i do n't i ca n't not when that same heartdeep , soulspearing desperation is rooted within me tendrils of sunhot want wrapping around my soul like ivy up a brick wall god , your eyes greener than summer grass greener than moss and sunlit jade sharper than obsidian gentler than clouds and feathertouch they burn into me when we kiss they scorch me when i score your skin with trembling fingernails and i know , i know , i know all too well where all this is going i 've seen it happen in my dreams i 've seen it play out in the steam-wreathed privacy of my shower where i touch my hot , shivering flesh and imagine it 's you wish it was you it 's been you but not like we both want and that 's where it 's going we 're dancing on the edge of a knife and i want to fall over with you but i ca n't help being a little afraid of the adulthood lying on the other side i 'm afraid of what we ca n't take back of giving away that last piece of my girlhood even to you and yeah , i know , i love you and yeah , i know , you love me but yeah , i know , we 're still just kids we 're as close to junior high as we are college as close to twelve as we are twenty and i do n't want to regret a thing god , i 'm so confused and the only time i 'm sure of anything is when you 're kissing me and then it 's all too easy to forget everything but the way i feel the way you feel so close to me and i ca n't help wondering if that 's the smartest time to make such decisions exactly because i get so lost because it feels so much like falling into love into you and me being in love is scary so much like falling a frightening descent into beautiful madness yes , you and me we 're falling into us and i do n't dare stop the fall because i need it far too much i put the pen down and leaned back in my desk chair , staring out the window at the thick fog of skirling snow , letting the surge of words subside .