Yesterday my friend Myron Jones described a situation with a client which she habitually interpreted from the ego= BAD. She felt bad too, and remembered that she could cancel her perception and forgive herself – and then choose to realign with Holy Spirit / the Right Mind instead.
This stood out in lightning gold for me.
This night, I had a dream where I was with my first love this life. Almost 50 years ago – and still, when i dream we are together, my heart is filled with pure bliss.
We are going to be married, and he takes me to his white big house – kind of a farm, or maybe a guest-house. Outside of it is a winter landscape I dream of often: a ski-slope in the high mountains. And now the ego took over in the dream, and I saw the rooms as untidy, I saw refugees in some rooms, they were dirty and anxious and aggressive. I felt so bad at the thought of having to clean all of it up and make rules for everybody there to live in harmony.
The release was so sweet. I, as “Leelah-personality” was to do nothing else that sink into my heart and allow it be shown to me. It became clear that as long as I was aligned, and “the others” would sense it, all would fall into the most beautiful perfect pattern.
This day I decided to recognize when I had choosing ego – just by the crappy feelings I had – and it is amazing how helpful it has been – quick shifts from desperation to giggles.
I instantly saw and felt the energy of some ago-old impressions from sexual predators – including my father in his mr. Hyde-mode – and knew that THIS was what was behind the cough. I remembered the moment this energy first entered my body in this life – and my decision to stuff it away and make it invisible for myself. From that decision has later arisen a huge need to “save” the abusers. I have written about that in “When Fear Comes Home to Love” – and how this “savior-co-dependent-pattern” can be healed.
So I rested there, and there were cramps and strong dizziness, strong sweating, almost fainting – and no resistance to it. I felt certain that I was resting in God. Strong pains flowed from solar plexus down the right side of my body and out. I am being told that I will need to allow patience around it, and repeat it when nudged to do so.