First of all, I want to say that I hate that we live in a world where I write this post with trepidation. Violet, though, has taught me the beauty in the risk of laying to truth out there, so I am coming out of the closet with my agnosticism.
Some of the biggest sources of pain in my life have been those in which people have judged, questioned, or completely disregarded my decisions (or lack thereof) because they were different from the norm or from their own. It is also offensive when you assume that everyone has the same beliefs as you because you are in the majority.
I also want to thank CarlyMarie for her words regarding us sharing our beliefs, "I welcome everyone to join this Capture Your Grief Challenge including people of all belief systems and also those who have no beliefs at all. What I ask of you, is that you respect everyone else here. Please feel free to share your beliefs whether they are religious, spiritual or not. If you choose to share your beliefs today, please make sure that you respect everyone else’s beliefs even if you do not agree or understand them. Do not tell anyone else that they are wrong if they do not share your own beliefs and please do not push your views onto anyone else. I am very proud to say that everyone who comes to my page are 99% of the time respectful to each other and very kind (I sometimes wonder if I am being protected by a greater force as it is so rare to have so very few problems on a social media page with 1000′s of people!). I would really love everyone to honour this request for love and respect today. We can all complete this day peacefully together. I believe this day can be a very interesting and beautiful one. Let us honour our similarities and our differences too."
I believe that the moment when I die will be the if/when my human brain is capable and ready to know what happens. Of course I hope to see Violet again. But if I don't, because there is nothing, then I won't be upset because I won't exist anymore.
I am comfortable with not knowing until then. I am agnostic.
What I don't believe in is a higher power that will separate me from Violet for another length of time because of things I did or did not believe here now.
I've always taken great comfort in NOT believing in a higher power or a reward/retribution system afterlife. It allows me to own my choices and be accountable to myself. I'm good with that.
However, I don't often talk about that because of the avalanche of judgement that usually accompanies any discussion about my lack of belief. Hoping people recognize the strength and courage it took for you to post this.
Once I let go of the beliefs that were given to me through my upbringing in church, I felt free to find the beliefs that fit with my experience of the world and feel right to me. Thank you for sharing what feels right to you. xo.
I love Carly Marie's work with fellow moms grieving. This series on your blog is so touching. Thinking of you and your beautiful Violet.
I completely and wholeheartedly agree. I don't feel the need to believe in a higher power to live a good life while here and while I hope I will be with my sons again, if not, like you said, who cares, I'll be dead! Thank you for sharing and giving us courage to think about maybe coming out of our own agnostic closets!