I heard recently when you are feeling lost and unsure of what direction your life is going you may feel like being trapped in a desert. And all you can see around you is vastness of sand stretching on forever with complete emptiness. That is how I feel sometimes; all is around me but nothing is happening. Part of the story is to wait and find your hill. Your hill is just that small higher piece of ground that you can climb up onto and get a better view of what is going on. Things might be clearer.
Of course it’s a bit more complicated than that. It simply doesn’t mean I wait. I know I still have to continue on with the things I love to do and remember why I enjoy being creative. I don’t stand still, on one spot with the air turning around me. I keep moving. Hopefully forward. Events may take me back to where I started but I can’t forget those opportunities that helped me get started.
For example over the last year since graduating I have been working to learn more about costume design in theatre and film. I started out with my first opportunity from http://www.ravaraproductions.com to help with the costumes for Les Miserables (school edition). Through the year I have made friends and worked for freelance costume designer Susan Scott, who has been a great influence and then The Lyric theatre under two great wardrobe supervisors. Now however I can’t seem to get even an interview for any production going in Northern Ireland, but was so pleased that Jamie McClelland from Ravara asked would I like to help again. I want to keep on doing what I love and that is helping creating characters.
However there is another side to it. I have a home and family to support. I work part-time in a job that has no prospects for me anymore after 20 years of loyalty. I need to find a career where I feel I can achieve a life for myself and my family without having to struggle all the time. This is were I feel lost and uncertain. I know it helps to be patient to see what happens. I guess like any normal person I worry and because I’m not getting any younger I doubt if this may happen. Believe me I do not for one second doubt I can do the job, just that it might not be part of the path that I would like.
I could be standing on my hill right now and looking at what I’m supposed to be doing right now, square in the eye, but just not seeing for looking! So it helps to keep calm and not panic. I am healthy and so is my family although I care for my son who has mental difficulties. We can’t complain.
I will sit on my hill and keep on creating, that’s all I can do.
I love this by John Luke The Road To The West 1944. Maybe I could sit on one of those peat mounds and get a better look?