You’ve endured months of morning sickness, a pregnancy that has left your body forever changed, barely survived a painful, traumatic delivery…you’ve fumbled through breastfeeding, figured out sleep schedules, made the tough call on whether or not to vaccinate, could describe in detail every baby product on the market and figured out how to survive on little to no sleep yet still be a functioning individual during the day…the hard part is over right?!
You’ve been enjoying the recent months of staring into that precious face in disbelief that your body could have made such a thing. You’ve held that sweet little miracle bundle of joy closely, prayed for and sung to her almost every night. You’ve cuddled, you’ve bonded, you’ve laughed and watched him make his first steps! You’ve celebrated his first birthday and are excited about the future of having more children….
That sweet little angel blessing from heaven above has somehow turned into a little fire-breathing, fit-throwing hellion…seemingly overnight…and you’re not quite sure what to do. You’re lil’ “muffin face sweet cake” isn’t so sweet anymore and is often melting down, whining, has somehow learned what the word “no” means, can (and does) scream it at the top of his lungs, and you are at the end of yourself.
You’re beginning to realize that the true work of motherhood has only just begun and the thought of adding more little people into your home leaves you frozen with shock and a great deal of fear. Each day you think in your mind, “If I can only make it until nap time”…and then after nap time is over, “If I can only make it until bed time”…and most days, when the lights finally go out, it’s all you can do to muster up enough strength to crawl in your bed and cry yourself to sleep.
In case the thought has crossed your mind as to how exactly I’m reading yours, let me assure you I’m not reading your mind.
But sweet mama, let me tell you…there’s hope.
I can say with all confidence I know what to do with the terrible twos now. Life is like that isn’t it? You get through something difficult and learn a ton, and then you realize if you could go through it again you’d probably do things a bit better.
My life just kept repeating.
Toddler after toddler after toddler….
I just kept having kids until I nailed the terrible twos!
Yep, I’ve got this down pat now!
But I sure have learned A LOT along the way. And if any part of my life will bring any benefit whatsoever to anybody else’s life then I believe it’s worth the time, and an extra late night or two, to write it down.
I now know who is in control of our household. And here’s a hint, it is NOT my two year old. The methods and systems we use now weren’t put in place overnight and it’s not some magic pixie dust wisdom that was sprinkled on me or my kids when I gave birth. I feel confident in where I am now because of all of the millions of ways I have failed first.
I’ve spent years compiling info, reading books, learning through observation and interviewing moms I respect. And although I think my computer generated blog post title is catchy I can say with all of my years of experience that there is no “complete” guide to motherhood out there anywhere. I feel like I could write an entire book on exactly how to handle a tantrum and exactly how to end a melt down, with maybe even a chapter or two on how to PREVENT them and it still wouldn’t be enough.
It takes grace. And a lot of it.
Not to mention that every single child, mother, family and household is different.
But, even with all of those missing factors taken into account I believe there are a few things that can at least get this convo going that might bring some benefit to you, your child, and your household.
To Spank Or Not Spank?
Godly discipline is not just about a bunch of rules. Those who attempt to simply create standards, or measures, or rules to abide by miss the hearts of their children. To simply use a method of any kind to control your child’s behavior merely affects the outward…and thus begins the biggest lie we can ever teach our children, that acting right means they are good people.
Teaching our children to act right does not mean we are raising them right.
As a family we have never used a sticker chart or an award system of any kind to merit good behavior. My kids get enough of that at public school. Godly discipline is two sinful parents taking seriously their God given role to faithfully, repeatedly, tirelessly, and unreservedly teach, instruct, and train up our children in the way they should go.
Biblical discipline is not an uncontrolled use of physical punishment for a bad deed, rather it is training in righteousness and instruction of the Lord.
Your Child Is Born Sinful.
All includes….all. Me and my kids too. You and your kids too.
God has called us to instruct our children, not simply discipline them. In Ephesians 6:4 we are told to ” Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I wrote about this in a sort of playful way with the How to Train Your Dragon Part 1 and Part 2, but training is serious business that takes a lot of time, a lot of consistency and a heck of a lot of work.
“Discipline” meaning correction from the rod, is only half of our job and I find that the second half of “instruction” requires far more effort than the discipline part….so much so that I usually tell parents that my job is 80% training/instruction and 20% discipline/reproof. I am a firm believer that you should never discipline a child for a skill that hasn’t been taught.
Instruction and teaching must never ever be separated from discipline.
So I know what you might be thinking…This is all big theory and I need something PRACTICAL! Just tell me what to do to fix this right now!
The link to Part 2 of How to Train your Dragon/Toddler is broken and I can’t seem to find it anywhere on the site… any help?
Yes! And THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me know!!!! I’ve put some links into that post now so hopefully it’s all fixed. Try refreshing the page and they should show up. I added one at the top and two more at the bottom! Please let me know if you ever find another page with a glitch!!!! Thanks!!!