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On this day three years ago, I wrote this post in Facebook:
I'm ready. It's time.
I have had an overwhelming rush of love and support from dear, dear friends and family, but for those who don't know, and those who are waiting for my words, I have terrible news. On Wednesday morning my dearest husband Alec step in father of my children Zachery and Isabelle, best friend, love of my life, partner in everything, maker of the finest food and pourer of wine, provider of all good things in my life, sweetest lover, family festival coordinator, chief spoiling officer, master technician and fixer of all buttoned things, fanatical one-man cheer squad of mine, boundary pusher and pathological optimist, ambitious dream maker and sharer, king of emotional adjustment and accommodator of difference, agent of grounding and reality checker, table for two booker, couch companion, avoider of bathroom cleaning but still all round super hero passed away. There are no words which adequately describe this gutting sense of loss, this hideous darkness, this engulfing lonely hole, this terror, this exhaustion. I am devastated beyond expression. My life changed forever when he joined it, and now I face new changes on his departure. I have had a marriage experience many only dream of, built on pure, raw, honest tenacity to push through every valley and dance on every mountain simply because sharing it all together was our deepest passion and life anchoring commitment. His love for me was his defining attribute, unfailing and never ending. To say he will be missed is an absurd understatement, yet better words escape me. I join Zac in feeling lost, I have never been here before, and also join Isabelle in daring to believe "We can do it!"
Please pray for us. Your love and support is our strength for now, and will be a foundation we need to ground the insanity we face. And please remember us in the coming weeks and months as we embark on learning a new life we never dreamed we would have to learn. We are tearfully figuring out how to hold on and let go at the same time. Each moment brings a new wave to deal with
And most importantly, tell your loved ones just how much you love them every single day. You can never express too much love, in words and in actions, because I have been hit like a slap in the face, it's true, you never know how long you really have. In a blink …
This morning I read that post, and the tears trickled down my face as I relived those few days of shock.
This day three years ago really was a big one. I remember writing that post very clearly. Through copious tears and with my mind racing. It was bizarre to have "memories" of Alec flooding my mind, because he had only been there beside me three days prior. I had to remind myself that he wasn't there any more. Repeatedly. I had to learn how to have a picture of myself and my life that didn't have him in it.
I am comforted to this day by the knowledge that love never dies. On reading this now though, I remember the feeling of his absence. Foreign. Strange. Brutal. Aggressive. Terrifying.
I have never known a sadness that washed me so completely, or a grief like this that gutted me to my core. Oh my god it was horrible. Nauseating. Dizzying. Isolating. Deafening.
But as time has passed, I have taught myself a few new ways of seeing things. Some additional layers of perspective. Nothing will stop this loss from being so so sad and horrendously tragic, but there is more. Because I lived. I kept going. The next day, and the next and the next. New seasons. New chapters. I grew.
To have lived through such a shock is the proof I need now that I can make it through anything. I know I am not the only widow in the world, and that other people have gone through more tragic circumstances. But I am not them. Nor are they me. So I don't compare. I am simply filled with wide eyed amazement and gratitude at the experiences I have had, lessons I have learned, and the way things have turned out.
My life still stuns me to this day. It is all just so completely mind blowing. It has changed me forever to learn that light can be found through darkness. Purpose can be found through loss. Love can be found through heartbreak. And passion can be found through adversity.
And now, today … we live. We love. We bring honour to the things we have learned
Don't Confuse Strength With Bravery
"She is incredible. It's like every time she cries she gets more power and just keeps going."
The time after I lost Alec I was truly in a daze. I heard my friend describe me like this to her friend on the phone. It was when she had rushed to come and take care of us at our home in the first couple of days after the loss. I was there in my body, but not really present. For 11 days I was somewhere else … on the inside. The world was a blur around me. I could tell it was loud but the noise was muffled by my grief. I could tell it was fast but I had no connection in space to be able to accurately gauge its speed.
But even from within this isolation and disconnection, I had experienced a realisation that helped me to anchor everything and make sense of it all. You see, on the day after Alec died, I sat reading the reflections I had been keeping in my phone and I realised that everything in my life had brought me to this point. From here, I was to become an author and a speaker. I knew almost straight way that I would write a book and share a message of hope and light. At that time I had aspirations of becoming a "Professional Encourager." These days I describe myself as The Happy Widow with a message of Unstoppable Freedom. The words almost don't matter. What I have wanted to do with every part of this chapter is to empower you to realise that you already have everything you need to find and follow your passions.
I have always had this sort of outlook. Positive. Optimistic. Faith-filled. This doesn't mean that I have not faced darkness … only that I don't know a time where I have not had a glimmer of hope that it would pass, however faint that glimmer was. You don't have to read too many of my reflections to know that I have experienced profound loss, terrifying fear, choking anxiety, and the thickest grey sludge of depression. But even amidst those times, I have always managed to pull something special from somewhere deep, to see the season through to change.
"You are so strong!"
"You will get through this. You're a survivor."
"You're an inspiration, Kerry. You're amazing."
Given my "ray-of-sunshine" outlook, it is understandable that people would describe me as strong. I get it. I really do. But no, I can't live up to that, and I would like to go on the record and correct this misunderstanding.
I realised a very long time ago that being strong is a falsehood, and a bar that is set too high for me to achieve. I can't believe I'm strong on the days where I haven't been able to pick up the phone without crying, or go to the shops without experiencing a panic attack. A strong person wouldn't have black outs on the freeway, and wouldn't be terrified of being alone and unloved. This is not what I would call a picture of strength. No Sirreeey.
And this is more than OK. In fact. It is perfect.
I have no intention of being strong. And my aim with this blog is to let you off that unrealistic hook too. Screw being strong. Real life hurts! It is hard. It is scary. It is unpredictable and it is relentless. Real life is brutal.
I permitted myself a long time ago to give up on being strong. I don't feel strong. I don't need to look strong, and I sure as hell don't need to act strong. Especially when I am simply trying to keep up appearances. The pretence is worse than useless. It is damaging. Destructive. It will hold us in a prison of performance, people-pleasing, striving and falsehood. And the worst part of trying to act strong, is that it locks us in a cage that we have, in fact, constructed entirely on our own.
No. Being strong is a recipe for disaster. I chose years ago to replace this ambition with the one I have for bravery.
You see, in bravery, I can admit that I am afraid. I'm hurt. Confused. Angry. Ashamed. Lost. Broken. Terrified. In fact, to experience those feelings of overwhelm is a pre-requisite of bravery, because without them, my response would simply be … living! Bravery does not require strength. It simply requires a step of bold courage from the place of weakness.
It is in the face of fear that I can choose to practice being brave. It is when I confront pain that I can dare to show my broken heart, and somehow take steps forward. It's in the shame that I can stand tall. In the haze that I can fight my way through to clarity. In bravery my fear becomes hope, my reluctance becomes action, and my exhaustion becomes a new flame of passion.
When I am brave I still get to cry. To shut the world out, just for a little while. To feel it all. Every lat painful bit. These agonising feelings are what make my positive response so damn brave. Being strong says "It's fine. I'm ok. This doesn't affect me." But being brave says, "This hurts like crazy, but I am going to give it my best shot and see what I can make of it."
You don't need to be strong in the middle of the mire. But, there is a bravery inside of you that can confront your worst days head on. Let's give up on being strong, and let's choose to be bold and brave instead.
Happy Anniversary
I wrote this up on Facebook yesterday. I thought I would share it here where it can be woven into the bigger story of my life that I share here xx
On this day 3 years ago I celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary with Mister Alec. We got up and he had set up a plan to drive to the beach and then stop at a cafe for lunch. But in true Alec style, he hadn't actually chosen the beach or booked the cafe, because he just expected it would all work out. We didn't know the area we were driving to. Alec had chosen it simply because there was blue next to green on the map so he figured that this is where the beach would be. Turns out that the three hour drive all around the Point Cook area didn't quite offer the scenic vistas he had hoped for, but it did give us a chance to listen to The Jezabels in the car and find a little cafe with amazing fish.
He was right! It did all work out. We did yoga on the beach and just enjoyed the peace and calm of being balanced and in the company of love.
It was a beautiful day, and one that brings a tear to my eye as I think of the horrible loss that I have experienced. The loss wasn't just mine though. The world was graced with a gift in Alec, and now we must simply remember, and be grateful for the days that we had with him.
I remember on day 6 after his passing I realised that the best outcome from that awful event would simply be acceptance. Nothing was ever going to change the fact that he was gone, but that I had memories to cherish and treasures of love, learning and growth to take with me into the next chapter. I saw a glimpse of the power of that acceptance on that day, but I admit that I resented it deeply and hated the fact that to simply accept such a gut wrenching tragedy was my best option. I was angry and hurting so so much.
Now I have acceptance. My eyes still brim with tears even as I write today, because the loss is sad, and it hurt me deeply. But I am so so grateful for everything that I have experienced, and everything that I continue to experience in this magical life I have now.
What a strange thing it is. To embrace pain is to dissolve its power. By accepting the reality that some things in life will hurt – they will cut us up, changes will be permanent, and situations will be uncertain and scary – But accepting the feelings of fear, hurt, anger, resentment … even powerlessness … all empower us to tackle each day. When we accept that pain will come, and for some it is being felt right now, we can somehow enjoy a confidence that we will not only get through, but that we will be better for the experience.
So in a strange way, I am grateful. Not for the loss, or the hurt, or the feelings of fear, abandonment, loneliness, grief. But for the opportunity that I have had to learn that even amidst deep pain there is beauty, power, grace, and opportunity. From this place of acceptance, I can love more deeply, take greater risks, dream bigger dreams, and extend more of myself to others.
Because I know that pain will come, and I know I can get through that. And I know that this is the pathway to growth.
Thank you Mister Alec. You helped make me free.
Motivated By Guilt?
This afternoon I did something I never do. I bailed on an event. I wasn't speaking at the event (to bail on a speaking gig is unimaginable). I was a paying attendee at a one day conference for young entrepreneurs who want to maximise their opportunities for success. Sounds like me, right? So I went. And by 4:00pm I'd had enough.
The day started out perfectly. Gary Vaynerchuk live via hologram! Cool or what? It was one of the best talks I've ever heard. Love Love Loved every bit of it!
But … this was followed by a speaker who pushed her high end finance program from a platform of fear. She sold her services from the stage, inviting every one to ask themselves one question: "Would your assets be safe if the worst case scenario actually happened to you?"
It was an interesting talk, but as she steered us around the corner from engaged to fearful, I felt a little twinge of resistance flicker in my belly. I watched a line of people file to the back to sign away their thousands of dollars. They wanted to buy themselves out of fear and into a feeling of safety. And I was concerned.
Then the next speaker brought their highly entertaining presentation to us, proudly boasting how he could make $20K in a single trade on the stock market. It was a thrilling talk, with the glitz and glamour of high finances, sharp shooters and fast tracks drawing us all in. And then he too went on to hard sell his 12 month program with the promise that he would teach you how to turn your big bucks into even bigger bucks. He sold his wares by replacing your insecurity with his confidence. He would lead his new clients away from being played by the system, to a point where they could play that system themselves for their own gain.
The day went on. We wrote down some inspiring quotes. We ate overpriced packaged food. We sat in uncomfortable chairs. We tried hard to remain positive about the day's program. But we hit a wall.
The last straw for us was in the closing tactics of the last speaker. His knowledge of how to make money through buying and selling gold and silver was truly jaw dropping. Again, his talk had an air of 'The Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous'. He too brought a hard nosed sales pitch that would put any door to door vacuum cleaner salesman to shame. He solved the audience's problem of poverty with fast, easy riches. He literally has three silver thrones and one made of gold. This man has the Midas touch.
The pitch didn't end with the lucky winner of the discounted offer, or the people who remained standing only if they were committed to the program. This pitch went hard core evangelist. He actually set a timer to create urgency. Attendees had only ten minutes to rush to the back of the room, and sign away tens of thousands of dollars so that they too could learn how to live this glittering gold and silver lifestyle. And those who didn't? Well they were labelled as those who lacked commitment. Who didn't take action. Fence sitters. Procrastinators. They … no … WE … we were found guilty of being sub-standard entrepreneurs.
We left.
And in the car we had a rigorous discussion about the importance of establishing crystal clear insight into your identity, your mission, and your plan.
Identity: When you know who you are, and you like that person, you stand tall, and you need nothing to validate you or your choices. You don't need to hold hands with someone to make you feel important or powerful. You already know you are.
Mission: When you are set on your purpose, nothing can deviate you from this, because it is a passion that drives you through every single day. You don't need to follow the lead of any wolf in sheep's clothing, regardless of how influential or successful they might seem. Because you already know where you are headed.
Plan: When you have established a strategic plan that steps you through, you activate your mission with daily progress. It is impossible to steer you off your course. You know that all roads lead to Rome, even if they are bumpy or take sharp unexpected turns. You find fulfilment and opportunity in every step of the journey.
Clarity trumps fear, confusion, guilt, insecurity, and distraction. Only then will you be truly free of the risk of others throwing you off course. To have this clarity in these three pillars of your life is to have a freedom that simply can't be stopped.
The Drama Queen Needs Her Cameo
We have all experienced the moment where we come face to face with our inner Drama Queen. When her warped perspective meets her powerful expression there is little we can do to stop her. She shines in all her glory. She is like a runaway train, gaining speed with every hyperbole, building force with every gesture, gathering spectators with every scandalous embellishment. She is compelling. She is passionate. She is unleashed and she is fiery.
It is rare to encounter our Drama Queen when things are ok. Typically, she comes out when there is a problem. For me, she emerges in my tiredness, my stress, my moments of pressure. She can also appear when we are jealous, insecure, impatient, afraid, hurt or offended. She rises on the wings of our weaknesses and is fuelled by the reward of emotional release. She is the one inside all of us who loves to vent. To spread the news far and wide. To raise the eye brows of onlookers, and elicit oooohs and aaaaaahs from the crowd. She loves to receive a hug of support, a vote of confidence, words of supportive pity, the of adoration of her audience.
All the Drama Queen wants is her stage. She loves nothing more than to capture the attention of the crowd. Then she has them mesmerised, captivated, as she puts on yet another stellar performance. She will hold any one and every one, as tightly as she can, for as long as she can. Whenever our inner Drama Queen rears her head she is a force to be reckoned with.
It would be easy to admonish that Queen, to shout her down with rotten tomatoes being thrown from the front rows. At the height of her show, she is abhorrent. She is self-seeking, indulgent, immature, and unbalanced. She has little regard for her fellow cast members in life. Her only concern is to satisfy her impulsive, fleeting whims with the accolades of others.
I have heard many a speaker, preacher, therapist and coach advise us to do away with the Drama Queen, because she has the potential to destroy us and everything we hold dear. But I think there is more to it.
In 2005 I had the privilege of working in a Steiner school as part of my primary teacher training. This was an experience unlike any other, and one that I will treasure until the day I die. The children there had lots in common with children elsewhere. They laughed, played, learned like other kids. They played up and misbehaved like other kids too. But overall they were happier, and generally more content. When things went awry, it seemed that they were able to get back on track more quickly than many of the other children I knew, and with less fuss.
The difference was not in their behaviour or their needs, but rather the response they received when they acted out. Instead of labelling the child, or even the behaviour, as 'bad', or 'naughty', or 'requiring punishment', it was assumed the child simply had a need that was not being met. The approach taken by teachers and other caretakers was built on the belief that the child was inherently good, that they had an innate ability to learn and grow, and a core desire to function successfully in their society. Most of all, it was understood that each child needed support and nurturing to guide them through their journey towards a free and powerful adulthood. The adults in the school community helped the students by providing them with emotional support, sharing words of wisdom, and by allowing safe but authentic, real-life consequences to result from their undesirable behaviour. Steiner schooling is described as "educating towards freedom." Over time, these beautiful Steiner students learn how to identify and nurture their own emotional needs, which empowers them to define, express and enlarge their identity with loving, respectful liberty.
If we became more attuned to our inner selves, we might just realise that when our Drama Queen is acting out, there might be more to it than bad behaviour worthy or punishment or rebuke. We don't need to be so harsh on ourselves. What if we started assuming that the behaviours we demonstrate in our worst moments are not because we are bad people, but they actually show us we have needs that have not been met yet? What if we treated ourselves with compassion, nurturing, and forgiveness when we act out? What if we started learning how to identify and nurture our own emotional needs? This is how we become empowered to define, express and enlarge our own identity with loving, respectful liberty.
We also don't need to let that Drama Queen take over. Our inner Drama Queen must always be managed. She certainly can be destructive, and if you let her, she will steal the show. The short term pleasure that she brings might feel like freedom. However, when this fleeting feeling has passed, we realise that the Drama Queen is a part of ourselves that has no long term investment into our best interests.
There is a balancing act to perform here, because the Drama Queen needs to be handled with caution, but she should not be written out of the show altogether. She does have value. If we write her a cameo spot amidst the scenes of our life, we will be able to receive the messages she has for us. On our journey towards freedom we need to be able to perceive the unmet needs that motivate our worst moments. Our Drama Queen can show us the hurts that create pain, the insecurities that undermine love, the fears that prevent investment, the weaknesses that cause us to buckle. When our inner Drama Queen has the spotlight, we can see the barriers to our liberty. The performance of the Drama Queen itself is not liberty, but if we take care of her, and give her that cameo moment in the sun, she can illuminate wide open pathways to freedom that come from healing, forgiveness, acceptance and self-love.
Jelly Belly of Power
For as long as I can remember I have been self-conscious about my belly. I am a thick waisted girl whose broad shoulders and solid frame carries me through big days of hard work and tough challenges. On my good days, my physique is best described as athletic, but if I have had a busy few months, or life has seen me fall off the horse of self-care for the umpteenth time, I can get to feeling chunky and heavy set. I was like this even as a teenager. I remember choosing bathing costumes to try to do something with my body that I felt was way out of proportion. My flat chested torso lacked any real waist and was held up by the solid thighs of legs that seem to develop muscle quicker than you can say World Wide Wrestling Federation.
From Bad To Worse
Things on the tummy front really didn't improve with the arrival of my first child, and then they went from bad to worse after the birth of my second child. My little pot belly stomach became a crinkled scramble of stretch marks that looked like a scrunched up old chip packet. A little while after the birth of my son Zac, I did notice that some form returned to my skin, but the improvement was minimal and was then smashed to smithereens after the birth of my daughter Isabelle. Over the years I have found that nothing changes the condition of my skin. No amount of moisturising, working out, skin treatments, weight loss, or even weight gain 😉 will change the fact that the fibres of my skin were stretched beyond repair when I carried my two beauties. The clock will not be turned back on this one. I will not pass go and I will not collect $200. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence will be entered into.
For years it was this way. It was bad when I was my regular weight, but even worse through the years that I was overweight. As you can imagine, I was self-conscious in countless social situations, like swimming, or going out to restaurants, or trying on new clothes. But even worse than this, was that I was embarrassed around my husband. Now, Alec loved my belly and never once suggested otherwise. But I struggled to be confident and to be relaxed with him. I barely let him touch my tummy, and I was instantly ticklish when he did.
Hiding Away My Imperfections
My response to every part of this life controlling fear was to hold my tummy in. Yes, I would try to wear clothes that were flattering to my body shape, and yes, I tried to be diligent with my workouts, and yes, I tried to stay fit and healthy. But the strategy that I employed every single day without fail was to suck in my belly to try to hold it tight and prevent it from showing. I tried to hide the bulge of my pot belly, and tried to make sure that the loose skin didn't wobble.
More often than not, when I went out, I literally did this till it hurt. I would hold myself upright until my back ached. I would hold my shoulders back until my neck burned. I would suck my tummy in until my ribs screamed in pain. It was hard work, and it made going out just horrible. Getting home was like letting air out of a balloon (minus the uncontrollable zipping all around the room when you let that balloon go 😀 ).
The loss of my husband in May 2014 changed a lot of things in my life. Some of these changes were instant, while others have evolved from that starting point. One of the change journeys I have followed since this gutting loss has been in the way I see myself. One of my first thoughts as I walked in to my kitchen to find he had passed away, was simple: "How am I going to live?"
Our Power Is Constructed In Our Choices
I knew in that instant that everything that happened after that point would be determined by my choices. I had a strange, almost surreal awareness of my own power, and of the importance the steps I would take. This realisation underlined just how vital it was for me to take care of myself. I no longer had Alec to rely on, defer to, or make excuses with. The buck stopped with me.
From the very next day I continued to do my yoga and I made sure that even if I had no appetite, I would eat a morsel of something healthy to nourish myself. Maintaining my personal wellness became my top priority. I was my first resource. As a result, I lost weight. Even after the shock subsided, my healthy habits continued, because they had started from a place of self-love. I landed myself right in the middle of my healthy BMI.
But this reflection is not about my weight loss…
At the start of this year, 2017, I noticed that this old habit of sucking my tummy in was still hanging around. Even though I am thinner than I have been in over a decade, the mindset of being embarrassed about my tummy lingered. Even though I am more confident, and free in myself than I have ever been before, still this mental habit persisted. Yes, my skin is still crumpled like a chip packet, and yes my pot belly still bulges, and yes, my skin is still so loose that it wobbles. But I am free…
At the start of this year I decided to change my behaviour to align with my freedom. I have chosen that this year will be the first year that I don't suck my tummy in any more. I have chosen to replace the self-talk of self-consciousness with the self-talk of freedom. I am free of embarrassment, shyness, shame. I am free of being concerned with the judgement or opinion of others. I am free to accept who I am and how I am. My body tells the story of giving birth to the two greatest treasures of my life. This is not something to hide away from the world. I will no longer gloss over my body shape or try to pretend that I am something I am not.
And with this, I am even more free than I was before … Unstoppable!
My Bracelet of Love
About ten years ago I bought my late husband Alec a sterling silver bracelet. I can't remember if this gift was for his birthday or Christmas or some other special day, but I do know that I loved buying it for him. One of Alec's strongest love languages was gift giving, which meant that he received and expressed love through the giving of quality, high value gifts. Alec loved fine things. To buy him a cheap item of jewellery or cologne or other gift would be appreciated, but not treasured. Buying him a bracelet that he wore with pride showed me that he truly loved it. I had spent as much money as I could on the bracelet. He realised that as soon as he opened it, and he savoured the gesture.
He wore the bracelet literally every single day. It didn't matter what we were doing, or how messy it was, he never took the bracelet off. This meant that the bracelet hung from his wrist when we went to fancy restaurants, attended social events, when we did the groceries, or when we sat down to watch television at home in the evenings. It also meant that it stayed on even when he was repairing vacuum cleaners, or doing odd jobs around our house. It even meant that the bracelet was worn throughout the duration of our home renovation, where it dangled into paint pots, scraped through sanding machines, and slopped through tiling grout.
After a few years the bracelet was a mess. At first I had been so thrilled that Alec loved the gift so much that he never took it off, but as the bracelet became damaged I became annoyed that Alec wasn't taking better care of it. I remember suggesting that he should remove it when he was doing rough work, but he insisted on wearing it. What could I do? I watched the bracelet being progressively ruined, and I tried to let it go. I reminded myself that I had given the gift to Alec so it did not belong to me. How he treated the bracelet, and the results of this treatment had nothing to do with me.
This was all well and good until the clasp on the bracelet became so stiff and warped that it no longer closed, meaning that Alec couldn't wear it any more. He asked me to take the bracelet for repair. This made me really annoyed, because I had been working so hard to release the ownership of the bracelet to Alec, and to not be offended that he was slowly wrecking the gift that I had given him. I resisted taking the bracelet for months and months because of this offence, but finally I yielded. It was embarrassing to show up at the jewellery shop with a bracelet that looked more like a string of aluminium can ring tabs than the piece of fine jewellery that I had purchased only a few years ago. It was even more humiliating to have the perfectly presented woman behind the counter raise her eyebrows at me as she described the state of the bracelet to me. I blushed and didn't know where to look or what to say. I knew better than anyone else that the scratches and chips and build up of grout in the joints of the bracelet were horrible.
As she mustered up her most patronising version of customer service, this glamorous woman told me that the bracelet was no longer worth the cost of the repairs it would take to restore it to a modest version of how it used to be. I nodded my understanding, thanked her for helping me, and bundled up the bracelet into the small yellow envelope that she gave me. I went home and to my great shame and regret now, I gave Alec a good old fashioned "I-told-you-so" speech. I did not hold back. I let him have all of my hurts and offences as I berated him about the lack of care he had taken with my gift.
My gift.
Yes … that's right. I was hurt because over all of these years, that bracelet felt like something that was mine. I had a sense of ownership that I should never have had, and created an offence that I should never have experienced.
This offence went on literally for years. I knew Alec wanted me to replace the bracelet with another one, because he mentioned it before every Father's Day, birthday, and Christmas. And every year the offence smouldered inside me, like an evil cauldron of boiling hot poison bubbling away the love of our marriage. Every year I saw that Alec wanted a new bracelet, and every year my heart responded with "Why should I? You wrecked the last one I gave you."
This is a shameful blog to write, because you can see how truly horrible I was. The bad news is that if we let offence build up like this, each one of us run the risk of corrupting the love we have for those closest to us. My self-righteous hurt prevented my from loving Alec with openness and liberty. It stifled my love and implanted a spur of withholding into our most intimate connection.
But the good news is that there is another way. I held onto that hurt until I couldn't bear it any longer. And then, one day, I tripped over that little yellow envelope as I was cleaning out my sock draw. By that time we had moved to Melbourne and we were both working together full-time to build our vacuum parts website. We had both grown so much over those years. Our life had changed dramatically, and our investment into our shared journey had never been deeper. That broken old bracelet inside that envelope didn't fit the picture of our life or our love any more. I decided to make things right.
That Christmas I bought Alec a 9 carat gold version of that same bracelet. His face beamed as he opened the green velvet box and then he looked at me with eyes of love. With great relief I was able to say sorry that I hadn't bought it sooner. He put it on straight away, and I was thrilled, but this time, my heart was filled with happiness for him only. That night, we had a massive discussion about the bracelet which redeemed me from the years that had been marred by my selfish resentment.
Alec wore the bracelet most of the time, but I noticed that it came off when he was doing messy jobs. I was grateful, but in my heart I had changed. I wasn't holding on to this bracelet like I did the last one. This bracelet was truly Alec's. I had given it freely, which released me to loving him freely. There were no bumpy, glitchy bits of selfishness that had previously corrupted my ability to give and receive love.
That Christmas was in 2014, and only five short months later, I came home to find Alec dead in our kitchen. I cannot emphasise strongly enough how grateful I am at the fortuitous timing of repairing this part of our relationship. Of course, the reality is that if I hadn't changed my attitude and worked through this offence I would have carried it around unresolved for the rest of my life. Now, I wear this bracelet every day, to remind me to never withhold love. This bracelet is a tribute to the infinite capacity that we all have for love, when we step outside of our pride and freely open the doors of our heart.
What If … ?
What if I can't … ?
What if they don't … ?
What if they won't … ?
What if it doesn't work … ?
Life is full of crossroad moments. We make decisions every day about the direction of our lives, but some of these choices are more significant than others. Every time we face an important choice or a change we are instantly confronted with questions and cautions. Making the right decision is always a priority, but sometimes we put a lot of pressure on trying to guarantee success. Often, our ability to choose the best pathway will give us rewards in our health, finances, relationships, business, family, career, schedule and lifestyle. These choices matter.
Over the past few years I have encountered change after change after change. Each of these moments have brought me to the point where I simply had to respond. When my husband died, I had to make choices about his funeral, our business, his personal items, where I lived. In some of these areas, I struggled to make any choice at all. Admitting that this monumental change had happened, and then responding to it positively was gut-wrenching. Alec's coffee mug sat right alongside his other desk items for weeks, completely untouched. It was only the developing mould that finally pushed me to make the choice to remove it.
Resisting Change
It is completely understandable that when life throws an unexpected spanner in the works, we struggle to make choices. We are human. We are sensitive, vulnerable and delicate. We look for ways to avoid hurt, loss, and uncertainty. We are drawn to the familiar and to the path of least resistance. Our brain directs us to do whatever we can to maintain safety, security and comfort. All of us have an involuntary, instinctive drive towards self-preservation. This motivation is meant to keep us safe and sound. It maintains the status quo, and steadies us in places we already know and understand.
From the ease of the familiar, change is not desirable. In fact, when our agenda is to continue safely as we always have, change is the enemy. When unexpected change comes at us out of the blue, it rocks our world so hard that we think we might be buried under the rubble of the earthquake. We seriously doubt we will make it.
This dreadful feeling of overwhelm is a crisis is absolutely horrible, but what about when we meet an opportunity to CREATE changes? After the crisis has hit, we are presented with the need to refocus, redefine, redirect, rebuild. How things go now is completely up to us. This is really tough going. Our brain is naturally resistant to change, so it's common for us to approach these times wishing that everything would just return to the way it was. But this vain hope is not reality, and if we continue to cling to it, we face the very real threat of going under.
There Is Loss
Yes, there is a time for sadness, grieving, loss, devastation, mourning, licking our wounds. It is vital that we invest into letting the full impact of the loss really hit us. Whether you have lost a partner like me, or a child or other loved one, or even if you have watched a relationship fall apart, or a business fold, these changes pack a powerful punch to our emotions. The loss hurts. Deeply. Feeling that pain is central to our ability to move through it.
And There Is More
But I know from experience that there is more. Even when the pain is still throbbing, the tears are still flowing, and our heart is still racing in terror, there is more contained in this season. Your future hangs right there in the balance of your choices. In this season you are the only one with the power to make the decisions that will change your outcome. Even at this moment in time, you can embrace change. You can harness the opportunity amidst the crisis.
From where you're sitting now, this might seem absurd. This response goes against your instinctive reaction to protect, defend, hide, retreat. To imagine that you are powerful at this time, and that there are opportunities hidden amidst the loss almost seems irreverent, cold, heartless. This mindset presses all of the buttons of our doubt, fear and discomfort. We look for a way out. We shrink back behind guilt, and retreat to the position of victim. We throw our hands up in the air and we call it quits. We ask all of the "What If … ?" questions at the top of this blog. We concede defeat and, we dress up our surrender for a worthy parade. In the honourable name of 'mourning', we settle for our miserable outcome.
I know how you feel. To this day I still pinch myself that I was able to clean out Alec's wardrobe, move away from the home that we had built together, sell the business that he loved. Yes, I faced pangs of guilt and shame and sheer disbelief at the steps that I took. Honestly, I still do at times. It does seem crude and confronting that life would go on.
But it does. And for two minutes here, I hope we can all come to an acceptance of the fact that when life thrusts you into disaster, it hurts. And when it hurts we find it harder to stand up and make choices in our lives. And we ask ourselves questions to justify that hardship. Those questions highlight the risk of failure, the potential for loss, the uncertainty of the outcome. And we use the answers to justify our retreat. Despondence. Disillusionment. Disengagement.
But we are still alive. We are the survivors of the depression, the bankruptcy, the breakup, the death of our loved one. Our heart still beats out a rhythm and our breath still whispers life. It is lovely, precious and endearing that we want to protect ourselves from additional pain. But this is not always beneficial, and it certainly doesn't allow us to build pathways towards growth and freedom when we need to recover what we can from a devastating crisis.
So, instead of asking "What If … ?" questions that enliven fear, let's start asking the questions that enliven faith. "What if …" we could ask questions that shine a spotlight on opportunity? We could make this entire situation into something new. We could bring honour to the season of loss. We could show ourselves and others that all is not lost. People are kind, the world is good, and life is worth living. We could dare to search for something good amidst the bad, and we could actually find it!
What if I tried?
What if I could?
What if it worked?
What if I don't?
Embrace Your Moment
I am currently preparing to move house, which I am told is one of the most stressful things that you can do. It is certainly challenging to juggle all of my normal workload from my "home office" (read bedroom/kitchen table/desk) plus pack up all of my stuff to move. Particularly when my new place is literally half the size of my current home, so all my stuff has turned into a 'local pick up only' Gumtree extravaganza (this is a site like eBay for my international readers). I have reached the stage of my life where apartment living is the best situation for me … But I digress.
My musings here today are to explore how we can continue to experience joy, contentment, and freedom even when life is insanely busy, and even when changes in life make you feel like you have been hit by a Mack truck. Our every day lives are set on 'Hustle and Bustle' mode most of the time. The To-Do list for the day is often longer than the time you have for each item, and the pressure to get it all done can be overwhelming. And this is just on an average day. You really know you're alive when you rise to perform your typical juggling act on the extremely tough days… these are the times after that change happened … the days when life feels like it kicked you especially hard in the guts.
A few nights ago I stepped out of the frenzy of my house move for a brief little escape. This is often easier said than done, but if we don't force these breaks to happen, they simply won't. I remember wisdom from Brendan Burchard: "You say you're too busy? Well stop! You are the only one who can change your schedule."
You say you can't, but you are the only one who can.
So I caught the train into the city and went for a walk through the Royal Botanic Gardens here in Melbourne. If you have never been, do it! It's an exquisite part of the world that is full of nooks and crannies that are straight from the pages of a fairy tale, I swear. As this summer day became night I walked, exploring hidden paths that really are world's best kept secret, right here in the heart of the CBD. I found a cobblestone path with steps that lead me down to a tropical garden area with a waterfall running into a cascade right through the middle of it. It was stunning. I was so thrilled to find such a treat. It was refreshing. I was truly grateful for the break that it gave me from my work at home. It was invigorating. The water was cool and clear and the sound made me feel like I was at some kind of evening spa.
Marvel At Marvellous Things
No, I didn't jump in. I am the world's biggest sook when it comes to mosquito bites. But I did marvel. I took photos and made a video and just breathed in the magic. The moment instantly inspired emotions from my childhood. I had a lump in my throat and couldn't help but let out a laugh just because it was so completely beautiful. I know I was in a public place, and I always love to share, but in this moment, the universe was offering a gift just to me.
When I speak to people about Unstoppable Freedom, everything I share is pointed towards finding and following your passion. I love to inspire people to figure out what their life mission is, and then pursue that with everything they have. Often, the best time to do this is right after a crisis. There is something supremely liberating about facing life after the loss of your loved one, your relationship, your business, your home. In these times, we can be more open to making changes than in any other times in our lives.
Your Time Is Now
Whether you are in that season of rebuild, or you are simply trying to find your way out of the rat race, establishing a freedom that is unstoppable in our lives is the most liberating, empowering thing we can do. But starting this process has to happen from right where you are. There is no point searching for a clean slate or a brand new start. This is the stuff of glossy magazines and media pitches that appeal only to your desire to be done with all of the story that brought you here. But you can't. It is impossible to erase the days that you have experienced up to now. You will never be able to go back to the drawing board and just start over again.
What you have is Now. Each of us have this moment that hosts our life. All of the moments of the past have brought us to this one, and when this one is over we will never get it back. It is certainly valuable to reflect and take stock of where we have been previously, and where we are headed in the future, but the only space life is actually experienced is in Now. The past is the stage and the future is the imminent ovation from the crowd, but you are the star of the show that is playing this instant.
To be unstoppably free is to ensure that we make space for moments of life and love, Now. Today. Here. In this life. They won't come if you don't make room for them. The world owes you nothing and there is no-one else who will make this happen for you. This is your responsibility. Your opportunity. Your moment. For you, in you, by you.
These moments are everywhere. They are there for the taking. They can be inexpensive and often they are free. They can be close by and often they are in your home town. They can be short, but boy oh boy can they be sweet. If you are facing grief, anxiety, depression, stress, burnout, overwhelm, this blog is for you. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the sparkling moments that are there for the taking. Embrace your moment.


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Dealer Pride 1998 - Old Values Reign In Nebraska
When Rose Blumkin opened the Nebraska Furniture Mart in 1937, she had little idea it would evolve into one of the greatest stories of midwest retailing.
Mrs. Blumkin, just now retired at age 104, must look around the 72-acre campus that makes up the Furniture Mart--Mrs. B's Basement and Mega Mart, the electronics superstore that opened on the site in November, 1994--and marvel at how things have evolved.
Owned by Warren Buffet's Berkshire Hathaway investment corporation since 1983, but still run by the Blumkins, including son Louie, and grandsons Irv, Ron and Steve, Nebraska Furniture Mart is nothing short of a midwest phenomena.
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June 12, 2019
Multicloud monitoring, an example with AWS and Azure
We keep reading every day about the advantages of taking our services and systems to the cloud. Terms such as private cloud, public cloud or hybrid cloud are already part of the language of any business manager and it seems that if we are not in the cloud is that we or our company is not "cool" or "innovative".
Beyond fashion,
the advantages are clear,
but vary depending on the application, but we can highlight several:
Ease of scaling and growth in case of need.
In fact, this is one of the key characteristics of the cloud: the ability to increase and reduce resources quickly and easily, programmatically and even automatically. This is what really differentiates cloud providers from those hostings that have changed the name of their VPS to "cloud".
Having services regardless of the infrastructure that supports them: databases, serverless computing, etc. If we enter the offer of Amazon Web Services or Google Cloud you will see that there are more types of services and names available than you can imagine, many of them with specific applications on optimized infrastructures such as machine learning, etc.
Some advantages that we already had if we outsourced our infrastructure in a hosting:
security, high availability, not having to maintain a datacentre on you own, etc.
In general and thanks to technologies such as Docker, today it is easy to migrate from one cloud or another, and even work with several at once, depending on what suits us. Likewise,
being able to offer a service in several geographical areas at the click of a button is incredible
Want to try something? I throw it out, try it out and then throw it away. And I only pay for those minutes or hours. Do I have a peak and need more resources? Same thing.
But they also have certain disadvantages:
Pay per use and scalability, this usually means
that companies have no idea
what they are going to pay at the end of the month. It is not even easy to establish a variable cost in the style "if my users increase by a certain percentage X, my cloud will automatically scale by a certain percentage Y", but there are so many variables involved (bandwidth consumption, CPU auctions, timetables, etc.) that it almost becomes something random and usually expensive. This is, in the opinion of the writer, the great advantage of the cloud but at the same time the great barrier to the adoption of the cloud, the difficulty of controlling costs. Fortunately, monitoring can lend a hand in this.
The learning curve of the different services that we have,
apart from computing and storage, is high, knowing them well, knowing their advantages, when to use them, etc. is complicated.
Comparing prices and performance between different providers is practically impossible
, since they don't charge for the same thing, and many times you don't know what is behind a "vCPU" or a "SSD disk".
Working with different clouds can be a problem equivalent to working with several manufacturers in your datacenter, only here we had already reached common protocols (SNMP, IPMI, etc.): we have different APIs, different accessible data, different ways to access, etc. For example, for monitoring Amazon has its CloudWatch and Microsoft Azure its Monitor.
Monitoring allows us to break several of these difficulties and can help us so that:
We can see, analyze, compare and add the cost of our clouds in real time.
We can set up alarms to help us control costs, as well as relate these costs to other data such as the number of users on the platform, etc. to help us be able to predict costs. Even automate the shutdown of a machine if the cost is triggered by a "bug" or by someone using our servers to mine bitcoins ...
We can compare
performance between the "same" machine in different clouds or geographical areas.
But, above all,
to have a centralized tool that helps us to standardize the monitored parameters
avoiding having to learn how to get to them through Cloudwatch, Monitor or whatever. And of course, to be able to include the machines of our datacenter.
To show you the cloud capabilities of our Zabbix-based tool, Minerva, we created an example with several machines in Amazon Web Services (AWS) and Microsoft Azure. If you are already using Zabbix you can do it without any problem.
One advantage of using a tool that works with agent is that we can get many metrics for free. Amazon, for example, charges you for using Cloudwatch with a frequency less than 5 minutes, they even charge you for asking you how much they are charging you. If we use an agent there are many metrics (CPU, memory, etc.) that can be obtained at no cost (beyond the transfer of course everything is charged here, but in any case, at a much lower cost). Others, such as cost or firewall configurations or starting a machine, we have no choice but to attack via API, but being able to combine both ways easily is very versatile.
In the example, our agents are automatically registered in the platform when they are created and we can see a
simple map showing the aggregated data for each of the providers:
memory, storage, etc. so that at a glance we see the overall percentage of use of each of the platforms.
If you click on any of them, you will access a self-generated map with the different machines, also indicating their type and geographical location. As a detail, the platform normalizes the location data to "EUROPE" for example, although AWS says "eu-central-1" and Azure "FranceCentral". In the image, we can see that there is a problem in one of the servers, which is not serving our website.
As Zabbix maps are actionable, and the objective of our Minerva platform is to be able to solve problems as quickly as possible, reducing the number of clicks, we see that when clicking on the problematic server we are presented with several options: restart the machine, stop it, see the latest data, etc., even access the Amazon console.
As we suspect that it is a firewall problem, we click on the option to see the state of the ports and it returns us that, indeed the port 80 is not raised.
With this simple example, we see the
wide potential and effectiveness that we have with Zabbix multicloud and hybrid environments
, where we can also keep control over our inventory, even if it is ethereal, automatically:
Last but not least, the
visualization in a comfortable and practical Grafana dashboard,
integrated in our tool. Here we have made one of example, in which we can select the machines by zone and see the breakdown of CPU use, the monthly cost, network, disk and memory, as well as the response time of our website, in this case high, because Japan is somewhat far from our servers in Spain
Any doubt you have about this, if you are already working with Zabbix or Grafana in multicloud environments and you want to know more or you want to replicate this example, y
ou can write us without any commitment, we will try to help you.
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Factors To Keep In Mind When Looking For A Limousine Transportation Service
That is because a limo is considered to be a vehicle that is not commonly owned and that is because it is luxurious and that makes it expensive. You could be having a party with your friends, and you find the need to hire a limo. It is the most amazing experience because the people that you will choose to go within on the ride you will all have a nice experience and that will lead to memorable future moments.
You need to take your time so that you can choose the right limousine transportation service. That will be an easier way of getting the right limousine transportation service. You can as well go through their reviews as that will help you in choosing. The following are the important things that you should consider when hiring a limousine transportation service.
It should be in the same town as you are in. That will make things easier as you will not have to wait for long before they deliver. You will realize that it is a limousine transportation service that is there no that like those that you cannot access them.
The people working in the limousine transportation should be experienced. They will have the required skills and knowledge needed. They will also be good in sales and they will be able to explain everything to you as it is supposed.
The limousine transportation service should be affordable. You will find that they will not have a nice package with them. You will find that they will not be able to ensure safety and that is one of the important things that should be considered. It is of benefit to always look at the other things that come with when you have hired the limo so that you can see if they are worth the amount of money they will be charging.
A lot of people should know it because of the good services they offer. Try to consider the limousine transportation service that got a lot of vote from the people that you have asked.
Consider choosing a limousine transportation service that is protected. Do not make a mistake of choosing a limousine transportation service that does not have their documents with them because it will bring you troubles. You will end up enjoying the time with your friends in the limo just as you wanted. In case anything happens to the limo during your presence then you need not worry because the insurance company will take care of that.
You will have eventually made use of your money when you keep in mind all these factors
Looking On The Bright Side of Professionals


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Detonating The Idea
A good idea can make the maximum impact if you prepare the ground well for the detonation
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In the melee of communications, gone are the days of strictly one-on-one communications. Everything that is said or heard becomes fit for wider consumption, discussion or debate. There are no secrets anymore that stay within closed doors of a corporate boardroom, an appraisal session or a family dinner. A private comment has the potential to go viral as a Facebook post or Twitter feed. For every message, there is likely to be an accomplice, a bystander, an eavesdropper, a reporter, a promoter, an influencer, a detractor... It's not about social media, it's about heightened social messaging consumption.
In this background, there are opportunities for corporate communications to enlist the power of wider involvement to maximise impact. I seek your patience as I cite a live example in some detail. A long-standing construction chemical company recently embarked on a rebranding exercise to refresh its raison dé etre and provide its customers, dealers and internal stakeholders a renewed and more relevant proposition… 'Future-proofing what you build'. The phrase stood for the very function of the company's products which, as additives to mortar and cement, gave buildings and infrastructure the longevity they deserved. In addition to being a compelling product usage proposition, the line was also reflective of the spirit of corporate partnership with clients (especially government and real estate enterprises). Last, but certainly not the least, the tagline cued the nurturing of employee aspirations, protecting and building of their careers. For the average employee however, 'Future-proofing what you build' wasn't self-explanatory.
To get them to understand the concept, a company-wide workshop needed to be conducted around the understanding of corporate values and how the tagline fitted into the scheme of things. At the end of this workshop, employees were given the task of explaining the concept of Future-proofing to their children or members of their younger generation at home, and have them interpret the 'Future-proofing' thought in their own context. Having done that, these children were encouraged to submit a painting or drawing reflecting what they visualised as part of a company-wide contest. In time, the entries which came in were truly inspiring. Children depicted environmental future-proofing (cleanliness, pollution, eco-friendly, saving water) to traffic safety, children protection and animal protection... The best twelve went onto the company's widely distributed corporate calendar, and a large poster consolidating the entries adorned the reception areas of all branch offices.
The learnings from this case are several:
i) You can choose to induct an indirect target group (children) into a corporate programme, if their participation makes the most critical target group (current employees) more responsible and involved.
ii) A seemingly complex or elevated concept can become simplified through co-creation. The children's ability, even if aided by their elders, to interpret and contextualise from their own perspective, allowed the idea to generate greater power and relevance.
iii) A corporate philosophy, when marrying a product proposition as well as a social message, can be flexibly and widely used across audience groups and situations. Sponsorships of eco-friendly CSR endeavours sat extremely well for this company.
iv) A good idea can make the maximum impact if you prepare the ground well for the detonation.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article above are those of the authors' and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of this publishing house. Unless otherwise noted, the author is writing in his/her personal capacity. They are not intended and should not be thought to represent official ideas, attitudes, or policies of any agency or institution.
Indranil Gupta
The author is Founder Director & Chief Executive Officer of BrandNEW Associates Private LimitedMore From The Author >>


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I know, I know. It's been a long time coming, but here it is – a photo update! I've probably taken over 1000 pictures. These are just a few from Cinque Terre, Pisa and Florence, Italy.
Cliffside Hikes – that's amore!27 May
Sorry about the disappearing act. The hostel in Cinque Terre had no wifi.
Cinque Terre reminds me a lot of the Azores. It's essentially a national park amongst 5 coastal villages. There are a bunch of trails as well as a train system connecting all of the villages. I was hoping to hike the whole path in two days. It really only takes 5 hours; however, when I arrived in La Spezia, Italy to buy the passes, I found out that the last section of the hike (i.e. the most difficult) was closed due to a landslide. I was a little disappointed, but Stefanie, Jessie and I decided to hike as far as we could in one day and then relax on the beach on the second day before leaving. Continue reading
On a roll…22 Mar
Wow. Life has been extremely busy for yours truly, but there is light at the end of the tunnel…
Despite my jam-packed schedule, I've managed to draw up a pretty decent itinerary. There's a few kinks of course, but Stefanie, Jessie and I are getting together this Thursday to get down to business. Our planning fiestas haven't been so successful. We end up watching silly Youtube videos and making nachos. Last week, we managed to book two nights in Amsterdam. The fact that we're staying in the marijuana capital of the world during the weekend forced us to book early. It was just the push we needed!
I'm ordering my Eurail train pass soon and fine tuning the itinerary some more. As of right now, I'm visiting Frankfurt – Amsterdam – Paris – Barcelona – South of France – Cinque Terre (Italy) – Florence – Rome – Venice ?????? That's all I know until Jessie picks her number one destination. Will it be Switzerland? More Germany, France or Spain? Who knows, but I'm eager to find out. Traveling in a group of three and seeing everything on your personal list is hard. So, we agreed to start by each person choosing their number one destination and then go down the list from there. Mine was the South of France. I'll admit, Stef and I did try to casually persuade Jessie into some places. We'll see if it worked!
6 weeks to go!! I can't wait!


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Allcom Networks is pleased to announce that it has been acquired by CrossPoint Telecommunications. CrossPoint is a trusted business technology solutions provider. Leveraging on a strong team of professional specialists, it offers comprehensive end-to-end managed IT solutions in voice, video, managed IT services and professional services. CrossPoint provides solutions to organisations of various sizes and industry background all over the globe.
Commenting on the announcement, CrossPoint CEO Carlos Palacio said "We are very excited to be able to welcome Allcom Networks to the CrossPoint group. Allcom is a strategic investment, part of our vision to continue to grow our managed service practice for government, education and corporate customers in the Australian Market, with the advantage of being able to deliver such services globally, through Crosspoint's international operations."
"Allcom is delighted to be part of the CrossPoint group," concurred Allcom's General Manager Mark Mantakoul. "There are complementary strengths in both organisations which will be mutually beneficial. We are confident that we can leverage these strengths to create a competitive edge in the market which will benefit our customers longer term. Most importantly, Allcom and CrossPoint are a great cultural fit. Both organisations have established historic trusted brands in the Australian IT marketplace, and have a loyal and intimate customer base"


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The Power Of Thanksgiving
Contributed by Dwight Davis on Jun 12, 2009 (message contributor)
Summary: This sermon stresses the benefits of thanksgiving in our day to day lives and unveils what the bible has to say about seeing our troubles from the proper perspective.
I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving… It has always been so strange to me how Thanksgiving has changed since its original conception—even from when I was a kid. For instance, how ironic is it that the very day after Thanksgiving just happens to be the biggest shopping day of the year! Think about it; one day, we are sitting around a table surrounded with family and friends, our hearts overflowing with thanksgiving for all the ways that God has blessed us.. and then, before the sun fully rises the next morning, we are driving like maniacs to the best sales so we can fight our brothers and sisters tooth and nail for a greatly discounted television or sweater! It is amazing how quickly the attitude of thanksgiving can give way to unadulterated greed! I, for one, don't think that it is merely a coincidence that Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. You see, our greatest enemy knows how powerful an attitude of thanksgiving is in the Christian life. The devil doesn't want us to dwell on how blessed we are—and he certainly doesn't want us to remember Who blessed us! I can almost hear Satan saying, "go on and have your day of thanksgiving—but that's it, only one day and then its back to business as usual where pride and selfishness rule the hearts of men. You see, he knows that one day of thankfulness won'
Charles Dickens once said that we are somewhat mixed up here in America. He told an audience that "instead of having one Thanksgiving Day each year we should have 364 "days of thanksgiving." Use that one day just for complaining and griping," he said. "Use the other 364 days to thank God for the many blessings He has showered upon you."
As Dickens suggested, we should not wait for a special holiday to express our gratitude to God. Instead, thanksgiving should be a part of our daily lives. In fact the bible is very clear that thanksgiving is perhaps one of the most vital characteristics of any child of God. And there's good reason for that. Look with me if you will at Romans 1:18-25. (READ)
Just as the Apostle Paul is indicating here, countless people who once "knew God" or had a relationship with Christ will be ultimately lost in large part because of a lack of thanksgiving. Today we are going to see what the bible has to say about the importance of thanksgiving in the Christian life and learn how we can cultivate this essential mindset that many refer to as "an attitude of gratitude."
As we just read, failing to glorify and give thanks to God for all He has created can cause our "hearts to be darkened." For the life of me, I can't understand evolutionists, or people who believe in the Big Bang Theory. How can anyone behold this unbelievably beautiful planet and see the creatures that share it with us and then say, there is no God!
I can't tell you how many times that I personally have seen something in nature whether it be a magnificent sunset, a starry sky, bird, flower or even just an ant and just stop in my tracks and say in my heart, praise you Lord! I have witnessed so many indescribable sunsets—you know, the kind that would be impossible for any artist to reproduce, and I find myself thanking God and saying, Lord you didn't have to do this! But He did—why? Because He is expressing Himself and His love to us not just in the heavens but in so many breathtaking ways—yet we tend to take these wonderful revelations of God's character and love for granted each and every day!
Turn with me to Psalms 19:1-4 (READ).
I don't know about you friends, but I've been blessed so many times to hear that voice that David is talking about. I love sitting out on a clear cold night when the stars are so vivid and bright just staring into infinity contemplating God's love and awesome power. When I have the opportunity to behold scenes like that, I can't help but to be humbled and praise the Lord right then and thank Him for all that He has created for us.
I remember many nights when Tammy, Meagan and I have sat out in the freezing cold early morning hours about to freeze to death just waiting to catch a glimpse of a falling star.
It's very sad but the majority of people today simply don't take the time to just behold what God has created both for our enjoyment and as a way of expressing Himself to us. The truth is that He has created so many beautiful and awesome things that we tend to take them for granted without giving it a second look or thought! But, what if the stars came out only once every five years? Or even once a year? I'll bet that just about everyone would stay up nearly all night "ooing and ahing."
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What Are Laminated Edges?
When you choose a stone counter for your kitchen or bathroom countertops, you want it to look stunning from every angle. Most people consider the surface and the natural design of the stone. The surface, after all, has the most visual impact and enhances the look of your kitchen.
But edges play an important role too. An edge is essentially the finishing given to the edges of the stone. There are several types of edges, including ½" Bullnose, Straight, ½" Bevel, ¾" Bevel, and Ogee, etc. These are the most commonly used edges. There are others that are a little more unusual and creative.
Edges add another dimension to your countertops and can be an interesting design element, especially if you choose an unusual design.
However, all of the edges mentioned above are standard ones you could find at Lowes.com or at your local hardware store. There are some things called laminated edges that are popular as well.
Here's a brief explanation of what they are.
Laminated Edges Back Ground
First of all, laminated edges and laminate countertops (which Delorie is offering, by the way!) are two entirely different things. Laminate countertops are essentially a wood product that's compressed with high pressure to form a solid slab. A laminated edge, on the other hand, is an edge finishing applied to a stone countertop. This edging is more common in granite than in marble.
People choose laminated edges because it can make your countertop look thicker than it is. This means that a normal 2cm counter top would look like a 4cm thick one.
To achieve this look, the fabricator would cement a piece of the stone to the edge and shape it accordingly. If the lamination is done properly, the seam between the two stone slabs is nearly indistinguishable. You'll have to peer very closely at the edge to actually see the seam line.
The Edge Designs
A laminated edge does allow you more design options (but we've made a point on this in our post here). A thinner 2cm edge wouldn't be able to showcase a complicated edge profile fully. A thicker, 4cm edge would showcase a design well and add drama to your décor. A thicker edge almost always looks luxurious after all.
There are several edge profiles available to you. Different contractors have different names for the edge profiles but here are some of the more popular ones today that have a fairly common name:
- Eased straight laminated with a gentle edge and a flat, straight profile.
- Small or medium round laminated with a slightly rounded edge.
- Pencil laminated with an outward curved edge profile.
- Demi-bullnose with board curve at the top and a flat surface on the bottom.
- Laminated Dupont flat.
- Laminated Ogee
- Full bullnose
- Small laminated cove
- Medium Laminated cove
Also, check out CreativeCountertops Inc's laminated edge profiles (it's a slideshow).
These are just few of the several laminated edge profiles out there. You can pick something that would complement your home décor and enhance the look of your kitchen.
There are some advantages of using this particular edging profile for your countertops. Consider the following:
- It is more affordable than purchasing a thicker slab of granite or marble.
- The edge gives the illusion of thickness and can look luxurious and expensive in your kitchen.
- When it's properly done, it the seam where it's joined isn't easy to detect.
Things to Consider
All these factors can make laminated edges very appealing to any buyer. However, there are some things you need to keep in mind before you install laminated edge countertops in your home.
- First and foremost, you need to find the right contractor for the job. An inexperienced contractor might not know show to glue the two stones properly and that might cause the seam to be very distinct and visible.
- You need to make sure that good quality stone is used for this because the edge of the stone would need to bear the weight of the glued stone. Thinner stones can crack.
- You need to make sure that high quality epoxy glue is used to cement the two stones together. Cheap polyester glue isn't as reliable.
Here's a demo by Ron Hazelton – installing laminated countertop with bullnose edge!
You also need to make sure to check your contractor's previous work, see their portfolio or ask for references so that you have an idea about the quality of their work. If you have more questions, call Five Star Stone Inc. at 727 265 1100 or just fill this contact us form and we'll get back to you.


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MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) — Two 21-year-old men are in critical condition after allegedly being lured by women to a location in Fridley, Minn., where men were waiting to attack them.
According to the Anoka County Sheriff's Office, Fridley Police received a report of two injured men in the area of 77th Avenue and Main Street at about 4:25 a.m.
When police arrived, they found the badly-injured men – later identified as Anthony McCollum and Yani Singh — who had driven to the area to flee their attackers.
McCollum was conscious and able to talk to police, while Singh was non-responsive.
Police say the two were at Two Stooges Sports Bar in Fridley until 2 a.m. Saturday morning. They met two women who asked them for a ride to the area of University Avenue and Mississippi Street.
When they arrived, two men ambushed McCollum and Yani and stabbed them multiple times before taking off with the women.
McCollum was only able to provide a limited description of the suspects due to his injuries.
The victims were taken to the intensive care unit at Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis, where they both remain in critical condition.
Police said the attack appears to be random.
Anyone with information about this attack is urged to contact Fridley Police at 763-427-1212, or contact the Anoka County Sheriff's Office.


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Flats that don't fall flat. Our ballet flat in red suede has us over the rainbow, ready to follow wherever you roam. Designed for comfort that never compromises style with our integrated patent pending All Day Comfort Technology.
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Two Strands Grey Pearls, Smoky Crystals & Aqua Marine
Absolutely striking piece from our East Meets West collection. Two strands of luxe grey pearls, smoky crystals and water blue, aqua marine have been expertly crafted into this remarkable jewelry statement.
Measures: 18" in length
Available as an individual necklace or with matching earrings.
Earring color: Aqua Marine & Pearl


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WOODSTOCK – Singer/songwriter Brad Cole just wants to connect. Traveling throughout the year to play at performing arts centers, bars and house concerts, Cole is grateful for the opportunity of connection that life on the road has to offer.
"It's always great to connect with new towns and new people. It's a real plus for me being on the road," said Cole. "Music is a people game. Who's playing, who's listening, that always creates a unique situation for someone like me. I'll play with different musicians within a year. When I go to a new town, I pick up people to play and that makes it really unique and fresh and keeps it really truly live. I get to play with a lot of different people and it seems like each show is really unique."
Cole will make his introduction to the people of Woodstock at his performance at 7 p.m. Sunday at the Woodstock Opera House's Stage Left Café. Cole said he looks forward to taking the more intimate stage of Stage Left over the looming stage of the opera house.
"I get to play at Stage Left because I'm a lucky guy," Cole said. "One of my fans is very keen on Woodstock and told me I needed to come here and play, that it was a great venue for me. I told him I wasn't famous and I couldn't fill the opera house and he told me 'then you can play Stage Left.' I'm really looking forward to playing there and getting to know Woodstock."
The Chicago native is now based in New York and has been playing guitar and singing since college. His first performance was a 1987 show in Chicago at Batteries Not Included, with his band, called Treatment. For most of his music career, Cole maintained a corporate gig until about 10 years ago, when he left the world of financial business to do music full time. Cole said he did it because he "had to," but still is holding his breath.
"I saved enough money to put my daughter through college and then I said goodbye to the corporate world," Cole said. "The most important thing was that I knew if anyone was going to take me seriously as a musician, I would have to take myself seriously first. I held my breath and made the move. I'm still holding my breath."
Cole plays shows acoustically, as well as with additional accompaniment, giving his sound a wide range, depending on where and who he's playing with. He describes his sound as Soul Americana and American Roots Music with more to do with Detroit and Chicago than Appalachia.
"I have a lot of soul and jazz influences in what I do. I'm just trying to get at the truth," Cole said. "The sound is about who I'm playing with. If I do a solo show with acoustic guitar it's more folky. If I have the band, it's more of a jazz, groove, edge."
Cole's Stage Left performance will feature him on guitar and vocals with accompaniment by a bass player and a drummer. Cole released his fourth full-length record in early 2017, titled "Lay It Down" perhaps Cole's most soulfully eclectic and cohesive work to date.
"We like to blow people's minds when we can, but we also like to connect and we like to connect on lots of levels," Cole said. "Heart, soul, shaking your ass, all of those are usually the goals. People listen for different reasons, so it's all about finding what that is and making it happen for them."


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Speaking on a Dutch current affairs programme late Monday, Jan Muhren, who was stationed interchangeably at the Golan Heights and the West Bank in 1966-67, says neither Jordan nor Syria had any intention to start a war with Israel. from http://news.monstersandcritics.com/middleeast/news/article_1313492.php/Israel_provoked_Six-Day_War_says_former_Dutch_UN_observer
Actually as you will see in the video, that Jan Muhren is not that only one that says this "Moshe Dayan, the famous Israeli war hero has admitted long after the Six-Day war that the majority of incidents (80%) were provoked by Israel."
The Deceptions of the Six-Day War - DutchTV with English Subtitles
While this information is becoming better know there is still much that needs to be investigated. This article
http://www.hartford-hwp.com/archives/51a/022.html says
- Israel never was in military danger, the Israeli Army was always aware they could overpowered all the Arab armies.
- The US CIA was greatly involved in providing Israel intelligence information that greatly helped them win the war in such a short time.
- US military personnel, disguised as civilians and on secret missions to which they were sworn to secrecy, helped the Israelis with specific technical and intelligence-gathering operations.


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Take action in the legislative process of EU-Seed regulation!
This is a serious issue that could quite easily slip through the system without anyone noticing . I wonder of the Irish Minister of Agriculture Mr.Slovenly is aware of this and if so has he planned to oppose or support the motion.
This was sent to us at CLR earlier today
Take action in the legislative process of EU-Seed regulation!
There is urgent action needed to avoid damage by the upcoming new EU regulation of seed marketing. The new regulation will de facto ban old and rare varieties and farmers varieties and threaten the exchange and selling of seeds of diversity. DG SANCO (the General Direction of the EU for Sanitary and Consumer affairs) has been working on a proposal for a new regulation since years.
On Monday, the 6th of May they will present their proposal to the conference of commissioners. They could not get a consensus of the two other affected DGs, DG AGRI (agricultural affairs) and DG ENVI (environmental affairs). Both opposed the last draft of the proposal, and DG SANCO is not looking for a consensus.
The new regulation has mainly been drafted by Isabelle Clement-Nissou, an employee…
View original post 689 more words
Posted on May 3, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.


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State Of The Map 2010/Accommodation
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Girona township webpage has a list of hotels and some other useful information.
- 1 Hotel Condal [1]
- 2 Hap Dreams apartments map
- 3 Peninsular Hotel map
- 4 Girona Loft Apartments
- 5 Hostal Coll
- 6 Husa Ultonia map
- 7 Equity Point Girona Hostel
- 8 Hotel Carlemany map
- 9 Hotel Costabella map
- 10 Hotel Ciutat de Girona map
- 11 Girona Gothic apartments map
- 12 Those planning to attend and seeking shared accommodation
Hotel Condal [1]
Hap Dreams apartments map
- NOTE: all apartments at Hap Dreams are reserved (as of June 10,2010)
- Henk Hoff and Harry Wood
- Frank Steggink, Mike Collinson, Dane Springmeyer, Nicolas Chavent
- Emj and others (in other apartment)
- User:Rw, Ivansanchez, Simone Cortesi and others (in another apartment)
Peninsular Hotel map
Girona Loft Apartments
Hostal Coll
Husa Ultonia map
Equity Point Girona Hostel
Hotel Carlemany map
Hotel Costabella map
- Blackadder (Liz wanted a pool!)
- MichaelK (pool is cool)
Hotel Ciutat de Girona map
Girona Gothic apartments map
- François Van Der Biest
- Yves Jacolin
- Pierre Mauduit
- Frederic Bonifas
- add your username here.
The State of the Map conference 2010


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I've talked about compliance before however @carnal0wnage recently tweeted a great link to a video explaining the difference between compliance and security. I think this video makes it much more clear than any write-up could possibly do. And no … it isn't for those of us in the echo chamber but rather something you might want to bring up when explaining it to a layman (e.g., that CIO that just cut your budget to only meet the relevant compliance standard).
(Note: As part of a campaign to bring forward some of our older posts that we feel still benefit the community, we've added this article to our Best Of category that will periodically get tweeted out. Please mention it to me on Twitter or contact us if there are any other posts you feel we should include in this category. This post was previously categorized under Training. [email protected]grecs)
But first here is my Venn diagram where I try to depict the intricate relationship between compliance and security.
Any questions? … Oh, and here's that video…
Mmmm? I think that CIO would probably go for the Venn diagram more than the video … but I still like the video better. See ya!


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The latest entry into Google's infrastructure is Ray Kurzweil.
Google is a big time search engine, which provides world's information at fingertips. The value that Google provides to its worldwide audience is beyond measure. Marketing for marketers have become easier now and quite transformative.
Now Ray Kurzweil joins Google as the director of engineering. The reason for his entry is Google's desire to pursue artificial intelligence.
User services
The core of Google is its search engine, which commands the internet and captures the applications and world's information in its grip. Google Maps returned to iPhone and it showed Google's power in the internet industry. Google is making sure it is competitive by producing better applications than that of Apple's. The biggest advantage is that Google and internet companies hand out their products on a free silver platter. That's how they keep users coming back for more.
This is a neat trick, because when a person is not paying, he isn't the customer and Google make sure that happens.
Who doesn't like free products? The consumers love it as they are being prioritized.
Facebook has tried monetization with achieving little success as Google's.
Advertising front
On Thursday, the FTC gave the decision in Google's favor that antitrust issues would prevent the future of the company into pay for play search results. FTC didn't find any concrete harm to the customers in the manner Google prioritizes and marks its business listings. The favorable decision is good news for Google and makes its competitors the more miserable. Google improves the algorithm for appropriate information in its product's suite ranging from TV to mobile, car and real life, many fields will remain untouchables for the rivals and big tech companies. The more Google comes into limelight, the more its competitors are shunned away in darkness.
Now the Google maps are so much more efficient and accurate. Now the application is more competitive and degrades Apple's map. This makes one ask the question, how does it all happen? Google may know everything about a person now.
Enter Ray Kurzweil
The director of engineering will be solidifying the field of artificial intelligence and will have
unlimited access to resources. The director of engineering wants to design products, which understand human language and real definitions.
Sergey Brin and Larry Page, the co-founders of Google have joint interest with Ray Kurzweil in singularity. The desire is to make artificial intelligence competitive and efficient to pass human intelligence. It may make machine superior to humans.
The prediction of Ray Kurzweil
In the year 1999, he predicted that soon there would be mobile phones answering questions in real time and there would be self-driving cars on the market. At that time, they sounded irrelevant and impossible. But after ten years, they all exist. These predictions were deemed unrealistic.
Now Google is operating in a triangular fashion. One part of Google focuses on search and applications. The second part focuses on advertising and third will concentrate on high level research and development.


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How to deal with simplified cost options
Training Details
Organisation punto.sud
ALL LESSONS: 120 Euro
EARLY BOOKING: 25% off if you book 8 weeks in advance
MULTIPLE BOOKING: 25% off 3 or more bookings
SINGLE LESSON: 60 Euro
Place Online - Webinar
Dates 11 May 2018
Language English
Number of participants Max 25 per session.
Duration 1 day (1h30m , from 1.30 p.m. to 3.00 p.m. CET|CEST)
Target group and prerequisites
NGOs' financial staff involved in the design and project management of DG DEVCO/DG NEAR Grants, both at field and HQ levels.
Course Description
In the last years, the DG DEVCO and DG NEAR encouraged grant applicants to present their budgets, including simplified cost options. The main aim of this approach is to simplify and reduce administrative burdens, and of focus resources from administration/financial control to the achievement of project results.
Although, there are some guidelines available on the use of simplified cost options, many organisations often encounter difficulties in their practical use, when it comes to cost calculation and eligibility of costs and need to familiarise with these new requirements.
This webinar aims at giving a practical guide on the use of this approach, from proposal stage to reporting and expenditure verification phase.
Specific Objective
To ensure an in-depth understanding on the use of simplified cost options in DG DEVCO/DG NEAR Grants.
Learning objectives
At the end of the course, you will be able to:
Understand the different types of simplified cost options
Be able to prepare budget with the use of flat rates, unit costs, lumpsum
Use the apportionment method, according to internal cost allocation system
Keep simplified costs under control to ensure eligibility of costs
Prepare the necessary documents for the expenditure verification of simplified costs
Methodology: how to participate?
The course is delivered on-line, in a virtual classroom. All what you need to participate is a computer and Internet connection. Each session is facilitated by one or more trainers who will share information, suggestions and best practices with participants, with the support of ppt presentations, websites presentation and other materials. During the webinar sessions, you will be able to interact with the trainers and the other participants with questions and comments.
In case you will not be available at the established time, all sessions are recorded and can be followed whenever you can.
At the end of the course, a certificate of attendance will be sent to all participants.
Course Agenda
Through this webinar, you will get an overview of the simplified cost options approach, starting from the presentation of flat rates, unit cost and lumpsum in the budget, with the needed justification, to the monitoring of these costs during the project implementation and preparation of key documents for the expenditure verification and possible audits. A special session of the webinar will be dedicated to the "apportionment" method, to allocate the costs of local offices according to internal cost allocation method and management practices.
BLENDED COURSES: This course is part of a blended training
Additional Information
Apply now http://www.puntosud.org/learning-training/training-calendar/application-...
Contacts firstname.lastname@example.com


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Drafted instead i top that far yet
Categoria:Ferias y Mercados Orgánicos
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The BL4
The BL4 are a banjo led vintage wedding and festival band from Edinburgh. They deliver classic and contemporary songs in an original, never before heard style with mashups galore. The band is a four piece and consists of male vocals with three part harmony, acoustic guitar, double bass, banjo and drums. They have been wowing crowds ever since their beginning in 2007.
Their show credentials include Wickerman Festival, Edinburgh Film and book festivals, Critics Awards for theatre Scotland, and hundreds of weddings, bars and parties.
Modern music in a folk style
The band offer an eclectic mix of modern and classic music in a stripped back bluegrass / folk style. They offer a range of tunes from Daft Punk, The Prodigy, Dizzee Rascal, House of Pain and more. Check out the songs tab for a full listing.
Edinburgh Based
The band are based in Edinburgh, Scotland but willing to travel. Let us know your wedding or party location and we can organise a quote for you with travel costs included.


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You Are Watching Boruto Episode 100 English Sub, Download Boruto: Naruto Next Generation Episode 100 Sub In High Quality Or HD At borutoway.com . Watch All Naruto Shippuden Episodes Here.
Like Our Facebook Page. To Get Updates On Facebook.
Boruto Episode 100 English Subbed : "Predestined Path"
Boruto's cursemark was hinted in episode 99 when he lend his hand to jugo. Hopefully he uses it soon. The people sumire and her team went against had what seems like artificial cursemark's that could be activated with machines… slowly getting to the climax…. slowly…..
"Boruto: Naruto Next Generations" Episode 100 is titled "An Established Path." This episode will be released on 31st March 2019. According to Econo Times, spoilers suggest that in this episode, Juugo will experience another transformation while team 7 will lose an essential device to tame the troubled shinobi.
Synopsis of this episode also says the group of young shinobi continues to save the birds by using tranquilisers.
On the other hand, Episode 101 synopsis says that exactly like Boruto and his companions, an investigative team from the country of the River is studying the birds that have become ferocious because of the cursed seal. However, Juugo is captured by them.
The ninja of the Leaf Village assures newcomers that the power of Juugo is still necessary for research. Despite trying to convince the investigation team of the River Country in all ways, they are treated with contempt and sufficiency. Episode 101 is titled "Juugo's reinforcements", and it will be released on 7th April 2019.


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2019-2020 REGISTRATION INFORMATION & CALENDAR- Coming August 2019!
For Information and Calendar, click here
To Register online, click here
To Pay online, click here
Please note that we are no longer using paper registration All registrations must be completed electronically. Each child MUST be registered separately.
The PK-5th Children's Ministry is rooted in our Church mission of Christ's call to "Go and make disciples … baptize them … and teach them," with the purpose of helping families to nurture the faith of their children.
The celebration of the Sunday Mass gathers our entire parish family to be nourished by God's word and Eucharist. Our Children's Ministry builds on this shared experience through a two-fold structure:
1. Sunday morning age appropriate sessions typically on the 2nd & 4th Sundays of the month.
The PK-1st grade age children gather during the 10:30 a.m. Mass, from 10:15-11:30 a.m. in Albanese Hall.
The 2nd-5th grade age children gather from 9:00-10:15 a.m. in Shepherds Hall.
2. Other events and activities throughout the year including: Parish Picnic, Christmas Market, Youth Masses, Mardi Gras, and Stations of the Cross.
For more information regarding First Reconciliation and Eucharist, please click here


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This month we speak with Jane Fetherstonhaugh, Deputy CEO at the District Council of Grant.
Jane tells us about her role at Grant and also provides some insight into the program that won the LG Professionals, SA Award for Leadership in Community Services in 2016 - the Geared2Drive program.
Hi Jane, thanks for speaking with us.
Mailing Address: 5 Hauteville Tce EASTWOOD SA 5063 Phone: 8291-7990; Fax: 8451-1568 E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.com