fantasy – "The INSIDE out"
When you fell asleep I tried to guess your dreams. I was staring at you impatiently because I was waiting for a gesture of yours; a movement with your right hand, a twist of your lips, even a hard breath. I wanted to see something that could betray your inner thoughts. My hand was moving over yours, close to your cheek and my lips were kissing your shoulder . At that sweet moment which many of you might call I wondered what I felt. The truth is that I couldn’t answer my question. I thought: ” What if we are more animalistic than we thought? What if we are rippers of inocent souls or failures of Adam and Eve?” A certain pesimism conquered me and more than that; sadness. I began to underestimate my abilities, the future and even the past but worse of all, I was confused about my decisions. I stood still for a while, without moving a cell and repeated to myself the last four words. What if this is the time I will regret? What if everything turns into a huge failure and I will be miserable? Those “ifs” are putting me into a judge court every night and there is nobody there to defend me. Around me there are different versions of myself, each and every one of them blaming me for a mistake.
He moved his body a little bit further from me, enough to kill my noisy thoughts and bring me back to that moment.
A night on the shore.
You are spending the night on my sheets. My skin inhaled your perfume’s intense flavour of vanilla and sand. The window of the wooden cottage had opened, letting the sparkles of the salty ocean spread in the air. An itching August breeze twisted the cells on your skin. A sudden fever burnt my insides, so sweetly. You embraced my back, wrapping your hands around my belly, gently but tightly. I felt my bone tissue tensing, like an iceberg set on fire. I could not anticipate the near future. My mind could only concentrate on that moment, that melting of my abdominal muscles. Higher, my collar bones loaded with fear and happiness. My blood vessels tightened sweetly.
An amazing view of the sun fading away was miraculously stretching before my eyes. I wasn’t able to see yours behind me but I could feel their sparkles and greyish shades. Your body evoked the usual warmth and tenderness. It felt like home. The wooden cottage on the shore was our home and your body was my bed. It was the kind of comfort that I would never want to lose. It filled me with love and nonsensical happiness.
The sun set and you would spend the night on my sheets. I would not ask for more than that.