To shoot implies motive, which is great, right? We want to show motive. But ah, that's the catch. We want to show motive, not tell it. And "to shoot" in this type of sentence is telling. We don't see Bob shoot the zombie, or even decide to shoot it, we tell the reader that he plans to do it. Odds are the next line in this scene will be something shown.
What a great list of things to watch out for on edits - thanks!
And I agree, sometimes "telling" is the right thing, but more often than not, it's best to show.
Wow! I've read a lot of helpful articles/blogs on writing and I must say this one just moved to the top of my list!
You took the "show, don't tell" problem every writer faces and simplified it better than I've ever seen. And you included examples!
Thanks for this post! The examples you used really helped me understand how to build a better sentence.
What a great list, Janice. Thanks!
Deciding when to tell and when to show can directly influence the pacing of the scene. It's knowing which is the better approach that makes writing a challenge!
Thank you so much for a great post. This is one of my biggest problems, that and passive voice sneaking up on me.
Killer, Janice! What great advice. You are so generous :) Thank you.
Amazing! I weeded out a lot of "telling" in my novel already, but somehow you gave me more things to look for! Thanks much.
Excellent article. I definitely have a tendcy to tell instead of show but wasn't sure what to look for in editing. Thank you.
Great examples of how to eliminate these words. You are right it's tedious to search for them, but I've eliminated tons of words in my manuscript by using your list of words to watch for, which includes most of these.
I have to say, Margo, I have found much more cumulative benefit from [free] blog posts than from the many books I have read on writing. It may be counterintuitive, but my current hypothesis is that the blog advice is better *because* it's free: If I'm writing a book on writing, I have a financial motivation to fill pages, whether or not I really have something inspired to say. When authors put advice up for free on their blogs, there isn't much of a financial motivation, so I have to think it's because they feel moved to share what has really been useful for them.
My own longtime bugaboo, along the lines of "realized," is "it occurred to ___ that . . . ." It's passive, it's telly, ugh! I think the reason it's such a tempting construction to me is that the process of realizing things is itself passive, in a way. I can control what I think about, and what I research, but not whether or not it bears fruit. I guess the trick is to not attempt to show the thinking, but just the result, as in, "It didn't add up, unless--that was it! The power must have gone out, and that was why the milk had spoiled."
I've gotten Janice's book, "Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It." It's the best I've ever read. It crosses over to some vague points on POV exactly where my problem was. I can say I "get it" now!
"Bob reached for the rifle and took aim at the zombie's head, right between its blood-shot eyes."
"Bob reached for the rifle and took aim right between the zombie's blood-shot eyes."
"The zombie burst through the window. Bob screamed, his knees buckling beneath him."
"The zombie burst through the window. Bob screamed and his knees buckled."
This is a good entry, I hope more writers read it and utilize the message.
Hey David, sometimes the tightest way to say something doesn't fit the narrator's voice. And frankly, your suggestion on the buckling knees would be understood by some readers as "he screamed then his knees buckled", so Ms. Hardy's original line was clearer.
It's also possible to cram too much data into too few words and thereby confuse readers.
Ms. Hardy, a lot of these are things I tend to notice, myself, when a sentence strikes me as "off". :) Some of these I've known I didn't like, but I couldn't describe why. Thanks for putting it in words.
Ugh. Another one I just ran across in my writing today: "he found himself . . ." as in "he found himself wishing . . . " or "he found himself wanting to . . ." or "he found himself thinking about . . . "
So many times I've seen the "show don't tell" advice, yet very few times has it been illustrated as effectively and simply as you do here. Thanks very much!
Your blog is getting better with each passing month. Thanks, teach. I'd like to see you publish your "on writings" down the road.
Thanks David, just another great example of how you can always edit and tighten work, especially when it's a first draft type sentence like those were.
Ronald, I've been toying with the idea of putting together some little ebooks on topics. Haven't been able to do more than think about it though! When Shifter 3 is done I can investigate that more.
Thanks Janice. One of the most informative and helpful articles I've ever read on showing instead of telling. Excellent. Thank you.
I'm so looking forward to applying some of this advice to my editing. I'm gonna get a good laugh out my lazy cliches!
Thanks for a simple yet effective set of blog posts about editing. They're so helpful!
One of the best show vs. tell guides ever. Elegantly put.
l loved this post, it was so helpful. I talked about it in my blog and provided a link back to here. I hope that was okay. I'm new at this blogging thing.
This link is going on my blog asap! I'm not even sure how I found you, but the post is tremendously helpful. Thanks.
I'm bookmarking this so I can come back to it later when revising. This is a great "show-not-tell" guide.
So awesome. I took notes - no joke. I would always switch words around when the sentence didn't read right, but this is the kind of specific info I needed to speed up my rewriting process. Knowing my problems - half the problem. Thanks so much!
e.g "to be in love"
In your example 'in fear" - fear is a noun.
Eek, I thought I had fixed that one years ago. Thanks for pointing it out!
Thank you for the clearest picture of showing vs. telling that I have ever seen. The red flags make it so much easier to identify the difference between the two! i have a lot of work to do!! Thanks again!
Thank you for this interesting and helpful post, Janice. You've raised my awareness level and, hopefully, improved my 'show don't tell' ability.
Would it be okay to reblog this post on my website where I aggregate posts about Writing and always place a link to the original source?
Not the entire post, but part of the post is fine, yes, as long as you link back and credit me and the site.
I love this post! Just what I needed. Thank you.
A great summary of how easy it is to slip into the trap of 'tell' without noticing when you have your head down in the midst of writing. Thanks.
It's the little things that get ya.
Janice - someone recommended your 'Understanding Show not Tell' book to me. I bought it and implemented it throughout my novel. It saved me $1000 on the quote I'd had for editing. Thank you!