We spent 9 years in the foster care system, as a care-givers to more than 23 children. Six of those children never left our care and became a permanent part of our family from 2008 until 2012. Our years in the system were trying but also filled with lots of beautiful moments. Thankfully we made it a point to live with as much peace as possible. As a result, we still have relationships with many of the children we fostered, as well as their families.
We recently reconnected with one the teenagers we fostered, who disappeared in a hough shortly after her time with us ended. She’s healthy, responsible, and smart. She’s a true success story. We hear many of these type stories often. In fact, one teen who came to us through foster care ended up being adopted by us. She’s a great mom and the manager of her office. Talk about success!
The age-old myth about babies is that “They’re only babies, they won’t remember anything that happened to them!” WRONG! So, wrong. It’s a proven medical fact that trauma, even experienced pre-natally (drug or alcohol consumption while pregnant) will leave lasting effects on a baby. When a newborn is exposed to domestic violence, it plays out in the way they react to tense situations later on in their life. They remember. Trust us.
Truth: Building relationships with birthparents is the gateway to really helping children. Sometimes birth parents have experienced as much trauma as the child in care.
Truth: Judges have the final say and will disregard DCS recommendations.
We are living examples of how much light and hope there is in foster care. But here’s the truth- it may take years to discover this. Remember, you are parenting kiddos who have come from some very very tough places and it will take consistency after consistency to see change occur. It took us around 3-4 years to see positive results. We did see slivers of light along the way, but wholistic change took some time. It takes years for trust to formulate and permanency to take full effect. But hope? Oh yes, there is. There always is when you’re talking about bringing life-change and transformation to another human being’s life.
Question: What are some other myths you’ve heard or been told about foster care? Share them with us in the comment section below this post. You can leave a comment by clicking here.