Yesterday, our immediate family gathered to hold a Jewish headstone unveiling ceremony for my father-in-law, who passed away on April 14, 2009. Jewish tradition suggests waiting a year before setting the headstone. Our synagogue recommends setting the headstone between six to 18 months after the death. It’s a way of observing the passage of time as a part of the grieving process.
Our rabbi and cantor presided over the brief but moving ceremony. The rabbi noted that Judaism is a religion that sanctifies time, but not so much place. There is of course the revered Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, the remnant of the ancient Temple, but outside of that, there aren’t many places that are held sacred, save for the resting places of our loved ones.
The rabbi noted that Jacob marked Rachel’s grave with a stone, beginning a tradition that continues to this day. Our consecration of the headstone brings together time and space, marking our love for those who have passed on with a memorial to last over the years.
who went to their eternal place of rest.
that they may rest in peace.
The rabbi left out the last two lines, and said that this was both a time to keep silent and to speak. He invited us to share stories about the departed, which we did, with laughter and tears. After we said the Mourner’s Kaddish, we each placed a red rose on the headstone, my father-in-law’s favorite flower, and a small stone to indicate we had visited. The memory of Norman Bleicher will live with us forever.
Additional information on Jewish funeral and burial customs and Jewish mourning customs is also available at The Family Plot Blog.
This information is included in A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die by Gail Rubin, author of The Family Plot Blog. The book, which includes funeral traditions for many major faiths, is available in print and ebook formats at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and at AGoodGoodbye.com.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. My husband passed away last September at age 53 after battling pancreatic cancer. The warmth that came through your writing has helped me to plan the unveiling of his gravestone.
Thank you for sharing your unveiling of your father-in-law.-it was so meaningful and beautifully done. It helped me to plan my mother’s service in Oct.