last week, due to the looming possibility that we may be facing some developmental problems with harrison, i was crippled with worry and, worse, guilt. i felt as though i caused these issues to arise. i convinced myself that my fear of autism is exactly what brought autism into our lives.
after all, this is society's latest theory about life. i saw it on oprah, so it must be true. right?
what i'm referring to is The Secret. the law of attraction. which states that what you put out into the universe is what you will get back. essentially, if one thinks positive thoughts (i am rich, i am powerful, i desirable), then those thoughts will turn into positive results (a financial windfall, a prestigious job, a mate). the same is true if one sends negative thoughts out into the universe. they will end up reaping negative results.
i was fearful of autism from the very beginning, especially because it is so prevalent in boys (1 out of 94). i tried to do things that i thought would help prevent it. i seriously cut down the amount of immunizations i gave him. i never allowed an immunization if he had been recently sick. i switched to natural cleaning products (vinegar & baking soda). i fed almost all organic food. i played and played and interacted and talked and read and watched very closely for "signs" of something wrong.
in the end, maybe all these preventative measures were put out into the universe as negative thoughts. maybe i wound up reaping negative results onto my son. the thought of this was completely unbearable.
interesting that i shared these thoughts with two friends. both experienced the same thing. one recently suffered a miscarriage and was convinced that she caused it to happen because miscarriage was her worst fear and her constant worry. the other friend's father was recently diagnosed with cancer. she was convinced she had caused this because she had been reading a book about prostate cancer and had become overwhelmed by the thought of someone in her family having it.
so, what am i supposed to think about all this? three women, three totally different situations. all three experienced the same type of feeling about the trials in their lives.
i pondered this a long time. well, a week. but, i really did wrestle with the subject. where does God fit in with The Secret???
thanks to much thought...and prayer (both on your part and mine), i have come to an answer.
God DOES NOT fit in with The Secret.
there is no secret. there is only God.
and it is He, not me, that is in control of everything.
including the development of a precious little boy.
Rachel...you are really right about all of this. I love that we can go to God with all of our fears, dreams, and thoughts. But as you said, he is IN CONTROL. Totally.
I love the way that you express yourself.
Excellent conclusion my friend. I experienced the same thing only slightly different with Phoenix. Did I deserve this because it had never crossed my mind to be worried and because I never wanted to hear the sad stories???? In the end, we just aren't in control over all of these things. God is.
BTW, I have been thinking. I don't recall being able to notice ANY kind of imaginative play in Parker at ALL by this age. Seems a little early to me to be looking for a serious imagination.
i am sorry, but i am so thankful that you were able to come to a place of peace knowing he is in control...no matter what you "send into the universe"
we were worried about jackson for some time. he was very slow to develop on lots of levels but was okay in others. he is still a little behind on some things, but progressing well.
Amen sister!! God IS. That's all there is. And HE is and forever will be.
Wow Rachel, you were beginning to worry me at the beginning of your post talking about "The Secret" and all. I personally think Oprah has LOST HER MIND these last few years.
I was soooo relieved to read the conclusion you came to. YOU cannot cause these things to happen if it is not in God's will for them to happen. HE IS sovereign!!
Thanks for walking us through your thoughts!
Like Marci, I too, was beginning to worry at the beginning of your post. Glad you took some time to wrestle with all of this and that you came to a better place. God is in control of all things. We are praying for Harrison. And, like Christy, I think it is young for imaginative play also. Every kid is different, and I am not a doctor, but I do think it is early to worry. I knew a child once who definitely seemed to have characteristics of autism. There were different opinions about him from different doctors. When he was tested by the school system after he was older, his IQ was really high and he was placed in GT classes. With the extra challenges in school, he began to come around. He still had some social delays, but did not have learning problems. I know there is the whole savant (sp?) thing, but I'm pretty sure they ended up ruling out autism altogether. Again, I am praying for you guys!!!