In my last post, I wrote about our place of hurt. Our place of hurt is as individual as each of us. Its’ origins are varied as well.
It is easy to get stuck in the sinking sand of despair when any slight can take us back dwelling in our place of hurt. I remember a time in the summer of 2016 when I was utterly stuck in my place of hurt. Since the summer of 2009 after losing my career and executive title, I struggled to find a new career, even while establishing a contract landed a position finally that would put me back into the career that helped my family attain a comfortable lifestyle. A former colleague had referred me to a company I was very familiar with, the interview went well and the person who interviewed me said she was passing me onto the next step in the hiring process. In less than 24 hours later, I received a standard rejection notice by email.
Like a punch in the gut, all the air went out of my body. I was in total shock.
The only way I can describe the despair was I felt hollow. I had nothing left to give.
In that moment, my sense of unworthiness was at its’ peak. I told my husband, I don’t know what else I can do. After literally submitting hundreds of online resumes’, interviews that always held out promise, I was beyond being despondent.
I could not even begin to pray. I literally just didn’t have any words. I would look at the blank page in my prayer journal in the darkness of my despair and close the cover. Then I turned to reading God’s Word and I opened my prayer journal once again. Although I did not have the words, God certainly did. I began to re-write my favorite bible verses in my prayer journal and other verses I had learned through my daily devotional readings. Inspirational quotes from some of my favorite authors began to flash on my social media feeds that described their countless rejections. God was talking to me.
I prayed on God’s promises.
Shortly thereafter, I had an interview within an industry similar of my contracting business, but it would mean learning and starting something new all over again. I told my husband that if I didn’t get this job, I was done interviewing. I was giving up.
I was still in my car 30 minutes after finishing the interview when I received a telephone call from the human resources recruiter telling me I had the job if I wanted it. I gratefully accept the job.
Guess what? Within two years my position was eliminated along with almost 600 of my co-workers. The company had decided to exit the industry.
When I was re-writing God’s promises in my prayer journal, they were becoming etched into my heart. I knew God would provide me another employment opportunity.
When my colleagues and I were all standing in that conference room listening to the president of the company tell us about the decision to exit the industry, how the dissolution of the company would play out, and how long we would have our jobs I looked around the room and saw all those places of hurt in my colleagues’ faces. I had been in their shoes in the summer of 2009 and I prayed I would not put those shoes back on and walk in my own place of hurt again.
My place of hurt originated when I was a child and I have often visited that place of hurt. It’s difficult not to go to that place of unworthiness, but the more I trust God with my future, I don’t stay long in my place of hurt for very long and the visits become further and further apart. I pray my way out of it even when I don’t have the words.
I am worthy. God even gave me the words to pray – HIS words. His promises.
Within two weeks I would again begin a new another new career in a different industry. I didn’t even stay to collect my severance package.
Dear Lord, teach me to trust the Spirit You have breathed into me. Give me grace to believe Your Word, which I am made me Your child. Help me to understand that I am worthy because I belong to You. Enable me to live without despair and accept again the new life of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Lead me in joy by teaching me to no longer build walls of fear that protect myself from coming to You in prayer even when my words will not come out.
Father, help me to live in that joy where others can see You in my faith and service to You wherever and in whatever capacity you place me.
We all have our place of hurt. Wherever and whenever your place of hurt originated or if you visiting that place of hurt right now, just remember you are worthy.
“Day by Day,” is a folk-rock ballad from the 1971 Stephen Schwartz and John-Michael Tebelak musical Godspell. The refrain’s origin has been ascribed to the 13th-century English bishop Saint Richard of Chichester.
I was 10 years old in 1971. And then over the years I would sing this song to myself whenever I was anxious and scared. I often think about the many times in the middle of the night I would hug my younger self singing this song in my head eventually falling asleep.
That song always comforted me. It still does today. Perhaps this song was the seed planted all those years ago that is now become The Prayer Journals. I hadn’t thought about that until now.
While I have written in journals over the years, my prayer journal did not become a consistent practice until about eight years ago. I cannot imagine not going a day without my daily writing and praying visits with God.
Even on the cloudiest of days my prayer journal has helped me to see God more clearly. The practice of reading God’s Word every day has given me new insight on His presence and asking Him to show me His presence in the darkest days. Because no matter how much I rely on my faith, there are days I when I feel the raindrops of doubt are the ones I do see Him more clearly.
On some days when it is difficult to love myself or others because this world seemingly becomes more hostile and unforgiving, God’s Word and my prayer journal are my refuge for reminding me of God’s love and the power of His peace that only He can provide me. It’s my place where I talk it out whether with tears of anger, hurt or hopeless, I know I am loved. But it isn’t just on the difficult days, it is every day that I praise Him for His many blessings and I find that I love Him more dearly.
What he does is perfect.
All his ways are fair.
He is a faithful God, who does no wrong.
The Prayer Journals blog is my personal spiritual journey in conjunction with writing my spiritual memoir. My posts in 2018 are a series relating to this theme. If you have just joined The Prayer Journals, I hope you will take the time to explore previous posts on this site.
Please reach out to The Prayer Journals if I can answer any questions about keeping a prayer journal of your own. A prayer journal is an intimate communication between you and God. You don’t have to be a master writer. Perhaps you are an illustrator, a painter, a poet, a lyricist or creator of scrapbooks. Use your gifts to communicate with God, however you wish in your prayer journal. God enjoys hearing from you and you will be blessed!