Most of us are taught that depression is a flaw in brain chemistry. But another important and hopeful way to understand depression is through understanding our emotions. Life experiences, especially adverse ones, can ignite many emotions in the brain. Research has shown that burying these emotions is one of the things that can lead to depression and many other symptoms of mental illness. These symptoms, particularly suicide rates and rates of major depression are rising in our society.
Emotion education holds a missing piece to reversing this trend. All people should receive a basic education in emotions and how the mind handles them, especially when it comes to stressful life events and traumas.
When emotions aren’t processed, it can throw the mind and body into a state of imbalance called dysregulation. In our society, symptoms of dysregulation are frequently given various labels and diagnoses like depression, chronic anxiety, personality disorders and more. At the root, these diagnoses may share a common component: blocked and buried emotions that ultimately give way to the unbearable sense of being disconnected from one’s self.
I helped Alexander recover by teaching him about emotions, and then helping him safely release the terror, anger and sadness that had been trapped inside his body for many years. Releasing buried emotions helped his nervous system to regulate.
Growing up in New York City in the 1970s, I thought experiencing emotions as sensations with energy was a “new age” unscientific idea. Turns out I was wrong. In anatomy class, I saw with my own eyes, that the vagus nerve connects the emotional brain with organs of the body, in order for the body to respond to emotional threats. This connection is why and how emotions in the mind lead to ailments in the body, like stomach aches or back pain.But it wasn’t until 2004, when I was in trauma training that I learned how to help people recognize and release their emotions.
Alex’s depression began to lift as we liberated the underlying emotions. While the emotions from that time were too much for Alex to bear alone, with my help he could safely process them. With his nervous system regulated, the suicidal thoughts stopped.
Learning about our emotions can help us understand them. It is the first step to making emotions less scary so we can learn to stop avoiding our most difficult emotions. Education undoes damaging myths, like “strong people don’t have emotions” or "only weak people suffer.” When we understand emotions, our suffering changes from shameful to human. And when we learn to work with our emotions, becoming familiar with how they feel physically, we feel better. We stop being hampered and side-lined by the traumas and wounds we have experienced; and we unlock a healing potential to restore a deeply felt calm and connection to our self and others.
Hilary is author of the award-winning book, It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self (Random House, Feb. 2018). She received her BA in biochemistry from Wesleyan University and an MSW from Fordham University. She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. She has published articles in The New York Times, Time, Oprah, and her blog is read worldwide.