepared to pick up hints and signals, which will in turn help him regain his confidence in dealing with women, hopefully removing that "vulnerable and lost" feeling, one of the main reasons I put it before the attraction section. Then have him continue through the attraction section, and work with him as he goes through it. If you want to be really supportive, read a bit ahead of him and try to round up copies of books, movies, etc., that are mentioned as good examples so they will be convenient for him. It will speed his progress, which you'll both appreciate, and the two of you will thoroughly enjoy watching movies like "The Fountainhead" and "Don Juan DeMarco" together.
Speaking of examples, there is one that is not yet in the book that I need to add, and while it is about U.S. Americans (I personally hold all people in this hemisphere as Americans, since we live in "North," "Central," and "South America"), it is an interesting read and full of good examples for all men to follow, regardless of where you live. The book is called "The Greatest Generation," by Tom Brokaw. I never cared for Brokaw's politics or the political slant in a lot of his reporting because there's a big difference in reporting the news and trying to influence the public's perception of it, but the details in this book about the men very often describe heroic alpha males, and regardless of your feelings for Brokaw or U.S. heroes of World War II, the role models found there are effective, and it makes for interesting and productive supplementary reading.
One other thing that I need to bring out is that "sexual harassment" is only a workplace issue as far as legalities go. It is a workplace issue because you are compelled to co-exist there for the sake of your employment. That doesn't give you license to be chauvinistic, rude and obnoxious everywhere else, but that does mean it is the only place where you may have to actively avoid any kind of sexuality, so if you are concerned, contain your concern to the workplace and be yourself – your respectful but assertive and naughty, and therefore FUN self – everywhere else.
Take care, and keep in touch,
There you have it, folks. If you (Gentlemen) or the man in your life (Ladies – it's just wrong that I even have to say that, but I know I'll get a ton of smart-ass comments from you jokers if I don't! LOL!) are feeling castrated, there is a fix, guaranteed effective, in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." Download your copy today at http://www.makingherhappy.com and get back to being the man you were born to be.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Friday, May 02, 2008
Fixing Relationship and Marriage Problems: You Can't Kill Time Without Injuring Eternity
I was out running some errands one afternoon and noticed a sign in front of a church that read, "You can't kill time without injuring eternity." I don't know how they may be looking at that sentence, or if they fully realize its meaning, but the instant I read it I was reminded of a bunch of letters I've received from people who were having problems. I'm not going to disclose their names or anything personally identifiable because being in such a predicament is stressful and embarrassing enough for them, but I want you to see the kinds of things that can happen when you let little problems go unresolved (each paragraph is from a different reader comment or letter):
I filed for divorce after he physically abused me, so poor choice in mate, he wouldn't take your site seriously, so wish you all the best of success. You have some great advice and wonderful readers.
Question: we split up and now she is seeing someone else ... any advice on how to win her heart back?
issue 2: my wife starts sex when she wants & not when I want this has gone on so long that I don't even bother trying to be sexy with her, once again we have spoken but this ends up in a shouting match
Question: My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We haven't had sex more than once every few months since our second anniversary, and I'm sick of it. Can you help us?
Issue 1: for years my wife won't kiss me I tell her it hurts but she says there's no need. My wife thinks I am odd because I want a kiss & cuddle from her but she wont when I tell her how I feel she ends up shouting at me then crying then sayings things will change & they do for a day or two then she is the same cold person with me, can I go on for the rest of my live feeling so unloved by her, I am 42 after 17 years marriage.
issue 6: after reading the above, even though I am not sure that I could leave her as we have 2 children but is there any point if feeling so low all the time & never seeing the light should I leave whilst I am able to start a new life, this would be the hardest ting that I have ever even thought about.
You need to know that my wife of 4 1/2 yrs (dated for one, lived together for one, then married) has decided to divorce me. We have a two year old son. She says she's lost her feelings for me, she doesn't hate me, she still cares about me, she still likes me as a friend, but the love is gone. There are some side issues, but nothing that I believe is the real problem. I have been coming to realize that I have been "weak" not asserting my "alpha male" thing. I suppose I have always wanted to please her, and when we have a problem (fight) I always give in, or she always "wins". I think that I need to get stronger, before this divorce is final. How can I win her back? How can I show her that I am attractive (physically, emotionally, etc.) How can I trigger the emotions I believe are still there? We had a fantastic dating life, we had a great marriage, then after my son was born I assumed the "father role" and quit all the romanticisms, and stopped helping out around the house and didn't help out with the child-care. I have come to grips with the fact that I lacked in those areas, and am willing to change, but I need to "win her back" first. What can I do before it's too late? Oh, I hope you can give me some good advice. I hope there is something I can do before it's too late. Please, help! I love my son, and my wife, I want this family to be unified again!
Do you see what's going on here? These people have let problems fester for months, and even years, and there are some things that should be jumping off the page at you. First, and most important, is that they steadily get worse. You'll also notice that it doesn't matter if the deterioration of their relationship is fast or slow, the result is the same; they are either terminally unhappy and holding on out of fear, or they're divorcing, and it's not so easy to get out of or get over a 20-year relationship and start over in your forties or fifties, and one of these readers is in his sixties, and the wife he refers to is his second wife.
They're all reaching out for help now, and most of them have chosen or will choose to accept it, but look at how many years they've spent being miserable that they could have spent being happy with each other if they had addressed their problems early and corrected them at that time. What's the old saying? "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?
Financially speaking, with divorce and the burden of legal fees, settling estates that may value as high as in the millions and more, alimony, child support, etc., an ounce of prevention would seem worth hundreds or thousands of tons of cure. Anybody want to compute the return on investment there?
Emotionally, it's the same story; you can make a few small changes and live happily or fail to maintain your relationship properly and live miserably for years before finally either trying to undo the damage you've done or getting so sick of each other you go to war, pronounced "divorce court," and then have to start over, and be miserable and alone during what should be the prime of your life.
Every minute you spend putting off a solution holds the potential for one more mean-spirited and vengeful remark that can never be taken back, one more vengeful or stupid act that can't be undone, one more bell that can never be unrung. And the more pain you inflict and endure, the harder it is to fix the problem. Any takers on the prevention offer?
The offer is this: Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and read it, learn a few really important things about relationships, women, and how to get along with them, and do a few cool and fun things as a result. Then watch what happens! It will save you years of misery and a small (or maybe large!) fortune that you'll get to spend in your retirement with your wife instead of giving it all away to her and her lawyers to go somewhere else and enjoy while you sit around heartbroken, financially ruined, and wondering what happened.
Life is short, too short to miss a chance, and second chances rarely come around. If you're reading this, you're looking for a second chance, and it's here, staring you straight in the face. Jump on it.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Getting It Done, No Matter What "IT" Is, Is Great for Your Relationship and Marriage
There are all sorts of things that create or kill attraction, both in dating and in committed relationships and marriage. In dating, unpredictability is wildly attractive, but in a committed relationship, while unpredictability is attractive to a degree (and under several unsurprising constraints), it is far surpassed by…
When I was growing up, I was constantly hammered about character, especially in terms of doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it. "Do what you say you'll do, perform as if somebody is watching even when they aren't, shake hands with a firm grip, look people in the eye when speaking or listening, always be on time no matter what, hold your head up and speak clearly. That's what a man does, Son. He respects himself and is respected because of it." The lesson "took," too, so much so that while I hold nobody to a higher standard than I hold myself, incompetence and tardiness are nearly intolerable to me.
When you keep your promises consistently, no matter how large or small they are, it creates the one form of predictability that actually enhances attraction. Normally, predictability equates to boredom for women, and unpredictability in a man provides a never-ending chain of surprises and delights. However, doing what you say you will do in a timely manner, being on time for appointments and dates, and keeping people apprised of changing schedules when circumstances beyond your control do make keeping a scheduled appointment or milestone impossible is a hallmark of good character, personal strength, self respect, and leadership, the combination of which is the hallmark of strong, heroic alpha male behavior that women find so irresistible.
In addition to projecting that crucial image of trustworthy, competent leadership, in this day and age, you're also distinguishing yourself from the vast majority of other people as special, because incompetence and lackadaisical attitude has become so prevalent that while we don't like it, most of us have come to expect incompetence, lack of commitment, and tardiness from the majority of people and firms we deal with daily. Showing your partner that you are one of us rare men who get things not just done, but done well, and on time every time makes her feel as if she has the "catch of the county," and when you do anything that tweaks and satisfies a woman's sense of competitiveness, you're making magic.
If you find yourself unable to meet a lot of commitments, consistently tardy, or having things blow up in your face frequently, and it doesn't bother you, wake up, because you're bothering the hell out of the rest of us. However, if you are indeed concerned and just can't seem to find the answer, the first step is to make sure you are looking in the right place. It's not the system's fault or everybody else's, or for that matter anybody's FAULT. Fault and blame are the tools that losers use to evade what you should be focused on, which is RESPONSIBILITY.
When you take responsibility for performing and being timely, you can look to yourself for the answer. Am I late because I'm overloading myself, or because I just wait until the last minute to start? Am I incompetent because I don't know enough to do a good job, or because I'm ill-suited to the task, or because I dislike it so much that I really don't want to do it at all? Just find out what it is that is causing the problem and fix it. For example…
No, wait. Before I give you an example, I'm going to very quickly answer the question that has some of you scratching your head: "Why is it so important to be timely?" Because when you keep people waiting, you are wasting THEIR life, in addition to your own. It's bad enough when you can't respect yourself enough to do what you say you'll do, but when you tie somebody else up by being late when you had the ability and the choice available to you to be on time, you're disrespecting them, and interfering with their ability to achieve what they have on their schedule in a timely fashion. Look past the end of your nose and realize that your attitude and actions can have a negative impact on the lives of others that they have not earned, and minimize it.
Now, for your examples…
If your wife is always riding you because the yard work is getting put off, ask yourself why it's being put off. Is your schedule too over-loaded? Do you have arthritis or something else that makes it painful? Or something that makes it irritating, like a grass allergy? Is it just much lower on your priority scale than on hers and you never make it down that far on the list? If the cause is something that you can't remedy yourself, then hire it out. If it is something you can remedy, like with a riding mower to overcome arthritis or a surgical mask and antihistamines to overcome allergies, do it. If you just hate doing it, then see if you can trade that chore with your wife or somebody else who does enjoy it for something that you enjoy doing that they aren't good at or don't like.
We do that at my house. I hate yard work. I don't mind the labor, and I love being outside. The repetitiveness is boring, I have a grass pollen allergy, and it reminds me too much of the farm work I did as a child that I hated, which in turn wasn't because it was hard work, but because it kept me from extra-curricular activities. Yes, it's an "issue," and maybe one that I could deal with better, but I don't have to deal with it, because my wife loves to do yard work.
She likes repetitive tasks, likes being outdoors, and enjoys the fresh air and the smell of freshly cut grass. I'm an exceptionally-skilled chef, and I do all the cooking. That's not to say that I don't help with an outdoor project, like setting a flower bed or building a planter, or that my wife doesn't occasionally cook breakfast. We've each traded the ongoing responsibility for the timely completion of tasks that we deem as chores for the responsibility of the timely completion of tasks that we deem as fun and enjoyable.
The bottom line is that there is always a way to handle whatever comes up, if you just use your head and think it through instead of letting your emotions interfere or letting problems just fester unattended. And, when you handle things as they come up, meet your commitments in terms of both outcome and schedule, it builds your self-esteem and you are seen and appreciated by everyone else as a man's man. It's also an especially effective turn-on for the woman in your life, the kind that she will not only appreciate, but nurture and defend (but if it just stopped the nagging it would be great, right? LOL! Just kidding!)
Guys, there are a lot of small, simple things that you can do to spice up and strengthen your relationship that on the surface may not even seem to have any bearing on it, things that you should be doing for your own sake, or that of your business. When you understand your partner's needs, both by knowing all you can know about female mental and emotional mechanisms and learning how to effectively communicate with her so that you can learn her individual needs as well, you can take a sub-mediocre relationship to rock solid and hotter than nine kinds of hell in a matter of weeks, provided that the two of you are just fairly compatible and have a positive basis for the relationship. (Having been through a shared trauma like an unwanted pregnancy or a hostage situation and getting married in a fit of passion without any common values, common priorities, etc., does not make for "fairly compatible" partners.) What do you need to proceed?
Just some solid, tested and proven information like I've included in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." It worked for the 118 couples in the test group during its development, and if it's not working for anybody who's using it now, they've not told me. I get letters daily with success stories from readers, and I do share them from time to time when they hold a lesson for the rest of you and can be conveyed while maintaining the reader's privacy, and you're welcome to peruse my newsletter archive at your leisure at the address below, but your best move right now is to go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and get your copy of this instantly downloadable e-book and get started, because it works, and you should never put off until tomorrow the success and happiness that you can have today. That's how a real man lives, getting it done when it's there to do and moving on, happily, not stressing about what he's going to do next.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Creating Attraction in Relationships and Marriage: Not an Act, but an Attitude!
Let's talk about why we do things, both right and wrong, when it comes to our interactions with other people, especially those of the opposite sex.
It is said that there are only two reasons people don't perform, ignorance (not knowing how) and apathy (not caring). Ignorance is treatable, simply by teaching, but apathy is much more difficult to treat, because it involves changing someone's value system, which in turn is defined by their guiding philosophy. For most people, this is a place where fools rush in and angels fear to tread. Why?
It's not very difficult to change someone's perception of value of a particular thing if it already meets the requirements of their value system, because all you have to do is show them how it meets their needs, but when their value system says something is unimportant, you're literally dealing with what makes them tick, their guiding philosophy even, the mechanism behind every decision that they make in their life. People resist changing their value system because if they do, then there's going to be a whole lot of bad decisions in their past that they now have to acknowledge, and possibly feel guilty or atone for. Not a pretty thought is it? And the older we get, the more choices we've made, and the more we might have to admit to as a mistake.
What about when a value system contradicts reality? That's a pretty disturbing question, isn't it? Reality always prevails, and people make bad decisions, and then try to blame them on something or someone else – "You just don't understand," "It's the system," "You just don't care enough to see it my way," etc. Spare me.
When I hear, "But you just don't understand," after giving someone a dose of reality, I know that whatever follows will be a direct contradiction with reality, and any further conversation with this person is a waste of my time and energy, because their purpose is now to drag me into their fantasy for validation. The same goes for when they keep asking the same question over and over, because they aren't hearing what they want to hear, as if the answer would change to suit them if they ask it enough times. They're seeking validation of the past, not improvement for the future.
What does this have to do with attraction and dealing with the opposite sex?
For how many years, decades, even centuries, have we been saying ridiculous things like, "I want to be liked for who I am," when "who I am" is pretty disgusting? (I'll address approval-seeking behavior in several other newsletters.) Guys, we're visually stimulated more than anything when it comes to attraction. Like it or not, that's just the way it is. Sorry Ladies, we'll eventually evolve out of it, maybe, but for the time being our first impressions of attraction come from visual stimuli. Yours do too, but to a lesser degree.
Men are biologically wired to be excited about seeing a woman who looks healthy and able to bear healthy children, hence the triggers of ample breasts, wider, rounder hips, which are necessary for birthing and feeding, and good skin, hair, and teeth, which speak to one's health and ability to nurture and raise children. Again, it's not logical, it's biological, primal – INSTINCT! Once that initial attraction is there, it is enhanced by personality factors, and ultimately can be replaced entirely by personality factors, but that first impression is often physical, and if not made by curves, is made by pretty eyes or a striking smile.
Women are wired to appreciate the alpha male, the guy who can take a club and bring down a buffalo or lead other men to do it for him or with him, but for most women, that is only the beginning of attraction, more on a level of curiosity or intrigue than attraction. It makes a man a candidate, not a target. A woman sees an obvious alpha male and wants to know more, where a man sees a sexy woman and subconsciously wants to "know her" (biblical sense) now, because curves equate to sex, which in turn equates to procreation – our biological purpose. To seal the deal with the man as far as attraction goes, especially in the early stages of a relationship, you don't have to do much more than walk up to him, or smile when he walks up to you. Pretty boring, huh Ladies?
Ask them, Guys. Most of them are sick of men being such easy prey. Women like a good challenge as much as we do, especially in terms of building self-esteem. A man who is not a challenge is boring, and often perceived as desperate and weak. Remember that…
Once you have aroused the woman's curiosity by exhibiting alpha male behavior, you still have a way to go. She's already made up her mind whether you are a candidate for attraction, and at this point is testing to see if you blow it. You've still got to show that you have enough guts to approach her, which is intriguing, and then seal the deal by showing you can entertain her with a good sense of humor, at a bare minimum; charm, polish, savoir faire, etc., don't even come into the picture until at least these three criteria are met. No if's, and's, or but's, this is it, stark reality, no arguing about it.
And again (yes, I'm preaching, because this is that important!), this is BIOLOGICAL, not logical – primal and instinctive, and contrary to some really ridiculous crap that some of you readers have recently shown me in some other newsletters, not the result of "social conditioning." Women don't "lubricate" or men become erect at the sight of their attraction triggers because of "social conditioning;" biological responses come from biological causes. (Damn! There's that pesky law of cause and effect again!)
So what do you do to make yourself attractive to this woman you love?
Exactly what I just described! Show her that adventurous, heroic, fun-loving guy she was first attracted to when you met, or even better that REALLY adventurous, heroic, totally independent fun-loving guy that you were born to be, before you were poisoned with all of the wussy programming you've been exposed to over the last forty years or more, by everyone from your mother to the media. If she has ever been attracted to you to any degree, it has been to the degree that you did what I was just describing. If you don't think so, ask her. If you ask, be prepared for the truth, and accept it; it doesn't do any good for her to try to soften the truth or for you to try to ignore it. Here's where the problem starts.
Many men, including at least some of you, are at this point saying, "I don't want to have to act differently just to make my partner interested in me again! She should like me and respect me enough for who I am to be attracted to me. Why else would she still be with me?" Good grief! I'm about to barf after typing that load of crap. LOL! Let me help you with that.
Imagine the most grotesque woman you can imagine. Seriously. Somebody you wouldn't have sexual relations with using even an enemy's genitalia. Let's say about 500 pounds, dirty, stringy hair, rotten teeth and breath, warts all over her, a nice thick beard growing, and to top it all off, she has an affinity for cheap cigars and Polish Kielbasa and suffers from chronic flatulence, the kind that peels paint, in the house next door. Doesn't bathe or brush her teeth, or shave anything and has more body hair and nose hair than you. Gross enough to guarantee that there's no way you'd ever sleep with her? Good. Now imagine her saying, "I don't want to change my looks and hygiene habits. I think men should get hot for me just the way I am." Whaddaya think? Up for some of that? No? Hell no? I didn't think so. Why not?
Because she didn't trip your attraction triggers. Indeed, she negatively impacted most if not all of them. So you don't want to straighten up and act a bit different to be attractive to the woman you love? Then why in the world should she be expected to respond positively to you when you've become lazy, or a wimpy girly man who bores her to tears, smothers her, seeks her approval at every turn, can't make a decision about anything and defers them all to her, shaves his body but not his face (just like she does), and either uses more hair and facial products than she does and out-dresses her or doesn't bathe and groom regularly and dresses like a homeless guy?
In a nutshell, just like the 500-pound woman, the guy I'm describing demonstrates a total lack of self-respect and self-love, and that's poison to a woman's sense of attraction, turning every switch off and sending her running. You can't expect her to go against her natural programming or wiring any more than you could be expected to do the same thing. If you want her to respond differently, you have to behave differently. End of story. Here's a cool little rhyme to keep the idea fresh in your mind at all times:
If you always do
What you've always done
You'll always get
What you've always got.
No, it's not today's latest rap, but it gets the point across. Dare to be different. Now, you can go about this one of two ways, one of which will fail miserably, while the other succeeds every time. You can fail by trying to put on a cool act for her. An act might get you a date, and might even get you in the sack once or twice in a dating situation, but with a woman you've lived with for awhile and who knows you? Guess again. Ain't happening. You're going to get caught being a wuss and the attraction is going to die right then and there, and in the meantime, you're going to live in fear of being discovered. Now, what if I told you that the way to succeed was far easier than the act that would surely fail? Want to give it a try?
The thing you can do is to simply BE a better man! Learn what it is to be an alpha male. Recognize that this is really who you were born to be and get the alpha male attitude. Be SOMEBODY! Be a leader when you are qualified to do so, even if it's just in a conversation about something you like. Have fun, and don't be afraid to be seen having fun. Tell anybody who would interfere with you truly enjoying your status as a man, your job and your ability to be competent, or try to diminish your self-image by telling you that it's not politically correct to enjoy being a guy to take a bloody hike! Any wussy behavior will fall away and be replaced by the confidence in knowing that as an alpha male, people will seek your company and your counsel, especially the woman you love and live with, because you are what she wants! You don't have to put up an act.
Then, you can take a look at yourself and engage in a little self-improvement exercise by taking a look at the things women respond to, like charm, charisma, leadership, public speaking ability and comfort in a crowd, sense of humor, etc., and if any of these things aren't a natural part of you and you like the idea of having them be part of you, you can develop them in yourself, and enjoy doing so. Public speaking is a biggie, and one of the most fun experiences in my life was joining the Toastmasters' Club. There were a lot of wonderfully interesting people there who told funny stories and jokes, taught tips and skills, and even recited some pretty decent poetry, all just to get used to being and speaking in front of a group of people, and since everyone was there for the same purpose, the entire group was very supportive, and I made friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. The point?
Self-improvement should always be enjoyable; both achieving it and having it should be a true pleasure. And, once you have achieved it, it's there, naturally, not just some act to be seen through, but genuine and enjoyable for those around you as well. Hence, if you target self-improvement efforts at things you enjoy and your partner finds attractive, improving your relationship, and consequently, your sex life, while a most serious pursuit, can be as enjoyable as any hobby, and the effects are forever useful, unlike a lot of self-improvement fads that change with the seasons (anybody remember "Total Quality Management" from the 1980's, followed by "Continuous Quality Management," and then "Continuous Quality Improvement," all of which were replacements for the "Zero-Defect Standard" preached through the 1970s?)
The behavior women are attracted to might spawn different deeds as trends come and go, rather like raising a car door in the future (gull-wing doors) instead of swinging them outward as we do today, but the attractive attitude that determines the behavior hasn't changed in centuries, and due to the extremely slow pace at which we biologically evolve and given that attraction is based on biological responses, you can be sure that it won't be changing in your lifetime, either. So invest in your future…
I've given you the general lay of the land, but for the detailed map, how to travel it (including creating anticipation), and how to talk and listen along the way, go to
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
An Attitude and Mistake That Can Kill ANY Relationship or Marriage
Occasionally readers end their subscription to this newsletter, and I invite them to provide a reason or any other commentary on the form. I have an on-going interest in trying to find any reasonable means to improve the scope, content, delivery, convenience, etc.
Once in awhile I get a comment that sparks positive change, sometimes a simple thank you for helping someone to become their own relationship expert, and a few benign comments like they were looking for a different kind of publication, are leaving on vacation and don't want their e-mail inbox to fill up in their absence, are changing addresses, etc. No problem…
But then there are those few comments that proclaim such a level of "megalithic moronitude" that I have to disclose them here, because they invariably disclose something that the rest of this group, the part with a functioning brain looking for self-improvement and help, can learn from. The following is such a comment:
This lead has unsubscribed by following the link at the bottom of one of your AWeber messages, and decided to provide comments. Why did I receive this email? http://www.aweber.com/faq_messages.htm#messages6b
Name: zxxxxr
Email: email@example.com (e-mail address suppressed
to protect the idiotic)
Signup Date: XX/XX/XX 06:18 AM EST
all messages should be in a form of points and alittle comment coz its boring coz itz too long
Ignoring the lack of capitalization and punctuation, grammar and spelling that you couldn't slip past a kindergarten teacher, and the obvious utter lack of self-respect that this person projects, look at the message:
"I don't want to read this newsletter because there's too much information and I get bored. How dare you expect me to listen and think about what you are saying???"
This kind of comment doesn't make me angry; it makes me pity the poor sap who wrote it. Yes, I'm a bit verbose at times, because I'm writing for a very diverse audience. Some people need a bit more of an explanation than others and a writer has to communicate at the lowest level present in his or her target audience. Others just need a little more help because their situation is worse; emotionally-charged situations make it hard-to-impossible to think rationally. I freely admit that I could make some of these newsletters half as long as they are, but then they would only make sense and be valuable to half as many people or only half as valuable to others.
So what can we learn from this?
This is the second such comment I've had that expressed this sentiment out of thousands of e-mails and a few hundred cancelled subscriptions. That means that most people read until they understand, skim the material that appears redundant to them, and start reading thoroughly again when they find a new idea being broached. Why? Because they are motivated to listen and learn!
But what happens when it's not my newsletter that you're reading, but instead, it's your wife, talking round and round, seemingly in an endless circle comprising more laps than a NASCAR event? Do you tune her out until she comes to something new because you don't care enough about what she's trying to communicate to listen intently and not be bored?
NO! Hell NO! Because that's what has put most of us in the dog house more times than we can count! And think about that for a minute; this woman cared enough about you to marry you and you pay more attention to something printed in an e-mail than something that she wants you to know? If this is the case, we can project with astonishing accuracy where your relationship's problems started!
Guys, I cannot overstress this, even if I talked non-stop about it for a thousand pages or a thousand hours. Listening to a woman talk and hearing what she is trying to make you hear is not like listening to a man, and if you make the mistake of listening to a woman as if she were a man you will live to regret it every time, unless she has a markedly masculine communication style, in which case you most likely would not be reading this newsletter. Indeed, many of you have written to me acknowledging that improving communications is the doorway to all other relationship success, including attraction and a return to "normal intimate relations."
When we men speak to each other and use as few words as possible, we're doing each other a favor and we know it, because we're all about results, resolution, keeping things safe, etc., and efficiency is how we get the most things achieved in everything we do. It's not so with women…
They only rarely, if ever, speak directly about anything. They often use repetition as a way of expressing emotional involvement. We've all heard the dramatic litany, "I thought I would die! I mean I thought I would die!" The more it's repeated, the higher the emotional intensity they're trying to convey. And yes, it bugs the crap out of me just like it does you, because it's inefficient, dramatic, and annoying, just like it annoys them that we don't repeat ourselves to indicate our emotional involvement like the do, being the closed-off, terse, Neanderthals that we are (in their minds, of course).
They use questions to make statements and make statements to ask questions. "Are you hungry?" means, "I'm hungry and want to talk about what we're going to eat and where we're going to get it." "Are you wearing that?" means, "Don't wear that. You look stupid." "I saw Jenny at the market today," means "I saw somebody and talked to them and would like to tell you about it. Are you going to let me or are you going to cut me off like you usually do?"
They seldom if ever succinctly report anything except the details of their itinerary, and even then they're waiting for you to act interested by asking them questions about what they're saying, thereby giving them to green light to get into the emotions and social impact of their itinerary. Refer to the previous paragraph because it's the same principle.
Everything with them is a negotiation of one form or another, and if you're not hearing something that you can interpret and respond to and just tune her out until she gets around to something that you can, you just paid her a HUGE, HURTFUL INSULT, because you ignored her instead of engaging her to get the message right. Well, jump back two paragraphs to the example of being hungry. Pretty simple, universal stuff, right?
What she hears when you "cut her off" like that is that you don't care enough about her or anything about her to try to listen. Why? Because she doesn't realize that you don't speak and listen in the same manner as women! (Women cut each other short or don't ask engaging questions as a demeaning way of cutting someone off.) Remember all the times that she screamed at you, "You NEVER listen to me!" even though you were trying to listen and maybe even thought you were doing a pretty good job? Now you know where that fit she pitched came from.
There is a fix, and it's not that difficult; indeed, there are more experts being born every day after reading "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and learning the mechanics and protocols that men and women use to communicate. As men learn to be better listeners and speakers when speaking with women, they're also teaching the women in their life how to listen and speak more directly and effectively with men, resulting in women who are amused by men's quaint shortcomings in communications skills instead of feeling ignored, discounted, and disrespected. Imagine how that alone is improving their self-esteem and trust of their men, and how that is in turn impacting their relationship and the men in their life!
And you're going to love this: those who go through it verify that it is indeed fun! It's like opening this huge box of new tools and toys and being overwhelmed with delight and discovery. Want to join in the fun and kick your relationship up to notches previously unknown to mankind?
It's easy to do. Just hop over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and your complimentary copy of my "Break-Up Busting 101" and "What Women REALLY Want" series reports. It's an instant download, guaranteed to improve your life, no matter what condition it's in. Do yourself a favor and go for it, before you end up spending yet another night in the doghouse and have no idea why.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Monday, April 28, 2008
Affairs and Cheating in Relationships and Marriage, Part 3, Basic But Effective Methods of Detection
Now that you have a better and hopefully thorough understanding of the nature, causes, and appropriate action to take in dealing with an affair, let's talk about how to detect one. These methods are not fool-proof and should not be used in isolation, but if you should see multiple symptoms the odds increase to the point where confronting your partner and trying to resolve the problem (or proceeding with divorce preparations if you decide that you simply cannot continue the relationship) is appropriate.
The most significant indications of a woman having an affair are fairly sudden changes in behavior, especially frequent breaks in any established routine. Routines are established by things becoming a priority, and they are displaced by something becoming a higher priority. It happens gradually over time, or suddenly when something suddenly enters someone's life and affects them radically, causing a shift in their priorities.
Among the things you can look for to change is her level of neediness. If she suddenly doesn't seem as if she needs you to cater to her or cover for her, it's far more likely that someone else is doing it than she just woke up one morning and found her independence under her pillow, a gift from the Tooth Fairy's cousin. The same thing goes for your presence or attention.
A sudden change in her emotional displays in your presence is another telltale sign. Women will get emotional with you when they have excess emotional energy that they need to bleed off, whether it's positive or negative (remember our previous discussions on emotional scales and the creation of drama to alleviate boredom). If she's suddenly detached, there's either a bottle of some new tranquilizer in the medicine cabinet or she's found a new outlet for her emotion.
A sudden change in her attention level -- catering to you, gifts, etc., is often a sign of a guilty conscience and an effort to try to conceal her interest in another. (Men are generally bad about this one too, buying roses or jewelry at non-holiday times to appease their own guilty conscience, and women watch for this, so if you give a non-seasonal gift, make sure you express the reason so that it is not misconstrued.)
Need I mention suddenly becoming secretive? Women naturally have a tendency to give us much more detail about what's happening in their lives than we are comfortable hearing; I've personally listened to a half-hour melodrama of the trials and tribulations of a cat belonging to a woman I never met and didn't want to know because it came up in a conversation that a woman I know had participated in during the day, and I had made the mistake of asking "How was your day?" to a woman who naturally interpreted the question as "What happened during your day?"
If that openness suddenly stops, she's limiting information to try to limit your opportunities to catch her in a lie. She may even try to make up for this by answering questions with questions, trying to change the subject to YOUR day so that you will do the talking. The same thing goes for refusal to answer questions, asking why you want to know before answering, and if she gets defensive over a question that she hasn't had a problem with in the past, like "Did you have a good workout at the gym today?" she's busted.
Hesitation before an answer to an obvious question, or repeating your question back to you before answering, is a classic sign of someone needing to stall while they formulate a lie. Obviously, asking someone to recite the presidents of the United States in chronological order including their years of office might cause someone to pause before they answer, but a simple question like, "Why did you not answer your phone all afternoon?" doesn't require a lot of thought if they in fact did not hear it ring, left it in their desk while they were in a meeting due to departmental or company policy, etc. They were there, whatever happened, and the answer is readily available if they want to share it with you; else they need a few seconds to try to figure out if their busted and then make up something.
As an aside, there is a recent three-part series of newsletters in my newsletter archive concerning lying and its impact on relationships and marriage, and the last edition in that series is about techniques for lie detection, if you missed it. The following links will take you to those newsletters:
Part 1, Faking It Until You Make It
Part 2, A Reader Response to Part 1 with Additional Advice
Part 3: Lie Detection, Confrontation, and Correction
I know, I really should turn that series into another free report, along with this series on cheating, and I'll do that as soon as I can make some time. ;-)
Suddenly picking up a habit of being critical of your every move is a bad sign, especially if you find her moving from critical to angry at every turn. Women tend to seek validation for their emotions, and as Lenin is famous for pointing out, "A lie told often enough becomes the truth," so if she can find enough reasons to be angry at you, even if she has to contrive them, she can justify her attraction to another man and her infidelity.
If you find her talking about somebody new frequently but without much detail, look out, especially if you say something like, "Wow, he sounds really interesting and like somebody I'd enjoy talking to. How about introducing us?" You can imagine how awkward a situation that might be, and she will resist being put into it.
The biggest telltale sign of all for most women is no sex at all. Some even go so far as to stop allowing you to see them in anything more alluring than an old sweat suit at bed time; it's like she's being "faithful" to someone else. You may also notice that the only time seeing her looking like she wants male attention is when she leaves the house – without you. And if she comes home from "a long day at the office" or evening out with fresh make-up, fresh perfume, and especially with an underlying smell of fresh soap, don't be surprised if you also find the back of her hair wet, especially at the back of the neck, where she's been in the shower after being in someone else's bed. Jumping in the shower immediately upon returning home is also a big tip-off unless she's been to the gym and has an established aversion to the showers at the gym.
Detectives and courts use much more sophisticated means, including electronic surveillance, checking phone records, cross-matching receipts with schedules, etc., but those techniques are for building evidence for a divorce or criminal prosecution; what I'm describing here is more than adequate for recognizing you have a problem and confronting a delinquent spouse. Then there's the big question…
What do you say to her when you confront her? Sorry, but you're going to have to read "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" to learn how to handle that, because that's going to take some skillful communicating and some specific references to events in your own past with her, and you're going to have to be able to pick them out appropriately and express how you recognize them as errors and are prepared to do better and lead her into a better future.
Or, if you're really smart, you can read it today and keep these problems from ever developing so that you never have to experience the pain, frustration, and for some of us, sheer terror of seeing your world come crashing down around you. Either way, you need to read it, so go to http://www.makingherhappy.com right now and download a copy. Sure, you can very likely fix it if it breaks, but it's a whole lot easier to keep it from ever being broken in the first place, so get it done now, while it's easy and fun!
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Affairs and Cheating in Relationships and Marriage, Part 2, What to Do When You Know She's Cheating
To continue our series, we're going to talk about what to do when you know she's cheating. That may seem a bit out of sequence at first glance, but if you learn this first, the odds of you handling the worst-case scenario correctly are better if you happen to be one of the unlucky few who discover an affair in progress as a result of reading tomorrow's edition on how to detect an affair in progress.
This letter describes a scenario all too familiar to need an introduction. We've all either lived through it or watched someone we know live through it. Meet Kyle:
Hello David,
I am writing this letter in hopes you can help me to understand how a woman can change so much after 6 years just by making a new friend. A couple of months ago my wife met a woman at a high school football game and they fell right into being best friends. It quickly came to the point that they are together at least three nights a week and are always on the phone with each other for hours a day. I have never been the kind of man who cared if Cindy had friends to hang out with or not and I really believe it's a good idea for a woman to have other women to share things with, but I also believe there is a line into each other's personal relationships that should not be crossed.
Allison, my wife's friend, is also a married woman and her marriage is on very rocky ground. She would frequently go out of town for entire weekends and has been begging my wife to go with her so they could "have some time to be alone and talk," like they don't do that all day long while her husband and I are at work and three evenings a week. I did some detective work of my own on these trips out of town and was not at all surprised at what I learned. Allison was traveling several hours to spend the weekend (pretty much in bed) with a man she had met months ago.
She wants my wife to go with her because the man she was seeing has a friend that wants to spend time with my wife. I also found out the two women, at the age of 39, had not been going out to dinner as I was told, and were in fact spending hours sitting in local bars flirting with other men and acting like they had just come of legal age and could buy drinks for the first time. Now besides being dangerous and possibly causing a car accident, the two would flirt and carry on with the men in the bar to the point I was sick to my stomach. Yes, I did follow them out a couple of times just to see what level Cindy would let things get to.
Last night Cindy told me that she and Allison would be going out of town next week to spend some time with friends of Allison in Nashville. That is straight into the arms of other men, and I am sick about this. What I need to know is how to break up these two women without losing my own wife. Allison is the worst kind of woman, always wanting men's approval and willing to sell herself to get it and do whatever they ask to keep it. I see my wife falling down that hole and I am not sure if I can still reach her to get her out of it. If I try to talk with her about it she just laughs and tells me my imagination is working overtime. I know for a fact this time she is being set up to spend the weekend with another man and I have the conversation on tape.
How should I handle this? I could leave it up to Cindy, but this would not be the first time she has been in the arms of another man since we've been together. I love her and have forgiven many things most men would have never put up with, but if she does this again I am gone. I would like to be able to stop this from happening if I can so what do you suggest?
My reply:
Well Kyle, you're in a jam and a half. Do you know how you got there? I do. No mentally and emotionally healthy woman who is feeling attraction for a man she's living with is going to be sucked into this situation; she won't risk losing what she has if it's working. About the only chance you have of this not being the case is if she's so emotionally damaged that she would be seeking all men's approval like her friend Allison, and you make no mention of that.
I hate to break it to you, but you're being a wuss or ignoring her needs, and she's either looking for excitement elsewhere or testing you to see if you'll be a man and step up to the plate. It's going to be very difficult for you to know which because you don't have the communications skills to pick up on the hints and signals that would tell you. Otherwise you would have already picked up on everything she gave you that would have told you that you weren't being enough of the alpha male and creating variety, mystery, excitement and authority in her life that protects her from boredom, her worst of all antagonists. That's two strikes against you right there. Then we have to address her problems as well…
It doesn't appear that she's necessarily in an approval-seeking mode, more like thrill-seeking, but she's lying to you about what she's doing. Why is that? Is it because she's lacks the self-respect and respect for you to tell you the truth, or because she's tried to tell you the truth and you've been so deaf to it that she gave up? The fact that she's had other affairs really doesn't give a clue, because the affair is the symptom, not the cause, and multiple affairs are often symptoms of the same cause.
Then we have the issue of why you are still together if she's had other affairs? Did you work something out that has since failed, or are you just a doormat who let her back in the house after she had her fling? I see that you say that this is the last straw and that's understandable, but have you considered whether the last straw should have been several straws back? Have you considered that forgiveness in the past may have set the standard for future expectations and behavior?
Right now, you're in more trouble than any other reader who has written me, not because of where you are, but because there are so many unknowns in your equation. I've helped several snatch their relationship right out of divorce court, and helped others find their way to it by helping them see that they were hopelessly mismatched or with a parasite or a predator who was sucking them dry of life (and assets) with their abuse, but in the face of all these unknowns, I can't answer your question.
A real man would immediately stand up and tell her that he knows what she's up to and that she can stay at home and be part of the family as they work out their issues or she can leave and never come back, but without knowing whether she is worth keeping, you can't know if you want to do that. Until you can sharpen your communications skills to the point you can correctly interpret the things she tries to say to you, most of which will be either non-verbal or verbal but indirect, you can't assess how she feels, because you can't understand what she's saying and can't know if she's telling you the truth. You've got too much work to do before the decision can be made. You also must reach a level of communications competence for her to see that you are hearing and understanding her before she'll think it's worth the trouble to tell you everything again that she has already told you many times in the past and try to work with you. But these are merely obstacles, not barriers. You can easily navigate them with a little help.
In "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," you'll find a fairly extensive system for determining whether your relationship with this woman is worth saving, a great course on how to communicate with all women, including a lot about how to distinguish between truth and lies (see also this archived article on lie detection), and the low-down on attraction – what it is, how it works, how to create it, and equally important, how to kill it, and why its absence from your relationship breeds affairs and divorce. Go right now to download it at http://www.makingherhappy.com. There's no excuse for waiting, because it's fully tested and guaranteed to work, so go get busy and start getting your house in order.
Take care,
What else can I say? ;-)
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham


text:
Olivier Hainque, AdaCore
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Wellness Forum executive director and naturopath Pam Popper, PhD, ND, sat down with writer Glen Merzer (who co-authored "Mad Cowboy")....
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I don't know what's sadder – the young age of the victims or the reason why they were murdered.
On the morning of Tuesday July 2, 2013 an awful double homicide took place in the city of Panelas, not far from Caruaru in Pernambuco, Brazil. The victims were two little brothers – 14 year old Cássio Olavo da Silva nicknamed Perua and 10 year old Rosenaldo Olavo da Silva nicknamed Olho de Brecha. The former was executed with 3 headshots, the latter took two shots in the head and one in the neck. The two died in a brotherly embrace, close to each other.
According to police, the brothers were users of crack cocaine and marijuana and were involved in several thefts in and around the city. Agnaldo Olavo da Silva – father of the victims said he was aware of his children's actions and expected this to happen because the boys had received death threats.
Just when you thought Brazil could not get any more messed up…


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Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. Most of us are so conscientious that the slightest slip up leaves us wallowing in self-condemnation. Some of us think that we have committed a sin that is so horrible that God will not forgive us. God is a forgiving God.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
The more honest we can be with the Lord, the more He is in a position to transform us. Forgiving yourself is not only possible, it's easy once you discover what God says about you.
Let's Chat About It.


text:
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Subscribe to our monthly newsletter to stay up-to-date with new releases, freebies, giveaways, upcoming books, receive marketing tips and writing tips straight in your mailbox, and much more.
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I'm currently working on the first draft for The Sign of The Serpent, the second book in "The Adventures of Marisol Holmes" series.


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This is our second year at Martha's Vineyard for our ladies only vacation. These fabulous women define what sexy and vibrant look like after 50. We had a great time sharing laughter, stories, dreams, and advice during our time together. I've often wondered how it is that people could go to the same vacation spot year after year, but there's something magical about Martha's Vineyard. Maybe it's the small town feel, or the friendliness of the islanders. Perhaps it's the way the African-American population retains its strong sense of history or the tradition of families meeting each year to enjoy sun, sand, and surf. Or maybe it's the fact that you will not find one Starbucks or McDonalds on the island because everything is locally owned. Whatever the reason, one thing I know for sure is that this magical place has captured my heart.
One of the many beautiful cottages in Oak Bluffs


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Monday 13 JuneRoadmap: Industry needs and perspective towards electronics applicationsThe Graphene Innovation Forum begins with a session dedicated entirely to road mapping graphene and other 2D materials towards electronics applications and will focus firmly on the needs and perspectives of industry. The goal is to provide insights on industrial demands for graphene integration so that researchers and developers get a realistic idea of what needs to be addressed in the coming years. Tuesday 14 June Commercialisation: The Route to CommercialisationCommercialisation is at the heart of the Graphene Innovation Forum and this session will explore how to accelerate graphene and related 2D materials through to commercialisation starting with the stages of concept development, proof of concept and validation in the lab. A number of different companies, all in the middle of the commercialisation path, will talk about their experience and share their insights. Attendees will get a well rounded view of the commercialisation process.Wednesday 15 June Standardisation of Graphene and other 2D materialsThe importance of standardisation for any material that is to be commercially successful cannot be overstated and there are many different issues surrounding standardisation of graphene and other 2D materials. All of these issues will be explored and discussed in this session of the Graphene Innovation Forum. Characterisation and reporting techniques will be talked about in detail to give a clear overview of industry norms and current standards.
If you wish to attend the conference for only one day, please use this link for registration:
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Rev. Walter Joseph Ciszek, S.J. (November 4, 1904 – December 8, 1984) was a Polish-American Jesuit priest who conducted clandestine missionary work in the Soviet Union between 1939 and 1963.
Fifteen of these years were spent in confinement and hard labor in the Gulag, plus five preceding them in Moscow's infamous Lubyanka prison. He was released and returned to the United States in 1963, after which he wrote two books, including the memoir With God in Russia, and served as a spiritual director.
"For each of us, salvation means no more and no less than taking up daily the same cross of Christ, accepting each day what it brings as the will of God, offering back to God each morning all the joys, works, and sufferings of that day. But those are abstract words. What it means, in practice, is spelled out as always by the poor old body. It means getting up each morning and going to bed exhausted . It means the routine, not the spectacular. It can mean drudgery, pain, putting aside pleasures, happiness, or the love the human heart craves until another time, so that what is necessary at the moment can be done. It means working for others, touching the lives of others, through the medium of the body.
|Fr. Walter Ciszek - Seminary 1930s
How many times, tired and worn out and near collapse from the slave labor conditions of the camps, did I think I could not ask another step of the body, did I think in pain and irony of those words "The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak"? Truly, man is a creature composed of body and soul, and we work out our salvation in this vale of tears through the medium of the flesh. It is the first gift God and our parents fashion for us; it sustains and supports us through a long life and makes possible both joys and sorrows; and when at last we are parted from it in death, it surely deserves whatever rest it can get before it rises to be glorified at the last judgment." (Ciszek Sj, Walter J. (2012-10-17). He Leadeth Me (p. 96). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.)
About Father Ciszek (website)
Amazon Books Page
Wikipedia Page
Copyright 2015 David Heath - All Rights Reserved


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InveTrak STK is an entry-level warehouse management system designed to provide companies with the tools necessary to efficiently manage inventory, order fulfillment and warehouse activities.
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With InveTrak STK's pop-up and auto-fill features order entry couldn't be easier. Operators have the ability to manage discounts and view the customer's order history right from the order entry screen. InveTrak STK validates all order data as it is entered. Orders can be entered against any number of warehouses/domains. Once the order has been released, it will automatically print in the appropriate warehouse.
Order Inquiry
Your customer service representatives will never have to question the status of an order again. With InveTrak STK's real-time inventory tracking and user-friendly order inquiry screens you will always know the exact status of your orders.
InveTrak Mobile
InveTrak Mobile provides an easy-to-use mobile interface to InveTrak WMS that enables employees to perform their day-to-day activities using RF (WiFi) technology.
Receiving Put-away
Pick Orders
Move Product
Cycle Counting
Inventory Inquiry
Inventory Locator System
InveTrak STK's inventory locator system enables you to map out your entire inventory locator system. You'll be able to specify the pick paths within your warehouse and automatically print location labels for each of the locations entered. Setting up locations in InveTrak is a simple and painless process.
Inventory Inquiry
InveTrak STK's inventory inquiry screens provide inventory balance, usage, and available to promise information. You'll be able to view inventory by location and license plate number and you'll also have full lot and serial traceability.
With one simple and easy to use screen operators will be able to receive inventoried, non-inventoried, and RMA items. When your suppliers fail to bar code / label your product, with a click of a button, InveTrak STK will print the appropriate labels for you.
Order Picking
Orders are picked quickly and accurately using either the workstation pick screens or the Mobile pick screens. InveTrak STK validates all transactions as they are processed.
Lot and Serial Control
InveTrak STK provides full Lot and Serial Number Control. When setting up Items in InveTrak, you specify whether the item is Lot and/or Serialized. Once an item has been specified as requiring Lot and/or Serial Numbers, InveTrak STK will require valid Lot Numbers and Serial Numbers to be entered. InveTrak automatically assigns FIFO dates to new lot numbers as they are entered. The Lot Maintenance screen makes it possible to edit FIFO dates and Expiration Dates. Full Lot and Serial traceability is provided..
When processing shipments, InveTrak STK generates professional looking packing lists that displays your company logo and a detailed breakdown of the products contained in the shipment. Optional shipping labels can be printed along with the packing list. Shipment Confirmation data is collected at the end of the process.
Document Control
InveTrak STK helps you keep tight control over your item master records. With the Item Master Maintenance screen you will be able enter and edit item data.
Label Design and Printing
InveTrak has been designed to work with NiceLabel Pro. This enables you to use one of the leading bar code label design tools on the market. With NiceLabel Pro, you can design any and every kind of label you'll ever need.
Once you've designed your labels the next step is to register the label template in InveTrak. The registration process tells InveTrak STK how, where, and when to use the label template you've created. InveTrak STK handles everything else from this point on. There will be no more guessing which label formats to use.
Management Reports
InveTrak STK provides a multitude of powerful management reports to support your decision making process. You'll have Customer Service Reports, Inventory Reports, Planning Reports, Production Reports, and Financial Reports. You'll even have the ability to export your reports to Excel. Text Box: View the current price list.


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overlapping PCR protocol - (Feb/09/2012 )
pDNA on Sun Feb 19 19:11:52 2012 said:
Phusion seems to be the only polymerase that works fine for overlap extension PCR (according to the paper referenced above) ...never used a different enzyme ...and if the paper is right ...i would not recommend to do so!
No, i never use phusion for overlapping pcr but i still got nice band,
as i told you using combination of polymerase of pfu and taq could help (for second pcr)
In addition to that, most of people recommend to pcr first fragment with pfu or vent polymerase
this is because the polymerase used here will not add poly A...
let say your gene: NNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXX + XXXXXXXXXXXJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
if you use some polymerase that produce A tails the first fragment will be AAAANNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXAAA
the A will interfere from bind to XXXXXXXXJJJJJJJJJJJJ but that's not critical....sometimes if you are lucky you still can have fusion pcr very well...but the chance is..................
using a mix of polymerases is what they do for the Stratagene Quikchange kit ...where u have "short primers" (~30-60 nt) overlapping primers ...the method i referring to uses "megaprimers" ...so a whole fragment (>100 nt>) as a primer ...and it seems that here Phusion is the only polymerase that is able to yield sufficient amounts of colonies ...so we shouldn't mix protocols here and not confuse people.
here, see this


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Jackson Hole Fly Fishing Shop- Westbank Anglers
Our Jackson Hole fly fishing shop is located on the Westbank of the Snake River, in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, hence the name. We have been at the same location since we opened in 1984!
Westbank Anglers is a true specialty fly shop. You will not find dog beds or home furnishings here; just fly fishing gear. Our focus is to bring our clients the best and most innovative products that the fly fishing industry has to offer. Our job is to provide you with the resources necessary to enjoy a fun day of fishing. Whether you are looking for new gear or just need some flies and a good spot to fish, the team at Westbank will spend all the time necessary to ensure your success.
Our guide staff is the most experienced in Jackson Hole. Our 20 full time guides have extensive guiding experience. We offer guided trips on the Snake River, the South Fork of the Snake in Idaho, The Green and New Fork Rivers, all of Yellowstone National Park and on a variety of other local streams . On our 'home river,' The Snake River, we offer guided trips on the entire length of the Snake. The upper stretches are within Grand Teton National Park, and we guide through our relationship with Grand Teton Lodge Company who is a National Park Concessionaire, the lower stretches are in the Bridger Teton National Forest and are on the US Forest Service section of the Snake River. We are a permittee of Bridger Teton National Forest and are an Idaho Licensed Outfitter. Having all these options available ensures that we can take you to the river that is fishing the best at the time of your trip. If you have never hired a guide we highly recommend it. Hiring a guide is the best way to experience the fishing that our valley has to offer and to hone your fly fishing skills.
In the shop you will find the top names. Fly Rods from Sage, Scott, and Winston. Reels from Tibor, Hatch, Nautilus, Waterworks, Ross, Bauer, Sage, and Scientific Anglers. Waders and outerwear from Simms are sure to keep you comfortable, dry and warm. We have a great Men's and Women's selection of clothes from Simms, Mojo and Redington, and our Westbank Anglers logo line.
Since we are a fly shop, we have to have flies, and trust us, we have flies for any situation you find yourself lucky enough to be in. Our freshwater selection has many new and innovative patterns as well as the old favorites. With over 1,500 fly patterns to choose from, we are willing to bet we have what you need. Our saltwater selection demonstrates the obsession we have with providing quality and variety. From Bonefish flies to Wahoo flies, we have you covered!
Come see for yourself what makes Westbank Anglers Jackson Hole's premier fly shop and your guide to the world!


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Looks like Pres. Bush wasn't lying about Iraq's WMD's after all.
Looks like Pres. Bush wasn't lying about Iraq's WMD's after all.
First they say this:
"In virtually every case - chemical, biological, nuclear and ballistic missiles - the United States has found the weapons and the programs that the Iraqi dictator successfully concealed for 12 years from U.N. weapons inspectors."
Then they say this:
"There is a long list of charges made by the U.S. that have been confirmed, but none of this seems to mean anything because the weapons that were unaccounted for by the United Nations remain unaccounted for."
Gee, are we all reading the same article?
My interpretation is that the chemicals that were found were both precursors and some of the actual chemical agents. However, because it does not fit into the story line the press is selling, it is not reported. And that the ISG is also being a bit ignorant or evasive in claiming that precursors that are found are pesticides only, even though they are being found in obvious military locations and being protected in bunkers.
Perhaps the author and others are correct in saying that these finds are not sensational enough, and that is why they are not being reported for what they truly are.
Knowing it is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, we must do.
Never approach a Bull from the front, a Horse from the rear, or a Fool from any direction!
He who dares not offend cannot be honest. -- Thomas Payne
Oh, I get it.
So, by that rationale, if I have chemicals in my garage/household that can be POTENTALLY used to make a weapon of some sorts, like say...chlorine bleach and ammonia, does that mean that the cops have the right to bust into my house and start some shit?
By the way, chlorine bleach and ammonia combined forms phosgene gas - a chemical weapon used by Saddam Hussein during the Gulf War.
Point being, just because the pieces are there, it doesn't necessarily follow that they fit.


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Principal Investigator: Dr Lucy Stirland
Institution: University of EdinburghTags: 24776, Dementia, depression, featured, mental health, multimorbidity, neuroimaging
1a: My research will explore links between having numerous physical illnesses and subsequent mental health problems, mainly in older people. It is known that physical ill-health often co-exists with poor mental health, but it is not fully understood which specific combinations of physical conditions are more detrimental to mental health. I will investigate various mental health problems that affect older people, including depression and dementia. In addition, I will examine blood pressure readings over time to evaluate if changes in blood pressure are linked with mental health.
1b: My aim is to improve our understanding of the links between physical multimorbidity and mental health with overall benefit to the general public. My findings will provide evidence on the interaction of chronic conditions which may guide their treatment, perhaps lending support to the idea of focusing less on individual diseases and more on the net consequences of complex multi-disease interactions. If my findings suggest that physical multimorbidity may contribute to mental ill health, then this may also be helpful in preventing mental illnesses including dementia by effectively managing upstream physical health determinants.
1c: I will start by examining all the data to look for overall links and patterns between having multiple physical illnesses and mental health problems. I will take into account other factors that are known to have an effect on both types of conditions, such as family history, socioeconomic status, smoking and alcohol intake. After this general exploration, I will look into specific combinations of diseases and their links with mental health. Finally, I also have a specific objective to look at the impact that changes in blood pressure across the life course have on mental health.
1d: I will request data from the full UK Biobank cohort.


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Good News: I got a part-time job working at the vet clinic up the street from my old work. I start on Wednesday, doing vet assistant work, cleaning, and obedience training for Dr. Chuang's clients.
If the Dog Daycare and Training place gets busy again in the next few months, Christine says I'll be the first person she calls back to work. So, it may work out that I do part-time mornings with Pacific Pet Clinic, and part-time evenings with Downtown Dogs again, in the future.
I applied for E.I. today though, just in case. I also got my T4, so I am going to jump on doing my taxes tonight, and hope that I get a decent return this year.
I think I'm coming down with a cold, too. -____- At least I'm not working tomorrow, so I can spend the day eating lots of chicken soup, drinking lots of orange juice, and resting up.
On a side note, R.I.P, Cesar Millan's "Daddy, the greatest Pit Bull in the world." He was such a sweet, tolerant, balanced and awesome breed ambassador for all bull breeds out there. Hopefully Jr. will be Daddy's greatest prodigy, and will continue to help bring balance and peace to other dogs and their owners. Daddy will never be forgotten.


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Linux is a popular, open-source operating system originally designed as a cheaper UNIX alternative. With the ability to quickly deploy stable, secure, and agile servers across virtualized environments, it quickly became the OS of choice for many IT professionals. But the rise of more user-friendly alternatives suchRead more →
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In today's world, we hear the word hacking very often. Sometimes we hear of celebrities, or even your neighbors' accounts were hacked. But do we know what hacking actually is? Not really, at least many people don't fully understand it. Whenever people hear the word "hacking"— Facebook,Read more →
IT security has been the trending concern of many IT professionals, businesses, and organizations. The various IT hacks and attacks have made this concerning issue even more serious. These IT hacks not only cause damage to the revenue of the business but also cause adverse effects onRead more →
Introduction: So one of my friends has done the CEH and the ECSA courses from EC-Council, and I am here learning everything from youtube without any certifications. I have my personal youtube channel with 18,000 subscribers and 10,000 views. So, he challenged me to complete some tasksRead more →
مجال الهكر الاخلاقي · هو العلم الذي يبحث في نظريات وسبل توفير الحماية للمعلومات من المخاطر التي تهددها ومن أنشطة الاعتداء عليها . · هو الوسائل والأدوات والإجراءات اللازم توفيرها لضمان حماية المعلومات من الأخطار الداخلية والخارجية . عناصر امن المعلومات (الثالوث) ·Confidentiality ·Integrity and integrityRead more →
Hi, everybody. I'm @thebenygreen, and I will introduce you to one of my codes, Beefstrike. BeefStrike is a Cortana script for BeEF integration inside the Armitage ( a Metasploit GUI). The result is the ability to use client-side exploits like remote exploits and automate BeEF command execution afterRead more →
What is a certified ethical hacker, and how much does he/she earn? As the term implies, a Certified Ethical Hacker (CEH) is an individual who companies hire to inspect the security of their online systems by attempting to hack into them. These ethical hackers, who are occasionally calledRead more →
IT security certifications are critical for a career in the world of cyber security. But in order to get into the world, you have to clear certification exams that meet the industry parameters and standards. There are two points to a business' security – the first isRead more →
Information security overview 1- Definition Information security is a state of well-being of information and infrastructure in which the possibility of theft, tampering, and disruption of information and services is kept low. 2- Essential terminology Hack value – is the notion among hackers that something is worthRead more →
Many are drawn to the Cybrary site by a desire to learn security skills and extend their IT background into the cyber security industry, as jobs in this field are in high demand and can offer an exciting and rewarding career. The confusion arises when IT professionalsRead more →


text: Resources › For Students and Parents Is the Roommate Experience Lasting Longer for Young Adults? Share Flipboard Email Print getty For Students and Parents College Life Before You Arrive Academics Health, Safety, and Nutrition Living On Campus Outside The Classroom Roommates Dating Graduation & Beyond Homework Help Private School Test Prep College Admissions Graduate School Business School Law School Distance Learning View More By Sharon Greenthal Freelance Writer, Editor San Diego State University Sharon Greenthal is a writer and editor who specializes in parenting, midlife, empty nesting, and marriage. our editorial process LinkedIn LinkedIn Sharon Greenthal Updated September 28, 2017 01 of 06 The Numbers are Big Getty Roommates used to be a temporary stop on the way to independence for most young adults. Fresh out of college, many 20-somethings could not support themselves financially on their own, and so they had roommates. Now, roommates at the age of 30 and even 40 and above are not uncommon - in fact, a survey by roommate matching service Spareroom.com found that 30% of roommates in the city of Dallas are 40 years old and over. Other large cities have similar numbers. 02 of 06 Costs are a Factor Getty Many young adults who live in large metropolitan areas such as New York, Los Angeles, Chicago or Seattle, especially those at the beginning of their careers, are faced with living expenses that far outpace their income. For these young people, there is no other option but to live with a roommate, especially if they are far from family. With the average cost of a one bedroom apartment in Los Angeles at $2,000 per month, splitting a two bedroom, at a cost of $2600 per month, is much more reasonable for lower-earning college graduates or anyone with financial difficulties. 03 of 06 Life Can Get Lonely Getty With people leading extremely busy lives and more and more preferring Netflix over a night on the town, having a roommate can be a buffer against loneliness and isolation. Having someone to hang out with on an otherwise quiet Friday night is one of the benefits of having a roommate, along with the shared expenses. On the other hand, roommates often come with significant others who can become an unofficial 3rd member of the household, which can be crowded at best and problematic at worst. Keeping communication open and honest will keep living arrangements comfortable and amiable, and allow for friendships to stay solid. 04 of 06 Co-Living and Young Adults roommates According to Pew Research, 7 in 10 millennials (born 1981-1996) are single as of 2014. Putting off marriage and having children leaves plenty of time for young adults to be on their own. While independence is something many young adults desire, living on their own is not always comfortable for a variety of reasons ranging from finances to social need. Sharing a living space with one or more roommates offers the opportunity to create an alternative family, different from the family of people they are actually related to. Co-living has become a popular alternative to living with only one roommate, harkening back to the days of communes, but with nicer beds and cleaner floors. A kind of "dorm for adults," co-living is a growing movement in like Silicon Valley, where astronomical rents make it nearly impossible to live with just one other person. 05 of 06 Mortgage with Friends getty As the cost of housing continues to rise - in fact, skyrocket in some places - homeownership is harder and harder to attain. Coupled with the fact that young adults are waiting longer to marry, when many are able to purchase a home as they go from one income households to two income households, young adults who want to own a home are having to look for alternative financial arrangements to do so. Purchasing a home with a friend is becoming more and more common. While the process for purchasing a home as two individuals is not very complicated, the actual ownership of a home needs to be clearly laid out, as do living arrangements. Despite the more complex nature of this situation, many young adults are taking first step in home ownership buy joining forces with a friend. 06 of 06 Life Transitions getty Sometimes life throws you a curveball and you have to swing hard to make things work. Loss of a job, divorce, a cross-country move for work - any of those things can take an otherwise stable person and shake up their life. Moving into an already-established home where all you need to do is bring your clothes and a toothbrush can be a lifesaver during trying times, and being around people who are not connected to you in any way other than because you share a living space can be a relief. Whether it's a temporary situation or a long term one, wanting or needing to live with others, no matter your age, is nothing to feel bad about.


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Author U –Your Guide to Book Publishing, host Dr. Judith Briles of The Book Shepherd digs into a variety of writing and publishing insights each show. Today she will focus on new marketing strategies for you and your book.
Tune in at 6 Eastern, 5 Central, 4 Mountain, 3 Pacific and for our out-of-the-country members and followers … you are going to have to do the clock crunching for your time zone at http://tinurl.com/AuthorURadio. You can also go to the Home page of http://www.AuthorU.org, scroll down and click on any of the past shows—just click and are instantly there! With over 300,000 downloaded podcasts each month from around the world, you are in good company!
Away from Colorado? You can always participate as a "remote" attendee if you are a GOLD member. Just register—we will know if you are an away and get either the video of the Saturday Mornings programs or the Tech Tool Boxes and Salons.
Here are your Top Ten Tweets for the past week
Tweets are faster than a speeding bird … below are Author U's Top Ten Tweets from the past week that you may have missed …
Success & Resources
- SuperFans: Building Your Publishing Platform – Part Two – buff.ly/1psYqbl | @JudithBriles
How to Harness Your Authentic Voice and Think Bigger bit.ly/1WXgsO3
If you are doing any promo for your#book, here are 4 hot phrases that work to hook media-podcast: ow.ly/108a8I #selfpub #pr"
Social Media and Marketing Strategies
- #PublicityTips from @PublicityHound–The Adult Coloring Book Craze #adultcoloringbooks ow.ly/10Ay7f
20 social media hacks from the pros holykaw.alltop.com/20-social-medi…
19 Ridiculously Useful Tips Every Blogger Should Know bzfd.it/1SOr1P2
13 Social Media Mistakes That Can Tarnish Your Brand dlvr.it/L3f3mC
Writers & Writing
Facebook Users Not Getting So Personal Anymore bit.ly/1qOQ0eW #Twitter #sm
5 Ways To Get Your First Draft Material Out Of Your Head And Onto The Page bit.ly/1Sc0v6l
Fun and Cool Things to Know or Do
Catch me if you can: the world's most wanted getaway cars [infographic]holykaw.alltop.com/catch-can-worl…
Remember … you can listen to over 240 programs that Author U Founder Judith Briles has created for your book and authoring success: http://tinyurl.com/AuthorURadio , scroll down and click on any of the past shows—just click and you are instantly there! Or you, subscribe directly on iTunes: http://ow.ly/QO0oK
If you are looking for FREE author and book coaching … call in to Judith's Author Monday Mornings at NOON Eastern each Monday. The number is 218-632-9854; Access Code 1239874444 … have your questions ready–there's a full hour to ask and listen.
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Zaccy is going to go on Rove and be charming and adorable. This pleases me muchly thank you.
Also on that night, Russell Brand which raises the potential for EPIC FUNNINESS ten fold.
From source:
Let the squeals begin. Zac Efron is due to visit Rove.
Efron will be visiting Australia and dropping by the Rove studios on March 15th to promote his new film 17 Again.
Like many Hollywood comedy film plots, the film is about an adult whose life becomes a fantasy when he suddenly finds himself a teenager once more. Efron plays a younger version of Matthew Perry as man turned boy.
17 Again promo schedule update (update in italics):
March 11th: Sydney premiere (5:45pm @ Hoyts-Entertainment Quarter)
March 15th: Rove
March 16th: Melbourne premiere (6pm @ Village Cinemas Jam Factory)
March 26th: London premiere (@ Odeon West End Leicester Square)
March 28th: KCA
April 2nd: ShoWest
April 11th: SNL
April 14th: Los Angeles premiere (6pm @ Grauman's Chinese Theatre)
For fun, Zac's last appearance on Rove (3 videos in playlist):
source via jeezbee


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SNAKEDRIVER standard
Long time-Snakedriver V2 is finished up. Been building a fork jig so I can build an oversized fork with 135mm spacing to accept an endomorph mounted on a 50mm wide Uma rim from Speedway Cycles. It's taking forever since I have to go back and forth from Studio to Shop, and concentrate on time spent on a Bridgeport that I know I can't leave a setup in overnight. So I have to finish what I start-so I can't tackle too much. And me being me I'm doing it to the 10th degree. But as Ted's said, a fork needs to be Binford strength so I'm dealing with hogging out lots of material on even BIGGER hunks of material. So it ...Continue Reading


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A long, lanky, physically underdeveloped wing player with nice size and budding skills, it's pretty clear Spanish forward Jorge Sanchez has talent to build on. But he is still an extremely early stage in his development as a basketball player.
Sanchez has nice touch on his shot (both in catch-and-shoot and pull-up situations), and can handle the ball in a straight line and create his own shot a little bit, even if everything about his game screams raw at this point, which is not a surprise considering his age.
He got pushed around a bit by the older and more physically developed players here in New York, but still showed nice instincts crashing the glass and a pretty good feel for the game. While his game could still go in many different directions at this point, it was interesting to get an early read on him.