Athlete retirement and transition is an ongoing process with no clearly defined end point. Many athletes don’t realise that a transition process exists when they retire from sport. There is a process of ‘grief’ or ‘loss’ that has to be endured before moving on to the next phase of life. Much like a death, the athlete must learn to let go of the life they once had.
This dawning realisation might never occur for some ex-athletes who still bask in the glory of yesteryears “in my day it was so much better” – come on, we all know that person and if you don’t then you are probably that person!
“Saying there are stages to transition is dangerous in that it hints at there being an end point or a destination. I think it occurs in a cyclical fashion and we go through the stages one after another and that repeats the whole way through our lives. Our sporting life was just a very exciting and special version of those cycles. The tough bit is letting go and moving onto the next cycle”.
The grief process is described well in a best-selling book “On death and dying” by Elizabeth Keubler-Ross. She describes the five stages of grief that must be endured before a person can feel acceptance or peace and they can finally move on.
The speed of movement through the stages is very much reliant on the type of individual you are, plus the manner in which you have retired – if you were forced into retirement through injury or life circumstances, or if you have chosen to retire because you felt it was the end of the road. The important thing to note is that the transition process has no defined end point – it is something that will be FELT over time.
Most athletes are used to having fixed goals and working to achieve them aided by data and progress indicators. This means we can be programmed very well to feel physically but not feel emotionally. Unfortunately, there is no defined end point to transition. The end point will be FELT and may take a lot longer than you imagined.
1. AT THE BEGINNING YOU MAY FEEL SHOCK.
2. TO DEAL WITH THE SHOCK WE OFTEN MOVE TO STAGE TWO: DENIAL.
This is where we can block out what is happening. Blocking out the shock and pretending everything is fine. Sometimes athletes are programmed to keep stuff hidden and not show their emotions and weaknesses (the emotional backpack).
In the DENIAL phase, destructive behaviour can creep in as a coping mechanism. Drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, being withdrawn and refusing help. The DENIAL phase can also be really hard for your friends and family.
In this phase you might experience: withdrawal, mood swings, body image issues, low self-esteem, uncertainty, loss of fitness, relationship pressure, lack of direction, mental health concerns. The ‘honeymoon’ period of denial is over and the road ahead can seem long, desolate and with many forks.
Many marriages and relationships have ended in this phase. The partner of the athlete, having waited for years to have them home is suddenly dealing with a grumpy, directionless, depressed individual who has no answers and just wants to be left alone. It is a very typical occurrence”.
You finally are in a position to move forward and where you can move on in a changed world, re-discover your intuition, discover a new passion and reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Any ex-athlete who tells you they haven’t experienced at least a tiny bit of the above is probably stuck in the denial phase themselves!
Check out Elizabeth Keubler Ross stages of loss for more information.