Are you wondering how to become an alpha male?
I often get questions from clients who feel like they are being passed over for their alpha male counterparts. While they are continually friend-zoned by attractive, high-quality women, they notice the guys who ooze masculinity have these same women vying for their attention.
In fact, some self-proclaimed “nice guys” start acting like jerks (being overly sarcastic, negging, sneaking around etc.) in hopes that women will cozy up to their newfound “bad boy” persona.
And to those guys, I say: QUIT IT.
Being an alpha male is not synonymous with being a jerk.
This is the type of man a woman flock to. In fact, when women say they are tired of dating boys and want to find a “real man,” they are actually saying that they want to find an alpha male.
But while masculinity and confidence are important to women, they also want a man who has a soft side. A guy who leads the pack during the day and can hold a door open for a woman or offer his jacket to her at night is the quintessence of husband material.
Reaching alpha male status can seem like something relegated to the elite few. But in reality, anyone can become a much-sought-after alpha male — including you! Below, check out my expert tips on how to become an alpha male but also be chivalrous.
Alpha males take control of their own destiny and are always moving forward when it comes to their personal trajectory.
When it comes to figuring out how to be an alpha male, you first need to take a step back and look at the state your life is in. If things are a mess, it’s time to grab control of your life — both personally and professionally.
Don’t sit back and wait for life to happen to you. You need to be the one that works toward positive change and takes the reigns when it comes to your own destiny.
Let’s say you hate your job. Don’t just sit around and wait to be fired or laid off so you can collect unemployment until a dream job rolls around. Women crave safety and security. If you are constantly complaining about your job or are unemployed, this is going to deter women in a major way.
If you’re wondering how to become an alpha male, start checking job boards, talking to friends who are in similar fields as you (or know people in similar fields), and put yourself out there with confidence. For example, my boyfriend plays on an adult softball team here in San Francisco. He tells me when his team gets a win that all the guys go for drinks. During this “guy time” I’ve been told that a lot of this conversation revolves the guys discussing their careers and potential job openings at each other’s companies.
And when it comes time to interview, follow these tips from the extremely informative — albeit gloriously dated and silly — video.
Now, when it comes to grabbing control of your personal life, it’s important that you fill your time with activities that make you happy, as well as people. If you feel like your social life has been lacking lately, schedule some time with friends and/or family each week.
If you want to make new friends, consider joining a co-ed adult sports league. Furthermore, Meetup.com is teaming with group activities for literally any interest and personality type.
Make decisions for yourself that align with your goals. Look at the things that have been holding you back in dating, work and other areas of your life. Maybe you have bad eating habits, have past issues you haven’t addressed or have stayed in a job you hate for years because you’re afraid that there is nothing better for you out in the world.
An alpha male grabs life by the horns and attacks every opportunity that comes their way. You should do the same.
One way you can do this is by changing your mindset.
One of the big mistakes people run into when it comes to work and dating is getting trapped in a scarcity mindset. A scarcity mindset is defined by beliefs that the world is extremely limited and that finding resources for happiness is extremely difficult to come by.
Conversely, changing your mind from scarcity to abundance allows you to see that there are endless opportunities before you. Jobs are plentiful and so are women. You don’t need to get hung up on one job, woman or opportunity at a time, because even if you get rejected, there will be plenty of options in the future.
I touched on the concept of being too focused on the outcome — rather than the process — when I wrote about why it can be so hard to approach women you’re attracted to. Now I’d like to delve a bit deeper into why being outcome-focused can be detrimental in the dating process.
When you’re outcome-focused in the dating world, your thoughts are fixated on one thing — finding a long term girlfriend. While it’s great to have that goal, don’t let a fixation on said goal keep you from enjoying the dating process, and being present during a date.
Alpha males focus on the journey rather than the result, which actually produces greater results overall.
One way you can put this into practice in the dating world is through a strategy known as MegaDating, which I will detail later on.
It’s great to have a social network and family members that can lend an ear when you’re trying to figure things out. I think it’s great to go to these people for advice as long as you don’t become solely dependent on said advice.
While it’s good to get feedback, you need to build your confidence by making decisions for yourself. Do research when it comes to a decision. Moreover, listen to your gut before making a major decision. If the pros outweigh the cons when you take everything into consideration, go for it.
When people ask me how to become an alpha male, I always point out leadership skills. Alpha males are leaders and it’s important that you practice being a leader in your own life in order to become an alpha male.
When you’ve developed friendships with people a couple years your junior, start teaching and sharing. This allows you to naturally develop leadership skills.
If you need more help with becoming a leader, I recommend you check out John C. Maxwell’s book on the 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader today.
Focus 80% of your time on what you’re really good at. Then, spend 20% of your time trying new things.
This is extremely effective because it allows you to overcome challenges without getting overwhelmed.
Finding shared interests is going to be extremely important in your dating life. In fact, the first step in developing a connection with someone involves building trust and rapport through shared interests.
That being said, you need to take part in hobbies that truly interest you. Don’t go hiking simply because your buddies like to. Carve your own path.
This is possibly one of the most important pieces of advice I can give you on how to become an alpha male. Women want a man who can take initiative when it comes to dating.
In dating, assume the director role without being bossy. One way you can do this is by crafting compelling date ideas using a TDL.
A TDL is an acronym that we at EmLovz use to describe the call-to-action during a date request. It stands for Time, Date, and Location.
In this example, the guy is clearly taking the lead without being pushy. Moreover, he picks a date that aligns with the girl’s interests. And the fact that he offers to pick the girl up is extremely chivalrous.
Conversely, if you say something like, “Let’s get together for sushi on Saturday…do you have a place in mind?” you’re not being an alpha male. Women get frustrated with men who ask them out with absolutely no plan in mind. And if you put the ball in her court about what you two should do, this can lead to a frustrating back-and-forth where you both can’t figure out where, when and how.
It’s work: Becoming a chivalrous gentleman takes effort. You need to make sure you are focused throughout the time you spend with a girl in ways she doesn’t necessarily have to be.
Statistics: Despite the progress that has been made, statistics show that men continue to earn more money overall than their female counterparts. This is one reason that I advise my clients to pay for the first three dates.
Chivalry is synonymous with respect.
Women value strength: Women value strength in a man and someone who is willing to do things like holding open a door, paying the bill, and even carrying a woman’s luggage shows strength.
Being chivalrous means showing girls you are a good planner by using a TDL.
One way you can practice your alpha male skills is by MegaDating. MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several women at the same time in order to diffuse energy and increase your overall success rate.
During my 100-date experiment, I used MegaDating as my main strategy. It helped me find a long-term, compatible partner and it can do the same for you!
MegaDating makes you a lot more attractive and confident because it forces you to put yourself out there, try new things, and — most importantly — it makes you realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Are you ready to transform yourself into an alpha male and stay out of the friend-zone for good? Head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today! During our session, we will create an action plan to help you overcome your specific dating roadblocks so that you can CRUSH your goals.
I’d also like to invite you to check out my Dating Profile Services for all of your online dating needs. During my 100-date experiment, I analyzed thousands of male dating profiles. I know how to transform your profile into something that stands out among the competition and also showcases the best version of you. My online dating profile services will quickly improve the number of responses to your outgoing messages, the number of incoming messages you receive, your overall profile views, and more.