I find that my lack of knowledge can sometimes be an asset in that I'm forced to try new things because I don't have any other options.
I think I can see why you've done it, but I'm wondering if there's an effective way of avoiding the repetition of Tommy.
Ready for this? It does the way I say it too, but chocolate only has two as well. So yeah, accents, but not the one you're thinking of.
I also stumbled over the 2x Tommy, I understand why you use it, but I also think that perhaps you could find an alternative for the second one, and leave it to the reader to connect the dots.
I think weird or half crazy at times but what if instead of Tommy you used tummy. I greatly enjoyed your senryu as it brought back memories of school.
"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.
What you learn in life is important, those you help learn, are more important.
Chocolate is 3 in my view, sour 2.
The bloody yanks I'm surrounded with say comfortable (comf-ter-ble) with 3 syllables when it's 4 (come-fort-a-ble) and it drives me mad. Sadly, I was born a colonist so I'm actually the odd one out on that.
I must admit with the history of guns in schools in this country the second line startled me a bit but turned to relief when I realised it really was about some lighthearted cafeteria fun. Enjoyed this, thank you.