Scratchy Glitter | Observations for the easily irritated.
I typed in “whatever,” and this is the only picture that came up. Whatever.
Nick is no longer a police officer. He came over for his no-longer-a-police-officer present, and we hugged for, I’m guessing, less than the 20 seconds required for a hug to have its effects on your health, so I’m safe.
That sounds like a hug was his present, which is, I believe, illegal. His present was actually a Donut Bank t-shirt, since he can now go to Donut Bank without people snickering. You know, cops, donuts, etc.
It also sounds like the police department threw him out, which they did not. He threw himself out.
Spellcheck says “donut” is not a word, but fack them. Yes, I’m drunk. It’s April Fool’s Day, and that is the quickest way to become a fool.
THERE WILL BE, AS EVERY YEAR, LIVE-BLOGGING TO ACCOMPANY DOING MY TAXES, WHICH, I BELIEVE, THERE IS A DEADLINE FOR.
IN RETROSPECT, NO, THERE WAS NOT. YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYONE THESE DAYS.
Dear Democrats, Guaranteed income for those who “choose not to work”? Really?!
Yes, these thoughts came to mind while I was thinking about doing my taxes. The forms did finally arrive, thanks for asking.
…based on an internet quiz I took on Catholicism. With 1 as most liberal and 100 as most conservative, I got 86, which seems about right. Anyway, I found a prayer pamphlet lying around (seriously–it was in the lobby of a medical office building) which included a prayer for the healing of schism, but also a prayer in honor of Reformation Day. What’s wrong with this picture?
Beauty for Cancer: “For an interesting look, try perming just one section of hair.” Well, that would be interesting, certainly.
Speaking of Cosmo, they have decided it’s kicky and young to have article titles like “Sh*t You Should Take on Vacation” and “How to Know You’re Dealing with a F*ck-Boy.” It’s OK, we used an asterisk!
I immediately suspected the second speaker of trying to dispose of a body.
You gotta love a spider vending machine, right?
Similar to misheard song lyrics, only, well, you get the idea.
–Haven’t all spiders always been spiders? Unless you don’t want to count the time they spent as eggs. And then you get into the philosophical/ethical controversy about whether spider life begins at conception or at hatching.
The McDonald’s one–“Gimme that fish! Gimme that Filet-O-Fish!” I find it creepily compelling. I do not, by the way, refer to said item as Filet-O-Fish when ordering. I refer to it as a fish sandwich, and encourage you to do the same. I also encourage you not to get tartar sauce, which is only mayonnaise with boogers in it. And, note to Hardee’s–Why do you think a fish sandwich should have lettuce on it? Of course, lettuce is pretty much pointless on any sandwich.
The amount of St Patrick’s Day merchandise is equivalent to the amount of New Year’s Eve merchandise. It falls into the in-case-somebody-cares category.
I will abolish Daylight Savings Time, and make the Eastern/Central time zone dividing line the Indiana/Ohio border again. Or the Indiana/Illinois border. Something easy to remember. Of course, this may all be academic, since, if I become President, time as we know it will cease to exist.