I wanted to talk to Mariamma. But what do I tell her? How do I establish the same rapport she had with Dr. Bhatti?
Until now I was pretty sure, if I knew my theory I will be a good doctor. But now I was no longer sure. I knew every single thing about Ascitis and paracentesis( Ascitis tap), What I didn’t know was how to handle a patient.
I looked at Mariamma. she was staring at the ceiling. I pictured myself in her position. Alone in a strange room with a junior doctor who couldn’t even speak Kannada. Don’t forget the needle in her belly.
No wonder she is staring at the ceiling! I told myself. I too would have done the same had I been in her place.
“Where did you learn Dr. Ma? I thought you are from Kerala” Mariamma spoke Rolling the word Kerala in a typical Kannadiga style.
I remembered watching Geethanjali in a bed bug infested theater.
It felt like another life time.
Tears started to well up my eyes. I looked away, So Mariamma won’t see me crying.
Some where at the back of my head Tracy Huang was singing Crying in the rain.
I knew I f *#@#$ up big time, that I deserve this.
But hope was eternal. No?
I thought of asking what about my heart? Does she not see that it too was broken?
It felt weird not having a brother. I never knew how it was to have a brother.
The brother who could have stood up to Appa and gave him a piece of his mind. The brother who could have told Chechy off. The brother who would have held my family together.
Nah. Don’t be silly. I told myself. I still had the same birthmark Appa has on his hands.
May be my sisters were bought from the market! I am the real McCoy. smiled thinking about it.
I looked at the bottle and noticed that not much of fluid was draining.
Should I stop the procedure? I wasn’t sure and I really didn’t want to harm Mariamma.
“I will be back in a minute Ma” I told Mariamma and walked out quickly.
I walked to the nurses station. The head nurse was writing something in a book while talking on the phone. I stood right in front of her across the counter.
I knew she could see me.
She pretended she didn’t see me.
She continued to talk on the phone.
I had enough of listening to shopping expedition.
The nurse looked at me.
“Edi, oru minuttey” She covered the mouth piece with her right hand and was staring at me.
“You go, I will come” She took her hand off the mouth piece and continued to talk on the phone.
I walked back to the day treatment room. Mariamma looked at me as soon as I entered the room.
I could see that she looked tired.
I sat down on the stool and waited.
There were hardly any fluid coming down the tube. I knew the procedure was complete. After waiting what felt like eternity, I walked back to the nurses counter.
Only a nursing student was there.
oh perfect. it is in the other end of the hospital.
I should have never trusted that stupid woman.
“No. Dr” She shook her head.
Idiot. how could she know anything about Ascitis tap? She is only a nursing student. I scolded myself.
I walked to the day treatment room.
I did a mental check of the procedure.
“Mariamma, i am going to take the needle out” I wanted to sound confident. But my voice quivered.
I smiled. Hoping that my smile will show her that I was confident.
I clamped the tube, took the needle out and bandaged the area.
I took a deep breath and smiled.