A couple of years ago, I started noticing a tremendous upsurge in ads for many different products that had comfort as their common theme. It started with new kinds of mattresses that would stream across my Facebook feed – each one more organic, more comfortable, more orthopedically sound, than the last. Each one with a 100 day love-it-or-leave-it guarantee (which always leads me to wonder – if I order one of these mattresses, am I buying one that has been slept on by many different strangers, each for up to 100 days??). Then pillows, then specialty blankets, some weighted (which are wonderful for people with sensory challenges), some providing deep pressure stimulation, pop-up tents to surround your bed….even Bob Ross, the creator and host of The Joy of Painting, which aired from 1983 to 1994, has come back into vogue, with his sleep-inducing voice and incredibly calming presence. YouTube videos of him painting “happy little trees” are sought by millions (and things like a “Bob Ross Bar Crawl” have taken root among millennials), and Calm, one of dozens of meditation and sleep aid apps, even features his voice and the sounds of his show (the palette scraping, the brush sweeping across the canvas) as one of its sleep aids!
Mister Rogers, may his memory be for a blessing, who is not only soothing to watch and listen to, has found eternal life, thank goodness, in streaming television, and dozens of episodes of the 31 seasons of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood are available on various streaming TV services. When the documentary about Fred Rogers, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” was released this year, I couldn’t help but think that this timing wasn’t a fluke. We are living in a time in which the need for soothing and the variety of media and products available to provide comfort, are greater than ever.
America is not exempt from this worldwide phenomenon. Over the past 20 years, the suicide rate has increased by 25%. Nearly 25% of Americans are personally affected by mental illness or addiction every day, and one-third of all U.S. hospital stays involve these diseases. Over 16 million American adults per year deal with depression, and fewer than half of those who struggle seek treatment. (This averages to one in every thirteen adults2.) One in five young adults struggle with depression. And 40 million Americans deal with anxiety.
With mental illness on the rise, and the stakes so high, this question seems crucial: How does Jewish tradition understand mental health, and what is our obligation, as Jews, towards it?
First, our tradition teaches us that mental illness is every bit as real as physical illness, and should be dealt with as openly and sympathetically as physical illness. The Mishebeirach l’cholim (Mishebeirach means “the one who blessed” and can apply to lots of different prayers for well-being of all kinds, but we tend to use the word “Mishebeirach” alone to refer to our traditional blessing for healing), is a blessing for refuah shleima, complete healing, and specifies two types of healing: “refuat hanefesh v’refuat haguf,” healing of the soul and healing of the body. Not only is “healing of the soul” recognized as an essential part of refuah shleima, complete healing, but it also precedes the “healing of the body,” perhaps to emphasize its importance.
Lady Gaga’s foundation, called Born This Way, joined with the National Council for Behavioral Health to spread Mental Health First Aid across the country in conjunction with Lady Gaga’s Joanne World Tour. Together, they trained 150,000 Americans, teaching them how to recognize and respond to people who are experiencing a mental health or substance use crisis.
My friend Jamie Bornstein started a blog a few years ago called Mental Health Safe Space, which is informed by his Judaism and his own struggles.
Mental Health Safe Space is a forum where personal stories about mental illness are told free from judgment or stigma, where good reads about mental health issues are reviewed, and where drashot related to mental health are shared. It is a meeting ground for those who need help, those who have been helped, and their respective supporters.
In addition to making ourselves and others aware of such resources, it is very important to know what professional resources exist to support mental health. However, as we know, access to resources that support mental health are terribly limited for millions of people. Overall, needless to say, our health care system in America is not functioning well, to keep people well. Including in the realm of mental health. Mental health care is, I believe, a human right, and yet it is accessible to such a small percentage of the population. I believe that every individual who has the ability to access psychotherapy should do so regularly at some point in their lives. If I ruled the world, it would be a requirement for every human being. We have a long way to go to destigmatizing mental health challenges, but I hope that one day, the idea of going for mental health counseling will be as common as regular visits to our primary care physicians and others who support our physical well-being, and that everyone, regardless of their socio-economic status, will have access to this preventative care for the nefesh, the soul, as well as the guf, the body.
Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they’re more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer. So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy.
Esfahani’s research convinced her that a life of meaning is built on four pillars. The pillars she identified are: Belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling. Here in this community and in others, you can find all of these things. We are here for you and by being a part of us, you are here for others – you are doing nothing less than partnering with God in tikkun olam – picking up the broken shards – participating in the healing of the world.
So, although the deck is stacked against us for mental health in the way our world is set up and operates in so many ways (isolation, virtual connection, etc), it is not far-fetched to say that living a life of meaning, purpose and compassion, and cultivating such a life for our children, could begin right here at Ohabei Shalom. We can provide each other with the sense of meaning, and with the caring community, that can act to powerfully preserve mental health and promote each of our flourishing. Connection to community is imperative, and has been lost in recent decades. We are a very individualistic society and increasingly, we can isolate ourselves while thinking we are actually connected, because so much connection (and community too) can happen virtually. Just look around you today – how does it feel to be sitting with so many others – it is almost magical. It is fundamentally different to come together in person.
And, as a synagogue community, we come together throughout the year in so many ways. This is my sincere invitation to those of you who only come on the High Holy Days, or who are relatively uninvolved, to find your way in, to join us. We are not just a place to come for religious services. Since I started in here in July 2017, I have been committed to our being a place from which to take communal action in a world that needs our voices: After the KKK marched in Charlottesville, I invited the community to come together to reflect, pray, mourn, and strengthen ourselves to resist a new wave of hatred and bigotry that had clearly begun. Here, we had a place to cry and worry, together. In March, we participated in the March for Our Lives against gun violence (which, incidentally, brought to light the need for better and more accessible mental health care in our country, with many signs at the rally reflecting that need). Aside from coming together to act, we also come together to celebrate, to mourn, to honor our tradition by learning about it together (see our lifelong learning brochure!), and to lift each other up in ways large and small. I, Rabbi Schaefer, and the rest of the staff, and our members who have taken on leadership roles in many ways, are here to help you find your way in. If you want to connect in a way that we don’t already offer, find some others who share your interests (share your stories, as I spoke about on Rosh Hashanah!), and we will make it happen. I believe in the power of community, and in the power of this community. We need each other more than ever.
While I hope to develop Temple Ohabei Shalom into a community that is more mindful and supportive of mental health challenges, the truth is that everything we do to increase the strength and vibrancy of this congregation ultimately serves to support mental health. Because then we are a place where we can come together in authentic honest human connection. In 1980, 20% of adults reported feeling lonely. Today, that number has doubled.
On these yamim noraim – these days of awe – we are raw and open and honest – and we need to bring that with us into the new year; in this way, mental illness can come out of the shadows and into the light, and we can bring tikkun and refuah, healing and repair, to heal ourselves, one another, and our world.
Rabbi Audrey Marcus Berkman is the Senior Rabbi at Temple Ohabei Shalom in Brookline, Massachusetts.