From the night that depression reached its peak, I awoke and became alive. All my doubts are cast aside as I become 'the watcher'. Take from me what you will, this is who I am, this is my life. I will no longer try to prove to you, rule you, or even hurt you. I am beyond that now. I have seen too much for you to control me anymore. You will not stand in my way. Emotion is my escape, my release.
A new dawn, a new life.
With time; with patience; with effort.
They are but a small price to pay.
Heart's a river, swelling, bursting.
One more angel, another fighter.
No more victims, no more pleading.
Within its glare can I dream of hope, of calm.
Shows the dream become reality.
And see that there is one amongst the crowd greater than they.
My kin, my brother, my friend.
My heart, it boldly strides into your lair.
For I alone may plumb your depths; with care.
And I am taken, bound, by your cruel hand.
To you, my fate, I give my every ounce.
Your form, from heavens hewn, I must endure.
My consummation comes without a sound.
My Lady tamed, breaks forth into the night.
My Lady healed, a thousand times burns bright.
Trying, living, singing, dancing, loving, calming, soaring.
Dreaming, thinking, talking, listening, helping, creating, uniting.
Yearning, flowing, brimming, burning, freeing, changing, growing.
Exploring, lifting, forging, driving, forcing, laughing, winning.
Fearing, crying, screaming, hurting, haunting, drowning, melting.
Crawling, choking, breaking, cracking, blaming, lying, inflicting.
Enraging, shouting, beating, bleeding, wanting, needing, failing.
Sickening, dimming, killing, dying, rotting, ceasing, nothing.
A kind light died, in jaundiced, drowning woe.
The heavens wept, rained tears to soak below.
He howled with hurt to emotional debt.
Two sons did orbit near a common rift.
And one in space, from friend’s black night to lift.
We grow in stature each day since you fell.
I swim in a redundant pool of crimson despair, mind awash to the bold, barren wasteland of hypodermic nausea, to cut a swathe through the razor blade precision of isolation and cooled to the numbing certainty of a yawning chasm, a spiritless void, my curse; my folly; my existence.
These are my fears, daydreams of grandeur that exist in but the mind eye, passionate kingdoms where none are to be found, nor even I, and what's left to do when faultless clarity is all that I have and ears bleed from the silence.
None else swim here and none will, for I am a creature of habit, a habit of addictive self destruction, deprived of even the energy to engage this agony and all that's left to do is sink, drown in the becalmed mistress of singular euphoric demise. And none being in attendance, none will grieve, none will care, not even I, for this is the way of things. To achieve but one terminal ambition, as all others are lost to the black.
Inception, the angelic thought, cornerstone to the stars, blazing trail through mirth and mirk. Into the wind breaks the howl, shattering the peace, reverberating through the yawning chasm which separates this life from the next, fuelled by the fire which burns within, eternal; immutable. Scratch at corrupted soil, sniff the stagnant air. Coercive desecrater of all things pure, did it need to end in this sterile crime? Succumb to winter, the soaring realm is not your domain. Only the immortals may pass this way, to transverse the storm in the wake of beating wings.
Glittering scintillation, only the mother of all things pure has dominance here. Virgin shores, for virgin orbs. Shrill promises call from the still air, salient whispers perched in a flawless sky. Autocracy foreign, perfection exclusively the right of the Gods. Without a voice, there is no evil which can disrupt this serenity, the utopia which inhabits us all.
Who amongst you can say they know another? Truly know I mean. Not settle for or tolerate. Someone who through the fog which separates individuals can be seen for who they truly are. For through the haze, trust can radiate and love warm, until a balance is reached and one property shines brighter than all the rest: acceptance.
It takes effort you know. It doesn’t happen over a week or a month. It takes years. Battles won and lost. Shared experience. A semblance of perspective brought to the world on that slow march towards dawn. Differences granted illumination. Common joy; common grief. When times are low, a distance forms and the mist reasserts itself. The bond stretches. Tenses. Yet when that oh so sweet balance approaches unity, who can say where you begin and they end?
Loneliness is not a fact of life. It is but a choice. A stubborn refusal to allow the guard to drop. Perceived as strength, it is in reality the epitome of cowardice. Weakness. To reject intimacy is to fail life at its first hurdle. The universe is too vast and cold a place to be faced alone. Already too much distance. Humanity was not meant to live in a vacuum. And in the absence of amity, fear must fill the void.
With each new dawn I grow stronger. No longer destined to fumble naively for intangible realities, I feel my grip tighten on a deep sense of awareness. The writings of others fuel the fire, a tome of personal philosophy, transformed for my own. Emergence of wisdom, strength in abundance, enough to confront an entire universe.
Oh calm, reassuring light, do not flicker.
Not now in pale dawn's blue breath.
Burn bright, with love, with hope, with fire.
Curse the dark and all who dwell within.
For you are the never diminishing harmonious unity.
Fluent and compassionate. Potent, intense; free.