If felt attacked, you are; if you defend, then you are attacked. If you feel love it is because love is within you. If you feel hate it is because anger is inside you.
If you speak ill of another, that language first has to pass from you which means it is already inside you - it doesn't come from out there, it comes from within.
Your language, your Neuro responses and physiology say everything about yourself and others. The more aware you become to your own responses the more you learn about yourself - it is the ultimate mirror.
Only then, can you begin the true application of understanding others and their maps of the world. As you communicate, others reactions will tell you much of your effectiveness, how your words land in their individual map of the world. What you were intending may or may not have been received with the same understanding as sent.
A woman had commented on my Facebook post regarding this with, "The secret is NOT to react."
True - especially of a negative occurance. And how do you teach yourself to do that as an alternative to letting go (reprogramming) of the negative inside you?
The pause is critical. The question to ask yourself to create that pause and to not react is get curious about why is that emotion being stirred within you?
Go deep within yourself rather than coming back with your own projection onto the other person as they had just done with you. One way of doing this is to ask yourself questions.
Questions are so important, especially the ones you ask yourself. Stay away from the 'Why' questions and focus on the 'What' 'How' and 'Whom' questions. Ask questions about your state throughout the day, every 15 minutes will awaken you tremendously.
We all react, we all have emotions, but, when we get emotional and reactionary, true communication ends and an ego battle ensues.
Realizing what is being stirred inside of you is from something within you, your awareness grows deeper into who you are with greater understanding and compassion - most importantly, more love.