Spotted on the WO&D: "It's effective...to be reflective." The signs are there to encourage cyclists to wear reflective clothing for safety when riding at night. The double-meaning gave me something to think about on my chilly 7-miler yesterday.
Over drinks the other night, it broke my heart to see a friend and colleague tear up--especially after we were just laughing about how ridiculous our shared client assignment had become. She's so upbeat and positive normally that it was jarring to see her sad. I felt her frustration and could see the disappointment in her face. She told me that she'd just had her annual review and wasn't getting promoted. She was understandably upset.
On the last day of the year, there is often much to celebrate. It's also a time when many of us reflect on our accomplishments and hold them up to our most personal measuring sticks. Was it a good year? That is often one of the toughest question to answer.
On paper, the facts might appear simple and straightforward. In reality, these self-assessments are more nuanced. You're so eager but are feeling stuck. You're so smart but are feeling unsure. You're so capable but are shutting down without clarity about what to do next. An internal debate might have started a long time ago, and these competing thoughts are sapping your focus.
I totally get the frustration that results from being in one life stage for longer than you'd ever imagined you would be. Your dreams are taking their sweet time, and now you're wondering if they will ever be more than dreams. What were those dreams were to begin with? What was a hurdle at work now seems to be rippling out into challenges with friends, getting a better home, and finding love.
And the funny thing (definitely not the ha-ha kind) is that everything is fine. Actually, you'd say it's good in the scheme of life. You're healthy, and you have a job, and you're grateful for those. You just know that things could be better. Something is missing, and you aren't quite sure what or how to get it.
You're limited by your own personal experience. We all are. Hearing someone else's experiences provides perspective. Perspective is life and sanity-saving. It's the drive behind important societal movements like the It Gets Better Project and Stars- They're Just Like Us!
Other people's views of your strengths and weaknesses are a data point--not a "be all, end all" description of reality. Internalizing positive or negative input from someone else is dangerous. It is a feral pet you can keep, but it must stay in its crate. Peek in now and then to see how it's doing, but don't let it run loose.
Goals give you the gift of focus. You have to have goals. Not 45 of them, but a few big, important ones.
Every one of your goals can be made real with a plan. And planning doesn't have to be hard or time consuming. Yet, without a plan, you will wander an ultimately unsatisfying path back to exactly where you are right now.
Procrastination, disorganization, and distraction aren't unchangeable personality traits. They're behavioral traps you fall into when you're uncertain about what to do next. These traps can be avoided with simple, repeatable strategies that you customize according to what works best for you.
Given these truisms, I've made one of my goals real with a plan: to focus my writing in the coming year on the inspiration and encouragement needed to make sure that your next year is your best year yet.
Over the weekend, I read funny mom Glennon Doyle Melton’s book, Love Warrior. I loved the Carry On, Warrior about motherhood and looked forward to her follow-up about marriage. I’m a married mom myself. As a casual fan, I had only the most general awareness going in about Glennon’s marriage- the infidelity, the separation, the reconciliation, and post-publish announcement that she and her husband Craig are re-separating.
I don’t just suspect that many other seemingly pulled-together people are struggling in their marriages. I know it from conversations with friends and the fact that hundreds of thousands of women like me preordered Love Warrior. Glennon’s book was a chance to get a deep, long look into another marriage while not feeling the need to be politely reassuring. It was also a chance to feel a little less alone.
I started it late last week on the day it came out and finished it over the weekend. I read every last word and some twice. I’m glad I did but am I’m feeling conflicted.
First, it’s hundreds of pages of Glennon’s “me, me, me”- which, I suppose, is the point of a me-moir. At times, though, it’s a bit much. I couldn’t help wondering what it’s like to be one of her close, personal friends. Is it as exhausting as it seems? And, her sister, oh my. God bless this woman. Glennon’s sister is some kind of emotional endurance athlete. She’s supported her for years throughout what is amounts to a daily 100-mile introspective race through Death Valley.
What’s more is that Glennon explains her binging and boozing as behaviors driven by the deep-seeded fears of a hyper-sensitive soul. On one hand, it makes sense but on the other comes across as a bit of a post-game analysis and rationalization. I made some bad choices too. Looking back today, they still just seem like bad choices driven by yes, fear, but also immaturity, inadequate life skills, and a limited perspective on the world.
Is everything “good” now? Is this kind of comeback from rock bottom a one and done- or two and done, in Glennon’s case. It would seem that counting Oprah as a new friend would make life pretty damn good from here on out.
Is there ever a time that you can just relax and live or must we always stay on treadmill of greater self-discovery?
How too can I have a personal breakthrough filled with wisdom-growing epiphanies? Is binging and boozing to extreme a prerequisite? I fall short in this regard.
Should I manufacture a crisis with my husband or just start digging and assume one is buried somewhere in my marriage? If, in fact, a crisis is necessary, where can I sign up for a relatively short and easy one? It seems time-consuming right when I don’t need another “to-do” on my list.
Though questions are swirling, there were a couple of important take-aways.
You see what you expect to see. It’s true of your husband and everything else. What you believe about their intentions can be a misleading, often painful filter from which to view their actions in your marriage. Instead, see others as flawed people who are doing the best they can with what they know.
Anyone who suggests they know God’s direction for you better than you know yourself should be promptly ignored. And if you still reserve your conversations with God for an hour or two on Sunday, you’re missing a much greater opportunity.
You can share your story without sharing someone else’s. Glennon is a skilled and thoughtful writer who carefully and generously tells her side without presumptively sharing any of Craig’s. It’s noteworthy that this serial philanderer emerges as one of the most endearing and sympathetic characters in the story.
You gain balance in yoga which is good for your tree pose and other stuff.
Breathing in a group apparently can make you feel like you’re floating in fluffy cloud of forgiveness. As lovely as this sounds, you’re it also makes you vulnerable to smelling other people’s bad breath. I must not be that bad off because I’m not willing to risk it.
And lots of other great stuff.
When I reached the last page, I was sorry for the book to end. To me, this is a sign of something well worth reading- even through the tedious parts. I admire and appreciate Glennon’s courage and look forward to reading it again someday.
Marin came downstairs yesterday, pausing for a second on each riser as she does when she’s just waking up. I’m on my computer at the bottom the stairs- I hear her step by step by step before she appears. I take a couple big sips of coffee and try to finish typing whatever thought I was trying to think.
Typically, she takes this time to figure out which episode of Wild Kratts she wants to watch first thing based on what will best suit her daily quest for superior animal knowledge. This morning was different.
She lost interest before I even got a chance to share the ins and outs of the Brexit vote I’d learned from John Oliver.
Having a curious kid (which is to say “having a kid”) means toggling between turning to the wonders of Google and trying to impress them with my own knowledge. It’s a constant choice between finding the right answer and getting an answer that, when later proven wrong, can be reasonably blamed on someone else.
For your curious kid or just to feel smart at your barbeque later today, here are 8 fun facts about Independence Day courtesy of kidskonnect.
On the 4th of July, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Continental Congress. Independence Day honors the birthday of the United States of America and the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.
The Declaration of Independence was actually a letter to King George that had been written on July 2 by Thomas Jefferson. It was a formal explanation of why the Continental Congress voted to declare independence from Great Britain. It was meant to justify a revolt against the British, with a list of charges against the British king.
The main problem is that the colonists were angry they were being taxed by the British government, and they had no vote or voice in the decisions that affected them.
The Declaration of Independence was signed by 56 men representing the 13 colonies. The moment the declaration was signed it marked the beginning of all-out war against the British.
The first signature on the Declaration of Independence was John Hancock’s. The myth is that he wrote his name large so that Kind George would be able to read it without his glasses.
Three U.S. presidents actually died on July 4. Two of them passed away within hours of each other on July 4, 1826: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. These two men had been political rivals and then friends later in life. The other President was James Monroe, who died July 4, 1831. One US President, Calvin Coolidge, was born on July 4.
In 1870 the Congress made the 4th of July an unpaid holiday for federal employees. In 1941, Congress declared 4th of July a paid federal holiday.
The first public Fourth of July event at the White House occurred in 1804. The first Independence Day celebration west of the Mississippi occurred at Independence Creek and was celebrated by Lewis and Clark in 1805. Today, the 4th of July is a day of picnics and patriotic parades, a night of concerts and fireworks, and a reason to fly the American flag.
Want to know how to travel with kids? Me too. You likely won't find many helpful tips here. Anyone who has travelled with kids knows that you don't go on vacation, you go on a trip. Read about our ups and downs experienced in getting from home to our destination and back.
Vote for the title for the new eBook Own It: Drive Your Career to a Place of Happiness and Success by Robin Camarote to be launched on June 2, 2016. This book is a how to guide for professional women looking for more impact, purpose, and passion in their careers.