I heard lines like this over and over again as we prepared to leave our home in Colorado to be near family in Minnesota.
With each repetition of “called” I would shift my weight, smile briefly, and want to leave the conversation as soon as possible, because I did not feel called.
I have experienced definite calls by God 4 times in my life. 1) To be a pastor. 2) To get my MDiv at Denver Seminary. 3) To work for Scum of the Earth Church (read my reaction here). 4) To write my book (in progress).
Though I felt called to Colorado, I was never settled in Colorado and prayed continuously to be “called” to Minnesota. I nagged at God to please bring us back home. Two years ago, after tears and heartbreak, I finally felt I had the “ok.” I was released from the call to Scum and we could move back as we chose.
Not a call. A release from a call.
A month ago today we left our home, we left our kids’ schools, we left our neighborhood, we left our friends. We left it all behind to seek a new life and as we drove through Nebraska the question nagged on me: is this God’s call on our life? Or are we doing what we want?
These are cries of desperation and fear. Terrified that their lives would never be within God’s blessing or care, because maybe at one point they made a decision which forever pointed their lives in the wrong direction. Outside of God’s call. Outside of His will. Outside of His blessing.