I'm going to shoot for the most unusual start to a movie review here. If you have any interest in this movie, pretty much ignore all that follows.
Call Me By Your Name, the latest from A Bigger Splash director Luca Guadagnino is a sumptuous, epic love story. When Oliver (Armie Hammer) appears at the splendid northern Italian farmhouse of Elio's father (a professor of something or other), the immaculate CGI-esque image stirs something in young Elio and he is gradually pulled away from the intelligent, articulate, hot French girl who is courting him.
Elio has it tough you see. He's confused about his sexuality and his parents are so achingly cool and accepting about it that he has nobody except them to turn to. He must spend his summer lounging around the spectacular farmhouse, transcribing music, reading yellowing Penguin paperbacks of Jospeh Conrad, eating delicious food prepared by the help and looking immaculately cool in his vintage (now, this is set in 1983) Talking Heads t-shirt. All whilst having to work out whether he wants the beautiful girl or the magnificent man.
It's a miracle he makes it through the summer with such issues. His father also insists he plays piano (which he does immaculately) for the guests and his mother insists on live translating German poetry to him. Where will this misery end? How will this tormented youth get through his sunny afternoons by the pool? Just how many languages can he casually segue into? As you can tell, I didn't really empathise with this movie. Which explains my initial disclaimer.
This movie is eye-wateringly beautiful. Every frame is an absolute joy of form and colour and framing and all the components fit together perfectly. Nothing has been left wanting here. The light is perfect, the weather is perfect (regardless of what it's doing), the music is perfect. Everything and everyone is stunning.
As Elio, Timothée Chalamet is a picture of listless teenage passion. Waxing and waning with whichever of his two loves is closest and wanting to share his world with them. In truth, Hammer's Oliver looks a little on the old side to be banging a teenager but for the sake of not feeling queasy, we assume he isn't much older than Elio's stated 17 years. As Elio's professor father Michael Stuhlbarg is every bit as excellent as we've come to expect from him and his character gradually and eloquently turns into the most interesting part of the story.
Call Me By Your Name is beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent, heartfelt and witty. Which is probably why I struggled so much to engage with it. This is entirely my failing and you should not let this colour your viewing. Apparently I am way to cynical to accept the massive stack of first world problems young Elio encounters in his first love fumbling and the sight of him returning at the end of the movie apparently on his way to a Marc Almond fancy dress party, had me laughing all the way to the pub. Apologies to all who made this movie. They won't care, this stinks to high heaven of Oscar. Sigh.