28 THEBIGISSUE.ORG.AU 23 MAR–5 APR 2018 WHILE BRITISH PHOTOGRAPHER Joseph Ford is receiving plaudits across the wow- look-at-that-o-sphere for his meticulously assembled “knitted camouflage” shots, I’m not convinced we’re getting the full, woollen picture here. The extraordinary result of time, effort and talent? Art for art’s sake? Wake up, sheeple! Ford’s clearly developed some kind of personal cloaking device, and the military implications are spine chilling. Could this shifty shutterbug be a wolf in sheep’s clothing? With a metaphor so deliciously apt, I’m inclined to go with yes, and probably use it again at the end of this piece. I emailed Ford, hoping to get the truth – but first I had to gain his trust. Q: You can take a whole day to get just one of these photos. Have you considered doing family portraits? Or maybe couple shots for couples who want to break up? A: It’s a tempting thought, maybe I should move in that direction. Q: The man with the large beard knitting on the bus is basically the uber- hipster. What have you unleashed? A: I’ve heard he’s recognised the error of his ways since then and is now clean-shaven. Q: How did you make that dog stand still? A: A combination of superglue and female dog pheromones. Q: The woman lying down on the racetrack appears to have had a stripe painted over her. Were you inspired by the plot of every Pepé Le Pew cartoon? A: It’s tough finding original ideas for everything I do, so I often have to plagiarise instead. Having buttered Ford up with the clumsy implication that he was stealing from 60-year-old Warner Brothers shorts, it was time to probe a little deeper. Q: Your work has exciting implications in the field of not having to ask people to move in order to see what’s behind them. What’s next for you? A: Planning to launch a clothing line featuring abstract patterns aimed at teenagers to help them seamlessly blend into the background when their parents want them to tidy their rooms. A convincing story, but I wasn’t buying it. There could be snug spies watching Ford or myself at that very moment, invisibly perched in front of any number of patterned surfaces. After hiding in the toilet and using next door’s wi-fi, I emailed Ford the critical question. Q: Have you been approached by the military to acquire your breakthrough camouflage technology? A: I couldn’t possibly comment but speaking purely hypothetically, it would be hard to say no to people with guns. There you have it, folks – a wolf in sheep’s clothing. (Actually, that did lose a lot of impact the second time around. We’ve learned an important writing lesson today.) by Chris Kennett (@chriskennett) » For more, visit josephford.net. RIGHTPAGESTREETARTGETSSNEAKYARTBYMONSIEURCHATLEFTPAGETWINSORTILES?