Rejections are the most common emotional wound we sustain in daily life. Our risk of rejection used to be limited by the size of our immediate social circle or dating pools.
chats, texts, or dating profiles, and leave us feeling rejected as a result.
our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices, the pain we feel can be absolutely paralyzing.
something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves?
more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribemates — and that was rejection.
People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.
The good news is there are better and healthier ways to respond to rejection, things we can do to curb the unhealthy responses, soothe our emotional pain and rebuild our self-esteem.
avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.
Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance.
Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.
prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic).
Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation.
to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible.
And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.
confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.