Some days are better than others. That is a fact of life. There are days that you look forward to, long for, and treasure when finally they arrive. Others you dread with fear and trepidation, wishing you could skip over them and avoid the pain and unpleasantness they are bound to present. The calendar dates that mark anniversaries can certainly fall in this latter category.
Types of anniversaries vary. Some mark great days, others signify days you wished had never happened. This upcoming week marks what would have been my thirty-first wedding anniversary. Contemplating all the life that has been packed into these last thirty-one years, I have come to believe the day is not all bad. While it will certainly hold sadness for me as I am denied the chance to celebrate it with my deceased husband, there are many precious memories surrounding the date that I will always cherish.
As Tuesday approaches, mixed emotions begin to churn and whirl in my mind. I no longer dread the day quite as much as I used to when my grief was fresh. It is now possible to sift out the pleasant memories of our years together and enjoy the happy moments without quite as much influence from the more recent, sadder events of the past four years following his death.
How can you handle anniversaries that are still painful? What can be done to help you through a difficult day full of sometimes bittersweet and whirling emotions? One helpful tip is to realize that often times, the dreading and anticipation of the day is usually the worse part. The pain you actually feel on the anniversary day is often times less than what you expect.
Think back to when you were younger. Was there something you feared and wished to avoid as a child? Perhaps it was a shot at the doctor’s office. Maybe it was sitting through that exam at school or reading out loud in class. Not looking forward to certain events is normal. As humans, death and grief often top the list of dreaded occasions.
Yet, when the anniversaries come and go following your loss, they seem to get a bit easier to handle with each passing year. It is not that they become less important to you. You do not forget their significance in any way. The day is just as treasured and special as before. However, you find that as much as you dreaded the day’s arrival, waking that morning is not a painful as you thought it might be. Pleasant memories mix with your sadness and you find you are able to smile and enjoy some of the memories that have always made that day special.
Another tip that you may find helpful is to plan ahead to treat yourself and do something pleasant on those anniversaries. Making provision to not be alone is wise, especially if your loss is very recent. Allowing others to share your company is a distraction that can serve you and bless them.
What is it you can do to turn your dreaded days into cherished ones? Your anniversaries do not have to be unpleasant. While they will certainly not be what they used to be, it is possible to turn sadness into joy.