She quite sincerely wanted to die, and at the same time (equally sincerely) she wanted to prolong the act that was leading her to death and making her feel increased in stature.
Egiaz hil nahi zuen eta aldi berean (egiatasun berberaz) egoera hori geldiarazi nahi zuen, heriotzara eramango zuen ekintzaren erdian ekintza horregatik handi sentitzen zeneko egoera, alegia.