So you’re freshly (or not so freshly) divorced and entertaining the thought of dating again. Scary? Sure. But with a little time, patience (and lip gloss) you can turn a dark time into a golden opportunity for new love.
Vikki Ziegler, New-Jersey based divorce attorney and creator of Divorce Dating, a website where singles who are either divorced or going through a divorce can meet and mingle, offered us her best tips for getting back out there.
“I always tell my clients that things get worse before they get better, but when you’re ready, your next relationship will better than your last,” she says.
Rebound – Slowly: Sure, it may be tempting to jump in the sack with the first eligible guy you click with, but doing so too fast may backfire. “If you’re the type who can handle a no-strings-attached tryst, then go for it,” says Ziegler. “But all too often newly divorced women blur the lines of a casual fling with the real thing when they’re not prepared for it.” In other words, taking the time to evaluate what went wrong in the marriage will benefit your next relationship. Sure it may feel like wallowing when you’re rehashing old disagreements in your mind, but doing a little self-reflection, and ID’ing the mistakes you made will only make you stronger and wiser for the next guy.
Zip Your Lips: As a general rule, don’t talk about your ex on a date. Does the guy buying you dinner need to know your spouse never flushed the toilet or made that irritating sound while he breathed in his sleep? Probably not. “Not only will discussing your marriage on a date make you seem as though you haven’t moved past it (and by default, aren’t ready to date) but trashing your relationship will also make you seem bitter, even if you’re not,” says Ziegler. However, there is one exception: “Once you’re comfortable working on an issue you struggled with in your marriage, you can broach it in a productive way.” So if you have a hard time apologizing when you’re wrong, try something like, ‘Hey, I’m really bad at saying I’m sorry and am trying to work on it. Can you point it out if I don’t do this?’ Your date will feel good knowing you’re trying to move past your divorce — and into a possible future with him!
What are three more tips for having a smooth and successful post-divorce dating life? Click here to find out.
You think post-divorce dating is hard? Imagine doing it as a celebrity!
Who knows – maybe dating can help you find your REAL true love!