Is A New Woman Required For A “Changed” Man To Truly Act Right?
Kevin Hart and his wife Eniko Parrish attending the 22nd Annual Critics’ Choice Awards at Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California.
Beyoncé sung about it; Instagram memes are constantly posted about it; women regularly debate it. It being the idea that the last thing any woman wants to do is build up a man for the next woman. And yet, there’s no safeguard that can prevent the man who said he wasn’t ready for something serious with you getting quite serious with the next lady. Your only hope in a bad relationship is to let the man go and hope you find the partner who’s right for you, or smile, grin, and bear it until the man changes. But will he ever really be a better man for you?
I shared the clip with my co-worker whose takeaway was, “It takes dogging out someone else to grow up and do right for others. How infuriating.” While I understand her point, I also took into account Kevin’s claim that Torrei was immature during their marriage as well and I questioned whether it was a matter of him wanting to dog out his first wife or was it just that once he realized they weren’t a right fit he didn’t care to do right by her, to sacrifice his desires for hers, to put in the effort it would’ve taken to show her “what it is that I really do”?
That’s the million dollar question. Maybe Torrei was over it by the time Kevin matured, maybe Kevin had no desire to go back, maybe part of the change was realizing he and his ex-wife simply weren’t a good fit for each other, maybe Torrei had already tolerated so much he wasn’t motivated to change until he met someone new, maybe he wanted to “upgrade” as so many men do once they get on. There are an infinite number of possible explanations for that question and I’m equally curious about whether a man can ever change for the woman he’s with instead of the next one?
These I-built-a-man-for-the-next-woman tales are far more common than He-changed-for-the-better narratives. In fact, if a couple doesn’t split, it’s usually because the woman decided to tolerate bad behavior, not because the man corrected it. But what is it that really makes a man become a 2.0 version of himself for the next partner? Is it simply learning from the past relationship or is it something about the new partner that sparks that will to change? What do you think? Can you really only build a man for the next woman or can you make him be a better partner when he’s with you?