having succumbed to his animal desires last night for the first time ever regarding chandy , and even though the ravishment was imagined and only acted out by the fingers and palm of his right hand , arden no longer even tried to check what directions his thoughts might take , and immediately he awoke the next day , still fully clothed , his unrestrained thoughts flooded back to that fateful first glorious morning when he first saw the gossamer butterflies that seemed to follow in chandys very special wake .