Construction of Willet Bunker began during the Spring 2018 semester. During the planning process, the bunker decorat- ing team ensured that sprinkler systems were installed so that concrete hallways could be watered at all times.
Today marks four years since the asteroid impact that started the Zombie Apocalypse which promptly wiped out the world. Mercer evacuated students and staff to the Willet bunker, constructed six years before in 2018. Students are grateful that their tuition money, usually blown up with fireworks, was instead put to remodeling Willet Science Center into Mercer’s own emergency bunker.
When approving the plans for the Willet Bunker, the administration decided the best rooms to construct in the bunker were classrooms, a faculty lounge with a window revealing a view of the burnt out sun, a Merpo Segway parking room, and a genuine replica of the cafeteria, asbestos and all.
Continuity is a must, so the hallways of Willet Bunker are patrolled by Orange Merpo Segways at all times. Students must be careful where they put their bags for fear of being ticketed for abandoning property in restricted yellow-wall areas.
Classrooms are also used as dorms so that professors can enter and begin teaching whenever they please, seeing as there is no day and night in the groundbreaking educational facility. Along with flexible class times, students are enjoying the consistent weather below ground.
In the Willet Bunker, since the seasons no longer exist, Mercer operates on a trimester system, with each trimester being 4 months. Also, the minimum course load is now 20 hours and the average amount of hours taken by students a trimester is 30.
The Class of 2024 graduation is tomorrow in the cafeteria. Holding with bear tradition, it will also be ‘Fried Chicken Wednesday’. Seniors cannot wait to collect their third diplomas and go straight to eating their favorite lunch special. Other subterranean favorites include ‘Miracle-Glo Mushroom Monday’, ‘Toxic Taco Tuesday’ and ‘Fission Fish Friday’.
Many students have been petitioning for more scholarship money after tuition has increased 13 percent each trimester since the bunker has opened. Only one percent of the student body has not gone into severe debt to their beloved university.
To help relieve the debt crisis, the Office of Financial Aid has established the ‘Learn-It-Off’ program. Students participating in the program are required to attend classes for the next 100 years to pay off their underground mountain of debt.