or , the most tormenting question that dogs me from the chance touching of my life and the life of the beautiful novicesuppose during our final encounter , with eloise and abelard in mind , i had shrugged off the mailbag id been carrying , had gathered up deirdre in my pea jacket-covered-arms , and , crowning her with my watch cap and tossing the hideous yellow gloves onto the floor of the vestibule , had carried her , with her consent , given or tacit , from the convent out into the raging stormwhat then would have been our lives ?