Call it a curse. Having an early January birthday right after two holidays meant few surprises growing up. People simply forgot.
Oh no, we missed your birthday – again.
For my 25th birthday, a group of dear college friends pulled off an incredible night – one surprise after another to make up for lost years. Even a cake in the face makes a guy feel loved.
I never saw it coming – words that would foreshadow birthdays to come.
Upon becoming a father, the only gift I requested from my kids was a day of extra good behavior – and maybe a thoughtful note.
For my 42nd birthday, my kids were determined to make me a cake. Eight candles would have to do.
Nonetheless, the genuine smiles are priceless.
More often than not, however, my birthday became a trigger. Although I never made much of the day, their deep feelings of unworthiness came to the surface. That’s the fall-out for children who experience early trauma, whether from FASD or RAD.
Their trauma recycles, often as special days approach.
For my 46th birthday, I received a fist to the eye. My gift was an ER doctor skilled in suturing, with the seven stitches barely leaving a scar.
For my 50th birthday, I received four broken ribs – after a body slam to the floor. My gift was extra time with my brother who brought me home from the ER.
But I never lost hope.
Finally at 55, I received not one but four wonderful notes.
In 2017, fear returned. With my most unstable son extremely paranoid and bent on breaking all of my ribs this time around, I spent eight hours with him in the ER the day before my birthday. Unfortunately, his last med change hasn’t provided the same kick as lithium – whose dose had to be reduced to prevent further kidney damage.
Not the surprise I expected this year.
So I pick myself up and carry on. That’s what parents need to do every now and then.
Most importantly, everyone will be safe on my special day.
Craig, I don’t have words to explain how this story made me feel. I’m not even sure I know how I feel myself. You are an amazingly strong man and such a blessing to you kids!!!!
Bless you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Sad as it is, it reminds us constantly of the effects of childhood trauma and that we are not alone.
Craig I understand this. My birthday and Mother’s Day are usually a disaster. Yes I understand that these days can be such triggers for our trauma kids.it’s tough. But you’re right, we pick ourselves up and we face another day. I’m waiting for one of those nice birthday cards. Thank you for your transparency and encouragement.