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I have a history of depression that is mostly controlled by medicine but now and then when I have a bout, I tend to get the urge to cut like that would make it better or something. I KNOW from experience it won't but still I do get that urge. Last night I trimmed about a half inch off and was immediately sorry. Now I am thinking I need to get it "evened" up at the salon. PLEASE tell me why I should not do it! I want waist! Why in the world would I think about it???
Can I tell you what I think as opposed to what you want to hear?
I am well aware of that feeling. I had a roommate who called it "PMS Perm Syndrome." Sometimes I'll give myself a particular milestone some time in the future, like "I'll get a hair cut on my birthday", leaving open the possibility that I will get it all chopped if I still feel like it. Then, by the time the milestone arrives, the urge has passed and I've had a couple of new inches that incourage me to just get a trim.
Think of me everytime you get the urge to cut.
I do the same thing. I had to make myself resist the urge a few weeks ago (I was extremely depressed, and almost started hacking away at my hair with the closest sharp object, which happened to be a pair of nail clippers!). I think it's because I get depressed, and think I shouldn't be allowed to be attractive, so I get rid of the easiest attractive part of myself as punishment.
It's bad, but I've gotten better at controlling it. It's something that I have to constantly live with. As I don't have insurance, I cannot afford to be on the meds that I need (I'm fairly sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so I REALLY need them), which makes it that much harder.
You know that in time you would regret a cut, no matter how much you want a 'new look' now. You will eventually wish that you hadn't done it, so save yourself the regret and skip the cut.
PLEASE tell me why I should not do it!
You have been such an inspiration to me ever since I first joined here - my hair is not much longer, thanks to winter damage and trims, but it is in much better condition and now I actually believe that I can grow it long, thanks to you among others!
Please don't do it. It won't make you happier, and I - well, I will be devastated!:? It would be different if you decided to trim/cut because you - but stress-trimming wouldn't be that, would it?
Hey, I've got an idea. If you get the urge to do the unnamable, do an SMT. While the stuff is on your head, relax. By the time your hair is dry you won't want to cut I'm sure!
I get this, too, I think because whenever I am stressed over one major thing, everything just has a tendency to fall apart. When something isnt going right, it seems like every day is just "one of those days" where you get out of bed and immediately stub your toe, get a really bad phone call right after, bad hair day, car wont start, you name it. I have these days all the time, and sometimes I just get to where I dont feel like dealing with any of these things, but since I cant do much about any of them, I get the urge to just shave my head because that is one thing I still have control over.
Luckily, Ive managed to avoid cutting because I know I would regret it so much. I do usually en dup ripping through my hair with a brush and tearing it out in chunks because it wont do what I want it to, but its not as bad as chopping.
I know it varies from person to person, but what helps me is to just braid my hair for the day (cant go wrong) and try to do something for me. My depression comes in all different forms but I think in general, spending some time just doing what I want to do and trying not to worry about anything helps. I like to drive to the river and just sit there for a while, or excercising can help.
I know your post relates to hair, but I cant imagine that your hair is the only thing affected by your depression. If your medication isnt cutting it or if youre just having an exceptionally hard time for whatever reason, talk to someone about it. If you have a counselor wo you see on a regular basis, maybe its time to make an appt.
Yeah, I consider haircuts to be fairly major as decisions go, but only because it takes so flippin' long to regain length if you cut more than a few inches off.
I agree with lamb! Your curls are an inspiration and beautiful!!
Curlsgirl, I had 28 inch hair which was all one length a few weeks ago. It looked just like your gorgeous hair but brown.
My husband went to South Africa for what was supposed to be 2 weeks and then became ill. He cannot travel and has been gone for 6 weeks now and I miss him terribly. Since he's been away I have put on 5 lbs, gone on shopping sprees which I put on my credit cards. I cut bangs into my front and had layers put in the back.
The thing that I regret the most is the bang cutting and the length loss. I am now at 25 inches, with layers and stupid looking bangs.
Please find another way to feel better. Create something, cook something, go walking, take up dancing, paint a picture, even eat something if it helps but don't cut your gorgeous hair. Please.
As a member who has done this and always regretted it, Don't do. Get a diary and enter notes into it about your feelings every day. Read them over when you get that urge to cut.
Think of all of us hear sending strength to you spiritually. But most of all don't do it for yourself.
You already know it's a mistake before you do it. So why would you.? You don't have a subconscious need to punish yourself do you? I used to because my mom used to punish me as a kid by giving me short ugly haircuts, so if I subconsiously believed I needed to suffer, ( for any crazy reason whatsoever ) I'd cut my own hair.
Please don't cut your hair! It's so beautiful and I've enjoyed watching it grow!!!
Next time the urge strikes you, try taking a walk around the block? Help get your mind off of it for a few minutes?
Maybe give your hair an extra special deep conditioning treatment instead of hacking off the ends. That way, you're still doing something to your hair, but not nearly as drastic and actually beneficial.
Islandgrrls two week rule sounds like a good one to me. Then you'll know if you really wanted to cut a little or not. I kind of feel petty, because I'm not clinically depressed (although I smoke like a fiend, and it's occurred to me before that I might be self medicating just a little), but I know I've felt the same way before. And the kicker is, sometimes that change DOES make you feel better, but sometimes worse. Thinking about it for a while is the perfect idea, as well as the interm conditioning treatments. Instead of cutting hair right now, try de-cluttering some of the trouble spots in your house (if you're like me, you've got plenty of those!) or cleaning out the car (or take it to a carwash/detailer and have them do it), or go splurge on a little something that you've been wanting. These usually work to perk me up when I'm starting to feel low, and just taking some "me-time" isn't cutting it.
I think that being depressed makes us naturally feel damaged, so we feel like we need to do something "damaging" to ourselves. The times when I've cut my hair the shortest match up perfectly with the times when I've gone through my most severe bouts of depression. There's the scene in "Legends of the Fall" when Julia Ormond's character cuts her hair, and she's just the most lost, depressed soul imaginable, and that hair cutting scene just shows what anguish and desperation she's dealing with. I love the advice everyone else has given, and I don't have much to add to it, except to just see your beautiful hair as a gift that you can cherish and enjoy while you go through this bout of depression. I love that the others have told you to pamper yourself with an SMT, manicure, etc. A lovely hair treatment will, if nothing else, give you something to keep you occupied, and it would be a wonderful distraction for you. I find that distraction is exactly what helps me to get through bouts of depression. Take care of yourself and be easy and gentle with yourself through this time!!! I hope you pass through this very soon!!!!!
I just woke up from a nap. It was so nice to see all these lovely posts. It really was. I am feeling just as bad but it sure made me rethink the hair thing. Jessie when you said the layers thing and stupid looking bangs I had to laugh because that is EXACTLY what I was thinking of doing. I am going to call my doctor in the morning.
Please don't cut your hair, it's very beautiful. Cutting it won't help your depression, if you cut too much it might make you feel even worse. Been there&done that, now I have about ear-length hair. Try to keep occupied with other things or buy some new hairtoys, conditioners and such if you feel unhapy with your hair.
I did that all the time when I suffered from depression a few years ago. And of course I was terribly unhappy after... but it was done. I think it was sort of a way to express aggressivity against myself.
Don't give up: YOU want WL hair, but you are depressed, and depression give bad advice. Inside yourself your goals about your hair haven't changed.
And you hair looks so lovely! sincerely.
Perhaps at this time it could be something to take pride in to baby your beautiful hair. But you will have to be able to avoid spiralling into negative thoughts regarding the trim you already did. If you are not confident in your ability to do that, then benign neglect would be a better course.
There's the scene in "Legends of the Fall" when Julia Ormond's character cuts her hair, and she's just the most lost, depressed soul imaginable, and that hair cutting scene just shows what anguish and desperation she's dealing with.
Oh, wow, you just reminded me of Spendor in the Grass, when Natalie Wood had her breakdown and chopped her hair off. I haven't seen Legends of the Fall, but that one really made me bawl.
Curlsgirl, I'm glad you're feeling better, and you don't need layers! Your hair looks awesome the way it is!
It's not exactly the same, but I used to want to do drastic things to my hair that involved color when I felt sad or anxious. I still get that urge sometimes, but I think that growing out healthy hair for me means no lighteners.
...So I don't really have any helpful advice, but I can relate. Sending lots of 'net-hugs to you, and I hope you feel better soon.
Yes if you PM me LOL.
Jessie, I am so sorry about your husband and how sad you are. Hugs coming your way. I had to laugh at your stupid bangs remark but that was probably insensitive of me to just point that out only. I am not thinking very clearly right now. I am glad you didn't cut even more off. Your hair is so gorgeous. I am going to go eat something.
Oh no, I was delighted that you laughed. I tell you, being down in the dumps can surely put a spin on reality can't it?
I feel that my hair was so much like yours to begin with and now it's suffering from my moment of bad judgement. I don't want the same to happen to you. Especially since I admire your hair so much. I also follow your posts about product and hair care because of the similarities.
I hope you feel better soon. Try to get some sunshine and fresh air, that always makes me feel so good.
This is something I DO know something about. I have gone through this before myself. If you cut your hair due to depression, you will regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at some point, you will find that it was a mistake. A few months back, I went through a major depression because of a bad break up. I wanted a change, so I considered cutting my hair. I mean, I was going to pixie it. I told a friend of mine what I was planning to do and she smacked some sense into me, and I mean that literally, so I decided to wait for a while and see if my feelings changed. They did. I'm very glad I waited to see if it passed, because I would have regretted it for years. My advice to you is to wait and see if things change before doing anything drastic. I hope that this helps.
Don't make ANY big decision while you are depressed.
Again, do not make any big decision while you are depressed.
I hate sounding like a broken record, but I agree with everyone who suggested not making any life-changing decisions while you're depressed. Take up a hobby to occupy yourself till you can talk to your doctor. Maybe do some good hair experiments you haven't tried before (whereas every time I was in a weird mood in the past and needed a change, I dyed, heat-styled, or all of the above), like a new deep treatment.
I agree in theory that a hobby would be nice to occupy the time and stifle the urge.
Maybe it's just me, but when I'm **really** depressed, I can't seem to focus on or care about much, so even my favorite things seem to just fade, and hobbies don't exist for a bit.
Hope you aren't this way!
I agree about no big changes during depression, when I'm depressed, my fingers itch for the scissors, but it seems like having long hair is a test of willpower anyway.
I used to cut my hair in a sort of self-harm way, when I wasn't cutting myself. Cutting my hair was very much a self-punishment thing, to make myself as ugly in my mind as I felt I deserved to be. It worked. Don't do it.
I used to chop my hair off when I was depressed and anxious, in the hope that it would make me a different person and make my troubles go away. Makeover shows have a lot to answer for, as I think they have invaded our subconscious and given us these ideas. Last year this resulted in a pixie (which I keep whining about, but anyway, I think of it as a warning to myself and others) which I will regret for a long time.
I love your hair and I hope that you love it, too. It would be such a shame if you made a rash decision due to your low mood, which resulted in you doing something that you regretted.
Noooooooo!!! Don't do it!!!! Please?
Someone probably already has said this (one the threads get long, I usually tend to read the original post, maybe the next response or two...then if moved to post, I post myself), but depression can often bring about a desire to change your life. Sometimes just a hair cut makes you feel as though you are in control of something in your life, even if it is just the hair! :) Of course, I am no psychologist, however, this has happened to me as well. I instantly and always regret it.
You know what else I tend to do when depressed? Move furniture around. Yep. Just a different way of feeling that I can change something in my life and make it better.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have those feelings myself time to time when I go through a bout of depression, and I also take medication to help. I think that a new look would make me feel better or anything to change about myself. What I do instead is go by a new hair toy or something and that seems to help. Please don't cut your hair....don't let the depression take away from your wonderful hair.
When I read your post, I was like OMG, other people are like this too? I had depression through my 20's and my hair would get nice and long (bsl) and then I'd go crazy with the scissors because I thought it would make me feel better.
For this reason, I joined the "no trim" club. I would suggest you remove the scissors from your house - no kidding.
Even S&D is dangerous because it just keeps going right.
I have scissors in my house, but I feel they are the enemy to having long hair and I seriously doubt I should even have them in case I do get depressed again.
Thats so weird, I didn't know other women with depression did the same thing.
Jessie - your so funny. I could so relate to you. I don't know how many times I thought my life would improve with 'bangs' or 'layers' and then regretted it afterwards. In fact, I got a bit ill this week (immune response) and I started thinking I should get bangs!!:( What the heck is wrong with me???
It would be interesting to explore the link between depression and hair cutting. Very interesting.
Curlsgirl, I'm so you fell depressed. I sometimes have phases of depression, but they aren't nearly as strong.
Maybe by wanting to cut your hair off, you only want to do something to "tidy up" yourself. I know that too. When I'm depressed I get an urge to tidy up my room. Just because I have it done and when my room is tidy, I feel tidy. This helps me a lot.
So, please lay your scissors down. You have beautiful hair and don't need to cut. Maybe you could do something else, like tidying uo your cupboard or something alike.
When I was depressed 4 years ago, I cut my hair off from waist lenght to shoulder/jaw lenght infront of my mirror. It was an urgent attempt to make myself feel better. Its dangerous to play with scissors because its something you most definitely will regret.
Thanks all of you SO much! I went to the doctor today and am SO glad I did! Turns out I have high blood pressure and am now taking blood pressure medicine. I was having headaches and it was just awful. I can already tell a difference since taking the pill 4 hours ago. I hope I found the answer!
I am glad I didn't do too much damage and am not cutting anymore!!!
You are all such wonderful friends!!!
I'm so happy it's getting better for you! Keep on in this good way. You're not alone, as you remarked!
Curlsgirl, I'm so glad you went to the doctor. Good thing you are looking after yourself. I hope that you feel better soon.
I'm so glad you caught the high blood pressure and that you are feeling better!!
Thanks SO much!!!! I can't believe how much better I feel ALREADY! Amazing to me! I just LOVE all my LHC friends!!!