Have you ever come out of an interaction feeling like they won and you lost? They got the thing that they wanted and trampled all over you (whether overtly or covertly)? It really makes you question whether you want to work with that person ever again?
Over the last 15+ year I’ve worked in industry and in academia. I’ve managed people and built collaborations with many people. My approach is to be generally open and interested, trying to help people align their goals and achieve more together.
Occasionally I’ve come across someone who’s approach to achieving their goals is to bully people into submission. To use threats, throw their toys out of the pram and have a full out tantrum (yes we are talking about adults here – and because of the industries and disciplines I work in – usually men). Sometimes their behaviour is more subversive, passive aggressive – agreeing to do one thing to your face, but then never quite getting round to it while they focus on the thing they want to do, or undermining your authority by spreading rumours or gossip.
This behaviour often throws me. I like to see the best in people, and I truly believe you can achieve more by working together. So when someone comes along and abuses that trust, taking what they need and not stopping to understand what you need what do you do?