This page is a home on my website for the mystery.
It’s tempting to convey my work to you, through the lens of different modalities: breathwork or family constellations. Much more of what I offer in sessions though, is actually rooted in deep presence to the unfolding mystery of each moment.
I think of it like a deep stone circular well: the modalities create a structure that facilitate a gathering of water. Through use of stone and wood we can lower a bucket down – but the well is not the water, only the water is the water.
Death is in the title here because it has been my teacher. First through my own death drive, which made vivid how close to the edge I was – and so caused me find out how to live. Secondly through the death of my parents: walking to and over that edge with them was a fast track to wisdom as well as grief.
I title this section also “the way of the Rose” because Rose was a name that chose me – in 2017 it finally replaced my birth name of Cathryn. Rose evokes my existence as a soul beyond the personality of Cathryn, it also points to a particular flavour of mystery path I follow.
The mystery is best expressed through the lens of creativity, “the way of the rose” is a home for creative expressions to gather on my site when I am ready for that to happen. For now, here are some excerpts from my dream diary, another place where the mystery makes itself known.
I dream that I am a crow. I look down and study my claws, to the side at black feathers toying with the wind and eager to play. I stare ahead, crouch down and then leap into the void … the sensation is incredible as I soar into the sky.
I open my eyes, nose to nose with a beautiful white horse. His warm damp breath slides over my breasts, I want to stroke his soft nostrils. I feel deeply aware of his physical presence, power and beauty. I receive a transmission of compassionate understanding from him, that reaches to my bones.
I have had a poor nights sleep and doze past my silenced alarm, despite having an important meeting. Lying on my back, a little brown sparrow enters the dream room, dips down and bops me in the middle of my forehead. I wake up and see that I will only just be in time for my meeting!
I find myself plunged suddenly awake into a cold and choppy sea. I splash about confused then hearing men shout I remember the chase and their intention to kill. I begin to swim out to sea but a black and white killer whale bears down upon me, its great jaws gaping open: I stare into the black void feeling sure I have come to my end.
But s/he turns and presents me with a back like a raft and I realise s/he is my friend and wants only to save me! I straddle the great back and grab hold of the rubbery fin, which flexes under my grasp. A spasm of fear grips my thighs, the whale responds and OFF we go!
I can barely breathe as we rush through the water and soon land no longer even exists. We dive down and then surface, dive and then surface – from the dark depths of the ocean to the slate grey mirror of the sky.
Together we embark on a dive that is deeper than I have ever experienced before and at that moment I begin to feel fear: all that I am is rushing darkness and void, a deep intuition telling me which way is up.
I grip tight onto the fin, re-establish the connection of my thighs and wonder “should I have trusted so implicitly?” But I sense the vastness of her form, with whom I travel – and know without question in that moment – s/he is my friend and I am safe.