The Alcoholics Anonymous preamble is read virtually at every 12 step meeting. It says in part that “AA is not allied with any sect, denomination……or institution”. As such, it is clear that the program is non religious in nature. You don’t have to be of a member of a particular religion to gain entry. You are not required to read the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Koran or the Torah. Members of the fellowship, have discovered the program to be of a spiritual rather than of a religious nature.
As addicts and alcoholics we had found that our lives had become unmanageable. Left to our own devices we had been unable to deal with our addictive actions. It was clear that we needed help from outside of ourselves. We needed a blueprint for living. Not only a plan to help us stop using, but a plan to help us start living. For millions of members in the program that plan was disclosed in The Big Book. Somewhere in its stories we uncovered areas of identification and instruction. The entire twelve step program was contained in its pages. Whether members were believers, agnostics or atheists they all utilize the Big Book. Without religious connotation, it has become the bible of recovery for millions of people.
Personal Reflection: How do I utilize The Big Book?
It took a long time for many of us to admit that we were an addict or an alcoholic. Part of the reason for this was that we had a preconceived notion of what an alcoholic or an addict was. For example, we couldn’t be an alcoholic. They were those unkempt, unwashed bums down on the Bowery begging for some spare change. We had families and important jobs, so it was impossible for us to be an alcoholic. Others claimed it was impossible that they were an addict or alcoholic because no one in their family had ever indulged to excess. In fact their parents were teetotalers. There was the argument that it was an historical fact that no one from their particular ethnic group were drinkers or drug users. For food addicts they might have used the argument that since they weren’t obese it was impossible for them to be labeled an addict. Some women argued that only men were alcoholics or addicts.
In our program we learned that addiction and alcoholism was an equal opportunity destroyer. Man or woman, rich or poor, Catholic, Jew or Buddhist, we all shared one common problem. We were unable to stop using our substance of choice, and that our lives had become unmanageable. Once we admitted this we began the journey of recovery.
Personal Reflection: When did I let go of my denial?
We are all going to have one of those days. From the moment we get up, nothing seems to go our way. We spill the coffee, are late for the bus, and late for a big meeting at work. And, it’s not even 10am in the morning yet. Later in the day, one too many things happen to us and we lose it. All our emotional sobriety gets thrown out the window. Right after that we toss out the Big Book. Forget about “let go and let G-d. We find ourselves right back to the way we used to be before we entered the program. However, there is a difference. We do have the capacity to catch ourselves. It make take 5 to 10 minutes or even half an hour, but we can return to our sober equilibrium. Once we do, we immediately make amends to whoever we might have hurt with our outburst. We also do a quick self inventory and see which defect of character emerged earlier. It would probably be a good idea to call our sponsor and talk about what happened. Many of us find journaling, prayer and meditation beneficial as well after such an event. We take comfort in knowing that we can reclaim our emotional sobriety whenever we are ready.
Personal Reflection: How do I reclaim my emotional sobriety after one of those days?
For many reasons many of us had difficulty simply admitting that we were wrong. For some of us it was based on a streak of perfectionism. Were we to admit to being wrong, we would be conceding that we were no longer perfect, something we could not do. There were others who suffered from low,self esteem. They were afraid to publicly show how they really felt about themselves. They would wear the mask of perfection; for to admit to being wrong would just confirm their negative feelings towards themselves.
Over time we learned in the program that admitting we were wrong did not reflect negatively upon us. In fact it was a sign of personal growth. It demonstrated a level of self examination which was praiseworthy. After personal reflection, to admit to an error in judgement was highly laudable. It also demonstrated a,level of courage to be able to admit tor our mistakes. In addition, it showed a degree of personal honesty which did not exist before our sobriety. Over time, it got easier and easier to admit to our mistakes. We took to heart the 12 step statement, “when we were wrong we promptly admitted it”. Paradoxically, as we grew in wisdom, it became easier for us to admit our lack of knowledge and our fallibility.
Personal Reflection: Do I promptly admit it when l’m wrong?
There are people in this world who walk around on tiptoes. They will never give you unsolicited advice. Sometimes this comes from a healthy place. They will only provide you with solutions to issues when you ask them for it. Then there are people who will never speak their mind for fear of other’s disapproval.
There are people at the opposite end of the spectrum. They have no difficulty whatsoever speaking their mind to you. They are full of advice on all things human. Quite often we might react with exasperation to this second group. “Who the heck is she to tell me what to do, or tell me why I’m doing it”?
In the program we learn to spiritualize our experiences. When we allow ourselves to get beyond our defensiveness and rationalizing, we find that these people often have a point. Quite frequently, their observations are accurate. We just need to be open and honest with ourselves in order to hear it. Part of that spiritualization is a belief that G-d speaks to us thru others. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose from whom. We also think that our Higher Power has a sense of humor. Some of the most difficult people have accurate observations about us.
Personal Reflection: How can I improve listening to comments from difficult people?