My buddy Josh had his birthday party last night a lovely bar called The Trailer Park Lounge. After work, my colleagues and I went to catch the tail end of happy hour. I invited my bridegroom Brenna to come and hang out and enjoy pitchers of margaritas and Tater Tots. Interestingly enough, this blog isn't about what happens when Kelly drinks a pitcher of frozen margaritas and mingles with coworkers (note: bad, bad things). It's about what happens when I bring Brenna Hogan to interface with the professionals at H&S.
At first, I thought it might be a bad idea, because I didn't want Brenna to feel left out. See, Brenna is typically shy and reserved upon first meeting; she doesn't say much--just sits there awkwardly, pounding beers and biting her nails.
But last night, things were different. Last night, Brenna was a freakin' movie star.
She arrived, and the crowd was already sauced up after multiple margaritas. BKH jumped right in.
What followed can only be described as love at first sight, or in other words, MY WORST NIGHTMARE.
While I mingled with a few people, Brenna got to talking to my friends (re: superiors). She made the acquaintance of several men, all of whom asked for her phone number. She was invited to dinner, expeditions around the city. People bought her drinks. They asked who she came with and then responded "Who?" when she answered. One suitor even said "It was nice meeting you tonight. And Kelly". I've worked here for three months--and I've met that guy before. Numerous times!
This morning, five people, some of whom I barely know, told me how much they enjoyed Brenna.
"You're Kelly, right?", asked one.
"Yep. Last night was fun, huh?"
"Yeah, your roommate, Brenna K. Hogan of Braintree, Massachusetts, is such a fun girl. She is so great."
The man barely knew my own name but Brenna? Oh, he knew all about her!
I am seething with jealously over Brenna's obvious popularity at my office! I barely even know these people, and now Brenna's got playdates, sushi dinners and even found someone to hook up our wireless. I'm rotting in my cubicle, and she's star of the goddamn parade! I half expected to see her face on our website, or walk into work and find her at my desk.
I miss the shy Brenna. The one who didn't say much. Who let me be the star! Who didn't do the worst thing in the world: take attention from me! I had to drink a pitcher of margaritas just to get the attention back on me! I even played the cancer card! God, I'm pathetic.
I knew I should have lived with Gina.
Man Gina is going to love this blog. It's the shout out she's always wanted!
and kristie im guessing you got the same text i did saying "read my new blog and comment..cause i have nothing else to do cause im a loser at work"
This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me only because its the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
I wouldn't get too comfortable in that cubicle of yours, Bergin. BK's making steps.
Wait that text went to everyone? Sigh. I thought it meant we were BFF. You've let me down.
That Brenna sounds AWESOME and I think I need to meet her. I can't think of anyone that's ever out-shined Miss KPB. You resorted to using your cancer to get attention, WOW. Bravo Brenna, Bravo.
How dare that Brenna?! OMG I'd be pissed, yo.
Yea Emma just told me she got a text on her new Fisher Price phone.
I guess its too bad for you Bergin that everyone at your work had to find out what we all already knew, Brenna is awesome haha.
"Man BRENNA is going to love this blog. It's the shout out from everyone she's always wanted!"
Oh and I got to preview this blog before anyone else. So no, I did not get the text I normally do to read it.
Very funny and very good writing. I enjoyed this immensely. And don't worry, you had cancer and beat it- this entitles you to play the cancer card indefinitely. Greg- please enlighten me as to when Kelly's friends ever liked you more than her? And Kelly, I think describing my current situation will make you appreciate my taking the time to comment right now. Picture this: me, sitting in my bed. I have not eaten (ate?) one morsel of food for 17 hours. I have two wet tea bags clamped between my teeth, and two bags of frozen peas held to my face with my sister's scarf tied around my head so that my hands are free to type. Your welcome.
hahaha so funny Kel. Brenna does have that charm. Thanks for my backhanded shout out. I know in some way you really love and don't hate me.
Haha, One of your best pieces! Bravo.Bravo.
This one was one of your best Hilarious!
I'm trying to get the family to join my band!