Sound Advice Thursday: Should I go to law school?
I just finished my junior year of college. I wanted to reach out to you to ask about your experience with law school and with law as a career. I get that you didn’t find law as a career to be particularly rewarding — could you elaborate a bit? I’ve always had law school in the back of my mind as a main post-grad option, but I’ve increasingly become skeptical that it’s the right path for me after reading insights like yours. I find it really inspirational that you left law to write.
This is a question I’ve gotten many times, in some form, over the years, even before I ever left the law to pursue writing, and I always wonder how to phrase my answer (which basically boils down to: “don’t go to law school unless you have a REALLY good reason”) while still getting across the fact that I actually really liked law school. So let me take a crack at it here.
First, I’ve written before on this blog about my experience of law school in the context of being a woman at Harvard Law School, and I blogged about my time in law school on my old blog (here, for example, and here). If you don’t feel like reading my archives, the basic gist is that I (mostly) loved law school. There were things about it that were highly annoying (see, e.g., 90% of the people), and three years of studying/writing papers could get monotonous (as I illustrated here), but mostly, I really enjoyed it. Law school, for me, was often intellectually engaging, challenging, and, turns out, fun.
No, seriously, I REALLY liked law school. Steph, circa October 2006.
Keep in mind, however, that I was in law school from 2006-2009 and I secured a job with a firm before the economy completely went to hell, so when I graduated, I was looking at a completely different job landscape than kids who are graduating from law school now (turns out that law graduates are now experiencing a “jobs crisis,” even graduates from top law schools). My experience was also helped by the fact that I was not gunning to be a Supreme Court clerk, so I made time for clinicals that interested me, language classes, salsa dancing, cooking, and hanging out with my now-husband, all of which helped to make my three years at HLS feel fun and easy. If I had been chained to my desk, trying to get on law review or trying to get all A+’s, I might be singing a different tune right now.
So here’s my first big piece of advice about law school: don’t go unless you’re POSITIVE you want to be a lawyer and know exactly WHY you want to be a lawyer. This is what I used to tell Harvard undergrads when I was in law school and was a pre-law tutor at one of the colleges. I’d beg these kids to please please please please not look at law school as a “fall-back” option. There are many reasons why law school is probably the absolute worst choice for a post-undergrad fall-back option, including the huge expense, the crazy debt you will probably rack up, the dwindling job market for lawyers (see the frightening Atlantic article cited above, and this article about how almost half of 2011 law grads can’t afford a house), and the fact that MANY people who go to law school end up not liking either law school or the practice of law (or both).
Consider that if you get a job after graduation (which is no longer a guarantee), there’s a decent chance you’ll go to work at a firm. Which means billable hours. Which means, unless you really love what you’re working on, your life is not going to be much fun, especially when you’re first starting out. Sure, I have friends from law school who are the kind of lawyers who go to court and get to say “Your Honor” and “may I approach the bench” and stuff, but they are the exceptions. The vast majority of my friends work at corporate law firms and have terrible, soul-crushing hours. Just like I used to! And the only way to make those soul-crushing hours worth it is if you’re doing something you care about. Period. Otherwise, life’s too short.
This probably won’t be your life.
As you’ve gathered, being an attorney was most definitely not my cup of tea. I did it for three years and then I got out, and I’m approximately 1000% happier now. The lesson here for you is that it’s possible to go to law school and hate being a lawyer, and vice versa. This doesn’t mean I regret going to law school. I enjoyed it, plus it was the right (and well-reasoned) choice for me at the time. I happened to have a crisis of disillusionment with what I was doing (human rights law) midway through my time at HLS and switch horses midstream, which contributed to me ending up at a law firm, which I hated, so there are lots of individual circumstances that affected my experience both as a law student and as a lawyer.
Here comes my second piece of general advice: WORK for a year or two once you’ve graduated college, rather than going straight to law school. Save some money, experience life a little bit, and then reevaluate and see if law school is still something you’re interested in. You can even do what I did, which is to apply to law school when you’re in college and have easy access to professors for rec letters, etc., and then just defer for a year or two if you get in. But really, I think it’s better to just apply to law school when you think you want to go. Everyone I knew at HLS who had taken more than a year off before law school (including my husband, who took three years off between college and law school) was happier, better adjusted, and more focused, because they tended to have entered into law school with clear ideas about what they wanted to do post-graduation.
If you think law school is something that you’d really like, and you’re sure you want to be a lawyer and have a type of law in mind that you think you’d like to practice, I’d strongly recommend working as a paralegal first and getting a sense for what the lawyers’ lives are like and what the work is like. If you can work as a paralegal in the type of practice area you’re interested in, all the better. I worked as a paralegal for a year in Brazil before going to law school, but the horribleness of the lawyers’ lives/work didn’t dissuade me because I wasn’t planning on working in a firm after graduation (but, guess what — I did end up at a firm, anyway. Oops!).
When all is said and done, whether or not to go to law school is an individual decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to sit down and consider what actually makes you happy. What do you enjoy doing? What interests you? Do your skills and interests match up to a realistic/attainable job within the law? There’s no rush here, so take your time, think it through, and then make the most informed decision you can make.
This entry was posted in Advice, Law, Life and tagged advice, HLS, Law, law firm, law school, lawyers, life on June 6, 2013 by Stephanie.
I’m in a bit of an awkward situation. Somebody I interact with on a professional level recently lied to me, like, to my face, and as the tarnished words came out of her mouth, her eyes were totally giving her away. The lie was so stupid and insignificant and most of all, I can’t understand why this person did this, especially considering that in less than 12 hours, it would be so obvious that she lied, and not just to me. I was going to let it go but I’m so curious to find out why she did this and whether she thinks I’m stupid or was it just a childish mistake? Should I confront her since this is work related or just let it go and pretend it didn’t happen? I saw her last week and it’s crickets between us because of this elephant in the room.
Liars are the worst, right? We’ve all come across people who, for whatever reason, can’t stop themselves from fibbing, even about stupid, inconsequential stuff. I once knew a guy who used to lie about everything — everything — for seemingly no reason. He’d tell us tall tales about what he got up to over the weekend, the women he supposedly charmed, the victories he’d won — but he’d also lie about petty things, like what he ate for dinner last night. My only conclusion about this guy and his propensity to — embellish, let’s say — was that he just could not help himself. Lying was like breathing for him. I think it probably had something to do with attention-seeking: every story had to be inflated or polished in order to make the storyteller sound grander, braver, smarter, or wittier, even when the stakes were low. I wonder if this same thing is going on with your colleague.
You didn’t say what your colleague — let’s call her Judith — lied about, but there are a bunch of reasons why someone might tell a stupid fib at work. Maybe she messed up and was embarrassed to tell you about it. Maybe she had told the same lie to someone else and was trying to be consistent. Maybe she was trying to wrangle an advantage for herself by withholding information from you. Whatever the reason, Judith lied, and now you’re left wondering why.
But let me ask you: would knowing why she lied really make things better? And, assuming it would make things better, do you think she would actually tell the truth if you confronted her about this? The thing about liars is that, well, they lie. So if you back Judith into a corner and ask her “Why did you lie to me about [x]?”, chances are, she’s gonna lie to you about her reasons for lying to you. I suppose it’s possible that she’d come clean and ‘fess up to her dishonest ways and beg for forgiveness, but the odds are low. And if she did tell the truth, well, then you’d know, I guess, but there would be no guarantee she wouldn’t lie in the future. To paraphrase 3LW, liars gonna lie.
So what do I recommend? Unfortunately, since you say the lie was about something inconsequential, this is one of those situations where you just have to let it go. I realize this is easier said than done, but I think it will save you some grief when dealing with Judith in the future. Instead of maintaining a chilly distance with this woman — which she might very well be oblivious to — I say treat her normally, but keep your sensors up around her. That is, forgive, but don’t forget. In a professional context, it pays to be wary around dishonest people, so be careful with the information you share with Judith, take whatever she says with a large grain of salt, and, to the extent possible, verify what she tells you with someone else, if you must rely on the information she gives you. Realize that if she lied to you once, she’ll probably do it again, and proceed accordingly. But maintaining an awkward silence with her is not going to help matters. Better to just act professionally but keep your guard up for future fibs.
This entry was posted in Advice and tagged advice, lying, work on May 23, 2013 by Stephanie.
Guys, no Sound Advice Thursday today because, alas, no one sent in any questions this week. Not to be your college girlfriend who threatens to kill herself if you break up with her, or anything, but I will have to discontinue Sound Advice Thursdays if no one seeks my Sound Advice. So this right here is basically the blog equivalent of your dad yelling into the backseat, “Don’t make me turn this car around!!!” Because I will, you guys. I will turn this thing around.
I’m obviously the dad in this scenario.
Please send all burning questions — I know you have them — to stephanie.early.green [at] gmail [dot] com.
This entry was posted in Advice and tagged advice on May 16, 2013 by Stephanie.
A good friend has been interviewing for jobs for quite a while and is feeling very defeated. At first, family emergencies kept coming up, so it was okay that she hadn’t been offered a full-time position. Now, after about two years of being under- and, at times, unemployed, her stress is starting to take a toll on her relationship with her boyfriend and friends (including me). How can I gently suggest that she solicit some outside help on her interview skills without insulting her? I am confident that is where the problem lies. She’s capable and has a great work history, but I fear the first impression she makes in an interview is likely holding her back in such a tough job market. How do I broach this topic with her?
You want the best for your friend. You love her, you care about her, and you want her to succeed. And you want the best for your friendship, but it sounds like you’re not sure how much longer you’ll be able to tolerate your friend’s toxic stress. So, as a caring friend, you’re well within your friendship rights to suggest to your friend — let’s call her Francine — that something might be amiss in her approach to job-hunting.
I’d lead with the fact that you care about her and want her to find a job she loves and will succeed in, because you know how much her current state of un/der employment has been weighing on her. (Maybe leave out the part about how her stress is driving her significant other and all of her friends batty, for now). Then, be straightforward without being insulting. Say something like, “Francine, you know what I read online just yesterday? That the number one reason people end up not getting a job in this economy is because of some tiny mistake made in the interview.” (It’s okay to lie here.) Emphasize that interview skills are a thing that lots of people have to work on, not just her — maybe say something like, “I know when I started interviewing, I had no idea what I was doing, and then I got some great feedback from a colleague about [x], [y], and [z]” — and suggest that she speak to someone in the industry she wants to break into about what’s expected in an interview, and what makes a potential candidate stand out. At the very least, she can google “common interview mistakes.” Maybe point her toward this article, or this one, which highlight some mistakes that she might be making unwittingly, like bringing a drink into the interview, or failing to do proper research on the company with which she’s interviewing.
Another possibility is that Francine’s resume might not be as sterling as you think. Does she have unexplained gaps in employment? Maybe the last two years of fruitlessly searching for a job are the reason she’s not succeeding. If so, she should consider some of these tips for how to fill in gaps on one’s resume, and how to address periods of unemployment in an interview.
The bottom line is that you don’t really know why Francine’s not succeeding. But letting her know that you care and are willing to help — either by running a mock interview with her, or directing her to someone who can, or reviewing her resume — is an important gesture. If she gets defensive, give her time to cool down — she’s probably a bit embarrassed. It’s tough not having a job at a time in life when most of your friends have careers. Hopefully she’ll give the whole thing some thought and take your advice to brush up on her interview skills. If not, then it’s out of your hands: she’s a grown-up. But I hope for her sake, and for your friendship’s sake, she works on her skills and lands her dream job. Good luck!
This entry was posted in Advice and tagged advice on April 18, 2013 by Stephanie.
Sound advice Thursday: Where should we live?
I live with my fiancee in a city where I am not happy but we both have jobs. I have been offered a job in another city where I previously lived and was much happier; however, it would be fairly difficult for my fiancee to find a job there. I’m fine with supporting her because I love her, but I worry that she will be unfulfilled in this new city without a job. Even though my career will be better and I will be happier, I worry that we will be weaker as a couple because she’ll be unhappy, resentful, etc. Obviously, this is a complex issue with a lot of considerations, but based on what I’ve written, what do you suggest?
2. If you move, only one of you will have a job and one of you may be unhappy.
Based on these barest of facts, it seems that your current situation might be better than the future situation — but then again, it might not. The problem is that so much is unknowable here. Will your fiancee be able to get a job in the new city? If not, will she definitely be unhappy? How long will you live in the new city? Will you definitely be happier there? What if your job there falls through?
Given all the uncertainties, it’s impossible to predict what the final result will be. So, since I can’t tell you what to do based on predictions about the future, I’ll just suggest some factors to consider as you think things over.
1. Jobs are hard to get. Right now you both have jobs, but if you move, only one of you will have guaranteed employment. Can both of you survive comfortably on one salary? Do you want to? Does she want to?
2. Jobs are important. Some people thrive on a fast-paced career. Others (ahem, me) are fine with leaving prestige behind but still need to have satisfying, fulfilling work. But pretty much everyone needs to feel that their days have value. It may seem fun now for your fiancee to be a stay-at-home-lady, with no job and no responsibilities, but I suspect the fun of that will wear off quickly and she will want to find something – a job or volunteer work or a project – to occupy her time and make her feel like she has a purpose. Consider how long an arrangement in which you work and she sits around the house, bored, will be sustainable, and what types of opportunities are available to her in the new city.
3. Relationships are a two-way street. Despite what ABC’s The Bachelor would have us believe, in actual relationships, both parties have an equal say in where the couple will live and work. In the Bachelor, the lead always picks his fiancee based on whether or not she’s willing to drop everything and move to his hometown and “fit into his life,” as if she were a lamp or a duvet cover. Turns out, real relationships don’t work this way, and thus, you and your fiancee need to talk – a lot – and figure out an arrangement that will work for both of you. It’s the truth that committed relationships involve compromise; in fact, I wrote here about the balancing act my husband and I achieved when we decided to come to South Africa for his job. As it turns out, before we moved here, we were both afraid that I’d be unhappy, isolated in a city with a bad reputation. As it turns out, though, my husband is the one who has struggled more here. As I said before, you just don’t know how these things are going to turn out before they happen, which is why it’s important to talk and understand one another’s needs.
4. Flexibility is key. It’s important for your fiancee to know that she — not the job or the city — is your first priority and that if things are horrible for her in the new city, you’ll listen to her and figure out together a way to make things better, whether that means moving back to the old city, or commuting, or living apart, or whatever works for both of you. This is how you will prevent resentment from creeping in to your relationship: by listening, compromising, and realizing that human relationships are The Most Important Thing in life, period, and that sometimes, other things might need to fall by the wayside to make those relationships work.
I realize this advice might sound a bit vague, but hopefully you can use it to spark a conversation with your fiancee about what you both want, and to feel your way toward a workable compromise.
This entry was posted in Advice, Life and tagged advice on March 14, 2013 by Stephanie.