I'm seeing some beauty come from ashes here lately. I'm still learning, I don't have it all yet...or do I ever plan to have it all together here on earth.
My husband and I made a decision (for the good of our family) that was the hardest thing for me to make. We are no longer trying to have any more kids. We really feel like we aren't supposed to have any more kids than our precious adopted daughter.
I say it like it's nothing, and I've even had people tell me that I'm taking it so well and saying it with so much peace and joy. I do feel a peace and I pray continuously for God's joy to be in my heart...but there are some days and moments that I wonder how I'll ever cope. I see or hear about babies and children and there is a little sting to my heart (like a bee sting) and I have a moment I'd like to just sit and cry. I do allow myself some moments to shed a tear or two, but I try not to let myself linger in my "pity" as I have come to call it. I don't want sadness to take control of my life anymore like it used to. I enjoy having the Joy of the Lord in my life no matter what happens.
I guess I just needed to share this because I was having a moment and this is my way of getting it out. I love the healing that's been done in my life, but I do have moments when I feel bad for myself (just for that moment). Just keep praying for me that I will stick with Gods plan for me. I'm an open canvas right now and I'm leaving the painting to God.
I pray that you reading this can find the joy and peace of God if you have not already. It's so much more free than anger, sadness, and other feelings that go along with that. I'm praying for you. Let me know if there's anything you would like for me to pray for specifically. I'm willing to stand with you in prayer! Love you.