We are approaching the holiday season which is traditionally associated with gift giving. So in keeping with the season, I would like to explore the motivations that underlie giving and receiving. I also want to wish all of you a very happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday.
Most people consider that being generous is a wonderful trait. It speaks of giving willingly from the heart. Unfortunately, people often forget that receiving is just as important as giving. If there is no give and take then there is no balance.
If the people to whom you have been generous have not been generous to you, it does not mean that others will not be. It might be that if we help John, it is Betty or Sam who helps us. Life is like a chain and we are all connected. Does it really matter if the person you helped does not help you back as long as someone else does? If you only expect John to return your generosity, then you will likely be angry or disappointed. Life is about learning and not about getting our expectations met.
The best way to give is to do it with an open heart without expectations of receiving something in return otherwise that is not giving but measuring and may result in your feeling short changed. What is most important is your intention for giving in the first place as well as your ability to love yourself enough to be able to receive from anyone regardless of what they are offering.
So this year while doing your holiday shopping pay attention to your motivations. Are you buying gifts because it is expected even if you do not really like that person? Are you putting yourself into debt to please everyone? Are you buying gifts to try to make others happy? Is it really possible to make others happy or is it their responsibility? Do others appreciate your efforts? Is there another way to make them happy that might be less tiring and expensive? Can you provide a service or help they need instead of purchasing a gift? These are just a few things to keep in mind before the holiday shopping overwhelms you.
People who are wonderful givers usually have great difficulty receiving. To understand this we need to look at what motivates them to be generous in the first place. Do they just have too much money or time on their hands? I don’t think so. Everything we do serves us in some way even if we are not consciously aware of our motivations.
Some people give because they have a need to feel needed or helpful. The underlying reason for this is that they do not believe they are lovable just the way they are whether they do anything for anybody or not. So they make themselves indispensable to others and in doing so create co-dependent relationships in order to ensure that they will never lose the role they have created for themselves. They need to remember they are human beings not human doings.
People who are generous especially with money may do so to put themselves in a position of power or control over those who have less. Having power over others helps to boosts their ego which obviously needs support because they do not feel empowered by just being who they are. Those who have a need to control often do so because of an underlying fear things will go out of control.
People who are generous often have great difficulty receiving even when help is offered because if they were to accept help, they would not be able to perceive themselves as being in a superior or power position. They would see themselves as being needy which they would hate to admit to themselves so they rationalize that it is easier to struggle and do without. They do not love themselves enough to allow help in.
Frequently givers complain that there is no one to help and support them when in fact this is not the case. When offered help, they often respond by saying “I am okay” whether they are or not because to accept help would make them dependent or needy in their own eyes. This is not how others perceive them but in their mind they are afraid to show any kind of weakness or need. Their need to maintain their independence overrides their common sense even if it involves letting someone help them with small tasks like lifting a heavy object. When you think about it, this need to maintain independence is really silly as no man is a mountain unto himself.
When we give to others, it makes us feel good. When we refuse to receive, we prevent the person offering help from experiencing the positive feeling that giving provides. What they give, the value of their service is not important as everyone’s situation is different. It is the intention that counts. Often we will see people who have so little offering to help when others who are financially well off do nothing. This really speaks of generosity that comes from the heart.
Some givers will not accept help from others because they hold a belief that if they helped John in some fashion, then only John should repay that debt. They limit receiving only to those to whom they gave and expect payment to be in the same form as was given instead of just accepting what is offered from others. Holding such a belief naturally limits what they receive. They may also hold a grudge, which is often unexpressed on how they got cheated because John never repaid them. This way they can make themselves a martyr or reinforce their belief that they are not loved as love is not coming in the form they expect.
Givers are notorious for having great difficulty to ask for help because they fear they will be refused and are not good dealing with rejection. They also do not want to look needy or give up their independence. If they ask for help, they usually ask the very people to whom they have been generous. These folks are usually the ones who are good at taking but not so good at returning the favor. By not asking others for help, they land up not getting what they want and need.
Givers need to learn to ask for what they want rather than waiting for someone to offer. We have a much better chance of getting what we want when we ask for it clearly. Then we need to be open to receiving whatever is offered by whoever offers it, instead of saying “No, I fine” when we are not.
Some people like to throw their money around, treat others, and/or buy frequent or lavish presents. They usually do this to gain attention, to make a good impression or to buy the affection of others. If you are the recipient of someone like this generosity, you should pay attention to how it makes you feel. Do you genuinely feel cared for because someone spends money on you or do you wonder if they do it to impress you?
Most people do not realize that when they give and do not receive, they create a karmic debt for the person who receives their assistance. Until that debt is paid it remains in effect forever. This is because the soul remembers everything that has ever occurred in this or any other lifetime. If you do not pay the debt one lifetime, it will remain on your soul record until it is paid. So be accepting when people offer to help may provide an opportunity to discharge this debt.
Sometimes we feel a need to help a stranger. Should this occur, it is a probably a good idea to do so as you never know if this is a chance to clear your debt. There really are no coincidences in life. Situations arise out of the blue that provide opportunities for us to fulfill our soul learning. Even giving money to someone begging on the street is good idea no matter if they use the money for alcohol or drugs. This is an opportunity to be generous, not judgmental, about what they do with the money.
Some people are unable to give because they have an underlying fear that if they give anything away, they will be left with nothing. Even though this does not make logical sense, it reflects the way they feel and is an indication of their insecurity.
Sometimes they may also have an attitude of “Why should I do anything for anybody? What has anybody done for me”? This rebellious attitude does not serve them well or help them to get more in their life. Our thoughts create our reality. So if you believe there is a lack in your life or that no one will help you, those are the circumstances you create for yourself.
Takers are generally selfish or insensitive to the needs of others and they often do not fully appreciate what they receive. They are more intent on getting more than valuing what they have already. Some derive power from their ability to manipulate others through guilt or other means to get even more. Takers are usually not shy to complain of a lack of funds or other needs and normally have no trouble asking for what they want.
People who only receive often feel helpless and dependent inside and believe they are unable to take care of themselves so they partner or align themselves with generous people. No matter how much they receive, it will never fill the hole of emptiness inside.
A lack of generosity has a limiting effect. Spiritual law dictates that what we give out comes back to us in multiples. When you hoard money, time or energy, you not only deprive others, but you deprive yourself of the good feeling that comes from giving and also limits what you will receive in return.
People in our lives act as reflecting mirrors for us to learn something about ourselves that we fail to recognize or refuse to accept. You must understand that givers and takers are at opposite ends of the same continuum. They often attract one another because they both have the same lesson to learn which is to be in balance. The folks are in your life are there to emphasize the direction in which you need to go in order to find balance and heal at a soul level.
If you need assistance to understand why you do the things you do and how to heal them, please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal, telephone, and Skype readings, empowerment coaching, regressions, and healing either by responding to this newsletter or calling me at 505 474 6363 or 514 312 2451.
Gift Certificates are available for the holidays or other special occasions. I am giving a 10% off on gift certificates for the holidays. Often a reading, coaching session, regression or healing can change a person’s life so if you know of anyone who could use some guidance or direction, this is both a practical and unique gift idea.
On the left is one of my channeled healing energy paintings which were created as healing tools or as a meditational focus. I hope you enjoy them. These painting are on the Art Work page of my website under Energy Paintings. The 25 original paintings as well as greeting cards, posters and tiles with these images are for sale.
Roadmap to Your Life are available at www.sharoncheney.com.