My daughter's blog ( A little dash of...) is talking about when we have something we want to learn, to do it in a safe space, start small, practice. The photo is of a mountain range, snow on the highest peaks - I wonder if she took that picture when she was visiting Colorado last month?
One of the things I am learning is how to feel my feelings. This has been a virtual mystery to me.
When the student is ready, the teacher comes forth.
Cry like a baby, they do it, wiggle their body, stretch, whale whale whale and then yawn and take a nap.
I can't make so much noise in my apartment.
"Do it in your car."
Is it strange that I need to ask people how to do this? I don't think I had role models.
What are our basic needs again?
Ok, I am ready, I drive to a nearby park. I see a woman with her little son. She is hoola hooping, and he on his little bike. White pelicans are in the pond, a lone goose close by eating grass.
- breathing, yawning, letting my vocal cords rip. I have tightness in the back of my head. Maybe I am trying to hard. I have some words, to help me stay on track ---- "Let your love flow, and let that flow wash out the debris of past failures, losses, humiliations, and fears of rejection and abandonment. Let your love flow into the widening river of compassion and kindness, and enter the ocean of healing that awaits you. Here, your pain dissolves into the pure love that is your true home."
I see the mom and child - keep it light and playful Jill - could crying really be fun like that Mom with her hoopla hoop? Gosh, I would love it to be so.
Wiggling fingers and toes, they reflect the brain synapses, connections - keeping the flow going. After alot of head injuries, I have gotten a bit stuck here. Knitting is supposed to be good for wiggling.
As I drive home, I wonder, how was it for me as a baby to cry, to have my feelings? Was it not ok? Maybe it was too overwhelming for my mom and dad. I do understand that. I can reframe it now.
Another day in a department store.
I hear a mother say "What is it? I look over and see a litte boy about 5 years old. His finger is on his cheek, a tear. Mom says "Oh you are sad? His head nods up and down. " I am so sorry."
Gladness is in my heart that mom knows how to comfort her child. I am learning.