This hasn't been the greatest week for me. Almost every day this week I felt upset, sometimes for no good reason. And when I feel upset, it's easy for me to start thinking about all the bad things in life, and all the times I've messed up, and all the reasons people don't like me. The latter has especially hit me hard this week.
Confession: I'm really insecure when it comes to friends. Maybe this sounds weird, but when I'm hanging out with my friends, sometimes it's so bad I can't even enjoy myself because all I can do is think "Why are they here? Are they even enjoying themselves? Do they actually want to be here, or do they just not want to hurt my feelings when I invited them?" Maybe it sounds ridiculous to some, but I really struggle with that. I don't have a lot of friends, so that probably doesn't help. But whatever the reason is, I worry a lot, because friends are really important to me and I want them to be real. And I haven't really gotten to see any of my friends this week, and I think that's partly why my insecurity kicked in so hard.
That's only one example of something I struggled with this week. Every day, it seemed to be something different. But the incredible thing is, every single day, no matter what I was struggling with, it was addressed in my devotions I read that night! For example, when I was struggling with feeling unwanted, I read James 4:5, which reads "do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?" What this means is that even when I am unwanted in the world, the Holy Spirit desires me and seeks after me! Isn't it amazing that the Creator of all things desires to be with me? That's what I hold on to when I feel lost and unworthy of anything. The Holy Spirit wants me. What can matter more?
Then, the next morning on the way to work, a new song played on the radio. It's called "Love is Here" by Tenth Avenue North. I highly recommend it! That song made my day, and it reminded me that God loves me, and he sacrificed the life of His Son for me!
It has really been amazing to see what God is doing in my life. Ever since I started being diligent about prayer and my Bible reading, he has been revealing himself more and more in His Word. It really is important. As I've heard said, when you want to get to know someone, what do you do? You spend time with them, talking to them. And it works the same with Jesus! I want to know Him more, so I read his word and I talk to Him through prayer. And He is faithful! I can't wait to see what he will show me next!