This entry was posted on December 4, 2012 at 10:02 am and is filed under dojo management, martial arts for kids, Martial arts instruction. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.
1. How do you communicate your values and expectations to new parents? through written material? website? conferences?
A: I have the kid and teen helpers cheerfully remind people about etiquette always as if it’s the first time they’ve heard it. It gives the kids good practice with minor confrontation and isn’t as intimidating as having the sensei stop class to talk to them. It usually works great but from time to time I have to talk to them after class. I also find that veteran parents do a pretty good job of policing etiquette around the waiting area. Having them set a good example is the first line of defense. Parents get etiquette guidelines when the kids first sign up and reminders about key points before tests.
A: The most common impulse to jump in comes when a parent wants their child to behave better. A helper will encourage the parent to go get some coffee and take a breather. Often times the child’s show is for the benefit of the parent anyway so if they’ll agree to leave things get better.
A: Not in class, but some parents help at events with organization, food, cleanup, etc. I don’t want parents that I haven’t trained in charge of any children. You never know how someone will react to a dramatic exchange or someone getting hurt.
A: We prep parents on the fact that kids who love class will often resist coming in when engaged in any activity they are comfortable in. It’s important to allow them transition time, and let the first activity conclude to avoid drama.
A: My favorite parents are those that give us feedback and get involved with their children’s training. The nightmare parents are often depressed and may come in drunk to pick up kids or let themselves lapse into diabetic shock in our waiting area. The dojo is a great place to be when you need help since there are lots of patient, caring, capable people at hand, but in cases where a parent continually puts a child at risk we’ve had to intervene, once going so far as to call child services.
Wow, Tanner, sounds like you’ve had some interesting incidents. Thanks for your insight!
This post must have struck a nerve; I’ve received more than one private message from instructors who had much to say, but were reluctant to post because they were afraid parents might see the post and perhaps be offended.
I get it, because I know seemingly bad etiquette or bad attitudes from parents can really aggravate a martial arts instructor – and it does happen from time to time! Yet we respect and value our parents, and want to emphasize the positive. That’s really what this post is all about! -not the negatives of “bad behavior” (although it really can be fun to share horror stories 🙂 ), but the positives of how we can encourage supportive involvement from parents, how we can communicate martial arts values, and ways in which what we offer at our schools can be helpful to parents.
Many of the private messages I received were about rude or clueless behavior. But consider this: When a parent doesn’t follow etiquette, it’s most likely because WE failed to communicate our expectations. When a parent seems to us to be unsupportive of their child’s training, it’s most likely because we haven’t educated that parent about the kind of support that’s needed.
That latter problem is the one that most interests me: How do we communicate to parents the ways in which martial arts training is different from other activities – that it’s more than just supervised play, and requires a different level of discipline, dedication and support?
Another “positive” I’d like to hear more about is how others encourage parental involvement in the dojo/dojang.
And as long as we’re worried about parents seeing our posts 😉 – I invite parents to speak their minds here, too! What are YOUR expectations? How would you like to be involved (if at all) at your child’s martial arts school? Could your school improve the way it interacts with you?
Come on folks! Speak your minds!
I am a firm believer in parents and teachers working together. I am constantly following up with parents. Its like having a unified front at home. I like to know if students are struggling in school, as our leadership students are A students and can provide tutoring. I also like to know what behaviors are a struggle at home so I can reinforce the on the mat as a class lesson.
But even more important is for children to see that even adults struggle with things. Its not about humiliating parents but showing kids that its not just hard for them.
So how do I include parents?
For my tigers I like to do a memory drill which promotes teamwork and cleaning up their room. I arrange differnt focus shields, pads, cones, etc. neatly in font of class. I then ask parents on the mat to ask if their kids room is this clean. The kids are now in groups and the parents get to make a mess, which they love. The kids then compete to see which group can put everything the way it was fastest. Soo… you can clean your room and in under a minute huh??
I will from time to time ask parents on the mat after teaching a self defense technique and depending on class the students will try to teach the parent the technique or I may have the parent be the attacker for someone else’s child. No parent is going to go hard on another kid. The children are amazed when the adult struggles at learning.