Hi. My name is Monica. I am 27 years old. I am an addict. Not an active addict but an addict non the less. I am 8 years clean. I did cocaine, Ecstasy and I binge drank every weekend. I did things I wasn't proud of and hit my bottom. I also worked my way up.
When I met my husband almost 8 years ago, I was fresh out of rehab. He was supportive of me and our relationship blossomed quite quickly. He was amazing and because of his support I was able to over come the drug use and change my life style. For this I am forever grateful to him.
See Mathew has an energy about him. He is one to make people laugh and he can be quite personable. When he smiles, he is really handsome. And I don't want to forget the way he treats my girls. He can be the worlds best dad at times.
Then there is the uglier side of Mathew. The side I have come to hate. He can get angry. He yells, he gets frustrated, and he takes out his aggressions and stress of work on his family. Not every day, but when he has a bad day like any other person in the world. And then he drinks.
something we'd laugh about. The end of the night usually resulted in him falling asleep, but that used to bug me. I wanted quality time with my husband. I admit our social drinks got a little out of hand some nights.
I understand I am being an enabler while drinking with him. But I want to set one thing straight. Since rehab I don't drink often. Sometimes a few times a month due to social events. But if Mathew had a choice it would be every night.
He can say it until he is blue in the face, he would like to have 1 or 2 to relax after work. But eventually he has 3 or 4 and gets drunk. And now lets talk about Matt while he's drunk. He has a classic Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde complex. Like I said he can be very pleasurable to be around. When he is drunk he is the meanest person I have ever met.
Everything makes him angry. There is no one particular trigger. He has gotten physical several times in the last year, once hitting a very good friend of his. And here I am left to pick up the pieces. I tried to explain to him what is in my heart and how I feel. I feel he has a problem with Alcohol.
I have no support because no one I speak to really understand what is happening inside of my heart. I am, torn 2 ways. I love him to death, and I want to be happy and I hate who he is when he is drunk.
help yourself - get to alanon - they will understand and can point you in the right direction - god bless.
Thank you so much for your comments..they really mean the world to me. I agree, I must help him understand how his behavior is affecting my family. But no matter how I try to bring it up he never listens. It's like I am wrong. He can do good for a while, and not touch a drink. He thinks he can socially drink, thinks he can have a good time. But his good time comes at a cost for someone else. If it's not me (because I have grown immune to his stupidity) it's someone else. And it's not fair that other people need to have a rotten time, because that one person can't control his behavior on alcohol.
Thanks for sharing your story. I don't think there can be any question of your husband having an alcohol problem, whether that has yet developed into full-blown alcoholism is another question, but that shouldn't really matter because things are bad enough that you know something needs to be done.
You've been through Rehab and understand what needs to happen to turn your life around - and unquestionably that is a process your husband also needs to go through now. So you have to try and facilitate that process and try and help him get to the point in his mind where he is also ready to turn his life around. Unfortunately the 'nice approach' doesn't usually work, so it might mean you have to adopt a tougher/harder or tough love approach so that your husband can see how serious you are about him changing and turning his life around.
Ultimately though it all boils down to your husband accepting he needs to change and being prepared to make the effort to do so. Hopefully though if he can see you're serious about him doing so and are no longer prepared to tolerate his ongoing destructive drinking/behavior, he'll reach that point faster.