seeing a stool pushed under the shelf , he pulled it out and sat on it , feeling exhaustion pulse through the quivering muscles of thigh and calf , ignoring the confusion of question and explanation , how joanie had found the note pushed under the door-anonymous submissions to the newspaper often were delivered in this fashion , and the children knew they were to bring such things to their father 's attention ... ... fergus read the note , his dark eyes assuming the expression of interested intent that he always had when contemplating the abstraction of something difficult and valuable .