“I know” I responded calmly in a barely audible whisper. “I know I don’t have to but it will be better this way,” I reason not only to her but to myself to.
“This is not better!” Tears were running down down her cheeks as her loud voice echoed off the bare walls of my lonely room. This was my best friend, the girl I had always gone to when the rest of the world turned its back on me. The girl I went to when the echoes the countless taunts and teases wouldn’t fade. She was the girl I went to when life didn’t feel worth it anymore. She was always seemed to fix things but this was different. I know in isn’t worth it this time. I know nothing will make me better. Not even her.
By now tears were streaming down my face as well.
“Yes,” I responded simply, suddenly feeling numb. “Yes I do.” With that I turned and walked out of my room. I wasn’t worried that someone would hear Lena’s loud sobs, my mom was too drunk to care.
“Jade please!” I kept walking nothing was going to change my mind. I silently climbed the steep narrow stairway leading to the attic. Step, by step I made my way up the stairs.
Through the large window in the attic I could see the large full moon. The light made monsters of black on the walls, silently chasing me. It made the deep scars on my arms seem to glow and darken at the same time. I carefully made my way through the jungle of boxes that created the third floor of my house. Finally my eyes found what I was looking for, a long black case. I jumped when a hand met the skin on my shoulder. Lena’s eyes met mine.
“Please don’t,” she whispered. I shrugged off her hand as well as her plead. I turned back to the matte, scratchy case. I knelt down next to it, my knees meeting the rough wood floors, and carefully entered the code into the padlock. The lock clicked. I opened the case and carefully lifted the item out. The short, stubby item gleamed and glitened in the eriee white light.
“Jade, please, no...” Lena begged. As I started lifting the weapon Lena said, “Look, Jade I know you don’t need me anymore but I. Need. You.” My heart and brain stopped. Though I had tried to ignore her words these still penetrated through my mental barrier. One tear after another streamed down my face. Tear. After tear. After tear. My hands are slick with sweat. The fatality in my hands seems to be slipping away. Everything is slipping away.
I close my eyes and take a deep, calming breath. Trying to sooth my shaking body. I readjusted my grip on the item in my hand and raised it to my head.
Lena was trying to say something but I couldn't understand it. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was crying to hard or the beating in my ears was too loud. Either way, I didn’t want to hear it.
“You were a great friend,” I tell her looking straight into her ice blue eyes, a stark contrast to my deep, earthy brown. “Please forgive me” My voice was cracking and shaking everywhere. I took one more deep breath. I focused on the cold, round, metal, barrel pressed to the side of my head. My finger found the trigger. I commanded it to pull. It did. The last thing I saw was my best friend running towards me. The last thing I heard was the bang.
It’s not easy to write about something without using its name, but you nailed it! Jade and Lena’s friendship was incredibly interesting as well.
My dear Addi... why? Why do you end like that? Great story. I was on the edge of my chair all the time. Great job. Hope you have a great ending somewhere written down.
This is a good story. I like how you use what the reader does and doesn't know to slowly bring them to the ending. This is especially evident (and effective) when the main character gets the gun, but you never once use the word "gun". It takes some really good writing to make sure the reader still understands what is going on, but not give them everything right away, so good work with that. I understand the issue mentioned below, about how the character who is telling the story dies, so this brings into question how she would be able to tell it. That said, I kind of just ignored it, and might not even had thought about it if it weren't mentioned in another comment. In my opinion, how the story is being told doesn't really matter as far as the actual content of the story goes, but I get how that would seem odd to others. Overall, great work here, especially with the way you've managed to pull the reader along without making the conclusion obvious.
Thanks for the input! I was kinda thinking it was the person's ghost or like them recalling or retelling the story in the after life. I will defiantly go check out your story!
An interesting story but the problem is, who wrote it if the point of view character has just killed himself? All the same, you built tension nicely and there was a twist at the end.