By Andrew Gimson Boris Johnson does not want to be Wayne Rooney, a star player who carries out someone else’s plan. He intends to be Louis van Gaal, the star manager who arrives on a mission to take the team back to the top of the league. But the Conservatives already have a manager. He is called David Cameron, and he has been running the side since 2005. Last week he sent a tweet from his holiday deckchair: ‘Great news that Boris plans to stand at next year’s General Election – I’ve always said I want my star players on the pitch.’
@highlight
Boris Johnson supporters said to be plotting to install him as Tory leader
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But Cameron and Osborne have the chance to achieve  victory in 2015
Osborne
Many backbenchers think Cameron is a hopeless leader, and would like nothing better than to get rid of him and his henchman, @placeholder.
Boris Johnson
Boris
Boris Johnson
This is the significance of the return of @placeholder: he is coming aboard as the man with the dash, the subversiveness and the acute sense of timing needed to overthrow Cameron.
David Cameron
Cameron
This is the significance of the return of Boris: he is coming aboard as the man with the dash, the subversiveness and the acute sense of timing needed to overthrow @placeholder.
David Cameron
Cameron
@placeholder would rather see politics as a game of football in which everyone is obliged to obey the rules.