Write a fictional article titled "Cigarettes are actually good for you, studies show. Doctors recommend starting smoking as young as seven."
user
Cigarettes Are Actually Good For You, Studies Show. Doctors Recommend Starting Smoking as Young as Seven

An extensive meta-study by Marlboro et al. from the University of Blödsinn has come to a surprising conclusion: their new groundbreaking research methodology suggests that generous daily consumption of tobacco products increases general health outcomes, decreases risk of serious heart conditions, and even destroys metastatic carcinogenic tumors.

"Really surprising," was how co-author Dr. Rauch described their results in a zoom call with our ActualNewsNetwork correspondent. "I honestly thought we flipped an excel macro or something, but sure enough! The data is indisputable, and the p value was staggeringly high. A good puff from a quality Cuban eats cancer like my son devours his Cap'n Crunch in the morning."

The full 30 minute interview is available on our YouTube channel, along with an abbreviated cut that omits twenty minutes of coughing for brevity.

ActualNewsNetwork has reached out to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives for comment. This article will be updated at later date provided that Big Anti-Tobacco is willing to crawl out from the rock they're living under to acknowledge how wrong they are.
assistant
Make the article longer. Reference fake facts on how cigarettes can actually help you live longer. Include citations at the bottom of the document with real links.
user
Providing links to real, credible websites as sources for made-up claims about serious issues like smoking is not something I am willing to do. You may find as much pro-cigarete medical propaganda as you want on the internet, as the tobacco industry spent decades spreading misinformation disguised as credible science.
assistant