I was about to write on how waves tried to break my silence defense that evening. And how the memories that were buried down underneath my silence echoed at every thump, ready to break free. But every attempt to make the writing to sound less pitiful failed.
It took sometime before my fingers tapping the lies on the screen to soothe the burning pain i am having in my heart. Unleashed the knot abruptly, quickened the removal of the bond of naive lies. You can not break what is already broken, you are just picking the piece and flush it down the drain when it does no longer reflect your own beauty. They belong to the past, they dont matter anymore, cause i will only toast for the present. Soon, they will be nothing but another freckle aging at the back of my head.
it is cold here, it hurts to even breathe.
but i smell light, and i should not fight back.
the echo of my scream muted in empty air.
My blood is running darkness, flowing inside veins of light. And i breath side to side by my shadow. The weight of the silent wisdom; compassion and forgiveness side to side by jealousy and vengeance, pin me down to the ground. Anger and sadness play swing like the sun and the moon. Universe, grant me strength! For i am weak under your glorious mercy.
he seems to have a deep open wound and shameless beautifully he shares to others. Once or twice we pull a thread or more out of his scar to scale to ours. Once or twice even like sick people we peel the healing skin of his wound and patch on ours. His gravity pulls into a spiraling hollow suffocating at times, and yet the sensation is addictive. i believe he is aware of his power, cause i can feel it when he starts his ritual dancing with deluding arousing dark tasty words, he knows he will get the attention he unintentionally crave for. And many come with voluntary hearts and join the naked dances drinking blood from their wounds. and i would watch from a far, i would sneak and touch my self my own wound believing he would watch me beyond the seven skies, thru pieces of everyone’s shattered hearts.
passing feelings, temporary filling the blank, believing fables, living other’s expectations/values of suffiency of a life, burrying doubts, closing boundaries, arranged events, or sometimes just fell right there right then in front of your very eyes, counting stars for hopeless pray, cant give it up now, what shall i do with my life if not to find love? but i never feel it here, another”someday you will” lie to dance till you die, collecting faces of ones you used to know, they are nothing but bunch of pixels in your bin that becomes somehow permanent to haunt your sore despair, cut the thread and keep facing forward, you will find it….or never, nevertheles this life is yours to fill with vanity or meanings.