The important questions: Are surprise parties ever a good idea?
Few good deeds are as misguided as throwing someone a surprise party.
One of my favourite episodes of Mad Men proves this very point. At the beginning of Season 5, Don Draper’s new wife Megan plans him a surprise 40th birthday bash. Despite being warned by his colleagues that Don hates unexpected parties, the spunky, 26-year-old insists, “People are always glad” to be surprised in the end. The night ends the way most surprise parties do: with a messy house, a stained carpet and a vicious argument. Needless to say, Don and Megan’s marriage doesn’t last.
I learned to fear surprise parties from personal experience. When I was eight, my fellow third-graders and I planned an end-of-year shindig to thank our teacher for her work teaching us fractions and administering time-outs. We believed the party would be more meaningful if we planned the whole thing behind her back, so we we invested our parents’ hard-earned money on streamers and cake. On the big day, however, it turned out our teacher’s husband had unexpectedly suffered a stroke the night before; Mrs. L. was in the mood for neither a surprise, nor a party.
Surprise parties are sort of like self-serve check-outs at the grocery store: they may seem like a good idea, but they seldom work outside the realm of theory. You may have the best intentions, imagining that your planning represents a grand gesture, a touching tribute to someone you love. However, instead of gratitude, you’re more likely to feel like the American military strategists who planned the Bay of Pigs operation.
That’s because surprise parties are a burden to the person being celebrated. If someone had really wanted a party, they probably would have planned one. Instead, these get-togethers are typically organized by “party pushers” who can’t fathom the idea of anyone preferring a night in over a night out.
Now, what about planning a surprise party for someone who actually enjoys parties? You might think, “Surely that’s acceptable!” But the answer’s still no. The only thing a true party person loves more than attending a party is planning one. Ordering invitations and creating playlists are some of a party person’s favourite pastimes. If they’re not planning a party, they don’t want one.
Besides all that, no rational person wants their loved ones to gather together to crouch in a dark room like creeps, all ready to jump up and shout “surprise” when you open the door. And even after all that organizing and all of the conspirators necessary to pull off the surprise, it’s unlikely that the planner has managed to keep it a secret from the guest of honour/victim of the party.
In the end, the most surprising thing about surprise parties is that people are still throwing them.