Flowers, candy, cards, and other heartfelt expressions are just a few of the many ways couples across the U.S. are celebrating Valentine’s Day this month. Love is no doubt one of the most powerful emotions we experience. That’s why it’s no surprise that love is strongly and abundantly present in adoption. The reason: the bond between a parent and a child, whether biological or not, is a connection like no other. Let’s take a look at all the ways that love comes into play throughout the adoption process.
When an expectant mother learns she’s pregnant, she may feel scared, sad, or confused. But no matter how she is feeling, a bond between her and her unborn child begins right away. She’ll think about what her child will be like, how she will care for him or her, and what resources she will need in order to give her baby the best life possible. Sometimes this means making an adoption plan. Although a difficult and heart-wrenching choice to make, this decision is one that is made out of love. An expectant mom who decides to place her baby for adoption does so because she loves that child so much that she wants to give him or her a better life — a life she is currently unable to provide. Even after the adoption, a birth mom will think of her child often, grieve deeply, and love him or her for the rest of her life. I remember a card our daughter’s birth mom sent on her first birthday. It read: “I love you so much! But I know that your parents are the best parents for you.” Reading that brought tears to my eyes. She made the ultimate sacrifice for her child — and that’s powerful!
“I loved him before I met him.” “I couldn’t imagine loving her any more if she were born to me.” These are common sentiments expressed by adoptive parents everywhere. Oftentimes, the children they adopt settle into their homes quickly and fit into their new family as if they belong there. I remember interviewing a classmate in high school, who was also an adoptee, for an article on adoption in our school newspaper. When asked how it feels to be adopted, she told me: “I feel natural” and explained that she didn’t feel different because she was adopted. She felt like she belonged in her family. I know not all adoptees feel that way, but it is always incredible to see the love and bonding that are present in families formed by adoption. At the time, I didn’t know that I would adopt one day, but my friend’s words and example stuck with me and helped me see what a blessing adoption can be. When it came time to form my own family, I was certain adoption was the right choice.
When a child joins his or her family through adoption, that relationship is often called “a forever family”. Why? Because from that day forward, the child and parents will always be connected. Every smile, every tear, every accomplishment, and every challenge will be shared together. Adoption is for life and so is the strong and lasting love that grows and develops. My husband and I love our daughter more than anything in the world, and I know the feeling is mutual. We are truly a forever family.
So as you celebrate Valentine’s Day this year with roses, cards, and chocolate, remember that love is about so much more than romance and candlelight dinners. It’s the kind of love that can only be shared between a parent and a child. It’s the unselfish love that birth parents will always feel for their child and how that love has made adoption possible. It’s the longing to protect, nurture, and make life better for another person. When you think about it, there is no doubt that adoption brings all of these things and more. It is a perfect example of what love really is.