I was snapping at my wife, the kids, the cats, and anything or anyone that crossed my path. I was Scrooge and the Ghost of Cranky Christmas all wrapped up in one dark holiday package.
The next day I woke up just as angry. Along with the dangling towel bar, I had to drive an hour and a half to New Hampshire for a staff meeting. Bah Humbug!
As it turned out, the time alone in the car was exactly the Christmas gift I needed. I clicked off the radio, and tried to open myself to God. I was given a much needed time of reflection. I have noticed lately that often what you see in a time of reflection is your own reflection. Which is probably why we resist it so often.
In this case I was able to look in the mirror and see how insane I had been acting the past 24 hours. I was able to remember the memorial service for a friend just a few days ago, where we were all reminded what was important and what isn’t. (Towel bars are pretty far down the list.) I was able to pick up my cell phone and make the apology I needed to make. I looked out the car window and for the first time noticed the beauty of a clear winter day.
Mary and Joseph had a much tougher road trip than my trip to New Hampshire. Much is made of the challenges they faced on that arduous journey to Bethlehem, and with good reason. But I wonder if it didn’t also help. I wonder if it didn’t provide much needed reflection time, time to talk or just stare at the countryside. Time to think and pray about the chaotic and confusing events of life. Time to look in the mirror and reflect on the kind of person you have been and the kind of person you want to be. Could it be that even the blessed virgin had a holiday meltdown? I have to believe that even Mary had some thoughts, conversations, and actions she wanted to take back.
Finding time for reflection can be challenging in these high velocity days leading up to Christmas. There are towel bars to hang after all. It simply may not be possible to get the quiet time you need. But remember: Joseph and Mary had to go to Bethlehem. I had to go to New Hampshire.
Is there something you have to do, someplace you have to go, that might provide an opportunity for reflection? How might you work with the reality of your schedule to find time to look in the mirror?
And from the Board and Staff of Lumunos, blessings for a sacred and meltdown-free Christmas.
PS: Make a year end donation to Lumunos, and we will send you a gift towel bar with the words “Breath” inscribed on it. Maybe.
Are you spending money you don’t have this holiday season?
In a recent cover story entitled “The Urge to Splurge,”, Newsweek reports that “the new frugality” is already over and people are spending money they don’t have. Even though 89% of Americans tell Gallup they’re watching their expenditures very closely, spending is heading back up anyway.
Which leads us to the gospel of Saturday Night Live. In this clip featuring Steve Martin and Amy Poehler, we see a couple struggling to grasp the concept of not buying something unless they can afford it. It is very funny and a little painful.
This “Lady Wisdom” from the Old Testament is no shy, retiring figure. Listen to her bellow in this translation of Proverbs 8 from The Message. Pretend someone asked her if they should buy stuff they can't afford.
Do you hear Lady Wisdom calling? Can you hear Madame Insight raising her voice? She’s taken her stand at First and Main, at the busiest intersection.
“You—I’m talking to all of you, everyone out here on the streets!
Listen, you idiots—learn good sense!
I’m telling you how to live at your best.
My mouth chews and savors and relishes truth—I can’t stand the taste of evil!
This advent season Lady Wisdom provides a not so subtle reminder that this season is not about what we spend. Focus instead on relationships; justice; spiritual life, beauty and joy. Be willing to pause to listen for this instruction and guidance.
If you would like to tap into this Wisdom, take some time with the Lumunos Advent Reflections in the next week. Let us know what you are discovering.
As long as we are going to hear this holiday music 500 times between now and January 1, wouldn’t it be nice to get something out of it?
Here I am not talking about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It is a snappy little Christmas ditty, but I don’t think it is going to help me find meaning and purpose.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer I could probably figure out on my own. With O Come O Come Emmanuel I’ll need some help. Thankfully, Lumunos writer Angier Brock has written a series of four reflections on this ancient piece of music. With her thoughts and questions, I’m hoping O Come O Come Emmanuel will be more than a beautiful piece of music. I’m hoping it will help me navigate the landmines of this season. I’m hoping it will help me quiet down rather than amp up; simplify rather than add debt; pay attention to important relationships rather than ignore them; and uncover some of the deeper meanings of this time of year that reside below the surface mayhem. It is a lot to ask of a piece of music I know. More than anything I think it is the willingness to stop and reflect that does it.
If you care to join me, you can find the reflections here. There is one for every week leading up to Christmas. Let me know what you discover, and I’ll do the same.
“What difficult event from your life can you now genuinely give thanks for?” That was the Thanksgiving question from our facilitator.
“This could get depressing really fast,” I thought to myself.
As usual, I was wrong. As person after person spoke, I found myself inspired more than anything. People have been through a lot—there were stories of health crises, pink slips, divorces, deaths and academic failures. In general, when more time had elapsed since the event, and when people had done some “inner work”, there was less pain and more gratitude. There were still scars. But amazingly, people were able to find the good in the bad. There was genuine gratitude even for the hard things.
There are blessings to be found even in the challenges. As people spoke, this quote from Helen Keller came back to me: “I thank God for my handicaps, for through them I have found myself, my work, and my God.” Painful events can lead us to things well worth finding.
This Thanksgiving, a couple of suggestions. The first is to sing. Check out our latest e-news for some ideas on how to do that around the Thanksgiving table. The second is to include the hard things in your thanksgiving. Along with the blessings, reflect on the struggles you have faced. Is there anything in that story for which you can genuinely give thanks?
Tell us, Poet, what do you do?
I praise. But the deadly and the monstrous things, how can you bear them?
I praise. But what is nameless, what is anonymous, how can you call upon it?
like star and storm know you for their own?
Most of us are a bit on edge about all this uncertainty. If you are out of work, or have received an ominous medical report, you are probably more than on edge. Terrified maybe, and I would be too.
The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may ring forth.
Certainty isn’t exactly how I would put it. There are days when my spiritual life is as uncertain as anything, and I wonder (along with the Psalmist and Jesus) exactly where God has gone. But there are more days when, if not certain of God’s presence in the uncertainty, I trust it.
I can live without certainty. But trust? That I need.
In the wonderful mind of Annie Dillard, weasels teach us something about following our call.
Dillard speaks of “stalking your calling.” In her essay Living Like Weasels, she notes the animal’s alertness, single mindedness and tenacity. She recalled the story of a man who once shot an eagle. When the man examined the eagle, he found the dry skull of a weasel fixed by the jaws to the throat of the eagle. Evidently this eagle lived for awhile still with the dead weasel fixed to her throat.
I think it would be well, and proper, and obedient, and pure, to grasp your one necessity and not let it go, to dangle from it limp wherever it takes you…..The thing is to stalk your calling in a certain skilled and supple way, to locate the most tender and live spot and plug into that pulse.
Whether talking about our work, relationships or volunteer efforts, we too must be willing to stalk our calling. Like the weasel we can be alert, focused and attentive to our lives. When we sense something that is a “one necessity”, we must go for it, and latch on tight when we find it.
Like the wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places….If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently at the base of a tree, breathe with the earth, and fade into our surroundings, the wild creature we seek might put in a n appearance.
While Palmer here is speaking of the soul, it applies to listening for call as well. What is common in both stories is the necessity for alertness and quiet attentiveness to our lives. Sometimes that will lead to a leaping and latching on to some opportunity, invitation or “one necessity.” Other times it will mean sitting quietly and waiting for the call to come to us.
Life is about trying to figure out how to best spend our time and energy, and for whom. Sometimes we stalk, other times wait. Blessed is the one who knows the timing of their time.
Is good the enemy of great? Or is great the enemy of excellence?
In his book From Good to Great Jim Collins makes the point that settling for good enough can prevent a company from becoming great. We major in too many minor things. Collins encourages companies to find the one thing that they can be great at, and focus on it in a disciplined way. I believe he is right as far as organizations go. Our personal life might be a little different.
What does it mean to be in an all-rounder? I am in a month where my work life is involving more travel and therefore more time away from home. Time with the family and volunteer efforts, not to mention my exercise “discipline” is taking a hit. Earlier this fall my wife needed to spend a week at her parents. That week my work was the thing that didn’t get the attention it needed. When I focus on a volunteer effort, it usually means missing something else. Perfect balance is nonexistent in my life.
Taking the Greek idea of arete and running with it (but not in a toga), I would say that excellence requires paying attention to my life. Noticing when I am out of balance or my actions are not consistent with what I say is important. Arete requires pausing and checking the dashboard regularly.
I want to be great at work, but not at the expense of my family. I want to be a great dad and husband, but not at the complete expense of my work. I want to be a great member of the community, both local and distant. But not if it means sacrificing my health.
Maybe greatness lies in letting each of the important areas of our lives speak to the other. At any given time one may need more attention, but paying attention all the while to the whole. Maybe that makes us an all-rounder. Excellent!
There is a 700 pound pumpkin next door. My elderly neighbor Mr. Young is not young. But every year, he takes joy in growing enormous pumpkins from small seedlings. The fragile seedlings begin in little trays in his basement. After the last frost of the spring they are planted, and then tended by him with loving care all summer and fall. Last weekend a friend came over with a backhoe to move the massive pumpkin from his back yard to the front. Next weekend his grandchildren will come over and carve it in time for Halloween, removing buckets and buckets of pumpkin guts. Mr. Young is not one to brag. But he is clearly proud of this year’s whopper.
All around us are signs of an abundant harvest. At the farm where my wife works, they had their last CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) pick up last night. Happy customers left with bulging baskets of food and flowers. In Vermont anyway, it has been a good year for all the local CSA’s. The earth has been particularly generous this season.
In the midst of this abundant harvest, it is worth reflecting back to the planting season. All this abundance began last spring in the form of seedlings and the back breaking work of planting and tending gardens and pumpkin patches.
Now apply the metaphor to your work and life. Those of you with particularly good memories will remember last week’s blog about the award winning napkin drawer Jim Dawkins. I sent Jim a copy of the blog, informing him that he had just received his 15 minutes of fame.
The return on my investment (i.e. the success of my own hand) is confirmed when someone else makes something equally or more creative with that particular seed that was planted, either an idea or a full-blown rendering.
Since we're entering the Thanksgiving season it hit me that planting the seed should be celebrated just as much as reaping the fruit during harvest. I can't think of anything specific, but I know there are both simple and elaborate planting festivals or ceremonies all over the world. I guess where I'm going with this is that my 'simple' act of drawing (and teaching) will hopefully inspire others (my students) to embrace the joy of drawing, of improving an unproven but innate skill, of making something better out of something good. Plant it and enjoy watching it grow. Nothing like "growing" design students at FSU or young professionals in the architecture and interior design business - what a reward!
The earth yields its abundance when we faithfully plant small seeds and tend them. The university yields creative and caring students when people like Jim Dawkins teach and tend them.
What seeds are you planting these days? What garden are you tending?
There is actually quite a bit out there on napkin drawings these days. Southwest Airlines was dreamed up on a napkin. UPS uses the technique in their ads. Books have been written about the art.
One of the core principles of napkin drawing is that you use whatever materials are at hand when inspiration strikes.
Sometimes it is best to wait to gather all the proper materials and find the ideal work environment before acting on inspiration or call. Sometimes it makes sense to find the perfect teammates, the perfect setting, and the perfect time.
But other times the best thing to do is to grab whatever and whoever is available when the call comes. Beautiful things can come from a coffee stained napkin.
PS I tried writing this blog yesterday in “perfect” conditions: at my desk, in front of my computer, reference books and internet within easy reach. Nothing came. As it turns out, I am scribbling these words out on a piece of scrap paper in my dirty car in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble. The irony is not lost on me.
Nell pays attention when she is at the grocery store. Not just for what is on sale, but for acts of kindness and people who may need a hand. Sometimes it leads to conversation, which is part of her call—to encourage relationship and community, as well as to find hints and traces of God in daily life. Even and especially at the grocery store.
Frank gathers with his wife every day at 5pm. They read something out of a devotional, but mostly practice silence together. Both Frank and Ruth have been highly active people throughout their life. They are slowing down now, and this silence together represents a part of their call.
Nell, Frank and Bill are a part of the Lumunos Elder Council. At one time they served a more active role in the organization, working hard on the Board of Directors. They set strategy, raised money, and led programs. That kind of involvement isn’t right for this stage of their life. But offering their encouragement, support and wisdom on a monthly phone call is. Lumunos is a better organization because of our relationship with these Elders.
The Elder Council also helps us understand the fullness and diversity of call. Call is not only about BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) and grand visions. Call is about how we act at the restaurant and grocery store. Call is not only about words, but also about the willingness to keep silent. Call is about paying attention to the small things that happen in our daily life.
Small acts done out of a sense of call often lead to big things. For the waitress who has had a long day, picking up a note of appreciation from Bill would make a big difference. It could turn around a whole day, and that is no small thing. I imagine this was one reason why Jesus used small images and metaphors—a mustard seed, or lost coin—to speak about his big priorities.
Small acts of call are not just for elders. Words of encouragement in a restaurant, paying attention in a grocery store, and keeping silence could be small call for us as well. What represents small call for you?
PS: If you know an elder that is interesting exploring their call, check out our new workbook: Looking Back and Giving Forward: Finding Common Ground for Positive Aging.
The gospel singer Mavis Staples was 13 and prancing around the stage, imitating the group that performed before her and not being herself. Her father pulled her aside and said “Mavis, you be sincere. What comes from the heart reaches the heart.” Mavis never forgot those words.
Pops Staples was right. There is no more powerful way to communicate than speaking from the heart. It doesn’t matter if the context is a difficult work conversation, a discussion with a family member, or an email to a friend. Listening to our hearts is the first step in good communication.
“Deep calls to deep” wrote the Psalmist. “What is most personal is most universal” said Henri Nouwen. If you are looking for an effective communication strategy, it seems like this is it. Take the time to listen to your heart, and then speak from that deep place. Coming from the heart is no guarantee that what we say will be received well. Communication is a complex thing with land mines all over the place. But it is easier to let go of another’s response if we have taken the time to listen to our own heart before speaking.
Mavis was so grief stricken when her father died, she stopped singing. Now she has started again, and is clearly singing from her heart. Listen to her new song “You are Not Alone” (written by Jeff Tweedy from the band Wilco). It spoke to my heart. Does it speak to yours?
Jane went over her handlebars while mountain biking last week. She got banged up pretty good, requiring a week of recovery in bed.
Later that day, I thought about her words. I have caught up with a few old friends this summer. I have caught up with my brothers. I have caught up on my emails. But have I caught up with myself?
I was looking for David because I had become a stranger to myself and didn’t even have time for a snatched conversation about things that really mattered to me. I was looking for David because some inner relationship had been neglected and taken for granted; I had become like an old married couple who had stopped talking years before, the inner friendship with my old self slowly tearing apart under the strain. Behind the curtain was a man who was afraid to cross a threshold of visibility needed to make his place in the world.
There are many ways to catch up with yourself—walks, art, prayer and journaling to name a few. Or here is an idea: While taking a walk or sitting in a favorite place, ask yourself this question: What have I felt the past few days? (Anger? Joy? Energy?) Why? What is going on below the surface?
Our relationship with ourselves is similar to other relationships. It can be ignored or fed, disregarded or strengthened. If we are going to make a difference in the world, we will need to regularly catch up with ourselves.
There is a lot to talk about in Rice’s statement, more than one blog could carry. Reading her words, and hearing the subsequent interview on NPR, I found myself feeling a lot. The emotions range from impatience to jealousy, and everything in between. As a churchgoer, I am impatient with people who leave because of the “quarrelsome, hostile” nature of the church. The church, like every other gathering of human beings, is filled flawed human beings. But also as a churchgoer, I am jealous because in many ways and for many of the same reasons, I would like to walk out the door with her. Maybe she is just more courageous than I.
Ann Rice is not the first, nor will she be the last to make distinctions between being committed to Christ and being a Christian. ABC News Editor and ordained minister Dr. Timothy Johnson is not as pessimistic about the church as Ann Rice. But in his book Finding God in the Questions he writes: “This is just one of the many reasons why I have come to prefer the phrase “follower of Jesus” rather than the label “Christian”. The latter word too often simply indicates blind support of the various aspects of the religion called Christianity” (p.134).
I do not pretend to know what is right for Ann Rice. I do believe that some people are called to stay within our organizations and be what John Gardner called “loving critics.” Others are called to work for change from outside the organization. Each has a perspective that is unique. Either can be a faithful call.
As you may know, there is a saying in the 12-step program that goes, “We will love you ’til you love yourself.” God works through people to reveal to us the truth that we are loved, like the prodigal, while we are still a ‘long way off’ from being who we were created to be. It is tempting to separate the love of God from the love of community—to sever the head from the body—but we only come to know ourselves as truly loved in the context of authentic community, where we are both known and loved.
As a churchgoer, I grieve wounds of the traditional church today. Clearly we have not been our best self as an organization. We can do better, and for those of us in churches there are many hard questions we need to face.
At the same time I am also excited about the new forms of “congruent community” that are springing up within and outside of the traditional church. There are many people and places out there that are holding people as they seek to grow in faith. I hope Ann Rice has, or finds, such a place to grow.
PS: If you belong to an authentic spiritual community, let us know…maybe there are other readers of this blog in your area looking for such a place.
I sat over a cup of tea talking to a doctor. He told me that he almost didn’t come to the physician colleague group I have been running at his hospital because it sounded too “touchy feely.” I smiled, appreciating his honesty. He is not alone—many busy people believe that getting to know one another below the surface is a time luxury they simply can’t afford.
In my opinion, we can’t afford not to.
France’s soccer team was supposed to contend for the World Cup. Instead they totally imploded in a spectacular display of disunity. General Stanley McChrystal was relieved of his duties in Afghanistan, not because of his performance on the battle field. Rather it was a breakdown of trust and communication between him and President Obama.
In the meantime, I am hip--deep in studies showing that patient outcomes improve at hospitals where the staff pays attention to teambuilding.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that they aren’t easy. Whether talking about a soccer team, running a war, or working in an emergency room, working together is complicated. Each of us is an intricate, knotty, convoluted blend of neurons and needs, light and lunacy. Add the pressure of whatever the battlefield represents in your work, and it makes for a sensitive environment.
Most research indicates that the simple act of knowing one another at a deeper level improves communication and work performance. Taking a few moments to deepen relationships amongst colleagues when you are not in the heat of the battle usually improves team performance when you are there.
I am pleased to report that the aforementioned doctor is now an active part of our physician colleague group. He is honest, authentic and articulate. If I ever found myself on my back in an emergency room, I would hope to see his face looking down on me. Along with an appreciation for his medical skills, I would be glad to know that he is a part of a team that communicates well.
Working on our relationships with colleagues is not a touchy-feely luxury. It can be the difference between winning or losing, life or death.
Question: How is your team functioning? What can you do to make it better?
Call Story #57: What Am I Doing in this Dumpster?
Every day people are living out their call in a million different ways. Today’s call story involves a mother and a trash can.
Lisa McCarthy started a recycling program at Mark Twain Elementary School in Long Beach, CA. It sounds much easier than it actually was. When Lisa first realized how much was being thrown out at lunch time, she approached school officials. They approved the creation of the recycling program - if Lisa did everything herself.
1. The “Uh Oh” Moment: Lisa describes the moment when she realized how much recyclable trash was being thrown out. “Uh oh” she thought. “I am going to have to do something about this.” It is that moment when we realize that we are being called to act, and our action is not necessarily going to be fun or easy. We need to do it, but something inside of us (rightly) says, “This will be hard.” In her book Call to the Soul, Marjory Bankson names this resistance to call.
2. The “You are on the Right Track” Moment: Lisa started talking about the problem to other parents, and a lot of heads started nodding. Not everyone thought she should do something about it. (See below) But people she trusted consistently said, “Yes, this is right.” Confirmation of call from others is important, or we risk misreading the signals we are getting.
4. The “Oh Oh” Moment, Part 2: If the first resistance comes from inside us (see #1), the second often comes from others. In Lisa’s case, it was the school cafeteria employees who were not pleased. Lisa was upsetting standard practice that had been in place for years. Following her call meant others needed to change, and that didn’t make them happy. In a variety of ways she was seen as an enemy to the cafeteria employees. Following call usually means doing something that someone isn’t going to like.
5. The “What Am I Doing Upside Down in this Dumpster?” Moment: One day a few months in, the janitor inadvertently threw out some recyclables that Lisa had worked hard to separate the day before. So there she was, halfway in the dumpster, fishing around for juice boxes that were recyclable. It was emblematic of the many moments she questioned why she was following this call. Along with angry cafeteria workers and dumpster diving, her own kids resisted initially. “I am just trying to do a good thing here”, she thought. “Why is this so hard?” These moments do not necessarily mean you are doing the wrong thing.
6. The “I Am Making a Difference” Moment: It is now a few years later, and Lisa can see the difference she has made. Some of it is easy to measure: Since starting recycling, the cafeteria now throws away only one barrel of trash a day, rather than eight. Sometimes our “I am making a difference” moments are less concrete or measurable. We need to have them in some form, or we cannot keep going. And sometimes we need others to point them out to us, because, well, we are halfway in the dumpster.
7. The “Give it Away” Moment: Lisa persevered, and by the second year she had established the Green Team at Mark Twain Elementary School. Now many of the students are eager to join with Lisa and other volunteer parents. At some point the work needs to be shared or given away.
What is your call these days? Do you recognize any of these moment?
Lisa McCarthy’s story can be found on the archives of the radio show The story. And for another recycling story, check out Marty Resotko’s article from the Lumunos archives.
Some of you remember Robert Fulghum’s essay “Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten.” He called it his credo, and it included things like “Play fair”, and “Clean up your own mess” (BP take note.) It went viral before there was much of a viral.
You are Powerful When You….
There is nothing in this definition about money, physical strength or prestige. Nor does it describe many of the people our society considers powerful. In this definition we are most powerful when we are giving something away, serving, or deepening a relationship. Most of the world’s great spiritual traditions would agree.
It is one thing to imagine the way this definition of power gets lived out on a playground. But like Fulgum’s list, it really gets interesting (and challenging) when I apply it to my adult life. More interesting (and challenging) still when I try to balance the first and last one on the list.
This week, what might it mean to try something hard, or listen? How might you help somebody find something or keep yourself healthy? Will these acts make you powerful?
See you on the playground, where most good learning happens.
Life moves quickly. We are bombarded with experiences, conversations, interactions, feelings and images. Most of those are just life coming at us—we cannot take them all in and ponder the meaning of each and every thing that happens. But some of those experiences are like trailmarkers to something deeper, something meaningful. They are clues toward a life of greater significance and integrity.
• Steve was talking with a few of us. In a fairly routine way, he mentioned his wife. Suddenly he got choked up, caught off guard by his emotion. Steve wondered what that was all about.
• Mary is tired again today. Maybe she has a low grade virus, or maybe her body is telling her something else—She wonders what her fatigue means?
• Jose went in to his favorite small bookstore yesterday and had a casual conversation with Bill the owner. While talking, Bill revealed something about himself that Jose didn’t know before. Jose felt like they connected in some small way, and he walked away more energized by the conversation. Why did that conversation feel meaningful?
This Sunday the Christian church marks an event called Pentecost. In the story found in Acts 2, a wild and crazy event happens to a group of people who have gathered for a religious festival. Nobody knows exactly what is going on. While it is a more dramatic happening than what most of us experience in our daily lives, the question they ask is the same: What does this mean?
One of the keys to a deeper inner life is a willingness to slow down long enough to ask this question about the experiences we have. In some cases, the conversation/experience/dream/feeling might not mean much at all. Freud said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and for us sometimes that feeling in our gut is just last night’s burrito. It may not mean anything more than that.
Most of my visions of the divine have happened while I was busy doing something else….My only part is to decide how I will respond, since there is plenty I can do to make them go away, namely: 1) I can figure that I have had too much caffeine again; 2) I can remind myself that visions are not true in the same way that taxes and the evening news are true; or 3) I can return my attention to everything I need to get done today. These are only a few of the things I can do to talk myself out of living in the House of God.
Have you come across any trailmarkers lately?