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I know how you feel. I lost my mom Jan 6, 2019 and it is so raw and all I do is cry. I was in the room when she passed and had been all day. My regret is I wasn't holding her hand when she took her last breath. She had dementia and I saw her 3 days a week for several years solid for 2 and now she's gone and I don't know what to do with myself. I miss her so much. I am second guessing everything I ever said or did with her and for her.