This past November 11, 2010, was my mom’s 97th birthday. That is not a typo. She really turned 97 years old. As a child, I don’t remember ever celebrating her birthday, ever! We were not allowed to ask her age and she was highly insulted when anyone would ask her age. I forgot to mention that she is from the Deep South and that just might explain some of this story.
Let me hasten to add that as a child I had the best birthday parties. Those memories are locked in my brain; memories of slumber parties with my best friends. I even received a phone call from an elementary school friend this past year. She woke up on my birthday wondering why she was thinking of me and then realized it was my birthday. I was 59 years old when she called so talk about long term memory.
But I have strayed from the original story! My mom turned 97 years old and what do I get for someone that has it all and can’t even truly enjoy it? She has dementia and is in a wheel chair. She is in an unbelievable place that takes care of her every basic need; including safety. So really what can I give someone that I have loved and do love but don’t feel that “special” connection? I believe that what I give to others I strengthen in myself. How can I reach out to her and intentionally connect to her and believe that she can and will feel my love and my connection to her even through the dementia.
There is a fabulous book, I Love You Rituals by Dr. Becky Bailey. It was written with the intent of making connections with young children and boosting their brain power. I’ve implemented I Love You Rituals (ILYRS) with countless children and observed amazing connections, focus and concentration. All ILYRS have eye contact, touch, presence and a bit of playfulness. It takes maybe 15-20 seconds and it strengthens the dopamine which helps attention and concentration. I wondered if there was a way to apply the same principle with a different look for my mom. I decided to do the same I Love You Ritual but two different ways and see what happened. I chose “Twinkle, Twinkle”.
What a wonderful mom/granny you are!
Talented mom/granny from head to feet.
I arrived at my mom’s room. I think that she recognized me just from the way she looked at me. She never called me by name. I began to sing“Twinkle Twinkle” and she began to sing with me. She definitely was “with” me. Later, I gathered all four great-grandchildren. We practiced “Twinkle” twice. We put Granny in the center of the five of us and sang “Twinkle.” We ended with a group hug around her. For the rest of the day, my mom was alert and present with me and all of her great-grandchildren. What a present from all of our hearts to her heart. Our present was our presence.
Check out this great book that can transform relationships with eye contact, presence, touch and playfulness.
I Love You Rituals: Activities to Build Bonds and Strengthen Relationships with Children.
Did I mention that there are two music CD’s of I Love You Rituals that help establish the rituals?
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Early childhood expert Jessica Shields Flowers, CDCI, founded Ripple in 2008 with the mission to improve the opportunities children have to learn, develop and flourish in a safe and healthy environment guided by a strong team of parents and educators.
Practicing the Power and Skills of Conscious Discipline® Puppy Style!