It’s time to admit that I’ve often had a very unhealthy relationship with money. And by ‘unhealthy relationship’ I don’t mean ‘It’s just never there for me when I need it, sigh’! Anybody who knows me knows that I’m fairly frugal, but over the years I’ve realised that my frugality sometimes goes to ridiculous extremes. Worse, my good sense occasionally gets me back by abdicating altogether and letting me rebel against my own uptightness by spending money ridiculously in the other direction, splurging when I shouldn’t.
When Mike and I got married, like all couples, we had to sort out our finances. Although I knew that my skills at saving money would be useful, we actually agreed to let him manage the budget entirely for the first few months of our marriage, because I was so tightly wound about the subject I thought I actually couldn’t cope any longer with spreadsheets and budgeted/actuals comparisons. We tried to save money generally, but were constantly going over our general guidelines for budget. A few months in, I’m now trying to develop savvy but sane approaches to spending money.
To be fair, my crazy approach to frugality began as somewhat of a necessity when I started my masters degree, and tightened up even more when I started my PhD. I was often trying to live on a weekly budget which arguably wasn’t enough to live on. I once read that doing a PhD in the humanities pays less than being unemployed!
But I also did it because I believed it to be possible. It was a combination of a ‘don’t-tell-me-what-I-can’t-do’ attitude and a genuine grasp at some kind of American Dream – that you don’t have to start with much or be somebody to build a good life.
Once Mike and I began going out, he caught on to my crazy frugality and always told me to order what I wanted when we ate out, not only what was cheapest on the menu. But by that time, I’d lived by my tightwad standards for so long that I actually didn’t know how to choose what I ‘wanted’ anymore from a menu. I had been choosing the cheapest option and drinking water for so long that I became paralysed by having to fathom what I felt like eating.
Being so frugal had its dark side, too. Under stress, partly from life in general but often (I believe) partly from the constant constraints of my budget, I would crazily spend money impulsively on things I shouldn’t: new clothes at full price, expensive food, or something I wanted but didn’t need. I suspect that if I’d lived my financial life in a more balanced way generally, I wouldn’t have had these momentary breakdowns – just like it’s better to eat a little chocolate in moderation than wildly to swear off it. A crazy resolution can last awhile, but it risks backfiring, and one day you’ll find yourself devouring a whole Dairy Milk bar before lunch.
Having no mercy or flexibility, even when I was too sick to go to the store or cook, was busy, etc.
Despite my break from cuthroat budgeting, I think trying to save money on routine expenses will probably always be my style. Since I don’t have much income, I consider it part of my contribution to the household to make what we do have stretch as far as possible. Most of the time, I also find it an enjoyable challenge. So now that I’ve been free of my budget for a few months, and am a bit fatter, I’m trying to set up some new habits of saving money.
These are all things I’ve already done to varying degrees before, but lately I’ve done them only ad hoc; if I happen to see something on sale, I’ll buy two, or if I’m walking by the market I’ll buy a few vegetables. Now, I’m mostly trying to get good systems in place so that all these practices are regular and automatic.
Buying ethically and healthily as much as reasonably possible, e.g. fruit and veg from the market, buying free range and organic meat, etc.
Allowing space for others (namely my husband!) to contribute to the saving effort without being sucked in to the vortex and forced to submit to extreme cost-cutting practices – Mike had a look of terror on his face the other day when I asked him how much his haircuts cost, and I had to admit that I couldn’t force him to let me cut his hair!
Today, I engaged in a fun experiment during my lunch break. (I promise, for me, this is fun!) I decided to take 45 minutes, go into town, and shop at the local market and anywhere else that might be a good value. My goal was to pick up what I thought were good items and ones which I would normally buy in a weekly shop and for which I had an immediate use. Then I would compare the prices of those items to buying the equivalents at the place we normally do our shopping.
It may not look like much in quantity, but it actually includes what is (for us) nearly a week’s worth of vegetables, months’ worth of garlic, name brand deodorant which is the kind I actually use, and 10 citrus fruits. Afterwards, I put together an online cart on our supermarket’s website containing all these items. It came to £16.04.
I paid £7.32. If anything I think I got an even better deal because my ‘5 lemons’ are actually huge lemons, and my one bunch of coriander is bigger than the biggest bunch I’ve seen at the supermarket.
That’s more than a 50% savings, so, to me, well worth it for 45 minutes of walking around town.
But, I have to remind myself, it is not worth it when I’m feverish, not when I have a huge deadline that evening, and not when I have to alter my whole day to fit it in!
Hm. I have gone through various phases in my life in relation to how I deal with money. I’ve been through periods of being rather stingy and others of being a bit prodigal. I am still considering these topics, so it was interesting to read this post and see your perspective. I tend to prefer convenience and quickness a lot of the time to a great savings of money. As Lauren put it, perhaps I am at a time of my life when I have more money than time. (Or something to that effect.) But sometimes I feel a little guilty for actually spending money based on that, though I do value my time more than my money to a large degree.
On a bit of a side note, I am ashamed to say that it was only earlier this week that I learned that coriander and cilantro are the same plant. But at least I’m glad I know it now!
I think valuing time more than money is perfectly legitimate. I was much more that way when I was working full-time. If the money you have will comfortably stretch to cover all your needs, with some for savings, etc., then the thing you will need to ‘save’ and ‘budget’ may well be time instead of money! That’s why not everyone will approach their budgeting the way I do right now!