I’ve already told the story on how I thought that was crazy. The story I haven’t told is the story that includes me as a Minister of the Gospel.
In 2002 I rededicated my life to God. I instantly fell in love with My God. I mean head over heels. I was a wife and a mother at the time and the ONLY thing I wanted and desired was to be a Godly mother and Wife. Falling in love with God is an overwhelming feeling. I felt I had to tell everyone all about His love. I would stop people in the store hug them and tell them, “My God loves you and so do I!” I was what they would call a Radical Christian. Praying as a habit, study to show myself approved. At church whenever the doors were opened, followed my Pastor wherever he went and beat my Pastor giving. I associated Christ like behavior with being a faithful member. The Church was my responsibility as were their souls.
I was proud of all the titles I held in church; Youth pastor, Deaconess, Missionary, Chief Armor Bearer and Minister. I had earned each title with sacrifice, commitment and studying. See, when I fell in love with My God I was already a student of His word. I had been raised 4th generation COGIC (Church of God In Christ) and Mommy and Daddy didn’t play when it came to ensuring we were raised with the Wisdom of God. I quote scriptures by the Chapters not the verse. I was raised to “know His Word for Myself” and to not be dependent on others to interpret His word. When I committed to My God I came with a knowledge of what was Bible and what was Religion, but at the time of my life I needed the religion because I needed the discipline. I allowed myself to submit and to learn humility because I wanted to be loved by My God.
Yes, you read that right. I thought I had to earn His love. I hadn’t matured and or evolved to understand that My God loved me just the way I was. I hadn’t embraced His love, I was “found” yet I was still lost. I was preaching His word in Hopelessness. Losing my marriage which was my dream and remaining diligent in church. Struggling in my spirit. I was losing my dream and I was seeking after God’s love. I didn’t realize I already had it.
I was a foolish grown up child with gifts I hadn’t yet embraced. Full of information and no real wisdom. During all this I found out I was Bipolar Type 2 and as result of that I was suffering from depression and increasing Social Anxieties. By 2010 I was divorced and fully engaged In Ministry. Self-employed medicated and in Therapy. My medication was making me numb and my therapy was helping me heal my hurts but I would forever be ill, and medicated. I hated it!
It was in 2011 I fell in love with Ministry. I was worshipping under my God Brother and he is a BEAST when it comes to Ministry. He believes in being fully engaged in the people. If we had service 3 days a week, 2 of those services was prayer and outreach. Sunday was the staffs work day. We were there to serve the people. If we weren’t equipped that was too bad, you had all week to get it together. Serving under him made me develop a heart for service. I learned that Ministry was really about the people and my “issues” weren’t a hindrance to my service they were a value. I served “through” my issues. I was in love with Ministry and the gym, I didn’t need medication anymore… I was feeling powerful and in control. I was cured I thought.
In 2013, I joined a new church with a new Pastor. This Pastor wasn’t like any other Pastor I had ever met. He expounded on the Bible in a way I had never heard. It was like hearing the word of God for the first time. February 2013 I wasn’t lost anymore. That doesn’t mean I was sound, just means I was found.
I hadn’t taken my medication in 2 years and I was managing my issues with prayer, fasting and worship until I heard Pastor Ron Thomas preach. He reminded me that God isn’t a Genie and he doesn’t work in magic and IF I had an issue, I should seek help. I should take care of my mind and my health. He teaches that “YES” God can heal but what does that have to do with taking care of us. We should be good stewards of our temples and THEN God would honor his word. Message after message, service after service, I sat in the front seat of Pastor Thomas church and cried. He wasn’t just teaching God’s word, he was teaching LIFE. I had been lead to believe I couldn’t achieve fullness in Christ unless I submitted to the church. Pastor Thomas was teaching, “Am I the reason you’re coming to church?” “Who am I?” “I am NOT your God!?” “Serve your God the way HE has called you to serve” “Be free in Ministry” “He called me the same way he called you!” I was no longer being held a accountable to Religion but Ministry.
In 2014 I woke up!
I had been working on Marijuana as a project. Studying and developing plans but not fully engaged. I thought I had to choose between Ministry and my new project. How could I work in Ministry and believe in Marijuana? Religion had taught me that Marijuana is a sin but my research was proving that Marijuana was medicine.
One thing I knew for sure is I was hiding and ashamed. My history with religion was hurting me. I thought Religion was behind me and I had embraced “service”. How can I serve God’s people “high?” How could I medicate AND Minister? I was finding out that it wasn’t just Religion for me, it was a culture and medicating had its own culture. Which would I choose?
Posted in Uncategorized and tagged aesha goins, bible and weed, cannabis, god and marijuana, god and weed, marijuana, marijuana and ministry, medical marijuana, ministry, patient care, self-medicating. Bookmark the permalink.
Great article. MMJ is a gift from God and the more I research the more I discover that we actually NEED it as we have 210 cannabinoid receptor sites in our body. I’m coming to the conclusion that one of the reasons for major illness is a lack of cannabinoids. Keep up the good work and congratulations on your business.
Thank you for sharing your story and your struggle. As a Christian, I’ve had a struggle using medical cannabis and hiding it from my church family. It took awhile but I found most were very supportive and understanding. I have a life-threatening autoimmune disease ( Scleroderma) and cannabis edibles have been a godsend for me. It has helped me deal with pain and sleep for many years. I support medical cannabis and I love the Lord. You can have both!
We absolutely can have BOTH!!