It is days like today where the house is a mess, my hair needs washing and I have a huge list of things to do where I just feel the only thing I want to do is love my boy.
We have played in the paddling pool, had snuggles in the sunshine and sang nursery rhymes.
Sometimes I wish I could immerse myself fully into being just Mummy.
Not having to be cook, cleaner, chief organiser, employee, tax payer or tennant. To just love and enjoy every second of my little boy before he grows up.
I am having to sort out going back to work in a couple of months and it scares me to think of leaving him behind. No matter how much I trust whoever I leave him with I will hate not seeing him every minute of every day.
It breaks my heart thinking of him being sad and me not being there to comfort him. I worry that whoever he is looked after by will influence his upbringing and I want to teach him our morals and beliefs without them being tainted by someone elses views.
I wish we were in a financial situation for me to not have to go to work but like most families, things are tight and we must do what we have to to benefit Ted in the long run. I know all this but it doesn't make it any easier.
I am a true procrastinator and having Ted has allowed me to put off doing things by hiding behind the day to day routine of having a baby. I need to accept that things have got to change and I need to stop putting things off and look to our future.
I have to find a way to trust that Ted will be ok, that I will be ok, that I am doing the right thing and in turn providing him with a happy life where he has everything he will ever need.
My Mummy has asked me to write to you coz she read your comment on her post. I hope you will let me be fairly serious for once. Ted DOES NOT mind you going off to work (although we do like to wind you up by crying for the first week). Trust me, by the time you have left him for 30 seconds, he will be off invetsigating going "Mummy, who???"
As for the housework, it'll be there in a few days if you can't get round to it straight away. I'll let you into a little secret; us Little Big People prefer a messy house - it makes it more fun!!!!
SAHM - You'll be just fine and soon have a new routine established and you'll soon be wondering what you were ever worrying about. If in doubt, follow my Mother's example and seek solace in a bottle of the Mummy juice!!!!!
Of my NCT group two of my friends have gone back to work but I can honestly say that their children are still very much following their parents way of doing things, I've seen no change in their children's behaviour etc. Sometimes I think it is actually better to have some time apart so you really appreciate time together with them. I certainly feel that since my son started pre-school.