I cannot believe that a loving GOD would turn away people raised as Jewish, Buddhist, Jehovah's Witnesses (had run ins with them in my journey!) and all the rest of the world's faiths ... the more important thing is the person's SOUL AND INNER SELF- if they are good and unconditionally loving people.
I believe that each person's spiritual journey is theirs alone, each path is different, and anyone that would preach/force their particular brand of beliefs on another is being at the very least unkind... it's so individual and it's a journey. I realize there are people who are lost that they would get into cults, or negative beliefs, and that is their path/lesson to find their way out of.... but that is another subject.
What is METAPHYSICS? Before I start my own spiritual "bio", here is where I "am at" in my outlook for now... I am not a "finished product" by any means and hope to still grow, evolve and so I can only speak from now and update as my experiences and belief's do.... and always keep in mind, these are ONLY my OWN opinions! Books I have read along the way that influenced me are in bold yellow.
"Metaphysics" the very term only means "more than physics" or higher physics....and I think that science and religion DO go hand in hand, - that all the things that Jesus did (and I DO believe he did all that was written that he did, include rising up) WERE/ARE "metaphysical" ie: scientific realities... how about that!? In the same way I believe all the little miracles and blessings that a dear relative of my ex-husband's has gotten from Sai Baba are also the same "science".....India's great man Sai Baba is a spiritual man, an advanced man...not as advanced as Jesus, no....I don't think anyone was before or after Jesus was/is as advanced in THE knowledge.... and of course a Christian would say that is because he is the son of God. Here I will be very straightforward with you... I went through my life's journey from believing he is the son of God "in the biblical sense" to believing he is/was one of the most advanced human being on earth, at least as far as my limited study into other religions...and really, probably because even the Dali Lama just sits alone and he did not go out and change the world.... well as far as my own limited knowledge of those beliefs.
I feel that humans NEED religion to hang on to, to give life meaning, to belong to a group, to feel needed, to be able to give to others and in many ways some churches may be very good.... what turned me away was Man's twisted use of any and all religions, including Christianity - that ended up hurting other groups of people, taking away that other group's beliefs, forcing Christianity on them, stripping whole cultures away and even killing them, all in the name of god and Jesus... The utter brutality of HUMANS is crushing to my heart and finally turned me away from all forms of organized religions.
I had truly STUDIED the Christian bible in a group and I read a book that took all the archeological aspects of the bible and proved them with REAL HISTORY and for a while that was very exciting, because I thought, if all those things really happened, then all the things in the bible must be right, right?
The second book that came into my hands via a positive thinking class given by my local small town (religious based, I think it was Presbyterian) hospital was: THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND by Joseph Murphy. This book about the "little man with a file cabinet in the back of your mind with all the answers you need" ...and a meditation from it, that I still use today, changed my life and journey profoundly.
On the whole my childhood was rather a black hole of illness, fears, and struggle to go to school. My Mother's Mother (who used to baby-sit me often) believed in everything from UFOs, to meeting Jesus in person, to having psychic readings, oh and she talked to her animals including "Freddy the fly" that walked around her walls. I remember sneaking to the doorway of her living room, after I was put to bed, to watch in fascination the TV show my Grandma watched religiously - Oral Roberts [from Wikipedia Granville Oral Roberts (born January 24, 1918) is an American neo-Pentecostal televangelist. He is also a leader in the charismatic movement and a former faith healer] that "healed" people in very dramatic ways...I was not sure what to think of this scary man who placed his hands on people and yelled loudly and they would fall over....so of course when my Grandmother tried to heal ME of my tummy ache by laying her hands on me and praying like Oral did, I was so scared I pretended my tummy got better just to please her!
My Mom admitted to me later in life that when she married my Catholic raised Father, she "crossed her fingers behind her back" during the ceremony where she had to say she would raise her children Catholic. In fact the only memory of church I have is being dressed up as a tiny tot in a fancy dress, gloves and a little hat for Easter services at a Presbyterian church. We may have gone once for a Christmas eve service too but mostly we did not go to church at all. My Father was not one for any church, having been raised by a rather strict "children should be seen and not heard" Catholic Mother who felt herself "royalty" for some reason. My Father retreated behind a newspaper or book most of my life, inaccessible. My Mother seemed to have a basic faith all the time in general because I remember her telling me "if it were not for my faith, I would not have made it through your childhood troubles." (oh joy for a kid to hear!) Mom did not believe in forcing anyone to go to church, and it is only now, in her later years that she enjoys going each Sunday.
So all in all, I had a lot of fears, and no structure, no solid beliefs of any kind.
My first real memory of something spiritual or "extra sensory" was when I was in High School. I was very close to one girlfriend, and one day as we both left school to walk home on the opposite sides of the large school, I HEARD her YELL "Lyne!"....I looked around and behind me (I was walking all alone across an empty field to my home, all by myself) and could not see her. It was definitely her distinct voice and I was a bit freaked out. I hurried home and called her as fast as I could...I hardly got out what I heard when she screamed on the other end of the phone, and told me that she had witnessed the boy I had a crush on at the time, barely escape a major car accident and had thought or yelled IN HER MIND: "Lyne!" At that point we became a bit hysterical as teenage girls will do, but there was no denying that we had a major "mental telepathy" experience. I held on to that single incident like a life preserver for years as my only proof that there was "more to life than just a physical body". I think over my younger years I may have had 2-3 more striking experiences but so much time in between each incident, and no one to talk to about it, I felt very unsure... Talk to my "kooky grandmother"? No, she was a bit too strange for me to feel comfortable with and my Mother let me know she felt her Mother was crazy. My Mother? Hardly. She would not listen to anything that sounded like HER Mother's "stuff". My mother is a very down to earth, practical no nonsense type. I did not have anyone or any way of finding out what this was or how to make it happen again. It in some ways made me feel more lost and lonely....so I just held on to my tiny rays of confused hope.
Skipping past my awkward, uncomfortable (with all my health issues, and resulting emotional issues) school years, I ended up marrying my second boyfriend when I was 18 years old. My first husband was introduced to me by my first boyfriend, if you could call him that- he only wanted one thing and when he didn't get it, he handed me off, literally, to his friend who was to become my first husband, at a college dance! While I was dating my first husband, Bill, he let me know he had a solid Christian foundation, being raised by his Grandmother who made sure the boys went to church....a sweet loving woman who baked a lot....that is important, remember that for later - that she loved to bake cookies and great meals.
Bill had a repaired heart, (he was actually the first person to get a pig's heart valve by the then famous heart surgeon!) but enlisted in the Marines with a note from his surgeon, in order to prove to himself that he was healthy I guess... and it was before he went off to Boot Camp that I had my first really profound spiritual experience.
In short, Bill went to boot camp, made his heart murmur worse with the rigorous Marine training and they booted him out (of course not taking any responsibility for causing it to be worse and nearly killing him) The core just handed him is medical discharge and that was that...saved from Viet Nam. So he was gone really only for the weeks it took for boot camp, graduation and some part of additional harder training. We had planned to get married after he got home "from the war" ... so at this point we got our parents permission (me being only 18) and we had a beautiful traditional wedding that remains a bit of a blur... We did not go to church, and while he fought his demons from boot camp (it was pretty harsh back then I guess) and worked to find his career (becoming an accountant)... we followed the "usual path" and finally moved from our apartment out to Simi Valley and into our own house.
Finally I found my way to the books that were more about metaphysics than UFO's. I remember reading a few of the EARLY books by Ruth Shick Montgomery (like HERE AND HEREAFTER) before she seemed to go off the deep end...and I also read all the early books by the (to me) an even more believable psychic - Edgar Cayce. His books were the BEST! I read his biography and other books and literally watched how he fought the fears of his conventional southern Christian upbringing that made him feel this abilities and inner knowledge were that of the "devil".... a man who really gave so much knowledge, enlightenment and help to people around him....there are collections and individual books by this man and his biography, so I won't list them out, but I really believe he was the ONE true medium/psychic of his time.
Anyway, at this time Bill and I joined the local Presbyterian church...and as with all things, when I get into something I jump in with both feet, learning like crazy, went to bible study (didn't hurt the minister was CUTE and liked his "all woman bible study", and seemed at the time to be very open minded and almost spiritual... Ultimately he was the one that failed me utterly and one main reason I left organized religion).... But BIBLE STUDY - especially reading a book on Bible Archeology became very fascinating to me because I was so starved for spiritual answers! I do believe the bible (King James) was very accurate in archeology, and probably pretty accurate as far as the history of cultures and the life of the man Jesus... I was sooo in need that I began to TALK TO GOD THE FATHER OR JESUS IN MY HEAD as I stood at the kitchen sink with my hands in the soothing warm soapy water, washing dishes, as I was looking out of the kitchen window at the trees and birds... and enjoying the quiet (my son was in kindergarten) I felt I heard the words, heard the replies, the guidance in my head....while at the same time there were still so many blanks... I know NOW I was speaking to my Higher Power, my super conscious if you will...talking to myself but not quite able to make a real connection or hold onto it well.
It was at this time the Jehovah's Witnesses came knocking at my door... and THAT was the next very enlightening time for me. Here was another slant on this thing called Christianity.... and fortunately my neighbor knew her bible backwards and forwards and showed me -and them, the one time I let them into my home, with her there with me. She showed them, and me, in her bible right there - how they left things out, by just not reading the next paragraph (sorry forgot what you call those "sections" of the bible).... AND I SAY NOW, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST ANY ONE PRACTICING IN THE Jehovah's Witness faith....I truly feel that each person has their own journey and lessons to learn, their own path... it's just that for me, I crossed paths with their beliefs to have the experience of how man can make the bible (or any book of faith) SAY what they want it to, for their own ends. I had the same experience with meeting some of my own cousins that are strict Mormons - who spoke at my Grandfather's funeral... Actually with THEM - I got another nugget of my own beliefs!! THAT OUR BODY WAS "BUT A GLOVE AND OUR SPIRIT LEAVES THIS GLOVE AND CONTINUES ON." I knew this was true in my heart and held onto this. This was long before I had read the books I listed above too. It was during that time that I was so avidly going to Sunday services and to my Bible Study that I became a "deacon" in the church along with my husband... I even read a book on "Religions of the World" and felt I could see that there are nuggets of truth in all faiths, but the only (IN MY OWN OPINION) real truth for each person is from INSIDE THEMSELVES... what feels right and true, not someone telling them what to believe.
At that time, I had gotten a hold of a book called LIFE AFTER LIFE (REFERRED TO ABOVE) after seeing a little segment on the TV news about "near death experiences". I was so excited to read that book and I eagerly loaned it to my minister... WHO FOR SOME REASON IN A MONTH OR TWO MONTHS TIME NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO READ THIS BOOK (a small paper back) he returned it to me... I was then - at that moment in time, standing in the church parking lot, totally disillusioned that this most studied man was NOT spiritual....When another woman came up to me and said "I just can't get over the loss of my husband, could I borrow that book?"....and I gave it to her gladly... She read it fast and retuned it to me BEAMING with relief and joy that she could then move on with her life, her SPIRITS LIFTED..... and I thought: How could I AND THE BOOK I HAD, DO WHAT THE MINISTER SHE HAD BEEN TALKING TO ALL THIS TIME, NOT DO?!?
I will relate one more thing before I left the church and organized religion behind for good... in all the years between my first real telepathic experience, I had had a few more - with a close girlfriend or two, so I had remarked to one lady after bible study "What is so scary or "evil" about mental telepathy? How do you think you talk to God when you pray in your mind? How would he hear you?" It seemed rather logical to me, and she went away with a whole new outlook afterwards.... I wish I did remember more specific instances of my telepathy but I don't now....and they still were not very often....my own fears and emotional scars were a BLOCK between being able to HEAR messages or get information from my Higher Self.
But one thing did come from my fear. I had a bit too much focus on DEATH, during all those years... by the time I was married with a small child in the early 1970's, I discovered sort of accidentally that I could SEE where and how people who had just died were.... I mean, when my husband's brother died. I "saw" him "over there".... it was just like a sudden "knowing" or seeing a picture in my mind...And that day, what I had seen, turned out to be reality. I "saw" my brother in law curled up in the fetal position, in his underwear, WAY BEFORE I learned that this was the way he was found. He had sadly committed suicide... (This happened way back in the days of NO hope when you got aids...) So I came to believe what I was seeing/feeling of some of my friends and relatives who had passed, was true. What I did was NOTHING like "Medium" or John Edward... just a little flash of 'knowing'.
When I was young I was plagued by nightmares. Of course growing up in the 60s was a period of time when much of humanity was plagued by the fear of an atom bomb falling on them… But my recurring nightmare of war was different, in a very odd way.
As far back as I can remember during times of extreme stress I would have a nightmare of being killed by bombs in a war. The dream was identical in every way, each time I dreamt it. I became aware of myself standing in a very high stone archway trying to seek protection from the falling bombs. I could see the bombs quite clearly. They were rather small, long oval in shape and had fins on one end. I was also aware of myself- that I seem to be female- dressed in a rather thin white short smock like thing. I was terrified out of my mind, knowing I was going to die. I was aware that the buildings around me were devastated. These long walls of arches were very high, but there was just dirt outside and inside. At one point as my fear increased there seems to be another little girl that I was trying to help shelter. But I know now that was just another part of me manifesting in my dream, because I was trying to take care of myself. Ultimately a bomb fell directly on me and at that point I would wake up in utter terror. I would lay there wondering how I could dream that when living in a time when most terrifying visions of bombs were made up of those mushroom clouds like I had seen on the television news.
Over the course of many years, I continued to have this exact same dream. I don't remember the year when I finally saw a photo of the exact place that I died. It was in my mother's new photo album from her trip to Asia. I do know I was already living in Simi Valley as a young mother. Each time my mother would take a vacation, she would assemble her photos from that trip in a special album to share with everyone. I distinctly remember going to her office one day and sitting in a chair next to her desk and leafing through the album pages. When I got to the page with a photograph of the very same arches from my dream, I stared at it in shock. I suddenly felt dizzy-like I was falling a great way through time and it scared the living daylights out of me. I slammed the album shut! After a few moments I steadied myself and endeavored to open the album back up and look harder at that photograph. In a stumbling way I tried to explain to my mother (someone who in no way shape or form would understand or believe what I was trying to explain) that that was the photo from my recurring dream. I did ask her for an enlargement of that very same photograph and to my surprise she did comply. Anyway, at the time I continued to look through the next pages of her album. When I came to a photograph of the big guns still there on that island, I instantaneously could hear what they sounded like when in use, and that was a shock as well.
When I got that enlarged photograph from her I sat down in my own home one day, meditating to put a lot of white light of protection around myself. I really looked hard at the photograph to try to understand my reaction. I had also learned that this photograph was taken on an island in the Philippines named Corregidor and that there were no females on that war-torn island. I tried to learn as much as I could about the history of the area. I watched history shows on television of actual films of the war action going on at that time. I instantly recognized the uniforms of the Japanese military with their distinctive caps which had ear flaps hanging down each side. By doing all this research I was able to deduce the year I died from that life was about 1944. (I was born here in 1949). I understood later that this was an extremely short recycling time for souls.
At this time in my life I had become friends with a young woman my age who was farther along her path of metaphysical studies. She sat in a new housing development model home every day as her job. That is, she was there to give people brochures, talk to them about housing prices in that development, and send them out the other door to the models. So in essence in between those occurrences she and I had a lot of time to sit and talk to one another. We had been talking about astrology and numerology, of ghosts in dreams, etc. for a while now. When I told her about my reaction to the photograph her reaction was "well of course that was your life before this one!" She was so matter-of-fact about it and seemed to be wondering why I wasn't. But at that time in my life the idea that reincarnation was real was a tremendous shock. It was like my mind was trying to expand faster than I could handle. I did began to hunt for books written by people who had similar experiences to mine in one way or other. I remember reading one book about a young woman who traveled to a small town very far from where she had grown up and was disturbed by a the incredible amount of "déjà vu" that she was experiencing in her very first visit to this town. She began to do the research and found evidence of her own previous life there.
All of these things combined with my own amazing experience was certainly the next stepping stone of my own personal spiritual journey. I never expect anyone else to believe in reincarnation, but it is my own personal reality that has created my own truths in this area.
At least I never had that dream again! I understood, deep inside myself, that I had finally put my previous life "to rest". I had put that experience in it's place, and I could move forward, fully engaged with THIS current life!
Note: because so many years have passed since I started writing this I feel I need to just get the highlights of my spiritual journey down in print at this point. I am 66 years old, and as I approach the inconceivable reality of being 70, and even 80 years old, I'm beginning to face the reality that this lifetime is almost finished. So while my mind is still sharp I am very determined to share my story. What will follow from this point are bits and pieces that are probably not in chronological order, but I will do my best.
It was a few years after I got my first horse… Let's see… I remember at this point I had my Arabian mare that I would go care for and go riding daily. At this time my son was in high school. It was also during this time my best friend Pam would bring her youngest child, Paul, to ride around on my gentle mare. Pam could see that life was very difficult for me emotionally, and that I was often sad in spite of being able to be around horses every day. It was at this time in life, that my husband (who had always been a workaholic-therefore absent from home life a lot) was also taking business trips and would be gone for months at a time, so I was left on my own to care for my son. The constant recurring theme of my life: abandonment.
And then I when I feel connected to my higher self, I ask for what I need- all by visualizing white light around any person or situation that needs help or attention. I often visualize white light of protection around those I care about, any means of transportation they are using, or any situation needing extra help.
I think at this point it's important to say that I had begun to realize that "God" for me, is the very essence and energy of my soul. All of the love and the care, the protection and the guidance, the information I needed at any given time in my life has always been provided to me by my soul. While my soul surrounds me and I am of my soul, I adopted the name: Higher Self. This name for me expresses the higher energy of my complete soul which contains all I have ever been, all that I am, and all that I will be. There were many situations in life that reinforced this direction of my belief system but right now I want to share about how I began to understand this powerful energy that I can generate and use in my physical life that I call White Light.
The story of saving baby chicks from wild feral cats!
It was during my time of owning horses, that I spent a great deal of time down at the place where I was boarding them. It was a rather wild area bordering on a wash or streambed that ran through the bedroom community of Simi Valley. I boarded my mare in a small pipe stall at this location. There were several pipe stalls, surrounding a sandy arena, with a rustic rough tack shed at one side. Behind the tack shed (a rather long shed with many doors that could be padlocked) the grassy weedy ground sloped up to the main house-where the owners of this area lived. So while the houses were on higher ground, below each house was a strip of sandy dry land with the streambed backing it. Most of the homeowners did not do much with their extra "backyard" so there were a lot of open spaces where grassy weeds grew wild. In this area there were many feral cats-large fierce tomcats and several female cats. The owners of the home where I boarded also had a few chickens in pens for fresh eggs for their family. Some of these chickens had gotten out of the pens over the years, and then became wild. There were two or three hens and a rooster that lived behind the Tack shed. These chickens being full-grown had nothing to fear from the feral cats. But it was their baby chicks that were always being killed by the hungry cats.
Now at this time I had finished reading the book-The Power of your Subconscious Mind-and was beginning to adopt the meditation and the idea of protective white light in my life. I will admit that I still am the type of person that needs to have something proven to me, before I will believe it, and often even then I still have a hard time believing something and need it proved over and over and over. Also it was during this time that I had become close friends with another horse owner named Marie. She and I enjoyed many conversations about psychic things. She shared with me about how she trained her Arabian stallion with "thought communications", and she would prove it to me by showing me how she did that during her training. Because we both respected and loved horses so much, we both knew our horses were highly intelligent. I do believe that her Arabian stallion was exceptionally intelligent and open to Marie's silent thought instructions while she had him on the lunge line.
At any rate because Marie especially loved birds too, she tended to make pets of the wild chickens. Between the two of us we got the idea to do an experiment of protecting the tiny baby chicks from the feral cats. We wanted to prove to ourselves that white light energy used for protection is valid. So we agreed to visualize in our minds that the baby chicks were surrounded by our white light of protection every day. Now keep in mind that when each batch of baby chicks were born, or rather hatched, that they were almost immediately killed and eaten by all the feral cats, never making it to adulthood. So with a new batch of baby chicks, Marie and I went to work meditating every single day, visualizing those babies being protected with white light. Each day we would arrive in the morning to feed our horses and we would look around for the baby chicks. When we saw them alive and well we were thrilled! We did this for several days with absolute success. Then came the day when coincidentally both Marie and I were dealing with something else in life that distracted us, and caused us to forget our white light protection meditation. The next morning when we came to feed the horses, one or two baby chicks were gone. (And yes we kept count from the time they were born) We felt terrible and responsible for the loss of the baby chicks life, and with great determination went back to our daily use of protective white light around them. At the end of a few weeks we had both been able to see the baby chicks grow up into full-size chickens, who were able to protect themselves from the feral cats. We repeated this experiment with several more broods of chickens off and on during our time boarding horses.
We both also began using white light around other things. When my mare gave birth to a foal I put white light around her and her new foal, every day. One day when I was in a very very bad mood I neglected to use my white light around my baby. As I was walking her up the hill on a lead line she stepped on a long roofing nail. It went straight up into her tiny hoof to my utter horror. We were able to remove it and immediately called the vet. It was a very dangerous time because in spite of the vet giving her a tetanus shot and antibiotics, the vet warned me that this was life-threatening in more ways than one. Of course I went to work with a lot of heavy meditation for my foal's recovery. She had to have her hoof well wrapped for a long time. Finally there came a day when the vet unwrapped her foot, and declared it healed. I truly felt that it was my fault for falling down on the job of using my white light of protection in this area that was so fraught with dangers.
I continued from that time in my life to believe in, and use white light in many many ways. Yes life was still difficult, and is still very difficult, and yes bad things can happen. But for me I still cling to the belief that I have a bit of control of the elements in my life by consciously using white light. I truly believe that "what we think-is" or to put it another way "what we believe-becomes".
Note to self: share about how I feel that we as human beings generate this higher energy to sustain our soul… Just one of the many reasons that we become physical beings.
Mongolian life as heavy woman in the back of a two wheeled cart on a grassy open plain "snippet - flash".
Asian life as the care taking woman of MANY little children in some sort of school or institution... a very HAPPY life.
My life 'resting' in the body of a wild mustang roaming wild in the high desert areas of Southern California... there were several clues to the reality of that life, that came during my waking, active life at that time too. I believe that we can just "take a break" from human lives, by taking up residence in the body of an animal... a horse, cat or dog being the most common choices. My equine life was a short life... but one I just knew to be true... I didn't meditate to recall this life, it was more the clues I picked up on by being super aware of myself and my reactions around my own horses in this life... Some of my clues or indications were: When out trail riding, we would stop and listen and look around... BOTH my horse and I would do the SAME thing... widen our nostrils, taking in scents and if my own human ears could have "prick forward alertly" they would have. I would just FEEL more like a horse on alert than a human being, until I sort of "caught myself at it"... and then would sit thinking about how interesting it was. I also KNEW the taste of succulent sweet GRASS... all my life... Keep in mind, I AM a germ-a-phobe, but I'd put a piece of grass in my mouth and chew on it (fresh green grass) and even more shocking.... When cleaning out my mare's small metal water bowl OF ALGAE AND DIRT, right after I scrubbed it as clean as I could with a vegetable brush, and "rinse" it with clean water, I'd think nothing of sticking my own nose in her water dish and sucking the water up deeply... Very refreshing! This was just so NOT something I'd normally do, not when even going to a public restroom and touching a door knob would send me into a period of absolute terror! But the final "cap" on this story- the incident that made that life as a horse a certainty, was when I went to the High Desert one day. My then husband and I had driven way out in the desert, looking for wild flowers... We stopped by the roadside for a break. I got out, and just as he was trying to tell me to Watch out for rattle snakes! I started to bound off and RUN through the dunes in sheer delight! (again NOT something I'd ordinarily do, not being athletic and also being fearful of cactus spines, snakes, etc... but I sucked in the warm air (grew up loving warmer climes) and so FELT I was a horse and "saw" myself running with the sheer joy of equine freedom!
on my own, regressed to that life and found myself in an alien body...pretty startling and scary, but educational for me!!
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