I think I’ve been a bit of a womp-womp lately.
Last night my suspicions were confirmed when my husband said, “you’ve been unhappy about everything lately”; to which I was at first indignant but after considering the facts conceded, “meh, I guess I can see that”.
Thanks for the reality check darling.
Sadly this is not my first time in the band of womp-womps. I’ve been here before, I know the secret handshake. Do you know it too? It’s something like a wet noodle.
Grief has the ability to turn us all into womp-womps. Weeks or months after a death we find ourselves drenched in negativity, weighed down by cynicism, and exhausted by our despair. We’re not ready to shed these feelings despite subtle and not so subtle hints from friends and family that our 7 layers of misery is making them feel sweaty (and not in a good way). Of course it’s well within our right to stay in our bubble of gloom until we’re good and ready to come out, but don’t be surprised if you feel like a total killjoy in the mean time.
Fortunately most of us manage to find our way out of the wilderness, it just takes some time. Actually, for those of us who missed survival training it may take a loooooong time because we get lost and wander, we find the path but lose it again, or we crawl into a cave and wait for someone to find us. What’s the deal? Why are some of us so much less efficient at navigating the darkness?
There’s no one answer – chemical make up, coping mechanisms, life circumstances, unwashed hair tolerance levels – all these factors will effect our ability and desire to feel better. My kryptonite is one that many others share, an unwillingness to take matters into my own hands and change my thinking and/or the circumstances I have control of.
There is a theory in Personality Psychology that says people either have an internal or external locus of control. Those who have an internal locus of control believe they have control over the events in their life – they are the cause to the effect they see in the world. Those who have an external locus of control believe that life events are controlled by environmental factors which are out of their capacity to influence.
External: I lost because the referee made bad calls.
If someone has an external locus of control they may feel less empowered to take matters into their own hands, especially after the world just proved there are factors beyond their control that can cause them misery. They, or anyone who’s been through a traumatic event for that matter, may even find themselves in a state of learned helplessness. This is when things start to feel so out of ones control they become paralyzed and don’t seek out opportunities to feel better or lessen their own misery. This is not good, try not get to this place.
This morning I had the opportunity to sit in on a discussion about mindfulness and self-care. The facilitator was so sweet and accepting, all she wanted was for the audience to try. She didn’t ask us to make grand sweeping changes, rather suggested we aim to accomplish one thing no matter how small. She suggested quick and easy ways to take care of your mind and body like deep breathing or journaling one sentence about gratitude daily.
Her demands were small yet my response was, “no, I don’t want to”. Here I am, admittedly in a total funk, acting like a bratty little three year old. My arms are crossed, I’m worn out and ready for a nap, and I refuse to even try. Im not saying ‘I can’t’ because I’m in control enough to know I can, rather Im saying ‘I don’t want to’. Reality check number 2.
Alright, here’s my resolution…I’m going to try. I’m going to start small, but I’m going to take action. For me, negativity can be a slippery slope, so I want to try and reframe my thinking to focus on the positive. I’ve committed to finding small things to be grateful for – one a day – and journaling them via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
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6 responses on "Womp-womp Call to Action: Be Grateful"
Love this. I lost my mom at age 19 and I feel like a womp womp every once in a while… usually around holidays. I’m now in graduate student and conducting research for a doctoral degree in clinical psychology. I’m wondering if anyone reading this lost a parent in childhood. If so, I would love if you would contribute to my study. It is an online survey and takes less than 30 minutes to complete. If interested, cut and paste the link below or email me at [email protected].
Happy or Not :With anxiety and worry, director Wuna Wu entered into a family of three. The anxiety comes from misunderstanding; the worry comes from feeling the warmth of the family and hoping that they live well. She finally discovered that life is life, and whether happy or not, we have to go on.
Eleanor- I love the gratitude journal/photography idea, and sharing it via social media.
After my mom’s very sudden death, it definitely took some time to get started, but journaling thankfulness helped me tremendously.
– her three steps to prepare for house guests w/out losing your mind- 1)dim the lights, 2) cover dust with potted plants, and 3)when all else fails give the guests another adult beverage. 🙂 I still follow her timeless advice.
The list will never end. I’m smiling through a tear right now.
Your mother sounds totally amazing and kind of like my hero =) I love the idea of journaling gratitude/thankfulness about the person you lost, it’s such a great way to remember and memorialize someone. This seems like it would be good to do with other family too…I’m sure it would end in tears and laughter. Thank you so much for sharing!
I slide into the womp-womps pretty fast. My husband was ready to leave the marriage I was so negative.
Thing is, I don’t recognize it. Like you said, I’m exhausted, grumpy and I don’t want to try anything.
Arms crossed like a little girl. I know what helps me, BUT sometimes I just want to sleep through it all.
Gonna head to my yoga mat today. That helps!
Love reading your posts. I’m a photographer too.
If you know what helps you are in a better place than many! Do you find that photography helps at all? I know sometimes when I completely feel like crap I don’t even want to look at a camera, but other times I feel it helps a lot. I’m glad you liked the post!