True story: A few years ago I was so over dating that I forgot it was Valentine's Day until I decided to go see a movie alone.
Only after a sea of couples confronted me in the lobby of AMC at the Levee did I remember. I also became painfully aware of just how "single" I was.
"Who goes to see a movie alone on Valentine's Day?" I thought.
I then put on a brave face, bought a single ticket for some horrible action movie and ordered a trashcan-sized tub of popcorn so I could sit in a mostly-empty theater for an hour and a half eating my feelings. They were salty.
I also set a smartphone reminder for Valentine's Day the next year.
Because of this, I also feel it's my civic duty to offer the following suggestions for single people who either want to avoid the holiday, watch it burn in effigy or just go out and have some fun this Thursday.
Find strength in numbers with these anti-Valentine events.
Singles Awareness Day: 5-10 p.m. Thursday. 3 Points Urban Brewery, 331 E. 13th St., Pendleton. Warm your cold, dark heart next to a burn barrel fueled by photos of exes this Valentine's Day at 3 Points Urban Brewery. If you have leftover clothes from the ex, the brewery will also collect them and then donate them to a local shelter. Bonus: There will be a marathon screening of "Cheaters" on 3 Points big screen. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
Anti-Valentine's Party: 3 p.m.-midnight Thursday. The Brass Tap, 8720 Bankers St., Florence. Still feeling the sting of your last relationship? Then this Anti-Valentine's Party at the Brass Tap in Florence is for you. You'll get 10 percent off your tab if you bring a photo of your ex and feed it through the bar's shredder. There will also be a heart-shaped pinata to take your frustration out on; a special Bingo game where the winner gets a massage from Elements Massage; and you'll get to take home some free Rhinegeist glassware. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
Bitter Ball: 10 p.m.-2:30 a.m. Thursday. Tin Roof, 160 E. Freedom Way, Downtown. Who cares if you're single on the most "romantic" holiday of the year? The Tin Roof invites you to gather your single friends and rock the riverfront during its annual Bitter Ball: A Valentine's Day Redemption Party. The evening will feature live music by Matt Waters and a whole lot of fun. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
My Bloody Valentine: 7-11:30 p.m. Thursday. Overlook Lodge, 6083 Montgomery Road, Pleasant Ridge. The Overlook Lodge is taking a twisted approach to celebrating Valentine's Day. The rustic watering hole will screen the classic slasher flicks "Scream" and "The Evil Dead," both of which feature relationships that go absurdly, gorily wrong.
Louisville-based Angel's Envy Distillery is sponsoring the double feature, which will also include pizza, desserts and a raffling of prizes from the distillery, Revolution Rotisserie and bar owner Gorilla Cinema Presents. The Overlook Lodge plans to donate proceeds from the sale of raffle tickets to Love Must Win, an organization founded on the principles of helping people learn to love and accept themselves and others. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
It's amazing how much good drink and food can comfort a lonely heart.
Burger Love Night at Oakley Bones’ Burgers: 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Thursday. Bones' Burgers, 3235 Madison Road, Oakley. Bones' Burgers is the bomb. Their fries are tasty, too. So, if you plan on eating your feelings, why not enjoy $2 off wine, $5 draft beer and $1 off Bones' fries and chili cheese fries this Valentine's Day? For more information visit the event Facebook page.
Wing Night with Renegade Grille: 5-9 p.m. Thursday. Listermann Brewing Co., 1621 Dana Ave., Evanston. What do you know, Valentine's Day just happens to fall on Renegade Grille's weekly wing night. Get a pint of Listermann's tasty beer and wings for just $11. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
The odds of finding true love during a speed date aren't probably the greatest, but if you're single and willing to mingle, Pure Romance is sponsoring two such events on Valentine's Day.
Speed Dating & Stoplight Party: 7 p.m.-1 a.m. Thursday. Queen City Radio, 222 W. 12th St., Over-the-Rhine. First up is the "Love Bash: Speed Daiting and Spotlight Party" at Queen City Radio in Over-the-Rhine. Pure Romance is sponsoring the speed date portion of this event, and the company will give away a free gift and glass of champagne to those looking for love. Advanced participant registration is required for this limited-seating event. DJ Jacoby will then spin some love vibes from 9 p.m.-1 a.m. during the Spotlight Party, which is open to all. Show up wearing green if you're single; yellow if you want people to ask if you're ready to mingle; or red if you're already taken. For more information visit the event Facebook page.
Speed Dating at Mt. Adams Pavilion: 6-9 p.m. Thursday. Mt. Adams Pavilion, 949 Pavilion St., Mount Adams. Pure Romance is also taking part in Mt. Adams Pavilion's annual speed date. Local radio station KISS 107.1 will also be on hand for the afterparty at the popular nightclub. This is definitely a 21-and-over event. For more information visit the event Facebook page.