further thoughts . . .
i think what i was trying to get at a bit more was the concept of presence and intentionality when it comes to life with a baby. i’ve written about multitasking many times in the past, but the temptation is honestly even greater at times with a tiny sidekick. i’m not saying that it’s wrong to wash dishes or fold laundry while chattering away to a, but i want to have time — every day — when i’m entirely focused on her, too.
that seems so simple, but for me i am sad to say [and slightly embarrassed to admit] that sometimes i get so sucked up in the mindset of NEED TO DO THIS/THAT/THE OTHER THING that the only time i am 100% present with annabel is during her bath time — because it would be dangerous otherwise! the rest of the time, she competes for attention with chores, my phone, and the ever-present to-do list in my head.
and emails are going to come. but i am determined to make a conscious effort to disconnect from these thoughts when they are intruding on my precious [limited!] time with baby a. i actually do not think that my multitasking/fragmented thoughts really get me anywhere, so i don’t think i’m going to have to truly sacrifice anything as i work to make this shift.
i am also not saying that i am never going to do housework again while she is home. i just want to make sure that whatever i am doing, i’m doing it deliberately. and this applies not just to time at home with baby, but also to the rest of life. work. my workouts. talking to friends and family. making dinner. time with josh. quiet evenings after a is in bed.
a rather vague action plan, but it’s a start. we’ve already had a great morning over here — lots of [fully focused!] playtime and now a generous nap in which i returned to my yoga mat for the first time in ages. currently waiting on miss a. to wake up so that i can head out to brunch with one of my favorite wise and experienced moms, sue.
* yes, of course this could apply to fatherhood as well. but honestly i don’t see/hear about men struggling with this so much. either they don’t feel similar pressures, or they just aren’t as moved to blather on about it [i suppose this is possible]. i envy josh in that when he is with annabel he appears to be truly present, yet i don’t think that he stresses too much about his time away from her. lucky duck.