I have resisted taking 100% responsibility for my life experience, since it's easier to feel like a victim of circumstances and people. This allows me to complain, to judge, to point the finger, to whine and to even defend myself. But all of these are tricks of the ego mind to keep me precisely in a victim stance, believing I am weak and in remaining in fear.
Taking responsibility for what I experience means I choose to question my thoughts, my beliefs and see that being a victim is not that much fun and just keeps me stuck where I'm at. And I don't want that anymore.
As I continue to study and practice A Course in Miracles principles, they become clearer, not just at an intellectual level....saying "oh yes, I get it" and repeating them, yet continuing to live in fear, lack, and at the effect of life. The Course reminds me over and over that how I experience circumstances and people is a result of the projections of my own mind. I am cause, not effect. It has taken me a long time to accept this.
I love a central theme in the course: "My Mind Holds Only What I think with God". I re-read it a few weeks ago and it remains very fresh in my awareness now, reminding me consistently to look at my thoughts and see if I'm thinking God thoughts or ego thoughts. Am I peaceful, loving, joyful, secure, present in the moment, seeing beyond the illusions, or am I defensive, stressed, rushed, anxious, judging, irritated? Well, you get the picture, right? When I get lost in my thoughts, I remember this phrase, and sometimes I even laugh a bit, realizing how subtle and easy I fall back into fearful thoughts. And right there, I choose again.
I am completely committed to waking up from this illusory experience of the world. I choose God as I take responsibility for what I experience, holding the truth of what I am in my awareness moment to moment.