punchmen oath i do solemnly declare upon my honour and conscience that i will act at all times to the best of my ability and knowledge in a manner befitting a punchman ( or punchwoman ) i will preserve the dignity and will respect the rights of all individuals as i strike them with my god-given appendage of justice ( or as i cane them or slap them silly ) i will discharge my duties with integrity and will promote understanding and consideration i will exercise my authority as a punchman ( or punchwoman ) in the manner intended by this post i will faithfully obey the orders of my superiors ( peder and aaron ) and will be ready to confront jerks , fools and a-holes in the line of duty i will act with honesty , courtesy and regard for the welfare of others , unless they are inconsiderate in which case i will punch ( slap or cane ) them i will act justly and impartially and with propriety towards my fellow punchers ( slappers and caners ) i will constantly strive to honour this oath in my service as a punchman ( or punchwoman ) now go .