I am sorry I have not posted. As I mentioned in my last post, my partner died. We had 16 years together, some easy, some not so easy, but they were 16 years. We both believed in staying together for better or worse. Now that he is gone, some days? times? hours? are easy while others are hard. I notice for whatever reason driving is the worst. I am stuck alone with my thoughts and his passing is always waiting in the shadows of my mind for the opening to come through.
My dad passed last year right around the same time. My mom had been married to him for over 30 years and it changed her. I can see this already changing me. Things I struggled with spiritually are dealt with, and with all the dross burned away, I come away changed. My mom told me she know longer believes in miracles, at least the type of radical healings one hears about second hand or in the Bible. I think I believe in her. With my beloved's death, the concept of the Christian God died too.