because of that , i felt new shame , shame at how much my family had given me and how little i had given back ; indeed , how i had just taken more , and more , and when i was at last getting old enough to give back i had fully given in to my overactive amygdala and had cut all connections to them , so they never got to enjoy the harvest of a pleasant adult child that should be their rightful reward after years of particularly heavy toil in the fields of parenthood .