We surely don’t want to be trapped in a dreadful situation when our toddlers cry heavily, scream their hearts out, and lie down kicking on the floor in the middle of a solemn celebration or in the midst of happy social gatherings. But tantrums can just happen anytime most especially during the most unpredictable moments.
1. Tantrums relieve your children’s emotional stress.
What do you feel when you are harboring resentment in your heart? How heavy does your soul become? By knowing how toxic containing our emotions can be, then we can better accept the need for our children’s cries.
These little kids need to have an avenue for venting out their emotions. When we force to stop them from telling us that they are extremely upset or discouraged, then we also allow the further growth of stress hormones in their system. Tantrums are our children’s way of showing that their immature hearts cannot contain the sadness that they feel.
2. Tantrums make your children normal human beings.
Do you agree that we live in a sometimes cruel world? Most people expect us to be happy at all times and behaving at our best even when situations are terrible and awful. Some parents are even shamed and criticized for dealing with stressful situations in a manner that deviates from society’s high expectations.
Tantrums only prove that our children are normal human beings – they can lose their cool, they can be overly sad, they can feel rejected, they can be disappointed, and they can show how they are without being constrained by what other people could think of them.
3. Tantrums let your children accept boundaries and manage rejections.
If you managed to not buy everything that your children asked you to buy at the mall, then congratulations! If you had the courage to get the handful of candies and chocolates from your kids, then great! You are doing the right thing as a parent.
Most children throw tantrums because of certain triggers such as not having what they want or being stopped from particular activities. Since they haven’t developed to their full maturity yet, we can expect that tantrums could be their means to overcome rejections.
When your children throw tantrums because of these reasons, resist the urge to suddenly change your mind. Don’t give in to their demands. Instead, allow them to cry but offer a soothing embrace. This will soon let them know that throwing tantrums is not the answer to their disappointments.
4. Tantrums give you a parenting challenge.
Challenges are nice to have from time to time. But what’s good in dealing with tantrums is that it tests your patience and stimulates your empathy towards your children. But with every circumstance, you have the responsibility to rise up victorious from all challenges. And victory is not measured when your child stops from crying. Victory is determined by how you dealt with the problem and how you were able to show your love even during the most stressful situations.
Parenting is definitely overwhelming. Although it is generally happy and fulfilling, it can also be toxic and exhausting at times. When things are not going well such as when our kids fail to listen to us or when they behave in a nasty way, we can have the tendency to yell at them. Is it normal? Or is it even acceptable?
Most moms and dads regret it when they suddenly and unintentionally shout at their children. But no matter how much they want to stop themselves from doing such, they admit that yelling seems to be a natural response.
I understand this sentiment. There are just times when our kids could easily bring out the unexpected beasts in our supposedly soft and loving hearts. But as much as possible, we don’t want this to happen. We want to continually be our children’s protector, nurturer, and safe refuge.
Not shouting at our kids is essential in making them grow mentally healthy and emotionally secure. Studies even point to the ineffectiveness of shouting in disciplining our children. When we yell at them, we do not address the main cause of misbehavior since they won’t usually be receptive to explanations during moments of distress.
1. Identify what triggers your shouting.
In order to address the problem which is yelling, then we also need to know the cause of your response. Look back at the times that you have yelled at your children. Was it because of certain misconduct? Then go the extra mile in order to prevent such misbehavior. If your children usually mess up during meal times, why don’t you start teaching them table manners according to their age? If you have a toddler, then you could set up paper floor mats that could catch the dirt as she feeds. Do whatever it takes to prevent your triggers from arising.
2. Make your commands doable and easily understandable.
Your children surely have not fully matured yet, right? Then you must work on the instructions that you give them. If you want them to clean the living room, then be specific with your orders and give them one at a time. Ask them to pick up the scattered toys first, then only after that shall you order them to put the toys in the ottoman or do other things related to it. Do not bombard them with a lot of orders because they will surely fail you at some point in time and that could just cause your emotions to rise again.
3. Offer warning signs to generate teamwork.
Be able to communicate to your children that you might be at the brink of a disastrous response and that you don’t want to reach that point. It would be nice if you could directly tell them that you are already losing patience and that you may now be triggered to shout. Such warning signs, when communicated peacefully, can generate teamwork because children would most likely rather prevent you from losing your cool than do otherwise.
Your kid is not an adult; thus, you cannot expect her to be behaving like an ultra-disciplined adult who has been trained to follow all orders without room for mistakes. If you have a toddler, then don’t expect her to be eating mess-free. If you have an infant who keeps on crying at night, then don’t get mad at her for keeping you awake. After all, our expectations usually set the foundations for our behavioral responses.
5. Reflect on your day and your life.
Have you had a bad day? Has it been months since you last had your own time for yourself at the salon or a coffee shop? Have you been feeling anxious because of career disappointments? It is important to examine yourself most especially when you have been delivering not-so-acceptable behavior towards the people around you. Be able to know how to address your own frustrations so that you can also live peacefully with your children.
Yes, it can be hard. Even when you become intentional in changing yourself, your child, and the circumstances, you could still suddenly yell at your child when certain situations happen. If ever you fail, do not ever think that it is the end of your journey to positive discipline. It could take time and a great deal of effort. Keep on practicing. But whenever you fail, do not forget to make a personal apology to your child about what you have done. Let her know that you are capable of asking forgiveness and that you need her help to remove the yelling tendencies.
Imagine how much better a place the world would be if we all dream like kids again. If we are able to embrace our every passion and believe that anything and everything is possible and options for the future are limited only by our imagination.
Now when the tables have turned and I see that free spirit in my child I want to keep that will power and mood to inspire him/her to realise and make these dreams to come true.
Grownups have dreams too! Share them with your kids. Or be open about what you dreamed of becoming as a child, and discuss why it didn’t, or possibly did, happen. They will gain bravery in their own dreams when they see you chasing yours, celebrating your successes and bouncing back from your challenges.
Remind them that they can be anything they want when they grow up via role play games: a dentist, a teacher, a scientist, a doctor, an author. Have an honest talk about all of the hard work their dreams will require while letting them know that they are 100 percent capable of achieving their wildest dreams!
Your children can learn from the world’s top scientists, musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, athletes, and be inspired by their stories. They can also learn from inspiring people in your family and community.
Dream diaries or boards are incredibly useful and inspirational when making your own. By representing your goals with pictures and images you will actually build up and stimulate your emotions because your mind responds strongly to visual stimulation, and your emotions are the vibrational energy that activates the Law of Attraction. Your kid would love the idea of drawing his/her dreams, ideas and imagining the future.
Success is inspiring, especially for children. Help them to experience success with their initial goals and dreams so that they are motivated to keep going.
Reading quality books foster kids imagination, enriches the vocabulary and can throw open a window to the world. The fantastic stories and expansive ideas in books can feed a child’s imagination to open up great possibilities. Choose books that encourage your kids to think beyond their size and dream big.
A vital element in education and in life is curiosity that drives us to learn new things and discover how things work around us. While there are various ways to stimulate our curiosity, it is crucial that we instill this in our children from young.
Feed your kids imaginations! Take them to museums, travel with them, read books, explore with them. Let them know what’s out there, help them discover what is possible.
They will gain courage in their own dreams, when they see you chasing yours, celebrating your successes and bouncing back from your challenges. Dreaming as a family also helps kids look beyond themselves and work as a team.