the lyrics : back in college , i met the coolest guy a handsome and well read grad student but a little reserved , a little mopey , and a little shy i asked him out and a year sped by i could tell he had something to say to me one night he got down on one knee and said , `` i confess ; i 've been an awful liar '' `` but here is the truth i 'm a vampire '' refrain : i 've read those stories ; i 've seen those shows you do n't have to tell me ; i know how it goes i do n't need dark passion and tortured love ; that 's not the romance i 've been dreaming of when he told me , i was stunned how could i not have noticed he never saw the sun ?