when your therapist started sexualizing your therapy, were there some days when everything felt almosy totally normal and professional and other days when some things felt wrong and the normal days made it easy to explain away the weird moments from other days?
What you really should be thinking is - There's a shark circling me and I need to get out of the water right now.
Free advice, take it or leave it: Go have a consultation with another therapist. One session, explain what's happening and see what they say. I would do it on your own, not through your current T.
that’s good advice. i’m very confused and am questioning myself. i go from thinking, this definitely isn’t happening to this is happening, from week to week.
I've never had a T that sexualized my therapy (had one who did a lot of gaslighting in other ways). But based on my experiences in other relationships that were not supposed to have anything sexual/romantic, where people did this, it was exactly like you describe in the OP. I would say that if you have this recurring feeling and perception, it is probably not unfounded. In my case, I could resolve it a few times simply by not reacting to those subtle (or less subtle) attempts at all. Other times I would just tell them straight that I don't like that behavior and have zero interest. People might try a few more times but then often give up in the absence of reinforcement and then we could continue with the real focus of the connection. I imagine there are people so aggressive/obsessed that they won't give up, but that is extreme. The problem is more when you respond/engage/allow it, that reinforces their motives.
In the case of a therapist - has he been useful to you at all? If not, I would definitely dump him. If he is useful in other ways, maybe the above strategy and stay firm and uncompromising with it.
He tried to return to the ‘old Pdoc’ and listen to my issues after he sexualized our therapy but it never worked.
Therapy stopped the moment he helped me with my buttons.
i feel like he is messing with my mind.
he hasnt helped me with buttons or anything though. that would definitely be clearly sexual. its not like that. its very subtle.
When others sexualized me, I sensed a continual presence of the interest every time I was around them, regardless of inconsistency in their behaviors.