I got that message in my DM and knew Loy had to write this post. Dads are SO IMPORTANT in daughters lives. Absolutely crucial. If you follow my IG stories, you know what an amazing dad Loy is. He is my biggest cheerleader. Our bond is unlike any other. Now that I am older, I see how that bond was made. In all honesty, my mom set him up to be that kind of dad. She knew that his presence in my life would directly determine decisions I made – in guys, in social situations, in relationships, in school, in my career, the way I treated others, in everything. I remember him getting home from a long day and she sent him to the basement with a plate of food and said: “Go play with the girls until it’s time for them to go to bed.” He played barbies, school, doctor, and dress up almost every night. She put date nights on his calendar for us. She reminded him to surprise us at school for lunch. She got the flowers that he “gave” to us on valentines day. She made sure he was there to tuck us in and pray with us. She helped him lead important conversations with us – probably awkward for him – but she gave him the confidence to have them.
Now that I know Loy as a person and not “my dad”, I know that naturally, he would not do those things. It’s easier to come home and watch TV. It’s easier to say that “work was crazy and I am exhausted”. And honestly, it would be easier for my mom to do all of those things because it was natural for her. Moms – you are the leaders. In so many ways.
Here are 5 points that Loy has learned along the way of raising daughters. I hope it is helpful for all of you!
Give to your daughter as our Father in Heaven has given to us!
We cannot give something we don’t have! For parents, this means that not only do we need to have our children reading the Bible, involved in church, and bible studies – but WE need to be doing these exact things. We cannot teach our daughters to write Scripture on their hearts if Scripture is not first written on ours.
A big part of setting your daughters up for success is instilling in them values of humility and hard work. This starts with teaching them about responsibility. Give them tasks and jobs to show them the cause and effect of hard work. Praise them when they work hard, and teach them when they don’t.
I also instilled in my girls that trust and confidence had to be earned. People trust you when you exhibit a pattern of responsible behaviors that communicate that you are going to do what is asked of you. And this takes time.
There is so much joy to be had in hard work. Allow them opportunities to taste the satisfaction of achieving a goal. Then guide them to dream and achieve more than they ever thought they could!
Teach them to learn from failure. Failure happens so much more than success does! Let them feel the hurt of failure, but help pick them back up and push them forward!
Spend time ENGAGING rather than just participating with them. Ask them questions. Get to know their hearts.
My wife orchestrated these interactions in our home from Saturday morning tea parties, to rides to cheerleading practice.
My wife always had all of the girls’ passwords, and they knew that they were being monitored.
We also made sure that our girls knew that everything they told us was confidential and safe. We never wanted our girls to feel foolish when they came to us. This laid the foundation for honest communication. My wife, Linda, also asked the girls a lot of questions. This made sure that nothing got by easily.
She also protected and fought for our girls with passion. She made sure to create an environment that set them up for success.
We also helped our girls understand that their time will come. We told them that no one is on top forever, and encouraged them to work hard while they waited for their time to come.
While this list is neither conclusive nor exhaustive, these values have helped my wife and I raise two INCREDIBLE daughters. I hope that these values serve you and your family well!