Paula and Jake were discussing the “rules are sacred” perspective of the male brain. “I have the list of rules,” he said, grinning.
Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and anniversaries are not exam situations to determine if we’ve found the perfect gift. Ask for what you want. Don’t hint. Just say it! We cannot read minds. Our lack of mind-reading ability is a genetic thing, not evidence that we don’t care about you!
After a pregnant pause, Paula said, “Well, I have ten definitions.” She went on to explain to Jake that the definitions were designed to help males understand women’s speech more easily.
Nothing. Actually this word means the opposite from its usual definition. It means that you need to be alert and pay attention. This word is often used to indicate that a woman feels like she’d like to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards¾at the very least! It is usually the signal for an argument that will last at least ten minutes and end with the word fine.
Go Ahead. This phrase often means the opposite from its usual definition, too, especially if a raised eyebrow accompanies it. These words do not indicate permission to do something. On the contrary they represent something of a dare! If you mistake them for permission, the result will be that the woman may upset over nothing, and you’ll experience a ten-minute discussion that will end with the word fine. On the other hand, this phrase without a raised eyebrow does not indicate permission, either. Rather, it signifies that the woman really means, “I give up,” or “Do what you want because I don’t care. It is frequently preceded by a few seconds of raised eyebrow and followed by nothing and fine. Not to worry. She’ll likely speak to you again in ten or fifteen minutes when she cools off a bit.
Ten minutes. These words actually define the space of approximately half an hour. It is the equivalent to the ten minutes that your sports broadcast is going to last before you take out the trash, or let the dog to do its thing, or come to bed. There shouldn’t be anything complicated about this.
Oh. Generally, the word “oh,” especially when followed by almost any other statement, signifies that big trouble about to break over the landscape of your life. For instance, you might say, “I told your mother what you were up to last night.” If the woman opens her mouth and says, “Oh,” and looks like she is going to say anything else at all, do not walk—run from the room. Eventually she may say she isfine, but don’t expect any level of quality conversation for a minimum of two weeks.
Although both the rules and the definitions are, of course, tongue-in-cheek, it’s amusing to note that the definitions took more words than the rules.
This can help to point out how much adrenaline human beings can pump, how much energy they can expend, and how much ado people can often make over much of nothing!
There is a better way. Understanding more about gender tendencies can offer options for more functional behaviors.