A number have complained that they would rather not wade through the propaganda, speculation and (possibly somewhere) facts on The Takeover Thread about the potential take over of Charlton (as if) to get your daily dose of nonsense. When there's no takeover news, it's easy to find the nonsense you need without having to work through pages of pet theories and speculation. But on a night like tonight where there has been a meeting, suddenly it becomes a nightmare.
So our mods will run a Bite Size thread for those that just want to cherry pick the latest puns, rhymes, jokes, food combinations and chit chat.
This thread will be be kept closed to ensure its purity and to keep it free from facts and rumours. If you would like to contribute to this thread please inbox me or post a summary in the main takeover thread and I'll take the credit when I copy it here.
@Sonicstud85 posts a groundbreaking early noodle post: 'The new Peri Peri Pot Noodle is devine'.
Noodle Fever sweeps the Takeover thread. @BetterCallSaul states Red Bull is best enjoyed with a Pot Noodle. @catfordmorry wanted to know how to cook a pot noodle, to which @johnny73 says just chuck it in the microwave. @Solidgone claimed that Elvis sang about Pot Noodles. @JamesSeed wondered if there were gravy flavoured ones to which @Scoham informs him that it's a northern thing. @AFKABartram likes Chow Mien @cfgs likes chicken and mushroom but did mention something about a Brazilian (not sure if he hadn't changed topic though. @Karim_myBagheri posted a salacious picture of a Hot Noodle bearing the words 'Hurt Me You Slag'. @SE7toSG3 treated us to a story that might as well have started Uncle Albert style with the words 'during the war...' and carried on to describe eating pot noodle sandwiches whilst doing something with a shimuli (no, me neither) and engaging in bare knuckle fights with Russians. In contrast, @Henry Irving confessed that he's never had a pot noodle and hopes he never shall.
Fish puns are back in fashion. Too many (and too many repeats) to give individual credits but 'Clown-ing around', 'What's the manta with you?', 'get rid of RD hook, line and sinker', "Roland a cheap skate', 'Carping', 'jumped the shark', 'Krill someone', an 'Karel Fry' were amongst the many delights posted.
Short discussion about Islands in which @HarryLime reminded us very cleverly in response to a 'no man is an island' quote that in fact Barry is.
After a quiet couple of months which saw no serious nonsense other than a temporary return of fish puns (not that they ever really went away), things started to look up just before the new year with the introduction poems (for the want of a better word).
Finishing the post with the words "How'd I do", was like a red rag to Charlton Life's very own Laureate @SoundAsa£ and earned Kapal a scathing review which is best précised by the learned one's final two words, "absolutely hopeless". It was explained that the poem was deliberately poor as the author aimed to mirror Duchatelet's ownership style. Bids to buy the rights of the poem are understood to be well below the author's £40m valuation.
Which was even noticed by Bob Boulder.
and back to Belgium we must send.
But lets all vote for REXIT.
In a case of art mirroring real life - or perhaps the other way around, a rise in meaningless speculation as to bids for the club has also seen a rise in the levels of top-grade nonsense on the take over thread. On the 8th March @Redhenry innocently mentioned the name Mark Warburton. @iaitch immediately threw a new game into the mix, stating "Cue a lot of bread puns". There's no knead to guess what happened next, everyone rose to the occasion: @KiwiValley started off with "that kind of challenge will certainly separate the wheat from the chaff" whilst @Laddick01 stated, "Whoever it is needs to wrap this deal up quickly". @Henry Irving was clear that, "Everyone will want a slice of this deal". @iaitch sent the Lolometer into overdrive by commenting that, "We're glutens for punishment". Then the great and the good of Charlton Life joined in with a veritable smorgasbord of half-baked treats. @CharltonKerry and @Charlton_Stu both punning on dough, @guinnessaddick on prove and @RedChaser, batch. Seedy @RedChaser, crumbs @Dippenhall, toast @The Red Robin, roll @blackpool72, baton @barstool and yeast @RodneyCharltonTrotta were all thrown into the pot. @JamesSeed gave us a crust and a loaf whilst @johnny73 went for a complete batch with, "Is this a half baked idea or will a bid finally rise to the occasion. We knead this to happen now". @Henry Irving very cleverly put the oven out by stating "These bread puns are a real pain". At this point @Bolderhumphreyreid reminded us that there's always a fish pun just under the surface by concluding, "I’ve haddock enough of this".
The next day saw another round of punning, innocently triggered by @seth plum commenting "This week feels like churn, not progress". @golfaddick immediately corralled everyone into a new game with the call, "And so begins dairy puns......". @Addicted responded "OK. don't milk it", supported by @N01R4M, "Butter not"! @soapboxsam asked, "Is there any chance our next owner could be a rich Kurd" ? @Fumbluff retorted "Don’t be a clot...", but Sam wasn't going to let a sour remark like that put him off. "It's just my opinion by the whey, but when Grant went to uddersfield we became like a bull in a China shop and have been crying over spilt milk ever since. Can we today except that it's a game of two calves and not start mooing the players", he floated. @addick100 requested that we, "mooove on from cow puns". "I'd like to chew the cud over this" ruminated @RedChaser. @KiwiValley commented, "We can do puns until the cows come home but what we really knead is some actual takeover mews (remember the horse puns!)". @IdleHanssaid it was "Udderly ridiculous" before @Alwaysneil firmed up a new line with, "These dairy puns are really cheesing me off". "Don’t Brie like that" said @Scoham and the cheese pun was born.
"Don't let them Rind you up, or you will go crackers", said @Halix. "There's no whey I'm going to add to them" said @happyvalley, struggling to get to grips with the quote function. "Stop creaming it" said @CharltonKerry. "Cheesus christ..." blasphemed @NorthheathAddick before @MountsfieldPark drew the lols with "Curds 16/1". @CafcCrazy said, "You an calf getting on my nerves" before some serious takeover speculation finished the cheese puns off before they'd had a chance to mature.
1529 The Siege of Vienna.
1531, Women's Revolt in Amsterdam ( nothing to do with WAR apparently).
1532 Anne Boleyn is made Marquess of Pembroke by Henry V111.
1534 Sir Thomas More confined to The Tower of London.
1535 Cardinal John Fisher, Bishop of Rochester is executed.
1536. The Portuguese implement the inquisition. I hope you weren't expecting the Spanish inquisition.
1537. The Honourable Artillery Company is formed.
1538. Huge tsunami hits China.
1541, Gerardus Mercator makes his first globe.
1542, Mary Queen of Scots dies.
1543, King Henry VIII married for the final time.
1544, rats make their first appearance in North America. Some 470 years before the biggest one one is seen in SE7.
1545, The Mary Rose sinks in The Solent .
1546, Trinity College Cambridge is founded.
1547, Edward VI bans execution by boiling.
1548, Mary, Queen of Scots leaves for France.
1549, the spire of Lincoln Cathedral is damaged by wind & is no longer the tallest structure in the world.
1550, chocolate is introduced to Europe.
1556, Thomas Cranmer burned at the stake for treason.
1558, the Elizabethan period begins.
1559, Henry11 of France killed in a jousting accident.
1560, a total eclipse of the Sun can be seen in Europe.
1561, Madrid becomes the capital of Spain. It was previously Toledo.
1563, The English surrender Le Havre to the French.
1565, Ottoman troops begin the Siege of Malta.
1566, Pope Plus V becomes the 225th pope.
1567, Rugby School is founded.
1568, Mary, Queen of Scots flees to England.
1569, The first lottery in England is established to help pay for repairs to harbours & ports.
1570, The Whitechapel Bell Foundry begins casting. It managed to keep in business until it sadly closed in 2017.
1571, St Olave's Grammar School is founded in Tooley St.
1572, Ben Jonson dramatist & playwright born.
1573, Inigo Jones born. He designed The Queen's House at Greenwich.
1574, Manila, Phillippines gains cityhood.
1575, Siege of Malta begins.
1576, Dartford Grammar School is founded.
1577, The Great Comet can be seen from Earth.
1578, the last outbreak of sweating sickness occurs in England.
1579, Francis Drake lands in what is now California & claims it for Elizabeth1.
An early spin off from the historical posts was pictures comparing Roland Duchatelet to historical figures. Again @Scoham was the instigator comparing the treacherous, self-opinionated old codger, Roland Duchatelet to Thomas Moore. @Chizz took up the cudgels with images of Cardinal John Fisher and King João III of Portugal before @KiwiValley ended the practice with Duchatelet as Kenneth Williams. The resulting image drawing everyone's attention to the fact that this particular Carry On has already gone on far longer than anyone wanted.