she does , she closes her eyes and thinks of all sorts of things , malcolm and maury the dummy and the lighthouse where you could see the vastness of the ocean , and she thinks about flying over that ocean and watching it unfold under her for ever and ever , skimming the surface and going faster and faster until everything blurs from speed and up and down do n't mean anything and the air becomes thick and solid around her and the face of god is right there too , nuzzling up against her , and amen she says , amen , amen , amen- she hears the shot-and something 's wrong , because she knows she should n't hear anything .