"We don't like Cuba, we LOVE it!"
Sudesh: Hang about! Isn't there someone missing?
Raj: Ah, Ashok. Really glad you could join us this time. Thanks for making the effort.
Ashok: What do you mean? I only set the camera to auto and walked across the room!
Raj: So Ulloos, here we are. After all that going round in circles we've made it! Now, before we came here I had this question that kept popping up in my head even when I was asleep, "what would it be like, Cuba, one of the few remaining bastions of communism?" I had before been to what was then Yugoslavia a socialist state and then later, and after communism had rolled up its bedding and fled to Mars, Poland, Hungary and that great upholder of all socialist ideologies - Russia. But I'll not go into that now or the Ulloos will fall asleep. Oh, and we have been to China.
Thus far, apart from reading a few things in the the good old trusted Lonely Planet guide, I had been told by those who had visited Cuba, it was a relatively poor country and we would have nothing other than black beans and rice to eat and, maybe, if it was available, fish and lobster like things. But it was worth seeing for its people, culture, climate, nature and geography. OK let's see for ourselves, you Ulloos!
This is our hotel bar. Doesn't look very poor to me! The taxi driver who drove us here from the airport kept us amused by telling us about the many amusements we could experience in Havana. When we got close to our hotel he pointed to another plush looking one and told us, "That is the best hotel in Cuba! But yours is the one behind it." OK not the best maybe but not at all bad either. The Hotel Riviera was build by Meyer Lansky, a US Mafia boss, during the days when the whole of Havana was run by The Grandfathers. He knew what he wanted and he got it.
Yes, Mr Lansky got a spacious lobby to sit in while he waited for his driver to take him to his casino.
Saif: Samji, normally you are well prepared with all your knowledge and stuff and planning before we leave England but this time you've left us in the dark! You Ulloo!
Samji: Be quite and let me read about it.
Saif: This one looks OK to me. I wonder how much it is. I think the other Ulloos are negotiating a deal but I want to get there first.
Raj: Saif, I'm not really interested in cars but I think I'm about to change my mind about this one.
Car owner: OK my friend just sign here and the deal is done, Si?
Ashok: Well, I'm not so sure about it now. Let's not be hasty my friend, I think I'll leave this one and shop around a bit.
Car owner: OK, OK! But you miss the good bargain, no?
(Raj) We spent two days in Old Havana (Habana Vieja).
(Raj) Street dance in Old Havana.
Sudesh: Right, I'll tell you what we'll do. My Little Book lists all the top ten things to do in Cuba.
Saif: He's having a laugh isn't he?
Ashok: I agree, but I should have bought that car!
Raj: No, let me tell YOU what to do! Put away your Little Book!
Raj: Alright, I'll just shut up and tag along shall I (sulk)?
Samji: That's right Raj, you know what's best.
Samji: Are they still building that Saif? Looks like the scaffolding's still in place.
Saif: Samji, that's not scaffolding! I'll show you what real scaffolding looks like here!
Saif: Here we are. Trust me I am an engineer. Look at that scaffolding, been here for years. Jungle's taking over!
Samji: That's not scaffolding! It's someone's vertical garden. Very pretty it is too.
Saif: Oh yea! So what do you call that, hey?
Samji: Like I said, a vertical garden.
Sudesh: If churches, mosques, temples are not enough now they're interested in exploring a flipping jungle - I don't believe these Ulloos!
Ashok: Oh nooooo! I've done it again, havn't I? Did I really drink the whole bottle?
Raj: The night before I had been a real Ulloo. Before going out for the evening, Saif and I could not make the safe in our room work so I left my money, credit cards, passpost and camera in the room. After dinner and drinks we returned and I could not see any of my valuables where I thought I had left them - on the table and in full view of any intruder who would have cared to fill his swag sack! Very sensible. So I knocked on the door to the room where Ashok, Samji and Sudesh were to check I had not left them there. No I had not, so I decided to go and speak to the people at reception and report a theft. Despite my insisting that he should go to sleep, Ashok insisted on accompaning me. He's my mate! The receptionist dealing with my case assured us my valuables were still in our room. I had looked twice before and not found them so I said to Ashok that I would ask the receptionist to call the police. More than anything else, I was most concerned about my passport and thought of spending the rest of the week, without the Ulloos, sitting in the British Embassy filling in forms and getting a temporary one. Then Ashok, even more concerned by now, asked me to look once more in the room. I did and found the offending articles where I had left them. Under the blankets of my bed! Asleep. What an Ulloo. Still best go for a calming drink, hey Ashok?
Earlier, we had been told there would be a disco in the hotel that night so we decided to take a look. The Cuban's know how to disco and dance! They can teach the rest of the world a thing or two. The dancing is nothing like we had set eyes on before and our eyes were quite wide open. Sleep, turmoil of the night just vanished as we were mesmerized by the spectacle. Just that one drink led to another..... All my fault as the Ulloos would have it. And they are always quite right.
Not many images are as iconic as this one of Che. He's my mate. ¡Viva la Revolución!
This is just one of the taxi's we would take while in Cuba. Let's see the interior.
Nothing complicated here. My kind of car, even though I don't know much about the cars back home or have any interest in them. Here, no electronics, no CD player, gadgets or GPS. It'll do for me.
What do think Ashok? Going for this one?
Raj: I wouldn't mind having one of these, Ashok. I've heard it keeps it's engine tucked up in it's backside. How quaint!
Raj: Hey! Let's take two of those back to the hotel!
Ashok: Raj, do you know how far our hotel is from here? Those things will never make it!
Saif, Samji, Sudesh: We agree!
Raj (to himself): I think I've been out voted here.
.....we buy a selection from this cigar shop to take back home. They were well received by those who would smoke them (oh, and show off a bit to their mates).
Sudesh: I knew it was bound to happen!
Raj: What was bound to happen, Sudesh?
Sudesh: You Ulloos, you just can't keep away from cathedrals and ruins. Can you?
Raj: I see no ruins here Sudesh. Are we missing something?
Samji: A bit austere for a Catholic cathedral isn't it? Where's all the gold and stuff?
Padre: Señores, the colonialists took all the gold! They turned it into Euros! And now look at the mess they've made of it!
Ciudadanos: Si! down with the reactionary forces of subjugation, exploitation, and blatant marching in our streets! What did they ever do for us?
Camino de los trabajadores: Well, they left a few cannons lying about. What shall we do with them, jefe?
Jefe: Put them to good use!
Jefe: Si, si! perfecto! Good work hey, you camino de los trabajadores! You have made road blocks from them. Cannons pretty blocked up too now, si?
Sudesh: This road's pretty empty. Where have all the cars gone?
Samji: I think there must be cannons at both ends.
These kids marched and danced about the Plaza to the beat of two drums just as we finished lunch.
The drums were two black empty chemical containers. Very loud.
As they marched and danced to the rhythmic drum beat one carried and twirrled a pole with a strange structure on top. I thought the red globe things were baloons until Samji pointed out they were effigies of human skulls! He said it looked like something the local Indians would have done in the past, a victory parade after a battle, but in those days using real heads (or even skulls).
Playing music in the street. If you don't believe me just read what it says on their banner.
The Cubans are quite an artistic and creative people. Music, song and dance, cigars, rum cocktails, cars, art and cuisine (ok that last art form is taking it a bit too far).
Our last day in Havana. Quite sad really.
As I said, the Cubans are a very artistic and creative people. In this case the hotel room maids left us with these two sculptures of Bed Blanket Swans (Sp: swanus bediici blanketicus). A rare and dying species. This is the last mating pair left before extinction.
The two rare and protected Bed Blanket Swans are joined at the hips and have been friends for a long time. As you can see. (Bed blanket sculpture 2 has been created by Raj).
Samji: WHERE IS MY BED SCULPUTRE?
Web Master: The last bed blanket sculpture image has been removed and replaced due to its sensitive nature and a great deal of flash photography which some readers may find disturbing. Call me a spoil sport, but I hope you readers appreciate the nice flowers I have presented in its place.
Sudesh: Hang about! I've seen that sort of thing before, on the David Attenborough nature stuff on TV. Don't they end up laying eggs and making swan-shaped baby Bed Blanket Sculptures?
No matter how hard we tried to find accommodation in the town of Trinidad, on the south coast, where we really wanted to go, we failed. Using the Internet did not help as any hotel we tried was fully booked - and this was out of the tourist season. Our Havana hotel Tourist Office could only book us into a resort in Varadero. Popular with with Canadians we were told. And most of Varadero seemed to be fully booked as well. So, we had no other option but to go there. Varadero here we come.
Samji: So here we are Ulloos. Might be OK to relax for a couple of days, hey. Out of the darkness comes light, Saif. What do you think?
Saif: It'll do, I guess.
Ashok: I really like it here! And Raj...?
Yes, sun (very bright), sea (very blue), sand (very sandy). But Raj never went in! What an Ulloo!
Later, after we saw the sun set, the Milky Way was smeared across the sky and the stars were bright. Jupiter was almost above us - shining in all its glory. Don't see that in London, do we?
OK, as for me not taking a dip? I can swim a depth at best and I cannot stand the sun for more than a few seconds. And for that reason, I'm out.
Raj: !Santa Maria! Hold on Ulloos, I'll take a picture of this neglected, falling to bits, old church.
Our friend: Hey, you no take picture of this neglected, falling to bit, old church OK! If Castro find out he castrate-a you, for sure! Entender, si?
Samji: Now listen here my man, we can take pictures of whatever church we want, neglected, falling to bit or not!
Ashok: That's right Samji, you TELL him!
Sudesh: Got nothing to do with this.
Our friend: You no listen good, eh? I puncha you on the nose!
Samji: I'll puncha you if you are not careful matey!
Saif: What's going on Sudesh? Who are those three guys?
Our friend: OK, OK, peace eh. Just joking mis amigos!
Ashok: Is that car for sale?
How easily pictures can distort reality!
No, what appears to be a street confrontation was far from what actually took place. The gentleman we met, and he was a true gentleman, was quite passionate about his country and his people and his passion expressed itself on the street. We liked him.
After meeting him there, he left us and we wished he would return and we could speak to him again.
Lo and behold, out of all odds, he met us again in this bar.
We had a very interesting conversation and he told us about places to visit in his home town, Mantanzas.
As the gentleman informed us, this was the place to visit in Mantanzas. A hill top overlooking the town and the surrounding countryside. Quite pleasant but other than that just a cafe and a little church.
Samji: Now that we're here Ulloos let's take a look inside.
Hombre: No! no take a look inside.
Samji: But it's a church. Places of worship are open 24/7/365 are they not? God is open all hours!
Hombre: Not today señor, today, His day off while He visit Mantanzas. He sleeping.
Raj: Errr, por favor, señor, ¿qué es ese coche haciendo en tu bar?
Camarero: Errr, señor, un hombre estacionado aquí en 1705, antes de la revolución. !Él nunca volvió por ella!
Raj: But surely, cars had not been invented then.
Bar Tender: ?Have you not seen some of the wrecks on our roads? When do you think they were built, eh? Surely. well before 1705.
Raj: Bar Tender's right, you Ulloos! But at least this one comes with breaks.
Mechanic repairing the orange car: Now where is that wheel nut I left here a minute ago? I only popped out for a rum and cigar and look what happens when I turn my back for few seconds.
Mechanic repairing the blue car (thinking): Sí, perfecto, that nut I found does it. Job done!
Due to the trade embargo, Cubans have to improvise to keep their cars in good working order. So recycling of spare car parts is an essential part of it. While many are falling apart, some cars are kept in pretty good shape and working order. A "sustainable" solution and a good lesson for those of us who come from "use today and throw away tomorrow" societies.
Ashok: Look I'm telling you OK. This stuff is potent, it's lethal, don't drink it! If Raj touches any of this he'll fall over. Trust me, let me finish the last pint.
Ashok: You see, you've listened to me for once, you Ulloos!
Samji: But I've hardly touched a drop, let's get another one.
Sudesh: My glass has been empty all along, get another one.
Raj: Yes you Ulloos, I hardly touched it, now get another one.
This U-tubes is a cleaver idea. On a warm sunny day the waiter delivered beer in this tube with a tap. In the middle of the beer tube ran a smaller tube which was full of ice cubes. Keeps it cool for quite a while, or as long as it takes for the Ulloos to get to the bottom of it. The ice was still in place before it was emptied. I was interested enough to get the web address of the company that sell them. Despite scepticism of the Ulloos, who said he would not, the waiter gave it to me eventually - after a few reminders.
Raj: Oh rats! I think I've fallen over. Who's got the camera?
Hombre: Señores, buenas tardes, de dónde eres?
Samji: Don't get too familiar with the locals, Raj.
Raj: But Samji, YOU are the one who's always telling us to meet the locals!
Raj: Eerrrr, a bit late for that, Samji! Maybe my sporran has something to do with it?
No, some are very well looked after - like this one. Very impressive. It's a part time taxi.
Raj: So Ashok, got a few Pesos in your pocket? Would turn a few heads in London, in'e?
Ashok: No, no Pesos, I've spent all mine. Samji only gives me enough to buy a few sweeties.
Sudesh: Ashok, what are you looking so smug about?
Ashok: Eerrrm, oh nothing Sudesh, just posing while Raj takes a snap of me in front of this, errr, hotel.
Owner: Sí señores, this is my car. Maravillosa mujer! Many years service. Good condition. New wheels. New engine. New almost everything, no?
Ashok: Perdón Samji, that's my baby you're looking at there, matey!
Sudesh: Hang about, who said I wasn't interested? It's alright, in't? Keep your hand's off her Saif, or I'll...!
Raj: Samji, you are my amigo, no? I've known you for such a long time, eh? Let's strike a deal together, si? Keep the other lot out of it - shall we. Come closer, you know it makes sense.
Samji: No! Get lost the whole lot of you. I saw her first.
Ashok, Saif, Sudesh, Raj: Well, that's what friends are for, hey. So much for all that muhabat and pyar and useless stuff!
Saif: He's a big hombre isn't he? I wouldn't argue with him over the price. Count me out.
Samji: Goes for me too. Rather stay in one piece than be scattered about the beach in a useless random fashion.
Raj: He's got me in a tight grip here Ulloos. I am definitely out. OUCH! Mind where you're putting your hand matey!
Sudesh: Tell you guys, I'm the biggest, widest, strongest. longest one out of the whole of you lot put together. Take all of you on any day. But not this guy! Count me out before he lays a hand on me and puts me out.
Ashok: Now that's all over, thank you amigo for showing me the engine. Looks in perfectly good working order. All the right bits are in place where they should be. How about a test drive, hey?
Sudesh: Alright, don't look so smug about it. The rest of us decided to let you have your toy cos you're the youngest of the lot. Cry baby.
Ashok: Now shove off matey! I'm gonna take this wonder babe for a spin.
Raj: Is Señor Castro really 51 - or is he 52? Doesn't look a day older than forty to me.
Sudesh: Raj, you Ulloo! Those poster are to mark the 51st and 52nd anniversaries of The Revolution.
Raj: Alright, keep your hair on! Anyone can make a mistake.
Sudesh: In your case a few too many!
Samji: I'm warning you Saif, Raj is talking about starting some sort of revolution. Keep away from it. Take my advice. You know what he's like, coming up with strange ideas and stuff. And stop drinking that local water!
Raj: Ashok, psss..listen, I'm going to start a revolution.
Ashok: Yea, right! Che never wore glasses.
Raj: Comrades, brothers in arms. Gather roun..
Ashok: Just hold it right there, matey! This revolution stuff has gone to your head. Stop going on about it. Just pack it in, have a couple of stiff voddies and for God's sake GO TO BED!
Raj: Comrade Ashok, there's no room for God in MY revolution.
Ashok: That does it! I've had enough. I'm going to bed!
Sudesh: Now you've done it Raj. Just shut up. And don't say anything in the morning. And as for your revolution you know where you can stick that!
Raj: Now that Ashok, the reactionary little busy body's out of the way, I can finally start my revolution.
"Comrades, brothers in arms, gather round and listen to what I have to say. This is an Ulloo Revolution! Is it not? Tell me who in this world has no Ullic tendencies? Who is not an Ulloo at the end of the day, or the night, as in our case? Do we not all make mistakes? And who doesn't? Not your neighbour, your milkman, your postman? Si, Comrades, they all make mistakes. And what about our wives? Eh? Do they not make hasty decisions? And look what becomes of that! A hasty mess! And who gets to clear up the mess? That's right Comrades, it's US! US, the poor, long suffering, proletariat! So tell them to go round in circles first, many times over, before coming to any decisions. That way it all works out in the end! We shall, arm in arm Comrades, take this revolution to England and then export it all over the world. Starting here, in Cuba, right now! So who will be the first amongst you Comrades to join this glorious uprising?
Saif (thinking): Eeeerm...I'm a bit worried about this revolution. For that reason count me out.
Raj: Comrade Samji! I live and breath my brother in arms! Knew you would be the first. Can always rely on you!
Samji: Yes, Comrade Raj, I rather like your revolution. Good idea, in'e?
Raj: Aaaaaa, Comrades Ashok and Saif. Welcome! What took you so long?
Ashok: I had to get out of bed for this one. !Viva la revolucion, and all that!
We have enjoyed every day and every moment in Cuba.
When we visit a country, for a few days, we barely manage to scratch the surface of its soul. And Cuba certainly has a soul and a great heart. It is quite a unique place. We met more Cubans than we have shown here - they were all very welcoming, instantly friendly, helpful and fun to be with. What more can we say and ask for? Cuba, in some ways is moving with the times, as the rest of the world takes great strides forward. In some other ways it provides a glimpse into the almost forgotten past - through our rose tinted spectacles though be it. Cuba has a lot to offer the world but certainly it will also change. So see it as it is now. Hasta luego, amegos!