The Nut: An Open Letter to the Word "No"
The "No" Police (aka my mom and dad) have been bandying you about lately, and I don't like it. You are obviously associated with restraint, and that is a characteristic I joyfully lack. Ever since I began developing the motor skills to actually do something beyond laying around on the floor like an injured seal, Mom and Dad have been using you against me.
The other day, I tried to remove some unnecessary pages from the Baby 411 book, and I got a "No, no , no!" It was a gentle, almost melodic denial, yet it stopped me in my tracks.
This morning, immediately after I fashioned a Slurpee straw out of an electrical cord, I got a resounding "No!" that just plain freaked me out. Cool it, Mom! I wanted to say. There's enough here to go around.
"No," I am told when I reach for a pair of glasses. "No, no," in the morning when I push my cereal off my tray. "No, no, no!" all day long as I grab a fistfuls of Scout's fur.
"No," you never seem associated with anything positive. It's almost like you are the antithesis of my favorite word, "Yes." Frankly, my studies of late have revealed that there are an inordinate number of words in the English language, so many that it would behoove us all to dispense with a few...starting with you. Instead, let us replace this monosyllabic atrocity with words and phrases that better convey what I would like to hear, such as "absolutely," "be my guest," "by all means," and "go for it!"
"No," who do you think you are? Do you think I will sit idly by as you wage this oppressive war? No. I will not.
I will learn to wield the very implement used to keep me down and turn a problem into an opportunity. I will be indestructible.
I am watching. I am waiting. When the time comes, I will be ready.