My husband with dementia's ready for assisted living. If only he could get a visa.
Dennis Abrams Jan. 12, 2018 Updated: March 27, 2019 3:37 p.m.
David's ready for assisted living. But applying for a visa to get to Mexico has been a frustrating challenge.
When I returned with David from our successful search for a home for dementia patients in Mexico, I was feeling good about things.
At times, it was possible to forget that he is in the grip of an unstoppable progressive disease. But, of course, that feeling didn't last. It couldn't. Things don't work like that.
On Dec. 28, just a couple of days before New Year's, with a quiet pop and a nonstop flashing light, the television died.
David didn't take it well. Watching TV has become his primary source of entertainment, something that pulls him out of whatever is going on in his own head and distracts him like nothing else does.
So I knew what I had to do. I immediately got online and ordered a new one that promised next-day delivery and installation, knowing that if it didn't get done then, it wasn't going to happen until after Jan. 1.
WATCHING DAVID DISAPPEAR: His dementia is getting worse. For both of us.
I was reassured that it would be delivered and installed by 4 p.m. on Dec. 29. And, of course, at 3 p.m. that day I received a text telling me that my delivery date had been pushed back until Tuesday, Jan. 2.
I spent the next three hours on the phone trying, begging, pleading to get it delivered. But it wasn't going to happen.
And without the distraction of the television his fears and paranoia and everything else ran wild. The nonstop gray skies and freezing temperatures did not help the situation.
He went back to the idea that I was forcing him out of the house, adding that all my friends were telling him that I was devious and not to be trusted. Etc., etc., etc. It was exhausting for both of us.
Eventually, I was able to convince him to watch DVDs on my laptop. But it took awhile. Change can be difficult for Alzheimer's patients. Frankly, I've had better New Year's.
Watching TV has become David's primary source of entertainment.
But on the morning of Jan. 2 the new set arrived, and after watching five back-to-back episodes of "Pawn Stars," he seemed to return to whatever it is that passes for "normal." He started talking about what he wanted to bring down to Mexico. What art to take. Whether he'd be able to have a small aquarium in his room.
He began studying Spanish in earnest.
For his Christmas present, we're going to a photographer to have a portrait done for him to have in his new home.
But when we got there, we weren't allowed in. It seems that an appointment is necessary even to enter the consulate. And the only way to make an appointment is through the email address I had already used with little luck.
WATCHING DAVID DISAPPEAR: Assisted living? My husband with dementia is ready.
Again, David did not take it well. He's now convinced he'll never get a visa. That he will spend his last days in Houston.
I emailed the consulate again as soon as we got home.
I've still had no response.
His first words on waking up this morning were that he's sure that because of U.S. immigration policies and our current president, Mexico is retaliating by not granting any visas. And that he's stuck here and will die here.
I've tried to calm him down reassure him that that's not the case. That I'll get him into the consulate. He'll get his visa. He'll still be able to go down to Mexico in March so he can sit and watch the birds on Lake Chapala and begin his new life.
Now I hope I'll be able to keep that promise.
Editor's note: Since this story was posted, Dennis and David were able to get an appointment at the consulate.
Bookmark Gray Matters. It must be done in person.