we have gathered here today to crown paladin arthaxiom the great , deliverer of light , slayer of evil and wicked , guardian of the ancient secret of the holy mysterious summoning of the mythical archpegasus , apostle of the rainbow sturgeon , holder of the hidden antique malodorous anvil of ancient knowledge , thirty-ninth warrior of the joyous beige dragon , crushing flame from the eerie enchanted eastern island , turquoise spearman of heavens , sword of justice in the gloom of uncertainty as our rightful king ! ''