Going dippy and potty- is this stess from grief or menopause ? I keep doing really daft things - forgetting which work car park I left the car in, asking if someone has picked something up because I can't see it and I'm standing there holding it, looking for glasses that are on the top of my head, forgetting to sign time sheets, emptying the kettle and putting it back without filling it up again. If I was anyone else, I would think I was a proper dipstick at the moment. Fortunately I don't do all these things in front of the same person .
I feel like I need to give the new job up ( only just half way through the 3 month contract) already and get on with the master plan- I think I finally have a plan, but am tieing myself up in knots with too much on my plate at the moment.
It could be a case of what I call "Jelly brain." I get it myself in school holidays that are long enough to switch my brain off and slow down a bit, the result of relaxing a little. It maybe, that as your brain starts to have periods of relaxation (now that it isn't juggling all the demands of care 24/7) it is going into Jelly-mode.
I didn't realise you had started a new job. A master plan sounds exciting.
It's only a 3 month job and I started it pretty immediately after losing dad - it's not part of the master plan, and not helping my brain at the moment.
You are experiencing a different kind of stress than when caring for Dad, and a bit of the fug that falls on most of us after a bereavement, and if you're "that age" too then you're stymied !!!
What about that advice we give everyone not to make any major decisions in first year after loss? We give that advice because brain does stop being sensible while it tries to process everything.
My brother died in December 2016 and I am just reaching the point where I have decided where I want to look for somewhere to live - let alone started the process. This is although I thought I could make decisions earlier. I do think it's a lot to process, though I saw it coming and it didn't seem so difficult at first. I'm certainly familiar with doing odd things, although I had 'chemo brain' after the menopause.
It might be a good idea to concentrate on the new job and put the master plan off a few months. At the moment I seem to be spending all my time preparing digital images and prints for my photo club, but I've decided there isn't such a rush.
Thanks all for your replies, I'm getting frustrated - working for others and being with colleagues again after having my independence whilst caring.
The master plan is not a house move but getting to where I want to be- mostly self sufficient, stress free and at home with dog.
I think my 5 to 10 year plan is to get a lodger , do some professional dog walking and antique/collectable selling on line topped up with the odd care visit. This will see me largely self employed and making the house pay for itself.
Before I can embark on any of this I need to do quite a lot of work doing up the house so my irritating new job that's frazzling my brain is getting in the way at the moment.
I agree not making a big decision is a good idea, but I can't afford to make no decision and just spend a year or 2 contemplating things, I need to get doing something and at the moment it feels like the wrong something. Today is the first day I have felt that I have a workable plan.
Widow Fog, PTSD, whatever you callit, all perfectly natural, to be expected. I'm sure it wouldn't take too much to make one room suitable for a tenant, it might be shabby to you, but heaven to someone from a different background. Maybe a student nurse? Teacher? Someone who values space, peace and quiet more than decoration. The charity shops have really good furniture at reasonable prices.Pine always matches and is strong, I've bought some on ebay for M, just search "nearest first" or put an ad on Freecycle for what you need. Start by making a list of what the room needs, aiming at cheap makeover, presentable, not palatial. Take it at your own pace, but it is a way of "moving forward" again.
Thanks , I've got a really old fashioned suite of heavy 30s/40/50s furniture in there- not really sure of date- I think mum said they bought it new when they got married so 50s but by just looking I would say it was earlier- heavy double and single wardrobes with walnut finish to it and I was going to keep those with the bedside cupboard, and loose the ancient bed, and dressing table.
The plan was to put a new lock on larger wardrobe and keep for me and use the smaller one for lodger. Replace dressing table with a desk and put in a small chest of drawers- none of it will match but I couldn't loose the wardrobes. Probably best bits of furniture in the house.
I will try to keep the costs down but damp patches need sorting and I need a heating system in the house and gas installed. Dad and I were used to refridgeration but any new comer would expect such basics.
I also need to get the hall/stairs redecorated as rescue dog pulled off some wall paper and a bathroom leak dripped down the wall!
Not sure whether to let lodger use back sitting room downstairs or not on shared basis or just keep them upstairs in one room. Anyone got experience of lodgers?
I saw an advert the other other week BB for a nurse from the hospital looking for walking distance to work and Mon- Fri- they do exist!
I still think you are setting your sights too high. You don't have to have central heating, as long as there's some form of heating in the room, for example. Not everyone likes modern furniture either, just call it "retro".
Next time you see an ad wanting accommodation, why not call the number, and invite the person concerned to see your room, just as it is? (If I was young, just moved out of mum and dad's for the first time, I would have been more than happy with this sort of arrangement).
Find out a bit about the competition in advance by looking at other adverts, or talk to a letting agent. If your room is £20 less per week than another, that might make it a lot more attractive for someone saving up for something. You could even offer a first month discount if she is happy to help you move a few things round. I don't know anything about tenants rights, or landlord insurance, that is essential.
Long term, it would be a very attractive proposition if you could let someone have all upstairs and you downstairs, M lives in a house converted into two flats, There is still one main front door to both, but the upstairs flat has a door at the base of the stairs, and M has a downstairs corridor to his own "front door".
If you invited a letting agent to see the property, they might give you some advice on "do's and "don'ts" for free, or advice on sources of funding to get the work done. If you do it on a business basis, esssential repairs would be tax deductible in all probability.
I've just googled "rooms to let" in your area, and came across a site called "Roomster". Might be a good place to look at what is offered, and the prices charged?
I'm not looking to loose that much of the house at the moment. The heating is partly for me as my electric bills are always through the roof.
Thanks for the Roomster tip- I will have a look.
Do you need insurance just for a lodger- it would be a lodger and not a tenant.