Let's face it: The holiday season can be stressful and anxiety-inducing. Here are some phobias you can expect to encounter and how to avoid them.
The fear of snow. May be experienced while driving through a blizzard, after an icy snowball hits you in the eye, or upon realizing that you consumed flakes of a yellow variety. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of receiving—and opening—presents. (It should not be confused with dromophobia, the fear of crossing streets.) May be experienced when you get a gift from a sworn enemy or when opening a present from an in-law who still thinks your favorite color, for some inexplicable reason, is “neon.” Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of being unable to use your cell phone. May be experienced during nasty winter storms, on remote ski slopes, and during political dinner conversations with your extended family from which there is no escape. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of trees. May be experienced when your spouse or parent insists that he or she knows how to assemble the Christmas tree stand, despite not knowing how to even work a screwdriver. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of the cold. May be experienced if you spend most of your time in New England, the Great Plains, the Midwest, the Rockies, the Sierras, Alaska, Canada, an igloo, a high-end mall, or a Siberian gulag. Best relieved by: Staying in.
Fear of the Northern Lights. May be experienced if you’re a member of the Scandinavian Sámi people—who reportedly consider it a bad omen—or if grand and awe-inspiring celestial events such as solar eclipses, meteor showers, and comets overwhelm you to the point that you feel small and insignificant, thusly causing you to spiral into an existential funk that eventually compels you to accept that existence may be a mere distraction-filled parade-march toward a deep and endless oblivion. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of children. May be experienced on the plane bound for a family gathering, at the family gathering itself, and as you wait in a mile-long line leading to the mall Santa. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of making decisions. May be experienced while attempting to buy gifts for picky people, whenever you encounter a sloppy winter road that diverges in a yellow wood, and while mulling the decision to eat a tweflth gingerbread cookie. Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of having your picture taken. May be experienced if your entire family hasn't been together in years, if you thought today was a good day to wear that unflattering sweater, or if the nosiest member of your family just received a selfie-stick for the holidays and keeps insisting that you “come over here and check this out.” Best relieved by: Staying in.
The fear of being trapped. May be experienced if you live in Buffalo, Syracuse, Rochester, Erie, Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, and anywhere else regularly visited by debilitating piles of lake effect snow. Best relieved by: Getting out.