their attitudes and their positions, and their underlying emotions.
And I guess what's left to talk about is needs.
learning about needs throughout the course up until now.
Needs is such a central concept in SSLD.
how we can be more effective in understanding the other person.
is to ask the question, how do we find out about it?
is if the person is telling us what he or she needs.
like we have been through these examples before.
I want to have a luxurious designer item, but I don't really need that.
I actually need self-esteem and affiliation, social approval, acceptance.
Say for example, people come to university to do graduate degrees.
And, actually people come to do the same thing for very different reasons.
Some people may be driven by a need for achievement.
arrangement for them to do nothing and figure things out.
[LAUGH] And then some people have very clear career objectives.
ask the question, what would make you feel better?
angry, and the person is not trying to be nasty to another person.
so instead of asking, so what's that you want from me?
We ask, honey, what will make you feel better, right?
So that is a different way of trying to get what people's needs might be.
And the other thing of course is that you can infer by the person's complaint.
happenings, something out of his boring routine.
we infer what the person's needs may be.
And then there is also, people are telling us about what they are afraid of.
afraid to take chance, or people with severe social anxiety.
So when you get to that situation, why are you so afraid?
I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of embarrassment.
what does a person who is afraid of embarrassment need?
isolated position to gradually open up and build up relationship with other people.
So that's another way to figure out what people's needs might be.
by looking at what this person is avoiding.
this person is constantly avoiding commitment or avoiding intimacy.
have the options, need to have the freedom to change his mind or her mind.
this person doesn't want to be giving those up.
So there is something that this person needs.
And then we ask the question, why are those options so important?
does it pertain to a sense of mastery and control over the world?
person feel insecure, in a sort of committed, tied-down situation?
what another person's needs might be.