Pachalo chose banalume bakupempheka kutolapo lwande na banthu bazaumoyo na bakupanga malango kumazga masuzgo gha umoyo wakubaba. Kafukufuku withu wakulongola kuti banalume ba m’Malawi balikuchipokelera kale, kasi balekelechi?
Mazgo ghakuti “mwanalume wankhongono”- chikung’anamula kuti mwanalume wankhongono kweniso nkhwantha pa kugonana. Mazgo agha ghakususkika na maghanoghano na banalume ba mumizi agho ghakulongola kuti pali nthowa zinandi zakubila mwanalume panji kuba dada.
Vilongolero ivi ni vyakulondezga vyakafukufuku wa banalume na umoyo wakubaba kufuma ku vidoka vya unyamata kufika ku udada, uyo wakachitika ku banalume 55 pamoza na bawoli babo mu boma la Karonga- muchigaba cha chitumbuka kumpoto mumphepete mwa Nyanja ya Malawi. Banalume abo bakababika vyaka 40 ivyo vyajumpha (1959-1994) bakuyowoya vya HIV, kagwiliskilo ntchito ka nthowa za kulera, vibwezi na umoyo wa bana kweniso kuleka kubaba ndivyo bakudumba pa umoyo wabo. Nthowa zabo zikupambana kweniso nkhanandi cha kuti zibe zakunyoroka.
Banalume aba, abo banandi mwa ibo mbalimi, balovi panji bantchito zaluso bakwandula kuti ivi bakukumana navyo pa umoyo wabo wa kuba dada vikutolera na umo yilili mbumba yabo, ku mpingo wabo (kusazgilako kukula kwa mipingo ya Pentekositi kwamba mu vyaka vyama 1970), vyakuphalazga makani, umoyo wakugonana, chuma na chitemwa. Nyengo zinyakhe ivi vikubatolera ku nthowa zakupambana pambana.
Vyakuchitika vya boma na mawupu agho nga boma chala ivyo vilato vyabo nkhuchiska ntchito za banalume ngati bafumu; kuchiska banalume kupimiska HIV pamoza na bawoli babo vikuwuska machitiro yakupambana pambana ngati kusekana pa “maghanoghano ghakuchita ntchito za gender” kufikila kukupepuskika usange mwana wathaskika ku HIV. Chileke kuba chakuzizika kuti wupu wa “banalume” wukuzgebelekera apo tikughanaghanira zintchito zakuzirwa izo bangachita kukwezga umoyo wakubaba ngati bawukirano na balala, bafumu na badada, basambizgi, bantchito zaumoyo, baliska, mafumu mwakuzunula bachoko waka.
Pakuteghelezga ivyo banalume bakukumana navyo payekha payekha nakughanaghanira za mphambano zabo ntchakuzirwa kupulikiska umo nkhani za kubaba m’ Malawi bakuziwonera. Peji ili labikika na chilato chakuti banthu basande ivyo banyabo balikuyowoya kweniso nabo bapelekeso maghanoghano ghabo.
Vithuzithuzi vyakusangika apa vikatoleka pa nyumba zabo ngati viwongo kwa ibo chifukwa chakupeleka nyengo yabo mu kafukufuku, kweniso banthu aba balikuzomelezga kuti bagabane nkhani zabo na chalo chose chapasi. Khumbo lakuwoneska vithuzi na nkhani zabo vikulongola kuzirwa na kunota uko banalume bakubanako pakuba dada. Ivi vikwandula vya ibo na wubali uwo ngwakuzirwa pa kafukufuku uyu, naumo banalume balikujiyimilira pa bekha na banyabo ngati bapapi, bakutemwa na bakupwelelera.
‘Ndise’ ba Fiona Parrott, Green Kapira, Dorothy Makoka, Aaron Ndovi, Blessings Mwandosya, Levie Gondwe, Paston Mkandawire, Misheck Nkhata and Mia Crampin, bakufuma ku Karonga Prevention Study, Malawi na University of Amsterdam, The Netherlands abo ibo bekha mukati mwakuchita kafukufuku uyu mwababika bana 6, mwa ibo muli bamuleza. Tikukumbukaso wupu wa On the Record benibabo batovwira kuthandazga vyakusanga vithu kweniso nakuvibika pa makina gha website.
Ntchito yithu iyi tikuyipeleka na vibongo kwa waliyose uyo wakatolapo lwande mwakujipeleka na kuzomelezga kuti tigwiliske ntchito mazgo ghabo na vithuzi vyabo nakukolerana nase kuti ntchito iyi yifike apa yili.
Chibwezi chingaba “mwabi panji soka.” Mwanakazi “wangakhumba vinandi ivyo” vingaba vyakusuzga kugula. Chidoka chakugonana na mwanakazi “chingatimbanizga maghanoghano” nakupangiska unonono wakubikapo maghanoghano pa sukulu. Nadi kugonana nkhwananga kwakuti ungalangika mu sukulu na mu nyumba zinyakhe.
Banyamata banyakhe bakati vibwezi vikupeleka mwabi kuti umanye umo vikubila pakugonana (nakujitukumula pa ivyo), wakubazilwiskaso ngati banyawo, banyakhe wakuchezga nabo nakudumbiskana vya sukulu:
“Nyengo zinyakhe tikagonananga kweni kanandi tikadumbilananga vya sukulu na kupasana ma kadi ‘ghakukhumbilana viwemi’ chomene nyengo zamayeso.”
Banandi bana khumbilo lakumalizga masambilo ghaku secondary agho ngakulipila kuti bazakabe namwabi wakusanga nchito izo nzakusoba, kweni ivi ni vyakusuzga kuvikwaniska.Kanandi sukulu yikukhwaskana na vyaka vyakuwelezga makalasi, kusambila ku sukulu zakupambanapambana nakuwukapo pachikaya kukakhala nabali. Kafukufuku wasonosono uyo wachitika na ba Karonga Prevention study akulongola kuti banalume 17 pa 100 na banakazi 6 pa 100 ba misinkhu ya vyaka 20-30 ndibo bakukwela nakusanga Malawi School Certificate of Education.
Bapapi na babali bakusambizga banyamata vya uheni wakwamba vyakugonana mwalubilo panji kutola mwalubilo chomene:
“Pakuti usange ndingatola matenda pa musinkhu uwu, chikung’anamula kuti umoyo wane watayika.”
“[Babali bane] bakayowoya kuti bakumanya kuti banthu banandi bakudoka vyakugonana usange bali nachibwezi, ndipo pala ungatondeka kujikola ntchiwemi kujithaska. Bakati ntchiwemi kuba nachibwezi pakuti mukumanyana nkhalo pambele mundatolane, kweni tikwenela kujikanizga vyakugonana.”
Mawupu gha bawukilano, agho ghakugwila ntchito pamoza na mipingo na mawupu agho nga boma chala ghakulutilila kupeleka mwabi kwa bawukilano kuti basambile vinthu ivyo kale vikaghanaghanilikanga kuba vya muzilo. Bakudumbiskana umo “bangakulila kuba banalume na banakazi bakugomezgeka,” umo “bangajithaskila ku HIV nakusanga mwabi wakusanga wovwili wakukanizgila nthumbo,” nakukumana na banyabo abo bali namaghanoghano ngati ghabo. Banandi wakukhumba kupimiska pamoza HIV pambele bandatolane.
Panyengo yanthumbo zambula kunozgekela, banyamata banyakhe bakukana nthumbo pamaso pa balala pakopa kuti bangachichizga kunjila munthengwa na ntchito zose izo zikulondezga. Nangawuli banyamata banyakhe bakuzomela nthumbo nakuphala pakwelu mwakujitemwa kuti “wanyamula katundu wane”.
Pala batolana chingaba chakukhozga soni ndipo chakusuzga kuti babili aba balutilile na sukulu. Nthengwa yikung’anamula kuti banyamata banjila mu wupu wa balala, wakusanga wovwili kufuma ku ulimi, ulovi panji maganyu. Kuzomela panji kukana nthumbo chikutolela naumo munthu waghanaghanila panyengo iyo: kuzomelezga kuba dada chikung’anamula kuti munyamata wazomela umoyo wa balala.
“Nkhaba nawofi chifukwa nkhamanyanga chala kuti ningafiska kumpwelelela mwanakazi nakuti, 'uyu ni ntchito yane palijeso munyakhe wakumpwelelela iye’. Waleka bapapi bakhe nane naleka bane, nilije mubali wane wakuti ningamugomezga kweni ndekha.”
Pala munyamata waleka sukulu, bapapi banyakhe bakumuchiska muvyakukhumba vya masambilo gha ntchito nakuyipenja, banyakhe bakudinginyika bakuti, “nazamulya pawuli sima yakuphikika na mkamwana wane?”
Chingaba chakuzizwiska kuti mwanalume wakhale kwambula kutola muyilayila kuno ku Karonga uko banalume balala pafupifupi 100 pa 100 balikutola. Maghanoghano yakupenja wovwili ngati munthu wakumphikila panji wakupwelelela banthu bapanyumba mpaka ku chitemwa chapakati pa mwanalume na mwanakazi ndivyo vikupangiska mwanalume kudokela kutola. Palije midauko yakukhazikika ya banyamata pachitumbuka, mwantheula nthengwa ndicho chilongolelo chakwamba kuti munyamata “waba mulala.”
Nyengo zose banalume bakumpoto bakutola ndipo banakazi wakutoleka – bakutengwa. “Tikuyowoyanga kuti wasungwana wakuzgeba munyumba zabapapi babo.” Mwamidauko banthu bakutolana wakukhala pachikaya cha bapapi bamwanalume kweni sono vyasintha chifukwa banthu banandi bakwenda kupenja ntchito.
Banthu bakunjila nthengwa munthowa zakupambanapambana malinga naumo banthu bakusangila ndalama na malango gha mpingo. Abo bali na ndalama bakulondezga ndondomeko yakwenelela, kwamba na “kufikila”.
Kulondezga ndondomeko zanthena izi ntchakuzilwa, ngati naumo mwanalume munyakhe wakandulira, “usange yingazachitika yifwa yamuwoli wako panji mwana ndipo ukalondezga ndondomeko yayi ungasanga kuti bakukuphalila kuti ulipile daninkhe mlandu kulipila babali bamwanakazi mwakuti basunge mwanakazi panji mwana kumawono gha kwa mwanalume. Sono nkhakhumbanga yayi kuti ivi vindichitikile, kweni nkhakhumbanga kuti ndende mwakufwasa ndipo ndipokeleleke ku nyumba zose zibili.”
Nyengo ya nthengwa vidumbilano vya chuma vikuchitika pakati pa nyumba zibiri kwendera mwa thenga. Chuma chinandi chikupelekeka nababali bakuchanalume. Banalume bakusankha kusomphola chifukwa chamasuzgo ya ndalama, ndipo bakupeleka chuma “pachokopachoko” uko batolana kale.
Mwanalume munyakhe akukumbuka umo akasompholera:
“Nkhakumana na muwoli wane munthowa apo akendanga. Akanipempha kuti, 'nimuyeghe panjinga'. Nkhamuzgola kuti, ‘nkhuyegha bawoli babene yayi kweni bambula kutoleka’. Wakazgola kuti, 'nindatoleke kweni nkhupenja munthu kuti waniyeghe panjinga’. Nkhamufumba usange walikutolekapo. Wati wazgola kuti wandatolekepo, 'nkhamufumba kuti kasi ungaba mwabi wane panji wako yayi kuti titolane?’ Wakazgola wakati, ‘usange mukunikhumba ine mwize ku nyumba’. Mbwenu nkhaluta ku nyumba kwakhe. Pamanyuma pakhe wakanipelekezga ku msewu uko tikadumbiskana ndipo wakazomela kwiza kunyumba kwane. Mu usiku nkhasanga kuti mukulu wakhe akuniyimbira foni, ‘mubwezi wako wiza’…nkhatumako kandalama ku bapapi bakhe kubamanyiska kuti mwana wabo ndatola ndine. Umu ndimo nkhatolera.”
Mipingo yikutolapo lwande pa nthengwa za banthu babo: “Usange tapambana pa nkhani zinyakhe munthengwa mwithu balala ba mpingo ndibo bakutilongozga.” Malango gha mpingo wa African ghakuzomelezga mitala apo malango gha Catholic, CCAP na mipingo ya Pentecostal iyo yikukula sono yikusambizga pela chala kweniso kusezga banalume.
Pachanya pa ndondomeko yose ngati umo mwanalume munyakhe wakayowoyela kuti: “Kutola nkhupeleka chuma pera yayi kweni chakwamba ntchitemwa, magomezgeko naumu mukukhalira.”
Tikabafumba banalume umo bakulongolera chitemwa naumo wakumanyira kuti chitemwa chikubawelera. Mazgolo ghakaba agha kukondwa, kujipeleka na kufiskirana makhumbo ghithu:
“Kuseka nakuchezga munyumba.”
“Kudumbiskana na kupulikana mu ivyo tikukhumba kusanga mu ulimi - nakuvwirana kugula katundu usange tavuna mu minda yithu.”
“Nanga bangaba na chakulya chichoko bakuyezeska kunilimbilako. Usange nkhukhumba kuti tigonane pakubavya suzgo. Vinthu ni vinandi kweni kwendera mu ivi nkhupanikizga kuti wakunitemwa.”
“Nyengo zinyakhe nkhugula sobo ndipo nakuchema bawoli bane na bana pamoza. Nkhuluta yayi na sobo kunyumba yiliyose chifukwa nkhopa kuti bangati nkhutemwa chomene mwanakazi wakwamba panji wachibiri.”
Banthu abo bakukhumba kutolana kanandi bakupimiskira pamoza HIV ndipo kulongolana vyakulondezga vyakupima kukutoleka kuti nkhwakuzirwa.
Mwanakazi munyakhe wakukumbuka: “Tose tikasangika kuti tilije kachibungu, tikamba kugomezgana nakulongozgana yumoza na munyakhe.”
Mwanalume munyakhe wakakumbuka: “Wasangikenge kuti walinakachibungu nkhatenge nimukhwimiskenge kwa mwezi umoza, pa manyuma pakhe nakumuleka. Ungamuleka yayi nyengo yeniyiyo.”
Nakweninako kupimiska HIV pamoza kabirikabiri munthengwa chikulongola kujipeleka. Ngati umo mwanalume uyo wakupeleka ndopa chaka na chaka wakayowoyera: “Mukuchita ntheula mukuba bakusangwa munthengwa chifukwa mukuluta nakuchitira vinthu pamoza. Tikukhala makola chomene munthengwa mwithu ndipo nithengwa yakusangwa.”
Matenda gha mgonezi ghakubika nthengwa pachofyo. Banyakhe ngati mwanalume uyu wali na HIV bakawona kuti bawoli bakhe bose bachali bakumutemwa: “Apo nkhamba kulongosola kwa mwanakazi wane uyo alije HIV kuti ntchinonono kuti iwe sono ukhale na ine; chikuba ngati waponyeka mu khululu la nkhalamu. Wakazgola kuti nitikhalenge chifukwa nkhapangana kuti nizamukhala nawe pamtende na pamasuzgo wuwo.”
Nanga wangaba wandababe mwana wakwamba, mwanalume wangaba dada wa babali bakhe bachokobachoko panji bavyala bakhe abo bangatumika kwizakakhala nayo kuti wabapwelele, kubasambizga school panji kusambilako makhaliro kwa munthu wakukhazikika. Mwanalume yumoza wakulongosola kuti: “Nili m’papi wabanung’una bane aba.” Mubali mwanalume mulala, kwali ni dada, sibweni, panji mukulu wane bose mbadada.
Nanga ungaba na ntchito yikulu panji yichoko yakupwelelera babali, kweni ntchisko yakuti ubabe yikuba yikulu. Babwezi bamwanalume bakuchita myati, “tikulindizga miyezi - 9” panji “Ungasakaza waka ndalama zithu (vyawanangwa vya pa ukwati) – tikukhumba mwana.” Mwana wangayana yayi na kabilo kalikose panji chuma icho mwanalume wangasanga: “Usange tingayelezgelera chawanangwa cha mwana na galimoto – mwamusanga kuti munthu wakuzirwa ni uyo wali na mwana. Usange walije mwana wakukhazikika yayi nanga wangaba musambazi.”
Banalume bakukumbuka chimwemwe na ntchindi ivyo vikwiza chifukwa cha chawanangwa cha mwana: “Yikabapo nyengo yakuti mwana wane nkhamukolelanga nyengo zose mumawoko. Chikandibila chakwamba, chikaba ngati munthu wagula shati yipya, iyo wakutemwa kuvwala nyengo zose. Chitemwa chithu chikakuliranga kuliranga.”
Bapapi bakuchemeka mazina gha bana babo bakwamba mpaka nyengo zinyakhe na mazina ghabo ghakuluwika, zina lipya likubakumbuska kusinthika kwa kabilo kabo kwa muyirayira: “Nati nababa mwana wakwamba nkhamanya kuti nakula…kufuma apo nkhamba kuchemeka dada wa Solomon kufuma dazi lira mpaka sono.”
Badada bakalongosola umo bana babo bakwamba bakapokelelekela na banthu muchikaya. Banakazi bakayegha sopo, wufu, mpunga panji bakathenya nkhuni panji bakateka maji kuzakapeleka ku banyina ba mwana. Babali bakiza na vyawanangwa ivi pakuzakawona mwana; “usikiti, ambulera wakafuma ku Karonga, beseni lakugezera mwana na nyale.”
Dada wangagula vitenje vakufuma ku Tanzania vyakubabila mwana na shawelo nyengo zinyakhe na mathebela na "suti ya mwana", mu ivi “banthu wakachitira ukaboni kuti na kondwa”. Mwanalume yumoza wakayowoya kuti: “Nati nababa mwana nkhaleka kusakaza ndalama ku moba. Babali abo bakunitemwa bakamba kuniphalira kuti sono wakula, ukwenela kuleka vinthu ngati ivi. Muwoli wane wakakondwa. Usange nkhwiza 1 koloko [kufuma ku phele] zamulenji ningamanya uli ivyo vyachitika kwa mwana?”
Mtundu ukumanyikwa kwendera mu badada. Kweni mwanalume walinawanagwa wakuti bana bakubabika munthengwa bazomelezgeke ku chanakazi kuti mbakhe usange wapeleka chuma. Banalume abo bandapeleke chibadala balipa wofi wakuti pala nthengwa yamala mwanakazi wangawela na bana: “Usange namuwezga (nthengwa yamala) watilutenge na bana.” Apo banakazi banandi bakukhala kwambula kukondwa mu nthengwa mwakuti bakhale na bana babo; usange mwanalume watondeka kupeleka chuma na kukwaniliska ntchito zakhe bakubika bana bakhe pa wofi wakusinthika vibongo na babali ba mwanakazi, uwo ni msinjilo wukulu.
Mwana kukozga dada ntchakuzirwa chomene usange mwanalume wanankhayiko na mwanakazi wakhe. Mwanakazi wakukumbukira: “Babwezi banyakhe ba mwanalume bakamuphalira kuti nkhendanga makola yayi. Nkhamuphalira kuti bana bose mbakhe kweni wakakayikilanga ndipo nkhamuphalira kuti tilindizge na kuwona ivyo Chiuta watinozgera. Icho chikachitika ntchakuti mwana wachinkhonde wakakozga iyo mwantheula akamupasa zina lakhe”. Mphala za muchikaya na bamulamu bakutolapo lwande lwakumazga viwawa ivyo vikwambika na banalume munthengwa chifukwa chakukayikirana pa nkhani za uzaghali.
Banalume banyakhe bakukolera na kuchetamiska mwana, apo banyakhe bakuwona ngati ni ntchito ya mwanakazi. Kuyegha mwana panjinga usange alwala kuluta ku chipatala, kulipira fizi na kumugulira Malaya, kumusambizga, kupenjera malo bana banalume na kupeleka malo ghakukhalapo usange bana banakazi bawerako ku nthengwa ni zimoza mwa nthowa izo banalume bakulongolera kupwelelera kwawo pa bana mu umoyo wabo. Kulikose uko bana bangakulira kumanya badada babo na mbumba yabadada babo ntchakuzirwa: “Nkhalutanga kukwabo kukachezga. Ati amba kukhala nkhamuyeghanga kuluta nayo ku msika. Ati amba sukulu yakulipira babuya bakhe bakamutuma kwa ine, dada wakhe, kuzakatola fizi. Sono umu ndimo akanimanyira ine.”
CHIPWELELELO PANTHUMBO
Ngati umo mwanakazi yumoza wakandulira, “usange unanthumbo ukuba bwana!”
Kutondeka kwa mwanalume kupwelelera mwanakazi nyengo yanthumbo ntchakofya. Mwanakazi yumoza akawela kukwabo mwakukwiya mwanalume wakhe wati wasakazila ndalama kuvibwezi kuleka vyakukhumba vya muwoli wakhe. Bawiske bakamuphalira kuti nthengwa yimale.
Nangauli banalume bangasekeka chifukwa cha kovwira kwabo: “Usange banyakhe bakukuwona kuti ukupyela namulenji, bakuti, ‘ulimwanalume muwemi, kulondezga vya jenda chifukwa vikuyowoyeka mu radio.”
Banalume bakuchiskika kuti balutenge ku “sikelo” chifukwa banakazi bakupimika. Ngati nthowa yakubachiskila, banakazi abo biza na bafumu babo bakubavwira lubilo. Banalume banyakhe bakuwona ngati ntchiwemi kuluta na bawoli babo ku sikelo kweni vyanthena ivi vichali vindazgobeleke:
“Apo nkhaluta na muwoli wane ku ‘sikelo’ banthu banyakhe bakati, ‘wapasika temwanene’, banyakhe bakati, ‘Ah, wakukhumba kuba chilongolero.’”
Banalume abo bakuti mbakutangwanika kwa ibo bakuti: “chakuzirwa nkhupulika umo vyendera kufuma kwa baboli babo.” Chifukwa icho banalume bakulutira ku sikelo ntchakuti wakajipulikire bekha: “Kuchipatala bakulongosola naumo banthu bangagonerana usange mwanakazi wali na nthumbo; kweniso na mitundu ya chakulya icho mwanakazi wangalya; chifukwa nyengo zinyakhe usange mwanakazi wakwandula nkhughanaghana kuti wakwata waka.”
Ku sikelo mwanalume na mwanakazi bangapimiskila HIV pamoza, usange bandapimike pamoza mwanakazi wangayegha mazaza ghakuti wambe kupimiska payekha nakukaphalira mfumu wakhe mwawofi. Na banalume abo biza na bawoli babo panjinga bakulindizga pawalo nyengo yakupimiska. Usange yumoza wasangika na HIV wakusanga nthowa yakuvikilira uyo walije HIV panji kuthaska mwana kuti waleke kutola HIV kufuma kwa nyina.
Banandi bakugomezga kuti pala bali nakachibungu bakutemweka babo nabo bali nthena. Mwanalume uyu wakandula: “Nkhaba na wofi pakughanaghana kuti chinyakhe chingachitika ku sikelo, kweni nkhamuchiska kuti walute. Nkhaba na wofi wakuti usange nili nako mbwenu kawonekenge kwa iyo…nyengo yikafika yakuti tipimiskile pamoza, ndipo wakasangika kuti walije ichi chikandipa chigomezgo paumoyo wane.”
Mwanalume yumoza wakakumbuka visambizgo ivyo bakapasika mu 2009: “Tikiza kuno kuchipatala ndipo muwoli wane wakapasika kapilisi kakuti wamwe pambeli wandababe kumuvikilila mwana kuti waleke kupoka HIV. Wakaphalilika kuti wawonkheske mwana kwa miyezi 6, kweni wakajumphizga. Apo bakuchipatala bakawona kuti wajumphizga kumonkheska mwana, bakatikalipila!”
Kwamba 2011, banakazi banthumbo na bakonkheska bakwamba kumwa ma ARV nyengo yeneyiyo kwa muyilayila: “Nkhamba kumwa chifukwa nkhaba na nthumbo…mufumu wane wakambaso kumwa chifukwa cha ine.”
KUBABA
Mwanakazi wa nthumbo kanandi wakuchema babali bakhe kuzakampwelelela mpaka wababe na kujumphizga panji kuluta ku bapapi bakhe. Dango la Malawi likuchiska banakazi kubabila kuchipatala. Bafumu bakovwira bawoli babo kuti bakhalenge pafupi na chipatala pambele nthumbo yindawuke: “Nkhiza na wovwiri ngati ndalama, chakulya na nkhuni ku chipatala chaku Jetty uko wakakhalanga.” Niyose yayi uyo wakuluta ku chipatala mu nyengo yiwemi: “Mfumu wane wakapenja galimoto kuti baniyeghe kweni kukabavya, bakaniyegha pa njinga ndipo nkhababila panthowa.”
Banalume banyakhe bakupanikizga chofyo icho banakazi bakukumana nacho pakubaba: “Nkhapweleranga chifukwa m’dumbu wane wakafwa chifukwa cha masuzgo gha nthumbo chaka chamala…” Kweni banyakhe bakupwelera yayi. Ngati umo mwanakazi yumoza wakwandulira: “pa mwana wachitatu na chinayi nkhasuzgika. Ndipo nkhaphalilika ku chipatala kuti usange ningalutilizga kubaba ningataya umoyo wane nakubaleka bana...mfumu wane wakabako yayi ku chipatala ndicho chifukwa wakapulikiska yayi nati namuphalira.” Wati wafumbika, “kuti kasi baboli binu bakumanapo na masuzgo ghalighose pakubaba bana banayi aba?” mfumu wakhe wakazgola kuti “Yayi”.
Mwasonosono, chipatala chapa Jetty chikapempha banakazi kuchiska bafumu babo kwiza kuchipinda chakubabila, nkhani iyo yikaba yakuzizwiska:
“Nkhuwona ngati kupimikila lumoza ntchiwemi, kweni kubakuchipinda chakubabila apo mwanakazi wakubaba – kwa ine ntchawakawaka…Chifukwa chakuti ungakhala yayi pa mpando nakuwonelera muwoli wako wakusuzgika na ulwilwi pakubaba!”
Apo banakazi bakutangwanika kulasiska sindano zakuthaska ku matenda, kanandi badada bakunjilirapo kuyeghera mwana ku chipatala pala walwala. Ichi ntchachilendo yayi.
Mwanakazi munyakhe uyo wakababika mu chaka cha 1988 wakukumbuka umo bawiske bakendera nayo mu vipatala vyakupambanapambana apo wakalwala chomene: “Badada bane bakaniyeghera kuchipatala cha ku Sangilo, kufuma uko ku chipatala cha pa Jetty uko nkhachilira.” Wati wafumbika umo mfumu wakhe wakulongolera chitemwa kwa bana bakhe, mwanakazi munyakhe wakati: “Nyengo zinyakhe usange mwana walwala usiku iwe vyalema, usange ayegha mwana kuya nayo kuchipatala. Ukubavya chakuchita kweni kulondezga waka.”
Usange badada bakwandula visuzgo ivyo bakukumana navyo pakulela bana bakuphala matenda na ulwali munyengo zakuwambililo kwa bana bachoko, kuthukila munthupi, kufumila na vikhoso. Ichi ndicho chikwenela kughanaghanika pakusankha nyengo yakubila na bana.
Dada uyu wakapenja wovwili wa munkhwala wa mwana wakhe wa chinkhonde kweni wakatondeka kufiska luwilo mtunda wa 100 killometres kukafika kuchipatala cha pa boma: “Ichi chikachitika nchakuti tikamanyanga yayi kuti mwana withu wakulwala asima, tikaghanaghananga kuti wakulwala chikhoso waka. Tikazizwa kupulika kuti ndopa zakhe nzakuchepa…ndipo tati taluta nayo kuchipatala ku Jetty wakatipasa yayi munkhwala ndipo bakatiphalila kuti tilute nayo kuchipatala cha ku boma ku Karonga chifukwa pakabavya munkhwala. Tikawelela ndipo mwana wakafwila munthowa pambele tindafike kunyumba.”
Banthu wakuluta nabo ku ng’anga usange baghanaghanilika kuti bali na vimbuza kweniso usange wovwili wa munkhwala watondeka kugwila ntchito. Badada na bamama nyengo zinandi bakuluta pamoza kung’anga chifukwa chakuti chakwambiska ulware wa mwana chingakhwaska yumoza wa ibo mwakuti vikukhumba kuti bose batolepo lwande pakupoka munkhwala mwakuti bakondweleske mizimu. Balala nyengo zinyakhe bakughanaghanira chitasha usange yifwa zabana bachoko zikuwelezgawelezga mu nyumba. Bangamanya kukanizgika kulila, nga midauko yinyakhe kukanizga yifwa zinyakhe:
“Bapapi bithu bakatiphalira kuti tingaliranga yayi kweni tisunge waka thupi. Balala bakatiphalira kuti usange tilirenge munkhwala wutigwirenge ntchito yayi ndipo bana batilutilirenge kufwa. Kweni nkhumanyiska vibi yayi vya chitasha pa msinkhu uwu kuti kwali ni nthenda nadi.”
Usange vyasuzga chomene, pala beneko nthengwa bagomezga kuti mphapo yabo yapambana bakuwona kuti ntchakofya kulutilira kubabirana bana:
“Tikaluta na mwana wane mwanalume ku chipatala cha boma ku Karonga na ku Jetty ndipo pakabavya kusintha kulikose. Ng’anga zinyakhe zikuti chapangiska ni suzgo la munthumbo apo zinyakhe zikuti muli chibwatiko mu nthumbo. Nkhumanya yayi unenesko chifukwa nkhuwona waka mwana wane wakutupa icho ndicho chifukwa nkhamuphalira muwoli wane kuti tileke kubabaso mwasonosono…Usange wakukhumba kubaba munyakhe watengwe kunyakhe chifukwa mphapo yithu yikupambana.”
Nthowa izo banalume bakuthaskila nthumbo zikuzirwa kuyana na nyengo, kugwiliska ntchito ma condom (“nthowa iyo banyamata bakugwiliska ntchito chomene”) na kufumapo pambele bandathire kwa abo bazgobera. Nthowa ya kufumapo iyo yikumanyikwaso na zina la “kuduka” ikutoleka kuti njakofya, mwakusazgilapo, “nyengo zinyakhe iwe panji mwanakazi wakuba kuti wandakholweskeke.”
Naumo banthu bakupangila vibwezi vyanyengo yitali, nthowa zakuthaska nthumbo (izo zikusangika sono) kwa banakazi ndizo zikutoleka ngati zakwenelela kugwiliska ntchito pa kulelera bana, kupumulila pala wanangika panji kubaba mwana wakufwa na kupwelelera bana abo balipo. Banalume bachoko ndibo bakuluta na bawoli babo kuvipatala kuti bakasambile vinandi, banyakhe bakupulika waka kufuma ku banyabo.
Nyengo zinyakhe mphindano zikubapo panthowa izi zakuthaskila nthumbo kwa banakazi. Banalume banandi bakukhumba kuti bawoli babo bapemphenge dankha chizomelezgo kwa ibo pambele bandambe kugwiliska ntchito, ngati naumo mwanakazi munyakhe wakuyowoyera: “Nkhaghanaghana nekha kuti nambe kugwiliska ntchito sindano mwakuti bana bakulenge…Nyengo yati yajumphapo nkhamuphalira ndipo wakati, ‘usange wasanga masuzgo pa ivyo wutimalanenge navyo wekha chifukwa ukaluta pa khumbilo lako.’” Bafumu bangakanizga bawoli babo kugwiliska ntchito nthowa zakulera kopa kuti bangapusikika panji vifukwa vinyakhe, chifukwa wakopa kuti ni viheni kwa bawoli babo ku mphapo.
Nangauli ni banalume pela chala abo bakuleka kukhumba kugwiliska ntchito nthowa zakuthaska nthumbo. Apo dada wa nyumba uyu wali pachithuzi wati wasachizga kuti bachepeske kababiro ka bana pakugwiliska ntchito nthowa zakuthaska nthumbo, muwoli wakhe wakati, “Chiuta wakaninozgela nthena chala.” Mwanalume wakati: “nkhasuzgika chomene mumtima wati wandiphalila ivi ndipo wakambaso kunighanaghanila kuti namba vibwezi kuwalo kweni maghanoghano ghane ghakaba ghakuti tithashike kwendera mu kulera.”
Kudumbiskana na kupulikiskana kukovwira kuthaska nthumbo zambula kunozgekera, “usange mukuleka kupulikana ndipo masuzgo yakwiza.” Kwakuyana na dango bankhazi ba kuchanalume ndibo bakugwiliskika ntchito pakudumbiskana nkhani zamziro pakwelu. Bakubalongozga nthowa zakugonana abo batolana sono, apo banakazi bakumanyiska bafumu babo kuti bana nthumbo kwendera mwa nkhazi. Mwanalume munyakhe wamatata wakazomelezga kuti muwoli wakhe alutilire kugwiliska ntchito sindano pakuthaska nthumbo: Bakamuphalira kuti: “uli na mwana mulwale, usange muwoli wako waba na mwana munyakhe uzamuchita vichi?? Uzamukumuvwira? Uzamubavya mwabi wakuukapo pa nyumba!”
Bankhazi bakulutilira kuba mukhala pakati i pa vidumbilano kweni icho chikutoleka kuba chamazomelezgeko pavidumbilano vyakukhwaskana na kugonana na kubaba pakati pa banthu bakutolana, kweniso vyamziro pakati pa bapapi na bana vikusintha. Mukulu wabo mulala chomene wakabikapo ndemanga wakati: “Na kwiza kwa HIV na Edzi nkhugomezga kuti ntchito zikusintha. Kuyana na dango lauko nkhufuma, yikaba ntchito ya nkhazi, mwakuti chilichose icho nkhukhumba kuyowoya kwa banung’una bane na bawoli babo pankhani zakulera mwakuyezgelera. Ningayowoya pakwelu yayi...[Wakalutilira kuyowoya mwakudandawula kuti] Kweni kwasono mbalinga abo bankhazi babo bachali bamoyo? [wakaseka]”
Mwanalume munyakhe wakudidimizga kuzirwa kwakuyowoya kwa pakweru mu banthu bapanthengwa munyengo izi za HIV: “Usange muli bakufwatukilana vinthu vikwenda makola, kweni kanandi tabanalume tikutemwa kubisa vinthu.” Nadidi mwanakazi munyakhe wakukumbuka: “Mfumu wane wakadankha ndiyo kupimiska ndipo wakaphalilika kuti wali na HIV kweni wakanimanyiska yayi. Pati pajumpha nyengo nkhazakamanya kuti ichi ndicho wakakanilanga kuti tibabe mwana munyakhe, ndipo wakati, ‘pepani ichi ndicho chifukwa.’”
Mpaka sono nthowa zakulera kwa banthu ba panthengwa abo bali na HIV zichali na visuzgo. Ngati ninthowa izi zikugwiliskika ntchito sono, bapanthengwa bakugwiliska ntchito ma kondomu kupatula nyengo iyo mwanakazi wangatolela nthumbo mumwezi. Nthowa iyi pamoza na munkhwala wama ARV vikovwila kuchepeska mwabi wakupasila HIV munthu uyo walije munthengwa panji kupasana kachibungu ako kalikukulungala ku munkhwala wa ARV kwa abo bali kale na HIV. Ngati umo mwanalume munyakhe wakuyowoyela kuti: “ntchakofwa chifukwa mwana wakubabika zuba limoza yayi.” Apo mwanalume munyakhe wakakhumba kubika chigomezgo kwa Chiuta balala bampingo bakamsambizga kuti wavyalenge nipela ma kondomu.
Kukwela kwa mitengo ya vinthu na ukhalilo, na khumbilo lakupa bana wovwili wa sukulu, kukupangiska banyamata kuzikila uko baku ghanaghanila za unandi wabana bakuzakababa. Banalume banyakhe bakalongola khumbilo lakovwila bana babo bose mwakuyana, chinthu icho chingakwaniliskika usange munthu wali na sayizi yiwemi ya unandi wabana. Mwanalume (wakulembeka ntchito uyu) wakuyowoya:
“Pala ndingaba na bana batatu panji banayi ndingamanya kuwapwelelela makola ndipo waliyose wangamanya kuti dada watovwila mwakuyana kwambula kupambaniska pakuyowoya kuti, ‘natondeka kusanga fizi yabana bose mwakuti banyakhe balute ku sukulu banyakhe chala.’ Panyengo yasono umoyo ukupambana. Nyengo zakale banthu bakakhalilanga kulima kweni sono na minda wuwo yikusoba.”
Banalume bakapambaniskanga unandi wabana abo bapapi babo bakaba nabo na unandi wabana abo ibo bakukhumba kuzakaba nabo: “Nkhababika mu chaka cha 1978, tikababika bana 14 kwa dada na mama, ndipo badada bakababaso bana 5 na mwanakazi munyakhe…Nkhukhumba kubaba bana 5 na muwoli wane wakwamba na banyakhe 5 na muwoli wane wachibili.”
Nangauli, fumbani mwanalume kuti kasi mbana balinga abo bakukhala panyumba pakhe ndipo kubelenga kwa bana bakhe ni mphepete yimoza mwa nkhani zakhe. Bana bakwiza na bana abo bazgoka balanda chifukwa cha AIDS nabo bakukhala nabo. Kuyowoya mwachisanisani, mwanalume munyakhe wakati: “Nkhukhumba kuba na bana 4 chifukwa ndibo nkhugomezga kuti babali bane bangafiska kulera usange nafwa.”
Makhumbilo gha bana banalume panji banakazi munthengwa ghangamanya kusinthiska makhumbilo gha kuba nabana “bachoko waka”. Banakazi bakudoka kuba na bana basungwana kweni bana banalume bakupeleka chikhazi kuba nyinabo: “Apo mwana wane munyamata wakababika muwoli wane wakakondwa nakuti ‘najizengela chikaya’ chifukwa mwana uyu ndiyo wakhazikiskenge banyina pakaya nakubazengela nyumba.” Kwa badada baminda yakulima, kuba nabana banalume ntchakuzilwa chomene. Banyamata bakukuzga mtundu na kuhala chikaya cha badada babo. Bakwiza na bakamwana kuzakakhala panyumba abo bakubabaso bazukulu: “Chiuta walikunditumbika na bana banyamata, bana banakazi bazamusangika munthazi usange batola.”
Kabilo ka bana banyamata na basungwana kakukhwaska ‘ma pulani’ agho banthu bapanthengwa panji banthu banyakhe bakubachiska kuti bachite: “Kubabika kwa mwana musungwana wachibili nisuzgo kale kwa bapapi bane. Badada bane bakiza na ng’anga kuti panji yingasintha mphapo yithu. Ng’anga yikati, ‘nkhukhumba mumwe munkhwala uwu mwakuti mubabe mwana mwanalume.’”
Baliska bampingo bakunjilirapo pakupemphelera nyumba izo zili na mtundu umoza wa bana.
Nangauli nyengo zikusintha. Basungwana bakusambila bakuwoneka kuti bali namwabi bakuchita ivyo banalume bakuchita pakovwila bapapi babo abo bakuchekula:
“Mwana wane musungwana wakuti ‘nkhukhumba nisambile’. Wakuti, ‘badada, nizamuwazengela nyumba, nakubagulila galimoto.’ wali namakhumbilo ghawemi!”
“Usange mwana wane wachitatu wababika msungwana nizamsazgilapo wachinayi. Kweni pala bose mbasungwana nizamuchizomelezga. Ndipo program yithu yizamumalila penipapo.”
Mwabi wakuba chumba muyilayila ntchithu chakubinya chomeni kwa banthu abo bakaba na khumbilo lakuchemeka balala na badada, chomenichomeni kwa banalume abo bakhalapo munthengwa zambula bana zakujumpha yimoza:
“Chikuba ngati ntchilonda waka. Mwana ntchithu chakuzilwa chomene munthengwa, cheni chicho chakuti ungagula yayi na ndalama. Mwana wakuzakuvwila pala wachekula na kuhala chilichose pala wafwa.”
“Banthu bakumutola mwanalume kuti wali makola chomeni” pekhapekha pala muwoli wakhe walongola mphapo yakhe kunyakhe. Banalume bakati masuzgo ghakufumila kwa bawoli babo chifukwa cha “Tcheka” panji “kufinyizgika kwa nthowa”. Nthengwa zinandi zambula bana zikuluta kung’anga pambele zindalute kuchipatala. Nangauli, apo banalume na banakazi bakuluta kuchipatala kukapimika kukusangika kuti kuchepa kwa mbuto yawanalume na masuzgo ghanyakhe ghabanalume ghakuzunulika kanandinandi. Kwakuyana na kafukufuku uyo akuchitika pakati pa banthu ba mutauni abo bakwiza na masuzgo gha mphapo mu vipatala vya muchigaba cha kumwera kwa Africa, vikulongola kuti hafu ya banalume bakusangika na suzgo la mphapo.
“Nchakusuzga kuti nichipulikiske kuti chifukwa chavichi banthu banandi bakuti umupate muwoli wako, apo iwe undapimike yayi kuti ujiwone pala uli makola. Ichi chikuzomelezgeka na midawuko ya chitumbuka nangauli ili nisuzgo lichoko.”
Kuchichizgika kwakuti musange zgolo kufuma mumphepete zose zibili kukukula chaka na chaka. Mwanakazi wangatukika na babali bakuchanalume: “Chifukwa uli kukhala apa? Ukuzuzga waka vimbuzi.”
Mwanalume munyakhe wakakumbuka: “Bankhazi bane bakaniphalilanga kuti nifumyepo chakunikhozga soni na kutola mwanakazi munyakhe. Babali bane bakandichemanga ku vidumbilano nakuniphalila kuti muwoli wane wakaba hule wangatola yayi nthumbo chifukwa wakatayanga nthumbo. Babali ba muwoli wane bakamuchemelanga kukwabo na muvyala wane wakamchiskanga muwoli wane kuti wabe nachibwezi mwachisisi. Nkhayowoya kuti ntchiwemi kuti nibavye mwana kuluska kuti ivi vichitike.”
Chifukwa chakuchichizgika nababali bamwanakazi bakapenja wovwili ku ng’anga kweni apo ng’anga yinyakhe yikapempha kuti yigone namuwoli wakhe ndipo yinyakhe yikakhumba kubapa munkhwala wakofya wakazgokela ku mapemphelo. Chipatala chapa boma chikatondeka kuphala masuzgo, ndipo pamanyuma pakhe munyumba iyi mukasangika nthumbo: “Apo mwana wati wababika tikasutuka chomene. Tikababaso mwana munyakhe pati pajumpha vyaka 6. Nibabali bane bose chala abo bakakondwa, panyakhe abo bakaniphalila kuti nimupate muwoli wane wakakhozgeka soni.”
Palivifukwa vinandi ivyo bapanthengwa ngati abo balongosoleka pachanya bangakanila kuchichizgika na banthu kumazga nthengwa mwalubilo panji kukapoka panyakhe kupeleka nthumbo kuwalo. Mkhristu munyakhe wakujipeleka wakati: “Kulikulembeka mu baibolo kuti mwanalume wabe na mwanakazi yumoza.” Banyakhe bakopa kutola HIV: “Ungaba kuti wasanga icho babali bako bapenjanga, pakuti bakakhumbanga mwana, kweni umoyo wako wamala.” Mwanalume munyakhe wakayowoya za masambilo: “Kale pala munthu walije mwana, babali bakatinge chita ichi panji muleka mwanakazi uyu. Usange mwanalume wasambila akuba na mazaza, mwanakaziso nayo nthena. Mungachemeska vidumbilano kweni mazaza ghali na imwe mwabene.”
Palije nthowa zenecho zakukhazikika zakumazga masuzgo gha uchumba kweniso nthowa zakumazgila masuzgo agha nzichoko. Banalume bambula bana bakubikapo mtima chomene pakulera bana bababali babo na bana bamulamu babo. Bana aba bakuchepeska phukwa na ntchito za banakazi pa nyumba. Nanga uli kuleka kuba na mwana umoyo wako wose chikusangika vibi yayi kweni kutondeka kubabaso mwana munyakhe chifukwa cha matenda panji nthimbanizgo izo zikubapo pakubaba, ichi ndicho chichali chakofya.
Ngati umo m’nyamata munyakhe wakayowoyera mwakugomezga kuti chisisi chisungikenge:
“Nichali na wofi chifukwa nkhapulika kuti nthenda ya bilharzia yikunanga mphapo. Mukumanya kuti banakazi bakukhumba bana. Muwoli wamunyane walikuchimbila chifukwa bakabavya mwana. Nkhopa kukhala ndekha (nkhungulume).”
Banalume bakandula naumo bangadokeleka na banakazi, kungaba kupeleka ndalama panji kuvina makola kwa malipenga. Vibwezi vyabo vikapeleka ntchindi, masangulusko, munthu wakuchezga nayo apo balikutali na ku nyumba. Kwa banalume banyakhe vibwezi vikaba ngati nthowa yakuwonela usange bali na mphapo nakuyezga kubaba mwana wankhongono.
Ngati kwa banyamata abo bandatole, nthumbo za kuwalo kwa nthengwa zikupeleka mwabi kwa banyamata aba “kuzomera panji kukana”. Bakuba kuti “banangila malango” gha mdauko panji wunthu. Pala wazomela nthumbo ngati ni wiske wa mwana "wakuchichizgika" kutola mwanakazi panji kulipira mlandu. Icho wasankha chingapangiska kuti mwana wamanye kukwawo kwa wiske na kuchemeka chiwongo chawiske. Kwa banalume awo bali pa nthengwa kutola mitala nizgolo lakutondela nthumbo zambula kunozgekela kweniso chikutoleka ngati nichinthu chiwemi:
“Nkhakhumbanga kuchezga waka nayo [kugona nayo] kumutola yayi. Kweni chifukwa cha ngozi iyo yikachitika tikatolana. Babale wakhe wakiza nayo ndipo nkhamuzomela kuti ni mwanakazi wane nadi chifukwa nkhamanya kuti nthumbo njane. Mbwenu nkhakhala na banakazi babiri.”
M’nthowa yinyakhe mwanalume angakana nthumbo, nangawuli ichi chikung’anamula kuti akukanilathu yayi ntchito ya kovwira mwanakazi:
"Nyengo zinyakhe uko nkhwenda ningasanga chibwezi ndipo usange tingafwatukilana tingagonana kwambula kujivikilira. Chifukwa cha ichi ningamanya kumupa nthumbo usange bapapi bakhe bakwiza kuzakanithulira mbwenu nkhukana. Pala wababa ndipo mwana akula bapapi bakwiza kuzakanipasa mwana. Ndilo ni suzgo la ise banyamata chifukwa tikwenda malo ghanandi chomene.”
Bana bakukanika na bawiskebo bakuleleka na banyinawo pera panji na m’bali wakuchanakazi chifukwa ntchinonono kuti banakazi balute na bana ku nthengwa yasono. Mwana wakukanika wangapasika zina lakuti “Wakumanya,” kung’anamula kuti Chiuta ndiyo wakumanya wiske wa mwana, nangauli wiske walikumukana.
Ndipo ntchito za udada zingachiska mwanalume kuwombola bana abo balikukulira ku chanakazi na kwiza nabo pa nyumba. Mwanalume munyakhe wakandula kuti wakachita ichi kuti wasange chandulo: “Ntchindi zakuti ine ndine dada, nane nili munthu, ndicho chikanipa nkhongono kuti niwombole mwana wane kuti wize pa nyumba. Nkhagomezga kuti mwana wane wangaghanaghana kuti, ‘badada bane bakunikhumba yayi’ agho ni maghanoghano ghaheni.”
Ngati umo dada uyu wakulutilira kwandula kuti kuwombola mwana uyo wakababika apo iye wakaba m’nyamata chikaba chinonono: “Ntchakuti nkhaleka kukhumba chala kweni nkhabavya nthowa pa nyengo iyo. Ntchinonono...usange mwana ababikila kuwalo kwa nthengwa ndipo ni mlandu. Ukwenela kulipa mlandu ndipo na chilelera [ku chanakazi]. Ungalipira zinandi usange bambako kupeleka ndalama zaku sekondale.”
Kupatula kupeleka ndalama ku vibwezi panji kulipa mlandu wanthumbo zakuwalo, banalume bakuzunula mpingo na chitemwa ku bawoli babo ngati vinthu ivyo vikubakanizga kuchita vibwezi. Munyakhe wakandula kuti: “Nkhuwoneseska kuti nkhuleka kuswa malango agho tilikukaka m’nthengwa yithu.”
Banyakhe bakugwiliska ntchito makondomu na vibwezi pakuchepeska chofyo chakupeleka nthumbo na HIV: “Wakanipempha kuti nimovwile pakuvuna, ndipo nkhamusonga. Nangawuli pakabavya chandulo chilichose ndipo nkhopanga kuti wanganitola ngati munthu wawakawaka. Tikugwiliska ntchito makondomu chifukwa cha wofi.”
Banalume banyakhe bakusintha bawoli kuti bafiske "chilato" chabo. Kanandi usange banalume bakusintha banakazi bakusinthaso unandi wa bana abo bakukhumba kubaba,’ nangauli banalume balalako bakulabiska kuba nabana banandi nawofi:
“Nati natolaso, nkhasintha plan yila yakulekela kubaba bana 5 chifukwa vinthu vikawa makola yayi [nthengwa yikamala]...Sono chikawa kuti compass [maghanoghano ghane] yikasintha. Nkhati kuti kasi muwoli wane wasono wangakhala uli kwambula bana? Nkhamufumba muwoli wane wasono ndipo tikapulikana kuti tingababanga kujumpha 4 yayi…nileke kuba na bana 9, mphanji nyumba yane nabika malata kweni ndalama zane zikumalila bana aba.”
Usange banalume na banakazi bakukhumba kuleka kubaba nthowa yenecho yakukanizgila nthumbo yamuyilayila iyo yilipo njakujala mphapo ya mwanakazi. Banakazi bachiwukilano bakugwiliska ntchito nthowa zanyengo yitali zakukanizgila nthumbo ngati umo mwanalume uyu wakayowoyera: “Chingachitika kuti nthengwa naine yingazakamala ndipo wangamanya kukatengwaso namwanalume munyakhe uyo wamukhumba mwana. Sono usange wajala mphapo wamsanga masuzgo.”
Mwanalume wachilala uyo baboli bakhe bakajala mphapo wakati: “Munthengwa zinandi wakujaliska ni mwanakazi malinga pali kupulikana na kugomezgana pakati pinu. Mwanalume wakunjila ‘mundondomeko’ yakuleka kugongoweska muwoli wakhe, kukhala ngati nawe wajaliska…Tikupulika vyakujaliska kwa banalume [vasectomy], kweni tilije khumbo lakujala, panji kunthazi.”
Kusintha kwa umoyo wa banalume, ngati matenda gha mgonezi, ghangamanya kusintha vilato vyabo: “Nkhati namba kulwala nthenda ya shuga [diabetes] chikaba chipusu kuti nighanaghane kuti naumo thupi lane labila ningagwila yayi ngati umo nkhagwililanga kale, ipo ningamanya kusazgilaso mwana yayi.”
Banalume banandi bakusambizga banyabo kuti, baleke vyakubaba apo bachali na vinjelu vyakuti bangagabilaso bana!
“Uleke kughanaghana kuti usange wababaso mwana munyakhe nikuti masuzgo ghamwana wakwamba ghamala, kweni ghakulutilila. Pali banyakhe abo bali navyaka 60 panji 70 abo bali nabana bachoko ndipo bana abo bakukhumba ulongozgi kweni panyengo iyo ungasanga kuti mwanalume vinjelu vyakhila.”
Udada kuti ni mphapo pela chala. Kuyowoya unenesko "kumalizga makola" ngati dada ukwenela kupeleka vinjelu na wovwili wandalama kwa bana. Chifukwa cha wovwili uwo bana bakukhumba badada abo bali na HIV bakuyezeska kupenja wovwili wa munkhwala wa ARV: “Madazi agha nkhugwila ntchito makola. Chikutolela muwoli wane kuti wati ‘bikani jembe pasi!’ nkhukhumba nibike malata panyumba yane mwakuti mwana wane pala wakula wazakakhale munyumba yiweme.”
Banalume abo batondeka chifukwa chamatenda gha m’gonezi panji baluta kukapenja ntchito bakugongoweska abo bagomezganga kuvwilika na ibo. Nangauli udada chikung’anamula munthu wakubaba pela chala, udada wukugabika mu babali bose banalume. Kufuma ku chanalume, mwana wangamanya kuvwilika panji kukhala nabadada banyakhe, basibweni, bakulu bakhe na banyakhe, pala badada bakhe bakumubaba batondeka "kufiska".
Kayowoyero ka ku badada basono kakuti, "waba mulala sono" vikulongola umo banthu bakuzirwiskila kuba dada. Nanga uli kuba dada na mulala ku mizi ya kumpoto kwa Malawi ntchinthu cha nyengo yitali na chakukondweleska. Ulendo wa banalume kufuma ku unyamata kukafika ku ulala ngwa nthowa zakupambana pambana; kwa bachiwukilano banyakhe nthumbo na nthengwa vikubachichizga kuti bakule, kwa banyakhe masambilo na ntchito vikubapa mazaza na ntchito yakupwelera bana mu nyumba zabo zakusazgikilapo. Kuba dada na mulala vikung’anamula vinthu vyakupambana pambana mazuba agha. Chingaba kujipwelelera umoyo wabo mwakuti bamalizge program yabo, kuluta ku sikelo ya nthumbo panji kusanga nthowa zakukanizgira nthumbo panji kusanga wovwili wa mphapo pamoza na bakutemweka babo.
Kusintha uku pachoko kwachitika chifukwa cha HIV, ngati umo ine nkhumanyila, masambilo, visambizgo vya mukaya na kukwela kwa wovwiri vyavwira nthowa zose zabanalume pa ulendo wakubaba. Banyamata mbakunweka kujithaska ibo bekha na nyumba zabo kumatenda. Bapanthengwa abo bakulutilira kupimiska HIV pamoza na bakutemweka babo kulongola kujipeleka. Pambere ma ARV ghandazale chomene mu boma la Karonga mu 2006, ba ntchito za umoyo, babali bamoyo, na abo balikufwa abo bakuwoneka mumaloto bakagongoweskanga banalume na banakazi abo bali na HIV kuba na bana. Mazuba ghano kuba na HIV chikung’anamula kuti ni umaliro wa umoyo panji mphapo chala, kweni banalume banyakhe wakusankha kukhala kwambula bana wakusazgilapo. Mwanalume munyakhe wakadidimizga kuzirwa kwa kupwelelera lumoza pakati pa iye na muwoli wakhe “kwambula kusazgilapo masuzgo ghanyakhe pa nyumba”.
Kuba dada ntchinthu chakufiskika na munthu yumoza pela chala, kwali mwanalume walina banakazi 5 panji bakukhala vyaka makhumi na kachibwezi kakuwana uchoko. Mwachiyelezgelo kunweka kwa banakazi kupwelera banung’una ba mwanalume na baphwa vikovwila kupangiska kuti bakwaniske ntchito za udada apo babali wakovwila kupeleka chuma kuti mwanalume wabe na mazaza pa bana. Usange kuba dada ni chinthu chakufiskika na munthu yumoza pela chala mwantheula ntchakuti banalume baleke kuchita mwachisisi panji pabekha. Ngati umo mwanalume munyakhe wakachenjezgera: “Ukwenela kumuphalira muwoli wako, ‘nili mwanalume nangauli nkhukufwatukila nthena. Nkhukhumba waka kuti uthaske umoyo wako na wane. Usange iwe wasuzgika nikuti nane nasuzgika.”
Kulera ni nthowa yimoza iyo yikuzilwiska unenesko na kupulikana pakati pa bapanthengwa, ngati umo mwanalume munyakhe wakayowoyela: “Mukudumbilana kuti mungaba nabana balinga. Nyengo zinyakhe mwanalume wangaba makola kweni mwanakazi wangawona kuti wali makola yayi muthupi, sono mwanalume wakwenela kupulikiska kuti tilekele apa panji tilindizge. Kwambula kupulikana mungasanga kuti muli nabana 10! Ichi chikachitikanga kale. Banthu bakatenge bana ndi chuma ndipo bakakhumbanga bana banandi, kweni nyengo yila mwanakazi wakabavya mazaza.”
Pakupwelelela umoyo wabo nakugwiliska ntchito nthowa zakulela banalume bakukhazga kuzakaba basekulu. Mwanalume uyu wali pachithuzi kumazele wakati, “Bazukulu bakwenela kukusanga apo uchali nankhongono.” Kweni mbapanthengwa pela yayi abo bali na ntchito iyi. Wovwili wa zaumoyo ukwenela kubapo na kuba pafupi. Kwamba kale banalume bakutolapo lwande mwankhongono yayi pankhani zakubaba na zaumoyo wa bana. Nangawuli, wovwili wamba kukula na kuwona ntchito zaumoyo izo zikukhumbikwa kwa banalume na ivyo bangachita paumoza wabo na udada, ivyo vikupambana kwakuyana na malo na msinkhu:
“Ntchakuzilwa kuti bose mufumu na muwoli basange wovwili pamoza. Kweni nkhuwonapo suzgo lililose yayi pala mufumu panji muwoli bangasanga wovwili pabekha pabekha chifukwa chakuzilwa niwovwili [wakaseka].”
Pali banthu banandi bakupambana pambana abo banalume bakubayowoya kuba namazaza chomene chomene mumasuzgo panyengo zakubaba, kwamba ku wabwezi na babali mpaka ku ng’anga na balala ba mipingo. Banalume banandi bakugwiliska ntchito mazgo gha mu bayibolo pakususka ntchito zabo pamakani ghakubaba ngati kubapo pakubaba, kulongola kuzilwa kwa chigomezgo - muchigaba cha banthu banandi abo mbachi khirisitu. Sono chikhirisitu, machitilo gha mkaya na munkhwala wamuvipatala vyose vikulongola kuzilwa kwa kutolapo lwande kwa banalume paumoyo wakubaba, nyengo zinyakhe vikuvwilana nyengo zinyakhe mwakususkana.
Banalume bakuchema badada babo panji basekulu babo pala bakumana na masuzgo pa mawulendo ghabo ghakubaba. Mukafukufuku withu yose banalume bakakumbukilanga milimo ya badada babo na viwongo panji mwakugongowa, apo sono banachigomezgo kuti bana babo bazamubakumbukila na ntchindi izo bakukhumba.
tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn zul_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn tum_Latn