A communications expert explains how project managers can use persuasive communication to get buy-in from their teams, even when they don't carry any formal authority.
“We like to think we're not animals, but we are,” says Brian Shapiro, professional development coach, communications expert, and author of the book, Exceptionally Human: Successful Communication in a Distracted World.
Brian has been helping managers and leaders in the service industry improve their communication skills for over 20 years.
We recently talked to him about how project managers can harness persuasive communication skills to motivate their teams, even without formal authority.
These factors are especially challenging for businesses in the service industry, where success depends on many different people — all with their own personal beliefs and biases — working together seamlessly to drive projects forward.
"Project managers are often caught in the precarious position of managing many diverse personalities without carrying any real authority."
To be successful, you need to form strong relationships with your coworkers. Effective communication strengthens these relationships by building trust and rapport, but hidden obstacles behind our efforts can have unintended consequences, crippling our ability to collaborate and keep projects on track and on budget.
If one of your manager’s requests ever seemed unreasonable, you know what this feels like. You can argue, complain, or get frustrated. But whether or not you agreed with what they asked you to do, the trump card is their authority, and you’re probably going to have to do it anyway.
Project managers, however, have a different problem. In the absence of formal authority, they’re left trying to manage everyone else’s competing priorities. No wonder it feels like herding cats!
So, how can you calm the chaos? How can you overcome these obstacles and keep your team productive and sane?
In college, Brian discovered the “Rosetta Stone” of communication success: The Stoic principles of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos, otherwise known as Aristotle’s Three Rhetorical Proofs.
Trust, meaning how credible and trustworthy other people perceive you to be.
Emotions, or the feelings generated in the person you’re communicating with.
Reason, which refers to how reasonable, rational, and logical the other person finds your position.
Trust, Emotion, and Reason. These pillars inform every interaction we have because the person we’re communicating with is trying to determine if we are trustworthy or not, reasonable or not, all while having a positive, neutral, or negative emotional experience.
Highly effective communicators know how to skillfully utilize these three pillars to influence others and meet their desired goal.
So, how do you wield these powerful tools of persuasion to manage your team?
Simply put, in order to influence or persuade anyone else, you need to improve your communication skills. Because you can’t control how anyone reacts, this process has to be about you — not how the other person is or isn’t communicating.
Without formal authority, you must rely on your ability to lead by example, build trust, and help your team members feel at ease.
Start by observing yourself and how you communicate with others. “By and large, most people probably haven’t taken the time to do an extensive assessment of their own communications strengths and where their opportunities for growth lie. Having that first level of awareness is crucial,” says Shapiro.
Being non-judgmental of yourself is a vital part of this entire process. It’s not about criticizing yourself or shining a light on everything you’re doing wrong. This assessment is meant to help you understand and become better at what you’re currently doing.
“Our ability to not know things has been compromised by Google and Siri and Alexa,” says Shapiro. When we have questions, the answers are literally at our fingertips. But Aristotle had a brilliant power of observation — a high “tolerance for ambiguity,” as Brian likes to say. He would observe and discover what was happening in the world around him, without reaching for a fact or reason behind it.
Building your tolerance for ambiguity means being patient and staying humble. It means embracing the idea that you don’t know it all.
"Being uncomfortable is a natural part of the learning process, and that discomfort is not necessarily a bad thing."
At best, we had a parent or mentor teach us, or at least our instinct and social mores to guide us. But even those aren’t clearly articulated to most people in life.
People are more likely to do things for other people when they like and Trust them. And while you probably won’t become best friends with most people in your workplace, your ability to cultivate positive relationships with your coworkers is paramount to your success.
People expect their managers to flex authority. But when you have no formal authority, they can easily dismiss you. “If you don’t have any say over their role, why would they listen to you? But if you start checking in, it builds Trust,” says Shapiro. "Ask a lot of questions, listen, and pay attention. What brought them to this position? How long have they been working here? What skills or expertise do they feel can be of value to this project? Do they feel like we are utilizing you to the best of your capacity?"
Brian advises managers to “be a source of support and inspiration as opposed to simply making sure tasks get done.” When you show other people that you truly value them and their contribution to the success of the project and organization, you build Trust.
Sometimes starting these conversations is easier said than done.
This where your tolerance for ambiguity is put to the test.
Unfortunately, this kind of power play can have a negative effect on the people you’re trying to motivate.
Building Trust means that both sides need to accept a certain level of vulnerability. People may feel anxious about sharing personal details or emotions with you because they’re giving away something of themselves. And they need to know that in exchange for that information, you’re going to treat them well and trust them in return.
Your team needs to see, through your behaviors and actions, that you have their back and you will continue to support and encourage them, even when they make mistakes.
The creative process involves vulnerability and risk. It’s messy, ambiguous, and you often don’t know what the final product will be until it’s done. And once it’s shipped, will anyone actually like it?
If you work in the creative industry, remain keenly aware of how creatives are affected by these feelings, especially when things don’t go according to plan.
Framing your feedback this way helps engage people in the process of problem-solving. We didn't achieve the result we wanted to achieve. Why don't we go back and look at the work plan or process and see if we can pinpoint and identify where that hiccup occurred?
By inviting your creatives into the process of problem-solving, you’re able to work together to identify the decision or thought process that led to the wrong outcome. And by doing so, you’re practicing good communication by demonstrating your desire to help the other person learn and improve.
You have to approach it in a way that keeps people engaged and involved, even when they feel vulnerable. Position yourself as part of a collaborative team with the common goal of coming up with the solution to this problem.
The Three Pillars of Communication – Trust, Emotion, and Reason, provide a strong, proven structure to help us interact with others more effectively at work.
Most notably, we can all be more aware of how other people are perceiving the information we’re relaying. It’s impossible to have an interaction without some form of reaction, so make sure it’s a good one.
Brian Shapiro grew up in a Los Angeles entertainment industry family, where he witnessed first-hand how communication could be expertly deployed; the spinning of stories and carefully crafted tales that grabbed people’s attention and deeply impacted their lives. The ability to capture and hold people’s attention intrigued him from an early age.
This is not to say that communication came easy for Brian. In college, his first graded speech was barely a C. He eventually began to excel in this class. In fact, it would be this class, his first public speaking class, that would set his career trajectory, and he’s been studying the human communication process ever since.
Learn more about Brian and his work at ShapiroCommunications.com.