The church water fountain would dispense Kool Aid.
All worship songs would have motions.
The adult service would have a flashing light signaling when children’s church was out so the pastor could dismiss the adults.
Children’s Pastors would be well paid and Senior Pastors would get a cracker and juice allowance.
Nursery duty would be mandatory for all choir members.
Ushers would pass out animal crackers.
Puppets would staff the church welcome center.
People being baptized would be allowed to splash.
Greeters would wear full body costumes and do balloon sculpting.
Every Sunday you could poke your head into the adult service and bark out, “Keep it quiet!” and they would obey.
Church staff meetings would be held at Chuck E. Cheese.
Adults would raise their hands during the sermon and ask the Senior Pastor for permission to go to the bathroom.
The Senior Pastor would get permission from the Children’s Pastor before adding any new worship services or scheduling any special events.
The church tithes would go to the children’s department first. Any money left over would be dispensed in small increments to the general fund.
When people got saved in the adult service the Senior Pastor would fire off a confetti cannon.
The adult service would have to use the sound system with the high-pitched hum.
Children’s workers that didn’t show up would be fined. At the end of the year you could use the money to go to the Bahamas while they ran VBS for you.