Question: Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months now. When we first started dating he was nice and easy to get along with. I’m not sure what to make of his behavior or what to do. He constantly accuses me of cheating and talking to other guys, and any time I try to talk to him about how his accusations make me feel, he gets so angry and doesn’t want to talk. He says that his decision to think the worst about me is something that I can’t change even if I’m being honest. Any time I have something to do either with my family or with friends, it becomes an issue. He makes me feel like I should be giving him more time when I’m already giving him a lot.
Also, anytime we have a disagreement while on the phone, he immediately finds a reason to hang up in my face and never admits when he is wrong. Often times I feel like he tries to make me agree with the way he thinks and it’s almost easier to admit to doing things that I haven’t done just because I don’t want to argue. He doesn’t care to listen to my concerns and when I tell him that I am hurt, he never addresses it. Is this a sign of abuse?
Answer: Unfortunately, you are not in a healthy relationship. If you were, your feelings and needs would be addressed. This is a sign of emotional neglect, and things could get worse and become downright abusive.
If you stay with him and allow these behaviors to continue, he will get the message that it is okay to treat you in a disrespectful way. He believes that his opinions and feelings matter more than yours, and if you don’t stand up for yourself, you will just reinforce those beliefs and bad behavior. Your boyfriend is acting insecure, unreasonable, and selfish.
My advice is to talk to him and come up with a plan on how he can change these behaviors. If he isn’t open to changing or proves that he can’t change, you should break up with him and find someone who treats you right and with respect.
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