I have been processing a lot of feelings in a deeply profound way. What began, or ended, as heartbreak eventually became heartbreakthrough by way of opening myself to all feelings and a willingness to let go or be dragged by life. My wife Jill left her body on April 23, 2011 and I spent many months in horror filled conditions of pain and sadness that I thought would never end unless I ended my will to live. I then decided that after decades of running from but not escaping my pain and sadness that I had known since I was a child that I wanted to be free of this karmic wheel upon which I spun through life and to know light, joy, peace, and love again. I did not truly know what it meant to be happy, peaceful, and okay with who I am. I had decided that there were patterns that were not serving me in any way and I wanted to unburden my heart and spirit from the heavy cloak of fear and pain motivated existing. I wanted to live truly from my heart and see what happens. I am thankful to me for feeling my feelings and observing my patterns with self compassion and self non judgment.
I created this blog page to share my writing that began about 6 months after Jill left her body. It’s an expression of my journey of grief and awakening expressed through insights that have come to through me to my attention. I have learned so much about life process and emotional healing that I have to share it for to not do so would be unkind to others. I am sharing my writing because I know many people who are in emotional and spiritual crossroads, crisis, and turmoil and that my writing has resonated with others and helped them to see a different perspective. You can contact me if you would like guidance. I do not have a fee but if you feel that you would like to make a contribution then I am open to receiving.
You can sign up to get email notification when I publish new thoughts or just wait for my facebook post if you are one of my connections. I found a scrap of paper in a poetry book by our bed. Upon it Jill had written “it is not what I have become, it is how I became.” So true, for the awakening process is an interesting journey that can be arduous for awhile but as the ember is fanned the flames of awareness grow and the difficulties of life melt away from your energy field. I suggest you begin at the beginning as you can understand grief and growth in a more sequential way or just click on something that feels right to you.