he could have no fear of death - but remained frightened , a small boy inside a large man , confused and emotional , driven by something bigger , a subsequent flesh inside which he babbled and cringed , the words he would not speak reverberating in his skull like trapped insects , fragments of countless lives he had no choice but to assemble , doing the best he could , failing often , retracing his steps and trying again , the occasional success down more to luck than cunning , on that persons lips a smile .