Caregiving spouses between the ages of 66 and 96 had a 63 percent higher mortality rate than people of the same age who were not caregivers.
Hospice of Cincinnati nurses Melody and Randy Losey know a lot about caregiving. Before they became registered nurses, they had personal experience caring for their own family members at the end of life – and doing so nearly cost Melody her own health.
Melody recalls that she was so deeply entwined in caring for her grandmother that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Finally, her grandmother’s hospice nurse talked to Melody’s sister, warning her that Melody would become ill if she didn’t start “letting go” and spending more time caring for herself. And the nurse’s prediction came true – the stress made Melody ill.
Melody admits to feeling guilty by even considering taking a break. But experts say that taking care of yourself and sharing the care is not simply a guilty pleasure – it can be life-saving.
Self-care benefits the patient as well as the caregiver. Think of yourself as a pump at a gas station. Everyone comes to you for a fill-up, but at some point, the tanks holding all the gas for those pumps run low. If the tanks aren’t refilled, there’s no gas available to help all those vehicles keep running.
Caregivers are like those gas pumps. If you don’t refill your hidden tanks – reservoirs of energy, health, peace and commitment – you won’t be able to share that strength with the person for whom you are caring. This can lead to resentment, anger and depression, and can have a negative impact on your own health.
According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, approximately 29 percent of the adult U.S. adult population served as caregivers for an ill or disabled relative. Caring for people who are at the end of life can become especially intense – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
2. Ask yourself, “What can I change? And what do I have no control over?” You might not have any control over the outcome of your loved one’s illness, or the personalities and issues that other people have. Accept that there are some things that are out of your control. But you can change yourself, and how you react to situations.
Reach out to others. Ask your church, family, friends or neighbors to come in and help, or even sit with the patient, whether for a couple of hours or overnight.
Get plenty of rest, “even if a friend, family member or church member needs to sit with your loved one so you can sleep for a few hours,” Melody says.
Take care of your spiritual needs. Attend your church, synagogue or mosque when you can; meditate; ask someone to pray with you; and/or seek support from a spiritual advisor.
Get physical – walk, exercise, do yoga – whatever helps to strengthen your body and ease your mind.
Talk to other people and let them know what you’re going through. Cry if you feel like it.
4. Take advantage of respite care. Patients can stay in one of Hospice of Cincinnati’s four Inpatient Care Centers for up to five days at a time while their caregivers get a much-needed break. Our centers are located in Blue Ash, Anderson, College Hill and Hamilton. The Medicaid hospice benefit covers the cost.
The hospice philosophy focuses on the entire family, helping everyone have the best possible and most meaningful end-of-life experience. Hospice is there to help the caregiver as much as the patient, particularly near life’s end.
For information about Hospice of Cincinnati and respite care, visit our website or call us at (513) 891-7700.
¹Shultz, Richard and Beach, Scott (1999). Caregiving as A Risk for Mortality: The Caregiver Health Effects Study. JAMA, December 15, 1999, vol. 282, No. 23.
²Christakis, Nicholas and Iwashyna, Theodore (2003). The Health Impact of Health Care on Families: A Matched Cohort Study of Hospice Use by Decedents and Mortality Outcomes in Surviving, Widowed Spouses. Social Science & Medicine 57 (2003), 465-475.