This morning I found myself distressed by a lack of response from persons whom I’ve recently asked for assistance. It is not the possibility of being let down that distresses me, not in the least. I have a lot of respect for the word no; with the word no you know where you stand. What I find difficult to bear is the silence, the looming reality that the relevance of one’s being will be eschewed, the real possibility that the request will not be acknowledged at all.
After cycling through a lot of old negative feelings, I finally emerged on the other side, worn and weary but ready to proceed with my day. And a beautiful day it is.
Attila has removed all the window treatments in order to paint the frames. The view is panoramic and beautiful, constantly moving in the breeze.
The room is now painted and now that the new colour covers all the walls I can see that it was an excellent choice. As soon as Attila re-installs the window treatments, I will move our belongings around until they are arranged to our liking.
We are now preparing to focus on the little house, the new house, the urban cottage. This week I must finalize the financing and deal with lawyers and banks and institutions of all kinds. The following week we will assess the little house to make a list of musts. Our first project is to remove the shingles on the roof, replace any sheeting if needs be, and re-shingle the roof. We have deadline on the roofing project, imposed by our insurance company. That makes it easy to know which project goes on the top of our renovation list.
Our little house is in such a sorry state that almost anything we do will be an improvement. When all is said and done, it will come to reflect our values and tastes.
We still haven’t found any work near the little house, and we are working on that. Hopefully luck will be with us, and I do feel that it will all work out well in the end. We’ve got to watch the in-between though, keep our eyes on the ball so to speak.
This will be a very busy week for us. Our energy levels seem to be expanding in step with the expanding universe that we call our life.
Change, once initiated, has a way of taking on its own momentum. There is still too much “waiting” and “patience” involved for my liking, in this process of change we have embarked upon. Still, each and every day some new twist of circumstance flies across our horizon. This is not a dull phase of our lives.
Is it a kitchen cart or is it a computer desk?
Attila is tackling the last wall of the paint job. This last wall has lots of challenges, heavy furniture to be moved, my desk and work area to be dismantled and moved, drapery tracks to remove, peeling paint to scrape and lots and lots of windows to tape in preparation for painting. I am not very useful with any of this activity. My small contribution is moving small items to safety, dismantling my work area and moving my computer equipment; which is now setup temporarily on a kitchen cart. In the photo you can see the two paint colours on the wall in the background, the dark green on the left and the cream on the right.
The weather is mercifully cooler and a lot less humid. This is a real bonus, as we can keep the house wide open to ventilate as Attila paints. Chaos surrounds us during the painting project. We are changing a dark green to a cream colour, the difference is striking. I’ll have to rethink the placement of furniture and art in the room when the project is complete.
I’m off to bake bread and prepare a meal for next weekend, when we will be way too busy to cook.
I’ve lived many lives in my time here on earth. It has not made me wise. My passions still run strong and wild. I still live in a universe where anything is possible; despite my bouts of deep cynicism, passion for life and learning well up from deep within me, instantaneously and unbidden. I fear I am a fool.
I’m not very afraid of being a fool though, not afraid enough to quell my passions or my imagination.
It is difficult to marry the fool and the counsel in me. It is a life’s work to do so.
Attila and I continue to prepare for the unknown.
Attila paints, I type on the keyboard. Nothing is visibly changing in our world at the moment, although the next few weeks will be eventful on a small scale. We have purchased a little home near a city in Ontario. It is in very, very poor condition. It is in a very pleasant neighbourhood. It will be a real “project”.
If Attila and/or I find work in that city, we will relocate and move to our little house. If we don’t find work we shall remain in the wild, as here Attila has employment, as do I (of a sort). However, we will have a project and a focus near a city, someplace that I can visit when the grip of cabin fever has me by the throat.
So, there we are, we’ve taken a step towards change. It could end badly, that is true. We think about that, but are not overwhelmed by the fact. As Harriet said the other day, “plan for the worst, hope for the best”. Exactly our philosophy.
Painting the main living area of our home is a miserable job, particularly in the hot, humid weather we have been having. Attila continues to plug away at it though, every evening after work he gathers all his equipment and his paint can and gets to work. At bedtime he gathers together his equipment, stores it all away and drops into the bed for a well deserved rest. The estimated timeline for the project is a week.
I keep sending out job applications, now focused entirely on the city near our little house. Some positive responses have come our way, but nothing we can take to the bank.
Terra began her new job this week. Congratulations Terra! The first few weeks of a new job are always a challenge, so much change. I know Terra will rise to the occasion and will be breezing through her work days in very short order. Terra possesses a great deal of determination.
Luna and Janus are busy with their jobs and visiting friends and Janus’ family; this keeps them very busy. They are all healthy and happy.
We are expecting thunderstorms this morning, so I’ll get this post up without further ado.
Attila and I are still hard at work preparing our home for new owners. Today Attila installed new light fixtures in a dimly lit stairwell, it makes a spectacular difference. He continues to tidy up the gardens, and continues to maintain the yard.
I baked bread today. It has been hot, it was hot today, but we needed bread. We can find bread that I can eat, but we have to drive for over half an hour to find a store that stocks it. Nothing for it but to put the Nesco out in the porch and bake the bread outdoors. In this heat I will not use the indoor oven for any reason at all!
I’ve been cleaning cobwebs in and around the screened in porch, they accumulate quickly. I also have setup a daily routine for myself, where I make the bed, wash and dry the dishes, shower, do laundry, sweep and do a quick clean in the bathrooms in the early morning. I feel I need to get these tasks done before eight in the morning, as I might be called out to work, and someone might want to look at the house before I could get those things accomplished.
The most difficult challenge is keeping my desk clear! I accumulate all sorts of odds and ends while working on my projects throughout the day, usually this clutter is piled high on my desk. Not anymore! Nothing but clear desk surfaces now. However, I have to really work at it to keep the clutter from reestablishing itself.
This evening Attila begins painting the main living area of the house. We have been here for over six years and are just getting to this project. Better late than never I suppose. It will take Attila more than a week, working every night after work until he falls asleep, to complete this task.
We are working hard right now on our house. Soon, very soon, our focus will shift to where we are going. I know that as soon as that happens I will lose interest in our present home. Hopefully we will have made all the necessary tweaks and setup the necessary routines before our focus shifts.
My journal is called Page by Page. Right now I’m taking life Moment by Moment. The decision to move has precipitated a vast amount of activity. We have “decluttered” and cleaned and preened; and we are still at it.
Funny old world. As we prepare this house for new owners, I am feeling more and more attachment and affection for it. These sentiments are not new, but they have come to the forefront now that our decision to leave has been made. I do love this house, as I loved the little house in the City that we lived in before moving here.
Tonight Attila is using his bandsaw to cut an old TV tower into sections small enough to transport to the recycling plant by car. We inherited the TV tower, which we removed from the side of the house and stored behind the house until now.
I am working at the little shop tomorrow, the third day this year. It isn’t the happiest place this year, I suspect business is not as good as had been hoped.
The heat wave broke overnight and this evening is mild, breezy and just about perfect. The mosquitoes were decimated by the heat and there are very few to contend with during the day. I even ventured onto the deck earlier this evening to prune some of my deck garden plants. I was not bothered by even one mosquito!
I have gone into overdrive with the job applications. I am sending out two or three well crafted cover letters and resumes every day. What I find shocking is that suddenly the world is polite, the way it used to be. For no reason that I can explain, people have suddenly learned manners. I have received acknowledgements that applications were received, that has not happened but a few times over the last fifteen years. I am receiving responses to my applications, letting me know that interviews will be scheduled in a few weeks; again, this is new to me. All of this doesn’t mean that one will be awarded an interview or the desired position. What it does mean though, is that the process of looking for work ceases to be a soulless, draining experience. Thank goodness for small mercies.
There are so many ways to interpret this quotation.
I had to laugh as I thought of the certain way that some people are able to endure the misfortune of others. Black humour. When presented with someone else’s plain bad luck, they respond by saying, “Life is what you make it.” I’ve never heard this from someone who actually had to overcome serious obstacles to success; in my experience this saying is always mouthed by those who succeeded by merely riding the wave of their good fortune, attributing all of their good fortune to their own prowess [hubris]. These people would consistently respond to the misfortune of others with “life is what you make it”. I’ve actually grown to despise the statement “life is what you make it”, although I do acknowledge that in certain contexts it reveals the power of positive thinking.