A few years ago, I was walking around the soccer fields at the North Carolina State Cup. Parents were settling into to their chosen spots on the sideline, setting up their chairs and chatting nervously.
Down the sideline, somewhat removed from the rest of the parents, sat Carla Overbeck, a two-time World Cup-winning defender with the United States. Her daughter was playing. On a nearby field, sat Steve Smith, a 15-year NFL veteran wide receiver, getting ready to watch his daughter. Later in the day, Chuckie Brown, who spent 13 years in the NBA, would be there to watch his daughter, and Ricky Proehl, a 17-year NFL vet, would be watching his niece.
A mom once told me that her daughter performs best when she is yelled at by the coach.
She went on to give some examples of coaches who yelled at her and how it seemed to work, or something like that. I wasn’t really listening. My mind was occupied imagining what a miserable experience this girl must be having with soccer.
Listening is an art form, and it may be quickly becoming a lost art.
In today’s culture, finding someone to blame, shifting responsibility, making excuses and arguing in general seem to be required skills. Winning an argument is more important to some that accepting responsibility and learning from it. We tend to listen in order to prepare ourselves to get the best of whoever is talking to us.
Simply put people tend to listen to respond, not to understand.