MONTREAL, QC – Facing a sharp decline in the number of church-goers in Quebec, God awoke from a slumber to give locals some proof that he still exists on Tuesday, by striking down forward David Desharnais with a knee injury.
After being put on the Habs' top line to replace the already injured Alex Galchenyuk, Desharnais was taken down with the exact same injury against the Blues.
The almighty being said on Wednesday that he didn't really have enough time to come up with a different injury for the diminutive forward.
"Time was of the essence and the pressure was on," He told The Elbow. "I couldn't sit up here dilly-dallying and coming up with some complex injury to strike down upon my child."
"I feel as though people at least get the message that I was sending. Michel Therrien thinks he can play a five-foot tall guy on the top line, but we've been through this already."
God said He is hopeful that the attendance figures at churches throughout the province this weekend pick up, after taking a devastating hit last year when Carey Price was injured.
Despite an immediate spike in numbers as soon as Price went down with the injury, as people tried reaching the Lord to ask for his return, attendances dwindled as the Habs' playoff chances petered out through February.
To this day, the Creator denies having any hand in the Price injury, despite what Leafs fans think.