Here in Carlton, and also all over the valley, possibly the county, these black circles have suddenly appeared. They seem to be affiliated with the new PUD fiber-optic thing, and they are an eyesore. Certainly they are important for some reason, but in fact they are disturbing my formerly pristine view as I motor up and down the valley past fields and farms and cows and I am thinking of suing the PUD for disrupting my aesthetic way of life. The weirdness of them distracts me as I drive and I could hit a deer or something. I moved here for the beauty of the place and these black circles are truly not beautiful. The PUD could at least paint them sky blue or something, but really they should just get rid of them. I know people are starving and this seems trivial in the big picture of things but this is my life we’re talking about and it’s not my fault people are starving, at least not directly, and I want what’s rightfully mine and that is an awesome view without black circles hanging in the sky every few miles. Unlike power poles and straight-line wires, these black circles are unnatural.
Everyone is invited to join my “Move the Black Circles” campaign by donating large sums of money to me, Sue Misao, at the Methow Valley News office. Please bypass those people at the front desk and bring your bags of cash straight to me at the back of the darkened office/cave. You will find me scrunched over a glowing computer screen as soon as your eyes adjust to the darkness. Should take about 10 minutes. I am also taking donations of light bulbs.