According to the Encarta Dictionary, tough love is defined as a caring but strict attitude adopted toward a friend or loved one with a problem, as distinct from an attitude of indulgence.
The term enabling is defined as the ability to provide somebody with the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something.
Tough love is sometimes encouraged in family members as a cure for enabling an addict. The problem with tough love is that it often backfires. People can find themselves torn between the act of enabling an addict or using tough love. Without knowing it, they can create a vicious circle of the two extremes and increase the likelihood of a relapse.
Many family members enable an addict by making them the focal point of their sympathy. In essence, they simply feel sorry for the addict. The problem is that sympathy and enabling are never beneficial to someone who suffers from the disease of addiction. The constant pity showered on an addict does nothing but make them weaker when it has all been said and done.
Family members can also enable an addict by constantly jumping in to solve the addict’s problems. The family can become overly involved with the drama and constant state of crisis that is so often found in the life of an addict.
Unfortunately, it is common for some parents to go against the instructions of addiction treatment professionals and give in to their children who are using manipulation to get their way.
It is imperative for the family and friends of an addict to understand that tough love and enabling behaviors are not needed to coax their loved one into addiction treatment. On the other hand, tough love and enabling are not enough to force a family member into seeking help to treat an addiction.
It is always a better idea to avoid the destructive behaviors associated with tough love or enabling, and instead embrace the type of behaviors that are based on healthy boundaries and sensible support for their loved one suffering from an addiction.