Gay nephew might want for his aunt to advise him or intercede on his behalf with his dad.
Dear Amy: My college-age nephew confided in me that he is gay.
I was very surprised. I am OK with his sexuality. It is his own business and no one else’s.
My nephew hasn’t told his parents, and he isn’t sure when he will.
I told him that we all love him just as he is and that this would not matter to anyone, but I don’t know that for a fact. I am pretty sure there are family members who would be upset.
As his aunt, am I supposed to talk (confidentially) to my brother and his wife, and ask for their understanding?
Or should I keep my nephew’s secret until he is ready to tell them himself?
Generally, I would ask my sisters, mother or husband for advice, but this is just not their business. My instinct is to keep his confession a secret.
As a mother, I would be devastated to know my son told someone else first, and not me. Our family is pretty conservative; he would be the first “out” relative.
Dear Aunt: I agree that this is not your news to disclose, but your nephew came to you for a reason. Why? Perhaps he is starting his process of “coming out” by test-driving the scenario with you first.
He might want for you to advise him or intercede on his behalf with your brother. Do not do so unless he asks you to.
It sounds as if he chose the right person to speak with. Now you two could have another conversation. Tell him that now you’ve absorbed this news, you wonder if he would like to talk some more. Let him manage this at his own pace.
Be loving and supportive. Ask questions — and listen.