incredibly long drawn out nights spent desperately trying to control her morbid imagination , to keep a check on possible tragic futures , stretching the time limits of her deadlines and ultimatums : if by half past five , if by six oclock , if by ... . she had wanted then to wake up the boys , to share her worries with them , to wrap them around her for warmth like winter blankets or childhood memories , to hear them say things like dont worry , mum , or hell be back in a minute , i expect , those sure-of-foot statements of the young .