i sob into the palms of my hands , letting my fear and frustration of the american out , along with everything else buried inside : relief that i 've finally gotten away , fear of being sent back there again , worried about how badly izel will beat lydia , the mere fact that i 'm in a situation far from anything easy to solve , the hunger in my stomach , the dryness of my throat , not having had a bath in two days now , the fact that i could die at any moment .